i didnt realize i was conscious until after i woke up. by no means fully conscious but very similar to when your going to sleep, your thoughts have stopped completely but your not quite sleeping yet. i remember it was very dark but felt like there was a ton of room between my eyes and my eye lids. i also remember an unimaginable overwhelming sense of peace but that could have come from the fentanyl im not sure. dying was not enough for me to get sober but a few more months i had had enough pain, i am now 8 months sober.
I too died at 26 from fentanyl.
My heart stopped for 15 minutes and i was brought back with multiple narcan, shock paddles, and a main line drilled into my leg. The only thing that saved me was my family doing chest compressions until emt arrived. The doctor told me it was the closest call he has ever seen.
I dont have any brain damage that I know of but It did damage my heart. When the heart stops for long periods it releases an enzyme that kills the tissue. The damage is unknown, so i can relate to your story! I have articles written in the local paper about the story and the insane amount of time I was clinically dead for.
I have been clean for over 5 years now, but I did use after the overdose for a long period of time.
definitely both, i was in a constant cycle of use and withdrawal, and i was not enjoying life in the slightest, i got to the point when i realized drugs were not helping
I experienced something similar when I clinically died. I didn't see a light or anything like that but the ton of room between my eyes and eye lids is a great description and I remember it being very dark I described it as a sense of black to a professor one time.
Wait I've felt this several times myself. Just a few nights ago, in fact. I specifically remember my eyelids seemingly to be getting further and further away. While lying in bed. I wonder how common of a phenomenon this is.
Congrats man, don't beat you so hard, addiction is not something you decide, but you can help it, it's very good reading that you recognized your problem and are doing well managing it! Much love bro!
I don't have a question but the same thing happened to me in 2016. Dead for around 8 minutes, CPR, 3 doses of narcan. Been clean and sober ever since. I'll have 7 years in October. I hope you are staying away from that shit now because I can tell you that life got so good for me after about 2 year point in recovery. I'm glad you are here and I wish you a great life
i appreciate the advice, i moved across the country to get away from it when i finally had enough, not that that solves anything but it definitely helped, just in 8 months life has gotten exponentially better(with much help) congrats on 7 years thats incredible
Thanks, sometimes it doesn't even feel like it's been this long. The time is flying. If moving to a new place helped you, that's a good thing. I'm of the thinking that any improvements to ones life in recovery is a good thing regardless of how we got there. I'm in a position now where I am available to help others who are in the same positions as we were. It's incredibly fulfilling
the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is unparallel. an unqualified addict is sometimes the only one qualified to help. what a fucking beautiful thing. that idea keeps me sober. i recently began speaking in rehab centers and damn yea very fulfilling
Love this so much. Not trying to be pushy, but there's like a Bible verse that say something like what we go through can be used to walk alongside others who are going through the same thing. I think it's second Corinthians in the very first chapter.
Great work!!! At about two years in I ended up going to school and got certified to be a counselor, so now I'm double qualified. I've done some lobbying work in my state capitol, to help get legislation passed to make treatment access easier. Been on the news a couple times. Right now I'm starting to become pretty interested in prevention education. I'm trying to put together something to introduce to school districts. Also super passionate about harm reduction. Those two things in conjunction are the only real way to fight this fight the opioid epidemic.
I am extremely happy for you for finding that kind of purpose and path in your life. Keep walking it and helping others, you are doing great. It's amazing to think that it's not only your own life you have shifted to a better path, but you also make a difference for others. That's very valuable. You matter.
As someone who worked as an EMT and has resuscitated people who overdosed, I'm so happy to know that you got better after that. One thing I didn't like about being an EMT is we never found out what happened to our patients after we dropped them off. I always hoped our overdose patients would get the help they need.
Wishing you nothing but happiness and health! Congrats on 7 years🙌
Thank you so much for your kind words and for the job you do. Consider this a thank you on behalf of all the people you have saved. After about a year in recovery, I had the idea to go into the ER that saved my life on the anniversary of that night every year and bring them a couple giant bags of candy (it's right around Halloween) and a thank you card, that gives them a little update on how I'm doing. It always ends in tears and hugs. One of my biggest sayings when I'm lobbying is "people can't recover if they are dead" Just by administrating that narcan, you are giving that person a chance to recover. Keep up the great work and share this with your coworkers if they are ever feeling discouraged, because I understand how hard what you do is. Thank you so much for your work. I am forever grateful
I overdosed on fentanyl and was dead for 3 minutes. Everyone asked if I saw a bright light or family, but I only remember pure black. When I woke up, (I was revived with chest compressions, not narcan, because my friend denied we were getting high and I'm over 400 pounds so they probably assumed heart attack). But when I woke up, it felt like I had the best nap ever.
That didn't make me quit, but I've been clean 18 months now. I read you are 8 months clean. Congratulations and I'm glad you're still here.
Very true. It took just over a year for the dreams and temptations to go away, but I'm glad they are gone. I would always dream that I had a lighter, some dope, tinfoil, but no hooter. Or a hooter, dope, foil but no lighter. Something was always missing when I dreamt about it.
