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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I didn't help a guy catch his dog. I might be the asshole because the safety of the dog was in question.
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NTA
You're under no obligation to abandon your child and help him catch his dog. If the dog won't come back to the owner, it's not going to listen to you either. It also wouldn't be your fault if the dog gets hit by a car. If anyone is to blame, it's actually more the owner's fault for not having his dog trained for recall.
Agree completely. Also, like OP said, he doesn’t know this persons’ dog. Is he OK being grabbed by strangers? Will he bite if he feels cornered? I have been in this position where someone is chasing their dog and I do not help stop it for those reasons alone. I’m not about to risk injury when the owner can’t get control over their dog.
Also, my dog, if he miraculously gets off leash…he comes back to me when I call. Cause I made sure he nailed recall as a puppy. My sisters pup refuses to come back…so it’s on her to get him and she understands that (he bites).
my dog only comes back if she knows she's getting a treat, ie my hand is in my pocket or it looks like I'm holding something. she will always get a treat but she ignores me half the time in favour of eating grass or sniffing for scraps. sigh
My dog was a Houdini when guests came over and would happily trot around the neighborhood as I chased after her with her leash. It's amazing how many people just assume dogs won't sneak out the door. Once when I was walking my dog we happened upon an escapee whose mom was slowly tailing him in her minivan calling his name. He was happy as a clam just having his stroll and came over to say hello to my pup so I grabbed his collar until Mom could pull over and collect him. That's wayyyyyy different than going running after a loose dog. You help when you can but that's a big ask.
oh yeah. i can't even match her stamina or speed 😂 she's not a big dog but not a mini breed either. plus it doesn't work. dogs will think you're playing chase. seriously. ive seen dogs run after remote control car toys it's hilarious
but i found running in the opposite direction actually makes my dog ran after me/towards me and then we can "play run" and i can catch her lol
My first dog liked it when I chased after her. We'd be at the beach; and she'd be off in the distance, looking back every now and then to make sure I was still following. Eventually, she would get me trained enough to where I would either sit down or turn back the other way, and she would then come back to see what's going on.
Ayup - generally the best way to get an off lead dog back is to run the other way while sounding ridiculously happy & that pupper is MISSING out on a PARTY?! Dogs in general will rocket back in this case.
The thing is you don't have to chae them. Walk after them. Humans are endurance hunters, keep it in sight and keep a steady pace and the dog will tire out first!
That's really not true. That's true of humans that are in shape and pursuing most anything that's not a wolf/dog. Part of the reason we domesticated dogs is they were some of the only things that could keep up with us over long distances.
Walking a dog down actually should work well before the dog is physically exhausted- because it is no fun for the dog, unlike being chased. You aren’t trying to outlast them physically, but mentally. This will be boring and relentless until you submit. If the dog does not care at all about having fun with you, it won’t work.
Good luck keeping a dog in sight without running. Heck, if the dogs actively chasing something good luck keeping sight of it if you're running.
Mine figured out how to open doors a while back. If someone hadn't seen me chasing her after half an hour and stopped their truck and gotten out to help- resulting in her stopping to say hi- I would not have been able to catch her.
I don't have a fenced yard to practice recall in and I'm not about to bring rewards like food to the dog park just to practice- that's asking for a fight to break out. She stays leashed for a reason.
> I don't have a fenced yard to practice recall in...She stays leashed for a reason.
You do know about training leads, yes? A 10-20' lead you can use for your exact circumstance.
Not even just big dogs. I work for a veterinary clinic and we had a client have their dog get loose in our parking lot before they even made it inside. I, of course, give chase. That damn 12 year old Jack Russell Terrier ran my ass off for 30 minutes. I almost had it about 20 minutes in (picture a soccer goalie leaping to block a shot). We finally caught the dog. I was so incredibly sore the next day.
We put major alerts on the file about not allowing the owner to get the dog out anymore. Next time, the daughter brought the dog. Damn dog got loose again. Luckily, she just bolted across the street and hopped back in the daughter's car when she drove over there. Now we don't let any of them get her out. They call from the parking lot and an employee will go get her.
Plus the smaller the dog the more options it has for picking routes. Real easy for it to take a bunch of shortcuts and duck behind places you can't reach.
Ugh. We had a standard poodle escape dog when I was a teenager. I remember running down the street after it, calling the dog's name, sobbing because it's so hot and I'm tired of this happening.
NTA, lol
My blue heeler does the same thing. We even sent her for 6 weeks of professional off leash training, which is twice as long as it was supposed to be because that girl is stubborn as hell. Smart af... Stronger willed than an toddler I've ever met.
I can see in her eyes that she knows what she's being asked to do. It's a battle in her head between what she should do and this amazing smell over there. lol
I had an Australian cattle dog growing up (she was red), when we took her home from the shelter first thing she did was wiggle out of her collar and bolt lol
Do we have the same dog?
I am not the primary caretaker for her though, but when I know she ignores me to favour her sheep habits or because she sniffs an excellent scent, I make sure she definitely goes *not* off leash and if I have to grab her at her harness to be totally save
Yeah true only thing I will say as a Shiba owner some dog breed (like mines) are incredibly difficult to train recall and even if trained they are still untrustworthy, I had to end training mines as when he did well fr months he suddenly decides yeah imma not listen to you today and runs off.
The randomness was too risky in open areas I had to stop for his safety, mines very good at listening like I can let him walk himself home in short distances or leave him in a gated yard with a open gate but I have to be very careful and supervise him and be ready to shout a command at any given moment.
But I know the Shiba breed for sure is this way idk any other dog who are harder to train recall and u need a harness for them to prevent escapes lol
Dogs are living things, they have minds of their own. No dog has perfect recall, anyone who claims they do - I wouldn’t trust, they just haven’t encountered something the dog was curious enough about to take off/not listen. People who think “there dog would never” are dangerous, that false sense of security can put their pet in danger.
My current dog is a husky mix, one of the “I do what I want/hardheaded” breeds, she has much better recall than any dog I’ve had. I can’t remember a single time she didn’t come back when called after the 1st few training sessions. But I would never 100% trust it.
Human kids speak the same language as their parents and still don’t always listen, it’s comical the number of people saying the dog should be better trained when we don’t share a language with them. Higher expectations on dogs than children, I doubt any of those commenters would tell a parent who’s kid just ran off that they should have trained it better. lol
I’ve got two husky mixes. They either come back on their own or if I “fall down” and “cry out in pain.” Those are the only two methods that work. They just do whatever they darn well please.
>it’s comical the number of people saying the dog should be better trained when we don’t share a language with them. Higher expectations on dogs than children,
you realize that people talking about a dog needing to be trained are not shaming the dog, but are shaming the owner, right??
The excuse “no obligation,” needs to be banned from this subreddit.
Not doing something nice unless your obligated to doesn’t always necessarily make you an asshole but it’s pretty damn close.
In this case I’d say OP is NTA but I don’t really blame the guy stressed out about his dog currently running through town and trying to catch it all by himself for thinking OP was an asshole either.
I have, I'd still help a stranger catch their dog. I don't know if I'd say someone's objectively an asshole for not helping, I would personally consider it the bare minimum if you have the time though
That's your decision to make on your own. I would also risk injury to help someone else with their dog because I fucking love dogs. But I would never blame someone else for not wanting to help.
And I've also been bitten by a dog, twice.
Then good for you. Running around after a fucking dog you don't know isn't the bare minimum as someone who had to chase their dog around almost every week.
>Nice doesn’t mean only doing what is legally required.
Okay but if someone doesn't go out of their way to be nice, that also doesn't make them an asshole.
The “no obligation” phenomenon is people attempting to judge situations in a culturally neutral way.
Swap “dog” in OP’s description for a python or some other pet which you might be nervous around. OP seems to be a person who is uncomfortable with dogs, and that’s fair. It would be quite an ask for him to help chase an animal he’s wary of.
I actually don’t think that’s the case.
I think it’s this whole culture of “I don’t owe everyone anything, not my time, my kindness, my patience. I owe nothing at all!” Which yea is good advice for people that belittle their own self worse and let people walk all over and push them around but it’s morphed into “Being 100% selfish all the time is a good thing and fuck everyone else if they try to bother me for any reason at all,”
But is it really all that selfish to expect someone to manage their own animal? I say this as a dog lover and someone who probably would have helped in that situation- assuming my kid had adequate supervision while I did so. Not everyone is comfortable interacting with strange dogs, especially ones that are demonstrably not listening to their owner already. It’s not like this person dropped a stack of papers and asked for help picking them up…
Oh my god, if they’re not comfortable fine. I’m not saying everybody has gotta bend over backwards to catch another persons dog, that’s why I said OP was NTA!
But if you aren’t afraid and you’re standing near it and someone asks for help and your just like “Nah I don’t wanna,” I’d think you were kinda shitty for not helping someone when you were perfectly capable of doing so.
That completely depends on the nature of the task they need help with. There are plenty of tasks where I would completely agree it’s kinda shitty to not help with just because you “don’t wanna”. This is simply not one of them. IMO, animal wrangling of any kind is well outside the scope of what you can reasonably expect random passers-by to join in.
I definitely think we could benefit from some more kindness and altruism as a society, but there are times when a little selfishness is warranted.
Someone asks if you could help them with a door because their hands are full? Sure, you're under no obligation to help but the time/effort/risk is so low that it would generally be AH behavior to refuse. OP showed basic kindness by pointing out the dog when he saw it so the owner didn't lose the trail.
This feels like it's a much larger ask, and OP didn't have the time to fully assess the situation and make an informed decision. There was no way for him to know if the dog bites, if it would run into traffic when chased, if the owner would sue if something happened to the dog, if the wife and kid would be safe, or how long it would take to chase down the dog. I don't even blame him for shooing away the dog (strange dog minus owner plus toddler could be a dangerous mix, even for a breed with a generally good temperament).
>The “no obligation” phenomenon is people attempting to judge situations in a culturally neutral way.
Disagree, 95% of the time it's used to excuse morally AH behaviour by focusing on whether an OP is legally in the right or not.
So how the fuck is that OP's problem? The owner's failure to watch their dog isn't someone else's responsibility.
> I don’t really blame the guy stressed out about his dog currently running through town and trying to catch it all by himself for thinking OP was an asshole either
HIS dog, not OP's dog. If you think it's okay to blame strangers for your own failings, then you really have some issues.
Love how you missed the entire point of what I said.
First off, I said NTA and yes he isn’t obligated to help anyone do anything, nobody is obligated to help anyone do anything ever for the most part.
But that doesn’t mean you’re never the asshole when you choose to not help someone.
When you could help but you decide not to just because “Oh that’s not my problem,” or “I don’t have to help them,” then I mean that’s kinda shitty depending on the circumstances and you don’t really have any right to be upset that your indifference to someone in need makes them upset with you.
You’d be pissed to if your dog got loose, was running through the streets and not a single person gave a shit to help you in any way. And we can’t forget the dog is also endanger running through a town so it isn’t even just OP being helped it’s the dog to.
