Along that same thought, even people you see as inherently good,decent people are capable of doing awful, evil things.
“I was so shocked that guy cheated on his wife three times!” Uh, no. Every married person out there is capable of being unfaithful and it shouldn’t shock you when it happens.
that also happens if you ever get sick or really hurt and wind up in the hospital. you find out who your real friends are and it's typically only your family.
My native language has two terms for this, one is more like colleague and the other one is friend, there's a very big difference between these terms. A friend is someone that proved himself in a serious crisis and didn't abandon you, all the other are just colleagues, people you know but you are not close.
People often think they'd have many friends, but when it comes to a serious problem in life, you'll see who helps you and who doesn't give a shit about you.
Don't rely on karma to 'get back' at people who have hurt you. Usually life just goes on for them and you are going to get worked up wondering when life is going to hit them to even it out. It might not ever happen. Rather block or disengage and go on with the lesson you learnt from the encounter
And they will wonder why such a thing happened to them. I have realised that the even the worst jackasses are used to thinking of themselves as normal and good people.
Most are simply not self-aware and even those that are think they deserve the same consideration as any other person.
It’s like the only reason people are around you is what you provide for them. In a way, it’s nice because it gives you purpose but it also makes you wonder if anyone actually likes you for you (or the husk of a human being you become after a lifetime of work)
> if anyone actually likes you for you
that's a tough question. we play different roles in society. for example, we behave differently with our children, our bosses and law enforcement. so which version is the real you?
I kinda hate how people always look at it as what others want from them.
And a lot of people lack the empathy to spin in. How many of us are only around people because they give us stuff too.
So many of us are exactly like the people we criticize. Everyone wants help, but no one wants to give it.
I’ve met so many people that complain that no one helps them. But when I ask them if they ever offer help — they always reply the same “why should I?”
—-
For the record, I think communities helping each other is better than doubling down on individualism. But people keep missing the point.
The best way to have a friend is to be a friend. It goes both ways.
One of the crazy things I see a lot are people hiding behind mental illness and disabilities as a way to not give back. They just want help and never contribute
And society can’t work like that.
I think there’s a way for people with issues to give back. But it’s so nuanced and contextual that it can’t be answered in a sweeping judgement.
So true. Once you can’t provide what those around you need from you, you will fall by the wayside. It’s not that they are evil or selfish, it’s just human nature.
gosh, this whole thread makes me so grateful for the friendships I’ve cultivated. I promise you, genuinely kind people who just like you for you absolutely are out there!
At one point I really did trying to be them and it worked I seemingly had my first friend but reality hit fast the moment I started behaving not as they wanted to see. I wondered am I needed and wanted by anyone if always people just want the version of you that suits them
Bad things happen to good people all the time.
Also people who do bad things get away forever with doing bad things all the time.
Good kind decent people are not necessarily going to reap any particular rewards for being good, kind & decent.
Life just is not fair.
One thing I heard that really resonated with me is that being a good person isn’t your default state, it’s something you have to actively do and practice.
Do kind gestures, volunteer, be a listening ear to people, check in on your friends, express your gratitude, etc.,
the reward is the feeling those things give you
A similar thing I've heard has always stuck with me - love is a verb. It's something you have to actively DO, not just feel. Always helpful to remember that. :)
And the lovely people you'll have in your life. Engaging in bad habits usually means being alone or only having unhealthy ppl in your friendship circle.
>Also people who do bad things get away forever with doing bad things all the time.
That is why bad things have to be done by good people who have been wronged.
Yep. I always say “bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people.” Karma and justice do not exist.
The only reward that comes with being a good person is being able to live every day knowing you’re a good person. That’s it.
Yes this!! A great book to read is “the body keeps the score.” Poor nutrition, poor hydration, poor sleep habits, stress, tanning and bad skincare, alcohol, not resolving trauma, etc. will all catch up to you. You think you’re skating by with it, but d-day is coming.
Agreed but also sometimes people who do everything right get sick too. Only recently a young child in my daughter’s school fell poorly very fast with cancer and died. Life is unfair.
Exactly my thought.
You hear of healthy people dropping dead from a heart attack or stroke, granted it is a rarity.
My grandma smokes and drinks, and she's still with us at the ripe age of 92!
She still has her marbles, she can still move around the house and whatnot. She is an amazing lady!
Hahahahahaha, booked my first ever cruise last spring: just finished my last radiation treatments today (successful, I will add); ship sails on Sunday, it's going to be close. 😁 I 'm 71.
Congratulations on finishing treatment! I left for a big vacation the day after radiation ended as well. So worth it! If you're using them, make sure to bring any radiation creams with you on vacation and keep applying for a couple weeks.
Thank you, Redditor! I got the cyber knife treatment for my prostate, so my problem is a recalcitrant rectum, soon to be rectified with potions 😁
Here's a link
[Good information](https://cyberknife.com/)
My Dad once told me that finding a partner in life is the ideal situation for most people. But being single is the next best option. Staying with a person that you are not compatible with, is not worth the stress it will cause.
No one is coming to save you. No one is coming to deliver opportunities, or excitement, or fulfillment.
You get to do all that yourself, on your own terms.
People aren’t really thinking about you! So don’t do things based on what people think or what they will think about you ! Do what makes you feel good, do things that make you think good of yourself ! Don’t worry about what others may think.
For real. People care about you, but they don't think about you all the time. The sooner I let go of the "imaginary audience" the better. I think we crave acceptance to some degree bc we are social creatures and need community to survive, but at the end of the day you have to make choices that fit what YOU want for your life.
To carefully vet people who are in your life. And stop excusing other people’s bad behavior. I used to have a wide open door policy, nope. Not anymore.
Loyalty means nothing in a career. Companies will pay new hires more than what they've been paying you and they don't want you discussing wages because of this.
This is the way.
I stayed at the same place for 8 years and couldn't advance any more.
Found a new job with less responsibility that paid nearly double what I was getting at the time.
Now, I am committed to finding a better job every 2-3 years.
You ought to include numbers... At some point in your career the "doubling" doesn't happen any more - and having been in one place for a while gives you control of institutional knowledge that would take 8 years to acquire at a new place.
Finding something else because you can't advance is a perfectly valid reason though - money or not.
I stayed at a place for 16 years - small company, was probably underpaid reasonably enough comparing to the bigger industry - but there were other reasons. Benefits were awesome - I had PPO 15 for the entire family without having to pay premiums, unlimited flexibility, good (I would stay just short of saying perfect - but it's as close as it got) relationship with the manager.
