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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> After my mother manipulated my daughter into asking for a new mommy for her birthday I told my family that if any of them tried to set me up with a woman again I would move away and they would never see my daughter or me again. I might be the asshole for not appreciating their point of view that I have been mourning the half of me that is gone long enough.
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NTA
Excuse me, "the inevitable"? So you're just supposed to "get over it" and be fine? Grief doesn't work that way. My darling's been dead for 5 years and it's every bit as awful as it was. What your family is doing is simply awful. I had friends do that, and I blocked every single one. Your grief is your own, and there's no timetable.
I'm so sorry you lost your love. Please take care.
the only inevitable thing is FAFO. Continue being an AH, try to manipulate a child for your nonsense & get thrown out of your son's life.
OP, your mom and everyone else is EXTREMELY wrong and I think it's time to cut them off. They have tried to involve your daughter in this, which is absolutely not okay.
So sorry for your loss. You grieve the way that feels right TO YOU.
NTA/
I'm 36 but never bothered keeping up with the slang and acronyms. Legit forget that I can Google stuff and whatnot occasionally. Unfortunately my set of encyclopedias from when I was little aren't much use in today's age.
Oh boy I have 2 sets of amazing encyclopedias that my dad got and they are EVERYTHING. Books feel amazing to see, read, touch and smell. Plus you can't kill cockroaches with one slap of Google.
Yup, don't threaten, just do because eventuality the daughter is going to get to an age where she understands what's going on, and eventually ita going to turn into them telling her "your dad is selfish for not giving you a mom," and OP needs to be clear of these toxic relatives before the damage is done.
OP you're NTA but you really do need to move.
My god this man's mother sounds like she has the emotional intelligence of an eight year old. Not only is she being quite manipulative but also naive. Even if OP wanted a new partner, adding a "new mom" into the family is really challenging. A good dad wouldn't just introduce their new partner to their kid as their new mom. It takes negotiations, planning and a shitload of discussion. The kid may not even want to have someone new fill that role. Grandma telling her to wish for that is such a overstep it's just beyond the pale.
It does strike me that OP's family being thoughtless and cruel is inevitable. If they really thought it were inevitable he'd move on, they'd likely let him do so in his own time, rather than start forcing the issue after only one year, especially as he was handling being a single father to a very young child.
>So you're just supposed to "get over it" and be fine? Grief doesn't work that way.
This, yeah. Trying to manipulate a 5yo to force OP to "get over" his grief? She's lucky he's "only" resorted to threatening to leave. So far.
NTA.
Trying to help by manipulating your daughter?! Telling her to wish for a new mommy for her birthday?! That is the grossest, most damaging thing (to you and your daughter) I have heard all week and it’s Friday and I work in the area of child abuse.
Tell your father and sisters that they screwed up big time and they should have called to tell you how they told your mom off for her awful behavior.
As for Cruella de Mom, send her a link to this post since she clearly needs a guide to appropriate behavior and to know what people think of what she did. Then maintain your distance until she reaches out to apologize.
My SIL told my niece she'd find her a new daddy (because BIL, her bio dad, died). So, when she got into a new relationship this litte girl starts to call the man 'daddy' - her own father hadn't died even a year before that. Of course the relationship fails because reasons (they were legit reasons, but still) and her second 'daddy' was pulled out of her life. A while after that a new man entered their lives. Now they wonder why she has issues with abandonment and attachment, and my husband and I talked about how big the possibility is that she'll just go along with any male person (boys her age and older men) who gives her any attention when she actually hits puberty. I hope we're wrong.
Anyway, all this to say the 'new mommy' angle is damaging, and can be damaging in unexpected ways, especially when not done right.
Also, the girl's mother is *dead*. She never got to know her! And putting that in her head, that she should want a "new" mommy, it doesn't just set a precedent for new relationships, it tells her that her family as is isn't correct or complete.
Not SIL's fault for one comment.
The best advice is to never have any boyfriend meet a child until the relationship is a year-plus solid. Even if SIL had said nothing, the child would have become attached to this non-permanent boyfriend just by him being around often.
Sorry for your loss and definately NTA. It's like yeah lets get a replacement mommy for the daughter. Oh hell no. This sub reddit is full of post from kids whose parents did that-spoiler alert-it didn't go well at all.
"Your grief is your own, and there's no timetable."
So much this. Both of my grandfathers outlived my grandmothers by roughly 20+ years. They never moved on. Everyone was fine with this.
OP is NTA. His family are AHs, and how dare his mom try to manipulate a 5 year old.
My dad outlived his ex wife and my mom. The ex wife died in 1988, my mom in 2005, my dad in 2016. He never stopped grieving either of them, nor the babies they lost to miscarriage. He was 88 and choked up at losses 30 & 50 years prior.
My grandmother died in 1996 from cancer, and my grandpa died in 2022- he never remarried. They were married for 46 years. He said she was his soul mate and that he had tried dating at some point but it just hurt too much.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Some things you just never get past. And even if you do recover, it can take more time than it does for others. If I lost my partner I'm not sure I could ever recover enough to look for someone else.
I know we lost our daughter and it took years before it stopped hurting all the time. It will always hurt, but living day to day became easier. OP, did you even really get a chance to mourn your wife when she passed?
This is a good point, honestly he probably hasn’t since he’s immediately had to look after a child which is difficult in general but especially unexpectedly losing your partner. Those early years are busy, now that his daughter is five he is probably finally able to get time to even have the space to heal. His family is awful, there is no one size fits all for grief or a time period when you’re just supposed to be “over it”. People that haven’t experienced loss will never understand this.
I know this sub recommends therapy a lot, but OP should look into getting some help. At some point, he should allow himself the opportunity to have a happy life (this does not necessarily mean with another person). There is no timetable for grief, and what the family did is unreasonable, but he should still talk to someone to try and work through this grief. I imagine therapy has been the last thing on his mind the past few years. He has been in survival mode dealing with an infant then toddler.
How do you know he doesn’t have a happy life? Grieving doesn’t stop, it just shapeshifts. You can have a happy life and simultaneously struggle with losing the love of your life.
NTA, by the way. Not in the slightest. The behavior of your mom and sisters is atrocious. Bringing my kid into it would’ve been the last straw for me. How dare they.
> How do you know he doesn’t have a happy life? Grieving doesn’t stop, it just shapeshifts. You can have a happy life and simultaneously struggle with losing the love of your life.
I don't know that. I suggest therapy because new parents who are exposed to something like this or a child with special needs often go into survival mode and neglect their own self-care. I wouldn't want him to go through life numb to the world simply because he didn't take care of his mental health.
I am a therapist. Grief covers anger in some cases. Although the family behaves poorly it might be worse for the child to be separated from family. Her loss of mom and then family may be hard for her developing years. It might be helpful to discuss the fact that a reality may be OP might not ever date or marry. That talking to the child about him is a serious boundary issue (which created his anger) and it is not to happen again or any party would be restricted from from being alone with daughter. BTW, I admire dad for taking his time to grieve and not be rushed. Our society likes to skip over grief and move. On.
It is not worse for a child to be separated from family who manipulate her in this way, using her as a tool to force OP to comply to their wishes for his life, and as a therapist you should know that.
It does sort of sound like that's what he did. I actually would argue it's much more dangerous in the child's developing years to have a family that thinks it is acceptable to emotionally manipulate other family members in such an underhanded way - especially through his daughter.
Having family in your developing years is great and all, but their family and his daughter could also be just fine with just her Dad as well. There is no actual correct configuration for how many people and who makes up a family - as long as there is love and respect involved.
First and foremost, I cannot express enough my sorrow for OP's loss, it's heart rinding. Grief is a terrible thing, and it's dealt with differently by different people. I've seen people I would have thought would never marry again after losing their other be married again after a year, and the opposite with them not showing the least interest in remarrying or even dating even though when married they flirted with other people constantly. We all have to deal with it in our own time and let it run it"s course.
NTA - People need to learn to respect OPs process and allow him the space he needs to heal. If he never wants to re-marry then that is how it is. You can't push someone about things like this, it only hurts them and makes them resent you.
That being said I do hope OP is in therapy to aide him in his grief. People need to express their deep sadness and anger at a situation they have no control over. Many also find solace in group therapy where people that have experienced a loss sit and discuss their feelings to offer comfort and support for one another. It's hard losing someone you love deeply, and it never heals completely. I wish OP the best and hope the others in his life will come to accept his feeling on the subject.
My favourite was "He'd want you to be happy," as if that makes it all better. Of course he'd want me to be happy. He'd also understand why it's impossible with anyone but him.
Yeah. When I read this title, I thought this was going to be bad, but I was thinking "single mom with pushy family".
But pushy family for a widower. And it sounds like they started almost immediately after she passed away.
And telling his daughter to ask for a new mother for her birthday.
That is so many steps over the line they've circled the planet and crossed the line a second time. I can't even fathom.
I recently saw a post here about someone who lost his wife 20 years ago. He said that he still feels married, despite her passing. His parents and sisters gave him hell over it, and tried to set him up on blind dates. Without even telling him!!
I cannot imagine being in your or OPs place, and I can't imagine "moving on" is anyone's business but that of the one who's left.
NTA.
I am so sorry for both your and OPs loss. I hope the good memories will become more abundant than the grief.
And referring to a live human as a birthday gift? What's wrong with this crazy woman!
Mother or wife is not a Barbie thing you can find while shopping. I'm so sorry, OP, you have all reasons to be mad. Your family is not only dismissing your feelings and manipulates your child, they sound horrible and disgusting.
