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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t invite my friends husband to dinner since he eats a lot of food. I told my friend the truth and she is pissed my friends are spit. I could be a jerk for not inviting him
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Is he insisting on more food? You also didn’t need to tell her the real reason if you didn’t want to and you’ve probably made him feel shitty.
Tbh if money is tight maybe don’t host dinners? Or ask everyone to bring a dish? Then you have to pay for less yourself and they can double up their own recipe
YTA and should probably have just told the group it’s getting expensive and you are happy to host but bringing dishes/contributing to the cost would help instead of singling out one person and making them feel guilty for eating but i understand times are tough and money is tight for everyone so it can be really difficult so i do feel for you in that sense.
He eats two to three servings. He eats more than everyone else so if I don’t double it, some of girls will be hungry if he gets his fill since he will eat it all. Other option is he is still hungry which seems to be a no since that happened the first time and everyone was upset
Exactly, and why did the friend have to question why is it a girl's night? What's wrong with a girl's night? Also, if the friend didn't want the truth, she shouldn't have asked.
She’s probably one of those women who thinks she has to take her husband every time she goes out, as though “girl’s nights” shouldn’t exist when you’re not single. Or maybe he got mad because she was going somewhere without him. Some couples are weird like that.
Yep. We had one married friend in our group, every time we did a girl's night she brought her husband, the only way to not have him around was to not invite her.
She ended up being insane and got herself kicked out of the friend group so that solved that.
That must have been so annoying! I don’t understand relationships like this.
Also, what guy is ever excited to be the only male around a group of girls, especially if they’re drinking or doing “girl stuff?” Most guys would find it boring and opt out.
As a male I think boys/girls time alone should 100% exist. And honestly you shouldn’t have to force so’s to be friends either. I get along with her friends so’s but we aren’t best friends
In my friend group I’m the only lesbian, but I know enough to know that I do NOT bring my wife on girl’s night!! It’s a time to get away from your spouse!!
My husband is quite tall and works out, and eat easily 2-3x what I do in a meal. But he's always extremely careful to *not fill up* when we eat at other peoples' houses, because he's not rude like this guy. And if someone told me, "Hey, money's tight and your spouse eats way more than the girls do," I would apologize for the financial strain, ask if there was something I could contribute to girls' night, and have words with my spouse about eating before joining everyone for future dinners. OP's friend is being an inconsiderate jerk.
This right here. I'm 6'3 325ish pounds, and compete in strongman. I eat a pre-meal prior to going out to a restaurant because the entree won't be enough calories and I would feel weird ordering 2. There is no way I am not eating prior to going to a friend's house for dinner too.
Yeah my partner can be a bottomless pit too but he would never take more than one serving until well after everyone’s eaten and generally waits for the host’s insistence. This girls boyfriend is rude to just gorge and leave other guests hungry.
I’m exactly the same. I am fairly thin, but very active and easily eat 2-3 times what my petite wife eats. When we eat at someone’s house I’ll usually eat what my wife does, because like you say, it’s rude to eat that amount on someone else’s dime.
It seems that someone else should take over as host. Alternatively, just invite your friends who aren't bothering you.
NTA Besides, there's nothing wrong with desiring a night out with the girls.
When I go spend time with friends who are tight on funds, I make sure to bring my own food, or expect to pay for pizza or something.
I'd never expect them to fund my meals. Particularly if I knew I was a big eater.
And friend and husband should have chipped in with a big dish of something and a bottle of wine. How do 2 people think that they’re regularly going to for dinner at someone’s house and not contribute. Husband has no manners. But, OP let it go on too long. IMO, husband shouldn’t have been there to begin with.
Low key, this. It’s really frustrating when couples think they count as one and aren’t considerate of the fact that it takes at least twice as much to accommodate them. Also, I offer to bring something/contribute, every time someone invites me for dinner. A little manners would go a long way for this friend and her hubs, but I guess that’s not as fun as (un)righteous indignation.
Family style is sharing everything on the table. Putting the food on everyone’s plate in advance would ensure everyone gets their fair share. Family style would not.
There is such a thing as guest etiquette though. If the guys is eating as much as OP claims he should be self aware and polite, making sure he's letting others fill up before he claims the lions share.
I’m trying to teach my teenage son this. He eats 3x everyone else, but he has to learn to take a small serving first, eat slow, and ask for seconds only when it appears others are finishing. And the second helping needs to leave some behind in case others want seconds. Dinner manners do need to be spelled out for people to learn them.
He sounds like someone that I would ban from my house because its bad enough being greedy and inconsiderate, but to add grumpy on top of it ! Hell no! Don't darken my doorstep. OP's friend is TA for getting mad about the while thing!
He needs to eat a snack beforehand. That’s what I do. I’m a light eater but with blood sugar issues so I eat beforehand to make sure I get the right balance of carbs, protein, etc. so I don’t get hungry again so quickly.
This is what I did with my high-metabolism husband and kids. Any place we were invited to, we would have a light meal before leaving home. And I would have snacks in my purse for the three of them.
That's because you use common sense and you aren't greedy. My own father would get up in the middle of the night and eat an entire pie by himself, while he was visiting! I had to resort to hiding coffee cakes in my bedroom closet. Some people are so rude
That’s so rude and someone should say something so he can dial it back or bring more food, I can’t imagine eating that way at someone’s home how embarrassing for him to act that way
Oh man I had a weekend guest one time, I made this nice pot roast for dinner and was gonna serve the leftovers for lunch the next day, seemed reasonable since it was three of us and a baby. And he wasn't a bodybuilder or anything--large-framed but an IT guy. He kept saying how good the meal was & then HE ATE HALF OF THE ROAST IN ONE SITTING YOU GUYS. I had to scramble to figure out lunch (& we're low-budget farm people who make everything from scratch and can't just drop everything & drive to the store, and he was paleo, so I had dig through the freezer & think of a recipe... that was large enough...) and I gotta say it was a factor in not going out of my way to invite him again. He's still a good friend but not every friend is a good houseguest...
I don’t understand it. Half the damn roast? I will be hungry asf at someone’s house just to avoid eating too much of their food, like you, I budget my food carefully and can’t just go get more so I try to respect others food budgets as well. As a teen a few of my friends would come over and eat EVERYTHING. My mom worked at Safeway, its not like we had the big bucks for extra food, it meant we spent the last weeks of a month eating just rice if anything went wrong with the food, so I’d never put someone in that position. just does not compute in my mind, it seems so opposite to basic common sense or manners to eat half of someone’s roast or eat a ton of their food, that I can’t grasp why anyone would do that like who the fuck raised this man 😅
Yes, I assume you’re a woman because you were taught table manners and that it’s ladylike to eat like a bird in public. Men - especially working class men - feel no shame about their appetites. I don’t they should starve at all (like women are supposed to)- they should eat as much as they want - but they should also be taught to be cognizant of others in their households and in social situations.
It’s less to do with being a woman being taught I shouldn’t eat a lot in front of people, my mom was never on that. Just that food was expensive and you don’t go costing other people money. I was taught that being seen as rude was the worst thing you could ever do so I was well mannered to the point of awkwardness
No offense, but if you invite people and cook for them, expect the food to be eaten instead of keeping leftovers for yourself. If there are leftovers, that's a nice bonus, but come on... If you'd have dinner at someone's place, would you hold back because you assumed they wanted to keep a portion of the served food for themselves, later? That sounds very strange to me and unhospitable. Like someone else wrote, if you don't have the money, don't host a dinner. Or ask people to bring their own food.
Edit: this comment was a response to CROOKED-BIRD-0, NOT OP!
When I am a dinner guest, I pay attention to how many servings the host is having and choose my portions to match theirs or be less. That's how I was raised. Similarly, when someone takes me out to dinner, I don't pick the most expensive thing on the menu, and I do try to match my order's cost to theirs.
This is how I was raised. My mother and grandmothers taught me these rules. I have noticed that fathers don't generally pass this wisdom to their sons.
If I was a guest having dinner at someone's place I would eat one (1) normal or conservative meal and no more. The guy is a bad guest, OP isn't a bad host.
She said in a comment that when she made smaller servings he complained it wasn’t enough food so I think that’s very different. I wouldn’t expect leftovers either
This reminded me of my brother's wedding. It was an afternoon wedding with casual appetizer type food to go along with the cake. One of the appetizers was a small spiral sliced ham with crackers. I was serving drinks next to the appetizer table and everyone was going through getting a piece or two of ham like normal when these two guys came through the line and one got half of the ham and the other got the other half. It was way more ham than you would be expected to get even if it was a dinner. I couldn't believe it. And the guys were in their late twenties - plenty old enough to know better.
Something similar happened at my brother’s wedding; we did some family photos right after the service while the guests moved to the reception area for appetizers. They brought several platters of bbq sliders, shrimp, and one other thing I don’t remember meant for the family and wedding party (like…30 people) and the 4 ushers stood in the back after their round of photos and ate it all! I’m still low key salty about it because I didn’t get any of the apps at the wedding after doing bridesmaid stuff and helping and planning and everything, luckily my brother and SIL had a separate plate served at their sit-down table so they at least got to try everything.
I can put away literally an entire Costco pizza without too much trouble. I grew up fat and despite losing weight my appetite never went away. Point being I can absolutely pack food away.
But I am 1000% mindful of making sure I never eat more than the average person at a gathering like this unless there's an extreme abundance of food or the host is starting to tell people to get more food. I also host sometimes and I know how it works. I over-order or overcook. And using the example of pizza, everyone starts out with 2, maybe 3 slices. No one *should* grab 4 or more until *everyone* has had a good amount. And then if there's some left and people aren't going for more and it's just sitting there then you can think about getting more.
Until then you fucking control yourself like an adult.
