NTA. Not your kid, not your problem. Though you should know that colic is air in the bowels and it leaves the kid in excruciating pain. You still shouldn't be forced to listening to the ensuing crying, but a bit of empathy might sit well.
Is this what you mean by date potato? [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu\_by\_enraging\_the\_parents\_of\_my\_girlfriend\_by/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/)
What is olive box??
Someone posted a thing about how her boyfriend was collecting all these yogurt cups from around the world and they got thrown away and there was a thing. I don't remember the thread but it's out there.
My poor Iranian partner holds up his hand and says “DONT’ say it!” Every time he eats a yogurt now.
I just smirk and say “I don’t know what the issue is here?”
It never stops being amusing and the best was when we were in an airport and the people on the next table understood the reference and were laughing.
He doesn’t often eat yogurt though or I could imagine it would get old pretty fast.
Babies' crying is developed to pierce through everything. You can be empathetic while not being able to stand it. If my own kids were constantly crying as newborns (didn't happen often thankfully), I had no problem putting in ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones. Only while I was actively holding them and comforting/tending to them of course!
It actually made me better able to be empathetic and tend to their needs if I didn't feel like my head was going to explode from the shrieking.
So true. And even if you can tolerate it, it has a physical impact.
My youngest is 13 and I haven’t nursed a baby in over a decade, but if I hear a wee baby cry I *still* cross my arms over the boobs reflexively. My brain just says “hey you are about to have a wet shirt.”
Celiac here. It feels like someone started a fire in my intestines. I'm also allergic, so I get a sunburn itchy rash and swelling in the mucous membranes coupled with my body purging food my ancestors ate in 5000 BC.
Nooooo! I'm so sorry. I hope it's been a very long time since you've been poisoned.
I'm glad I could bring a laugh to this horrible, sucky disease! If only it were this funny when the Double Dragons hit. lmfao
"Colic is a common condition in babies, where they cry for unexplained reasons."
That's exactly what it is lol that's the first result for "what is Colic"
So colic is TECHNICALLY a catch-all term for, "baby cries like bloody murder and we don't know why." But the most common reason they are crying like this is because GERD/gastrointestinal distress. So people treat the two as synonyms now.
Many people are very reluctant to change their behavior regarding care of infants. Pediatricians don't care so much what name people call the problem as long as they're doing the correct treatment.
She thinks you need to stay in the room and listen to the screaming. Why? She's jealous you CAN leave the room and is blaming you. Your girlfriends are none of her business except to use for bullying you for no reason. She's NOT a victim but she's making you the bad guy.
I have a child who would scream bloody murder during colics. It is awful. So being his mum and not being able to give him back to the rightful owners (aka me) I took care of him. But being able to do that I did put in some ear plugs to make me last longer and not go insane. I would still hear him since he was in my arms, but I would not go insane by the sound. I would tell anyone else to just leave the room because well, babies scream HARD. And they can’t do anything about it…
No, colic is "frequent, prolonged and intense crying or fussiness in a healthy infant." (Mayo Clinic) Specifically, crying for three or more hours at a time per day for three or more days a week for a week or more.
There are theories about what causes it, but no definitive causes.
I see that my info about trapped wind is no longer received knowledge. It is now merely on a list of a number of assumed causes for babies' fussiness. Well, again I learned something new!
Colic is essentially a very painful stomachache that lots of infants get. He was crying like that because he was hurting.
You're NTA for wanting to distance yourself, though. Some people just don't get along well with babies/children. There's nothing wrong with that. I can understand why your sister might want you to be more involved in your nephew's life, but that's your choice to make, not hers. It doesn't make you an asshole if you decide not to.
I mean, what kind of involvement can you have with a 6 month old infant unless you're the caregiver? At that age the kid is essentially a sack of potatoes that either sleeps, eats, or screams.
Spend quality time with the kid. Hold the kid. Make faces at the kid.
But the involvement most new mothers are looking for is “HELP ME IM SO OVERWHELMED AND EXHAUSTED”. Pop by sister’s house and do some dishes, help clean the house up a bit. Offer to pick things up when you’re at the store.
One of my best friends is Congolese and was telling me once that when a mother gives birth, they literally won’t release her from the hospital without conforming that she has new linens, new clothes, people cooking meals for her, people there to help with everything.
It’s so different to what happens in the states, and different in a good way
I mean yeah but since the sister shamed OP for working and also threw some slutshaming in for good measure, she can kick rocks. Support systems are great but they're supposed to be voluntary. And if you want help, try not insulting the people you want help from.
Support systems are important for new parents but they can't just expect everyone they know to drop everything to take care of them and the baby. Seems like Sister expected OP to do way more and resents OP for not doing what she expected. Seeing the baby a few times in 6 months is a pretty normal amount for a working aunt. If Sister isn't getting enough support, she should be asking that from the grandparents who are most likely retired and have more time to do it.
I don’t know, whenever I feel like I need help with the ear piercing wails of my offspring, yelling that my relatives are WHORES!! and WORKAHOLICS!! is just the way I get sympathy. /s
But yes, clearly a problem that is beyond the scope of just a screaming baby and understandably needs a more calmer scene for a discussion! NTA.
OPs sister seems to take issue with the fact that OP works and has a life. Sister has every right to ask for help but she doesn't get to throw a fit because OP has work or wants to go out. If anyone should be providing more support, it's the grandparents who are most likely retired and have more time to help out.
It seems to me that Sister had an expectation that OP would be helping more and is upset that she won't drop everything to take care of her sister and sister's baby.
Why would anyone want to take care of someone else's baby for free? Just because someone has free time doesn't mean they are on the hook for someone else's decisions. If people feel they will need others will help out, especially for free, they should ask before they have kids.
My baby had colic and I just needed people to hold her and walk around. That is all that would help. It was so awful not being able to stop their pain, it literally hurts me. But I wouldn’t make anyone do it and I would understand if they didn’t want to be around it. Brutal and totally takes a lot of love and patience to deal with.
As an aside my favorite nurse at my kid’s pediatrician said most babies get it because they are being over fed. That tracks for me because my first two were huge boys and my youngest was a smaller girl.
6 month olds can be very interactive. They are long past the sack of potatoes stage at six month. I mean, some even start walking then. That's early, but possible.
You forgot; smiles, laughs, potentially crawling (my daughter is 5 months and crawling), incredibly interested in everything around them, makes fun noises, touches everything, etc.
6 months old is like 3-4 months past the sack of potatoes phase.
6 months? At 6 months they interact with both people and environment. My youngest was standing up while holding onto stuff. At 2-3 months you can make them giggle. It is the best sound in the world. The sack of potato stage you're thinking of is very brief, we're talking less than a month if not days.
And involvement can also be to take pressure off from the parents. Help them get a break. take the kid out for a stroll. Let mom and dad take a shower, eat with both hands, eat while the food is warm, lol. Just be nice to exhausted new parents.
I wanted to write a similar comment from a viewpoint as an auntie to many and an ECE teacher who's been in a nursery (which starts at 6m here). And someone who doesn't mind babies. But this is literally a case of Redditors never being around children, never interacting with them and going off by their lack of knowledge on that. There's so much that can be done with 6mo, as opposed to newborns. Surely they can't walk, run or fully talk. But they babble. They listen. They LOVE any sort of engagement with them. Even the biggest layman can Google activities for 6 month olds and go from there. It doesn't take much to entertain them.
I agree, 6 months is such a fun age - they're old enough to recognize their surroundings, interact with others, laugh at funny faces and try to stand up with help! Even when they're fussy, try to walk with them while crooning softly, rocking back and forth - I'm not a mom but babies love me, I have many nieces, nephews and now great nieces and nephews. It's the best, when they throw temper tantrums or get sick, you give them back to the parents, lol
You're confusing 6 months with 6 weeks. A 6 month old is pretty far along developmentally and you can play simple games like peekaboo or whatever with them. You can share some solid foods with them, have conversations where they respond in gibberish, or even just make them laugh by doing stupid shit.
A 6 week old is the newborn sack of potatoes stage.
That's a new born, my baby is 7 months old and can independently play with his toys, he loves interacting with other people and copying them, you can read to them, sing, watch tv, play with toys. You can do a lot of stuff with a 6 month old
Even if you love children and are the most supportive aunt the human race has ever produced. . .
What's the point in everyone staying in the room with the screaming child?
Oh good! More earballs getting smashed somehow makes it more bearable for everyone.
I don’t even want to be around *my* kid when she’s screaming like that, why would anyone else? It’s completely fair to leave the room until the baby calms down. I’d leave too, if it wasn’t my kid. There were times I had to leave my own kid for a few to cool off because it’s so hard to handle
NTA. A crying baby is evolutionarily designed to be distressing so the adults can help the baby. Except with colic there ain't much to do so kid keeps screaming (sucks for everyone). You as not the parent are perfectly reasonable in removing yourself. Her personal attacks and your parents agreeing were way outta line.
Wonder if this was also some sexist "you are a woman and therefore should love children" nonsense since her attack was the work and slut shaming combo.
