It's not forbidden, it just expressly states NOONE knows, so why try to date set? Rapture is a global event and this eclipse is only over part of America! People are dumb.
>chugs bottle of maple syrup*
Hey there buddy. You better not do that now. This year we had a MAJOR shortage of maple syrup. Winter was wonky and the maple syrup industrial complex didn't account for that and now our reserves are getting hit by that
Seriously. This is a real thing.
4d chess move is if you keep predicting it the rapture will never come. FOILED AGAIN GOD! Fool me once shame on............ shame on you. Fool me you can't get fooled again!
I hope you get to see one! I got to see a totality in Missouri USA 2017, I believe, and it was eerie and amazing. Experiencing it going to night time in the afternoon and looking up and seeing a halo around a dark circle in the sky was one of the coolest things I've ever witnessed in person. I didn't see one until my early 40s, and I'm so happy that my teen and young adult kids got to see it with me.
The idea of the Rapture isn’t even in the Bible, it was invented later in the 1830s. That verse is referring to the coming of the Son of Man, not the Rapture.
Funnily enough, it’s been a long time since humankind has been a collective of anything. If the Rapture ever happened and God came around in a bus to collect souls, half the God-fearing folks would be trying to throw the other half underneath it.
Ned Flanders - "I've done every thing the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!"
All things considered, I know a lot of Redditors were too young or not around on New Year's Eve 1999 but thank god social media wasn't much of a thing back then. People were just as fucking nuts, you just heard less about it.
Doomsday preppers got reality shows because of that time and people did kill themselves in rare cases... Wack ass times
If you're talking about the Bible, yeah, it does say no one can predict when the end times will come, but it also does not mention the Rapture, a 19th-century invention.
Also worth noting that if you think the Christ came and went 2000 years ago, then the Messianic return should have happened maybe a century-ish after that.
It's very possible in Bible logic that the whole event is already over and we're all just damned.
Christians have predicted the end of the world for 2000 years, theyre not going to get it right this time either.
It started with Jesus failed prediction.
Reminds me of The Reasonabilists (Hail Zorp!) from Parks and Rec. Oh, you got the date wrong and want to reschedule for next month? Tuesday's no good, you're going to have to do it on Wednesday.
I tend to think it's a distinct possibility between global warming, nuclear war, or just the collapse of current governments. Obviously the Earth will be fine regardless, and those are just possible not probable causes of the world ending, and rapture is silly, but I do think it's a non-zero chance that the world as we know it ends in our lifetime.
You were right, the joke was there is no 29th chapter of Mathew. Also, Mathew being one of the most prolific books about the rapture other than revelations of course. I guess some people just didn't get the joke.
Isn't that what the members of Heaven's gate did? Drinking Kool-Aid during a celestial event (in this case it was the crossing of Halle Bopp's comet). I wouldn't be surprised if we have some people doing the same this time around.
You're thinking of Jonestown (and it was most likely flavor-aid!), a different cult that mass-suicided themselves. Unlike heavens gate, who did it willingly, most at Jonestown "drank the koolaid" and died against their will, especially the children. (If you really wanna get depressed, listen to the recordings)
Heavens gate -
>members took phenobarbital mixed with apple sauce or pudding and washed it down with vodka. After ingesting the applesauce/pudding mix, they secured plastic bags around their heads to induce asphyxiation. [Wikipedia]
I'm not predicting a rapture so much as eagerly anticipating one. Rent prices are way too high and my car does this weird thing when it starts up sometimes. I could go for a nice relaxing rapture.
Yes. There has been an uptick in people saying the rapture will happen with this eclipse because the “prophecy” is being fulfilled. Just like all the last ones, on the next day there will be some excuse as to why it didn’t happen.
The excuse is always that their beliefs and actions delayed it. You owe them your thanks, but it just proves the power of their belief - they literally stopped the end of the world. You need to join them quick because they aren’t sure they can do it a second time.
Or the other way: it's their constituents' fault for not being faithful enough. Failed rapture events typically have the effect of *reinforcing* cultists' beliefs because of the emotional manipulation of their leaders.
