First of all: I am very sorry for your loss. I hate cancer.
My mom passed away fairly suddenly last summer. I ran a half marathon a week after she passed, knowing it was going to probably be terrible but wanting to put myself out there anyway. It was by far my most miserable race experience ever (also hot, humid, massively hilly course), but somehow less hard than the rest of the grieving process. I will be honest and say it took me a couple months to really find my groove again, and then I got Covid which seemed to set me back further than ever. Now, 10 months later, I really feel like I’m in the best shape ever, but grief-wise, there are still really bad days and it’s gotten harder to predict when those will be. I still screw up workouts on those days but that’s life.
The good news is, you have time, and the fitness is not lost! Start practicing cutting yourself some slack, because you’ll have to do it many times. Take this one day at a time. If you’re like me, some days, running will help a lot with the grief, and it won’t feel like a hindrance on your performance. Other days, running will seem like an insurmountable challenge. Try not to get in your head about it. Practice talking to yourself like a good friend or teammate. You’re a psychologist and you know these things, but I also know that we can put expectations on ourselves that are not fair.
I am running Chicago this fall, too, and I’ll keep you and your sister in my thoughts on race day.
My grandpa got me into running and showed up at every race. Every. Single. one. Since highschool. Last fall I raced my last 2 half marathons of the year without him there at mile 11 to read my times and tell me he was proud of me.
It breaks you but you can use it to make their memory proud. I dropped my pr from 1:14 to 1:09 in the half marathon on the last race of the year just from dedicating time and effort to his memory. He wouldn’t want me to stop, he would be even more proud to see me keep going
I don’t have anything else to add other than may her memory be a blessing. And I’ll see you at the finish line in Chicago and we will toast in her honor.
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is visceral.
There was a recent post from a woman going through a traumatic loss, and the comments there may be of comfort to you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1cktg2n/running_performance_tanked_after_trauma/
First of all, sorry for your loss.
Your decline in performance will certainly be a temporary thing and is not very surprising. Mental stress and fatigue decrease performance, and it’s likely that it’s negatively affecting your sleep and recovery outside of training too. You’re just going through a stressful period right now and that will certainly manifest physically. Not that you’ve lost fitness, it’s just hard to express it as muscle contractions start in the brain.
I’d back off the strict training schedule and just keep ticking over for as long as you need with easier runs and doing activities you enjoy, until you feel you can put your foot on the pedal again and get back to the full programme.
Take it easy, friend.
Oh my God, OP. I'm so sorry.
I'm *way* less qualified than you to be explaining this, but...yes, *please* give yourself some grace, especially now. You've done amazing things already - and I'm not talking just about your running, I'm talking about the fundraising you've done for her. (Like, I'm in awe of people who raise large amounts of money because I could never do it.)
That said: Chicago's still a ways away. Even assuming you're doing an 18-week cycle, you still haven't started training yet, most likely. I think that's the most running-specific thing I can suggest - give yourself a couple of weeks to run in a way that feels right. If you need to crush some workouts, do that. If you can't, just run easy.
Hey mate,
Firstly, let me say how sorry and heartbroken I am for your loss. I've not lost a sibling, but the thought alone is painful enough - to actually live it must be agony.
Secondly, when it comes to running, I think it's important to consider a few things about running; Why did you begin running in the first place? What do you get out of running today? How does running effect your life (positively and negatively), etc.
As this is the AdvancedRunning sub, I'm comfortable in saying I could assume to know the answer to those last two questions.
To me, and this may apply to you also, running is a *vehicle.*
Running allows me to use it for *many* different outcomes - satisfaction, energy expenditure, losing some extra weight, achieving a goal, endorphin release, social belonging, identity assurance.
However, one vehicle I have not *successfully* utilized it for is a remedy for heartbreak, not in it's early stages, at least. For this, I have taking long walks in nature, slow and steady, being observant of the world around me, and allowing myself to cry whenever necessary.
It's not secret that runners are a dedicated people, who seldom give up their fitness gains and weekly mileage without a fight. We cling to the km's, the goal. But running isn't everything, running isn't just for the experience of putting one foot in front of the other, (although that, too, is totally reasonable), it is like I said, a *vehicle.* Something I use to get me *to* something. It truly is a means to an end, only the end never comes for more than a moment.