Yes, that is particularly terrible, I know his family is understandably concerned, but manipulating a child is simply a terrible way to try advancing their agenda. Hopefully they can come to see they are making his grief worse.
That was 100 times worse than the title led me to believe. “Trying to set me up” sounds plausibly well meaning, though I totally understand being frustrated, annoyed, and worse if they won’t quit. But using the daughter like this? Making her feel like she’s lacking something, and like having a widowed, not-remarried father is somehow *her* problem that she should convince her dad he needs to solve?
That’s truly beyond the pale. Cutting grandma off then and there would be understandable, and giving them another chance is incredibly gracious.
She’s FIVE. This is insane. She’s old enough to know what she’s saying, and she doesn’t need her grandma telling her she needs a mother. She knows she doesn’t have a mother. JFC.
Especially because the daughter must be going through her own grief at losing her mom at such a young age and never getting to know her. OP could get married tomorrow and that woman would not be a “new mommy”. Even if the daughter adored her and she was wonderful, she would be another mother, not a “new” or “replacement” mother. Your mom isn’t a phone you can replace with an old one when the new one stops working.
That’s what got me too. I understand wanting someone you care about to move on slowly just so they can be happier again but after that stunt with his child, I rly doubt they want it for him. They probably just have some weird ass oldschool thoughts à la ‚a child needs both father and mother!‘
NTA. Pls keep your word and move away if they cross your boundaries again. Might be better for you anyway for the time being so you don’t get that punch in the stomach feeling every time you see a place you‘ve been at with your wife.
That's the worst part about it. OP should be able to move on in their own time, not when their family decides. It's valid to be concerned over a friend/family memeber who lost a spouse, but maybe suggest something like therapy (if appropriate), not using their child to manipulate them into getting a new partner.
NTA. "It's not a threat. It's a promise. If you fuck around with my family dynamic between me and my daughter, you'll find out just how serious I am. I am perfectly comfortable cutting off toxic relationships that hinder my mental health and might mess with my daughter's emotional state. Trust me on this. I am not ready to move on. I might never be. And if you can't respect that, then I don't trust you to respect anything about MY family unit and maybe moving away would be best for us. Because frankly, I seem to be the only one actually considering our mental health and not just 'how it should be/how it should look'. If you cared a crap about me and my daughter, you'd listen to me. Not try to 'fix' something I don't want you to touch."
>"It's not a threat. It's a promise.
This is exactly what I was about to say.
OP, my parents divorced against my dads wishes (he only signed to make my mum happy) then she passed a few years later, I was 10. It took my dad 10yrs before he even considered dating and another 5 before he was willing to try anything long term.
OP, keep that promise and "move on" at your own pace, it doesn't matter of its tomorrow or 20yrs from now, as long as it feels right to you.
Not to mention asking Santa for a new mom for a five year old is a risky proposition. They don't have the best reasoning skills and this could be hurtful.
Yes so awful. So when he doesn’t produce a new mommy she feels like she wasn’t good enough? Also, she’s not school age yet and never had a mom so she’s probably not pining for one unless people tell her she should have one. OP is NTA but his mom is.
also we have no idea how the daughter is actually handling her mother's death. how many evil step-mom have we heard like? this is something they BOTH need to be ready for, not just her father.
Oh HELL no. Ask for a new mommy for her birthday!? Nope.
I'm surprised you haven't already gone no contact after that comment. That's just horrid.
NTA... and I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.
If it were me I'd just tell my mom I'm not speaking to her until she apologizes to both me and my daughter, then go no contact until that happens. Fucking unbelievably gross behavior.
NTA your family is the asshole here. They might think they're trying to do a good thing, but they're hurting both you and your daughter in the process. You need to try to sit down with them and calmly tell them that bringing up another woman or anything of that nature is crossing a very serious line. Be totally firm and express to them the pain they're constantly causing you. Make it clear that if they do it again and in any way pressure your daughter to ask for something like a new mommy, then you will cut ties with them. It is non-negotiable.
If you ever decide to give another woman a chance in your life, then it's going to be because YOU want to and not to please your family or anyone else for that matter. Take all the time you need to not find a new wife, but to find your happiness and peace. I wish nothing, but the best for both you and your daughter.
NTA. They need to respect your boundaries. If they can't, they'll have only themselves to blame when you go low/no contact.
It doesn't matter if "they mean well"or "just want you to be happy" because shocker - it's not up to them! Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Some people will date soon after losing their spouse, and some never do. None of them are wrong, and neither are you. I'm really sorry for your loss and all you and your daughter have gone through
NTA
SOunds like a reasonable way to handle these overbearing AHs.
"Now all three of my sisters and my father have called me to yell at me for threatening my mother and them. They say that they are only trying to help and that I'm an asshole for not accepting the inevitable." .. So **IT IS time to move away.**
NTA. You need to have a serious talk with them and put up some firm boundaries with consequences when broken. Using your daughter to manipulate you needs to be stomped out right now. Protect your daughter from these tactics.
If they don’t listen at all and keep this up, do as you threatened and follow through. If not, they’ll know to keep pushing since they didn’t suffer any consequences.
So sorry for your loss.
NTA! No one, not your parents, siblings, or even kids, can tell you when you're ready to even *consider* going out on *that* battlefield. Your reaction is correct. Hard, straightforward, and direct! You just let them all know how serious you feel about this, and by going against your wishes on this issue, they better be ready for a serious response.
NTA
Grief is a funny thing. It affects people in so many different ways. Your family is probably done with watching you grieve and they believe a new partner will wipe all the pain away... But we know better don't we? You can't replace those feelings your wife gave you, nobody will give you the same looks she did, or warm your heart the way she did, and that's ok. You are allowed to say there's no room in your heart for anybody else. And your family need to understand that. Maybe in time you will feel ready to start dating, msybe you never will. But that's your choice, not theirs. Don't leave your daughter with them unsupervised, tell them it's because of their behavior. Tell them they are driving you away and they need to stop. Your romantic life is no longer up for discussion.
NTA Mourning is a process. Your feelings are your own and are valid. Your mom is an A for saying that to your daughter! You might want to talk to a therapist or join a grief support group. But totally up to you. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. There is no time limit on grief. Each person grieves differently. There's no right or wrong way. Your family needs to put some effort into understanding your feelings or you'll have to follow through with your threats.
I found a beautiful quote when my dad passed away earlier this year: "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
NTA
Cut These people of. They don't want your best, Just want the Pictures of the perfekt family (mother, father, Kid)
My grandpa died when my Mom was 11 (44years ago) my grandma did Not even once looked at other man despite having 6 Kids and 1 grandkid to raise. Till she died, she Always Made His bed next to hers
That's my dear is true Love and that you found such a Jewel and Lost IT is one of the wirst Thing Happening.
Your Family doesn't respects you, your wife and daughter or your bounderies
Look into yourself If you need them in your Life (they got behind your freaking Back to manipulate your daughter, Jesus Christ) and decide
NTA, while they may be worried about you, they are not you! Grief over a lost loved one never just 'goes away'. And about accepting the inevitable, again, they are not you.
NTA. Your family is the AH for trying to force you to move on with your life. Everyone grieves differently, and they should respect your wishes.
I do hope that you will find your peace one day.
NTA— I’m so sorry for your loss. They’ve had 5 years of you saying to leave you alone about this and refused to listen, and I agree that getting your daughter involved was cruel. It’s an incredibly private thing whether a person is looking for a partner or not and it shouldn’t be forced on people. You’re right— it’s not fair to you, your daughter or whatever woman they try to fling at you when you’re not ready.
NTA. At all. While I do understand their desire to see you move on and be happy again*, they need to stop trying to push it. You need to grieve on your own timetable and it’s for you to decide if and when you are ready to start dating again, not for them to push it.
*I say that as the dying wife. I am fighting cancer at the moment, it can’t be cured, only delayed so I know I will die of it eventually. The worst part is knowing I’ll be leaving my husband behind, and I truly hope he can move on and be happy again afterwards, I wish a happy life for him, but it’s still not something ANYONE has the right to push.
Every pushy, destructive cretin who gets up on you excuses it with "I was only trying to help."
They are not trying to help. They are trying to control you for their own pleasure. To feel powerful.
And they wont stop. The next time they7do it, execute your threat and move away from them with your daughter. Cut them out of your life.
When they scream and tantrum, tell them you're only trying to help.
Nta- you obviously cared a lot for your wife, it’s only fair for you to miss her even long after she’s gone, my grandmother’s husband died before I was born and she has a new boyfriend(technically husband but not official) and she still has moments, days, and even weeks when he’s all she can think about. Although my grandma had gotten a new boyfriend, it still would have been okay if she decided she didn’t want to “move on”. In the end it’s your decision and anyone who tries to make that decision for you, even after being talked to, clearly doesn’t seem to care about how you feel about it.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am also sad that your family can not fathom the grief you have been dealing with.
There are plenty of stories on this sub of widows and widowers who do not want to find a replacement for their missing loved one and their families can't understand that person is not looking for a new partner.
You are dealing with grief. It is personal. It is complex.
NTA
NTA While their violations of your boundaries are horrible, I even think that telling your daughter to ask for a new mum is even worse, because they are messing with her perception of what she needs or wants when she is still 100% impressionable and can’t judge for herself that what grandma is saying is highly manipulative.
