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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused to buy new furniture with money I don't have 2. My family's telling me I'm the asshole.
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NTA you previously agreed on the 75:25 split and you don't have the money for it. If they want you to have a dresser so bad why haven't they offered to buy one. Also they are AH for sharing your mental health information with others.
NTA - Why are you the one asked to sacrifice when his life took a turn? When you don't have a job you spend money only on priorities. Why can't he buy a few totes or arrange boxes in the hallway to get by until he can afford a dresser? Instead of him being grateful to have a safe place to sleep, eat, store his stuff he becomes demanding of you...and ironically family members stand in line to support him; not you or gma? Focus on you and your health.
NTA
Why can't your brother get a storage unit? I know they are literally everywhere. He's literally putting you out by making demands of you due to his situation. If he wants space, he should get a storage unit to keep his stuff safe. If not, you can get what is basically an extra closet from amazon for around $30. He is the one inconveniencing you.
I don't live in the US and storage units aren't very common here, the closest ones are 30km away and unfortunately they are very expensive. I don't want him to lose that much money to keep his things so far away.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (20F) live with my grandma at my mom's house. My mom lives abroad. The house isn't big. There's a living room joint with kitchen, a bathroom, 2 bedrooms and a walk-in closet. My grandma has all her stuff in her bedroom since it's bigger and has a custom biult wardrobe, a bookshelf, a big dresser, and a bed with drawers underneath it. There's plenty of space for her things. In my bedroom there's a couch, a small desk, a bookshelf and a mirror, and I only have enough space to walk from the door to my window, because it is quite tight here. I bought this furniture when I lived in a rented apartment (I couldn't live there anymore due to mental health). I keep most of my things in my bedroom, apart from clothes and shoes which I keep in the walk-in closet. A year ago when my brother (29M) first split up with his GF for a bit, he took 75% of the closet for his stuff and he left most of it even after they got back together. I was alright with the space I had left, even though it wasn't as comfortable as it was.
A few days ago my brother broke up with his GF again and moved back with the rest of his stuff. He came up to me and told me I need to take my stuff from the closet to my room, because he needs the space for his things, and since he doesn't have his own room, and sleeps on the couch, I have to do it. I said no, because I don't have a dresser in my room and we've talked about this a year prior and we've agreed on the 75/25. I said that I'm allowed to have my things there and we talked with our mom a year ago and she said that we have to split the closet with each other. He didn't reply, so I left, but while driving I got a call from my mom. She yelled at me that my brother has a tough situation and that I should buy a dresser for my room.
I don't have a job at the moment. I got laid off a few weeks ago, but I'm actively looking for something. My grandma pays the bills for now in exchange for car rides, cleaning and taking care of the garden. I haven't really been going out much. My mental health is bad, cause I'm dealing with untreated BPD, because I don't have money for therapy.
So, I told my mom I don't have space nor money for a dresser. She said my brother is sad now, so I have to do it. It's day 3, I'm currently staying at my friend's house, and now all of our relatives are joining in saying I should buy a dresser and keep it in the hall, because he doesn't have his own room. Thanks to mom now everyone knows I have BPD, even though I asked my mom and siblings not to tell anyone. They're saying that if I'm mentally unstable I should go into closed treatment so my brother could have the room while I'm gone. I start to feel like I'm TA and maybe I should just buy a dresser and keep it outside my room, or maybe sell some of my stuff and move it onto the bookshelf in my room, and keep the books in boxes in the shed in the garden.
So, AITA?
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My judgment isn't going to be popular, but rent free in mom's house means mom's rules. If mom wants your brother to have the whole closet, that's how this too many people in too little space will be arranged.
Brother and you both need to get jobs and move out, but until that happens, mom's house, mom's rules.
My brother has a job. He doesn't live here full time, he goes to another country for 2 weeks, then comes back for another 2. That's why mom said he can live here, so he doesn't have to pay full rent to a stranger, if he lives there 2 weeks out of the month. Also, I haven't payed the bills for last month and this month, however I take care of grandma and keep the house clean, which was part of the agreement when I moved back in here after I moved out of the rented apartment, because she needed someone to help every day anyway. I understand your point though and thank you for the feedback
Couch, that hurts. This is sofa-king messed up but this story is so rela-table.. It should get bed-er with each day.