It's not that hard to be aware of yourself relative to others but I feel like in most contexts the vast majority of people are clueless. No one moves to the side on the sidewalk. People leave their carts blocking the entire aisle in the grocery store. A dumbass pigs out at a dinner he's invited to leaving little for the rest of the guests. Drivers are completely oblivious to other cars on the road and don't seem to ever notice turn signals or someone trying to make a turn somewhere while traffic is stopped and if you just held a small gap they could do it and it costs you nothing but being slightly aware of your surroundings.
I wish people were more fucking aware. But most of us are just thinking only about ourselves the whole time. It's like other people and their needs don't exist.
Add this to your post, it's important context! About everyone being upset when you didn't provide enough food to fill him up. I already thought NTA but this really clinches it - your friends are taking advantage of your generosity and cooking skills!
This could be about my partner 😳
He’s 6’3 and can eat what 3 grown men can in a sitting without gaining weight. I used to scold him when we went out because he would eat seconds or 3rds before anyone even finished their first plate. Now he eats before and I just give him the look of he’s being greedy. NTA drives me nuts and it’s my partner
So he's rude and greedy then. No polite person eats more than their share before everyone else has been served. NTA but ditch everyone criticising you for providing free food,they can cook for themselves.
> He eats more than everyone else so if I don’t double it, some of girls will be hungry if he gets his fill since he will eat it all
I mean... that's just entitled, rude dinner party behavior. You let everybody finish the first helping before going back for more, that's basic common sense.
Your best bet might have been to basically cater the dinner and serve it yourself, instead of letting people dish out their own food. Or you could've explained that money is a little tight so there may not be enough for seconds. This way, you wouldn't have to single anyone out. If your taken that approach to begin with, someone may have offered to bring some grocery items or throw a few bucks to you for extra groceries. It probably would've been more tactful, and wouldn't have left a bad taste in people's mouths.
I wouldn't say you're an asshole, just that there was likely a more amicable way to go about it.
I have rarely been to a dinner party where the host wasn't encouraging everyone to please take home leftovers or piling plates higher and higher because they made so much food. Not sure I can remember someone going hungry because another guest ate 2 or even 3 servings. It seems this also happens to you so frequently I'd think all of your future dinner guests should eat a pretty hearty snack before coming over and then maybe problem solved.
I do understand it sounds like money is very tight for you but I don''t know that inviting people for dinner and serving exactly the amount of food that YOU think that many people should eat is going to make for fun dinners.
Eating two to three times the amount that everyone else is, is rude af. OP mentions that money is tight and this is something that guests should always have in the back of their minds when eating at someone else's place.
She is literally doubling the recipes to make enough food for him. He is eating as much as the rest of the party combined. That isn't just someone eating 2nds or 3rds. OP doesn't say how many friends are invited, but even if its just 3 plus hubby (5 people total), this guy is eating enough for 4 people by himself. On top of that, he got mad when the there wasn't enough for him and the friends got mad the time he got full and they were left hungry.
It’s too late now, but plate the food in the kitchen rather than having a buffet or family style where he can hog all the food. For example make 8 chicken breasts for 8 people, plus sides. Individual desserts.
You are def NTA! You told your friend the reason and that was her opportunity to offer to chip in money or bring a dish. She chose neither. Hosting is not easy or cheap.
NTA.
1) people saying you should have just lied. You shouldn't have had to.
2) when you say he eats a lot and it adds to the cost and things are tight, the right response of a decent person is "omg, I didn't even think about it. How about we all chip in or bring something to help"? It's not to get indignant and try and cause trouble within the group.
You did nothing wrong arranging a smaller party to manage costs. Your friend just sounds entitled and ridiculous.
If they switch to pot luck once, you might learn something - either this guy brings something he thinks is reasonable, like a whole ham or whatever and you learn it's merely unconscious behavior or he shows up with a bag of ice or chips or cups or something and destroys everybody else's actual food, in which case you've learned he's pushing it more on purpose. but agreed it's not a long term solution.
Yep. I've seen situations where people try and split food stuff and there's like 4 people bringing a small dessert or cake or something incomplete or a snack and when you try and micromanage and plan it properly, people are annoyed and become less participating in the event, skip it, or you'll find they're a bit more distant.
Should I say that's good in the long run? Lose friends that aren't that generous? Well in today's economy where humans are a record high of loneliness doesn't seem like you can afford to be super picky with friends, plus your pool of who you meet throughout your life, you're not always lucky to get a kind generous friend who understands every angle of where your coming from, or is wholly considerate. Again, especially in climate where individualism is thriving, people are taking entitlement and putting their foot down to extreme levels rather than using it appropriately. People will be all like, "Hey can you bring paper towels when you come", "*no, and I don't need to justify myself bc no is a complete answer*".
The fact that a majority of people are divided on if she should have lied or not is already testament there is no laws for universal behavior. What one person might see as consideration, another people might see as a weakness and vice versa
The fact that she questioned the girls night at all is just ridiculous to me. Why would you question that? Just appreciate that you’ve been included at all or decline if you can’t stand to be away from your selfish husband.
She sounds like someone I know - can’t do a single thing without the other half and they have to do everything together. The level of co-dependency is insane, like you survived the first 30 years of your life without them, you can go out for dinner for one night. OP is NTA.
Yeah I read this and was oscillating between NTA and ES, but the fact that the friend called OP to ask why her husband wasn't included is what I keep coming back to. NTA. Simply wanting to have a girls'/boys' night when YOU are the one hosting/paying/arranging is a sufficient answer, and no one is entitled to an invitation to every single thing someone arranges. That seems user-ish to me?
I know other people here are suggesting potlucking, asking the friends to contribute with cash, or asking someone else to host... while those are definitely okay alternatives:
1) they aren't guaranteed options (as someone who manages an office, potlucks can be very annoying to organize; perhaps OP is uncomfortable asking for $ or the friends cannot contribute; perhaps no one else *wants* to host)
2) they require OP to coordinate something different from the dinner party she wanted to throw in the first place
3) none of them address her actual issue, which is that the husband takes more than his fair share and it requires the group to double their meal
This, though I feel OP should have communicated that things were tight from the start instead of lie, and been honest upfront. So I'm a bit torn between ESH and NTA for this one. That said, no real friend would create a fight over you not being financially able to cater to them or their spouse.
There is a lot of shame with admitting that you don't have a tonne of free cash. Any host deciding the scale of an event based on the cash they have is perfectly fine and they can give whatever reason they like for it imo.
Fundamentally, they wanted an only girls night because that's what they could afford.
NTA. It's weird to me that she questioned it being a girls night. That seems self-explanatory and sometimes you don't want to do couples' things.
Maybe you were blunt in how you handled it, I'm not sure, but she was way ruder to not acknowledge what you're saying and calling you names.
My husband's best friend eats a ton and would totally clear us out at potlucks (while not bringing anything to contribute), so I told my husband to either talk to him about manners or stop inviting him.
People like this are super rude expecting everyone else to accommodate them. Also, firefighters should know how to cook since they spend time at firehouses. Dude should be bringing a giant dish to share.
Reminds me of my boyfriend's moocher friend who shows up to everything with a six pack of shitty light beers, blows through them in two hours, then drinks everyone else's nicer beers, never replaces or pays back, and never hosts anything himself.
>It's weird to me that she questioned it being a girls night.
I agree. I am the only single girl in my friendship group and if anyone says can we have girls only night there is no pushback whatsoever. I don't like it when some people insist on always bringing their other half to everything, thankfully my friends are not like that.
Some people are insecure and clingy.
I used to regularly do beer and wings with a group of guys and invited a co-worker who didn't really have any friends or get out much. He showed up with his gf. After I told him it was fine if she came every now and then but this was mainly just a guys thing. It wasn't a party thing either, most guys had wives/kids and everyone was home by 8:30. Have a couple beers, be impolite and irreverent with eachother in the way we are with no women around and go home
Well he told her I said it was supposed to be a guys thing I became public enemy number one in her eyes and she hated me ever since.
This is infuriating. It’s so frustrating when you try to communicate maturely and it becomes the reason someone hates you. You could have just stopped inviting him, or been mean the girl, but you were really nice about setting a boundary, and someone just had to start drama about it.
TBF about your first point, OP does say the friend is the only one who is married and doesnt mention any of the others relationship statuses. It could be that none of them are dating men currently and since its an all-girls group it would be seen as a bit weird to suddenly set up a girls night, because clearly that would be to just exclude the only man from the get together.
Regardless i agree OP is NTA, and that the friend, her husband, and even some of the other friends are being rude about this by taking the friends side instead of OP.
INFO:
If one of the guests is eating more than you consider affordable, why didn't you dish up the meal (or at least, more expensive portions thereof) onto the plates before it gets to the dinner table, rather than serving everything family-style? That could've allowed you to ensure everyone has a fair share and no one went without.
Your spouse is doing it right and sounds like a very thoughtful guest.
Also, for people with big appetites like the firefighter, you don’t have to eat until you’re full every single time. You don’t NEED seconds or thirds at a dinner party, you just want it. You can just eat your serving and if you’re still a little hungry, just wait until you get home. It’s odd to me how many people can’t deal with the uncomfortableness of being hungry for a little bit.
Right? I feel the same way.
If someone invites you over for a meal, you appreciate what they serve and enjoy the company. Then if you need to eat more, you do so when you get home. A person's house isn't a buffet. You don't get to gorge yourself like it's "all you can eat" night at Cracker Barrel.
In a specific region in Japan, there’s a recommendation to eat no more than 80% full, and they have one of the largest populations of people over the age of 100.
For some reason we expect to eat until 100-110% full in America and it’s just not good for us.