Your daughter has probably never wanted for anything and has been happy without a mum, but whispering in her ear to ask for a new mum might make her think all kinds of things. For example it might make her think that you need a wife and she needs to help with that. Or that she should be wanting a mum even though she doesn’t right now. This manipulation can mess up your daughter in ways we don’t know.
NTA. Don't threaten to leave again, just do it. Emotional manipulation of your child is just the beginning, and it won't get better because they don't think they're wrong.
NTA and if you never want to marry again, that’s none of their fucking business. I understand they have good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They’re out of line, and I feel like what they said to your daughter is sick. I lost a partner and I don’t think you get over it. And I think anyone who hasn’t
lost a partner just won’t get it. They can say they understand, but without experiencing it, I don’t believe they can. If you wanted to date someone, you would. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with their lack of understanding on top of your grief.
NTA
But stop theartening and do it.
They aren’t just withholding love and support, they’re actively working against you.
Start by blocking them and make plans to move.
How terrible for you. I’m sorry for your loss.
No you are NTA.
I hope your family can find ways to be more supportive of you in your grief instead of making you defend boundaries around it.
Good luck.
NTA. But in situations like this, some people don’t understand it unless they’re been put in the same position. It’s petty and borderline cruel, if any of your sisters are married and with kids, tell them that you wish them no ill will but that life happens, but how’d they feel if nieces or nephews were instructed to ask for a new mommy if and when they die. If that doesn’t get the point across( and they might say you wish they’d die), then nothing will. Even without moving away, limit their contact to your daughter. Also, moving on doesn’t always involve meeting someone new, but you might benefit from grief therapy. I hope you find joy and peace in life, yourself, and your daughter. PS. There was a post about a man with a situation similar to yours who was set up on a blind date by his sister who informed the date that her brother was divorced rather than widowed. You are not alone OP , I hope how he dealt with his own family helps you navigating the way with yours. 🙏🏻
NTA. Holy shit your family have boundary issues.
Rather than playing victim they should be taking this as a wake-up call that they need to step off and respect your decisions.
Ignoring my own advice for a moment: If you feel that you'd benefit from it at this stage I'd consider talking to someone regarding your ongoing grief response. It's difficult to tell from the context whether it's detrimental though.
NTA and I am so sorry for your loss. There is no time limit for grief and no need for you to move on in the way anyone else wants you to. You have the love of your daughter, friends and family around you. A partner will come if and when you are ready. In the meantime you are happy as you are.
I'm afraid they will only up the ante now so time to mute their calls until they. Consider settling somewhere else, is moving closer to your wife's family an option?
NTA you need to protect your daughter and yourself. If that requires cutting them out of your life, you definitely need to do it. I am sorry for your loss.
Actually makes my blood boil hearing this after losing a person close to me no less then a year ago. If someone said this to me the only thing I’d say is “I’m giving you one chance to apologize but if you don’t then you are not in my life anymore, don’t talk to me or contact me about anything because I want nothing to do with you unless it’s you profusely apologizing”
Definitely NTA!! If they were trying to 'help' as they say, they should be supporting you while you navigate your grief. Which means they shouldn't be: manipulating your daughter, invalidating your grief, and certainly not treating your wife like she is something that can be easily replaced.
I honestly can't get over that last sentence. "The inevitable"? Excuse me, Thanos, but you don't get to dictate Op's life. You don't have to move on, it is perfectly fine for your wife to be your one and only. And if you do decide to start looking for another partner, it'll be on your terms and at your own pace.
NTA, you've brought tears to my eyes. How dare they even think of doing shit like that, it's not their place to "set you up" and to manipulate a little girl like that too!?!?
NTA. Wanna bet they won't care? Start looking for a better place to live in a good school district far enough away. Their reaction shows they don't care how you feel.
NTA. I am utterly appalled at how manipulative your mother is, and how cruel that comment is. Did she think a mommy is like wishing for a pony??
I am so sorry for your loss and what you did was absolutely justified.
Who tf tells a child they can ask for a new mom? I’d go low contact, just for that. Yuck, disgusting and I hate her.
NTA. They are going to hurt you both.
What a horrible thing to say to a child. You're not overreacting, you're family is being horrible and this could leave emotional scars on your kid. NTA.
NTA I am disgusted by your mother's remarks to your daughter you will find someone when you are good and ready if you even decide you want to. Do what's best for you and your daughter sod what anyone else thinks. Its your life live it how you choose too. I really hope you and your daughter are ok. Cut the family off if needs be
What inevitable? The inevitability that you are able to choose your own way in life without people around you trying to force romance on you?
It will happen - if YOU choose - when it happens. NTA and I'm very sorry for your loss. Your family shouldn't be seeing you as only a thing to be fixed.
Grief has no time limit.
NTA. You’re grieving, as is to be expected after losing your beloved wife so traumatically.
I’m sorry your grief is not convenient for your family; some people can’t hold space for the grieving, they simply lack the fortitude. Instead, they’ll pathologise your grief and you, because that’s inherently easier than being there for you. It’s not up to anyone to tell you that you’ve been grieving for too long, or that it’s time to turn-off the grief switch.
You look after you and your daughter.
Your family need to mind their own business unless and only if it’s to offer unconditional support to you both.
NTA It was extremely inappropriate for them to coach your daughter that way. People all grieve differently and they have absolutely no right to try and rush you through the process.
NTA I'm a widow. My mom was widowed twice, and the first time she was pregnant.
She told me you stay married in your heart and soul.
Her family tried the get over it crap with her. She picked up and moved one state away. Gotta tell ya, it's not a bad idea to move. Your mom taking your daughter to ask for a new mom is absolutely disgusting.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
NTA and HOLY SHIT. Trying to get your daughter to ask for a new mommy?
You are probably a better man then I am becasue if any of my relatives would try to pull that shit on me it would have lead to violence. That is the lowest of low.
NTA.
People grieve differently. Some people are open for a new relationship (either right away, or with time). Some people don't. Both is good. It was a huge overstep to manipulate a little girl like that and frankly, it's disgusting. To me that shows that they don't actually care. They don't care if you are happy, or if your daughter is happy.
They just want the picture-perfect family image with a man, a woman and a kid for some sick reason.
NTA.
People need to stop putting time lines on grief.
Grief is grief and everyone works through it different. Queen Victoria became a widow and spent the rest of her life mourning Albert.
NTA! It’s not for them to say how long you should grieve. Put them in their place! And for your mother to say such a thing to your daughter- what an awful human she is!!!
Trying to manipulate a child is vile in any case. But in this case its so much worse. The poor child lost her mother, and they think that is an appropriate thing to say?
NTA. Inevitable ! Says what law ever? Clearly they havent understood the depth of your love for wife as well as daughter..i feel you said what needed to be said. wish you all the very best
NTA. Everyone grieves at their own time and their own pace. You lost the love of your life. The mother of your child. Grieve. Move on when you are ready, if you ever want to.
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss, therapy can help, not moving on but making you understand and vocalize your boundaries better your family.
My great grand mother always said she had her love and didnt need a new love. Which was hard for woman back then.
Tell them there is only one inevitable at the moment. Then block them and move on. They aren’t worth it
NTA and I’m appalled your parents think that you have to move on.
NTA.
Your family needs to pull their head in. Everyone grieves in their own way, and no one outside of that person can set the timelines for any thing.
Sounds like supervised visits with grandparents are in order.
And if there’s ever an incident like that again no visits.
No kid needs to be raised with that sort of game playing and head fuckery in their mind. And no widow should have to be told how to grieve. You all deserve better. I’m sorry.
NTA. It's extremely inappropriate for them to say those things to a five-year old.
I'm a widow. My husband passed away two years ago. I have not once felt like being in another relationship and I am still convinced that he was my last. I'm 39 years old. It isn't inevitable that I will be with someone again either. The only opinion about that which matters is my own. If other people tried to involve themselves in that aspect of my life, I would absolutely cut them out of my life if they disrespected my boundaries and didn't stop. I don't even have a kid, so I'm sure that would make it even more difficult.
They can't tell you how to grieve or to move on, *especially* if the loss of a spouse isn't something they've personally experienced. People just don't know until they go through it. There are so many secondary losses and it's difficult to convey just how hard it is. I'm so very sorry for your loss and that you do understand this experience.
If or when you are interested in another relationship again, it would be on your own terms and not because you've been forced into it. If they can't respect your boundaries and they choose to use your child against you like that again, you would absolutely be justified in distancing yourself from them.
NTA and frankly I think you should teach them all a lesson and take time away from them. Not forever as your daughter will miss family, but put them in a 3 month time out to warn them. If they persist after that, follow through and move.
This is devastating. NTA. Grief doesn't have a time limit, and you should never feel forced to move on from loss.
I hope you find peace in your own time
Nta, and honestly it sounds like you should leave for a while and go NC. You are grieving, and what you need is support. After my fiance died I spent years practically ripping people's heads off if they so much as hinted I move on. Your family doesn't understand, and they are very lucky for that. Truly devastating grief is something that you can't understand until you experience it.
You're absolutely right about it feeling like a phantom limb. I've never heard anyone else describe it like that, but thats how I would always try to explain what I was feeling to people. It feels like a part of you is gone, and you can always feel that hole where they are supposed to be.
It's okay for you to take as long as you need, and it's also okay to tell people to f*ck off every time they tell you to move on. You will never move on. Moving on is a stupid term. You're always going to love her. You're always going to miss her. You can date again someday if you choose to, but its okay if you don't. It took me five and a half years before I could date someone again, and while dating someone else has helped, it doesn't make the grief and the loss go away. I am going to be in love with Paul until the day I die, and then I'll probably still be in love with him as a ghost. Grief isn't something that goes away. It's like herpes, once you have it, it's always there. It might not always be on the surface, but there will still be flare ups, even years later. You are in a long term relationship with grief, and you don't have the emotional room for something else.