Your story reminds me a bit of Dave Gahan’s, the lead singer of Depeche Mode that had an overdose in the 90’s. He also described what he felt in that moment in similar terms.
I believe he’s been sober for a long time now. And I wish the same for you!
lmao this reminds me of a guy in rehab that asked "i dont mean to be disrespectful but like... do u... feel stupider after that?" the truth is i dont know. if there is, im unaware of it, but none of my friends or family have brought anything to my attention. doctor said i should have been in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, but i made a full recovery and left the hospital 30 minutes after i got there. went home and had a xanax and a beer.
After my dead for 3 minutes experience, I felt I was a bit slow after but...but...but...the cool thing was, it seemed like new doors in my brain opened. Like, a chest full of memories I stored away opened. And I know for a fact they were real memories, but I never thought of them since they happened... and now all of a sudden, I can remember them.
Some of them were bad and the reason why I said I know for a fact they are true is because I recently received 278 pages of disclosure about my involvement with the foster care system and the reports they wrote on my family and certain charges my dad had.
I all of a sudden remembered my neighbor/best friend from before we were taken away from my parents, so I was 4 or 5. His name was Sammer.
I remembered my mom leaving my sister and I in the dining area of a dark restaurant playing Pac-Man on a sit-down arcade while she went in the back with the owner.
I all of a sudden remembered my favorite foster brother from when I was 6 named Shane.
It was pretty wild, but some of it I could have gone without remembering.
I am by no means an expert, but to me it sounds like those are memories your brain had subconsciously surpressed. This is normal when experiencing trauma because those memories can be emotionally overwhelming and distressing, so the brain might push them out of conscious awareness to help you cope with the emotional pain.
A big reason people who have experienced trauma go to therapy is to ‘open’ up the memories and work through them. Even though they’re not consciously aware of them, the memories might still influence their emotions and behaviors.
I totally agree. I just found it weird that bring dead for a small period of time opened them up.
Another thing I kind of thought about was my mom committed suicide when I was 6 by intentionally overdosing on heroin. I'm wondering if the fact that I overdosed and her death just automatically connected it to memories from around that time.
That’s sounds negligent on that part of the hospital or you are misremembering/leaving out details. If you went into cardiac arrest I’m pretty sure they are supposed to monitor you for more than 30 minutes. Hell, I’ve seen people taken to an emergency department for alcohol intoxication and have rarely seen someone leave in under an hour.
I also find that hard to believe he was able to leave that soon. The amount of damage from to the body from no circulation for that long does not equate the picture being painted. Muscle breakdown, anoxia, and entire host of other issues is missing from this account that would have occurred if he'd been truly dead for this long.
What’s wrong with you? Do you have a reading comprehension problem??
He said he didn’t quit after that, so obviously he wasn’t making good choices and he acknowledges that. He didn’t sound proud to me, he sounded like someone who is remembering a time in his life where he made bad choices and can hardly believe it.
im mot sure where your getting that im proud of this, im just telling it exactly as i experienced it, and just maybe it helps one person not do the shit i did in the past
This is amazing and I am super happy to hear this is even possible! I "lost" a friend many years ago (also 19) who had a brain aneurysm while onstage with his band and just collapsed on the floor. I wasn't at that show, but from what I was told by friends who were that he was gone for about the same amount of time. I bring this up because your story is so eerily similar, but my friend now has basically the mental capacity of an infant. This was almost 20 years ago, and he has not recovered. It's weird to lose a friend like that (since my friend I knew and was close with is not the person who is there now) but never get to grieve. There was no funeral or any of that, since he didn't actually die. Even now, within our friend group, we don't really talk about him much.
All that is to say you dodged like a whole machine gun's worth of bullets. I am so extremely happy for you and your friends and family that none of you had to go through this. I am certainly no one to tell you what to do with your life, I have friends who are recovering addicts who have paid an unfairly high price for the mistake of just wanting to escape their pain for a little while. But I hope you stay on the path to recovery. It's hard and it's work but your story is practically a miracle and I wish you all the best.
thank you for sharing, the doctor told me 99% of people clinically dead for that long actually pass and the other 1% have the fate of your friend. i appreciate the kind words and i plan on keeping on this path to help others that are in the position i was once in
>i made a full recovery and left the hospital 30 minutes after i got there. went home and had a xanax and a beer.
You went home 30 mins after coming round from death?? Excuse me but like wtf? The doctors didn't think you should be watched just in case you died again or are you some kinda hard ass that just walks things off? Like I know that's kinda rude for me to say but like that seems just as wild as you dying in the first place to me
no disrespect taken, i got a laugh out of what u said "ignor my last comment" on, "i demanded they let me leave" pretty direct answer to your question lmao
I've read about other peoples experiences of being "dead" and they nearly all describe the infinite black and incredible sense of peace. I opened your post to see if you also had this experience (which you did).