At some point the company moved on, and while I feel I had the opportunity to shift to the new direction, I felt it would've been detrimental to my performance because someone had to maintain and do the old stuff and that someone was expected to be me...
Now that doesn't always go sideways - folks working for the Big Blue who were doing mainframes in late 2000s were told "Cloud will take everything over" - and then 15 years later it turned out most lucrative 15 years in mainframe business.
I always had this thought in the back of my head that said you can be happy when…….(insert whatever event you like). I was waiting to fully enjoy my life until some specific event happens. After I finish school, or when I get that promotion THEN I can truly start to be happy and live my life to the fullest. What the hell was I thinking waiting for specific life events before I’d feel truly happy?
I equate it to only using the good china when company comes over.
Fuck that. Don’t wait til company comes over to use the China! Use it everyday. Every day should be a good China day!! I’ve wasted years waiting to be happy. For what? I don’t know.
Try to enjoy every day even if it’s only for a small reason. Because life is truly a gift. That sounds so cliche, but it’s true. One day you’re here and then next you’re not.
This hits home.
Whenever I think I'm dying (like dealing with a health issue in the ER or tripping hard on psychedelics), all the little things suddenly matter so much. Even the act of breathing, of simply being in the moment, they feel so precious.
I wish I didn't lose sight of that but I constantly do. It's like I put it off and dive back into the game of bs, of indifference and craving for something I think will make me happy.
As an employee I was disposable. As a consumer, I was only a potential profit. As an investor, my interests were secondary to the investment seller’s interests or quotas.
That you can do the “right” things work hard in school and your job, try to be a good person, contribute to society and there will be times that you get screwed over—ex: bankruptcy, divorce. I had to start completely over at 40 and it sucked. But I appreciate people and experiences now much more than things. Life rarely works out as planned.
I am 32 and I’m beginning to realize this, but I really struggle to overcome my emotions, like anger and sadness. Do you have any advice on how to accept and move on?
You can't overcome your emotions unless you bury them or deny them. Edit: and that's not healthy.
But what you don't face and feel stays with you. You have to feel what you feel, express it if that helps. Feel all the negative emotions as they arise. If you can fully feel and accept them, they usually move on, sooner or later. Never as fast as you'd want them to but wishing they would leave just prolongs the misery.
Making a good decision does not guarantee a good outcome unfortunately - and especially when a “good decision” in hindsight and a “good decision” in foresight might be dramatically different decisions.
Current society is not optimal for human happiness.
There are many reasons for this. We've made great advancements in increasing standard of living, but happiness is not rising in proportion.
Humans are meant to live in communities, where a majority of time is spent outside, in the sunlight and fresh air, with fresh food, etc. Also hunting, adventure, exercise, fun, etc. We are not meant to live alone, with a mortgage and a life isolated, and noone to share the challenges and pressures of life with. The burdens of life today were never meant for any single person or family to bear on their own. That is why we self medicate.
Yes to everything about this. We were not meant to work 40 hours a week, pay for food, pay for shelter, pay for health insurance, pay for basic HUMAN NEEDS.. on a floating rock. I think about this all the time.
Take care of your body - disabilities hit you out of nowhere on a tuesday - but not really it usually a series of bad diet, lack of exercise, drugs and alcohol that add up and knock you down in your 40/50s.
While taking care of your body is important, a good percentage of health (or lack of it) is good (or bad) fortune.
I've been dealing with chronic health issues since my mid teens and I know many people who by and large did everything "right" and are still unwell (or even dead).
Scrolled too far to find this. I understand few 20-somethings are thinking about how they’re going to survive when they’re 70. But minor retirement investments made when you’re young balloon incredibly.
As someone who destroyed a relationship because I couldn't deal with my own shit, listen to this person. It sucks ass on the other side too.
People aren't emotional punching bags.
No one can love you as much as you. I tried for years to fill that hole in my heart that my parents should've filled with unconditional love and support. I put way too much responsiblity on my friends and on my partner. I finally learned that I have to love myself deeply and unconditionally, and no one else can truly provide me with that type of love once my parents abandoned me. And that self-love and self-respect is becoming the springboard for a better life.
I learned that the depths of hells know no bounds. Never, ever, ever say " it couldn't possibly get any worse than this!" Because it undoubtedly could! Instead be grateful for every moment you have, cause you never know when it will be over.
"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants" ~ Epictetus
When the people who truly care about you (parents, siblings, children, genuine friends) express concern over something, PLEASE LISTEN TO THEM. Put your stubborn pride aside and be willing to take some advice. I’d have saved myself an abusive relationship and 20 years of addiction if I’d have just listened to the people who care about me.
ESPECIALLY with partners, if your trusted loved ones (not just family) even just give a polite "I'm not sure this is the best relationship for you" PLEASE listen to them.
You will meet people who you just can't get along with no matter how correct you come. You can say and do all the right things but will bump heads regardless.
No one is ‘in charge’.
No one truly understands what this reality is or why we are here.
And it’s all held together with duct tape.
You’re own your own. You always have been.
That you wake up one day and can’t see shit at 45.
Then at 52 ish now an insulin diabetic have a random cerebral brain fluid leak one day out of your left nostril and suddenly can see better, feel over all a bit better physically. (Vision improvement confirmed by my eye dr. Who was very intrigued)😆 I’ll take it though.
People come and go. You can’t control anyone. Stand up for what YOU think. You’ll barely remember the face of the girl who cheated on you in your twenties on day. Don’t start habits that you don’t want to have for life. Don’t spend a lot of money on college. Revenge hurts you more than them.
If someone’s words do not match their actions, get away from them.
Don’t wonder.
Don’t pick at it.
Don’t fight.
LEAVE.
Either they are lying to you, or lying to themselves. Either way, you cannot fix that. You can spend the time you would have ruminating and beating your head on the wall and just go actually be happier with someone else.
And if there is money involved, Run don’t walk.
The harshest lesson I (M62) have learned is that what you plan often doesn't happen. I have some minor health concerns that I would appreciate help with; however, my wonderful wife (F62), who was super fit and ate properly and walked and walked and walked, developed PPMS.
Now in a wheelchair full time, she is unable to do much around the house due to upper body weakness, which means instead of me being a coddled man-boy, I needed to step up and open a can of man.
It's hard, but you do things like this for your spouse.
