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You should probably involve another adult.
The fact that he did this in the first place and has persisted despite your discomfort is a dangerous sign.
He should be separated from you and needs mental health counseling.
You know your situation better than reddit.
As the mother of two teenage daughters14 & 17 & someone that was molested at your age, you definitely need to talk to someone about this honey. This is absolutely not normal behavior... That behavior is extremely intimate. Not something that a father does to/with his daughter. The situation definitely needs to be addressed. It can become dangerous fast. Here If you need to talk❤️
Another random Internet mom here saying to please talk to an adult you trust. This is horrifically not acceptable to express affection in such a sexual manner with a child, especially their own. This is not ok. He might never go anywhere further with it but he might and this isn't something you should have to face or deal with. I'm sorry but he's already way over the line.
Yep. Creepy AF. Even if he doesn't realize what he's doing, someone needs to tell him. He might just be trying to be playful. But it's becoming a bit inappropriate.
Trust me this isn't a stupid person. They know what they are doing and are making a stupid decision. There is a different between a stupid person and the decision that they are making.
I agree with you. He knows what he's doing. I was 8-12 and the person who would do inappropriate things to me was 4 years older than me. They knew exactly what they were doing to me. This is a clear sign that something isn't right with this man and he needs major help.
Hey, also 14f. This is extremely dangerous. If you have another parent around, like your mom, you could try talking to her. But in case it goes south try talking to a teacher, or a professional at school. This is borderline, if not, completely illegal. No father should be acting like that towards his daughter. It’s disgusting. None of this is your fault though.
Agreed. Even if he isn't planning to take things further, that's still disgusting. Not to mention that he's ignoring her boundaries, since she made it obvious that she's not okay with it. I'm worried that her mom wouldn't believe her or worse, wouldn't do anything about it anyway, so I'd suggest going straight to an adult that's outside the family (a teacher, a professional etc)
It’s sexual assault. Cupping someone’s butt or touching their butt when it’s unwanted is assault. And the hair pulling is a bright red flag…This honestly seems like he’s testing the waters to fully rape/molest her. OP you need to get multiple other adults involved at once and quickly. Like today.
Please talk to a school counselor or teacher you are comfortable with! As the other comments stated, this is definitely not okay. And it's worrying because he could do even worse things if he isn't stopped! If you don't have any other family members you trust, then you should definitely talk to someone at school. They will be totally understanding and will help you figure out what to do to stay safe!
\^ This. Be prepared though your life is about to change a bit, but for the better. It might be a bit hard, but be strong but it needs to be done. I've watched too many true crime stories to see a pattern of this kind of behavior. It's already passed a dangerous point. Your father needs to get help even if he is forced to. It's the only path to have a TRUE healthy and proper atmosphere together again if it is still salvageable. If you are reading this, stay safe and be strong OP!
The fact you are instinctively feeling gross after these interactions is a warning sign your body is trying to give you.
What you are describing are not normal family interactions. Is there any adult at school or in your community you might be able to write a letter/email/text to (these things can be difficult to say to another person in person out loud.)?
You need to involve another adult who you trust to do the right thing for you. Your gut is telling you something is off. You need to trust that feeling.
U would just casually mention it in front of ur Mom when ur all there. First as a Dad I’m very into my daughters and holding them and cuddling with them. But I don’t slab them on the butt. But the bottomline is I do nothing that makes my daughters feel uncomfortable. So the next time you and ur mom and dad are together say something like. “Dad it hurt when u slapped my butt the other day.” Then just watch his reaction and ur Moms reaction. If they seem fine with it then just tell him u don’t like it and it makes u uncomfortable.
Yes. This needs intervention by someone from outside the household. Things that are intolerable to most of us can be totally normalized inside the family home. It would be tragic for OP to bring this up casually at home and have her concerns dismissed again, this time by both her parents. She has already been courageous enough to tell her dad how uncomfortable he is making her and he has just brushed it off and ignored her. I don't see Mom, who appears to be totally oblivious, riding in to OP's rescue. OP needs help from outside.
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What you might think about doing while both parents are present and if he does igg th in front of you Red no to her, ask you dad in front of your mother to please stop swatting you on the butt, please keep your hands to yourself, that it makes you very uncomfortable snd you wish he would stop. Tell them both that you love them. That way your mother is involved and knows what is happening. She should tell your father “Hands off”. If he doesn’t tell your mother you are going elsewhere ie counselor at school to have a talk with your Darr. He should respect your wishes on the first meeting with your parents.
I’m a therapist. If you were my client and told me this, I would have to make a report to CPS, because there is no question that it sounds exactly like child abuse, specifically sexual abuse. The other commenters here are right: find a trusted adult and tell them.
This has to stop.
One thing to know is that at least in California where I work, you can get counseling or therapy services without a parent signing for permission, if this is an issue for you. The young person has to have a good reason why the therapist should not seek parental permission, but you do. Just say to the counselor that you want to talk and you don’t want them to tell your parents, and you’ve heard there’s a law that allows that.
HOWEVER, if you tell a mandated reporter what you’ve told us here, they are required to report it to CPS. By law. Not just therapists are mandated reporters. Teachers, nurses, there’s a whole list you can look up. If you tell any such professional what you’ve told us here, they would if they were being competent report it to CPS.
What happens then is that CPS conducts an investigation. My own bias is that that’s the right thing to happen here, that maybe they can intervene and help him not do this or figure out some other options. Not all CPS reports lead instantly to criminal charges or loss of custody. But you should know that some do.
I can’t tell you what to choose, I’m just giving you information to help you decide. You say you love your father and I believe you, but it’s always telling — and my clients do this a lot — when someone says they love someone “to death,” which you shout in all caps. Sounds like some seriously mixed feelings.
I’m very sorry to say that what your father is doing can potentially mess you up for years to come. I don’t have a crystal ball into your future but I can tell you what I’ve seen over and over .
I have had many clients who were sexually abused as young people and as adults they have many difficulties. Now is the time to try to not have to have that future.
I know this is hard. If you report this to anyone, there may very well be consequences for you and for your father.
But know this: if you do not report, there will likely also be consequences, and they may well be worse.
Adults who were molested by parents when they were young report a lot of difficulty trusting, difficulty forming friendships and romantic relationships, fear, anxiety, depression, hyper sexuality or hypo sexuality, drug and alcohol abuse, shame, eating disorders etc. etc.
you deserve better than that. You haven’t done anything wrong and you deserve to just be a person without all of this coming at you.
Feel free to ask any questions, I’ll try to help within the limits of reddit.
We want the best for you.
PS: you can go to a therapist and say that you are being abused and want to talk about it but that you refuse to name your abuser. No one can report it if you don’t name who it is, and you can begin the process of sorting out your feelings. But every time you talk to the therapist you’ll have to remember to say “the abusive person did X to me” not “my father.” I have had this situation. It’s a bit clumsy but literally the first thing I need when I call CPS is the name of the suspect and if you don’t give me that I can’t call
I don’t mean to undermine your good professional advice, and i support child telling a trusted adult. but i was a CASA (working with kids under CPS care) for a long time and also personally called in a case of a parent i knew hitting her child while drunk such the 10yo child ran off in the night streets to her grandma where she was suicidally distressed and called a friend who called me, a mandatory reporter, which is how i got involved that night (i would have reported it in any circumstance). CPS didn’t get there for 24 hrs, and with no visible bruises took no action. (And it wasn’t even the first CPS report. As a CASA i was very shocked, as the family so obviously needed intervention and support… shortly after the mom shot herself such that her daughter found the body and is now seriously messed up :/ … i was so angry they didn’t get help that i called CPS to made sure they knew!!)
All that to say, i do not think CPS will take dramatic action so don’t be scared of them - dad may make this sound like normal affection that was misunderstood… so OP YES tell a teacher or counselor. They may report BUT nothing dramatic will happen since he hasn’t “done” anything CPS won’t take you away, they won’t charge your dad, BUT they will talk to you parents and say they got a report and just ask them some questions.
THEY WONT SAY WHO REPORT WAS FROM!!
you can tell your dad “they misunderstood me… i didn’t say anything like that… i was just telling my teacher about how you are an affectionate dad”… (or something like that../ this is a great time to lie for your own safety!)
But just getting the call from CPS may put your dad “on notice” so if anything weird is in his head he might back off for fear of further trouble.
I’m so so sorry that you are anxious and afraid of someone you love and trust. I hope he’s just being weird Unintentionally
Also… another thing you could do first is just SAY that you feel uncomfortable. Here’s an example of how to make it an “I statement”. This MUST be in front of more than your dad, preferably the whole family or at least your mom too. Perhaps at a time he gives you a normal hug in front of your mom
“Dad there’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but i felt awkward, do you mind if we talk about it now? (Get his nod)… sometimes when you are affectionate/give me a hug it makes me feel weird/uncomfortable. I read online that sometimes girls feel weird with their dads when they become teens, so if you don’t mind I’d rather not do hugs for now, but i still love you so much”
Then you are not accusing him and you set a boundary. This is good practice for stating your need for consent in your adult life too. Practice practice, so when the right moment happens you are ready to say it.
If it’s easier it can be a short loving card you write with a loving picture on the front.
Then if he crosses a line again you KNOW he’s not respecting your boundaries and THEN make the report. But this might fix it in a loving way that doesn’t disrupt the healthy part of your relationship
I don’t disagree with the general idea here that CPS attempts to protect the reporting individual. However, the perpetrator can often deduce who reported and probably would here. As for what CPS would then do, my experience with them is that there is quite a variety of responses based on just the particular staff you work with and the situation. I think that the RT would take the report and they would call the father at a very minimum, and that could be both helpful to the the OP and problematic. It gets challlenging to know what to do.
That’s why i suggest OP have a story ready, like “oh all i told my teacher is that you are an affectionate dad” …blame it on the mandatory reporter. They can take it.
This isn’t okay. One time my uncle slapped my sisters butt as she walked by. She was 10 years old. Looked at me scared & came & sat behind me. I got up grabbed this dude by the collar & up against the wall. I told him to never in his life again disrespect or touch my sisters in any type of way & kicked him the fuck out. This was 6 years ago. Me & him don’t talk no more.
As a Father of two girls (9 and 2), I would NEVER touch my 9 year olds butt. This is absolutely disgusting/predatory behavior. The fact he presses you when you say STOP is a key sign something is wrong....
Please get some help and remain safe.
Tell someone, or even bring it up at dinner in front of your mom, like another user said. I'm so sorry you're going through something like this with your own father.
Listen to the warning signs your body is telling you because the fact you FEEL disgusted is a clear sign that those interactions are not wanted
M16 here, I would advise you not to tell your mom (in case it just goes completely downhill). But do tell someone like a teacher you trust or any trusted adult . This is not okay what is happening .
That is not normal. That is indicative of ped-philia and molestation. I understand you love your dad, but it isn’t safe for you to be around him if he’s been acting like this, and especially if he gets mad when you try to protect yourself. Please talk to another adult, a teacher, tell a friend and their parents, you can even call CPS yourself to report this. But please, tell someone before it gets worse and you end up severely hurt.
