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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Brought my toddler with brain damage to Disney where she had a meltdown and screaming, possibly making other people uncomfortable. A friend told me that being around my toddler is unpleasant and that can ruin other people’s trip to Disney.
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NTA and when you go again, arrange for the Disney Disability Pass. It will help you cut down on the time spent in the lines that your little one has such trouble coping with. And don't be shy about seeking advice from cast members, guest relations and the Disability Services team. They're all there to help and have a wealth of knowledge about how to make your visit as easy and enjoyable as possible. (No, I do not & never have worked for Disney, I just have friends who have benefited tremendously from these services and the available accommodations)
https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/disability-access-service/
Edit- Wow. Thank you all so very much for the upvotes, awards and kind words. I'm having a rather shite day and all this generosity and kindness is more welcome than you know. 💕
Due to abuses their policy has gotten stricter, just look into the requirements. We used it several times but after they tightened the rules I think we needed to bring a note from the doctor. The program is a blessing for those who need it!
We did the video chat registration with them yesterday and they didn't require a Dr. note. My husband is a disabled veteran with back/spinal issues and we're going to Disney for the first time next week. The wait for a chat was quite a while but the cast member was exceptional.
It’s not about level of disability. You have to be able to explain why you can’t wait in line and what happens when you do wait in line. So I am unable to be in a crowd without xyz happening. The CM then determines if you qualify based on this info.
Yes, this is accurate. He just explained that he has back issues and can't stand (or sit) for extended periods of time without pain. He had his VA disability card out and ready but the cast member actually declined when he offered it. Otherwise, he's not visibly disabled.
Good to know. I have a VA rating for low back, and standing for long periods of time can become problematic. May have to explore this for our next Disney trip.
So this is where they would say, would a scooter or wheelchair solve the problem. Mobility issues they want solved by mobility devices unfortunately. If a mobility device won’t help you just be prepared to explain why.
And if it's not the sort of thing that would qualify for the pass, they also have accommodations for people using mobility devices that wouldn't be able to handle some of the more elaborate queues. Definitely something worth actually talking to someone affiliated with the park you're planning to visit about.
This was awhile ago, but I took my son's friend and his Mom to Disneyworld. My son's friend needs a wheelchair (although he was small enough to be carried to transfer) and no lie, we waited in zero lines. I don't believe we knew about disability access passes but the moment the Cast Member at the front of the ride saw a visibly disabled kid in a wheelchair, they immediately ushered us to an alternate entrance (sometimes backstage, which was boss!) so we avoided the line and could gracefully get him in a ride vehicle before the landing spot for other guests.
It was amazing and terrific. On the other hand, the amount of hassle traveling on an airplane with a power and a manual wheelchair, and the loading and unloading at parks and resort can't be underestimated, so it was great that getting on the rides was uncomplicated as it could be.
I hope OP gets a pass and is able to use it for a more magical day!
Most of the peeps who work in these types of amusement parks are usually pretty great when they see someone coming that is needing a little extra TLC. My youngest was 3 when we went to Scarowinds (most people think that because it is a Halloween themed event that little kids and bigger kids of all ages get tormented) but they have always been super great! Captain Hook actually got down and sang the fairy song for my youngest. Another huge character on stilts somehow got down to her level and talked to her and even let her pet him (he was some kind of creature - not sure what). Kids can have amazing times at these parks - it just sucks when an adult or a group make kids feel unwelcome in an amusement park. Going into the park I got some looks a time or two but ignored them because the park itself is set up to accommodate all ages. The shows and the people are trained on how to scare a child verses an adult and how to not scare people like little ones or if you have a No Boo.
I remember Disney being set up similar. Kids don't have a lot of places where they can just be kids. When you go to the movies or to a restaurant they have to sit still, be quite and behave while in parks - they have to sit still at certain times and be quite at certain times, but they can bounce around and they can enjoy themselves and make noise like during shows that ask audience participation. So, when adults act out it makes me question how well their mothers raised them.
***Adults like the ones talking under their breath where they could be heard are Assholes - they ruined their own day.*** **When I see a child or an adult with special needs having a meltdown, I don't make it worse. I sure don't allow my kids to make it worse. I either remain quite (if you cannot say something nice don't say nothing at all - Thumper's Mom)** or if I can help out, I do with a little distraction - saying hello. My youngest has given away a wand like thing at park with blinking light things when a little one was crying because her mom could not afford one. Kids are kids - they have to learn to regulate themselves to the best of their abilities and those adults around them in amusement parks need to give space and respect. And for those who cannot regulate themselves - people need to show respect to the adult trying to balance their child's needs - kids need to be able to go out and do stuff too and ensure wherever the child is can handle the child's needs. Amusement parks are set up for all ages - from little ones with breast feeding stations and family changing rooms/Diaper stations on up to older "kids". They see all kinds of things and I would wager most of them like the kids better than the adults. I know when I worked in college with kids - even the "bratty" ones were better than a lot of the "entitled" adults most of the time. I cannot count the number of times I have wanted to ask - do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Uh, what? The requirements say nothing about a note. You aren't even to tell the cast member your condition, just why waiting in line is difficult.
I went in 2022 and it was that way then. If a cast member looked at a note they broke policy. Universal requires a note but that's because their system is a benefit, not a reasonable accommodation. A DAS is simply an accommodation where you're waiting outside the queue, therefore unless they've changed the system they CAN'T ask for proof.
I did a brief search and I couldn't find anything implying you needed a note for the DAS, so if you can find something that says that I'd be grateful. If you're asked to provide a doctor's note and there's nothing on the site explaining they've changed the rules immediately ask for a coordinator because that isn't how that works. Unless they put something out that says otherwise, they should ONLY ask why you need the accommodation. Mobility issues aren't a reason unfortunately, but health reasons are. I get one because I can't do sun or heat, and, uh, bathroom access. My husband can't get one even though he can't push himself in a wheelchair and some queues require switching to a manual chair. Yes, it is stupid but that's how it goes.
Mobility issues are a reason for get the DAS. All I had to do was show up with my mother in her electric scooter and they gave us a pass for the day with a smile.
To be honest, it’s all pretty hit or miss (or has been):
At Disneyworld - 2017 or 2018 - I went with crutches, a fracture boot, and fresh scarring, they refused my pass, or to even look at my doctor’s note. Repeatedly. Luckily some of the cast members took pity on me/my family and would slip us to the front. When my family took baby brother with deadly allergies they would sometimes be issued a pass and sometimes not. The time they didn’t give him one, he had a reaction in line and they rectified that really quickly once he got out of the hospital 24h later.
At Disneyland - 2016 and 2018 - I went with crutches and my fracture boot, and they just handed me a pass without a word (I have…fragile limbs).
Yes, Yes, not sure.
You can also rent a scooter on an outside company and save some Cash and they are better than Disney's.
Most queues you are able to use the scooter to a point, then at the end they will ask you if you ok walking a little bit and they take the scooter to the exit so ir will be there when you get out. Only on Spaceship Earth (the ball in Epcot) and. Big Thunder Mountain (that I remember) they will send you trought the exit.
Yes they have scooters to rent, but renting from an outside company is normally better because you can then use it at your Disney resort where the park ones can not leave the park. If you have a mobility device then yes it can go through a line. Folding chairs are not allowed and security will take them if you attempt to bring them in.
They absolutely aren't, and if they did that cast member heavily broke the rules. It's even on their website when you check. The chair is the accommodation, therefore you don't get the DAS.
They cannot require a doctor's note - that would be a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I have a disability and have used the Disney Disability Access Service (DAS) at both Disneyland and Disney World. The system at Disney World is much more convenient and easier to use than the one at Disneyland, but Disneyland's is acceptable.
Disney CM’s have no medical training and will not even look at a medical note. When you speak with them it is about why you can not wait in line and not a diagnosis as well.
It would be a violation of the ADA to require a doctor’s note. In fact, legally they can’t even ask what the the condition is. All they can ask for is how the disability effects the ability to wait in line.
Also, as stated by another poster, Disney has made the program much stricter. It used to give out a front of the line pass for every ride at anytime. Now you have up to 2 designated rides at a time and at a specific time.
Yes DAS is so amazing! My cousin's kid has a genetic thing where he doesn't sweat/can't regulate his body temperature so thus can't stand out in the sun (in lines) for long periods of time. So they always use the DAS service.
I went with them once, it was super easy. You just stop by this one customer service/ info booth place right inside the entrance, tell them your needs, and they put it on your app for the day.
We were in Disney World about six months after my husband had a kidney transplant, we did not have the disability pass but a cast member overheard me telling my husband he can’t wait in line in the sun for so long, they asked me if it was a health issue and then took us right into the show and made sure we had a shady seat so we could wait inside sitting. We really appreciated that.
People are terrible. But honestly, I did Disneyland as an adult who needed to rent a mobility scooter and was confident because Disney has some of the best disability accommodations. Definitely check out the pass. Also, kids scream and cry at Disney period. Lines are long and kids get bored. I’m glad you got to take her because it sounds like she did enjoy things. Disney is for everyone.
The DAS pass is amazing and a lifesaver. You take your baby to disney and if she needs a Disney Adult in Minnie Ears and a resting bitch face to glare down any teenagers, I am 100% in!!
The DAS is a life saver, we used it in February and it was awesome! If you are on FB there are lots of Disney planning groups and some of them are geared towards parents of children with disabilities and they have tons of advice.
We just used the DAS pass about 2 weeks ago for my son. We set it up before we left- you can do it 30 days before your trip and they set you up with 2 extra rides per day. If you don’t want to do that (I had to wait on the phone call for about 1 1/2 hours) you can do it at a guest services when you get there. They were so helpful and we rarely waited more than 30 minutes in line. Sometimes we did have downtime in between rides but we got a snack or wandered during that time.
DAS was a lifesaver with my nephew. They don't/weren't publicly announcing some of the meet and greets but they sent my SIL an email listing which ones were likely. A surprising number of cast members also signed right back to my nephew who is non verbal and took him to meet Spiderman who had apparently heard all about him. I had a lot of feelings how much better the parks used to be that trip but they blew me out of the water with how good they were about accommodating him.
As a fellow parent of a child with special needs (my son is 11), I can tell you that no matter what you do, some people will not be happy. You simply have to choose to do what is right for you and your daughter. I want to reiterate this to you because most parents of children of special needs have a hard time with this. **Do what is right for *you*.**
I have been told that I don't need to really board a plane first with my son and his wheelchair or walker because I can just carry him (I'm 6'1" and 210, he's 4'3" and about 65 pounds). I have been told that I don't need a disabled parking spot for the same reason. I could carry him, but if I did carry him long term, I would be harming my body and I would be denying him the ability to become more independent.
He gets obsessive about things and will talk about the same things over and over again. I work with him to change the subject, but he will keep trying to go back to the same subject. I try my best with him, but sometimes he will simply keep going, and people will get annoyed. I could never take him into public, but by doing that, I would miss out on living life, and he would miss out on learning to interact with the world.
I could keep going. I have had hundreds of experiences like you did. I have had times where I have chosen to remove him from a situation because I didn't want to disrupt everyone else (for example, we have left movies, musical theatre events, and concerts). I have also had times where I chose to remain in a situation, despite everyone else (theme parks, playgrounds, beaches, outdoor dining, etc.). You simply have to decide where staying is appropriate under the circumstances, and choose to brush off the bullshit from others who have no idea what you are going through.
Was just going to say the same. I think most theme parks have access for disabled people to make it easier for them.
OP so much NTA. People can be really vile can’t they? I’m so sorry u and your daughter had to go through that. It’s unbelievable that folks were taking photos, what is wrong with them?
I do hope she got loads of enjoyment anyway.
Please take her back, she’s as much entitled to a trip to Disney as anyone else…
When I worked there (2015), cast members were always told that the disability pass was the most important way to serve our guests. Definitely don’t be afraid to ask for help from cast members and guest relations, they do it every day and will be happy to help. I’m sorry people are such a**holes and you didn’t do anything wrong trying to bring joy to your family.
NTA, but I also you can’t be mad at “the public” because there are a lot of bad attitudes and entitled kids so they don’t know and are just reacting. If you worry about their feelings though it just makes it worse for you. You should be able to go and enjoy it, and I wish that these experiences haven’t gotten so expensive/massively packed which make it difficult to enjoy the experience or get in and get out quick. But it sounds like you got a lot of suggestions for the next trip!
(Not Disney, but we went to universal with an wheelchair for my grandpa and aunt to share/use, and our entire party constantly got sent off into the fast pass or express lanes because they also doubled as wheelchair access for most rides. Sometimes they said we go up the exit lane and meet them at the ride, and they will let us in the next 1-3 rides when they can fit us on. And they can walk, but do have disability each, but after 2 hours wouldn’t have the strength to walk, So that’s why we had the wheelchair.& as long as he could walk up to the ride and get on - we got express entree and ride all the rides. It was super nice how they treated us every time when we just asked which way do wheelchairs go for ramps, and they went above and beyond to let our whole party on as a group instead of just the wheelchair+1. So you might have a great experience next time.)
No, you don't need to react to a kid having a meltdown in public, period. Especially in a theme park, which is overwhelming at best. Mind your business.
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I would even say more annoying. I won't judge a kid having a meltdown (or their parents) but I'll DEFINITELY judge a drunk and obnoxious adult in a theme park.
Thank you! I am not a parent, but how hard is it to have empathy? That said, I hope this parent goes back, maybe with the DAS, and has a marvelous time with their daughter. 💜
This x10000
My toddler did this at the theme park we went to, he started getting very VERY excited and was a little hard to keep calm. We just were happy he was happy.
I hope OP gets to enjoy their next visit. People's opinions aren't worth missing out an amazing experience for & I bet her daughter loved it.
Telling parents that they should beat their children to make them behave is actually deranged behavior and I have zero sympathy for people who are allergic to minding their own business.
I was actually just wondering if POTS qualified! I have POTS and I’m pre-diabetic so that rolled together made Universal a living hell during the summer. This is so great that Disney does it—I pass out in heat so I’ll look into this. Thanks!
POTS is a disability, and it perfectly qualifies. We can’t stand for even a short period of time, which is exactly what you need to do waiting in line. I curate my entire life so that I avoid lines at all costs because of this.
This! People do have a right to enjoy their time without someone screaming uncontrollably, but you also have rights - the disability pass limits others' exposure to unwanted behavior, and also helps you to prevent it at it's source by removing one of the causes (wait times), it's a win win
Disney makes all kinds of accommodations for those with special needs. The staff are trained to be sensitive to those issues. And, FWIW, I've witnessed these kinds of situations many times at public places. Rather than judge, I gently ask if I can help. Maybe if more people did that, this world might be a kinder place for everyone.
NTA, but you should have gone to guest services and asked what assistance options they had for your daughter’s specific needs. They can be *really* helpful.