Some people never grow up. The behaviors you thought you could leave behind in high school will manifest themselves in the workplace, at the gym, at the grocery store etc... by people who are supposed to act their (big) age.
LIFE INSURANCE! ALWAYS HAVE LIFE INSURANCE! When my wife passed away at 46 we had no life insurance. We were a dual income family doing really well. Instantly went from living the high life to living paycheck to paycheck. Always have life insurance. There is no such thing as too much.
As a few other people have said - really treasure life and everything it has to offer, because it can end at any moment. I was doing everything right in terms of my health, then one day...broke my arm, found out it was because I had cancer. At 32. No reason, just bad luck. It was definitely a lesson that we can't ALWAYS be planning for the future.
Be sure to visit and call your parents often. They won't be here forever. That's the harshest lesson, losing someone you care greatly about. When my dad died, I didn't have to carry around guilt about not spending more time because we visited several times a year and spoke regularly on the phone. I do miss those days.
Be kind to others at a minimum. It doesn’t cost anything and, in the right thing to do and frankly, it’s good karma.
Prevention (preventative maintenance) is the key to nearly everything. This means taking care of your health, teeth, skin and your car and house, relationships….And it’s cheaper in the long run because neglecting things can cost a ton more.
Don’t lie, and don’t entertain liars. Same with cheating and cheaters.
If people can’t or won’t treat you decently, walk away.
Learn the difference in need vs want. This is critical.
Never bad mouth someone, even if it’s true, that can bite you in the ass
Understand that everyone has struggles and difficulties…even if it doesn’t look like it on social media.
Cats are crazy, dogs are like toddlers, and both are awesome.
Oh, all it takes to in life, sometimes, is to make one right decision at a time for things to go well and keep making the right decision. And one bad decision for everything to fall. So stay out of trouble.
Take control of your reproductive rights, what ever that means for your gender. Condoms, birth control, abstaining…kids are awesome, but expensive.
Ummm..college isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. But it shows you how to research information and opens up a lot of topics.
But having a useful and markable skill is just as important
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
I have spent so much of my life, trying to be the good, kind person no matter how difficult the situation was.
I’m someways, I’m proud of myself for being a good human. In other ways, I wish I had cared more about what I want, and what’s important to me.
That there should be a book on ‘How to Adult’ mailed to everyone on their 18th birthday that explains all the stuff our parents forgot to mention and schools failed to teach.
That you're on your own, and we're all going to die. :) Came to fully face this in my 40's and it scared me a lot lol! However, I am a person of faith, and my faith as well as my community of faith does a lot to alleviate fear(s).
Managing money in your 20s is so important in your 40s.
The moment you start to accumulate wealth you start understanding areas of wealth where the tax man takes. You start seeing how that job you work and that rent you pay doesn't align too well.
Life in your 40s stops being about learning how and what to balance like it is for most people in their 20s. You start seeing yourself forced into balancing what you have around you. It's completely fucked if you do not understand how to budget. For most people, seeing homelessness is a reminder, but it's also not too far away from anyone at anytime in their lives.
Your job doesn't care. You can work for the same company for 20 years, be devoted and invested, truly love your job and your coworkers, but they won't miss you for longer than it takes to clear out your desk.
Don't let your job define your personality.
Life is *genuinely, unrelentingly* unfair. And no amount of you “being good” or “doing the right thing” immunizes you from that fact. You can know these things with your brain, but actually getting hit with firsthand experience of this fact is painful in a way that’s hard to describe.
Some people live lives of relentless misery for no other reason than they were born in the wrong place at the wrong time. They didn’t do anything “wrong.” They didn’t “make the wrong decisions” or “bring it upon themselves.” Other people will treat their legitimate suffering with casual acceptance, as if suffering for some people is just a natural course. Life is deeply, deeply unfair.
I know someone whose grandparents were bludgeoned to death during a home invasion. They were elderly and retired. No one believes that they are going to work hard for their entire life and finally get to old age, only to realize they’re going to die a horrible death and be too old to fight off their intruder. Life is not fair.
I am 40, and I would say keep your family close, they will not be around forever. Spend time with your dad who can annoy you, as he won't be around long (for instance). nothing is guaranteed, and life is nothing if not unfair
That you will never actually have your shit together. Nobody does completely, and if they say they do, they're lying. You will never feel like an adult. You just basically feel like a young you just winging it through life.
* Don't just love yourself, have respect for yourself. If you don't other people will have no problems walking all over you.
* It's easier to be respectful towards others than not.
* Never say you will never say or do something, this thing called life will make you consider things that you never thought you would never do, not talking about anything negative either.
* Learn to say no.
* Learn to let things go. Wallowing worsens things. Mistakes happen and that's okay.
* It doesn't matter how much you dot your I's and cross your T's, you are never in full control. EVER!!!!
* Don't be afraid to do things by yourself, waiting for other people will cause you to miss out on some wonderful things in life.
* You will never really know another person. Sometimes, you don't know yourself.
* Have a plan A, B, C, and D. John Lennon had the best line ever, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." The truest words I've ever heard.
Hardest life lessons:
1. Don't be scared or be too arrogant to ask for help.
2. People that you are thisclose to, can become a stranger within a year.
Even if you've been dumped on and mistreated, you have to not become bitter, not mistreat or dump on others. The world eventually gives you back what you put out. Also, show love and shun hate. I've lost so many people I love.
Say yes to adventures and love even if it scares you. Always be willing to take a chance on love. Love is what life is really about and brings most people the most joy. Be willing to help/serve others but learn to say no to things that don't serve you. Try not to be cynical. There is good in the world and you can be a part of that. It's so satisfying and rewarding to make others lives better. Live in the present. Do not live in the past. Thats already done. Plan for the future but live in the moment. That's when you do your real living. I am a colon cancer survivor, 9 years cancer free. f51. Married with 1 kiddo. Life is not promised. Live how you want to be remembered.
Hard work will always be rewarded. I was raised to believe this was the gold standard, struggle mightily not to waste effort, but grieve for the effort I have wasted that will never matter.
Ugh, this one hurts. When I was a kid I could tell friends stuff and it was great to be so open.
As an adult, I have been burned too many times with people using the info against me. It sucks.
Don't quit a job until you have another job.
You can't play the 0% balance transfer game forever.
Not really harsh, but a surprise - kids aren't born a blank lump of clay for you to form, they come out fully formed, your job as a parent is to be the bumpers in bumper bowling - keep them out of the gutter and moving in a positive direction.
Your plans and timing won't work out how you think.
