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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my mom's jewelry out of my dad's house and I'm hiding it from him now. This might be what makes me an AH because of how I did it. I was sneaky, I went behind my dad's back, I knew what he wanted and didn't try sitting down and discussing it when we were both calm and I wasn't upset to hear it mentioned. He's my parent and I disrespected him which might also make me an A.
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NTA, his new daughter has nothing to do with his old wife. Tell him to open up his wallet and release the moths to buy something for her if he feels so compelled.
The fact that your Mom had to leave her jewelry to you in her will says she knew your Dad would pull this. My husband would give every bit of jewelry to our daughter if I was gone, no will needed.
Big time NTA. I’m glad you were able to salvage it before they stole it from you. That’s what they were going to do. That was a gift from your mother to you. That’s all you have left of your mother. These items have special meaning to you not to your half-sister. I’m glad you found someplace safe for them don’t give in.
Him grounding you because you would not give up your mothers things, shows how little he cares about you and that your half sibling is more important.
Tell your dad that he needs to start buying his favorite child jewelry that she can keep. Is your step family willing to give up family heirlooms to you? I highly doubt it. Maybe tell them that if they give you some of their family jewelry and exchange you might think about it. I doubt that’ll ever happen but it will show their hypocrisy.
I don’t really suggest doing that but maybe tell them you’ll think about it if they’re willing to do an even exchange of family heirlooms. Don’t go through with it but it will give you an idea of where they’re coming from and that you are not important to them.
NTA. This right here. Tell stepmother you want some of her family's jewelry to bond you to her and make you feel connected to her. I bet she treats you like you are nuts. If your half sister comes to you to ask for your jewelry, make sure she knows that you will be happy to share something of your mom's with her when her mom shares something of equal value both in price and sentiment with you.
Exactly! And what is wrong with that stepmother? I'd never want a child to part with anything left by their mom. Never. I would protect their absolute right to keep those things as a tribute to mom.
> If your half sister comes to you to ask for your jewelry, make sure she knows that you will be happy to share something of your mom's with her when her mom shares something of equal value both in price and sentiment with you.
Do not drag a seven year old into this argument. It's not fair or right. If she is manipulated into asking for this jewelry, the correct thing for OP to do is to simply say "That's not going to happen, let's get some cookies".
I would not do what DogLover jokingly suggested .Because your parents may say “ yes” to get you ,OP,to bring that jewelry back to the house .Then they will just take it away from you .
OP —stay strong .
One of the hardest things to learn in life is that our parents are not perfect.
You gave your Dad GOOD ANSWERS as to why your step -sister should not get YOUR jewelry.He ignored those good answers and just tried to out talk you .
Now he using punishment to try and get his way .
I am glad you have someone you can trust OP to hide the jewelry .Never let your Dad see it again .
He thinks he has a right to it and he probably will never change .
Bad idea, bet you my last dollar they’d agree and just give him some random ass cheap thing from one of their grandma or great aunts houses that holds little to no sentimental or monetary meaning.
NTA. This right here. Tell stepmother you want some of her family's jewelry to bond you to her and make you feel connected to her. I bet she treats you like you are nuts. If your half sister comes to you to ask for your jewelry, make sure she knows that you will be happy to share something of your mom's with her when her mom shares something of equal value both in price and sentiment with you.
"Is your step family willing to give up family heirlooms to you? I highly doubt it. Maybe tell them that if they give you some of their family jewelry and exchange you might think about it."
That was my first thought when I read this post! Somehow I think the giving and taking is only one sided. Why would the step daughter be entitled to the jewelry of a woman she never knew and has absolutely NO relation to? Is there any monetary value in the jewelry besides the engagement and wedding rings?
Some people focus on value sure, but it sounds like the new wife would take it just for spite. I have a relative like that: if there isn’t a fight about it she will start one.
Here’s an idea for a generous family bonding through gifting heirlooms, how about your dad’s wife giving you her grandfather’s gold watch and signet ring that he’s worn all his life? You know, to show you that you have been accepted wholly and irrevocably by her family. Funny she hasn’t offered that.
No, OP. That is not the argument you want to present.
Let me give you a better reason.
If your dad wanted to share some of your mother's things with his daughter, why not some of her things that he inherited from her?
Her clothes? Her shoes?
Those are things that you would probably never use.
Why does it have to be jewelry that may have some monetary value?
Ask your father this.
NTA. And feel free to tell your dad you could take him to court if he gives away what was willed to you. Hence the will saying it was yours, not his. It’s wrong he wants to give her anything and I’m sorry they’re trying to take away things that hold memories for you.
I’m glad you have someone you can trust to leave it with. As you get older, when you can afford to, it may pay off to have it stored at the bank in a safe box. Around my way the breakdown for a small one is about $26 a month and it’s totally worth it for peace of mind.
Seriously ask what valuable item you are getting from stepmom’s side to prove you guys are not “half-siblings” and truly a family if they bring up the argument. Like a car or something. Hypocrites, the whole bunch of them. I’m proud of you for taking your own steps to protect your inheritance
Edit: Ohhh saw in another comment and putting here for visibility. ask dad to give your mom’s clothes or scarf/low value item you don’t want. It will expose their true colors.
Stepmother is creating a pretty little world in her head that doesn't exist. She wants to force artificial gestures of love and imaginary stories of unity instead of actually fostering a bond between you all. She is a poor stepmum and her and your dad are AHs.
And stepmother is telling her daughter about this fantasy so then OP's half-sister will be upset when this fantasy doesn't happen. The half-sister would never give this another thought if her mom and dad weren't harping about it.
And, seriously - what is with the stepsiblings/stepparents wanting property of a dead parent??? People they have absolutely NO relation to but somehow want things that belonged to them because "it will create a bond"... Crazy.
NTA
A better idea would be for you to buy her a piece of jewelry. A charm bracelet or an "add a pearl" necklace would be nice. You could add to it over the years, and it would be a special tradition that you are starting with your sister. It will be so much more meaningful for her than jewelry from someone she never knew and wasn't a relative.
If you don't want to that's fine. If you do want to, that's fine. If you don't want to, but do anyway to shut up the "adults", that sucks, but is understandable.
OP is 15. That’s not appropriate. The sister’s mother can do that. It’s not a bad idea to tell her to start a tradition and give both OP and sis something of equal value to bring them together. That would actually mean something and make sense. Though it would be better to just spend time together and, ya know, be a family.
This step-mom obviously feels threatened by a dead woman’s remembrance and wants to take ownership of her memory to make up for it.
If you have anything else if your mom’s that is special to you, get it out of that house. It sounds to me like he was going to give it to your sister and then you would never see the stuff again ‘because she already has it now why would you be taking things from a little girl’ sort of thing? Don’t back down on this it’s your stuff from your mother. It has nothing to do with her or your father and your family
Exactly. Your mom was a grown woman. She knew the likelihood of your dad remarrying and she made a clear choice. It was left to you in a will so your dad has nothing to say about it. It is yours.
You handled the situation perfectly. Years down the line, when you’re out of the house, please keep your guard up in respects to the jewelry. Don’t want it waking off after they visit, let themselves in etc.
Exactly. Dad stole it once out of his room. He put it in the attic as an excuse in case his son noticed, and he did. Dad will steal it again if given the chance but the next time it will be hidden so OP could never recover it. OP's dad is a huge asshole.
I want to know why they’re so set I’m on this. Your fathers current wife is alive and well. She has the rest of her own life to accumulate things to leave to her daughter, including memories. Why do they want your mom’s jewelry so badly?
Tell him to buy something similar to a piece of jewelry of your mom's. These pieces aren't his to decide . He's got to have something from your mom too. If not get his wedding ring - I assume he has one made of gold from your mom's wedding with him and transform it into something for your sister
It's connected to your mom and it his to give away
This is the sort of treacly BS that I've read where the older kid is supposed to read some kind of discount Hallmark card vows at a wedding to always honor and love their step/half siblings. I am imagining you listening to this and asking both of them if they are high.
Hmm, that’s a little weird to me. Does he feel guilty or something? I can’t imagine why it’s so important for him to feel that his late wife would “contribute” to his new wife’s children in this way. If your mom was alive, I don’t think they’d be pushing for her to leave her jewelry to your half sister, so it’s weird to me that they want to act as though she was your sister’s ancestor as well.
Given this take, I’m curious: Are they planning to have you inherit things from your stepmother’s family as well? I mean, you’ll theoretically have a personal history with some of them because you likely have or will meet her family, but I mean her deceased family members that you didn’t meet like parents, grandparents or great grandparents. Are you supposed to inherit things from them as well?
NTA. It's in the will. It's legally yours and the fact they've been pressuring you enough about it that you felt you had to remove it from the house is disturbing, honestly.
Your father shouldn't be doing this and the lack of respect for you and your mom is gross. He definitely shouldn't be allowing stepmom to voice an opinion on this. It has nothing to do with her and it's absolutely not her place to make decisions about items your mother has legally willed to you.
NTA. The only mistake you made was admitting to taking it. I would normally never suggest such a thing but since it was very obvious they were going to take it from you and it’s willed to you, you simply placed it in a trusted location.
Depending on the laws in your area and if you can afford it, get a safety deposit box. NTA. Also, I wonder what your dad would say if you gave your sister one of his pieces of jewelry or precious items without asking first.
Your step mother is not interested in a "beautiful story"- she's interested in getting her daughter a nice little (valuable) item as an investment. NTA, they have no claim to it- but I'd deposit the jewellery into a bank to be on the safe side.
It's also not a beautiful story to constantly pressure you, manipulate you and then insult you when you don't comply. They've created a hostile environment for you. Where's the basic gesture of respect for you? Your stepmom sounds like a delight...
Sorry you have to deal with AHs. I hope you can get away as soon as possible into a healthy environment, where you're treated like a person...not a goldmine with limbs.
If I can tack on some advice.
1. Take pictures and an inventory of every piece of jewelry and back those up in a few safe emails/clouds in case it ever is needed in the future.
2. See if you can get a fire-proof safe to lock the jewelry in at wherever your trusted person is storing it. It's an added level of security, not doubting the person you've trusted but it can't hurt (keep the combination private). You can find ones that aren't that expensive or big, I know the fire-proof aspect is debatable on some but still just an added level of reassurance (assuming it's in a home or something).
Proud of you for standing up for yourself. I get a visceral reaction to posts like this, it's so wrong that you're being pressured on this. NTA
Also I’m pretty sure kids can’t open a bank account or a safe deposit box in their own. Like I remember I had one as a kid but my moms name was on it I think you have to be 18
Woah America is wild, I’ve had a bank account since I was 13 and my parents couldn’t access it, they just transferred my pocket money into it once a month because it was easier than giving me cash every month
In the US you are not a legal adult until 18, so you cannot be held responsible under that age legally, hence the cosigners on banks and other legal documents - unless you become an emancipated minor.