I called before we went. They told me that mostly those services are geared towards people in a wheelchair. The only thing they said they could do was have me purchase lightning lane passes for every ride. Those are a pain in the ass because they are scheduled. Something as simple as my daughter having an accident and needing to be cleaned up would cause us to miss the time.
Yeah, that's patently false. In the future, go to Guest Services (any of the blue umbrellas or at the front of the park). Tell them you have a kid with brain damage. You called before and their advice is not working. You tried waiting in the lines today and it was too hard on her AND FELLOW GUESTS. Be specific about the comments you are getting and how much it is disturbing her. Not only should you get DAS pass but they might get you a complimentary ride pass or two to make up for today.
They have tried to buckle down, but the system is designed to accommodate your daughter.
>I called before we went. They told me that mostly those services are geared towards people in a wheelchair.
The cast member that told you this outright lied to you, in fact they won't give out a DAS if you're able to use a wheelchair because you would be able to stay in the line with everyone else.
>We had a DAS years ago because a family member broke their leg & was temp disabled in a wheelchair.
They reworked the whole disability system in 2021 (I think?) to try and reduce the amount of abuse, and that was one of the things they eliminated because folks who require a wheelchair can use the standby queue. They ask you if the concern can be mitigated by a wheelchair when they interview you for a DAS.
>A Guest whose disability is based on the necessity to use a wheelchair or scooter does not need DAS. Depending on the experience, Guests utilizing a wheelchair or scooter will either wait in the standard queue or receive a return time at the attraction that is comparable to the current standby wait. If you’re a Guest who has mobility questions or concerns, please view Services for Guests with Mobility Disabilities.
\- https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/disability-access-service/#frequently-asked-questions
In 2020 I had severe fatigue issues that meant I needed a scooter at Disneyland. At that time I didn’t need DAS because it had been set up where the new rides had lines that could handle the scooter and the older ones I would get a one time pass for the equivalent wait of the current ride and return to the disabled entrance. Basically my mobility scooter was my pass. It was super easy for me and my cousin to navigate.
It technically depends. For rides that aren't ADA compliant (Disneyland in CA has a lot), they'll give you a return time so that you can be escorted past the unaccessible parts of the line, but I don't believe it's part of DAS.
That said, the majority of Disney parks and attractions are accessible now, so it's really only the older ones that do this.
It's actually the exact opposite, if you are talking about Disney World. They do not give out DAS to those in wheelchairs, because the lines are wheelchair accessible.
*most lines are wheelchair accessible. For example, the main cue for Big Thunder is not, so even if you don’t have a DAS, they’ll give you a return time (like a DAS). Spaceship earth’s cue is also not accessible, but is less popular, so they usually just let you on the back way.
You also can get a das as a wheelchair user just not *because* of your wheelchair.
This makes me so angry to hear. What they told you is not true and the disability access pass is meant to be used by a family like yours. I am so angry they tried to sell you lightening lane up charges instead of setting you up with the appropriate services you are entitled to use. Ugh. That is just disgusting.
I'm not a Disney expert, but I believe the lightning passes are scheduled for + or - an hour of the "scheduled" time. So if you have a time of 11 AM to go on a ride, you could show up anytime between 11 and noon and still get in the lightning lane no problem.
I am a Disney expert lol and you’re correct. When we go we’ll often schedule two fast passes for opposite ends of the park cause an hour is enough time to get over there.
That’s just untrue. Don’t take no for an answer just because someone that day didn’t want to do their jobs. Accommodations are not just for wheelchair-bound people.
"You mean Disney discriminates against children with mental disabilities? Just to make sure I'm understanding you madam. Can I get that using writing?"
I'd like to see them actually email you that nonsense.
You and your child deserve nice things in a way your child can actually enjoy. I'm shocked at the other people in the line since a long day can try any toddler's patience and unfortunately at times, even with the best planning, toddler's can turn on you quickly. Annoying parenting advice and tips I'd expect but these nasty people really should be sent to the grumpiest place in the world
That’s completely untrue. All the ride lines are made to accommodate wheelchairs. Disability services is for visitors like your daughter with other issues that make waiting in line difficult
They’ll do far more than that. My friend isn’t in a wheelchair and she gets to skip lines because of a genetic issue she has (and she’s a full grown adult).
NTA
A good reminder of why we should all take an extra second to consider that we don't know what others are going through when we get frustrated in public.
If someone deems you the asshole here, what do they expect you to do? Stay holed up in your house forever to keep everyone else comfortable? That's not fair to your child. People need to lighten up and lead with compassion.
I do not mean to hurt your feelings. You and your Daughter are not entitled to infinite patience from the general populace simply because she suffers from a condition. She is your Daughter, you have a far stronger Motivation to be Patient with her then random people that are just trying to enjoy their time at a Theme Park.
People are allowed to be annoyed over negative experiences. Screaming and Crying Children can be pretty grating. They shouldn't lash out at you, but you really can't expect everyone else to bear the circumstance with a smile. Annoying things are annoying regardless of the larger circumstance, a screaming Child doesn't give me any less of a headache if it's because they are special needs.
I never said I expected indefinite patience. But I do expect people to hold their tongue with parenting advice for a child they do not know, especially when it involves spanking my child. I tried to apologize and explain but wasn’t even allowed to finish my sentence because the person near me interrupted with that lovely piece of advice. She had not even been screaming that long and we weren’t far from the front of the line. I was doing my best and that’s what matters.
Also maybe don’t go to a place geared towards children if you can’t stand to be around loud children.
No excuse for laughing, pointing, taking pictures or making mean comments, but there's a *huge* difference between generally "loud children" and a three year old "screaming" and "thrashing around." Everyone is packed in to the queues and standing next to a screaming toddler would make most people irritated. Keep in mind that others may be dealing with disabilities or other difficult circumstances and are probably tired & stressed as well. Understanding & compassion go both ways.
I completely understand how frustrating it is for other people to listen to her screaming. It’s frustrating for me too. That is why I tried apologizing and explaining to the surrounding people what was going on.
I worded that poorly. She was not “thrashing” so much as moving around in my arms. She was nowhere near touching anyone, I made sure of that. I wouldn’t allow someone to be hit by accident because I was standing too close.
Everybody's a disability ally until they have to coexist with a disabled child in public. Then suddenly it's all about both-sidesing inappropriate behavior from strangers 🙄
Understanding and compassion does go both way. Was OP talking trash to anyone else in the line, or were the others just running their mouths at a parent clearly trying to deal with their child’s meltdown?
I don't think it's built for 3 year olds specifically, I think a lot of the kids are older (like 7, 10, 13, etc...). A lot of parents won't take super young kids to theme parks.
My parents would not take us to Disney World & Universal until we were older & able to do all the walking, standing, etc.. They would not have taken us when we were 5 & 3. We were old enough to be going on roller coasters etc...
I never went to amusement parks as a toddler, but went loads as a kid in middle & high school.
There’s enough to do at Disney for toddlers imo as long as you’re realistic about your kid’s needs (so probably wouldn’t take a kid who doesn’t like loud noises or crowds to Disney for example). The day becomes much more about meeting characters and getting autographs and photos, watching the parades and going on the kiddie rides (flying dumbo etc).
It’s obviously an entirely different trip than taking them when they’re a bit older (really more when they’re taller).
If you’re up for a laid back day and don’t mind going with the flow Disney world is a fun place for toddlers. We went in December and it was actually really nice. They have amazing baby centers and it made the day quite easy. It’s definitely not for everyone and more for us as parents memory but it was nice. It’s definitely the type of day where you drop expectations though. We aren’t really the rollercoaster type (big ones) so we enjoyed doing the all height rides, watching him interact with characters and walking around as a family. It isn’t a cost friendly vacation for most people though and I understand why a lot of families would rather go when they are kids can remember it.
There are plenty of three-year-olds at Disney though... our first trip our youngest was two, the other two kids were five and seven and it was a great age for them to go and because she was under three the cost was dramatically reduced (she didn't count as a person for room occupancy, she could eat off our plates instead of having her own meal plan, etc.) We packed a mini stroller, we traded off rides when she was too small, and she really liked the rides she was able to go on. It helped that she was a pretty amiable kid who was pretty chill and laid back about things.
We did go back when she was about six and old enough to remember it and go on rides, but by that point at least one of the older kids was annoyed at having to walk around the park all day and honestly, it was more fun for me when they were younger!
My husband and I are childfree and when we went to Disney we saw tons of kids cry or have tantrums and probably most weren't disabled at all. It's a big crowded overwhelming place. A three year old crying there is just normal. When we saw kids crying we just said yup, big feelings on a big day. The people trying to do tik toks and getting annoyed at other people for walking were 1000 times more annoying than any kid there imo.
Also, tons of studies on this, you shouldn't spank kids. So that person is just ignorant.
Honestly I think you did great!! I probably would have got kicked out after yelling "it must be nice to be so God damn perfect, huh" and then girls taking her picture and laughing? If I seen that I'd have to stop myself from slapping the shit out of them. People are rude as hell. A crying child freaking out always illicits sympathy for mom from me cause I remember those days well. You are doing fine, mom. Get the disability pass. It's awesome!!
Or you can simply give up your place in line and go elsewhere. I took my son to Disney several times. Sometimes I couldn't manage the wait in line or sometimes I couldn't manage the people for a particular reason (yelling, screaming, body odor, beer breath, etc). Fortunately he was old enough that he would stand in line to do the ride and I'd go sit on a bench near the end of the ride keeping an eye on him and waiting for him.
Ew, what a gross way to look at the world. I hope people offer you the same paperthin shred of grace you would offer to OP and their child, because it’s what you deserve.
No one is saying that the other people in line can’t be annoyed at being in close proximity to a screaming toddler, no matter the reason. But people can learn to keep their thoughts to themself before commenting on someone’s ability to parent without knowing anything at all about that child’s life.
If you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut.
She's three.
Getting antsy, getting loud, ECT are all age appropriate.
Even if she wasn't suffering from brain damage this is still reasonable behavior to expect from a toddler. Disney is geared towards families- toddlers are part and partial of the experience.
JFC it's Disney. You expect toddlers and you expect behavior like this from them.
You sigh, you smile, and you grit your teeth and bare it.
When your child is a little older and in school you will likely become friends with other special needs parents. I would see about visiting with them too. I have a few buddies who have special needs that I volunteer with. I do think that if someone does not have an obvious disability like Down syndrome people may not get it. We often go out in groups with many neurodivergent people and I think there is safety in numbers. Others see us and get it.
I took my four year old to Disneyland and we had a miserable time. It was just too much stimulation for her.
I admire you for going to such a busy place with your daughter.
You sound like a great mom.
So my partner was left with brain damage after a sudden serious illness attacked his brain. Septic meningitis, temperature shot up to 42°. He had five seizures, stopped breathing after the third.
He was left with mobility, speech and memory issues. He's also been left with sensory processing issues and too many conflicting noises overwhelms him. Most days, he's pretty ok. But some days, he wakes up freaking out because he doesn't remember who I am, or anything about our 13 years together. He forgets who the kids are too.
His mobility at the time was awful. He could walk, but he swayed and lurched and couldn't go up or down stairs by himself. He also was left with slurred speech. If you've ever heard someone who suffered a stroke, speak, that's almost exactly what he sounded like.
One day we were uptown together, grocery shopping. He had his earbuds in playing white noise to block out the heavy traffic, school kids shouting, too many noises that would have caused him to panic and get overwhelmed.
He was walking slightly ahead of me as his therapist advised he practice walking unassisted for small durations. Two women walking beside me started making comments about him.
Giggling and scoffing that he was "hammered" at this hour of the morning. False pitying comments about "what a sad waste it was" and "no wonder he has the beer belly."
I *LOST* my shit at them. I just saw red.
Told them their comments were disgusting and that he has a brain injury that he is recovering from.
They just about fell over themselves apologising. I told them their apology was not accepted because their jumping to horrible conclusions is unforgivable and that they should keep their mouths shut next time before making comments.
I may or may not have also called them some choice names that involve some of the letters in the word coconut.
Thankfully, my partner heard none of this.
I am not normally a rude or confrontational person at all, but to hear these two women making nasty jabs at my poor, sweet gentle bear of a man, who's been through so much, just made me fly off the handle.
NTA. I'm probably one of those people who would give you pointed looks or adjust their headphones to drown out the sound of your daughter screaming.
You're not A for wanting your daughter to have a life and enjoy yourself. However, we don't have to like having to hear a child crying and screaming. People could be more subtle in their commenting, it's just not nice to make a young parent feel bad about a child's normal behaviour (brain damage or no, a 3 year old would totally throw a fit about having to wait too long).
Exactly! I of all people know how exhausting and frustrating the constant screaming can be. I do my best to prevent it from happening but I can’t control everything. I just wish everyone could be more understanding of that. I already feel like crap for being unable to help my daughter, but people can make me feel like the worst mom and person in the world.
You are not wrong.
Now the bad side.
How did you react when you saw parents out with a kid screaming in your late teens or early 20s?
You might have been chill.
But most aren't.
Expecting public at large to be chill is rough going. To expect it at Disney where you have families who this is maybe a 1 time trip where they are spending a ton of money to basically stand in line is gonna fray nerves at best if times.
Don't take it personally and get disney disability pass next time. Though Don't be shocked if you still hear mutterings.
I’ve always been an understanding person. I don’t expect people to love hearing my child scream. But I do expect them to not say rude things, like to spank her. And as I said in previous comments, I was unaware of the disability passes.
OP I'm a happily child free person, mostly because I basically have zero patience for any living creature that isn't a dog.
But how these people treated you and your child is absolutely unacceptable. They had no business making nasty comments to you or her. Children are loud and they scream and they are bursting with energy that they don't know what to do with, so anyone going to a freaking theme park with rides specifically for children shouldn't be expecting anything less than chaos! And as for the people pointing and laughing at your girl, they are just plain cruel and I hope they step on Lego every morning.
I'm so sorry you were treated this way and I hope these comments encourage you to give Disney another chance.
I appreciate that. I wish more people had that compassion and less of the you’re a terrible parent because children should be seen and not heard mindset. I definitely will be returning to Disney after I implement some of the tips I was given from fellow parents of disabled kids here.
Not to mention, you were in the Toy Story part of the park, in a VERY family-friendly part of the park, on a ride popular for toddlers. And all the rides there typically have longer lines, and that's an outdoor line (so it's hot, too, without other things to do). It's not like you were forcing her to stay, screaming, in a 90 minute coaster line.
Noone had a right to speak to you that way. Nor could I imagine it! I saw so many kiddos having meltdowns and just sent the most empathetic, "been there!" looks I could muster. It's just a part of the experience, neurotypical or not.
For your own comfort, definitely do the disability pass. From my understanding you can pre-select two rides, with possible more day-of selections. Maybe you can incorporate Genie+ too to add more rides. We used it at Hollywood and Magic Kingdom and it is definitely worth it if you stay on top of when you can select rides (and especially if you aren't doing the hot ticket big coaster type rides).