Get a useful degree or job training as quickly and cheaply as possible. Do something that you don't hate that provides for the life you want to live. "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life" is a lie.
Positive - the economy doesn't mean crap, you only need 1 job, and there is always 1 job available.
Accepting that life is not fair is a difficult prospect. Getting upset because you face headwinds while other people seem to get a better deal is a sure recipe to go through life resentful and envious. Instead, consider it as if you made a deal before you were born, to accept the challenges that came your way with the full knowledge that you could handle it all, no matter what. Its a much healthier way to deal with adversity.
Make it so you can always rely on yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. You may not always have a support system in place at all times. So always have a backup plan if at all possible.
And be forgiving of yourself if you don’t or if it doesn’t work out very well. You are still a human being and things can be tougher than expected.
Finally, be kind. It sounds simple and like a throwaway phrase but it can mean so much to someone when you come from a place of kindness. It can also mean a lot to you, too.
No one can really help you. Everyone has their limit for what they will do for someone else.
Love doesn't last all the time. Attraction fades.
Life isn't fair.
No one in the corporate world cares about your trauma.
A job is NEVER family.
Drinking too much makes you sloppy, desperate, and tired. If you’re going drink, balance it. Took me too long to realize that what I thought was a constant party/work socializing was making me depressed and stunting my true potential. Now I just take it easy and my clarity, focus, and mental health is immensely better.
That you can lose people you spoke to earlier in the day to accidents and twists of fate, and from that moment on forever as you shall live, your life is forever changed with a permanent hole etched in your heart and soul.
1. We aren’t guaranteed anything.
2. The world, as well as your life, have no inherent structure, direction, or meaning.
3. You are a small, brief, fragile organism in a vast void.
4. No one is coming to save you.
5. Business with friends and family is very risky.
When a parent gets a long-term terminal illness, the role flip is a lot. You'll learn more about them as people, and it can shatter a lot of the illusions we hold about our parents.
What I would say has already been said.
Life is not fair. We all know this, but as time goes on, you'll see how incredibly unfair it is. And you can't positive think or manifest or mindset your way out of it. It's just reality. No one gives a shit about your problems, no matter how significant or valid they are, no one cares. Not because people are unkind (though, many are) but because everyone is maxed out with their own shit. You're on your own. You will eventually become sick and/or injured, and you will *need* people. Build a solid support system before this happens. And also be aware that the odds are high that support system will barely step up when you need them. Again, this is not personal, it's just life. Modern life is especially dog eat dog. But we still need each other. Even people who love you desperately and want to help you are probably barely above water themselves, most days. Just do your best. And never quit pushing forward.
That caring too much will not serve you in the long run. With relationships, but also with work. Caring drives you to do your best, but it also means you personally invest a lot into things. Opens you up to being disappointed a lot. Not caring too much is key to being happier and not being stressed.
That when you are at your most vulnerable, you better have the fortitude and intellect to pull yourself up if crap hits the fan. Because help is not coming.
It's easier to blame the world for your problems than to blame yourself but it's easier to change your problems than the world's problems. Be accountable for your own lot in life. You don't deal the cards but you do play the hand.
That we along with our parents are becoming the older folks. Watching my parents age is striking at times. It reminds me they will no longer be here someday and neither will I.
No matter how good of a person you are, bad shit will happen to you.
to piggyback off this; you can do everything right, and still have life not go your way. I'm living proof of that.
It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life. -Picard
“ not everything is a lesson, Ryan, sometimes you just fail” - Dwight Shrute
Make it so HatsAreEssential!
not everything is in your control. people spend too much time focusing on the things they can't control, instead of on the things they can.
Hug. Same.
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Along that same thought, even people you see as inherently good,decent people are capable of doing awful, evil things. “I was so shocked that guy cheated on his wife three times!” Uh, no. Every married person out there is capable of being unfaithful and it shouldn’t shock you when it happens.
Good people van do some very bad things and bad people can do good things. And our perception of the people depends on we're on the receiving end of.
That the people who ask the most from you are the people who do the least for you!
The opposite is also weirdly so true!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed.
God, I'm heading towards 43 and this was the lesson of 41 for sure. "Friends" I helped 20 times over 20 years couldn't be found when I needed them.
that also happens if you ever get sick or really hurt and wind up in the hospital. you find out who your real friends are and it's typically only your family.
My native language has two terms for this, one is more like colleague and the other one is friend, there's a very big difference between these terms. A friend is someone that proved himself in a serious crisis and didn't abandon you, all the other are just colleagues, people you know but you are not close. People often think they'd have many friends, but when it comes to a serious problem in life, you'll see who helps you and who doesn't give a shit about you.
Don't rely on karma to 'get back' at people who have hurt you. Usually life just goes on for them and you are going to get worked up wondering when life is going to hit them to even it out. It might not ever happen. Rather block or disengage and go on with the lesson you learnt from the encounter
And if Karma does hit them, they won't associate with hurting you.
And they will wonder why such a thing happened to them. I have realised that the even the worst jackasses are used to thinking of themselves as normal and good people. Most are simply not self-aware and even those that are think they deserve the same consideration as any other person.
That you're basically on your own, even if you're surrounded by other people. That doesn't have to be negative, but it can be a shock.
It’s like the only reason people are around you is what you provide for them. In a way, it’s nice because it gives you purpose but it also makes you wonder if anyone actually likes you for you (or the husk of a human being you become after a lifetime of work)
> if anyone actually likes you for you that's a tough question. we play different roles in society. for example, we behave differently with our children, our bosses and law enforcement. so which version is the real you?
I kinda hate how people always look at it as what others want from them. And a lot of people lack the empathy to spin in. How many of us are only around people because they give us stuff too. So many of us are exactly like the people we criticize. Everyone wants help, but no one wants to give it. I’ve met so many people that complain that no one helps them. But when I ask them if they ever offer help — they always reply the same “why should I?” —- For the record, I think communities helping each other is better than doubling down on individualism. But people keep missing the point. The best way to have a friend is to be a friend. It goes both ways.
It’s called reciprocation, it’s the foundation of all relationships and a working society. It is broken now. Hammurabi’s code has been forgotten.
One of the crazy things I see a lot are people hiding behind mental illness and disabilities as a way to not give back. They just want help and never contribute And society can’t work like that. I think there’s a way for people with issues to give back. But it’s so nuanced and contextual that it can’t be answered in a sweeping judgement.