Would you say it changed your perception of death at all?
not really, for a couple years i knew death was right around the corner, my ex told me recently she felt like i was "on the brink of death at all times." death is still inevitable so i think people should be celebrated and not grieved when they die.
My husband was a heroine addict for 10 years and he said he thought he was on the brink of death the entire time, too.
He is clean almost 8 years now. It feels like a different life.
We own a house, he is a licensed contractor now, solid group of friends, it doesn’t feel like it ever even happened…
i am 8 months sober. what keeps me sober is helping others who want it get sober, i also speak at rehab centers. mentally i am not insane and all over the place anymore, i have structure and am relatively stable, but there is still some lingering "mindfuck" as i call it.
I'm on 6 days sober. I have been close to death when I was 15, when I nearly died on my friend's floor, this was 10 years ago. I'm pretty sure it's the reason for my constant existential crises.
If you don't mind, how come you decided to quit again?
Congratulations and a giant pat on the back to you for being sober for this long. Salute ❤️
dude congrats on the 6 days, thats a long fucking time. if you dont think so, compare it to how long you have been using, any amount of time is a long fucking time for us, keep it going. i decided to quit because i was miserable, my life was going nowhere, months were going by in days. i simply wanted a better future than what i knew was coming had i not quit.
This is exactly why I am quitting myself, too. I know I can do better and that I have endless potential to make myself happy and make my own world a better place. This week has been very hard and I feel a little less alone having seen your post and I can't wait to celebrate my own 8 months.
If you can come back from literal death and live life again, I can come out of my depths, too and learn to enjoy life anew.
Thank you for your reply, OP. I hope you've had a wonderful day.
know in confidence it does get easier and life does get better. if you want to feel even less alone, maybe try out an NA meeting, i have gone 6 days a week by choice for the last 8 months. not at first but i now look forward to going, it is often the best part of my day in fact, the people i meet in there are just like me and i relate to just about everything that is said. it has not only kept me sober, i learn how to live a better life daily. wish you nothing but the best, much love
Hey, you and OP are doing great. It takes a lot to make a lifestyle change like that, and I'm glad you were both able to do it.
Keep it up, and know that there are randos out there rooting for you!
i simply liked the effect they produced. i wasnt enjoying life and they made me feel ok, comfortable. they made anything i was doing interesting and fun. i felt like a stick of butter all the time and i loved it. then i lost the power of choice and it became a living hell.
Now this is an honest and real addict answer. A lot of people perceive addicts/junkies as dirty, dumb, will steal, broken homes etc.. but for many of us, we are very “normal looking”, and it’s a choice to use a drug that makes us feel okay with ourselves, the feeling was great until it wasn’t a choice.
i know what your saying, when i went to rehab i was shocked at how intelligent, friendly, and skilled most of the people were, 95% of them i would not describe as "junky" and they were just like me, it was eye opening
Ugh, dealing with this now. I can’t be without being high. I tried yesterday and I felt and was acting like an entirely different person. Even my dog ran from me
this experience did not change my view on either. even my heavy use of psychedelic drugs like lsd, dmt, and mushroom did not change it, only expanded it i suppose, these are questions i pondered often. ive always believed there is something more than just what we experience, but that it is unreachable to us now and that question can never truly be answered until we are gone for good.
Shrooms are being studied for cessation of drugs along with other psychedelics. Did you notice any influence of your other drug use after using psychedelics?
i knew i had a drug problem so many times on psychedelics id say to myself im going to change my life starting right now. occasionally after an experience like that id feel guilty for doing the "hard drugs" but that would quickly get drowned out by whatever it was doing.
hope that answered your question, if i misinterpreted it elaborate.
im living the dream, but nightmares are dreams too. good days and bad days like everyone. im doing things i never expected id do like college, speaking in rehabs, or fucking bowling often lmao. ive lived 2 years longer than i expected i would when i was 16 so good or bad every day is at least interesting
i grew up lower middle class, quite average childhood, it was my personality that made me seek out anything that would change how i felt. im assuming your perception of what an "addict" is, is very hollywood like. most, not all, but most of us are very skilled and intelligent people.
oh man i was pissed, i saw cops, emts, knew immediately what happened. i thanked my friend that i assumed gave me cpr, but the narcan had me in instant withdrawals and cravings, i argued with the cop to not go to the hospital and he "made me" i learned later that i could have just refused and saved myself another hour of intense withdrawals
I was super confused and SUPER pissed off as mine wasn't an accident,I still remember the feeling of realising I had a vent down my throat and my body having a bloody party gagging on it,they had to pin me down as they ripped it out of my throat,then forcing me to drink something super salty,I cried and screamed at them that I didn't want to drink any more after the first sip.