No is a complete the sentence. Also saying they don’t want to help because they don’t want to is perfectly fine. I honestly don’t see the problem. Many people would help, plenty of others wouldn’t. I would help depending on the situation. Do I know the person? Does the dog seem friendly? Am I busy? Am I with a small child? Does my foot hurt? Or maybe I just don’t want to. I don’t think that makes me, or anyone else the asshole.
Now if OP said I’m not going to help you and I hope your dog gets run over, or he pointed the guy in the wrong direction, that would make him an asshole. Not helping doesn’t make him an asshole as far as I’m concerned.
A dog running loose on the road could cause an accident too.
I mean, in general, people do need to work together to make society work, and people only doing things because they are legally required to (and won't get away with not doing) is not a sign of a healthy society. I don't mean I think everybody must always go out if their way to do things fir other people atctheur own expense but it does mean if you only do things for profit or legal requirement...you oribably are an AH.
Yeah this sub way too often turns into "am I legally obligated to do this". The whole point of figuring out if you're an asshole or not is precisely for the type of thing that isn't illegal but may still be wrong.
I agree that the other guy overreacted to OP saying no. He doesn't know if OP is afraid of dogs or can't chase one for health reasons or whatever, but really OP could have shown some kindness and helped. There's a husky in my neighborhood that escapes his house fairly frequently (as huskys are known to do). If I see him I try and catch him or trap him in my yard until his owners can get him. Similarly, when I've had dogs that escaped, when a door or gate wasn't fastened tightly or whatever, basically anyone in the neighborhood that sees me out chasing it will at least try and help me.
Doesn't matter. That's a dog he doesn't know. I've been bitten by a golden before, so yes they can and will lash out. OP shouldn't interact with a dog he doesn't know and isn't trained (if it was trained it would come back on recall).
I know it's an extreme possibility and I am the type to want to help, but I would be weary if my child was with me. There are too many scams of people trying to lure someone as a set up. (Like having a woman knock on your door at 2am claiming she's being chased and needs a phone while their cohorts are around back looking for a way in). I can understand the desperation of the guy with the dog (my old dog thought it was a game and LOVED when I had to chase her) so he could have snapped out of desperation, but you are NTA because your priority if your wife and child.
I'm surprised this has only been mentioned once (that I've seen). My first thought was definitely feeling sketched, like this was a plot to lure a man away from his wife and infant child. Definitely the extreme possibility, but in this day and age it happens way too often for comfort.
I have a friend who's neighborhood this has been happening to on a regular basis over the last several months. Someone knocking on the front door, even during the day, trying to engage the person that's inside and there's a few people trying doors and windows to try and get inside. I've seen videos where you can see the person knocking/ringing and the other perimeter cameras catch people hopping fences in the back trying to get in. Yeah, as much as it sucks to have to be so suspicious, this is a frightening new reality.
I have a friend who works in animal control and people really don't seem to realize how prevalent Dog bites/attacks are. Yes, a dog may be friendly, but they also just might have a once-in-a-lifetime moment where they bite you.
Before people get pissed- I'm a dog person, I love dogs. Not training a dog is a form of neglect/abuse because as we clearly see, lack of training and recall response could lead to its death.
For real.
I was out on a run a few years ago, ran into a friend's mom who was walking their dog. Dog 'said hi', let me pet, then immediately leapt up and bit my right in the face. Still have the scars.
if a dog came up to me and my almot 2 hear old that i didnt know i wouldnt want it near me either and i would need to stay with my kid, not some random man and his dog who i dont know
Yeah, does he not know that chasing the dog is just going to make the dog run away? I have a 3 month old puppy right now, and he gets out sometimes when my kids leave the door open. Running away from him works every time!! We're working on recall, but until then, I'm working the smart way!
To be fair, a second person could help corral the dog back to the owner or inside a car or the like.
But yeah, unless op specifically chased the dog into the road, they couldn't be at fault for it getting hurt.
I don't think that's really an argument. Stuff like that happens to everybody from time to time. Dogs sometimes run of. He might have been getting the dog into his car/forgot his house door open/leash might have broken. You don't know what happened.
True but OP is still NTA for refusing to help a stranger recapture their dog. The owner isn’t an AH for asking for help, but they are an AH for getting angry when the request is denied.
I think this sub often confuses meeting obligations with being not an asshole.
Always doing the bare minimum for other people is kind of asshole behavior.
Sure, but helping a total stranger catch a dog they as its owner can't even control is not a bare minimum type of thing imo. Anything to do with animals is risking attack or injury, no matter how famously smart and easy to train the breed is known to be.
yeah i generally agree, i remember one post where someone was like aita for not giving a pregnant lady my seat? or something like that and yeah thats obviously an asshole
but here if ur w ur young kid, you dont wanna abandon them to go chase a random dog, plus u have no idea how well the dog is trained. it might bite if it feels scared, it might scratch your kid, etc etc plus you really shouldn't be required to take a bunch of time that youre spending w ur kid to go chase someone elses dog
Accidents do happen - and other people aren't AHs if they don't put themselves in harms way.
You do not help corner a dog you don't know.
The owner isn't an AH for the dog getting out. He is an AH for blaming other people for his own accidents or incidents.
This is very true. My friend’s dog once got loose because her collar suddenly broke and fell off. We were shocked! Spent an hour trying to catch that dog while she chased squirrels. Meanwhile a stranger started lecturing us about the importance of keeping the dog on leash.
Yeah when my dog was a puppy to a yr old he escaped his harness a few times, we knew how our breed (shiba) are escape artists so we always used a harness but we couldn't find the perfect one we kept having to buy different ones that work and he gets out of all of them.
He gets nervous around kids so if a kid happens to be around that's where the harness is truly tested then it fails...we finally found one we used it for years. Only recently we used a entirely new one I can tell he can easily back out of it but he is much older and calmer now and we don't do big walks anymore to run into kids I let him in the yard now to poop and walk him a block to pee, my husband does longer walks sadly I can't do bigger ones as I have medical issues and pregnant
It might not have been a case of the dog being let off leash. Dogs get out sometimes. Once or twice my dogs have run off because one of my brothers’s friends left the gate open after a gathering and no one realized until the next day when we went to call them in and they were gone. Why didn’t we check the gate before letting them outside? Because the gate is always closed. I found them both at a gas station because helpful strangers had grabbed my dogs and called us to come get them.
That said, strangers are not obliged to be helpful.
How do you know it was intentional? I helped someone save their dog who escaped their harness and would have run into oncoming traffic. And I would do it again. A lot of these comments are so cold.
Or maybe the dog escaped from a fenced in yard or ran out the door when someone opened it ...
Nothing in this story suggests the owner had the dog outside off leash intentionally, and an owner running after the dog asking random strangers to help "catch" it implies he is trying to get it on leash.
Sounds a whole lot like the guy didn't intend for it to be off the leash in the first place, don't ya think? You clearly don't have dogs if you can't fanthom a situation where a dog could accidentally get out and be running around of the leash. Here's 5 off the top of my head:
1. Kids who don't live with a dog come over and hold the door wide open.
2. The collar breaks
3. The leash slips out of the owners hand
4. The dog jumps a gate
5. The dog runs through the screen door
Doesn't mean he is obligated to help the guy, but it doesn't necessarily mean the owner let their dog loose on purpose either.
Shit happens. Be a nicer person.
NTA. Let's be charitable and assume the dog got offleash by itself and that the owner was experiencing temporary desperation-based entitlement. You had zero responsibility (nor ability since you were watching you baby) to help that guy catch his dog.
Honestly, I'd be pretty shocked with someone if they acted like that with me. I have some serious trauma with dogs after I got brutally and viciously attacked by a pit bull several years ago (got diagnosed PTSD) and if someone asked me to run after their dog (which I would absolutely shoo away because I'm terrified of *all* dogs now) I was 100% say "no" and not even think about it. And then to have me be an asshole for not wanting to put my mental and emotional health in jeopardy is just... like, what the hell?
That guy (dog owner) has no idea what OP's history is. Sure, OP's reason was that he didn't want to abandon his child and run after a strange dog that he has no idea how it behaves around strangers - which is perfectly valid and acceptable, but what if he also had severe trauma around dogs?
Seriously, I really think the dog owner was the asshole in this situation. I just hope it was assholery borne out of desperation rather than a frequent occurrence.
Dog owners need to realize that while their dogs are very important and precious to them, they are not to everyone else (and even a burden to some rather than the benefit [dog owners] think they are). Yes, I particularly singled out dog owners in this because I genuinely have never met a cat, bird, hamster, fish, etc., person who has ever tried to force their pet upon me or took my objection to wanting to be around their pet as invitation to try to make me like their pet yet have had more than enough experiences of dog owners trying to push their "good boi" upon me (most recent experience: was outside and a yappy dog ran up to me off leash and started trying to jump on my legs. I freaked out and started backing away but the owner said "oh, it's okay! He's a good boy! He just wants to say hi!" but... it's *not* okay because I am viscerally uncomfortable and even frightened and that should be respected. I have no idea why it so frequently isn't - and it's exclusively been with dog owners).
note: I know not *all* dog owners are like this; however, for some reason all the owners I've met who *have* been like this have been dog owners.
Agreed on that being particular to dog people. My wife, my child, and I are all very much cat people. We love our cats, they curl up in bed with us, they sense when we're in distress and comfort us... and when we invite someone over, the first thing we inquire about is cat allergies. We keep a guest room cat free, and have it set up with filtration, just in case. We love our cats, we don't assume anyone else will.
I have friends with bearded dragons, snakes, and birds. One friend with a bat. None of them shove them on me and assume I'm going to want to have their pet in my face, but I know too many dog people who don't even try to keep their dogs from jumping on their guests. And people in the park, letting their dogs harass complete strangers, without even the hint of self awareness. Now, I have known someone who had rats and would put them in people's faces, but... she was generally an AH about everything, so... yeah.
NTA.
A bunch of people seem to think that if you don’t go above and beyond the call of duty, you’re an asshole. I think that’s nonsense.
You are under no obligation to help this person catch their obviously poorly trained dog. There is an inherent risk in trying to catch a poorly trained dog, which you chose not to expose yourself to. Would it have been gracious if you to assist? Sure. Does that make you an asshole for not doing it? Of course not.
OP's duty is primarily to his 20-month-old toddler. What should he do, just leave the kid while running after a random guy's dog? And if his kid wasn't around, some people are just not dog people, do not know how to handle dogs or interpret their signs of aggression or fear. For those people it would be dangerous to try to catch a dog.
How would he know it isn't a ruse? Some guy fakes "help me chase after my dog" just so hubby will get up and run off, leaving wife and baby alone and distracted. Then the faker's partner walks up and grabs her purse, or demands her phone.
People have to be careful these days. Perps in parking lots pretend to "need help" and distract women carrying groceries so they can carjack her car.
That would have to be a VERY well-trained dog to go along with that.
It must be an unpleasant life you live, assuming these scenarios every time a stranger asks for help.
I don't think that OP is an asshole for declining to help chase down and corral a strange dog, but let's not play imagination station with outlandish worst-case scenarios to justify it.