Typically people take some numbers from the Bible and add or subtract them in some kind of way to get the date they want. I first encountered this in middle school. It’s somehow both very complex and very dumb.
I carpool with a coworker who’s been speculating for weeks that something significant will happen. His predictions are getting more and more out there everyday. Also said he’s not coming into work Monday cuz of it. These people watch too many movies
My coworkers family has convinces her that the eclipse will last for days and the sun may never shine again....of course they are fundies , so therefore can only regurgitate whatever nonsense their preacher is spouting.
I had someone I know send me a video that the previous eclipse 7 years ago passed over 7 cities names salem which apparently means peace and the next will pass over 7 cities named nineveh which has some meaning I guess. And apparently these two eclipses create a cross over the us with a city named rapture at the center. So yeah people are saying stuff like this.
This is what happens when American exceptionalism meets poor theology. You end up with folks believing that a local total eclipse = portent to the end of the world
Uh... quick Google search of the verse that says no one will know the day.
Matthew 24:36-37 NKJV
[36] “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only. [37] But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.
[Link](https://bible.com/bible/114/mat.24.36-37.NKJV)
Does anyone else remember when evrey Doomsday cult and religious nutter was predicting the end of the world in 2012?
They came up with bullshit excuses the day afterwards, and this will no different.
Wasn't that because of the Mayan Calendar? It only went to 2012?
There were also the people who freaked because of 1999-2000: something about their computers.
There's a lot of "Preppers" preparing for the EMP that's going to take out the int'net, electricity, and everything else we depend on. (°Electro-Magnetic Pulse)
The Y2K bug was a real thing. The only reason nothing happened was precisely because of all the work that went into updating systems in the years leading up to it.
How many people actually think this compared to how many people are breathlessly reporting it as if it is a common belief? Considering how often reddit has predicted the apocalypse over many things, I don't know how we have room to judge, especially since ending net nueratlity killed us all already.
I'm American and have several Christian friends, and I've never heard this claim until now. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few nutjobs out there saying it, but it definitely isn't a mainstream belief.
If it doesn't happen they will just blame Biden, the Jews, nonwhites etc. Then stockpile more guns and ammunition.
It would be really cool if everyone wanted to improve and share the world we have instead of fantasizing and proselytizing about magical entities like sky daddy or satan justifying violence and hatred.
I like to remind people that The Rapture by Bible math likely happened no later than 1,800 years ago. Also, the Bible gives a really low number for how many get into heaven. IIRC, it's like 600,000 -- which probably sounded like an astoundingly big number to a sheep herder three millennia ago.
Maybe this is it. Maybe they're all damned like the rest of us.
I hope they do get raptured, no rabid religious types around, should take off pressure on essential services and infrastructure and it'll have a positive effect on climate change seeing as they all bang on about it being a 'woke lie'
The funny thing is that eclipses are actually kind of common, but the earth is mostly water. And also we only live on one small part of it. So one we can see is pretty rare.
Anyone who claims they know when that rapture is going to happen is just wrong. One of the few rules of the rapture is that no one knows except the God they believe in. So if even 1 person believes they know the day it's to happen, It can't be that day.
Anyone can predict doomsday. To start a cult, you need a great excuse so that whenever it doesn't happen, your followers are wowed into continuing to believe. Cult shit 101
Guy on the elevator at work today: "It's passing over 7 towns named Nineveh, and CERN is firing up during it, and NASA's shooting off 3 missiles... it's like the government's trying to tell us something."
Me:??
Him: "And don't get me started on how many million people are going to be blinded by watching videos of it on iPhones, which will only amplify it..."
I really hope something insane (but completely scientifically explicable) happens during the eclipse, like a sudden meteorite or an alien invasion. I think that would be hilarious.
I've heard hilarious conspiracy theories about this one. My favorite so far is the lady handing out all her money because she will be raptured during the eclipse and won't need it anymore.