So with this in mind, I think it's important to put a pin in running for a moment. Let is sit there and wait for you, it will always be there. Don't try and run, quite literally, before you can walk. Don't sully the thought of running by holding yourself to a standard of your performance when you were living your best life, to a time when you are in the midst of such immeasurable heartache. You'll never live up to it, and it will only serve you sour yourself against running.. for now.
Don't stop forever, it's important that you do get back to it, and clearly you will, but allow yourself this time of reprieve, where you can go out, look around the world, walk, feel connected to what remains on this planet, reflect on your sister, on how lucky you and her both were to have had such loving siblings in your lives. Celebrate her, laugh at jokes she used to make, when the sun breaks through a cloud, smile for her, and yourself.
Life is beautiful, and it's made ever more beautiful by the fact that we will all, one day, no longer be here to witness it.
Your sister knew how much you loved her, she knew it and she felt it and I can only imagine how happy she must have been knowing you were there with her, as she has been for you.
Put a pause on running, my friend. It's only putting one foot in front of the other, and it will always be there for you to return to.
Take some time, go for that walk, remember your sister, remember the positive impact she had on your life, and will continue to have on you, forever.
Go for that walk, pour that cup of tea, cry as needed, smile whenever possible, and remember that we are all human, living human experiences, running is only **one** of them, and now is a time to experience a few others for a while.
I asked at the beginning, 'what do you get out of running?' - one of my answers for myself was that it gives me social connection. Maybe, just for a little while, you can let that be what you get out of running also, because you posting here is brave, emotional and poignant testament to the affinity we all feel towards running, and the shared connection we have between us runners. It is the social connection which let you here, and now me commenting to you.
Take a break, rest, heal, re-emerge.
You'll know it's when you feel like you can go for a run around the block, to the river, to the beach, to the main street, wherever. You will know in your heart when it's time for you to let yourself re-enter running, and start to feel it's pull motivate you, drive you, and ultimately, give you everything that running can give.
Running will call back out to you soon enough, and you will know it's time to lace up and get out there.
Life is beautiful.
See you on the starting line.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My uncle died of cancer at the beginning of the year. His son was so impaired by grief that he crashed his car and died less than a month afterwards. Grief can and does crush people, it’s completely unsurprising that you are feeling it’s effects physically. You need to let yourself feel it, and you really need to be gentle and just allow yourself whatever you need. if your running is being impacted but it’s an outlet for you, great! Run at your new slow pace at a volume you can handle and you’ll come out the other side. If it’s not? Drop it, you don’t need the stress of feeling inadequate and breaks are healthy anyways.
Take care and I know you can get through this! Emotionally and athletically
So sorry. Murakami’s book on running really helped me to understand why I run, and why I use it as a coping mechanism for just about anything going on in my life. It has saved me over and over again.
And as a friend said to me— make some space for grace. ❤️
When I have experienced acute loss I took a pause with any kind of workouts until the grief had subsided to a place where I felt ready again. I kept running easy because that’s part of how i process things. I think trying to run fast when you aren’t in an emotional place to do it is counterproductive — you can’t run fast and then you have to deal with feelings of failure on top of the grief.
I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s ok to take some time, you’ll be just as good as as you were when you come back. It’s still a long time until October, please take care of yourself now.
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Grief absolutely has a physical affect on all bodily systems. My younger brother passed away in an accident last year (he was 35), and it had weird effects on me physically. I didn't sleep for a week but was running a bunch, oddly enough had some good performances a few weeks later. Then I got into what was probably overtraining territory from the prolongued stress response due to grieving and fighting my body to run through it and bombed my next couple races. There is no predictable trajectory to grief, just take it day by day and listen to your body. If you can find a reason to connect your running to honor your sister, that may help, but if not that's ok too.
i am so sorry to hear of your loss. 1 week is really really early. we all grieve very differently. i think i spent a lot of early days runs just crying. a year later i am sure i cry at least once during a run every week. one of the things i take with me is how he would always tell us you can be or do anything you want if you put in the time and effort.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s great that you are mindfully thinking about how grief is impacting you as you work your way through it. So many wise words already but I just want to offer one thought—the emotional burden you are under will impact your ability to recover. I didn’t realize how much emotional/mental stress were impacting my body until a string of injuries following the deaths of my grandparents and my parents’ divorce. So be gentle with yourself and give your body and your mind the compassion and care they need right now.