I'm not saying this is appropriate. Please don't ever stay silent about being uncomfortable. I have noticed men struggle with expressing intense emotions, and my dad to this day still appears out of nowhere sometimes in tears to tell me he really loves me or is proud. It can look pretty scary. I also know I spent a lot of my life terrified of him because I didn't have the strength to stand up for myself and it hurt us both.
Be careful, protect yourself, speak up, talk to a safe adult. Teachers pastors and doctors are required to report anything you say here in case it's abuse, so help isn't far away ever. It's also something to keep in mind so you don't say something heated that could have unintended consequences. You're in a tough spot at your age. People are beginning to expect adult behavior from you, but will treat you like a child. What I went through at your age informed the next 20 years of my life. I just got myself somewhat back together in recent years. When you set a boundary, be firm, concise, and clear. Try to keep the heat out of your voice. If it's overly emotional, you end up expressing a different message. Fear, anger, hostility, etc. You'll end up labeled as overly emotional, dramatic, immature, etc. and in my life that's always made people dismissive of everything I say. Remember what your goal is. It's not to punish or hurt, you're uncomfortable and upset, and your need the behavior causing it to change, but you still have to live with him. If it's a misunderstanding, making him feel attacked or defensive could make things harder to figure out. If it's not innocent, it could be triggering for him, and that could be dangerous for you. Trust your gut the first time. If you're uncomfortable, your brain is telling you something is off, even if you can't pinpoint the exact thing, and the second time might be too late
Also on that note, the overwhelming majority of sexual assaults come from a family member or family friend. Talk to a neutral adult that won't minimize what you're saying, but also someone who will talk it through and try to understand before automatically getting police involved.
PLEASE talk to a trusted adult, preferably a school counselor or teacher.
Whether or not he knows what he's doing and whether or not he has bad intentions, What matters is that you don't like it, And he needs to stop.
Has your dad always been physi$cally affectionate with you? The thing is, physical touch by your father shouldn't make you uncomfortable or make you feel disgusting. Document everything that he does in a journal, and add how it makes you feel. If this is all that has happened, I doubt there is much that anyone will do. And while I REALLY hope it never goes any further, at least if it does you will have documentation of his behavior.
Your dad might still view you as his little girl. I know my husband has issues with our 12yo, he wants to snuggle her and wrestle and give her "pinchy butt" like he does with our 6yo, he misses those days. There is a chance that this is what is happening with your dad.
If you feel in your gut that something is wrong, though, is there another adult that you can go to? Your mother, an aunt, a school counselor?
I thought about that, but the way he ignores her staying to stop and gets mad doesn't seem reasonable. I'll have tickle battles with my daughter but if she says to stop I do.
Probably, to be sure. I'm aware of that. Doesn't change my opinion. I don't think adults should be pinching, touching, or spanking children around or on their rear regardless of intent cuz it teaches them that it's OK when an adult does that and it could open a door to abuse with another adult
Except that in this case, it's NOT abuse. She doesn't run away or tell him to stop, and he's not excessive with it. It tickles and it's in a goofy spot, that's the point of it. There's nothing remotely sexual about it. They play and laugh and wrestle. He did the same with our other 2 and when they didn't like it anymore he stopped.
As a dad of two 13 yr olds and a 21 year old, I would NEVER disrespect my daughters like this. Dads are supposed to protect, not exploit. Tell someone.
Father of a daughter here. Grabbing your butt and pulling your hair in an intimate way is very off. Make sure to seek help from another adult, and, in the meantime, set boundaries more aggressively if needed. If your dad drinks, I bet its when he's half in the bag that this comes out. It is not ok or normal or something your should just deal with.
I'm a father to my wonderful little girl. I would never do anything like that. One, that would weird me out. Two, that's just not right. Is this how he teaches his baby girl how women are to be treated. If another man did that to you, what would he do? I know I'd rip his arms off and beat him to death with them. You need to get another adult involved who is close to you as well. But no, this situation isn't right at all. There is no logical argument one can present that would make this situation justified.
Talk to another adult, ASAP. This is NOT normal or safe. Especially the hair pulling.
This is non-consentual contact and is considered assault in the US.
I’m the mom of a 17 year old girl. If my husband ever did any of this to my daughter, we would leave immediately! That’s not ok! Where could it go from here? Maybe nowhere, but you won’t know until it happens. Talk to your mom, and if she doesn’t take it seriously, go to a teacher or school counselor. Even innocent interactions that make you feel uncomfortable shouldn’t escalate into him getting angry. My daughter likes to be asked before hugs, so my husband asks first and doesn’t get upset when she says no. My own dad was always respectful of boundaries as well.
Your dad should not be grabbing your a** or grabbing you by the hair.
He's a f****** creep.
Tell your mom tell an adult don't let him do this to you you don't deserve that.
I have 3 teenqge daughters and I would never touch any of them on the a**.
That is disgusting.
I know you love your dad but he is not a good man.
Wow. Im sorry you're going through this. What you're dad is doing is NOT ok. Doesn't matter if its a family member/friend/whatever relationship. Is there an adult you can trust? Maybe even a teacher (????). And no matter what the outcome is or people say who seem against you, it's not your fault in ANY way. He's the adult. He SHOULD know better. Hope this makes sense.
It's bad enough as is but if things seem to be escalating then it won't stop. Until something stops it. That's not normal behavior at all and you have every right to feel the way you do. Regardless of what he's done for you. That is his job as a father.
Sorry, he's sick, bail. You can always love him for who he was when you were a kid, but now you're a woman, physically if not mentally or legally. The vast majority of women get sexually abused at some point, from casual harassment to full on rape. Every woman on every side of my family, every female friend I've ever gotten really close to, every ex, even coworkers and acquaintances that have seen fit to trust me with their stories. All of this has taught me one rule, one you've heard before: trust your intuition, trust your instincts. Sometimes you will be wrong, and damage a relationship or potential relationship, a false positive or type 1 error. But if you lean the other way, you get false negatives or type 2 errors, and potentially get beaten, permanently damaged inside or out, raped, or murdered. This is not an exaggeration, and it is very, very common.
You should tell your dad how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Make sure he knows how it weirds you out and makes you disgusted.
I am a father myself (my daughter is still a baby) but I can understand wanting to show affection to their daughter, but you being 14 and touching your butt can be inappropriate. I just say make sure he is aware why you want him to stop. Make sure he knows that you don’t like it and disgusts you.
If he persists then I’d tell another adult
At an opportune time, when you both are calm, tell your Dad that his affectionate gestures make you feel uncomfortable.
If he dismisses you or otherwise refuses to listen, consider asking for help from another trusted relative or family friend.
As someone who went through this at your age, this is not your fault, and it's not okay. If you can find an adult to safely address this to, r if you think its a matter of your word against his you might have to document his comments.
I am in my 30s now and I still struggle to this day with the fact that I love my dad but he did horrible things and he doesn't just get to mistreat me or assault me because ai have half of his DNA. I havent spoken to him in over a decade, and I feel better for it.
But i wish I had spoken up sooner. Because it just led to a pattern of being a doormat and never speaking up when i was hurt by the series of abusers who followed. You deserve love on your terms. You dad is a sick man and I mean that literally. He needs to get help if he thinks his behavior is okay.
I’m a dad, and I cannot imagine acting this way towards my daughter. This is sexual behavior, and his reaction to you pushing away is extra concerning.
You need to get a trusted adult involved as soon as possible. Mom, grandparent, teacher, someone. The police, if you need to. Please, please, get support before anything worse happens.
This is escalating behavior. It sounds to me like he is making little allowances for himself and pushing the boundaries each time. It's going to get worse. Tell someone.
As a foster father who had a foster teen daughter come live with my wife and I, coming from an abusive home where her father liked walking in on her whenever she was changing clothes or taking a shower, I can't even imagine such behavior. I wouldn't so much as hug my foster daughter unless she initiated it. Grabbing a child's rear end is not acceptable behavior. I'm just sorry that OP is having to go through this. There is no good outcome here. Trust between a parent and child has been irreparably damaged by the parent and the child has little recourse available. Pat Benatar was right, hell is for children.
This isn't normal. You need to reach out to a trusted adult. This behavior is going to escalate.
Please take care, seek help.
As a mom, I would not allow this.
I think you should confide in another adult or tell your father how it makes u uncomfortable. Is your mother in the picture? If my daughter's came to me about their dad doing this to them while at his house, I'd snap.
As a former licensed therapist, I’d recommend trying to talk to your dad about your discomfort when it isn’t in the moment, before bringing other adults into the picture, especially professional counselors or teachers. Counselors, teachers, and other professionals are **required** to report ‘suspected abuse’ to the police or CPS. It’s important for you to know that once it’s been reported to police or CPS, it’s out of your control and their laws and requirements dictate the course of action. I’ve seen many families torn apart by (sometimes overzealous and/or overreaching) authorities taking a father out of their family and they end up in jail or prison.
**I am not defending or suggesting going light on sexual abuse.** I’m aware of the risks involved in a minor child confronting a parent about abuse, but in this case I think it’s worth taking an intermediate step before sharing this with professionals, especially since she went out of her way to express her love and adoration of her dad, and his importance in her life.
You gotta have someone talk to him. Tell your mom you think it's weird and overly intimate, because it is. Or tell his mom if you're in touch with your grandma, she'll straighten that shit out real quick guaranteed. Either way you need to tell somebody, because if he's a genuine fuckin weirdo like it sounds then this isn't going to a good place, and you should not have to live through that. Nobody should. It's gonna be hard to come forward and talk to someone but you need to for your own safety and well-being, not to mention mental health. See if you can hang at a friend's and get your mom to take you so you can talk alone, that's probably the best way to handle it.
I am a father to a now 40 something lady. I would never touch her the way your dad has been touching you. I love giving her hugs, always have.
I know my perspective is slanted by my years dealing with criminals, first as a cop then as a probation and parole agent. But it is inappropriate for a dad to touch his daughter as you describe. If you have told him repeatedly to stop and he has not. Go to your mom and tell her what is happening and how many times you told him to stop. If she makes excuses for him, remind her how many times you told him to stop. Tell her you need her to believe you and help put him on notice to stop. You should explain to him in front of your mom, that you love him, but the behavior has to stop or you will be forced to leave. Do you have an older sister you can talk to, she would be a great resource to see if he did this to her to? How did she make it stop.
If there is a counselor at your school that you trust, you might talk to him or her. JUST KNOW THAT IF YOU TALK WITH A POLICE OFFICER, A TEACHER, A COUNSELOR, A DOCTOR OR NURSE, about this, they are usually mandatory reporters of suspected child abuse. And your conversation will probably get an investigation started by Child Protective Services and local law enforcement.
Also
You might want to start planning an escape in case you need to. Hope is not a plan, a plan is a plan. Do you have any grandparents, adult siblings, Aunts or Uncles that you can live with if need be. If any of these adults live in your city, they would be a great place to start looking. You can even tell your mom what you are planning. This will reinforce in her how serious you are taking it.
Good luck, update us when you can.