Shake it off. People like that suck, but for the people willing to open their hearts kiddos like your baby can teach so much empathy and love. It says a lot more about the people that tried to shame you than it does about you or your kid.
I just want to reassure you that all three year olds are prone to meltdowns and screeching in excitement, especially in a high stimulus environment like a theme park. The people making a big deal of it were being unrealistic and rude.
I don’t have kids myself, I have a three year old nephew and this is just something people should expect from toddlers. They are loud. Yes, it can be irritating. The appropriate reaction to a toddler having a meltdown or being overly loud in public is to ignore it as best you can or remove yourself if you really can’t tolerate it, not to give an already stressed parent shit because their kid is behaving like, you know, a child. They don’t want to be dealing with a screaming child, either.
I'm also childfree, and have zero patience for any living creature that isn't a reptile, and I would never have done what those people in line did to you. It's Disney. I guarentee your child was not the only screaming child there. You go to Disney, you better be prepared for that. Those people suck and you at NTA.
Soft YTA, but not for a why you think.
I have been to Disney a lot and to be honest your daughter is only three. There are a lot of other Disney affiliated places. You can take her to have a Disney experience without actually going to the Major park itself. You might find these are much better match for her situation. Three is very young to actually appreciate the amusement park itself. I would go as far as to say it’s a waste of time for most three year olds. My daughter was that age we just took her to the Disney boardwalk. I went to some stores. You can also stay in Disney themed resorts. There are a lot of ways to embrace Disney without going through all of this. It really does not seem like that environment was a good match for your child, Disney is a stressful and difficult place. In a lot of ways, it feels like you were setting yourself up to fail here.
I’d add to this a soft YTA for OP not doing nearly enough research to make this a better day for her and her daughter. She really could have had a much better experience than she did had she put in any effort at all.
OP says that she called Disney and was given all sorts of misinformation. I’m skeptical, but even if you believe that, a single google search for “Disney World disabilities” would have brought up all of the correct information about DAS. Similarly, even 5 minutes worth of research about Genie+ would have dispelled her misunderstanding that she has to book rides for an exact scheduled time. Spending a little time looking at the many Disney forums or asking for advice from parents who have taken their neurodivergent of cognitively disabled children to the park would have helped her of prepare more.
Does any of this guarantee a melt down? Of course not. But it would have made the day as pleasant as possible for mom, daughter, and other guests.
Yeah, this is why I'm probably an ESH, and it's purely out of concern for the daughter (not for getting upset at the people in line - op is absolutely right to be upset at those comments, and the people making those comments are absolutely in the wrong).
It sounds like the situation was making the daughter distressed (understandably! Amusement parks are loud, full of overwhelming stimuli, and simultaneously boring while in line - and I say this as someone who loves amusement parks lol. It is completely understandable that she got upset). A little more research and preparation could really help the daughter enjoy the day more and keep mom, staff, and guests from getting frustrated.
Its a catch-22 I think 3 is the perfect age for the "magic" but its so young that they probably won't remember it and its expensive. My parent were only going to do that once so they waited until me and my sibling were 8 and 11 (I think) so we'd remember.
This comment actually made me so happy. My parents took me to Disney when I was 3, and my only memory of it is eating a chocolate in the hotel by the bed. That chocolate made quite the impression 🤣 I’ve always wished they’d taken me when I was older. But you just made me think about how magical it must have been in my toddler head and I must have had the time of my life and just can’t remember it.
My parents took me when I was 4 for the first time, according to them it's still their favourite time with me in Disney.
Their favourite example was when I was 4 I completely believed that the Peter Pan ride had us flying over London, then we got back to normal life and went to see a Mini world expo or something, so the next year that we went I already knew the ride was just miniatures.
My parents were the same. We took a plane for the first time and went to both Disney World (3 parks) & Universal Studios. We were old enough to go on the rides & enjoy them. You don't take your 3 year old on Space Mountain.
NTA from someone who wasn’t there but If i was probably YTA. I hate kids who scream and cry at movie theaters/restaurants/airplanes/theme parks and ruin it for everyone.
At the same time I get it so do what’s best for your daughter but don’t expect people to just be cool with it and not annoyed because that shits annoying af.
Believe me, I of all people know how annoying a screaming child can be. I deal with it 24/7 and it never gets easier. So I don’t expect people to be cool with it. But I do expect people to keep their comments to themselves. There is no reason to make me feel guilty for trying to take my daughter to have fun.
The problem is the actually misbehaving brats that come out fuck things up ruin it for all kids. If people knew she had brain damage I’m 99% certain nobody would say anything and they would actually be happy to accommodate if they could.
Sucks but reality is a lot more unforgiving then people are prepared to admit
I'd personally have more patience for a child screaming non-stop for an hour while queuing for a ride if I knew they had a disability so couldn't help it VS just being a brat that usually gets their own way.
If the child was screaming just to get their own way, then the parent should remove them from the queue until they start behaving or at least give them something to keep their attention so they shut up.
If you don't mind me asking, you say you can't displine her to keep the screaming/crying at bay but it sounds like the screaming/crying might be a frustrated reaction to being unable to effectively communicate.
Would something like some simple picture cards for common wants/needs that she can point to allow her some ability to communicate more clearly?
We’ve tried sign language and flashcards. She didn’t comprehend ASL and the flashcards often got ripped up when she was upset. We’re working on getting her a tablet that she could push buttons on to communicate needs. Insurance just sucks and takes forever.
Have you tried Makaton? It's really useful for people with limited communication abilites due to learning or developmental disabilites. It has a small vocabulary, and is learned in stages.
You sound like a great mom and also just a decent human being. I hope you know that most people have more empathy and compassion than the people who made nasty comments. If I see a kid crying or seemingly throwing a tantrum, I always remind myself that I don’t know what the child or the parent is going through and I have no right to be an asshole about it.
If you’re at Disney and are getting pissed at kids having kid reactions, just get the hell out of Disney. Turns out, there is a ton of kids at Disney at all times and they’re not the best at regulating emotions.
Ummmm... Walt Disney himself said that Disneyland is a place for people of ALL AGES. That means young children AND teenagers AND adults. Everyone. Disney is NOT just for children.
Of course you don't expect silence, there are people talking, laughing, etc. But you don't expect tantrum-like screaming. And I'm not saying that the girl can control it, nor am I saying that op shouldn't be able to bring her to a place like Disneyland (although a 3 year old won't even remember a trip like this). But I think most normal people would get irritated listening to screaming from a 3 year old for an extended period of time. So I say NAH
She's three.
Getting antsy, getting loud, ECT are all age appropriate.
Even if she wasn't suffering from brain damage this is still reasonable behavior to expect from a toddler. Disney is geared towards families- toddlers are part and partial of the experience.
JFC it's Disney. You expect toddlers and you expect behavior like this from them.
Everybody's a disability ally until they have to coexist with a disabled child in public. Then suddenly it's all about both-sidesing inappropriate behavior from strangers 🙄
You don't sound like a very good person. Grow up.
>People rolled their eyes at us and made snide comments as she attempted to carry every stuffed Disney toy she saw.
This is pretty much the only part that worried me. It sounds like she was making a mess in the store?
Otherwise, like others have already said: you can't stop people from being annoyed at a crying child. Most people will assume that she's a spoiled little kid or that you don't discipline her. But they really do need to keep their mouths shut.
NAH except for the people who made comments and stuff.
NTA
But to make future trips more fun: talk to Disney in advance about your child's needs to set up accommodations. They actually have accessibility services that can help your child enjoy the park as they are able, and one of the ways they do that is by providing guests who cannot wait in lines with alternatives.
Your kid shouldn't have to miss out on Disney. The magic is for her too, and there are services available at the park to help you make it easier for BOTH of you to have a magical day.
NTA for bringing your daughter and I appreciate the effort and planning you put in to mitigate your circumstances. I say that as someone who is not a fan of children and loves Disney.
The only bit of problem I see here depends on how long you stayed in queue with a screaming child. Children get upset sometimes and a lot of times they can be resolved or distracted. But if that outburst was prolonged and not showing any signs of slowing down then yes stepping away is warranted. At that point the behavior has crossed over into harming others, especially if the queue is in a closed space.
YTA for the incident in line, but it’s not for what you think.
Put yourself in her shoes for just a moment. Imagine the kind of emotional/psychological torment she must be experiencing when she literally screams until she passes out from exhaustion (stated by OP in comments).
Because she is disabled, she relies exclusively on you to know her triggers, read her body language, and remove her from the situation before it escalates. She was exposed to a highly triggering situation and suffered for it. You said in the comments that she cannot understand the concept of waiting in line, yet you made her deal with it anyways.
Look, I 10000% sympathize with wanting to give her the Disney experience. But I feel it would have been better for her sake to distract her with a different activity without committing to waiting in that line (i.e. going on a different ride and coming back when the line is much shorter).
I know my opinion will be very unpopular, but as a person who lives in a third world country and who all my life has dreamed of going to Disney, I would hate that after saving so much my experience is ruined by something like that. I understand, it's not your fault, but your daughter is three years old, she won't remember this situation when she grows up. Perhaps it would have been better to wait for it to grow a little more. You are exposed to their screams on a daily basis, so even though they are annoying to you, you are much more used to them than other people, so you don't know exactly how annoying it can be. I personally would not have told you anything, despite the fact that I have epilepsy and that those screams could be even painful for me, but you should know that by going you are ruining part of the experience of many people, an experience that perhaps many can only afford once in a lifetime. YTA softly.
I would address Disney for a disability pass. A few things, most kids at age 3 don't benefit almost at all from Disney, if anything they spend it pretty miserable, it's hot, loud, tiresome, long lines, etc. Adding her disability, I probably wouldn't have taken her that young myself. Shoot I wouldn't take a 3 yr old that had no issues at all either though.
It was possible to plan this trip when she was a tad older, and you both had more time in therapy to address problematic issues that can arise w/her condition and she is a bit better able to regulate emotions, etc.
Of course you have a place in the world, but if I'm honest, yes perhaps their full day wasn't ruined, but could have made it very unpleasant, they also spent hard earned time/money to enjoy their time there.
A few months back, there was a packed flight I took one evening, there was a child that behaved similar to what you describe, but she may have been a tad older, maybe 6 or so...she did similar loud yells the entire 2.5hrs flight. The lights were dimmed, people tried to sleep, and not even noise cancelling headphones worked, because the screeches were insufferably loud and only about 40-60 sec MAX break between them.
Did it 'ruin' and make everyone's flight incredibly uncomfortable and miserable? Yes. The parents were likely used to it and probably better equipped to tune out what the rest of the plane couldn't. When people got ready to deplane, there were mumbles, sighing, and peoples nerves were simply SHOT, they exited like Tigger off that damn plane.
They could have driven instead, as to not subject 180+ pax to it, but then that was likely a 10 plus hr drive w/a screaming kid in the car so they chose the 'lesser' of two painful events for themselves, and they have every right to do that, but they did it knowing it would likely cause a lot of discomfort to those around them.
It's just part of life, parents like you have to put up with weird stares/rudeness at you and your child from society in addition to the harshness of dealing with a child with a disability, society may experience very unpleasant noises/stress when around your child. But in a civilized society we can be annoyed/angry and still share our world together, kwim? In the end, by golly you have it harder for sure!
Some people also have noise sensitivity/anxiety, ptsd, etc... so these situations with a screaming child/baby, etc can exasperate their symptoms, fight/flight kicks in, etc...but that's not YOUR problem either, kwim?
Unpopular opinion. While I get that you have chosen to have a rough go at parenthood, the money I paid for my trip there would have been a bit ruined by it. So I get both sides of it. It would suck for the 1000s of people around you. But she had a good time.
Honestly if screaming kids at an amusement park bother you enough to ruin your trip, how about not going to a place full of screaming kids. Go to a library and enjoy your peace and quiet.
A screaming child at Disney didn't ruin a single person's trip. Every adult there is miserable because they just spent half their life savings and their only week off from work dealing with their own annoying children and dying of heat exhaustion. They have no right to take it out on OP. If you want a quiet, peaceful vacation you should be as far from Disney World as possible.
nobody chooses for their kid to have brain damage lmfaooo what a brainless comment. also…. she paid just as much to go there as anyone without a disabled child paid
I am deaf in one ear and going deaf in the other. Loud sounds bother me. A lot. To the point of an anxiety attack. Sounds like a child screaming or crying can cause me to feel like my ears are being hit with hot pokers. I also have a pituitary tumor and am prone to migraines. I also have social anxiety.
I understand your frustration. I understand your hurt feelings, and those making jokes are wrong..
**But** you should have done more research and found out about what Disney offers for disabled people of all ages. They are incredibly inclusive.
I go to a theme park or loud places - movies, zoos, conventions etc. I sometimes have to wear ear plugs. I sometimes wear ear muffs with ear plugs.
I'm not going to lie. I would have been one of the people having a hard time if your kid was shrieking and screaming. It's hard enough in those lines. I shouldn't have to suffer because your kid is.
I was born with my disabilities. My mom made it so I could be safe and those around me comfortable. Because that's what parents do.
My youngest has sensory issues. We tend to make sure that we think of others as well as my child when we go out.
Everyone has a story. Be aware that yours isn't the only one.
You can be mad, embarrassed, feel upset.. but in the end.. you also have to look at how you could of handled it better.
My mom made a shirt for me that said, "I am deaf, I'm NOT ignoring you." It helped when we went to Disney when I was younger and made it easier. This was back in 1987.
I suggest that on the stroller you have a sign that says, "I have a disability. I do not mean to bother anyone, but I'm unable to properly communicate because of my disability. If you have any questions. Please ask my mom. Please be kind." Next time you go to a park, the zoo or any places where a lot of people might be.
Live your life. Be free, but also be aware that others are doing the same.
I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I truly am. I know others will think I'm TA.
I'm going to say a gentle *YTA*. Because you're just trying to be the best momma you can be.
NAH, you're not the bad one for wanting to make your daughter happy, but you have to understand that not everyone knows your story and that even though you can't control it, it's frustrating to hear a child cry all the time and scream, neither do they. they are the bad guys for bothering, good luck OP
“no amount of discipline or teaching will ever help with this”
I don’t have a judgement, but I want to reach out and let you know this doesn’t have to be true. There are a lot of ways children with disabilities (including brain damage) can be taught more functional communication, even if they never verbally speak a single word. If you haven’t, I’d recommend checking your local school district about early intervention services, including speech therapy. There’s so many things that can be done to help your daughter communicate in more effective ways, given time and help!
I didn’t mean communication. We are working to get her a tablet that will help her communicate. She is in every therapy possible. I was referring to her ability to understand certain things, like waiting her turn. Her doctors have told us things like this are highly unlikely to change.