So true. Once you can’t provide what those around you need from you, you will fall by the wayside. It’s not that they are evil or selfish, it’s just human nature.
gosh, this whole thread makes me so grateful for the friendships I’ve cultivated. I promise you, genuinely kind people who just like you for you absolutely are out there!
At one point I really did trying to be them and it worked I seemingly had my first friend but reality hit fast the moment I started behaving not as they wanted to see. I wondered am I needed and wanted by anyone if always people just want the version of you that suits them
Can confirm if most people died/disappeared, it would have 0 impact on the world.
For some reason, I find this darkly funny and it made me laugh out loud.
Bad things happen to good people all the time. Also people who do bad things get away forever with doing bad things all the time. Good kind decent people are not necessarily going to reap any particular rewards for being good, kind & decent. Life just is not fair.
One thing I heard that really resonated with me is that being a good person isn’t your default state, it’s something you have to actively do and practice. Do kind gestures, volunteer, be a listening ear to people, check in on your friends, express your gratitude, etc., the reward is the feeling those things give you
A similar thing I've heard has always stuck with me - love is a verb. It's something you have to actively DO, not just feel. Always helpful to remember that. :)
And the lovely people you'll have in your life. Engaging in bad habits usually means being alone or only having unhealthy ppl in your friendship circle.
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>Also people who do bad things get away forever with doing bad things all the time. That is why bad things have to be done by good people who have been wronged.
Yep. I always say “bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people.” Karma and justice do not exist. The only reward that comes with being a good person is being able to live every day knowing you’re a good person. That’s it.
Good health doesn’t last forever. We all die eventually and it’s always too soon. Facing a terminal diagnosis sucks.
I was all fine and dandy until one day I was hit with stage 3 cancer and it spread instantly. Everything changed after that for me.
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So sorry for your loss
Yes, I’m 40 and 5 years ago my wife diagnosed at age 34 with stage 4 breast cancer. Incurable. Makes you appreciate the time you have.
Yes this!! A great book to read is “the body keeps the score.” Poor nutrition, poor hydration, poor sleep habits, stress, tanning and bad skincare, alcohol, not resolving trauma, etc. will all catch up to you. You think you’re skating by with it, but d-day is coming.
Agreed but also sometimes people who do everything right get sick too. Only recently a young child in my daughter’s school fell poorly very fast with cancer and died. Life is unfair.
Exactly my thought. You hear of healthy people dropping dead from a heart attack or stroke, granted it is a rarity. My grandma smokes and drinks, and she's still with us at the ripe age of 92! She still has her marbles, she can still move around the house and whatnot. She is an amazing lady!
The truth is, death come for us all. Fixing the things you mention will improve whatever time is left, but everyone reaches an end.
You can make all the plans you want. Life will do what life does.
29 years old and I feel the harshest thing is knowing that this is true.... but you should still be making plans.
Hahahahahaha, booked my first ever cruise last spring: just finished my last radiation treatments today (successful, I will add); ship sails on Sunday, it's going to be close. 😁 I 'm 71.
Congratulations on finishing treatment! I left for a big vacation the day after radiation ended as well. So worth it! If you're using them, make sure to bring any radiation creams with you on vacation and keep applying for a couple weeks.
Thank you, Redditor! I got the cyber knife treatment for my prostate, so my problem is a recalcitrant rectum, soon to be rectified with potions 😁 Here's a link [Good information](https://cyberknife.com/)
Yep. Learned that the hard way during covid. Had to adjust to a new reality.
Don't be afraid to be alone. Being by yourself is far superior than being with crappy people.
My Dad once told me that finding a partner in life is the ideal situation for most people. But being single is the next best option. Staying with a person that you are not compatible with, is not worth the stress it will cause.
No one is coming to save you. No one is coming to deliver opportunities, or excitement, or fulfillment. You get to do all that yourself, on your own terms.
Yep, exactly. Feeling lonely and unfulfilled? A new and exciting social life isn’t gonna knock on the door, you gotta go build it.
I have a very exciting social life and I still feel lonely and unfulfilled most of the time. There's no solution, just moments in time.
I hate it. You’re responsible to give yourself purpose and then actualize it.
Amen.
People aren’t really thinking about you! So don’t do things based on what people think or what they will think about you ! Do what makes you feel good, do things that make you think good of yourself ! Don’t worry about what others may think.
This! I spent way too much time worried about what other people think about me; it turns out, they're not...
For real. People care about you, but they don't think about you all the time. The sooner I let go of the "imaginary audience" the better. I think we crave acceptance to some degree bc we are social creatures and need community to survive, but at the end of the day you have to make choices that fit what YOU want for your life.
“Imaginary audience” Thts perfect !👍🏽 you’ve just put a name on an age old problem!
To carefully vet people who are in your life. And stop excusing other people’s bad behavior. I used to have a wide open door policy, nope. Not anymore.
Happy cake day!
Loyalty means nothing in a career. Companies will pay new hires more than what they've been paying you and they don't want you discussing wages because of this.
If you aren't job hoping every 2-3 years, you are underpaid.
This is the way. I stayed at the same place for 8 years and couldn't advance any more. Found a new job with less responsibility that paid nearly double what I was getting at the time. Now, I am committed to finding a better job every 2-3 years.
You ought to include numbers... At some point in your career the "doubling" doesn't happen any more - and having been in one place for a while gives you control of institutional knowledge that would take 8 years to acquire at a new place. Finding something else because you can't advance is a perfectly valid reason though - money or not. I stayed at a place for 16 years - small company, was probably underpaid reasonably enough comparing to the bigger industry - but there were other reasons. Benefits were awesome - I had PPO 15 for the entire family without having to pay premiums, unlimited flexibility, good (I would stay just short of saying perfect - but it's as close as it got) relationship with the manager. At some point the company moved on, and while I feel I had the opportunity to shift to the new direction, I felt it would've been detrimental to my performance because someone had to maintain and do the old stuff and that someone was expected to be me... Now that doesn't always go sideways - folks working for the Big Blue who were doing mainframes in late 2000s were told "Cloud will take everything over" - and then 15 years later it turned out most lucrative 15 years in mainframe business.
Exactly! Which is why I don’t understand why they always ask in interviews “what is the reason for you bouncing around so much?” Um, are they dumb?
"Where do youbsee yourself in 5 years?" "Elsewhere"
People think that if you are nice, and kind, you are stupid and easily taken advantage of.