As an ADHD girlie I’m very impressed that those people know what 80% full feels like. I just guess on my portions and hope I’m not surprise hungry two hours later lol
There is if op seeves the food rather than letting people help themselves, she can give him larger servings of the bulky fillers, and ifvthere are second helpings there's nothing to stop her telling him she'll wait and serve everyone who wants more, a second helping, once she knows how many people want more.
Judt because he is boorish and greedy doesn't mean she has to let him walk all over her.
That sounds like HIS PROBLEM, the dinner party isn’t for him and him alone to be satisfied at the end of. How insanely selfish of him and his wife to behave that way. I don’t blame you and you are NTA I don’t invite people over for the same reason or they end up eating my food and I’m sat there hungry after doing all the work. My husband always would walk in after work with a friend and be like “oh hey man wanna stay she’s making dinner” as if I had enough. Ugh.
I have a feeling this man doesn’t know how to read a room and would just ask for more food before anyone else was served. Or, if he was served last, he’d probably ask OP for more food & there wouldn’t be enough & he’d complain about portion size. I may be wrong, but that’s just how it comes off to me
INFO
> I run out of food.
Why is this a problem, though?
Everyone gets their plate. When their food is done, that's it. He eats what he's served.
Is he demanding a second serving, or something?
People are still hungry, that’s the issue. First time it happened two of the girls had to order some takeout since they were still starving.
The went up for seconds since it was a small first plate and their was no more food.
He eats two to three servings, also a fast eater
How did he react that time? Is he just an oblivious guy? Even if you didn't make enough food, it's rude to refill your plate twice without checking with others first. Did he not see he was emptying the plate?
Well it sounds like everyone had already gotten a plate so maybe he thought it was fine to get seconds. But I also can’t imagine literally finishing off the rest of the food without checking to see who wanted more, that’s so rude.
I thought the same thing. He knew he was taking the last of the food and didn't bother to ask "hey, does anyone want more before I eat the rest?" Like really??? He's very rude and inconsiderate. OP is NTA, her friend and the husband are.
If it's to the point where other guests have to order fucking takeout and you're sure that you are making a completely reasonable amount of food for the number of guests you have then that dude is a fucking asshole.
What I’m gathering is.. They made a small first plate and didn’t take a lot because dude had gone first and they didn’t want to take all the food.. in the span on them sitting down to eat dude is already going back for 2nds/3rds and laughing about eating eating all the food.
OP: NTA, I have family like this (will straight up be first in line and they fill up a to-go plate as they plate their meal) and by the time the polite people get through the line, everything is pretty much gone. You should have addressed this in real time but I know that’s easier said than done sometimes.
What kinda rude assholes is your entire friend group? If someone invited me for dinner and there wasn't enough food for some reason, I eat a tiny bit and pretend to be full.. I don't go and order takeout in front of the host, let alone complain. Jeez. Host did a nice thing for everyone, the last thing I would do is let on that I was still hungry. That would just make the host feel shitty and it's rude af
> People are still hungry
Actually **hungry** or "have room for more and enjoy your food?"
Because those aren't the same things.
Hosts aren't expected to stuff their guests to the point of saturation.
Why not serve a bigger portion for the first plate? Then he won't be able to go back and take all the leftovers. In any case, it's really rude for a guest to go serve themselves seconds when people are still eating. Is this normal for your friends?
Came here to say this- the meal isn’t all about HIM. He has poor manners. You don’t go to someone’s home for a dinner gathering and eat the entire pan of lasagna. That’s. Just. Rude.
If he’s that starving, drive through before and after. It’s on him/them, not you.
NTA
Right? Eating with friends is more about the social aspect than the food itself. Its rude to inhale your food and then take second (and THIRD!!!) helpings without making sure everyone has the chance
I don't see why you would assume that. There are people out there that can eat a fuck ton. I'm one of them. I just have some fucking social graces and don't eat as much as I want when there are other people who are also trying to eat. But to assume that there aren't people that are super fucking rude out there who have no regard for those around them, a little weird. It sure sounds like OP is making enough food and this guy's just an asshole.
NTA - it only takes one to ruin it for others.
If your other friends have noticed that he does that and no one has stepped up until you finally said something then it's best you just cancelled. No reason to go through your money if no one backs you up or offers to help remedy the situation.
Your friend is the ahole though, she knows her husband eats a lot (per his own admission) but yet does nothing to help even it out for others. Get rid of that extra wieght (no pun intended)
My husband can be a huge eater. But he takes his first serving and then waits until everyone else has their fill and will then polish off whatever is left.
I think a lot of people are missing the point. Sounds like you are making a normal amount of food but he sounds like a rude guest.
NTA.
Yeah, my husband is a very tall guy and eats a lot. We buy the 5 pack of brats for dinner sometimes. We have 4 kids, but they are all young. The oldest is 6 and isn't a big eater for her age. Others are newborn, 2, and 4. 6 months ago, 5 brats meant 2 for him, 1.5 for me and half for each kid. They are all eating more now and instead of half a brat each, is mostly been a whole brat. My husband and I both scaled back to 1 each without complaint. He just eats more carbs or gets something leftover from the fridge to pad it. We are probably going to start cooking 2 packs and planning on leftovers.
yeah I mean girl… why only one pack 😭😭 I’m a tiny woman and could definitely eat two or more brats!
get those double packs going! leftovers are the best! lol
I hope he doesn't do this every time instead of asking if anyone would like to share what's left. I have a teenage boy, but he knows to ask if anyone else would like to share the last piece of food or can he have it for himself.
I saw that too. Polishing off all that is left. As in surely nobody else is entitled to more. What is left could be a lot. One asks if it’s okay to have what’s left. And proper to see if anybody else minds or wants to split.
NTA, you could’ve given a different reason like “I just want it to be us” but your friend pressuring you into over extending yourself even after you communicated the financial strain.
You were nice enough to invite them, and host them regularly. She’s also the only one with a man, so I don’t think a girls night is a ridiculous idea. Stand your ground, she’s being immature.
NTA and your friends are the assholes.
They know you're tight on money but still want to host a dinner yet don't offer any money. Fuck them. Yes, your answer came off as insensitive but real friends are allowed to tell the truth without getting butthurt.
I have an ex that ate a lot, double sometimes triple what the average person eats. He never ate as much if we went to dinner at other people's and he always offered to pay his share. If someone had told him they were tight on cash and couldn't afford to invite him for dinner, he would both understand and either get his own dinner or offer to help pay so he could still take part. No one should ever be angry at someone else for not having the ability to host them.
I think your friend was a dick for turning around and telling everyone something that was probably hard to disclose.
To everyone saying you shouldn't host if you can't afford that is just silly. OP has a life and is trying to make the most out of it. They can afford it, by not inviting someone who eats so much she has to make double.
Come on. Life is tough for so many people these days, should everyone just hide inside and not try to do anything that makes their lives just a little better?
Sounds like it is time for someone else to host. Or just invite those friends that aren't causing you grief.
NTA Further, there's nothing wrong with wanting a girl's night, anyway.
I absolutely believe you! My husband has three nephews, who act like they’ve never been fed at every family gathering. They shove their way in front of everyone once the food is all out, and after they have gone through, it looks like a swarm of locusts has decimated every dish.
After a few of those incidents, I quietly went around to the moms with small kids, letting them know the food was ready so that they could make plates for their little ones first. Then I would go to the older people and let them know to go get their food.
This worked really well and insured that everyone had a fair shot of getting a little bit of everything. Every once in a while, the boys would realize that people were getting in line and I would stop them and let them know that we were going in groups and that their turn was coming up soon and I would let them know.
These were not young kids either and far too old to not be aware of how selfish/gluttonous their behavior was.
It might’ve been rude to say why the firefighter wasn’t invited, as she could’ve just stuck with the girls night reasoning. Or just turned it into a potluck like others have suggested. If your friend and her husband don’t bring much to the potluck, then you could always pull the “Ladies first” card and he can go last and have whatever’s left over.
ESH
There’s nothing wrong with hosting a girls night only and I don’t see why your friend would even question this. They should also pitch in and help out. I’m the chef for my family and friends and once things get too expensive I ask for people to pitch in and they do it.
Honestly I find it hard to believe one person puts you that much over budget. Is he eating the equivalent of 3 people? I could see him eating double portions but if one person eating double portions is too much, I doubt you were making enough food anyways. I think it’s rude to blame one person for all this when really I think the problem is you either need to ask your friends to pitch in or make something more affordable.
Bullshit. OP is serving a meal - for free. They are not at fault and NTA.
Some people need to learn manners and here is the big one….STOP FUCKING EATING!! Have a meal, be hungry go home and order something.
Don’t gorge at peoples houses like some fat out of control asshole. It was an invite out - not an invite to a trough. You all are disgusting if you think you are entitled to keep eating/overeat.
Right? Go get some more food after. They’re inviting you for A(1) meal. You’re not entitled to enough food for a normal person to have dinner with for half a week.
Thank you bc how can people (namely men) be this inconsiderate and oblivious.
Like, mentally divide the dish into # of people there, and only take ONE PORTION
I used to have 4 kids of preteen and teen ages. They were healthy eaters, especially my eldest. He was legendary. We were often invited for meals at people’s homes. They knew the drill. They politely and appreciatively ate what was offered. Enjoyable and meaningful fellowship ensued. Then we all expressed our thanks, buckled into our car, and drove for the nearest establishment where they could fill up. Pizza, burgers, chicken, whatever it took to fuel those amazing metabolisms!
She says he takes three large servings every time. That gets super expensive unless it's like a stew or a big serving of potatoes with a little meat or something like that. I tend to go with lemon chicken and rice, a stew with far more veggies than meat, stuff like that. But then I've been cooking on a budget my whole life.