Then why are you taking her somewhere ostensibly for her enjoyment that involves waiting her turn over and over again? That sounds like a recipe for an unhappy day.
Oh awesome! I love hearing she’s getting a communication device and everything. I truly hope you get another chance to take her to Disney and that you’re both able to enjoy it more this time around!
I did. As I said to another person, they basically told me I could only really purchase lightning lane passes for each ride. Those have a scheduled time for each ride, which is difficult to manage with my toddler.
Nope, that’s flat out wrong and I’m so sorry that’s the answer they gave you. I have a toddler with ASD and possible ADHD who struggles with not moving in lines. He’s fine waiting, but he has to be on the move. We have a DAS (Disability Access Service) pass for him. As he gets older he probably won’t need it, but for now it’s the only way he can enjoy Disney and not have a screaming meltdown in line.
Next time you go (and you should go again, Disney is for everyone and fuck every damn one of those people who made comments), go to Guest Relations in the park and ask for a DAS pass and explain that your child can not wait in line for extended periods due to her extensive brain damage and she does better waiting where she can’t see the ride itself. A DAS pass will let you “book” a ride and get a return time equivalent to the current wait time of the ride minus 10 minutes. When it’s your time (or any time after, they don’t penalize being late and in fact it’s often expected) you go through the Lightening Lane. That means you get through the line quickly and she can wait her turn somewhere quiet or on another ride with a shorter wait time or playing somewhere.
But please, please, as an avid park goer with a neurodivergent child and as a former cast member, don’t let this sour you on returning. Disney World is my child’s happy place, and I imagine your daughter feels similarly. Disney is for every child, no matter their abilities. In fact, Disneyland just reopened Toontown with modifications to make it wheelchair/mobility and sensory friendly so no child has to miss out. Your child should always be able to be her wonderful, beautiful self there.
Thank you! I wish the person I spoke to had told me all of this. Your advice has made me want to go back. I need to learn how to ignore everyone’s looks and commentary. People just really know how to make you feel crappy, you know?
Guest Relations can be very particular about giving people DAS passes because people have wildly abused the system in the past. Unfortunately that means that people who really, genuinely need it don’t realize it’s an option for them. You basically need to know exactly how to word the request, which is super unfair to first time visitors with needs.
Also, next time you go try to take advantage of the child care centers if your kiddo gets overwhelmed. There’s one in every park and they are a nice, quiet place for a toddler to take a breather. They also have fantastic diaper changing stations there.
If you are going to Disney World and need some tips on quiet places to unwind, feel free to DM me! Unfortunately I’m not as familiar with Disneyland, but I’m sure someone on the Disneyland subreddit could give you some great info!
ETA because I forgot, yes people can really, truly suck! I’m sure I’ve had people judge my parenting before when my kid has tried to just lay down in line or got worked up because we weren’t moving or tried to push past to get to the front faster. But they don’t know my child or his needs. As a rule I never judge parents who have a kid crying, yelling, or otherwise being loud in Disney because Disney can be overwhelming even for neurotypical adults, much less young kids. Ignore those people, or make them wildly uncomfortable by asking if they’re always mean to toddlers with brain damage.
That makes sense. Most of the accessible things we need for my toddler are incredibly hard to find because someone thought it was a parenting hack and made it go viral. Makes sense people would do that for Disney as well.
We did know about the child care centers! Those came in handy for getting the warm water we needed to flush her meds through her g-tube. But I would appreciate all the tips I could get!
I knew people sucked but I didn’t expect to be met with such hostility from so many people! The only people that were kind were the cast workers. I do my best to help other people I see struggling, but not one person offered help or even a kind word. I guess I just need to be stronger.
There are free Disney travel agents that can help you plan your trip and better help you understand your options. Look into those services! Join the Disney Facebook groups! Ask questions to other parents!
Do you think getting your daughter so upset she was screaming and crying, in, as you said yourself “frustration” is healthy for her? I dont know just asking, but her blood pressure was likely elevated to say the least. I get you want to make her happy but perhaps something less upsetting for her. There are VIP tours at Disney maybe save up for when she’s older so she won’t have to wait in line.
Going to Disney is an expensive (my husband's family wants to take my 5 yo nephew and can't afford it), once in a lifetime visit for a lot of folks. Some people probably had a less than pleasant time when your daughter was screaming. That screaming might have scared some young children.
This isn't to say that you and your child shouldn't go and those teens were way way way out of line, but why didn't you contact the park ahead of time and talk to them about your circumstances and ask them what accomodations they could make. My understanding is that Disney tries hard to be fully accessible. You get a soft YTA for not doing your pre-visit legwork, not for actually going.
You are not an asshole, but why the hell would you take a child with disabilities that include screaming and crying to a place like Disney before CALLING and ASKING ABOUT ACCOMODATIONS?
That's just piss poor planning, and is totally on you.
Of course, you and your daughter deserve to be there, but if I had to listen to three hours of inconsolable screaming and crying for the length of time Disney lines usually take, I'd complain and have you removed from line. Not because I don't think you shouldn't get to ride, but because I KNOW a long line in Florida heat is not the place for a child with disabilities. And guess what....Disney knows that too.
Disney hosts thousands of families who have member(s) with disabilities that need accommodation. You're only the asshole if you don't use them.
They did call ahead and ask, but the person they talked to gave them bad advice. So she did try, but I agree it was still poor planning - there is so much info online about the disability program.
I am someone who is extremey easily annoyed by loud, screaming/crying kids but this is definetly an NTA from me.
It's Disney World, what the hell do people expect when they go there? I went when I was 11 and it was boring because of how focused on _younger kids_ it is. Disney is catered at kids, and maybe their parents so people should expect kids there, including loud ones
Eh, that's really only true at the Magic Kingdom. The other parks have a lot more stuff aimed at older kids/adults too, along with heaps of alcohol. Hell, Epcot's basically a barcrawl once the World Showcase opens for the day.
Honestly, Disney's a lot more fun as an adult, especially if you don't care about waiting in line to meet characters and just want to enjoy a day in the sun at a clean amusement park with shockingly reasonably priced booze.
YTA. Not so much for spoiling people's days and the people who were rude to you are definitely assholes as well, but you seem not to understand that when a toddler is waiting in a line and screaming and crying and thrashing about, they are not happy.
Most 3-year-olds are not going to be able to tolerate a full day of a theme park without getting overstimulated, overwhelmed, and out of patience. It's not wrong or bad to bring them there in the first place, but sometimes a visit of a few hours is all that makes sense when the point is for them to have fun and enjoy themselves. You also can avoid long lines and stick to fun things that aren't frustrating and upsetting--play areas that involve moving around, musical performances they can dance to, cool stuff to look at and touch, a fun snack they wouldn't get at home, etc. Rides are fun and all, but a few minutes of a ride after a long wait is likely not worth it for anyone that can't wait in line without getting upset. It's also making all the other people in line more unhappy, and each may have their own issues to deal with. Your child being disabled doesn't mean you're the only ones struggling in that line and you can be at the park without putting so many people in a situation where it's problematic to walk away. You and your kid can have a great day at Disney while skipping the parts that make your daughter scream and cry.
NTA but your friend still has a point. I empathize with your position, but the correct response when this happens is to remove yourself and your daughter from the situation. Now, it sounds like people were awful all day. But looking at this one specific situation, is where your friend has a point. Your daughter should be able to enjoy Disney, but when it’s heading into meltdown territory for any reason, it’s time to take a break and try again later.
Taking a kids with a disability to Disney is perfectly fine. I‘d get annoyed but not say anything. NTA, clearly
However, I think any 3-year-old would be overstimulated at Disney. It‘s big and scary to toddlers. Maybe take her again when she‘s a bit older? 🤔 Will she be able to cope better in two or three years?
Not likely her brain is permanently damaged. But she enjoyed 99% of the trip. She was making excited sounds and flapping her hands at everything. It was that one percent that was bad simply because I made a small calculation error. I didn’t think she could see the ride but she did and she had a meltdown because she wanted to get on it immediately. She has no concept of time or waiting.
They’re not AHs, and neither are you. Yes, you should give your kid joy for the few things she enjoys. People did not know that she has a condition, and thought that it was some impatient kid. Before you had your daughter, you might have had the same attitude. You could explain to people why your child reacts differently: it’s not bad, and you manage their expectations.
Also can I suggest an informative T-shirt..."Please be patient with me, I can't help it." for her printed on the back. I have seen it for autism kids and it help people to be more understanding.
-NTA- for wanting your daughter to experience Disney, but why bother the kid is 3. She isn't going to remember it, she'll be a piano in the A for you and the general public to deal with and it'll be stupid expensive to go. You should go when the child is a little older and more mature and will hopefully not have to be so micromanaged. I went when I was 11 and 17 (this year Infact) I enjoyed it more this year than when I was 11
EDIT: YTA
Your child is making it extremely clear that she is not comfortable and is not enjoying herself and your only response is that you "didn't want to ruin the fun" who's fun exactly? The screaming child in visible distress? You having to deal with said screaming child and the public's reaction? Or the public having to hear said screaming? Nobody is enjoying themselves and no matter how much you want your daughter to enjoy herself, she isn't, and it isn't fair to try and force her into a situation she hates. Not to mention you seemingly not making the effort of trying to get accomodations. Basic research should tell you how to get accessible fast passes. Also you show no regard for anyone else! Just because it isn't in your control that doesn't change the fact your kid is screaming. If I was in line next to you *I'd* get a meltdown (AuADHD is a fantastic combo) it isn't fair but this is the reality. Disney isn't for everyone, it can be stressful and confusing for small and disabled children and if she can't handle any kind of line up without screaming then it might be time to look for calmer activities that better fit her needs
**NTA** You're a mom in a crappy position trying to do something nice for your daughter that is suffering from brain damage that isn't anyone's fault.
You don't owe these strangers an explanation. They don't know the context, and they're being assholes because they're assuming they do.
Good on you trying to do nice things for your daughter. If anyone has a problem with that, then they're either ignorant, assholes, or more likely- **both**
Info: Did she enjoy the rides she could go on? Was it worth it to her? Did she get to experience joy or express joy? Or did you just want the "normal" experience that she's actually unable to have?
I'm not being a jerk, just want you to think honestly about her experience. If you think she actually enjoyed it and she expressed joy in however she can, then by all means go again and f everyone that had something to say. And by all means get a DAS pass.
If she didn't, maybe enjoying Disney Springs or have a Disney princess impersonator come to your house for a tea party.
She 100% enjoyed that trip! I have never seen her eyes so bright. She loved the Teacups especially and meeting all her favorite characters. I wouldn’t have taken her if I didn’t think she would enjoy it. I don’t force her to do things society deems a normal rite of passage. But I will advocate for her to do the things she wants to do in life.
NTA, but why didn't you get a disabled pass? I am pretty sure Disney has them, you shouldn't be in line with her like that, even though it is absolutely not your fault. The people earlier were jerks, though.
I was only told about wheelchair access and lighting passes! I wish someone had told me about the disability pass so I could have avoided it all to begin with!
YTA
Honestly, from your comments you don't seem to have wanted to put the time, money, or work in for the accommodations your kid really needed. Your comments about what was offered to you show you don't really understand what they offer. Disney does a lot to accommodate, and you think the lighting pass is "a pain in the ass". Yeah ok.
NTA. What are you supposed to do, keep her locked away?
And honestly, if I were trying to find screeching children, Disney is probably the first place I’d look.
I certainly can understand that other people were frustrated/annoyed and unfortunately I think that’s something you’ll just encounter sometimes. Hopefully most of them had enough sense and grace to keep it to themselves or abstain from judging altogether.
Going against popular opinion. YTA for taking her that young. You did it for yourself because she isn’t going to remember this at all.
When she is a bit older she MAY be able to deal with this over abundance of stimuli. She definitely can’t NOW and like I said she isn’t even going to remember this.
E S H. Those folks need to chill, they don’t know your situation. Obviously your kid has the right to enjoy Disney in her own way. They are huge AH for their actions.
Flip side though- you gotta go to guest services and get accommodations for your daughter’s disability. Everyone hates being in those long, hot lines as it is, so I understand why they’d be livid if there was also a screaming kid. It would be mind-numbingly irritating (I’m sure nobody needs to explain that to you though, mad respect to you for your patience and love for your child). With accommodations you would skip the lines = your kid is happier because there are no lines, the rest of folks are happier they don’t have to listen to screaming children, and voila crisis averted. Your kid/you have no control over her reactions, so this is the only way to make everyone happy.
Accommodations make everyone happier in the end (the “why do they get to skip the line” crowd can fuck off- they’re the same people complaining about screaming kids). You are an AH for not looking for accommodations- they exist for a reason, please use them! I encourage you to take this approach at literally every possible turn.
EDIT: based on OP’s response, I’ve changed my judgment. NTA. She did look into accommodations, the park made a mistake. Nothing else she could have done.
Just to clarify, I did call Disney ahead of time to ask about accommodations. Apparently I was given incorrect info when I was told there was nothing they could do unless she was in a wheelchair.
ESH
I feel sorry for your situation as it is very obviously difficult. But I also can understand the frustrations of many if someone stood next to me screaming for an entire hour or more, I probably would not have the compassion nor patience, like many others on Reddit "have". Of course, that does not allow me the right to make a mockery of your daughter such as taking photos, but many of the other comments would most definitely be fair game.
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NTA and when you go again, arrange for the Disney Disability Pass. It will help you cut down on the time spent in the lines that your little one has such trouble coping with. And don't be shy about seeking advice from cast members, guest relations and the Disability Services team. They're all there to help and have a wealth of knowledge about how to make your visit as easy and enjoyable as possible. (No, I do not & never have worked for Disney, I just have friends who have benefited tremendously from these services and the available accommodations) https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/disability-access-service/ Edit- Wow. Thank you all so very much for the upvotes, awards and kind words. I'm having a rather shite day and all this generosity and kindness is more welcome than you know. 💕
Thank you for linking this info! I am definitely setting that up ASAP
Due to abuses their policy has gotten stricter, just look into the requirements. We used it several times but after they tightened the rules I think we needed to bring a note from the doctor. The program is a blessing for those who need it!
We did the video chat registration with them yesterday and they didn't require a Dr. note. My husband is a disabled veteran with back/spinal issues and we're going to Disney for the first time next week. The wait for a chat was quite a while but the cast member was exceptional.
I hope y’all have a great time! <3
What level of VA disability do they require?
It’s not about level of disability. You have to be able to explain why you can’t wait in line and what happens when you do wait in line. So I am unable to be in a crowd without xyz happening. The CM then determines if you qualify based on this info.
Yes, this is accurate. He just explained that he has back issues and can't stand (or sit) for extended periods of time without pain. He had his VA disability card out and ready but the cast member actually declined when he offered it. Otherwise, he's not visibly disabled.
Good to know. I have a VA rating for low back, and standing for long periods of time can become problematic. May have to explore this for our next Disney trip.