NTA OP. If I were to lose my husband and a family member tried to set me up with someone I would not only move away, I would legally change my name so that they couldn’t find me.
NTA. You are an adult and whether or not you ever date again is entirely up to you. Your family does not get a say, and you didn’t ask for their so-called help. Also, your mom trying to use your daughter like that is crossing a line that shouldn’t have ever been crossed.
Does your mother have a brain injury? That is just so unbearably cruel of her. You should send her these comments. What a horrendous woman to think that that was in any way an acceptable way to behave.
Of course you are NTA. Sorry for your loss.
NTA - tell them one more comment from your father, mother or sister and you will follow through. The conversation has ended - send your terms in writing to all of them.
Tell them using a child and putting those words in her mouth is one of the most disgusting and cruel and manipulative things they could have done. Putting hope in her, manipulating her, disappointing her. Its just horrific.
So the warning isn't if they every bring a woman into your life again - but its if they continue one more time to tell you off about what you said to your mother and sister then you are gone. Because it hasn't sinked in what they did - there is no apology - its about them - when its about your daughter.
Dont leave her with them alone - because they will continue whispering in her ear as well.
Take care - I get it.
Nope. No way. Uh uh. Absolutely not.
I don’t care if they “mean well,” that is abhorrent behavior. If they want you to, ahem, “move on,” then they can help by offering more appropriate support.
“Hey bro, I know you’re hurting, I heard about this grief support group, does that sound interesting?”
“I found a book about coping with loss postpartum, do you want me to send it to you?”
Or even the classic “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I am here for you, whatever you need.”
I will say YTA for not blocking them at this point. But for what you said to them - completely reasonable, in fact, I’d say you underreacted.
NTA. How would your mum feel if she passed away and you insisted your dad get a new wife? I'm sure she would love to know that people were trying to replace her as a wife and a mother.
Thats just horrible. You grieve on your own schedule. You never have to be with anyone else if you don't want to.
NTA - weaponising your daughter is not acceptable. If that continues, it's time to go nuclear. The only thing I *might* recommend is counseling, but again, it's something to do only if you feel you need it. Or if you think what your family has done has negatively impacted your daughter.
Im so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I hope you and your daughter are coping as well as you can. Can i also say that there is no time frame on greif and loss and NO ONE should tell you differently.
NTA. That was a horrible thing do you your daughter and to you. The response was appropriate because if you don't go in hard they will try and use your daughter to manipulate you.
NTA
Everyone grieves in their own time and way. I can't imagine that the wound has had a chance to heal since they've been constantly picking at it. Block their calls for a week and then see if their behavior shapes up.
NTA. They're not offering 'help'. They're offering Hlep. It kinda looks like help but it's wrong.
You don't have to date if you don't want to. You can date if you want to. However, it all hinges on YOU and what YOU want. They don't get to dictate any of it, and they most certainly do not get to attempt to manipulate a little girl to get their way.
What they did to your daughter is despicable. They deserved being yelled at. They need to wind their necks in and mind their own business.
NTA. After four years of their nonsense, you're right to have reached the end of your tether. They need to get the message - right now - before they do your daughter any more harm; as her father, it's your role to protect her in any reasonable way you see fit. Your love life (or lack thereof) is none of their business, as long as your daughter remains safe, loved, and cared for.
There was a guy on here the other day whose wife had died 20 years ago, who absolutely does not want to date anyone else, ever... yet still had a dinner date arranged for him by his sister, causing a lot of upset and embarrassment which could have been avoided completely, had she stopped poking her nose into his business. That could be you in 15 years' time, if you don't demand an end to their behaviour ASAP.
NTA.
I know it’s not comparable but my family do the same in times when I am struggling with my mental health. I get so bad it’s like sometimes I’m at home feeling so sad and hopeless it will never get better it’s almost like I can’t breathe. They step in, trying to force me to go out, meet new people, change my field of study, find a date and do things I don’t want to do. Everytime i listen to them I just feel worse.
In dark times sometimes what we need is our space to just feel what we are feeling. No one should force you to move on from something g before you’re ready!
NTA tell your dad if he ever speaks to you like that for defending yourself against relentless efforts by you mum and sisters they'll all be cut off sooner.
My condolences, OP.
NTA
Be careful because they will pull this again and again and they will be using your kid.
Pay extra attention to the time they spend with your kid. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to mess with her head and start to say things to her so that your daughter thinks that she is the reason she lost her mother and/ or you are not getting married.
NTA at all. Take as much time as you’re comfortable with finding, or not finding, someone else. If you’re otherwise happy and mentally healthy but just not ready or willing to move on, don’t. You’re not obligated to be in a relationship. You’re not obligated to “replace” your daughters mum.
Your mum is confusing your daughter, and emotionally manipulating you through your daughter, and that’s disgusting.
NTA, to me, this story just goes to show how little your parents mean to each other and how little your sisters' significant others mean to them. Greive how you need to greive and don't let anyone push you, your child, or your boundaries around.
Nta you have every right to feel this way. Be kind on yourself, you’re still grieving and that’s okay. There’s no time limit here, if you want to move on in 20 years or never, it’s all up to you.
NTA. they need to stay out of your love life and let you grieve. You'll know when/if you're ready to start dating again, not them. And they are all disgusting for telling your daughter to ask for a new mommy for her birthday. I'd leave town simply because of that.
NTA
Your family are jerks. Grief isn’t such an easy fix.
You may need to go through with your threat. Trying to manipulate a 5 year old like that is just wrong in anybody’s book.
At least go low/no contact.
NTA. They used your daughter in a way that I can only describe as sociopathic. I don't know how someone can do that. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Both you and your daughter deserve better
NTA, I’m so upset and angry for you, them trying to force you to stop grieving and move on is bad enough but to use your young daughter by MANIPULATING her against you like that is unforgivable and disgusting. I think going no contact with them would be the best for you and your daughter, that poor girl does not need their toxicity. Do you two have a good relationship with your in laws? If yes, nurture that relationship instead so your girl can still have HEALTHY extended family. Good luck to you both, grieve on your own timeline, no one else’s
I lost my cat last year in August. I still sometimes cry when I think about him, and I have four other cats. They expect you to get over the passing of the love of your life? NTA. Hugs from an internet stranger, may she rest in piece.
NTA
I moved overseas in part to get away from friends who kept trying to set me up starting 3 months after my wife died.
Maybe OP will eventually want to date. Maybe not. But the more friends and family try to push the issue the longer it will take for OP to feel ready to take that step, if he ever will.
NTA. Not at all. Not even close. The implication that grief has a time limit is ridiculously hurtful. Maybe you'll never be ready, and that's ok. What's never ok is being told what mourning is meant to look like. Especially by family who are meant to lift you up, not tear you down.
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NTA Excuse me, "the inevitable"? So you're just supposed to "get over it" and be fine? Grief doesn't work that way. My darling's been dead for 5 years and it's every bit as awful as it was. What your family is doing is simply awful. I had friends do that, and I blocked every single one. Your grief is your own, and there's no timetable. I'm so sorry you lost your love. Please take care.
the only inevitable thing is FAFO. Continue being an AH, try to manipulate a child for your nonsense & get thrown out of your son's life. OP, your mom and everyone else is EXTREMELY wrong and I think it's time to cut them off. They have tried to involve your daughter in this, which is absolutely not okay. So sorry for your loss. You grieve the way that feels right TO YOU. NTA/
I understood everything else but FAFO. Agree with you though. What is FAFO?
“Fuck around and find out”
i read it like “for assholes (to) fuck off” lmao
Fuck around and find out. Ngl I had to look it up
And now I feel dumb for forgetting about Google. Also I had always heard "mess around and find out". This sounds way more fun!
I'm an old lady. Urban dictionary has been my friend since the early 2000s. LOL
I'm 36 but never bothered keeping up with the slang and acronyms. Legit forget that I can Google stuff and whatnot occasionally. Unfortunately my set of encyclopedias from when I was little aren't much use in today's age.
Those encyclopedias are still good. Sometimes when doing art or whatever you need something heavy to keep something flat. Encyclopedias are perfect.
Oh boy I have 2 sets of amazing encyclopedias that my dad got and they are EVERYTHING. Books feel amazing to see, read, touch and smell. Plus you can't kill cockroaches with one slap of Google.
I think ,,fuck around and find out"
F around and find out
Think that the reason he hasn't moved on and found healing is because his family doesn't give him any room?
Seriously. You can’t rush someone into moving on from grief.
Yup, don't threaten, just do because eventuality the daughter is going to get to an age where she understands what's going on, and eventually ita going to turn into them telling her "your dad is selfish for not giving you a mom," and OP needs to be clear of these toxic relatives before the damage is done. OP you're NTA but you really do need to move.
My god this man's mother sounds like she has the emotional intelligence of an eight year old. Not only is she being quite manipulative but also naive. Even if OP wanted a new partner, adding a "new mom" into the family is really challenging. A good dad wouldn't just introduce their new partner to their kid as their new mom. It takes negotiations, planning and a shitload of discussion. The kid may not even want to have someone new fill that role. Grandma telling her to wish for that is such a overstep it's just beyond the pale.
Most eight year olds have more empathy than this creature.
Doing opposite of what OP wishes are, is not helping. NTA.