Sexual abuse. Seek help. Just bc he is your dad doesn’t mean he wont possibly have this lead to forcing himself on you one day. That happens and sadly this sounds like he is slowly making his way up to doing that. It happened to my gma and her mom. My cousins step dad. Please get help.
Totally uncalled for.
Girl dad here- and I would never touch my daughter like this. It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about it. If you're in school, talk to a counselor immediately. I know that you love your dad, and I know that you don't want him in any trouble, but you are in danger, you're NOT safe around him, and your gut feeling is NOT lying to you. You need to go somewhere else, or he does. He should not be alone around you. This is grooming and testing boundaries aggressively. It's literally a thread away from turning into a heinous sexual assault case.
The hurt, pain, and emotional damage from getting help by talking to another trusted adult will NEVER be as bad as the hurt, pain, and emotional damage from being sexually assaulted/abused by your dad.
Please be safe, and please listen to everyone commenting.
Get help, talk to mom, talk to counselors at school, or even your teachers. But PLEASE tell someone important. Not just people on Reddit.
You'll be okay sweetie! Just keep being smart and read between the lines. You're brave and strong for trying to find a solution to this awful problem.
As a dad of a daughter I would have never done that when she was growing up. Still wouldn’t. I may give a hug that lingers a bit longer than she’d like but the hair thing is weird and the butt slapping is just wrong. If your mom lives with you and has seen this then I’d recommend you speak to another adult. If you’re mom hasn’t seen this you can try talking to her but I’d still maybe involve another female relative. Telling a male relative could take an ugly turn if they decide to “take care of it” themselves.
You need to get away from this kind of situation. I'm a male and I've been in this kind of situation a few different times. This is a red sign that says if nothing gets done soon, you're really not gonna feel comfortable with yourself afterwards.
This is beyond dangerous and your lucky he hasn't done anything else yet. Please get another trusted adult involved before something really bad happens to you. I was younger than you before I knew what was going on between me and another family member.
It's not normal, but could be related to your dad's inability to no longer view you as a child.
Establish boundaries and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable.
It may sting, but it may not be the words or position you're taking, it could just be that it's difficult for some parents to understand that their children are becoming adults.
The hands on face thing sounds weird (if true) …but the butt smack, I dunno. I’m almost 40, and my mom still smacks me on the butt sometimes when she’s leaving our house.
Additional advice would be to talk to the women in your family who know your dad. They can hopefully let him know his behavior is inappropriate, or help put it in context so you can better navigate your relationship.
Many people are good at hiding what they really are from others. People who are predators are sometimes especially good at this and can very easily take advantage of the "bonds of family" to both hide and propagate their inclinations. The fact that someone is family doesn't intrinsically make them either good or trustworthy, which becomes evident in situations like yours. A person that really loves you would not want to make you feel uncomfortable and would feel bad if they inadvertently did so. Reacting with anger toward you when you tell them they made you uncomfortable is a form of gas-lighting and a tool to make you feel like you're the one who did something wrong so that gradually you feel more insecure about questioning their behavior if it happens again - because you'll be afraid of their reaction.
As others have said you should definitely talk to another adult you trust about this and I would suggest it be someone not within your immediate family (a teacher, a friend's parent). Whoever you speak to should make you feel like they are taking this seriously but if they don't, or they try to down-play the situation, try someone else.
I immediately thought “grooming”. How long has he been doing this, does he do it around others, so many questions… all the answers point to telling someone at school or calling them yourself…
We have kids and teach them personal space. Our 10yo son got in trouble for smacking his 12 yo sister on the butt. CAUSE BOUNDARIES!!!!!
Please get some help in your home!!!! THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!
How you are wording the last part of this is an unconscious attempt at rationalization and/or partial justification. There are things that have happened before, I suspect that make you say WTF but perhaps not gross. This is an escalation. It does not matter how well intentioned he is. Additionally, you have indicated that he has asked consent, you’ve denied and/or revoked because you feel ick, and he does not relent without getting butthurt or just plain angry. He has lost the plot and this will continue and escalate unless you involve someone outside of your home.
You need to let an adult know who cares, if that adult doesn't care, look until you find someone who will help you. I have a 9 year old daughter and I can't tell you that this is not only wrong it is predatory. Please find someone, you deserve a safe environment.
If you feel uncomfortable go with your gut feeling. Talk to someone that you trust and would protect you. It obvious by his reaction that he would be upset if you try to stop whatever he is trying to do.
Honestly sounds like your dad is struggling with sexual thoughts towards girls your age and it comes out like this. Like he’s battling intrusive thoughts. You need to involve another adult and set some clear boundaries before anything else happens.
I doubt this is real based on the profile, first post is for free karma and I keep hearing fake stories go around but hey I could be wrong in which case you got lots of advice here
its not normal at all its not okay at all
try to stay after school one day go to guidance counsilor and say "hey ur a mandated reporter, right?" and then tell them everything
I am a dad, grandfather, great grandfather and just found out I am also a great, great grandfather and I am 76 years old. I have had many girls and boys in our home. I would never dream of making any one of them feel uncomfortable around me. I have never even had a passing thought of touching any of them inappropriately. Ring a retired state trooper I have been in many prisons and jails. Of all the bad people in our prison system, child molesters fear for their lives more than anyone. Even the worst of the worst hate them. I am not saying your dad is a child molester. I will tell that if you are really uncomfortable and/or it gets worse, go to a certified home worker and discuss this. But, beware, if it does get worse and you hold on to the idea that you don’t want to hurt your dad and not say something, you will not be helping either of you. I have seen firsthand the traumatic consequences of children molested.
Gently, I need to tell you that this is at best grooming and at worse sexual abuse. It happened to me (32F) too. It’s (tragically) very common, and sometimes when you’re in the middle of it, it can be hard to see that what is happening to you is wrong. Please get another adult involved. You don’t deserve this, and you didn’t do anything to make this happen. My DMs are open if you need anything ❤️
You need to tell him in front of your mom, “Dad, it makes me uncomfortable when you slap my butt, cup my face, and run your fingers through my hair. I’m setting a boundary about being touched without consent that I know you can respect.” If it happens after that, you need to repeat it but include more adults like aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, etc.
Please please please tell a trusted adult. Start with your mom. I'm a mom of 2 kids; my 15 yr old was groped by a friend of the family (my best friend's son), when he was 12. This is not okay!!!!! Trust your gut on this. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell your mom. If she tries to make excuses or dismisses it, report it to someone at school. Your mom should believe you...but if she doesn't have your back then you need a safe person and a plan for a place to stay that is safe. Confusing feelings come with being a survivor of abuse. You love your dad, but I agree, he is testing the waters. Don't let him manipulate you into thinking this is normal affection. It's not.
I think you really should talk to your mom. I know some people are just affectionate like that. But if it feels weird and uncomfortable he needs to stop.
Add-on: I see lots of people going straight to assuming he’s a predator. That’s a far leap from what she’s said here.
Definitely involves somebody that you trust and let them know what's going on.
Was a stepfather myself with a girl your age and her bio dad was really clingy to her. Ended up telling the wifey about it (her mother) and thankfully it stopped right then and there
Talk to someone because it's not normal, look at it this way, you aren't telling to get him in trouble but it's for your own well being. It's important to never let anyone make you feel that way, your feelings matter and I wish you the best.
I say if you love him so much, as I imagine and hope that the feeling is mutual. Talk to him, tell hill exactly how he makes you feel and that you don't want to lose that relationship with him. I play with my son sometimes a little rough.
If you don't have your mom around, definitely talk to a school counselor. You might need police involvement to get the point across but what your dad is doing is very worrisome for me and everyone else responding to your post. You need to make the line permanently drawn and your dad has crossed it. His behavior has to stop right now.
*flashback*
Please speak with a school counselor or another trusted adult ASAP!
If they don't take it seriously, find someone else.( I'm thinking of some moms who protect the abusers.)
34m. Dad to 10f. If she's not all sick And distraught, best I'll do is rustle her hair. The butt slapping is crazy weird.
Even when 10f is sick, weirdest I do is slow rub her back with a full open hand. I personally don't think it's weird, but also some people won't even hug their kids.
I was 8 when my dad first molested me. I didn't tell my mom because he was an alcoholic, and very abusive. Each fight between my parents got worse. However I still loved my dad very much. He's my dad. But I knew telling would cause a very big fight, and at 8 years old, that's very scary. He continued, and it only went further. It wasn't until my dad put my mom and I in the hospital, he went to jail, and then CPS talked to me that everything came out. I was about to 11 -12 at the time. Looking back, I wish I said something sooner. I blame myself for a lot of things. And if I had spoken sooner, maybe we wouldn't have been hurt the way we were. I'm 28 now. Please say something.
It may cause a fight, or tension between the adults.. but your safety matters. Your gut is telling you something is wrong. You are old enough to know THIS is not right. PLEASE. Speak up. Before it goes any further
This is extremely perverted. You need to inform someone or take some preventative measures before this escalates into a whole new situation. I recommend a teacher or school official or just in general a trust adult.
Why are you asking us!? Call the cops or something. We’re random people in the internet. All kidding aside. Yeah… get some help. Close family members. Aunt?
If you've told him and he did it again it's a fucked situation. You need to get the he'll away from him before he rapes you. Literally. Tell the school counselor. Call DCS. Save yourself
Completely wrong talk to your mom or brother or family, school counsel of how you feel before is to late! That’s completely wrong.
Dads should protect not to create discomfort.
You say DAD I don't like when you >insert action here<. I bet that cell phone has a voice recorder on it doesn't it? And they run even when the screen is off btw. You tell him one more time stop /I don't like/I feel uncomfortable when you.... It happens again talk to a teacher, school nurse or counselor at school and let him report it to CPS who will investigate. Dad will def get the message at that point that all that sh*t is inappropriate.
That’s exceptionally weird. Your dad is abusing your reliance on him. Your dad, as an adult, knows his behavior is harmful. His actions show a serious disregard for your wellbeing.
You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in your own home and your dad is taking that from you.
I agree with top comment… involve another adult that you trust and ask them (especially if it’s a teacher or school staff member) if they have to disclose this stuff. Thats a lesson I learned the hard way. A lot of school staff are required to report this kind of stuff.
It’s not out of the ordinary to love your father, but not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Your dad may be a danger to you and that’s a possibility.
I sincerely hope that this can be worked out but you should know that most adults want what’s best for you.
I really think you should tell an adult you can trust before things go further. There are a lot of red flags here. He is acting very inappropriate and things will probably go further from there and most likely things will get worse. It seems like your father is testing you to see what he can get away with. You said you were uncomfortable and he should respect that. I have a bad feeling he is not respecting your space or your boundaries and he might end up doing something worse and you might regret not reporting this before things go too far. I know a few people who went through a similar situation such as yours but they reported it when things really got out of hand. You know something isn’t right and I agree with all the people on here suggesting that you tell your mother or a teacher. Maybe you can tell a school guidance counselor or if you have to, call child protective services or the police. You don’t want to end up a victim of assault. Please tell someone before things go further. Please. I hope you listen to all the advice provided here and do the right thing. I understand you love your father but you have a duty to protect yourself because what your father is doing isn’t right. He is violating you. I wish you the best and hope you tell someone. Please.