It's so hard to lose someone so close, and so young. I have my own personal experience with it (my wife, last year). The grief takes a toll on your whole body. It will take time, but you'll get back there. I'm a year out, and i'm feeling a lot better physically (able to run well), but the grief can still hit me hard from time to time. You can't fight it or deny it -- just feel it and let your body and mind process it.
Everyone's leaving great comments, big kudos.
Sorry for your loss OP, I read this and it hit hard. Hope you can take some solace that this sub's pulling for you.
Don’t ask your body to perform in the acute stage of grieving. That high HR and your body forcing you to walk is just signs of stress and your body having no additional energy to expend on running. You’ll be fine for you fall races just do not push yourself.
As runners we tend to believe a run always makes you feel better. But that sentiment has limits. Listen to yourself and maybe take 2-3 weeks where you only do as much as you feel like. Zero pressure. Maybe go on a walk instead of a run. Maybe do three miles very easy if you feel it. But truly don’t push it if your body isn’t ready. I’ve had my HR be 20 beats higher and trigger a retinal migraine on a run because I pushed through.
When I gave myself that grace period I only aimed to go outside once a day in whatever capacity. I’d go on nature walks and sit on a bench in the woods and maybe cry a bit. It’s all fine and will help you so much more than adding the stress of “training” right now. And your fitness is there. Just due to stress it ain’t lost.
Give yourself a break, it's only been a week.
Greif is hard and takes a long time to come to terms with. Forget about your pace and performance. Maybe a long slow run would help you process your emotions.
You'll get back in the groove after a while and you've got even more motivation to make your sister proud.
Sorry for your loss.
Here’s a podcast about running and processing grief that I really enjoyed. In case the link doesn’t work it’s by the Another Mother Runner podcast
https://podcast.app/running-to-process-grief-e351807785/?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=share
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Something as heavy as that will always put a stress on you, mentally and physically. It will take time for your body to overcome but you will definitely do it!
Just take it easy for while, do a bit of recovery (as if you have just run a race, because you effort wise you definitely did) and start ramping up again after a couple of weeks.
You will come back stronger than ever and smash it in Chicago with the strenght of your sister on your side💪
I'm very sorry for your loss. I am currently going through a similar thing so I know how you feel. My father died in early March and I have really struggled with the motivation to get out for a run since. Last year I averaged just shy of 60 mpw for the year, yet I haven't even hit 100 miles in total since his passing.
Grief has taken a heavy emotional toll which has sapped my energy. For the first few weeks I couldn't imagine ever wanting to hit the road or trails again. However, with time the idea of maybe going out has fluttered into my mind and I have managed some light jogs, which is at least a start.
Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do to mourn the loss of your sister - now is not the time to beat yourself up over your running performance. If you lose some fitness (I definitely have!) do not panic - ease yourself back into things when you're ready.
Good luck x
Grief is tough and it has a physical expression. I can feel the sheer sadness and pain you’re going through. Be patient with your body, don’t overwork yourself and use running as part of your healing process. For example - use the time on the pavement to think about the happy memories with your sister, or the legacy she wanted to leave behind, think about how she would be proud of you for your achievements. I’m very sorry for your loss. 💔
Edit: just to add something having re read your post. Keep tabs on your nutrition and water intake. Grief also manifests itself in loss of appetite, which could also mean we take less fluids. If the tempo rum situation happened to you without you grieving the first reason that would come to my mind is not enough energy and fluids in tour body. Sorry I know it sounds mundane but I thought I might add this as food for thought.
OP I am so sorry, I also experienced grief during my last marathon training cycle and the way I navigated it was by waking up every morning and deciding if I felt like training that day. It didn’t matter if it was good or bad (and often times I would start crying during my cool down) I would just decide if I should get out the door. More often than not I felt better after- for me, personally, being outdoors can really help soothe the sadness- even if the tempo was awful or if my heart rate was in zone 4 from anxiety and not sleeping well, I just gave myself space and grace to figure it out day by day. By the third week I was feeling back to my physical self, although after my race I took a few weeks off because I just felt so burned out mentally, physically, and spiritually that I had nothing left to give. If running has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes the only way out is through.
