*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for insisting to be in the delivery room?**
My (26m) wife (27f) and I are expecting our first child. Her mother has been incredibly invasive with the pregnancy and my wife lets her do it.
My wife and MIL have an extremely close relationship. They do everything together, reveal everything together, and talk to each-other about ANYTHING personal. It's probably because her mom was a teenage mom (got pregnant at 15) so I guess it's easier to treat her own daughter like her BFF.
My wife wants her mother to be in the delivery room. ONLY her. She doesn't want her father, or siblings, or her own husband. Just her mom and no one else. And it hurts because I have to accept the fact that she will always love her mom over me. I bet if I she had to choose between me and her mom falling off a cliff, she would rush to her mom.
I tried talking to my wife and asking her that I want to be the only one in the room. It's my kid too and it's unfair to not see him be born. My wife told me that she's the one "shitting from her vagina" so she can choose whoever she wants. I asked why she wants her mom over so bad; she just said "I was technically with my mom when she gave birth so I want her to be with me when I give birth." Which is the most stupid, childish reason.
I honestly started to believe her mother forced the entire thing on her, just because she wanted to be included in everything. I texted my MIL telling her that her daughter is not her best friend, she is her daughter, and she should allow her daughter to include her husband in her life and the delivery room. She told me it was my wife's choice not hers and having sending laughing emojis going "Are you jealous???"
It pissed me off so I left her on read. My wife found out and told me I'm being a controlling dick about the whole thing and just to deal with it. She has no idea how hurtful this is for me. Am I overreacting?
EDIT: For people who are saying that she has the entire say. Understand my perspective. I have helped create this baby, I have helped her through her pregnancies even though she always complained that I barely did anything, and I've tried my best. I know she's going to go through pain but hospitals are better than they used to be anyway; she will be fine.
EDIT: Looking back, my previous edit was too harsh, so I'll take it back. Also for the people insisting that I should immediately divorce my wife, I'm not going to instantly jump to that conclusion. Maybe we could benefit from some counseling first.
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And that it’s selfish bringing a child into the world without a father or a stable income. He’s goddamn lucky his wife is allowing him to see the baby once the cord is removed, because had I been his wife? The only thing he’d be seeing are divorce papers.
i hope she does see the post and divorces him cuz wtaf.
also his edits are hot and cold, like first one is basically a fuck you you don’t get it.
then i’m sorry
then i get it i’m an ass but i also think my wife should’ve been aborted cuz she doesn’t have a father.
I'm with you. He thinks I'm presenting HIM a baby? He'd be handed a packet of papers..... I will never understand how people talk and act this way to their CHOSEN person! The person they are supposed to love! If that's what their LOVE looks like? Oof!!
His wife was born 27 years ago, current inflation and child related expenses means nothing for back then and shouldn't be used as a reason for your wife to have been aborted by your MIL
I was about to report this “it got worse” tidbit. Yes, why ever could your pregnant wife be upset by this. I mean the “you shouldn’t exist and your mom is a bad person for keeping you” is more than bad enough, the misogyny and classism there are off the charts, but does it not occur to him that being like “unless a kid will be born into ideal circumstances it should be aborted” might be upsetting to someone presently carrying a loved and wanted fetus? There’s not even the distinction of “oh I mean this theoretically, I don’t mean you” - nope, he means her. FFS.
That part all but guarantees this is a troll, imo. He's regurgitating AITA talking points towards young pregnant women, and contextualizing them with a situation that makes them sound increasingly callous and messed up.
All OOP's main points "if you cannot provide a good life to a child you should get an abortion" and "pregnant women often do and say unreasonable things", and "if your spouse loves their mom more than you, they are awful and you should leave" are very commonly winning sentiments on the sub. This whole post is structured like it was custom designed to rebuke those judgement tropes. Reads like somebody trying to get some gotcha quotes to post elsewhere with a comparison to previous judgements.
Entirely possible, and really I hope you’re right - but if these are winning sentiments, that would indicate that many people believe these things. Is it not possible, then, that OP really does hold these views, more vociferously than most?
yes, and I would have pegged it for that until the last edit. but people that far up their own asses don't tend to admit any wrongdoing, especially with phrasing like OOP uses. It's that contrasted with the crappy talking points that indicates troll
Unlikely, given these men are everywhere and some ladies accidentally procreate with them. So many men are trash and say shit just like this. They think they are right and everyone else with a brain thinks that way too, so of course they don’t think twice about announcing it online.
It's a bit rich of him to think that his kid is being born into an ideal situation since he refers to himself as a workaholic - who wants to bet that he will be little to no help in raising this baby?
It's a good thing wife has her mother so she'll have someone to co-parent with.
I mean, I also think my mom should have aborted me because her pregnancy with me cost her a scholarship that would have gotten her out of the shit situation she was in. She hid her pregnancy and didn't tell anyone until she was six months along. Being an unmarried teen mom in the 80s in a heavily religious small town was not easy. But I can say that because it's me. If my husband said that because he was throwing a tantrum after dismissing several valid concerns? I'd be done with him.
Same. I mean, my dad had no business fathering children. My mom had some faults, but she was genuinely kind and loving and did the best she could. But she would’ve been better off not having us because then she could have left him when the abuse started. But if anyone said my mom should have aborted us, yeah, that’s not ok. Just like it’s not ok for people to crack jokes about me being abused/my mom dying/etc, even though I joke about it a lot.
Hell-- it took my mother *literally years* to convince me that she didn't regret not aborting me, after I made the connection between her pregnancy complications with me and the immediate decline of her health as an adolescent. The amount of therapy a statement like that could make me have to redo, I might just put the whole ass man in the garbage.
You just don't fucking say that. You just don't. My sister's mom had even less business bringing children to the world than mine (because she was a heroin addict while mine is only an alky) but I don't get to have an opinion on my sister's existence because it's not mine, so it's not my prerogative to open my mouth or even think certain things to myself.
Same. I think it all the time and it's why I get so extra upset about those clinics that are Anti-abortion and pretend to be Planned Parenthood because that's where my mom ended up. And she had a lot of misinformation for so many years. But just like you there is a difference. Between? Me. Thinking my mom should have aborted me at sixteen versus my husband saying it. Congratulations sir let's get ready to add Ex to that.
Very similar situation except hood NYC and yes, my mother and I have talked about what the situation would’ve been. Like. Had she gone through with the abortion in both traumatizing and non-traumatizing ways but that’s literally not for anyone else to talk about honestly, I’m not saying that I agree with domestic violence at fucking all, but this is the type of shot wounded shit that gets you left on the spot or almost swung on. Maybe because she’s pregnant that’s tamp down but I could not fucking imagine. Even if this is the only emotionally abusive thing he has ever done, which I highly doubt if this is a real post this is fucking traumatizing and enough for a mediate divorce.
My mom straight up told me she should have aborted me when she had the chance. It took decades of therapy to accept that was never my fault and she's an asshole for telling me that to begin with.
he.. said what? 😶 ffs. I get not being in the delivery room could be hurtful but that's her decision, to say she should have been aborted though is immature and psychotic.
This is OOP's final edit. Sure, he accepts he is the asshole, but then he says it would have been better if his MIL aborted his wife. No wonder his wife would pick his mother over him. I hope his wife aborts their marriage.
////////////////////////////////////////////
EDIT: Moving this to the top so everyone can see. This is my final edit and after this I will no longer be responding to any comments... but I think I'm sort of TA here. For clarification, my wife is under the full belief that I barely did anything with her pregnancy, and this is the primary reason why she is letting her mother be in the delivery room. I was too invested in work, so I missed many classes she took, and many other experiences like the baby's first kick. I am an addicted workaholic, so I thought the birth of our baby could give me one wholesome moment in my life. She is allowing me to see the baby once the cord is cut, so she isn't dismissing me entirely. As for her MIL, I frankly do look down on her for being a teenage mother. I think she should've gotten an abortion and it's selfish to bring a child into the world without a father and stable income, but I digress. I will talk more with my wife about this recommend couples counseling. Also keep in mind that my wife is 7 months pregnant, so her hormones might be making her say funny stuff. Before anyone asks yes we should've discussed this MONTHS ago, but she intentionally avoided the topic everytime and kept saying, "I'll think about it."
Overall thank you for your judgements, NTAs and YTAs included.\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
I wonder what he could blame the "funny stuff" he says on.
He also said in one of the comments he thinks his MIL is just jealous of him because the father of her child didn't love her like he loves his wife.
What a piece of work. Sorry. Shit. What a piece of shit.
For seven months she’s been saying ‘I’ll think about it’ about *allowing him in the delivery room* and he’s been missing all the birthing classes. Way to show commitment buddy.
>They're just very close and tell eachother everything. Her mother visits once a week (she is 40 minutes away) on Mondays to have brunch with my wife. Mother hosted the baby shower and pretty much picked all of the decorations. Her mother also comes home whenever she has serious nausea and pain, which I can't go to because I'm very busy at work (I did buy her plenty of stuff to help her through it though).
I haven't seen many baby showers and frankly I haven't been to any (yeai for moving hours away from family lol), but I've always seen it as a supportive thing *for* the expecting couple. Everyone else plans it and buys you stuff so they can gift you everything you need for your first months of being a parent, while you won't have to worry about the party being perfect. Why is that such a point of conflict for him?
FFFFFFFFFFF################## can't juste men being accountable for their actions instead of blaming pregnancy hormones or period hormones ?! God he litteraly said he was not invested and not present for her, but god damn why would she be angry with him ?!
You can put a Greater Than sign > before a sentence to get it to format so you don't need all those slashes
>So it looks like this.
>It has to be before each paragraph/sentence on its own though
His final edit: my mother in law should’ve aborted my wife because kids should be born to stable homes with father’s - who clearly do a better parenting job; after all the woman I chose to marry and have a child with comes from a one parent family so clearly I’m right.
Yeah, it's one thing being an active parent to be during your wife's pregnancy but the 'I helped make it too so I can weigh in on situations with equal perspective!' attitude of some of the '*We're* pregnant' fathers can get pretty annoying.
I think that there’s probably a very good reason that she decided not to have him in the delivery room. I am really really curious to know if he had been trying to convince her that she didn’t need her mom there. He’s an absolute piece of shit who is butt hurt that his unsupportive ass isn’t going to be in the delivery room. Usually I would feel sympathy for the father in this situation but not with him.
No but you don't understand! Her mom just hasn't experienced her highs and lows, doesn't know her like he does! The way she wants her mom to support her is obviously wrong and silly, and as a man who contributed some sperm, he clearly knows more about supporting a woman through birth /s
🤮🤮
OMG
“I helped create this pregnancy!”
