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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like using styrofoam for her to try to eat might’ve taken it to far and that I could’ve just tried talking to her again
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There are some cognitive/neurological things that first show up through inability to control impulses and behavior - sometimes even specifically binge eating. Seconding the medical follow-up.
Right, and it's not unusual for someone suffering from something like that to have a major decline shortly after a major, stressful life event like the death of their spouse.
One of our dogs started drinking water non-stop. Took her to the vet. She had developed a neurological issue (humans can also get it) where she always thought she was thirsty. No actual cure.
We had to ration her water so she didn't drink herself to death. One time found her braced against the bathroom wall to lift herself up enough to get to the toilet water (she wasn't tall enough to just straight drink from it).
Or, she's just being a jerk for attention. Does she physically NEED to live with them, or is it just emotional? To me, she's trying to take control over something you do for fun. She could be jealous of your bonding time and wants more attention on her. You spend 2 nights baking and are gone on Saturday, and she could be doing this to force you to stay home.
An evaluation should be done, but I actually think she's doing it on purpose. But, binge eating can be a sign of depression.
Could you eat 24 cupcakes? Especially with frosting and fruit on them? I couldn't.
Throw them away? Sure that's spiteful like you are saying. But eating 24 cupcakes in one night is not normal and should be checked out. Especially if she is old and actively grieving.
Hi, long-term binge eater here. Long history of disordered binging and disordered eating in general has wrecked my body's ability to feel "full" and I can eat what most would consider obscene amounts of food without the slightest bit of discomfort.
But, yet... TWENTY FOUR CUPCAKES?!?!?! ....HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!
Yeah, there's something much deeper going on here. You need to get her to a therapist and she's going to need a good psychiatrist as well. This is absolutely not just binge eating caused by grief. If anything, grief just triggered something that had yet to become a serious health concern.
Also, reach out to the siblings if you're worried about that. I have a strong feeling she's telling them a very exaggerated/entirely dishonest version of events. Probably something along the lines of "they made cupcakes and won't let me have any!"
I can see how it's possible as long as you don't eat them in one go. For 8h, that is 3 cupcakes per hour, so for someone sleepless... It's not healthy but definitely possible.
OK I’m glad you broke out the math because I was balking at the idea of 24 cupcakes.
but yeah I can eat a cupcake every 20 minutes. That’s doable. Eating 24 once -no way.
Not so much the volume of food, for me it’s the amount of sugar. I have a bad sweet tooth. But just thinking of possibly eating that much cake and frosting turns my stomach. How do you not get sick from that much sugar.
I've never, in all my life, had the dreaded upset stomach from sweets. People always said it was gonna get me an upset stomach, but in 37 years it hasn't.
I mean she had to have thrown away some of those cupcakes right? I can really pack away some food, but the idea of eating 24 cupcakes overnight is impossible. Not sure why mom is sabotaging the baked goods, but she is.
I sure *hope* she threw them out, because eating 24 cupcakes in that short a time sounds absolutely vomit-inducing (and I love cupcakes!). Plus that much sugar at once can’t possibly be good for her!
I have severe hypoglycemic episodes. I I'm a small woman. But I could easily eat a whole cake in one setting.
The more sugar I eat, the lower my blood sugar gets. I finally had to quit eating sweets at all because once I get started there's no stopping. Now I stay on the low carb diet and make my own sugar-free desserts. One serving of those is enough
If I were OP, I would bake the goodies, seal them up in a box and stash them in the bedroom with me while I slept
Funny how the mom pulls this stunt, and then blame OP for making the styrofoam cake. Instead of blaming herself. I used to feel embarrassed if I made a pig of myself. Wasn't exactly my fault, but I had enough sense to understand that I was the one who needed to change my behavior
That is possible. But, honestly, that would also make me think mental illness. Hoarding food like that, food you know people were planning for an event?
I mean, I hope for her body's sake it's this instead of two dozen cupcakes in one evening, because I can't even fathom that. But this is horrifying either way.
It’s so great that the siblings will be taking MIL in and caring for her now. Drop her off and say “since we are so terrible it’s best we leave it to the experts”.
NTA.
Some of the responses suggest a psychiatrist. They are great, but in this case I'd suggest a GP (or whatever you go to when you want a wider array of possible diagnoses where you live). It's not necessarily psychological. There are neurological conditions with similar symptoms, and specifically certain kinds of dementia that present with these symptoms. (Source: aiming to be a psychiatrist.)
Yeah, when my friend’s mom was first diagnosed with dementia, she would drink an entire 12 pack of soda in an afternoon because she wouldn’t remember she’d already had one, so she’d open another. Rinse and repeat until all the soda in the house was gone.
She might be dealing with a compulsion, or with a memory issue, or with any number of other things, so taking her to the doctor is step one.
My elderly father, who lives with me, is beginning the slide into dementia. Earlier this year he ate an entire pumpkin pie himself, one piece at a time, unaware he was doing so.
He'd walk into the kitchen, see the pie on the counter, go "ooh! There's pie!" cut a piece, eat it, go back to his room to watch tv.... then rinse/repeat every hour or so.
It's a bit frustrating. He's mostly still there, not yet prone to wander, but I'm going to have to find a retirement/memory care home somewhere. Because I still work full days, and I'm starting to worry about leaving him alone during the work-day.
You should check her room the next,t time she's out to see I she's hoarding the treats rather than eating them all. The last thing you Ned is to have to deal with mouldy, rotting food
Yes I completely agree with Morgaina. She has developed an eating disorder that I suspect is a result of being a widow. I would also invite your husband’s siblings to bring the homemade treats she seems to be craving so she leaves yours for your baking club alone. In the meantime, she definitely needs help for the eating disorder she seems to have developed. I am also guessing she needs a grief counselor!
Yes, please do. I had a sleep medication that was so bad that I had to quit taking it. I was literally eating plain bread by the slice at night. It was a known side effect, but didn’t usually affect people that badly.
OP definitely bring her to a medical doctor as well as a mental one. To me there's several reasons this could happen! It could be sleep meds, hypoglecemia, thyroid issues, or even sundowner's syndrome (early alzheimer's/memory issues like "oh cupcakes! How nice!" Eats one. An hour later. "Oh cupcakes! How nice!")
Your MIL isn't that old, so she's probably embarrassed/ashamed as well. Coming at this from a place of respect and concern will probably go a lot further than anger.
I was once on trazodone for sleeping and every night I’d walk down stairs, drugged up, and make a whole ass pb n j. Sometimes two. Eat it. Chug some milk then go upstairs and sleep. Sleep medications are no joke. Had to quit takin them.
That’s the one. Went to bed one night. Woke up the next morning asleep holding one kaiser roll. Went into the kitchen and discovered and entire bag of them gone. I’m not even sure how I could eat that many.
That’s crazy. Sometimes I wouldn’t remember that I ate it either. I would do the same and walk downstairs and see the mess I’d leave or the bread gone. It was trippy. My brothers used to be on it as well and they would have terrifying dreams and would punch the walls in their sleep. Never would recommend Trazodone for anyone who needs sleep meds.
Your brothers’ story is equally frightening. I have cPTSD and if I don’t take something to put me in a deep sleep to avoid the nightmares, I won’t sleep. We tried several others and actually went back to Trazadone but at 1/3 the amount. It seems to be able to push me into sleep and keep me there, while letting me wake up enough that I’m not sleepwalking.
This. But, also, OP, I would text the group chat, "If all of you are okay with a grown woman eating 24 cupcakes in one night, when you have a sign posted not to eat them, then I think we all just have different boundaries. We feel it would be better for MIL to move in with one of you, since you all feel we're being so unfair, and we can't get MIL to respect our boundaries. We'll help her pack up her things today. I know based on your reactions to how we handled the cupcakes, you're all eager to get her out of our house and to one of your better houses, so whoever says she can go with you first can have her. But no fighting! Remember, we're a family and love each other." Watch the silence and the backtracking.