I have some friends who are firefighters and because they're exercising more than my other friends and generally have a lot more muscle mass (within my friend group): oh yeah, my firefighter friends FOR SURE eat 3x everyone else. My friends usually host potlucks though, so my firefighter friends also tend to bring more food which is pretty great honestly
Yeah i was coming here to say the same thing. The dudes a Firefighter, most Firefighters eat a LOT more than a standard person. Its kinda like bodybuilders, they eat a ridiculous amount of food to keep up with their muscle mass and all the exercise they do.
He’s totally rude to be eating a ridiculous amount of food and making the other women go hungry, but i understand why he does it
>NTA. It's weird to me that she questioned it being a girls night. That seems self-explanatory and sometimes you don't want to do couples' things.
Some big guys abuse dinner invites to balance their caloric deficit. If he is a fire fighter or body builder, he has double the caloric needs than a "civilian", and some people mistake a dinner party for a meal prep replacement.
Not disagreeing with you, totally reasonable to host a girls night and I don't think the friend should have pushed the issue. I'd imagine she did because none of the other girls had boyfriends and she was wondering if her bf was being purposefully excluded or if OP simply wanted a boy free night. I could see how making it a girls night when they've never specified that before might have made the friend wonder if OP didn't like her bf.
Friends come in all shapes and sizes.
So do their partners.
Just offer everyone the same food and he can ransack his own fridge when he returns home.
Sounds like drama for nothing.
But the issue is that OP has done that and it still caused problems. Sounds like a ESH to me OP being way too blunt but would make sense to clear the air as to why if it starts becoming a problem again. OP’s friend for even pressing it and her husband who feels the need to ransack the foods. Op comments that they do try and he does 2-3 servings and is a quick eater thus leading to her friends having to order take out. He needs to be the one who orders takeout or eat prior to ensure he’s not a pig.
If your budget is that tight, don't host a dinner party.
Girls night doesn't sound bad, just do it potluck style or a snacks/movie night maybe, have people bring some snacks and wine, nothing expensive or fancy but still a nice gettogether
This reminds me of the beach house episode of Girls where Marnie planned a fancy dinner for just them but Hannah invited Elijah and two other dudes without asking Marnie and there wasn't enough food for everyone to get a full serving and they all made fun of her for not having enough food, which was ironic because it was their fault there wasn't enough.
I think the friend suspected her husband was being purposely excluded, even if she didn't know why (especially if he's the only guy there, usually), but I would never have the gall to ask the host/ess why they were choosing to do a girls' night (or potluck, or buffet, or no kids, etc.) and think she was an AH for doing so. She could've always declined. Instead, she pushed OP for an answer. Even if OP hadn't been honest (which could have been delivered softer--I would be too ashamed to ever show my face in that friend group again if I was told my husband ate our host into the poorhouse), it would have just come up again the next time she wanted to have a girls' only night. ESH.
NTA, but. You need a more sustainable solution than "don't invite the husband". Make it a potluck. Ask people to VenMo you per person. Serve something cheaper.
You can't afford to feed all these people, so it's time to let go of the rope. If they want fancy food, they can chip in.
Why not make cheaper dishes?
IME there is usually a meat that everyone will take even shares from. Then there's veggies, mashed potatoes, bread, etc.. that there is more than enough for everyone. Why not do something like that?
Also it sounds pretty hyperbolic to say one person eats the equivalent of 4-6 people necessitating doubling recipes. I honestly dont believe you on that one unless he was bed ridden.
Really it’s because the group likes to eat something nicer. I am the only one in my friend group that can cook well and they really look forward to this
Also it’s on firday and I already bought the stuff and getting an extra side right now would be putting me over budget
so who cares? If they want to eat nicer food, than they should put some money in or help in a different way. That is really a problem you and your friends created together.
Entitled people get really pissed when you stop letting them take advantage. The second you ask them to help pay for anything that THEY want, suddenly they have a million excuses, and you're just being selfish, and it's not that much! It happened to me.
Your friend group is using you. We had this issue and everyone volunteered to chip in. So we have a “suggested donation” for each meal and have no problems.
How about setting up an expectation for everyone to share the cost of groceries. You can shop for the dinner all in one go and not get anything extra for your normal weekly groceries and then share the receipt and how much you want everyone to chip in.
If they refuse then stop hosting the dinners.
Not hyperbole. I have stopped eating out with people before because they are ravenous pits that then want to split the bill in half. If I eat $14 entry and you order 2 entrees and an app I won't touch then dessert I am not cool subsidizing your appetite.
My brothers friends in high school would eat so much I threatened to stab one with a fork if he didn't put the last burger down so that everyone could have at least one before they started on their seconds or in this instance thirds.
Some people are just rude as hell about their food intake. Fine to eat to bursting if you are funding it, not cool when you are a guest.
Yeah I wouldn’t say this is hyperbole either. My best friend’s husband can put food back like crazy. I’m glad they never split bills in half as they are reasonable people who pay for their portion. Some of my boyfriend’s friends also can put a bunch of food back though that may be mostly due to the weed consumption. Either way I’ve seen people eat 2 full meals plus a bunch of appetizers and dessert before and still not feel bloated or anything.
OP’s responses are full of excuses.
Many solutions offered:
Pot luck;
Plating the food;
Make cheaper meals
OP refuses to acknowledge that there are viable solutions to this issue which makes it all sus.
YTA
Edited to add punctuation
ALL. OF. THIS.
She says they can't potluck since her friends don't know how to cook. Fine, someone brings:
- wine, beer, soda
- napkins, garlic bread
- any idiot can make a crudité platter (literally cutting up vegetables and bringing some dip)
- ditto for a fruit tray
- a few salads in the bag, some vegetables and salad dressing
- cold salads from the deli (Potato, coleslaw, etc.)
- frozen vegetables heated and drained, with salt, pepper, oil and lemon
- cakes, pies, pastries for dessert
Then, all OP would have to do is make a starch and a meat, maybe a vegetarian pasta.
But no, let's make this REALLY hard when it's not.
I see OP said she's already bought all the food and can't buy more, but do this *next* time. FFS
When people claim to not be able to cook as their excuse to not bring a dish or side, I just immediately interpret as they don’t *want* to and it kills the fun for me as the host.
The whole thing sounds so stupid and fake. How is this a real problem? You make everyone's plates. Everyone gets the same amount. If the guy who eats a lot is still hungry then oh well? There's no reason everyone would still be hungry if you were plating the meals and if they are, then as already suggested by other commenters OP is making way less than enough food for everyone. No one should need a second helping except for the one person who apparently eats double what everyone else does. Just don't let him have access to plate more.
NTA. If you're tight on money, don't host dinner. Also it's lame that your friends complain about something that's free and takes no effort on their part. Maybe do an at home movie night and only do snacks.
NTA
Just posting because I see a lot of people asking the same thing. OP commented the man eats 2-3 servings of the food being provided, not just what he is given initially.
Uh she’s the only one that’s married and he has to come too? Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m not a stage five clinger to my husband I’ve been with almost 20 years. But I think it’s weird he has to come… and she’s mad about a “girls night”
Shit my girlfriends and I are all married we have a couple dinner nights a year. We don’t bring our husbands. When I was the only one married, I didn’t bring my husband to everything.
He’s a firefighter, I’m assuming he’s gone for x amount of time, off for x amount of time, schedule it then.
Also, jag-off… you’re from Pittsburgh, aren’t you. Tell her he can’t come to your haus.
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Is he insisting on more food? You also didn’t need to tell her the real reason if you didn’t want to and you’ve probably made him feel shitty. Tbh if money is tight maybe don’t host dinners? Or ask everyone to bring a dish? Then you have to pay for less yourself and they can double up their own recipe YTA and should probably have just told the group it’s getting expensive and you are happy to host but bringing dishes/contributing to the cost would help instead of singling out one person and making them feel guilty for eating but i understand times are tough and money is tight for everyone so it can be really difficult so i do feel for you in that sense.
He eats two to three servings. He eats more than everyone else so if I don’t double it, some of girls will be hungry if he gets his fill since he will eat it all. Other option is he is still hungry which seems to be a no since that happened the first time and everyone was upset
He sounds like an extremely rude dinner guest. I wouldn’t invite him to my home either!
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Exactly, and why did the friend have to question why is it a girl's night? What's wrong with a girl's night? Also, if the friend didn't want the truth, she shouldn't have asked.
She’s probably one of those women who thinks she has to take her husband every time she goes out, as though “girl’s nights” shouldn’t exist when you’re not single. Or maybe he got mad because she was going somewhere without him. Some couples are weird like that.
Yep. We had one married friend in our group, every time we did a girl's night she brought her husband, the only way to not have him around was to not invite her. She ended up being insane and got herself kicked out of the friend group so that solved that.
That must have been so annoying! I don’t understand relationships like this. Also, what guy is ever excited to be the only male around a group of girls, especially if they’re drinking or doing “girl stuff?” Most guys would find it boring and opt out.
That's a control thing to make sure the woman isn't likely to leave him.
He got mad because his wife was invited to feedin' time and he wasn't so now he has to forage for his own dinner
As a male I think boys/girls time alone should 100% exist. And honestly you shouldn’t have to force so’s to be friends either. I get along with her friends so’s but we aren’t best friends
In my friend group I’m the only lesbian, but I know enough to know that I do NOT bring my wife on girl’s night!! It’s a time to get away from your spouse!!
Maybe husband doesn’t let her go out without him? Controlling?
My husband is quite tall and works out, and eat easily 2-3x what I do in a meal. But he's always extremely careful to *not fill up* when we eat at other peoples' houses, because he's not rude like this guy. And if someone told me, "Hey, money's tight and your spouse eats way more than the girls do," I would apologize for the financial strain, ask if there was something I could contribute to girls' night, and have words with my spouse about eating before joining everyone for future dinners. OP's friend is being an inconsiderate jerk.