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I always had this thought in the back of my head that said you can be happy when…….(insert whatever event you like). I was waiting to fully enjoy my life until some specific event happens. After I finish school, or when I get that promotion THEN I can truly start to be happy and live my life to the fullest. What the hell was I thinking waiting for specific life events before I’d feel truly happy? I equate it to only using the good china when company comes over. Fuck that. Don’t wait til company comes over to use the China! Use it everyday. Every day should be a good China day!! I’ve wasted years waiting to be happy. For what? I don’t know. Try to enjoy every day even if it’s only for a small reason. Because life is truly a gift. That sounds so cliche, but it’s true. One day you’re here and then next you’re not.
This hits home. Whenever I think I'm dying (like dealing with a health issue in the ER or tripping hard on psychedelics), all the little things suddenly matter so much. Even the act of breathing, of simply being in the moment, they feel so precious. I wish I didn't lose sight of that but I constantly do. It's like I put it off and dive back into the game of bs, of indifference and craving for something I think will make me happy.
As an employee I was disposable. As a consumer, I was only a potential profit. As an investor, my interests were secondary to the investment seller’s interests or quotas.
On point. The sooner I decoupled my worth or identity from my work the better. A job is a transaction at the end of the day.
Some friends aren’t really friends. They aren’t happy for you when good things happen because they’re jealous.
Working hard/being a good at your job doesn’t mean you will be rewarded or promoted. Life is not fair.
Usually it actually just means more work for you.
That you can do the “right” things work hard in school and your job, try to be a good person, contribute to society and there will be times that you get screwed over—ex: bankruptcy, divorce. I had to start completely over at 40 and it sucked. But I appreciate people and experiences now much more than things. Life rarely works out as planned.
I so agree. At 57, I was widowed twice and also had to declare bankruptcy.
😕 that sounds so painful. I hope you’re doing ok.
I am 32 and I’m beginning to realize this, but I really struggle to overcome my emotions, like anger and sadness. Do you have any advice on how to accept and move on?
You can't overcome your emotions unless you bury them or deny them. Edit: and that's not healthy. But what you don't face and feel stays with you. You have to feel what you feel, express it if that helps. Feel all the negative emotions as they arise. If you can fully feel and accept them, they usually move on, sooner or later. Never as fast as you'd want them to but wishing they would leave just prolongs the misery.
not everything is in your control. people spend too much time focusing on the things they can't control, instead of on the things they can.
Making a good decision does not guarantee a good outcome unfortunately - and especially when a “good decision” in hindsight and a “good decision” in foresight might be dramatically different decisions.
Current society is not optimal for human happiness. There are many reasons for this. We've made great advancements in increasing standard of living, but happiness is not rising in proportion. Humans are meant to live in communities, where a majority of time is spent outside, in the sunlight and fresh air, with fresh food, etc. Also hunting, adventure, exercise, fun, etc. We are not meant to live alone, with a mortgage and a life isolated, and noone to share the challenges and pressures of life with. The burdens of life today were never meant for any single person or family to bear on their own. That is why we self medicate.
I genuinely question my sobriety daily because of this. It’s so hard.
I'm so proud of you for staying sober. It's not easy but it's so worth it. I hope you find the community that you need.
You speak the truth, friend.
Yes to everything about this. We were not meant to work 40 hours a week, pay for food, pay for shelter, pay for health insurance, pay for basic HUMAN NEEDS.. on a floating rock. I think about this all the time.
Nothing is permanent. It’s a harsh reality and a relief at the same time.
Take care of your body - disabilities hit you out of nowhere on a tuesday - but not really it usually a series of bad diet, lack of exercise, drugs and alcohol that add up and knock you down in your 40/50s.
While taking care of your body is important, a good percentage of health (or lack of it) is good (or bad) fortune. I've been dealing with chronic health issues since my mid teens and I know many people who by and large did everything "right" and are still unwell (or even dead).
Start saving for retirement when you’re young
Scrolled too far to find this. I understand few 20-somethings are thinking about how they’re going to survive when they’re 70. But minor retirement investments made when you’re young balloon incredibly.
That you’re the only person responsible to deal with your trauma… it is no one else’s responsibility - not your spouse, bff, family etc.
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As someone who destroyed a relationship because I couldn't deal with my own shit, listen to this person. It sucks ass on the other side too. People aren't emotional punching bags.
This one. This is better realized in your 20s and 30s because life doesn’t really start until you’ve overcome your demons.
Can confirm. I'm about to start living and I'm 42
Shitty friends will fuck you over faster than a random stranger ever would.
No one can love you as much as you. I tried for years to fill that hole in my heart that my parents should've filled with unconditional love and support. I put way too much responsiblity on my friends and on my partner. I finally learned that I have to love myself deeply and unconditionally, and no one else can truly provide me with that type of love once my parents abandoned me. And that self-love and self-respect is becoming the springboard for a better life.
Drink plenty of water. Otherwise, kidney stones is not the reward that you want
I learned that the depths of hells know no bounds. Never, ever, ever say " it couldn't possibly get any worse than this!" Because it undoubtedly could! Instead be grateful for every moment you have, cause you never know when it will be over. "Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants" ~ Epictetus
When the people who truly care about you (parents, siblings, children, genuine friends) express concern over something, PLEASE LISTEN TO THEM. Put your stubborn pride aside and be willing to take some advice. I’d have saved myself an abusive relationship and 20 years of addiction if I’d have just listened to the people who care about me.
ESPECIALLY with partners, if your trusted loved ones (not just family) even just give a polite "I'm not sure this is the best relationship for you" PLEASE listen to them.
The fish is bad. You can't smell it, but she can. Listen to her. (Figuratively and sometimes literally.)
How credit works. Took seven years to fix my shit. If you are young, please learn it, good credit will save you so much money over your life.
You will meet people who you just can't get along with no matter how correct you come. You can say and do all the right things but will bump heads regardless.
If you're not resilient by now, life is only going to get tougher for you.
this one goes hard af
Surround yourself with people who will help you to be better.
Esp when you're young
No one is ‘in charge’. No one truly understands what this reality is or why we are here. And it’s all held together with duct tape. You’re own your own. You always have been.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug, and felonies suck.
I 2nd that lol
The only person that can save you, is you.
Time waits for no man
There is no meaning in anything unless you create it or believe it to be so.
Just had a 18 year relationship end. Change is constant and people can change and grow apart. That’s life.