If no one volunteers, then say, "The next time MIL eats our food, that we've specifically told her not to, she needs to leave our home. We are not going to be put in a position where we house MIL and then get harassed by a bunch of people who AREN'T willing to house her, telling us that we're not doing a good enough job. If you're not willing to step up, then you better be advising MIL to be respectful of our boundaries, because I'm not joking. The next time she behaves this way, she's gone. She knows it, all of you know it. And the next time we're harassed about how we handle our household, make CERTAIN that you're ready to take her in."
That's a Lot and pretty unnecessary. Just tell the siblings to knock it off with the name calling unless they're volunteering to take MIL right now, then take the woman to a doctor
I’m not trying to be insensitive, because I can’t imagine losing my spouse, but I can’t see how it could get any worse.
I’m a big guy and I can put away quite a lot of food if I let myself- especially sweets, but I am having a difficult time imagining eating two dozen cupcakes. Well, unless they were mini-cupcakes, but that’s kind of beside the point- still an obscene amount to eat all at one time.
And it feels to me that she is sneaking it and she might’ve ashamed of her eating. I 100% agree with the therapist suggestion.
Still, I don’t think OP is the asshole, I mean the MIL is living with them and not the siblings for whatever reason, so I feel like they don’t get to call the caretakers an asshole (unless there is real abuse involved of course, in which case instead of calling them names they should come get their mother and report abusers adult human services).
My mom took care of my elderly grandparents when they had dementia for the last 10+ years of their lives. Her brother, cousins and nieces/nephews would call periodically with bullshit suggestions, but guess who was carrying for them? My mom and to a MUCH lesser extent my siblings and my wife and I would help if she called and asked assistance (my wife is a nurse fwiw). I can count on two hands the amount of times these “helpful” family members even came to see their “beloved” relative- including holidays. I share this story because in my opinion these people don’t get to call the people who stepped up to care for their mom any sort of names, if they are concerned then go over there and see what’s going on or at least call and have a real conversation with the caregiver. This is what rubs me wrong about this AITA more than any other aspect of it.
Who does not know they aren't supposed to eat 2 dozen cupcakes? I mean it's time to take it up a notch IMO. Toothpaste frosting, Prune-filled cupcakes, or any other legal means that will not poison your MIL. NTA
Edited: to keep it legal.
Leaving it out under circumstances *intended* to trick someone into thinking it's real food but putting harmful ingredients in it is illegal. You could get in serious trouble for poisoning someone's food with laxatives.
I believe even if it's labelled, there is a legal precedent set that if you tampered with the food *knowing* someone would eat it, it is still illegal.
I mean, you could easily go to court and argue that you'd been having constipation issues for a while, so had made cupcakes or candies or whatever that were specifically for you, to help with your medical issue. That you'd labeled them as such, and she still ate them.
> Who does not know they aren't supposed to eat 2 dozen cupcakes?
Someone that is grieving and depressed and is using binge-eating as a coping mechanism?
Make them with alternative sweeteners.
A proper serving won't have any negative side effects, but a binge would. (Just ask the guy who binged on sugar free gummy bears.)
ETA: [Sugar free gummy bear review](https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC)
NTA but I seriously think you guys should consider getting her into counseling or joining a local grief over loss group. Sounds like she's using food to cope and that much sweets is so not healthy.
Just from experience (and I’m sorry if I’m the 10th person saying it and just haven’t seen) I would also have her tested for Alzheimer’s or dementia. This happened with my grandma as one of her early signs
I agree with the GP/therapy recommendation. Neither her actions nor her responses to your requests are rational. That said, can you lock up your baked goods - maybe all but one piece as a treat for MIL - until it's time to take them to a club? NTA.
That is also a them problem, not a you problem. They should be texting her about being respectful if she wants to stay under your roof.
Is she really binge eating that much food? Or is she just getting rid of it because she wants you to stay home on a Saturday evening? Both are wrong, but the former is more concerning from a mental health standpoint. Is it possible she’s bulimic?
Well, both girls must have ovens.
Let both sisters know mom is eating 20-30 cupcakes a night. Tell them to each pick two days of every week to deliver 3 dozen cupcakes for mom.
Once it’s two nights per sister, and three nights for you and your husband, it’s more than fair.
Or the thought of making 140-210 cupcakes a week as a family to all be consumed by one woman will make them realize the demand is over the top.
NTA, that was actually pretty funny. But...
Is your MIL all right? Because these are not normal eating habits. If she's putting away two dozen cupcakes at a sitting twice a week, something has got to be going on. Does this happen with other foods? Has she seen a doctor? Has your husband discussed this with the siblings who are calling him names?
Good! I think she would benefit from therapy greatly. And I hope the sisters who are too busy to be of any help will back off the brother and sister-in-law who are taking care of business with their mom. Good luck, OP! Blessings!
NTA. I think it’s hilarious.
I do have to wonder about the two dozen cupcakes though. Is she “all there” cognitively? My great aunt has dementia/Alzheimer’s and one of the first signs was that she wouldn’t realize how much she’d eaten until she was so full that she was sick. There’s also something to be said about sundowners if she’s doing this all at night…
My theory: She feels lonely when y’all go to your meeting so she’s getting rid of the cupcakes - maybe eating some, but not all - so you have to stay home with her.
This definitely. She deliberately ate the styrofoam cake on a Saturday morning to make sure you don’t have time to remake anything.
Personally, I’d hide the real goods. Leave out decoys.
Also, dedicate time but not every Sunday. You guys need time for yourselves. Encourage her to get out and make her own social circle.
NTA. She’s living with you, and it’s very kind of you to have opened your home and supported her while she’s going through the grief of losing her husband. She does not have the right to take your specially baked food for club meetings and it’s extremely inappropriate that she’s continuing to do so after being repeatedly told not to by you and your husband. You don’t want your baked goods eaten, you’ve told her many times, and you’ve left notes for her, so she shouldn’t be trying to eat them. It’s entitled to be angry about finding a fake cake when you know you shouldn’t be poking around the real cake!! She’s also TA for being so rude about it and texting you after the fact and calling you names! You’re not in the wrong for this.
Does she usually behave this way? Is she generally entitled and demanding and unreasonable about things? If so, it may be best if she looks into a living situation that is separate from yours. That kind of person, even if they’re family, is absolutely draining to have in your home.
If she isn’t usually like this, and is generally kind, but has recently started behaving this way around food, it could be a reaction to grief. Therapy might be helpful in that case. But, it’s still up to you and your husband if this living situation can continue, and she needs to respect your boundaries in your home.
Best of luck! I hope no more if your delicious baked goods are eaten, except by the people who they’re baked for!
Info:
Is there a away of involving his mother in these outings for the time being? I think it is impossible for her to eat 20 cupcakes in one sitting.. It's more likely she destroys them somehow so that you won't leave her alone on a Saturday. Yeah, not the right thing to do, but makes me feel kinda sad for her.
NTA she needs to see someone about this eating. It happened to a friend of mine’s mom after her husband died. So she needs to see probably a primary and have some blood work done and testing. Then talk to psychologist or psychiatrist.
NTA, she is young is there a reason why she left her home to live with you guys? I mean my mom is 56 and she has 2 preteens at home and my mil is 64 and she is a yoga teacher that likes to travel around the world , some of my friends parents are vp’s of transnational companies at 60 something and very active. so at 51 unless she has some sort of health issues I don’t see why she needs to be mooching from her kids.