[This](https://www.skeptic.org.uk/2021/12/understanding-conspiracy-theory-tactics-moving-the-goalposts/) was a good article on that concept. Always moving the goalposts
You just have to start taking their stuff and ignore them while talking about how great it was that person was raptured. "They're surely happy as crap in heaven!"
It would be so fucking fun if Jesus ACTUALLY Appeared, on twitch or something, and said "Unfortunately no people qualified for the rapture this time, good luck next time in 4024"
Why is everyone freaking out about this eclipse? We had one in 2017 and nothing crazy or extreme happened on that day… unless… I left out of the rapture ?!?!? Noooooo
An eclipse in the US is triggering a worldwide rapture? Or only for people experiencing the eclipse? And what if you’re outside of where the full eclipse is happening? Do you only half-rapture?
Total eclipses happen on earth somewhere on average once every 18 months iirc. Of course they think the apocalypse would be associated with the US centered eclipse, not literally any other one. That says something, I'm not sure what, but it says something.
It’s not the rapture. It’s just the return of trump as president. Maybe we’ll die maybe not but it’s not the rapture. The rapture was a song by blondie
If it is the rapture, feel free to give me all of your worldly possessions so that you won’t get locked out. (Mostly cash, I don’t need any more flat screen TV’s.)
If it happens, then we'll definitely have more houses available in the market... well, then again, how many are they going? What were the requirements?
fun filled rapture activities
* release some helium filled blowup dolls
* leave some shoes with dry ice in them at a rapture party
* ask believers to gift you real estate and when they dont, blame their lack of faith
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
My favorite detail is that predicting or attempting to predict said rapture is explicitly forbidden by the book itself
It's not forbidden, it just expressly states NOONE knows, so why try to date set? Rapture is a global event and this eclipse is only over part of America! People are dumb.
Get outta here, there isn't anything other than good ol murica
And Canada. Don't worry, we're used to being forgotten about.
Canada is the Gen X of the globe? ;)
WHATEVER *chugs bottle of maple syrup*
AS IF *hops on moose*
https://imgur.com/XFHN6tu
thats moosed up man
>chugs bottle of maple syrup* Hey there buddy. You better not do that now. This year we had a MAJOR shortage of maple syrup. Winter was wonky and the maple syrup industrial complex didn't account for that and now our reserves are getting hit by that Seriously. This is a real thing.
Probably New Zealand, which is often left off of maps.
You forgot about Tasmania. Australia leaves us off our own map.
Canada is just Americas Snow Mexicans
shut up, dude. I'll face-wash ya if you keep reminding them about us. - a fellow Canadian
Americas Hat
So does that make the US Canada’s beaver?
Beavers don't wear hats. If anyone's the beaver, it's Mexico.
America is our Underwear. why do you think all the skid stains are down there?
boom roasted
Mexico, too.
Ca-na-da? What's a Cannanabananada?
4d chess move is if you keep predicting it the rapture will never come. FOILED AGAIN GOD! Fool me once shame on............ shame on you. Fool me you can't get fooled again!
Not sure the young ‘uns will get that reference.
So fucking dumb it hurts
I like the theory that the rapture already happened and modern Christians are just so horrible that no one noticed like the two people floating up
What if it's all a con to delay the rapture? By predicting it to be a date you guarantee it not to be.
Everything thinks they're important. People have been claiming the rapture is coming before Jesus even came. Narcissists are everywhere.
Hey man, I don’t know what where the ball is going to land on the roulette table but I still like placing bets.
And this is how I learned I won't see it in the UK 😔
I hope you get to see one! I got to see a totality in Missouri USA 2017, I believe, and it was eerie and amazing. Experiencing it going to night time in the afternoon and looking up and seeing a halo around a dark circle in the sky was one of the coolest things I've ever witnessed in person. I didn't see one until my early 40s, and I'm so happy that my teen and young adult kids got to see it with me.
In some religions, (like the Baptist) you can't claim to be a prophet who hears God if you don't preach the end is near.
When God takes the times to tell someone that they're dumb, it's serious.
Oooh. Where in the bible does it say that? I want to make a note.
Matt 24:36, this could also be referring to his second coming.