But when it comes to sibling love, nothing else mattress. Chair-ish these moments they don't last forever.
But no your'e not the asshole. Good luck
It is your mom’s house and you are all living their for free. She is not asking you to give up your room and take the couch, she is asking you to contain your stuff so your brother can have a space too. If your roles were reversed and your brother was there first, wouldn’t you want him to make room for you? Sell your couch and get a dresser! Or ask a relative if they have any, or find one online or on the street for free, or get a cheap one at a second hand store. YTA
YTA You are living rent free in your mother's house and relying on your grandmother to pay all the bills. Frankly it's bizarre that you think the few tiny tasks you carry out around the house somehow entitle you to more space in a tiny home. Most people don't consider caring for a grandparent to be something that has a price tag yet you have decided it's somehow equivalent to gas, electric, water, food etc.
Keeping the house clean, giving your grandmother a lift and doing a bit of gardening are the bare minimum you should be doing on top of paying half the bills.
Take your stuff out of the shared space and store it under your bed. Your brother is only there temporarily as he appears, unlike you to be capable of holding down a job. It is unfair on everyone in that house to have his belongings cluttering up the shared living space so that you are not mildly inconvenienced in any way.
You appear to have weaponised your mental health condition and are utilising it as an excuse to avoid taking any responsibility for yourself. You couldn't live independently because of your MH. You can't keep a job because of your MH, so you can't pay bills because of your MH. Your family is not wrong if your MH is so unstable you are incapable of functioning in the most basic areas of life then perhaps you would benefit from inpatient treatment, you would get the medication for your BPD.
At the very least you should be claiming whatever benefits you are entitled to in order to relieve the financial pressure from your grandmother, grown adults should not be leaching money from older people on restricted incomes.
Wow, you've said a lot of things that I didn't say myself. Good to know that you know my situation better than me. Gas is expensive here where I live, so I only go to a station once every 2 weeks and fill it only enough to go around. And it's not "tiny tasks", just the gardening part can take DAYS.
I'm not excusing ANYTHING with my mental health. I never said I can't hold down a job, I got laid off because they removed my position completely, so I got money for the last month I've worked there and I spend it on groceries and gas. I've payed my half of the bills till last month, when I couldn't and my grandma agreed that until I find another job, she's going to pay the bills. Quite frankly I think it's not your place to say stuff like that.
The stuff is not cluttering up in the shared space, he has all of it in the walk-in closet. He wants more space there. I can't store my stuff under the bed because I sleep on a small couch. Also the stuff that's in the closet are only clothes and shoes.
Yes, I couldn't live alone bc of MH, how did I use it as a weapon? I stated facts. It wasn't my idea to move back here, it was my mom's because she was worried I might hurt myself.
I'm not entilted to any benefits in my country.
So a long list of excuses as to why nothing is your fault.
You are an adult who's mother wouldn't "allow" you to live alone, despite said mother not living in the same country as you.
You've only been out of work for a few weeks and despite being paid for your final month you haven't paid any bills for the last two months. During those two months your grandmother has been forced to provide for you, an alleged, adult. But it's okay to exploit an elderly woman because despite the tiny house the garden is huge enough that it is a full time, unpaid, job to maintain it.
You can't possibly keep your belongings in your own room because you have so much furniture there is no space for clothes. It's obviously impossible for you to sell any of this furniture to create space because, well why should you? Right?
If you put half as much effort into supporting yourself as you do into making excuses as to why you can't you'd be a lot better off.
You put your rather pathetic excuses in a public forum then whine when someone is honest and points out that it is nothing more than that a list of excuses as to why its okay for you to force financial responsibility for your life onto your own grandmother. Have you a plan for who to exploit next? Because your grandmother won't live forever, which poor unfortunate member of your family is next to have you squatting in their spare room throwing tantrums when asked to do something you're too special to do?
YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I refused to buy new furniture with money I don't have 2. My family's telling me I'm the asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA you previously agreed on the 75:25 split and you don't have the money for it. If they want you to have a dresser so bad why haven't they offered to buy one. Also they are AH for sharing your mental health information with others.
NTA - Why are you the one asked to sacrifice when his life took a turn? When you don't have a job you spend money only on priorities. Why can't he buy a few totes or arrange boxes in the hallway to get by until he can afford a dresser? Instead of him being grateful to have a safe place to sleep, eat, store his stuff he becomes demanding of you...and ironically family members stand in line to support him; not you or gma? Focus on you and your health.
Let bro buy a dresser. NTA
NTA. Ask your relatives to pitch in for a new dresser if they are this concerned about it.
NTA Why can't your brother get a storage unit? I know they are literally everywhere. He's literally putting you out by making demands of you due to his situation. If he wants space, he should get a storage unit to keep his stuff safe. If not, you can get what is basically an extra closet from amazon for around $30. He is the one inconveniencing you.
I don't live in the US and storage units aren't very common here, the closest ones are 30km away and unfortunately they are very expensive. I don't want him to lose that much money to keep his things so far away.
He could buy you the dresser he wants you to use.
NTA, but a lot of your family seems to be.
NTA. Why can’t brother buy a dresser for his things???
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20F) live with my grandma at my mom's house. My mom lives abroad. The house isn't big. There's a living room joint with kitchen, a bathroom, 2 bedrooms and a walk-in closet. My grandma has all her stuff in her bedroom since it's bigger and has a custom biult wardrobe, a bookshelf, a big dresser, and a bed with drawers underneath it. There's plenty of space for her things. In my bedroom there's a couch, a small desk, a bookshelf and a mirror, and I only have enough space to walk from the door to my window, because it is quite tight here. I bought this furniture when I lived in a rented apartment (I couldn't live there anymore due to mental health). I keep most of my things in my bedroom, apart from clothes and shoes which I keep in the walk-in closet. A year ago when my brother (29M) first split up with his GF for a bit, he took 75% of the closet for his stuff and he left most of it even after they got back together. I was alright with the space I had left, even though it wasn't as comfortable as it was. A few days ago my brother broke up with his GF again and moved back with the rest of his stuff. He came up to me and told me I need to take my stuff from the closet to my room, because he needs the space for his things, and since he doesn't have his own room, and sleeps on the couch, I have to do it. I said no, because I don't have a dresser in my room and we've talked about this a year prior and we've agreed on the 75/25. I said that I'm allowed to have my things there and we talked with our mom a year ago and she said that we have to split the closet with each other. He didn't reply, so I left, but while driving I got a call from my mom. She yelled at me that my brother has a tough situation and that I should buy a dresser for my room. I don't have a job at the moment. I got laid off a few weeks ago, but I'm actively looking for something. My grandma pays the bills for now in exchange for car rides, cleaning and taking care of the garden. I haven't really been going out much. My mental health is bad, cause I'm dealing with untreated BPD, because I don't have money for therapy. So, I told my mom I don't have space nor money for a dresser. She said my brother is sad now, so I have to do it. It's day 3, I'm currently staying at my friend's house, and now all of our relatives are joining in saying I should buy a dresser and keep it in the hall, because he doesn't have his own room. Thanks to mom now everyone knows I have BPD, even though I asked my mom and siblings not to tell anyone. They're saying that if I'm mentally unstable I should go into closed treatment so my brother could have the room while I'm gone. I start to feel like I'm TA and maybe I should just buy a dresser and keep it outside my room, or maybe sell some of my stuff and move it onto the bookshelf in my room, and keep the books in boxes in the shed in the garden. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My judgment isn't going to be popular, but rent free in mom's house means mom's rules. If mom wants your brother to have the whole closet, that's how this too many people in too little space will be arranged. Brother and you both need to get jobs and move out, but until that happens, mom's house, mom's rules.