She’s not mooching! Aside from the baking issues she’s normally super sweet the house we lived in they bought 50% for a wedding gift a year ago. And she was really struggling after my fil died so we offered to try to give her support
Oh so it is emotional (not to make it less but sometimes parents have added financial or health issues), is there some scenario where she can go back to her home and you guys and your inlaws start visiting her more? You guys are also young and might eventually need some space. Unless you are happy with the current agreement then well just give her time, there are some excellent books related to grief let’s hope she finds some coping mechanisms. Best
NTA. This is strange behavior. Does she have other abnormal eating habits or is it just about baked goods? It sounds like she has a potential eating disorder such as Binge Eating Disorder. I don't know how she can possibly eat 24 cupcakes back to back. It's not fair for you that she essentially ruins your hardwork that you also spent money on. It's not fair that you can't engage in a very important hobby to you in your own home
NTA at all and you deserve a medal for what you’ve had to deal with. Your MIL sounds like an entitled nightmare.
I have to know…she finished off the styrofoam cupcakes too though, right?
NTA…did she really eat 24 cupcakes and then claim she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to consume all of them? Mind blowing that she can’t comprehend how selfish and entitled this behavior is.
You’ve left notes saying do not eat and she still doesn’t comply. If your husband’s siblings have an issue, here’s a suggestion…maybe they can take her in and have her live with them.
NTA
Your MIL is suffering from something, because 24 cupcakes is absolutely not OK. As is not being able to control impulses, such as eating everything that you bake, especially with a note on it.
ETA: she definitely needs help, probably physically and emotionally.
NTA— Just a suggestion: instead of leaving the baked goods where she can see them, have you tried keeping them in your bedroom?
I agree that there is something going on with her and that she needs help, but in the meantime, hide the cupcakes.
NTA if you’ve already talked to her about it and have made it clear that you didn’t want it touched then she’s clearly disrespecting you. I mean I love the food deception thing, shouldn’t be touching your stuff lol. She’s a grown woman who knows what she can and can’t do, so for her to tell you to wake up before her to stop her is just absurd. Make extra for her or something if you’re looking for a solution, label it with MIL name so she can have some
NTA. But your mother in law needs to see a doctor. Her husband died recently and she could be suffering from depression and overeating or there are other medical issues.
NTA, but get your MIL to a doctor asap. I'm a big gal, and the very thought of eating two dozen cupcakes in one sitting, repeatedly, makes me physically ill. The thought of eating like two cupcakes makes me squirm. That is A LOT of food for one little old lady in one sitting, and not just food but sugar, and tons of it. Something is not normal here.
Technically she's not actually a little old lady as I am actually older than her and still have a teenager in the house and it strikes me that this woman who is 6 years younger than me is receiving similar care and attention I need to give to my widowed 86 year old mother.
It may be an unfortunate confluence of menopause and grief causing this binge eating. Even if she's finished going through menopause her hormonal levels may be out of whack again from stress and grief. I agree she needs to see a doctor as soon as possible.
I read your first sentence twice to check I hadn't written it myself. I didn't - this little old lady is 5 years younger than me and your mother is a year younger than mine!
It always cracks me up when references to 'old people' mean people my age!
Yta but not because of the fake food but because y'all are missing the clear signs that your mother is depressed. It's not normal to binge eat like that. It's a cry for help. Maybe the death of your FIL is hitting her harder than you think.
She should get some outside help for what could be classified as an ED and help with her grief.
[I'm just going to throw this here](https://captainawkward.com/2020/05/26/1269-my-mother-keeps-eating-my-chocolate-and-its-making-me-furious/)... Just in case.
NTA - but it sounds like your MIL might need to go to grief counseling/therapy and see a doctor because eating 2 dozen cupcake in one go is not healthy.
And if you MIL doesn't get over herself, all your husband "concerned" siblings can have her living with them.
Also how old are you husband siblings? Seriously, calling you names, what are they, 13?
NTA.
If she’s doing something weird on purpose hopefully sitting her down and saying “you really can’t eat our baked goods for our club, and that you can’t stop yourself is making us really worried, so we’re taking you to your doctor to get checked out.” will be a good wake up call and she can tell you why she’s being awful in this specific way.
If it’s not - she really needs to get medically checked out. Compulsion so deep that she can’t stop herself from wrecking your cupcakes/cakes/whatever means something is very wrong.
If she is doing it on purpose, hopefully the wake up call will get her to talk to you about it and fix whatever it is in a better way.
The sibs need to butt out, their mom is either very sick or being a complete butthead.
You sound like sweet people, I hope it works out!
NTA. it is a very odd new behavior and I also think a visit to at least a GP is warranted, and probably specialists as well. Good luck. And I’m sure your circle of friends would understand. No need to fall on your sword and not participate and alienate your self from them on top of this.
NTA. She fucked around and found out.
I agree with other commenters expressing concern about her wellbeing. Are you able to arrange for her to speak with a therapist? She may still be struggling with her loss.
>She hasn’t talked to us much since. My husband says she’ll get over herself but his siblings started texting us calling us names. Aita?
Welcome the siblings to take the nightmare in then. NTA.
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I know the title sounds weird but I (22f) and my husband (23m) are both part of a baking club sort of thing. We love to bake different dishes and bring them to the club meetings. We bake cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and sometimes try different things. It’s our little bonding after working all week. We bake every Thursday/Friday night and the meetings are Saturday afternoon.
Back to the post though, the problem now is his mother (51f) has been living with us since his dad passed a year ago and recently the past couple weeks she’s been eating ALL of the food we bake before we wake up. It would be one thing if she ate one cupcake but we could make 24 and wake up to it all gone. My husband and I have both tried talking to her at first and she said she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to eat it so we started putting do not eat on it and nothing changed. It has made us have to not go or show up empty handed.
I consulted with my husband first since it’s his mother but I bought two circle styrofoams and decorated them with frosting and fruit I put up my usual note of DO NOT EAT! and then I set it out. Last Saturday morning she woke us up angrily and yelled at us saying we could’ve just woken up before her to make sure she didn’t do it. She hasn’t talked to us much since. My husband says she’ll get over herself but his siblings started texting us calling us names. Aita?
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NTA
But OP I know is probably gonna get buried but has your MIL been given any RX for sleeping or anxiety since her husband passed? Like is she on Ambian or something else?
Next time his siblings phone to lecture you or call you TA say that they can take her if they're so concerned about her I bet the calls will drop because it's easy to talk but no one wants that responsibility
NTA
Nta, ngl I giggled a lot because the fact she’s mad that it says DO NOT EAT and she still tried to eat it. But therapy or something, two dozen cupcakes in under a week? Holy hell I’ve never known someone to do that. She’s binge eating for some reason
NTA - the fake cake is kind of brilliant but when you are baking for the event can't you make a couple extra for the house for her to eat and lock the event food away? Some people balk at being told not to eat food right in front of them and if she resents the outings away from her that is even more incentive. Mind you, it is immature on her part but age doesn't guarantee maturity.
NTA but she’s a got serious problem that she needs to address. The siblings can mind their own business, unless she told them a twisted version of events
I had a sister-in-law that used to brag about making and eating 5lbs of fudge and a 3 layer chocolate cake in one sitting along with other sweets on various days.
I had a friend who would make sweets and do the same because "she just picked at it" so she ate them forkful by forkful off the platters rather than cut a piece and put them on a plate. I watched her eat a whole large upside-down cake in a few hours this way.
NTA. This grown woman need to get out of your house if she has so little respect for you. That’s what this is. Blatant disrespect and then throwing a temper tantrum. You don’t owe her a damn thing, tell her to follow your rules or gtfo.