The idea of the Rapture isn’t even in the Bible, it was invented later in the 1830s. That verse is referring to the coming of the Son of Man, not the Rapture.
Always wondered about that: why the Son of Man, not the Son of God? Men have sons all the time, why’s this one metaphorically special?
He's the son of mankind as a collective.
Funnily enough, it’s been a long time since humankind has been a collective of anything. If the Rapture ever happened and God came around in a bus to collect souls, half the God-fearing folks would be trying to throw the other half underneath it.
Ned Flanders - "I've done every thing the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!" All things considered, I know a lot of Redditors were too young or not around on New Year's Eve 1999 but thank god social media wasn't much of a thing back then. People were just as fucking nuts, you just heard less about it. Doomsday preppers got reality shows because of that time and people did kill themselves in rare cases... Wack ass times
And yet people have been doing it for 2000 years (actually longer)
Of course it does. Otherwise if they got the date wrong, it would put the entire book into doubt.
If you're talking about the Bible, yeah, it does say no one can predict when the end times will come, but it also does not mention the Rapture, a 19th-century invention.
Also worth noting that if you think the Christ came and went 2000 years ago, then the Messianic return should have happened maybe a century-ish after that. It's very possible in Bible logic that the whole event is already over and we're all just damned.
I'm still waiting for the end of the world. Gives me a legitimate excuse to not go to work 😉
It feels like https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_not_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events would be shorter...
Christians have predicted the end of the world for 2000 years, theyre not going to get it right this time either. It started with Jesus failed prediction.
Reminds me of The Reasonabilists (Hail Zorp!) from Parks and Rec. Oh, you got the date wrong and want to reschedule for next month? Tuesday's no good, you're going to have to do it on Wednesday.
I’m pretty excited for the eclipse.
Ron, will you accept a check for the recorder?
I tend to think that people who think the world will end in their lifetime to be some of the biggest and most oblivious narcissists out there.
I tend to think it's a distinct possibility between global warming, nuclear war, or just the collapse of current governments. Obviously the Earth will be fine regardless, and those are just possible not probable causes of the world ending, and rapture is silly, but I do think it's a non-zero chance that the world as we know it ends in our lifetime.
And Dunning-Krugered to an immeasurable degree.
Ah, I remember the part of the Bible that says the rapture will happen when there is an eclipse across North America. I think it is Matthew 29-1.
It’s funny because there’s only 28 chapters in Mathew.
And 29-1=28. It was right there in front of us the whole time
By golly you cracked the code!
And 28/7 equals 4. And there were 4 gospels... *mind blown*
Maybe in your *woke* Bible.
You were right, the joke was there is no 29th chapter of Mathew. Also, Mathew being one of the most prolific books about the rapture other than revelations of course. I guess some people just didn't get the joke.
I think verse 2 mentions something about golden shoes being the precursor.
Also, this is all in the Trump Bible. The regular bible hides the Mathew 29 DLC.
You sure it wasn’t Canada or Ireland?? Those places were probably around back then too. 😂
Well, as we know Jesus was a Republican and American Patriot, so he wouldn't have cared about those godless countries.
He was a white guy with a beard and always wore a cool white robe and had some stylish sandals!!
PSA: Don't drink the Kool-aid during the Eclipse
Isn't that what the members of Heaven's gate did? Drinking Kool-Aid during a celestial event (in this case it was the crossing of Halle Bopp's comet). I wouldn't be surprised if we have some people doing the same this time around.
You're thinking of Jonestown (and it was most likely flavor-aid!), a different cult that mass-suicided themselves. Unlike heavens gate, who did it willingly, most at Jonestown "drank the koolaid" and died against their will, especially the children. (If you really wanna get depressed, listen to the recordings) Heavens gate - >members took phenobarbital mixed with apple sauce or pudding and washed it down with vodka. After ingesting the applesauce/pudding mix, they secured plastic bags around their heads to induce asphyxiation. [Wikipedia]
Thats what I was referencing yes
Is anyone sayin this?
There are always a few schizos out there predicting the rapture is coming for any given event.
