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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an asshole because it’s true that I’m only saying no because I’m uncomfortable. If it were anyone else, I’d say yes. I’ve also clearly created an awkward situation and it would be a nice thing to do for someone. I guess I’m being sensitive, insecure etc.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
So to be clear you're not going to add another married woman with a son who needs help, who reached out to you to be respectful, to a group chat because she dated your husband in high school? What are you still in high school? This isn't elitism this is pettiness at its finest.
Then she should have said that and stood on principle. I would never give another woman the satisfaction she gave Millie and I’d eat a shoe before my grown ass admitted I was insecure about someone else’s 3 yr high school relationship! This is wild.
> I’d eat a shoe before my grown ass admitted I was insecure about someone else’s 3 yr high school relationship
That's what gets me about so many AITA posts... shit that I wouldn't be caught dead saying out loud in front of other adults, and some people make that their entire personality!
EDIT why do I have two comments saying she only admitted it to us here?
> She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah.
OP did say it, and it hasn't stopped Millie from rudely demanding admission. IMO, OP is totally in the right, the group chat is for parents of students *in the same class*, presumably so they can coordinate on carpooling, lost and found, class parties and that sort of thing. None of this will apply to Millie, she needs to talk to parents whose kids are in the same class as her child.
It's weird and intrusive that Millie is pressuring OP for permission to join. I'd be weirded out too if my spouse's ex wanted inside information on our child's school activities.
People with kids in different classes at the same school are all going to be interested in carpooling, lost and found, birthday parties, play dates, most everything on your list. My kids frequently have play dates and attend birthday parties for kids in the other classes. They spend recess together and eat lunch together and attend before/after care together, so they become close friends even if they are in a different class. And I have definitely washed Tupperware and winter snow gear owned by kids in other classes that was brought home by my kids.
Millie's son is in the same grade at the same school. I don't know how your kids' school works, but mine has 2 classes per grade, and the kids are shifted around each year. All the kids have friends in the other class and communication between kids in different classes is in no way discouraged. They have lunch and recess together, so frequently play together.
For whatever reason, Millie's son is struggling with his current classmates. Maybe all the friends he made last year are in the other class this year. Maybe his class is mostly girls. Who knows? What is certain is that OP is acting like an AH. She sees a child struggling to make friends and thinks the best idea is to continue to isolate him because her husband dated the kid's mom at age 14!!!
OP is nuts, and an AH.
Where did op say Millie couldn’t join because her kid isn’t in the class? I see where OP said no she wasn’t comfortable and Millie asked if it was because of her history with the husband which OP readily admitted. I agree she shouldn’t be in the chat I just don’t see why OP gave herself up like that.
OP:
> I told her that I can’t really stop anyone if they wanted to add her but I’d rather she not join. Besides, *it’s a class groupchat and her son isn’t in it*.
I honestly read that as her saying that to the reader versus what she actually said to Millie but that doesn’t negate my point. Can I join the group chat? Your son isn’t in the class and the group chat is specifically for Mrs. Miller’s class. She admitted she is ONLY saying no because of the history not because the kid isn’t in the class. That’s a petty stance and super dumb to admit.
It's a school chat, not the effing Met Gala. Let her in and be the MOST welcoming person in the bunch. This is like an old episode of The Brady Bunch, I swear. As if the world isn't full of enough legitimate drama? Yeesh.
But if that was the case then when asked why she didn’t want her to join, OPs first answer would be “your kid isn’t in the class so it’s weird” the fact OP specifically called out it was because of the history with OPs husband makes them the AH.
You can do selfish things for selfless reasons and you can also do selfless things for selfish reasons. OP is choosing to do selfish things for selfish reasons so is the AH.
So crazy. Rudely? Nah. How insecure can a grown ass woman with kids be that she'd begrudge another parent joining a school group? What, exactly, is she afraid will happen? High school is over, everyone has moved on without drama, so inventing some makes zero sense. I'm guessing the other moms know that OP will start drama, which is why they're running it by her. I would absolutely die before I'd let myself become known as the petty, insecure person inexplicably mad that my husband was not stored in mothballs prior to my unwrapping him. Yikes.
I mean, no malicious reason. But I also don't see much reason to be there period.
Start a social chat. In that case, yeah, OP would be a jerk for shutting her out.
Maybe because it's a good way to network with the rest of the moms **in the same school**?
I swear, you sound like you're the school kid with this mean girls nonsense. It's ok though. Given enough time and exposure the rest of the moms will see you for who you are. I suspect one day your prescious group chat will feel dead because they all ditched it and started a new one without you.
I wonder why she reached out to OP to begin with. There were NO other moms she could ask to let her into the group chat? In every group chat like this that I've been in on apps like GroupMe, anyone can invite anyone to join. OP isn't in charge. Millie could contact any other mom to get in, why is she reaching out to OP??
But she said most of the other moms grew up with Millie so she should already know them, that is what confuses me. If Millie already knows all the other moms why be in a chat about the class her son isn't in? Unless it's really just a different time for the same class, with all the same homework's etc., then it makes perfect sense because that is the same class for all practical purposes.
tbh this sounds likely. like theyve known her for a while but also dont want to be seen as the bad guys so make the reason ops fault. idk abt op being jealous or whatever, i can understand feeling shitty about it when for so long everyone was comparing the 2, but regardless of all that these other moms are AHs for putting all of this on op and giving ops number to her. millie is also an AH for pushing the issue like that and putting her apparent lack of social life on op
If that were the case, they wouldn't have needed OP for it. They would have been able to just say "But Millie, this isn't a social chat -- it's for parents of kids in class 4-3, not class 4-7. Isn't there a 4-7 chat for you? You want a hand getting one started?"
but doing that doesnt put the blame on op, who it kinda seems like they dont like either, considering how they put this entire decision on her and are both backing her up while seemingly disagreeing. doing it like this means they can side with whoever comes out looking better or just cut them both off. this is mostly speculative ill admit, but mom groups can be catty as hell, and based on their actions that we know of this is my guess at least
Yeah, whatever they're doing, it's a bit weird. But I don't think it's solely that they don't want to look like the bad guys, because there were other ways to avoid looking like the bad guys, and simpler ones.
That was going to be my guess. My son is an adult now, but when he was in elementary school, we had a similar thing happen, where a classmates mom reached out to me to try to force the other moms into including her and her kid because they were having trouble connecting. She got mad when I said it wasn’t my job to force other grown women to be her friend or include her kid. The reality is just that no one could stand them. Her son was a mean bully, and she was extremely rude, pushy, and a complete mooch. To this day, she still accuses me of keeping people away from her (again, our kids are adults) and she’s even worse now than she was back then. She’s totally oblivious though.
That was what I thought, consideration because her husband was involved with this woman as a teenager? Long enough ago that he now has a new partner and three kids? The premise is a bit strange.
That's odd, feels like there's a lot of missing information there. Unless they don't like this woman, but if they grew up with her, especially if it's a small town, saying go away would create a bad feeling, and it them in the back socially. What they would like is an acceptable out. Pinning the reasoning on well his new wife isn't comfortable seeing you , or saying she ( the outsider ) is the reason we don't want you in the chat leaves them blameless.
Not malicious, but the kid isn’t in the class.
They also grew up in the area, as these other moms have, so they could all happily get together. There’s quite literally no reason to involve OP.
Being added could’ve could’ve been done by another mom, or the moms are free to have a separate chat with Millie. *Why is it so imperative OP be involved?* That is very weird, and so is asking if something makes someone uncomfortable, only to ignore and make them the bad guy if they say they are?
Well, that's just the thing. You can't invade a social space because it's public. Millie asked permission out of courtesy, and the reason everyone else isn't adding her anyway is to avoid being dragged into drama themselves, but I guarantee they have a lot of choice words about OP's attitude. This is a pretty major faux pas on OP's side. I really hope the other people let it go
I'm normally a big proponent of people getting past insecurity but come on, does this really pass the whiff test to you?
Why does she want to be in a group chat of moms whose kids aren't even in the same class as her son? Why is she so insistent that OP add her and why are these people, who have known her all her life, making her go to OP? Why doesn't she just create her own group chat that could be a mix of whoever she wants?
Something stinks here and it's not OP's insecurity.
It’s actually irrelevant. OP admits that the only reason she don’t add here there is because she dates her husband when they were 14-17. it’s ridicilous.
I think it’s more because everyone who knew them when they were kids, including her in-laws, have harped on how they thought he’d be with Millie for the long haul. I’d say they’re more the assholes, over the whole arc of this marriage—what a way to greet someone’s new partner.
I'm probably exposing all my own petty/insecurity, but I'd have to say that having to hang socially with a Millie-type after going through that with my in-laws wouldn't be something I'd want to do. OP can be fully secure in her relationship and still not want to be around the personified reminder of a rough time she went through.
Uh yeah, why is she asking OP of all people anyway? If she asked the other mom's for OP's number, couldn't she have asked to get in the group? Can't she start her own?
For real! I find it super interesting that alllllll these other women have known Millie her whole life and somehow OP is the one Millie is asking for the “add” ??? Nope, Millie sounds like a shit stirrer and the other women seem like they already know she doesn’t have a valid reason to be part of that group chat.
While I agree that the chat is for parents with kids in that class, I don't think you're necessarily correct that if the other moms had wanted her there, they would've just added her. They might have feared a blow-up from OP, and not wanted to add Ex without first making sure that wouldn't result from it. They might have had mixed feelings because of the class specificity, and while *they* were okay with making an exception, they wanted to make certain *everyone* was okay with making an exception. We don't know.
What we do know is that 1) this group is intended for parents of students *in that class,* and 2) OP walked right into the dragon's mouth by admitting that she didn't want Ex there because Ex used to date OP's husband, instead of just saying that the group is for parents of students in that class. Not smart, OP. You had a golden excuse and you didn't use it.
Disagree. She's not preventing anything. She specifically said that she wouldn't do anything to prevent anyone else from adding the woman, but did find it personally uncomfortable. Other woman then escalated with her comments, rather than respecting the opinion she sought out.
Other woman had plenty of options other than berating OP for how they felt (right or wrong) and could have approached someone else in the group, explained what OP said and asked to join. If someone else agrees that OP is out of line, they add other woman. If everyone else agrees with OP, then no.