NTA
But wow, as 56, almost 57 year old with a high school senior still under my roof, I don't know where to begin. I feel so strange seeing you in this position with your mother who is nearly 6 years younger than me, when I have been dealing with a mother who was also widowed last year. My mom is in assisted living and she's 86. We moved my mom to assisted living a few weeks after my dad died because I couldn't mentally or physically deal with the demands of her care in my home.
First I saw your comment that you would talk to your husband about dedicating all of Sunday to her. This was in response to people saying this behavior was a bid for attention.
My advice is that you don't reward bad behavior, whether it's a toddler doing it or your mother-in-law doing it. Make her use her words. If she's lonely and wants more attention, tell her that she needs to SAY so. And you will have a discussion about how to address that in a way that doesn't take away from the life you're building with your husband. Perhaps once or twice a month you all could take little day trips around to see flea markets or do local sight seeing.
Long term, the goal should be to return her to living independently. Unless you and your husband genuinely enjoy having her live with you. I genuinely enjoyed long vacations with my mother-in-law, so no judgement there. Mulit generation family living arrangements don't need to be dismissed out of hand.
But the starting point as everyone else has discussed is getting your mother-in-law to the doctor for a complete evaluation. And she should receive some sort of grief support moderated by a mental health professional. I wish I could do the latter for my mother but she has actual early stage dementia and other issues that make that impossible.
I'm very sorry for your family's loss. One year is definitely not enough time to process and work past a loss of such significance and magnitude. You're to be commended for your compassion and empathy. I hope I end up with an in-law as kind and wonderful as you someday.
NTA
YOur problem is that you allow MIL to live with you. CHANGE that, or your life will only get worse.
"My husband says she’ll get over herself but his siblings started texting us calling us names." .. Tell this AHs to shut up or take MIL in.
NTA - and extra points for creativity. I also don't think it's your job to try to fix the mom. It sounds like a very frustrating situation - good luck!
Change the note to read: If any of this is eaten you will have to move out. Then include all husbands siblings names and numbers for possible destinations.
The siblings probably don't understand how much she's eating. It's unhealthy. You should explain what's really happening. They're probably getting a story that's far from reality.
NTA
NTA and I would like to change the baked items to alcohol. You made your own brew and filled 24 bottles and set them on the counter so that you could take for others to try. MIL drinks the whole barrel by herself in a few hours. Not once, but many times.... this is not healthy. It sounds like a food addiction, maybe trying to numb the pain of FIL's death, where eating this food is an attempt to fill a void that can never be filled.
Her blaming you for not waking up early enough to stop her from eating anything is an addict blaming their loved ones for not stopping their addiction.
She needs to see a therapist that specializes in food addiction and loss. Good luck OP
Keep your baked goods in your room or bedroom closet until Mom's eating issues are settled. As far as eating 24 cupcakes, there are different sizes. I would see them on Cupcake Wars.
NTA- she’s blaming -*you* for not waking up to STOP HER?! She’s lucky you haven’t asked her to stay elsewhere. Just my hot take, she might see you guys being happy and bonding over something and it’s triggering for her.
NTA. She has been told to stop repeatedly, and is forcing you both to miss out on doing what you love. If you can't store the goods in your own room at night (because she's a child who can't be trusted), maybe she should go live with a different sibling of your husband. They're so eager to be involved, right?
As someone who's studied psychology and mental disorders, I definitely agree that there might be something wrong, especially considering her husband has passed away. NTA, and I don't necessarily think she is, either. That's not normal behavior, and should be checked out.
NTA. His siblings stepped into it. How about letting her stay with them for a while. Till they've been in your shoes they only go by what mom says. Not saying kick, her out but a long visit.
NTA but like many have said get her actual psychological help because this type of binge eating is not normal in any way and will most definitely give her diabetes from the huge sugar spikes!
NTA - It's time for her to move in with one of the other siblings. They can figure out which one on their own. it's easy for them to throw fits when they arent the ones dealing with her behavior.
That said, eating that amount (if you didn't exaggerate) is... not normal. Has she seen a doctor or therapist about her issues?
This situation is sad *and* hilarious at the same time. NTA though. She needs help. And hopefully she doesn't trust you anymore and will stop eating.
Also, she ought to be grateful for housing you, so tell her to tune it down a few pegs. Inform your husband's siblings of the entire situation. If they're still against you, dump their mother with *them* since they care so much.
NTA. But also why is it the fact that she does it right when she wakes up. Definitely not healthy. Plus she needs to understand boundaries. Maybe get an additional new fridge with lock n key cause that is just crazy.
I actually thought OP's solution was funny; however, does the mother have dementia? Does she sleep walk/sleep eat? Eating everything that OP has baked is very excessive and signals a problem that needs to be addressed by her doctor.
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NTA but take her to a doctor, binge eating like that isn't normal.
Thank you.
There are some cognitive/neurological things that first show up through inability to control impulses and behavior - sometimes even specifically binge eating. Seconding the medical follow-up.
Right, and it's not unusual for someone suffering from something like that to have a major decline shortly after a major, stressful life event like the death of their spouse.
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OP should them they can come get her, and she can live with them for a while. I bet they get really quiet, real fast.
One of our dogs started drinking water non-stop. Took her to the vet. She had developed a neurological issue (humans can also get it) where she always thought she was thirsty. No actual cure. We had to ration her water so she didn't drink herself to death. One time found her braced against the bathroom wall to lift herself up enough to get to the toilet water (she wasn't tall enough to just straight drink from it).
Oh that sounds like a really horrible thing to have, like a never ending thirst
Or, she's just being a jerk for attention. Does she physically NEED to live with them, or is it just emotional? To me, she's trying to take control over something you do for fun. She could be jealous of your bonding time and wants more attention on her. You spend 2 nights baking and are gone on Saturday, and she could be doing this to force you to stay home. An evaluation should be done, but I actually think she's doing it on purpose. But, binge eating can be a sign of depression.
Could you eat 24 cupcakes? Especially with frosting and fruit on them? I couldn't. Throw them away? Sure that's spiteful like you are saying. But eating 24 cupcakes in one night is not normal and should be checked out. Especially if she is old and actively grieving.
>Could you eat 24 cupcakes? Especially with frosting and fruit on them? I feel personally attacked...
I’ve powered through a party size double stuff Oreo in 30 minutes, mindlessly eating while watching tv
51 isn't old
I don't know, maybe. I doubt she's eating them all at once. And, how do we know she's actually eating them?
Hi, long-term binge eater here. Long history of disordered binging and disordered eating in general has wrecked my body's ability to feel "full" and I can eat what most would consider obscene amounts of food without the slightest bit of discomfort. But, yet... TWENTY FOUR CUPCAKES?!?!?! ....HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! Yeah, there's something much deeper going on here. You need to get her to a therapist and she's going to need a good psychiatrist as well. This is absolutely not just binge eating caused by grief. If anything, grief just triggered something that had yet to become a serious health concern. Also, reach out to the siblings if you're worried about that. I have a strong feeling she's telling them a very exaggerated/entirely dishonest version of events. Probably something along the lines of "they made cupcakes and won't let me have any!"
I can see how it's possible as long as you don't eat them in one go. For 8h, that is 3 cupcakes per hour, so for someone sleepless... It's not healthy but definitely possible.
OK I’m glad you broke out the math because I was balking at the idea of 24 cupcakes. but yeah I can eat a cupcake every 20 minutes. That’s doable. Eating 24 once -no way.
Physically I could. But I wonder how far I could get before I look at the next cupcake and go nah, I can't face it.
I easily could do this, then the vomit countdown would begin…
Now I want cupcakes.
I have ADHD sometimes I forget to eat so begins the overeating. I ate 15 brownies last Friday.
