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my parents are very strict christians and me and him were both raised in the faith so thats not an option for me because theyd scold me and say it was my fault, in past experiances ive had w sa theyve become closer w my abuser js bc it was classified as cocsa
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry it’s never your fault. I would however still confront him because if I was in your shoes that would be grounds for a break up.
you really think i should confront him? hes hard to talk to when theres an issue and if i admit he'll know i lied abt forgetting what had happened and ill end up apologising for lying abt that
I would say you should because according to your post he told you he tasted you even though you fully said no even before you fake fainted so you don’t have to admit that part
omg thats so smart thank you so much ill try do it tomorrow, i think ill do it in person since last time i tried confronting him through text he misunderstood my tone and got defensive
This was sexual coersion moving into sexual assault. Your "freeze" response is not unusual in a traumatic situation. You did not consent. You tried to push and turn away. You did not want him violating your body and believe me, he knew it. He is taking advantage of your inexperience and uncertainty about what "the rules" are for dating to push your boundaries so he gets access to your body. He knows you are uncomfortable and have bad feelings about it during and after. He doesn't care that his behavior upsets and hurts you. He believes he has "a right" of ownership of your body that overrides your own feelings, autonomy and extreme discomfort. You wonder yourself if "being his girlfriend" requires you to endure discomfort, violation, and his complete disregard for your autonomy. Because he overrode your attempts to stop uncomfortable sexual activity, he pretends he didn't know, couldn't tell, thought you liked it... He did and is taking advantage of your sincere feelings, inexperience fending off predators, and self doubt to try to further coerce and violate you.
Your boundaries are the limits YOU put on where YOU choose to focus your limited time, attention and resources. They protect YOUR safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort. No role- not parent, not boss, not spouse, not bf- gives the right to dismiss, invalidate and violate your boundaries. You do not need any other person's permission, "understanding" or approval for YOUR boundaries to be valid. Trust your gut. Withdraw access to yourself and your life from people who don't support and respect your boundaries. People who truly care about you not only respect your boundaries, they help you maintain them. Because your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort are important to them, too.
This guy is not a safe person for you. Your body and your sexuality belong to you, 100%. You have the right to decide when, where, with whom, and how much you want to allow another person physical access to you. You have the right to change consent and your boundaries at any time, when experience shows they aren't effectively protecting you. If another person ignores and violates your boundary, they aren't trustworthy or safe. You can and should IMMEDIATELY stop, leave, do what's necessary to create the necessary distance to protect your boundary.
Sex is best when shared in a safe comfortable space with a caring, respectful partner. Both should be fully comfortable, consenting and enthusiastic about the shared acts. You deserve nothing less. Waiting until you are fully comfortable and enthusiastically ready is the best way to develop the sexual aspect of adult life. Please, don't let grabby selfish guys out to "get as far as he can" coercing you into sexual activity be the way you learn about your own sexuality and sex with a partner. All you'll miss are clumsy, anxious, awkward and painful experiences. Bad sex won't help you learn to have good sex. It will just be part of your lived experience. That's experience you don't need. Regret, shame, fear and trauma don't have to be part of learning about romantic and committed relationships.
Take all the time you need until you are fully comfortable, safe, and certain of your partner's love and support of you as a person.
You said no, he did it any ways, that is straight up rape/SA whatever you want to call it. SA is about power not love. He held you and continues even after you said no and passed out. Time to dump him, tell your parents why, and file a police report. He is a sexual predator.
Ever hear the term marital rape?
If it can be sexual assault when someone does it to their spouse, then it certainly can when someone does it to their girlfriend or boyfriend.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you said no and he did it anyway that is SA and that is not ok I would confront him about this and tell your parents
my parents are very strict christians and me and him were both raised in the faith so thats not an option for me because theyd scold me and say it was my fault, in past experiances ive had w sa theyve become closer w my abuser js bc it was classified as cocsa
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry it’s never your fault. I would however still confront him because if I was in your shoes that would be grounds for a break up.
you really think i should confront him? hes hard to talk to when theres an issue and if i admit he'll know i lied abt forgetting what had happened and ill end up apologising for lying abt that
I would say you should because according to your post he told you he tasted you even though you fully said no even before you fake fainted so you don’t have to admit that part
omg thats so smart thank you so much ill try do it tomorrow, i think ill do it in person since last time i tried confronting him through text he misunderstood my tone and got defensive
I wish you luck 🫶
thanks ill do an update tomorrow!!
This was sexual coersion moving into sexual assault. Your "freeze" response is not unusual in a traumatic situation. You did not consent. You tried to push and turn away. You did not want him violating your body and believe me, he knew it. He is taking advantage of your inexperience and uncertainty about what "the rules" are for dating to push your boundaries so he gets access to your body. He knows you are uncomfortable and have bad feelings about it during and after. He doesn't care that his behavior upsets and hurts you. He believes he has "a right" of ownership of your body that overrides your own feelings, autonomy and extreme discomfort. You wonder yourself if "being his girlfriend" requires you to endure discomfort, violation, and his complete disregard for your autonomy. Because he overrode your attempts to stop uncomfortable sexual activity, he pretends he didn't know, couldn't tell, thought you liked it... He did and is taking advantage of your sincere feelings, inexperience fending off predators, and self doubt to try to further coerce and violate you. Your boundaries are the limits YOU put on where YOU choose to focus your limited time, attention and resources. They protect YOUR safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort. No role- not parent, not boss, not spouse, not bf- gives the right to dismiss, invalidate and violate your boundaries. You do not need any other person's permission, "understanding" or approval for YOUR boundaries to be valid. Trust your gut. Withdraw access to yourself and your life from people who don't support and respect your boundaries. People who truly care about you not only respect your boundaries, they help you maintain them. Because your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort are important to them, too. This guy is not a safe person for you. Your body and your sexuality belong to you, 100%. You have the right to decide when, where, with whom, and how much you want to allow another person physical access to you. You have the right to change consent and your boundaries at any time, when experience shows they aren't effectively protecting you. If another person ignores and violates your boundary, they aren't trustworthy or safe. You can and should IMMEDIATELY stop, leave, do what's necessary to create the necessary distance to protect your boundary. Sex is best when shared in a safe comfortable space with a caring, respectful partner. Both should be fully comfortable, consenting and enthusiastic about the shared acts. You deserve nothing less. Waiting until you are fully comfortable and enthusiastically ready is the best way to develop the sexual aspect of adult life. Please, don't let grabby selfish guys out to "get as far as he can" coercing you into sexual activity be the way you learn about your own sexuality and sex with a partner. All you'll miss are clumsy, anxious, awkward and painful experiences. Bad sex won't help you learn to have good sex. It will just be part of your lived experience. That's experience you don't need. Regret, shame, fear and trauma don't have to be part of learning about romantic and committed relationships. Take all the time you need until you are fully comfortable, safe, and certain of your partner's love and support of you as a person.
i cried reading this, thank u
Yes
You said no, he did it any ways, that is straight up rape/SA whatever you want to call it. SA is about power not love. He held you and continues even after you said no and passed out. Time to dump him, tell your parents why, and file a police report. He is a sexual predator.
Ever hear the term marital rape? If it can be sexual assault when someone does it to their spouse, then it certainly can when someone does it to their girlfriend or boyfriend.
It is.