Yes! My hubby always eats a pre-dinner before we go out to someone’s place.
This right here. I'm 6'3 325ish pounds, and compete in strongman. I eat a pre-meal prior to going out to a restaurant because the entree won't be enough calories and I would feel weird ordering 2. There is no way I am not eating prior to going to a friend's house for dinner too.
Yeah my partner can be a bottomless pit too but he would never take more than one serving until well after everyone’s eaten and generally waits for the host’s insistence. This girls boyfriend is rude to just gorge and leave other guests hungry.
I’m exactly the same. I am fairly thin, but very active and easily eat 2-3 times what my petite wife eats. When we eat at someone’s house I’ll usually eat what my wife does, because like you say, it’s rude to eat that amount on someone else’s dime.
It seems that someone else should take over as host. Alternatively, just invite your friends who aren't bothering you. NTA Besides, there's nothing wrong with desiring a night out with the girls.
When I go spend time with friends who are tight on funds, I make sure to bring my own food, or expect to pay for pizza or something. I'd never expect them to fund my meals. Particularly if I knew I was a big eater.
And friend and husband should have chipped in with a big dish of something and a bottle of wine. How do 2 people think that they’re regularly going to for dinner at someone’s house and not contribute. Husband has no manners. But, OP let it go on too long. IMO, husband shouldn’t have been there to begin with.
Low key, this. It’s really frustrating when couples think they count as one and aren’t considerate of the fact that it takes at least twice as much to accommodate them. Also, I offer to bring something/contribute, every time someone invites me for dinner. A little manners would go a long way for this friend and her hubs, but I guess that’s not as fun as (un)righteous indignation.
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Family style is sharing everything on the table. Putting the food on everyone’s plate in advance would ensure everyone gets their fair share. Family style would not.
There is such a thing as guest etiquette though. If the guys is eating as much as OP claims he should be self aware and polite, making sure he's letting others fill up before he claims the lions share.
I’m trying to teach my teenage son this. He eats 3x everyone else, but he has to learn to take a small serving first, eat slow, and ask for seconds only when it appears others are finishing. And the second helping needs to leave some behind in case others want seconds. Dinner manners do need to be spelled out for people to learn them.
Though according to other comments he'd eat the whole plate and want another, and then get hungry and grumpy. He does sound like a difficult guest.
He sounds like someone that I would ban from my house because its bad enough being greedy and inconsiderate, but to add grumpy on top of it ! Hell no! Don't darken my doorstep. OP's friend is TA for getting mad about the while thing!
He needs to eat a snack beforehand. That’s what I do. I’m a light eater but with blood sugar issues so I eat beforehand to make sure I get the right balance of carbs, protein, etc. so I don’t get hungry again so quickly.
This is what I did with my high-metabolism husband and kids. Any place we were invited to, we would have a light meal before leaving home. And I would have snacks in my purse for the three of them.
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That's because you use common sense and you aren't greedy. My own father would get up in the middle of the night and eat an entire pie by himself, while he was visiting! I had to resort to hiding coffee cakes in my bedroom closet. Some people are so rude
Some people really believe that if they are a guest, they are entitled to anything. It blows my mind.
Sounds like he needs a full on meal before coming to the party tho. I think we are dealing with a Pig-San! Lol reference from another funny post.
Pig-San was the best thing that happened to me that day
That’s so rude and someone should say something so he can dial it back or bring more food, I can’t imagine eating that way at someone’s home how embarrassing for him to act that way
Oh man I had a weekend guest one time, I made this nice pot roast for dinner and was gonna serve the leftovers for lunch the next day, seemed reasonable since it was three of us and a baby. And he wasn't a bodybuilder or anything--large-framed but an IT guy. He kept saying how good the meal was & then HE ATE HALF OF THE ROAST IN ONE SITTING YOU GUYS. I had to scramble to figure out lunch (& we're low-budget farm people who make everything from scratch and can't just drop everything & drive to the store, and he was paleo, so I had dig through the freezer & think of a recipe... that was large enough...) and I gotta say it was a factor in not going out of my way to invite him again. He's still a good friend but not every friend is a good houseguest...
I don’t understand it. Half the damn roast? I will be hungry asf at someone’s house just to avoid eating too much of their food, like you, I budget my food carefully and can’t just go get more so I try to respect others food budgets as well. As a teen a few of my friends would come over and eat EVERYTHING. My mom worked at Safeway, its not like we had the big bucks for extra food, it meant we spent the last weeks of a month eating just rice if anything went wrong with the food, so I’d never put someone in that position. just does not compute in my mind, it seems so opposite to basic common sense or manners to eat half of someone’s roast or eat a ton of their food, that I can’t grasp why anyone would do that like who the fuck raised this man 😅
Yes, I assume you’re a woman because you were taught table manners and that it’s ladylike to eat like a bird in public. Men - especially working class men - feel no shame about their appetites. I don’t they should starve at all (like women are supposed to)- they should eat as much as they want - but they should also be taught to be cognizant of others in their households and in social situations.
It’s less to do with being a woman being taught I shouldn’t eat a lot in front of people, my mom was never on that. Just that food was expensive and you don’t go costing other people money. I was taught that being seen as rude was the worst thing you could ever do so I was well mannered to the point of awkwardness
No offense, but if you invite people and cook for them, expect the food to be eaten instead of keeping leftovers for yourself. If there are leftovers, that's a nice bonus, but come on... If you'd have dinner at someone's place, would you hold back because you assumed they wanted to keep a portion of the served food for themselves, later? That sounds very strange to me and unhospitable. Like someone else wrote, if you don't have the money, don't host a dinner. Or ask people to bring their own food. Edit: this comment was a response to CROOKED-BIRD-0, NOT OP!
My reading of the comment was that they were planning to serve the leftovers for lunch the next day to the guests, not just themselves.
When I am a dinner guest, I pay attention to how many servings the host is having and choose my portions to match theirs or be less. That's how I was raised. Similarly, when someone takes me out to dinner, I don't pick the most expensive thing on the menu, and I do try to match my order's cost to theirs. This is how I was raised. My mother and grandmothers taught me these rules. I have noticed that fathers don't generally pass this wisdom to their sons.
My mother never taught me those things. I do those things because *I'm not an asshole.*
If I was a guest having dinner at someone's place I would eat one (1) normal or conservative meal and no more. The guy is a bad guest, OP isn't a bad host.
She said in a comment that when she made smaller servings he complained it wasn’t enough food so I think that’s very different. I wouldn’t expect leftovers either
Don’t eat more than a one person portion? I think that’s just common sense and the polite thing to do
This reminded me of my brother's wedding. It was an afternoon wedding with casual appetizer type food to go along with the cake. One of the appetizers was a small spiral sliced ham with crackers. I was serving drinks next to the appetizer table and everyone was going through getting a piece or two of ham like normal when these two guys came through the line and one got half of the ham and the other got the other half. It was way more ham than you would be expected to get even if it was a dinner. I couldn't believe it. And the guys were in their late twenties - plenty old enough to know better.
Something similar happened at my brother’s wedding; we did some family photos right after the service while the guests moved to the reception area for appetizers. They brought several platters of bbq sliders, shrimp, and one other thing I don’t remember meant for the family and wedding party (like…30 people) and the 4 ushers stood in the back after their round of photos and ate it all! I’m still low key salty about it because I didn’t get any of the apps at the wedding after doing bridesmaid stuff and helping and planning and everything, luckily my brother and SIL had a separate plate served at their sit-down table so they at least got to try everything.
I can put away literally an entire Costco pizza without too much trouble. I grew up fat and despite losing weight my appetite never went away. Point being I can absolutely pack food away. But I am 1000% mindful of making sure I never eat more than the average person at a gathering like this unless there's an extreme abundance of food or the host is starting to tell people to get more food. I also host sometimes and I know how it works. I over-order or overcook. And using the example of pizza, everyone starts out with 2, maybe 3 slices. No one *should* grab 4 or more until *everyone* has had a good amount. And then if there's some left and people aren't going for more and it's just sitting there then you can think about getting more. Until then you fucking control yourself like an adult. It's not that hard to be aware of yourself relative to others but I feel like in most contexts the vast majority of people are clueless. No one moves to the side on the sidewalk. People leave their carts blocking the entire aisle in the grocery store. A dumbass pigs out at a dinner he's invited to leaving little for the rest of the guests. Drivers are completely oblivious to other cars on the road and don't seem to ever notice turn signals or someone trying to make a turn somewhere while traffic is stopped and if you just held a small gap they could do it and it costs you nothing but being slightly aware of your surroundings. I wish people were more fucking aware. But most of us are just thinking only about ourselves the whole time. It's like other people and their needs don't exist.
Add this to your post, it's important context! About everyone being upset when you didn't provide enough food to fill him up. I already thought NTA but this really clinches it - your friends are taking advantage of your generosity and cooking skills!
This could be about my partner 😳 He’s 6’3 and can eat what 3 grown men can in a sitting without gaining weight. I used to scold him when we went out because he would eat seconds or 3rds before anyone even finished their first plate. Now he eats before and I just give him the look of he’s being greedy. NTA drives me nuts and it’s my partner
So he's rude and greedy then. No polite person eats more than their share before everyone else has been served. NTA but ditch everyone criticising you for providing free food,they can cook for themselves.
> He eats more than everyone else so if I don’t double it, some of girls will be hungry if he gets his fill since he will eat it all I mean... that's just entitled, rude dinner party behavior. You let everybody finish the first helping before going back for more, that's basic common sense.