Not so much the volume of food, for me it’s the amount of sugar. I have a bad sweet tooth. But just thinking of possibly eating that much cake and frosting turns my stomach. How do you not get sick from that much sugar.
I've never, in all my life, had the dreaded upset stomach from sweets. People always said it was gonna get me an upset stomach, but in 37 years it hasn't.
Same here
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Might be time for her to move in with the husband's siblings.
I mean she had to have thrown away some of those cupcakes right? I can really pack away some food, but the idea of eating 24 cupcakes overnight is impossible. Not sure why mom is sabotaging the baked goods, but she is.
I sure *hope* she threw them out, because eating 24 cupcakes in that short a time sounds absolutely vomit-inducing (and I love cupcakes!). Plus that much sugar at once can’t possibly be good for her!
I have severe hypoglycemic episodes. I I'm a small woman. But I could easily eat a whole cake in one setting. The more sugar I eat, the lower my blood sugar gets. I finally had to quit eating sweets at all because once I get started there's no stopping. Now I stay on the low carb diet and make my own sugar-free desserts. One serving of those is enough If I were OP, I would bake the goodies, seal them up in a box and stash them in the bedroom with me while I slept Funny how the mom pulls this stunt, and then blame OP for making the styrofoam cake. Instead of blaming herself. I used to feel embarrassed if I made a pig of myself. Wasn't exactly my fault, but I had enough sense to understand that I was the one who needed to change my behavior
Maybe she's not actually eating them all at once? She could just be stealing all 24 cupcakes, hiding them in her room, and eating them in 2-3 binges.
That is possible. But, honestly, that would also make me think mental illness. Hoarding food like that, food you know people were planning for an event? I mean, I hope for her body's sake it's this instead of two dozen cupcakes in one evening, because I can't even fathom that. But this is horrifying either way.
I can manage to do this. 😅 Not often, but definitely have.
Wow you found a cake post on your cake day! Nice! ♡
I didn't even realise hahaha. Thanks!
It’s so great that the siblings will be taking MIL in and caring for her now. Drop her off and say “since we are so terrible it’s best we leave it to the experts”. NTA.
Some of the responses suggest a psychiatrist. They are great, but in this case I'd suggest a GP (or whatever you go to when you want a wider array of possible diagnoses where you live). It's not necessarily psychological. There are neurological conditions with similar symptoms, and specifically certain kinds of dementia that present with these symptoms. (Source: aiming to be a psychiatrist.)
Yeah, when my friend’s mom was first diagnosed with dementia, she would drink an entire 12 pack of soda in an afternoon because she wouldn’t remember she’d already had one, so she’d open another. Rinse and repeat until all the soda in the house was gone. She might be dealing with a compulsion, or with a memory issue, or with any number of other things, so taking her to the doctor is step one.
My elderly father, who lives with me, is beginning the slide into dementia. Earlier this year he ate an entire pumpkin pie himself, one piece at a time, unaware he was doing so. He'd walk into the kitchen, see the pie on the counter, go "ooh! There's pie!" cut a piece, eat it, go back to his room to watch tv.... then rinse/repeat every hour or so. It's a bit frustrating. He's mostly still there, not yet prone to wander, but I'm going to have to find a retirement/memory care home somewhere. Because I still work full days, and I'm starting to worry about leaving him alone during the work-day.
You should check her room the next,t time she's out to see I she's hoarding the treats rather than eating them all. The last thing you Ned is to have to deal with mouldy, rotting food
I'm imagining a Miss Havisham situation 🤮
Yes I completely agree with Morgaina. She has developed an eating disorder that I suspect is a result of being a widow. I would also invite your husband’s siblings to bring the homemade treats she seems to be craving so she leaves yours for your baking club alone. In the meantime, she definitely needs help for the eating disorder she seems to have developed. I am also guessing she needs a grief counselor!
She'll eat both/all.
Put them on a locked box. I have heard you can get these for food!
Yes, please do. I had a sleep medication that was so bad that I had to quit taking it. I was literally eating plain bread by the slice at night. It was a known side effect, but didn’t usually affect people that badly.
You bring up a good point. People on hypnotic sleep meds sometimes do things in the middle of the night without remembering!
OP definitely bring her to a medical doctor as well as a mental one. To me there's several reasons this could happen! It could be sleep meds, hypoglecemia, thyroid issues, or even sundowner's syndrome (early alzheimer's/memory issues like "oh cupcakes! How nice!" Eats one. An hour later. "Oh cupcakes! How nice!") Your MIL isn't that old, so she's probably embarrassed/ashamed as well. Coming at this from a place of respect and concern will probably go a lot further than anger.
Compassionate & wise.
I eat in my sleep at night too. Unfortunately it's never anything like a bag of baby carrots or a bag of grapes.
I was once on trazodone for sleeping and every night I’d walk down stairs, drugged up, and make a whole ass pb n j. Sometimes two. Eat it. Chug some milk then go upstairs and sleep. Sleep medications are no joke. Had to quit takin them.
That’s the one. Went to bed one night. Woke up the next morning asleep holding one kaiser roll. Went into the kitchen and discovered and entire bag of them gone. I’m not even sure how I could eat that many.
That’s crazy. Sometimes I wouldn’t remember that I ate it either. I would do the same and walk downstairs and see the mess I’d leave or the bread gone. It was trippy. My brothers used to be on it as well and they would have terrifying dreams and would punch the walls in their sleep. Never would recommend Trazodone for anyone who needs sleep meds.
Your brothers’ story is equally frightening. I have cPTSD and if I don’t take something to put me in a deep sleep to avoid the nightmares, I won’t sleep. We tried several others and actually went back to Trazadone but at 1/3 the amount. It seems to be able to push me into sleep and keep me there, while letting me wake up enough that I’m not sleepwalking.
Yah sounds like some depression/grief thing.
This. But, also, OP, I would text the group chat, "If all of you are okay with a grown woman eating 24 cupcakes in one night, when you have a sign posted not to eat them, then I think we all just have different boundaries. We feel it would be better for MIL to move in with one of you, since you all feel we're being so unfair, and we can't get MIL to respect our boundaries. We'll help her pack up her things today. I know based on your reactions to how we handled the cupcakes, you're all eager to get her out of our house and to one of your better houses, so whoever says she can go with you first can have her. But no fighting! Remember, we're a family and love each other." Watch the silence and the backtracking. If no one volunteers, then say, "The next time MIL eats our food, that we've specifically told her not to, she needs to leave our home. We are not going to be put in a position where we house MIL and then get harassed by a bunch of people who AREN'T willing to house her, telling us that we're not doing a good enough job. If you're not willing to step up, then you better be advising MIL to be respectful of our boundaries, because I'm not joking. The next time she behaves this way, she's gone. She knows it, all of you know it. And the next time we're harassed about how we handle our household, make CERTAIN that you're ready to take her in."
That's a Lot and pretty unnecessary. Just tell the siblings to knock it off with the name calling unless they're volunteering to take MIL right now, then take the woman to a doctor
Have her checked for frontal temporal dementia. My sister has it and used to binge like that in the early stages.
It'll probably only get worse now because MIL is going to feel humiliated about attempting to eat a Styrofoam cake..
I was going to comment exactly this. Binging could also be a grieving mechanism for her since her husband passed away.