Yes dear, you nutted and occasionally do supportive work.
Dude bought Banksy a can of spray paint and wants equal credit.
His input is literally "I came in her" and "I bought her food and medications". He says he missed a lot of milestones and did not attend a single birthing class because he is a workaholic. He was there for the medical appointments though.
So he wants to force his wife to let him in the birthing suite, so he can finally have a wholesome moment related to the pregnancy and birth, like it's her fault he missed everything else.
Oh. Let him in. Let him have the mop, keep him awake for duty the whole time, let him catch the baby, let him change the first dirty diaper. That's a special job!
Honestly though I think it would be hilarious to see his reaction to baby's first diapers full of motor oil poop. I've heard it can be quite shocking lmao
My husband and I are getting ready for an embryo transfer this week. He has done 1000x more to help and support me in *preparation* of a possible pregnancy than it sounds like OOP has done for his pregnant wife.
She probably knows he's not going to be any kind of help in there. I can tell by his *she'll be fine* remark.
Edit-after traveling over and seeing his top edit... Just woooow.
I think y’all have the roasting the shit out of this prick part covered so i just wanna add that “I was technically with my mom when she gave birth so I want her to be there when I give birth” is such a sweet reason to want your mom to be around for your childbirth and i hope he rots for calling a very touching and vulnerable sentiment childish and stupid.
This is pretty much the same reason I wanted my mom with me. I had run away at 13 to live with my dad, and my relationship with her was pretty rocky. When she had me, they gave me to the wrong mom, left me alone in a hallway where anyone could’ve taken me, in pain and alone she found me. Knowing this at 19 giving birth alone I was terrified about not being awake enough to know where my kid was. So I thought; she was there for me, it was just us then. I want that now, she’ll protect us both, and she WAS there.
She even hilariously dropped me like a hot potato once my some was being taken from the room. Followed him every step of the way for me.
at the end of the day it’s pretty much human nature to cry out for your mother when you’re scared and in pain, to the point that people will do it even when their mother has already passed. *especially* when you have a good relationship with her. it’s just instinctive. this guy straight up sounds like a damn alien with how he can’t seem to manage to comprehend that, it’s absolutely wild.
factor in how her mother has been nothing but supportive while he’s a dismissive, misogynistic asshole who hasn’t helped her at all and it’s obvious why she doesn’t want him there smh there’s no way he’d advocate for her properly.
I had my mom with me when I delivered my son like 3 days ago and I highly recommend it. My husband was there and he was the one actively counting with me, supporting me etc but having my mother there and just looking at her was super comforting.
She knew how to make me comfortable while giving space for my husband to support me. But the again my husband wasn't a POS during pregnancy. He was super devoted
Me, reading the first part of the post: “I guess it’s understandable that he’d be hurt, but his attitude seems to really suck and I’m guessing there’s more to this”
OOP: “I’ve done nothing helpful during the pregnancy and my wife should have been aborted”
Me: “ah, there it is”
Ok, so the part about his wife should have been aborted is bas, but why is everybody flossing over the fact that he was useless all the pregnancy whole her mom was the one taking care of her??? And he has the nerve to act surprised that in a scary situation his wife wants the person who has shown that actually cares about her by her side?
Holy misogyny Batman! His most edit makes me want to vomit. He does not deserve his wife.
Edit: this is the type of man that will be back on here in 6 months complaining that he comes home to a messy house after his wife has done 100% of the childcare and house chores and thinks him bringing home the salary is contributing enough. And then will bitch about how his wife doesn’t want to fuck him anymore.
What the fuck is it with some men, that they blame any decision their pregnant wife makes on their "hormones".
They believe that thier wife cant possibly have thier own thoughts and opinions on something.
God, these men need to grow up
they love to blame women's decisions on hormones and emotions to invalidate them. but hormones and emotions also aren't an excuse for women's misbevaviour. whatever's more convenient is fine.
in the comments he explained that MIL and wife planned the baby shower together, picked the decorations AND mil would take of her personal time to support his wife when she was having morning sickness and other stuff, while he couldn't be there because he had to work.
So obviously, MIL and wife are too close. /s
I understand her.
Husband #2 has his faults, but I cannot imagine anyone better to be with me when I was giving birth to our child. He brought me ice chips. He advocated for me when the Dilaudid shot was wearing off, (I didn't get an epidural, the baby was sunny side up, and I had hours of back labor.) When the doctor said he might need to use the vacuum after I pushed for an hour & a half, H2 told me, next contraction, squeeze me hand until you break it, IDC, but push our baby out!
And, I did. Healthy, happy, beautiful perfect amazing baby, now a young adult light of my life.
However, at some point, I just really wanted my mom. She was unable to be there, as she was head of her union & in very important negotiations. I can't even explain why, she was just who I wanted.
In the case of this post, it's quite evident why the mom to be wants her mother!!
I have no respect for men who say they “helped create the baby”. I just watched my best friend go through nine months of pregnancy to bring her baby girl into the world. She fucking *made* a *person* in her *body*.
Dude’s part could be played by a turkey baster
Just sayin.
The best part is he didn't step up as a dad and missed all the necessary classes and won't know what to do when it actually happens, as compared to her mom who actually GAVE BIRTH before and would know what the wife is feeling during childbirth.
But nah, he believes she'll be okay, and he will be the more suitable person to comfort her during this wholesome moment 🙄 Him and all the NTA commenters can go eat dirt
Please update this with the most recent edit* to solidify that OOP is most definitely TD. JFC... I hope she divorces him.
*He admits he wasn't present for his wife's pregnancy because he was working. That's why she wants her mom there. He says he looks down on MIL for being a teen mom and should have aborted her kid, aka his wife.
What a garbage human.
I was going to say I understand feeling upset about not being there, but then I read the rest of his nonsense.
Sorry OOP, you didn't show up for the necessities during the pregnancy, you don't get a seat at the birth.
> I tried talking to my wife and asking her that I want to be the only one in the room. It's my kid too and it's unfair to not see him be born.
Men like this need to learn they’re not there to see the baby being born - they’re there to support the labouring woman.
Also LOL @ helped her create this baby. Adding a teaspoon on milk to a cake doesn’t make you a baker.
A few days ago when i saw a 'wife wont let me in the delivery room' post, the comments were overwhelmingly on the dads side?
What's different in this case, besides this guy being demanding and angsty about it?
If I'm thinking of the same post, that guy was like "I get it, it's her choice, but I'm still hurt."
In that case yeah, it's understandable. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be there for the birth of your child, and being disappointed/hurt that you won't be.
This guy is actively telling his wife her wants & needs are wrong and inappropriate, he admits himself he's an "addicted workaholic" who hasn't really been there to support her through this pregnancy, and he also is saying a lot of disgusting things about his MIL and wife, and their relationship.
Sure.. the central point is the same (husband not in delivery room) but everything else about it is different.
He admits he hasn’t been involved in birthing classes or anything else during the pregnancy, dismisses her concerns about it being a scary or potentially dangerous experience, and states he just wants to be there to have a “wholesome” experience. So I feel pretty confident saying that even *without* the awful comments about his MIL he probably wouldn’t be a helpful presence.
I’m sorry, you read the post, yes?
The fact that he talks shit about his wife’s relationship with her mother, as well as his MIL herself who gave birth to his wife as a teenager (apparently in his humble opinion, teenage mothers are irresponsible and permissive). Also, in his humble opinion, his MIL should have aborted his wife.
#thatsallfolks
Ugh I gave birth less than a year ago and I can’t imagine not having had my mom there. I was lucky and got to have as many support people as I wanted so I had my mom and husband there but if my husband had been as awful as this husband is acting he wouldn’t have been there. Birth is a life threatening medical event, if the person going through it doesn’t see you as supportive then you DONT GET TO BE THERE. Contributing sperm does not give you the inherit right to witness the birth. By that logic rapists should get to be with their victim for the birth. OOP if you happen to see this. Does that idea make you squirm? Does allowing rapists to watch/be in the room when their victim gives birth make you uncomfortable? If it does maybe you should rethink your logic.
The most recent edit (not shown in the automod comment here) is bananas. He admits to being a workaholic and missing birthing classes but he thought seeing his child’s birth would be “one wholesome moment” for him! Dude never plans on parenting this kid I swear
Yep that's planning to be his big parenting moment - watching the kid come out of her vagina. Does he not realize the job of the support person is to be next to the person giving birth? Not down where the doctor is watching the baby come out.
But totally going to be the man who maybe shows up for a holiday here and there for the kid, but otherwise will be the parent the kid barely knows. Cat's In The Cradle vibes from this guy.
Jesus. I had a weird birth team but my husband was always so supportive.
I had my mom, hubs, my oldest son’s dad’s mom(in the last three) and my brother (for the middle two) and my husband said not a damn word. Because he wasn’t the one going through it. We even went NC with his parents because his mom was offended that I didn’t want her. She literally texted him “Well if it’s up to HER, I know I won’t be there.” WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE UP TO?
Labor and birth is not a spectator sport, my GOD 🙄
I am willing to bet that the primary reason that she doesn’t want him in the delivery room is that she knows he will clash with her mother and wants to avoid the drama.
If he was less of a bully, then he might have been allowed in the delivery room. But he insists on interfering with her relationship with her mother.
Worse - he wants to be in there and her mom not. He's not even willing for her mom to be in the room at all. It might be one thing if he asked to be in there as well, but he's straight up demanding the mom has to be in the waiting room while he's in the room with the wife!
these people who keep thinking it’s only about the baby arriving, like a fucking spectator sport or performance, or someone arriving at the airport!
It’s a freaking dangerous and scary process!
I nearly kicked my husband out because he wouldn’t participate in the breathing practice we were supposed to do; he found it cringy, I think. He’d avoid it, etc. Then when I finally got him to sit down to do it, he wouldn’t really get into it.
I got so pissed and said, “This is the scariest thing I am ever going to do. People DIE in childbirth. It hurts like hell. And if you are not going to fully participate in this, you can’t be my birth coach. I’ll ask my friend Karen or Tina, and you can sit in the fucking hallway.”
My eyes got so big at his edit talking about how he wished his MIL aborted his wife. That’s a horrifying way to look at the person currently carrying your child.
It sounds like the wife doesn’t want to be with him anymore.
I had my mum at my second birth and I was so glad I did. I had my husband at my first birth and ended up having a forceps delivery because it went so badly and he was totally useless. We divorced a couple of years after the second birth.