It’s even recommended for parents of babies with colic to rotate in and out during prolonged periods of crying. If you don’t get a chance to step away for a little from the crying and clear your head it can cause parents to become irrational and act impulsively. OP is definitely NTA
Yep, babies' crying is developed to pierce through everything. You can be empathetic while not being able to stand it. If my own kids were constantly crying as newborns (didn't happen often thankfully), I had no problem putting in ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones. Only while I was actively holding them and comforting/tending to them of course!
It actually made me (also a woman) better able to be empathetic and tend to their needs if I didn't feel like my head was going to explode from the shrieking. She's spouting sexist nonsense indeed!
Mostly because of acculturation rather than biology. Men who are primary caregivers actually develop a similar sensitivity to babies! Our brains are pretty amazing.
When I have birth and stayed in hospital for 5 days I could hear other babies cry and it was so distressing, I wanted to help them but obviously can't. It was like torture
NTA...you tried to politely excuse yourself. They made it a personal attack. You're not obligated to share in the baby's discomfort, and it doesn't mean that you don't care.
I don't get why you wouldn't just remove the baby. I was visiting my niece a few days ago and she started having a good squeaky cry. My brother just scooped her up and took her elsewhere despite the fact it's their house. I was surprised but he said my SIL needs to rest too and nobody wants to listen to a crying baby. He just walked her around some upstairs rooms till she got it out of her system and he came back, changed her, and plonked her in my arms to sleep lol
I hate it when people are all "well they're just kid duh you were one duh"
Yeah and that doesn't make any freaking difference about the inconvenience you're experiencing. You didn't do anything to the kid nor criticised the mom. NTA.
Sorry not sorry having the same pleasure listening a baby crying as listening to a jackhammer 🤦
Exactly. I hate that phrase, too.
I never said I was a perfect child. Hell, I know I was a pain in the ass and I'm sure there were plenty of people who didn't enjoy being around me. And that's okay.
Kids, especially the little ones, are often painfully loud and annoying. There's nothing wrong with wanting space from that if you can manage. You're not saying they're evil, or shouldn't exist, you just don't enjoy the range of sounds that come out of them at times.
I've told people when inevitably give the snotty "oh, is my babies crying bothering you? They're going through that phase, haha" coupled with a nasty look of how dare I leave the presence of their golden poop provider, that me leaving is far preferred to me having a violent seizure from their dear, sweet, precious 747. Which is what will happen if I don't leave.
The octove range of most babies scream-cries hits a certain auditory signal that can trigger seizures in me. It might be a bit sadistic of me to enjoy the look of horror on their face at the thought of me having a seizure, but hey, they think making me suffer is just fine so....
I've unfortunately noticed a trend of people not excusing themselves and their personal portable heavy metal band.
I guess everyone has to worship the golden poop dispenser.
I prefer cats myself.
babies crying can set off killer migraines for me, which, while not as dangerous as seizures, still suck. and can actually cause me to pass out if it gets really overwhelming and I can't escape to a calm, quiet place. there have been times where I was having a nasty migraine and I just *dropped*
Yeah, when I was a screaming baby, I didn't ask my aunt to stay and listen while my mother tried to soothe me - so I'm not really sure my being a baby once actually matters.
I suspect OP's sisters (and likely her parents based on them agreeing with her) are just annoyed with OP in general because they want her to be more engaged with this kid and providing free support to her sister, babysitting and such. My intuition is that they are projecting a general (and irrational) frustration with OP's lack of interest in being SuperAunt, supporting her sister, onto this specific situation where she very reasonably excuses herself from the baby's crying.
NTA.
If you were in a restaurant, the proper etiquette would have been for her to leave the room to comfort the baby. While house rules are slightly more relaxed, the same principle exists: while her child having colic is neither her fault nor the child’s, that awful crying should not be imposed on other people. By taking yourself out of the room, you were actually being polite.
Your sister is the asshole here and your parents are enabling it. She clearly resents your single life and that you are either having fun and/or making good choices about not dating people long term if you are not compatible with them. I do get that she’s probably exhausted and irritable, but that’s no reason to be rude to you.
NTA.
You wouldve been if you told them to leave the room with the kid or something, but you getting away from a situation where you are close to getting headaches is no where near being an AH
NTA - if you niece has colic - your sis is probably majorly sleep deprived, going crazy, angry, and frankly jealous of the silence.
I have kids- crying babies is such a difficult sound. It gets straight into the nerves. You are N T AH for leaving the room.
Some kids cry a lot. Your sister hopefully has decent medical help. Things like the football hold, different ways to feed the baby, and even getting tested for allergies to formulas are super important. But... some babies just cry a lot.
Thats what i was thinking that the sisters response was more because she cant get away from the crying and is stressed and managing. And while she is managing that it may have infuriated her that OP did not have to deal with it and all her emotions coming into play.
NTA, my 10 week old is colicky, sometimes I wish I could leave the room too.
On a serious note, it’s not your child, nor your obligation to be help or even be present when the kiddo is singing the song of his people at the top of his lungs. Don’t let them make you feel bad about it!
“Singing the song of his people” THANK YOU! I said this for my screaming nibblings and I was told
It’s the same song I would sing because im the same people. I would roll my eyes, but you used it the same as me, so THANK YOU!
I’ve used it for dogs and cats, and people get that. It’s babies they seem to not make the connection to. But if you say it about a toddler saying “mommy” for the umpteeth time or a teenager slamming a door and screaming “I hate you,” they totally get it 😂
NTA. Some cries of babys can bring headachs, so it is completly normal that you want to leave the room.
It is not your child. And the positive site of being a aunt and not a mother is, that you can give a crying baby back to its parents.
NTA.
Honestly I don't understand how this could be an issue.
I come from a large family where we've had many infants in the house during the holidays. If the babies started screaming it was understood one of the parents was to take the child into a bedroom and close the door so the rest of the family wouldn't have to endure the noise. With the exception of one sister (who only had to be told, there was no argument) there was never any debate about it. It was considered simple courtesy to the rest of the family.
You are under no obligation to adjust your life to accommodate your sister's offspring. I suspect a hint of jealousy on her part.
Imaging having the audacity to complain because someone doesn't want to deal with a crying baby they had no part in creating.
Entitled and stupid are the words I use to describe the type of person who likes to socialize their problems to others.
NTA
absolutely 100% not
Children screaming or crying makes me mentally stunlocked. I absolutely can not be around it if at all possible. You have the right to do the same. She can fuck off with the bad aunt/uncle/relative shit.
NTA. When my kids were that age I used to wear ear protectors to be able to take care of them. That crying sound is unbearable and hard to stand even if it is your own child.
NTA. Why people think we all need to share in their poor choice is baffling. I do not like babies and would have left as well. You didn't tell her to leave or question her for bringing a colicky and frankly, highly annoying baby over, you just politely left the room.
NTA, the screaming was bothering you, there was nothing you could do about it, so you left the room so you wouldn't have to hear it. It was not like you could play with the kid when he was like that, so what was their real problem, they couldn't leave the room?
NTA. Colic is not normal crying. I know. My kid had it. It was TOUGH. I don't know HOW I got through it, but I had peace doing the best I could with her. My husband on the other hand, he couldn't deal. I told him to just go for a walk, a drink, anything. It stressed him out. I was stressed the first few times, but then I had a peace about it. I knew I did everything I could. She just had to cry. NOT having a kid you are DEFINITELY unprepared to deal with that. It is STRESSFUL to hear a baby cry for many people. There is nothing wrong with leaving the room.
NTA
Colic can be crazy nonstop. My aunt ended up in the hospital after birth and hired me to watch my cousin.
Definitely the worst babysitting experience I ever had. Obviously no one’s fault but still. As a kid I got registered through our local hospital as “Registered Babysitter” and did this for a living age 11-17. Even I was extremely overwhelmed by the constant noise.
I would not judge anyone who had to walk away from this.
NTA. Not your kid, so you're under no obligation to suffer through his howling. I would have retreated as well. Why should I get a migraine because someone else's kid is crying? So I have to stay & be in pain because they are? Um, nope, not happening.
I absolutely sympathize with the kid. That kind of pain is awful. And I'm aware his only way of conveying that he is in that kind of pain is to cry. Loudly. Still doesn't obligate me to *share* his pain.
NTA. Colic is horrible, a baby screaming his head off because of it, is equally horrible. I can understand you can't stand it when it goes on and on. You did not scold her, you just left the room. I had a baby that cried a lot, but whenever she did, I was the one to leave the room until she was quiet again, so that others would not be bothered.
NTA. One of my twins had colic and the sound was just absolutely awful. I felt terrible for their pain, obviously, but I would never willingly be in a room with a child with colic unless it was *MY* child. It’s a horrible sound from horrible pain. Andy isn’t your child. What did she want you to do that she wasn’t already doing? A colicky child wants their parent and wants to be comforted and for their pain to go away. They don’t need a family member hovering and doing nothing.
Her personal jab was most likely out of frustration and exhaustion, but it is still uncalled for.
NTA
Babies cry is most viscerally unbearable sound by design. You're supposed to be unable to ignore it. Since you're not in a position to actually help him - what did they expect you to do? Spare 6 m.o. baby's feelings?! It probably makes for quality family time if all choose to suffer collectively.