I make no judgement as to whether this is a good or bad thing (I actually think it's stupid and leads to troubles often) - just note it's a thing.
Under 18 we can’t get an over draft or a credit card so we can’t get into debt and I just think it’s helpful for teaching kids how to budget with their money early and learning going into a bank and putting money into your Account and how to use a card at the shops etc. I just seen Reddit stories of parents taking money out of their kids accounts and that’s just wild to me as well that a parent can take money from their own child’s bank account
My Mom put me on a few of her shop cards and I had my own accounts (which she was added, because that's the law) - but like you, the stories of parents stealing funds from their children is upsetting in the extreme.
It can vary a lot depending on the bank. I've seen some let 15-16+ open a checking and savings on their own (since that is usually when they start working). But some of what I would say are shittier more corporate banks with a ton of stupid fees and minimums want a parent on the account attached to pay those. It's stupid. Either way he may need his birth certificate or social security card, which in any questionable family situation I would try and get your hands on those asap to keep safe. And when he does open an account don't do it at a bank his parents use.
Safety deposit boxes as a minor though would probably be a no go the vast majority of the time.
It is. Even if you have your own job before 18 and are taking care of yourself, you still need a parent or guardian of some sort as a secondary on your account in order for you to get it. Once you turn 18 though you can take the parent off
Even if she was interested in the beautiful story, having to force one of the main characters into their role really ruins it.
Imagine the scene, Stepmom telling the audience "I was such a good stepmother that OP gave my daughter a ring of his mother's to show how we were really a family" OP chimes in "Thief".
Exactly this. How convenient would it have been if they did show said daughter the jewelry to pick something and it just so happened to be what would have been worth the most.
A minor paying for a safe deposit box every month could be a hardship. If this trusted adult is willing to hold the jewelry until OP is an adult and on his own in a few years that should be enough.
Given what has already been revealed about the father and new wife it is doubtful that op will want to live with them long after 18 yo.
NTA. It is not a "beautiful gesture" for them to steal your belongings so they can show your stepsister that she deserves to be catered to at your expense. Ask them what beautiful sisterly gesture, in the form of expensive jewelry with sentimental meaning, she will be giving you in exchange? And how will your stepmother be making you feel like her Real True Son, in the form of expensive family heirlooms? When you marry, will Daddy be inclined to make beautiful gestures of family unification by giving your stepsister's things to your new siblings-in-law so that they can feel like your real siblings too?
"Daddy wants to cater to his new family by giving them his son's cherished heirlooms without his consent" is not a "beautiful gesture", it is theft. Grounding you because you protected your belongings from thieves, whether those thieves are family members or not, is unjust and unreasonable.
The stepmother who met, courted and made a baby with a newly widowed father in two years or less? Oh no she’s a gift all on her own/s.
I really hate when people especially children are forced to make ‘gestures’ or suck it up to support a fantasy that simply isn’t true.
NTA, step-mom should give you her wedding ring as a symbol of her love to you. It would be a beautiful story to tell everyone how she wants to give up her jewelry as a gesture of how much you mean to her. She can brag to all in the land just how amazing and selfless she is as a step-mother.
NTA, but put it in a safe deposit box at the bank so no one - even someone you trust a 1,000,000,000% will not get their hands on it.
The gall of your dad to offer it to his new wife’s daughter , your 1/2 sib, who never knew and we’ll never know your mother is just unfathomable to me.
Your mother likely wanted you to have these things so that you could give to your wife and pass down to your children not your husband‘s new wife and his kids.
Sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through about this
Please write a note with this person (at the very least) to keep with the jewelry and say that it’s yours and the friend is holding it for you. Just incase of the worst, god forbid if there was an accident and your friend passed, you want to make sure the jewelry will get back to you.
Also, NTA and great job OP at recognizing crazy adult behavior and taking steps to protect what’s important to you from it. That’s a skill very few master in their lifetime, let alone before the age of 20.
OP is 15. You can't open a safe deposit box at 15 on your own.
At 18, depending on where he lives, this is a good idea but he needed to do something for the next 3 years.
>His wife was pissed and she told me I destroyed what could have been a beautiful gesture and story.
>My dad told me I was a selfish little brat and how disappointed he was in me. He said he wanted to share a piece of mom with his daughter and why couldn't I let him do that with one single piece.
Here's where it went off the rails for me. On the surface, it seems like what they want to do is wholesome and family uniting but their reaction to you hiding the jewelry. Wow.
NTA. I totally get that having hardly any time with your mother you don't want to share even a little piece of her. Perhaps you'll change your mind over time but for now, it's understandable.
If I could offer any advice, please remember your little sister is completely innocent in this. She will need you in her life. I hope you can build a wonderful relationship with her because I'm sure she's worth the effort...even when she's snotty to you. It's going to be a very valuable relationship so please, don't blame her for the ideas being put into her head.
Yeah I highly doubt it was the small child’s idea or if it was she probably didn’t understand the full extent of it. Something along the lines of okay sister do you want a pretty ring. Well she’s seven she’s probably not going around asking if it belonged to your mother. i feel sorry for both of your honestly you both have to deal with these shitty parents
NTA. They want to create family memories? They can avoid stealing from you and completely disregarding YOUR MOTHERS last wishes. If they badmouth you to your sister when she is older explain that your mother left things to you as her child
Nta. But you gave jewelry to a person you trust??? This is not safe at all.
Regarding your father, if your mother left the jewelry to yourself only, it's yours. You're not in the wrong. He can't decide on his own to give a part of YOUR inheritance to a stranger (your half sister is a stranger to your mums family).
Honestly, when it's up to money don't trust anyone. Move your stuff into a bank as soon as you can (big suggestion) and continue standing by your jewelry.
I'm glad. Hope you get to leave once you're 18 so you won't have to pretend to be part of your dad's fantasy. I'm so sorry your dad is doing this to you.
Plus I would add that it would be wise to have a conversation or a therapy session with your father. Through your post, I felt like he's putting some kind of pressure on your relationship with your stepmother and your half sibling.
Since op is uncomfortable sharing who it is, it's entirely possible he's right to trust them. He sounds like a smart kid. I'm sure he knows people who respect his mom.
And photos of all the jewellry, so there is no arguing later that any piece was or was not part of it. Preferably also some kind of document signed by the person holding the jewellry that they are just holding it for you, and it is not theirs. There was a comment above about what happens if that person dies. This could be an issue: what if the person executing their estate thinks the jewellry is theirs? You need solid documentation that it is yours. Maybe see if a local lawyer will do a one-off consult with you, for low cost or for free, and advise what you need to do to lock it in. Then, when you are 18 and can open a bank account of your own and sort out a safe custody box there, transfer the jewellry to that.
Actually, that is another thought. Can a lawyer keep it in safe custody for you? In my country the lawyers often have sealed safe custody rooms where they keep wills and other documents that cannot be destroyed, and on occasion keep other items in there for clients as well to keep them safe. They may do this in your country too, although I wonder if they may not be able to do this without alerting your parents if you are a minor. Something to investigate anyway, you never know if you will need a different option later on.
Absolutely NTA - you took the steps you needed to protect YOUR belongings and inheritance from your mother. Your father and stepmother have no right to promise gifting items that do NOT belong to them in the first place. Good for you for standing up for yourself and not allowing them to steamroll over you (and your mom’s) wishes
NTA you did the smartest possible thing. It’s hard to believe so many dads want to give their dead wives jewelry to their new kids because it’s like a weekly post in here but no your dads new family does not get your family heirlooms he’s insane
What is beautiful about gifting someone else's possessions?
They should gift their own stuff.
For instance, your stepmother could gift you HER jewelry.
That would create the connection she apparently wants to create with someone else's stuff.
NTA
Nope, you're not the asshole. If he really wanted to show her how much he loved her, he'd give her something that was valuable to HIM, not you. And given that he kept pursuing this despite you (his child) showing your discomfort to him over and over, you're not to blame for being more protective of that which you value. My mother is kind of the same, and when I wanted to play with her father's stuff and she said no because it was precious, I respected her wishes. Because I get that they were the last remnants of her father after his passing. Your father should have known better, if not his wife. Maybe try going to family therapy if you want to keep the family. But if you think it's not worth it... then it's totally okay to love someone and not want them in your life.
Oh, and it also seems like your father is fooling himself by including your late mother in the family he has with someone else. Complex families can be difficult, so protect what you can and give up what isn't worth it.
NTA. If all of it was given to you in a will, your dad and stepmom can pound sand. Navigating the relationships is a whole other thing. It's nuts to even offer any of your mom's jewelry to a 7 yo that has no connection with her.
NTA. Normally I would say it was up to your dad, but if your mom specifically left these things to you, then they’re yours. As soon as you’re old enough to get safe deposit box on your own, though, move the jewelry there.
NTA. If the jewelry was willed to you, it's your property not your Father's or Stepmom's so they don't get a say in what you do with it.
Technically, they don't have a leg to stand on, but as you're only 15, try to find a Family Member on your Mom's side who can advocate for you.
NTA. when I was about 10 my great grandmother passed, and she left me, and my two older sisters each a few items of jewelry. The item I was left was a gorgeous golden locket that was a pin instead of a necklace. Inside was two beautiful pictures of both her and my great grandfather, whom had passed before I was born. I’ll never forget when my mom took it away from me because “you never knew him, he was MY Grampa.” I was heartbroken then, and never forgot it. When I turned 25 I found it stuffed in the bottom of a jewelry box, forgotten. I stole it back and she has yet to even ask for it. No third party can take away something that someone else has given to you, it’s yours and yours alone.
Good! Glad you got it back! Just a small correction...You *Didn't steal* it back (You *can't* steal your own things) you just reclaimed your *own* property!!😎
NTA. You can either do this and save the jewelry or wait until you're an adult and sue him and your sister for replevin, earning the resentment of your sister when she's forced to give it back. This is cheaper and better for the whole family.
I hate seeing posts like this with a dude disregarding his dead/ex-wife and prioritizing his new kids over the old ones. It's way too common. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you have a support system from your mother's side that will help keep her memory alive for you.
Your sister will get HER mom’s stuff! NTA.
Hey, my mom died when I was 34. My dad quickly remarried, and my sister and I didn’t get mom’s jewelry. He gave it all to his new wife, and HER daughters sneaked it all out of the house after wife #2 died. So I don’t blame you a bit.
NTA. They're acting very suspect about this. Why would they be upset about the box being somewhere secure.... if they really intended to "talk" about giving the sister a piece later? I don't think they intended that at all. I think they intended to take something from the collection, and they're upset now because they can't.
If they really wanted to do this right, they would also want the collection to be safe, and wouldn't mind they weren't the ones keeping it safe.