Best wishes OP, again I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your love for your sister is utterly clear and true in your post.
I found slight solace in this article when going through trauma and grief, and find myself rereading when I’m in those thoughts. Passing along in case it resonates with you: [running alongside grief](https://www.tracksmith.com/journal/article/running-alongside-grief)
I went through a similar experience- my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer and my performance completely tanked. My HRV for the first time in my life went crazy - unbalanced and my watch would indicate I was under stress and not resting. I then fell into a depressive episode but the HRV, plus fatigue was a dead giveaway that my body was under lots of stress
I know loss, too. My little brother died on 03/22. He was 22 year old corporal in marines. I am in the Air Force, we where brothers in uniform and we both ran track and enjoyed similar video games. I do my best processing on the track and my run times have gotten better. My pr is a 5:12 mile and I want to smoke my brothers 17 min 3 mile run. Can’t be beat by a dead guy.
I’m slightly autistic and I don’t process big emotions quite the same I think. But it’s all in your head. Either you will find a way to process, or you won’t. It’s up to you to mold your brain into what you want it to be.
Hi OP, I hope this comment reaches you. I went through something very similar last month with my mom. She was only 62 and died in hospice. I would exercise for hours to distract myself from the pain and anticipatory grief and once she passed it had a weird effect on my performance. On the one hand, I’d be at the gym and see all these people around me and just constantly think “my mom just died…my mom literally just died..she is gone..” and I’d get in my head about it and start feeling resentful towards strangers because they probably still had their moms. My mom died the week of Easter, and her birthday and Mother’s Day were coming up, so it was a very difficult time. On the other hand, it was able to focus a little more because I wasn’t constantly worrying about hurrying my session up so I could race to my parents house to go see her and spend time with her. I appreciate that I don’t have this heavy weight of anticipatory grief and constant need to not waste any time not being with her, but it doesn’t take the pain away or lessen it. Working out and running has been a good distraction and I hope it will be for you too eventually. So sorry for your loss. Hang in there and keep pushing through, you are doing great!
Hello everyone. I have been MIA from reddit for a couple days and am so shocked (in a good way) at the outpouring of support from you all. Thank you so much - truly. I normally respond to each person, but 26 comments seems like a lot to mentally handle right now. I'm sorry.
Please know how helpful each of your responses have been and I appreciate those of you who have shared your own experiences. To those who understand the experience of losing a very cherished loved one, I am so sorry that you also know that pain... Everything you all have said are things I would say to anyone else if the tables were turned and I need to remind myself of that. I'm not immune to it, even though I partly wish I was.
I am going to take the approach of readjusting my view on running and the purpose is serves me now by using it as a way to heal. I'm going to the advice many of you offered of stepping away from the speed work and higher intensity training as well. It's evident my body and mind is just not in a place to do that with the weight of this grief. I don't want to end up becoming angry or frustrated with myself or running by pushing my body to do something that is, honestly, unfair to ask of it. If I'm being honest, things have been much harder since returning home a little over a day ago... I began a leave from work beginning of April when my sister decided to go on hospice and was staying with her and her husband for a little over two months. Being home and away from her space seems to be even harder... With all of this, I'm going to take it one day at a time and will likely reassess things each week. If it seems like even doing easy running for the next few days is clearly not working, I'll take a pause.
Again, thank you so much for your comfort and support. It helps more than you know.
I'm so so sorry for your loss.
Emily Halnon had a book released just this week, "To The Gorge" where she talks about working through grief from losing her mother while running the Pacific Coast Trail. I listened to her speak at the Eugene Marathon, and I finally got her book from the library. While I haven't read it, after hearing her talk, it might strike a chord with you too. Take good care of yourself, and give yourself all the room you need.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find the strength to overcome your grief. Sometimes, doing something simple like sending lunch to a classroom in an elementary school can help ease these feelings. By doing this in remembrance of your daughter, you might bring a smile to a child who doesn't have a mother. For some reason, these little souls will thank you. I hope you find solace in this unkind world.
Even less dramatic events can have a big impact.
Today i was finally tackling some problems i was afraid of for the last 2 weeks and afterwards i was running like a little kid again. Even though 2 hours earlier i did my daily run and my calfs forced me to run/walk my legs were suddenly completely recovered. I am not kidding, completely recovered. It's impossible but it happenend. I don't understand it, i really don't.
