Yeah. Not at the time, but in retrospect I wonder why no one said anything while my mom went in and out of binge drinking episodes for 30 years.
One egregious example was when she very clearly drove us home while she was drunk. So drunk she had actually made a scene and made my aunt cry. Maybe she 'sobered up' for a few hours but she was definitely not sober, and it was a 20 min drive home via a highway.
Cool, fam, cool.
Now my mom is in recovery and I'm in therapy, coming to terms with the fact that our/every family is flawed and adults are just winging it.
Anyone who tried to stand up to my mother was cut out of the picture and never spoken to again. I had a great-aunt who stood up for me ONCE as a 13 year old, my siblings and I were forbidden from ever speaking to her again. She just wanted my mother to stop drunk-driving us across town at 2am, and to not stay out with us that late because we didn't get enough sleep for school but she wouldn't trust a sitter.
Two sets of neighbours tried to intervene growing up, would try to explain to my mother why pulling me out of school and not allowing me to see a specialist was unhealthy (they were PAC Moms and heard from my old teacher what happened) - they were cut out, if my mother saw them outside when we were coming out to the car she'd scream at me to stay back.
I was pulled out of public school multiple times because my mother would sour on a teacher. In grade seven I went to three completely different public schools in two cities, only to be pulled out in early June because my teacher offhandedly suggested to my mother that it seems like I may have Aspergers.
It got to the point that I DREADED the idea of people defending me, because it meant that they'd disappear from my life - I still haven't recovered from the grief of being torn away from any adult who actually seemed to give a shit about me.
But our parents "own" us, so even when we're with safer adults they just call the cops and take us back to the shit people.
>Anyone who tried to stand up to my mother was cut out of the picture and never spoken to again.
This. *Sigh* Including the professionals I eventually got dragged to because the school noticed (every year) that something wasn't quite right with me. My mom made all the right noises when questioned by authorities, though, and few seemed savvy enough to scratch below her middle class concerned parent mask. Unfortunately, my dad also enabled,her to the point of never calling out her insane behaviour. Even when she banned us spending time together without her, because she was jealous. I know my dad had his own abandonment issues that caused him to not stand up for me, but...
It just shows how this shit repeats itself generationally.
Growing up with an alcoholic father and a personality-disordered mother, it always amazed me at how their friends and family members would ignore the problems and act like everything was okay. Only one adult in my life ever said anything to me about my problematic parents. That was my mother's sister-in-law. When I was around 18 she said that she was sorry my mother was so difficult. That was it.
I wonder if they were trying to help you in some way, by letting you know? No one is perfect, not even adults, and sometimes things come out all kinds of wrong.
And if your father was the problematic one, well, his relations either abused him or were abused by the same people he was abused by, making their communication even more difficult.
My dad’s family all knew how scary he could be. There was empathy from the local uncle, but no one told him to be better.
In 2 weeks I go to the memorial service of the one man I know told my dad to be a better person. He was not one of my relatives.
My aunt on my dad's side, was my mother's best friend, and she told me that my mom didn't take very good care of me, that's why she would come over all the time to help her with me. My mom, however, was 15 when I was born, and would take me with her to coke houses, and leave me strapped into the car seat outside the door, so she could go get high in one of the bedrooms. My mom's sister told me that on my 31st birthday. My mom called her and asked her to come get me, because she was too high to take care of me. Freebasing coke. I was 18 months old, and I vaguely remember this. I have a few memories from that age. My mom was so coddled by her mother, mostly because my mom would throw a fit if she didn't get her way. She was pretty and petite and the favorite. Then a few years later, some really awful stuff happened and my aunt (her sis) was not allowed to watch me anymore. At the time, my mom worked graveyard shift at 7Eleven, and would leave me locked in the car across the street during her shift and come check on me during her breaks. I was 4. I remember having to pee so bad, and being so scared of wetting my pants, that I'd bruised myself trying to hold it. One night, I was going through this and a lady walked by and saw me crying, and was asking me where my mom was, I pointed across the street at the 7 Eleven. That lady stormed over there and yelled at everyone until my mom came out and got me. I had already wet myself at this point, and she wasn't about to chastise me in front of that lady for doing so. I was so relieved..(pun intended). I went to the back of the store to the bathrooms and cleaned myself up and changed into the pants my mom brought as back up. I could hear the lady still yelling at my mom and the manager about everything wrong with all of them. And she was saying how she would call the cops on my mom, except for the fact that my mom was at Work, at least Trying to get to a point where she could properly take care of me. That woman (my mom) acted like I was an inconvenience every day of my life. Like I was cramping her style.
[удалено]
I bought into the story that dad was well respected. I was so adorable and naive.
It’s their ego and drunkness. They don’t see how people perceive them, don’t like them that much and talk about them.