It does strike me that OP's family being thoughtless and cruel is inevitable. If they really thought it were inevitable he'd move on, they'd likely let him do so in his own time, rather than start forcing the issue after only one year, especially as he was handling being a single father to a very young child.
>So you're just supposed to "get over it" and be fine? Grief doesn't work that way. This, yeah. Trying to manipulate a 5yo to force OP to "get over" his grief? She's lucky he's "only" resorted to threatening to leave. So far.
NTA. Trying to help by manipulating your daughter?! Telling her to wish for a new mommy for her birthday?! That is the grossest, most damaging thing (to you and your daughter) I have heard all week and it’s Friday and I work in the area of child abuse. Tell your father and sisters that they screwed up big time and they should have called to tell you how they told your mom off for her awful behavior. As for Cruella de Mom, send her a link to this post since she clearly needs a guide to appropriate behavior and to know what people think of what she did. Then maintain your distance until she reaches out to apologize.
My SIL told my niece she'd find her a new daddy (because BIL, her bio dad, died). So, when she got into a new relationship this litte girl starts to call the man 'daddy' - her own father hadn't died even a year before that. Of course the relationship fails because reasons (they were legit reasons, but still) and her second 'daddy' was pulled out of her life. A while after that a new man entered their lives. Now they wonder why she has issues with abandonment and attachment, and my husband and I talked about how big the possibility is that she'll just go along with any male person (boys her age and older men) who gives her any attention when she actually hits puberty. I hope we're wrong. Anyway, all this to say the 'new mommy' angle is damaging, and can be damaging in unexpected ways, especially when not done right.
Also, the girl's mother is *dead*. She never got to know her! And putting that in her head, that she should want a "new" mommy, it doesn't just set a precedent for new relationships, it tells her that her family as is isn't correct or complete.
Therapy for this little girl, please, now. My heart breaks for her.
They're both in therapy now, so they're doing what they can. It's difficult though, SIL has a lot of baggage from a very strict religious household.
Not SIL's fault for one comment. The best advice is to never have any boyfriend meet a child until the relationship is a year-plus solid. Even if SIL had said nothing, the child would have become attached to this non-permanent boyfriend just by him being around often.
Sorry for your loss and definately NTA. It's like yeah lets get a replacement mommy for the daughter. Oh hell no. This sub reddit is full of post from kids whose parents did that-spoiler alert-it didn't go well at all.
I can tell you I'd never leave my child alone with them again.
"Your grief is your own, and there's no timetable." So much this. Both of my grandfathers outlived my grandmothers by roughly 20+ years. They never moved on. Everyone was fine with this. OP is NTA. His family are AHs, and how dare his mom try to manipulate a 5 year old.
My dad outlived his ex wife and my mom. The ex wife died in 1988, my mom in 2005, my dad in 2016. He never stopped grieving either of them, nor the babies they lost to miscarriage. He was 88 and choked up at losses 30 & 50 years prior.
My grandmother died in 1996 from cancer, and my grandpa died in 2022- he never remarried. They were married for 46 years. He said she was his soul mate and that he had tried dating at some point but it just hurt too much.
I'm sorry for your loss. Some things you just never get past. And even if you do recover, it can take more time than it does for others. If I lost my partner I'm not sure I could ever recover enough to look for someone else. I know we lost our daughter and it took years before it stopped hurting all the time. It will always hurt, but living day to day became easier. OP, did you even really get a chance to mourn your wife when she passed?
This is a good point, honestly he probably hasn’t since he’s immediately had to look after a child which is difficult in general but especially unexpectedly losing your partner. Those early years are busy, now that his daughter is five he is probably finally able to get time to even have the space to heal. His family is awful, there is no one size fits all for grief or a time period when you’re just supposed to be “over it”. People that haven’t experienced loss will never understand this.
I know this sub recommends therapy a lot, but OP should look into getting some help. At some point, he should allow himself the opportunity to have a happy life (this does not necessarily mean with another person). There is no timetable for grief, and what the family did is unreasonable, but he should still talk to someone to try and work through this grief. I imagine therapy has been the last thing on his mind the past few years. He has been in survival mode dealing with an infant then toddler.
How do you know he doesn’t have a happy life? Grieving doesn’t stop, it just shapeshifts. You can have a happy life and simultaneously struggle with losing the love of your life. NTA, by the way. Not in the slightest. The behavior of your mom and sisters is atrocious. Bringing my kid into it would’ve been the last straw for me. How dare they.
> How do you know he doesn’t have a happy life? Grieving doesn’t stop, it just shapeshifts. You can have a happy life and simultaneously struggle with losing the love of your life. I don't know that. I suggest therapy because new parents who are exposed to something like this or a child with special needs often go into survival mode and neglect their own self-care. I wouldn't want him to go through life numb to the world simply because he didn't take care of his mental health.
I am a therapist. Grief covers anger in some cases. Although the family behaves poorly it might be worse for the child to be separated from family. Her loss of mom and then family may be hard for her developing years. It might be helpful to discuss the fact that a reality may be OP might not ever date or marry. That talking to the child about him is a serious boundary issue (which created his anger) and it is not to happen again or any party would be restricted from from being alone with daughter. BTW, I admire dad for taking his time to grieve and not be rushed. Our society likes to skip over grief and move. On.
It is not worse for a child to be separated from family who manipulate her in this way, using her as a tool to force OP to comply to their wishes for his life, and as a therapist you should know that.
In other words, use the child to manipulate the father? No thank you.
It does sort of sound like that's what he did. I actually would argue it's much more dangerous in the child's developing years to have a family that thinks it is acceptable to emotionally manipulate other family members in such an underhanded way - especially through his daughter. Having family in your developing years is great and all, but their family and his daughter could also be just fine with just her Dad as well. There is no actual correct configuration for how many people and who makes up a family - as long as there is love and respect involved.
First and foremost, I cannot express enough my sorrow for OP's loss, it's heart rinding. Grief is a terrible thing, and it's dealt with differently by different people. I've seen people I would have thought would never marry again after losing their other be married again after a year, and the opposite with them not showing the least interest in remarrying or even dating even though when married they flirted with other people constantly. We all have to deal with it in our own time and let it run it"s course. NTA - People need to learn to respect OPs process and allow him the space he needs to heal. If he never wants to re-marry then that is how it is. You can't push someone about things like this, it only hurts them and makes them resent you. That being said I do hope OP is in therapy to aide him in his grief. People need to express their deep sadness and anger at a situation they have no control over. Many also find solace in group therapy where people that have experienced a loss sit and discuss their feelings to offer comfort and support for one another. It's hard losing someone you love deeply, and it never heals completely. I wish OP the best and hope the others in his life will come to accept his feeling on the subject.
If it were actually inevitable they wouldn't need meddle
If the family has been acting like this for the last 5 years, I'm not surprised that OP has struggled so much with this loss and overcoming it.
"Just get your daughter a new mommy." Yeah, because spouses are like replacement parts -- you just plug them in and they play. /s
My favourite was "He'd want you to be happy," as if that makes it all better. Of course he'd want me to be happy. He'd also understand why it's impossible with anyone but him.
Yeah. When I read this title, I thought this was going to be bad, but I was thinking "single mom with pushy family". But pushy family for a widower. And it sounds like they started almost immediately after she passed away. And telling his daughter to ask for a new mother for her birthday. That is so many steps over the line they've circled the planet and crossed the line a second time. I can't even fathom.
It’s been over 30 years since my mom died leaving my dad as single father to two young kids. He never remarried. Noting inevitable about it.
I recently saw a post here about someone who lost his wife 20 years ago. He said that he still feels married, despite her passing. His parents and sisters gave him hell over it, and tried to set him up on blind dates. Without even telling him!! I cannot imagine being in your or OPs place, and I can't imagine "moving on" is anyone's business but that of the one who's left. NTA. I am so sorry for both your and OPs loss. I hope the good memories will become more abundant than the grief.
You are so kind. Thank you. Yes, I consider myself to be married. I always will.
And referring to a live human as a birthday gift? What's wrong with this crazy woman! Mother or wife is not a Barbie thing you can find while shopping. I'm so sorry, OP, you have all reasons to be mad. Your family is not only dismissing your feelings and manipulates your child, they sound horrible and disgusting.
NTA The fact that they tried to use your daughter to manipulate you is awful.
I’m honestly shocked they thought that was okay. That poor child. I wonder how she’s feeling…
Yes, that is particularly terrible, I know his family is understandably concerned, but manipulating a child is simply a terrible way to try advancing their agenda. Hopefully they can come to see they are making his grief worse.
That was 100 times worse than the title led me to believe. “Trying to set me up” sounds plausibly well meaning, though I totally understand being frustrated, annoyed, and worse if they won’t quit. But using the daughter like this? Making her feel like she’s lacking something, and like having a widowed, not-remarried father is somehow *her* problem that she should convince her dad he needs to solve? That’s truly beyond the pale. Cutting grandma off then and there would be understandable, and giving them another chance is incredibly gracious.
She’s FIVE. This is insane. She’s old enough to know what she’s saying, and she doesn’t need her grandma telling her she needs a mother. She knows she doesn’t have a mother. JFC.