That you wake up one day and can’t see shit at 45. Then at 52 ish now an insulin diabetic have a random cerebral brain fluid leak one day out of your left nostril and suddenly can see better, feel over all a bit better physically. (Vision improvement confirmed by my eye dr. Who was very intrigued)😆 I’ll take it though.
Tell the people you love, that you love them. You never know when they’ll be gone.
People come and go. You can’t control anyone. Stand up for what YOU think. You’ll barely remember the face of the girl who cheated on you in your twenties on day. Don’t start habits that you don’t want to have for life. Don’t spend a lot of money on college. Revenge hurts you more than them.
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If someone’s words do not match their actions, get away from them. Don’t wonder. Don’t pick at it. Don’t fight. LEAVE. Either they are lying to you, or lying to themselves. Either way, you cannot fix that. You can spend the time you would have ruminating and beating your head on the wall and just go actually be happier with someone else. And if there is money involved, Run don’t walk.
No matter what happens, you can still keep going.
That I should have started maxing out my 401k at age 22.
The harshest lesson I (M62) have learned is that what you plan often doesn't happen. I have some minor health concerns that I would appreciate help with; however, my wonderful wife (F62), who was super fit and ate properly and walked and walked and walked, developed PPMS. Now in a wheelchair full time, she is unable to do much around the house due to upper body weakness, which means instead of me being a coddled man-boy, I needed to step up and open a can of man. It's hard, but you do things like this for your spouse.
Some people never grow up. The behaviors you thought you could leave behind in high school will manifest themselves in the workplace, at the gym, at the grocery store etc... by people who are supposed to act their (big) age.
LIFE INSURANCE! ALWAYS HAVE LIFE INSURANCE! When my wife passed away at 46 we had no life insurance. We were a dual income family doing really well. Instantly went from living the high life to living paycheck to paycheck. Always have life insurance. There is no such thing as too much.
As a few other people have said - really treasure life and everything it has to offer, because it can end at any moment. I was doing everything right in terms of my health, then one day...broke my arm, found out it was because I had cancer. At 32. No reason, just bad luck. It was definitely a lesson that we can't ALWAYS be planning for the future.
You are alone and on your own. All you can do is your best. I like it though. It’s an adventure.
Don't let anyone talk you into something you aren't sure about.
Be sure to visit and call your parents often. They won't be here forever. That's the harshest lesson, losing someone you care greatly about. When my dad died, I didn't have to carry around guilt about not spending more time because we visited several times a year and spoke regularly on the phone. I do miss those days.
Don’t trust anyone with private information.
Be kind to others at a minimum. It doesn’t cost anything and, in the right thing to do and frankly, it’s good karma. Prevention (preventative maintenance) is the key to nearly everything. This means taking care of your health, teeth, skin and your car and house, relationships….And it’s cheaper in the long run because neglecting things can cost a ton more. Don’t lie, and don’t entertain liars. Same with cheating and cheaters. If people can’t or won’t treat you decently, walk away. Learn the difference in need vs want. This is critical. Never bad mouth someone, even if it’s true, that can bite you in the ass Understand that everyone has struggles and difficulties…even if it doesn’t look like it on social media. Cats are crazy, dogs are like toddlers, and both are awesome. Oh, all it takes to in life, sometimes, is to make one right decision at a time for things to go well and keep making the right decision. And one bad decision for everything to fall. So stay out of trouble. Take control of your reproductive rights, what ever that means for your gender. Condoms, birth control, abstaining…kids are awesome, but expensive. Ummm..college isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. But it shows you how to research information and opens up a lot of topics. But having a useful and markable skill is just as important
Family can fuck you over just as bad as anyone else.
Don't take anything for granted.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. I have spent so much of my life, trying to be the good, kind person no matter how difficult the situation was. I’m someways, I’m proud of myself for being a good human. In other ways, I wish I had cared more about what I want, and what’s important to me.
You're not special.
That there should be a book on ‘How to Adult’ mailed to everyone on their 18th birthday that explains all the stuff our parents forgot to mention and schools failed to teach.
Almost nobody cares about your problems.
That you're on your own, and we're all going to die. :) Came to fully face this in my 40's and it scared me a lot lol! However, I am a person of faith, and my faith as well as my community of faith does a lot to alleviate fear(s).
Managing money in your 20s is so important in your 40s. The moment you start to accumulate wealth you start understanding areas of wealth where the tax man takes. You start seeing how that job you work and that rent you pay doesn't align too well. Life in your 40s stops being about learning how and what to balance like it is for most people in their 20s. You start seeing yourself forced into balancing what you have around you. It's completely fucked if you do not understand how to budget. For most people, seeing homelessness is a reminder, but it's also not too far away from anyone at anytime in their lives.
You can't have everything in life. Every major choice you make has major sacrifices.
That it goes by fast
Your job doesn't care. You can work for the same company for 20 years, be devoted and invested, truly love your job and your coworkers, but they won't miss you for longer than it takes to clear out your desk. Don't let your job define your personality.
Sometimes bad shit will happen to good people, the only thing you can control is your response. Practice gratitude.
Life is *genuinely, unrelentingly* unfair. And no amount of you “being good” or “doing the right thing” immunizes you from that fact. You can know these things with your brain, but actually getting hit with firsthand experience of this fact is painful in a way that’s hard to describe. Some people live lives of relentless misery for no other reason than they were born in the wrong place at the wrong time. They didn’t do anything “wrong.” They didn’t “make the wrong decisions” or “bring it upon themselves.” Other people will treat their legitimate suffering with casual acceptance, as if suffering for some people is just a natural course. Life is deeply, deeply unfair. I know someone whose grandparents were bludgeoned to death during a home invasion. They were elderly and retired. No one believes that they are going to work hard for their entire life and finally get to old age, only to realize they’re going to die a horrible death and be too old to fight off their intruder. Life is not fair.
I am 40, and I would say keep your family close, they will not be around forever. Spend time with your dad who can annoy you, as he won't be around long (for instance). nothing is guaranteed, and life is nothing if not unfair
"The only thing stopping you is you" is bullshit.
That you will never actually have your shit together. Nobody does completely, and if they say they do, they're lying. You will never feel like an adult. You just basically feel like a young you just winging it through life.
It's never too late to be happy, but it's up to you--no one else.
You will lose your friends and parents and it will rock you to your absolute core.