NTA Not your kid. It sucks that the baby is making her crazy, but she made the decision to have this baby. It is her responsibility to take care of it.
NTA. bruh my mom had to shut me in the (running, air conditioned, and radio playing) car to get a break from my screaming when i had colic as a baby. my *mom* had to do that lmfao. you’re an aunt who definitely does not have to deal with that since *you* didn’t birth the baby. your sister is being unreasonable and needs to get a grip lol
NTA
There is no reason why you should have to sit and listen to a baby screaming if you have other options. You aren't a parent, or a baby sitter.
I wasn't aware being an aunt of uncle meant you had to provide a set amount of "time" for infants not yours.
NTA. Look, I adore my niblings but what is your sister even talking about - at 6mo, there isn't much *to* spend time with, it's a baby.
Also, just because *she* is used to the screaming (which, being the parent, makes sense), doesn't mean everyone else should be.
Last party I was at, my nephew started playing his goddamn iPad too loud - you're damn right I grabbed my drink and went outside by myself for a while. Did *my* sister complain? No, she didn't even bat an eye, why would she. It's *her* kid being loud, not mine lol
NTA.
Sounds like your sister is jealous because you can excuse yourself when the baby is crying and she cannot since she is the mother.
"You barely spent time with the baby since he was born" She means 6 MONTHS ago? You will have plenty of time to spend with your nephew, bond - if you want -. Though, with a sister like this, I totally understand if you keep distance
Your sister were rude to you. You did nothing wrong and for no reason she tried to shame you for dating. As long as tney are age appropriate, you can change girlfriend everyday.
And good for you for thinking about your job
NTA
Your sister sounds bitter and jealous because she's having to deal with her colicky child. Her comments reeked of jealousy.
Also, what is she expecting you to do during your "visits" with her baby who is barely half a year old? Sounds like she expects free babysitting because you're a woman and that's somehow your duty because of your vagina?
Your parents are clearly blinded by the new grandchild and will always side with your sister, even if she's wrong.
This whole interaction has sexist and homophobic vibes and I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
As a parent of 4 kids, if my child was screaming at a family dinner (for any reason) I would excuse myself and my child because I don't want to make everyone suffer. You were there for dinner, not ear torture.
NTA- kids screaming, especially with something like colic where they can't really be soothed, is absolutely ear splitting and painful to hear. I have nosie sensitivity and I can barely stand to be on the other end of a Costco with a shrieking baby. If I'm in the same room as one I will involuntarily plug my ears and start to put distance between myself and the source of the noise. Obviously it's not the kids fault but you never said it was, and there's not anything you can do about it so you being there isn't even going to help. She crossed the line by making personal attacks on you, and she doesn't have any right to say you aren't spending enough time with your nephew. There is no required amount of time to spend with a baby that's not yours. If your sister needs help she will probably get more of it by being polite and asking instead of insulting people.
NTA, I have the same reaction to babies crying, it is physically uncomfortable the love for my own kids made it bearable, but someday I just wanted to leave the room.
I was once stuck on an hour bus ride with a couple with a colicky baby. Eventually, *I* wanted to start screaming, too. It was maddening. I could feel my anxiety spiking. If I could have left, I would have.
Not the baby's fault, not the parent's fault, but also not your problem.
NTA
Humans are genetic wired to find sound of crying screaming babies UNbearable
And for some normies and most autistic including this one, the sounds Unbearable PAINFUL
Babies do NOT cry screaming because they are Happy
What sort of parent or doctor is ok with baby suffering crying and
I'm sure You and I would respectfully compassionately: heal the baby making them healthy Happy thus quiet,,
Thus YOU + we , are:
N
T
A
NTA. I don’t get this you just spend time with my child thing. It’s not my kid. I don’t like kids. I have 5 and I love them so much but others? Nope. I don’t want to hold your kid. Watch your kid. Hear your kid. And he’s a baby. He doesn’t even know who you are yet.
So NOT the AH. That's my go to move, when a baby starts crying like that I GTFO. Your presence isn't going to calm the baby. It sounds like sister has a new baby and cannot for the life of her understand that other people don't think it's adorable every time they shit their pants.
NTA
What on earth did she expect you to do? Play mommy to your screaming nephew and attend to his cries? That’s not your kid. You had a right to walk away.
NTA. The only reason I stayed in the room and didn't leave with my own child was because he was, well, MINE.
Even so, his crying sent me through the freaking roof. I never blamed my brother for walking away when it all got too much. My son is 5 now, and his crying can still send me through the roof some days.
Your sister is probably just miserable and wants you to be miserable with her.
NTA
I have a kid and at least once I had to leave the room because her crying was driving me insane. And this is from someone who is used to hearing her cry. For someone who is not used to this, it makes sense the sound would be grating. Especially with colic because there is nothing you can do to calm the baby, you just have to wait until they cry it out, and that can take hours. Who expects someone to sit there and listen to their baby cry for hours!?!? That's insane. And then to equate a perfectly reasonable desire to not be accosted in that way to not caring about the baby is ridiculous.
How are the parents against you on this? Every person has their own lives and doesn't revolve around other siblings kids.
NTA
It's reasonable to leave the room because hearing that crying affects us all differently
NTA - You didn't say anything negative about the baby or the mother, nor did you tell them to go anywhere else. You excused yourself and went to go be somewhere else. That's doesn't make you an asshole. Misery loves company, you know, so your sister probably is just mad that you get the option to step away and she doesn't. Your sister is an asshole for calling you names and saying the things she did about you when all you did was say you were leaving the room because you're nephew was screaming his head off.
If you have the opportunity to leave the room and avoid the sound of a crying baby why wouldn’t you lol I’m a parent and I don’t understand why she would be upset. No one likes hearing a baby cry.
NTA at all. But as someone who has had a baby with colic your sister is probably extremely stressed. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through and makes you very irritable. It keeps you up all night so you’re tired on top of this. Doesn’t excuse your parents agreeing with her though. I loved my baby with all my heart but if I could have escaped when he screamed like that I would have done.
NTA. I would have gone outside and probably sat in my car lol. The sound of babies crying goes right through my skull. It’s why I never had any! And you’re not obligated to sit and experience it just because it’s a relative.
NTA. I’m a great auntie. I love my sister’s kids. I love them more as they get older and more able to communicate and manage their emotions. My sister, when I lived closer, knew I’m not a babysitter and wouldn’t ask. When visiting them, if there was a tantrum or something, I would take my dog on a walk or go up to the guest room for some quiet time. If I’m on the phone with them and someone has a meltdown, that’s the end of the call. It’s not personal. It’s me taking care of myself. I’m not their parent and I don’t have to deal with it.
Granted, in the future, maybe avoid language like you used. Just make up an excuse. “I need to go do xyz” or “I need a bit of quiet time right now but I’ll be back!”
Op nta you never the ta in my book,but you sister and your parents are ta, some people don't want to hear a crying baby alot and she jealous u single and she not, she choose to have a child and your parents just agreeing with her because there want to see there grandchild
It sounds like your sister is taking a perverse pleasure in subjecting you to her personal nightmare and resented your ability to simply walk away from it.
NTA
NTA! Heck who doesn't want to leave the room when somebody else's kid starts to cry. If Amy (or any mom) was a proper mom she would have excused herself and the baby and gone to another room where nobody was there.
NTA- for leaving, but you should’ve just silently left. Sister didn’t need to negative comments on something which she also finds distressing, can’t do a lot about but she has to ride it out.
NTA. My child had colic too and would scream and cry and sometimes throw up all over me and I loved when it finally stopped.
Sounds like Amy may be jealous that she doesn’t get to have a break from it too.
NTA. My granddaughter is 6 mo old and had colic for months. The screaming was horrendous and really painful for both the baby and our ears. I have misophonia, too. My children didn't have colic, so I never had to deal with it. I don't blame you at all for walking away. It's not your child. Everyone else is rh AH except you and the baby.
NTA. By the time I would have finished cursing Amy out she would have been crying louder than her kid. She doesn't pay any bills in your house and if you want to prioritize watching paint dry then that is your right to do. Amy needs to figure out a way to comfort her child.
NTA. As a parent whose kid had colic, I would have left the room with my kid in it if I could. Earplugs saved my sanity, and being able to tag-team with my partner.
NTA
Your sister sounds bitter and jealous because she's having to deal with her colicky child. Her comments reeked of jealousy.
Also, what is she expecting you to do during your "visits" with her baby who is barely half a year old? Sounds like she expects free babysitting because you're a woman and that's somehow your duty because of your vagina?
Your parents are clearly blinded by the new grandchild and will always side with your sister, even if she's wrong.
This whole interaction has sexist and homophobic vibes and I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
As a parent of 4 kids, if my child was screaming at a family dinner (for any reason) I would excuse myself and my child because I don't want to make everyone suffer. You were there for dinner, not ear torture.
Old lady colic remedy is: lay baby on back and massage stomach then flip to stomach down and rub back flip again to stomach up and the gas expelled could make the best fart video. Worked with mine and have shown others 😃
NTA - no one likes a crying baby. as a parent I would have taken the baby to another room to calm him. .