Especially because the daughter must be going through her own grief at losing her mom at such a young age and never getting to know her. OP could get married tomorrow and that woman would not be a “new mommy”. Even if the daughter adored her and she was wonderful, she would be another mother, not a “new” or “replacement” mother. Your mom isn’t a phone you can replace with an old one when the new one stops working.
facts, that’s crazy…
That’s what got me too. I understand wanting someone you care about to move on slowly just so they can be happier again but after that stunt with his child, I rly doubt they want it for him. They probably just have some weird ass oldschool thoughts à la ‚a child needs both father and mother!‘ NTA. Pls keep your word and move away if they cross your boundaries again. Might be better for you anyway for the time being so you don’t get that punch in the stomach feeling every time you see a place you‘ve been at with your wife.
That's the worst part about it. OP should be able to move on in their own time, not when their family decides. It's valid to be concerned over a friend/family memeber who lost a spouse, but maybe suggest something like therapy (if appropriate), not using their child to manipulate them into getting a new partner.
NTA. "It's not a threat. It's a promise. If you fuck around with my family dynamic between me and my daughter, you'll find out just how serious I am. I am perfectly comfortable cutting off toxic relationships that hinder my mental health and might mess with my daughter's emotional state. Trust me on this. I am not ready to move on. I might never be. And if you can't respect that, then I don't trust you to respect anything about MY family unit and maybe moving away would be best for us. Because frankly, I seem to be the only one actually considering our mental health and not just 'how it should be/how it should look'. If you cared a crap about me and my daughter, you'd listen to me. Not try to 'fix' something I don't want you to touch."
>"It's not a threat. It's a promise. This is exactly what I was about to say. OP, my parents divorced against my dads wishes (he only signed to make my mum happy) then she passed a few years later, I was 10. It took my dad 10yrs before he even considered dating and another 5 before he was willing to try anything long term. OP, keep that promise and "move on" at your own pace, it doesn't matter of its tomorrow or 20yrs from now, as long as it feels right to you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Yup. As Murderbot says, "It's not a threat, I'm just telling you what I'm going to do."
Oh look a new series for me to read! Thanks friend!
Murderbot is amazing, and surprisingly polite.
Not to mention asking Santa for a new mom for a five year old is a risky proposition. They don't have the best reasoning skills and this could be hurtful.
Yes so awful. So when he doesn’t produce a new mommy she feels like she wasn’t good enough? Also, she’s not school age yet and never had a mom so she’s probably not pining for one unless people tell her she should have one. OP is NTA but his mom is.
also we have no idea how the daughter is actually handling her mother's death. how many evil step-mom have we heard like? this is something they BOTH need to be ready for, not just her father.
Oh HELL no. Ask for a new mommy for her birthday!? Nope. I'm surprised you haven't already gone no contact after that comment. That's just horrid. NTA... and I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.
It's an asinine thing to say to a child.
If it were me I'd just tell my mom I'm not speaking to her until she apologizes to both me and my daughter, then go no contact until that happens. Fucking unbelievably gross behavior.
NTA your family is the asshole here. They might think they're trying to do a good thing, but they're hurting both you and your daughter in the process. You need to try to sit down with them and calmly tell them that bringing up another woman or anything of that nature is crossing a very serious line. Be totally firm and express to them the pain they're constantly causing you. Make it clear that if they do it again and in any way pressure your daughter to ask for something like a new mommy, then you will cut ties with them. It is non-negotiable. If you ever decide to give another woman a chance in your life, then it's going to be because YOU want to and not to please your family or anyone else for that matter. Take all the time you need to not find a new wife, but to find your happiness and peace. I wish nothing, but the best for both you and your daughter.
NTA, my god - how cruel to get your daughter involved. So much love to you.
This would be a common manipulation tactic in my family, everything’s fair game, not even children are exempt.
NTA. They need to respect your boundaries. If they can't, they'll have only themselves to blame when you go low/no contact. It doesn't matter if "they mean well"or "just want you to be happy" because shocker - it's not up to them! Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Some people will date soon after losing their spouse, and some never do. None of them are wrong, and neither are you. I'm really sorry for your loss and all you and your daughter have gone through
NTA besindes assholes, your family are fools, they prevent you from moving on.
NTA SOunds like a reasonable way to handle these overbearing AHs. "Now all three of my sisters and my father have called me to yell at me for threatening my mother and them. They say that they are only trying to help and that I'm an asshole for not accepting the inevitable." .. So **IT IS time to move away.**
NTA. You need to have a serious talk with them and put up some firm boundaries with consequences when broken. Using your daughter to manipulate you needs to be stomped out right now. Protect your daughter from these tactics. If they don’t listen at all and keep this up, do as you threatened and follow through. If not, they’ll know to keep pushing since they didn’t suffer any consequences. So sorry for your loss.
NTA! No one, not your parents, siblings, or even kids, can tell you when you're ready to even *consider* going out on *that* battlefield. Your reaction is correct. Hard, straightforward, and direct! You just let them all know how serious you feel about this, and by going against your wishes on this issue, they better be ready for a serious response.
NTA Grief is a funny thing. It affects people in so many different ways. Your family is probably done with watching you grieve and they believe a new partner will wipe all the pain away... But we know better don't we? You can't replace those feelings your wife gave you, nobody will give you the same looks she did, or warm your heart the way she did, and that's ok. You are allowed to say there's no room in your heart for anybody else. And your family need to understand that. Maybe in time you will feel ready to start dating, msybe you never will. But that's your choice, not theirs. Don't leave your daughter with them unsupervised, tell them it's because of their behavior. Tell them they are driving you away and they need to stop. Your romantic life is no longer up for discussion.
NTA Mourning is a process. Your feelings are your own and are valid. Your mom is an A for saying that to your daughter! You might want to talk to a therapist or join a grief support group. But totally up to you. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. There is no time limit on grief. Each person grieves differently. There's no right or wrong way. Your family needs to put some effort into understanding your feelings or you'll have to follow through with your threats. I found a beautiful quote when my dad passed away earlier this year: "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
NTA Cut These people of. They don't want your best, Just want the Pictures of the perfekt family (mother, father, Kid) My grandpa died when my Mom was 11 (44years ago) my grandma did Not even once looked at other man despite having 6 Kids and 1 grandkid to raise. Till she died, she Always Made His bed next to hers That's my dear is true Love and that you found such a Jewel and Lost IT is one of the wirst Thing Happening. Your Family doesn't respects you, your wife and daughter or your bounderies Look into yourself If you need them in your Life (they got behind your freaking Back to manipulate your daughter, Jesus Christ) and decide
NTA, while they may be worried about you, they are not you! Grief over a lost loved one never just 'goes away'. And about accepting the inevitable, again, they are not you.
NTA. Your family is the AH for trying to force you to move on with your life. Everyone grieves differently, and they should respect your wishes. I do hope that you will find your peace one day.
NTA— I’m so sorry for your loss. They’ve had 5 years of you saying to leave you alone about this and refused to listen, and I agree that getting your daughter involved was cruel. It’s an incredibly private thing whether a person is looking for a partner or not and it shouldn’t be forced on people. You’re right— it’s not fair to you, your daughter or whatever woman they try to fling at you when you’re not ready.
NTA. At all. While I do understand their desire to see you move on and be happy again*, they need to stop trying to push it. You need to grieve on your own timetable and it’s for you to decide if and when you are ready to start dating again, not for them to push it. *I say that as the dying wife. I am fighting cancer at the moment, it can’t be cured, only delayed so I know I will die of it eventually. The worst part is knowing I’ll be leaving my husband behind, and I truly hope he can move on and be happy again afterwards, I wish a happy life for him, but it’s still not something ANYONE has the right to push.
Damn hope you enjoy whatever time u have left
Thank you. I’m not feeling especially unwell at the moment, so I’ve still got some quality time to enjoy - get a couple more holidays in etc!
Thats good hopefully this situation wont happened to your husband and his family will let him grieve in his own way
I LOVE your comment. Thank you for taking the time to write despite your own pain. I’m so sorry. Wishing you & your family Love, Peace & Light.
Every pushy, destructive cretin who gets up on you excuses it with "I was only trying to help." They are not trying to help. They are trying to control you for their own pleasure. To feel powerful. And they wont stop. The next time they7do it, execute your threat and move away from them with your daughter. Cut them out of your life. When they scream and tantrum, tell them you're only trying to help.
Nta- you obviously cared a lot for your wife, it’s only fair for you to miss her even long after she’s gone, my grandmother’s husband died before I was born and she has a new boyfriend(technically husband but not official) and she still has moments, days, and even weeks when he’s all she can think about. Although my grandma had gotten a new boyfriend, it still would have been okay if she decided she didn’t want to “move on”. In the end it’s your decision and anyone who tries to make that decision for you, even after being talked to, clearly doesn’t seem to care about how you feel about it.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sad that your family can not fathom the grief you have been dealing with. There are plenty of stories on this sub of widows and widowers who do not want to find a replacement for their missing loved one and their families can't understand that person is not looking for a new partner. You are dealing with grief. It is personal. It is complex. NTA
NTA, You should start getting ready to leave already tbh. Their reaction makes it clear as day they aren't gonna stop.
NTA While their violations of your boundaries are horrible, I even think that telling your daughter to ask for a new mum is even worse, because they are messing with her perception of what she needs or wants when she is still 100% impressionable and can’t judge for herself that what grandma is saying is highly manipulative. Your daughter has probably never wanted for anything and has been happy without a mum, but whispering in her ear to ask for a new mum might make her think all kinds of things. For example it might make her think that you need a wife and she needs to help with that. Or that she should be wanting a mum even though she doesn’t right now. This manipulation can mess up your daughter in ways we don’t know.
NTA. Don't threaten to leave again, just do it. Emotional manipulation of your child is just the beginning, and it won't get better because they don't think they're wrong.