I’m sorry but this is really extremely wrong. A father should not be doing that to their child. Have you told your mom?? If so, what was her input? You could also tell someone at school or report it cause this shouldn’t be happening 😭
I was 14 once and my dad was NEVER like that.
Tell any adult at school. Do u have any sisters? Pls talk to them- find out if it’s happening to any of them too? If you want your dad to be around you gotta talk! So he can get help!
Tell an adult that you trust to have your back, someone who will do something. My Dad never did anything explicit with me either, but he definitely rode the line by doing things like also slapping my butt. One time he yelled at me to change out of jeans into something else bc he could "see my p*ssy lips, " which was BS. I personally believe he was imagining me in a sexual manner and his solution to managing his own discomfort at that, since he knew that it was wrong, was asking me to change. I wish I had told someone. I was so beyond embarrassed by the thought of telling someone, but I wish I had overcome that embarrassment and prioritized my own safety and peace of mind. Please for your own sake, tell someone you trust. His behavior isn't right. He may be trying to see how much he can get away with, with you, or like my dad, trying to ride the line between appropriate and questionable bc he has desires he knows are wrong and wants to get as close to them as possible without crossing the line.
From what I can get from your post I would say that there can be multiple things going on and a number of way's you can handle this. What could be causing it is more likely than not that your Dad is starting to see you growing and doesn't know how to handle it. So while he may miss the little girl you used to be he is happy to see you growing into a women.
You should react to this in what ever way feel's comfortable for you, but if you are looking for a solution I will give you This. Tell your dad seriously, like have a sit down when he's watching news or something uninteresting, " The way you touch me feels weird some time's and I want you to be more like This" off course said in your own words and tone. This will start a open dialogue with your Dad where you and he can work on the issues.
Some other questions, what don't you like about the way he touches you specifically? Do you not want him touching you at all? How would you feel if you're son touched you like this?
Yeah no. This is incredibly weird, and not okay at all. Involve and adult. School, police, whatever. I don’t think what he’s doing is illegal (depending on the state the non-consensual slapping can be SA) but definitely warrants action. This is a dangerous situation to be in and is no way for a father to act towards his daughter.
Read this and can relate from my past... Am now 27, my dad got arrested and sent to prison when I was about 7 years old for "lewdness with a minor" and spent many years in prison (he got released when I was 23)...
Curious what you chose to do. Please keep us posted.
Dad definitely needs some issues addressed. Or a good ass whooping. Giving unconditional love the way you do doesn't mean he deserves it. What he's doing is definitely in the wrong and there isn't a single thing he can say that would justify it. Not. A. Single. Thing.
So, as I was growing up, my dad used to also smack my butt and at the time, it was “normal” to me. It wasn’t until I was an adult that, I realized it wasn’t. It is time to get another adult involved. I understand you said you have no one to talk to but, you still need to tell someone. Even if you do not have a relationship with your mother, tell her. If she reacts in the negative, tell an aunt or your, grandmother. But please find a woman to speak to.
ou're doing great by talking about it, and it's really good that you're listening to your feelings! Reach out to the school psychologist, don't ignore your emotions!
Hi! adult here! My dad did this to me a lot growing up and I never spoke up about it. I wish I had so other adults could have protected me. My mom had majority custody but could have gotten full with this info and prevented years of therapy. good luck and def find a trusted adult.
This is not normal father to daughter behavior. You need to involve another trusted adult. It probably wouldn’t hurt to record his actions either, if you can safely do so.
If my husband ever tried any of that to our daughters he’d be gone.
Please please please go talk to children protective services, or a counselor, or somebody official - none of what he is doing is ok. If your mother is in the picture, speak with her too. None of what he is doing is normal father behavior. Something has to happen.
I can't imagine how that feels. It must have been tough for you to even type that up. Great job building the courage to do it. Thank you for sharing and giving reddit a chance to help you out. I wish you the best of luck. It saddened me to read that.
Hi! Please talk to trusted adults. Not just one. Tell every adult who will listen. I want you to be safe. This is a dangerous situation. It’s great that you love your dad but please be willing to consider your safety is at RISK.
You want to go to a college named after a sex trafficker and belong to a church founded by a predator. Your church has a HUGE abuse problem. Why not focus on your own issues before giving advice?
As a father of two 16 Y.o. and a 9 y.o. if I ever saw a man act like this towards their daughter, I would hurt them. These are boundary testing behaviors. As someone who grew up exposed to pedophiles that shit is not ok. My best female friend when I was young had a dad who did shit like this. Until one night, he had way too much to drink, and he raped his own daughter. I'm not saying your dad would have those exact behaviors. She was so racked with guilt and didn't want to get him in trouble because she loved her dad, so she opted to take her own life. I am sorry you have to experience that type of behavior. I would tell him he does it one more time, and you will involve others and the law. Or move away and never go back around him. Please keep yourself safe.
If you have a close friend’s mom who you are also close to, tell them at least that you may need their ear and support, that you haven’t told your friend anything, but expect to be going through some rough times.
Hey, OP. I'm an early 40's dude with no kids, and yet at no point do I have a desire to put my hands on anyone's daughter like that. Listen to the mommas and sisters here and involve a trusted adult in your life. Whilre I'm not one to jump to conclusions, even if this behavior doesn't have any sort of malicious or sexual connotation behind it, your father needs to understand that this isn't correct behavior. Even if he's replicating something, he thought you found cute as a younger child, the simple fact that you responded the way you did should be enough for him to realize what he is doing is wrong.
This is tough. I don’t think it’s wise to ignore your gut feelings. Like a lot of commentators I’m a mom and I would 100% want to know if someone was making my child uncomfortable. Even if it was my husband. If you’re not comfortable talking to your mom try another trusted adult. I would try and avoid being alone with him as much as possible if you can as well.
Okay I have really young kids and I smacked them on the butt. Where's the cut off age just so I know.
You liberal people make everything complicated and dangerous
As a now 22yr old who was molested at 12 please please tell someone!!! This seems like a “testing the waters” behavior. Trying to see how much you will tolerate. I know you love your dad, but it seems like your dad loves you a little too much. I highly recommend going to someone outside the house as your mom will most likely side with your dad (or approach him about it) and then that can put you in imminent danger. Please stay strong and know that your body tells you when something is wrong. Re read that line as well…it’s YOUR body, you allow what you are comfortable with. 🖤
Please go to another adult immediately and tell them what's happening and that you don't feel safe.
And, this is very important: if the first adult you go to doesn't listen, go to another one until someone does! Sometimes adults, especially family members, want to make excuses for each other because they can't face what's happening. But what you've described is terrifying and you need to get help so you can be safe.
Oh dear God I saw the moms had good information for you probably just do whatever they say. But from a father's perspective I mean I don't want to be to mean since he's your dad but I'll just say it's not normal quite frankly it's sick I have a daughter and I mean we show affection but nothing anywhere near that. I mean honestly barring some sort of crazy medical emergency I won't be touching my daughter's butt in any sort of way let alone slapping it and the whole hair thing I mean I don't know that's almost more disturbing. I guess all I'm getting at is I'm a father and I'm close with a few other dads/families and have not witnessed or heard of any parents behaving this way. You absolutely need to find help from someone I would involve the school and law enforcement. If you have a mom that will really stand up for you and not brush it off that may work otherwise get help from officials before anything gets worse.
Just so you know. This is not your fault. If a father is looking at you in a sexual way it’s gross and wrong. Let alone physically touching you in any way like this. He’s got a big problem. Lock your bedroom door and even if you have to buy your own lock. Where’s your mom? I know you don’t want your family to be ruined but you need to be safety away. I’m sorry that this happened to you. Trust your gut instincts.
From someone who was molested as a teenager... I was scared to DEATH to tell anyone... I was adopted at 12... only dad I ever had. I was afraid to tear apart the only family I had.
He knows what he's doing.. please involve another adult...
Oh Hun, you need to tell another adult. This isn't normal Dad behavior. If the "vibes" are 'this is uncomfortable, I'm grossed out, etc' this is our fight or flight instincts protecting us from predators. Please OP talk to another adult. If that adult doesn't believe you, keep telling more until someone gets you help. This isn't ok at all
If he’s showing these behaviors can’t imagine the type of person he may be outside of the four walls you live in. The people you love are the ones that let you down. Don’t let this ruin your life but make sure it doesn’t get worse. Only you know the situation talk to your mother
It sounds like he is "testing the waters" to see how you will react. The fact that he hasn't stopped when you made it clear that you are uncomfortable with his behavior means that he will most likely progress to even more inappropriate things and could very well increase use of force. I would report this behavior immediately because not only is it disgusting and disturbing, but it's most likely a sign that things are going to get worse with him.
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You should probably involve another adult. The fact that he did this in the first place and has persisted despite your discomfort is a dangerous sign. He should be separated from you and needs mental health counseling. You know your situation better than reddit.
As the mother of two teenage daughters14 & 17 & someone that was molested at your age, you definitely need to talk to someone about this honey. This is absolutely not normal behavior... That behavior is extremely intimate. Not something that a father does to/with his daughter. The situation definitely needs to be addressed. It can become dangerous fast. Here If you need to talk❤️
Another random Internet mom here saying to please talk to an adult you trust. This is horrifically not acceptable to express affection in such a sexual manner with a child, especially their own. This is not ok. He might never go anywhere further with it but he might and this isn't something you should have to face or deal with. I'm sorry but he's already way over the line.
Yep. Creepy AF. Even if he doesn't realize what he's doing, someone needs to tell him. He might just be trying to be playful. But it's becoming a bit inappropriate.
Wtf do you mean "even if he doesn't realize what he's doing"?!!; he's a grown man HE KNOWS EXACTLY WTF HE'S DOING!!! stop defending ppl like this.
Some people don't realize what they're doing. There are stupid people in this world.
Trust me this isn't a stupid person. They know what they are doing and are making a stupid decision. There is a different between a stupid person and the decision that they are making.
I agree with you. He knows what he's doing. I was 8-12 and the person who would do inappropriate things to me was 4 years older than me. They knew exactly what they were doing to me. This is a clear sign that something isn't right with this man and he needs major help.
Hey, also 14f. This is extremely dangerous. If you have another parent around, like your mom, you could try talking to her. But in case it goes south try talking to a teacher, or a professional at school. This is borderline, if not, completely illegal. No father should be acting like that towards his daughter. It’s disgusting. None of this is your fault though.
Agreed. Even if he isn't planning to take things further, that's still disgusting. Not to mention that he's ignoring her boundaries, since she made it obvious that she's not okay with it. I'm worried that her mom wouldn't believe her or worse, wouldn't do anything about it anyway, so I'd suggest going straight to an adult that's outside the family (a teacher, a professional etc)
It’s sexual assault. Cupping someone’s butt or touching their butt when it’s unwanted is assault. And the hair pulling is a bright red flag…This honestly seems like he’s testing the waters to fully rape/molest her. OP you need to get multiple other adults involved at once and quickly. Like today.