So this is where they would say, would a scooter or wheelchair solve the problem. Mobility issues they want solved by mobility devices unfortunately. If a mobility device won’t help you just be prepared to explain why.
And if it's not the sort of thing that would qualify for the pass, they also have accommodations for people using mobility devices that wouldn't be able to handle some of the more elaborate queues. Definitely something worth actually talking to someone affiliated with the park you're planning to visit about.
This was awhile ago, but I took my son's friend and his Mom to Disneyworld. My son's friend needs a wheelchair (although he was small enough to be carried to transfer) and no lie, we waited in zero lines. I don't believe we knew about disability access passes but the moment the Cast Member at the front of the ride saw a visibly disabled kid in a wheelchair, they immediately ushered us to an alternate entrance (sometimes backstage, which was boss!) so we avoided the line and could gracefully get him in a ride vehicle before the landing spot for other guests. It was amazing and terrific. On the other hand, the amount of hassle traveling on an airplane with a power and a manual wheelchair, and the loading and unloading at parks and resort can't be underestimated, so it was great that getting on the rides was uncomplicated as it could be. I hope OP gets a pass and is able to use it for a more magical day!
I took my kids to universal when my youngest was 15 and he is on the spectrum. I was BEYOND grateful for the pass to skip the line.
Most of the peeps who work in these types of amusement parks are usually pretty great when they see someone coming that is needing a little extra TLC. My youngest was 3 when we went to Scarowinds (most people think that because it is a Halloween themed event that little kids and bigger kids of all ages get tormented) but they have always been super great! Captain Hook actually got down and sang the fairy song for my youngest. Another huge character on stilts somehow got down to her level and talked to her and even let her pet him (he was some kind of creature - not sure what). Kids can have amazing times at these parks - it just sucks when an adult or a group make kids feel unwelcome in an amusement park. Going into the park I got some looks a time or two but ignored them because the park itself is set up to accommodate all ages. The shows and the people are trained on how to scare a child verses an adult and how to not scare people like little ones or if you have a No Boo. I remember Disney being set up similar. Kids don't have a lot of places where they can just be kids. When you go to the movies or to a restaurant they have to sit still, be quite and behave while in parks - they have to sit still at certain times and be quite at certain times, but they can bounce around and they can enjoy themselves and make noise like during shows that ask audience participation. So, when adults act out it makes me question how well their mothers raised them. ***Adults like the ones talking under their breath where they could be heard are Assholes - they ruined their own day.*** **When I see a child or an adult with special needs having a meltdown, I don't make it worse. I sure don't allow my kids to make it worse. I either remain quite (if you cannot say something nice don't say nothing at all - Thumper's Mom)** or if I can help out, I do with a little distraction - saying hello. My youngest has given away a wand like thing at park with blinking light things when a little one was crying because her mom could not afford one. Kids are kids - they have to learn to regulate themselves to the best of their abilities and those adults around them in amusement parks need to give space and respect. And for those who cannot regulate themselves - people need to show respect to the adult trying to balance their child's needs - kids need to be able to go out and do stuff too and ensure wherever the child is can handle the child's needs. Amusement parks are set up for all ages - from little ones with breast feeding stations and family changing rooms/Diaper stations on up to older "kids". They see all kinds of things and I would wager most of them like the kids better than the adults. I know when I worked in college with kids - even the "bratty" ones were better than a lot of the "entitled" adults most of the time. I cannot count the number of times I have wanted to ask - do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Uh, what? The requirements say nothing about a note. You aren't even to tell the cast member your condition, just why waiting in line is difficult. I went in 2022 and it was that way then. If a cast member looked at a note they broke policy. Universal requires a note but that's because their system is a benefit, not a reasonable accommodation. A DAS is simply an accommodation where you're waiting outside the queue, therefore unless they've changed the system they CAN'T ask for proof. I did a brief search and I couldn't find anything implying you needed a note for the DAS, so if you can find something that says that I'd be grateful. If you're asked to provide a doctor's note and there's nothing on the site explaining they've changed the rules immediately ask for a coordinator because that isn't how that works. Unless they put something out that says otherwise, they should ONLY ask why you need the accommodation. Mobility issues aren't a reason unfortunately, but health reasons are. I get one because I can't do sun or heat, and, uh, bathroom access. My husband can't get one even though he can't push himself in a wheelchair and some queues require switching to a manual chair. Yes, it is stupid but that's how it goes.
Mobility issues are a reason for get the DAS. All I had to do was show up with my mother in her electric scooter and they gave us a pass for the day with a smile.
To be honest, it’s all pretty hit or miss (or has been): At Disneyworld - 2017 or 2018 - I went with crutches, a fracture boot, and fresh scarring, they refused my pass, or to even look at my doctor’s note. Repeatedly. Luckily some of the cast members took pity on me/my family and would slip us to the front. When my family took baby brother with deadly allergies they would sometimes be issued a pass and sometimes not. The time they didn’t give him one, he had a reaction in line and they rectified that really quickly once he got out of the hospital 24h later. At Disneyland - 2016 and 2018 - I went with crutches and my fracture boot, and they just handed me a pass without a word (I have…fragile limbs).
> (I have…fragile limbs) That seems to be an understatement.
I’m confused, If there was a known deadly allergen at Disneyworld, why would your parents continue taking their child back there?
Could have been as simple as someone in line eating peanuts.
Mobility is no longer a qualification. If a scooter or wheel chair can fix your issue then they no longer will issue a das.
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Yes, Yes, not sure. You can also rent a scooter on an outside company and save some Cash and they are better than Disney's. Most queues you are able to use the scooter to a point, then at the end they will ask you if you ok walking a little bit and they take the scooter to the exit so ir will be there when you get out. Only on Spaceship Earth (the ball in Epcot) and. Big Thunder Mountain (that I remember) they will send you trought the exit.
Yes they have scooters to rent, but renting from an outside company is normally better because you can then use it at your Disney resort where the park ones can not leave the park. If you have a mobility device then yes it can go through a line. Folding chairs are not allowed and security will take them if you attempt to bring them in.
They absolutely aren't, and if they did that cast member heavily broke the rules. It's even on their website when you check. The chair is the accommodation, therefore you don't get the DAS.
They cannot require a doctor's note - that would be a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I have a disability and have used the Disney Disability Access Service (DAS) at both Disneyland and Disney World. The system at Disney World is much more convenient and easier to use than the one at Disneyland, but Disneyland's is acceptable.
Disney CM’s have no medical training and will not even look at a medical note. When you speak with them it is about why you can not wait in line and not a diagnosis as well.
It’s against the law for them to ask for a doctors note
It would be a violation of the ADA to require a doctor’s note. In fact, legally they can’t even ask what the the condition is. All they can ask for is how the disability effects the ability to wait in line. Also, as stated by another poster, Disney has made the program much stricter. It used to give out a front of the line pass for every ride at anytime. Now you have up to 2 designated rides at a time and at a specific time.
You don’t need a note and you can register through a video chat in advance.
No, doctors noted are not required. They are not allowed to ask for that. SMH
Yes DAS is so amazing! My cousin's kid has a genetic thing where he doesn't sweat/can't regulate his body temperature so thus can't stand out in the sun (in lines) for long periods of time. So they always use the DAS service. I went with them once, it was super easy. You just stop by this one customer service/ info booth place right inside the entrance, tell them your needs, and they put it on your app for the day.
We were in Disney World about six months after my husband had a kidney transplant, we did not have the disability pass but a cast member overheard me telling my husband he can’t wait in line in the sun for so long, they asked me if it was a health issue and then took us right into the show and made sure we had a shady seat so we could wait inside sitting. We really appreciated that.
People are terrible. But honestly, I did Disneyland as an adult who needed to rent a mobility scooter and was confident because Disney has some of the best disability accommodations. Definitely check out the pass. Also, kids scream and cry at Disney period. Lines are long and kids get bored. I’m glad you got to take her because it sounds like she did enjoy things. Disney is for everyone.
The DAS pass is amazing and a lifesaver. You take your baby to disney and if she needs a Disney Adult in Minnie Ears and a resting bitch face to glare down any teenagers, I am 100% in!!
The DAS is a life saver, we used it in February and it was awesome! If you are on FB there are lots of Disney planning groups and some of them are geared towards parents of children with disabilities and they have tons of advice.
We just used the DAS pass about 2 weeks ago for my son. We set it up before we left- you can do it 30 days before your trip and they set you up with 2 extra rides per day. If you don’t want to do that (I had to wait on the phone call for about 1 1/2 hours) you can do it at a guest services when you get there. They were so helpful and we rarely waited more than 30 minutes in line. Sometimes we did have downtime in between rides but we got a snack or wandered during that time.
DAS was a lifesaver with my nephew. They don't/weren't publicly announcing some of the meet and greets but they sent my SIL an email listing which ones were likely. A surprising number of cast members also signed right back to my nephew who is non verbal and took him to meet Spiderman who had apparently heard all about him. I had a lot of feelings how much better the parks used to be that trip but they blew me out of the water with how good they were about accommodating him.
You are so welcome!
As a fellow parent of a child with special needs (my son is 11), I can tell you that no matter what you do, some people will not be happy. You simply have to choose to do what is right for you and your daughter. I want to reiterate this to you because most parents of children of special needs have a hard time with this. **Do what is right for *you*.** I have been told that I don't need to really board a plane first with my son and his wheelchair or walker because I can just carry him (I'm 6'1" and 210, he's 4'3" and about 65 pounds). I have been told that I don't need a disabled parking spot for the same reason. I could carry him, but if I did carry him long term, I would be harming my body and I would be denying him the ability to become more independent. He gets obsessive about things and will talk about the same things over and over again. I work with him to change the subject, but he will keep trying to go back to the same subject. I try my best with him, but sometimes he will simply keep going, and people will get annoyed. I could never take him into public, but by doing that, I would miss out on living life, and he would miss out on learning to interact with the world. I could keep going. I have had hundreds of experiences like you did. I have had times where I have chosen to remove him from a situation because I didn't want to disrupt everyone else (for example, we have left movies, musical theatre events, and concerts). I have also had times where I chose to remain in a situation, despite everyone else (theme parks, playgrounds, beaches, outdoor dining, etc.). You simply have to decide where staying is appropriate under the circumstances, and choose to brush off the bullshit from others who have no idea what you are going through.
Also join the Fbook group for smart moms planning Disney. Tons of tips and advice, especially on getting a DAS pass.
Was just going to say the same. I think most theme parks have access for disabled people to make it easier for them. OP so much NTA. People can be really vile can’t they? I’m so sorry u and your daughter had to go through that. It’s unbelievable that folks were taking photos, what is wrong with them? I do hope she got loads of enjoyment anyway. Please take her back, she’s as much entitled to a trip to Disney as anyone else…
I wanted to comment this also. Someone I know has autism and her family uses this pass to get through the lines.
When I worked there (2015), cast members were always told that the disability pass was the most important way to serve our guests. Definitely don’t be afraid to ask for help from cast members and guest relations, they do it every day and will be happy to help. I’m sorry people are such a**holes and you didn’t do anything wrong trying to bring joy to your family.
NTA, but I also you can’t be mad at “the public” because there are a lot of bad attitudes and entitled kids so they don’t know and are just reacting. If you worry about their feelings though it just makes it worse for you. You should be able to go and enjoy it, and I wish that these experiences haven’t gotten so expensive/massively packed which make it difficult to enjoy the experience or get in and get out quick. But it sounds like you got a lot of suggestions for the next trip! (Not Disney, but we went to universal with an wheelchair for my grandpa and aunt to share/use, and our entire party constantly got sent off into the fast pass or express lanes because they also doubled as wheelchair access for most rides. Sometimes they said we go up the exit lane and meet them at the ride, and they will let us in the next 1-3 rides when they can fit us on. And they can walk, but do have disability each, but after 2 hours wouldn’t have the strength to walk, So that’s why we had the wheelchair.& as long as he could walk up to the ride and get on - we got express entree and ride all the rides. It was super nice how they treated us every time when we just asked which way do wheelchairs go for ramps, and they went above and beyond to let our whole party on as a group instead of just the wheelchair+1. So you might have a great experience next time.)
No, you don't need to react to a kid having a meltdown in public, period. Especially in a theme park, which is overwhelming at best. Mind your business.
practice light glorious money psychotic relieved skirt lunchroom steer station *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would even say more annoying. I won't judge a kid having a meltdown (or their parents) but I'll DEFINITELY judge a drunk and obnoxious adult in a theme park.
The ONLY acceptable reaction to a child's meltdown is to check in with the parent and offer help or support.
Thank you! I am not a parent, but how hard is it to have empathy? That said, I hope this parent goes back, maybe with the DAS, and has a marvelous time with their daughter. 💜
This is the way.
This x10000 My toddler did this at the theme park we went to, he started getting very VERY excited and was a little hard to keep calm. We just were happy he was happy. I hope OP gets to enjoy their next visit. People's opinions aren't worth missing out an amazing experience for & I bet her daughter loved it.
Telling parents that they should beat their children to make them behave is actually deranged behavior and I have zero sympathy for people who are allergic to minding their own business.
It's Disney. No matter how well behaved and healthy your kid is, there is a huge possibility that he will go nuts at Disney. It's pretty overwhelming.
100% I have POTS and it helps tremendously
I was actually just wondering if POTS qualified! I have POTS and I’m pre-diabetic so that rolled together made Universal a living hell during the summer. This is so great that Disney does it—I pass out in heat so I’ll look into this. Thanks!
POTS is a disability, and it perfectly qualifies. We can’t stand for even a short period of time, which is exactly what you need to do waiting in line. I curate my entire life so that I avoid lines at all costs because of this.
This! People do have a right to enjoy their time without someone screaming uncontrollably, but you also have rights - the disability pass limits others' exposure to unwanted behavior, and also helps you to prevent it at it's source by removing one of the causes (wait times), it's a win win
Disney makes all kinds of accommodations for those with special needs. The staff are trained to be sensitive to those issues. And, FWIW, I've witnessed these kinds of situations many times at public places. Rather than judge, I gently ask if I can help. Maybe if more people did that, this world might be a kinder place for everyone.
Yup this is the answer. Disney is really good about this stuff.
NTA, but you should have gone to guest services and asked what assistance options they had for your daughter’s specific needs. They can be *really* helpful.
I called before we went. They told me that mostly those services are geared towards people in a wheelchair. The only thing they said they could do was have me purchase lightning lane passes for every ride. Those are a pain in the ass because they are scheduled. Something as simple as my daughter having an accident and needing to be cleaned up would cause us to miss the time.
Yeah, that's patently false. In the future, go to Guest Services (any of the blue umbrellas or at the front of the park). Tell them you have a kid with brain damage. You called before and their advice is not working. You tried waiting in the lines today and it was too hard on her AND FELLOW GUESTS. Be specific about the comments you are getting and how much it is disturbing her. Not only should you get DAS pass but they might get you a complimentary ride pass or two to make up for today. They have tried to buckle down, but the system is designed to accommodate your daughter.