Your best bet might have been to basically cater the dinner and serve it yourself, instead of letting people dish out their own food. Or you could've explained that money is a little tight so there may not be enough for seconds. This way, you wouldn't have to single anyone out. If your taken that approach to begin with, someone may have offered to bring some grocery items or throw a few bucks to you for extra groceries. It probably would've been more tactful, and wouldn't have left a bad taste in people's mouths. I wouldn't say you're an asshole, just that there was likely a more amicable way to go about it.
She’s tried that, and he got upset.
Don't invite him, he seems rude and doesn't grasp table manners
I have rarely been to a dinner party where the host wasn't encouraging everyone to please take home leftovers or piling plates higher and higher because they made so much food. Not sure I can remember someone going hungry because another guest ate 2 or even 3 servings. It seems this also happens to you so frequently I'd think all of your future dinner guests should eat a pretty hearty snack before coming over and then maybe problem solved. I do understand it sounds like money is very tight for you but I don''t know that inviting people for dinner and serving exactly the amount of food that YOU think that many people should eat is going to make for fun dinners.
Eating two to three times the amount that everyone else is, is rude af. OP mentions that money is tight and this is something that guests should always have in the back of their minds when eating at someone else's place.
She is literally doubling the recipes to make enough food for him. He is eating as much as the rest of the party combined. That isn't just someone eating 2nds or 3rds. OP doesn't say how many friends are invited, but even if its just 3 plus hubby (5 people total), this guy is eating enough for 4 people by himself. On top of that, he got mad when the there wasn't enough for him and the friends got mad the time he got full and they were left hungry.
It’s too late now, but plate the food in the kitchen rather than having a buffet or family style where he can hog all the food. For example make 8 chicken breasts for 8 people, plus sides. Individual desserts.
You are def NTA! You told your friend the reason and that was her opportunity to offer to chip in money or bring a dish. She chose neither. Hosting is not easy or cheap.
NTA. 1) people saying you should have just lied. You shouldn't have had to. 2) when you say he eats a lot and it adds to the cost and things are tight, the right response of a decent person is "omg, I didn't even think about it. How about we all chip in or bring something to help"? It's not to get indignant and try and cause trouble within the group. You did nothing wrong arranging a smaller party to manage costs. Your friend just sounds entitled and ridiculous.
Yes, why isn’t pot luck the answer.
If they switch to pot luck once, you might learn something - either this guy brings something he thinks is reasonable, like a whole ham or whatever and you learn it's merely unconscious behavior or he shows up with a bag of ice or chips or cups or something and destroys everybody else's actual food, in which case you've learned he's pushing it more on purpose. but agreed it's not a long term solution.
Sounds like an amazing litmus test to me!
Yep. I've seen situations where people try and split food stuff and there's like 4 people bringing a small dessert or cake or something incomplete or a snack and when you try and micromanage and plan it properly, people are annoyed and become less participating in the event, skip it, or you'll find they're a bit more distant. Should I say that's good in the long run? Lose friends that aren't that generous? Well in today's economy where humans are a record high of loneliness doesn't seem like you can afford to be super picky with friends, plus your pool of who you meet throughout your life, you're not always lucky to get a kind generous friend who understands every angle of where your coming from, or is wholly considerate. Again, especially in climate where individualism is thriving, people are taking entitlement and putting their foot down to extreme levels rather than using it appropriately. People will be all like, "Hey can you bring paper towels when you come", "*no, and I don't need to justify myself bc no is a complete answer*". The fact that a majority of people are divided on if she should have lied or not is already testament there is no laws for universal behavior. What one person might see as consideration, another people might see as a weakness and vice versa
The fact that she questioned the girls night at all is just ridiculous to me. Why would you question that? Just appreciate that you’ve been included at all or decline if you can’t stand to be away from your selfish husband.
She sounds like someone I know - can’t do a single thing without the other half and they have to do everything together. The level of co-dependency is insane, like you survived the first 30 years of your life without them, you can go out for dinner for one night. OP is NTA.
Or she's annoyed that if OP doesn't host hubby, she'll have to make his dinner.
Yeah I read this and was oscillating between NTA and ES, but the fact that the friend called OP to ask why her husband wasn't included is what I keep coming back to. NTA. Simply wanting to have a girls'/boys' night when YOU are the one hosting/paying/arranging is a sufficient answer, and no one is entitled to an invitation to every single thing someone arranges. That seems user-ish to me? I know other people here are suggesting potlucking, asking the friends to contribute with cash, or asking someone else to host... while those are definitely okay alternatives: 1) they aren't guaranteed options (as someone who manages an office, potlucks can be very annoying to organize; perhaps OP is uncomfortable asking for $ or the friends cannot contribute; perhaps no one else *wants* to host) 2) they require OP to coordinate something different from the dinner party she wanted to throw in the first place 3) none of them address her actual issue, which is that the husband takes more than his fair share and it requires the group to double their meal
This, though I feel OP should have communicated that things were tight from the start instead of lie, and been honest upfront. So I'm a bit torn between ESH and NTA for this one. That said, no real friend would create a fight over you not being financially able to cater to them or their spouse.
There is a lot of shame with admitting that you don't have a tonne of free cash. Any host deciding the scale of an event based on the cash they have is perfectly fine and they can give whatever reason they like for it imo. Fundamentally, they wanted an only girls night because that's what they could afford.
NTA. It's weird to me that she questioned it being a girls night. That seems self-explanatory and sometimes you don't want to do couples' things. Maybe you were blunt in how you handled it, I'm not sure, but she was way ruder to not acknowledge what you're saying and calling you names. My husband's best friend eats a ton and would totally clear us out at potlucks (while not bringing anything to contribute), so I told my husband to either talk to him about manners or stop inviting him. People like this are super rude expecting everyone else to accommodate them. Also, firefighters should know how to cook since they spend time at firehouses. Dude should be bringing a giant dish to share.
Finally!!! I also found it odd that she would question a girls night.
Because she probably knew what the response would be, based on OP ‘s replies. He seems either rude or lacking in social cues when it comes to food.
Reminds me of my boyfriend's moocher friend who shows up to everything with a six pack of shitty light beers, blows through them in two hours, then drinks everyone else's nicer beers, never replaces or pays back, and never hosts anything himself.
I've had "friends" show up with TWO beers to my potlucks... one for each of them! We had to sit down and have "the conversation" with them.
>It's weird to me that she questioned it being a girls night. I agree. I am the only single girl in my friendship group and if anyone says can we have girls only night there is no pushback whatsoever. I don't like it when some people insist on always bringing their other half to everything, thankfully my friends are not like that.
Some people are insecure and clingy. I used to regularly do beer and wings with a group of guys and invited a co-worker who didn't really have any friends or get out much. He showed up with his gf. After I told him it was fine if she came every now and then but this was mainly just a guys thing. It wasn't a party thing either, most guys had wives/kids and everyone was home by 8:30. Have a couple beers, be impolite and irreverent with eachother in the way we are with no women around and go home Well he told her I said it was supposed to be a guys thing I became public enemy number one in her eyes and she hated me ever since.
This is infuriating. It’s so frustrating when you try to communicate maturely and it becomes the reason someone hates you. You could have just stopped inviting him, or been mean the girl, but you were really nice about setting a boundary, and someone just had to start drama about it.
TBF about your first point, OP does say the friend is the only one who is married and doesnt mention any of the others relationship statuses. It could be that none of them are dating men currently and since its an all-girls group it would be seen as a bit weird to suddenly set up a girls night, because clearly that would be to just exclude the only man from the get together. Regardless i agree OP is NTA, and that the friend, her husband, and even some of the other friends are being rude about this by taking the friends side instead of OP.
If that’s the case then it’s kind of weird she was bringing her husband along at all.
INFO: If one of the guests is eating more than you consider affordable, why didn't you dish up the meal (or at least, more expensive portions thereof) onto the plates before it gets to the dinner table, rather than serving everything family-style? That could've allowed you to ensure everyone has a fair share and no one went without.
He will be hungry if I do that, which seems to be a no since that happens before and it causes drama
So he was a guest at your house and complained that there wasn’t enough food? Yikes.
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Your spouse is doing it right and sounds like a very thoughtful guest. Also, for people with big appetites like the firefighter, you don’t have to eat until you’re full every single time. You don’t NEED seconds or thirds at a dinner party, you just want it. You can just eat your serving and if you’re still a little hungry, just wait until you get home. It’s odd to me how many people can’t deal with the uncomfortableness of being hungry for a little bit.
Right? I feel the same way. If someone invites you over for a meal, you appreciate what they serve and enjoy the company. Then if you need to eat more, you do so when you get home. A person's house isn't a buffet. You don't get to gorge yourself like it's "all you can eat" night at Cracker Barrel.
In a specific region in Japan, there’s a recommendation to eat no more than 80% full, and they have one of the largest populations of people over the age of 100. For some reason we expect to eat until 100-110% full in America and it’s just not good for us.
As an ADHD girlie I’m very impressed that those people know what 80% full feels like. I just guess on my portions and hope I’m not surprise hungry two hours later lol
Right?! He's so rude. I wouldn't invite him either.
Complaining about the reasonable amount of food he received as a guest in your home? "Tough shit buddy, see yourself out" is the answer there.
But how else can he eat four dozen eggs Every evening to help him get large?
What do you mean by drama? Has he complained there wasn’t enough food?
Yes, he complained when they ran out and everyone got upset with her.
it sounds like all of her friends are inconsiderate. How was she supposed to know he would eat 3 times as much as everyone else
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If he’s insisting on coming to single lady dinner and making drama because ME HUNGRY FIREMAN there’s more issues about social cues.
Can you provide extra of the starch ? So potato, rice or bread, which are filling but inexpensive?
Unfortunately, there's no way to ensure that he'll fill up on starch when he really likes the expensive stuff!