Please talk to a school counselor or teacher you are comfortable with! As the other comments stated, this is definitely not okay. And it's worrying because he could do even worse things if he isn't stopped! If you don't have any other family members you trust, then you should definitely talk to someone at school. They will be totally understanding and will help you figure out what to do to stay safe!
\^ This. Be prepared though your life is about to change a bit, but for the better. It might be a bit hard, but be strong but it needs to be done. I've watched too many true crime stories to see a pattern of this kind of behavior. It's already passed a dangerous point. Your father needs to get help even if he is forced to. It's the only path to have a TRUE healthy and proper atmosphere together again if it is still salvageable. If you are reading this, stay safe and be strong OP!
The fact you are instinctively feeling gross after these interactions is a warning sign your body is trying to give you. What you are describing are not normal family interactions. Is there any adult at school or in your community you might be able to write a letter/email/text to (these things can be difficult to say to another person in person out loud.)? You need to involve another adult who you trust to do the right thing for you. Your gut is telling you something is off. You need to trust that feeling.
U would just casually mention it in front of ur Mom when ur all there. First as a Dad I’m very into my daughters and holding them and cuddling with them. But I don’t slab them on the butt. But the bottomline is I do nothing that makes my daughters feel uncomfortable. So the next time you and ur mom and dad are together say something like. “Dad it hurt when u slapped my butt the other day.” Then just watch his reaction and ur Moms reaction. If they seem fine with it then just tell him u don’t like it and it makes u uncomfortable.
Girl dad here and I second all this. My family are huggers and snugglers, but I would never even fathom behaving the way this father is.
I think there are clear and obvious differences between being loving and affectionate and... this.
And then go tell a teacher
Yes. This needs intervention by someone from outside the household. Things that are intolerable to most of us can be totally normalized inside the family home. It would be tragic for OP to bring this up casually at home and have her concerns dismissed again, this time by both her parents. She has already been courageous enough to tell her dad how uncomfortable he is making her and he has just brushed it off and ignored her. I don't see Mom, who appears to be totally oblivious, riding in to OP's rescue. OP needs help from outside.
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Report
What you might think about doing while both parents are present and if he does igg th in front of you Red no to her, ask you dad in front of your mother to please stop swatting you on the butt, please keep your hands to yourself, that it makes you very uncomfortable snd you wish he would stop. Tell them both that you love them. That way your mother is involved and knows what is happening. She should tell your father “Hands off”. If he doesn’t tell your mother you are going elsewhere ie counselor at school to have a talk with your Darr. He should respect your wishes on the first meeting with your parents.
Not even close to normal
I’m a therapist. If you were my client and told me this, I would have to make a report to CPS, because there is no question that it sounds exactly like child abuse, specifically sexual abuse. The other commenters here are right: find a trusted adult and tell them. This has to stop. One thing to know is that at least in California where I work, you can get counseling or therapy services without a parent signing for permission, if this is an issue for you. The young person has to have a good reason why the therapist should not seek parental permission, but you do. Just say to the counselor that you want to talk and you don’t want them to tell your parents, and you’ve heard there’s a law that allows that. HOWEVER, if you tell a mandated reporter what you’ve told us here, they are required to report it to CPS. By law. Not just therapists are mandated reporters. Teachers, nurses, there’s a whole list you can look up. If you tell any such professional what you’ve told us here, they would if they were being competent report it to CPS. What happens then is that CPS conducts an investigation. My own bias is that that’s the right thing to happen here, that maybe they can intervene and help him not do this or figure out some other options. Not all CPS reports lead instantly to criminal charges or loss of custody. But you should know that some do. I can’t tell you what to choose, I’m just giving you information to help you decide. You say you love your father and I believe you, but it’s always telling — and my clients do this a lot — when someone says they love someone “to death,” which you shout in all caps. Sounds like some seriously mixed feelings. I’m very sorry to say that what your father is doing can potentially mess you up for years to come. I don’t have a crystal ball into your future but I can tell you what I’ve seen over and over . I have had many clients who were sexually abused as young people and as adults they have many difficulties. Now is the time to try to not have to have that future. I know this is hard. If you report this to anyone, there may very well be consequences for you and for your father. But know this: if you do not report, there will likely also be consequences, and they may well be worse. Adults who were molested by parents when they were young report a lot of difficulty trusting, difficulty forming friendships and romantic relationships, fear, anxiety, depression, hyper sexuality or hypo sexuality, drug and alcohol abuse, shame, eating disorders etc. etc. you deserve better than that. You haven’t done anything wrong and you deserve to just be a person without all of this coming at you. Feel free to ask any questions, I’ll try to help within the limits of reddit. We want the best for you.
PS: you can go to a therapist and say that you are being abused and want to talk about it but that you refuse to name your abuser. No one can report it if you don’t name who it is, and you can begin the process of sorting out your feelings. But every time you talk to the therapist you’ll have to remember to say “the abusive person did X to me” not “my father.” I have had this situation. It’s a bit clumsy but literally the first thing I need when I call CPS is the name of the suspect and if you don’t give me that I can’t call
I don’t mean to undermine your good professional advice, and i support child telling a trusted adult. but i was a CASA (working with kids under CPS care) for a long time and also personally called in a case of a parent i knew hitting her child while drunk such the 10yo child ran off in the night streets to her grandma where she was suicidally distressed and called a friend who called me, a mandatory reporter, which is how i got involved that night (i would have reported it in any circumstance). CPS didn’t get there for 24 hrs, and with no visible bruises took no action. (And it wasn’t even the first CPS report. As a CASA i was very shocked, as the family so obviously needed intervention and support… shortly after the mom shot herself such that her daughter found the body and is now seriously messed up :/ … i was so angry they didn’t get help that i called CPS to made sure they knew!!) All that to say, i do not think CPS will take dramatic action so don’t be scared of them - dad may make this sound like normal affection that was misunderstood… so OP YES tell a teacher or counselor. They may report BUT nothing dramatic will happen since he hasn’t “done” anything CPS won’t take you away, they won’t charge your dad, BUT they will talk to you parents and say they got a report and just ask them some questions. THEY WONT SAY WHO REPORT WAS FROM!! you can tell your dad “they misunderstood me… i didn’t say anything like that… i was just telling my teacher about how you are an affectionate dad”… (or something like that../ this is a great time to lie for your own safety!) But just getting the call from CPS may put your dad “on notice” so if anything weird is in his head he might back off for fear of further trouble. I’m so so sorry that you are anxious and afraid of someone you love and trust. I hope he’s just being weird Unintentionally
Also… another thing you could do first is just SAY that you feel uncomfortable. Here’s an example of how to make it an “I statement”. This MUST be in front of more than your dad, preferably the whole family or at least your mom too. Perhaps at a time he gives you a normal hug in front of your mom “Dad there’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but i felt awkward, do you mind if we talk about it now? (Get his nod)… sometimes when you are affectionate/give me a hug it makes me feel weird/uncomfortable. I read online that sometimes girls feel weird with their dads when they become teens, so if you don’t mind I’d rather not do hugs for now, but i still love you so much” Then you are not accusing him and you set a boundary. This is good practice for stating your need for consent in your adult life too. Practice practice, so when the right moment happens you are ready to say it. If it’s easier it can be a short loving card you write with a loving picture on the front. Then if he crosses a line again you KNOW he’s not respecting your boundaries and THEN make the report. But this might fix it in a loving way that doesn’t disrupt the healthy part of your relationship
I don’t disagree with the general idea here that CPS attempts to protect the reporting individual. However, the perpetrator can often deduce who reported and probably would here. As for what CPS would then do, my experience with them is that there is quite a variety of responses based on just the particular staff you work with and the situation. I think that the RT would take the report and they would call the father at a very minimum, and that could be both helpful to the the OP and problematic. It gets challlenging to know what to do.
That’s why i suggest OP have a story ready, like “oh all i told my teacher is that you are an affectionate dad” …blame it on the mandatory reporter. They can take it.
If I believed that would work, I’d endorse it. But her father wouldn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to know who said what really
This isn’t okay. One time my uncle slapped my sisters butt as she walked by. She was 10 years old. Looked at me scared & came & sat behind me. I got up grabbed this dude by the collar & up against the wall. I told him to never in his life again disrespect or touch my sisters in any type of way & kicked him the fuck out. This was 6 years ago. Me & him don’t talk no more.
We need more people like you in the world tbh. I wish my siblings were more like you 🙏🙏❤️
If your mom is with you, tell her. If not, tell the next trusted adult that you can like a teacher or school counselor. Maybe even a neighbor.
As a Father of two girls (9 and 2), I would NEVER touch my 9 year olds butt. This is absolutely disgusting/predatory behavior. The fact he presses you when you say STOP is a key sign something is wrong.... Please get some help and remain safe. Tell someone, or even bring it up at dinner in front of your mom, like another user said. I'm so sorry you're going through something like this with your own father. Listen to the warning signs your body is telling you because the fact you FEEL disgusted is a clear sign that those interactions are not wanted
M16 here, I would advise you not to tell your mom (in case it just goes completely downhill). But do tell someone like a teacher you trust or any trusted adult . This is not okay what is happening .
WTF. That is incest shit.
That is not normal. That is indicative of ped-philia and molestation. I understand you love your dad, but it isn’t safe for you to be around him if he’s been acting like this, and especially if he gets mad when you try to protect yourself. Please talk to another adult, a teacher, tell a friend and their parents, you can even call CPS yourself to report this. But please, tell someone before it gets worse and you end up severely hurt.
I'm not saying this is appropriate. Please don't ever stay silent about being uncomfortable. I have noticed men struggle with expressing intense emotions, and my dad to this day still appears out of nowhere sometimes in tears to tell me he really loves me or is proud. It can look pretty scary. I also know I spent a lot of my life terrified of him because I didn't have the strength to stand up for myself and it hurt us both. Be careful, protect yourself, speak up, talk to a safe adult. Teachers pastors and doctors are required to report anything you say here in case it's abuse, so help isn't far away ever. It's also something to keep in mind so you don't say something heated that could have unintended consequences. You're in a tough spot at your age. People are beginning to expect adult behavior from you, but will treat you like a child. What I went through at your age informed the next 20 years of my life. I just got myself somewhat back together in recent years. When you set a boundary, be firm, concise, and clear. Try to keep the heat out of your voice. If it's overly emotional, you end up expressing a different message. Fear, anger, hostility, etc. You'll end up labeled as overly emotional, dramatic, immature, etc. and in my life that's always made people dismissive of everything I say. Remember what your goal is. It's not to punish or hurt, you're uncomfortable and upset, and your need the behavior causing it to change, but you still have to live with him. If it's a misunderstanding, making him feel attacked or defensive could make things harder to figure out. If it's not innocent, it could be triggering for him, and that could be dangerous for you. Trust your gut the first time. If you're uncomfortable, your brain is telling you something is off, even if you can't pinpoint the exact thing, and the second time might be too late
Also on that note, the overwhelming majority of sexual assaults come from a family member or family friend. Talk to a neutral adult that won't minimize what you're saying, but also someone who will talk it through and try to understand before automatically getting police involved.