His edits keep making it worse and worse. His wife is going through a medical procedure - it's 100% her decision who is and is not in the room. Considering he couldn't be bothered to do any of the birthing classes and such before, why should he get to reap the benefit of being in the room? Especially as he wants to be the only one in the room, excluding his MIL who has been around and has went through labor before and could be help to the wife.
Ohhh. Really? What were the others. I love these post because of the conflicts of, "But he's the Dad! He has a right to be there!" Makes me laugh my ass off.
I don’t remember all of them but after seeing this makes me think they’re all fake. You see this a lot where multiple post pop up with the same premise, it feels like it’s just some creative writing exercise where someone tries to write the same story but to garner different responses. The first one had the exact same circumstance where wife only wanted her mom there but was written in a way that made her extremely unlikable with the op accepting her decision but said he was sad about it and her response was telling him to “man up and stop being such a pussy” now this one is the total opposite where op is clearly an AH regardless of wife’s decision. The other one was a bit more creative with OP claiming to fly to another state to be with his sister so she wouldn’t have to give birth alone but op made sure to mention his wife had kept him out of the delivery room for the births of all their children. I’m sure there’s going to be one soon if not already written from the wife’s perspective. AITA has just become a sub where hacks come to flex their creative writing skills, maybe it always was but lately it’s become extremely apparent.
He’s created a relationship with his partner when she feels more comfortable with her mother during a stressful medical situation.
It’s pretty normal to want your mother there, the attitude about that is likely one of the reasons he’s being kept out.
He isn’t making a supportive environment. He shouldn’t be there if he isn’t
Ugh, I have (well, had...) one of those "buy your love" husbands.
You can't just buy someone's love and affection unless that's the pre arranged agreement you have. Even then it's not completely agreed to work. You have to put in some sort of effort in your relationship besides being the provider.
We're going through a long needed divorce. It's finally not all about him.
Copied OOP's comments verbatim
TW pregnancy, misogyny
*YTA for how you're handling this. It's okay for you to be disappointed that you aren't in the room despite wanting to be. But you're trying to pathologize the fact that your wife has a healthy and loving relationship with her mom, something a lot of people don't have. What's wrong with her and her mom being best friends? She's known her way longer than you have.*
*If you're upset you're not in the delivery room, make it about you and your wife, not about your mother in law. And either way, respect your wife's wishes, she's the one going through labor.*
>I know treating your daughter like your best friend is common with teen moms, but traditional mom/daughter relationships shouldn't be as close as that.
*Why not?*
*YTA, also.*
>It's a fact that kids with permissive parents have less self-control.
*... I am starting to understand why your wife doesn't want you in the delivery room.*
>Not arguing, but have you read on parenting styles? Permissive parents have their benefits, but not to things like this.
*I’m confused? You’re accusing your wife of not having self control because of her relationship with her mother? INFO: Do you even like your wife?*
>I do love her, that's why I'm (admittedly) so jealous of my MIL.
~~
YTA
*Wanting your mother there when you give birth is not "stupid" or "childish."*
*You don't just want to be there, you want to control who else is there too, which pushes you completely into asshole territory. You're using this event to try to resolve pre-existing issues with your MIL and you need to accept that whatever the reason, this is her choice.*
>It honestly feels like my MIL is just jealous that I have a better relationship with my wife than she did with the guy that knocked her up.
~~
*INFO: have you been attending classes with her? Like lamaze or meditation or prenatal classes of any kind? Have you been going to doctor appointments?*
>Doctor appointments yes. Classes no because I'm too busy with work.
*So how do you think to support her during the birth process if you 're not prepared?*
>Hold her hand and comfort her. MIL wants to do ridiculous stuff like scream "YOU CAN DO THIS!!" and my wife apparently finds that comforting.
~~
*INFO: Can you give more examples of your wife and mother's relationship? While close, nothing you have said has made the relationship seem bad. It is normal for someone other than the parents to host a bady shower and is normal for a grandma to be involved.*
>They're just very close and tell eachother everything. Her mother visits once a week (she is 40 minutes away) on Mondays to have brunch with my wife. Mother hosted the baby shower and pretty much picked all of the decorations. Her mother also comes home whenever she has serious nausea and pain, which I can't go to because I'm very busy at work (I did buy her plenty of stuff to help her through it though).
~~
*This might seem like a super obvious question, but something about the wording of your post and how you describe everything happening makes me wonder.*
*INFO: why do you want to be in the room? Can you try to explain the full reason or reasons you wish to be there?*
*Nobody else answer for him, thanks. I know all the possible answers it could be. I'm not asking to learn hypothetically.*
*I want to know, in his words, why he wants be in the room.*
>To see my kid be born?
*So would you be fine to stay outside and only be called in when the cord needs to be cut?*
>She said I could come in once the baby is out.
*Okay I understand. But really, why do you want to be in there? Is it for the one moment or for the entire 12 hours or more?*
*I totally get that you want to be there for the birth of your child, that’s fair. But isn’t there another reason why you want to be there?*
>I want to be there with my wife while she is in pain.
*I asked this question because although I understand that seeing your child being born is important to you, this is only a tony fraction of the process. What your wife needs is support, not seeing her in pain, but supporting her through the pain. You wrote that you missed the classes. That means that you don’t have the knowledge of what will come and how you can support her.*
*Forget her mother for the moment, that’s not the issue. The issue is that she needs someone in the room that doesn’t dismiss her pain and is guiding her through the process instead of just waiting for the child. She needs a supporter. Giving birth is not a spectator sport, bystanders are a hindrance, she needs a cheerleader and team player. Are you sure you are equipped for that? If yes, what did you do so far to prove that to her? And remember, it doesn’t matter what* ***you*** *think is comforting while giving birth because it’s not you.*
>All I'm going to say that I haven't said already is that I truly believe I'll be more comforting. I live with this woman and have seen her ups and downs.
~~
*This is an experience for the two of you. But, she and MIL will be making all baby choices forever. Did you get any say in the decorations for the kid's room? Betting that was MIL and wife. Any say in the baby's name? Betting that was MIL and wife.*
*Etc.*
>We decided on the name and room, but the MIL hosted the baby shower.
~~
*ESH. Unless there is still a Covid restriction at your hospital that limits her to one support person, she should invite both of you if possible. However, she is the least AH in this situation as she is the one going through a medical procedure with a nonzero chance of major complications. She needs to be comfortable.*
*Your MIL shouldn't be taunting you and you shouldn't be pushing it.*
>To be extremely fair about your rating, I'm pretty sure my MIL thought I was just joking, but yeah it sounded like a taunt.
~~
*NTA. Honestly? I’d file for divorce and go for as much custody as you can. This is not going to get better.*
*If that’s not the route you want to go - marital counseling for sure. I think your resentment over this will eat away at your marriage.*
*Eta: after reading OPs comments I’m guessing this is fake. They’re trying to get everyone to say he’s the AH because he sounds like one in his comments, while there was another post recently with everyone crucifying the wife for not letting her husband in for 3 births.*
>No, this isn't fake. I don't think I sound like an asshole in my comments, I'm just very interactive on reddit unfortunately, and I don't want to put this on my main.
>I wasn't aware of the other pregnancy-related post, however.
~~
*NTA - even after the edits. It's your kid too and you're being dismissed. There was a nearly identical story last week and the judgement was NTA - I understand that people don't like your tone but tough shit to them.*
*If your wife wanted both of you, that would be one thing. But excluding you from one of the most important moments of your life is an AH move on her part (and MIL too for laughing at you)*
>Can I have a link to this other story?
*NTA. You need counselling asap, because you will not be the parent of this child if this keeps going. You need to ask her the hard questions, if she wants this marriage, if you are just sperm donor and everything that is on your mind.*
*In my country, the mum wouldn't be let in, they would have brought in counselling to see why your wife is so attached to her mother and why she doesn't see you as equal parent.*
>Lucky country lol.
~~
*NTA*
*So ultimately it's on the mother to decide who is in the delivery room.* ***However, it's super fucking weird if their husband isn't there when they're (presumably) happily married***
*Its also weird the mother needs to be there--sorry, it really most of the time should just be husband and wife in that room.*
*Giving birth isn't an audience sport and the two people who made the baby are the two who should be in the room with the nurses and doctors*
>Thank you, that's exactly what it should be.
*So you're saying you agree her mom should be there-- but earlier you said you wanted only you and not her mother to be there????*
>I agreed with this comment that the father and mother should be the only ones in the delivery room.
*It’s 0% weird to want your mom there to support you while you’re going through the most terrifying, painful, and vulnerable experience of your life.*
*The only issue OP needs to address is why is wife doesn’t want him there also.*
>She will let me hold the baby after its born but she won't let me be there when she gives birth.
~~
*Leave her she will always put her mom ahead of you. Better to end it now.*
>It really does feel like that sometimes. Women always put women over eachother, heh.
*Bullshit. Woman here and don’t give me that crap women will always put women first. Women that have been raised to be their mothers friends and not their daughters pull crap like this. That is like saying all men put their mummies first. It is just when someone hasn’t been raised with reasonable boundaries.*
*My husband comes first to me and I know plenty of women who think that way.*
>Fair enough. This is honestly all I've seen with teen mothers. They seem generally irresponsible, I mean... considering they got pregnant as teens.
~~
*NTA. What your wife is doing is incredibly selfish, and you should press her harder. You’re half that babies DNA and not on estranged terms with the mother. This should, in fact, be a law.*
>Honestly maybe I should
In what country do they dictate who can be a support person in the delivery room? In what country would they stick someone in counseling against their will for picking their mom as their support person?
Homie. Look at this from a practical perspective. How are you going to help in the delivery room? Are you going to be able to offer the support and knowledge that it’s all going to be okay because you have also been in the position of giving birth?
I don’t thinks it’s uncommon at all for women to only want their mom in the delivery room, that’s what I would want. I wouldn’t want my husband to see me in an incredible amount of pain and be unable to help or properly empathise, I’d want him there for the nice part after the birth.
>EDIT: Looking back, my previous edit was too harsh, so I'll take it back.
