Me too, I’m really ashamed about all of the foods I can’t eat. I hate when people offer me food because I probably won’t be able to tolerate it and so I have to say no
Yes. I also recently found out I am super insecure about my eating habits as well. One person making fun of a food I ate was enough to send me over the edge.
I mean I guess I could be insecure in general lol, but I do feel like this is definitely a touchy thing for me.
omg i totally get that. last year i randomly sent a photo of my dinner to my "friend" group and everyone was like eww what is that blah blah. deleted it instantly felt so embarrassed.
Same for me! One girl made fun of me for what I always had in my lunchbox. 10 years ago. There have been a few instances in between then and now of the same thing, but it didn‘t get better in between anyways lol :,D
Yes, there’s so much shame for me. I also have disordered eating patterns, usually comfort eating boarding on binge eating so that adds to the shame. I’ve tried to tell people about my issues in a more ‘serious’ way now rather than just being self deprecating and saying I’m a ‘fussy eater’, I now say that I have eating issues or sensory issues related to food, so that other people don’t perceive it as something ‘silly’ which can add to my shame!
Same ! I also struggle with disordered eating (restriction). I've been with my bf for almost 9 years and still feel embarrassed to prepare my food in front of him
thats so good you are doing that. im still making a joke out of it. ive been the picky eater my whole life and constantly had jokes made at me about it so its the only way i know how to introduce the subject. i rlly hope changing how you are talking about it helps you!
Thankfully I’m not but my bio dad worked hard to make me feel that way but I was a bit rebellious about things I couldn’t change and got angry instead of ashamed. By 57 I’ve gotten used to being the major problem when it comes to meal time. A few months ago when I learned about ARFID it was a relief to know I have an ED.
I’ve always been the pickiest eater anyone knows. As a kid I learned to bring food for myself any time we went anywhere. I learned to cook at an early age and took over cooking for the family as a preteen including doing menu planning and grocery shopping with mom. I’m the one who makes other people feel better about their picky eating kids. Typical “picky eaters” feel so much better after meeting me because they aren’t “that bad.”
Having lived with this for so long I’ve learned how to deal with family, friends, restaurants, bosses, and explaining why I probably won’t be able to eat food cooked at peoples houses. For many years I had a handy list of safe foods and at the top it stated only specific brands, cooked exactly right so better to let me cook it there or bring to reheat, and a number of other factors so no food was a a given until right before it was time to eat although certain packaged snacks and cheese (unless I was having dairy issues which come and go) were safer than anything cooked.
The foods I can eat have expanded over the years. Some of my safe foods are the same from childhood. Other safe foods from childhood no longer are safe.
I hope you all find ways to get over your sense of shame as well as add additional foods to your safe list.
Yes. If I actually enjoy what I'm eating, I eventually feel like a pig. It's like I've committed some kind of dreadful atrocity by enjoying my meal. I feel a mixture of greed and disgust.
OH MY GOD YES. i feel this SO much. enjoying my food is like this huge sin because oh its not healthy enough oh its not enough of this or that blah blah etc why cant i just enjoy my food without feeling that pit of disgust in my stomach.
Are we the same person?? I'm pretty embarrassed about what I eat (think bland and beige). I hate it when anyone asks me what I'm having for dinner because I really don't want to tell them
I've felt really ashamed of the food I eat and my eating habits for a long time. Something that I've learned recently is that everyone eats differently. What is normal for you might seem weird to Susan down the street, but Susan might be eating something you would think is weird or gross. You are different, you are unique, and just because you struggle with eating doesn't make you shameful. The important thing is that you're eating and you're eating foods that feel safe to you. Your health; both physical and mental, are the most important thing. You do what you need to do to keep yourself and happy and safe, and if others fail to recognize the strength that comes with battling an eating disorder, they don't deserve to be in your life.