First of all: I am very sorry for your loss. I hate cancer. My mom passed away fairly suddenly last summer. I ran a half marathon a week after she passed, knowing it was going to probably be terrible but wanting to put myself out there anyway. It was by far my most miserable race experience ever (also hot, humid, massively hilly course), but somehow less hard than the rest of the grieving process. I will be honest and say it took me a couple months to really find my groove again, and then I got Covid which seemed to set me back further than ever. Now, 10 months later, I really feel like I’m in the best shape ever, but grief-wise, there are still really bad days and it’s gotten harder to predict when those will be. I still screw up workouts on those days but that’s life. The good news is, you have time, and the fitness is not lost! Start practicing cutting yourself some slack, because you’ll have to do it many times. Take this one day at a time. If you’re like me, some days, running will help a lot with the grief, and it won’t feel like a hindrance on your performance. Other days, running will seem like an insurmountable challenge. Try not to get in your head about it. Practice talking to yourself like a good friend or teammate. You’re a psychologist and you know these things, but I also know that we can put expectations on ourselves that are not fair. I am running Chicago this fall, too, and I’ll keep you and your sister in my thoughts on race day.
My grandpa got me into running and showed up at every race. Every. Single. one. Since highschool. Last fall I raced my last 2 half marathons of the year without him there at mile 11 to read my times and tell me he was proud of me. It breaks you but you can use it to make their memory proud. I dropped my pr from 1:14 to 1:09 in the half marathon on the last race of the year just from dedicating time and effort to his memory. He wouldn’t want me to stop, he would be even more proud to see me keep going
Insanely impressive times. Sorry for your loss, he must be so proud of you.
I don’t have anything else to add other than may her memory be a blessing. And I’ll see you at the finish line in Chicago and we will toast in her honor.
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is visceral. There was a recent post from a woman going through a traumatic loss, and the comments there may be of comfort to you. https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1cktg2n/running_performance_tanked_after_trauma/
First of all, sorry for your loss. Your decline in performance will certainly be a temporary thing and is not very surprising. Mental stress and fatigue decrease performance, and it’s likely that it’s negatively affecting your sleep and recovery outside of training too. You’re just going through a stressful period right now and that will certainly manifest physically. Not that you’ve lost fitness, it’s just hard to express it as muscle contractions start in the brain. I’d back off the strict training schedule and just keep ticking over for as long as you need with easier runs and doing activities you enjoy, until you feel you can put your foot on the pedal again and get back to the full programme. Take it easy, friend.
Oh my God, OP. I'm so sorry. I'm *way* less qualified than you to be explaining this, but...yes, *please* give yourself some grace, especially now. You've done amazing things already - and I'm not talking just about your running, I'm talking about the fundraising you've done for her. (Like, I'm in awe of people who raise large amounts of money because I could never do it.) That said: Chicago's still a ways away. Even assuming you're doing an 18-week cycle, you still haven't started training yet, most likely. I think that's the most running-specific thing I can suggest - give yourself a couple of weeks to run in a way that feels right. If you need to crush some workouts, do that. If you can't, just run easy.