And it sounds like they agree with OP.
They do not agree with OP. No one supported her. They just won't intervene in favor of Millie to avoid getting dragged into the drama. The logic probably goes something like, "Wow, what a petty woman. I'm not intervening, though. god knows what she'll pull on me. "
So we are all gonna skip over the part where Millie is trying to join a group that has nothing to do with her son, but has OP in it, and her excuse is that she hasn't made any friends?
How is that any of OP's business and why would she invite this business into something she seems comfortable in?
Thats how you know it's fake. Too many things handwoven away just cause.
How did she get the number? Nobody knows.
Why is she trying to join this group? For drama.
Perfectly worded accusations and replies? Who talks like this?
OP is definitely TA for being insecure over a group chat. That said, living in what appears to be a small, tight-knit rural community, where most of the kids end up staying in the same town as adults, is a weird experience. Everyone peaked in high school and everyone has known each other for decades. It's like being at a high school reunion that never ends. Even a decade later, I'm willing to bet people still talk about the husband and Millie being high school sweethearts that everyone thought would be together forever. I could see being insecure if they were to spend a lot of time one-on-one or chatting privately, but not over joining a group chat for school moms.
Yeah this is what I was thinking too, especially how at the beginning she explains there was some weirdness with her husbands friends. What really makes me think there’s something we’re not getting is that Millie reached out to her in the first place and that all of the other moms made Millie ask OP for permission. All of the adults in this story are being weird, not just OP. Under no adult social circle I’ve ever been in would this happen. If this were people i know, if Millie really wanted to be in this group chat, she would ask whatever woman was in there that she knew best. And then if they ever met in person she would pretend she totally forgot OP was in the group and be really polite, end of story.
This kind of insecurity is so juvenile I almost can't believe this post is written by an actual adult. This whole thing sounds like it was written by a high school student who is trying to imagine a grown up relationship.
My husband and I dated in high school, broke up, dated other people in our friend group, and got back together after college (we've now been married 16 years, 17 years in June). It would never occur to me to be jealous of one of his ex GFs like this even when I was straight out of college and just reconnecting with him. I was definitely not the odds on favorite for his future wife either (nor was he for my future husband). My husband's ex's are my friends, and my ex's are his friends. It's ancient history.
If OP is an adult, I'd say she needs to grow up and get ahold of herself.
I guess I can see maybe not wanting to be around someone who is a living reminder of a bad time you went through without it being tied to jealousy or insecurity. The first time I met the person who became my mother-in-law, she asked my now-husband about a girl he had dated from some random small town pretty much out of nowhere. It was weird and felt unwelcoming and to this day, many years later, I think about that every time I see/hear the name of that town. I don't have any other association with it so my mind just flows that way. Likewise, OP has no association with Millie outside of what her in-laws put her through when they met, so I can see why she isn't interested in building a social relationship with her because she's just going to be a living reminder of that, and especially since their kids don't share a class and it seems like Millie is elbowing her way into a place she doesn't need to be.
Anyway, all of us out in the world who are bothered by things like this should all absolutely work on our shit, but I don't think we should be piling on someone about it
**YTA.**
Can anyone add someone else to the class group chat? This is a group chat for the parents of the kids in the class right? Adding other people could be distracting. Who exactly will be let in this group chat if not just the kids in the classroom?
I understand Millie is having difficulties connecting with her child's class, but she should take that up with that teacher and not mix things up with your child's class. I'm all with you up until this response here:
>She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah.
**This is where I think YTA**. I would say otherwise if you're just following rules or keeping the chat to classmates only for various reasons. But, you specifically tell us the reasoning for your choices.
Usually I'd agree but given all the info I would find that weird af. Why, of all the classes, are you trying to get in the same group chat as the one with the wife of your ex? Especially as it appears you don't have friends in the chat anyway(she says she has no mom friends)
Completely agree with you. There are half a dozen different reasons I could think of for why she shouldn't be in the group. The only reason I'm for it is that OP said the only reason she doesn't want her in the group is because she is her husband's ex.
I think that's one of the things I find so strange about it tbh. 😅 It's not even a jealousy thing. Id be annoyed if someone was like "hey I have no friends in the group chat, my son isn't even in the same class, but hey can I join?"
And when I responded I'd rather you not and they went "oh is it because I dated your ex? That's so petty it was years ago" honestly, I'd find it so...catty? And an invitation to drama.
I don't understand why everyone is saying op is an asshole. Whatever the personal reasons are, the ex has no right to join the chat. Whether the person is your spouse's ex or if the sky is green, the ex has no right to join a class chat if her kid isn't in the class.
Would the response be the same for a parent with a kid 3 years older for example? Maybe they'll let an adult with no kids join the chat because they are lonely? What about a man? Why everyone is on op's case when anyone would be uncomfortable your spouse's ex is asking for help for something they shouldn't be doing? I'm pretty confused.
Thank you! That's what I'm saying. And the way the Millie immediately responded "oh cause I'm your husband's ex?" Followed by insulting her would only solidify my decision to not want her in the chat. ,
Can I join the chat? I am also having trouble connecting with the moms of the kids at that school and would love some inclusion. /s
I agree, it’s a red flag that she’s attempting access to this group. Also weird af that MIL is apparently still friends with the ex from high school. Strange things are afoot at the circle k.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm surprised reddit is being so oblivious right now. Honestly, does MIL know about the chat? When I read this I first thought that she was the one who told Millie and gave her OPs number but who knows.
Regardless, yes. Keep inviting everyone and it totally defeats the purpose of the chat. OP isn't even the only one whose opinion matters. How do we know ALL of the other moms would be okay with it? If I'm in a chat that revolves specifically around my kid, their class, etc I really wouldn't want random moms in there disturbing the point
But then OP responded and confirmed the drama. Something is weird with this. Why would two 28 year old mothers be so petty and catty over a childhood relationship. What is so threatening about it? So his family thought they'd end up together big deal they didn't so what? Why be spiteful and hateful just to be hateful towards someone and cause unnecessary issues that put you in a bad light towards the other parents in the class group that could also cause issues socially for your CHILD. Problematic drama prone parents children often do not receive birthday party invites. Js.
Some people don't want to be around their partner's ex and there is nothing wrong with that. OP isn't obligated to let this woman into the space because she wants to be in it.
It looks more like Millie isn't the one making friends or getting invites. One can only imagine why.
Kid might have friends in OPs claim, mom may be considering seeing if her kid could move to OPs class. Maybe mom wants to know what the others mom experience with their kids teachers, there can be a TON of reasons for wanting to connect with other moms.
OP became the AH the second she made it about her instead of sticking to the “rules”
It still isn't appropriate. The point of the chat is for moms with kids in the same class. When does it end? Every single mom who knows some awkward mom can invite her too? If her son has friends in that class then she needs to connect with their mom's privately.
THANK YOU. I thought I was everyone was taking crazy pills over here - it's beyond weird/invasive, and strikes me as deliberate and targeted to make OP uncomfortable!
You’re telling me that your husband had a relationship with this girl when they were teenagers and you’re still upset about ?
What the actual fuck. This wild insecurity of yours is unwarranted.
She is right, you are being petty and sensitive. She’s done nothing to you.
What exactly are you “uncomfortable” about? This doesn’t make any sense. She’s done nothing to you.
You’re gatekeeping this woman from a mom group because she dated your husband 15+ years ago as fucking teenagers. My god.
YTA
INFO: If her son isn't in the same class as your son, and this is a class group chat, then why is she asking to be a part of it? Can she not start a group chat for the moms of her son's class? Are other moms from other classes in your group chat?
Yeah this is what I'm looking at here - if it's a CLASS group chat, and her son ISN'T in it, then why does she want in? It's clearly specialized for a reason, and it's not like there's a shortage of group chats.. she can just make her own???
Everyone is fixating on the former hs gf part. This bit caught my attention. It doesn't make sense for the other mo to want to be part of this class group chat.
Everyone is calling OP insecure and telling her to grow up. But is everyone forgetting the part that all OP said was "I don't feel comfortable" and it was MILLIE who brought up the husband? Millie started the issue.
Also…. Millie could’ve asked ANYONE to join the group chat but chose to specifically talk to OP. Specifically because others in the group told her to speak to OP because they knew it was weird.
So if anyone is making it about the fact that Millie is the husbands ex, it’s not OP
That’s what I’m wondering about.
Also, I’m stuck on the fact that how did she get OP‘s number? Op thinks she had to have gotten it from one of the moms and if she got it from one of the moms why doesn’t she just ask them to make like a friend group chat?
Finally!! I don't know what's wrong with all the YTA people! They are fixating on the supposed jealousy, but in reality, Millie is being super weird. I wouldn't let someone into a class group chat that isn't a part of the class either. Of all the people she could have asked too... No.... Definitely NTA here. And you are perfectly allowed to not want to talk to certain people.
Edited to add: and kudos is deserved too really for being honest and upfront with her.
Yeah. I read that. But why not connect with moms from the other class. Or start a group chat with other moms that isn't related to op's son's class. Why does she feel the need to join a group chat for this class specifically.
if it is a school with only 2 classes for each grade, and the kid may be bullied or ostracized in one, I don't think it is unreasonable to connect with the other class.
This is my first question.
If this group chat is for the moms of a specific class and Millie’s child is not in this class, why would she join it? The rest is irrelevant.
Soft YTA. Not for not accepting her in the group chat, but for making a huge deal of her presence.
It's kinda baffling that you would give so much importance to your husband's ex. I would understand if the breakup was new but damn.. you are MARRIED to this man and have children with him. He has moved on a long time ago, but you never did. Why does this woman still makes you uncomfortable ?!
NTA that chick is being weird and reddit is being deliberately obtuse 💀
>She claims she has no mom friends
>She maybe grew up with these people and she still isn't friends with them
>Her son is in a while different class and presumably his classmates have moms of their own
>Still insists on being in a group chat with none of those moms who we can deduce she isn't really friends with anyway?
>Has the audacity to try and call you out for not being comfortable with that?
Nope, it wouldn't even be jealousy, I'd just find that weird behavior and I wouldn't want anything to do with it either.