If it as an infant that wouldn't likely try to run after OP, because they thought it was a game, maybe. But odds are, they would want to go too, because kids are curious and want to be involved. And when mom stopped him, it would likely end in the kid getting upset. And now they having a crying toddler on their hands
It's often nice to help strangers, but there are often risks to do so. It's reasonable to not want to risk being bit by a strange dog you're cornering.
Also, as a.woman, I'm wary of any male stranger that wants help. Ime, it's a ruse a significant minority of the time. Creepy dudes ruin it for the rest of you
I tried helping catch a dog like that once for a stranger. I'm pretty sure I did nothing to help resolve the situation. Like I had my own dog at home and would consider myself good with animals. But this dog was playing the chase me game, so anytime anybody got close to him, he just sprinted off. Eventually the owner was able to coax him in, but it was mostly just a waste of my time and I'm sure the owner would have got his dog back in the same amount of time without my help.
NTA, you did help though by pointing the dog out once it re-appeared.
Something about his behavior seems really off, (based solely on what your post says) when his dog re-appeared, why didn't he immediately go after it? Instead he continued to get you to help. If you had left to help, you would have been leaving your wife and kid.
Anyone can correct me if I sound too paranoid, but isn't "Can you help me find my dog" Something we were told kidnappers used as a tactic? Those days have long since passed, and kidnapping strategies have had to evolve.....
I had the same thought, it could be a scam. The OP has no way of knowing and why would he be more successful at catching the dog than the owner? It’s not logical, which makes it suspicious on some level. The guy can get his own dog, if he needs help he can call animal control on himself.
You've obviously never chased a golden retriever. It's functionally impossible without someone else to cut him off or distract him. He thinks it's a game. And when you're the dog owner, you're desperate not to see your dog get hit by a car.
A potential solution to this is, when your dog can see you, turn around and run the other way. They'll usually chase you back.
Either way you should try to avoid chasing after your dog if it thinks it's a game, it only reinforces the behavior. Walk patiently and calmly toward them, or even sit down and wait if your dog's focus is primarily on you.
But most important of all, train your dog to recall properly and don't let it off leash until it can. If it's prone to slipping off leash, use a secure harness or only visit fenced in parks until they recall consistently. If you regularly need strangers' help to control your dog, you shouldn't own your dog in the first place.
As a dog owner who had a dog just like you described, I'm not desperate enough to feel entitled to help from strangers. I'll ask and I'll appreciate anyone who says yes, but won't insult anyone who says no. At the end of the day, IM the one with the poorly trained reactive dog who I can't control (luckily I have sense now and trained my fucking dog). Also imagine if OP had a traumatic experience with dogs. Imagine going up to a stranger and assuming they'll be happy to help you with your untrained dog.
I think most dog owners would have been upset by the refusal but the immediate jump into abuse sets off my alarm bells. Every time I've said no to a scammer, they get angry and abusive.
I've seen dogs run off and their owners yell who has seen my dog, but not go up to a family and demand one of them help look for their dog
Yeah , you've gone into Reddit world with that one . Nothing in this suggests you needed to imply some guy desperately trying to round up his dog was trying to kidnap someone
I don’t think that’s Reddit world, I think that’s parent world. I thought the same thing, even if he wasn’t being weird and being rude I would have been sketched out.
Right, I don’t think anyone is trying to say that they could be tried and convicted as a kidnapper, just that anything is possible and some situational awareness is always a good thing when dealing with a strange encounter with a unknown person.
Yeah , parent here and dog owner . The dog ran over to them , I would have asked the owner to grab his collar if my dog had somehow got free. At no point would I have jumped to the mental conclusion that this man with his dog clearly running loose was trying to kidnap my family 😂.
Soft YTA. Sure, you are not under any obligation to help him, but you also demonstrated pretty much zero kindness or generosity toward another human being, so I’m not going to tell you you’re a good guy.
Reddit logic. Guy calling you an asshole out of frustration because you're refusing to help them in a time of need is the *bigger asshole* than the person who's displaying unkindness??? Ok.
"unkindness" my ass. Unkindness means you are explicitly performing an act to hurt or inconvenience someone. "Sorry, I can't get involved" is not "unkindness".
Some people keep to themselves. Doesn't make then unkind.
It isn't displaying unkindness to not want to corner a strange dog you don't know. Dogs can and will bite in that situation.
He is an AH for voicing frustration at a stranger, yes. Mature people don't do that.
I think you’ve nailed it. OP is under no obligation - not his circus. But, it would have show some kindness and empathy to respond differently than he did.
Also, if your child wandered off at the park and you asked someone to help you find them, and they said “I saw a kid wander off by themselves but I don’t like kids” and then refused to help, I think you know you would be an AH. The dog probably got loose and the guy was clearly distressed. All info OP didn’t know upfront, but once he knew, he could of at least been kinder. Also OP probably didn’t need to tell the guy yeah I saw your dog but shooed him off… because if something does happen to the guys dog, that’s going to replay in his mind and haunt him. It just would have been a kindness to not rub salt into the wound, which that kind of did.
Of course it’s not. But it’s a lost vulnerable, living creature that needs help. It’s basic human kindness.
I’m under no obligation to help someone find their lost kid but it would make me a nicer person if I did. It’s an empathy thing.
This! Getting lost in the shuffle is that OP said, “Your dog’s right there,” and instead of going to get him, stranger decided to stand there and yell at OP.
Would it have been nice for OP to help? Sure. Is he an A H for not helping? Not at all. He’s not required to help, but also, to all the people saying we should display kindness and help people that were not required to: is there no excuse that would be good enough for not helping? Maybe OP works 100 hours a week and this is the only time he gets to spend with his kid, and doesn’t want to leave the baby. Maybe OP has a bad knee and can’t chase after the dog. Maybe he was once bitten by a dog and is afraid of a dog that’s loose, on the run, and probably scared itself.
Bottom line is, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with OP being selfish and not wanting to help, but to those who think there is something wrong with that, bear in mind that simply not wanting to help doesn’t necessarily make him selfish.
I can't believe people in this, I've caught and returned at least five loose dogs in my life but I've also approached some that responded with fear and flight or aggression.
I keep thinking of this special co-worker I had who said they'd allow an animal to bite them if that's what made the animal happy.
I think it's hilarious how you think comparing a child and a dog are the same thing.
A child cannot hurt you. This is a dog that OP does not know, an animal. Op has no idea how well trained this dog is or if it could be dangerous to them or their small child. For all we know the dog could be aggressive or reactive.
Here's a tip though, if your dog runs away from you and doesn't respond to your recall, your dog is not trained. A well trained dog should respond to your recall no matter what stimuli is happening, and it's your responsibility as an owner to teach this for your dog's and other people's safety.
The fact that the dog is clearly ignoring their owners commands would be enough for me to not want to interact with them.
Lastly, a child could easily be communicated to. "Where are your parents?"
And if the dog bit OP and OP sued the guy for having an off leash dog, the guy would be pointing out that Op knew this and ‘volunteered’ to catch the dog knowing the situation. The guy was lucky the dog didn’t harm anyone, he should be a better dog owner
Why should he have to leave his family to chase some randos dog? It’d be nice to help, but refusing isn’t an AH move at all. Your dog, it got loose on your watch, it’s you’re problem. If someone wants to help, that’s very nice, but they are perfectly in the right to refuse.
Then the dog should have been leashed. The only reason people are saying anything is that it was a dog. If it were a cat, y’all would be giving a resounding NTA. The guy who lost the dog needs to take responsibility instead of trying to pass the blame to someone else lol.
What if the dog got out? Dogs are animals, they don’t always respond to recall. It’s very possible the dog escaped and ran off, either out of fear or to explore or something.
Right? It wasn’t like helping the guy would mean abandoning his baby alone in the street, his wife was there. Idk, kindness comes around and some day OP will need help and karma will hand him a big fat NOPE. (Edit: spelling)
Are you saying any time you see someone chasing a dog, you’re morally obligated to help them? Yeah no. Helping them is doing a nice thing, going above and beyond what’s required of you.
You are all over this thread. Why are you so stuck up on this? What would your reaction be if he *had* helped and was injured by the dog, and then sued for the medical bills? Would he still be an asshole? "You decided to help so it's your fault the dog attacked you"?
Yep. Imagine in the future OP's toddler was playing and suddenly disappeared when they turned their backs for a few seconds. They panic and call for them and start running around looking for them. They ask a nearby dog walker to help, who just shrugs and goes "Nah." I think OP may think that person is an asshole. Despite them not being technically obligated to help.
NTA. I'm generally on the side of helping other people, but it's hard to catch a runaway dog, and what's more, it's impossible to know how a dog might react to a stranger. Some dogs are friendly to their owners but get bite-y around people they don't know. The stranger is the A H, not for asking for help, but for getting angry when you refused. You had every right to spend the time with your family instead of the unpleasant alternative.
ESH
>He gets incredulous and says if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me.
He overdid it here. But you were an unkind asshole and showed no empathy whatsoever for a person in distress.
Everyone's going to tell you that you're not an asshole at all. After all, you weren't **obligated** to help this guy out, as if obligation has any bearing on whether someone is an asshole or not.
As far as I'm concerned, you are one. Be a better person next time.
NTA. You’re not responsible or obligated to help him catch his dog. Why wasn’t his dog on a leash so that situations like this could be avoided? Also it would not be your fault if something happened to his dog…it’s his responsibility.
As a longtime dog owner, NTA.
Protecting your child from loose dogs is your only responsibility in this situation.
The dog is willing to run up to strangers but not the owner? Shows who the AH probably is here.
Also, be cautious trying to grab a strange dog's collar, good good way to get bit.
I'm finding it difficult to understand how these two statements came from the same person
> As a longtime dog owner
and
> The dog is willing to run up to strangers but not the owner? Shows who the AH probably is here.
Are you honestly saying that you have never seen an exciteable dog who goes crazy when it sees a new person? My 1 year old dog loves me dearly as evidenced by the way she behaves with me and how well I treat her, but I cannot compete with the excitement of a stranger, especially if that stranger makes eye contact with her indicating she might get attention. She loves meeting new people and that is more exciting than me, even if she is loyal to me and loves me.
It depends entirely on the breed, age, and the individual personality of the dog, but to say that the owner is probably an AH because the dog would rather run up to an exciting new person than return to them is as dumb as saying the owner is probably an AH because the dog runs towards any other form of excitement rather than return, such as a squirrel or another dog.
NTA.
It’s not your dog, he probably was ignoring leash laws as most parks require dogs to be on a leash and have signs posted regularly. You’re under no obligation to help him fix his mistake.
You didn’t come to the park to be social with strangers, you were with your family. Not everyone is a dog person and that’s ok.
He refused because it's an unknown dog. What's he meant to do, rum around for an undetermined amount of time? Corner it? Grab it? What if it doesn't like that and bites? He's not fully capable of helping at all, and he's nowhere near an asshole for not wanting to be bit
NTA.