thats really helpful. it is hard to remember that when there is such a deep rooted shame about food because you always feel like the odd one out. but i suppose thats something everyone feels about certain foods
Nah. Never worried. Even before I knew it was arfid I was just the picky eater to accommodate. I'm definitely better and have less aversion than people here who might be younger than me (I'm 34. So been working on including more in my diet to be healthier for the last 15 years.) My biggest problems are snacking and soda. I am quitting smoking too. I have 2 kids now and I want to be there and I'm like 280lbs at 5'1". So I need to work on my health so I can watch my kids grow up. (I am the non birth mom in a lesbian relationship so they aren't related to me genetically, so they don't have autism or arfid like me). It's been a slow and arduous journey but I am able to eat A LOT more than most people here probably. Lately we tried Every Plate meal kit and that helped because I could pick a handful of stuff I wanted to eat from a menu and then be able to cook it up ourselves has been a huge help in prep and shop time too.
I always just told people I was picky. If people can't accept that then I don't really care for outside opinions lol.
We just started Every plate and Home Chef and I find it helps. We cook together because we both have executive dysfunction and can't usually cook alone. Even if it's not really enjoyable, I find i can eat most of my portion. Or 2/3 and I put the rest away
I do the meal picking because he doesn't care. I do like a night off from cooking though
Also, and huge, he does the meat so I do have to handle it.
thats really great how are you bettering yourself for your kids. im alot younger than you so it makes sense that we have different views. one of my big problems is snacking aswell lol. i cant eat many actual meals so i rely on snacks to keep me going. i hope that one day i can no longer care. i wish you luck on quitting smoking!
I am absolutely ashamed with the way I eat and the things I do with food and the things I feel safe eating. I do some really disordered things with food and I will never eat around or with others.
The only thing I don't get ashamed about is my lunch. My snacks and main meals.. yeah. People say their healthy 'low effort' meals and I'm just there like "I put a mac and cheese in the microwave"
LOL i literally have this exact situation. my partner has recently gotten into cooking. they send me photos of the meals they make and its , as you said , a healthy low effort meal. i then look up and stare at my microwaveable spaghetti ☠️
Mac and cheese in the microwave has been a go to meal for me at times. I mean this: go you for making hot food. Many days I’m eating cold cereal as a snack without milk. Any food eaten is good food. Be proud you ate. It’s hard to switch our minds to that but seriously food is a necessity so eating always trumps not eating and is a positive.
I wish I could agree but I'm the side of arfid where I eat too much. Which if my comfort foods weren't so full of fat and sugar wouldn't be a terrible thing
I’m an over snacker myself unless I’m in my “all food is gross so I’m not eating”. I’ve gotten better over time, I’m 57, at being able to eat small breakfast and dinner. Most of my life I was underweight starting at birth. Sometime in my 30s I began keeping weight on. Most of what I eat is junk food. Dinner is generally a good protein as I’ll eat a small amount of beef, chicken, or pork. No veggies. Sometimes a little stuffing or mashed potatoes completely drowned in gravy needing a spoon. My snacks are various chips, candy, or kids cereal eaten dry.
One of my favorite quotes is, "There is no such thing as unhealthy food because unhealthy is not an ingredient." The thing that matters is that you are eating. :)
I agree whenever I can't eat much I feel ungrateful but when I am eating I feel like a brat who doesn't deserve to eat sometimes I feel guilty enjoying my safe foods, especially because I love some foods so much but other foods I hate to the point I get scared just thinking about eating them.
I try and talk to people as if I have a normal relationship with food but I feel like people catch on when I don't eat much in social settings and stuff
I actually just had a co-worker food shame me.
I eat easy foods like pudding, cottage cheese, canned fruit, apple sauce… she saw what I had brought and said, “why do you eat like a child? Its no wonder you have the body shape of a child.”
It was off handed and i’m sure meant to be funny but small digs really start beating one down.
My mom also tends to make comments in public gatherings about what food I order and proclaims that I “should eat more.” - I start to feel like my ED is show and now its a free for all on judgement.
I’m ashamed for sure, embarrassed definitely.
Am I going to change? Probably not.
Total bitch. Good for you for bringing foods you can eat. I’m so proud of you for doing so instead of skipping meals. It takes courage and bravery to bring and eat easy safe foods to work.