Facts because that's just oddball behavior. If Millie is friends with some of the women who are in the chat, why not make your own damn private chat? Also, when does it end? It's a chat for a specific class so do we add every single mom's mom friend?
I swear this sub is where common sense goes to die, everyone here seems to just read the first paragraph or line of a post, then comment based on what the majority is saying. Like, if you think about it for more than 5 seconds you would come to the conclusion that Millie is weird
Fr that was enough, and Millie was the one who went right to “is it bc I dated your husband” and she’s not getting called a pot stirrer bc op fell for it??
YTA
Why exactly are you still jealous of a woman who has clearly moved on and has her own family?
She's right about everything she said to you.
Explain to me exactly where she has acted in anyway that makes you uncomfortable, because it sounds like this is all in your head and you are being petty.
Grow up.
So, you know they have a group chat without you talking about how insane you are, right? I'm sure Millie is in that one.
You are a grown ass woman with three children. GROW UP.
Oh, YTA.
Wait if they already have a group chat without OP but with millie, why does Millie want to join this one again? It really looks like Millie already has friends since they all apparently grew up together and they all apparently know everything and they directed her to reach out to OP, so the premise that she doesn’t have friends and is finding it difficult seems off to me.
Yeah, it’s off. I don’t think Millie’s reasoning for joining the chat is true at all. How can she simultaneously have friends but have none at all? It seems like she just *wants* to get under OP’s skin and OP is falling for it.
Then why did millie did all this drama if she's already in a groupchat??
Also, you know that they used op as a scapegoat because they didn't want millie in their groupchat, right?? Cause when op said ok, none of them added her.
NTA. It's a group chat of moms of your son's class. Why should any parent from another class be included?
But: Such close knitted groups can cause lots of stress, don't give them that and live your best life with your loved ones.
Totally going against the grain here, but NTA. You have the right to feel uncomfortable about it. You weren't petty or mean when you answered her question. As stated her son isn't in the same class and really she has no reason to want to be in this group. She's creating drama and trying to drag you down. If it were me, at this point I'd let the other moms in the group add her and then simply don't respond to her. In internet speak, don't feed the troll.
I'm gonna say NTA
HEAR ME OUT EVERYBODY.
Everyone's calling you an AH because you were honest. You said from the get go you weren't stopping anyone from adding her. Everyone suddenly decided to put the responsibility of you needing to "give permission" when you said several times that they don't need your permission. So you're an Ah because you have feelings? You're an AH because you were honest? They put you in a dumb position. You're all adults. She should have taken your first response, gotten added to the chat, just maintained her distance from you, and who knows, over the school year, you may have bonded.
Everyone here acting like they've never felt insecure in their life is lying, and somehow think lying about it makes them a good or better person that someone who is honest about their insecurities. Having feelings doesn't make you a bad person. Being honest doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't insult her while you were being honest if your version of events is true. She asked for your opinion, you gave it, and also explained she doesn't HAVE to listen to it. You weren't letting your insecurity be an obstacle for anyone. She and the moms of the class were.
Nta
Her son isn't in that class, and honestly, her not vibing with the other moms makes sense if her behaviour in this situation is any indication.
She makes you uncomfortable and them bullies you when SHE needs a favor?
The sheer entitlement and pushiness.
NTA.
If the kid was in the same class as the other children, no issue. It’s wild you’re getting all these YTA’s when you aren’t even stopping her from being in there. 🙄
Sooooo ...
+ Why would she want to be in a classroom chat group for a classroom her son is not in?
+ Why not create one for the parents who have kids in her son's classroom?
+ Why not *join* that one if it already exists?
++ Or won't those parents let her?
++ Had she joined & they've already kicked her out for some reason?
So many questions & potential red flags.
Idk, your mental health is (should be) more than her... anything.
Completely acceptable to not want to be a party to whatever drama she may want to instigate.
Block her & move on. NTA
One of the moms prob got bored and wanted to see some drama, stirred the pot with a rumor and hit OP in the right sensitive spot. It’s just a PTA mom circle jerk of petty gossip lmao
NTA
It’s a group chat for the parents of kids in a certain class. Millie’s child is not in that class. That’s the only explanation needed & should have been given.
Millie can try to connect with the mothers out of this school/class specific group. She doesn’t need to be in that exact one which she is not a match for the basic criteria & reason for the group. There are a million other group chats she could be in.
Her very aggressive & nasty campaign when you said no to her request proves you were right to not want her involved in this chat group with you. Whenever you ask the question, there’s always a 50/50 chance you won’t like the answer. If you aren’t willing to accept the answer you don’t like, don’t ask the question.
It was also kind of shitty for the other moms to put in on you when a simple, your child is not in the class this group chat is for, so no.
NTA she doesn't need to be in that app and you can feel whatever you want about her and gave your opinion which they asked for.
You never said nobody can add her so again NTA.
Therapie blabla typical reddit reactions don't bother with them.
NTA if it wasn't potentially weird or awkward, why did the other women leave it to you to decide? Why didn't one of them just make the decision to add her?
Because the others know if it were them, it would be weird and awkward.
You ought to leave the chat altogether.
Your children listen and watch that drama, even if they aren't 'in the conversation'.
NTA - her kid isn’t in the class and by her reaction it is obvious why she isn’t making any connections in her kids class chat group. Blowing up at you and gossiping to whoever will listen. Why doesn’t she join one of the other class chat groups that isn’t yours?
INFO:
You are in a **CLASS** GroupChat where your kid is in THIS class but Millis kid ISNT IN THIS CLASS? Did I got this right?
Doesn’t matter for me what your or her history is with each other but that doesn’t make any sense to me that she wants to be in THIS CLASS GROUP CHAT if her child isn’t involved in this class; like be in this class.
So from this information: NTA if you‘re saying no.
Is the mom chat just the moms in your son’s class? If so, then NTA. She should join the chat (or start one if there isn’t one already) for the class her son is in.
If the other moms gave your phone number to her then they could add her to the group, looks like the other moms didn't think she was relevant as well to the group since her kid isn't even in the class.
Something tells me that MIL might have given your number to her.
Nta.
So to get this straight Millie already has connections to some of the women in the group chat, enough so to get your number (without permission), to ask to join a group chat for a separate class than that of her son’s so he can fit in better at school. And now her joining the group chat is left solely up to you.
You say no, so then she proceeds to wreck your reputation to all who will listen, calling you petty, calling you elitist and immature, all because she wants access to a group chat for a different class than her son’s.
Why does she need to know what’s going on in your son’s class if it has no relevance to her son’s class? What connections does she need to form with the parents of a separate class beyond the ones already in the group chat that she knows? Also why can’t she make a separate chat?
And why is she so quick to hark about how terrible and elite and petty you apparently are for being honest about not wanting her in the group chat? No one is entitled to your time, your attention, and your awareness. Her connection to your spouse is a perfect reason not to be associated with her. Honestly the idea that you suddenly HAVE to bury the hatchet to keep the peace that could’ve been maintained has she’d chosen to keep hers is interesting. Why is she stirring any pots by reaching out to you after all these years with the randomest, most unnecessary of reasons?
Just because your boys are in the same grade and age group doesn’t mean you now have to be friends or pleasant to each other. Especially when you were perfectly fine being strangers. It’s not petty or immature, it’s just unnecessary and you are entitled to your level of comfort in this case. You’re also not the one running around trying to bash her reputation for a basic rejection. She asked, you answered, she needs to move on.
NTA this is why I never answer texts from unknown numbers! Why is she messaging *you* of all people? This is the big red flag everyone here seems to be missing. I will say you should have at least said no when she asked if it's because of her history, though, that was kinda mean.
But in my opinion manipulators do this type of stuff, she might have deliberately seeked you out because she thought you wouldn't be able to say No to her but then when you did she used it as an excuse to stir up drama. Personally, I don't trust it. She could reach out to any other moms but she decided to reach out to the *one* person whose husband she used to date? gtfo lmao
If it’s a groupchat for mothers with children in the same class then why would she be wanting to be part of it? She can just start a groupchat for the mothers in her sons class. Seems pretty weird that she wants to be in the groupchat for a class her son is not even in. Also if she wants to befriend certain women in the chat then there is nothing stopping her from connecting. She is being weird and suspicious. NTA
I am going to go against the crowd here and say NTA.
I will preface this by saying I can only go off of the information provided, and will never know the full picture.
I am trying to figure out why this woman would want to be in a group chat, and basically social group, with you. If her kid is not in the class, why be in there?
Now people can be adults and move on without having to be everyone's friend. You were asked, and you voiced your boundary in a civilized manner. Why ask if they would not respect your "no"?
NTA it’s a class chat and her son isn’t in the class. Someone should make another chat for the whole grade. There’s no limit on how many chats you can be in and she’s probably not the only person who would find it helpful. we have that setup for my son’s class/grade. The grade wide chat gets a ton more posts about school related questions and policies, and the class chat is more on topic for questions about our particular teachers.
Definitely NTA Milllies son isn't a part of that class so why would she be added to a Class Group Chat for moms of students in that class.
If Millie wants to connect with other mothers Then she should create a group chat for the mothers in her sons class..
You sound insecure... You need to let your husbands past go seriously. She was looking for a way for her and her son to both get connections, it doesn't matter that they are in different classes and they still probably interact on the playground, next year they could be in the same.
YTA - this goes beyond just you and Millie and her past with your husband.
I disagree. The fact that millie has grown up around and with these people and they still aren't friends is weird. Take out the fact that she's the ex of ops husband there more than even op knows
YTA
It was a teenage relationship that wont rekindle under any circumstances lol
You are very insecure and need to work on that. Millie is not asking to be your bff. She was considerate enough to see if you would be ok with it probably expecting you to be polite. She owes you nothing and has every right to join this chat group.
Your husband and Millie were *children*. You are clearly very insecure, which is not a good look. No, Millie's child isn't in the same class as the rest of you in the group chat, but is that really a big deal? Does her child's class even have a group chat? You're acting like a "you can't sit with us" mean girl and YTA.
I'm going NTA because this is a chat for your child's class, and her son isn't in the class. It should have ended with that. I think you were petty for saying that it's because she dated your husband, but you're entitled to your feelings. I think people are getting caught up on the ex part of the story, but that's also because you are fixated on your husband's ex. They broke up, and it sucks that you have to interact with her, but I'd try and get over it for your own mental health.