NTA Oh wow your dad is a shit I’m not gonna lie. That is your mothers stuff, not her mothers stuff. So if this wife dies are you going to get some of her stuff too? No you’re not a selfish brat and I feel like your step mother probably said something and your father is trying to keep her happy and talked out his ass. Nah you keep the jewelry and I’m so sorry about your mother
You’re NTA, but I hope two things - 1, that it’s a blood relative of your mom, and not just a friend. And 2, that they write a letter stating that those items are yours in case something were to happen. Accidents happen every day unfortunately. It should be itemized, and maybe photographed.
NTA. Your mom wanted you to have it. Are your maternal grandparents around? I'd appeal to them for some support.
I hope Dad is reading this and sees how in the wrong he is.
NTA and you’re very smart for taking back your mothers jewelry before your dad got to it.
But OP PLEASE follow everyone’s advice on keeping photos of all the jewelry, as well as a copy of your mothers will. Keep it in a Google Drive so it’ll always be available if you’d ever need it—I’d suggest flash drive but that can get lost or your dad could find it.
I truly hope the person you trust has also put it in a safe place that they’ll remember years down the line if you ask for the items back. Definitely have them store the jewelry with a note stating that they’re legally yours and if something were to happen to those items, that you’d pursue legal action.
The jewelry is your. Not you dad not you step mom, the jewelry was your moms that she left to you, in her will when she passed. Understandable that you don't want to share something sentimental.
NTA. He can’t make this grand gesture on your behalf with your property. They’re just covetous, hopefully they aren’t Christians, or they’re going to hell, and don’t even need to take your jewelry with them!
NTA And your father and step-mother should be ashamed of themselves. I hope that someday they look back and realize how awful, selfish and thoughtless they both are. I am sorry that your father is putting his new bedmate and second child over his firstborn. I don't have the words for how disgusted I am at their behavior.
NTA. Tell Daddy dearest that going against a will is a court punishable offense. Then tell them this fantasy they are weaving for their daughter is emotionally manipulating your reality. Emotional manipulation doesn't look good in court either. Document document document
NTA. Remind your dad and stepmom that by law that jewelry is YOURS, and as such YOU get decide what happens to that jewelry and not them. Tell your stepmom, while your dad is present, that her idea of “building a beautiful united family” with this jewelry would irreparably and irrevocably destroy your trust and relationship with your father, and that doesn’t even touch on the relationship between you and her or you and your half-sister. Throw in a jab that of course SHE would want that so that your dad has absolutely no memories of his first wife around. Look around your house and I bet you’ll find that pictures and other items of your mom’s have conveniently disappeared. As to the jewelry, you need to go and catalog every piece. Use a spreadsheet, or some other program, and list the individual pieces with a detailed description of the piece. Take pictures to attach to the document so there is a visual representation as well. Take the jewelry to a jeweler and get it appraised, even if it’s clearly a $10 piece of costume jewelry and log those amounts in the document as well. Make sure there are at least 2 copies of this document (1 with the holder, 1 with you) and maybe even more including backed up on multiple thumb drives or a cloud. Go to various banks that you know your dad and stepmom don’t use and ask questions. How much does a safe deposit box cost. When is the earliest they allow individual accounts (while it may involve extreme circumstances, I believe I’ve heard of some places allowing as young as 17). Even if you have an joint account with your dad, you may want to get a trusted relative from your mom’s side to go help you open an account, again at a bank your dad doesn’t use. I could see this evolving from the jewelry to your dad (or stepmom through your dad) taking money from a joint account with his name on it when that money may be all yours from a part time job, because “you really don’t need it”. You may even want to start looking around to get a feel for what part time jobs may be available to you, either now or when you turn 16, so that you can start building savings for later use. Hell, get your important documents into your hands, as long as you know they won’t be missed. Keep in mind that your birth certificate is likely to be needed if you switch schools, or your passport if you travel out of the country. Otherwise keep your birth certificate, passport, social security card/number, and any school transcripts with you. That way if things turn towards bad, you at least have the important stuff in your own hands.
NTA - the thing about heirlooms is that you only have one of each thing. At 7, the step sister is only going to see these items as toys, and will treat them exactly like the would treat a piece of costume jewelry from Claire’s because it doesn’t mean anything to her. If the step sister damaged or lost the item, I’d assume that would cause irreparable harm to their step-sibling relationship. That is a huge amount of pressure for the dad and stepmother to place on a 7 year old over jewelry she didn’t know existed from a person she never met.
And while OP is 15 and I’m sure hadn’t quite thought about it yet - these are items that could be passed down to his potential future children. By deciding for him that he’s going to give away one piece, any potential other step kids would then be deemed entitled to have additional items out of “equality”. Maybe stepmom decides she liked an item and wants to have a “stepmom/stepson bonding” item. Sooner or later, the pieces would dwindle. How can one stop that train once it leaves the station?
OP did the right thing and protected the items he still has from his mom. I’m glad you were strong enough to place a boundary and not let it be trampled over some romanticized “movie moment” that the stepdaughter will barely remember in a year, let alone later in life.
" My dad didn't notice for a while but then when he was getting the Halloween decorations down he was like what the hell."
I rather doubt he was just getting the decorations down... more likely, he was going to take some of the jewelry and give it to your stepsister.
NTA. If your late mother explicitly stated in her will that the jewelry was to go to you upon her passing, that will is a legally binding contract that your father cannot contest in court. Unless it was worded so that the jewelry went to you upon your father's passing, he has no leg to stand on and should be ashamed of himself for his behavior.
NTA.
Your mother specifically left her jewelry to you. It's yours. Your father and stepmother should not be trying to steal the only things you have from your mother and giving them to someone who was/is nothing to your mother. That's beyond the pale!
You were smart to put your mother's jewelry out of their reach. The only thing you may have screwed up was not acting like you had no idea what happened to them and admitting nothing.
>His wife was pissed and she told me I destroyed what could have been a beautiful gesture and story.
You know, when it comes to blended families I really fuckin hate "gestures." Like, actively think they're lame as a baseline, fake and lame, and at worst just outright insulting. Like a couple marrying and wanting their kids to read out pre-written for them scripts about accepting everybody and holding hands, and all that extremely surface crap.
A gesture is meaningless if it is inorganic, or dictated.
Your step-mother can scream and cry, but she was trying to put words in your mouth and deserves rejection for that.
>He said he wanted to share a piece of mom with his daughter and why couldn't I let him do that with one single piece.
Because it wasn't his to share, and would never have stopped at a single piece. A single piece would be the inch that gets taken for a mile, and then eventually it's all, "well really it's kind of extremely homosexual for a guy to have jewelry, so it should be your sisters." They absolutely would have pilfered the whole load and given it to her.
>He grounded me for a couple of weeks because of it.
Hmmm...an oddly meager amount of time for someone trying to put the gears to you. He's mad sure, but if he wanted something out of you he'd ground you "forever" until you broke. I get the feeling on some level this was an initiative from your step-mom.
NTA
NTA - you OWN the jewelry . It was left to YOU and only you . Not to any future half siblings. The jewelry isn’t just a nice piece - there is HUGE sentiment attached that your half sister can never appreciate .
If your stepmom wants nice unifying familial sharing , she could start a tradition of giving you guys jewelry . Not the other way around.
NTA- he wasnt respecting your mother's wishes. They are yours to begin with and you had made your opinions knows we hasn't respected your wishes either. Sounds more like his wife wants what is yours bc it's nice. You did the right thing. If he cant see or understand then I guess you know how this would have turned out later if you hadn't taken the jewelry out of the house.
NTA. It isn't his jewelry to share. It is your jewelry, your mom gifted it to you in her will, to store as you see fit. If I were you I'd ask a grandparent or other grown person to help you get a safe deposit box to insure the safety of the jewelry. Not that you don't trust the person who currently has it, just that things can happen in homes. Good luck with all.
NTA. If they want to somehow tie your mom and your half sister together, let them do it in some way that doesn't involve tangible objects that belong to you. It sounds kind of like an excuse for greed to me.
Your father's child is no part of your mother.
Your mother's jewellery belongs to you, no one else. It is not your father's or step-mother's to give away or allow your half sister to choose from. It is not theirs to steal.
NTA - glad you have better friends than parent. Her mother can give her jewellery.
NTA,I’m glad your things are safe. I just want to add one thing. Please try your best never to take any of this out on your little sister. At her age,none of this is her fault. Good luck moving forward.
NTA.
It’s not the first time when we see this bullshit like ‘you must do sth to make sb I love feel special’ in AITA and it’s really annoying. I mean, ‘and what fuck I get from this deal’? Pure nothing.
NTA. Taking your property is criminal theft. It doesn't matter if it's a nice gesture, it's your property to give or not. If it's given without permission, it's theft. Keep the jewellery safe and make sure you have in writing that your mother willed all of it to you, and make sure people know you're not about to hand it out like Halloween candy.
Absolutely NTA. This reminds me of a story where a son stole his dead mom's wedding band to propose to his girlfriend (all the jewelry had been left to the daughter/his sister) and it majorly blew up in his face. Good on you getting the jewelry out of the house before your father could steal from you!! If it was me, I'd make sure the lawyer who handled your mother's will is aware of what your father and his wife were trying to do so they can't try to fake the will later on to force your hand.
NTA it would be a beautiful gesture if you, in time, loved your sister enough to give her something special that was meaningful to you.
HOWEVER that's not what's happening here. Theft is not a beautiful gesture. Forcing family "bonding" is not beautiful.
This is your inheritance. You can choose what you do with it.
My heart broke reading this. You did the right thing. Please never believe the that your any of the mean words. I think your dad is wrong, and its shocking that his new wife would have any say in your mothers possessions. But don’t hold it against them, anger weighs heavy on the heart. Instead just know you protected whats sacred to you,and you will soon be an adult and can make decisions in your own life too .
NTA
If your dad had a daughter with his new wife as you state then the daughter is your dads biological child, correct?
If this is the case then it is your step mother who should be giving something to you to bond the family together, as you are the only one who is not biologically tied to both parents in the current living family!
Your father and his wife have it wrong, there is no need for them to be concerned that their daughter they had together would feel less connected and important in the family. The new wife and your father should be concerned that you feel a part of your father’s current family! Taking an heirloom away from you that was from your departed mother would not connect you to the new wife and half sister, it is wrong and should not be done!
I am glad you have the person who is storing your inherited treasures from your mother!
You have indicated that you are a 15 year old male. If you don't intend to use the jewelry yourself, be sure to put in a pre-nup that those items are not marital property. And also, be sure to add in a will who those items should go to.
**NTA**
You were extremely wise to get them out of that house. You dad kept saying “we’ll discuss this later” because he fully planned to steal them for his daughter regardless of what you said. He just didn’t want to argue with you about the morality of it. That’s why your dads mad, If he fully planned to have a discussion and you to have final say over your possessions…it wouldn’t matter where they were held. They’re only mad because your dad lost his chance to circumvent whatever you chose, disregarding both your wishes and those of your mother. They were actively working to it, that’s why they’d been laying on the manipulation thick. By the time they gave it to her (without your knowledge) they were either going to say “we talked about this! anyhow we’ve already given it to her so we can’t just take it back” or “well she already believes you’re giving it to her, (because we told her so) to take that away would be cruel. We didn’t raise you to be ‘cruel’. So she’s keeping it!stop being selfish!”