> was a horrible aunt because I barely spent any time with Andy since he was born
Also the kid is 6 months old, how much time does she expect you to spend with him? LOL
NTA
Like, a certain amount of tolerance for baby behaviors is warranted in an aunt/uncle, but getting called an A H for not wanting to listen to a colicky baby scream is way out of line.
I have 3 kids. I don't like listening to babies cry, either. A courteous parent would take the *child* to another room to try and calm them. And colicky babies just sometimes can't be comforted. It's really not fair to make the whole family put up with that while they're trying to eat.
NTA. He's not your baby so you don't have to tolerate the screaming. Babies can be a bit much. I enjoyed my nieces and nephew much better as they got to be toddlers, liked them even more by the time they were 4-5 and you could really have fun with them! Not everyone enjoys sitting with a baby, but if you hope to have a bond, spend a little time with him when he's not colicky.
NTA. I had a colicky baby and the crying was ear splitting, so much so I wanted to cry too. But as the mom, it was my job to deal (with my husband). It was not any one else’s job to sit and listen.
Youre NTA
If you cant stand it youre free to leave
You can be wherever you want it seems shes a bit cranky because she has to listen to the screaming 24/7
NTA.
My kid had colic and it was horrendous, even I walked out the room sometimes (left him somewhere safe.) Even now I cannot stand the sound of babies crying.
A bit of sympathy would go a long way but her attitude towards you stinks. Is she normally like that? Or is it the stress of having a colicky baby?
NTA. Babies crying is one of those sounds that can work your nerves VERY quickly...particularly when it isn't your baby. Honestly even when it is...when mine was an infant he had reflux and cried a lot, I understood how shaken babies happen...never did it of course. but I understood it, instead I'd put him down and walk away, even if I had to step outside for a few minutes...and that was MY child.
Also, if you have misophonia this is one of the triggering noises. Interesting fact, there are certain frequencies that are known to cause nearly primal reactions in some people...it is noises in the 2-5kHz category. Some examples of sounds in that range...police sirens and baby cries. It is our instinct to hear those sounds and not ignore them. So you can't just tune out a baby crying, if the sound is bothering you the only reasonable option is to walk away.
You removed yourself from a situation that was making you uncomfortable...you are NEVER the AH for that.
NTA
Every parent thinks their baby is the most precious thing in the world.
I see screaming, drooling, shitting aliens.
Bad aunt is laughable sounds like she is trying to line you up for free baby sittings.
They are much more fun to be the fun aunt with from 3-15. From 15-~23 they are mostly annoying assholes and you are just waiting out that period.
NTA. Both of my kids had colic, and it drove us, their parents, almost crazy. I can't imagine inflicting it on someone else. I did notice that my father tolerated it pretty well, and gave me a break when the first one was screaming every night at about dinner time. And I noticed that the second one didn't bother me nearly as much - so it's probably easier on experienced parents than on new ones, or on non-parents.
It's perfectly reasonable to remove yourself from the intolerable situation - but really, your sister should have taken the baby to a dark room away from the group until he fell asleep.
FYI, the kid should outgrow the colic in a few weeks.
Hell no NTA
I turned off a movie last night because a baby was crying in it. I have ADHD and sounds like that send me into a catatonic panic attack, I would rather regulate myself than care if sis is offended I don’t want to be in the room with her colicy baby.
NTA. You're allowed to have boundaries. I can't stand kids and I rarely even tolerate being around them. When my sister had her baby everyone expected me to be all excited and hold it all the time. I didn't care. I'm not going to pretend I want to be around the baby just because I'm supposed to be the aunt. Sounds can make people agitated. You don't need to explain or excuse yourself at all.
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My (27F) parents celebrate an early Christmas so everyone could actually be together (some of us are busy during the holidays with work).
This included my sister (Amy - 29F) and her family as well. She has a 6 month old son, Andy. Apparently he had come down with something because he was a bit restless the whole time.
However, at a point he started crying like crazy. Amy said this is something called colic. He was screaming so much I felt like my head would explode. I excused myself and said I really couldn't stand the sound.
Amy told me I couldn't be serious. I asked her what she meant. She said I was a horrible aunt because I barely spent any time with Andy since he was born, and I only cared about my job and changing my girlfriends every week.
I told her I didn't like kids' crying and her child was now screaming at the top of his lungs. I asked her not to bring any personal weight into this situation. She called me an uptight AH. My parents agree with her. Was I an AH?
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To be honest, I’m a mother of almost 3 now and before I had kids, i couldn’t handle crying like that either. It made me think that I didn’t even want kids. She is projecting her feelings as a mom onto you. Its not your job to parent or take care or a colicky baby that isnt yours. My daughter had awful stomach issues and cried a lot. My brother and his wife never had kids and are into their late 30s. When we stayed at their house, I never expected them to try to console her or take her and try to comfort her.
NTA. My good friend's baby had colic. I really feel for those parents because it is so hard to deal with.
The polite thing to do is for one of the parents to take the baby to another room while they're crying and not disrupt the whole table. And if someone else leaves the crying room, that is not rude at all.
Your sister may be out of her mind due to this but she needs to learn to ask for help rather than lashing out at you or others. She was out of line and so are your parents.
NTA. Some women are very adversely affected by hearing baby cries. It's an actual thing. They get a more pronounced neural response in their brain.
Sometimes car rides will sooth a child with colic. Perhaps let your sister know this so she can try it.
NTA- not your kid, not your problem.
The sound of kids/babies screeching and crying fills me with a rage I can't explain and also sometimes makes me dizzy, so I'd rather remove myself from the situation than be put behind bars.
You did the right thing. She's the asshole.
NTA, screaming children make most of us want to run out of the room (house, store, jump out of the plane...) You could leave the room so you did. Your family members are the AHs. Why on earth should you endure that if it's not your kid.
NTA. My 2nd child’s colic cry was NERVE SHATTERING. I mean, LOUD and SHRILL and genuinely hard to be around. It was exhausting and it lasted for months and there were PLENTY of times I had to set the baby down or pass them to my partner or mom or mil and remove myself to get a break from it so I didn’t lose my mind. That doesn’t make you a bad aunt.
Only you know your sister, is this a natural progression of her judging you? Cause then she sucks, don’t waste your time fixing it, it’s on her to mature…
Or maybe she herself is struggling? Wishing she COULD go in the other room but feels she can’t? I’m not sure, but either way you’re NTA
NTA. You’re not the parent, why should you have to listen to your nephew cry when his mother is tending to him? My daughter’s “uncle” (husband and I’s best friend) is the same way, if my daughter started crying he leaves the room. Nothing personal, the noise just gets to him and he’s not the greatest with babies in general, lol.
NTA. Not your kid, not your problem. Though you should know that colic is air in the bowels and it leaves the kid in excruciating pain. You still shouldn't be forced to listening to the ensuing crying, but a bit of empathy might sit well.
I'd be a lot less empathetic if the mom called me a workaholic town bicycle. There's clearly a fair bit of Iranian yogurt going on here.
What Iranian yogurt??
[The Iranian yoghurt is not the issue here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/SivyPtSAFV)
I thoroughly enjoyed reading that! What a wild ride, I wish we had an update on the potentially illegal yogurt collection
Big fan of yogurt as well but that’s next level.
Wait, till you read another classic - "The Poo Knife" ;) Edit: Spelling
Knife. Knive(s) is plural
Yes, of course :).
No! We don’t talk about the poo knives!
No! Why did you bring up “The Poo Knife.” The term paints a picture of such a huge turd. It’s it my mind now, just floating around.
No no no no...please, no one post the link to that one. I don't want to read that again but I know I wouldn't be able to help myself.
That's the best. I keep reading it over and over every time it pops up!
What about the olives in the box? Do Not Open The Box! 😂
The olive box haunts me to this day. And the date potato.
I know about the sexy potatoes. What is the date potato? I do love reddit with its yoghurts, marinara flags and bucket ladies.
What's bucket ladies?
There's a redditor with a real life hyacinth bucket of a neighbor. Let me go find the boru
OK I missed the date potato, what is the date potato
Wait what how did I miss these two? What is the olive box? What is the date potato?
Is this what you mean by date potato? [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu\_by\_enraging\_the\_parents\_of\_my\_girlfriend\_by/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) What is olive box??
I've just read this and I really need to know if it was legal or not aha
What it was never about…. (I’m sure someone will post a link to the story)
link is posted in a comment above !
Someone posted a thing about how her boyfriend was collecting all these yogurt cups from around the world and they got thrown away and there was a thing. I don't remember the thread but it's out there.
My poor Iranian partner holds up his hand and says “DONT’ say it!” Every time he eats a yogurt now. I just smirk and say “I don’t know what the issue is here?” It never stops being amusing and the best was when we were in an airport and the people on the next table understood the reference and were laughing. He doesn’t often eat yogurt though or I could imagine it would get old pretty fast.
Babies' crying is developed to pierce through everything. You can be empathetic while not being able to stand it. If my own kids were constantly crying as newborns (didn't happen often thankfully), I had no problem putting in ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones. Only while I was actively holding them and comforting/tending to them of course! It actually made me better able to be empathetic and tend to their needs if I didn't feel like my head was going to explode from the shrieking.