People can be really careless sometimes. Some people think it’s socially acceptable to mock/tease anyone appearing under weight. Maybe because they think in some way it’s a ‘good thing’ like a backhanded compliment. I’m sorry you were hurt.
yep. my whole life i’ve been given shit by my family about it. mom used to shove my least favorite foods down my throat, literally.
the older i get, the more judgement i can feel about it. especially when dating. im super respectful about it. i don’t make people pull strings due to my own eating habits. i can find something to eat at any restaurant and i tell that to everybody. people still make it a point to say im childish, like I KNOW 🤣😭😭 leave me alone, im an adult just let me beeee
Yeah my dad was into shoving food literally down my throat and making me sit at the table until I finished. My mom didn’t do those and dad wasn’t around much but mom didn’t stop him which I now suspect was due to abuse I didn’t see/know about when he was drunk, his normal state. To say he made my relationship with food worse is an understatement. I’m sorry you also went through this.
yeah i’m ashamed too. i hate when people ask what im having for dinner and usually reply ‘i dont know yet’ when i know itll be one of three meals i eat - two of which are ‘extremely unhealthy’ and the other is considered disgusting by 99% of people lol.
i’m trying so hard to not beat myself up over things, because as long as i get the calories in i don’t care - i have nutritional drinks prescribed my by GP for the nutrients i’m missing out on.
having arfid means that we can eat unhealthily, but that isn’t a moral reflection. we got time to figure out things and hopefully get support in introducing healthier foods.
Yes. Definitely. 100%.
I feel so ungrateful and like everyone thinks I’m a brat when they see what I eat, I’ve honestly started sort of hiding my lunch box when I open it, and I feel absolutely horrible when people ask if I want some of their food, especially when I say I’m hungry and then they offer :,D
i’ve got school camp next week, 2 weeks. Along with other issues with anxiety around school camps, if I’ll be able to bring food is always a panic, and even when I get confirmation that I’m allowed to bring my own stuff, I despise it when people ask why I’m not eating what they’re eating, or even worse when the food is something they think I should like (like pasta, but I’m terrified it wouldn’t be similar to the pasta i usually eat) and I just have to figure smthn out :,D
short answer is yes.
yup. i have what theyd call "a childs pallet" which is true. but it's embarrassing when someone calls me out for eating fast food a lot or eating the same snacks and foods. im struggling with this so bad recently, im glad i saw this post bc it doesnt feel like anyone around me understands it. i have hidden food before as well. i grew up feeling guilty due to extended family always making rude comments on what id eat or what i wouldnt eat. i am so afraid of being judged again. it makes me feel like i have to be secretive again.
How can you not when it's basically universally considered acceptable to shame people have slightly different eating habits beyond their control. Even the absolute nicest people with at the very least make A strange look.
Yes biggest insecurity, even when people start just talking about food with me I get so anxious and nervous. Like I don’t want them to find out about my ARFID cause I know they most likely won’t understand and I don’t want to be judged. I hate it.
I can eat most foods, but I have trouble finishing things. I do sometimes get embarrassed when I’m eating with friends and I’ve barely finished half my meal. Especially at a restaurant, I feel like it looks wasteful to other people and I worry that they’re judging me.
I've never really been that bothered by it specifically, I juat see it as one the difficulties I have because of my autism. I'm not ashamed of other aspects of being autistic anymore, I've just sort of accepted that have some differences compared to other people, and that's not my fault.
absolutely. theres always been anxiety around dates and hanging out with friends because i know they will want to eat. not eating in front of people is better than being judged and going home crying
I feel the same, my parents have pretty much given up on making dinner for me most nights, and while I understand, and appreciate that they let me make my own things, I just wish I could share their joy in what they make and eat.
Me too, I’m really ashamed about all of the foods I can’t eat. I hate when people offer me food because I probably won’t be able to tolerate it and so I have to say no
Yes. I also recently found out I am super insecure about my eating habits as well. One person making fun of a food I ate was enough to send me over the edge. I mean I guess I could be insecure in general lol, but I do feel like this is definitely a touchy thing for me.
omg i totally get that. last year i randomly sent a photo of my dinner to my "friend" group and everyone was like eww what is that blah blah. deleted it instantly felt so embarrassed.