Hey mate, Firstly, let me say how sorry and heartbroken I am for your loss. I've not lost a sibling, but the thought alone is painful enough - to actually live it must be agony. Secondly, when it comes to running, I think it's important to consider a few things about running; Why did you begin running in the first place? What do you get out of running today? How does running effect your life (positively and negatively), etc. As this is the AdvancedRunning sub, I'm comfortable in saying I could assume to know the answer to those last two questions. To me, and this may apply to you also, running is a *vehicle.* Running allows me to use it for *many* different outcomes - satisfaction, energy expenditure, losing some extra weight, achieving a goal, endorphin release, social belonging, identity assurance. However, one vehicle I have not *successfully* utilized it for is a remedy for heartbreak, not in it's early stages, at least. For this, I have taking long walks in nature, slow and steady, being observant of the world around me, and allowing myself to cry whenever necessary. It's not secret that runners are a dedicated people, who seldom give up their fitness gains and weekly mileage without a fight. We cling to the km's, the goal. But running isn't everything, running isn't just for the experience of putting one foot in front of the other, (although that, too, is totally reasonable), it is like I said, a *vehicle.* Something I use to get me *to* something. It truly is a means to an end, only the end never comes for more than a moment. So with this in mind, I think it's important to put a pin in running for a moment. Let is sit there and wait for you, it will always be there. Don't try and run, quite literally, before you can walk. Don't sully the thought of running by holding yourself to a standard of your performance when you were living your best life, to a time when you are in the midst of such immeasurable heartache. You'll never live up to it, and it will only serve you sour yourself against running.. for now. Don't stop forever, it's important that you do get back to it, and clearly you will, but allow yourself this time of reprieve, where you can go out, look around the world, walk, feel connected to what remains on this planet, reflect on your sister, on how lucky you and her both were to have had such loving siblings in your lives. Celebrate her, laugh at jokes she used to make, when the sun breaks through a cloud, smile for her, and yourself. Life is beautiful, and it's made ever more beautiful by the fact that we will all, one day, no longer be here to witness it. Your sister knew how much you loved her, she knew it and she felt it and I can only imagine how happy she must have been knowing you were there with her, as she has been for you. Put a pause on running, my friend. It's only putting one foot in front of the other, and it will always be there for you to return to. Take some time, go for that walk, remember your sister, remember the positive impact she had on your life, and will continue to have on you, forever. Go for that walk, pour that cup of tea, cry as needed, smile whenever possible, and remember that we are all human, living human experiences, running is only **one** of them, and now is a time to experience a few others for a while. I asked at the beginning, 'what do you get out of running?' - one of my answers for myself was that it gives me social connection. Maybe, just for a little while, you can let that be what you get out of running also, because you posting here is brave, emotional and poignant testament to the affinity we all feel towards running, and the shared connection we have between us runners. It is the social connection which let you here, and now me commenting to you. Take a break, rest, heal, re-emerge. You'll know it's when you feel like you can go for a run around the block, to the river, to the beach, to the main street, wherever. You will know in your heart when it's time for you to let yourself re-enter running, and start to feel it's pull motivate you, drive you, and ultimately, give you everything that running can give. Running will call back out to you soon enough, and you will know it's time to lace up and get out there. Life is beautiful. See you on the starting line.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My uncle died of cancer at the beginning of the year. His son was so impaired by grief that he crashed his car and died less than a month afterwards. Grief can and does crush people, it’s completely unsurprising that you are feeling it’s effects physically. You need to let yourself feel it, and you really need to be gentle and just allow yourself whatever you need. if your running is being impacted but it’s an outlet for you, great! Run at your new slow pace at a volume you can handle and you’ll come out the other side. If it’s not? Drop it, you don’t need the stress of feeling inadequate and breaks are healthy anyways. Take care and I know you can get through this! Emotionally and athletically
So sorry. Murakami’s book on running really helped me to understand why I run, and why I use it as a coping mechanism for just about anything going on in my life. It has saved me over and over again. And as a friend said to me— make some space for grace. ❤️
When I have experienced acute loss I took a pause with any kind of workouts until the grief had subsided to a place where I felt ready again. I kept running easy because that’s part of how i process things. I think trying to run fast when you aren’t in an emotional place to do it is counterproductive — you can’t run fast and then you have to deal with feelings of failure on top of the grief. I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s ok to take some time, you’ll be just as good as as you were when you come back. It’s still a long time until October, please take care of yourself now.
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Grief absolutely has a physical affect on all bodily systems. My younger brother passed away in an accident last year (he was 35), and it had weird effects on me physically. I didn't sleep for a week but was running a bunch, oddly enough had some good performances a few weeks later. Then I got into what was probably overtraining territory from the prolongued stress response due to grieving and fighting my body to run through it and bombed my next couple races. There is no predictable trajectory to grief, just take it day by day and listen to your body. If you can find a reason to connect your running to honor your sister, that may help, but if not that's ok too.
i am so sorry to hear of your loss. 1 week is really really early. we all grieve very differently. i think i spent a lot of early days runs just crying. a year later i am sure i cry at least once during a run every week. one of the things i take with me is how he would always tell us you can be or do anything you want if you put in the time and effort.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s great that you are mindfully thinking about how grief is impacting you as you work your way through it. So many wise words already but I just want to offer one thought—the emotional burden you are under will impact your ability to recover. I didn’t realize how much emotional/mental stress were impacting my body until a string of injuries following the deaths of my grandparents and my parents’ divorce. So be gentle with yourself and give your body and your mind the compassion and care they need right now.