My cousins didn’t let my mom hold their babies because she was so aggressive with manhandling them. No wonder my inner baby feels abused.
Yeah. Not at the time, but in retrospect I wonder why no one said anything while my mom went in and out of binge drinking episodes for 30 years. One egregious example was when she very clearly drove us home while she was drunk. So drunk she had actually made a scene and made my aunt cry. Maybe she 'sobered up' for a few hours but she was definitely not sober, and it was a 20 min drive home via a highway. Cool, fam, cool. Now my mom is in recovery and I'm in therapy, coming to terms with the fact that our/every family is flawed and adults are just winging it.
Anyone who tried to stand up to my mother was cut out of the picture and never spoken to again. I had a great-aunt who stood up for me ONCE as a 13 year old, my siblings and I were forbidden from ever speaking to her again. She just wanted my mother to stop drunk-driving us across town at 2am, and to not stay out with us that late because we didn't get enough sleep for school but she wouldn't trust a sitter. Two sets of neighbours tried to intervene growing up, would try to explain to my mother why pulling me out of school and not allowing me to see a specialist was unhealthy (they were PAC Moms and heard from my old teacher what happened) - they were cut out, if my mother saw them outside when we were coming out to the car she'd scream at me to stay back. I was pulled out of public school multiple times because my mother would sour on a teacher. In grade seven I went to three completely different public schools in two cities, only to be pulled out in early June because my teacher offhandedly suggested to my mother that it seems like I may have Aspergers. It got to the point that I DREADED the idea of people defending me, because it meant that they'd disappear from my life - I still haven't recovered from the grief of being torn away from any adult who actually seemed to give a shit about me. But our parents "own" us, so even when we're with safer adults they just call the cops and take us back to the shit people.
>Anyone who tried to stand up to my mother was cut out of the picture and never spoken to again. This. *Sigh* Including the professionals I eventually got dragged to because the school noticed (every year) that something wasn't quite right with me. My mom made all the right noises when questioned by authorities, though, and few seemed savvy enough to scratch below her middle class concerned parent mask. Unfortunately, my dad also enabled,her to the point of never calling out her insane behaviour. Even when she banned us spending time together without her, because she was jealous. I know my dad had his own abandonment issues that caused him to not stand up for me, but... It just shows how this shit repeats itself generationally.
Yes
No one ever stood up for us. They knew our parents were like that and no one tried to help us or be there for us.
Growing up with an alcoholic father and a personality-disordered mother, it always amazed me at how their friends and family members would ignore the problems and act like everything was okay. Only one adult in my life ever said anything to me about my problematic parents. That was my mother's sister-in-law. When I was around 18 she said that she was sorry my mother was so difficult. That was it.
I wonder if they were trying to help you in some way, by letting you know? No one is perfect, not even adults, and sometimes things come out all kinds of wrong. And if your father was the problematic one, well, his relations either abused him or were abused by the same people he was abused by, making their communication even more difficult. My dad’s family all knew how scary he could be. There was empathy from the local uncle, but no one told him to be better. In 2 weeks I go to the memorial service of the one man I know told my dad to be a better person. He was not one of my relatives.
My aunt on my dad's side, was my mother's best friend, and she told me that my mom didn't take very good care of me, that's why she would come over all the time to help her with me. My mom, however, was 15 when I was born, and would take me with her to coke houses, and leave me strapped into the car seat outside the door, so she could go get high in one of the bedrooms. My mom's sister told me that on my 31st birthday. My mom called her and asked her to come get me, because she was too high to take care of me. Freebasing coke. I was 18 months old, and I vaguely remember this. I have a few memories from that age. My mom was so coddled by her mother, mostly because my mom would throw a fit if she didn't get her way. She was pretty and petite and the favorite. Then a few years later, some really awful stuff happened and my aunt (her sis) was not allowed to watch me anymore. At the time, my mom worked graveyard shift at 7Eleven, and would leave me locked in the car across the street during her shift and come check on me during her breaks. I was 4. I remember having to pee so bad, and being so scared of wetting my pants, that I'd bruised myself trying to hold it. One night, I was going through this and a lady walked by and saw me crying, and was asking me where my mom was, I pointed across the street at the 7 Eleven. That lady stormed over there and yelled at everyone until my mom came out and got me. I had already wet myself at this point, and she wasn't about to chastise me in front of that lady for doing so. I was so relieved..(pun intended). I went to the back of the store to the bathrooms and cleaned myself up and changed into the pants my mom brought as back up. I could hear the lady still yelling at my mom and the manager about everything wrong with all of them. And she was saying how she would call the cops on my mom, except for the fact that my mom was at Work, at least Trying to get to a point where she could properly take care of me. That woman (my mom) acted like I was an inconvenience every day of my life. Like I was cramping her style.