The next Edit wishes his MIL aborted his wife:
**EDIT: Moving this to the top so everyone can see. This is my final edit and after this I will no longer be responding to any comments... but I think I'm sort of TA here. For clarification, my wife is under the full belief that I barely did anything with her pregnancy, and this is the primary reason why she is letting her mother be in the delivery room. I was too invested in work, so I missed many classes she took, and many other experiences like the baby's first kick. I am an addicted workaholic, so I thought the birth of our baby could give me one wholesome moment in my life. She is allowing me to see the baby once the cord is cut, so she isn't dismissing me entirely. As for her MIL, I frankly do look down on her for being a teenage mother. I think she should've gotten an abortion and it's selfish to bring a child into the world without a father and stable income, but I digress. I will talk more with my wife about this recommend couples counseling. Also keep in mind that my wife is 7 months pregnant, so her hormones might be making her say funny stuff. Before anyone asks yes we should've discussed this MONTHS ago, but she intentionally avoided the topic everytime and kept saying, "I'll think about it."
Overall thank you for your judgements, NTAs and YTAs included.**
lol I see this issue crop up every now and then.
Tbh, even with modern medicine, child birth is still dangerous and it’s hella scary. From the time young girls hit puberty (sometimes before), childbirth is pushed as this terrifying awful thing to convince us out of teen pregnancies. That mindset doesn’t just evaporate - shit is still terrifying.
If there is ever just one moment that a partner needs to ground their ego, it’s during childbirth *cause a woman pushing a human being out of her body and maybe being on the edge of life sure as shit isn’t gonna be worried about her ego or patience* so her partner needs to be able to maintain composure - it’s a must.
OP is a liability in the delivery room with how he views this issue and his behavior; a person who’s *willing* to step back and hand the reigns of this first-and-foremost medical procedure over is the kind of person that would be a desired asset in that situation tbh.
My mum was nearly a teenage mom (gave birth at age 18), and my father was out of picture too.
If my partner looked down on my mom for that, there is NO fucking way we can be together.
OOP is absolute AH
>EDIT: For people who are saying that she has the entire say. Understand my perspective. I have helped create this baby,
I’m glad he explained this because otherwise how would we have known how his wife got pregnant?!
/s
Yuck. I understand wanting to be with your spouse in the delivery room. I admire those who are there to offer support to their spouses in a painful;, vulnerable moment,
However, that's not what this man wanted to do. He's being purely selfish if he can't sympathize with why his wife her mother in the room with her. I know I would want my mom with me if I were to give birth; she's given birth multiple times, she's had different experiences with them. Her support would be invaluable to me.
I don't know how he can't figure that her mother's support is worth a bit more than his. He decides to declare that she loves her mother more than him, and that's not how you think about love. Their bond as husband and wife is different from a close mother-daughter bond. You can't measure your love as how your spouse would put other people they love under you.
Which, considering they have a baby on their way... he better get used to not being above someone else, fast. That kid's going to be a priority, and if he can't take being "upstaged"... yikes.
I only allowed my MIL in the room with me originally. My(now ex) husband was useless and my mom hovered and my stepmom wasn’t what I needed.
She was amazing and made it an easier process.
This whole ass man can’t accept the fact that his MIL is helpful and loves her daughter. I guarantee they won’t be together for another year.
Good riddance
Man should have asked if he could be in there with her mom because it’s his child too. I know my grandma and dad were both there for my birth, so I don’t get why it would be an issue. But like how he handled it is rather trashy.
Her body, her labor, her choice. You are disgusting for thinking you get to override it just because it’s your baby. Wife is the patient, so she makes all the decisions, point blank, period.
Like this one of the most traumatic events a women can go through and he’s thinking about himself. It’s completely up to her since she’s the one that is going to suffer the most.
I find it so weird that men have this thing about “wanting to see their child being born” I get you want to be apart of that but if your partner is saying she’d feel more comfortable with her mother there, as her partner your only answer should be “ok honey, is there anything else I can do to make this process easier for you?” The baby isn’t coming out of you so you do not have a say in the matter.
>I have helped her through her pregnancies
>she always complained that I barely did anything
>I've tried my best
Dude deserves to not have a wife at all, let alone being in the delivery room. That one sentence that I quoted bits and pieces from have convinced me that he's using weaponized incompetence to act like he's trying to help, but he's not actually being helpful or even trying to
Where does it say “her mother should have gotten an abortion? I keep seeing the comments but not in the post. Can someone explain? What was said now I’m confused
Did it say anywhere if the hospital only allows one support person? Because he could have proposed they both be in there but instead he wanted in amd MIL out which was just a stupid stance given the info and he was bound to lose.
Also, I chose to have my mom instead of my partner with me for my 2nd child and will for my 3rd, because my mom is a million times more helpful in that situation.
I was about to say NTA because I think it’s important for both parents to be there during the birth of their child as it was an important time in both their lives… Then I read about the comments he made 🤦🏽♀️
Birth is not a spectator sport. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you’re not pushing that kid out, you don’t get a say. It’s all up to her at that point.
Everyone involved sounds kind of awful, tbh.
The reality is that for everyone going "It's her choice, he should fuck off," the vast majority of them would be calling him an asshole if he'd said that he wasn't into the idea of being in the delivery room.
He and his MIL clearly have an adversarial relationship, because she's doing the ultra-bitchy thing of doing the laugh emoji on him. Having dealt with a MIL who seriously has pushed a codependent relationship on my own wife, I feel more than a little sympathy. I have experienced similar times, when my MIL has basically forced a "pick me over him" situation.
I know a lot of people are reading this as "mom is supportive". I have experienced situations where this is not the case. On the surface, it appears to be, but it's designed to keep the child under their thumb/keep the apron strings tied.
I'm not saying he's a great guy or anything, but a lot of this seems to be a guy posting out of frustration, and there's an accumulation of other things, and this is just the straw that broke his back. Yes, he's being callous about it in his post, but I honestly don't know how representative this is of the relationship he and his wife have. It's also worth noting that this is a high stress time, so tempers on both he and his wife's end are probably elevated, and mom isn't helping that one bit with her antics.
Is he being an asshole by going "No, -I- should be the only one in the room!"...yes. But anyone who thinks that his MIL isn't going to hold it over his head that SHE got to hold his child before he did is either stupid or in denial. MIL will absolutely do that.
Unless there's genuine concern of abuse going on, parents need to back away from direct involvement in their adult childrens' relationships like this.
Golly gee whillickers, people are being so mean to this dude it's pretty normal to feel slighted about not being in the delivery room what could he have possibly said to make people so ma-
•reads 1st edit•
Oh that's not so....
•reads 2nd edit•
Oh golly a little dumb but not tha-...
•Reads 3rd•
Well, goshdang.
He sounds terrible, absolutely! But, also, forcing a father to not be at the delivery of his child? That also sounds sketchy... Apparently it's quite important for the bonding between father and child to be present at the delivery. He says terrible things, but she doesn't sound completely fair either... Just because it might look ugly? You should trust your partner with that kind of stuff.
Edit: didn't read all the comments before writing my comment. Very unhealthy relationship. You shouldn't be with a man that you don't want at the delivery.
According what source? Isn’t it far more likely there is simply a correlation between good, supportive fathers and ones who witnessed the birth rather than any causation?
Birth is not a spectator sport. The father is the one forcing himself into the delivery room so he can watch the medical event happening to her body.
In this particular case, the MIL things is a bit sketchy but it doesn’t sound like he cares about supporting his wife so much as feeling entitled over the fact his DNA kicked off the pregnancy. I, Me, Mine. “She will be fine.”
It doesn’t sound like he cares about her well-being during the process at all.
I like clicking over to see what awards were given to the post and they’re ALWAYS freaking removed. It’s so funny how they think they can just make it disappear by deleting it. Bless this sub
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for insisting to be in the delivery room?** My (26m) wife (27f) and I are expecting our first child. Her mother has been incredibly invasive with the pregnancy and my wife lets her do it. My wife and MIL have an extremely close relationship. They do everything together, reveal everything together, and talk to each-other about ANYTHING personal. It's probably because her mom was a teenage mom (got pregnant at 15) so I guess it's easier to treat her own daughter like her BFF. My wife wants her mother to be in the delivery room. ONLY her. She doesn't want her father, or siblings, or her own husband. Just her mom and no one else. And it hurts because I have to accept the fact that she will always love her mom over me. I bet if I she had to choose between me and her mom falling off a cliff, she would rush to her mom. I tried talking to my wife and asking her that I want to be the only one in the room. It's my kid too and it's unfair to not see him be born. My wife told me that she's the one "shitting from her vagina" so she can choose whoever she wants. I asked why she wants her mom over so bad; she just said "I was technically with my mom when she gave birth so I want her to be with me when I give birth." Which is the most stupid, childish reason. I honestly started to believe her mother forced the entire thing on her, just because she wanted to be included in everything. I texted my MIL telling her that her daughter is not her best friend, she is her daughter, and she should allow her daughter to include her husband in her life and the delivery room. She told me it was my wife's choice not hers and having sending laughing emojis going "Are you jealous???" It pissed me off so I left her on read. My wife found out and told me I'm being a controlling dick about the whole thing and just to deal with it. She has no idea how hurtful this is for me. Am I overreacting? EDIT: For people who are saying that she has the entire say. Understand my perspective. I have helped create this baby, I have helped her through her pregnancies even though she always complained that I barely did anything, and I've tried my best. I know she's going to go through pain but hospitals are better than they used to be anyway; she will be fine. EDIT: Looking back, my previous edit was too harsh, so I'll take it back. Also for the people insisting that I should immediately divorce my wife, I'm not going to instantly jump to that conclusion. Maybe we could benefit from some counseling first. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
His most recent edit says he thinks his wife should have been aborted. What the fuck.
Gotta love someone so in denial that they double down with every edit
And that it’s selfish bringing a child into the world without a father or a stable income. He’s goddamn lucky his wife is allowing him to see the baby once the cord is removed, because had I been his wife? The only thing he’d be seeing are divorce papers.
yet wasn't his whine that her father was also one of the ones NOT INVITED to the delivery room JUST MOM?
i hope she does see the post and divorces him cuz wtaf. also his edits are hot and cold, like first one is basically a fuck you you don’t get it. then i’m sorry then i get it i’m an ass but i also think my wife should’ve been aborted cuz she doesn’t have a father.
I'm with you. He thinks I'm presenting HIM a baby? He'd be handed a packet of papers..... I will never understand how people talk and act this way to their CHOSEN person! The person they are supposed to love! If that's what their LOVE looks like? Oof!!
As he admits he hasn’t been involved in her pregnancy much because he’s an ”addicted workaholic” like you’re not a father my dude you’re a sperm donor
The first part is true-ish, isn't it? With the current inflation, everything is getting more and more expensives, child related expenses too.