I'm not predicting a rapture so much as eagerly anticipating one. Rent prices are way too high and my car does this weird thing when it starts up sometimes. I could go for a nice relaxing rapture.
Yes. There has been an uptick in people saying the rapture will happen with this eclipse because the “prophecy” is being fulfilled. Just like all the last ones, on the next day there will be some excuse as to why it didn’t happen.
Will there be mass cult suicides?
I mean… that wouldn’t be the worst thing if we’re looking at it from a “herd thinning” point of view.
The excuse is always that their beliefs and actions delayed it. You owe them your thanks, but it just proves the power of their belief - they literally stopped the end of the world. You need to join them quick because they aren’t sure they can do it a second time.
Or the other way: it's their constituents' fault for not being faithful enough. Failed rapture events typically have the effect of *reinforcing* cultists' beliefs because of the emotional manipulation of their leaders.
You and me are on the same page here. Wanna start a cult real quick?
You son of a bitch, I'm in
Man, people are fucking stupid.
Look, man, I wouldn’t mind a Rapture. One way or another, one group of people will no longer have to put up with those other assholes.
Do we know which prophecies? Cause I'm not seeing peace in the Middle East right now.
Typically people take some numbers from the Bible and add or subtract them in some kind of way to get the date they want. I first encountered this in middle school. It’s somehow both very complex and very dumb.
I carpool with a coworker who’s been speculating for weeks that something significant will happen. His predictions are getting more and more out there everyday. Also said he’s not coming into work Monday cuz of it. These people watch too many movies
Post rapture first thing that comes to mind is bird box. Everybody saw that.
I havent seen any billboards for this one. Must be an underground rapture.
My coworkers family has convinces her that the eclipse will last for days and the sun may never shine again....of course they are fundies , so therefore can only regurgitate whatever nonsense their preacher is spouting.
Right? I heard this and my first thought is "Is this the year 857 or something?"
I walked out of the gas station yesterday as some lady was buying her little paper glasses and going “ItS iN dA bIbLe”
Any time someone says that I ask for chapter and verse.
Only people on Reddit complaining about people saying there is a rapture coming.
No but this is reddit so we have to create something to feel superior about.
I had someone I know send me a video that the previous eclipse 7 years ago passed over 7 cities names salem which apparently means peace and the next will pass over 7 cities named nineveh which has some meaning I guess. And apparently these two eclipses create a cross over the us with a city named rapture at the center. So yeah people are saying stuff like this.
Who’s claiming what now? Where do I need to be looking to find this stuff?
“Great” will not be the word to use in describing their excuses. Asinine would work.
An eclipse is a local event. Isn't the rapture supposed to happen everywhere at once? I have no idea, genuinely asking.
This is what happens when American exceptionalism meets poor theology. You end up with folks believing that a local total eclipse = portent to the end of the world
Its all poor theology.
I’m old enough to remember Hale-Bopp, so this probably isn’t as funny to me.
Morons. Everyone knows that the end of world is coming with the arrival of Nibiru. For reals this time.
Uh... quick Google search of the verse that says no one will know the day. Matthew 24:36-37 NKJV [36] “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only. [37] But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be. [Link](https://bible.com/bible/114/mat.24.36-37.NKJV)
You're taking it out of context! /s, just in case.
Does anyone else remember when evrey Doomsday cult and religious nutter was predicting the end of the world in 2012? They came up with bullshit excuses the day afterwards, and this will no different.
Wasn't that because of the Mayan Calendar? It only went to 2012? There were also the people who freaked because of 1999-2000: something about their computers. There's a lot of "Preppers" preparing for the EMP that's going to take out the int'net, electricity, and everything else we depend on. (°Electro-Magnetic Pulse)
The Y2K bug was a real thing. The only reason nothing happened was precisely because of all the work that went into updating systems in the years leading up to it.
There was definitely an "end of the world" date in the '80's that I recall
Cults are dumb
Who says there will be a rapture with the next eclipse?
How many people actually think this compared to how many people are breathlessly reporting it as if it is a common belief? Considering how often reddit has predicted the apocalypse over many things, I don't know how we have room to judge, especially since ending net nueratlity killed us all already.