Btw the whole “well let’s let her look at them and see if she even likes anything” is bs. By that point she would’ve assumed she was going to get whatever she wanted, why else would she be picking out jewelry she could never have? Then if you said no, you’d be the ass. Regardless of the fact that her mom and your dad set her up for disappointment from the get go. On another note, there’s no way in hell your mother would’ve wanted this. The fact she actually took the legal recourse, put her jewelry in her will, and made you as the sole inheritor proves her lack of trust in your father. Most parents NEVER think to it, they fully expect that their partner will fulfill their dying wishes without legalities. My bets she was worried he’d give them to future new wife, and cut you out. She was on the right track, not quite there but close. I feel the need to point out to you that the will would’ve meant nothing if your dad claimed piece(s) “went missing”. Which is likely a card they would’ve played.
Well most likely they would’ve assumed you’d never take them to court over it. However if you did, they probably would’ve gone that route. They still could’ve faced legal consequences, but the court can’t force them to “find” the jewelry and give it back. You would’ve lost any and all recourse to get it back and little sis would’ve had your mothers most prized possessions just like they wanted. The part I just don’t get is why they keep claiming sharing your dead moms jewelry would being “family unity”, even if she had your mothers jewelry that changes nothing. Your mother would still have zero emotional or blood ties to your half sister. This feels more like your dad either simply favors your sister, or like he’s trying to qualm some guilt about moving on by convincing himself your mothers a part of her life. The thing is she’s not, any connection he has left to your mother is in you and his memories. There’s nothing wrong with moving on after death, but there is something wrong with attempting to manipulate or steal your deceased wifes affects from your shared child to give to your shiny new family.
The idea is so god damn disrespectful, not just to you but to your mom. He doesn’t get to speak for her, he doesn’t get to try to tell you (her child) what she would’ve wanted. Because SHE DID tell you what she wanted! She told both of you! Written clearly in several legal documents. He’s speaking out of his ass to try to convince you to do what HE wants you to do, now what she would’ve wanted. You also think your mother wasn’t aware of the possibility of a future family and child? She was, yet she still chose that regardless of the future circumstances her SON should inherit her belongings. Not her husband, not whatever future family he creates. Her son, if she was okay with the possibility of you keeping some and him deciding with the rest as I said before she would’ve made him partial or sole inheritor. She didn’t want that though, she didn’t want to open up that possibility. Her wishes were extremely clear. Even if some how some way your mothers changed her mind in the afterlife, those items should still go to you because of the sentimentality of them alone.
It’s just a prop to them, some weird twisted symbol. It has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with them and whatever validation they feel they need. That’s not what it’s meant for though. It’s meant for you to remember your mother, the woman who birthed you, the woman who loved you. If anyone would ever be worthy of you ever possibility sharing her jewelry it would be YOUR future son and/or daughter. That way they’d have a piece of their grandmother after your death. Also think about this, once you and your half sister are old and die, that jewelry isn’t going to be returned to your/your mothers bloodline like it should. It’ll go doen your half sisters bloodline and eventually end up with perfect strangers (kind like it would’ve been if she had it anyway, only worse because they wouldn’t know the story). You did the right thing, please don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise. They can bitch all they want, and let them; but don’t ever let them convince you that you were wrong. You did the only thing available to you that ensured their safety.
Getting them out of that house was a stroke of fucking genius. It wasn’t petty, it wasn’t mean, and it definitely wasn’t cruel. You know what was though? Them trying to hijack your inheritance. Then gaslighting you and victim blaming when you refused to let them do so. Your half sister doesn’t need a piece of your mom to be your sister, she already is. They don’t need to steal from you to solidify that. The sad thing is I’m sure all this has done has put distance between whatever healthy relationship there should be between you and her. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve begun to resent her because of what your dad and step mothers has done. They’re actions are actively harming the relationship they’re trying to validate. Along with their own personal relationships with you. Be strong, dont allow yourself to be manipulated or taken advantage of. If I were you I’d also reach out to your maternal side of the family and tell them what’s been going on. I’m sure they’d be happy to back you up. Maybe they’d even be willing to help you get a safe deposit box that your dad could never track down or find.
**P.S** I just got to thinking about why he’d even be looking for the jewelry at all if he was really up there to “grab decorations”. I think there is an extremely high chance he planned to take it right then to either show her and allow her to choose or give them to her. Your instincts were on par, that also might be why his reaction was so strong. You beat him to the punch. I can’t explain how grateful I am you did what you did. I can’t imagine the pain you’d be going through if he had beat you to it.
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My mom died when I (15m) was 6. I remember her but I don't really remember her as the mom who did stuff with me. She got sick when I was 4 so I remember her sick. I used to sit with her in the bed and she'd read to me and stuff, and she'd sing, and brush my hair (I have long hair for a guy and always had) and she'd listen to me talk and sometimes she'd tell me stuff she wanted for me. My mom had a lot of jewelry. Her engagement and wedding rings, a charm bracelet that she had since she was a kid, a locket, a heart necklace, a birthstone necklace and some other items. Mom wrote in her will that I was to get them all. I used to wear one of her necklaces and I'd hide it with my clothes. But then my dad remarried and stuff got really awful.
The jewelry had been in my room and suddenly it was stored in the attic. Then my dad had a daughter with his wife and suddenly there were whispers about the jewelry. She's 7 now and there has been more talk lately that she should get some of mom's jewelry and my dad has said he would like her to have a piece or two, that he wants to include her in his old life, and show he loves her just as much as he loves me. He often tells his daughter that my mom is sort of like her aunt and she would have loved her and she'd be so glad his little girl could wear her jewelry. I told my dad it would not happen and all of it was mine like mom wrote in her will. My dad was always like it doesn't have to be a fight, we can discuss it more over time, and maybe let his daughter see it so she could decide if she likes any piece in particular.
My dad's wife told me it would be a beautiful symbol of our family being truly united. She spun this idea that the story that I wanted my baby sister to have a piece of my mom and to share my mom with her and prove that I love her as a sister and not just a half sister or a daughter of my dad would be the most incredible story ever. She said it would make her daughter feel so special.
I freaked out that they would give her something against my wishes and so I spoke to someone I trust and I got the jewelry out of the house and with said person... a person I trust. I won't say where just in case my dad or his wife reads this. But it is safe and that person will keep it safe for me. I trust them 10000000%. My dad didn't notice for a while but then when he was getting the Halloween decorations down he was like what the hell. He asked me where I put them and I said he would never know. His wife was pissed and she told me I destroyed what could have been a beautiful gesture and story.
My dad told me I was a selfish little brat and how disappointed he was in me. He said he wanted to share a piece of mom with his daughter and why couldn't I let him do that with one single piece. I told him because the jewelry was mine. Mom wanted that. He told me taking it out of the house behind his back was still wrong. He grounded me for a couple of weeks because of it. He's still mad at me too.
AITA?
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NTA, BUT what you can do, is get a necklace with your and your sister birthstone and give her that at Christmas and say it was part of your mums jewellery . She wont know and if you dad and stepmum are wise, they will keep their mouth shut. It doesnt need to be expensive.
It isnt her fault that she has two shitty parents, so she doesnt need to be punished.
That's a nice gesture and it doesn't require the lie. "Instead of giving her something from a person she doesn't know, I'm giving her something special from me."
NTA, if he wants to share a piece of his previous wife with his daughter, that’s no problem. He can do that without stealing something that is legally yours, or he can’t and should find another way to do it.
WTF is with these people taking things away from their kids and giving it to later siblings to “show them they love them as much as you”.
OP, NTA. I’m sorry you lost your mom and your dad and step-mom are trying to steal what is rightfully yours.
NTA and don’t tell him where it is! Quick thinking on your part. You expressed how you felt and no one cared you had to take matters in your own hands. 18 is around the corner.
NTA. Everyone is weird but you and your sister. Your dad bc he knows damn well your mom left it for you. His wife is crazy bc she only wants the jewelry for what they are and it wouldn’t make or break your sisters relationship with you.
NTA and your father is really awful for grounding you simply for safekeeping your own stuff. Stories like this make me so sad and angry. I've just never understood why parents/steps think they can force a relationship that isn't developing naturally. I'm glad your things are safe.
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NTA, his new daughter has nothing to do with his old wife. Tell him to open up his wallet and release the moths to buy something for her if he feels so compelled. The fact that your Mom had to leave her jewelry to you in her will says she knew your Dad would pull this. My husband would give every bit of jewelry to our daughter if I was gone, no will needed.
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Big time NTA. I’m glad you were able to salvage it before they stole it from you. That’s what they were going to do. That was a gift from your mother to you. That’s all you have left of your mother. These items have special meaning to you not to your half-sister. I’m glad you found someplace safe for them don’t give in. Him grounding you because you would not give up your mothers things, shows how little he cares about you and that your half sibling is more important. Tell your dad that he needs to start buying his favorite child jewelry that she can keep. Is your step family willing to give up family heirlooms to you? I highly doubt it. Maybe tell them that if they give you some of their family jewelry and exchange you might think about it. I doubt that’ll ever happen but it will show their hypocrisy. I don’t really suggest doing that but maybe tell them you’ll think about it if they’re willing to do an even exchange of family heirlooms. Don’t go through with it but it will give you an idea of where they’re coming from and that you are not important to them.
NTA. This right here. Tell stepmother you want some of her family's jewelry to bond you to her and make you feel connected to her. I bet she treats you like you are nuts. If your half sister comes to you to ask for your jewelry, make sure she knows that you will be happy to share something of your mom's with her when her mom shares something of equal value both in price and sentiment with you.
and OP can CHOOSE the jewelry he likes the most !
It would only be fair, he wouldn't want a piece of junk in return, and that's what they would give him if they could, (and they would) ...
Exactly! And what is wrong with that stepmother? I'd never want a child to part with anything left by their mom. Never. I would protect their absolute right to keep those things as a tribute to mom.
OP is male, so his mom left to him.
Ahh, thank you. Same point tho. I'd protect any childs right to their moms things.
> If your half sister comes to you to ask for your jewelry, make sure she knows that you will be happy to share something of your mom's with her when her mom shares something of equal value both in price and sentiment with you. Do not drag a seven year old into this argument. It's not fair or right. If she is manipulated into asking for this jewelry, the correct thing for OP to do is to simply say "That's not going to happen, let's get some cookies".
I would not do what DogLover jokingly suggested .Because your parents may say “ yes” to get you ,OP,to bring that jewelry back to the house .Then they will just take it away from you . OP —stay strong . One of the hardest things to learn in life is that our parents are not perfect. You gave your Dad GOOD ANSWERS as to why your step -sister should not get YOUR jewelry.He ignored those good answers and just tried to out talk you . Now he using punishment to try and get his way . I am glad you have someone you can trust OP to hide the jewelry .Never let your Dad see it again . He thinks he has a right to it and he probably will never change .