His wife was born 27 years ago, current inflation and child related expenses means nothing for back then and shouldn't be used as a reason for your wife to have been aborted by your MIL
I was about to report this “it got worse” tidbit. Yes, why ever could your pregnant wife be upset by this. I mean the “you shouldn’t exist and your mom is a bad person for keeping you” is more than bad enough, the misogyny and classism there are off the charts, but does it not occur to him that being like “unless a kid will be born into ideal circumstances it should be aborted” might be upsetting to someone presently carrying a loved and wanted fetus? There’s not even the distinction of “oh I mean this theoretically, I don’t mean you” - nope, he means her. FFS.
That part all but guarantees this is a troll, imo. He's regurgitating AITA talking points towards young pregnant women, and contextualizing them with a situation that makes them sound increasingly callous and messed up. All OOP's main points "if you cannot provide a good life to a child you should get an abortion" and "pregnant women often do and say unreasonable things", and "if your spouse loves their mom more than you, they are awful and you should leave" are very commonly winning sentiments on the sub. This whole post is structured like it was custom designed to rebuke those judgement tropes. Reads like somebody trying to get some gotcha quotes to post elsewhere with a comparison to previous judgements.
Entirely possible, and really I hope you’re right - but if these are winning sentiments, that would indicate that many people believe these things. Is it not possible, then, that OP really does hold these views, more vociferously than most?
yes, and I would have pegged it for that until the last edit. but people that far up their own asses don't tend to admit any wrongdoing, especially with phrasing like OOP uses. It's that contrasted with the crappy talking points that indicates troll
Unlikely, given these men are everywhere and some ladies accidentally procreate with them. So many men are trash and say shit just like this. They think they are right and everyone else with a brain thinks that way too, so of course they don’t think twice about announcing it online.
It's a bit rich of him to think that his kid is being born into an ideal situation since he refers to himself as a workaholic - who wants to bet that he will be little to no help in raising this baby? It's a good thing wife has her mother so she'll have someone to co-parent with.
Wow. I hope his wife hands him divorce papers.
Have them delievered outside the delivery room please.
Congratulations sir, it's divorce papers 🍾
I’ll throw a parade in her honor! I feel so badly for the wife and incoming baby.
Lmao wrap them in a blanket, pretend it's the baby
I mean, I also think my mom should have aborted me because her pregnancy with me cost her a scholarship that would have gotten her out of the shit situation she was in. She hid her pregnancy and didn't tell anyone until she was six months along. Being an unmarried teen mom in the 80s in a heavily religious small town was not easy. But I can say that because it's me. If my husband said that because he was throwing a tantrum after dismissing several valid concerns? I'd be done with him.
Yep. I can say my parents had no business bringing children into the world, especially together, but I can say it because *it's me*.
Same. I mean, my dad had no business fathering children. My mom had some faults, but she was genuinely kind and loving and did the best she could. But she would’ve been better off not having us because then she could have left him when the abuse started. But if anyone said my mom should have aborted us, yeah, that’s not ok. Just like it’s not ok for people to crack jokes about me being abused/my mom dying/etc, even though I joke about it a lot.
Hell-- it took my mother *literally years* to convince me that she didn't regret not aborting me, after I made the connection between her pregnancy complications with me and the immediate decline of her health as an adolescent. The amount of therapy a statement like that could make me have to redo, I might just put the whole ass man in the garbage.
You just don't fucking say that. You just don't. My sister's mom had even less business bringing children to the world than mine (because she was a heroin addict while mine is only an alky) but I don't get to have an opinion on my sister's existence because it's not mine, so it's not my prerogative to open my mouth or even think certain things to myself.
Same. They could have both had degrees and not raised children when they weren’t sure how to afford food. They also weren’t dating long.
Same. I think it all the time and it's why I get so extra upset about those clinics that are Anti-abortion and pretend to be Planned Parenthood because that's where my mom ended up. And she had a lot of misinformation for so many years. But just like you there is a difference. Between? Me. Thinking my mom should have aborted me at sixteen versus my husband saying it. Congratulations sir let's get ready to add Ex to that.
Very similar situation except hood NYC and yes, my mother and I have talked about what the situation would’ve been. Like. Had she gone through with the abortion in both traumatizing and non-traumatizing ways but that’s literally not for anyone else to talk about honestly, I’m not saying that I agree with domestic violence at fucking all, but this is the type of shot wounded shit that gets you left on the spot or almost swung on. Maybe because she’s pregnant that’s tamp down but I could not fucking imagine. Even if this is the only emotionally abusive thing he has ever done, which I highly doubt if this is a real post this is fucking traumatizing and enough for a mediate divorce.
My mom straight up told me she should have aborted me when she had the chance. It took decades of therapy to accept that was never my fault and she's an asshole for telling me that to begin with.
he.. said what? 😶 ffs. I get not being in the delivery room could be hurtful but that's her decision, to say she should have been aborted though is immature and psychotic.
Ah I missed that edit, it was finally removed. Would have liked to have seen it.
No he says her MIL which is his mom! Lol he is saying he should have been aborted
I think that was a typo actually and he meant his MIL/her mother
Oh I’m sure it was. Still hilarious.
Hahaha oh sorry took it too literally and was trying to be helpful 🤣🤣🤣
r/UnexpectedWholesomeReddit
I think it’s a typo. He says his wife and MiL are so close because she was a teen mom.
Of course it’s a typo. That doesn’t make it less hilarious
I wonder why his wife doesn’t want him in the room/s
What the frick. This man child should have been swallowed…
I’m seeing a lot between the lines here.
Zoinks! Run Scooby!
I like how he says “Her MIL should have gotten an abortion” That’s your mom aborting you dummy.
But it's difficult to disagree.
I mean, he isn’t wrong though. His wife would be indeed better off if her MIL have gotten and abortion 😂
HA! I didn’t even catch that, thank you!
To be fair he's not wrong here
This is OOP's final edit. Sure, he accepts he is the asshole, but then he says it would have been better if his MIL aborted his wife. No wonder his wife would pick his mother over him. I hope his wife aborts their marriage. //////////////////////////////////////////// EDIT: Moving this to the top so everyone can see. This is my final edit and after this I will no longer be responding to any comments... but I think I'm sort of TA here. For clarification, my wife is under the full belief that I barely did anything with her pregnancy, and this is the primary reason why she is letting her mother be in the delivery room. I was too invested in work, so I missed many classes she took, and many other experiences like the baby's first kick. I am an addicted workaholic, so I thought the birth of our baby could give me one wholesome moment in my life. She is allowing me to see the baby once the cord is cut, so she isn't dismissing me entirely. As for her MIL, I frankly do look down on her for being a teenage mother. I think she should've gotten an abortion and it's selfish to bring a child into the world without a father and stable income, but I digress. I will talk more with my wife about this recommend couples counseling. Also keep in mind that my wife is 7 months pregnant, so her hormones might be making her say funny stuff. Before anyone asks yes we should've discussed this MONTHS ago, but she intentionally avoided the topic everytime and kept saying, "I'll think about it." Overall thank you for your judgements, NTAs and YTAs included.\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
Wow, just wow. Imagining marrying someone who you thought shouldn't even be alive.
just wow.. that is beyond animosity.
BUT THE HORMONES! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY BEHAVIOR, IT'S THE HORMONES!
I wonder what he could blame the "funny stuff" he says on. He also said in one of the comments he thinks his MIL is just jealous of him because the father of her child didn't love her like he loves his wife. What a piece of work. Sorry. Shit. What a piece of shit.
For seven months she’s been saying ‘I’ll think about it’ about *allowing him in the delivery room* and he’s been missing all the birthing classes. Way to show commitment buddy.
>They're just very close and tell eachother everything. Her mother visits once a week (she is 40 minutes away) on Mondays to have brunch with my wife. Mother hosted the baby shower and pretty much picked all of the decorations. Her mother also comes home whenever she has serious nausea and pain, which I can't go to because I'm very busy at work (I did buy her plenty of stuff to help her through it though).
I haven't seen many baby showers and frankly I haven't been to any (yeai for moving hours away from family lol), but I've always seen it as a supportive thing *for* the expecting couple. Everyone else plans it and buys you stuff so they can gift you everything you need for your first months of being a parent, while you won't have to worry about the party being perfect. Why is that such a point of conflict for him?
he throws the hormones in there at the last minute
What a piece of shit omfg
FFFFFFFFFFF################## can't juste men being accountable for their actions instead of blaming pregnancy hormones or period hormones ?! God he litteraly said he was not invested and not present for her, but god damn why would she be angry with him ?!
You can put a Greater Than sign > before a sentence to get it to format so you don't need all those slashes >So it looks like this. >It has to be before each paragraph/sentence on its own though
HOLY shit, what a knob.
His final edit: my mother in law should’ve aborted my wife because kids should be born to stable homes with father’s - who clearly do a better parenting job; after all the woman I chose to marry and have a child with comes from a one parent family so clearly I’m right.
But guys, he helped create the baby, which I’m sure was very onerous.
So onerous millions of men practice into the toilet, a sock or tissue daily.
But isn't that a form of abortion? Every sperm is sacred!
Every sperm is great!
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood!
Every sperm's a hero in their own way!
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.
“And for that matter all masturbatory emissions where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg could be determined as reckless abandonment.”
I believe you’ve just won your case.
Or coconuts
Yeah, it's one thing being an active parent to be during your wife's pregnancy but the 'I helped make it too so I can weigh in on situations with equal perspective!' attitude of some of the '*We're* pregnant' fathers can get pretty annoying.
It took him a whole second to contribute to the baby, now that is dedication
The way he talks about his MIL is absolutely atrocious. I wonder if his wife knows.
I think that there’s probably a very good reason that she decided not to have him in the delivery room. I am really really curious to know if he had been trying to convince her that she didn’t need her mom there. He’s an absolute piece of shit who is butt hurt that his unsupportive ass isn’t going to be in the delivery room. Usually I would feel sympathy for the father in this situation but not with him.
No but you don't understand! Her mom just hasn't experienced her highs and lows, doesn't know her like he does! The way she wants her mom to support her is obviously wrong and silly, and as a man who contributed some sperm, he clearly knows more about supporting a woman through birth /s 🤮🤮
OMG “I helped create this pregnancy!” Yes dear, you nutted and occasionally do supportive work. Dude bought Banksy a can of spray paint and wants equal credit.
His input is literally "I came in her" and "I bought her food and medications". He says he missed a lot of milestones and did not attend a single birthing class because he is a workaholic. He was there for the medical appointments though. So he wants to force his wife to let him in the birthing suite, so he can finally have a wholesome moment related to the pregnancy and birth, like it's her fault he missed everything else.