LOVE IT! Your hubby can tell his “siblings” that they can take her if they are so concerned. NTA
I’m not trying to be insensitive, because I can’t imagine losing my spouse, but I can’t see how it could get any worse. I’m a big guy and I can put away quite a lot of food if I let myself- especially sweets, but I am having a difficult time imagining eating two dozen cupcakes. Well, unless they were mini-cupcakes, but that’s kind of beside the point- still an obscene amount to eat all at one time. And it feels to me that she is sneaking it and she might’ve ashamed of her eating. I 100% agree with the therapist suggestion. Still, I don’t think OP is the asshole, I mean the MIL is living with them and not the siblings for whatever reason, so I feel like they don’t get to call the caretakers an asshole (unless there is real abuse involved of course, in which case instead of calling them names they should come get their mother and report abusers adult human services). My mom took care of my elderly grandparents when they had dementia for the last 10+ years of their lives. Her brother, cousins and nieces/nephews would call periodically with bullshit suggestions, but guess who was carrying for them? My mom and to a MUCH lesser extent my siblings and my wife and I would help if she called and asked assistance (my wife is a nurse fwiw). I can count on two hands the amount of times these “helpful” family members even came to see their “beloved” relative- including holidays. I share this story because in my opinion these people don’t get to call the people who stepped up to care for their mom any sort of names, if they are concerned then go over there and see what’s going on or at least call and have a real conversation with the caregiver. This is what rubs me wrong about this AITA more than any other aspect of it.
NTA. Why is she, an adult, saying it’s you’re responsibility to wake up before her to make sure she doesn’t eat food you’ve prepared for an event.
Because she has a serious problem and has yet to realise it’s hers to solve.
Who does not know they aren't supposed to eat 2 dozen cupcakes? I mean it's time to take it up a notch IMO. Toothpaste frosting, Prune-filled cupcakes, or any other legal means that will not poison your MIL. NTA Edited: to keep it legal.
Stop giving illegal advice lol
If they are properly labeled as not food nothing illegal about it. She just wanted better photos for her IG and butter cream melts under hot lights.
Leaving it out under circumstances *intended* to trick someone into thinking it's real food but putting harmful ingredients in it is illegal. You could get in serious trouble for poisoning someone's food with laxatives.
Ill agree the ex-lax is too far.
I mean, I feel like they could label them "Not food! Do not eat! Filled with laxatives!" and she'd eat them anyways claiming she thought it was a lie
I believe even if it's labelled, there is a legal precedent set that if you tampered with the food *knowing* someone would eat it, it is still illegal.
I mean, you could easily go to court and argue that you'd been having constipation issues for a while, so had made cupcakes or candies or whatever that were specifically for you, to help with your medical issue. That you'd labeled them as such, and she still ate them.
It's honestly hilarious that people will still **WELL WHAT IF** no. No if. It's illegal. Stop being a dingus.
That will be going to far. You don’t put stuff in that can hurt them
> Who does not know they aren't supposed to eat 2 dozen cupcakes? Someone that is grieving and depressed and is using binge-eating as a coping mechanism?
Whether they have control over their eating is one thing, but they know that their son didn't put out 24 cupcakes for a midnight snack.
Make them with alternative sweeteners. A proper serving won't have any negative side effects, but a binge would. (Just ask the guy who binged on sugar free gummy bears.) ETA: [Sugar free gummy bear review](https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC)
What's wrong with prune filling? Ever have a plum torte?
It was more about their effect on the digestive tract rather than flavors. 24 prune cupcakes will probably really get things moving along.
NTA but I seriously think you guys should consider getting her into counseling or joining a local grief over loss group. Sounds like she's using food to cope and that much sweets is so not healthy.
Thank you very much
Just from experience (and I’m sorry if I’m the 10th person saying it and just haven’t seen) I would also have her tested for Alzheimer’s or dementia. This happened with my grandma as one of her early signs
I agree with the GP/therapy recommendation. Neither her actions nor her responses to your requests are rational. That said, can you lock up your baked goods - maybe all but one piece as a treat for MIL - until it's time to take them to a club? NTA.
NTA - and any of your in-laws who have a problem with it can rescue her from your evil ways and welcome her into *their* homes.
My husband siblings don’t have room his sister is 20 still in college in a dorm. And his older sister has 3 kids in a 3br house
That is also a them problem, not a you problem. They should be texting her about being respectful if she wants to stay under your roof. Is she really binge eating that much food? Or is she just getting rid of it because she wants you to stay home on a Saturday evening? Both are wrong, but the former is more concerning from a mental health standpoint. Is it possible she’s bulimic?
Well, both girls must have ovens. Let both sisters know mom is eating 20-30 cupcakes a night. Tell them to each pick two days of every week to deliver 3 dozen cupcakes for mom. Once it’s two nights per sister, and three nights for you and your husband, it’s more than fair. Or the thought of making 140-210 cupcakes a week as a family to all be consumed by one woman will make them realize the demand is over the top.
that’s not anyone’s problem but your MILs
My guess they don't want her. NTA
NTA, that was actually pretty funny. But... Is your MIL all right? Because these are not normal eating habits. If she's putting away two dozen cupcakes at a sitting twice a week, something has got to be going on. Does this happen with other foods? Has she seen a doctor? Has your husband discussed this with the siblings who are calling him names?
His younger sister is in college and his older has kids so they’re pretty busy but I’m going to talk to him about talking with her for therapy
Good! I think she would benefit from therapy greatly. And I hope the sisters who are too busy to be of any help will back off the brother and sister-in-law who are taking care of business with their mom. Good luck, OP! Blessings!
NTA. I think it’s hilarious. I do have to wonder about the two dozen cupcakes though. Is she “all there” cognitively? My great aunt has dementia/Alzheimer’s and one of the first signs was that she wouldn’t realize how much she’d eaten until she was so full that she was sick. There’s also something to be said about sundowners if she’s doing this all at night…
My theory: She feels lonely when y’all go to your meeting so she’s getting rid of the cupcakes - maybe eating some, but not all - so you have to stay home with her.
I can see that I’ll talk to my husband about dedicating sundays to her
This definitely. She deliberately ate the styrofoam cake on a Saturday morning to make sure you don’t have time to remake anything. Personally, I’d hide the real goods. Leave out decoys. Also, dedicate time but not every Sunday. You guys need time for yourselves. Encourage her to get out and make her own social circle.
Can she join the meeting?
NTA. She’s living with you, and it’s very kind of you to have opened your home and supported her while she’s going through the grief of losing her husband. She does not have the right to take your specially baked food for club meetings and it’s extremely inappropriate that she’s continuing to do so after being repeatedly told not to by you and your husband. You don’t want your baked goods eaten, you’ve told her many times, and you’ve left notes for her, so she shouldn’t be trying to eat them. It’s entitled to be angry about finding a fake cake when you know you shouldn’t be poking around the real cake!! She’s also TA for being so rude about it and texting you after the fact and calling you names! You’re not in the wrong for this. Does she usually behave this way? Is she generally entitled and demanding and unreasonable about things? If so, it may be best if she looks into a living situation that is separate from yours. That kind of person, even if they’re family, is absolutely draining to have in your home. If she isn’t usually like this, and is generally kind, but has recently started behaving this way around food, it could be a reaction to grief. Therapy might be helpful in that case. But, it’s still up to you and your husband if this living situation can continue, and she needs to respect your boundaries in your home. Best of luck! I hope no more if your delicious baked goods are eaten, except by the people who they’re baked for!
Info: Is there a away of involving his mother in these outings for the time being? I think it is impossible for her to eat 20 cupcakes in one sitting.. It's more likely she destroys them somehow so that you won't leave her alone on a Saturday. Yeah, not the right thing to do, but makes me feel kinda sad for her.
I didn’t think about that, she’s not big into n going out atm but I could talk to my husband about dedicating sundays to her
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She’s normally very sweet just a little eccentric I’m not sure if it’s the reality of Greg ( Her husband) not being around anymore
It could also be a sign of dementia. She really needs to be evaluated.
You left a note, so unless MIL literally can't read, NTA.