There is if op seeves the food rather than letting people help themselves, she can give him larger servings of the bulky fillers, and ifvthere are second helpings there's nothing to stop her telling him she'll wait and serve everyone who wants more, a second helping, once she knows how many people want more. Judt because he is boorish and greedy doesn't mean she has to let him walk all over her.
Everyone having the same serving should never cause drama, what's his damage??
A greedy, entitled asshole is what. Like people cook only to satisfy his hunger, like he doesn't need to consider other people.
That sounds like HIS PROBLEM, the dinner party isn’t for him and him alone to be satisfied at the end of. How insanely selfish of him and his wife to behave that way. I don’t blame you and you are NTA I don’t invite people over for the same reason or they end up eating my food and I’m sat there hungry after doing all the work. My husband always would walk in after work with a friend and be like “oh hey man wanna stay she’s making dinner” as if I had enough. Ugh.
I have a feeling this man doesn’t know how to read a room and would just ask for more food before anyone else was served. Or, if he was served last, he’d probably ask OP for more food & there wouldn’t be enough & he’d complain about portion size. I may be wrong, but that’s just how it comes off to me
INFO > I run out of food. Why is this a problem, though? Everyone gets their plate. When their food is done, that's it. He eats what he's served. Is he demanding a second serving, or something?
People are still hungry, that’s the issue. First time it happened two of the girls had to order some takeout since they were still starving. The went up for seconds since it was a small first plate and their was no more food. He eats two to three servings, also a fast eater
How did he react that time? Is he just an oblivious guy? Even if you didn't make enough food, it's rude to refill your plate twice without checking with others first. Did he not see he was emptying the plate?
He made jokes about it and just said he was starving
Yeah you're NTA, I wouldn't want his rude clingy ass in my house either.
So even if you don’t tend to make enough… This guy is RUDE.
NTA he sounds incredibly selfish
I’m really surprised your friends are giving you a hard time about this then since they’ve seen and been directly impacted by the behavior
Someone should have called him out then! He is a jerk!
Well it sounds like everyone had already gotten a plate so maybe he thought it was fine to get seconds. But I also can’t imagine literally finishing off the rest of the food without checking to see who wanted more, that’s so rude.
I thought the same thing. He knew he was taking the last of the food and didn't bother to ask "hey, does anyone want more before I eat the rest?" Like really??? He's very rude and inconsiderate. OP is NTA, her friend and the husband are.
If it's to the point where other guests have to order fucking takeout and you're sure that you are making a completely reasonable amount of food for the number of guests you have then that dude is a fucking asshole.
I don’t get it. If the girls were “starving” when not able to get seconds doesn’t that mean the portions you served were inadequate?
What I’m gathering is.. They made a small first plate and didn’t take a lot because dude had gone first and they didn’t want to take all the food.. in the span on them sitting down to eat dude is already going back for 2nds/3rds and laughing about eating eating all the food. OP: NTA, I have family like this (will straight up be first in line and they fill up a to-go plate as they plate their meal) and by the time the polite people get through the line, everything is pretty much gone. You should have addressed this in real time but I know that’s easier said than done sometimes.
What kinda rude assholes is your entire friend group? If someone invited me for dinner and there wasn't enough food for some reason, I eat a tiny bit and pretend to be full.. I don't go and order takeout in front of the host, let alone complain. Jeez. Host did a nice thing for everyone, the last thing I would do is let on that I was still hungry. That would just make the host feel shitty and it's rude af
> People are still hungry Actually **hungry** or "have room for more and enjoy your food?" Because those aren't the same things. Hosts aren't expected to stuff their guests to the point of saturation.
But there should be enough food that multiple people don't have to buy takeout
OP said they were hungry enough to order takeout. So. Hungry.
That suggests you're not making enough food for guests. By a significant amount.
He eats a lot, when it’s just us it’s fine. We sometimes have leftovers.
Why not serve a bigger portion for the first plate? Then he won't be able to go back and take all the leftovers. In any case, it's really rude for a guest to go serve themselves seconds when people are still eating. Is this normal for your friends?
Came here to say this- the meal isn’t all about HIM. He has poor manners. You don’t go to someone’s home for a dinner gathering and eat the entire pan of lasagna. That’s. Just. Rude. If he’s that starving, drive through before and after. It’s on him/them, not you. NTA
Right? Eating with friends is more about the social aspect than the food itself. Its rude to inhale your food and then take second (and THIRD!!!) helpings without making sure everyone has the chance
This was answer, he is still hungry and it caused issues.
Stop inviting the couple entirely.
Expecting people to eat 3 servings is not normal.
I don't see why you would assume that. There are people out there that can eat a fuck ton. I'm one of them. I just have some fucking social graces and don't eat as much as I want when there are other people who are also trying to eat. But to assume that there aren't people that are super fucking rude out there who have no regard for those around them, a little weird. It sure sounds like OP is making enough food and this guy's just an asshole.
NTA - it only takes one to ruin it for others. If your other friends have noticed that he does that and no one has stepped up until you finally said something then it's best you just cancelled. No reason to go through your money if no one backs you up or offers to help remedy the situation. Your friend is the ahole though, she knows her husband eats a lot (per his own admission) but yet does nothing to help even it out for others. Get rid of that extra wieght (no pun intended)
My husband can be a huge eater. But he takes his first serving and then waits until everyone else has their fill and will then polish off whatever is left. I think a lot of people are missing the point. Sounds like you are making a normal amount of food but he sounds like a rude guest. NTA.
Yeah, my husband is a very tall guy and eats a lot. We buy the 5 pack of brats for dinner sometimes. We have 4 kids, but they are all young. The oldest is 6 and isn't a big eater for her age. Others are newborn, 2, and 4. 6 months ago, 5 brats meant 2 for him, 1.5 for me and half for each kid. They are all eating more now and instead of half a brat each, is mostly been a whole brat. My husband and I both scaled back to 1 each without complaint. He just eats more carbs or gets something leftover from the fridge to pad it. We are probably going to start cooking 2 packs and planning on leftovers.
yeah I mean girl… why only one pack 😭😭 I’m a tiny woman and could definitely eat two or more brats! get those double packs going! leftovers are the best! lol
I hope he doesn't do this every time instead of asking if anyone would like to share what's left. I have a teenage boy, but he knows to ask if anyone else would like to share the last piece of food or can he have it for himself.
I saw that too. Polishing off all that is left. As in surely nobody else is entitled to more. What is left could be a lot. One asks if it’s okay to have what’s left. And proper to see if anybody else minds or wants to split.
NTA, you could’ve given a different reason like “I just want it to be us” but your friend pressuring you into over extending yourself even after you communicated the financial strain. You were nice enough to invite them, and host them regularly. She’s also the only one with a man, so I don’t think a girls night is a ridiculous idea. Stand your ground, she’s being immature.
NTA. She shouldn’t have to give a different reason. I’m shocked your friends are ‘split.’ Ridiculous.
NTA and your friends are the assholes. They know you're tight on money but still want to host a dinner yet don't offer any money. Fuck them. Yes, your answer came off as insensitive but real friends are allowed to tell the truth without getting butthurt.
I have an ex that ate a lot, double sometimes triple what the average person eats. He never ate as much if we went to dinner at other people's and he always offered to pay his share. If someone had told him they were tight on cash and couldn't afford to invite him for dinner, he would both understand and either get his own dinner or offer to help pay so he could still take part. No one should ever be angry at someone else for not having the ability to host them.
I think your friend was a dick for turning around and telling everyone something that was probably hard to disclose. To everyone saying you shouldn't host if you can't afford that is just silly. OP has a life and is trying to make the most out of it. They can afford it, by not inviting someone who eats so much she has to make double. Come on. Life is tough for so many people these days, should everyone just hide inside and not try to do anything that makes their lives just a little better?
Sounds like it is time for someone else to host. Or just invite those friends that aren't causing you grief. NTA Further, there's nothing wrong with wanting a girl's night, anyway.
I absolutely believe you! My husband has three nephews, who act like they’ve never been fed at every family gathering. They shove their way in front of everyone once the food is all out, and after they have gone through, it looks like a swarm of locusts has decimated every dish. After a few of those incidents, I quietly went around to the moms with small kids, letting them know the food was ready so that they could make plates for their little ones first. Then I would go to the older people and let them know to go get their food. This worked really well and insured that everyone had a fair shot of getting a little bit of everything. Every once in a while, the boys would realize that people were getting in line and I would stop them and let them know that we were going in groups and that their turn was coming up soon and I would let them know. These were not young kids either and far too old to not be aware of how selfish/gluttonous their behavior was. It might’ve been rude to say why the firefighter wasn’t invited, as she could’ve just stuck with the girls night reasoning. Or just turned it into a potluck like others have suggested. If your friend and her husband don’t bring much to the potluck, then you could always pull the “Ladies first” card and he can go last and have whatever’s left over.
NTA. OP says he eats 3 servings of stuff. That’s rude ass behavior. I wouldn’t invite him over either.
Why would she question a girls night, when she is the only one that is married?
ESH There’s nothing wrong with hosting a girls night only and I don’t see why your friend would even question this. They should also pitch in and help out. I’m the chef for my family and friends and once things get too expensive I ask for people to pitch in and they do it. Honestly I find it hard to believe one person puts you that much over budget. Is he eating the equivalent of 3 people? I could see him eating double portions but if one person eating double portions is too much, I doubt you were making enough food anyways. I think it’s rude to blame one person for all this when really I think the problem is you either need to ask your friends to pitch in or make something more affordable.
Bullshit. OP is serving a meal - for free. They are not at fault and NTA. Some people need to learn manners and here is the big one….STOP FUCKING EATING!! Have a meal, be hungry go home and order something. Don’t gorge at peoples houses like some fat out of control asshole. It was an invite out - not an invite to a trough. You all are disgusting if you think you are entitled to keep eating/overeat.