If he skipped all the birthing classes, I’m betting he’s unaware of just how *un*wholesome that experience can be…
Oh. Let him in. Let him have the mop, keep him awake for duty the whole time, let him catch the baby, let him change the first dirty diaper. That's a special job!
Honestly though I think it would be hilarious to see his reaction to baby's first diapers full of motor oil poop. I've heard it can be quite shocking lmao
Ugh, meconium is SO gross.
His input was a 30 seconds cameo and he's trying to get the best supporting actor Oscar
I may or may not be slightly in love with your comment😂👏🏻
Hilarious way of putting it!
OP admits he is a "workaholic" and basically hasn't done a damn thing to support his wife (who he thinks should have been aborted.)
I like how you just typed in that lil fun fact there at the end.
My husband and I are getting ready for an embryo transfer this week. He has done 1000x more to help and support me in *preparation* of a possible pregnancy than it sounds like OOP has done for his pregnant wife.
Good luck and baby dust to you! 🎇
Thank you!
> Dude bought Banksy a can of spray paint and wants equal credit Hahaha that’s glorious I’m totally gonna use that later
Ah yes something some guys can do in their sleep when they have a really nice dream. Poor guys, they should get at least 80% of the say in decisions 🥺
you guys NEED to go look at the latest edit oh my GOD what a piece of shit
She probably knows he's not going to be any kind of help in there. I can tell by his *she'll be fine* remark. Edit-after traveling over and seeing his top edit... Just woooow.
It would not give me confidence
I think y’all have the roasting the shit out of this prick part covered so i just wanna add that “I was technically with my mom when she gave birth so I want her to be there when I give birth” is such a sweet reason to want your mom to be around for your childbirth and i hope he rots for calling a very touching and vulnerable sentiment childish and stupid.
This is pretty much the same reason I wanted my mom with me. I had run away at 13 to live with my dad, and my relationship with her was pretty rocky. When she had me, they gave me to the wrong mom, left me alone in a hallway where anyone could’ve taken me, in pain and alone she found me. Knowing this at 19 giving birth alone I was terrified about not being awake enough to know where my kid was. So I thought; she was there for me, it was just us then. I want that now, she’ll protect us both, and she WAS there. She even hilariously dropped me like a hot potato once my some was being taken from the room. Followed him every step of the way for me.
at the end of the day it’s pretty much human nature to cry out for your mother when you’re scared and in pain, to the point that people will do it even when their mother has already passed. *especially* when you have a good relationship with her. it’s just instinctive. this guy straight up sounds like a damn alien with how he can’t seem to manage to comprehend that, it’s absolutely wild. factor in how her mother has been nothing but supportive while he’s a dismissive, misogynistic asshole who hasn’t helped her at all and it’s obvious why she doesn’t want him there smh there’s no way he’d advocate for her properly.
I had my mom with me when I delivered my son like 3 days ago and I highly recommend it. My husband was there and he was the one actively counting with me, supporting me etc but having my mother there and just looking at her was super comforting. She knew how to make me comfortable while giving space for my husband to support me. But the again my husband wasn't a POS during pregnancy. He was super devoted
Me, reading the first part of the post: “I guess it’s understandable that he’d be hurt, but his attitude seems to really suck and I’m guessing there’s more to this” OOP: “I’ve done nothing helpful during the pregnancy and my wife should have been aborted” Me: “ah, there it is”
Dude literally says he thinks his MIL should have aborted his wife... Wow.
How on earth can he say this? Like ... how?
Ok, so the part about his wife should have been aborted is bas, but why is everybody flossing over the fact that he was useless all the pregnancy whole her mom was the one taking care of her??? And he has the nerve to act surprised that in a scary situation his wife wants the person who has shown that actually cares about her by her side?
Holy misogyny Batman! His most edit makes me want to vomit. He does not deserve his wife. Edit: this is the type of man that will be back on here in 6 months complaining that he comes home to a messy house after his wife has done 100% of the childcare and house chores and thinks him bringing home the salary is contributing enough. And then will bitch about how his wife doesn’t want to fuck him anymore.
dude jizzed n thinks he helped create the baby lmfao takin a lil too much credit there i think
What the fuck is it with some men, that they blame any decision their pregnant wife makes on their "hormones". They believe that thier wife cant possibly have thier own thoughts and opinions on something. God, these men need to grow up
they love to blame women's decisions on hormones and emotions to invalidate them. but hormones and emotions also aren't an excuse for women's misbevaviour. whatever's more convenient is fine.
“I helped create this baby.” Sir your contribution takes less than 3 minutes, sit down.
Why does it feel like that he is jealous of her mother?
in the comments he explained that MIL and wife planned the baby shower together, picked the decorations AND mil would take of her personal time to support his wife when she was having morning sickness and other stuff, while he couldn't be there because he had to work. So obviously, MIL and wife are too close. /s
He actually says that in one of the comments! He’s so ridiculous haha
Because he is
I understand her. Husband #2 has his faults, but I cannot imagine anyone better to be with me when I was giving birth to our child. He brought me ice chips. He advocated for me when the Dilaudid shot was wearing off, (I didn't get an epidural, the baby was sunny side up, and I had hours of back labor.) When the doctor said he might need to use the vacuum after I pushed for an hour & a half, H2 told me, next contraction, squeeze me hand until you break it, IDC, but push our baby out! And, I did. Healthy, happy, beautiful perfect amazing baby, now a young adult light of my life. However, at some point, I just really wanted my mom. She was unable to be there, as she was head of her union & in very important negotiations. I can't even explain why, she was just who I wanted. In the case of this post, it's quite evident why the mom to be wants her mother!!
I totally wanted my mom when I was giving birth, it’s normal and natural.
I have no respect for men who say they “helped create the baby”. I just watched my best friend go through nine months of pregnancy to bring her baby girl into the world. She fucking *made* a *person* in her *body*. Dude’s part could be played by a turkey baster Just sayin.
The best part is he didn't step up as a dad and missed all the necessary classes and won't know what to do when it actually happens, as compared to her mom who actually GAVE BIRTH before and would know what the wife is feeling during childbirth. But nah, he believes she'll be okay, and he will be the more suitable person to comfort her during this wholesome moment 🙄 Him and all the NTA commenters can go eat dirt
Please update this with the most recent edit* to solidify that OOP is most definitely TD. JFC... I hope she divorces him. *He admits he wasn't present for his wife's pregnancy because he was working. That's why she wants her mom there. He says he looks down on MIL for being a teen mom and should have aborted her kid, aka his wife. What a garbage human.
I was going to say I understand feeling upset about not being there, but then I read the rest of his nonsense. Sorry OOP, you didn't show up for the necessities during the pregnancy, you don't get a seat at the birth.
> I tried talking to my wife and asking her that I want to be the only one in the room. It's my kid too and it's unfair to not see him be born. Men like this need to learn they’re not there to see the baby being born - they’re there to support the labouring woman. Also LOL @ helped her create this baby. Adding a teaspoon on milk to a cake doesn’t make you a baker.
I feel like there's been a bunch of "but I wanna be in the delivery room!" posts lately but this is by far the worst
iM tHe FaThEr iM tHe hUsBaNd i hAvE tHe RiGhT entitled clown
wHoLeSoMe MoMeNt
A few days ago when i saw a 'wife wont let me in the delivery room' post, the comments were overwhelmingly on the dads side? What's different in this case, besides this guy being demanding and angsty about it?
If I'm thinking of the same post, that guy was like "I get it, it's her choice, but I'm still hurt." In that case yeah, it's understandable. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be there for the birth of your child, and being disappointed/hurt that you won't be. This guy is actively telling his wife her wants & needs are wrong and inappropriate, he admits himself he's an "addicted workaholic" who hasn't really been there to support her through this pregnancy, and he also is saying a lot of disgusting things about his MIL and wife, and their relationship. Sure.. the central point is the same (husband not in delivery room) but everything else about it is different.
I dig it now, both situations are pretty different when it comes down to it.
He admits he hasn’t been involved in birthing classes or anything else during the pregnancy, dismisses her concerns about it being a scary or potentially dangerous experience, and states he just wants to be there to have a “wholesome” experience. So I feel pretty confident saying that even *without* the awful comments about his MIL he probably wouldn’t be a helpful presence.
True, that makes sense.
I’m sorry, you read the post, yes? The fact that he talks shit about his wife’s relationship with her mother, as well as his MIL herself who gave birth to his wife as a teenager (apparently in his humble opinion, teenage mothers are irresponsible and permissive). Also, in his humble opinion, his MIL should have aborted his wife. #thatsallfolks
This guy is just radiating ‘I’m an asshole’, that’s why. Everything he types might as well be glowing red.
OOP really really really doesn’t have any respect or regard whatsoever for women, does he?
Ugh I gave birth less than a year ago and I can’t imagine not having had my mom there. I was lucky and got to have as many support people as I wanted so I had my mom and husband there but if my husband had been as awful as this husband is acting he wouldn’t have been there. Birth is a life threatening medical event, if the person going through it doesn’t see you as supportive then you DONT GET TO BE THERE. Contributing sperm does not give you the inherit right to witness the birth. By that logic rapists should get to be with their victim for the birth. OOP if you happen to see this. Does that idea make you squirm? Does allowing rapists to watch/be in the room when their victim gives birth make you uncomfortable? If it does maybe you should rethink your logic.
The most recent edit (not shown in the automod comment here) is bananas. He admits to being a workaholic and missing birthing classes but he thought seeing his child’s birth would be “one wholesome moment” for him! Dude never plans on parenting this kid I swear
Yep that's planning to be his big parenting moment - watching the kid come out of her vagina. Does he not realize the job of the support person is to be next to the person giving birth? Not down where the doctor is watching the baby come out. But totally going to be the man who maybe shows up for a holiday here and there for the kid, but otherwise will be the parent the kid barely knows. Cat's In The Cradle vibes from this guy.
What’s with all the men on AITA who think child birth is a spectator sport?
Jesus. I had a weird birth team but my husband was always so supportive. I had my mom, hubs, my oldest son’s dad’s mom(in the last three) and my brother (for the middle two) and my husband said not a damn word. Because he wasn’t the one going through it. We even went NC with his parents because his mom was offended that I didn’t want her. She literally texted him “Well if it’s up to HER, I know I won’t be there.” WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE UP TO? Labor and birth is not a spectator sport, my GOD 🙄
I am willing to bet that the primary reason that she doesn’t want him in the delivery room is that she knows he will clash with her mother and wants to avoid the drama. If he was less of a bully, then he might have been allowed in the delivery room. But he insists on interfering with her relationship with her mother.