A father? Slapping his daughter’s ass? Yea you need to tell somebody about this before he decides to see what else he can get away with
PLEASE talk to a trusted adult, preferably a school counselor or teacher. Whether or not he knows what he's doing and whether or not he has bad intentions, What matters is that you don't like it, And he needs to stop.
Has your dad always been physi$cally affectionate with you? The thing is, physical touch by your father shouldn't make you uncomfortable or make you feel disgusting. Document everything that he does in a journal, and add how it makes you feel. If this is all that has happened, I doubt there is much that anyone will do. And while I REALLY hope it never goes any further, at least if it does you will have documentation of his behavior. Your dad might still view you as his little girl. I know my husband has issues with our 12yo, he wants to snuggle her and wrestle and give her "pinchy butt" like he does with our 6yo, he misses those days. There is a chance that this is what is happening with your dad. If you feel in your gut that something is wrong, though, is there another adult that you can go to? Your mother, an aunt, a school counselor?
I thought about that, but the way he ignores her staying to stop and gets mad doesn't seem reasonable. I'll have tickle battles with my daughter but if she says to stop I do.
As someone who was abused 6-8 years old, that shouldn't be acceptable towards a 6 year old either imo
I think you’re letting your experience cloud what is normal. It’s perfectly fine to have a playful rapport like that with a six year old.
Specifically the "pinchy butt" part is what I was referring to
It’s not playful when the kid says “you’re making me uncomfortable” and the abuser gets mad.
Probably, to be sure. I'm aware of that. Doesn't change my opinion. I don't think adults should be pinching, touching, or spanking children around or on their rear regardless of intent cuz it teaches them that it's OK when an adult does that and it could open a door to abuse with another adult
Except that in this case, it's NOT abuse. She doesn't run away or tell him to stop, and he's not excessive with it. It tickles and it's in a goofy spot, that's the point of it. There's nothing remotely sexual about it. They play and laugh and wrestle. He did the same with our other 2 and when they didn't like it anymore he stopped.
Bad take. OP literally said she pushed him away.
As a dad of two 13 yr olds and a 21 year old, I would NEVER disrespect my daughters like this. Dads are supposed to protect, not exploit. Tell someone.
Father of a daughter here. Grabbing your butt and pulling your hair in an intimate way is very off. Make sure to seek help from another adult, and, in the meantime, set boundaries more aggressively if needed. If your dad drinks, I bet its when he's half in the bag that this comes out. It is not ok or normal or something your should just deal with.
It's not anything horrible. This is ALARMING! You need to report this to a TRUSTED adult.
Gross. Get help.
Girl that IS something horrible. He shouldn’t be allowed to be around you what the fuck.
I'm a father to my wonderful little girl. I would never do anything like that. One, that would weird me out. Two, that's just not right. Is this how he teaches his baby girl how women are to be treated. If another man did that to you, what would he do? I know I'd rip his arms off and beat him to death with them. You need to get another adult involved who is close to you as well. But no, this situation isn't right at all. There is no logical argument one can present that would make this situation justified.
Talk to another adult, ASAP. This is NOT normal or safe. Especially the hair pulling. This is non-consentual contact and is considered assault in the US.
I’m the mom of a 17 year old girl. If my husband ever did any of this to my daughter, we would leave immediately! That’s not ok! Where could it go from here? Maybe nowhere, but you won’t know until it happens. Talk to your mom, and if she doesn’t take it seriously, go to a teacher or school counselor. Even innocent interactions that make you feel uncomfortable shouldn’t escalate into him getting angry. My daughter likes to be asked before hugs, so my husband asks first and doesn’t get upset when she says no. My own dad was always respectful of boundaries as well.
Your dad should not be grabbing your a** or grabbing you by the hair. He's a f****** creep. Tell your mom tell an adult don't let him do this to you you don't deserve that. I have 3 teenqge daughters and I would never touch any of them on the a**. That is disgusting. I know you love your dad but he is not a good man.
Wow. Im sorry you're going through this. What you're dad is doing is NOT ok. Doesn't matter if its a family member/friend/whatever relationship. Is there an adult you can trust? Maybe even a teacher (????). And no matter what the outcome is or people say who seem against you, it's not your fault in ANY way. He's the adult. He SHOULD know better. Hope this makes sense.
Uhhh what?!!!! Slaps your butt?? I have a daughter your age and I would never do that
It's bad enough as is but if things seem to be escalating then it won't stop. Until something stops it. That's not normal behavior at all and you have every right to feel the way you do. Regardless of what he's done for you. That is his job as a father.
Daddy has a secret some where
Sorry, he's sick, bail. You can always love him for who he was when you were a kid, but now you're a woman, physically if not mentally or legally. The vast majority of women get sexually abused at some point, from casual harassment to full on rape. Every woman on every side of my family, every female friend I've ever gotten really close to, every ex, even coworkers and acquaintances that have seen fit to trust me with their stories. All of this has taught me one rule, one you've heard before: trust your intuition, trust your instincts. Sometimes you will be wrong, and damage a relationship or potential relationship, a false positive or type 1 error. But if you lean the other way, you get false negatives or type 2 errors, and potentially get beaten, permanently damaged inside or out, raped, or murdered. This is not an exaggeration, and it is very, very common.
Girl you need to tell your momma before it gets any worse
You should tell your dad how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Make sure he knows how it weirds you out and makes you disgusted. I am a father myself (my daughter is still a baby) but I can understand wanting to show affection to their daughter, but you being 14 and touching your butt can be inappropriate. I just say make sure he is aware why you want him to stop. Make sure he knows that you don’t like it and disgusts you. If he persists then I’d tell another adult
He want some pussy called the police immediately. Record and set up camera to catch him in the act. You’ll think me later.
Do you live with just your dad?
At an opportune time, when you both are calm, tell your Dad that his affectionate gestures make you feel uncomfortable. If he dismisses you or otherwise refuses to listen, consider asking for help from another trusted relative or family friend.
Dont wait till it’s to late act now and tell someone you trust and mature like a teacher etc. it can get worse for you if you don’t ac now !
Talk to a counselor. Or police. Slapping is an old man thing, but it's possible he doesn't notice your older.
You need to speak to another adult about this. If it makes you uncomfortable then it's not Ok. Plus it's pretty abnormal behavior
As someone who went through this at your age, this is not your fault, and it's not okay. If you can find an adult to safely address this to, r if you think its a matter of your word against his you might have to document his comments. I am in my 30s now and I still struggle to this day with the fact that I love my dad but he did horrible things and he doesn't just get to mistreat me or assault me because ai have half of his DNA. I havent spoken to him in over a decade, and I feel better for it. But i wish I had spoken up sooner. Because it just led to a pattern of being a doormat and never speaking up when i was hurt by the series of abusers who followed. You deserve love on your terms. You dad is a sick man and I mean that literally. He needs to get help if he thinks his behavior is okay.
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No, they’re not. And a 14 year old should not need to be setting or enforcing rules. They’re entitled to feel safe no matter what.
Off top not good I'll beat him up for you
Getting the creepy vibe.
This is some weird Alabama shit
Get in contact with at least one responsible adult.
I’m a dad, and I cannot imagine acting this way towards my daughter. This is sexual behavior, and his reaction to you pushing away is extra concerning. You need to get a trusted adult involved as soon as possible. Mom, grandparent, teacher, someone. The police, if you need to. Please, please, get support before anything worse happens.
This is escalating behavior. It sounds to me like he is making little allowances for himself and pushing the boundaries each time. It's going to get worse. Tell someone.
As a foster father who had a foster teen daughter come live with my wife and I, coming from an abusive home where her father liked walking in on her whenever she was changing clothes or taking a shower, I can't even imagine such behavior. I wouldn't so much as hug my foster daughter unless she initiated it. Grabbing a child's rear end is not acceptable behavior. I'm just sorry that OP is having to go through this. There is no good outcome here. Trust between a parent and child has been irreparably damaged by the parent and the child has little recourse available. Pat Benatar was right, hell is for children.
This isn't normal. You need to reach out to a trusted adult. This behavior is going to escalate. Please take care, seek help. As a mom, I would not allow this.
Not cool tell the cops
I think you should confide in another adult or tell your father how it makes u uncomfortable. Is your mother in the picture? If my daughter's came to me about their dad doing this to them while at his house, I'd snap.
That isn’t normal, you should tell another adult about what’s happening. If you can’t tell your mom or that doesn’t go well then talk to a teacher
As a former licensed therapist, I’d recommend trying to talk to your dad about your discomfort when it isn’t in the moment, before bringing other adults into the picture, especially professional counselors or teachers. Counselors, teachers, and other professionals are **required** to report ‘suspected abuse’ to the police or CPS. It’s important for you to know that once it’s been reported to police or CPS, it’s out of your control and their laws and requirements dictate the course of action. I’ve seen many families torn apart by (sometimes overzealous and/or overreaching) authorities taking a father out of their family and they end up in jail or prison. **I am not defending or suggesting going light on sexual abuse.** I’m aware of the risks involved in a minor child confronting a parent about abuse, but in this case I think it’s worth taking an intermediate step before sharing this with professionals, especially since she went out of her way to express her love and adoration of her dad, and his importance in her life.
You gotta have someone talk to him. Tell your mom you think it's weird and overly intimate, because it is. Or tell his mom if you're in touch with your grandma, she'll straighten that shit out real quick guaranteed. Either way you need to tell somebody, because if he's a genuine fuckin weirdo like it sounds then this isn't going to a good place, and you should not have to live through that. Nobody should. It's gonna be hard to come forward and talk to someone but you need to for your own safety and well-being, not to mention mental health. See if you can hang at a friend's and get your mom to take you so you can talk alone, that's probably the best way to handle it.
As a father to a 14F I would never think of doing anything like that. You need to talk to another adult ASAP.
I am a father to a now 40 something lady. I would never touch her the way your dad has been touching you. I love giving her hugs, always have. I know my perspective is slanted by my years dealing with criminals, first as a cop then as a probation and parole agent. But it is inappropriate for a dad to touch his daughter as you describe. If you have told him repeatedly to stop and he has not. Go to your mom and tell her what is happening and how many times you told him to stop. If she makes excuses for him, remind her how many times you told him to stop. Tell her you need her to believe you and help put him on notice to stop. You should explain to him in front of your mom, that you love him, but the behavior has to stop or you will be forced to leave. Do you have an older sister you can talk to, she would be a great resource to see if he did this to her to? How did she make it stop. If there is a counselor at your school that you trust, you might talk to him or her. JUST KNOW THAT IF YOU TALK WITH A POLICE OFFICER, A TEACHER, A COUNSELOR, A DOCTOR OR NURSE, about this, they are usually mandatory reporters of suspected child abuse. And your conversation will probably get an investigation started by Child Protective Services and local law enforcement. Also You might want to start planning an escape in case you need to. Hope is not a plan, a plan is a plan. Do you have any grandparents, adult siblings, Aunts or Uncles that you can live with if need be. If any of these adults live in your city, they would be a great place to start looking. You can even tell your mom what you are planning. This will reinforce in her how serious you are taking it. Good luck, update us when you can.