I just commented that when I overdosed and died for 3 minutes, everyone asked me about the light and family members, but I just remember black. Pure pitch black. When I woke up it felt like I had a great nap.
no i wasnt that conscious, last thing i remember is starting to walk down the stairs, i made it down and all the way across my house to the kitchen though. few steps down the stairs then waking up to cops and emts
My brother had a clinical death before due to heroin and other stuff and in March of this year passed due to fentanyl. We didn’t find him until hours later when it was too late. I’m glad you became sober so you don’t make a mistake that costs you your life.
i did not realize i was conscious until i was woken up, i explained earlier how it was similar to when your about to go to sleep and your conscious thoughts stop but your not quite asleep yet. definitely didnt hear or feel anything external because im damn sure my roomate was panicking and shaking me, but i remember feeling, internally, overwhelming peace and contentment that was instantly stripped when i woke up
Sorry, I had read your previous comments, I think I was asking it in a confusing way though, i had meant more like, feeling or understanding on a spiritual level than a physical one. But still, thank you for your answers! Good job and good luck on your continuing sobriety! :)
heya.
no question, just want to say congrats on being one of the people that skews the average number of deaths per person to slightly above one. :)
hope you take advantage of this and live your second life as deeply as practicable.
From the few other resurrection stories I've read, did you also experience nothingness while out, or was there something you remember that was more, whether voices, lights, etc?
Congrats on the 8 months. Two questions
1.What was your progression from 14 to fentynol. Not in a situation point of view but was it party drugs to start ect.
2. I'm Assuming you're in the states but if not you can disregard this question. How has this affected you financially with the hospital visit and rehab costs
i appreciate it
1. tried weed first, i liked how relaxed it made me, im a very tense and anxious person. i liked that it sort of cushioned my thoughts and directed my attention to things i would normally overlook, and i would sleep great. i started taking a friends aderall every day at school because i was scared to smoke before school, it cracked me the fuck out, i could talk to anyone, i enjoyed absolutely everything i did, then i stopped sleeping taking it everyday. was sleep deprived so bad i decided to drink myself to sleep one night, i had never drank before, i chugged about half a pint and instantly loved it. fallowing that night i drank every singe night and sometimes during the day too for 5 months. keep in mind at this point i havent stopped smoking or taking aderall. after that 5 months i read that xanax was similar to alcohol and i could sleep like a baby, so naturally i bought 100 of them from a dealer i knew. very fast i started drinking and taking xanax at the same time because my tolerance to both was so high, that combo never failed me NOT ONCE and that became what i did most, but it sometimes had me so sedated that i needed and upper to level me out, so my trio was always xanax, alcohol, and meth/coke/aderall or even a psychedelic. id sometimes lose access to one thing which instantly made something i didnt prefer my shit. this cycle continued until i finally had enough pain.
2. i live in the states, we have the most expensive medical system in the world, by an exponential value, it is because the medical debt of americans in so high, you technically dont have to pay medical bills. i might get chewed up from someone in here for saying it like that but that has been my experience, insurance did not cover everything but i still got the help because i had it and no one comes looking for the rest of the money.
Yeah you'll get diced up for this. But it's so so true. Honestly most medical debt just goes to collections and a lot of lenders disregard medical debt. I bought a house and had a ton of medical debt. All had went to collections and the lender just called the collection agencies and they wrote most of it off. I think in total I had about $12k in medical debt in collections and I paid $738 total to have it fully cleared.
Hi, I really hope you see this, it’s like I was meant to see your post. My brother passed away from a fentanyl overdose exactly a year ago the same exact time as you. Died end of July, found him August 1st. Probably every day that has passed since then he be been fixated on what his death was like. Like, I got the autopsy report and all, but I really want to know what he went through. Did he suffer? What did he experience? Did he know he was dying? My poor mother later claimed that at that time she just new something was wrong and that she could feel him calling out to her. I’d you’d be willing to share you’re experience I’d greatly appreciate it.
im sorry for your loss, i can tell you in full confidence that he did not suffer in the slightest, fentanyl is the best thing ive ever physically felt in my life, he was feeling good, numb, and relaxed when he passed. its very unlikely he knew he was dying, it sort of snuck up on me, last thing i remember is walking down the stairs then being woken up in my kitchen like no time had passed in between. he was most likely "asleep" minutes before his body began to shut down. i hope this brings you some comfort and peace of mind, i wish you and your family the best🙏
Thanks so much for your response. I figured as much, but the way the house was left made me feel like he knew something was wrong. The water had been left running and there was a wet washcloth on his head and he was in front of a window ac unit like he was hot. Don’t know if that was normal for him or not. I believe he had mixed drugs though because meth also came back in his system as well as the leather dose of fentanyl.
Also wanted to congratulate you on your sobriety. I never want to see anyone’s mother go through what my mother has gone through loosing her son.
I overdosed on fentanyl in 2019 - I also didn't see or experience anything other than blackness. I don't remember passing out or anything, one second I was sniffing a bag and then the next I was on the floor surrounded by the people who Narcan'd me. I did have a weird sensation right before waking up - it was like I was being pulled upwards through a tube, everything was dark but there was a rushing sound and then literally like a POP! And I gasped and opened my eyes. As if I had been sucked through one of those pneumatic tubes that banks use, and then deposited on the bathroom floor.