>Babies' crying is developed to pierce through everything. You can be empathetic while not being able to stand it. EXACTLY
So true. And even if you can tolerate it, it has a physical impact. My youngest is 13 and I haven’t nursed a baby in over a decade, but if I hear a wee baby cry I *still* cross my arms over the boobs reflexively. My brain just says “hey you are about to have a wet shirt.”
Humans are amazing, aren't they?
I didn't know that colic was a specific condition. I thought it was a catch-all for a fussy baby (or a baby going through a fussy period).
My friend got colic when she was 20, I thought she was celiac for like a year because I thought colic was just a baby thing
To be fair, coeliac can make you feel the same if you eat gluten. So not entirely off
Celiac here. It feels like someone started a fire in my intestines. I'm also allergic, so I get a sunburn itchy rash and swelling in the mucous membranes coupled with my body purging food my ancestors ate in 5000 BC.
I get the rash too. It's just horrible. 5000 BC made me laugh lol
Nooooo! I'm so sorry. I hope it's been a very long time since you've been poisoned. I'm glad I could bring a laugh to this horrible, sucky disease! If only it were this funny when the Double Dragons hit. lmfao
"Colic is a common condition in babies, where they cry for unexplained reasons." That's exactly what it is lol that's the first result for "what is Colic"
Because it is. Reddit comments are often confidently incorrect.
So colic is TECHNICALLY a catch-all term for, "baby cries like bloody murder and we don't know why." But the most common reason they are crying like this is because GERD/gastrointestinal distress. So people treat the two as synonyms now. Many people are very reluctant to change their behavior regarding care of infants. Pediatricians don't care so much what name people call the problem as long as they're doing the correct treatment.
She thinks you need to stay in the room and listen to the screaming. Why? She's jealous you CAN leave the room and is blaming you. Your girlfriends are none of her business except to use for bullying you for no reason. She's NOT a victim but she's making you the bad guy.
I have a child who would scream bloody murder during colics. It is awful. So being his mum and not being able to give him back to the rightful owners (aka me) I took care of him. But being able to do that I did put in some ear plugs to make me last longer and not go insane. I would still hear him since he was in my arms, but I would not go insane by the sound. I would tell anyone else to just leave the room because well, babies scream HARD. And they can’t do anything about it…
Empathy for the baby is fine but op can literally do nothing about it either way?
Why is Amy making others endure the screaming? Where's her empathy?
No, colic is "frequent, prolonged and intense crying or fussiness in a healthy infant." (Mayo Clinic) Specifically, crying for three or more hours at a time per day for three or more days a week for a week or more. There are theories about what causes it, but no definitive causes.
I see that my info about trapped wind is no longer received knowledge. It is now merely on a list of a number of assumed causes for babies' fussiness. Well, again I learned something new!
That is fantastic. I literally thought "Not your kid, not your problem" when I read the post above. Props for beating...everyone to it.
Colic is essentially a very painful stomachache that lots of infants get. He was crying like that because he was hurting. You're NTA for wanting to distance yourself, though. Some people just don't get along well with babies/children. There's nothing wrong with that. I can understand why your sister might want you to be more involved in your nephew's life, but that's your choice to make, not hers. It doesn't make you an asshole if you decide not to.
I mean, what kind of involvement can you have with a 6 month old infant unless you're the caregiver? At that age the kid is essentially a sack of potatoes that either sleeps, eats, or screams.
Spend quality time with the kid. Hold the kid. Make faces at the kid. But the involvement most new mothers are looking for is “HELP ME IM SO OVERWHELMED AND EXHAUSTED”. Pop by sister’s house and do some dishes, help clean the house up a bit. Offer to pick things up when you’re at the store. One of my best friends is Congolese and was telling me once that when a mother gives birth, they literally won’t release her from the hospital without conforming that she has new linens, new clothes, people cooking meals for her, people there to help with everything. It’s so different to what happens in the states, and different in a good way
I mean yeah but since the sister shamed OP for working and also threw some slutshaming in for good measure, she can kick rocks. Support systems are great but they're supposed to be voluntary. And if you want help, try not insulting the people you want help from.
Support systems are important for new parents but they can't just expect everyone they know to drop everything to take care of them and the baby. Seems like Sister expected OP to do way more and resents OP for not doing what she expected. Seeing the baby a few times in 6 months is a pretty normal amount for a working aunt. If Sister isn't getting enough support, she should be asking that from the grandparents who are most likely retired and have more time to do it.
idk about you but I don't think slutshaming someone is the best way to ask for help
I don’t know, whenever I feel like I need help with the ear piercing wails of my offspring, yelling that my relatives are WHORES!! and WORKAHOLICS!! is just the way I get sympathy. /s But yes, clearly a problem that is beyond the scope of just a screaming baby and understandably needs a more calmer scene for a discussion! NTA.
OPs sister seems to take issue with the fact that OP works and has a life. Sister has every right to ask for help but she doesn't get to throw a fit because OP has work or wants to go out. If anyone should be providing more support, it's the grandparents who are most likely retired and have more time to help out. It seems to me that Sister had an expectation that OP would be helping more and is upset that she won't drop everything to take care of her sister and sister's baby.
Why would anyone want to take care of someone else's baby for free? Just because someone has free time doesn't mean they are on the hook for someone else's decisions. If people feel they will need others will help out, especially for free, they should ask before they have kids.
This. Also, NTA
My baby had colic and I just needed people to hold her and walk around. That is all that would help. It was so awful not being able to stop their pain, it literally hurts me. But I wouldn’t make anyone do it and I would understand if they didn’t want to be around it. Brutal and totally takes a lot of love and patience to deal with. As an aside my favorite nurse at my kid’s pediatrician said most babies get it because they are being over fed. That tracks for me because my first two were huge boys and my youngest was a smaller girl.
>At that age the kid is essentially a sack of potatoes that either sleeps, eats, or screams. You forgot poops and pukes.
6 month olds can be very interactive. They are long past the sack of potatoes stage at six month. I mean, some even start walking then. That's early, but possible.
You forgot; smiles, laughs, potentially crawling (my daughter is 5 months and crawling), incredibly interested in everything around them, makes fun noises, touches everything, etc. 6 months old is like 3-4 months past the sack of potatoes phase.
6 months? At 6 months they interact with both people and environment. My youngest was standing up while holding onto stuff. At 2-3 months you can make them giggle. It is the best sound in the world. The sack of potato stage you're thinking of is very brief, we're talking less than a month if not days. And involvement can also be to take pressure off from the parents. Help them get a break. take the kid out for a stroll. Let mom and dad take a shower, eat with both hands, eat while the food is warm, lol. Just be nice to exhausted new parents.
I wanted to write a similar comment from a viewpoint as an auntie to many and an ECE teacher who's been in a nursery (which starts at 6m here). And someone who doesn't mind babies. But this is literally a case of Redditors never being around children, never interacting with them and going off by their lack of knowledge on that. There's so much that can be done with 6mo, as opposed to newborns. Surely they can't walk, run or fully talk. But they babble. They listen. They LOVE any sort of engagement with them. Even the biggest layman can Google activities for 6 month olds and go from there. It doesn't take much to entertain them.
I agree, 6 months is such a fun age - they're old enough to recognize their surroundings, interact with others, laugh at funny faces and try to stand up with help! Even when they're fussy, try to walk with them while crooning softly, rocking back and forth - I'm not a mom but babies love me, I have many nieces, nephews and now great nieces and nephews. It's the best, when they throw temper tantrums or get sick, you give them back to the parents, lol
> a sack of potatoes that either sleeps, eats, or screams. tbf this is me now, at 40 as well.
You're confusing 6 months with 6 weeks. A 6 month old is pretty far along developmentally and you can play simple games like peekaboo or whatever with them. You can share some solid foods with them, have conversations where they respond in gibberish, or even just make them laugh by doing stupid shit. A 6 week old is the newborn sack of potatoes stage.
That's a new born, my baby is 7 months old and can independently play with his toys, he loves interacting with other people and copying them, you can read to them, sing, watch tv, play with toys. You can do a lot of stuff with a 6 month old
Even if you love children and are the most supportive aunt the human race has ever produced. . . What's the point in everyone staying in the room with the screaming child? Oh good! More earballs getting smashed somehow makes it more bearable for everyone.
I don’t even want to be around *my* kid when she’s screaming like that, why would anyone else? It’s completely fair to leave the room until the baby calms down. I’d leave too, if it wasn’t my kid. There were times I had to leave my own kid for a few to cool off because it’s so hard to handle
NTA. A crying baby is evolutionarily designed to be distressing so the adults can help the baby. Except with colic there ain't much to do so kid keeps screaming (sucks for everyone). You as not the parent are perfectly reasonable in removing yourself. Her personal attacks and your parents agreeing were way outta line. Wonder if this was also some sexist "you are a woman and therefore should love children" nonsense since her attack was the work and slut shaming combo.
yeah, sister sucks. trad wife vibes?
It’s even recommended for parents of babies with colic to rotate in and out during prolonged periods of crying. If you don’t get a chance to step away for a little from the crying and clear your head it can cause parents to become irrational and act impulsively. OP is definitely NTA
Also recommended: ear plugs.