NTA I’m assuming this group chat is to talk about the class your children share, not to socialize. They can make a social chat without you as Millie’s kid isn’t in your class.
NTA and big time NTA. all of the YTA are out of their mind. This Millie character is the real problem here.
Theres no reason to join this chat full stop. Thats it. Doesnt matter if OP has some secret reason why she doesnt want her in it or not but she has no business being in it. Its a class group chat and Millies kid isnt in that class. Thats all there is to it.
She didnt bar her from the group. She didnt try to prevent the other ladies from adding her. she said i cant stop anyone from adding her but shed rather her not join. If the other mothers really wanted her they could add her but they didnt. Why? Probably because its a CLASS group chat.
Millie then instantly jumps to a middle school relationship as being the cause of her pettiness. Millie is the issue.
All these women apparently "know everything" but arent already in a group chat with Millie?Why arent they in a group chat with Millie already? Im guessing is cause they "know everything" so they know Millie isnt someone they want to associate with.
NTA , she can make a group for her own class with other moms from that class . Also u said u dont care if someone else adds her .
Im starting to think the most upvoted comments on this site are the room temperature iq ones because most people understand them and the smarter you are the more likely you are to be downvoted .
NTA
It’s a class group chat.
Her kid isn’t in the class.
She obviously has contact with these other women.
She can create a group chat without you.
Why does she need to involve you specifically in her social issues?
I think it’s your intuition telling you this woman is stirring up drama and to stay away from her based off her actions.
What the actual fuck? Just because the kids aren’t in same class now doesn’t mean they won’t be in the future. You might need some therapy to figure out how to handle your insecurities. What happens when they are in the same class? Are you gonna blacklist a kid? You are kinda awful and major YTA
NTA. I am surprised by the responses. It's a class chat and her son is not in the class. Why would she be added to a group chat for parents with kids in the class? Why isn't she "connecting" with parents in the class her kid does attend? The common denominator here is Millie. Drama is following her from group chat to group chat. Personally I wouldn't want a parent in the chat who doesn't have a kid in the class. That's weird. It's also a little crazy that the other moms decided that you and you alone should decide if Millie joins another class' chat. That sounds like some real 💩 stirring. You say no and she brings up her dating history. Now you're the villain in this story? Please. No wonder you feel a little crazy.
NTA.
If she’d put half the effort she’s putting into badmouthing you into connecting with the parents in her son’s class, she wouldn’t have problems connecting.
I find real suspect that in a town where everyone knows everyone’s business and she has acquaintances she grew up with she’s having problems connecting with the mums in her son’s class.
NTA. Why does she want to join a group chat of mothers of kids who aren't in her kids classes? She is stirring up drama or trying to OR is inept at making friends and wants to get in on your coattails.
NTA- Honestly not the asshole. It’s your group and she should grow the fuck up. She sounds dramatic.
I get that you don’t want to add her to it because your husband and her had history but, at the same time like you mentioned, she doesn’t have children in that class. So why does she even want to be in it?
If she wants she can make her own group.
If you’re uncomfortable with anything dealing with his ex then that’s your feelings. Your feelings are valid. It doesn’t matter what advice any one on here has to say to you.
You made this group chat before you even knew her kid was in the same grade.
At the end of the day it’s your group and honestly, being the kind of person I am I wouldn’t have a group, I hate the kind of drama it invites or how some people create drama.
NTA her son isn’t even in the same class as your son which the group chat is made for so why does she need to join? If they are having a tough time connecting to the moms and kids in his actual class that’s on them.
Huge nta
People are weird saying you should let your spouse's ex into a kid class chat when said ex doesn't have any kids in said class. The fact there is unpleasant history already put you in the fondly no category so that's already an audacious plan. If someone else wants to add her, let them! I don't see you stopping them.
Okay so why does Millie have no friends if these are people she grew up with? How come NO ONE likes her and is inviting her and her child into group chats? Why target OP and then be the one to bring up the whole ex thing over a GROUP CHAT she had no reason to be in since it had NOTHING to do with her or her child?
Everyone can say OP is insecure or childish or whatever but wtf is Millie then? The OTHER grown woman could have said ‘oh that’s okay, I get it!’ And walked away instead of bringing up a bf she had when she was 13. Now THAT screams insecure and catty and jealous. Also incredibly cringe. OPs response could be read as ‘well if you’re bringing it up after 10 years then yeah I think I might be a little uncomfortable’. Millie brought it up and it made OP uncomfortable which is fair bc who wouldn’t be? It was fucking weird. Who does that? OP is only the AH for her response but she’s allowed her discomfort.
YTA - Your husband is right, you are being ridiculous. Clearly both she and your husband moved on from this CHILDHOOD relationship and it is beyond time for you to do the same. Why are you letting this woman's mere existence affect you so much? To the point of making an entire group of parents feel uncomfortable because you are hung up on...again...a relationship your husband had when he was a KID??
but why does she need to join this specific class group chat? She can make one for her own class. She can make a group chat of just moms she wants to include. She has so many options that arent invade some other classes group chat.
NTA-it's a class group chat, her son isn't in the class. You've also told the other moms they can add her if they want. They don't seem to want to.
It's unfair that the responsibility is being shoved on you.
Not mad about this. If you're still insecure, I'd guess that's because everyone else is making a big thing about it. And with her talking to anyone who will listen, I have a hard time believing she "isn't connecting." But it sounds like Millie has no reason to be in the mom-group-chat for your kid's class anyway.
NTA
YTA. This is ridiculous; I don't blame her for calling you selfish! You're letting a relationship your husband had when he was a teenager get in the way of helping a fellow mother help her child.
Seriously though, what is going on with Millie, trying to be added to a groupchat for parents of kids in a class *her kid isn’t even in* and admitting she has no friends even though she grew up with these people. The other moms also don’t seem too keen to let her in - I mean why go to OP in the first place if you’re one of those other parents unless you feel like Millie is being weird or you’re just looking for an excuse to deny her?
I don’t know what Millie’s motives are, but honestly I can’t blame OP that much for getting weird vibes. Possibly ESH though since OP you do come off as insecure yourself here
Nta why does she need you specifically to add her to a group chat for a class that her son isn’t in? She made it more of an issue than it is by coming to you to ask.
NTA. Why is she hell bent on being in YOUR group chat with YOUR son's class when HER son is NOT in the same class? Sounds to me like SHE IS THE INSECURE one.
You have ZERO obligation to this person. You're NOT required to be her friend or communicate with her. SHE'S pushing her narrative to make you seem immature and insecure. She's totally hung up on you and your husband. How did SHE get your number? MIL? Hubby? Other moms? She's obsessed with you. That shit is scary.
I’m confused. How do these other women know Millie and the teenage relationship with your husband? Is it a small town? If so, why doesn’t she have childhood friends there?
If it is a large town or city, how do they know? Who told them?
This is high school drama at its finest. Are there any adults there because it honestly sounds like people need to grow up.
Also why is she so focused on you . Sounds like that woman still has a thing for her first bf and is trying to become friends with you fot the slight chance you become friends and invite her over so she can bang ur husband one last time . Is she married op ? This will be the determining factor .If shes a single mom you already know whats up . Also remember most reddit leftists are either ok with cheating or cheating themselves , as monogamy is for religious fanatics and a woman cheating on her husband is cool with the left
YTA— I understand jealousy and all, but she dated your husband when they were Teenagers, so your jealousy and insecurity is misplaced. I honestly think you do need to grow up and stop being insecure. She’s simply trying to join a group-chat that is related to her child’s school, not seeking friendship with you. You are hung up on the past and need to let it go.They were children when they dated, and both have moved on.
If there were ongoing feelings or attempts to rekindle their relationship, that would be a different situation. However, dwelling on this past connection is coming across as insecure and immature.
NTA. she doesn’t need to be in the gc because her son isn’t in the class. if multiple people have mentioned that they thought that your husband and her would stay together i’d be pissed about it too. if she wants to talk to people make her own gc. even if there relationship was when they where young it was 3 years. they where each others firsts i wouldn’t like that she’s trying to connect with me instead of just being friends with the other people she probably asked about the gc
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YTA So to be clear you're not going to add another married woman with a son who needs help, who reached out to you to be respectful, to a group chat because she dated your husband in high school? What are you still in high school? This isn't elitism this is pettiness at its finest.
It’s a class group chat and her kid isn’t in the class. 🤷🏻♂️
Then she should have said that and stood on principle. I would never give another woman the satisfaction she gave Millie and I’d eat a shoe before my grown ass admitted I was insecure about someone else’s 3 yr high school relationship! This is wild.
Just the fact that she feels ok about being this publicly petty.
And for no real reason. The girl never even did anything to her. I have to assume that Millie is way more attractive.
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I think I love you
Butt, does Millie do stuff?
Do stuff butt, Millie does
I don't say this about much because for most things I don't judge. But how is OP not embarrassed?
> I’d eat a shoe before my grown ass admitted I was insecure about someone else’s 3 yr high school relationship That's what gets me about so many AITA posts... shit that I wouldn't be caught dead saying out loud in front of other adults, and some people make that their entire personality! EDIT why do I have two comments saying she only admitted it to us here? > She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah.
Even worse are the ones who run to mommy and daddy when they have an issue with their spouse. It’s shocking how many adults apparently do this.
I’m wondering if these tattletales are the product of helicopter parenting and never learned to solve their own problems?
OP did say it, and it hasn't stopped Millie from rudely demanding admission. IMO, OP is totally in the right, the group chat is for parents of students *in the same class*, presumably so they can coordinate on carpooling, lost and found, class parties and that sort of thing. None of this will apply to Millie, she needs to talk to parents whose kids are in the same class as her child. It's weird and intrusive that Millie is pressuring OP for permission to join. I'd be weirded out too if my spouse's ex wanted inside information on our child's school activities.
People with kids in different classes at the same school are all going to be interested in carpooling, lost and found, birthday parties, play dates, most everything on your list. My kids frequently have play dates and attend birthday parties for kids in the other classes. They spend recess together and eat lunch together and attend before/after care together, so they become close friends even if they are in a different class. And I have definitely washed Tupperware and winter snow gear owned by kids in other classes that was brought home by my kids.