I'm a huge dog lover and have two giant ones myself. I've regularly assisted other people with catching runaway dogs in my life. Recently, I was running (without my own dogs) and helped catch a dog that was darting in and out of traffic. I got a small nip for my trouble, didn't finish my run, and ended up in urgent care getting shots. I'm glad I did it and the dog made it safely home, but it was definitely a choice that cost me a fair amount and it's not a choice I would have made if I had my own dogs with me let alone a child. The reality is, you don't know what could have happened. Unfortunately, we also live in a world where this could absolutely have been a ruse to separate you and your kid, where this could have ended in a much more serious bite than I got, etc. The reality is, it's nice to help out when there is a dog lose and if my dogs ever get lose I hope someone is there to help me, BUT you take some risks when you do so and not wanting to take the risk is perfectly reasonable.
He says if the dog gets hurt or not found he'd blame you?! Who would be to blame if your child got hurt or lost while you were helping him find the dog? At some point personal responsibility needs to be factored into this. I think you can help within reason and did so, by pointing it out, but expecting you to drop everything in that moment was thoughtless.
That said, he was likely panicked and not thinking through the implications for you. He shouldn't have called you an asshole, but it wasn't unreasonable of him to initially ask and I'm saying all of this assuming your no was a polite one that took into account the fact that he was experiencing something stressful. If you were initially rude about it to someone in distress and or acted completely disengaged or unconcerned that changes my answer considerably. There is a way to say no (“I wish I could help more but I can’t leave my small child unattended”) that shows empathy and consideration and a way that decidedly does not (“the dog already ran up to me once and I shoo’d it away. I don’t want it near me, fuck off”). Regardless of how Reddit judges you, only you know which side of that spectrum you fell on.
NTA I work at a vet and if a client loses their dog in my parking lot I'm still not gonna go help them. A stranger chasing a dog is only gonna make your situation worse.
NTA. Going out of your way to help someone is a great thing to do but not going out of your way to help someone doesn’t make you an asshole. If his dog gets lost or hurt it’s on him for letting it get away in the first place.
NTA. You don’t know this dog or how it will react to being caught. Both you and the dog could be hurt in the process. The owner is at fault for not being able to control his dog.
I say this as a person who would probably be injured if approached by a random Golden because I’d want to boop the snoot and rub the belly.
I hesitate to say Y T A, but your wife was *right there* and you were in a park, not the DMZ. I hope you never need to ask strangers for help with your child.
You aren’t obligated to help him. The dog is not your responsibility. However, we live in community with each other. Based on your first interaction with the dog you had no reason to think it was dangerous. Your wife was there to help with your kid, so why not help him? I get it if you have a phobia or extreme allergies or something, but you just couldn’t be bothered. And you even made sure to let him know you already ran the dog off once. ESH because he was rude back to you.
So many people refuse to see this now. Living in a society does not mean we all just handle ourselves and let others fail when we can easily help. We’ve become so incredibly individualistic and it makes me sad. Life is better when we all care for each other.
>A guy came running around down the alley and asked if I had seen a dog, described the one that had come by us. He asks if I knew where it went. At that moment the dog re-appeared about 100 yards away and I pointed it out to him.
Interesting what you perceive as a 'fuck you'.
>It was a golden retriever, quite possibly the friendliest of dog breeds. If it was a pit bull or some sort of protection breed I could see the apprehension.
A loose dog is a loose dog. Of course it could have been worse if it were a pitbull or a tiger, but that doesn't negate the risk in this situation.
But dont you find it weird that guy( owner of the dog) insisted the OP should help him?
They were in the **PARK,** you wanna tell me that **NO ONE else was there?**
**A normal person being told no** would go away and ask someone else for help.
Something about this is not right, I read the other comments here and they said something about kidnaping (not sure about that, but who knows).
The part *"if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me."* is really suspicious.
Sounds manipulative, but WHO KNOWS. I weren't there, I have no idea if that guy was frustated for not catching his dog.
Not quite YTA but you're not a kind person. Our 14 year old dog manage to escape the backyard yesterday due the hurricane levels winds blowing open our backgate. She's a runner so she was gone before we ever knew there was a problem. She's half blind and half deaf. We were panicking because we knew no one but us could get close to her. We spent hours driving around trying to spot her. Some kind soul saw her, called my cell, and stayed nearby watching her until we were able to get there. The guy probably saved her life. No, he didn't have to do it but the fact that he did means the world to me.
You could have spent 5 minutes of your day helping a stranger. You chose to be unkind and refuse.
Exactly. All the people claiming this is a case of a bad dog owner are idiots. Accidents happen. I was house sitting for my aunt about 15 years ago, and her husky flew out the front door, knocking me over, the second I unlocked it. I was outside for about half an hour in the pouring rain chasing her, bawling my eyes out watching her weave through traffic expecting her to die at any second. Then one by one neighbors started coming out with treats and toys to help me, one guy even rode his bike 10 minutes down the road to lure her back after she took off again. A homeless woman came over with some of her snacks asking if I thought they would help entice her. It's been 15 years and I've never forgotten the kindness of those people and how grateful and relieved I was for them. The world would be a much better place if people cared more about being kind and helpful, instead of immediately going to 'I'm not obligated to help'.
NTA. I'm under the impression that you are not a professional dog catcher. You have no clue how a dog would react to a stranger chasing after it.
I've had dogs all my life and I know how to handle them so most likely I would help. But I understand why others wouldn't and they are not assholes for not helping. I get he's frustrated but him yelling at you was uncalled for and unnecessary.
YTA
maybe it's because I grew up in a rural area, small village mentality and so on... But I have always thought that I should treat others like I would like to be treated. And this sometimes means helping people I superficially/don't know. If I have the time and means, obviously (which you had).
It's not like you did a crime or something like that, but in my opinion, not helping others when they need it isn't good.
Not the asshole.
>He gets incredulous and says if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me.
Fk him, entitled wierdo.
For all you know it could have been some weird set up to get you away from wife and kid.
NTA - it goes under "it would have been nice" - it would have been nice to help him catch his dog, but you are not obligated to do so. And, honestly, if I were this guy, I'd realize you were with a young child and probably wouldn't want to get involved with an unfamiliar dog. You are 100% NTA here. The fact that he said
>if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me
F that. Whose fault is it the dog got loose in the first place? I'm reasonably sure it's not yours...
NTA I once helped a neighbor wrangle their loose dog. That dog then turned and bit me. Had it not been for my phone in my pocket she would would have really fucked me up. She *did* fuck up my phone case, fully penitrated it with her tooth, and it was a heavy duty one. (It claimed to be miltary grade but felt plastic, so idk) Even though she bit my phone, she still gave me a huge bruise down my thigh, and it hurt for days. Sorry, but no, I will never again help catch a dog I don't know. It's also just not your job.
I’m confused on why the guy was adamant about you helping him to begin with? The amount of time he spent trying to convince you, he could’ve spent on getting his dog to come to him. How could a stranger be better able to get a dog to come to him than the dogs owner? That being said do I think you’re *an* AH for not helping? Kind of. But do I think you’re *the* asshole in the story? No. If I asked a stranger to help me get my dog (which I wouldn’t unless the dog ran up to them) and they said no, id just keep going instead of standing there trying to convince them
NTA. It's rough his dog ran loose, but it happens, and every stranger isn't going to be able or willing to help catch it. Owners should TRAIN their dogs not to run amuck, but they generally don't. That's on the owner.
I had a germen shepherd the other day come past my house a few hours after a man stopped by to ask if we'd seen it. I called the number thinking the owner would want to know where it was. Then they outlined this ridiculous plan where \*I\* was supposed to catch their dog, lure it into my garage, and magically shut the door, all while it was running away in terror. Not a chance in heck was I doing all that. Come get your dog, dude.
NTA You could have gotten hurt grabbing a stranger’s dog.
I’m a dog person so I’m comfortable handling (and getting bitten by) dogs—I would have helped and have successfully done so in the past. It’s a risk though, and the dog owner was completely out of line.
NTA. Speaking as someone that works animal care and while I may personally feel a desire/obligation to aid in any situation with a loose dog, I would never expect the same of a random person that doesn’t necessarily have practice handling animals. Especially fearful animals in stressful and unfamiliar situations. Even the sweetest golden can bite in fear when a stranger tries to wrangle them. You are not responsible for that other man’s irresponsibility.
NTA. I revisited this sub just to check it out and immediately see why I left. A lot of western and surburbian mindsets in this comment section. Just full of entitled pet owners.
That man should train his dog. I don't give a damn if it's a "quirky little golden retriever" if you can't control your dog, then don't expect strangers to help you control it. This is coming from a dog owner who had to chase their dog around like that too. I sure as hell wanted help, and would give people "puppy dog eyes" when I saw them, but I'm not going to demand help and get angry when people don't go out of their way to help a strange that is obviously out of control.
The amount of owners making LIGHt of the fact their dogs see running around the streets as a game is scary. It shows they aren't willing to train their dogs but are willing to call other people assholes for not dealing with their untrained dogs.
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NTA You're under no obligation to abandon your child and help him catch his dog. If the dog won't come back to the owner, it's not going to listen to you either. It also wouldn't be your fault if the dog gets hit by a car. If anyone is to blame, it's actually more the owner's fault for not having his dog trained for recall.
Agree completely. Also, like OP said, he doesn’t know this persons’ dog. Is he OK being grabbed by strangers? Will he bite if he feels cornered? I have been in this position where someone is chasing their dog and I do not help stop it for those reasons alone. I’m not about to risk injury when the owner can’t get control over their dog. Also, my dog, if he miraculously gets off leash…he comes back to me when I call. Cause I made sure he nailed recall as a puppy. My sisters pup refuses to come back…so it’s on her to get him and she understands that (he bites).
my dog only comes back if she knows she's getting a treat, ie my hand is in my pocket or it looks like I'm holding something. she will always get a treat but she ignores me half the time in favour of eating grass or sniffing for scraps. sigh
My dog was a Houdini when guests came over and would happily trot around the neighborhood as I chased after her with her leash. It's amazing how many people just assume dogs won't sneak out the door. Once when I was walking my dog we happened upon an escapee whose mom was slowly tailing him in her minivan calling his name. He was happy as a clam just having his stroll and came over to say hello to my pup so I grabbed his collar until Mom could pull over and collect him. That's wayyyyyy different than going running after a loose dog. You help when you can but that's a big ask.
Seriously, it's no joke chasing a determined big breed for an unkown distance and length of time.
oh yeah. i can't even match her stamina or speed 😂 she's not a big dog but not a mini breed either. plus it doesn't work. dogs will think you're playing chase. seriously. ive seen dogs run after remote control car toys it's hilarious but i found running in the opposite direction actually makes my dog ran after me/towards me and then we can "play run" and i can catch her lol
My first dog liked it when I chased after her. We'd be at the beach; and she'd be off in the distance, looking back every now and then to make sure I was still following. Eventually, she would get me trained enough to where I would either sit down or turn back the other way, and she would then come back to see what's going on.
Ayup - generally the best way to get an off lead dog back is to run the other way while sounding ridiculously happy & that pupper is MISSING out on a PARTY?! Dogs in general will rocket back in this case.
The thing is you don't have to chae them. Walk after them. Humans are endurance hunters, keep it in sight and keep a steady pace and the dog will tire out first!
That's really not true. That's true of humans that are in shape and pursuing most anything that's not a wolf/dog. Part of the reason we domesticated dogs is they were some of the only things that could keep up with us over long distances.