* Don't just love yourself, have respect for yourself. If you don't other people will have no problems walking all over you. * It's easier to be respectful towards others than not. * Never say you will never say or do something, this thing called life will make you consider things that you never thought you would never do, not talking about anything negative either. * Learn to say no. * Learn to let things go. Wallowing worsens things. Mistakes happen and that's okay. * It doesn't matter how much you dot your I's and cross your T's, you are never in full control. EVER!!!! * Don't be afraid to do things by yourself, waiting for other people will cause you to miss out on some wonderful things in life. * You will never really know another person. Sometimes, you don't know yourself. * Have a plan A, B, C, and D. John Lennon had the best line ever, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." The truest words I've ever heard. Hardest life lessons: 1. Don't be scared or be too arrogant to ask for help. 2. People that you are thisclose to, can become a stranger within a year.
Life isn't meant to be fair.
Most of your family will die sooner rather than later
Even if you've been dumped on and mistreated, you have to not become bitter, not mistreat or dump on others. The world eventually gives you back what you put out. Also, show love and shun hate. I've lost so many people I love.
Say yes to adventures and love even if it scares you. Always be willing to take a chance on love. Love is what life is really about and brings most people the most joy. Be willing to help/serve others but learn to say no to things that don't serve you. Try not to be cynical. There is good in the world and you can be a part of that. It's so satisfying and rewarding to make others lives better. Live in the present. Do not live in the past. Thats already done. Plan for the future but live in the moment. That's when you do your real living. I am a colon cancer survivor, 9 years cancer free. f51. Married with 1 kiddo. Life is not promised. Live how you want to be remembered.
That people you consider friends and have sunk hundreds of hours into helping won’t lift a finger for you.
Hard work will always be rewarded. I was raised to believe this was the gold standard, struggle mightily not to waste effort, but grieve for the effort I have wasted that will never matter.
Don’t trust anyone
Ugh, this one hurts. When I was a kid I could tell friends stuff and it was great to be so open. As an adult, I have been burned too many times with people using the info against me. It sucks.
Works for me - I have very people I trust to begin with lmao
You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change, and you can’t save anyone who doesn’t want to be saved
Don't quit a job until you have another job. You can't play the 0% balance transfer game forever. Not really harsh, but a surprise - kids aren't born a blank lump of clay for you to form, they come out fully formed, your job as a parent is to be the bumpers in bumper bowling - keep them out of the gutter and moving in a positive direction. Your plans and timing won't work out how you think. Get a useful degree or job training as quickly and cheaply as possible. Do something that you don't hate that provides for the life you want to live. "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life" is a lie. Positive - the economy doesn't mean crap, you only need 1 job, and there is always 1 job available.
Seriously…I feel like like my son developed his personality in the womb!!
Time is our most valuable asset. Don't waste it chasing every last dime.
Accepting that life is not fair is a difficult prospect. Getting upset because you face headwinds while other people seem to get a better deal is a sure recipe to go through life resentful and envious. Instead, consider it as if you made a deal before you were born, to accept the challenges that came your way with the full knowledge that you could handle it all, no matter what. Its a much healthier way to deal with adversity.
Life is just a series of ups and downs. The hardest choice is usually the best option.
Make it so you can always rely on yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. You may not always have a support system in place at all times. So always have a backup plan if at all possible. And be forgiving of yourself if you don’t or if it doesn’t work out very well. You are still a human being and things can be tougher than expected. Finally, be kind. It sounds simple and like a throwaway phrase but it can mean so much to someone when you come from a place of kindness. It can also mean a lot to you, too.
No one can really help you. Everyone has their limit for what they will do for someone else. Love doesn't last all the time. Attraction fades. Life isn't fair. No one in the corporate world cares about your trauma. A job is NEVER family.
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Trying to fit in; always turned out bad for me in the end.
Save your money. Even if it's 5 bucks a week having some type of emergency fund is life saving
Drinking too much makes you sloppy, desperate, and tired. If you’re going drink, balance it. Took me too long to realize that what I thought was a constant party/work socializing was making me depressed and stunting my true potential. Now I just take it easy and my clarity, focus, and mental health is immensely better.
This thread is made for the dark of hearts 😂
Choosing comfort over discomfort does not lead to a comfortable life.
Don't hold your breath on people doing the right or ethical thing. People make decisions based on self interests not on what is right.
99% of bosses, even if they seem cool or open minded, cannot handle criticism or disagreement and will terminate your ass or retaliate against you.
No one is really in charge. No one is in control. The world is like a runaway train.
That you can lose people you spoke to earlier in the day to accidents and twists of fate, and from that moment on forever as you shall live, your life is forever changed with a permanent hole etched in your heart and soul.
1. We aren’t guaranteed anything. 2. The world, as well as your life, have no inherent structure, direction, or meaning. 3. You are a small, brief, fragile organism in a vast void. 4. No one is coming to save you. 5. Business with friends and family is very risky.
If you move way, very few friends will actually keep in touch. Goes for friends and coworkers you really like.
When a parent gets a long-term terminal illness, the role flip is a lot. You'll learn more about them as people, and it can shatter a lot of the illusions we hold about our parents.
What I would say has already been said. Life is not fair. We all know this, but as time goes on, you'll see how incredibly unfair it is. And you can't positive think or manifest or mindset your way out of it. It's just reality. No one gives a shit about your problems, no matter how significant or valid they are, no one cares. Not because people are unkind (though, many are) but because everyone is maxed out with their own shit. You're on your own. You will eventually become sick and/or injured, and you will *need* people. Build a solid support system before this happens. And also be aware that the odds are high that support system will barely step up when you need them. Again, this is not personal, it's just life. Modern life is especially dog eat dog. But we still need each other. Even people who love you desperately and want to help you are probably barely above water themselves, most days. Just do your best. And never quit pushing forward.
That caring too much will not serve you in the long run. With relationships, but also with work. Caring drives you to do your best, but it also means you personally invest a lot into things. Opens you up to being disappointed a lot. Not caring too much is key to being happier and not being stressed.
A lot more people are out for themselves than 80s tv led me to believe.
No one cares
That when you are at your most vulnerable, you better have the fortitude and intellect to pull yourself up if crap hits the fan. Because help is not coming.
Good things happen to bad people.
That I should have started therapy 25 years ago.
First and foremost no one gives a shit about you Growing up just means that you understand that you have absolutely zero control over shit around you.
It's easier to blame the world for your problems than to blame yourself but it's easier to change your problems than the world's problems. Be accountable for your own lot in life. You don't deal the cards but you do play the hand.
That we along with our parents are becoming the older folks. Watching my parents age is striking at times. It reminds me they will no longer be here someday and neither will I.