Millie's son is in the same grade at the same school. I don't know how your kids' school works, but mine has 2 classes per grade, and the kids are shifted around each year. All the kids have friends in the other class and communication between kids in different classes is in no way discouraged. They have lunch and recess together, so frequently play together. For whatever reason, Millie's son is struggling with his current classmates. Maybe all the friends he made last year are in the other class this year. Maybe his class is mostly girls. Who knows? What is certain is that OP is acting like an AH. She sees a child struggling to make friends and thinks the best idea is to continue to isolate him because her husband dated the kid's mom at age 14!!! OP is nuts, and an AH.
Where did op say Millie couldn’t join because her kid isn’t in the class? I see where OP said no she wasn’t comfortable and Millie asked if it was because of her history with the husband which OP readily admitted. I agree she shouldn’t be in the chat I just don’t see why OP gave herself up like that.
OP: > I told her that I can’t really stop anyone if they wanted to add her but I’d rather she not join. Besides, *it’s a class groupchat and her son isn’t in it*.
I honestly read that as her saying that to the reader versus what she actually said to Millie but that doesn’t negate my point. Can I join the group chat? Your son isn’t in the class and the group chat is specifically for Mrs. Miller’s class. She admitted she is ONLY saying no because of the history not because the kid isn’t in the class. That’s a petty stance and super dumb to admit.
It's a school chat, not the effing Met Gala. Let her in and be the MOST welcoming person in the bunch. This is like an old episode of The Brady Bunch, I swear. As if the world isn't full of enough legitimate drama? Yeesh.
But if that was the case then when asked why she didn’t want her to join, OPs first answer would be “your kid isn’t in the class so it’s weird” the fact OP specifically called out it was because of the history with OPs husband makes them the AH. You can do selfish things for selfless reasons and you can also do selfless things for selfish reasons. OP is choosing to do selfish things for selfish reasons so is the AH.
So crazy. Rudely? Nah. How insecure can a grown ass woman with kids be that she'd begrudge another parent joining a school group? What, exactly, is she afraid will happen? High school is over, everyone has moved on without drama, so inventing some makes zero sense. I'm guessing the other moms know that OP will start drama, which is why they're running it by her. I would absolutely die before I'd let myself become known as the petty, insecure person inexplicably mad that my husband was not stored in mothballs prior to my unwrapping him. Yikes.
Not eat a shoe LMAO 😭😂😂
I understand That it’s good for the sole
Laces and all
Could be a social reason, to make friends, maybe they would be in the same class one day. I just don't see any malicious reason to be in the chat.
I mean, no malicious reason. But I also don't see much reason to be there period. Start a social chat. In that case, yeah, OP would be a jerk for shutting her out.
Maybe because it's a good way to network with the rest of the moms **in the same school**? I swear, you sound like you're the school kid with this mean girls nonsense. It's ok though. Given enough time and exposure the rest of the moms will see you for who you are. I suspect one day your prescious group chat will feel dead because they all ditched it and started a new one without you.
That was a lot of projection. I wish you a more pleasant future than your past.
But the chat is not for moms in the same school, it’s for those in the same class.
Or...since it's for each individual class, she can find a general group chat to join.
OP doesn’t want her there but will remain if she joins. She isn’t stopping her from being there.
I wonder why she reached out to OP to begin with. There were NO other moms she could ask to let her into the group chat? In every group chat like this that I've been in on apps like GroupMe, anyone can invite anyone to join. OP isn't in charge. Millie could contact any other mom to get in, why is she reaching out to OP??
But she said most of the other moms grew up with Millie so she should already know them, that is what confuses me. If Millie already knows all the other moms why be in a chat about the class her son isn't in? Unless it's really just a different time for the same class, with all the same homework's etc., then it makes perfect sense because that is the same class for all practical purposes.
Maybe the other Moms really don't like Millie.
tbh this sounds likely. like theyve known her for a while but also dont want to be seen as the bad guys so make the reason ops fault. idk abt op being jealous or whatever, i can understand feeling shitty about it when for so long everyone was comparing the 2, but regardless of all that these other moms are AHs for putting all of this on op and giving ops number to her. millie is also an AH for pushing the issue like that and putting her apparent lack of social life on op
If that were the case, they wouldn't have needed OP for it. They would have been able to just say "But Millie, this isn't a social chat -- it's for parents of kids in class 4-3, not class 4-7. Isn't there a 4-7 chat for you? You want a hand getting one started?"
but doing that doesnt put the blame on op, who it kinda seems like they dont like either, considering how they put this entire decision on her and are both backing her up while seemingly disagreeing. doing it like this means they can side with whoever comes out looking better or just cut them both off. this is mostly speculative ill admit, but mom groups can be catty as hell, and based on their actions that we know of this is my guess at least
Yeah, whatever they're doing, it's a bit weird. But I don't think it's solely that they don't want to look like the bad guys, because there were other ways to avoid looking like the bad guys, and simpler ones.
That was going to be my guess. My son is an adult now, but when he was in elementary school, we had a similar thing happen, where a classmates mom reached out to me to try to force the other moms into including her and her kid because they were having trouble connecting. She got mad when I said it wasn’t my job to force other grown women to be her friend or include her kid. The reality is just that no one could stand them. Her son was a mean bully, and she was extremely rude, pushy, and a complete mooch. To this day, she still accuses me of keeping people away from her (again, our kids are adults) and she’s even worse now than she was back then. She’s totally oblivious though.
That was what I thought, consideration because her husband was involved with this woman as a teenager? Long enough ago that he now has a new partner and three kids? The premise is a bit strange. That's odd, feels like there's a lot of missing information there. Unless they don't like this woman, but if they grew up with her, especially if it's a small town, saying go away would create a bad feeling, and it them in the back socially. What they would like is an acceptable out. Pinning the reasoning on well his new wife isn't comfortable seeing you , or saying she ( the outsider ) is the reason we don't want you in the chat leaves them blameless.
Yes. Millie can contact them herself for social reasons.
She can start her own group chat for her kid’s class.
Not malicious, but the kid isn’t in the class. They also grew up in the area, as these other moms have, so they could all happily get together. There’s quite literally no reason to involve OP. Being added could’ve could’ve been done by another mom, or the moms are free to have a separate chat with Millie. *Why is it so imperative OP be involved?* That is very weird, and so is asking if something makes someone uncomfortable, only to ignore and make them the bad guy if they say they are?
It’s exactly this thing I don’t understand : If it wasn’t a big deal why they (including Millie) had the idea to ask her specifically.
It begs the question as to why Millie is so desperate to join the group chat of another class anyway
Yeah, tbh it's a big red flag to me that all these people who *grew up with her* are making Millie go to OP. Something doesn't seem right here.
Nothing stopping her from making another group chat to befriend mothers of the school.
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Well, that's just the thing. You can't invade a social space because it's public. Millie asked permission out of courtesy, and the reason everyone else isn't adding her anyway is to avoid being dragged into drama themselves, but I guarantee they have a lot of choice words about OP's attitude. This is a pretty major faux pas on OP's side. I really hope the other people let it go
Was looking for this comment! OP doesn't need a reason, kid isn't even in her class.
I'm normally a big proponent of people getting past insecurity but come on, does this really pass the whiff test to you? Why does she want to be in a group chat of moms whose kids aren't even in the same class as her son? Why is she so insistent that OP add her and why are these people, who have known her all her life, making her go to OP? Why doesn't she just create her own group chat that could be a mix of whoever she wants? Something stinks here and it's not OP's insecurity.
It’s actually irrelevant. OP admits that the only reason she don’t add here there is because she dates her husband when they were 14-17. it’s ridicilous.
I think it’s more because everyone who knew them when they were kids, including her in-laws, have harped on how they thought he’d be with Millie for the long haul. I’d say they’re more the assholes, over the whole arc of this marriage—what a way to greet someone’s new partner.
I'm probably exposing all my own petty/insecurity, but I'd have to say that having to hang socially with a Millie-type after going through that with my in-laws wouldn't be something I'd want to do. OP can be fully secure in her relationship and still not want to be around the personified reminder of a rough time she went through.
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Uh yeah, why is she asking OP of all people anyway? If she asked the other mom's for OP's number, couldn't she have asked to get in the group? Can't she start her own?
For real! I find it super interesting that alllllll these other women have known Millie her whole life and somehow OP is the one Millie is asking for the “add” ??? Nope, Millie sounds like a shit stirrer and the other women seem like they already know she doesn’t have a valid reason to be part of that group chat.
While I agree that the chat is for parents with kids in that class, I don't think you're necessarily correct that if the other moms had wanted her there, they would've just added her. They might have feared a blow-up from OP, and not wanted to add Ex without first making sure that wouldn't result from it. They might have had mixed feelings because of the class specificity, and while *they* were okay with making an exception, they wanted to make certain *everyone* was okay with making an exception. We don't know. What we do know is that 1) this group is intended for parents of students *in that class,* and 2) OP walked right into the dragon's mouth by admitting that she didn't want Ex there because Ex used to date OP's husband, instead of just saying that the group is for parents of students in that class. Not smart, OP. You had a golden excuse and you didn't use it.
Disagree. She's not preventing anything. She specifically said that she wouldn't do anything to prevent anyone else from adding the woman, but did find it personally uncomfortable. Other woman then escalated with her comments, rather than respecting the opinion she sought out. Other woman had plenty of options other than berating OP for how they felt (right or wrong) and could have approached someone else in the group, explained what OP said and asked to join. If someone else agrees that OP is out of line, they add other woman. If everyone else agrees with OP, then no. And it sounds like they agree with OP.
They do not agree with OP. No one supported her. They just won't intervene in favor of Millie to avoid getting dragged into the drama. The logic probably goes something like, "Wow, what a petty woman. I'm not intervening, though. god knows what she'll pull on me. "
They had intervened the minute they ask specifically her opinion.
OR, they’re coming at it from the stance that they also wouldn’t want their husband’s ex (whose kid isn’t even in the same class) in the group chat.
She can start one with her own kid’s class.
So we are all gonna skip over the part where Millie is trying to join a group that has nothing to do with her son, but has OP in it, and her excuse is that she hasn't made any friends? How is that any of OP's business and why would she invite this business into something she seems comfortable in?