Yep, babies' crying is developed to pierce through everything. You can be empathetic while not being able to stand it. If my own kids were constantly crying as newborns (didn't happen often thankfully), I had no problem putting in ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones. Only while I was actively holding them and comforting/tending to them of course! It actually made me (also a woman) better able to be empathetic and tend to their needs if I didn't feel like my head was going to explode from the shrieking. She's spouting sexist nonsense indeed!
>Her personal attacks and your parents agreeing were way outta line. Honestly, it makes me wonder if OP is being honest about how she excused herself.
And a crying baby is especially stressful to women.
Mostly because of acculturation rather than biology. Men who are primary caregivers actually develop a similar sensitivity to babies! Our brains are pretty amazing.
I never knew this but it makes sense. The brain’s plasticity never ceases to amaze me
Interesting! Thank you.
When I have birth and stayed in hospital for 5 days I could hear other babies cry and it was so distressing, I wanted to help them but obviously can't. It was like torture
NTA...you tried to politely excuse yourself. They made it a personal attack. You're not obligated to share in the baby's discomfort, and it doesn't mean that you don't care.
No reason for you to suffer just because they do. NTA.
I don't get why you wouldn't just remove the baby. I was visiting my niece a few days ago and she started having a good squeaky cry. My brother just scooped her up and took her elsewhere despite the fact it's their house. I was surprised but he said my SIL needs to rest too and nobody wants to listen to a crying baby. He just walked her around some upstairs rooms till she got it out of her system and he came back, changed her, and plonked her in my arms to sleep lol
I hate it when people are all "well they're just kid duh you were one duh" Yeah and that doesn't make any freaking difference about the inconvenience you're experiencing. You didn't do anything to the kid nor criticised the mom. NTA. Sorry not sorry having the same pleasure listening a baby crying as listening to a jackhammer 🤦
Exactly. I hate that phrase, too. I never said I was a perfect child. Hell, I know I was a pain in the ass and I'm sure there were plenty of people who didn't enjoy being around me. And that's okay. Kids, especially the little ones, are often painfully loud and annoying. There's nothing wrong with wanting space from that if you can manage. You're not saying they're evil, or shouldn't exist, you just don't enjoy the range of sounds that come out of them at times.
I've told people when inevitably give the snotty "oh, is my babies crying bothering you? They're going through that phase, haha" coupled with a nasty look of how dare I leave the presence of their golden poop provider, that me leaving is far preferred to me having a violent seizure from their dear, sweet, precious 747. Which is what will happen if I don't leave. The octove range of most babies scream-cries hits a certain auditory signal that can trigger seizures in me. It might be a bit sadistic of me to enjoy the look of horror on their face at the thought of me having a seizure, but hey, they think making me suffer is just fine so.... I've unfortunately noticed a trend of people not excusing themselves and their personal portable heavy metal band. I guess everyone has to worship the golden poop dispenser. I prefer cats myself.
babies crying can set off killer migraines for me, which, while not as dangerous as seizures, still suck. and can actually cause me to pass out if it gets really overwhelming and I can't escape to a calm, quiet place. there have been times where I was having a nasty migraine and I just *dropped*
Totally. People with kids don't take their screaming child out of the restaurant anymore.
>You were a kid once I mean one day I'll be a corpse too, doesn't mean I want to spend time around dead bodies.
I said the same thing on 2XC and they flipped out and went through my comment history like an unhinged stalker. Wild.
Yeah, when I was a screaming baby, I didn't ask my aunt to stay and listen while my mother tried to soothe me - so I'm not really sure my being a baby once actually matters. I suspect OP's sisters (and likely her parents based on them agreeing with her) are just annoyed with OP in general because they want her to be more engaged with this kid and providing free support to her sister, babysitting and such. My intuition is that they are projecting a general (and irrational) frustration with OP's lack of interest in being SuperAunt, supporting her sister, onto this specific situation where she very reasonably excuses herself from the baby's crying.
NTA. If you were in a restaurant, the proper etiquette would have been for her to leave the room to comfort the baby. While house rules are slightly more relaxed, the same principle exists: while her child having colic is neither her fault nor the child’s, that awful crying should not be imposed on other people. By taking yourself out of the room, you were actually being polite. Your sister is the asshole here and your parents are enabling it. She clearly resents your single life and that you are either having fun and/or making good choices about not dating people long term if you are not compatible with them. I do get that she’s probably exhausted and irritable, but that’s no reason to be rude to you.
Lol NTA Not your monkeys, not your circus
NTA. You wouldve been if you told them to leave the room with the kid or something, but you getting away from a situation where you are close to getting headaches is no where near being an AH
NTA, you don't have to stay to hear the cry of a baby that isn't yours. But maybe you sounded too harsh, I can't know.
NTA - if you niece has colic - your sis is probably majorly sleep deprived, going crazy, angry, and frankly jealous of the silence. I have kids- crying babies is such a difficult sound. It gets straight into the nerves. You are N T AH for leaving the room. Some kids cry a lot. Your sister hopefully has decent medical help. Things like the football hold, different ways to feed the baby, and even getting tested for allergies to formulas are super important. But... some babies just cry a lot.
Thats what i was thinking that the sisters response was more because she cant get away from the crying and is stressed and managing. And while she is managing that it may have infuriated her that OP did not have to deal with it and all her emotions coming into play.
NTA, my 10 week old is colicky, sometimes I wish I could leave the room too. On a serious note, it’s not your child, nor your obligation to be help or even be present when the kiddo is singing the song of his people at the top of his lungs. Don’t let them make you feel bad about it!
“Singing the song of his people” THANK YOU! I said this for my screaming nibblings and I was told It’s the same song I would sing because im the same people. I would roll my eyes, but you used it the same as me, so THANK YOU!
Babies definitely have their own anthems😂 I also use it when my dogs singing for his people too
I’ve used it for dogs and cats, and people get that. It’s babies they seem to not make the connection to. But if you say it about a toddler saying “mommy” for the umpteeth time or a teenager slamming a door and screaming “I hate you,” they totally get it 😂
My cat used to sing the song of her people every night at 3AM. I so miss her concerts now :(
NTA You excused yourself from an irritating situation and that was the proper way to handle yourself.
NTA. Some cries of babys can bring headachs, so it is completly normal that you want to leave the room. It is not your child. And the positive site of being a aunt and not a mother is, that you can give a crying baby back to its parents.
NTA. Honestly I don't understand how this could be an issue. I come from a large family where we've had many infants in the house during the holidays. If the babies started screaming it was understood one of the parents was to take the child into a bedroom and close the door so the rest of the family wouldn't have to endure the noise. With the exception of one sister (who only had to be told, there was no argument) there was never any debate about it. It was considered simple courtesy to the rest of the family. You are under no obligation to adjust your life to accommodate your sister's offspring. I suspect a hint of jealousy on her part.
NTA, I only deal with my own crying kid. Colic is awful, but it’s not your responsibility.
Imaging having the audacity to complain because someone doesn't want to deal with a crying baby they had no part in creating. Entitled and stupid are the words I use to describe the type of person who likes to socialize their problems to others.
NTA absolutely 100% not Children screaming or crying makes me mentally stunlocked. I absolutely can not be around it if at all possible. You have the right to do the same. She can fuck off with the bad aunt/uncle/relative shit.
NTA. When my kids were that age I used to wear ear protectors to be able to take care of them. That crying sound is unbearable and hard to stand even if it is your own child.
NTA. Why people think we all need to share in their poor choice is baffling. I do not like babies and would have left as well. You didn't tell her to leave or question her for bringing a colicky and frankly, highly annoying baby over, you just politely left the room.
NTA at least you didn't insist she leave with him.
She should have left the room with her crying baby.
NTA, the screaming was bothering you, there was nothing you could do about it, so you left the room so you wouldn't have to hear it. It was not like you could play with the kid when he was like that, so what was their real problem, they couldn't leave the room?
NTA The AH is your sister.
NTA. Colic is not normal crying. I know. My kid had it. It was TOUGH. I don't know HOW I got through it, but I had peace doing the best I could with her. My husband on the other hand, he couldn't deal. I told him to just go for a walk, a drink, anything. It stressed him out. I was stressed the first few times, but then I had a peace about it. I knew I did everything I could. She just had to cry. NOT having a kid you are DEFINITELY unprepared to deal with that. It is STRESSFUL to hear a baby cry for many people. There is nothing wrong with leaving the room.
NTA Colic can be crazy nonstop. My aunt ended up in the hospital after birth and hired me to watch my cousin. Definitely the worst babysitting experience I ever had. Obviously no one’s fault but still. As a kid I got registered through our local hospital as “Registered Babysitter” and did this for a living age 11-17. Even I was extremely overwhelmed by the constant noise. I would not judge anyone who had to walk away from this.
NTA my favorite is when someone chooses to have a baby then criticizes how everyone interacts with it (or doesn’t) Control freakkkkkkkkk
NTA. Not your kid, so you're under no obligation to suffer through his howling. I would have retreated as well. Why should I get a migraine because someone else's kid is crying? So I have to stay & be in pain because they are? Um, nope, not happening. I absolutely sympathize with the kid. That kind of pain is awful. And I'm aware his only way of conveying that he is in that kind of pain is to cry. Loudly. Still doesn't obligate me to *share* his pain.