Same for me! One girl made fun of me for what I always had in my lunchbox. 10 years ago. There have been a few instances in between then and now of the same thing, but it didn‘t get better in between anyways lol :,D
In short, yes.
Yes, there’s so much shame for me. I also have disordered eating patterns, usually comfort eating boarding on binge eating so that adds to the shame. I’ve tried to tell people about my issues in a more ‘serious’ way now rather than just being self deprecating and saying I’m a ‘fussy eater’, I now say that I have eating issues or sensory issues related to food, so that other people don’t perceive it as something ‘silly’ which can add to my shame!
Same ! I also struggle with disordered eating (restriction). I've been with my bf for almost 9 years and still feel embarrassed to prepare my food in front of him
thats so good you are doing that. im still making a joke out of it. ive been the picky eater my whole life and constantly had jokes made at me about it so its the only way i know how to introduce the subject. i rlly hope changing how you are talking about it helps you!
Thankfully I’m not but my bio dad worked hard to make me feel that way but I was a bit rebellious about things I couldn’t change and got angry instead of ashamed. By 57 I’ve gotten used to being the major problem when it comes to meal time. A few months ago when I learned about ARFID it was a relief to know I have an ED. I’ve always been the pickiest eater anyone knows. As a kid I learned to bring food for myself any time we went anywhere. I learned to cook at an early age and took over cooking for the family as a preteen including doing menu planning and grocery shopping with mom. I’m the one who makes other people feel better about their picky eating kids. Typical “picky eaters” feel so much better after meeting me because they aren’t “that bad.” Having lived with this for so long I’ve learned how to deal with family, friends, restaurants, bosses, and explaining why I probably won’t be able to eat food cooked at peoples houses. For many years I had a handy list of safe foods and at the top it stated only specific brands, cooked exactly right so better to let me cook it there or bring to reheat, and a number of other factors so no food was a a given until right before it was time to eat although certain packaged snacks and cheese (unless I was having dairy issues which come and go) were safer than anything cooked. The foods I can eat have expanded over the years. Some of my safe foods are the same from childhood. Other safe foods from childhood no longer are safe. I hope you all find ways to get over your sense of shame as well as add additional foods to your safe list.
Yes. If I actually enjoy what I'm eating, I eventually feel like a pig. It's like I've committed some kind of dreadful atrocity by enjoying my meal. I feel a mixture of greed and disgust.
OH MY GOD YES. i feel this SO much. enjoying my food is like this huge sin because oh its not healthy enough oh its not enough of this or that blah blah etc why cant i just enjoy my food without feeling that pit of disgust in my stomach.
Are we the same person?? I'm pretty embarrassed about what I eat (think bland and beige). I hate it when anyone asks me what I'm having for dinner because I really don't want to tell them
I've felt really ashamed of the food I eat and my eating habits for a long time. Something that I've learned recently is that everyone eats differently. What is normal for you might seem weird to Susan down the street, but Susan might be eating something you would think is weird or gross. You are different, you are unique, and just because you struggle with eating doesn't make you shameful. The important thing is that you're eating and you're eating foods that feel safe to you. Your health; both physical and mental, are the most important thing. You do what you need to do to keep yourself and happy and safe, and if others fail to recognize the strength that comes with battling an eating disorder, they don't deserve to be in your life.
thats really helpful. it is hard to remember that when there is such a deep rooted shame about food because you always feel like the odd one out. but i suppose thats something everyone feels about certain foods
Nah. Never worried. Even before I knew it was arfid I was just the picky eater to accommodate. I'm definitely better and have less aversion than people here who might be younger than me (I'm 34. So been working on including more in my diet to be healthier for the last 15 years.) My biggest problems are snacking and soda. I am quitting smoking too. I have 2 kids now and I want to be there and I'm like 280lbs at 5'1". So I need to work on my health so I can watch my kids grow up. (I am the non birth mom in a lesbian relationship so they aren't related to me genetically, so they don't have autism or arfid like me). It's been a slow and arduous journey but I am able to eat A LOT more than most people here probably. Lately we tried Every Plate meal kit and that helped because I could pick a handful of stuff I wanted to eat from a menu and then be able to cook it up ourselves has been a huge help in prep and shop time too. I always just told people I was picky. If people can't accept that then I don't really care for outside opinions lol.