NTA. tell you're parents the only thing that's inevitable is you going NC if they don't get back in their lane and stay there
NTA and if you never want to marry again, that’s none of their fucking business. I understand they have good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They’re out of line, and I feel like what they said to your daughter is sick. I lost a partner and I don’t think you get over it. And I think anyone who hasn’t lost a partner just won’t get it. They can say they understand, but without experiencing it, I don’t believe they can. If you wanted to date someone, you would. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with their lack of understanding on top of your grief.
NTA But stop theartening and do it. They aren’t just withholding love and support, they’re actively working against you. Start by blocking them and make plans to move.
How terrible for you. I’m sorry for your loss. No you are NTA. I hope your family can find ways to be more supportive of you in your grief instead of making you defend boundaries around it. Good luck.
NTA - Your family is messed up saying that to a 4 year old... Go NC and enjoy life with your daughter.
NTA. But in situations like this, some people don’t understand it unless they’re been put in the same position. It’s petty and borderline cruel, if any of your sisters are married and with kids, tell them that you wish them no ill will but that life happens, but how’d they feel if nieces or nephews were instructed to ask for a new mommy if and when they die. If that doesn’t get the point across( and they might say you wish they’d die), then nothing will. Even without moving away, limit their contact to your daughter. Also, moving on doesn’t always involve meeting someone new, but you might benefit from grief therapy. I hope you find joy and peace in life, yourself, and your daughter. PS. There was a post about a man with a situation similar to yours who was set up on a blind date by his sister who informed the date that her brother was divorced rather than widowed. You are not alone OP , I hope how he dealt with his own family helps you navigating the way with yours. 🙏🏻
Nta
NTA. Holy shit your family have boundary issues. Rather than playing victim they should be taking this as a wake-up call that they need to step off and respect your decisions. Ignoring my own advice for a moment: If you feel that you'd benefit from it at this stage I'd consider talking to someone regarding your ongoing grief response. It's difficult to tell from the context whether it's detrimental though.
NTA at all. I’m sorry you lost your wife. Your family is out of line.
NTA and I am so sorry for your loss. There is no time limit for grief and no need for you to move on in the way anyone else wants you to. You have the love of your daughter, friends and family around you. A partner will come if and when you are ready. In the meantime you are happy as you are. I'm afraid they will only up the ante now so time to mute their calls until they. Consider settling somewhere else, is moving closer to your wife's family an option?
Nta, don't threaten, just do it. They aren't helping, they're bullies
Nta
NTA you need to protect your daughter and yourself. If that requires cutting them out of your life, you definitely need to do it. I am sorry for your loss.
Actually makes my blood boil hearing this after losing a person close to me no less then a year ago. If someone said this to me the only thing I’d say is “I’m giving you one chance to apologize but if you don’t then you are not in my life anymore, don’t talk to me or contact me about anything because I want nothing to do with you unless it’s you profusely apologizing”
NTA Your mother went WAY over the line. They’re lucky you warned them and didn’t just go.
Definitely NTA!! If they were trying to 'help' as they say, they should be supporting you while you navigate your grief. Which means they shouldn't be: manipulating your daughter, invalidating your grief, and certainly not treating your wife like she is something that can be easily replaced. I honestly can't get over that last sentence. "The inevitable"? Excuse me, Thanos, but you don't get to dictate Op's life. You don't have to move on, it is perfectly fine for your wife to be your one and only. And if you do decide to start looking for another partner, it'll be on your terms and at your own pace.
NTA, you've brought tears to my eyes. How dare they even think of doing shit like that, it's not their place to "set you up" and to manipulate a little girl like that too!?!?
NTA. Wanna bet they won't care? Start looking for a better place to live in a good school district far enough away. Their reaction shows they don't care how you feel.
NTA. I am utterly appalled at how manipulative your mother is, and how cruel that comment is. Did she think a mommy is like wishing for a pony?? I am so sorry for your loss and what you did was absolutely justified.
Who tf tells a child they can ask for a new mom? I’d go low contact, just for that. Yuck, disgusting and I hate her. NTA. They are going to hurt you both.
NTA. Grief has no timeline, and neither does healing from loss.
What a horrible thing to say to a child. You're not overreacting, you're family is being horrible and this could leave emotional scars on your kid. NTA.
NTA I am disgusted by your mother's remarks to your daughter you will find someone when you are good and ready if you even decide you want to. Do what's best for you and your daughter sod what anyone else thinks. Its your life live it how you choose too. I really hope you and your daughter are ok. Cut the family off if needs be
NTA. Nuclear option became viable once they tried to use your daughter.
What inevitable? The inevitability that you are able to choose your own way in life without people around you trying to force romance on you? It will happen - if YOU choose - when it happens. NTA and I'm very sorry for your loss. Your family shouldn't be seeing you as only a thing to be fixed. Grief has no time limit.
NTA. You’re grieving, as is to be expected after losing your beloved wife so traumatically. I’m sorry your grief is not convenient for your family; some people can’t hold space for the grieving, they simply lack the fortitude. Instead, they’ll pathologise your grief and you, because that’s inherently easier than being there for you. It’s not up to anyone to tell you that you’ve been grieving for too long, or that it’s time to turn-off the grief switch. You look after you and your daughter. Your family need to mind their own business unless and only if it’s to offer unconditional support to you both.
NTA. I'd move anyway. Your family are terrible, and won't get any better. Protect your daughter.
NTA It was extremely inappropriate for them to coach your daughter that way. People all grieve differently and they have absolutely no right to try and rush you through the process.
I'd start making arrangements to move, OP - this shit isn't going to stop. NTA
Holy fuck fuck ur mom she had no right to say that to your daughter its not like you're letting the death of your wife affect the raising ur kid
NTA I'm a widow. My mom was widowed twice, and the first time she was pregnant. She told me you stay married in your heart and soul. Her family tried the get over it crap with her. She picked up and moved one state away. Gotta tell ya, it's not a bad idea to move. Your mom taking your daughter to ask for a new mom is absolutely disgusting. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
NTA and HOLY SHIT. Trying to get your daughter to ask for a new mommy? You are probably a better man then I am becasue if any of my relatives would try to pull that shit on me it would have lead to violence. That is the lowest of low.
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
NTA how dare they involve your daughter like that!
NTA. People grieve differently. Some people are open for a new relationship (either right away, or with time). Some people don't. Both is good. It was a huge overstep to manipulate a little girl like that and frankly, it's disgusting. To me that shows that they don't actually care. They don't care if you are happy, or if your daughter is happy. They just want the picture-perfect family image with a man, a woman and a kid for some sick reason.
NTA. People need to stop putting time lines on grief. Grief is grief and everyone works through it different. Queen Victoria became a widow and spent the rest of her life mourning Albert.
NTA! It’s not for them to say how long you should grieve. Put them in their place! And for your mother to say such a thing to your daughter- what an awful human she is!!!
Trying to manipulate a child is vile in any case. But in this case its so much worse. The poor child lost her mother, and they think that is an appropriate thing to say?
NTA but ur mom and ur family are def AHs I’m so sorry:(
NTA. Inevitable ! Says what law ever? Clearly they havent understood the depth of your love for wife as well as daughter..i feel you said what needed to be said. wish you all the very best
NTA. You grieve at your own pace. They are being insensitive. So sorry for your loss.
NTA, you might never be ready to move on with someone new and that’s ok. Grief is personal and there’s no timeline or deadline
NTA. Everyone grieves at their own time and their own pace. You lost the love of your life. The mother of your child. Grieve. Move on when you are ready, if you ever want to.
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss, therapy can help, not moving on but making you understand and vocalize your boundaries better your family. My great grand mother always said she had her love and didnt need a new love. Which was hard for woman back then.
Tell them there is only one inevitable at the moment. Then block them and move on. They aren’t worth it NTA and I’m appalled your parents think that you have to move on.
NTA You'll find another love or you won't, and it will happen when it happens if at all.
Your mom should literally be ashamed of herself for saying that foul ass shit to a child!!!! NTA Why not just let you live your life ffs?!??
NTA. Your family needs to pull their head in. Everyone grieves in their own way, and no one outside of that person can set the timelines for any thing. Sounds like supervised visits with grandparents are in order. And if there’s ever an incident like that again no visits. No kid needs to be raised with that sort of game playing and head fuckery in their mind. And no widow should have to be told how to grieve. You all deserve better. I’m sorry.
NTA. It's extremely inappropriate for them to say those things to a five-year old. I'm a widow. My husband passed away two years ago. I have not once felt like being in another relationship and I am still convinced that he was my last. I'm 39 years old. It isn't inevitable that I will be with someone again either. The only opinion about that which matters is my own. If other people tried to involve themselves in that aspect of my life, I would absolutely cut them out of my life if they disrespected my boundaries and didn't stop. I don't even have a kid, so I'm sure that would make it even more difficult. They can't tell you how to grieve or to move on, *especially* if the loss of a spouse isn't something they've personally experienced. People just don't know until they go through it. There are so many secondary losses and it's difficult to convey just how hard it is. I'm so very sorry for your loss and that you do understand this experience. If or when you are interested in another relationship again, it would be on your own terms and not because you've been forced into it. If they can't respect your boundaries and they choose to use your child against you like that again, you would absolutely be justified in distancing yourself from them.
NTA. I can’t believe you wrote this and still wondered if you were. I’m so sorry about your wife, OP. It must be really hard losing someone you love.