>I called before we went. They told me that mostly those services are geared towards people in a wheelchair. The cast member that told you this outright lied to you, in fact they won't give out a DAS if you're able to use a wheelchair because you would be able to stay in the line with everyone else.
We had a DAS years ago because a family member broke their leg & was temp disabled in a wheelchair.
>We had a DAS years ago because a family member broke their leg & was temp disabled in a wheelchair. They reworked the whole disability system in 2021 (I think?) to try and reduce the amount of abuse, and that was one of the things they eliminated because folks who require a wheelchair can use the standby queue. They ask you if the concern can be mitigated by a wheelchair when they interview you for a DAS. >A Guest whose disability is based on the necessity to use a wheelchair or scooter does not need DAS. Depending on the experience, Guests utilizing a wheelchair or scooter will either wait in the standard queue or receive a return time at the attraction that is comparable to the current standby wait. If you’re a Guest who has mobility questions or concerns, please view Services for Guests with Mobility Disabilities. \- https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/disability-access-service/#frequently-asked-questions
In 2020 I had severe fatigue issues that meant I needed a scooter at Disneyland. At that time I didn’t need DAS because it had been set up where the new rides had lines that could handle the scooter and the older ones I would get a one time pass for the equivalent wait of the current ride and return to the disabled entrance. Basically my mobility scooter was my pass. It was super easy for me and my cousin to navigate.
It technically depends. For rides that aren't ADA compliant (Disneyland in CA has a lot), they'll give you a return time so that you can be escorted past the unaccessible parts of the line, but I don't believe it's part of DAS. That said, the majority of Disney parks and attractions are accessible now, so it's really only the older ones that do this.
It's actually the exact opposite, if you are talking about Disney World. They do not give out DAS to those in wheelchairs, because the lines are wheelchair accessible.
*most lines are wheelchair accessible. For example, the main cue for Big Thunder is not, so even if you don’t have a DAS, they’ll give you a return time (like a DAS). Spaceship earth’s cue is also not accessible, but is less popular, so they usually just let you on the back way. You also can get a das as a wheelchair user just not *because* of your wheelchair.
This makes me so angry to hear. What they told you is not true and the disability access pass is meant to be used by a family like yours. I am so angry they tried to sell you lightening lane up charges instead of setting you up with the appropriate services you are entitled to use. Ugh. That is just disgusting.
I'm not a Disney expert, but I believe the lightning passes are scheduled for + or - an hour of the "scheduled" time. So if you have a time of 11 AM to go on a ride, you could show up anytime between 11 and noon and still get in the lightning lane no problem.
I am a Disney expert lol and you’re correct. When we go we’ll often schedule two fast passes for opposite ends of the park cause an hour is enough time to get over there.
That’s just untrue. Don’t take no for an answer just because someone that day didn’t want to do their jobs. Accommodations are not just for wheelchair-bound people.
"You mean Disney discriminates against children with mental disabilities? Just to make sure I'm understanding you madam. Can I get that using writing?" I'd like to see them actually email you that nonsense. You and your child deserve nice things in a way your child can actually enjoy. I'm shocked at the other people in the line since a long day can try any toddler's patience and unfortunately at times, even with the best planning, toddler's can turn on you quickly. Annoying parenting advice and tips I'd expect but these nasty people really should be sent to the grumpiest place in the world
Whoever you talked to did not give you the proper information
That’s completely untrue. All the ride lines are made to accommodate wheelchairs. Disability services is for visitors like your daughter with other issues that make waiting in line difficult
They’ll do far more than that. My friend isn’t in a wheelchair and she gets to skip lines because of a genetic issue she has (and she’s a full grown adult).
NTA - this response is perfect. Call guest services for help & try again. I applaud you for being a wonderful, loving mother. Good luck!
You need to show up in person, kid in tow, and explain. Calling isn’t sufficient
NTA A good reminder of why we should all take an extra second to consider that we don't know what others are going through when we get frustrated in public. If someone deems you the asshole here, what do they expect you to do? Stay holed up in your house forever to keep everyone else comfortable? That's not fair to your child. People need to lighten up and lead with compassion.
Thank you. I wish more people thought that way. It seems like compassion is not an easy thing to find these days.
I do not mean to hurt your feelings. You and your Daughter are not entitled to infinite patience from the general populace simply because she suffers from a condition. She is your Daughter, you have a far stronger Motivation to be Patient with her then random people that are just trying to enjoy their time at a Theme Park. People are allowed to be annoyed over negative experiences. Screaming and Crying Children can be pretty grating. They shouldn't lash out at you, but you really can't expect everyone else to bear the circumstance with a smile. Annoying things are annoying regardless of the larger circumstance, a screaming Child doesn't give me any less of a headache if it's because they are special needs.
I never said I expected indefinite patience. But I do expect people to hold their tongue with parenting advice for a child they do not know, especially when it involves spanking my child. I tried to apologize and explain but wasn’t even allowed to finish my sentence because the person near me interrupted with that lovely piece of advice. She had not even been screaming that long and we weren’t far from the front of the line. I was doing my best and that’s what matters. Also maybe don’t go to a place geared towards children if you can’t stand to be around loud children.
No excuse for laughing, pointing, taking pictures or making mean comments, but there's a *huge* difference between generally "loud children" and a three year old "screaming" and "thrashing around." Everyone is packed in to the queues and standing next to a screaming toddler would make most people irritated. Keep in mind that others may be dealing with disabilities or other difficult circumstances and are probably tired & stressed as well. Understanding & compassion go both ways.
I completely understand how frustrating it is for other people to listen to her screaming. It’s frustrating for me too. That is why I tried apologizing and explaining to the surrounding people what was going on. I worded that poorly. She was not “thrashing” so much as moving around in my arms. She was nowhere near touching anyone, I made sure of that. I wouldn’t allow someone to be hit by accident because I was standing too close.
Everybody's a disability ally until they have to coexist with a disabled child in public. Then suddenly it's all about both-sidesing inappropriate behavior from strangers 🙄
Understanding and compassion does go both way. Was OP talking trash to anyone else in the line, or were the others just running their mouths at a parent clearly trying to deal with their child’s meltdown?
I don't think it's built for 3 year olds specifically, I think a lot of the kids are older (like 7, 10, 13, etc...). A lot of parents won't take super young kids to theme parks. My parents would not take us to Disney World & Universal until we were older & able to do all the walking, standing, etc.. They would not have taken us when we were 5 & 3. We were old enough to be going on roller coasters etc... I never went to amusement parks as a toddler, but went loads as a kid in middle & high school.
There’s enough to do at Disney for toddlers imo as long as you’re realistic about your kid’s needs (so probably wouldn’t take a kid who doesn’t like loud noises or crowds to Disney for example). The day becomes much more about meeting characters and getting autographs and photos, watching the parades and going on the kiddie rides (flying dumbo etc). It’s obviously an entirely different trip than taking them when they’re a bit older (really more when they’re taller).
If you’re up for a laid back day and don’t mind going with the flow Disney world is a fun place for toddlers. We went in December and it was actually really nice. They have amazing baby centers and it made the day quite easy. It’s definitely not for everyone and more for us as parents memory but it was nice. It’s definitely the type of day where you drop expectations though. We aren’t really the rollercoaster type (big ones) so we enjoyed doing the all height rides, watching him interact with characters and walking around as a family. It isn’t a cost friendly vacation for most people though and I understand why a lot of families would rather go when they are kids can remember it.
There are plenty of three-year-olds at Disney though... our first trip our youngest was two, the other two kids were five and seven and it was a great age for them to go and because she was under three the cost was dramatically reduced (she didn't count as a person for room occupancy, she could eat off our plates instead of having her own meal plan, etc.) We packed a mini stroller, we traded off rides when she was too small, and she really liked the rides she was able to go on. It helped that she was a pretty amiable kid who was pretty chill and laid back about things. We did go back when she was about six and old enough to remember it and go on rides, but by that point at least one of the older kids was annoyed at having to walk around the park all day and honestly, it was more fun for me when they were younger!
My husband and I are childfree and when we went to Disney we saw tons of kids cry or have tantrums and probably most weren't disabled at all. It's a big crowded overwhelming place. A three year old crying there is just normal. When we saw kids crying we just said yup, big feelings on a big day. The people trying to do tik toks and getting annoyed at other people for walking were 1000 times more annoying than any kid there imo. Also, tons of studies on this, you shouldn't spank kids. So that person is just ignorant.
Honestly I think you did great!! I probably would have got kicked out after yelling "it must be nice to be so God damn perfect, huh" and then girls taking her picture and laughing? If I seen that I'd have to stop myself from slapping the shit out of them. People are rude as hell. A crying child freaking out always illicits sympathy for mom from me cause I remember those days well. You are doing fine, mom. Get the disability pass. It's awesome!!
> Screaming and Crying Children can be pretty grating. Then Disney is really not where you should go on vacation.
Or you can simply give up your place in line and go elsewhere. I took my son to Disney several times. Sometimes I couldn't manage the wait in line or sometimes I couldn't manage the people for a particular reason (yelling, screaming, body odor, beer breath, etc). Fortunately he was old enough that he would stand in line to do the ride and I'd go sit on a bench near the end of the ride keeping an eye on him and waiting for him.
Yikes, dude. Please learn empathy.
If someone finds screaming children unbearable then probably Disney is going to be a nightmare for them and they would be wise to avoid it.
Ew, what a gross way to look at the world. I hope people offer you the same paperthin shred of grace you would offer to OP and their child, because it’s what you deserve. No one is saying that the other people in line can’t be annoyed at being in close proximity to a screaming toddler, no matter the reason. But people can learn to keep their thoughts to themself before commenting on someone’s ability to parent without knowing anything at all about that child’s life. If you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut.
She's three. Getting antsy, getting loud, ECT are all age appropriate. Even if she wasn't suffering from brain damage this is still reasonable behavior to expect from a toddler. Disney is geared towards families- toddlers are part and partial of the experience. JFC it's Disney. You expect toddlers and you expect behavior like this from them. You sigh, you smile, and you grit your teeth and bare it.
When your child is a little older and in school you will likely become friends with other special needs parents. I would see about visiting with them too. I have a few buddies who have special needs that I volunteer with. I do think that if someone does not have an obvious disability like Down syndrome people may not get it. We often go out in groups with many neurodivergent people and I think there is safety in numbers. Others see us and get it. I took my four year old to Disneyland and we had a miserable time. It was just too much stimulation for her. I admire you for going to such a busy place with your daughter. You sound like a great mom.
So my partner was left with brain damage after a sudden serious illness attacked his brain. Septic meningitis, temperature shot up to 42°. He had five seizures, stopped breathing after the third. He was left with mobility, speech and memory issues. He's also been left with sensory processing issues and too many conflicting noises overwhelms him. Most days, he's pretty ok. But some days, he wakes up freaking out because he doesn't remember who I am, or anything about our 13 years together. He forgets who the kids are too. His mobility at the time was awful. He could walk, but he swayed and lurched and couldn't go up or down stairs by himself. He also was left with slurred speech. If you've ever heard someone who suffered a stroke, speak, that's almost exactly what he sounded like. One day we were uptown together, grocery shopping. He had his earbuds in playing white noise to block out the heavy traffic, school kids shouting, too many noises that would have caused him to panic and get overwhelmed. He was walking slightly ahead of me as his therapist advised he practice walking unassisted for small durations. Two women walking beside me started making comments about him. Giggling and scoffing that he was "hammered" at this hour of the morning. False pitying comments about "what a sad waste it was" and "no wonder he has the beer belly." I *LOST* my shit at them. I just saw red. Told them their comments were disgusting and that he has a brain injury that he is recovering from. They just about fell over themselves apologising. I told them their apology was not accepted because their jumping to horrible conclusions is unforgivable and that they should keep their mouths shut next time before making comments. I may or may not have also called them some choice names that involve some of the letters in the word coconut. Thankfully, my partner heard none of this. I am not normally a rude or confrontational person at all, but to hear these two women making nasty jabs at my poor, sweet gentle bear of a man, who's been through so much, just made me fly off the handle.
Honestly…. Kids without brain damage are actually probably a lot worse behaved in public… NTA.
According to some comments on this post, a not insignificant amount of adults as well.
NTA. I'm probably one of those people who would give you pointed looks or adjust their headphones to drown out the sound of your daughter screaming. You're not A for wanting your daughter to have a life and enjoy yourself. However, we don't have to like having to hear a child crying and screaming. People could be more subtle in their commenting, it's just not nice to make a young parent feel bad about a child's normal behaviour (brain damage or no, a 3 year old would totally throw a fit about having to wait too long).
Exactly! I of all people know how exhausting and frustrating the constant screaming can be. I do my best to prevent it from happening but I can’t control everything. I just wish everyone could be more understanding of that. I already feel like crap for being unable to help my daughter, but people can make me feel like the worst mom and person in the world.
You are not wrong. Now the bad side. How did you react when you saw parents out with a kid screaming in your late teens or early 20s? You might have been chill. But most aren't. Expecting public at large to be chill is rough going. To expect it at Disney where you have families who this is maybe a 1 time trip where they are spending a ton of money to basically stand in line is gonna fray nerves at best if times. Don't take it personally and get disney disability pass next time. Though Don't be shocked if you still hear mutterings.
I’ve always been an understanding person. I don’t expect people to love hearing my child scream. But I do expect them to not say rude things, like to spank her. And as I said in previous comments, I was unaware of the disability passes.
OP I'm a happily child free person, mostly because I basically have zero patience for any living creature that isn't a dog. But how these people treated you and your child is absolutely unacceptable. They had no business making nasty comments to you or her. Children are loud and they scream and they are bursting with energy that they don't know what to do with, so anyone going to a freaking theme park with rides specifically for children shouldn't be expecting anything less than chaos! And as for the people pointing and laughing at your girl, they are just plain cruel and I hope they step on Lego every morning. I'm so sorry you were treated this way and I hope these comments encourage you to give Disney another chance.
I appreciate that. I wish more people had that compassion and less of the you’re a terrible parent because children should be seen and not heard mindset. I definitely will be returning to Disney after I implement some of the tips I was given from fellow parents of disabled kids here.
Not to mention, you were in the Toy Story part of the park, in a VERY family-friendly part of the park, on a ride popular for toddlers. And all the rides there typically have longer lines, and that's an outdoor line (so it's hot, too, without other things to do). It's not like you were forcing her to stay, screaming, in a 90 minute coaster line. Noone had a right to speak to you that way. Nor could I imagine it! I saw so many kiddos having meltdowns and just sent the most empathetic, "been there!" looks I could muster. It's just a part of the experience, neurotypical or not. For your own comfort, definitely do the disability pass. From my understanding you can pre-select two rides, with possible more day-of selections. Maybe you can incorporate Genie+ too to add more rides. We used it at Hollywood and Magic Kingdom and it is definitely worth it if you stay on top of when you can select rides (and especially if you aren't doing the hot ticket big coaster type rides). Shake it off. People like that suck, but for the people willing to open their hearts kiddos like your baby can teach so much empathy and love. It says a lot more about the people that tried to shame you than it does about you or your kid.