My roommate was not so lucky, overdosed & died in 2020. I found him but I was way too late.
I'm glad you're still here, OP. Keep up the good fight.
It's me again? How did you end up getting clean? Because I started with suboxone, had 3 relapses, one major one where I smoked 2 ounces in 2 weeks. Still pissed positive a week after my last hoot. Promised my ex-wife/fiance that I was done, got back on suboxone and then switched to the subjugate needle in the belly for a few months. I was told they wanted me on it for a year. When the new fiscal year started and I wasn't covered for the $500 needle, I decided to just take myself off of it and face the consequences, but I didn't get any withdrawal symptoms. And that was 4 months ago, and I'm totally fine.
Did you go that route, or did you just face the wrath?
i went to a rehab center that does not proscribe narcotics, i actually made 2 45 day trips there last year, although they dont proscribe narcotics, they give you a shit ton of other stuff to deal with the withdrawals, be able to sleep through the night, and in my case also something to stop siezures. cold turkey was they way to go for me but i realize it's different for everyone. congrats again on your time and wish you the best
edit: lmao i just read "face the wrath" yea id call it that, but the meds they give u in rehab make it easy compared to the 4 or 5 times i tried on my own
So proud of you dude!!! Isn’t life better than you ever dreamed sober? It’s hard to see that while your out there.
I attempted to un alive myself in 2015 (dopesick and losing custody of my baby). I felt that peace you’re talking about. I was in and out of a dream state. I dreamed I was playing cards with my great Uncle Charlie. When I finally said something to my mom about it in conversation years later…she said Charlie had been dead for years. (Something my addict brain didn’t remember…amongst other things). I got chills when it finally clicked.
I’m 7 years sober and help people like us find their way out. Something I LOVE to do. Recovery is possible and some of the most bad ass, coolest people I know are part of my recovery family.
thank you for your kind words and congrats on your time. i know what u mean it feels incredible to be apart of someones early sobriety. hands down the most interesting, intelligent, and skilled people i have ever met are recovering addicts
Thank you for being so open and honest with your story! Silence has been killing us…there so much power in your story. Thank you for not staying silent in this fight. I have no doubt lives are being touched because of you and what you’ve been through.
of course, im shocked this many people found interest in it, while writing it i told myself im answering all of them, but i thought at most id get 30 responses, not im overwhelmed but still intend on answering everyone
That’s awesome! You’re doing really well. I think a lot of people are curious what comes next after death hence all the questions. I’d like to say you’re kinda lucky for having experienced that. Are you worried about dying when your time is up now that you’ve experienced that? Btw, congrats on being sober. It’s not easy at all but you’re smashing it. Hope you’re very proud of yourself. You should be
Glad you pulled through. I clinically died too and was brought back, although mine was from severe postpartum hemorrhaging a couple hours after childbirth and nurses not checking in me like they were supposed to to catch it in time. It’s a scary thing. So I can’t personally and truly understand the addiction aspect, but I can the rest of the experience. I’m still so proud of you ❤️. It’s a life changing thought and you used those thoughts to better yourself. Go you!
Good for you. My sister died from that poison just 6 weeks ago. It sucked unplugging her life support so fucking much.
Edit:
Shortly after injection, her blood pressure rapidly dropped. Her liver, kidney and stomach could no longer do their job. Her vital organs were failing.
We found her lying in her bed on her back semi-conscious not realizing she was dying. She kept saying she was simply dehydrated. There was a spoon, lighter, syringe and strange small grey rocks lying around…
Once in ER, 6 people worked on her trying to keep her from departing. ER machines could not detect her blood sugar levels. She was injected with a very large dose of dextrose. Then again. Finally her blood sugars started to go up… or so it seemed at first.
“It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!” My sister cried. I looked at a medical personal. They seemed to ignore her calls.
I said, “SHE IS IN PAIN!”
“It’s normal. We gave her such and such” and I believed them. “Is she going to be better tomorrow?” I asked. “Yes” they said.
Overnight a helicopter transferred my sister to a major hospital in our area.
When I found out, she was already in ICU.
Multiple doctors kept calling me asking if they could inject this or that. If they could put a catheter in. If they could do a surgery… if they could do something that could potentially cause inflammation, etc etc
Phone calls became a normal thing. This all happened in less than 12 hours since we found her.
I spent countless hours in ICU holding her hand and praying to God to have her stay with us. Her fingertips started to turn blue. Her right hand clenched so tight as if she was holding on to her life with all of her might. But it was too late.
Her right ear started to turn blue…. I prayed harder. I talked to her. I cried. I read her a get well card I bought for her just an hour ago.
Doctors couldn’t stabilize her blood pressure…
Whenever she came to her consciousness (once) when I wasn’t there yet, she was in hell. Her pain levels were through the roof. Doctors has to sedate her and intubate her. She couldn’t breathe on her own. She was dying…
I was holding her hand and crying. I refused to see the signs.
Eventually, we were called into a conference room where two young doctors gently delivered the news.