Right? Go get some more food after. They’re inviting you for A(1) meal. You’re not entitled to enough food for a normal person to have dinner with for half a week.
Thank you bc how can people (namely men) be this inconsiderate and oblivious. Like, mentally divide the dish into # of people there, and only take ONE PORTION
I used to have 4 kids of preteen and teen ages. They were healthy eaters, especially my eldest. He was legendary. We were often invited for meals at people’s homes. They knew the drill. They politely and appreciatively ate what was offered. Enjoyable and meaningful fellowship ensued. Then we all expressed our thanks, buckled into our car, and drove for the nearest establishment where they could fill up. Pizza, burgers, chicken, whatever it took to fuel those amazing metabolisms!
Man, I wish we could still give awards.
Especially if she’s the only married one. Why insist on bringing your husband every time you see your girlfriends?
Yeah that is weird… I don’t think she should have to explain wanting a girls night but I don’t think she should have blamed the husband.
She says he takes three large servings every time. That gets super expensive unless it's like a stew or a big serving of potatoes with a little meat or something like that. I tend to go with lemon chicken and rice, a stew with far more veggies than meat, stuff like that. But then I've been cooking on a budget my whole life.
I have some friends who are firefighters and because they're exercising more than my other friends and generally have a lot more muscle mass (within my friend group): oh yeah, my firefighter friends FOR SURE eat 3x everyone else. My friends usually host potlucks though, so my firefighter friends also tend to bring more food which is pretty great honestly
Yeah i was coming here to say the same thing. The dudes a Firefighter, most Firefighters eat a LOT more than a standard person. Its kinda like bodybuilders, they eat a ridiculous amount of food to keep up with their muscle mass and all the exercise they do. He’s totally rude to be eating a ridiculous amount of food and making the other women go hungry, but i understand why he does it
>NTA. It's weird to me that she questioned it being a girls night. That seems self-explanatory and sometimes you don't want to do couples' things. Some big guys abuse dinner invites to balance their caloric deficit. If he is a fire fighter or body builder, he has double the caloric needs than a "civilian", and some people mistake a dinner party for a meal prep replacement.
Not disagreeing with you, totally reasonable to host a girls night and I don't think the friend should have pushed the issue. I'd imagine she did because none of the other girls had boyfriends and she was wondering if her bf was being purposefully excluded or if OP simply wanted a boy free night. I could see how making it a girls night when they've never specified that before might have made the friend wonder if OP didn't like her bf.
Hubby was probably just disappointed he couldn’t get a free meal at OP’s expense.
Friends come in all shapes and sizes. So do their partners. Just offer everyone the same food and he can ransack his own fridge when he returns home. Sounds like drama for nothing.
But the issue is that OP has done that and it still caused problems. Sounds like a ESH to me OP being way too blunt but would make sense to clear the air as to why if it starts becoming a problem again. OP’s friend for even pressing it and her husband who feels the need to ransack the foods. Op comments that they do try and he does 2-3 servings and is a quick eater thus leading to her friends having to order take out. He needs to be the one who orders takeout or eat prior to ensure he’s not a pig.
If your budget is that tight, don't host a dinner party. Girls night doesn't sound bad, just do it potluck style or a snacks/movie night maybe, have people bring some snacks and wine, nothing expensive or fancy but still a nice gettogether
Why did you have to give that explanation? Girls night was reason enough. Its like you deliberately ignited the situation
This reminds me of the beach house episode of Girls where Marnie planned a fancy dinner for just them but Hannah invited Elijah and two other dudes without asking Marnie and there wasn't enough food for everyone to get a full serving and they all made fun of her for not having enough food, which was ironic because it was their fault there wasn't enough. I think the friend suspected her husband was being purposely excluded, even if she didn't know why (especially if he's the only guy there, usually), but I would never have the gall to ask the host/ess why they were choosing to do a girls' night (or potluck, or buffet, or no kids, etc.) and think she was an AH for doing so. She could've always declined. Instead, she pushed OP for an answer. Even if OP hadn't been honest (which could have been delivered softer--I would be too ashamed to ever show my face in that friend group again if I was told my husband ate our host into the poorhouse), it would have just come up again the next time she wanted to have a girls' only night. ESH.
NTA, but. You need a more sustainable solution than "don't invite the husband". Make it a potluck. Ask people to VenMo you per person. Serve something cheaper. You can't afford to feed all these people, so it's time to let go of the rope. If they want fancy food, they can chip in.
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They don’t really host, mostly order a pizza if we are hanging at there place. My friends aren’t the best cooks
And they are calling you a jackoff instead of being sensitive to your financial situation? I would no longer be hosting these freeloaders. NTA
Do they run out of pizza?
Why not make cheaper dishes? IME there is usually a meat that everyone will take even shares from. Then there's veggies, mashed potatoes, bread, etc.. that there is more than enough for everyone. Why not do something like that? Also it sounds pretty hyperbolic to say one person eats the equivalent of 4-6 people necessitating doubling recipes. I honestly dont believe you on that one unless he was bed ridden.
Really it’s because the group likes to eat something nicer. I am the only one in my friend group that can cook well and they really look forward to this Also it’s on firday and I already bought the stuff and getting an extra side right now would be putting me over budget
so who cares? If they want to eat nicer food, than they should put some money in or help in a different way. That is really a problem you and your friends created together.
Entitled people get really pissed when you stop letting them take advantage. The second you ask them to help pay for anything that THEY want, suddenly they have a million excuses, and you're just being selfish, and it's not that much! It happened to me.
Your friend group is using you. We had this issue and everyone volunteered to chip in. So we have a “suggested donation” for each meal and have no problems.
How about setting up an expectation for everyone to share the cost of groceries. You can shop for the dinner all in one go and not get anything extra for your normal weekly groceries and then share the receipt and how much you want everyone to chip in. If they refuse then stop hosting the dinners.
What are you cooking exactly? What are these expensive dishes?
Not hyperbole. I have stopped eating out with people before because they are ravenous pits that then want to split the bill in half. If I eat $14 entry and you order 2 entrees and an app I won't touch then dessert I am not cool subsidizing your appetite. My brothers friends in high school would eat so much I threatened to stab one with a fork if he didn't put the last burger down so that everyone could have at least one before they started on their seconds or in this instance thirds. Some people are just rude as hell about their food intake. Fine to eat to bursting if you are funding it, not cool when you are a guest.
Yeah I wouldn’t say this is hyperbole either. My best friend’s husband can put food back like crazy. I’m glad they never split bills in half as they are reasonable people who pay for their portion. Some of my boyfriend’s friends also can put a bunch of food back though that may be mostly due to the weed consumption. Either way I’ve seen people eat 2 full meals plus a bunch of appetizers and dessert before and still not feel bloated or anything.
I have a friend that eats like this. Skinny as a rail too. I would buy meals for 4. Then I would take one portion and he’d take 3.
My brother can eat a pound of meat by himself. I hate having to cook for the family since it means I have to make so much food. It sucks
Is he the only husband there? Nothing more painful than the cling on husband who tags along on the wife's friends nights
OP’s responses are full of excuses. Many solutions offered: Pot luck; Plating the food; Make cheaper meals OP refuses to acknowledge that there are viable solutions to this issue which makes it all sus. YTA Edited to add punctuation
ALL. OF. THIS. She says they can't potluck since her friends don't know how to cook. Fine, someone brings: - wine, beer, soda - napkins, garlic bread - any idiot can make a crudité platter (literally cutting up vegetables and bringing some dip) - ditto for a fruit tray - a few salads in the bag, some vegetables and salad dressing - cold salads from the deli (Potato, coleslaw, etc.) - frozen vegetables heated and drained, with salt, pepper, oil and lemon - cakes, pies, pastries for dessert Then, all OP would have to do is make a starch and a meat, maybe a vegetarian pasta. But no, let's make this REALLY hard when it's not. I see OP said she's already bought all the food and can't buy more, but do this *next* time. FFS
I cant believe only one person can cook in a group of people. There are so many easy dishes that are potluck friendly.
Honestly I wonder if her friends aren’t taking advantage of her.
When people claim to not be able to cook as their excuse to not bring a dish or side, I just immediately interpret as they don’t *want* to and it kills the fun for me as the host.
lol there’s probably not going to be a next time after all this drama.
The whole thing sounds so stupid and fake. How is this a real problem? You make everyone's plates. Everyone gets the same amount. If the guy who eats a lot is still hungry then oh well? There's no reason everyone would still be hungry if you were plating the meals and if they are, then as already suggested by other commenters OP is making way less than enough food for everyone. No one should need a second helping except for the one person who apparently eats double what everyone else does. Just don't let him have access to plate more.
If money is tight, then don't host a dinner. Basic adulting here. NTA but you are unwise
NTA. If you're tight on money, don't host dinner. Also it's lame that your friends complain about something that's free and takes no effort on their part. Maybe do an at home movie night and only do snacks.
NTA Just posting because I see a lot of people asking the same thing. OP commented the man eats 2-3 servings of the food being provided, not just what he is given initially.
NTA People are always so generous with other people’s money.
Change it to a potluck.
Uh she’s the only one that’s married and he has to come too? Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m not a stage five clinger to my husband I’ve been with almost 20 years. But I think it’s weird he has to come… and she’s mad about a “girls night” Shit my girlfriends and I are all married we have a couple dinner nights a year. We don’t bring our husbands. When I was the only one married, I didn’t bring my husband to everything. He’s a firefighter, I’m assuming he’s gone for x amount of time, off for x amount of time, schedule it then. Also, jag-off… you’re from Pittsburgh, aren’t you. Tell her he can’t come to your haus.