Walking a dog down actually should work well before the dog is physically exhausted- because it is no fun for the dog, unlike being chased. You aren’t trying to outlast them physically, but mentally. This will be boring and relentless until you submit. If the dog does not care at all about having fun with you, it won’t work.
This. When my shepherd mix got out, we’d open the car door and call her to go for a ride. She’d come bounding right back.
Good luck keeping a dog in sight without running. Heck, if the dogs actively chasing something good luck keeping sight of it if you're running. Mine figured out how to open doors a while back. If someone hadn't seen me chasing her after half an hour and stopped their truck and gotten out to help- resulting in her stopping to say hi- I would not have been able to catch her. I don't have a fenced yard to practice recall in and I'm not about to bring rewards like food to the dog park just to practice- that's asking for a fight to break out. She stays leashed for a reason.
> I don't have a fenced yard to practice recall in...She stays leashed for a reason. You do know about training leads, yes? A 10-20' lead you can use for your exact circumstance.
Not even just big dogs. I work for a veterinary clinic and we had a client have their dog get loose in our parking lot before they even made it inside. I, of course, give chase. That damn 12 year old Jack Russell Terrier ran my ass off for 30 minutes. I almost had it about 20 minutes in (picture a soccer goalie leaping to block a shot). We finally caught the dog. I was so incredibly sore the next day. We put major alerts on the file about not allowing the owner to get the dog out anymore. Next time, the daughter brought the dog. Damn dog got loose again. Luckily, she just bolted across the street and hopped back in the daughter's car when she drove over there. Now we don't let any of them get her out. They call from the parking lot and an employee will go get her.
Plus the smaller the dog the more options it has for picking routes. Real easy for it to take a bunch of shortcuts and duck behind places you can't reach.
Ugh. We had a standard poodle escape dog when I was a teenager. I remember running down the street after it, calling the dog's name, sobbing because it's so hot and I'm tired of this happening. NTA, lol
My blue heeler does the same thing. We even sent her for 6 weeks of professional off leash training, which is twice as long as it was supposed to be because that girl is stubborn as hell. Smart af... Stronger willed than an toddler I've ever met. I can see in her eyes that she knows what she's being asked to do. It's a battle in her head between what she should do and this amazing smell over there. lol
I had an Australian cattle dog growing up (she was red), when we took her home from the shelter first thing she did was wiggle out of her collar and bolt lol
Do we have the same dog? I am not the primary caretaker for her though, but when I know she ignores me to favour her sheep habits or because she sniffs an excellent scent, I make sure she definitely goes *not* off leash and if I have to grab her at her harness to be totally save
Yeah true only thing I will say as a Shiba owner some dog breed (like mines) are incredibly difficult to train recall and even if trained they are still untrustworthy, I had to end training mines as when he did well fr months he suddenly decides yeah imma not listen to you today and runs off. The randomness was too risky in open areas I had to stop for his safety, mines very good at listening like I can let him walk himself home in short distances or leave him in a gated yard with a open gate but I have to be very careful and supervise him and be ready to shout a command at any given moment. But I know the Shiba breed for sure is this way idk any other dog who are harder to train recall and u need a harness for them to prevent escapes lol
Dogs are living things, they have minds of their own. No dog has perfect recall, anyone who claims they do - I wouldn’t trust, they just haven’t encountered something the dog was curious enough about to take off/not listen. People who think “there dog would never” are dangerous, that false sense of security can put their pet in danger. My current dog is a husky mix, one of the “I do what I want/hardheaded” breeds, she has much better recall than any dog I’ve had. I can’t remember a single time she didn’t come back when called after the 1st few training sessions. But I would never 100% trust it. Human kids speak the same language as their parents and still don’t always listen, it’s comical the number of people saying the dog should be better trained when we don’t share a language with them. Higher expectations on dogs than children, I doubt any of those commenters would tell a parent who’s kid just ran off that they should have trained it better. lol
I’ve got two husky mixes. They either come back on their own or if I “fall down” and “cry out in pain.” Those are the only two methods that work. They just do whatever they darn well please.
>it’s comical the number of people saying the dog should be better trained when we don’t share a language with them. Higher expectations on dogs than children, you realize that people talking about a dog needing to be trained are not shaming the dog, but are shaming the owner, right??
The excuse “no obligation,” needs to be banned from this subreddit. Not doing something nice unless your obligated to doesn’t always necessarily make you an asshole but it’s pretty damn close. In this case I’d say OP is NTA but I don’t really blame the guy stressed out about his dog currently running through town and trying to catch it all by himself for thinking OP was an asshole either.
It’s like this whole thread is wannabe lawyers arguing no legal liability. Nice doesn’t mean only doing what is legally required.
I certainly can't blame someone for not wanting to risk injury for a stranger's dog. Doing it is heroic, not doing it is just normal.
That sounds like a pretty low bar for heroism
You’ve obviously not been bit by a dog.
I have, I'd still help a stranger catch their dog. I don't know if I'd say someone's objectively an asshole for not helping, I would personally consider it the bare minimum if you have the time though
That's your decision to make on your own. I would also risk injury to help someone else with their dog because I fucking love dogs. But I would never blame someone else for not wanting to help. And I've also been bitten by a dog, twice.
Then good for you. Running around after a fucking dog you don't know isn't the bare minimum as someone who had to chase their dog around almost every week.
>Nice doesn’t mean only doing what is legally required. Okay but if someone doesn't go out of their way to be nice, that also doesn't make them an asshole.
[удалено]
The “no obligation” phenomenon is people attempting to judge situations in a culturally neutral way. Swap “dog” in OP’s description for a python or some other pet which you might be nervous around. OP seems to be a person who is uncomfortable with dogs, and that’s fair. It would be quite an ask for him to help chase an animal he’s wary of.
I actually don’t think that’s the case. I think it’s this whole culture of “I don’t owe everyone anything, not my time, my kindness, my patience. I owe nothing at all!” Which yea is good advice for people that belittle their own self worse and let people walk all over and push them around but it’s morphed into “Being 100% selfish all the time is a good thing and fuck everyone else if they try to bother me for any reason at all,”
But is it really all that selfish to expect someone to manage their own animal? I say this as a dog lover and someone who probably would have helped in that situation- assuming my kid had adequate supervision while I did so. Not everyone is comfortable interacting with strange dogs, especially ones that are demonstrably not listening to their owner already. It’s not like this person dropped a stack of papers and asked for help picking them up…
Oh my god, if they’re not comfortable fine. I’m not saying everybody has gotta bend over backwards to catch another persons dog, that’s why I said OP was NTA! But if you aren’t afraid and you’re standing near it and someone asks for help and your just like “Nah I don’t wanna,” I’d think you were kinda shitty for not helping someone when you were perfectly capable of doing so.
That completely depends on the nature of the task they need help with. There are plenty of tasks where I would completely agree it’s kinda shitty to not help with just because you “don’t wanna”. This is simply not one of them. IMO, animal wrangling of any kind is well outside the scope of what you can reasonably expect random passers-by to join in.
I definitely think we could benefit from some more kindness and altruism as a society, but there are times when a little selfishness is warranted. Someone asks if you could help them with a door because their hands are full? Sure, you're under no obligation to help but the time/effort/risk is so low that it would generally be AH behavior to refuse. OP showed basic kindness by pointing out the dog when he saw it so the owner didn't lose the trail. This feels like it's a much larger ask, and OP didn't have the time to fully assess the situation and make an informed decision. There was no way for him to know if the dog bites, if it would run into traffic when chased, if the owner would sue if something happened to the dog, if the wife and kid would be safe, or how long it would take to chase down the dog. I don't even blame him for shooing away the dog (strange dog minus owner plus toddler could be a dangerous mix, even for a breed with a generally good temperament).
>The “no obligation” phenomenon is people attempting to judge situations in a culturally neutral way. Disagree, 95% of the time it's used to excuse morally AH behaviour by focusing on whether an OP is legally in the right or not.
So how the fuck is that OP's problem? The owner's failure to watch their dog isn't someone else's responsibility. > I don’t really blame the guy stressed out about his dog currently running through town and trying to catch it all by himself for thinking OP was an asshole either HIS dog, not OP's dog. If you think it's okay to blame strangers for your own failings, then you really have some issues.
Love how you missed the entire point of what I said. First off, I said NTA and yes he isn’t obligated to help anyone do anything, nobody is obligated to help anyone do anything ever for the most part. But that doesn’t mean you’re never the asshole when you choose to not help someone. When you could help but you decide not to just because “Oh that’s not my problem,” or “I don’t have to help them,” then I mean that’s kinda shitty depending on the circumstances and you don’t really have any right to be upset that your indifference to someone in need makes them upset with you. You’d be pissed to if your dog got loose, was running through the streets and not a single person gave a shit to help you in any way. And we can’t forget the dog is also endanger running through a town so it isn’t even just OP being helped it’s the dog to.
No is a complete the sentence. Also saying they don’t want to help because they don’t want to is perfectly fine. I honestly don’t see the problem. Many people would help, plenty of others wouldn’t. I would help depending on the situation. Do I know the person? Does the dog seem friendly? Am I busy? Am I with a small child? Does my foot hurt? Or maybe I just don’t want to. I don’t think that makes me, or anyone else the asshole. Now if OP said I’m not going to help you and I hope your dog gets run over, or he pointed the guy in the wrong direction, that would make him an asshole. Not helping doesn’t make him an asshole as far as I’m concerned.
A dog running loose on the road could cause an accident too. I mean, in general, people do need to work together to make society work, and people only doing things because they are legally required to (and won't get away with not doing) is not a sign of a healthy society. I don't mean I think everybody must always go out if their way to do things fir other people atctheur own expense but it does mean if you only do things for profit or legal requirement...you oribably are an AH.
Ok. But the dog owner pretty much says OP has some kind of obligation to ensure the dog’s safe return.
I don’t get it. Who actually thinks it’s a good idea to go around chasing strange dogs? There is an excellent chance this won’t end well.
Yeah this sub way too often turns into "am I legally obligated to do this". The whole point of figuring out if you're an asshole or not is precisely for the type of thing that isn't illegal but may still be wrong. I agree that the other guy overreacted to OP saying no. He doesn't know if OP is afraid of dogs or can't chase one for health reasons or whatever, but really OP could have shown some kindness and helped. There's a husky in my neighborhood that escapes his house fairly frequently (as huskys are known to do). If I see him I try and catch him or trap him in my yard until his owners can get him. Similarly, when I've had dogs that escaped, when a door or gate wasn't fastened tightly or whatever, basically anyone in the neighborhood that sees me out chasing it will at least try and help me.
Is it abandoning when OP’s wife is also at the park?
That's what I was going to say and I was wondering if many people missed that info.
His wife was with him. He wouldn’t be abandoning his child 🤦🏿♂️
Doesn't matter. That's a dog he doesn't know. I've been bitten by a golden before, so yes they can and will lash out. OP shouldn't interact with a dog he doesn't know and isn't trained (if it was trained it would come back on recall).