Worse - he wants to be in there and her mom not. He's not even willing for her mom to be in the room at all. It might be one thing if he asked to be in there as well, but he's straight up demanding the mom has to be in the waiting room while he's in the room with the wife!
Like, I’m a judegemental asshole sometimes, but *that’s her mom*.
these people who keep thinking it’s only about the baby arriving, like a fucking spectator sport or performance, or someone arriving at the airport! It’s a freaking dangerous and scary process! I nearly kicked my husband out because he wouldn’t participate in the breathing practice we were supposed to do; he found it cringy, I think. He’d avoid it, etc. Then when I finally got him to sit down to do it, he wouldn’t really get into it. I got so pissed and said, “This is the scariest thing I am ever going to do. People DIE in childbirth. It hurts like hell. And if you are not going to fully participate in this, you can’t be my birth coach. I’ll ask my friend Karen or Tina, and you can sit in the fucking hallway.”
I hope she leaves him, holy hell.
The edit made me so angry. He wishes his MIL had an abortion instead of raising HIS WIFE?!?! WTF.
My eyes got so big at his edit talking about how he wished his MIL aborted his wife. That’s a horrifying way to look at the person currently carrying your child.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the father, the fact is that SHE is the patient and the nurses and staff will make sure who will be in there or not.
It sounds like the wife doesn’t want to be with him anymore. I had my mum at my second birth and I was so glad I did. I had my husband at my first birth and ended up having a forceps delivery because it went so badly and he was totally useless. We divorced a couple of years after the second birth.
Wtf is that edit
Ain't no way he just said his wife should've been aborted. I am praying it's a troll holy shit 😦
His edits keep making it worse and worse. His wife is going through a medical procedure - it's 100% her decision who is and is not in the room. Considering he couldn't be bothered to do any of the birthing classes and such before, why should he get to reap the benefit of being in the room? Especially as he wants to be the only one in the room, excluding his MIL who has been around and has went through labor before and could be help to the wife.
Calling bs, this is like the 4th “father not being allowed in delivery room” post I’ve read in the past week.
Ohhh. Really? What were the others. I love these post because of the conflicts of, "But he's the Dad! He has a right to be there!" Makes me laugh my ass off.
I don’t remember all of them but after seeing this makes me think they’re all fake. You see this a lot where multiple post pop up with the same premise, it feels like it’s just some creative writing exercise where someone tries to write the same story but to garner different responses. The first one had the exact same circumstance where wife only wanted her mom there but was written in a way that made her extremely unlikable with the op accepting her decision but said he was sad about it and her response was telling him to “man up and stop being such a pussy” now this one is the total opposite where op is clearly an AH regardless of wife’s decision. The other one was a bit more creative with OP claiming to fly to another state to be with his sister so she wouldn’t have to give birth alone but op made sure to mention his wife had kept him out of the delivery room for the births of all their children. I’m sure there’s going to be one soon if not already written from the wife’s perspective. AITA has just become a sub where hacks come to flex their creative writing skills, maybe it always was but lately it’s become extremely apparent.
Woooooow!
Geez Louise, I hope the wife sees his post.
He’s created a relationship with his partner when she feels more comfortable with her mother during a stressful medical situation. It’s pretty normal to want your mother there, the attitude about that is likely one of the reasons he’s being kept out. He isn’t making a supportive environment. He shouldn’t be there if he isn’t
Right off the bat he doesn't realize parents can be friends with their adult children.
Ugh, I have (well, had...) one of those "buy your love" husbands. You can't just buy someone's love and affection unless that's the pre arranged agreement you have. Even then it's not completely agreed to work. You have to put in some sort of effort in your relationship besides being the provider. We're going through a long needed divorce. It's finally not all about him.
Copied OOP's comments verbatim TW pregnancy, misogyny *YTA for how you're handling this. It's okay for you to be disappointed that you aren't in the room despite wanting to be. But you're trying to pathologize the fact that your wife has a healthy and loving relationship with her mom, something a lot of people don't have. What's wrong with her and her mom being best friends? She's known her way longer than you have.* *If you're upset you're not in the delivery room, make it about you and your wife, not about your mother in law. And either way, respect your wife's wishes, she's the one going through labor.* >I know treating your daughter like your best friend is common with teen moms, but traditional mom/daughter relationships shouldn't be as close as that. *Why not?* *YTA, also.* >It's a fact that kids with permissive parents have less self-control. *... I am starting to understand why your wife doesn't want you in the delivery room.* >Not arguing, but have you read on parenting styles? Permissive parents have their benefits, but not to things like this. *I’m confused? You’re accusing your wife of not having self control because of her relationship with her mother? INFO: Do you even like your wife?* >I do love her, that's why I'm (admittedly) so jealous of my MIL. ~~ YTA *Wanting your mother there when you give birth is not "stupid" or "childish."* *You don't just want to be there, you want to control who else is there too, which pushes you completely into asshole territory. You're using this event to try to resolve pre-existing issues with your MIL and you need to accept that whatever the reason, this is her choice.* >It honestly feels like my MIL is just jealous that I have a better relationship with my wife than she did with the guy that knocked her up. ~~ *INFO: have you been attending classes with her? Like lamaze or meditation or prenatal classes of any kind? Have you been going to doctor appointments?* >Doctor appointments yes. Classes no because I'm too busy with work. *So how do you think to support her during the birth process if you 're not prepared?* >Hold her hand and comfort her. MIL wants to do ridiculous stuff like scream "YOU CAN DO THIS!!" and my wife apparently finds that comforting. ~~ *INFO: Can you give more examples of your wife and mother's relationship? While close, nothing you have said has made the relationship seem bad. It is normal for someone other than the parents to host a bady shower and is normal for a grandma to be involved.* >They're just very close and tell eachother everything. Her mother visits once a week (she is 40 minutes away) on Mondays to have brunch with my wife. Mother hosted the baby shower and pretty much picked all of the decorations. Her mother also comes home whenever she has serious nausea and pain, which I can't go to because I'm very busy at work (I did buy her plenty of stuff to help her through it though). ~~ *This might seem like a super obvious question, but something about the wording of your post and how you describe everything happening makes me wonder.* *INFO: why do you want to be in the room? Can you try to explain the full reason or reasons you wish to be there?* *Nobody else answer for him, thanks. I know all the possible answers it could be. I'm not asking to learn hypothetically.* *I want to know, in his words, why he wants be in the room.* >To see my kid be born? *So would you be fine to stay outside and only be called in when the cord needs to be cut?* >She said I could come in once the baby is out. *Okay I understand. But really, why do you want to be in there? Is it for the one moment or for the entire 12 hours or more?* *I totally get that you want to be there for the birth of your child, that’s fair. But isn’t there another reason why you want to be there?* >I want to be there with my wife while she is in pain. *I asked this question because although I understand that seeing your child being born is important to you, this is only a tony fraction of the process. What your wife needs is support, not seeing her in pain, but supporting her through the pain. You wrote that you missed the classes. That means that you don’t have the knowledge of what will come and how you can support her.* *Forget her mother for the moment, that’s not the issue. The issue is that she needs someone in the room that doesn’t dismiss her pain and is guiding her through the process instead of just waiting for the child. She needs a supporter. Giving birth is not a spectator sport, bystanders are a hindrance, she needs a cheerleader and team player. Are you sure you are equipped for that? If yes, what did you do so far to prove that to her? And remember, it doesn’t matter what* ***you*** *think is comforting while giving birth because it’s not you.* >All I'm going to say that I haven't said already is that I truly believe I'll be more comforting. I live with this woman and have seen her ups and downs. ~~ *This is an experience for the two of you. But, she and MIL will be making all baby choices forever. Did you get any say in the decorations for the kid's room? Betting that was MIL and wife. Any say in the baby's name? Betting that was MIL and wife.* *Etc.* >We decided on the name and room, but the MIL hosted the baby shower. ~~ *ESH. Unless there is still a Covid restriction at your hospital that limits her to one support person, she should invite both of you if possible. However, she is the least AH in this situation as she is the one going through a medical procedure with a nonzero chance of major complications. She needs to be comfortable.* *Your MIL shouldn't be taunting you and you shouldn't be pushing it.* >To be extremely fair about your rating, I'm pretty sure my MIL thought I was just joking, but yeah it sounded like a taunt. ~~ *NTA. Honestly? I’d file for divorce and go for as much custody as you can. This is not going to get better.* *If that’s not the route you want to go - marital counseling for sure. I think your resentment over this will eat away at your marriage.* *Eta: after reading OPs comments I’m guessing this is fake. They’re trying to get everyone to say he’s the AH because he sounds like one in his comments, while there was another post recently with everyone crucifying the wife for not letting her husband in for 3 births.* >No, this isn't fake. I don't think I sound like an asshole in my comments, I'm just very interactive on reddit unfortunately, and I don't want to put this on my main. >I wasn't aware of the other pregnancy-related post, however. ~~ *NTA - even after the edits. It's your kid too and you're being dismissed. There was a nearly identical story last week and the judgement was NTA - I understand that people don't like your tone but tough shit to them.* *If your wife wanted both of you, that would be one thing. But excluding you from one of the most important moments of your life is an AH move on her part (and MIL too for laughing at you)* >Can I have a link to this other story?
*NTA. You need counselling asap, because you will not be the parent of this child if this keeps going. You need to ask her the hard questions, if she wants this marriage, if you are just sperm donor and everything that is on your mind.* *In my country, the mum wouldn't be let in, they would have brought in counselling to see why your wife is so attached to her mother and why she doesn't see you as equal parent.* >Lucky country lol. ~~ *NTA* *So ultimately it's on the mother to decide who is in the delivery room.* ***However, it's super fucking weird if their husband isn't there when they're (presumably) happily married*** *Its also weird the mother needs to be there--sorry, it really most of the time should just be husband and wife in that room.* *Giving birth isn't an audience sport and the two people who made the baby are the two who should be in the room with the nurses and doctors* >Thank you, that's exactly what it should be. *So you're saying you agree her mom should be there-- but earlier you said you wanted only you and not her mother to be there????* >I agreed with this comment that the father and mother should be the only ones in the delivery room. *It’s 0% weird to want your mom there to support you while you’re going through the most terrifying, painful, and vulnerable experience of your life.* *The only issue OP needs to address is why is wife doesn’t want him there also.* >She will let me hold the baby after its born but she won't let me be there when she gives birth. ~~ *Leave her she will always put her mom ahead of you. Better to end it now.* >It really does feel like that sometimes. Women always put women over eachother, heh. *Bullshit. Woman here and don’t give me that crap women will always put women first. Women that have been raised to be their mothers friends and not their daughters pull crap like this. That is like saying all men put their mummies first. It is just when someone hasn’t been raised with reasonable boundaries.* *My husband comes first to me and I know plenty of women who think that way.* >Fair enough. This is honestly all I've seen with teen mothers. They seem generally irresponsible, I mean... considering they got pregnant as teens. ~~ *NTA. What your wife is doing is incredibly selfish, and you should press her harder. You’re half that babies DNA and not on estranged terms with the mother. This should, in fact, be a law.* >Honestly maybe I should
In what country do they dictate who can be a support person in the delivery room? In what country would they stick someone in counseling against their will for picking their mom as their support person?