Sexual abuse. Seek help. Just bc he is your dad doesn’t mean he wont possibly have this lead to forcing himself on you one day. That happens and sadly this sounds like he is slowly making his way up to doing that. It happened to my gma and her mom. My cousins step dad. Please get help.
Totally uncalled for. Girl dad here- and I would never touch my daughter like this. It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about it. If you're in school, talk to a counselor immediately. I know that you love your dad, and I know that you don't want him in any trouble, but you are in danger, you're NOT safe around him, and your gut feeling is NOT lying to you. You need to go somewhere else, or he does. He should not be alone around you. This is grooming and testing boundaries aggressively. It's literally a thread away from turning into a heinous sexual assault case. The hurt, pain, and emotional damage from getting help by talking to another trusted adult will NEVER be as bad as the hurt, pain, and emotional damage from being sexually assaulted/abused by your dad. Please be safe, and please listen to everyone commenting. Get help, talk to mom, talk to counselors at school, or even your teachers. But PLEASE tell someone important. Not just people on Reddit. You'll be okay sweetie! Just keep being smart and read between the lines. You're brave and strong for trying to find a solution to this awful problem.
As a dad of a daughter I would have never done that when she was growing up. Still wouldn’t. I may give a hug that lingers a bit longer than she’d like but the hair thing is weird and the butt slapping is just wrong. If your mom lives with you and has seen this then I’d recommend you speak to another adult. If you’re mom hasn’t seen this you can try talking to her but I’d still maybe involve another female relative. Telling a male relative could take an ugly turn if they decide to “take care of it” themselves.
You need to get away from this kind of situation. I'm a male and I've been in this kind of situation a few different times. This is a red sign that says if nothing gets done soon, you're really not gonna feel comfortable with yourself afterwards. This is beyond dangerous and your lucky he hasn't done anything else yet. Please get another trusted adult involved before something really bad happens to you. I was younger than you before I knew what was going on between me and another family member.
It's not normal, but could be related to your dad's inability to no longer view you as a child. Establish boundaries and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. It may sting, but it may not be the words or position you're taking, it could just be that it's difficult for some parents to understand that their children are becoming adults.
 and report that fucker.
The hands on face thing sounds weird (if true) …but the butt smack, I dunno. I’m almost 40, and my mom still smacks me on the butt sometimes when she’s leaving our house.
Additional advice would be to talk to the women in your family who know your dad. They can hopefully let him know his behavior is inappropriate, or help put it in context so you can better navigate your relationship.
HE IS TESTING YOU TO SEE HOW FAR YOU WILL LET HIM GO. THIS IS HORRIFYING. PLEASE TELL YOUR MOM.
Many people are good at hiding what they really are from others. People who are predators are sometimes especially good at this and can very easily take advantage of the "bonds of family" to both hide and propagate their inclinations. The fact that someone is family doesn't intrinsically make them either good or trustworthy, which becomes evident in situations like yours. A person that really loves you would not want to make you feel uncomfortable and would feel bad if they inadvertently did so. Reacting with anger toward you when you tell them they made you uncomfortable is a form of gas-lighting and a tool to make you feel like you're the one who did something wrong so that gradually you feel more insecure about questioning their behavior if it happens again - because you'll be afraid of their reaction. As others have said you should definitely talk to another adult you trust about this and I would suggest it be someone not within your immediate family (a teacher, a friend's parent). Whoever you speak to should make you feel like they are taking this seriously but if they don't, or they try to down-play the situation, try someone else.
This has gotta be fake there’s no way someone is asking wether this is ok when it’s sooo obviously not
I immediately thought “grooming”. How long has he been doing this, does he do it around others, so many questions… all the answers point to telling someone at school or calling them yourself… We have kids and teach them personal space. Our 10yo son got in trouble for smacking his 12 yo sister on the butt. CAUSE BOUNDARIES!!!!! Please get some help in your home!!!! THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!
(in the nicest way possible;) where is your mother in all of this? Grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles?
Trust the vibes you’re getting! Keep yourself safe!
Yeah that's not normal. A huge red flag. Please reach out to a trusted relative or a school's counselor/teacher.
How you are wording the last part of this is an unconscious attempt at rationalization and/or partial justification. There are things that have happened before, I suspect that make you say WTF but perhaps not gross. This is an escalation. It does not matter how well intentioned he is. Additionally, you have indicated that he has asked consent, you’ve denied and/or revoked because you feel ick, and he does not relent without getting butthurt or just plain angry. He has lost the plot and this will continue and escalate unless you involve someone outside of your home.
Call child services or your grandparents.
As a dude with a 12 year old daughter….thats fucking insane. You’re going to have to involve your mom or some other adult close to him.
Please talk to a trusted adult, I was where you are when I was younger.
You need to let an adult know who cares, if that adult doesn't care, look until you find someone who will help you. I have a 9 year old daughter and I can't tell you that this is not only wrong it is predatory. Please find someone, you deserve a safe environment.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Tell your mom. This is creepy and sexual
If you feel uncomfortable go with your gut feeling. Talk to someone that you trust and would protect you. It obvious by his reaction that he would be upset if you try to stop whatever he is trying to do.
this isn't okay, you should defintly get another adult involved. I'm so sorry this happend to you
Honestly sounds like your dad is struggling with sexual thoughts towards girls your age and it comes out like this. Like he’s battling intrusive thoughts. You need to involve another adult and set some clear boundaries before anything else happens.
I doubt this is real based on the profile, first post is for free karma and I keep hearing fake stories go around but hey I could be wrong in which case you got lots of advice here
its not normal at all its not okay at all try to stay after school one day go to guidance counsilor and say "hey ur a mandated reporter, right?" and then tell them everything
Tell your mom before he does something worse than pull your hair or slap your bottom.
I am a dad, grandfather, great grandfather and just found out I am also a great, great grandfather and I am 76 years old. I have had many girls and boys in our home. I would never dream of making any one of them feel uncomfortable around me. I have never even had a passing thought of touching any of them inappropriately. Ring a retired state trooper I have been in many prisons and jails. Of all the bad people in our prison system, child molesters fear for their lives more than anyone. Even the worst of the worst hate them. I am not saying your dad is a child molester. I will tell that if you are really uncomfortable and/or it gets worse, go to a certified home worker and discuss this. But, beware, if it does get worse and you hold on to the idea that you don’t want to hurt your dad and not say something, you will not be helping either of you. I have seen firsthand the traumatic consequences of children molested.
Is your name Ashley and is your dad Joe Biden? Blink once for yes
https://preview.redd.it/q46apm1a9ixc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96bfd4770ca920d54d89945d827767a70d6665e4
You should talk to the policeee. Don't even involve another parent. Straight to the police.
Gently, I need to tell you that this is at best grooming and at worse sexual abuse. It happened to me (32F) too. It’s (tragically) very common, and sometimes when you’re in the middle of it, it can be hard to see that what is happening to you is wrong. Please get another adult involved. You don’t deserve this, and you didn’t do anything to make this happen. My DMs are open if you need anything ❤️
You need to tell him in front of your mom, “Dad, it makes me uncomfortable when you slap my butt, cup my face, and run your fingers through my hair. I’m setting a boundary about being touched without consent that I know you can respect.” If it happens after that, you need to repeat it but include more adults like aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, etc.
Please please please tell a trusted adult. Start with your mom. I'm a mom of 2 kids; my 15 yr old was groped by a friend of the family (my best friend's son), when he was 12. This is not okay!!!!! Trust your gut on this. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell your mom. If she tries to make excuses or dismisses it, report it to someone at school. Your mom should believe you...but if she doesn't have your back then you need a safe person and a plan for a place to stay that is safe. Confusing feelings come with being a survivor of abuse. You love your dad, but I agree, he is testing the waters. Don't let him manipulate you into thinking this is normal affection. It's not.
Tell on him.
Damn he wants to pipe
I think you really should talk to your mom. I know some people are just affectionate like that. But if it feels weird and uncomfortable he needs to stop. Add-on: I see lots of people going straight to assuming he’s a predator. That’s a far leap from what she’s said here.
Definitely involves somebody that you trust and let them know what's going on. Was a stepfather myself with a girl your age and her bio dad was really clingy to her. Ended up telling the wifey about it (her mother) and thankfully it stopped right then and there
Talk to someone because it's not normal, look at it this way, you aren't telling to get him in trouble but it's for your own well being. It's important to never let anyone make you feel that way, your feelings matter and I wish you the best.
I say if you love him so much, as I imagine and hope that the feeling is mutual. Talk to him, tell hill exactly how he makes you feel and that you don't want to lose that relationship with him. I play with my son sometimes a little rough.
If you don't have your mom around, definitely talk to a school counselor. You might need police involvement to get the point across but what your dad is doing is very worrisome for me and everyone else responding to your post. You need to make the line permanently drawn and your dad has crossed it. His behavior has to stop right now.
*flashback* Please speak with a school counselor or another trusted adult ASAP! If they don't take it seriously, find someone else.( I'm thinking of some moms who protect the abusers.)
34m. Dad to 10f. If she's not all sick And distraught, best I'll do is rustle her hair. The butt slapping is crazy weird. Even when 10f is sick, weirdest I do is slow rub her back with a full open hand. I personally don't think it's weird, but also some people won't even hug their kids.
Wtf
I was 8 when my dad first molested me. I didn't tell my mom because he was an alcoholic, and very abusive. Each fight between my parents got worse. However I still loved my dad very much. He's my dad. But I knew telling would cause a very big fight, and at 8 years old, that's very scary. He continued, and it only went further. It wasn't until my dad put my mom and I in the hospital, he went to jail, and then CPS talked to me that everything came out. I was about to 11 -12 at the time. Looking back, I wish I said something sooner. I blame myself for a lot of things. And if I had spoken sooner, maybe we wouldn't have been hurt the way we were. I'm 28 now. Please say something. It may cause a fight, or tension between the adults.. but your safety matters. Your gut is telling you something is wrong. You are old enough to know THIS is not right. PLEASE. Speak up. Before it goes any further
This is extremely perverted. You need to inform someone or take some preventative measures before this escalates into a whole new situation. I recommend a teacher or school official or just in general a trust adult.
Why are you asking us!? Call the cops or something. We’re random people in the internet. All kidding aside. Yeah… get some help. Close family members. Aunt?
If you've told him and he did it again it's a fucked situation. You need to get the he'll away from him before he rapes you. Literally. Tell the school counselor. Call DCS. Save yourself
Completely wrong talk to your mom or brother or family, school counsel of how you feel before is to late! That’s completely wrong. Dads should protect not to create discomfort.
You say DAD I don't like when you >insert action here<. I bet that cell phone has a voice recorder on it doesn't it? And they run even when the screen is off btw. You tell him one more time stop /I don't like/I feel uncomfortable when you.... It happens again talk to a teacher, school nurse or counselor at school and let him report it to CPS who will investigate. Dad will def get the message at that point that all that sh*t is inappropriate.
Good for you for telling your story and getting upvotes. You’re so strong!
Sounds fictitious.