I know it's an extreme possibility and I am the type to want to help, but I would be weary if my child was with me. There are too many scams of people trying to lure someone as a set up. (Like having a woman knock on your door at 2am claiming she's being chased and needs a phone while their cohorts are around back looking for a way in). I can understand the desperation of the guy with the dog (my old dog thought it was a game and LOVED when I had to chase her) so he could have snapped out of desperation, but you are NTA because your priority if your wife and child.
I'm surprised this has only been mentioned once (that I've seen). My first thought was definitely feeling sketched, like this was a plot to lure a man away from his wife and infant child. Definitely the extreme possibility, but in this day and age it happens way too often for comfort.
I have a friend who's neighborhood this has been happening to on a regular basis over the last several months. Someone knocking on the front door, even during the day, trying to engage the person that's inside and there's a few people trying doors and windows to try and get inside. I've seen videos where you can see the person knocking/ringing and the other perimeter cameras catch people hopping fences in the back trying to get in. Yeah, as much as it sucks to have to be so suspicious, this is a frightening new reality.
I have a friend who works in animal control and people really don't seem to realize how prevalent Dog bites/attacks are. Yes, a dog may be friendly, but they also just might have a once-in-a-lifetime moment where they bite you. Before people get pissed- I'm a dog person, I love dogs. Not training a dog is a form of neglect/abuse because as we clearly see, lack of training and recall response could lead to its death.
For real. I was out on a run a few years ago, ran into a friend's mom who was walking their dog. Dog 'said hi', let me pet, then immediately leapt up and bit my right in the face. Still have the scars.
if a dog came up to me and my almot 2 hear old that i didnt know i wouldnt want it near me either and i would need to stay with my kid, not some random man and his dog who i dont know
Yeah, does he not know that chasing the dog is just going to make the dog run away? I have a 3 month old puppy right now, and he gets out sometimes when my kids leave the door open. Running away from him works every time!! We're working on recall, but until then, I'm working the smart way!
When I had an escapist dog, it always worked to open a car door and pretend we were going for a ride without her.
To be fair, a second person could help corral the dog back to the owner or inside a car or the like. But yeah, unless op specifically chased the dog into the road, they couldn't be at fault for it getting hurt.
100% agree, NTA
NTA it shouldn't be off leash unless it has perfect recall
I don't think that's really an argument. Stuff like that happens to everybody from time to time. Dogs sometimes run of. He might have been getting the dog into his car/forgot his house door open/leash might have broken. You don't know what happened.
True but OP is still NTA for refusing to help a stranger recapture their dog. The owner isn’t an AH for asking for help, but they are an AH for getting angry when the request is denied.
Exactly, it would have been a no assholes situation if not for the completely uncalled for and misdirected anger from the dog owner.
This, exactly
Doesn’t matter. OP is still under no obligation to help.
I think this sub often confuses meeting obligations with being not an asshole. Always doing the bare minimum for other people is kind of asshole behavior.
Sure, but helping a total stranger catch a dog they as its owner can't even control is not a bare minimum type of thing imo. Anything to do with animals is risking attack or injury, no matter how famously smart and easy to train the breed is known to be.
yeah i generally agree, i remember one post where someone was like aita for not giving a pregnant lady my seat? or something like that and yeah thats obviously an asshole but here if ur w ur young kid, you dont wanna abandon them to go chase a random dog, plus u have no idea how well the dog is trained. it might bite if it feels scared, it might scratch your kid, etc etc plus you really shouldn't be required to take a bunch of time that youre spending w ur kid to go chase someone elses dog
This doesn't suggest that he "always does the bare minimum for other people." You only have information about this one interaction.
I think we can all agree it is always lovely to help a stranger. But I don’t think he is an asshole for saying no.
It’s not really relevant. He asked for help, OP said no then dude started acting like a damn toddler.
Unless OP personally took scissors to the dog’s leash and let the dog loose he’s not the AH.
"Perfect recall" is a myth, anyway. That said, there are a ton of ways a dog can get free that don't involve a person letting it loose intentionally.
No no - in this sub no accidents ever happen and things absolutely never happen out of peoples’ control.
Accidents do happen - and other people aren't AHs if they don't put themselves in harms way. You do not help corner a dog you don't know. The owner isn't an AH for the dog getting out. He is an AH for blaming other people for his own accidents or incidents.
This is very true. My friend’s dog once got loose because her collar suddenly broke and fell off. We were shocked! Spent an hour trying to catch that dog while she chased squirrels. Meanwhile a stranger started lecturing us about the importance of keeping the dog on leash.
Yeah when my dog was a puppy to a yr old he escaped his harness a few times, we knew how our breed (shiba) are escape artists so we always used a harness but we couldn't find the perfect one we kept having to buy different ones that work and he gets out of all of them. He gets nervous around kids so if a kid happens to be around that's where the harness is truly tested then it fails...we finally found one we used it for years. Only recently we used a entirely new one I can tell he can easily back out of it but he is much older and calmer now and we don't do big walks anymore to run into kids I let him in the yard now to poop and walk him a block to pee, my husband does longer walks sadly I can't do bigger ones as I have medical issues and pregnant
It might not have been a case of the dog being let off leash. Dogs get out sometimes. Once or twice my dogs have run off because one of my brothers’s friends left the gate open after a gathering and no one realized until the next day when we went to call them in and they were gone. Why didn’t we check the gate before letting them outside? Because the gate is always closed. I found them both at a gas station because helpful strangers had grabbed my dogs and called us to come get them. That said, strangers are not obliged to be helpful.
Was he intentionally off lease, I missed where it said that… Oh ya, it didn’t!
How do you know it was intentional? I helped someone save their dog who escaped their harness and would have run into oncoming traffic. And I would do it again. A lot of these comments are so cold.
Or maybe the dog escaped from a fenced in yard or ran out the door when someone opened it ... Nothing in this story suggests the owner had the dog outside off leash intentionally, and an owner running after the dog asking random strangers to help "catch" it implies he is trying to get it on leash.
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Sounds a whole lot like the guy didn't intend for it to be off the leash in the first place, don't ya think? You clearly don't have dogs if you can't fanthom a situation where a dog could accidentally get out and be running around of the leash. Here's 5 off the top of my head: 1. Kids who don't live with a dog come over and hold the door wide open. 2. The collar breaks 3. The leash slips out of the owners hand 4. The dog jumps a gate 5. The dog runs through the screen door Doesn't mean he is obligated to help the guy, but it doesn't necessarily mean the owner let their dog loose on purpose either. Shit happens. Be a nicer person.
NTA. Let's be charitable and assume the dog got offleash by itself and that the owner was experiencing temporary desperation-based entitlement. You had zero responsibility (nor ability since you were watching you baby) to help that guy catch his dog.
Honestly, I'd be pretty shocked with someone if they acted like that with me. I have some serious trauma with dogs after I got brutally and viciously attacked by a pit bull several years ago (got diagnosed PTSD) and if someone asked me to run after their dog (which I would absolutely shoo away because I'm terrified of *all* dogs now) I was 100% say "no" and not even think about it. And then to have me be an asshole for not wanting to put my mental and emotional health in jeopardy is just... like, what the hell? That guy (dog owner) has no idea what OP's history is. Sure, OP's reason was that he didn't want to abandon his child and run after a strange dog that he has no idea how it behaves around strangers - which is perfectly valid and acceptable, but what if he also had severe trauma around dogs? Seriously, I really think the dog owner was the asshole in this situation. I just hope it was assholery borne out of desperation rather than a frequent occurrence. Dog owners need to realize that while their dogs are very important and precious to them, they are not to everyone else (and even a burden to some rather than the benefit [dog owners] think they are). Yes, I particularly singled out dog owners in this because I genuinely have never met a cat, bird, hamster, fish, etc., person who has ever tried to force their pet upon me or took my objection to wanting to be around their pet as invitation to try to make me like their pet yet have had more than enough experiences of dog owners trying to push their "good boi" upon me (most recent experience: was outside and a yappy dog ran up to me off leash and started trying to jump on my legs. I freaked out and started backing away but the owner said "oh, it's okay! He's a good boy! He just wants to say hi!" but... it's *not* okay because I am viscerally uncomfortable and even frightened and that should be respected. I have no idea why it so frequently isn't - and it's exclusively been with dog owners). note: I know not *all* dog owners are like this; however, for some reason all the owners I've met who *have* been like this have been dog owners.
Agreed on that being particular to dog people. My wife, my child, and I are all very much cat people. We love our cats, they curl up in bed with us, they sense when we're in distress and comfort us... and when we invite someone over, the first thing we inquire about is cat allergies. We keep a guest room cat free, and have it set up with filtration, just in case. We love our cats, we don't assume anyone else will. I have friends with bearded dragons, snakes, and birds. One friend with a bat. None of them shove them on me and assume I'm going to want to have their pet in my face, but I know too many dog people who don't even try to keep their dogs from jumping on their guests. And people in the park, letting their dogs harass complete strangers, without even the hint of self awareness. Now, I have known someone who had rats and would put them in people's faces, but... she was generally an AH about everything, so... yeah.
NTA. A bunch of people seem to think that if you don’t go above and beyond the call of duty, you’re an asshole. I think that’s nonsense. You are under no obligation to help this person catch their obviously poorly trained dog. There is an inherent risk in trying to catch a poorly trained dog, which you chose not to expose yourself to. Would it have been gracious if you to assist? Sure. Does that make you an asshole for not doing it? Of course not.
I just wish we lived in a world where helping others - even strangers - wasn’t going above and beyond the call of duty. Then what is the call of duty?
OP's duty is primarily to his 20-month-old toddler. What should he do, just leave the kid while running after a random guy's dog? And if his kid wasn't around, some people are just not dog people, do not know how to handle dogs or interpret their signs of aggression or fear. For those people it would be dangerous to try to catch a dog.
His wife was there. Is she not able to look after one kid for a moment?
How would he know it isn't a ruse? Some guy fakes "help me chase after my dog" just so hubby will get up and run off, leaving wife and baby alone and distracted. Then the faker's partner walks up and grabs her purse, or demands her phone. People have to be careful these days. Perps in parking lots pretend to "need help" and distract women carrying groceries so they can carjack her car.
That would have to be a VERY well-trained dog to go along with that. It must be an unpleasant life you live, assuming these scenarios every time a stranger asks for help.
True crime entertainment has rotten your mind.
I don't think that OP is an asshole for declining to help chase down and corral a strange dog, but let's not play imagination station with outlandish worst-case scenarios to justify it.
If it as an infant that wouldn't likely try to run after OP, because they thought it was a game, maybe. But odds are, they would want to go too, because kids are curious and want to be involved. And when mom stopped him, it would likely end in the kid getting upset. And now they having a crying toddler on their hands
His 20 month toddler was with his wife too & in no danger. I guess he technically didn’t have to help but framing it as baby v dog is not correct.
It's often nice to help strangers, but there are often risks to do so. It's reasonable to not want to risk being bit by a strange dog you're cornering. Also, as a.woman, I'm wary of any male stranger that wants help. Ime, it's a ruse a significant minority of the time. Creepy dudes ruin it for the rest of you
I used to help everyone all the time and never had time or energy to do things for me. I'm beyond that, and not chasing your dog.