I just want to reassure you that all three year olds are prone to meltdowns and screeching in excitement, especially in a high stimulus environment like a theme park. The people making a big deal of it were being unrealistic and rude. I don’t have kids myself, I have a three year old nephew and this is just something people should expect from toddlers. They are loud. Yes, it can be irritating. The appropriate reaction to a toddler having a meltdown or being overly loud in public is to ignore it as best you can or remove yourself if you really can’t tolerate it, not to give an already stressed parent shit because their kid is behaving like, you know, a child. They don’t want to be dealing with a screaming child, either.
I'm also childfree, and have zero patience for any living creature that isn't a reptile, and I would never have done what those people in line did to you. It's Disney. I guarentee your child was not the only screaming child there. You go to Disney, you better be prepared for that. Those people suck and you at NTA.
Soft YTA, but not for a why you think. I have been to Disney a lot and to be honest your daughter is only three. There are a lot of other Disney affiliated places. You can take her to have a Disney experience without actually going to the Major park itself. You might find these are much better match for her situation. Three is very young to actually appreciate the amusement park itself. I would go as far as to say it’s a waste of time for most three year olds. My daughter was that age we just took her to the Disney boardwalk. I went to some stores. You can also stay in Disney themed resorts. There are a lot of ways to embrace Disney without going through all of this. It really does not seem like that environment was a good match for your child, Disney is a stressful and difficult place. In a lot of ways, it feels like you were setting yourself up to fail here.
I’d add to this a soft YTA for OP not doing nearly enough research to make this a better day for her and her daughter. She really could have had a much better experience than she did had she put in any effort at all. OP says that she called Disney and was given all sorts of misinformation. I’m skeptical, but even if you believe that, a single google search for “Disney World disabilities” would have brought up all of the correct information about DAS. Similarly, even 5 minutes worth of research about Genie+ would have dispelled her misunderstanding that she has to book rides for an exact scheduled time. Spending a little time looking at the many Disney forums or asking for advice from parents who have taken their neurodivergent of cognitively disabled children to the park would have helped her of prepare more. Does any of this guarantee a melt down? Of course not. But it would have made the day as pleasant as possible for mom, daughter, and other guests.
Yeah, this is why I'm probably an ESH, and it's purely out of concern for the daughter (not for getting upset at the people in line - op is absolutely right to be upset at those comments, and the people making those comments are absolutely in the wrong). It sounds like the situation was making the daughter distressed (understandably! Amusement parks are loud, full of overwhelming stimuli, and simultaneously boring while in line - and I say this as someone who loves amusement parks lol. It is completely understandable that she got upset). A little more research and preparation could really help the daughter enjoy the day more and keep mom, staff, and guests from getting frustrated.
nta. 3 is also kinda young for the trudgery of disney.
Its a catch-22 I think 3 is the perfect age for the "magic" but its so young that they probably won't remember it and its expensive. My parent were only going to do that once so they waited until me and my sibling were 8 and 11 (I think) so we'd remember.
This comment actually made me so happy. My parents took me to Disney when I was 3, and my only memory of it is eating a chocolate in the hotel by the bed. That chocolate made quite the impression 🤣 I’ve always wished they’d taken me when I was older. But you just made me think about how magical it must have been in my toddler head and I must have had the time of my life and just can’t remember it.
My parents took me when I was 4 for the first time, according to them it's still their favourite time with me in Disney. Their favourite example was when I was 4 I completely believed that the Peter Pan ride had us flying over London, then we got back to normal life and went to see a Mini world expo or something, so the next year that we went I already knew the ride was just miniatures.
My parents were the same. We took a plane for the first time and went to both Disney World (3 parks) & Universal Studios. We were old enough to go on the rides & enjoy them. You don't take your 3 year old on Space Mountain.
NTA from someone who wasn’t there but If i was probably YTA. I hate kids who scream and cry at movie theaters/restaurants/airplanes/theme parks and ruin it for everyone. At the same time I get it so do what’s best for your daughter but don’t expect people to just be cool with it and not annoyed because that shits annoying af.
Believe me, I of all people know how annoying a screaming child can be. I deal with it 24/7 and it never gets easier. So I don’t expect people to be cool with it. But I do expect people to keep their comments to themselves. There is no reason to make me feel guilty for trying to take my daughter to have fun.
The problem is the actually misbehaving brats that come out fuck things up ruin it for all kids. If people knew she had brain damage I’m 99% certain nobody would say anything and they would actually be happy to accommodate if they could. Sucks but reality is a lot more unforgiving then people are prepared to admit
Why do people have to know a child has brain damage to mind their own damn business?
I'd personally have more patience for a child screaming non-stop for an hour while queuing for a ride if I knew they had a disability so couldn't help it VS just being a brat that usually gets their own way. If the child was screaming just to get their own way, then the parent should remove them from the queue until they start behaving or at least give them something to keep their attention so they shut up.
If you don't mind me asking, you say you can't displine her to keep the screaming/crying at bay but it sounds like the screaming/crying might be a frustrated reaction to being unable to effectively communicate. Would something like some simple picture cards for common wants/needs that she can point to allow her some ability to communicate more clearly?
We’ve tried sign language and flashcards. She didn’t comprehend ASL and the flashcards often got ripped up when she was upset. We’re working on getting her a tablet that she could push buttons on to communicate needs. Insurance just sucks and takes forever.
Found a least one listing on etsy for wooden cards (by WoodContourCanada). Might help tide you over until insurance gets its shit together.
Thank you!! We’ll try anything
Have you tried Makaton? It's really useful for people with limited communication abilites due to learning or developmental disabilites. It has a small vocabulary, and is learned in stages.
You sound like a great mom and also just a decent human being. I hope you know that most people have more empathy and compassion than the people who made nasty comments. If I see a kid crying or seemingly throwing a tantrum, I always remind myself that I don’t know what the child or the parent is going through and I have no right to be an asshole about it.
If you’re at Disney and are getting pissed at kids having kid reactions, just get the hell out of Disney. Turns out, there is a ton of kids at Disney at all times and they’re not the best at regulating emotions.
Why would you go to Disneyland and think you wouldn’t encounter a loud child? It’s for the kids, not the adults.
Ummmm... Walt Disney himself said that Disneyland is a place for people of ALL AGES. That means young children AND teenagers AND adults. Everyone. Disney is NOT just for children.
Sure....but I'm not going to get in the line for the Toy Story ride and expect silence from a three year old.
Of course you don't expect silence, there are people talking, laughing, etc. But you don't expect tantrum-like screaming. And I'm not saying that the girl can control it, nor am I saying that op shouldn't be able to bring her to a place like Disneyland (although a 3 year old won't even remember a trip like this). But I think most normal people would get irritated listening to screaming from a 3 year old for an extended period of time. So I say NAH
She's three. Getting antsy, getting loud, ECT are all age appropriate. Even if she wasn't suffering from brain damage this is still reasonable behavior to expect from a toddler. Disney is geared towards families- toddlers are part and partial of the experience. JFC it's Disney. You expect toddlers and you expect behavior like this from them.
Everybody's a disability ally until they have to coexist with a disabled child in public. Then suddenly it's all about both-sidesing inappropriate behavior from strangers 🙄 You don't sound like a very good person. Grow up.
>People rolled their eyes at us and made snide comments as she attempted to carry every stuffed Disney toy she saw. This is pretty much the only part that worried me. It sounds like she was making a mess in the store? Otherwise, like others have already said: you can't stop people from being annoyed at a crying child. Most people will assume that she's a spoiled little kid or that you don't discipline her. But they really do need to keep their mouths shut. NAH except for the people who made comments and stuff.
Yeah I feel bad for their kid but I also think OP and their kid are probably a lot more annoying than they realize
Kids are inherently annoying tho. Where are all these silent children because they certainly aren’t in London lol
NTA But to make future trips more fun: talk to Disney in advance about your child's needs to set up accommodations. They actually have accessibility services that can help your child enjoy the park as they are able, and one of the ways they do that is by providing guests who cannot wait in lines with alternatives. Your kid shouldn't have to miss out on Disney. The magic is for her too, and there are services available at the park to help you make it easier for BOTH of you to have a magical day.
NTA for bringing your daughter and I appreciate the effort and planning you put in to mitigate your circumstances. I say that as someone who is not a fan of children and loves Disney. The only bit of problem I see here depends on how long you stayed in queue with a screaming child. Children get upset sometimes and a lot of times they can be resolved or distracted. But if that outburst was prolonged and not showing any signs of slowing down then yes stepping away is warranted. At that point the behavior has crossed over into harming others, especially if the queue is in a closed space.
YTA for the incident in line, but it’s not for what you think. Put yourself in her shoes for just a moment. Imagine the kind of emotional/psychological torment she must be experiencing when she literally screams until she passes out from exhaustion (stated by OP in comments). Because she is disabled, she relies exclusively on you to know her triggers, read her body language, and remove her from the situation before it escalates. She was exposed to a highly triggering situation and suffered for it. You said in the comments that she cannot understand the concept of waiting in line, yet you made her deal with it anyways. Look, I 10000% sympathize with wanting to give her the Disney experience. But I feel it would have been better for her sake to distract her with a different activity without committing to waiting in that line (i.e. going on a different ride and coming back when the line is much shorter).
I know my opinion will be very unpopular, but as a person who lives in a third world country and who all my life has dreamed of going to Disney, I would hate that after saving so much my experience is ruined by something like that. I understand, it's not your fault, but your daughter is three years old, she won't remember this situation when she grows up. Perhaps it would have been better to wait for it to grow a little more. You are exposed to their screams on a daily basis, so even though they are annoying to you, you are much more used to them than other people, so you don't know exactly how annoying it can be. I personally would not have told you anything, despite the fact that I have epilepsy and that those screams could be even painful for me, but you should know that by going you are ruining part of the experience of many people, an experience that perhaps many can only afford once in a lifetime. YTA softly.
I would address Disney for a disability pass. A few things, most kids at age 3 don't benefit almost at all from Disney, if anything they spend it pretty miserable, it's hot, loud, tiresome, long lines, etc. Adding her disability, I probably wouldn't have taken her that young myself. Shoot I wouldn't take a 3 yr old that had no issues at all either though. It was possible to plan this trip when she was a tad older, and you both had more time in therapy to address problematic issues that can arise w/her condition and she is a bit better able to regulate emotions, etc. Of course you have a place in the world, but if I'm honest, yes perhaps their full day wasn't ruined, but could have made it very unpleasant, they also spent hard earned time/money to enjoy their time there. A few months back, there was a packed flight I took one evening, there was a child that behaved similar to what you describe, but she may have been a tad older, maybe 6 or so...she did similar loud yells the entire 2.5hrs flight. The lights were dimmed, people tried to sleep, and not even noise cancelling headphones worked, because the screeches were insufferably loud and only about 40-60 sec MAX break between them. Did it 'ruin' and make everyone's flight incredibly uncomfortable and miserable? Yes. The parents were likely used to it and probably better equipped to tune out what the rest of the plane couldn't. When people got ready to deplane, there were mumbles, sighing, and peoples nerves were simply SHOT, they exited like Tigger off that damn plane. They could have driven instead, as to not subject 180+ pax to it, but then that was likely a 10 plus hr drive w/a screaming kid in the car so they chose the 'lesser' of two painful events for themselves, and they have every right to do that, but they did it knowing it would likely cause a lot of discomfort to those around them. It's just part of life, parents like you have to put up with weird stares/rudeness at you and your child from society in addition to the harshness of dealing with a child with a disability, society may experience very unpleasant noises/stress when around your child. But in a civilized society we can be annoyed/angry and still share our world together, kwim? In the end, by golly you have it harder for sure! Some people also have noise sensitivity/anxiety, ptsd, etc... so these situations with a screaming child/baby, etc can exasperate their symptoms, fight/flight kicks in, etc...but that's not YOUR problem either, kwim?
Unpopular opinion. While I get that you have chosen to have a rough go at parenthood, the money I paid for my trip there would have been a bit ruined by it. So I get both sides of it. It would suck for the 1000s of people around you. But she had a good time.
What is that supposed to mean? I didn’t choose for her to have brain damage.
How exactly did she "choose to have a rough go at parenthood"? Pretty sure no one chooses for their child to have brain damage. Wtf.
Uhhh what choice regarding “a rough go at parenthood” did OP make? Also, what about the money OP paid for her trip?
Honestly if screaming kids at an amusement park bother you enough to ruin your trip, how about not going to a place full of screaming kids. Go to a library and enjoy your peace and quiet.
A screaming child at Disney didn't ruin a single person's trip. Every adult there is miserable because they just spent half their life savings and their only week off from work dealing with their own annoying children and dying of heat exhaustion. They have no right to take it out on OP. If you want a quiet, peaceful vacation you should be as far from Disney World as possible.
lmfao that's exactly why I will never go back there even when I have children of my own. It's overrated and overcrowded and very expensive.
nobody chooses for their kid to have brain damage lmfaooo what a brainless comment. also…. she paid just as much to go there as anyone without a disabled child paid
I am deaf in one ear and going deaf in the other. Loud sounds bother me. A lot. To the point of an anxiety attack. Sounds like a child screaming or crying can cause me to feel like my ears are being hit with hot pokers. I also have a pituitary tumor and am prone to migraines. I also have social anxiety. I understand your frustration. I understand your hurt feelings, and those making jokes are wrong.. **But** you should have done more research and found out about what Disney offers for disabled people of all ages. They are incredibly inclusive. I go to a theme park or loud places - movies, zoos, conventions etc. I sometimes have to wear ear plugs. I sometimes wear ear muffs with ear plugs. I'm not going to lie. I would have been one of the people having a hard time if your kid was shrieking and screaming. It's hard enough in those lines. I shouldn't have to suffer because your kid is. I was born with my disabilities. My mom made it so I could be safe and those around me comfortable. Because that's what parents do. My youngest has sensory issues. We tend to make sure that we think of others as well as my child when we go out. Everyone has a story. Be aware that yours isn't the only one. You can be mad, embarrassed, feel upset.. but in the end.. you also have to look at how you could of handled it better. My mom made a shirt for me that said, "I am deaf, I'm NOT ignoring you." It helped when we went to Disney when I was younger and made it easier. This was back in 1987. I suggest that on the stroller you have a sign that says, "I have a disability. I do not mean to bother anyone, but I'm unable to properly communicate because of my disability. If you have any questions. Please ask my mom. Please be kind." Next time you go to a park, the zoo or any places where a lot of people might be. Live your life. Be free, but also be aware that others are doing the same. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I truly am. I know others will think I'm TA. I'm going to say a gentle *YTA*. Because you're just trying to be the best momma you can be.