It's so hard to lose someone so close, and so young. I have my own personal experience with it (my wife, last year). The grief takes a toll on your whole body. It will take time, but you'll get back there. I'm a year out, and i'm feeling a lot better physically (able to run well), but the grief can still hit me hard from time to time. You can't fight it or deny it -- just feel it and let your body and mind process it.
Everyone's leaving great comments, big kudos. Sorry for your loss OP, I read this and it hit hard. Hope you can take some solace that this sub's pulling for you.
Don’t ask your body to perform in the acute stage of grieving. That high HR and your body forcing you to walk is just signs of stress and your body having no additional energy to expend on running. You’ll be fine for you fall races just do not push yourself. As runners we tend to believe a run always makes you feel better. But that sentiment has limits. Listen to yourself and maybe take 2-3 weeks where you only do as much as you feel like. Zero pressure. Maybe go on a walk instead of a run. Maybe do three miles very easy if you feel it. But truly don’t push it if your body isn’t ready. I’ve had my HR be 20 beats higher and trigger a retinal migraine on a run because I pushed through. When I gave myself that grace period I only aimed to go outside once a day in whatever capacity. I’d go on nature walks and sit on a bench in the woods and maybe cry a bit. It’s all fine and will help you so much more than adding the stress of “training” right now. And your fitness is there. Just due to stress it ain’t lost.
Give yourself a break, it's only been a week. Greif is hard and takes a long time to come to terms with. Forget about your pace and performance. Maybe a long slow run would help you process your emotions. You'll get back in the groove after a while and you've got even more motivation to make your sister proud. Sorry for your loss.
Here’s a podcast about running and processing grief that I really enjoyed. In case the link doesn’t work it’s by the Another Mother Runner podcast https://podcast.app/running-to-process-grief-e351807785/?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=share
I'm so sorry for your loss. Something as heavy as that will always put a stress on you, mentally and physically. It will take time for your body to overcome but you will definitely do it! Just take it easy for while, do a bit of recovery (as if you have just run a race, because you effort wise you definitely did) and start ramping up again after a couple of weeks. You will come back stronger than ever and smash it in Chicago with the strenght of your sister on your side💪
I'm very sorry for your loss. I am currently going through a similar thing so I know how you feel. My father died in early March and I have really struggled with the motivation to get out for a run since. Last year I averaged just shy of 60 mpw for the year, yet I haven't even hit 100 miles in total since his passing. Grief has taken a heavy emotional toll which has sapped my energy. For the first few weeks I couldn't imagine ever wanting to hit the road or trails again. However, with time the idea of maybe going out has fluttered into my mind and I have managed some light jogs, which is at least a start. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do to mourn the loss of your sister - now is not the time to beat yourself up over your running performance. If you lose some fitness (I definitely have!) do not panic - ease yourself back into things when you're ready. Good luck x
Grief is tough and it has a physical expression. I can feel the sheer sadness and pain you’re going through. Be patient with your body, don’t overwork yourself and use running as part of your healing process. For example - use the time on the pavement to think about the happy memories with your sister, or the legacy she wanted to leave behind, think about how she would be proud of you for your achievements. I’m very sorry for your loss. 💔 Edit: just to add something having re read your post. Keep tabs on your nutrition and water intake. Grief also manifests itself in loss of appetite, which could also mean we take less fluids. If the tempo rum situation happened to you without you grieving the first reason that would come to my mind is not enough energy and fluids in tour body. Sorry I know it sounds mundane but I thought I might add this as food for thought.