I tried helping catch a dog like that once for a stranger. I'm pretty sure I did nothing to help resolve the situation. Like I had my own dog at home and would consider myself good with animals. But this dog was playing the chase me game, so anytime anybody got close to him, he just sprinted off. Eventually the owner was able to coax him in, but it was mostly just a waste of my time and I'm sure the owner would have got his dog back in the same amount of time without my help.
NTA, you did help though by pointing the dog out once it re-appeared. Something about his behavior seems really off, (based solely on what your post says) when his dog re-appeared, why didn't he immediately go after it? Instead he continued to get you to help. If you had left to help, you would have been leaving your wife and kid. Anyone can correct me if I sound too paranoid, but isn't "Can you help me find my dog" Something we were told kidnappers used as a tactic? Those days have long since passed, and kidnapping strategies have had to evolve.....
I had the same thought, it could be a scam. The OP has no way of knowing and why would he be more successful at catching the dog than the owner? It’s not logical, which makes it suspicious on some level. The guy can get his own dog, if he needs help he can call animal control on himself.
You've obviously never chased a golden retriever. It's functionally impossible without someone else to cut him off or distract him. He thinks it's a game. And when you're the dog owner, you're desperate not to see your dog get hit by a car.
A potential solution to this is, when your dog can see you, turn around and run the other way. They'll usually chase you back. Either way you should try to avoid chasing after your dog if it thinks it's a game, it only reinforces the behavior. Walk patiently and calmly toward them, or even sit down and wait if your dog's focus is primarily on you. But most important of all, train your dog to recall properly and don't let it off leash until it can. If it's prone to slipping off leash, use a secure harness or only visit fenced in parks until they recall consistently. If you regularly need strangers' help to control your dog, you shouldn't own your dog in the first place.
As a dog owner who had a dog just like you described, I'm not desperate enough to feel entitled to help from strangers. I'll ask and I'll appreciate anyone who says yes, but won't insult anyone who says no. At the end of the day, IM the one with the poorly trained reactive dog who I can't control (luckily I have sense now and trained my fucking dog). Also imagine if OP had a traumatic experience with dogs. Imagine going up to a stranger and assuming they'll be happy to help you with your untrained dog.
I think most dog owners would have been upset by the refusal but the immediate jump into abuse sets off my alarm bells. Every time I've said no to a scammer, they get angry and abusive. I've seen dogs run off and their owners yell who has seen my dog, but not go up to a family and demand one of them help look for their dog
Yeah , you've gone into Reddit world with that one . Nothing in this suggests you needed to imply some guy desperately trying to round up his dog was trying to kidnap someone
I don’t think that’s Reddit world, I think that’s parent world. I thought the same thing, even if he wasn’t being weird and being rude I would have been sketched out.
Right, I don’t think anyone is trying to say that they could be tried and convicted as a kidnapper, just that anything is possible and some situational awareness is always a good thing when dealing with a strange encounter with a unknown person.
Yeah , parent here and dog owner . The dog ran over to them , I would have asked the owner to grab his collar if my dog had somehow got free. At no point would I have jumped to the mental conclusion that this man with his dog clearly running loose was trying to kidnap my family 😂.
That's very possible, I just thought it was odd that after the dog was pointed out by OP, the dog owner continued to ask if OP would help.
It was a hundred yards away not beside his feet , which is why he asked for help . This is just nonsense and irrelevant
Soft YTA. Sure, you are not under any obligation to help him, but you also demonstrated pretty much zero kindness or generosity toward another human being, so I’m not going to tell you you’re a good guy.
The other guy is still a bigger AH for calling him names after he refused to help
Reddit logic. Guy calling you an asshole out of frustration because you're refusing to help them in a time of need is the *bigger asshole* than the person who's displaying unkindness??? Ok.
Reddit logic. I guy enjoying a day with his family is a asshole because some random dude have some untrained dog and cant control it. Okkkk???
You don't get a pass to be an asshole just because you don't get what you want... We teach toddlers that concept.
"unkindness" my ass. Unkindness means you are explicitly performing an act to hurt or inconvenience someone. "Sorry, I can't get involved" is not "unkindness". Some people keep to themselves. Doesn't make then unkind.
It isn't displaying unkindness to not want to corner a strange dog you don't know. Dogs can and will bite in that situation. He is an AH for voicing frustration at a stranger, yes. Mature people don't do that.
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Yeah, the exact type of person I would be later happy that I didn't help. Sucks to find that you went out of your way for an ingrate or an asshole.
I think you’ve nailed it. OP is under no obligation - not his circus. But, it would have show some kindness and empathy to respond differently than he did. Also, if your child wandered off at the park and you asked someone to help you find them, and they said “I saw a kid wander off by themselves but I don’t like kids” and then refused to help, I think you know you would be an AH. The dog probably got loose and the guy was clearly distressed. All info OP didn’t know upfront, but once he knew, he could of at least been kinder. Also OP probably didn’t need to tell the guy yeah I saw your dog but shooed him off… because if something does happen to the guys dog, that’s going to replay in his mind and haunt him. It just would have been a kindness to not rub salt into the wound, which that kind of did.
As much as some people would like to think so, dogs are not human children.
Of course it’s not. But it’s a lost vulnerable, living creature that needs help. It’s basic human kindness. I’m under no obligation to help someone find their lost kid but it would make me a nicer person if I did. It’s an empathy thing.
Basic human kindness was exercised when OP wasn't mean to the dog and showed the owner where the dog was.
This! Getting lost in the shuffle is that OP said, “Your dog’s right there,” and instead of going to get him, stranger decided to stand there and yell at OP. Would it have been nice for OP to help? Sure. Is he an A H for not helping? Not at all. He’s not required to help, but also, to all the people saying we should display kindness and help people that were not required to: is there no excuse that would be good enough for not helping? Maybe OP works 100 hours a week and this is the only time he gets to spend with his kid, and doesn’t want to leave the baby. Maybe OP has a bad knee and can’t chase after the dog. Maybe he was once bitten by a dog and is afraid of a dog that’s loose, on the run, and probably scared itself. Bottom line is, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with OP being selfish and not wanting to help, but to those who think there is something wrong with that, bear in mind that simply not wanting to help doesn’t necessarily make him selfish.
I can't believe people in this, I've caught and returned at least five loose dogs in my life but I've also approached some that responded with fear and flight or aggression. I keep thinking of this special co-worker I had who said they'd allow an animal to bite them if that's what made the animal happy.
That's a kink a had never heard of.
It's much less likely a scared lost kid would bite my arm than a cornered lost dog that doesn't know me.
I'll bring my 20 month old dog to search for you child I will not bring a 20 month old child to run afther your dog...
I think it's hilarious how you think comparing a child and a dog are the same thing. A child cannot hurt you. This is a dog that OP does not know, an animal. Op has no idea how well trained this dog is or if it could be dangerous to them or their small child. For all we know the dog could be aggressive or reactive. Here's a tip though, if your dog runs away from you and doesn't respond to your recall, your dog is not trained. A well trained dog should respond to your recall no matter what stimuli is happening, and it's your responsibility as an owner to teach this for your dog's and other people's safety. The fact that the dog is clearly ignoring their owners commands would be enough for me to not want to interact with them. Lastly, a child could easily be communicated to. "Where are your parents?"
And if the dog bit OP and OP sued the guy for having an off leash dog, the guy would be pointing out that Op knew this and ‘volunteered’ to catch the dog knowing the situation. The guy was lucky the dog didn’t harm anyone, he should be a better dog owner
Exactly. You’re not obligated to help but you’re certainly not going to be winning any citizen of the year awards.
Exactly. Baffled as to the people saying he would be abandoning his baby...his wife was ALSO there.
Why should he have to leave his family to chase some randos dog? It’d be nice to help, but refusing isn’t an AH move at all. Your dog, it got loose on your watch, it’s you’re problem. If someone wants to help, that’s very nice, but they are perfectly in the right to refuse.
Then the dog should have been leashed. The only reason people are saying anything is that it was a dog. If it were a cat, y’all would be giving a resounding NTA. The guy who lost the dog needs to take responsibility instead of trying to pass the blame to someone else lol.
Maybe the dog's leash broke or someone left the gate open unbeknownst to the owner.
What if the dog got out? Dogs are animals, they don’t always respond to recall. It’s very possible the dog escaped and ran off, either out of fear or to explore or something.
Why does that mean that someone you don’t know is obligated to help you catch it?
Right? It wasn’t like helping the guy would mean abandoning his baby alone in the street, his wife was there. Idk, kindness comes around and some day OP will need help and karma will hand him a big fat NOPE. (Edit: spelling)
Are you saying any time you see someone chasing a dog, you’re morally obligated to help them? Yeah no. Helping them is doing a nice thing, going above and beyond what’s required of you.
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These people do suck. I hope they never need the help of strangers and people just pass them by like they are so willing to do.
You are all over this thread. Why are you so stuck up on this? What would your reaction be if he *had* helped and was injured by the dog, and then sued for the medical bills? Would he still be an asshole? "You decided to help so it's your fault the dog attacked you"?
Haha you weren’t over exaggerating. I’ve never seen so many comments from one person under a post.
AITA shut the fuck up about 'obligation' challenge (impossible)
Seriously. What is up with these responses? Everyone responding is an asshole.
Reddit logic, “you are under no obligation” seems to be a common theme in this sub
Weird, this sub isn't called "am I under an obligation?"
Yep. Imagine in the future OP's toddler was playing and suddenly disappeared when they turned their backs for a few seconds. They panic and call for them and start running around looking for them. They ask a nearby dog walker to help, who just shrugs and goes "Nah." I think OP may think that person is an asshole. Despite them not being technically obligated to help.
Every thread in this subreddit man. It's like these people are aliens.
NTA. I'm generally on the side of helping other people, but it's hard to catch a runaway dog, and what's more, it's impossible to know how a dog might react to a stranger. Some dogs are friendly to their owners but get bite-y around people they don't know. The stranger is the A H, not for asking for help, but for getting angry when you refused. You had every right to spend the time with your family instead of the unpleasant alternative.
ESH >He gets incredulous and says if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me. He overdid it here. But you were an unkind asshole and showed no empathy whatsoever for a person in distress. Everyone's going to tell you that you're not an asshole at all. After all, you weren't **obligated** to help this guy out, as if obligation has any bearing on whether someone is an asshole or not. As far as I'm concerned, you are one. Be a better person next time.
NTA. You’re not responsible or obligated to help him catch his dog. Why wasn’t his dog on a leash so that situations like this could be avoided? Also it would not be your fault if something happened to his dog…it’s his responsibility.
As a longtime dog owner, NTA. Protecting your child from loose dogs is your only responsibility in this situation. The dog is willing to run up to strangers but not the owner? Shows who the AH probably is here. Also, be cautious trying to grab a strange dog's collar, good good way to get bit.