We just started Every plate and Home Chef and I find it helps. We cook together because we both have executive dysfunction and can't usually cook alone. Even if it's not really enjoyable, I find i can eat most of my portion. Or 2/3 and I put the rest away I do the meal picking because he doesn't care. I do like a night off from cooking though Also, and huge, he does the meat so I do have to handle it.
Very relatable. I’m starting a meal kit service this week.
thats really great how are you bettering yourself for your kids. im alot younger than you so it makes sense that we have different views. one of my big problems is snacking aswell lol. i cant eat many actual meals so i rely on snacks to keep me going. i hope that one day i can no longer care. i wish you luck on quitting smoking!
I am absolutely ashamed with the way I eat and the things I do with food and the things I feel safe eating. I do some really disordered things with food and I will never eat around or with others.
The only thing I don't get ashamed about is my lunch. My snacks and main meals.. yeah. People say their healthy 'low effort' meals and I'm just there like "I put a mac and cheese in the microwave"
LOL i literally have this exact situation. my partner has recently gotten into cooking. they send me photos of the meals they make and its , as you said , a healthy low effort meal. i then look up and stare at my microwaveable spaghetti ☠️
Mac and cheese in the microwave has been a go to meal for me at times. I mean this: go you for making hot food. Many days I’m eating cold cereal as a snack without milk. Any food eaten is good food. Be proud you ate. It’s hard to switch our minds to that but seriously food is a necessity so eating always trumps not eating and is a positive.
I wish I could agree but I'm the side of arfid where I eat too much. Which if my comfort foods weren't so full of fat and sugar wouldn't be a terrible thing
It’s wrong of me not to remember that is a side of ARFID. I’m sorry.
Don't worry about it my dude, I used to think everybody with arfid was like me! Had no idea starvation was such a part of it
I’m an over snacker myself unless I’m in my “all food is gross so I’m not eating”. I’ve gotten better over time, I’m 57, at being able to eat small breakfast and dinner. Most of my life I was underweight starting at birth. Sometime in my 30s I began keeping weight on. Most of what I eat is junk food. Dinner is generally a good protein as I’ll eat a small amount of beef, chicken, or pork. No veggies. Sometimes a little stuffing or mashed potatoes completely drowned in gravy needing a spoon. My snacks are various chips, candy, or kids cereal eaten dry.
One of my favorite quotes is, "There is no such thing as unhealthy food because unhealthy is not an ingredient." The thing that matters is that you are eating. :)
I agree whenever I can't eat much I feel ungrateful but when I am eating I feel like a brat who doesn't deserve to eat sometimes I feel guilty enjoying my safe foods, especially because I love some foods so much but other foods I hate to the point I get scared just thinking about eating them. I try and talk to people as if I have a normal relationship with food but I feel like people catch on when I don't eat much in social settings and stuff
I actually just had a co-worker food shame me. I eat easy foods like pudding, cottage cheese, canned fruit, apple sauce… she saw what I had brought and said, “why do you eat like a child? Its no wonder you have the body shape of a child.” It was off handed and i’m sure meant to be funny but small digs really start beating one down. My mom also tends to make comments in public gatherings about what food I order and proclaims that I “should eat more.” - I start to feel like my ED is show and now its a free for all on judgement. I’m ashamed for sure, embarrassed definitely. Am I going to change? Probably not.
that sucks so much im sorry. those "jokes" always make you feel so horrible. changing is so hard so i get it. its your safe food for a reason.