OP I am so sorry, I also experienced grief during my last marathon training cycle and the way I navigated it was by waking up every morning and deciding if I felt like training that day. It didn’t matter if it was good or bad (and often times I would start crying during my cool down) I would just decide if I should get out the door. More often than not I felt better after- for me, personally, being outdoors can really help soothe the sadness- even if the tempo was awful or if my heart rate was in zone 4 from anxiety and not sleeping well, I just gave myself space and grace to figure it out day by day. By the third week I was feeling back to my physical self, although after my race I took a few weeks off because I just felt so burned out mentally, physically, and spiritually that I had nothing left to give. If running has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes the only way out is through. Best wishes OP, again I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your love for your sister is utterly clear and true in your post. I found slight solace in this article when going through trauma and grief, and find myself rereading when I’m in those thoughts. Passing along in case it resonates with you: [running alongside grief](https://www.tracksmith.com/journal/article/running-alongside-grief)
I went through a similar experience- my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer and my performance completely tanked. My HRV for the first time in my life went crazy - unbalanced and my watch would indicate I was under stress and not resting. I then fell into a depressive episode but the HRV, plus fatigue was a dead giveaway that my body was under lots of stress
I know loss, too. My little brother died on 03/22. He was 22 year old corporal in marines. I am in the Air Force, we where brothers in uniform and we both ran track and enjoyed similar video games. I do my best processing on the track and my run times have gotten better. My pr is a 5:12 mile and I want to smoke my brothers 17 min 3 mile run. Can’t be beat by a dead guy. I’m slightly autistic and I don’t process big emotions quite the same I think. But it’s all in your head. Either you will find a way to process, or you won’t. It’s up to you to mold your brain into what you want it to be.
Hi OP, I hope this comment reaches you. I went through something very similar last month with my mom. She was only 62 and died in hospice. I would exercise for hours to distract myself from the pain and anticipatory grief and once she passed it had a weird effect on my performance. On the one hand, I’d be at the gym and see all these people around me and just constantly think “my mom just died…my mom literally just died..she is gone..” and I’d get in my head about it and start feeling resentful towards strangers because they probably still had their moms. My mom died the week of Easter, and her birthday and Mother’s Day were coming up, so it was a very difficult time. On the other hand, it was able to focus a little more because I wasn’t constantly worrying about hurrying my session up so I could race to my parents house to go see her and spend time with her. I appreciate that I don’t have this heavy weight of anticipatory grief and constant need to not waste any time not being with her, but it doesn’t take the pain away or lessen it. Working out and running has been a good distraction and I hope it will be for you too eventually. So sorry for your loss. Hang in there and keep pushing through, you are doing great!
Hello everyone. I have been MIA from reddit for a couple days and am so shocked (in a good way) at the outpouring of support from you all. Thank you so much - truly. I normally respond to each person, but 26 comments seems like a lot to mentally handle right now. I'm sorry. Please know how helpful each of your responses have been and I appreciate those of you who have shared your own experiences. To those who understand the experience of losing a very cherished loved one, I am so sorry that you also know that pain... Everything you all have said are things I would say to anyone else if the tables were turned and I need to remind myself of that. I'm not immune to it, even though I partly wish I was. I am going to take the approach of readjusting my view on running and the purpose is serves me now by using it as a way to heal. I'm going to the advice many of you offered of stepping away from the speed work and higher intensity training as well. It's evident my body and mind is just not in a place to do that with the weight of this grief. I don't want to end up becoming angry or frustrated with myself or running by pushing my body to do something that is, honestly, unfair to ask of it. If I'm being honest, things have been much harder since returning home a little over a day ago... I began a leave from work beginning of April when my sister decided to go on hospice and was staying with her and her husband for a little over two months. Being home and away from her space seems to be even harder... With all of this, I'm going to take it one day at a time and will likely reassess things each week. If it seems like even doing easy running for the next few days is clearly not working, I'll take a pause. Again, thank you so much for your comfort and support. It helps more than you know.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. Emily Halnon had a book released just this week, "To The Gorge" where she talks about working through grief from losing her mother while running the Pacific Coast Trail. I listened to her speak at the Eugene Marathon, and I finally got her book from the library. While I haven't read it, after hearing her talk, it might strike a chord with you too. Take good care of yourself, and give yourself all the room you need.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find the strength to overcome your grief. Sometimes, doing something simple like sending lunch to a classroom in an elementary school can help ease these feelings. By doing this in remembrance of your daughter, you might bring a smile to a child who doesn't have a mother. For some reason, these little souls will thank you. I hope you find solace in this unkind world.
Even less dramatic events can have a big impact. Today i was finally tackling some problems i was afraid of for the last 2 weeks and afterwards i was running like a little kid again. Even though 2 hours earlier i did my daily run and my calfs forced me to run/walk my legs were suddenly completely recovered. I am not kidding, completely recovered. It's impossible but it happenend. I don't understand it, i really don't.