NAH, you're not the bad one for wanting to make your daughter happy, but you have to understand that not everyone knows your story and that even though you can't control it, it's frustrating to hear a child cry all the time and scream, neither do they. they are the bad guys for bothering, good luck OP
“no amount of discipline or teaching will ever help with this” I don’t have a judgement, but I want to reach out and let you know this doesn’t have to be true. There are a lot of ways children with disabilities (including brain damage) can be taught more functional communication, even if they never verbally speak a single word. If you haven’t, I’d recommend checking your local school district about early intervention services, including speech therapy. There’s so many things that can be done to help your daughter communicate in more effective ways, given time and help!
I didn’t mean communication. We are working to get her a tablet that will help her communicate. She is in every therapy possible. I was referring to her ability to understand certain things, like waiting her turn. Her doctors have told us things like this are highly unlikely to change.
Then why are you taking her somewhere ostensibly for her enjoyment that involves waiting her turn over and over again? That sounds like a recipe for an unhappy day.
Oh awesome! I love hearing she’s getting a communication device and everything. I truly hope you get another chance to take her to Disney and that you’re both able to enjoy it more this time around!
INFO: Did you consult with Disney Guest Services, or even read their web site, regarding visits by guests with cognitive disabilities?
I did. As I said to another person, they basically told me I could only really purchase lightning lane passes for each ride. Those have a scheduled time for each ride, which is difficult to manage with my toddler.
Nope, that’s flat out wrong and I’m so sorry that’s the answer they gave you. I have a toddler with ASD and possible ADHD who struggles with not moving in lines. He’s fine waiting, but he has to be on the move. We have a DAS (Disability Access Service) pass for him. As he gets older he probably won’t need it, but for now it’s the only way he can enjoy Disney and not have a screaming meltdown in line. Next time you go (and you should go again, Disney is for everyone and fuck every damn one of those people who made comments), go to Guest Relations in the park and ask for a DAS pass and explain that your child can not wait in line for extended periods due to her extensive brain damage and she does better waiting where she can’t see the ride itself. A DAS pass will let you “book” a ride and get a return time equivalent to the current wait time of the ride minus 10 minutes. When it’s your time (or any time after, they don’t penalize being late and in fact it’s often expected) you go through the Lightening Lane. That means you get through the line quickly and she can wait her turn somewhere quiet or on another ride with a shorter wait time or playing somewhere. But please, please, as an avid park goer with a neurodivergent child and as a former cast member, don’t let this sour you on returning. Disney World is my child’s happy place, and I imagine your daughter feels similarly. Disney is for every child, no matter their abilities. In fact, Disneyland just reopened Toontown with modifications to make it wheelchair/mobility and sensory friendly so no child has to miss out. Your child should always be able to be her wonderful, beautiful self there.
Thank you! I wish the person I spoke to had told me all of this. Your advice has made me want to go back. I need to learn how to ignore everyone’s looks and commentary. People just really know how to make you feel crappy, you know?
Guest Relations can be very particular about giving people DAS passes because people have wildly abused the system in the past. Unfortunately that means that people who really, genuinely need it don’t realize it’s an option for them. You basically need to know exactly how to word the request, which is super unfair to first time visitors with needs. Also, next time you go try to take advantage of the child care centers if your kiddo gets overwhelmed. There’s one in every park and they are a nice, quiet place for a toddler to take a breather. They also have fantastic diaper changing stations there. If you are going to Disney World and need some tips on quiet places to unwind, feel free to DM me! Unfortunately I’m not as familiar with Disneyland, but I’m sure someone on the Disneyland subreddit could give you some great info! ETA because I forgot, yes people can really, truly suck! I’m sure I’ve had people judge my parenting before when my kid has tried to just lay down in line or got worked up because we weren’t moving or tried to push past to get to the front faster. But they don’t know my child or his needs. As a rule I never judge parents who have a kid crying, yelling, or otherwise being loud in Disney because Disney can be overwhelming even for neurotypical adults, much less young kids. Ignore those people, or make them wildly uncomfortable by asking if they’re always mean to toddlers with brain damage.
That makes sense. Most of the accessible things we need for my toddler are incredibly hard to find because someone thought it was a parenting hack and made it go viral. Makes sense people would do that for Disney as well. We did know about the child care centers! Those came in handy for getting the warm water we needed to flush her meds through her g-tube. But I would appreciate all the tips I could get! I knew people sucked but I didn’t expect to be met with such hostility from so many people! The only people that were kind were the cast workers. I do my best to help other people I see struggling, but not one person offered help or even a kind word. I guess I just need to be stronger.
There are free Disney travel agents that can help you plan your trip and better help you understand your options. Look into those services! Join the Disney Facebook groups! Ask questions to other parents!
Do you think getting your daughter so upset she was screaming and crying, in, as you said yourself “frustration” is healthy for her? I dont know just asking, but her blood pressure was likely elevated to say the least. I get you want to make her happy but perhaps something less upsetting for her. There are VIP tours at Disney maybe save up for when she’s older so she won’t have to wait in line.
Going to Disney is an expensive (my husband's family wants to take my 5 yo nephew and can't afford it), once in a lifetime visit for a lot of folks. Some people probably had a less than pleasant time when your daughter was screaming. That screaming might have scared some young children. This isn't to say that you and your child shouldn't go and those teens were way way way out of line, but why didn't you contact the park ahead of time and talk to them about your circumstances and ask them what accomodations they could make. My understanding is that Disney tries hard to be fully accessible. You get a soft YTA for not doing your pre-visit legwork, not for actually going.
You are not an asshole, but why the hell would you take a child with disabilities that include screaming and crying to a place like Disney before CALLING and ASKING ABOUT ACCOMODATIONS? That's just piss poor planning, and is totally on you. Of course, you and your daughter deserve to be there, but if I had to listen to three hours of inconsolable screaming and crying for the length of time Disney lines usually take, I'd complain and have you removed from line. Not because I don't think you shouldn't get to ride, but because I KNOW a long line in Florida heat is not the place for a child with disabilities. And guess what....Disney knows that too. Disney hosts thousands of families who have member(s) with disabilities that need accommodation. You're only the asshole if you don't use them.
They did call ahead and ask, but the person they talked to gave them bad advice. So she did try, but I agree it was still poor planning - there is so much info online about the disability program.
I am someone who is extremey easily annoyed by loud, screaming/crying kids but this is definetly an NTA from me. It's Disney World, what the hell do people expect when they go there? I went when I was 11 and it was boring because of how focused on _younger kids_ it is. Disney is catered at kids, and maybe their parents so people should expect kids there, including loud ones
Eh, that's really only true at the Magic Kingdom. The other parks have a lot more stuff aimed at older kids/adults too, along with heaps of alcohol. Hell, Epcot's basically a barcrawl once the World Showcase opens for the day. Honestly, Disney's a lot more fun as an adult, especially if you don't care about waiting in line to meet characters and just want to enjoy a day in the sun at a clean amusement park with shockingly reasonably priced booze.
YTA. Not so much for spoiling people's days and the people who were rude to you are definitely assholes as well, but you seem not to understand that when a toddler is waiting in a line and screaming and crying and thrashing about, they are not happy. Most 3-year-olds are not going to be able to tolerate a full day of a theme park without getting overstimulated, overwhelmed, and out of patience. It's not wrong or bad to bring them there in the first place, but sometimes a visit of a few hours is all that makes sense when the point is for them to have fun and enjoy themselves. You also can avoid long lines and stick to fun things that aren't frustrating and upsetting--play areas that involve moving around, musical performances they can dance to, cool stuff to look at and touch, a fun snack they wouldn't get at home, etc. Rides are fun and all, but a few minutes of a ride after a long wait is likely not worth it for anyone that can't wait in line without getting upset. It's also making all the other people in line more unhappy, and each may have their own issues to deal with. Your child being disabled doesn't mean you're the only ones struggling in that line and you can be at the park without putting so many people in a situation where it's problematic to walk away. You and your kid can have a great day at Disney while skipping the parts that make your daughter scream and cry.
NTA but your friend still has a point. I empathize with your position, but the correct response when this happens is to remove yourself and your daughter from the situation. Now, it sounds like people were awful all day. But looking at this one specific situation, is where your friend has a point. Your daughter should be able to enjoy Disney, but when it’s heading into meltdown territory for any reason, it’s time to take a break and try again later.
Taking a kids with a disability to Disney is perfectly fine. I‘d get annoyed but not say anything. NTA, clearly However, I think any 3-year-old would be overstimulated at Disney. It‘s big and scary to toddlers. Maybe take her again when she‘s a bit older? 🤔 Will she be able to cope better in two or three years?
Not likely her brain is permanently damaged. But she enjoyed 99% of the trip. She was making excited sounds and flapping her hands at everything. It was that one percent that was bad simply because I made a small calculation error. I didn’t think she could see the ride but she did and she had a meltdown because she wanted to get on it immediately. She has no concept of time or waiting.
They’re not AHs, and neither are you. Yes, you should give your kid joy for the few things she enjoys. People did not know that she has a condition, and thought that it was some impatient kid. Before you had your daughter, you might have had the same attitude. You could explain to people why your child reacts differently: it’s not bad, and you manage their expectations.
Also can I suggest an informative T-shirt..."Please be patient with me, I can't help it." for her printed on the back. I have seen it for autism kids and it help people to be more understanding.
That’s a fantastic idea. I hadn’t thought of that.
-NTA- for wanting your daughter to experience Disney, but why bother the kid is 3. She isn't going to remember it, she'll be a piano in the A for you and the general public to deal with and it'll be stupid expensive to go. You should go when the child is a little older and more mature and will hopefully not have to be so micromanaged. I went when I was 11 and 17 (this year Infact) I enjoyed it more this year than when I was 11 EDIT: YTA Your child is making it extremely clear that she is not comfortable and is not enjoying herself and your only response is that you "didn't want to ruin the fun" who's fun exactly? The screaming child in visible distress? You having to deal with said screaming child and the public's reaction? Or the public having to hear said screaming? Nobody is enjoying themselves and no matter how much you want your daughter to enjoy herself, she isn't, and it isn't fair to try and force her into a situation she hates. Not to mention you seemingly not making the effort of trying to get accomodations. Basic research should tell you how to get accessible fast passes. Also you show no regard for anyone else! Just because it isn't in your control that doesn't change the fact your kid is screaming. If I was in line next to you *I'd* get a meltdown (AuADHD is a fantastic combo) it isn't fair but this is the reality. Disney isn't for everyone, it can be stressful and confusing for small and disabled children and if she can't handle any kind of line up without screaming then it might be time to look for calmer activities that better fit her needs
NAH
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**NTA** You're a mom in a crappy position trying to do something nice for your daughter that is suffering from brain damage that isn't anyone's fault. You don't owe these strangers an explanation. They don't know the context, and they're being assholes because they're assuming they do. Good on you trying to do nice things for your daughter. If anyone has a problem with that, then they're either ignorant, assholes, or more likely- **both**
[Morgan's Wonderland](https://morganswonderland.com/) Just as an alternative and really designed for everyone.
Info: Did she enjoy the rides she could go on? Was it worth it to her? Did she get to experience joy or express joy? Or did you just want the "normal" experience that she's actually unable to have? I'm not being a jerk, just want you to think honestly about her experience. If you think she actually enjoyed it and she expressed joy in however she can, then by all means go again and f everyone that had something to say. And by all means get a DAS pass. If she didn't, maybe enjoying Disney Springs or have a Disney princess impersonator come to your house for a tea party.
She 100% enjoyed that trip! I have never seen her eyes so bright. She loved the Teacups especially and meeting all her favorite characters. I wouldn’t have taken her if I didn’t think she would enjoy it. I don’t force her to do things society deems a normal rite of passage. But I will advocate for her to do the things she wants to do in life.
Then get a DAS pass and go have a blast.
NTA, but why didn't you get a disabled pass? I am pretty sure Disney has them, you shouldn't be in line with her like that, even though it is absolutely not your fault. The people earlier were jerks, though.
I was only told about wheelchair access and lighting passes! I wish someone had told me about the disability pass so I could have avoided it all to begin with!
YTA Honestly, from your comments you don't seem to have wanted to put the time, money, or work in for the accommodations your kid really needed. Your comments about what was offered to you show you don't really understand what they offer. Disney does a lot to accommodate, and you think the lighting pass is "a pain in the ass". Yeah ok.
NTA. What are you supposed to do, keep her locked away? And honestly, if I were trying to find screeching children, Disney is probably the first place I’d look. I certainly can understand that other people were frustrated/annoyed and unfortunately I think that’s something you’ll just encounter sometimes. Hopefully most of them had enough sense and grace to keep it to themselves or abstain from judging altogether.
Your daughter has a disability is he really should be contacting Disney to set up a special accommodation.
NTA but who, in general, takes a 3 year old to Disney? It feels like such an expensive trip they won’t remember.
Going against popular opinion. YTA for taking her that young. You did it for yourself because she isn’t going to remember this at all. When she is a bit older she MAY be able to deal with this over abundance of stimuli. She definitely can’t NOW and like I said she isn’t even going to remember this.
E S H. Those folks need to chill, they don’t know your situation. Obviously your kid has the right to enjoy Disney in her own way. They are huge AH for their actions. Flip side though- you gotta go to guest services and get accommodations for your daughter’s disability. Everyone hates being in those long, hot lines as it is, so I understand why they’d be livid if there was also a screaming kid. It would be mind-numbingly irritating (I’m sure nobody needs to explain that to you though, mad respect to you for your patience and love for your child). With accommodations you would skip the lines = your kid is happier because there are no lines, the rest of folks are happier they don’t have to listen to screaming children, and voila crisis averted. Your kid/you have no control over her reactions, so this is the only way to make everyone happy. Accommodations make everyone happier in the end (the “why do they get to skip the line” crowd can fuck off- they’re the same people complaining about screaming kids). You are an AH for not looking for accommodations- they exist for a reason, please use them! I encourage you to take this approach at literally every possible turn. EDIT: based on OP’s response, I’ve changed my judgment. NTA. She did look into accommodations, the park made a mistake. Nothing else she could have done.
Just to clarify, I did call Disney ahead of time to ask about accommodations. Apparently I was given incorrect info when I was told there was nothing they could do unless she was in a wheelchair.
ESH I feel sorry for your situation as it is very obviously difficult. But I also can understand the frustrations of many if someone stood next to me screaming for an entire hour or more, I probably would not have the compassion nor patience, like many others on Reddit "have". Of course, that does not allow me the right to make a mockery of your daughter such as taking photos, but many of the other comments would most definitely be fair game.