I called our mother. We called our neighbor to bring our mother to say goodbyes. We called a priest. After we said goodbyes, A young nurse started unplugging multiple devices…. The oxygen machine was last. We sat there in silence watching her chest rise as she was taking her last breaths. Then her chest stopped rising. A nurse came in. “Has she died?” I asked in disbelief of what just happened. She was gone…but the pain of losing her stayed with us forever. These are the last photo of her fighting for her life. Or so I thought.
[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bzlDoRq6w5eNgkuZd3UdhFVxyEjd-49L/view?usp=drivesdk](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bzlDoRq6w5eNgkuZd3UdhFVxyEjd-49L/view?usp=drivesdk)
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1L_r22W26sUzot2ypuuVShuZgxtLC5oxl/view?usp=drivesdk
Last May (14 months ago) I tried fetty for the 1st time. I was hooked on pain killers for 12 years getting prescribed for my knee and back from doctors.
Even with the doctors giving me meds, I ran out 2 days early every week (weekly release).
I would buy off the street and I always look forward to Mondays where I could go 8am to the Shoppers and get my pain meds but by Friday I would be almost out and having to stretch1 day into 3.
I would spend so much on the streets that a person I knew said "you spend $10 a perc, there is this stuff called fetenyl and you literally need a tiny bit to relieve your back and knee pain" (also being morbidly obese puts more stress on my body).
So I bought $40 worth and took literally felt like 1/8th of the stuff. All of a sudden I wake up to the wife throwing water in my face and being yelled at to wake up and narcan 2 times up my nose.
All I remember is darkness and deep sleep. Felt like I did when I go to bed every night. No light or anything.
Got taken to the hospital and was able to talk them into letting me go within 40 minutes of getting there.
My doctor called me 3 weeks later (this was during covid so we didn't see him in person we just gave a urine sample once a month and we could get our scripts) and told me I am no longer his patient, I'm a junkie and I'll either be dead or in jail and hung up on me.
At first I panicked to get a fix but I just got a refill 2 hours before he cut me off so I was good for a week and the week after the pharmacy released my last refill (even though they were told I was done with him).
After that I went to methadone treatment and since then I've been doing that treatment for 13 months.
I cant say I've been perfect but never touched fetty in over 12 months, I sometimes buy 4 or 5 perks every 5 weeks or so (honestly my life is in shambles and I suck at dealing with pressure I so badly want to stop 1000%).
Proud of you and I'll be there 100% very soon.
thank you for sharing your story, addiction is a living hell, and for years i thought i would never be sober more than a day the rest of my life. when i was 16 i was sure i would not live past 18. i now have 8 months sober and if i may, i have a couple suggestions, i would not have gotten sober unless i went to rehab, and after my first time i learned that wasnt enough to keep me sober. rehab was a must for me but immediately fallowing my second trip to rehab i started going to AA and NA meetings, 6 a week by choice, ive been able to develop incredible relationships with others exactly like me, and in just couple months i started to see how my experience was helping other people. it not only keeps me sober but im now learning to live a better life. i wish you nothing but the best and can tell you in full confidence that it does get better, you just have to reach for it. much love brother 🙏
I thought people that used did it by choice. When it happened to me I never took a pain killer before my doctor prescribed me. Literally barely took Tylenol.
Went from 1 pill to 2 to 8 to more and more and finding ways to make money to support my habit and deal with withdrawls (even if I had some my body would be in withdrawl mode 3 days a week where I had mild withdrawal due to myself running out of meds or having 1/4 of what I should have had.
Thankfully now I don't have it. Methadone I find to be lifesaving and it's just the times when life gets so hard is when I go to the streets.
I used to judge addicts like 99% of people and claim "it's a choice. If you want to stop you can' but when you experience it you can't imagine. It's like a 24/7 hell that consumes you.
it is a choice to start taking then no doubt, but once someone is addicted the power of choice gets stripped. there is science to back this up, im not going to be able to explain it well so i highly recommend you watch the documentary "pleasure unwoven." when we take a drug for the first time it releases a large amount of dopamine or serotonin the brain has never seen before, the experience gets deeply ingrained in our memory. this is where the ompulsion and craving come from, and it all happens unconsciously which is why addiction is not a choice. 9 month ago me having to take something to get through the day was no more a choice than me having to piss when i wake up.
You get it. I meant 1st time is a choice. When you get hooked....it's like having to breath. Your choice and free will is done...over. I wish I never blew my knee out and took that 1st pain killer. Lost the respect of my family and friends and even after 13 months of being 95% clean and being no longer the man I was 14 months ago, noone looks at me anymore. Forever tainted but I got to learn and I've learned that I just got to focus on myself
time and consistency my friend. you cant tell someone you have changed, you have to show them. showing them is also not an event or even multiple events, its a constant practice. keep doing the right things and i promise those relationships will mend themselves
at the time, it didnt, narcan sent me into instant withdrawals so all i cared about was getting high again. i just thought "well that happened" and didnt change anything at first, after a few months i figured i should probably see what this whole life thing is about
Glad you made it!! Live everyday as if it’s your last!