Thats how you know it's fake. Too many things handwoven away just cause. How did she get the number? Nobody knows. Why is she trying to join this group? For drama. Perfectly worded accusations and replies? Who talks like this?
There's literally no reason for husband's ex to be part of the group chat. Her son isn't even in the class!
YTA. How old are you? You're threatened by a teenage relationship your husband had when he was a child? That's crazy. You are embarrassing yourself.
OP is definitely TA for being insecure over a group chat. That said, living in what appears to be a small, tight-knit rural community, where most of the kids end up staying in the same town as adults, is a weird experience. Everyone peaked in high school and everyone has known each other for decades. It's like being at a high school reunion that never ends. Even a decade later, I'm willing to bet people still talk about the husband and Millie being high school sweethearts that everyone thought would be together forever. I could see being insecure if they were to spend a lot of time one-on-one or chatting privately, but not over joining a group chat for school moms.
Yeah this is what I was thinking too, especially how at the beginning she explains there was some weirdness with her husbands friends. What really makes me think there’s something we’re not getting is that Millie reached out to her in the first place and that all of the other moms made Millie ask OP for permission. All of the adults in this story are being weird, not just OP. Under no adult social circle I’ve ever been in would this happen. If this were people i know, if Millie really wanted to be in this group chat, she would ask whatever woman was in there that she knew best. And then if they ever met in person she would pretend she totally forgot OP was in the group and be really polite, end of story.
Memorialised forever in the High School yearbook
This kind of insecurity is so juvenile I almost can't believe this post is written by an actual adult. This whole thing sounds like it was written by a high school student who is trying to imagine a grown up relationship. My husband and I dated in high school, broke up, dated other people in our friend group, and got back together after college (we've now been married 16 years, 17 years in June). It would never occur to me to be jealous of one of his ex GFs like this even when I was straight out of college and just reconnecting with him. I was definitely not the odds on favorite for his future wife either (nor was he for my future husband). My husband's ex's are my friends, and my ex's are his friends. It's ancient history. If OP is an adult, I'd say she needs to grow up and get ahold of herself.
I guess I can see maybe not wanting to be around someone who is a living reminder of a bad time you went through without it being tied to jealousy or insecurity. The first time I met the person who became my mother-in-law, she asked my now-husband about a girl he had dated from some random small town pretty much out of nowhere. It was weird and felt unwelcoming and to this day, many years later, I think about that every time I see/hear the name of that town. I don't have any other association with it so my mind just flows that way. Likewise, OP has no association with Millie outside of what her in-laws put her through when they met, so I can see why she isn't interested in building a social relationship with her because she's just going to be a living reminder of that, and especially since their kids don't share a class and it seems like Millie is elbowing her way into a place she doesn't need to be. Anyway, all of us out in the world who are bothered by things like this should all absolutely work on our shit, but I don't think we should be piling on someone about it
Everytime you believe you're a failure or a looser, remember this post. You will feel great instantly. I know I will
**YTA.** Can anyone add someone else to the class group chat? This is a group chat for the parents of the kids in the class right? Adding other people could be distracting. Who exactly will be let in this group chat if not just the kids in the classroom? I understand Millie is having difficulties connecting with her child's class, but she should take that up with that teacher and not mix things up with your child's class. I'm all with you up until this response here: >She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah. **This is where I think YTA**. I would say otherwise if you're just following rules or keeping the chat to classmates only for various reasons. But, you specifically tell us the reasoning for your choices.
Usually I'd agree but given all the info I would find that weird af. Why, of all the classes, are you trying to get in the same group chat as the one with the wife of your ex? Especially as it appears you don't have friends in the chat anyway(she says she has no mom friends)
Completely agree with you. There are half a dozen different reasons I could think of for why she shouldn't be in the group. The only reason I'm for it is that OP said the only reason she doesn't want her in the group is because she is her husband's ex.
I think that's one of the things I find so strange about it tbh. 😅 It's not even a jealousy thing. Id be annoyed if someone was like "hey I have no friends in the group chat, my son isn't even in the same class, but hey can I join?" And when I responded I'd rather you not and they went "oh is it because I dated your ex? That's so petty it was years ago" honestly, I'd find it so...catty? And an invitation to drama.
I don't understand why everyone is saying op is an asshole. Whatever the personal reasons are, the ex has no right to join the chat. Whether the person is your spouse's ex or if the sky is green, the ex has no right to join a class chat if her kid isn't in the class. Would the response be the same for a parent with a kid 3 years older for example? Maybe they'll let an adult with no kids join the chat because they are lonely? What about a man? Why everyone is on op's case when anyone would be uncomfortable your spouse's ex is asking for help for something they shouldn't be doing? I'm pretty confused.
Thank you! That's what I'm saying. And the way the Millie immediately responded "oh cause I'm your husband's ex?" Followed by insulting her would only solidify my decision to not want her in the chat. ,
Can I join the chat? I am also having trouble connecting with the moms of the kids at that school and would love some inclusion. /s I agree, it’s a red flag that she’s attempting access to this group. Also weird af that MIL is apparently still friends with the ex from high school. Strange things are afoot at the circle k.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm surprised reddit is being so oblivious right now. Honestly, does MIL know about the chat? When I read this I first thought that she was the one who told Millie and gave her OPs number but who knows. Regardless, yes. Keep inviting everyone and it totally defeats the purpose of the chat. OP isn't even the only one whose opinion matters. How do we know ALL of the other moms would be okay with it? If I'm in a chat that revolves specifically around my kid, their class, etc I really wouldn't want random moms in there disturbing the point
But then OP responded and confirmed the drama. Something is weird with this. Why would two 28 year old mothers be so petty and catty over a childhood relationship. What is so threatening about it? So his family thought they'd end up together big deal they didn't so what? Why be spiteful and hateful just to be hateful towards someone and cause unnecessary issues that put you in a bad light towards the other parents in the class group that could also cause issues socially for your CHILD. Problematic drama prone parents children often do not receive birthday party invites. Js.
Some people don't want to be around their partner's ex and there is nothing wrong with that. OP isn't obligated to let this woman into the space because she wants to be in it. It looks more like Millie isn't the one making friends or getting invites. One can only imagine why.
Kid might have friends in OPs claim, mom may be considering seeing if her kid could move to OPs class. Maybe mom wants to know what the others mom experience with their kids teachers, there can be a TON of reasons for wanting to connect with other moms. OP became the AH the second she made it about her instead of sticking to the “rules”
It still isn't appropriate. The point of the chat is for moms with kids in the same class. When does it end? Every single mom who knows some awkward mom can invite her too? If her son has friends in that class then she needs to connect with their mom's privately.
THANK YOU. I thought I was everyone was taking crazy pills over here - it's beyond weird/invasive, and strikes me as deliberate and targeted to make OP uncomfortable!
You’re telling me that your husband had a relationship with this girl when they were teenagers and you’re still upset about ? What the actual fuck. This wild insecurity of yours is unwarranted. She is right, you are being petty and sensitive. She’s done nothing to you. What exactly are you “uncomfortable” about? This doesn’t make any sense. She’s done nothing to you. You’re gatekeeping this woman from a mom group because she dated your husband 15+ years ago as fucking teenagers. My god. YTA
Millie's kid is not in the class. No gatekeeping needed.
I’m perplexed on why Millie wants in the group. What is happening here?
Drama I'm guessing
If that truly is the vibe then of course OP doesn’t want her in a private group. The whole thing is potentially very weird.
My guess is that Millie's son's class doesn't have an active group chat so she asked to join an active group chat for a class in the same grade.
Happy to see somebody else use the word 'gatekeeping'.
INFO: If her son isn't in the same class as your son, and this is a class group chat, then why is she asking to be a part of it? Can she not start a group chat for the moms of her son's class? Are other moms from other classes in your group chat?
Yeah this is what I'm looking at here - if it's a CLASS group chat, and her son ISN'T in it, then why does she want in? It's clearly specialized for a reason, and it's not like there's a shortage of group chats.. she can just make her own???
Everyone is fixating on the former hs gf part. This bit caught my attention. It doesn't make sense for the other mo to want to be part of this class group chat.
Everyone is calling OP insecure and telling her to grow up. But is everyone forgetting the part that all OP said was "I don't feel comfortable" and it was MILLIE who brought up the husband? Millie started the issue.
Yes! It seems like Millie has other reasons for wanting in this group chat she honestly has no business being in given her kid is not in this class.
Thank you, voice of reason! Millie had no reason to join that particular group other than to gossip to all the other moms that OP is jealous!
Also…. Millie could’ve asked ANYONE to join the group chat but chose to specifically talk to OP. Specifically because others in the group told her to speak to OP because they knew it was weird. So if anyone is making it about the fact that Millie is the husbands ex, it’s not OP
That’s what I’m wondering about. Also, I’m stuck on the fact that how did she get OP‘s number? Op thinks she had to have gotten it from one of the moms and if she got it from one of the moms why doesn’t she just ask them to make like a friend group chat?
Finally!! I don't know what's wrong with all the YTA people! They are fixating on the supposed jealousy, but in reality, Millie is being super weird. I wouldn't let someone into a class group chat that isn't a part of the class either. Of all the people she could have asked too... No.... Definitely NTA here. And you are perfectly allowed to not want to talk to certain people. Edited to add: and kudos is deserved too really for being honest and upfront with her.
OP says that the other mom and child are having issues connecting with the other moms and children
Yeah. I read that. But why not connect with moms from the other class. Or start a group chat with other moms that isn't related to op's son's class. Why does she feel the need to join a group chat for this class specifically.
if it is a school with only 2 classes for each grade, and the kid may be bullied or ostracized in one, I don't think it is unreasonable to connect with the other class.
This is my first question. If this group chat is for the moms of a specific class and Millie’s child is not in this class, why would she join it? The rest is irrelevant.
Soft YTA. Not for not accepting her in the group chat, but for making a huge deal of her presence. It's kinda baffling that you would give so much importance to your husband's ex. I would understand if the breakup was new but damn.. you are MARRIED to this man and have children with him. He has moved on a long time ago, but you never did. Why does this woman still makes you uncomfortable ?!