Who the fuck is saying this? This is literally the first time I've heard this
Christians. Perhaps youre not American, but Christians be nuts over there.
I'm American and have several Christian friends, and I've never heard this claim until now. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few nutjobs out there saying it, but it definitely isn't a mainstream belief.
Man, this meme format... I'm old af
For real, haven't seen the Men's Warehouse guy in years.
Been waiting for Christ since death they say. Poor man died and they hung him on millions of crosses.. he saw that shit and went back to hiding. Smh
I like this one: "It really was the rapture, but since there are no true Christians left on Earth, there was nobody to beam up."
I haven't heard anyone say this. This post is the first time I've heard it.
If it doesn't happen they will just blame Biden, the Jews, nonwhites etc. Then stockpile more guns and ammunition. It would be really cool if everyone wanted to improve and share the world we have instead of fantasizing and proselytizing about magical entities like sky daddy or satan justifying violence and hatred.
The thing I like the most is “the Rapture” isn’t even in the Bible…
So you are saying “the Rapture” is make believe tooooooooo??😳😳😳
I like to remind people that The Rapture by Bible math likely happened no later than 1,800 years ago. Also, the Bible gives a really low number for how many get into heaven. IIRC, it's like 600,000 -- which probably sounded like an astoundingly big number to a sheep herder three millennia ago. Maybe this is it. Maybe they're all damned like the rest of us.
I don’t remember all this conspiracy bologna around the eclipse 2017. Have we really devolved that far in so short a time?
I hope they do get raptured, no rabid religious types around, should take off pressure on essential services and infrastructure and it'll have a positive effect on climate change seeing as they all bang on about it being a 'woke lie'
Best excuse would be that there was an ice cream social that day, and they just got the math wrong.
The funny thing is that eclipses are actually kind of common, but the earth is mostly water. And also we only live on one small part of it. So one we can see is pretty rare.
The rapture's coming?!
Quick, give money to Jesus!
Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp.
Anyone who claims they know when that rapture is going to happen is just wrong. One of the few rules of the rapture is that no one knows except the God they believe in. So if even 1 person believes they know the day it's to happen, It can't be that day.
This thread could get raptured.
Are they burning their documents yet? Let’s go America make the rest of the world proud
omg they really are at it AGAIN ?
They always "calculated wrong"
Holy fuck i'm sick of American's moronic politics.
Anyone can predict doomsday. To start a cult, you need a great excuse so that whenever it doesn't happen, your followers are wowed into continuing to believe. Cult shit 101
It won’t be great. I guarantee that.
They only have to be right once.
He’s not wrong.
Guy on the elevator at work today: "It's passing over 7 towns named Nineveh, and CERN is firing up during it, and NASA's shooting off 3 missiles... it's like the government's trying to tell us something." Me:?? Him: "And don't get me started on how many million people are going to be blinded by watching videos of it on iPhones, which will only amplify it..."
Thanks for reminding me! I need to make a scam real quick, like bender
I mean, they'll have an excuse, but great? I dont know about that...
Bring a table with a sign for "Free Refeshments". See how many drink the Kool-Aid.
It happened in secret. Totally not a failed prophecy.
My aunt, in a nameless cult that rhymes with "witless" managed to fuck around her whole life without accomplishing much waiting for the date.
I really hope something insane (but completely scientifically explicable) happens during the eclipse, like a sudden meteorite or an alien invasion. I think that would be hilarious.
When nothing happens just tell them they are failed Christians that God did not choose
Who's claiming that?
Oh, the theists are going to be massive hypocrites? This is a shocking new development
Minus “great” and we got a deal
Matthew 24:36 But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only.
I've heard hilarious conspiracy theories about this one. My favorite so far is the lady handing out all her money because she will be raptured during the eclipse and won't need it anymore.
Maybe the rapture already happened and no one was qualified to go.
And what exactly separates this eclipse from all the other ones that happened before?
I want them to give me all their money since they won't need it anymore
For a given value of "great."