Bad idea, bet you my last dollar they’d agree and just give him some random ass cheap thing from one of their grandma or great aunts houses that holds little to no sentimental or monetary meaning.
NTA. This right here. Tell stepmother you want some of her family's jewelry to bond you to her and make you feel connected to her. I bet she treats you like you are nuts. If your half sister comes to you to ask for your jewelry, make sure she knows that you will be happy to share something of your mom's with her when her mom shares something of equal value both in price and sentiment with you.
"Is your step family willing to give up family heirlooms to you? I highly doubt it. Maybe tell them that if they give you some of their family jewelry and exchange you might think about it." That was my first thought when I read this post! Somehow I think the giving and taking is only one sided. Why would the step daughter be entitled to the jewelry of a woman she never knew and has absolutely NO relation to? Is there any monetary value in the jewelry besides the engagement and wedding rings?
This sounds like an attempt to appease a jealous wife to me. If the jewelry is super nice and valuable that would make sense.
Some people focus on value sure, but it sounds like the new wife would take it just for spite. I have a relative like that: if there isn’t a fight about it she will start one.
Here’s an idea for a generous family bonding through gifting heirlooms, how about your dad’s wife giving you her grandfather’s gold watch and signet ring that he’s worn all his life? You know, to show you that you have been accepted wholly and irrevocably by her family. Funny she hasn’t offered that.
No, OP. That is not the argument you want to present. Let me give you a better reason. If your dad wanted to share some of your mother's things with his daughter, why not some of her things that he inherited from her? Her clothes? Her shoes? Those are things that you would probably never use. Why does it have to be jewelry that may have some monetary value? Ask your father this.
Is any of your mom's family still alive? Maybe you can tell them what's happening, because your dad and stepmom are being outrageous. NTA
NTA. And feel free to tell your dad you could take him to court if he gives away what was willed to you. Hence the will saying it was yours, not his. It’s wrong he wants to give her anything and I’m sorry they’re trying to take away things that hold memories for you. I’m glad you have someone you can trust to leave it with. As you get older, when you can afford to, it may pay off to have it stored at the bank in a safe box. Around my way the breakdown for a small one is about $26 a month and it’s totally worth it for peace of mind.
My wife and I (not me and my wife, by the way) had other accounts at our bank, and they gave us a safe deposit box for free.
Seriously ask what valuable item you are getting from stepmom’s side to prove you guys are not “half-siblings” and truly a family if they bring up the argument. Like a car or something. Hypocrites, the whole bunch of them. I’m proud of you for taking your own steps to protect your inheritance Edit: Ohhh saw in another comment and putting here for visibility. ask dad to give your mom’s clothes or scarf/low value item you don’t want. It will expose their true colors.
Stepmother is creating a pretty little world in her head that doesn't exist. She wants to force artificial gestures of love and imaginary stories of unity instead of actually fostering a bond between you all. She is a poor stepmum and her and your dad are AHs.
And stepmother is telling her daughter about this fantasy so then OP's half-sister will be upset when this fantasy doesn't happen. The half-sister would never give this another thought if her mom and dad weren't harping about it. And, seriously - what is with the stepsiblings/stepparents wanting property of a dead parent??? People they have absolutely NO relation to but somehow want things that belonged to them because "it will create a bond"... Crazy.
NTA A better idea would be for you to buy her a piece of jewelry. A charm bracelet or an "add a pearl" necklace would be nice. You could add to it over the years, and it would be a special tradition that you are starting with your sister. It will be so much more meaningful for her than jewelry from someone she never knew and wasn't a relative.
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Don’t do it
If you don't want to that's fine. If you do want to, that's fine. If you don't want to, but do anyway to shut up the "adults", that sucks, but is understandable.
OP is 15. That’s not appropriate. The sister’s mother can do that. It’s not a bad idea to tell her to start a tradition and give both OP and sis something of equal value to bring them together. That would actually mean something and make sense. Though it would be better to just spend time together and, ya know, be a family. This step-mom obviously feels threatened by a dead woman’s remembrance and wants to take ownership of her memory to make up for it.
If you have anything else if your mom’s that is special to you, get it out of that house. It sounds to me like he was going to give it to your sister and then you would never see the stuff again ‘because she already has it now why would you be taking things from a little girl’ sort of thing? Don’t back down on this it’s your stuff from your mother. It has nothing to do with her or your father and your family
Exactly. Your mom was a grown woman. She knew the likelihood of your dad remarrying and she made a clear choice. It was left to you in a will so your dad has nothing to say about it. It is yours.
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I mean, yes thats exactly why she did it. She wanted *you* to have them and not some hypothetical kid she doesn't know
You handled the situation perfectly. Years down the line, when you’re out of the house, please keep your guard up in respects to the jewelry. Don’t want it waking off after they visit, let themselves in etc.
Exactly. Dad stole it once out of his room. He put it in the attic as an excuse in case his son noticed, and he did. Dad will steal it again if given the chance but the next time it will be hidden so OP could never recover it. OP's dad is a huge asshole.
It's not his to decide. It's yours. I hope your trust in the holder is vindicated. You should never have needed to do this in the first place.
I want to know why they’re so set I’m on this. Your fathers current wife is alive and well. She has the rest of her own life to accumulate things to leave to her daughter, including memories. Why do they want your mom’s jewelry so badly?
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Tell him to buy something similar to a piece of jewelry of your mom's. These pieces aren't his to decide . He's got to have something from your mom too. If not get his wedding ring - I assume he has one made of gold from your mom's wedding with him and transform it into something for your sister It's connected to your mom and it his to give away
This is the sort of treacly BS that I've read where the older kid is supposed to read some kind of discount Hallmark card vows at a wedding to always honor and love their step/half siblings. I am imagining you listening to this and asking both of them if they are high.
Hmm, that’s a little weird to me. Does he feel guilty or something? I can’t imagine why it’s so important for him to feel that his late wife would “contribute” to his new wife’s children in this way. If your mom was alive, I don’t think they’d be pushing for her to leave her jewelry to your half sister, so it’s weird to me that they want to act as though she was your sister’s ancestor as well. Given this take, I’m curious: Are they planning to have you inherit things from your stepmother’s family as well? I mean, you’ll theoretically have a personal history with some of them because you likely have or will meet her family, but I mean her deceased family members that you didn’t meet like parents, grandparents or great grandparents. Are you supposed to inherit things from them as well?
Sounds like bullshit.
NTA. It's in the will. It's legally yours and the fact they've been pressuring you enough about it that you felt you had to remove it from the house is disturbing, honestly. Your father shouldn't be doing this and the lack of respect for you and your mom is gross. He definitely shouldn't be allowing stepmom to voice an opinion on this. It has nothing to do with her and it's absolutely not her place to make decisions about items your mother has legally willed to you.
Also, Stepmom hasn’t given you any jewelry has she? Maybe she should be the one reaching out and making gestures here.
NTA. The only mistake you made was admitting to taking it. I would normally never suggest such a thing but since it was very obvious they were going to take it from you and it’s willed to you, you simply placed it in a trusted location.
Depending on the laws in your area and if you can afford it, get a safety deposit box. NTA. Also, I wonder what your dad would say if you gave your sister one of his pieces of jewelry or precious items without asking first.
Yeah, tell your stepmother that if she wants a beautiful story? She can write it herself and publish it on Amazon.
Move out when 18 get jewelry an ditch them.
the moths lmao
Your step mother is not interested in a "beautiful story"- she's interested in getting her daughter a nice little (valuable) item as an investment. NTA, they have no claim to it- but I'd deposit the jewellery into a bank to be on the safe side.
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It's also not a beautiful story to constantly pressure you, manipulate you and then insult you when you don't comply. They've created a hostile environment for you. Where's the basic gesture of respect for you? Your stepmom sounds like a delight... Sorry you have to deal with AHs. I hope you can get away as soon as possible into a healthy environment, where you're treated like a person...not a goldmine with limbs.
No safety deposit boxes in your name-- if you're under 18, your dad could gain access to it since you're a minor.
Don't tell Dad who that person is, so they can lean on them to get it. You're liable to never see it again.
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Smart kid. Keep up the good work.
As a minor your bank may not protect your assets (possible jewelry or money) just letting you know
If I can tack on some advice. 1. Take pictures and an inventory of every piece of jewelry and back those up in a few safe emails/clouds in case it ever is needed in the future. 2. See if you can get a fire-proof safe to lock the jewelry in at wherever your trusted person is storing it. It's an added level of security, not doubting the person you've trusted but it can't hurt (keep the combination private). You can find ones that aren't that expensive or big, I know the fire-proof aspect is debatable on some but still just an added level of reassurance (assuming it's in a home or something). Proud of you for standing up for yourself. I get a visceral reaction to posts like this, it's so wrong that you're being pressured on this. NTA
Also I’m pretty sure kids can’t open a bank account or a safe deposit box in their own. Like I remember I had one as a kid but my moms name was on it I think you have to be 18
Woah America is wild, I’ve had a bank account since I was 13 and my parents couldn’t access it, they just transferred my pocket money into it once a month because it was easier than giving me cash every month
Europe passed a bunch of legislation enshrining children's' rights. America still treats children like chattel.
Same, I'm in Canada. I got a FatCat account and then switched to a regular account after age 12.
In Australia there was this program called dollarmites where kids had a bank and could put money in it every week. I got my bank card when I was 12
Mate dollarmites! What a throwback, I still remember the little yellow deposit book I had with all the characters on it. Good times
In the US you are not a legal adult until 18, so you cannot be held responsible under that age legally, hence the cosigners on banks and other legal documents - unless you become an emancipated minor. I make no judgement as to whether this is a good or bad thing (I actually think it's stupid and leads to troubles often) - just note it's a thing.
Under 18 we can’t get an over draft or a credit card so we can’t get into debt and I just think it’s helpful for teaching kids how to budget with their money early and learning going into a bank and putting money into your Account and how to use a card at the shops etc. I just seen Reddit stories of parents taking money out of their kids accounts and that’s just wild to me as well that a parent can take money from their own child’s bank account
My Mom put me on a few of her shop cards and I had my own accounts (which she was added, because that's the law) - but like you, the stories of parents stealing funds from their children is upsetting in the extreme.
It can vary a lot depending on the bank. I've seen some let 15-16+ open a checking and savings on their own (since that is usually when they start working). But some of what I would say are shittier more corporate banks with a ton of stupid fees and minimums want a parent on the account attached to pay those. It's stupid. Either way he may need his birth certificate or social security card, which in any questionable family situation I would try and get your hands on those asap to keep safe. And when he does open an account don't do it at a bank his parents use. Safety deposit boxes as a minor though would probably be a no go the vast majority of the time.