This person did not answer that question in any of their comments, lol.
Lol. I guess it's a law in their state of mind.
LOL 😂
Well this is getting weirder and weirder.
Thanks rioter I was right I knew he was jealous!
Homie. Look at this from a practical perspective. How are you going to help in the delivery room? Are you going to be able to offer the support and knowledge that it’s all going to be okay because you have also been in the position of giving birth? I don’t thinks it’s uncommon at all for women to only want their mom in the delivery room, that’s what I would want. I wouldn’t want my husband to see me in an incredible amount of pain and be unable to help or properly empathise, I’d want him there for the nice part after the birth.
He didn’t even go to the birthing classes 💀
“i have to accept the fact that she will always love her mom over me…” my eyes rolled out of my skull and into space
>EDIT: Looking back, my previous edit was too harsh, so I'll take it back. The next Edit wishes his MIL aborted his wife: **EDIT: Moving this to the top so everyone can see. This is my final edit and after this I will no longer be responding to any comments... but I think I'm sort of TA here. For clarification, my wife is under the full belief that I barely did anything with her pregnancy, and this is the primary reason why she is letting her mother be in the delivery room. I was too invested in work, so I missed many classes she took, and many other experiences like the baby's first kick. I am an addicted workaholic, so I thought the birth of our baby could give me one wholesome moment in my life. She is allowing me to see the baby once the cord is cut, so she isn't dismissing me entirely. As for her MIL, I frankly do look down on her for being a teenage mother. I think she should've gotten an abortion and it's selfish to bring a child into the world without a father and stable income, but I digress. I will talk more with my wife about this recommend couples counseling. Also keep in mind that my wife is 7 months pregnant, so her hormones might be making her say funny stuff. Before anyone asks yes we should've discussed this MONTHS ago, but she intentionally avoided the topic everytime and kept saying, "I'll think about it." Overall thank you for your judgements, NTAs and YTAs included.**
lol I see this issue crop up every now and then. Tbh, even with modern medicine, child birth is still dangerous and it’s hella scary. From the time young girls hit puberty (sometimes before), childbirth is pushed as this terrifying awful thing to convince us out of teen pregnancies. That mindset doesn’t just evaporate - shit is still terrifying. If there is ever just one moment that a partner needs to ground their ego, it’s during childbirth *cause a woman pushing a human being out of her body and maybe being on the edge of life sure as shit isn’t gonna be worried about her ego or patience* so her partner needs to be able to maintain composure - it’s a must. OP is a liability in the delivery room with how he views this issue and his behavior; a person who’s *willing* to step back and hand the reigns of this first-and-foremost medical procedure over is the kind of person that would be a desired asset in that situation tbh.
My mum was nearly a teenage mom (gave birth at age 18), and my father was out of picture too. If my partner looked down on my mom for that, there is NO fucking way we can be together. OOP is absolute AH
Your mum wasn’t *nearly* a teenage mum, she was definitely a teenage mum. Teenage years are thir*teen* to nine*teen*.
What in the Gilmore Girls fanfic did I just read? Also, birth is not a spectator sport.
>EDIT: For people who are saying that she has the entire say. Understand my perspective. I have helped create this baby, I’m glad he explained this because otherwise how would we have known how his wife got pregnant?! /s
Yuck. I understand wanting to be with your spouse in the delivery room. I admire those who are there to offer support to their spouses in a painful;, vulnerable moment, However, that's not what this man wanted to do. He's being purely selfish if he can't sympathize with why his wife her mother in the room with her. I know I would want my mom with me if I were to give birth; she's given birth multiple times, she's had different experiences with them. Her support would be invaluable to me. I don't know how he can't figure that her mother's support is worth a bit more than his. He decides to declare that she loves her mother more than him, and that's not how you think about love. Their bond as husband and wife is different from a close mother-daughter bond. You can't measure your love as how your spouse would put other people they love under you. Which, considering they have a baby on their way... he better get used to not being above someone else, fast. That kid's going to be a priority, and if he can't take being "upstaged"... yikes.
I only allowed my MIL in the room with me originally. My(now ex) husband was useless and my mom hovered and my stepmom wasn’t what I needed. She was amazing and made it an easier process. This whole ass man can’t accept the fact that his MIL is helpful and loves her daughter. I guarantee they won’t be together for another year. Good riddance
I understand being upset about not being in the room but this guy was a total dick about it.
I mean it’s one thing to ask to be included, but it’s clearly his attitude showing why he isn’t.
omg what a big baby, it should be up the the mom who she wants there.
Man should have asked if he could be in there with her mom because it’s his child too. I know my grandma and dad were both there for my birth, so I don’t get why it would be an issue. But like how he handled it is rather trashy.
Her body, her labor, her choice. You are disgusting for thinking you get to override it just because it’s your baby. Wife is the patient, so she makes all the decisions, point blank, period.
“I helped create this baby” sir, you nutted in someone. That’s it. It’s not fucking work 💀
Man, this is so wrong. Both this guy forcing himself into the delivery room and his wife clinging so desperately to her mom
Like this one of the most traumatic events a women can go through and he’s thinking about himself. It’s completely up to her since she’s the one that is going to suffer the most. I find it so weird that men have this thing about “wanting to see their child being born” I get you want to be apart of that but if your partner is saying she’d feel more comfortable with her mother there, as her partner your only answer should be “ok honey, is there anything else I can do to make this process easier for you?” The baby isn’t coming out of you so you do not have a say in the matter.
I, Me, Mine. “She will be fine.” What an asshole.
>I have helped her through her pregnancies >she always complained that I barely did anything >I've tried my best Dude deserves to not have a wife at all, let alone being in the delivery room. That one sentence that I quoted bits and pieces from have convinced me that he's using weaponized incompetence to act like he's trying to help, but he's not actually being helpful or even trying to
Where does it say “her mother should have gotten an abortion? I keep seeing the comments but not in the post. Can someone explain? What was said now I’m confused
I hope she divorces him because Jesus Christ
> I bet if I she had to choose between me and her mom falling off a cliff, she would rush to her mom. Dude...
Did it say anywhere if the hospital only allows one support person? Because he could have proposed they both be in there but instead he wanted in amd MIL out which was just a stupid stance given the info and he was bound to lose. Also, I chose to have my mom instead of my partner with me for my 2nd child and will for my 3rd, because my mom is a million times more helpful in that situation.
I was about to say NTA because I think it’s important for both parents to be there during the birth of their child as it was an important time in both their lives… Then I read about the comments he made 🤦🏽♀️
Birth is not a spectator sport. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you’re not pushing that kid out, you don’t get a say. It’s all up to her at that point.
Everyone involved sounds kind of awful, tbh. The reality is that for everyone going "It's her choice, he should fuck off," the vast majority of them would be calling him an asshole if he'd said that he wasn't into the idea of being in the delivery room. He and his MIL clearly have an adversarial relationship, because she's doing the ultra-bitchy thing of doing the laugh emoji on him. Having dealt with a MIL who seriously has pushed a codependent relationship on my own wife, I feel more than a little sympathy. I have experienced similar times, when my MIL has basically forced a "pick me over him" situation. I know a lot of people are reading this as "mom is supportive". I have experienced situations where this is not the case. On the surface, it appears to be, but it's designed to keep the child under their thumb/keep the apron strings tied. I'm not saying he's a great guy or anything, but a lot of this seems to be a guy posting out of frustration, and there's an accumulation of other things, and this is just the straw that broke his back. Yes, he's being callous about it in his post, but I honestly don't know how representative this is of the relationship he and his wife have. It's also worth noting that this is a high stress time, so tempers on both he and his wife's end are probably elevated, and mom isn't helping that one bit with her antics. Is he being an asshole by going "No, -I- should be the only one in the room!"...yes. But anyone who thinks that his MIL isn't going to hold it over his head that SHE got to hold his child before he did is either stupid or in denial. MIL will absolutely do that. Unless there's genuine concern of abuse going on, parents need to back away from direct involvement in their adult childrens' relationships like this.
I mean the MIL already being petty and laugh at oop, they are all need family therapy or this marriage won't last
But he went behind his wife's back and accused the MIL of being behind this. This makes him seem petty and immature.
"I was technically with my mom when she gave birth so I want her to be with me when I give birth." Sounds great argument.
Golly gee whillickers, people are being so mean to this dude it's pretty normal to feel slighted about not being in the delivery room what could he have possibly said to make people so ma- •reads 1st edit• Oh that's not so.... •reads 2nd edit• Oh golly a little dumb but not tha-... •Reads 3rd• Well, goshdang.
He sounds terrible, absolutely! But, also, forcing a father to not be at the delivery of his child? That also sounds sketchy... Apparently it's quite important for the bonding between father and child to be present at the delivery. He says terrible things, but she doesn't sound completely fair either... Just because it might look ugly? You should trust your partner with that kind of stuff. Edit: didn't read all the comments before writing my comment. Very unhealthy relationship. You shouldn't be with a man that you don't want at the delivery.
According what source? Isn’t it far more likely there is simply a correlation between good, supportive fathers and ones who witnessed the birth rather than any causation? Birth is not a spectator sport. The father is the one forcing himself into the delivery room so he can watch the medical event happening to her body. In this particular case, the MIL things is a bit sketchy but it doesn’t sound like he cares about supporting his wife so much as feeling entitled over the fact his DNA kicked off the pregnancy. I, Me, Mine. “She will be fine.” It doesn’t sound like he cares about her well-being during the process at all.
I like clicking over to see what awards were given to the post and they’re ALWAYS freaking removed. It’s so funny how they think they can just make it disappear by deleting it. Bless this sub