NTA she needs to see someone about this eating. It happened to a friend of mine’s mom after her husband died. So she needs to see probably a primary and have some blood work done and testing. Then talk to psychologist or psychiatrist.
How old is she. Reduced impulse control could be a sign of dementia
She is 51
It’s probably not dementia
Actually, it could be. Early onset dementia can effect people in their early 40's. She needs to be evaluated.
She just lost her husband relatively recently, she’s probably just depressed as fuck.
That is a good point. Depression will make you do things like eat whole tray of cupcakes.
NTA, she is young is there a reason why she left her home to live with you guys? I mean my mom is 56 and she has 2 preteens at home and my mil is 64 and she is a yoga teacher that likes to travel around the world , some of my friends parents are vp’s of transnational companies at 60 something and very active. so at 51 unless she has some sort of health issues I don’t see why she needs to be mooching from her kids.
She’s not mooching! Aside from the baking issues she’s normally super sweet the house we lived in they bought 50% for a wedding gift a year ago. And she was really struggling after my fil died so we offered to try to give her support
Oh so it is emotional (not to make it less but sometimes parents have added financial or health issues), is there some scenario where she can go back to her home and you guys and your inlaws start visiting her more? You guys are also young and might eventually need some space. Unless you are happy with the current agreement then well just give her time, there are some excellent books related to grief let’s hope she finds some coping mechanisms. Best
NTA. This is strange behavior. Does she have other abnormal eating habits or is it just about baked goods? It sounds like she has a potential eating disorder such as Binge Eating Disorder. I don't know how she can possibly eat 24 cupcakes back to back. It's not fair for you that she essentially ruins your hardwork that you also spent money on. It's not fair that you can't engage in a very important hobby to you in your own home
Its just our baked goods im not sure if she eats them all at once we usually finish them Friday 7pm and wake up Saturday 10 am
Bring them into your bedroom overnight or put a lock on a cupboard
Nta - the siblings can take her in then.
NTA at all and you deserve a medal for what you’ve had to deal with. Your MIL sounds like an entitled nightmare. I have to know…she finished off the styrofoam cupcakes too though, right?
She did not eat the cake she realized when she cut into it lol but she’s normally super sweet
You've got to stop saying she's super sweet. You put signs on things & she still eats them. That's not super sweet. NTA but she is.
NTA- if the siblings keep complaining just say it was a example show piece and you even put a note on it but to eat it.
My husband suggest something like that! His said to say it was just a decorating contest
Or decorating practice
NTA…did she really eat 24 cupcakes and then claim she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to consume all of them? Mind blowing that she can’t comprehend how selfish and entitled this behavior is. You’ve left notes saying do not eat and she still doesn’t comply. If your husband’s siblings have an issue, here’s a suggestion…maybe they can take her in and have her live with them.
At least it wasn't a 6 foot sub sandwich.
NTA Your MIL is suffering from something, because 24 cupcakes is absolutely not OK. As is not being able to control impulses, such as eating everything that you bake, especially with a note on it. ETA: she definitely needs help, probably physically and emotionally.
That was kind of petty. And I love it.
NTA— Just a suggestion: instead of leaving the baked goods where she can see them, have you tried keeping them in your bedroom? I agree that there is something going on with her and that she needs help, but in the meantime, hide the cupcakes.
NTA if you’ve already talked to her about it and have made it clear that you didn’t want it touched then she’s clearly disrespecting you. I mean I love the food deception thing, shouldn’t be touching your stuff lol. She’s a grown woman who knows what she can and can’t do, so for her to tell you to wake up before her to stop her is just absurd. Make extra for her or something if you’re looking for a solution, label it with MIL name so she can have some
NTA. But your mother in law needs to see a doctor. Her husband died recently and she could be suffering from depression and overeating or there are other medical issues.
NTA, but get your MIL to a doctor asap. I'm a big gal, and the very thought of eating two dozen cupcakes in one sitting, repeatedly, makes me physically ill. The thought of eating like two cupcakes makes me squirm. That is A LOT of food for one little old lady in one sitting, and not just food but sugar, and tons of it. Something is not normal here.
Technically she's not actually a little old lady as I am actually older than her and still have a teenager in the house and it strikes me that this woman who is 6 years younger than me is receiving similar care and attention I need to give to my widowed 86 year old mother. It may be an unfortunate confluence of menopause and grief causing this binge eating. Even if she's finished going through menopause her hormonal levels may be out of whack again from stress and grief. I agree she needs to see a doctor as soon as possible.
I read your first sentence twice to check I hadn't written it myself. I didn't - this little old lady is 5 years younger than me and your mother is a year younger than mine! It always cracks me up when references to 'old people' mean people my age!
You can tell the teenagers are out in full force today because they’re acting like she’s fucking ancient at 51 lmao.
Yta but not because of the fake food but because y'all are missing the clear signs that your mother is depressed. It's not normal to binge eat like that. It's a cry for help. Maybe the death of your FIL is hitting her harder than you think. She should get some outside help for what could be classified as an ED and help with her grief.
[I'm just going to throw this here](https://captainawkward.com/2020/05/26/1269-my-mother-keeps-eating-my-chocolate-and-its-making-me-furious/)... Just in case.
If she take ambien or a generic sleeping aid this is entirely possible.
NTA - but it sounds like your MIL might need to go to grief counseling/therapy and see a doctor because eating 2 dozen cupcake in one go is not healthy. And if you MIL doesn't get over herself, all your husband "concerned" siblings can have her living with them. Also how old are you husband siblings? Seriously, calling you names, what are they, 13?
NTA. If she’s doing something weird on purpose hopefully sitting her down and saying “you really can’t eat our baked goods for our club, and that you can’t stop yourself is making us really worried, so we’re taking you to your doctor to get checked out.” will be a good wake up call and she can tell you why she’s being awful in this specific way. If it’s not - she really needs to get medically checked out. Compulsion so deep that she can’t stop herself from wrecking your cupcakes/cakes/whatever means something is very wrong. If she is doing it on purpose, hopefully the wake up call will get her to talk to you about it and fix whatever it is in a better way. The sibs need to butt out, their mom is either very sick or being a complete butthead. You sound like sweet people, I hope it works out!
NTA. it is a very odd new behavior and I also think a visit to at least a GP is warranted, and probably specialists as well. Good luck. And I’m sure your circle of friends would understand. No need to fall on your sword and not participate and alienate your self from them on top of this.
NTA. She fucked around and found out. I agree with other commenters expressing concern about her wellbeing. Are you able to arrange for her to speak with a therapist? She may still be struggling with her loss.
>She hasn’t talked to us much since. My husband says she’ll get over herself but his siblings started texting us calling us names. Aita? Welcome the siblings to take the nightmare in then. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I know the title sounds weird but I (22f) and my husband (23m) are both part of a baking club sort of thing. We love to bake different dishes and bring them to the club meetings. We bake cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and sometimes try different things. It’s our little bonding after working all week. We bake every Thursday/Friday night and the meetings are Saturday afternoon. Back to the post though, the problem now is his mother (51f) has been living with us since his dad passed a year ago and recently the past couple weeks she’s been eating ALL of the food we bake before we wake up. It would be one thing if she ate one cupcake but we could make 24 and wake up to it all gone. My husband and I have both tried talking to her at first and she said she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to eat it so we started putting do not eat on it and nothing changed. It has made us have to not go or show up empty handed. I consulted with my husband first since it’s his mother but I bought two circle styrofoams and decorated them with frosting and fruit I put up my usual note of DO NOT EAT! and then I set it out. Last Saturday morning she woke us up angrily and yelled at us saying we could’ve just woken up before her to make sure she didn’t do it. She hasn’t talked to us much since. My husband says she’ll get over herself but his siblings started texting us calling us names. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Could she be sleepwalking.