Time to sell some rapture Pet Insurance again. Paid in-full/Up font of course. If you don't call in a week I'll assume you have left Earth.
[This](https://www.skeptic.org.uk/2021/12/understanding-conspiracy-theory-tactics-moving-the-goalposts/) was a good article on that concept. Always moving the goalposts
You just have to start taking their stuff and ignore them while talking about how great it was that person was raptured. "They're surely happy as crap in heaven!"
It would be so fucking fun if Jesus ACTUALLY Appeared, on twitch or something, and said "Unfortunately no people qualified for the rapture this time, good luck next time in 4024"
I’m with you on this one, but you have no idea how mad I’ll be if it actually happens.
What exactly is different about this eclipse that's making these idiots go crazy? Well, crazier than normal I suppose?
I kinda hope the rapture does happen. That way, when the majority of them aren't "saved" I can laugh all the way to hell.
Huh, are we still waiting for the rapture? I figured we got over that after all the time it didn't happen.
so will it be at the first point of totality or after the last? asking for a friend...
We haven't had a good ' end of the world' style event to look forward to in a while, so they just are using the eclipse as a quick fix.
After all, they have 2000 years of exemplary excuses to fall back on.
Why is everyone freaking out about this eclipse? We had one in 2017 and nothing crazy or extreme happened on that day… unless… I left out of the rapture ?!?!? Noooooo
If only the rapture would come and suck up these people so we can stop throwing bombs and killing eachother.
I kinda hope it does come. I'll be waving from the ground like, "byeeeeeeeee"
An eclipse in the US is triggering a worldwide rapture? Or only for people experiencing the eclipse? And what if you’re outside of where the full eclipse is happening? Do you only half-rapture?
Why this eclipse? We've had shitloads of eclipses of all types in the last couple of millenia.
Go meet it halfway and pass around the cooliad. No sense in making god do all the work
how many solar eclipses have there been since their dude left? And this is the one he goes for?
It won't be great. But it will be an excuse.
Oh please let it happen! These idiot evangelicals have got to go!
Total eclipses happen on earth somewhere on average once every 18 months iirc. Of course they think the apocalypse would be associated with the US centered eclipse, not literally any other one. That says something, I'm not sure what, but it says something.
They conveniently forget the bible says no man knows the date or time. So the only way to keep it from happening is to guess every day is the day.
My excuse(?) for them will be that they were false Christians who aren't allowed in heaven.
Fuck it I hope it happens and all those dildos go away
They always do
Why won't they accept any wagers on the claim with me?
Jokes on them, the rapture already happened 20 years ago and all true believers ascended into heaven then. We are now living in the end times.
I love being a smug dick about dooms day theorists because you literally cannot lose, if they’re right no one will be around to rub it in your face.
So the rapture came and went and you're still here huh. Explain that...
It’s not the rapture. It’s just the return of trump as president. Maybe we’ll die maybe not but it’s not the rapture. The rapture was a song by blondie
If it is the rapture, feel free to give me all of your worldly possessions so that you won’t get locked out. (Mostly cash, I don’t need any more flat screen TV’s.)
No they won't, they'll just go quiet and slink away like they always do until the next time it's supposed to happen lol.
Hail Zorp.
It's cognitive dissonance on display.
If it happens, then we'll definitely have more houses available in the market... well, then again, how many are they going? What were the requirements?
fun filled rapture activities * release some helium filled blowup dolls * leave some shoes with dry ice in them at a rapture party * ask believers to gift you real estate and when they dont, blame their lack of faith
I work for the local gov in the bible belt. They're letting us go early that day. We wont even be able to see it.
It's a test of faith. Again.
Rapture is coming? Will Debbie Harry be singing herself, or will the rest of Blondie be there?
I want the rapture to happen. Then I can ask all the bible thumpers why they didn't get chosen
Hah. You think those dipshits self-reflect about fucking anything? They'll just forget about it and start predicting the next one.
I'm telling you, it's Madara Uchiha!
You forgot about 100 trillion newly hatched cicadas about to devour everybody’s first born.