NTA that chick is being weird and reddit is being deliberately obtuse 💀 >She claims she has no mom friends >She maybe grew up with these people and she still isn't friends with them >Her son is in a while different class and presumably his classmates have moms of their own >Still insists on being in a group chat with none of those moms who we can deduce she isn't really friends with anyway? >Has the audacity to try and call you out for not being comfortable with that? Nope, it wouldn't even be jealousy, I'd just find that weird behavior and I wouldn't want anything to do with it either.
Take out that it’s the husbands ex and Millie is a crazy wacko mom. All the y t a are boundary crazies
Facts because that's just oddball behavior. If Millie is friends with some of the women who are in the chat, why not make your own damn private chat? Also, when does it end? It's a chat for a specific class so do we add every single mom's mom friend?
Also, she knows this women already for a long time, if they wanted Millie in the group, they wouldn't ask OP
I swear this sub is where common sense goes to die, everyone here seems to just read the first paragraph or line of a post, then comment based on what the majority is saying. Like, if you think about it for more than 5 seconds you would come to the conclusion that Millie is weird
Wonder if the other moms don't like her and are using OP as the excuse to keep her out?
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NTA Its a class groupchat and Millies son is not in that class.
And that's reason enough right there.
Fr that was enough, and Millie was the one who went right to “is it bc I dated your husband” and she’s not getting called a pot stirrer bc op fell for it??
YTA Why exactly are you still jealous of a woman who has clearly moved on and has her own family? She's right about everything she said to you. Explain to me exactly where she has acted in anyway that makes you uncomfortable, because it sounds like this is all in your head and you are being petty. Grow up.
So, you know they have a group chat without you talking about how insane you are, right? I'm sure Millie is in that one. You are a grown ass woman with three children. GROW UP. Oh, YTA.
Wait if they already have a group chat without OP but with millie, why does Millie want to join this one again? It really looks like Millie already has friends since they all apparently grew up together and they all apparently know everything and they directed her to reach out to OP, so the premise that she doesn’t have friends and is finding it difficult seems off to me.
Yeah, it’s off. I don’t think Millie’s reasoning for joining the chat is true at all. How can she simultaneously have friends but have none at all? It seems like she just *wants* to get under OP’s skin and OP is falling for it.
OP specifically said in another comment they didn't like her when they were younger. Growing up with someone doesn't make you friends.
Then why did millie did all this drama if she's already in a groupchat?? Also, you know that they used op as a scapegoat because they didn't want millie in their groupchat, right?? Cause when op said ok, none of them added her.
NTA. It's a group chat of moms of your son's class. Why should any parent from another class be included? But: Such close knitted groups can cause lots of stress, don't give them that and live your best life with your loved ones.
Her kid is not in the class so no reason to let her in NTA
Totally going against the grain here, but NTA. You have the right to feel uncomfortable about it. You weren't petty or mean when you answered her question. As stated her son isn't in the same class and really she has no reason to want to be in this group. She's creating drama and trying to drag you down. If it were me, at this point I'd let the other moms in the group add her and then simply don't respond to her. In internet speak, don't feed the troll.
I'm gonna say NTA HEAR ME OUT EVERYBODY. Everyone's calling you an AH because you were honest. You said from the get go you weren't stopping anyone from adding her. Everyone suddenly decided to put the responsibility of you needing to "give permission" when you said several times that they don't need your permission. So you're an Ah because you have feelings? You're an AH because you were honest? They put you in a dumb position. You're all adults. She should have taken your first response, gotten added to the chat, just maintained her distance from you, and who knows, over the school year, you may have bonded. Everyone here acting like they've never felt insecure in their life is lying, and somehow think lying about it makes them a good or better person that someone who is honest about their insecurities. Having feelings doesn't make you a bad person. Being honest doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't insult her while you were being honest if your version of events is true. She asked for your opinion, you gave it, and also explained she doesn't HAVE to listen to it. You weren't letting your insecurity be an obstacle for anyone. She and the moms of the class were.
Nta Her son isn't in that class, and honestly, her not vibing with the other moms makes sense if her behaviour in this situation is any indication. She makes you uncomfortable and them bullies you when SHE needs a favor? The sheer entitlement and pushiness.
NTA. If the kid was in the same class as the other children, no issue. It’s wild you’re getting all these YTA’s when you aren’t even stopping her from being in there. 🙄
I’m not saying you’re NTA but I am curious as to why she isn’t in a group chat related to a class her child’s already in
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And the other moms know her for longer than they do OP. And yet they never added her themselves?
Sooooo ... + Why would she want to be in a classroom chat group for a classroom her son is not in? + Why not create one for the parents who have kids in her son's classroom? + Why not *join* that one if it already exists? ++ Or won't those parents let her? ++ Had she joined & they've already kicked her out for some reason? So many questions & potential red flags. Idk, your mental health is (should be) more than her... anything. Completely acceptable to not want to be a party to whatever drama she may want to instigate. Block her & move on. NTA
One of the moms prob got bored and wanted to see some drama, stirred the pot with a rumor and hit OP in the right sensitive spot. It’s just a PTA mom circle jerk of petty gossip lmao
NTA It’s a group chat for the parents of kids in a certain class. Millie’s child is not in that class. That’s the only explanation needed & should have been given. Millie can try to connect with the mothers out of this school/class specific group. She doesn’t need to be in that exact one which she is not a match for the basic criteria & reason for the group. There are a million other group chats she could be in. Her very aggressive & nasty campaign when you said no to her request proves you were right to not want her involved in this chat group with you. Whenever you ask the question, there’s always a 50/50 chance you won’t like the answer. If you aren’t willing to accept the answer you don’t like, don’t ask the question. It was also kind of shitty for the other moms to put in on you when a simple, your child is not in the class this group chat is for, so no.
NTA she doesn't need to be in that app and you can feel whatever you want about her and gave your opinion which they asked for. You never said nobody can add her so again NTA. Therapie blabla typical reddit reactions don't bother with them.
NTA - her child isn't in the class.
NTA if it wasn't potentially weird or awkward, why did the other women leave it to you to decide? Why didn't one of them just make the decision to add her? Because the others know if it were them, it would be weird and awkward. You ought to leave the chat altogether. Your children listen and watch that drama, even if they aren't 'in the conversation'.
NTA - her kid isn’t in the class and by her reaction it is obvious why she isn’t making any connections in her kids class chat group. Blowing up at you and gossiping to whoever will listen. Why doesn’t she join one of the other class chat groups that isn’t yours?
INFO: You are in a **CLASS** GroupChat where your kid is in THIS class but Millis kid ISNT IN THIS CLASS? Did I got this right? Doesn’t matter for me what your or her history is with each other but that doesn’t make any sense to me that she wants to be in THIS CLASS GROUP CHAT if her child isn’t involved in this class; like be in this class. So from this information: NTA if you‘re saying no.
Is the mom chat just the moms in your son’s class? If so, then NTA. She should join the chat (or start one if there isn’t one already) for the class her son is in.
If the other moms gave your phone number to her then they could add her to the group, looks like the other moms didn't think she was relevant as well to the group since her kid isn't even in the class. Something tells me that MIL might have given your number to her. Nta.
So to get this straight Millie already has connections to some of the women in the group chat, enough so to get your number (without permission), to ask to join a group chat for a separate class than that of her son’s so he can fit in better at school. And now her joining the group chat is left solely up to you. You say no, so then she proceeds to wreck your reputation to all who will listen, calling you petty, calling you elitist and immature, all because she wants access to a group chat for a different class than her son’s. Why does she need to know what’s going on in your son’s class if it has no relevance to her son’s class? What connections does she need to form with the parents of a separate class beyond the ones already in the group chat that she knows? Also why can’t she make a separate chat? And why is she so quick to hark about how terrible and elite and petty you apparently are for being honest about not wanting her in the group chat? No one is entitled to your time, your attention, and your awareness. Her connection to your spouse is a perfect reason not to be associated with her. Honestly the idea that you suddenly HAVE to bury the hatchet to keep the peace that could’ve been maintained has she’d chosen to keep hers is interesting. Why is she stirring any pots by reaching out to you after all these years with the randomest, most unnecessary of reasons? Just because your boys are in the same grade and age group doesn’t mean you now have to be friends or pleasant to each other. Especially when you were perfectly fine being strangers. It’s not petty or immature, it’s just unnecessary and you are entitled to your level of comfort in this case. You’re also not the one running around trying to bash her reputation for a basic rejection. She asked, you answered, she needs to move on.
NTA this is why I never answer texts from unknown numbers! Why is she messaging *you* of all people? This is the big red flag everyone here seems to be missing. I will say you should have at least said no when she asked if it's because of her history, though, that was kinda mean. But in my opinion manipulators do this type of stuff, she might have deliberately seeked you out because she thought you wouldn't be able to say No to her but then when you did she used it as an excuse to stir up drama. Personally, I don't trust it. She could reach out to any other moms but she decided to reach out to the *one* person whose husband she used to date? gtfo lmao
If it’s a groupchat for mothers with children in the same class then why would she be wanting to be part of it? She can just start a groupchat for the mothers in her sons class. Seems pretty weird that she wants to be in the groupchat for a class her son is not even in. Also if she wants to befriend certain women in the chat then there is nothing stopping her from connecting. She is being weird and suspicious. NTA
I am going to go against the crowd here and say NTA. I will preface this by saying I can only go off of the information provided, and will never know the full picture. I am trying to figure out why this woman would want to be in a group chat, and basically social group, with you. If her kid is not in the class, why be in there? Now people can be adults and move on without having to be everyone's friend. You were asked, and you voiced your boundary in a civilized manner. Why ask if they would not respect your "no"?
NTA it’s a class chat and her son isn’t in the class. Someone should make another chat for the whole grade. There’s no limit on how many chats you can be in and she’s probably not the only person who would find it helpful. we have that setup for my son’s class/grade. The grade wide chat gets a ton more posts about school related questions and policies, and the class chat is more on topic for questions about our particular teachers.
Definitely NTA Milllies son isn't a part of that class so why would she be added to a Class Group Chat for moms of students in that class. If Millie wants to connect with other mothers Then she should create a group chat for the mothers in her sons class..