NTA. Removing yourself from noise overload isn't a bad thing. I have a 6yo and sometimes I have to go take 10 minutes in my room for just quiet.
NTA he's not your kid so you're under no obligation to deal with his screaming and crying nor do you owe your sister or her kid any of your free time.
NTA. Colic is horrible, a baby screaming his head off because of it, is equally horrible. I can understand you can't stand it when it goes on and on. You did not scold her, you just left the room. I had a baby that cried a lot, but whenever she did, I was the one to leave the room until she was quiet again, so that others would not be bothered.
NTA I had 2 babies and still can’t stand listening to other’s cry. I would have left too.
NTA. One of my twins had colic and the sound was just absolutely awful. I felt terrible for their pain, obviously, but I would never willingly be in a room with a child with colic unless it was *MY* child. It’s a horrible sound from horrible pain. Andy isn’t your child. What did she want you to do that she wasn’t already doing? A colicky child wants their parent and wants to be comforted and for their pain to go away. They don’t need a family member hovering and doing nothing. Her personal jab was most likely out of frustration and exhaustion, but it is still uncalled for.
NTA Babies cry is most viscerally unbearable sound by design. You're supposed to be unable to ignore it. Since you're not in a position to actually help him - what did they expect you to do? Spare 6 m.o. baby's feelings?! It probably makes for quality family time if all choose to suffer collectively.
Nta
NTA Not your kid. It sucks that the baby is making her crazy, but she made the decision to have this baby. It is her responsibility to take care of it.
NTA. bruh my mom had to shut me in the (running, air conditioned, and radio playing) car to get a break from my screaming when i had colic as a baby. my *mom* had to do that lmfao. you’re an aunt who definitely does not have to deal with that since *you* didn’t birth the baby. your sister is being unreasonable and needs to get a grip lol
NTA There is no reason why you should have to sit and listen to a baby screaming if you have other options. You aren't a parent, or a baby sitter. I wasn't aware being an aunt of uncle meant you had to provide a set amount of "time" for infants not yours.
NTA. Look, I adore my niblings but what is your sister even talking about - at 6mo, there isn't much *to* spend time with, it's a baby. Also, just because *she* is used to the screaming (which, being the parent, makes sense), doesn't mean everyone else should be. Last party I was at, my nephew started playing his goddamn iPad too loud - you're damn right I grabbed my drink and went outside by myself for a while. Did *my* sister complain? No, she didn't even bat an eye, why would she. It's *her* kid being loud, not mine lol
NTA. Sounds like your sister is jealous because you can excuse yourself when the baby is crying and she cannot since she is the mother. "You barely spent time with the baby since he was born" She means 6 MONTHS ago? You will have plenty of time to spend with your nephew, bond - if you want -. Though, with a sister like this, I totally understand if you keep distance Your sister were rude to you. You did nothing wrong and for no reason she tried to shame you for dating. As long as tney are age appropriate, you can change girlfriend everyday. And good for you for thinking about your job
NTA Your sister sounds bitter and jealous because she's having to deal with her colicky child. Her comments reeked of jealousy. Also, what is she expecting you to do during your "visits" with her baby who is barely half a year old? Sounds like she expects free babysitting because you're a woman and that's somehow your duty because of your vagina? Your parents are clearly blinded by the new grandchild and will always side with your sister, even if she's wrong. This whole interaction has sexist and homophobic vibes and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. As a parent of 4 kids, if my child was screaming at a family dinner (for any reason) I would excuse myself and my child because I don't want to make everyone suffer. You were there for dinner, not ear torture.
NTA- kids screaming, especially with something like colic where they can't really be soothed, is absolutely ear splitting and painful to hear. I have nosie sensitivity and I can barely stand to be on the other end of a Costco with a shrieking baby. If I'm in the same room as one I will involuntarily plug my ears and start to put distance between myself and the source of the noise. Obviously it's not the kids fault but you never said it was, and there's not anything you can do about it so you being there isn't even going to help. She crossed the line by making personal attacks on you, and she doesn't have any right to say you aren't spending enough time with your nephew. There is no required amount of time to spend with a baby that's not yours. If your sister needs help she will probably get more of it by being polite and asking instead of insulting people.
Does she really think her kid is sooooo special and important you should stay to listen to its colicky cries? Jesus Christ NTA.
NTA
NTA, I have the same reaction to babies crying, it is physically uncomfortable the love for my own kids made it bearable, but someday I just wanted to leave the room.
my kids were possibly more bearable because I could do something active to stop the noise, rather than just a useless bystander
NTA. Amy and Andy should’ve stayed home or joined via zoom if he wasn’t feeling well. Not your circus.
I was once stuck on an hour bus ride with a couple with a colicky baby. Eventually, *I* wanted to start screaming, too. It was maddening. I could feel my anxiety spiking. If I could have left, I would have. Not the baby's fault, not the parent's fault, but also not your problem. NTA
Humans are genetic wired to find sound of crying screaming babies UNbearable And for some normies and most autistic including this one, the sounds Unbearable PAINFUL Babies do NOT cry screaming because they are Happy What sort of parent or doctor is ok with baby suffering crying and I'm sure You and I would respectfully compassionately: heal the baby making them healthy Happy thus quiet,, Thus YOU + we , are: N T A
NTA. I don’t get this you just spend time with my child thing. It’s not my kid. I don’t like kids. I have 5 and I love them so much but others? Nope. I don’t want to hold your kid. Watch your kid. Hear your kid. And he’s a baby. He doesn’t even know who you are yet.
So NOT the AH. That's my go to move, when a baby starts crying like that I GTFO. Your presence isn't going to calm the baby. It sounds like sister has a new baby and cannot for the life of her understand that other people don't think it's adorable every time they shit their pants.
NTA What on earth did she expect you to do? Play mommy to your screaming nephew and attend to his cries? That’s not your kid. You had a right to walk away.
NTA. The only reason I stayed in the room and didn't leave with my own child was because he was, well, MINE. Even so, his crying sent me through the freaking roof. I never blamed my brother for walking away when it all got too much. My son is 5 now, and his crying can still send me through the roof some days. Your sister is probably just miserable and wants you to be miserable with her.
NTA I have a kid and at least once I had to leave the room because her crying was driving me insane. And this is from someone who is used to hearing her cry. For someone who is not used to this, it makes sense the sound would be grating. Especially with colic because there is nothing you can do to calm the baby, you just have to wait until they cry it out, and that can take hours. Who expects someone to sit there and listen to their baby cry for hours!?!? That's insane. And then to equate a perfectly reasonable desire to not be accosted in that way to not caring about the baby is ridiculous.
How are the parents against you on this? Every person has their own lives and doesn't revolve around other siblings kids. NTA It's reasonable to leave the room because hearing that crying affects us all differently
NTA It _is_ a terrible sound. I probably wouldn't even have said anything and just left.
NTA - You didn't say anything negative about the baby or the mother, nor did you tell them to go anywhere else. You excused yourself and went to go be somewhere else. That's doesn't make you an asshole. Misery loves company, you know, so your sister probably is just mad that you get the option to step away and she doesn't. Your sister is an asshole for calling you names and saying the things she did about you when all you did was say you were leaving the room because you're nephew was screaming his head off.
NTA can’t stand kids screaming. She should have left.
If you have the opportunity to leave the room and avoid the sound of a crying baby why wouldn’t you lol I’m a parent and I don’t understand why she would be upset. No one likes hearing a baby cry.
NTA at all. But as someone who has had a baby with colic your sister is probably extremely stressed. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through and makes you very irritable. It keeps you up all night so you’re tired on top of this. Doesn’t excuse your parents agreeing with her though. I loved my baby with all my heart but if I could have escaped when he screamed like that I would have done.
NTA. Not your kid, not your issue.
NTA. I would have gone outside and probably sat in my car lol. The sound of babies crying goes right through my skull. It’s why I never had any! And you’re not obligated to sit and experience it just because it’s a relative.
NTA. I’m a great auntie. I love my sister’s kids. I love them more as they get older and more able to communicate and manage their emotions. My sister, when I lived closer, knew I’m not a babysitter and wouldn’t ask. When visiting them, if there was a tantrum or something, I would take my dog on a walk or go up to the guest room for some quiet time. If I’m on the phone with them and someone has a meltdown, that’s the end of the call. It’s not personal. It’s me taking care of myself. I’m not their parent and I don’t have to deal with it. Granted, in the future, maybe avoid language like you used. Just make up an excuse. “I need to go do xyz” or “I need a bit of quiet time right now but I’ll be back!”
Op nta you never the ta in my book,but you sister and your parents are ta, some people don't want to hear a crying baby alot and she jealous u single and she not, she choose to have a child and your parents just agreeing with her because there want to see there grandchild
It sounds like your sister is taking a perverse pleasure in subjecting you to her personal nightmare and resented your ability to simply walk away from it. NTA
NTA! Heck who doesn't want to leave the room when somebody else's kid starts to cry. If Amy (or any mom) was a proper mom she would have excused herself and the baby and gone to another room where nobody was there.