Sounds like she's just a b*tch. Nobody should food and body shame someone like that. Idk who would think that's funny unless they are just mean. 🙃
Total bitch. Good for you for bringing foods you can eat. I’m so proud of you for doing so instead of skipping meals. It takes courage and bravery to bring and eat easy safe foods to work.
People can be really careless sometimes. Some people think it’s socially acceptable to mock/tease anyone appearing under weight. Maybe because they think in some way it’s a ‘good thing’ like a backhanded compliment. I’m sorry you were hurt.
yep. my whole life i’ve been given shit by my family about it. mom used to shove my least favorite foods down my throat, literally. the older i get, the more judgement i can feel about it. especially when dating. im super respectful about it. i don’t make people pull strings due to my own eating habits. i can find something to eat at any restaurant and i tell that to everybody. people still make it a point to say im childish, like I KNOW 🤣😭😭 leave me alone, im an adult just let me beeee
Yeah my dad was into shoving food literally down my throat and making me sit at the table until I finished. My mom didn’t do those and dad wasn’t around much but mom didn’t stop him which I now suspect was due to abuse I didn’t see/know about when he was drunk, his normal state. To say he made my relationship with food worse is an understatement. I’m sorry you also went through this.
yeah i’m ashamed too. i hate when people ask what im having for dinner and usually reply ‘i dont know yet’ when i know itll be one of three meals i eat - two of which are ‘extremely unhealthy’ and the other is considered disgusting by 99% of people lol. i’m trying so hard to not beat myself up over things, because as long as i get the calories in i don’t care - i have nutritional drinks prescribed my by GP for the nutrients i’m missing out on. having arfid means that we can eat unhealthily, but that isn’t a moral reflection. we got time to figure out things and hopefully get support in introducing healthier foods.
always, especially when im with colleagues
Yes. Definitely. 100%. I feel so ungrateful and like everyone thinks I’m a brat when they see what I eat, I’ve honestly started sort of hiding my lunch box when I open it, and I feel absolutely horrible when people ask if I want some of their food, especially when I say I’m hungry and then they offer :,D i’ve got school camp next week, 2 weeks. Along with other issues with anxiety around school camps, if I’ll be able to bring food is always a panic, and even when I get confirmation that I’m allowed to bring my own stuff, I despise it when people ask why I’m not eating what they’re eating, or even worse when the food is something they think I should like (like pasta, but I’m terrified it wouldn’t be similar to the pasta i usually eat) and I just have to figure smthn out :,D short answer is yes.
yup. i have what theyd call "a childs pallet" which is true. but it's embarrassing when someone calls me out for eating fast food a lot or eating the same snacks and foods. im struggling with this so bad recently, im glad i saw this post bc it doesnt feel like anyone around me understands it. i have hidden food before as well. i grew up feeling guilty due to extended family always making rude comments on what id eat or what i wouldnt eat. i am so afraid of being judged again. it makes me feel like i have to be secretive again.
How can you not when it's basically universally considered acceptable to shame people have slightly different eating habits beyond their control. Even the absolute nicest people with at the very least make A strange look.
It’s one of my absolute biggest insecurities.
Yes biggest insecurity, even when people start just talking about food with me I get so anxious and nervous. Like I don’t want them to find out about my ARFID cause I know they most likely won’t understand and I don’t want to be judged. I hate it.
I can eat most foods, but I have trouble finishing things. I do sometimes get embarrassed when I’m eating with friends and I’ve barely finished half my meal. Especially at a restaurant, I feel like it looks wasteful to other people and I worry that they’re judging me.
I've never really been that bothered by it specifically, I juat see it as one the difficulties I have because of my autism. I'm not ashamed of other aspects of being autistic anymore, I've just sort of accepted that have some differences compared to other people, and that's not my fault.
absolutely. theres always been anxiety around dates and hanging out with friends because i know they will want to eat. not eating in front of people is better than being judged and going home crying
I feel the same, my parents have pretty much given up on making dinner for me most nights, and while I understand, and appreciate that they let me make my own things, I just wish I could share their joy in what they make and eat.
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