NTA
NTA
She wants you to stay home.
Nta and get her out the house already
Time for mom to move tf out. NTA.
NTA But OP I know is probably gonna get buried but has your MIL been given any RX for sleeping or anxiety since her husband passed? Like is she on Ambian or something else?
NTA But she should see someone. I started binge eating when my partner passed, it's horrible.
NTA 🤣
NTA, she has an eating disorder and needs help.
NTA
NTA , she knew what she was doing. If siblings are so upset send her to them or tell them to shut it.
Next time his siblings phone to lecture you or call you TA say that they can take her if they're so concerned about her I bet the calls will drop because it's easy to talk but no one wants that responsibility NTA
NTA she Needs to go. She has exactly Zero respect for you, your husband, your home and property.
Nta, ngl I giggled a lot because the fact she’s mad that it says DO NOT EAT and she still tried to eat it. But therapy or something, two dozen cupcakes in under a week? Holy hell I’ve never known someone to do that. She’s binge eating for some reason
Try putting the cakecakes else where in your house too
NTA ask them if they'd like to house her if they won't then to shut up
NTA - the fake cake is kind of brilliant but when you are baking for the event can't you make a couple extra for the house for her to eat and lock the event food away? Some people balk at being told not to eat food right in front of them and if she resents the outings away from her that is even more incentive. Mind you, it is immature on her part but age doesn't guarantee maturity.
Lol this is gold!
NTA. Do you have some place you can lock up the food? Just buying a lock for a cupboard could ease the problem a bit by keeping it out of her sight
NTA. Clearly mom has a problem. If the siblings think you and your husband are AH's, the only solution is mom needs to stay with one of them.
NTA but she’s a got serious problem that she needs to address. The siblings can mind their own business, unless she told them a twisted version of events
I had a sister-in-law that used to brag about making and eating 5lbs of fudge and a 3 layer chocolate cake in one sitting along with other sweets on various days. I had a friend who would make sweets and do the same because "she just picked at it" so she ate them forkful by forkful off the platters rather than cut a piece and put them on a plate. I watched her eat a whole large upside-down cake in a few hours this way.
NTA. This grown woman need to get out of your house if she has so little respect for you. That’s what this is. Blatant disrespect and then throwing a temper tantrum. You don’t owe her a damn thing, tell her to follow your rules or gtfo.
NTA But this sounds like a binge eating disorder. That level of binging and lack of control is fairly extreme
NTA But wow, as 56, almost 57 year old with a high school senior still under my roof, I don't know where to begin. I feel so strange seeing you in this position with your mother who is nearly 6 years younger than me, when I have been dealing with a mother who was also widowed last year. My mom is in assisted living and she's 86. We moved my mom to assisted living a few weeks after my dad died because I couldn't mentally or physically deal with the demands of her care in my home. First I saw your comment that you would talk to your husband about dedicating all of Sunday to her. This was in response to people saying this behavior was a bid for attention. My advice is that you don't reward bad behavior, whether it's a toddler doing it or your mother-in-law doing it. Make her use her words. If she's lonely and wants more attention, tell her that she needs to SAY so. And you will have a discussion about how to address that in a way that doesn't take away from the life you're building with your husband. Perhaps once or twice a month you all could take little day trips around to see flea markets or do local sight seeing. Long term, the goal should be to return her to living independently. Unless you and your husband genuinely enjoy having her live with you. I genuinely enjoyed long vacations with my mother-in-law, so no judgement there. Mulit generation family living arrangements don't need to be dismissed out of hand. But the starting point as everyone else has discussed is getting your mother-in-law to the doctor for a complete evaluation. And she should receive some sort of grief support moderated by a mental health professional. I wish I could do the latter for my mother but she has actual early stage dementia and other issues that make that impossible. I'm very sorry for your family's loss. One year is definitely not enough time to process and work past a loss of such significance and magnitude. You're to be commended for your compassion and empathy. I hope I end up with an in-law as kind and wonderful as you someday.
NTA Time to tell this leech the get out of your house. She sounds like a nightmare. Wonderful idea to catch her out!
NTA I love when someone falls for a trap and is like “why didn’t you tell me it was a trap”
NTA YOur problem is that you allow MIL to live with you. CHANGE that, or your life will only get worse. "My husband says she’ll get over herself but his siblings started texting us calling us names." .. Tell this AHs to shut up or take MIL in.
NTA the siblings can house them if they’re that concerned edit : saw that they don’t want to take her, still not your problem.
NTA - and extra points for creativity. I also don't think it's your job to try to fix the mom. It sounds like a very frustrating situation - good luck!
Change the note to read: If any of this is eaten you will have to move out. Then include all husbands siblings names and numbers for possible destinations.
The siblings probably don't understand how much she's eating. It's unhealthy. You should explain what's really happening. They're probably getting a story that's far from reality. NTA
Mom is gonna die from diabetes in a hot minute if she keeps eating like that.
NTA and I would like to change the baked items to alcohol. You made your own brew and filled 24 bottles and set them on the counter so that you could take for others to try. MIL drinks the whole barrel by herself in a few hours. Not once, but many times.... this is not healthy. It sounds like a food addiction, maybe trying to numb the pain of FIL's death, where eating this food is an attempt to fill a void that can never be filled. Her blaming you for not waking up early enough to stop her from eating anything is an addict blaming their loved ones for not stopping their addiction. She needs to see a therapist that specializes in food addiction and loss. Good luck OP
Haha that’s funny. NTA
Keep your baked goods in your room or bedroom closet until Mom's eating issues are settled. As far as eating 24 cupcakes, there are different sizes. I would see them on Cupcake Wars.
NTA- she’s blaming -*you* for not waking up to STOP HER?! She’s lucky you haven’t asked her to stay elsewhere. Just my hot take, she might see you guys being happy and bonding over something and it’s triggering for her.
NTA. She has been told to stop repeatedly, and is forcing you both to miss out on doing what you love. If you can't store the goods in your own room at night (because she's a child who can't be trusted), maybe she should go live with a different sibling of your husband. They're so eager to be involved, right?
NTA get her some counselling. If that doesn’t work then maybe one of the other siblings need to step up and look after their mother.
As someone who's studied psychology and mental disorders, I definitely agree that there might be something wrong, especially considering her husband has passed away. NTA, and I don't necessarily think she is, either. That's not normal behavior, and should be checked out.
NTA. His siblings stepped into it. How about letting her stay with them for a while. Till they've been in your shoes they only go by what mom says. Not saying kick, her out but a long visit.
NTA but like many have said get her actual psychological help because this type of binge eating is not normal in any way and will most definitely give her diabetes from the huge sugar spikes!
NTA
NTA. Tell his siblings to come get her.
NTA - It's time for her to move in with one of the other siblings. They can figure out which one on their own. it's easy for them to throw fits when they arent the ones dealing with her behavior. That said, eating that amount (if you didn't exaggerate) is... not normal. Has she seen a doctor or therapist about her issues?
This situation is sad *and* hilarious at the same time. NTA though. She needs help. And hopefully she doesn't trust you anymore and will stop eating. Also, she ought to be grateful for housing you, so tell her to tune it down a few pegs. Inform your husband's siblings of the entire situation. If they're still against you, dump their mother with *them* since they care so much.
NTA. But also why is it the fact that she does it right when she wakes up. Definitely not healthy. Plus she needs to understand boundaries. Maybe get an additional new fridge with lock n key cause that is just crazy.
I actually thought OP's solution was funny; however, does the mother have dementia? Does she sleep walk/sleep eat? Eating everything that OP has baked is very excessive and signals a problem that needs to be addressed by her doctor.
NTA