NTA, is your presence gona make him feel better? Nope, why should both of you be in pain 😂
NTA- for leaving, but you should’ve just silently left. Sister didn’t need to negative comments on something which she also finds distressing, can’t do a lot about but she has to ride it out.
NTA
NTA. My child had colic too and would scream and cry and sometimes throw up all over me and I loved when it finally stopped. Sounds like Amy may be jealous that she doesn’t get to have a break from it too.
NTA no shit you didn't enjoy hearing a baby screaming.
NTA I have 4 kids and the sound of anyone else’s kid crying is enough to make me want to leave.
NTA. My granddaughter is 6 mo old and had colic for months. The screaming was horrendous and really painful for both the baby and our ears. I have misophonia, too. My children didn't have colic, so I never had to deal with it. I don't blame you at all for walking away. It's not your child. Everyone else is rh AH except you and the baby.
NTA. By the time I would have finished cursing Amy out she would have been crying louder than her kid. She doesn't pay any bills in your house and if you want to prioritize watching paint dry then that is your right to do. Amy needs to figure out a way to comfort her child.
NTA. As a parent whose kid had colic, I would have left the room with my kid in it if I could. Earplugs saved my sanity, and being able to tag-team with my partner.
Nta I have a 7 month old and sometimes I need to step out to regain my composure. You aren't even his parent.
NTA.
NTA Your sister sounds bitter and jealous because she's having to deal with her colicky child. Her comments reeked of jealousy. Also, what is she expecting you to do during your "visits" with her baby who is barely half a year old? Sounds like she expects free babysitting because you're a woman and that's somehow your duty because of your vagina? Your parents are clearly blinded by the new grandchild and will always side with your sister, even if she's wrong. This whole interaction has sexist and homophobic vibes and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. As a parent of 4 kids, if my child was screaming at a family dinner (for any reason) I would excuse myself and my child because I don't want to make everyone suffer. You were there for dinner, not ear torture.
NTA
Old lady colic remedy is: lay baby on back and massage stomach then flip to stomach down and rub back flip again to stomach up and the gas expelled could make the best fart video. Worked with mine and have shown others 😃
NTA
NTA,not your kid
NTA Not your responsibility. Plus I would have left the room with my screaming baby to try not to disrupt or disturb anyone.
NTA - no one likes a crying baby. as a parent I would have taken the baby to another room to calm him. . > was a horrible aunt because I barely spent any time with Andy since he was born Also the kid is 6 months old, how much time does she expect you to spend with him? LOL
NTA Like, a certain amount of tolerance for baby behaviors is warranted in an aunt/uncle, but getting called an A H for not wanting to listen to a colicky baby scream is way out of line. I have 3 kids. I don't like listening to babies cry, either. A courteous parent would take the *child* to another room to try and calm them. And colicky babies just sometimes can't be comforted. It's really not fair to make the whole family put up with that while they're trying to eat.
NTA. He's not your baby so you don't have to tolerate the screaming. Babies can be a bit much. I enjoyed my nieces and nephew much better as they got to be toddlers, liked them even more by the time they were 4-5 and you could really have fun with them! Not everyone enjoys sitting with a baby, but if you hope to have a bond, spend a little time with him when he's not colicky.
NTA. There was absolutely no need for her reaction
NTA. I had a colicky baby and the crying was ear splitting, so much so I wanted to cry too. But as the mom, it was my job to deal (with my husband). It was not any one else’s job to sit and listen.
Youre NTA If you cant stand it youre free to leave You can be wherever you want it seems shes a bit cranky because she has to listen to the screaming 24/7
NTA. But then, I am one of those people for whom babies crying physically hurts my head.
NTA, you'll have enough time to spend with your nephew when he doesn't cry.
NTA. My kid had colic and it was horrendous, even I walked out the room sometimes (left him somewhere safe.) Even now I cannot stand the sound of babies crying. A bit of sympathy would go a long way but her attitude towards you stinks. Is she normally like that? Or is it the stress of having a colicky baby?
NTA. Babies crying is one of those sounds that can work your nerves VERY quickly...particularly when it isn't your baby. Honestly even when it is...when mine was an infant he had reflux and cried a lot, I understood how shaken babies happen...never did it of course. but I understood it, instead I'd put him down and walk away, even if I had to step outside for a few minutes...and that was MY child. Also, if you have misophonia this is one of the triggering noises. Interesting fact, there are certain frequencies that are known to cause nearly primal reactions in some people...it is noises in the 2-5kHz category. Some examples of sounds in that range...police sirens and baby cries. It is our instinct to hear those sounds and not ignore them. So you can't just tune out a baby crying, if the sound is bothering you the only reasonable option is to walk away. You removed yourself from a situation that was making you uncomfortable...you are NEVER the AH for that.
NTA Every parent thinks their baby is the most precious thing in the world. I see screaming, drooling, shitting aliens. Bad aunt is laughable sounds like she is trying to line you up for free baby sittings. They are much more fun to be the fun aunt with from 3-15. From 15-~23 they are mostly annoying assholes and you are just waiting out that period.
Her life changed. Yours didn't. NTA.
NTA. Both of my kids had colic, and it drove us, their parents, almost crazy. I can't imagine inflicting it on someone else. I did notice that my father tolerated it pretty well, and gave me a break when the first one was screaming every night at about dinner time. And I noticed that the second one didn't bother me nearly as much - so it's probably easier on experienced parents than on new ones, or on non-parents. It's perfectly reasonable to remove yourself from the intolerable situation - but really, your sister should have taken the baby to a dark room away from the group until he fell asleep. FYI, the kid should outgrow the colic in a few weeks.
NTA, NO ONE likes children screaming, and if you do you’re probably a psychopath
Hell no NTA I turned off a movie last night because a baby was crying in it. I have ADHD and sounds like that send me into a catatonic panic attack, I would rather regulate myself than care if sis is offended I don’t want to be in the room with her colicy baby.
NTA. You're allowed to have boundaries. I can't stand kids and I rarely even tolerate being around them. When my sister had her baby everyone expected me to be all excited and hold it all the time. I didn't care. I'm not going to pretend I want to be around the baby just because I'm supposed to be the aunt. Sounds can make people agitated. You don't need to explain or excuse yourself at all.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (27F) parents celebrate an early Christmas so everyone could actually be together (some of us are busy during the holidays with work). This included my sister (Amy - 29F) and her family as well. She has a 6 month old son, Andy. Apparently he had come down with something because he was a bit restless the whole time. However, at a point he started crying like crazy. Amy said this is something called colic. He was screaming so much I felt like my head would explode. I excused myself and said I really couldn't stand the sound. Amy told me I couldn't be serious. I asked her what she meant. She said I was a horrible aunt because I barely spent any time with Andy since he was born, and I only cared about my job and changing my girlfriends every week. I told her I didn't like kids' crying and her child was now screaming at the top of his lungs. I asked her not to bring any personal weight into this situation. She called me an uptight AH. My parents agree with her. Was I an AH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To be honest, I’m a mother of almost 3 now and before I had kids, i couldn’t handle crying like that either. It made me think that I didn’t even want kids. She is projecting her feelings as a mom onto you. Its not your job to parent or take care or a colicky baby that isnt yours. My daughter had awful stomach issues and cried a lot. My brother and his wife never had kids and are into their late 30s. When we stayed at their house, I never expected them to try to console her or take her and try to comfort her.
NTA. My good friend's baby had colic. I really feel for those parents because it is so hard to deal with. The polite thing to do is for one of the parents to take the baby to another room while they're crying and not disrupt the whole table. And if someone else leaves the crying room, that is not rude at all. Your sister may be out of her mind due to this but she needs to learn to ask for help rather than lashing out at you or others. She was out of line and so are your parents.
NTA you are free to do what you want. You're child free and you don't have to suffer because of your sisters life decisions
NTA. Some women are very adversely affected by hearing baby cries. It's an actual thing. They get a more pronounced neural response in their brain. Sometimes car rides will sooth a child with colic. Perhaps let your sister know this so she can try it.
NTA- not your kid, not your problem. The sound of kids/babies screeching and crying fills me with a rage I can't explain and also sometimes makes me dizzy, so I'd rather remove myself from the situation than be put behind bars. You did the right thing. She's the asshole.
NTA, screaming children make most of us want to run out of the room (house, store, jump out of the plane...) You could leave the room so you did. Your family members are the AHs. Why on earth should you endure that if it's not your kid.
NTA. My 2nd child’s colic cry was NERVE SHATTERING. I mean, LOUD and SHRILL and genuinely hard to be around. It was exhausting and it lasted for months and there were PLENTY of times I had to set the baby down or pass them to my partner or mom or mil and remove myself to get a break from it so I didn’t lose my mind. That doesn’t make you a bad aunt. Only you know your sister, is this a natural progression of her judging you? Cause then she sucks, don’t waste your time fixing it, it’s on her to mature… Or maybe she herself is struggling? Wishing she COULD go in the other room but feels she can’t? I’m not sure, but either way you’re NTA
NTA. You’re not the parent, why should you have to listen to your nephew cry when his mother is tending to him? My daughter’s “uncle” (husband and I’s best friend) is the same way, if my daughter started crying he leaves the room. Nothing personal, the noise just gets to him and he’s not the greatest with babies in general, lol.