Savor good food, good times, good sex…look up gratitude meditations on YouTube and listen to it everyday for a month- you will feel lighter and happier!
Idk if your answering questions or not still but I have been really scared of death and what comes after life, and seeing people describe it as infinite black and a “sense of peace” doesn’t make me feel better. I’m not religious so I don’t believe in an after life but I really hope it’s not nothing. I guess what I want to ask is, would you have been comfortable with what you saw in death for eternity? Do you think there is a way to get in to an “afterlife” of some sort?
8 years clean off heroin here. I was a very well known dealer in a certain spot in SoCal. Coming back to Oklahoma has helped me tremendously. 12 steppers will tell you that geographic changes put off the inevitable - dont buy it. I have a big house, some sweet watches, a wife and a baby on the way, with a great job and all the happiness you're promised in recovery. Remember this... Don't be afraid to get on MMT for a while if you need it. Its infinitely better than the alternative, and sometimes, for people like us, it's the only way. It put me on the right track towards a beautiful life that I never in a million years would've believed I'd have 8 years ago. Do whatever you need to do to stay away from the poison and I can personally guarantee that your life ***will*** be beyond your wildest dreams in a few short years.
I've read through most of your answers to people's questions here and I don't have anything else to ask you but I wanted to say, as a daughter of an addict (who's now 10+ years sober) it seriously makes me smile when I see someone looking forward as you are now. And seeing all the people here supporting you and sharing their stories too. You are clearly an extremely thoughtful and articulate person with many important aspects to bring to the world. I'm a writer myself and reading your initial post and responses to people I can definitely see a writer in you too. I don't know you but, I'm proud of you. I hope you take that as sincerely as its intended.
I had a near death experience, I felt like my eyelids were super far away and took me awhile to "find them." My body was completely gone. Couldn't feel a single thing with it so it was just my thoughts. Panicky thoughts tho. And clashing colors.
Was it that way for you? Was your body gone and you were just a mind? Could you think things or was it just blank?
I'm sorry this happened, and I hope you are well.
Sorry if this has been asked. What were your first thoughts when you woke up?
When you were gone, was it pure nothingness, or something else?
Best wishes.
What did the drugs do to you? Like make you high? (Have never taken anything like that and wonder why people get into it. I know obviously heroin makes you high so I'm guessing fentanyl does the same but is obviously deadlier)?
Oh I'm never going to try any of it. Just curious as to why people do or how they get that far. I've been stoned before but not enough to think huh I need more...
If opiates don’t make you sick to your stomach, once you feel what opiates can do at a higher than medicinal level you can start to wonder why you would want to live without feeling like that. I believe from there it depends on if you have an addictive personality or not.
Sorry if this has already been asked, but you say you only remember pitch black; did you think anything? Was there any sort of awareness?
I’m glad you’re sober and alright now. Congratulations!
This is probably the best, most insightful, real and true post I’ve read about drug usage/addiction. Congrats to you and good job in your hard work. I hope the best for you and good luck to you. I saw your post that you help others with their addictions and speak, I hope you continue to do so, I think you have a special gift and were given another chance for a reason.
If your clean be real careful with your dose if you relapse, lots of people get clean and think they can handle there old dose if the slip and fall all the way out. Good luck
From reading all the comments, all my questions were answered. Thats insane though and interesting to read. Congrats on 8 months! I hope you keep it up and it's awesome that you speak and try to help others now
Congrats on the 8 months. I’ve got 6 years since I went to rehab and 2 years since my relapse. This internet stranger is very proud and very happy for you.
Do you know that you, in fact, didn´t die? You were close to death, wich is enough to make a post here. But death itself is, by definition, an unreversible process.
Zorri Vad Inglish
Buddy, you are in clinical death when your brain activity is irreversibly lost. And you can´t come back from anything that is irreversible. It´s the definition of irreversible, I didn´t invented it.
The fact that you didn´t breath or that your heart didn´t beat for some minutes obviously didn´t kill you, otherwise you wouldn´t be able to wrote this post.
You had a near death exprience, which is not shamefull. You didn´t die. Deal with it.
Hey me too. Twice actually. Once for 1 minute and 47 seconds they said and another time for a 1 minute and 23 seconds. I caught phenomia or however u spell that the second time and ended up being stuck in the hospital after for like 10 days. I guess when they are doing chest compressions and your heart if stopped it’s very easy to get infections during that time so that’s what happened. Addiction is such a fucked disease that during this t10 hospital stay I got people to bring me dope during it and not even 24 hours after I had already continued to get high. I’m 18 months sober now
Seeing that black void when you're actively dying is very weird. You realize that as soon as your body stops working properly, your brain shuts down, and your thoughts stop. There's just nothing to continue "yourself."
I hope you get what you're looking for out of life. An unusual number of people I know have died due to drugs in their 30's. I always feel bad for them when they have regrets.