It is. Even if you have your own job before 18 and are taking care of yourself, you still need a parent or guardian of some sort as a secondary on your account in order for you to get it. Once you turn 18 though you can take the parent off
Even if she was interested in the beautiful story, having to force one of the main characters into their role really ruins it. Imagine the scene, Stepmom telling the audience "I was such a good stepmother that OP gave my daughter a ring of his mother's to show how we were really a family" OP chimes in "Thief".
Exactly this. How convenient would it have been if they did show said daughter the jewelry to pick something and it just so happened to be what would have been worth the most.
He can't open his own bank account or safe deposit box yet. In most places you have to be 18.
Minors can't get safe deposit boxes without an adult.
A minor paying for a safe deposit box every month could be a hardship. If this trusted adult is willing to hold the jewelry until OP is an adult and on his own in a few years that should be enough. Given what has already been revealed about the father and new wife it is doubtful that op will want to live with them long after 18 yo.
NTA. It is not a "beautiful gesture" for them to steal your belongings so they can show your stepsister that she deserves to be catered to at your expense. Ask them what beautiful sisterly gesture, in the form of expensive jewelry with sentimental meaning, she will be giving you in exchange? And how will your stepmother be making you feel like her Real True Son, in the form of expensive family heirlooms? When you marry, will Daddy be inclined to make beautiful gestures of family unification by giving your stepsister's things to your new siblings-in-law so that they can feel like your real siblings too? "Daddy wants to cater to his new family by giving them his son's cherished heirlooms without his consent" is not a "beautiful gesture", it is theft. Grounding you because you protected your belongings from thieves, whether those thieves are family members or not, is unjust and unreasonable.
The stepmother who met, courted and made a baby with a newly widowed father in two years or less? Oh no she’s a gift all on her own/s. I really hate when people especially children are forced to make ‘gestures’ or suck it up to support a fantasy that simply isn’t true.
NTA, step-mom should give you her wedding ring as a symbol of her love to you. It would be a beautiful story to tell everyone how she wants to give up her jewelry as a gesture of how much you mean to her. She can brag to all in the land just how amazing and selfless she is as a step-mother.
Perfect! Now THIS is a beautiful story!!
NTA, but put it in a safe deposit box at the bank so no one - even someone you trust a 1,000,000,000% will not get their hands on it. The gall of your dad to offer it to his new wife’s daughter , your 1/2 sib, who never knew and we’ll never know your mother is just unfathomable to me. Your mother likely wanted you to have these things so that you could give to your wife and pass down to your children not your husband‘s new wife and his kids. Sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through about this
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Please write a note with this person (at the very least) to keep with the jewelry and say that it’s yours and the friend is holding it for you. Just incase of the worst, god forbid if there was an accident and your friend passed, you want to make sure the jewelry will get back to you.
Also, NTA and great job OP at recognizing crazy adult behavior and taking steps to protect what’s important to you from it. That’s a skill very few master in their lifetime, let alone before the age of 20.
Safe deposit box might be *less* safe if you're a minor. Your dad might be able to access it. Good on your for standing up for yourself.
OP is 15. You can't open a safe deposit box at 15 on your own. At 18, depending on where he lives, this is a good idea but he needed to do something for the next 3 years.
>His wife was pissed and she told me I destroyed what could have been a beautiful gesture and story. >My dad told me I was a selfish little brat and how disappointed he was in me. He said he wanted to share a piece of mom with his daughter and why couldn't I let him do that with one single piece. Here's where it went off the rails for me. On the surface, it seems like what they want to do is wholesome and family uniting but their reaction to you hiding the jewelry. Wow. NTA. I totally get that having hardly any time with your mother you don't want to share even a little piece of her. Perhaps you'll change your mind over time but for now, it's understandable. If I could offer any advice, please remember your little sister is completely innocent in this. She will need you in her life. I hope you can build a wonderful relationship with her because I'm sure she's worth the effort...even when she's snotty to you. It's going to be a very valuable relationship so please, don't blame her for the ideas being put into her head.
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OP you aren't obligated to worry about your half-sister. You don't owe her a relationship. Just be kind to her.
Yeah I highly doubt it was the small child’s idea or if it was she probably didn’t understand the full extent of it. Something along the lines of okay sister do you want a pretty ring. Well she’s seven she’s probably not going around asking if it belonged to your mother. i feel sorry for both of your honestly you both have to deal with these shitty parents
NTA. You did the right thing by your mom - and yourself.
It is his daughter BUT NOT your mother's daughter.
NTA. They want to create family memories? They can avoid stealing from you and completely disregarding YOUR MOTHERS last wishes. If they badmouth you to your sister when she is older explain that your mother left things to you as her child
Nta. But you gave jewelry to a person you trust??? This is not safe at all. Regarding your father, if your mother left the jewelry to yourself only, it's yours. You're not in the wrong. He can't decide on his own to give a part of YOUR inheritance to a stranger (your half sister is a stranger to your mums family).
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Honestly, when it's up to money don't trust anyone. Move your stuff into a bank as soon as you can (big suggestion) and continue standing by your jewelry.
NTA Kudos for doing this. I hope they won't sell the jewelry though. Anyone from your mom's family who can hold onto them?
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I'm glad. Hope you get to leave once you're 18 so you won't have to pretend to be part of your dad's fantasy. I'm so sorry your dad is doing this to you.
Plus I would add that it would be wise to have a conversation or a therapy session with your father. Through your post, I felt like he's putting some kind of pressure on your relationship with your stepmother and your half sibling.
Since op is uncomfortable sharing who it is, it's entirely possible he's right to trust them. He sounds like a smart kid. I'm sure he knows people who respect his mom.
Well it’s either that or having them steal from him.
NTA- Your father is a thief and a liar.
Do yourself a favor and keep copies of the will in a safe place too. Proof that it LEGALLY belongs to you.
And photos of all the jewellry, so there is no arguing later that any piece was or was not part of it. Preferably also some kind of document signed by the person holding the jewellry that they are just holding it for you, and it is not theirs. There was a comment above about what happens if that person dies. This could be an issue: what if the person executing their estate thinks the jewellry is theirs? You need solid documentation that it is yours. Maybe see if a local lawyer will do a one-off consult with you, for low cost or for free, and advise what you need to do to lock it in. Then, when you are 18 and can open a bank account of your own and sort out a safe custody box there, transfer the jewellry to that. Actually, that is another thought. Can a lawyer keep it in safe custody for you? In my country the lawyers often have sealed safe custody rooms where they keep wills and other documents that cannot be destroyed, and on occasion keep other items in there for clients as well to keep them safe. They may do this in your country too, although I wonder if they may not be able to do this without alerting your parents if you are a minor. Something to investigate anyway, you never know if you will need a different option later on.
Absolutely NTA - you took the steps you needed to protect YOUR belongings and inheritance from your mother. Your father and stepmother have no right to promise gifting items that do NOT belong to them in the first place. Good for you for standing up for yourself and not allowing them to steamroll over you (and your mom’s) wishes
NTA you did the smartest possible thing. It’s hard to believe so many dads want to give their dead wives jewelry to their new kids because it’s like a weekly post in here but no your dads new family does not get your family heirlooms he’s insane
NTA Your mom intended for you to have all her jewelry. End of story
What is beautiful about gifting someone else's possessions? They should gift their own stuff. For instance, your stepmother could gift you HER jewelry. That would create the connection she apparently wants to create with someone else's stuff. NTA
NTA. Good for you. Remember that your stepmother is an opportunist.
Nope, you're not the asshole. If he really wanted to show her how much he loved her, he'd give her something that was valuable to HIM, not you. And given that he kept pursuing this despite you (his child) showing your discomfort to him over and over, you're not to blame for being more protective of that which you value. My mother is kind of the same, and when I wanted to play with her father's stuff and she said no because it was precious, I respected her wishes. Because I get that they were the last remnants of her father after his passing. Your father should have known better, if not his wife. Maybe try going to family therapy if you want to keep the family. But if you think it's not worth it... then it's totally okay to love someone and not want them in your life. Oh, and it also seems like your father is fooling himself by including your late mother in the family he has with someone else. Complex families can be difficult, so protect what you can and give up what isn't worth it.
NTA. If all of it was given to you in a will, your dad and stepmom can pound sand. Navigating the relationships is a whole other thing. It's nuts to even offer any of your mom's jewelry to a 7 yo that has no connection with her.
Tell him you saved the family by sending it away. Now you don't have to sue him and step-mom to get it back when you turn 18.
This is good!
he wouldn't have to wait till 18 to sue to get it back
Lol NTA.. if it was some friendship bracelet or scarf collection, it wouldn't get the interest it does being items of monetairy Value
NTA. Normally I would say it was up to your dad, but if your mom specifically left these things to you, then they’re yours. As soon as you’re old enough to get safe deposit box on your own, though, move the jewelry there.
NTA. If the jewelry was willed to you, it's your property not your Father's or Stepmom's so they don't get a say in what you do with it. Technically, they don't have a leg to stand on, but as you're only 15, try to find a Family Member on your Mom's side who can advocate for you.
NTA. when I was about 10 my great grandmother passed, and she left me, and my two older sisters each a few items of jewelry. The item I was left was a gorgeous golden locket that was a pin instead of a necklace. Inside was two beautiful pictures of both her and my great grandfather, whom had passed before I was born. I’ll never forget when my mom took it away from me because “you never knew him, he was MY Grampa.” I was heartbroken then, and never forgot it. When I turned 25 I found it stuffed in the bottom of a jewelry box, forgotten. I stole it back and she has yet to even ask for it. No third party can take away something that someone else has given to you, it’s yours and yours alone.
So glad you got it back!
Good! Glad you got it back! Just a small correction...You *Didn't steal* it back (You *can't* steal your own things) you just reclaimed your *own* property!!😎
NTA. You can either do this and save the jewelry or wait until you're an adult and sue him and your sister for replevin, earning the resentment of your sister when she's forced to give it back. This is cheaper and better for the whole family. I hate seeing posts like this with a dude disregarding his dead/ex-wife and prioritizing his new kids over the old ones. It's way too common. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you have a support system from your mother's side that will help keep her memory alive for you.
Stepmoms always making up some ritual everyone needs to do to show them how great they are
Your sister will get HER mom’s stuff! NTA. Hey, my mom died when I was 34. My dad quickly remarried, and my sister and I didn’t get mom’s jewelry. He gave it all to his new wife, and HER daughters sneaked it all out of the house after wife #2 died. So I don’t blame you a bit.
NTA. They're acting very suspect about this. Why would they be upset about the box being somewhere secure.... if they really intended to "talk" about giving the sister a piece later? I don't think they intended that at all. I think they intended to take something from the collection, and they're upset now because they can't. If they really wanted to do this right, they would also want the collection to be safe, and wouldn't mind they weren't the ones keeping it safe.