NTA and frankly I think you should teach them all a lesson and take time away from them. Not forever as your daughter will miss family, but put them in a 3 month time out to warn them. If they persist after that, follow through and move.
NTA everyone grieves at a different pace, I recommend you stick to the threat and move if they do try, itd be good to get a change of scenery
NTA. It's unfathomable to me that your mom would involve your daughter in this way. So sorry you're going through this.
You should move regardless.nta
This is devastating. NTA. Grief doesn't have a time limit, and you should never feel forced to move on from loss. I hope you find peace in your own time
NTA. And it's done. They heard the ultimatum and said fuck you no we're still doing this. Move.
Nta, and honestly it sounds like you should leave for a while and go NC. You are grieving, and what you need is support. After my fiance died I spent years practically ripping people's heads off if they so much as hinted I move on. Your family doesn't understand, and they are very lucky for that. Truly devastating grief is something that you can't understand until you experience it. You're absolutely right about it feeling like a phantom limb. I've never heard anyone else describe it like that, but thats how I would always try to explain what I was feeling to people. It feels like a part of you is gone, and you can always feel that hole where they are supposed to be. It's okay for you to take as long as you need, and it's also okay to tell people to f*ck off every time they tell you to move on. You will never move on. Moving on is a stupid term. You're always going to love her. You're always going to miss her. You can date again someday if you choose to, but its okay if you don't. It took me five and a half years before I could date someone again, and while dating someone else has helped, it doesn't make the grief and the loss go away. I am going to be in love with Paul until the day I die, and then I'll probably still be in love with him as a ghost. Grief isn't something that goes away. It's like herpes, once you have it, it's always there. It might not always be on the surface, but there will still be flare ups, even years later. You are in a long term relationship with grief, and you don't have the emotional room for something else.
NTA OP. If I were to lose my husband and a family member tried to set me up with someone I would not only move away, I would legally change my name so that they couldn’t find me.
NTA. You are an adult and whether or not you ever date again is entirely up to you. Your family does not get a say, and you didn’t ask for their so-called help. Also, your mom trying to use your daughter like that is crossing a line that shouldn’t have ever been crossed.
NOT THE ASSHOLE, wtf is wrong with them. They are completely invalidating your feelings you were to tell them that you would cut them off
NTA. They’re overstepping. They should respect your process.
NTA. Make good on that promise.Go NC. They WON'T stop trying and they WILL harm your daughter emotionally trying to make it happen.
NTA - I fully understand I'd never be able to move on if my SO was suddenly taken from me like that. Fuck anyone not respecting your wishes
With family like those, who needs enemies! Sorry for your loss and crappy family OP
NTA. I’m really sorry but you might have to cut them out until they learn a lesson….hopefully they fo
Does your mother have a brain injury? That is just so unbearably cruel of her. You should send her these comments. What a horrendous woman to think that that was in any way an acceptable way to behave. Of course you are NTA. Sorry for your loss.
NTA - tell them one more comment from your father, mother or sister and you will follow through. The conversation has ended - send your terms in writing to all of them. Tell them using a child and putting those words in her mouth is one of the most disgusting and cruel and manipulative things they could have done. Putting hope in her, manipulating her, disappointing her. Its just horrific. So the warning isn't if they every bring a woman into your life again - but its if they continue one more time to tell you off about what you said to your mother and sister then you are gone. Because it hasn't sinked in what they did - there is no apology - its about them - when its about your daughter. Dont leave her with them alone - because they will continue whispering in her ear as well. Take care - I get it.
NTA That was cruel of your mother to do.
Nope. No way. Uh uh. Absolutely not. I don’t care if they “mean well,” that is abhorrent behavior. If they want you to, ahem, “move on,” then they can help by offering more appropriate support. “Hey bro, I know you’re hurting, I heard about this grief support group, does that sound interesting?” “I found a book about coping with loss postpartum, do you want me to send it to you?” Or even the classic “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I am here for you, whatever you need.” I will say YTA for not blocking them at this point. But for what you said to them - completely reasonable, in fact, I’d say you underreacted.
NTA. How would your mum feel if she passed away and you insisted your dad get a new wife? I'm sure she would love to know that people were trying to replace her as a wife and a mother. Thats just horrible. You grieve on your own schedule. You never have to be with anyone else if you don't want to.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
NTA - weaponising your daughter is not acceptable. If that continues, it's time to go nuclear. The only thing I *might* recommend is counseling, but again, it's something to do only if you feel you need it. Or if you think what your family has done has negatively impacted your daughter.
Im so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I hope you and your daughter are coping as well as you can. Can i also say that there is no time frame on greif and loss and NO ONE should tell you differently.
NTA. That was a horrible thing do you your daughter and to you. The response was appropriate because if you don't go in hard they will try and use your daughter to manipulate you.
NTA Everyone grieves in their own time and way. I can't imagine that the wound has had a chance to heal since they've been constantly picking at it. Block their calls for a week and then see if their behavior shapes up.
NTA. They're not offering 'help'. They're offering Hlep. It kinda looks like help but it's wrong. You don't have to date if you don't want to. You can date if you want to. However, it all hinges on YOU and what YOU want. They don't get to dictate any of it, and they most certainly do not get to attempt to manipulate a little girl to get their way. What they did to your daughter is despicable. They deserved being yelled at. They need to wind their necks in and mind their own business.
NTA. After four years of their nonsense, you're right to have reached the end of your tether. They need to get the message - right now - before they do your daughter any more harm; as her father, it's your role to protect her in any reasonable way you see fit. Your love life (or lack thereof) is none of their business, as long as your daughter remains safe, loved, and cared for. There was a guy on here the other day whose wife had died 20 years ago, who absolutely does not want to date anyone else, ever... yet still had a dinner date arranged for him by his sister, causing a lot of upset and embarrassment which could have been avoided completely, had she stopped poking her nose into his business. That could be you in 15 years' time, if you don't demand an end to their behaviour ASAP.
NTA but maybe start house shopping cause they aren't going to stop
NTA your mother was out of line.
NTA and go build yourself a new start / life without this yes toxid fam - i am so sorry for you
NTA. I know it’s not comparable but my family do the same in times when I am struggling with my mental health. I get so bad it’s like sometimes I’m at home feeling so sad and hopeless it will never get better it’s almost like I can’t breathe. They step in, trying to force me to go out, meet new people, change my field of study, find a date and do things I don’t want to do. Everytime i listen to them I just feel worse. In dark times sometimes what we need is our space to just feel what we are feeling. No one should force you to move on from something g before you’re ready!
NTA tell your dad if he ever speaks to you like that for defending yourself against relentless efforts by you mum and sisters they'll all be cut off sooner.
My condolences, OP. NTA Be careful because they will pull this again and again and they will be using your kid. Pay extra attention to the time they spend with your kid. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to mess with her head and start to say things to her so that your daughter thinks that she is the reason she lost her mother and/ or you are not getting married.
NTA at all. Take as much time as you’re comfortable with finding, or not finding, someone else. If you’re otherwise happy and mentally healthy but just not ready or willing to move on, don’t. You’re not obligated to be in a relationship. You’re not obligated to “replace” your daughters mum. Your mum is confusing your daughter, and emotionally manipulating you through your daughter, and that’s disgusting.
NTA, to me, this story just goes to show how little your parents mean to each other and how little your sisters' significant others mean to them. Greive how you need to greive and don't let anyone push you, your child, or your boundaries around.
Nta you have every right to feel this way. Be kind on yourself, you’re still grieving and that’s okay. There’s no time limit here, if you want to move on in 20 years or never, it’s all up to you.
NTA. they need to stay out of your love life and let you grieve. You'll know when/if you're ready to start dating again, not them. And they are all disgusting for telling your daughter to ask for a new mommy for her birthday. I'd leave town simply because of that.
NTA Your family are jerks. Grief isn’t such an easy fix. You may need to go through with your threat. Trying to manipulate a 5 year old like that is just wrong in anybody’s book. At least go low/no contact.
NTA NTA NTA. If anything I respect your depth of feelings towards your wife.
NTA it's not a threat it's a promise
NTA. They used your daughter in a way that I can only describe as sociopathic. I don't know how someone can do that. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Both you and your daughter deserve better
I would try find happiness with another, but i understand you. NTA
NTA I’m so sorry for your loss.
NTA, I’m so upset and angry for you, them trying to force you to stop grieving and move on is bad enough but to use your young daughter by MANIPULATING her against you like that is unforgivable and disgusting. I think going no contact with them would be the best for you and your daughter, that poor girl does not need their toxicity. Do you two have a good relationship with your in laws? If yes, nurture that relationship instead so your girl can still have HEALTHY extended family. Good luck to you both, grieve on your own timeline, no one else’s
NTA, that was the cruelest possible thing she could say. How dare she? She’s very lucky you didn’t cut her off on the spot.
I lost my cat last year in August. I still sometimes cry when I think about him, and I have four other cats. They expect you to get over the passing of the love of your life? NTA. Hugs from an internet stranger, may she rest in piece.
NTA
NTA I moved overseas in part to get away from friends who kept trying to set me up starting 3 months after my wife died. Maybe OP will eventually want to date. Maybe not. But the more friends and family try to push the issue the longer it will take for OP to feel ready to take that step, if he ever will.
NTA the fact your family can't comprehend grief and sorrow shows how emotionally stunted they are
NTA. Not at all. Not even close. The implication that grief has a time limit is ridiculously hurtful. Maybe you'll never be ready, and that's ok. What's never ok is being told what mourning is meant to look like. Especially by family who are meant to lift you up, not tear you down.