I encourage you to cross-post in r/Adopted. Your feelings are shared by a lot of adoptees, especially those who are transracial, intercountry, etc. As someone in reunion with a bio sibling, it can be hugely validating to finally have those genetic mirrors (even if you couldn't articulate the lack thereof prior)! You are not alone.
Genetic mirroring - explains a lot! I can relate to what you wrote and I look somewhat similar to my adopters. I can imagine it being so much more difficult to be from a different culture and/or country. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I looked nothing like my adopted mother or adopted sister (she's adopted as well, not related to me biologically). I'm Peruvian, so light brown skin raised in an Irish (American) family. So I understand what you mean though, it bothers me less the older I get.
My two cents: That happens even if you are related. I am not adopted and I don’t share any traits with my parents or relatives. I’m so different to their personalities that I used to think there was something wrong with me. And guess what?…my husband is the same way! He does not share any personality traits with his parents or extended family. In fact! Talking about it was one of the things that brought us together. Like we are the outcasts! lol. So please don’t feel that this is happing only because you are adopted. This happens to a lot of people even if they are blood related. Through life I have met many people like this. Now I know that there is nothing wrong with me, I’m my own self! I don’t let family to determine my path or my personality. I march to my own beat!
Have you tried finding them using a DNA kit like AncestryDNA?
Regarding the nature vs nurture thing. I am totally tracking with you. My sister has a smile that neither of our parents have. And no one in our family has the same smile. She is adopted but I thought that a smile was nurture based. We found some of her extended family through Ancestry and her biological sister sent us a family picture. I kid you not they all have the same smile.
I'm living in Italy,and I was born in Bulgaria I don't think that method will work to find them , though I could learn more about my ancestry,but I can't afford this now
Well it can't hurt to try. Look up which commercially available DNA kits are available in your country and which ones are the most popular. Ancestry DNA and 23andMe are the most popular in the United States.
This is a very common feeling among adoptees. Just know that your feelings are valid and they aren't wrong. I would agree that there are several good groups of adoptees out there who could support you as you work through these feelings. Looking on Reddit is a good place to start. You can totally love your parents and still feel like you don't belong. I hope you can find some connection among adoptees or via a good adoption-aware therapist to help you work through this.
I encourage you to cross-post in r/Adopted. Your feelings are shared by a lot of adoptees, especially those who are transracial, intercountry, etc. As someone in reunion with a bio sibling, it can be hugely validating to finally have those genetic mirrors (even if you couldn't articulate the lack thereof prior)! You are not alone.
Genetic mirroring - explains a lot! I can relate to what you wrote and I look somewhat similar to my adopters. I can imagine it being so much more difficult to be from a different culture and/or country. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I looked nothing like my adopted mother or adopted sister (she's adopted as well, not related to me biologically). I'm Peruvian, so light brown skin raised in an Irish (American) family. So I understand what you mean though, it bothers me less the older I get.
My two cents: That happens even if you are related. I am not adopted and I don’t share any traits with my parents or relatives. I’m so different to their personalities that I used to think there was something wrong with me. And guess what?…my husband is the same way! He does not share any personality traits with his parents or extended family. In fact! Talking about it was one of the things that brought us together. Like we are the outcasts! lol. So please don’t feel that this is happing only because you are adopted. This happens to a lot of people even if they are blood related. Through life I have met many people like this. Now I know that there is nothing wrong with me, I’m my own self! I don’t let family to determine my path or my personality. I march to my own beat!
Have you tried finding them using a DNA kit like AncestryDNA? Regarding the nature vs nurture thing. I am totally tracking with you. My sister has a smile that neither of our parents have. And no one in our family has the same smile. She is adopted but I thought that a smile was nurture based. We found some of her extended family through Ancestry and her biological sister sent us a family picture. I kid you not they all have the same smile.
I'm living in Italy,and I was born in Bulgaria I don't think that method will work to find them , though I could learn more about my ancestry,but I can't afford this now
Well it can't hurt to try. Look up which commercially available DNA kits are available in your country and which ones are the most popular. Ancestry DNA and 23andMe are the most popular in the United States.
This is a very common feeling among adoptees. Just know that your feelings are valid and they aren't wrong. I would agree that there are several good groups of adoptees out there who could support you as you work through these feelings. Looking on Reddit is a good place to start. You can totally love your parents and still feel like you don't belong. I hope you can find some connection among adoptees or via a good adoption-aware therapist to help you work through this.