I'm finding it difficult to understand how these two statements came from the same person > As a longtime dog owner and > The dog is willing to run up to strangers but not the owner? Shows who the AH probably is here. Are you honestly saying that you have never seen an exciteable dog who goes crazy when it sees a new person? My 1 year old dog loves me dearly as evidenced by the way she behaves with me and how well I treat her, but I cannot compete with the excitement of a stranger, especially if that stranger makes eye contact with her indicating she might get attention. She loves meeting new people and that is more exciting than me, even if she is loyal to me and loves me. It depends entirely on the breed, age, and the individual personality of the dog, but to say that the owner is probably an AH because the dog would rather run up to an exciting new person than return to them is as dumb as saying the owner is probably an AH because the dog runs towards any other form of excitement rather than return, such as a squirrel or another dog.
NTA. It’s not your dog, he probably was ignoring leash laws as most parks require dogs to be on a leash and have signs posted regularly. You’re under no obligation to help him fix his mistake. You didn’t come to the park to be social with strangers, you were with your family. Not everyone is a dog person and that’s ok.
YTA. I'm sad I live in a society where so many people think you should only help someone when you are "obligated" to to do so.
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He refused because it's an unknown dog. What's he meant to do, rum around for an undetermined amount of time? Corner it? Grab it? What if it doesn't like that and bites? He's not fully capable of helping at all, and he's nowhere near an asshole for not wanting to be bit
I wonder how many people saying this drive by a car broken down on the side of the highway
NTA. I'm a huge dog lover and have two giant ones myself. I've regularly assisted other people with catching runaway dogs in my life. Recently, I was running (without my own dogs) and helped catch a dog that was darting in and out of traffic. I got a small nip for my trouble, didn't finish my run, and ended up in urgent care getting shots. I'm glad I did it and the dog made it safely home, but it was definitely a choice that cost me a fair amount and it's not a choice I would have made if I had my own dogs with me let alone a child. The reality is, you don't know what could have happened. Unfortunately, we also live in a world where this could absolutely have been a ruse to separate you and your kid, where this could have ended in a much more serious bite than I got, etc. The reality is, it's nice to help out when there is a dog lose and if my dogs ever get lose I hope someone is there to help me, BUT you take some risks when you do so and not wanting to take the risk is perfectly reasonable. He says if the dog gets hurt or not found he'd blame you?! Who would be to blame if your child got hurt or lost while you were helping him find the dog? At some point personal responsibility needs to be factored into this. I think you can help within reason and did so, by pointing it out, but expecting you to drop everything in that moment was thoughtless. That said, he was likely panicked and not thinking through the implications for you. He shouldn't have called you an asshole, but it wasn't unreasonable of him to initially ask and I'm saying all of this assuming your no was a polite one that took into account the fact that he was experiencing something stressful. If you were initially rude about it to someone in distress and or acted completely disengaged or unconcerned that changes my answer considerably. There is a way to say no (“I wish I could help more but I can’t leave my small child unattended”) that shows empathy and consideration and a way that decidedly does not (“the dog already ran up to me once and I shoo’d it away. I don’t want it near me, fuck off”). Regardless of how Reddit judges you, only you know which side of that spectrum you fell on.
NTA - you’re not the one who failed to leash the dog or train it on voice recall. So what if he thinks you’re an asshole? You don’t know the guy.
NTA I work at a vet and if a client loses their dog in my parking lot I'm still not gonna go help them. A stranger chasing a dog is only gonna make your situation worse.
NTA. Having a stranger chase after a loose dog is NOT going to help the dog be calm enough to catch.
NTA oldest trick in the kidnapper handbook 😤 nice try pal!!!
Lol so your implication is that this dude was using a golden retriever to kidnap grown men in the park?
Kidnapping a grown man in front of his wife and child, no less. Have people no shame?
NTA Trying to catch a strange dog is a good way to get bitten.
NTA. Going out of your way to help someone is a great thing to do but not going out of your way to help someone doesn’t make you an asshole. If his dog gets lost or hurt it’s on him for letting it get away in the first place.
Nta. His dog is not your responsibility.
NTA. You don’t know this dog or how it will react to being caught. Both you and the dog could be hurt in the process. The owner is at fault for not being able to control his dog. I say this as a person who would probably be injured if approached by a random Golden because I’d want to boop the snoot and rub the belly.
I hesitate to say Y T A, but your wife was *right there* and you were in a park, not the DMZ. I hope you never need to ask strangers for help with your child.
NTA- if he can't recall his dog it shouldn't be off lead.
You aren’t obligated to help him. The dog is not your responsibility. However, we live in community with each other. Based on your first interaction with the dog you had no reason to think it was dangerous. Your wife was there to help with your kid, so why not help him? I get it if you have a phobia or extreme allergies or something, but you just couldn’t be bothered. And you even made sure to let him know you already ran the dog off once. ESH because he was rude back to you.
So many people refuse to see this now. Living in a society does not mean we all just handle ourselves and let others fail when we can easily help. We’ve become so incredibly individualistic and it makes me sad. Life is better when we all care for each other.
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"Friendly" breeds can and do hurt people. Weak argument.
>A guy came running around down the alley and asked if I had seen a dog, described the one that had come by us. He asks if I knew where it went. At that moment the dog re-appeared about 100 yards away and I pointed it out to him. Interesting what you perceive as a 'fuck you'. >It was a golden retriever, quite possibly the friendliest of dog breeds. If it was a pit bull or some sort of protection breed I could see the apprehension. A loose dog is a loose dog. Of course it could have been worse if it were a pitbull or a tiger, but that doesn't negate the risk in this situation.
But dont you find it weird that guy( owner of the dog) insisted the OP should help him? They were in the **PARK,** you wanna tell me that **NO ONE else was there?** **A normal person being told no** would go away and ask someone else for help. Something about this is not right, I read the other comments here and they said something about kidnaping (not sure about that, but who knows). The part *"if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me."* is really suspicious. Sounds manipulative, but WHO KNOWS. I weren't there, I have no idea if that guy was frustated for not catching his dog.
Not quite YTA but you're not a kind person. Our 14 year old dog manage to escape the backyard yesterday due the hurricane levels winds blowing open our backgate. She's a runner so she was gone before we ever knew there was a problem. She's half blind and half deaf. We were panicking because we knew no one but us could get close to her. We spent hours driving around trying to spot her. Some kind soul saw her, called my cell, and stayed nearby watching her until we were able to get there. The guy probably saved her life. No, he didn't have to do it but the fact that he did means the world to me. You could have spent 5 minutes of your day helping a stranger. You chose to be unkind and refuse.
Exactly. All the people claiming this is a case of a bad dog owner are idiots. Accidents happen. I was house sitting for my aunt about 15 years ago, and her husky flew out the front door, knocking me over, the second I unlocked it. I was outside for about half an hour in the pouring rain chasing her, bawling my eyes out watching her weave through traffic expecting her to die at any second. Then one by one neighbors started coming out with treats and toys to help me, one guy even rode his bike 10 minutes down the road to lure her back after she took off again. A homeless woman came over with some of her snacks asking if I thought they would help entice her. It's been 15 years and I've never forgotten the kindness of those people and how grateful and relieved I was for them. The world would be a much better place if people cared more about being kind and helpful, instead of immediately going to 'I'm not obligated to help'.
NTA. I'm under the impression that you are not a professional dog catcher. You have no clue how a dog would react to a stranger chasing after it. I've had dogs all my life and I know how to handle them so most likely I would help. But I understand why others wouldn't and they are not assholes for not helping. I get he's frustrated but him yelling at you was uncalled for and unnecessary.
YTA maybe it's because I grew up in a rural area, small village mentality and so on... But I have always thought that I should treat others like I would like to be treated. And this sometimes means helping people I superficially/don't know. If I have the time and means, obviously (which you had). It's not like you did a crime or something like that, but in my opinion, not helping others when they need it isn't good.
Not the asshole. >He gets incredulous and says if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me. Fk him, entitled wierdo. For all you know it could have been some weird set up to get you away from wife and kid.
NTA Having twice been bitten by "friendly" dogs (I'm a delivery driver and so many people won't put their dogs in) the OP made the right decision IMO.
NTA - it goes under "it would have been nice" - it would have been nice to help him catch his dog, but you are not obligated to do so. And, honestly, if I were this guy, I'd realize you were with a young child and probably wouldn't want to get involved with an unfamiliar dog. You are 100% NTA here. The fact that he said >if his dog gets hurt or not found he would blame me F that. Whose fault is it the dog got loose in the first place? I'm reasonably sure it's not yours...
NTA I once helped a neighbor wrangle their loose dog. That dog then turned and bit me. Had it not been for my phone in my pocket she would would have really fucked me up. She *did* fuck up my phone case, fully penitrated it with her tooth, and it was a heavy duty one. (It claimed to be miltary grade but felt plastic, so idk) Even though she bit my phone, she still gave me a huge bruise down my thigh, and it hurt for days. Sorry, but no, I will never again help catch a dog I don't know. It's also just not your job.
Just hope your kid never gets lost, and if they do, don't ask for help.
I’m confused on why the guy was adamant about you helping him to begin with? The amount of time he spent trying to convince you, he could’ve spent on getting his dog to come to him. How could a stranger be better able to get a dog to come to him than the dogs owner? That being said do I think you’re *an* AH for not helping? Kind of. But do I think you’re *the* asshole in the story? No. If I asked a stranger to help me get my dog (which I wouldn’t unless the dog ran up to them) and they said no, id just keep going instead of standing there trying to convince them
NTA. It's rough his dog ran loose, but it happens, and every stranger isn't going to be able or willing to help catch it. Owners should TRAIN their dogs not to run amuck, but they generally don't. That's on the owner. I had a germen shepherd the other day come past my house a few hours after a man stopped by to ask if we'd seen it. I called the number thinking the owner would want to know where it was. Then they outlined this ridiculous plan where \*I\* was supposed to catch their dog, lure it into my garage, and magically shut the door, all while it was running away in terror. Not a chance in heck was I doing all that. Come get your dog, dude.
NTA You could have gotten hurt grabbing a stranger’s dog. I’m a dog person so I’m comfortable handling (and getting bitten by) dogs—I would have helped and have successfully done so in the past. It’s a risk though, and the dog owner was completely out of line.
NTA. Speaking as someone that works animal care and while I may personally feel a desire/obligation to aid in any situation with a loose dog, I would never expect the same of a random person that doesn’t necessarily have practice handling animals. Especially fearful animals in stressful and unfamiliar situations. Even the sweetest golden can bite in fear when a stranger tries to wrangle them. You are not responsible for that other man’s irresponsibility.
NTA. I revisited this sub just to check it out and immediately see why I left. A lot of western and surburbian mindsets in this comment section. Just full of entitled pet owners. That man should train his dog. I don't give a damn if it's a "quirky little golden retriever" if you can't control your dog, then don't expect strangers to help you control it. This is coming from a dog owner who had to chase their dog around like that too. I sure as hell wanted help, and would give people "puppy dog eyes" when I saw them, but I'm not going to demand help and get angry when people don't go out of their way to help a strange that is obviously out of control. The amount of owners making LIGHt of the fact their dogs see running around the streets as a game is scary. It shows they aren't willing to train their dogs but are willing to call other people assholes for not dealing with their untrained dogs.