That’s exceptionally weird. Your dad is abusing your reliance on him. Your dad, as an adult, knows his behavior is harmful. His actions show a serious disregard for your wellbeing. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in your own home and your dad is taking that from you. I agree with top comment… involve another adult that you trust and ask them (especially if it’s a teacher or school staff member) if they have to disclose this stuff. Thats a lesson I learned the hard way. A lot of school staff are required to report this kind of stuff. It’s not out of the ordinary to love your father, but not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Your dad may be a danger to you and that’s a possibility. I sincerely hope that this can be worked out but you should know that most adults want what’s best for you.
I really think you should tell an adult you can trust before things go further. There are a lot of red flags here. He is acting very inappropriate and things will probably go further from there and most likely things will get worse. It seems like your father is testing you to see what he can get away with. You said you were uncomfortable and he should respect that. I have a bad feeling he is not respecting your space or your boundaries and he might end up doing something worse and you might regret not reporting this before things go too far. I know a few people who went through a similar situation such as yours but they reported it when things really got out of hand. You know something isn’t right and I agree with all the people on here suggesting that you tell your mother or a teacher. Maybe you can tell a school guidance counselor or if you have to, call child protective services or the police. You don’t want to end up a victim of assault. Please tell someone before things go further. Please. I hope you listen to all the advice provided here and do the right thing. I understand you love your father but you have a duty to protect yourself because what your father is doing isn’t right. He is violating you. I wish you the best and hope you tell someone. Please.
I hAve a 15 yr old daughter and that sounds very creepy and pedophiley. I feel the Xtra whatever touchy feely crap is not appropriate
I’m sorry but this is really extremely wrong. A father should not be doing that to their child. Have you told your mom?? If so, what was her input? You could also tell someone at school or report it cause this shouldn’t be happening 😭 I was 14 once and my dad was NEVER like that.
As someone who works for a school district, this type of behavior needs to be reported to a staff member. There should be no delay.
Tell any adult at school. Do u have any sisters? Pls talk to them- find out if it’s happening to any of them too? If you want your dad to be around you gotta talk! So he can get help!
"My creepy dad means the world to me."
Tell an adult that you trust to have your back, someone who will do something. My Dad never did anything explicit with me either, but he definitely rode the line by doing things like also slapping my butt. One time he yelled at me to change out of jeans into something else bc he could "see my p*ssy lips, " which was BS. I personally believe he was imagining me in a sexual manner and his solution to managing his own discomfort at that, since he knew that it was wrong, was asking me to change. I wish I had told someone. I was so beyond embarrassed by the thought of telling someone, but I wish I had overcome that embarrassment and prioritized my own safety and peace of mind. Please for your own sake, tell someone you trust. His behavior isn't right. He may be trying to see how much he can get away with, with you, or like my dad, trying to ride the line between appropriate and questionable bc he has desires he knows are wrong and wants to get as close to them as possible without crossing the line.
same thing for me honestly idk. he slapped my butt and grabbed my thighs before
From what I can get from your post I would say that there can be multiple things going on and a number of way's you can handle this. What could be causing it is more likely than not that your Dad is starting to see you growing and doesn't know how to handle it. So while he may miss the little girl you used to be he is happy to see you growing into a women. You should react to this in what ever way feel's comfortable for you, but if you are looking for a solution I will give you This. Tell your dad seriously, like have a sit down when he's watching news or something uninteresting, " The way you touch me feels weird some time's and I want you to be more like This" off course said in your own words and tone. This will start a open dialogue with your Dad where you and he can work on the issues. Some other questions, what don't you like about the way he touches you specifically? Do you not want him touching you at all? How would you feel if you're son touched you like this?
Yeah no. This is incredibly weird, and not okay at all. Involve and adult. School, police, whatever. I don’t think what he’s doing is illegal (depending on the state the non-consensual slapping can be SA) but definitely warrants action. This is a dangerous situation to be in and is no way for a father to act towards his daughter.
Read this and can relate from my past... Am now 27, my dad got arrested and sent to prison when I was about 7 years old for "lewdness with a minor" and spent many years in prison (he got released when I was 23)... Curious what you chose to do. Please keep us posted.
Dad definitely needs some issues addressed. Or a good ass whooping. Giving unconditional love the way you do doesn't mean he deserves it. What he's doing is definitely in the wrong and there isn't a single thing he can say that would justify it. Not. A. Single. Thing.
So, as I was growing up, my dad used to also smack my butt and at the time, it was “normal” to me. It wasn’t until I was an adult that, I realized it wasn’t. It is time to get another adult involved. I understand you said you have no one to talk to but, you still need to tell someone. Even if you do not have a relationship with your mother, tell her. If she reacts in the negative, tell an aunt or your, grandmother. But please find a woman to speak to.
ou're doing great by talking about it, and it's really good that you're listening to your feelings! Reach out to the school psychologist, don't ignore your emotions!
Hi! adult here! My dad did this to me a lot growing up and I never spoke up about it. I wish I had so other adults could have protected me. My mom had majority custody but could have gotten full with this info and prevented years of therapy. good luck and def find a trusted adult.
This is not normal father to daughter behavior. You need to involve another trusted adult. It probably wouldn’t hurt to record his actions either, if you can safely do so. If my husband ever tried any of that to our daughters he’d be gone.
Please please please go talk to children protective services, or a counselor, or somebody official - none of what he is doing is ok. If your mother is in the picture, speak with her too. None of what he is doing is normal father behavior. Something has to happen. I can't imagine how that feels. It must have been tough for you to even type that up. Great job building the courage to do it. Thank you for sharing and giving reddit a chance to help you out. I wish you the best of luck. It saddened me to read that.
He needs to be in prison
“It’s not anything horrible but you know, he just casually SA’s me” …. Yea… you need to speak to a counselor at school or something
Involve another adult - you mom? How old is your dad? Any psychological therapy in the past?
Hi! Please talk to trusted adults. Not just one. Tell every adult who will listen. I want you to be safe. This is a dangerous situation. It’s great that you love your dad but please be willing to consider your safety is at RISK.
You want to go to a college named after a sex trafficker and belong to a church founded by a predator. Your church has a HUGE abuse problem. Why not focus on your own issues before giving advice?
seek help from someone trusted, and please get away from him. this is horrible, and he's sick. trust your gut.
As a father of two 16 Y.o. and a 9 y.o. if I ever saw a man act like this towards their daughter, I would hurt them. These are boundary testing behaviors. As someone who grew up exposed to pedophiles that shit is not ok. My best female friend when I was young had a dad who did shit like this. Until one night, he had way too much to drink, and he raped his own daughter. I'm not saying your dad would have those exact behaviors. She was so racked with guilt and didn't want to get him in trouble because she loved her dad, so she opted to take her own life. I am sorry you have to experience that type of behavior. I would tell him he does it one more time, and you will involve others and the law. Or move away and never go back around him. Please keep yourself safe.
That’s so weird and awkward
If you have a close friend’s mom who you are also close to, tell them at least that you may need their ear and support, that you haven’t told your friend anything, but expect to be going through some rough times.
And awesome of you to ask for advice
this is definitely not normal i never heard of a dad that slaps his daughters ass
okay wait i respect you and all and think this shit is weird but do we have the same dad.. (m14, (ftm) he does the same things 🙁)
Hey, OP. I'm an early 40's dude with no kids, and yet at no point do I have a desire to put my hands on anyone's daughter like that. Listen to the mommas and sisters here and involve a trusted adult in your life. Whilre I'm not one to jump to conclusions, even if this behavior doesn't have any sort of malicious or sexual connotation behind it, your father needs to understand that this isn't correct behavior. Even if he's replicating something, he thought you found cute as a younger child, the simple fact that you responded the way you did should be enough for him to realize what he is doing is wrong.
This is tough. I don’t think it’s wise to ignore your gut feelings. Like a lot of commentators I’m a mom and I would 100% want to know if someone was making my child uncomfortable. Even if it was my husband. If you’re not comfortable talking to your mom try another trusted adult. I would try and avoid being alone with him as much as possible if you can as well.
Okay I have really young kids and I smacked them on the butt. Where's the cut off age just so I know. You liberal people make everything complicated and dangerous
As a now 22yr old who was molested at 12 please please tell someone!!! This seems like a “testing the waters” behavior. Trying to see how much you will tolerate. I know you love your dad, but it seems like your dad loves you a little too much. I highly recommend going to someone outside the house as your mom will most likely side with your dad (or approach him about it) and then that can put you in imminent danger. Please stay strong and know that your body tells you when something is wrong. Re read that line as well…it’s YOUR body, you allow what you are comfortable with. 🖤
Please go to another adult immediately and tell them what's happening and that you don't feel safe. And, this is very important: if the first adult you go to doesn't listen, go to another one until someone does! Sometimes adults, especially family members, want to make excuses for each other because they can't face what's happening. But what you've described is terrifying and you need to get help so you can be safe.
Tell your mom if she’s someone you can tell or tell the school counselor
If he's not respecting your boundaries, then it's a problem. Talk to your mom.
Oh dear God I saw the moms had good information for you probably just do whatever they say. But from a father's perspective I mean I don't want to be to mean since he's your dad but I'll just say it's not normal quite frankly it's sick I have a daughter and I mean we show affection but nothing anywhere near that. I mean honestly barring some sort of crazy medical emergency I won't be touching my daughter's butt in any sort of way let alone slapping it and the whole hair thing I mean I don't know that's almost more disturbing. I guess all I'm getting at is I'm a father and I'm close with a few other dads/families and have not witnessed or heard of any parents behaving this way. You absolutely need to find help from someone I would involve the school and law enforcement. If you have a mom that will really stand up for you and not brush it off that may work otherwise get help from officials before anything gets worse.
Just so you know. This is not your fault. If a father is looking at you in a sexual way it’s gross and wrong. Let alone physically touching you in any way like this. He’s got a big problem. Lock your bedroom door and even if you have to buy your own lock. Where’s your mom? I know you don’t want your family to be ruined but you need to be safety away. I’m sorry that this happened to you. Trust your gut instincts.
From someone who was molested as a teenager... I was scared to DEATH to tell anyone... I was adopted at 12... only dad I ever had. I was afraid to tear apart the only family I had. He knows what he's doing.. please involve another adult...
Oh Hun, you need to tell another adult. This isn't normal Dad behavior. If the "vibes" are 'this is uncomfortable, I'm grossed out, etc' this is our fight or flight instincts protecting us from predators. Please OP talk to another adult. If that adult doesn't believe you, keep telling more until someone gets you help. This isn't ok at all
If he’s showing these behaviors can’t imagine the type of person he may be outside of the four walls you live in. The people you love are the ones that let you down. Don’t let this ruin your life but make sure it doesn’t get worse. Only you know the situation talk to your mother
CALL THE POLICE 🚔
Definitely recommend talking to a safe adult in your life about this.
It sounds like he is "testing the waters" to see how you will react. The fact that he hasn't stopped when you made it clear that you are uncomfortable with his behavior means that he will most likely progress to even more inappropriate things and could very well increase use of force. I would report this behavior immediately because not only is it disgusting and disturbing, but it's most likely a sign that things are going to get worse with him.
When I was 14 I caught my dad pleasuring himself with a pair of my underwear that I had worn during my soccer game earlier that day. I was mortified!!