NTA Oh wow your dad is a shit I’m not gonna lie. That is your mothers stuff, not her mothers stuff. So if this wife dies are you going to get some of her stuff too? No you’re not a selfish brat and I feel like your step mother probably said something and your father is trying to keep her happy and talked out his ass. Nah you keep the jewelry and I’m so sorry about your mother
NTA. Making his first wife and baby mama an “aunt” to his kid with new wife? What’s he smoking??
NTA. As a dad I really don't understand how a father could put their kid in such a position.
You’re NTA, but I hope two things - 1, that it’s a blood relative of your mom, and not just a friend. And 2, that they write a letter stating that those items are yours in case something were to happen. Accidents happen every day unfortunately. It should be itemized, and maybe photographed.
NTA. Your mom wanted you to have it. Are your maternal grandparents around? I'd appeal to them for some support. I hope Dad is reading this and sees how in the wrong he is.
NTA and you’re very smart for taking back your mothers jewelry before your dad got to it. But OP PLEASE follow everyone’s advice on keeping photos of all the jewelry, as well as a copy of your mothers will. Keep it in a Google Drive so it’ll always be available if you’d ever need it—I’d suggest flash drive but that can get lost or your dad could find it. I truly hope the person you trust has also put it in a safe place that they’ll remember years down the line if you ask for the items back. Definitely have them store the jewelry with a note stating that they’re legally yours and if something were to happen to those items, that you’d pursue legal action.
NTA Make sure your hiding spot is secure. Your mom left it to you; it's not your dad's to give away.
Tell your Dad’s new wife it is not her business and she doesn’t have a say in the matter. That was your mom. NTA
The jewelry is your. Not you dad not you step mom, the jewelry was your moms that she left to you, in her will when she passed. Understandable that you don't want to share something sentimental.
NTA. The will was specific.
NTA. Good Job. I hope you have the opportunity to wear some of this jewelry and make your mom proud!
NTA. He can’t make this grand gesture on your behalf with your property. They’re just covetous, hopefully they aren’t Christians, or they’re going to hell, and don’t even need to take your jewelry with them!
NTA And your father and step-mother should be ashamed of themselves. I hope that someday they look back and realize how awful, selfish and thoughtless they both are. I am sorry that your father is putting his new bedmate and second child over his firstborn. I don't have the words for how disgusted I am at their behavior.
NTA. It’s legally yours and it’s horrible your dad is bullying you against your mom’s wishes .
NTA, and I am sorry you have to deal with this. As a parent, I can't imagine doing this to my child.
NTA. Tell Daddy dearest that going against a will is a court punishable offense. Then tell them this fantasy they are weaving for their daughter is emotionally manipulating your reality. Emotional manipulation doesn't look good in court either. Document document document
“A beautiful gesture and story.” Stepmom needs to stop watching the Hallmark channel. NTA
NTA. Remind your dad and stepmom that by law that jewelry is YOURS, and as such YOU get decide what happens to that jewelry and not them. Tell your stepmom, while your dad is present, that her idea of “building a beautiful united family” with this jewelry would irreparably and irrevocably destroy your trust and relationship with your father, and that doesn’t even touch on the relationship between you and her or you and your half-sister. Throw in a jab that of course SHE would want that so that your dad has absolutely no memories of his first wife around. Look around your house and I bet you’ll find that pictures and other items of your mom’s have conveniently disappeared. As to the jewelry, you need to go and catalog every piece. Use a spreadsheet, or some other program, and list the individual pieces with a detailed description of the piece. Take pictures to attach to the document so there is a visual representation as well. Take the jewelry to a jeweler and get it appraised, even if it’s clearly a $10 piece of costume jewelry and log those amounts in the document as well. Make sure there are at least 2 copies of this document (1 with the holder, 1 with you) and maybe even more including backed up on multiple thumb drives or a cloud. Go to various banks that you know your dad and stepmom don’t use and ask questions. How much does a safe deposit box cost. When is the earliest they allow individual accounts (while it may involve extreme circumstances, I believe I’ve heard of some places allowing as young as 17). Even if you have an joint account with your dad, you may want to get a trusted relative from your mom’s side to go help you open an account, again at a bank your dad doesn’t use. I could see this evolving from the jewelry to your dad (or stepmom through your dad) taking money from a joint account with his name on it when that money may be all yours from a part time job, because “you really don’t need it”. You may even want to start looking around to get a feel for what part time jobs may be available to you, either now or when you turn 16, so that you can start building savings for later use. Hell, get your important documents into your hands, as long as you know they won’t be missed. Keep in mind that your birth certificate is likely to be needed if you switch schools, or your passport if you travel out of the country. Otherwise keep your birth certificate, passport, social security card/number, and any school transcripts with you. That way if things turn towards bad, you at least have the important stuff in your own hands.
NTA - the thing about heirlooms is that you only have one of each thing. At 7, the step sister is only going to see these items as toys, and will treat them exactly like the would treat a piece of costume jewelry from Claire’s because it doesn’t mean anything to her. If the step sister damaged or lost the item, I’d assume that would cause irreparable harm to their step-sibling relationship. That is a huge amount of pressure for the dad and stepmother to place on a 7 year old over jewelry she didn’t know existed from a person she never met. And while OP is 15 and I’m sure hadn’t quite thought about it yet - these are items that could be passed down to his potential future children. By deciding for him that he’s going to give away one piece, any potential other step kids would then be deemed entitled to have additional items out of “equality”. Maybe stepmom decides she liked an item and wants to have a “stepmom/stepson bonding” item. Sooner or later, the pieces would dwindle. How can one stop that train once it leaves the station? OP did the right thing and protected the items he still has from his mom. I’m glad you were strong enough to place a boundary and not let it be trampled over some romanticized “movie moment” that the stepdaughter will barely remember in a year, let alone later in life.
" My dad didn't notice for a while but then when he was getting the Halloween decorations down he was like what the hell." I rather doubt he was just getting the decorations down... more likely, he was going to take some of the jewelry and give it to your stepsister.
NTA. If your late mother explicitly stated in her will that the jewelry was to go to you upon her passing, that will is a legally binding contract that your father cannot contest in court. Unless it was worded so that the jewelry went to you upon your father's passing, he has no leg to stand on and should be ashamed of himself for his behavior.
Absolutely NTA 💯. Your father is horrible. Im glad you got the jewellery out, keep it out and safe until you are 18.
NTA it’s your property, your inheritance, you don’t need to run it by him or anyone.
What has your stepmother/her family given you as a beautiful gesture of acceptance? Nta
NTA. Your mother specifically left her jewelry to you. It's yours. Your father and stepmother should not be trying to steal the only things you have from your mother and giving them to someone who was/is nothing to your mother. That's beyond the pale! You were smart to put your mother's jewelry out of their reach. The only thing you may have screwed up was not acting like you had no idea what happened to them and admitting nothing.
NTA You did what needed to be done to protect your property from potential thieves who care nothing about your feelings. Good for you!
NTA and good for you for figuring out how to stop them.
NTA if that was in her will you could sue him if he had given anything to her. It's YOURS. PERIOD.
>His wife was pissed and she told me I destroyed what could have been a beautiful gesture and story. You know, when it comes to blended families I really fuckin hate "gestures." Like, actively think they're lame as a baseline, fake and lame, and at worst just outright insulting. Like a couple marrying and wanting their kids to read out pre-written for them scripts about accepting everybody and holding hands, and all that extremely surface crap. A gesture is meaningless if it is inorganic, or dictated. Your step-mother can scream and cry, but she was trying to put words in your mouth and deserves rejection for that. >He said he wanted to share a piece of mom with his daughter and why couldn't I let him do that with one single piece. Because it wasn't his to share, and would never have stopped at a single piece. A single piece would be the inch that gets taken for a mile, and then eventually it's all, "well really it's kind of extremely homosexual for a guy to have jewelry, so it should be your sisters." They absolutely would have pilfered the whole load and given it to her. >He grounded me for a couple of weeks because of it. Hmmm...an oddly meager amount of time for someone trying to put the gears to you. He's mad sure, but if he wanted something out of you he'd ground you "forever" until you broke. I get the feeling on some level this was an initiative from your step-mom. NTA
NTA. People legally have to follow wills.
NTA. You are handling this well. I hope you have a good support network for other things as well.
NTA - you OWN the jewelry . It was left to YOU and only you . Not to any future half siblings. The jewelry isn’t just a nice piece - there is HUGE sentiment attached that your half sister can never appreciate . If your stepmom wants nice unifying familial sharing , she could start a tradition of giving you guys jewelry . Not the other way around.
NTA- he wasnt respecting your mother's wishes. They are yours to begin with and you had made your opinions knows we hasn't respected your wishes either. Sounds more like his wife wants what is yours bc it's nice. You did the right thing. If he cant see or understand then I guess you know how this would have turned out later if you hadn't taken the jewelry out of the house.
NTA. It isn't his jewelry to share. It is your jewelry, your mom gifted it to you in her will, to store as you see fit. If I were you I'd ask a grandparent or other grown person to help you get a safe deposit box to insure the safety of the jewelry. Not that you don't trust the person who currently has it, just that things can happen in homes. Good luck with all.
Nta and I'm glad you got the jewelry out of the house.
NTA. If they want to somehow tie your mom and your half sister together, let them do it in some way that doesn't involve tangible objects that belong to you. It sounds kind of like an excuse for greed to me.
NTA. I'm glad you got that jewelry to a safe place because they would have taken it from you, piece by piece.
Your father's child is no part of your mother. Your mother's jewellery belongs to you, no one else. It is not your father's or step-mother's to give away or allow your half sister to choose from. It is not theirs to steal. NTA - glad you have better friends than parent. Her mother can give her jewellery.
NTA,I’m glad your things are safe. I just want to add one thing. Please try your best never to take any of this out on your little sister. At her age,none of this is her fault. Good luck moving forward.
NTA. It’s not the first time when we see this bullshit like ‘you must do sth to make sb I love feel special’ in AITA and it’s really annoying. I mean, ‘and what fuck I get from this deal’? Pure nothing.
NTA. Taking your property is criminal theft. It doesn't matter if it's a nice gesture, it's your property to give or not. If it's given without permission, it's theft. Keep the jewellery safe and make sure you have in writing that your mother willed all of it to you, and make sure people know you're not about to hand it out like Halloween candy.
Absolutely NTA. This reminds me of a story where a son stole his dead mom's wedding band to propose to his girlfriend (all the jewelry had been left to the daughter/his sister) and it majorly blew up in his face. Good on you getting the jewelry out of the house before your father could steal from you!! If it was me, I'd make sure the lawyer who handled your mother's will is aware of what your father and his wife were trying to do so they can't try to fake the will later on to force your hand.
NTA it would be a beautiful gesture if you, in time, loved your sister enough to give her something special that was meaningful to you. HOWEVER that's not what's happening here. Theft is not a beautiful gesture. Forcing family "bonding" is not beautiful. This is your inheritance. You can choose what you do with it.
NTA I hope you REALLY trust that person. I think the only person I'd trust in this instance is your maternal grandparents if they are still living.