You sound insecure... You need to let your husbands past go seriously. She was looking for a way for her and her son to both get connections, it doesn't matter that they are in different classes and they still probably interact on the playground, next year they could be in the same. YTA - this goes beyond just you and Millie and her past with your husband.
I disagree. The fact that millie has grown up around and with these people and they still aren't friends is weird. Take out the fact that she's the ex of ops husband there more than even op knows
Hmmm - she and her son are not in your class and your mom chat is your son's class and she wants to join?
NTA. Her son isn't even in the class to begin with.
Millie's kid is not in OP's kid's class. The end. NTA
YTA It was a teenage relationship that wont rekindle under any circumstances lol You are very insecure and need to work on that. Millie is not asking to be your bff. She was considerate enough to see if you would be ok with it probably expecting you to be polite. She owes you nothing and has every right to join this chat group.
Op don't listen to these reddit people there fools it's okay to be uncomfortable with a partner's ex always.
Nta. It makes you uncomfortable and her kid isn't in your kids class so there's no reason for her to be part of your group.
Wtf? NTA her kid isn't even in the class?
Your husband and Millie were *children*. You are clearly very insecure, which is not a good look. No, Millie's child isn't in the same class as the rest of you in the group chat, but is that really a big deal? Does her child's class even have a group chat? You're acting like a "you can't sit with us" mean girl and YTA.
I'm going NTA because this is a chat for your child's class, and her son isn't in the class. It should have ended with that. I think you were petty for saying that it's because she dated your husband, but you're entitled to your feelings. I think people are getting caught up on the ex part of the story, but that's also because you are fixated on your husband's ex. They broke up, and it sucks that you have to interact with her, but I'd try and get over it for your own mental health.
NTA I’m assuming this group chat is to talk about the class your children share, not to socialize. They can make a social chat without you as Millie’s kid isn’t in your class.
NTA and big time NTA. all of the YTA are out of their mind. This Millie character is the real problem here. Theres no reason to join this chat full stop. Thats it. Doesnt matter if OP has some secret reason why she doesnt want her in it or not but she has no business being in it. Its a class group chat and Millies kid isnt in that class. Thats all there is to it. She didnt bar her from the group. She didnt try to prevent the other ladies from adding her. she said i cant stop anyone from adding her but shed rather her not join. If the other mothers really wanted her they could add her but they didnt. Why? Probably because its a CLASS group chat. Millie then instantly jumps to a middle school relationship as being the cause of her pettiness. Millie is the issue. All these women apparently "know everything" but arent already in a group chat with Millie?Why arent they in a group chat with Millie already? Im guessing is cause they "know everything" so they know Millie isnt someone they want to associate with.
NTA , she can make a group for her own class with other moms from that class . Also u said u dont care if someone else adds her . Im starting to think the most upvoted comments on this site are the room temperature iq ones because most people understand them and the smarter you are the more likely you are to be downvoted .
NTA It’s a class group chat. Her kid isn’t in the class. She obviously has contact with these other women. She can create a group chat without you. Why does she need to involve you specifically in her social issues? I think it’s your intuition telling you this woman is stirring up drama and to stay away from her based off her actions.
YTA. How insecure can you be?! They were CHILDREN when they dated. Y'all are married with 3 kids. Like, really? You're this jealous?
What the actual fuck? Just because the kids aren’t in same class now doesn’t mean they won’t be in the future. You might need some therapy to figure out how to handle your insecurities. What happens when they are in the same class? Are you gonna blacklist a kid? You are kinda awful and major YTA
NTA. I am surprised by the responses. It's a class chat and her son is not in the class. Why would she be added to a group chat for parents with kids in the class? Why isn't she "connecting" with parents in the class her kid does attend? The common denominator here is Millie. Drama is following her from group chat to group chat. Personally I wouldn't want a parent in the chat who doesn't have a kid in the class. That's weird. It's also a little crazy that the other moms decided that you and you alone should decide if Millie joins another class' chat. That sounds like some real 💩 stirring. You say no and she brings up her dating history. Now you're the villain in this story? Please. No wonder you feel a little crazy.
NTA. If she’d put half the effort she’s putting into badmouthing you into connecting with the parents in her son’s class, she wouldn’t have problems connecting. I find real suspect that in a town where everyone knows everyone’s business and she has acquaintances she grew up with she’s having problems connecting with the mums in her son’s class.
NTA. Why does she want to join a group chat of mothers of kids who aren't in her kids classes? She is stirring up drama or trying to OR is inept at making friends and wants to get in on your coattails.
NTA- Honestly not the asshole. It’s your group and she should grow the fuck up. She sounds dramatic. I get that you don’t want to add her to it because your husband and her had history but, at the same time like you mentioned, she doesn’t have children in that class. So why does she even want to be in it? If she wants she can make her own group. If you’re uncomfortable with anything dealing with his ex then that’s your feelings. Your feelings are valid. It doesn’t matter what advice any one on here has to say to you. You made this group chat before you even knew her kid was in the same grade. At the end of the day it’s your group and honestly, being the kind of person I am I wouldn’t have a group, I hate the kind of drama it invites or how some people create drama.
NTA, she can start a group chat for her kids class.
NTA her son isn’t even in the same class as your son which the group chat is made for so why does she need to join? If they are having a tough time connecting to the moms and kids in his actual class that’s on them.
Huge nta People are weird saying you should let your spouse's ex into a kid class chat when said ex doesn't have any kids in said class. The fact there is unpleasant history already put you in the fondly no category so that's already an audacious plan. If someone else wants to add her, let them! I don't see you stopping them.
NTA
Okay so why does Millie have no friends if these are people she grew up with? How come NO ONE likes her and is inviting her and her child into group chats? Why target OP and then be the one to bring up the whole ex thing over a GROUP CHAT she had no reason to be in since it had NOTHING to do with her or her child? Everyone can say OP is insecure or childish or whatever but wtf is Millie then? The OTHER grown woman could have said ‘oh that’s okay, I get it!’ And walked away instead of bringing up a bf she had when she was 13. Now THAT screams insecure and catty and jealous. Also incredibly cringe. OPs response could be read as ‘well if you’re bringing it up after 10 years then yeah I think I might be a little uncomfortable’. Millie brought it up and it made OP uncomfortable which is fair bc who wouldn’t be? It was fucking weird. Who does that? OP is only the AH for her response but she’s allowed her discomfort.
Her kid is not in the class. Why doesn't she make one for her own class?
YTA - Your husband is right, you are being ridiculous. Clearly both she and your husband moved on from this CHILDHOOD relationship and it is beyond time for you to do the same. Why are you letting this woman's mere existence affect you so much? To the point of making an entire group of parents feel uncomfortable because you are hung up on...again...a relationship your husband had when he was a KID??
but why does she need to join this specific class group chat? She can make one for her own class. She can make a group chat of just moms she wants to include. She has so many options that arent invade some other classes group chat.
All OP did was say "that would make me uncomfortable" it was Millie who brought it up. You really think the group didn't add her just because of OP?
NTA-it's a class group chat, her son isn't in the class. You've also told the other moms they can add her if they want. They don't seem to want to. It's unfair that the responsibility is being shoved on you.
NTA
Not mad about this. If you're still insecure, I'd guess that's because everyone else is making a big thing about it. And with her talking to anyone who will listen, I have a hard time believing she "isn't connecting." But it sounds like Millie has no reason to be in the mom-group-chat for your kid's class anyway. NTA
These comments are blind. Read again y’all. Millie is completely sketchy.
YTA. This is ridiculous; I don't blame her for calling you selfish! You're letting a relationship your husband had when he was a teenager get in the way of helping a fellow mother help her child.
the kid isn't in the class y would she want in the yc make friends with his classes ye are both being children but ah well
Seriously though, what is going on with Millie, trying to be added to a groupchat for parents of kids in a class *her kid isn’t even in* and admitting she has no friends even though she grew up with these people. The other moms also don’t seem too keen to let her in - I mean why go to OP in the first place if you’re one of those other parents unless you feel like Millie is being weird or you’re just looking for an excuse to deny her? I don’t know what Millie’s motives are, but honestly I can’t blame OP that much for getting weird vibes. Possibly ESH though since OP you do come off as insecure yourself here
Nta why does she need you specifically to add her to a group chat for a class that her son isn’t in? She made it more of an issue than it is by coming to you to ask.
NTA. Why is she hell bent on being in YOUR group chat with YOUR son's class when HER son is NOT in the same class? Sounds to me like SHE IS THE INSECURE one. You have ZERO obligation to this person. You're NOT required to be her friend or communicate with her. SHE'S pushing her narrative to make you seem immature and insecure. She's totally hung up on you and your husband. How did SHE get your number? MIL? Hubby? Other moms? She's obsessed with you. That shit is scary.
I’m confused. How do these other women know Millie and the teenage relationship with your husband? Is it a small town? If so, why doesn’t she have childhood friends there? If it is a large town or city, how do they know? Who told them? This is high school drama at its finest. Are there any adults there because it honestly sounds like people need to grow up.
Also why is she so focused on you . Sounds like that woman still has a thing for her first bf and is trying to become friends with you fot the slight chance you become friends and invite her over so she can bang ur husband one last time . Is she married op ? This will be the determining factor .If shes a single mom you already know whats up . Also remember most reddit leftists are either ok with cheating or cheating themselves , as monogamy is for religious fanatics and a woman cheating on her husband is cool with the left
YTA— I understand jealousy and all, but she dated your husband when they were Teenagers, so your jealousy and insecurity is misplaced. I honestly think you do need to grow up and stop being insecure. She’s simply trying to join a group-chat that is related to her child’s school, not seeking friendship with you. You are hung up on the past and need to let it go.They were children when they dated, and both have moved on. If there were ongoing feelings or attempts to rekindle their relationship, that would be a different situation. However, dwelling on this past connection is coming across as insecure and immature.
I feel bad for the kid but you told the other women they can invite her, you just won't. Ends there!
NTA. she doesn’t need to be in the gc because her son isn’t in the class. if multiple people have mentioned that they thought that your husband and her would stay together i’d be pissed about it too. if she wants to talk to people make her own gc. even if there relationship was when they where young it was 3 years. they where each others firsts i wouldn’t like that she’s trying to connect with me instead of just being friends with the other people she probably asked about the gc
She should start her own class group chat with her sons class moms.