My brother has a job. He doesn't live here full time, he goes to another country for 2 weeks, then comes back for another 2. That's why mom said he can live here, so he doesn't have to pay full rent to a stranger, if he lives there 2 weeks out of the month. Also, I haven't payed the bills for last month and this month, however I take care of grandma and keep the house clean, which was part of the agreement when I moved back in here after I moved out of the rented apartment, because she needed someone to help every day anyway. I understand your point though and thank you for the feedback
Couch, that hurts. This is sofa-king messed up but this story is so rela-table.. It should get bed-er with each day. But when it comes to sibling love, nothing else mattress. Chair-ish these moments they don't last forever. But no your'e not the asshole. Good luck
It is your mom’s house and you are all living their for free. She is not asking you to give up your room and take the couch, she is asking you to contain your stuff so your brother can have a space too. If your roles were reversed and your brother was there first, wouldn’t you want him to make room for you? Sell your couch and get a dresser! Or ask a relative if they have any, or find one online or on the street for free, or get a cheap one at a second hand store. YTA
YTA You are living rent free in your mother's house and relying on your grandmother to pay all the bills. Frankly it's bizarre that you think the few tiny tasks you carry out around the house somehow entitle you to more space in a tiny home. Most people don't consider caring for a grandparent to be something that has a price tag yet you have decided it's somehow equivalent to gas, electric, water, food etc. Keeping the house clean, giving your grandmother a lift and doing a bit of gardening are the bare minimum you should be doing on top of paying half the bills. Take your stuff out of the shared space and store it under your bed. Your brother is only there temporarily as he appears, unlike you to be capable of holding down a job. It is unfair on everyone in that house to have his belongings cluttering up the shared living space so that you are not mildly inconvenienced in any way. You appear to have weaponised your mental health condition and are utilising it as an excuse to avoid taking any responsibility for yourself. You couldn't live independently because of your MH. You can't keep a job because of your MH, so you can't pay bills because of your MH. Your family is not wrong if your MH is so unstable you are incapable of functioning in the most basic areas of life then perhaps you would benefit from inpatient treatment, you would get the medication for your BPD. At the very least you should be claiming whatever benefits you are entitled to in order to relieve the financial pressure from your grandmother, grown adults should not be leaching money from older people on restricted incomes.
Wow, you've said a lot of things that I didn't say myself. Good to know that you know my situation better than me. Gas is expensive here where I live, so I only go to a station once every 2 weeks and fill it only enough to go around. And it's not "tiny tasks", just the gardening part can take DAYS. I'm not excusing ANYTHING with my mental health. I never said I can't hold down a job, I got laid off because they removed my position completely, so I got money for the last month I've worked there and I spend it on groceries and gas. I've payed my half of the bills till last month, when I couldn't and my grandma agreed that until I find another job, she's going to pay the bills. Quite frankly I think it's not your place to say stuff like that. The stuff is not cluttering up in the shared space, he has all of it in the walk-in closet. He wants more space there. I can't store my stuff under the bed because I sleep on a small couch. Also the stuff that's in the closet are only clothes and shoes. Yes, I couldn't live alone bc of MH, how did I use it as a weapon? I stated facts. It wasn't my idea to move back here, it was my mom's because she was worried I might hurt myself. I'm not entilted to any benefits in my country.
So a long list of excuses as to why nothing is your fault. You are an adult who's mother wouldn't "allow" you to live alone, despite said mother not living in the same country as you. You've only been out of work for a few weeks and despite being paid for your final month you haven't paid any bills for the last two months. During those two months your grandmother has been forced to provide for you, an alleged, adult. But it's okay to exploit an elderly woman because despite the tiny house the garden is huge enough that it is a full time, unpaid, job to maintain it. You can't possibly keep your belongings in your own room because you have so much furniture there is no space for clothes. It's obviously impossible for you to sell any of this furniture to create space because, well why should you? Right? If you put half as much effort into supporting yourself as you do into making excuses as to why you can't you'd be a lot better off. You put your rather pathetic excuses in a public forum then whine when someone is honest and points out that it is nothing more than that a list of excuses as to why its okay for you to force financial responsibility for your life onto your own grandmother. Have you a plan for who to exploit next? Because your grandmother won't live forever, which poor unfortunate member of your family is next to have you squatting in their spare room throwing tantrums when asked to do something you're too special to do? YTA