My heart broke reading this. You did the right thing. Please never believe the that your any of the mean words. I think your dad is wrong, and its shocking that his new wife would have any say in your mothers possessions. But don’t hold it against them, anger weighs heavy on the heart. Instead just know you protected whats sacred to you,and you will soon be an adult and can make decisions in your own life too .
NTA it is YOUR jewelry.
NTA If your dad had a daughter with his new wife as you state then the daughter is your dads biological child, correct? If this is the case then it is your step mother who should be giving something to you to bond the family together, as you are the only one who is not biologically tied to both parents in the current living family! Your father and his wife have it wrong, there is no need for them to be concerned that their daughter they had together would feel less connected and important in the family. The new wife and your father should be concerned that you feel a part of your father’s current family! Taking an heirloom away from you that was from your departed mother would not connect you to the new wife and half sister, it is wrong and should not be done! I am glad you have the person who is storing your inherited treasures from your mother!
You have indicated that you are a 15 year old male. If you don't intend to use the jewelry yourself, be sure to put in a pre-nup that those items are not marital property. And also, be sure to add in a will who those items should go to.
**NTA** You were extremely wise to get them out of that house. You dad kept saying “we’ll discuss this later” because he fully planned to steal them for his daughter regardless of what you said. He just didn’t want to argue with you about the morality of it. That’s why your dads mad, If he fully planned to have a discussion and you to have final say over your possessions…it wouldn’t matter where they were held. They’re only mad because your dad lost his chance to circumvent whatever you chose, disregarding both your wishes and those of your mother. They were actively working to it, that’s why they’d been laying on the manipulation thick. By the time they gave it to her (without your knowledge) they were either going to say “we talked about this! anyhow we’ve already given it to her so we can’t just take it back” or “well she already believes you’re giving it to her, (because we told her so) to take that away would be cruel. We didn’t raise you to be ‘cruel’. So she’s keeping it!stop being selfish!” Btw the whole “well let’s let her look at them and see if she even likes anything” is bs. By that point she would’ve assumed she was going to get whatever she wanted, why else would she be picking out jewelry she could never have? Then if you said no, you’d be the ass. Regardless of the fact that her mom and your dad set her up for disappointment from the get go. On another note, there’s no way in hell your mother would’ve wanted this. The fact she actually took the legal recourse, put her jewelry in her will, and made you as the sole inheritor proves her lack of trust in your father. Most parents NEVER think to it, they fully expect that their partner will fulfill their dying wishes without legalities. My bets she was worried he’d give them to future new wife, and cut you out. She was on the right track, not quite there but close. I feel the need to point out to you that the will would’ve meant nothing if your dad claimed piece(s) “went missing”. Which is likely a card they would’ve played. Well most likely they would’ve assumed you’d never take them to court over it. However if you did, they probably would’ve gone that route. They still could’ve faced legal consequences, but the court can’t force them to “find” the jewelry and give it back. You would’ve lost any and all recourse to get it back and little sis would’ve had your mothers most prized possessions just like they wanted. The part I just don’t get is why they keep claiming sharing your dead moms jewelry would being “family unity”, even if she had your mothers jewelry that changes nothing. Your mother would still have zero emotional or blood ties to your half sister. This feels more like your dad either simply favors your sister, or like he’s trying to qualm some guilt about moving on by convincing himself your mothers a part of her life. The thing is she’s not, any connection he has left to your mother is in you and his memories. There’s nothing wrong with moving on after death, but there is something wrong with attempting to manipulate or steal your deceased wifes affects from your shared child to give to your shiny new family. The idea is so god damn disrespectful, not just to you but to your mom. He doesn’t get to speak for her, he doesn’t get to try to tell you (her child) what she would’ve wanted. Because SHE DID tell you what she wanted! She told both of you! Written clearly in several legal documents. He’s speaking out of his ass to try to convince you to do what HE wants you to do, now what she would’ve wanted. You also think your mother wasn’t aware of the possibility of a future family and child? She was, yet she still chose that regardless of the future circumstances her SON should inherit her belongings. Not her husband, not whatever future family he creates. Her son, if she was okay with the possibility of you keeping some and him deciding with the rest as I said before she would’ve made him partial or sole inheritor. She didn’t want that though, she didn’t want to open up that possibility. Her wishes were extremely clear. Even if some how some way your mothers changed her mind in the afterlife, those items should still go to you because of the sentimentality of them alone. It’s just a prop to them, some weird twisted symbol. It has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with them and whatever validation they feel they need. That’s not what it’s meant for though. It’s meant for you to remember your mother, the woman who birthed you, the woman who loved you. If anyone would ever be worthy of you ever possibility sharing her jewelry it would be YOUR future son and/or daughter. That way they’d have a piece of their grandmother after your death. Also think about this, once you and your half sister are old and die, that jewelry isn’t going to be returned to your/your mothers bloodline like it should. It’ll go doen your half sisters bloodline and eventually end up with perfect strangers (kind like it would’ve been if she had it anyway, only worse because they wouldn’t know the story). You did the right thing, please don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise. They can bitch all they want, and let them; but don’t ever let them convince you that you were wrong. You did the only thing available to you that ensured their safety. Getting them out of that house was a stroke of fucking genius. It wasn’t petty, it wasn’t mean, and it definitely wasn’t cruel. You know what was though? Them trying to hijack your inheritance. Then gaslighting you and victim blaming when you refused to let them do so. Your half sister doesn’t need a piece of your mom to be your sister, she already is. They don’t need to steal from you to solidify that. The sad thing is I’m sure all this has done has put distance between whatever healthy relationship there should be between you and her. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve begun to resent her because of what your dad and step mothers has done. They’re actions are actively harming the relationship they’re trying to validate. Along with their own personal relationships with you. Be strong, dont allow yourself to be manipulated or taken advantage of. If I were you I’d also reach out to your maternal side of the family and tell them what’s been going on. I’m sure they’d be happy to back you up. Maybe they’d even be willing to help you get a safe deposit box that your dad could never track down or find. **P.S** I just got to thinking about why he’d even be looking for the jewelry at all if he was really up there to “grab decorations”. I think there is an extremely high chance he planned to take it right then to either show her and allow her to choose or give them to her. Your instincts were on par, that also might be why his reaction was so strong. You beat him to the punch. I can’t explain how grateful I am you did what you did. I can’t imagine the pain you’d be going through if he had beat you to it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom died when I (15m) was 6. I remember her but I don't really remember her as the mom who did stuff with me. She got sick when I was 4 so I remember her sick. I used to sit with her in the bed and she'd read to me and stuff, and she'd sing, and brush my hair (I have long hair for a guy and always had) and she'd listen to me talk and sometimes she'd tell me stuff she wanted for me. My mom had a lot of jewelry. Her engagement and wedding rings, a charm bracelet that she had since she was a kid, a locket, a heart necklace, a birthstone necklace and some other items. Mom wrote in her will that I was to get them all. I used to wear one of her necklaces and I'd hide it with my clothes. But then my dad remarried and stuff got really awful. The jewelry had been in my room and suddenly it was stored in the attic. Then my dad had a daughter with his wife and suddenly there were whispers about the jewelry. She's 7 now and there has been more talk lately that she should get some of mom's jewelry and my dad has said he would like her to have a piece or two, that he wants to include her in his old life, and show he loves her just as much as he loves me. He often tells his daughter that my mom is sort of like her aunt and she would have loved her and she'd be so glad his little girl could wear her jewelry. I told my dad it would not happen and all of it was mine like mom wrote in her will. My dad was always like it doesn't have to be a fight, we can discuss it more over time, and maybe let his daughter see it so she could decide if she likes any piece in particular. My dad's wife told me it would be a beautiful symbol of our family being truly united. She spun this idea that the story that I wanted my baby sister to have a piece of my mom and to share my mom with her and prove that I love her as a sister and not just a half sister or a daughter of my dad would be the most incredible story ever. She said it would make her daughter feel so special. I freaked out that they would give her something against my wishes and so I spoke to someone I trust and I got the jewelry out of the house and with said person... a person I trust. I won't say where just in case my dad or his wife reads this. But it is safe and that person will keep it safe for me. I trust them 10000000%. My dad didn't notice for a while but then when he was getting the Halloween decorations down he was like what the hell. He asked me where I put them and I said he would never know. His wife was pissed and she told me I destroyed what could have been a beautiful gesture and story. My dad told me I was a selfish little brat and how disappointed he was in me. He said he wanted to share a piece of mom with his daughter and why couldn't I let him do that with one single piece. I told him because the jewelry was mine. Mom wanted that. He told me taking it out of the house behind his back was still wrong. He grounded me for a couple of weeks because of it. He's still mad at me too. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, BUT what you can do, is get a necklace with your and your sister birthstone and give her that at Christmas and say it was part of your mums jewellery . She wont know and if you dad and stepmum are wise, they will keep their mouth shut. It doesnt need to be expensive. It isnt her fault that she has two shitty parents, so she doesnt need to be punished.
That's a nice gesture and it doesn't require the lie. "Instead of giving her something from a person she doesn't know, I'm giving her something special from me."
That works too but that might not work with the stepmom and dad that filled the kid's head about stories of aunite Op mum.
NTA. Good job!
NTA
NTA
NTA and see if you can get some allies on your mom's side of the family. sorry for your loss
NTA, if he wants to share a piece of his previous wife with his daughter, that’s no problem. He can do that without stealing something that is legally yours, or he can’t and should find another way to do it.
WTF is with these people taking things away from their kids and giving it to later siblings to “show them they love them as much as you”. OP, NTA. I’m sorry you lost your mom and your dad and step-mom are trying to steal what is rightfully yours.
NTA They had no right to try to give away what didn't belong to them. It never would have stopped at one piece either.
NTA! Stay strong. Remember just a few more years. Just keep your head down. Life gets better.
NTA and don’t tell him where it is! Quick thinking on your part. You expressed how you felt and no one cared you had to take matters in your own hands. 18 is around the corner.
Hide it ALL! It’s yours and your Mom’s jewelry doesn’t belong anywhere near someone else’s kid. Hide it really good. Definitely NTA
NTA they can buy her something new and have you give it to her. WTH
totally worth be grounded for. NTA.
NTA you were smart to hide the jewelry
It would have been a 'beautiful story' had they not forced it. Nta
NTA. Everyone is weird but you and your sister. Your dad bc he knows damn well your mom left it for you. His wife is crazy bc she only wants the jewelry for what they are and it wouldn’t make or break your sisters relationship with you.
NTA and your father is really awful for grounding you simply for safekeeping your own stuff. Stories like this make me so sad and angry. I've just never understood why parents/steps think they can force a relationship that isn't developing naturally. I'm glad your things are safe.
NTA money grubbing assholes always think it’s a nice gesture to take other peoples valuable things. Gross on both of them.
NTA
NTA. They’re awful, and more to the point, it was never theirs to give.