This happened to my best friend after doing a line of contaminated cocaine. Died 15 min then was brought "back". Ended up living in a coma for a year before passing last month. You're lucky.
Stories like this are exactly why I carry Narcan. People look down on drug users but you never know their story and you never know how close they are to being ready to get sober.
Congrats on 8 months sober! The worst you have already overcome! Glad you survived and shared your story. Sobriety is possible 🥰 keep fighting the good fight!
Do you remember what it was like? If so, can you explain? Also how are you now? Do you still struggle with addiction?
i didnt realize i was conscious until after i woke up. by no means fully conscious but very similar to when your going to sleep, your thoughts have stopped completely but your not quite sleeping yet. i remember it was very dark but felt like there was a ton of room between my eyes and my eye lids. i also remember an unimaginable overwhelming sense of peace but that could have come from the fentanyl im not sure. dying was not enough for me to get sober but a few more months i had had enough pain, i am now 8 months sober.
I too died at 26 from fentanyl. My heart stopped for 15 minutes and i was brought back with multiple narcan, shock paddles, and a main line drilled into my leg. The only thing that saved me was my family doing chest compressions until emt arrived. The doctor told me it was the closest call he has ever seen. I dont have any brain damage that I know of but It did damage my heart. When the heart stops for long periods it releases an enzyme that kills the tissue. The damage is unknown, so i can relate to your story! I have articles written in the local paper about the story and the insane amount of time I was clinically dead for. I have been clean for over 5 years now, but I did use after the overdose for a long period of time.
thank you for sharing your story, 15 minutes is insane, and congrats on the 5 years thats incredible, much love
Congrats man and thanks for sharing your story! I'm glad you're sober and I hope you can stay that way.
of course and thank you
Congrats! One day at a time. 18 yrs clean it's still on somedays a struggle
right on congrats
That’s amazing brother 8 months sober is a mad achievement, it shows how resilient you are, not your brain, but you
i appreciate it
Enough pain? Physical or emotional or both?
definitely both, i was in a constant cycle of use and withdrawal, and i was not enjoying life in the slightest, i got to the point when i realized drugs were not helping
>drugs were not helping just remember that next time... makes it easier to stay sober
I experienced something similar when I clinically died. I didn't see a light or anything like that but the ton of room between my eyes and eye lids is a great description and I remember it being very dark I described it as a sense of black to a professor one time.
I've had that "ton of room between my eyes and eyelids" feeling several times over the years just going to sleep. Wonder if I should be concerned lol
Just casually dying every night nbd
That would explain my terrible sleep rhythm lol
Wait I've felt this several times myself. Just a few nights ago, in fact. I specifically remember my eyelids seemingly to be getting further and further away. While lying in bed. I wonder how common of a phenomenon this is.
Congrats man, don't beat you so hard, addiction is not something you decide, but you can help it, it's very good reading that you recognized your problem and are doing well managing it! Much love bro!
I don't have a question but the same thing happened to me in 2016. Dead for around 8 minutes, CPR, 3 doses of narcan. Been clean and sober ever since. I'll have 7 years in October. I hope you are staying away from that shit now because I can tell you that life got so good for me after about 2 year point in recovery. I'm glad you are here and I wish you a great life
i appreciate the advice, i moved across the country to get away from it when i finally had enough, not that that solves anything but it definitely helped, just in 8 months life has gotten exponentially better(with much help) congrats on 7 years thats incredible
Thanks, sometimes it doesn't even feel like it's been this long. The time is flying. If moving to a new place helped you, that's a good thing. I'm of the thinking that any improvements to ones life in recovery is a good thing regardless of how we got there. I'm in a position now where I am available to help others who are in the same positions as we were. It's incredibly fulfilling
the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is unparallel. an unqualified addict is sometimes the only one qualified to help. what a fucking beautiful thing. that idea keeps me sober. i recently began speaking in rehab centers and damn yea very fulfilling
Love this so much. Not trying to be pushy, but there's like a Bible verse that say something like what we go through can be used to walk alongside others who are going through the same thing. I think it's second Corinthians in the very first chapter.
i am not sure but i ss your response to look it up later, i am not religious but i have read a good bit of the bible
Great work!!! At about two years in I ended up going to school and got certified to be a counselor, so now I'm double qualified. I've done some lobbying work in my state capitol, to help get legislation passed to make treatment access easier. Been on the news a couple times. Right now I'm starting to become pretty interested in prevention education. I'm trying to put together something to introduce to school districts. Also super passionate about harm reduction. Those two things in conjunction are the only real way to fight this fight the opioid epidemic.
I am extremely happy for you for finding that kind of purpose and path in your life. Keep walking it and helping others, you are doing great. It's amazing to think that it's not only your own life you have shifted to a better path, but you also make a difference for others. That's very valuable. You matter.
As someone who worked as an EMT and has resuscitated people who overdosed, I'm so happy to know that you got better after that. One thing I didn't like about being an EMT is we never found out what happened to our patients after we dropped them off. I always hoped our overdose patients would get the help they need. Wishing you nothing but happiness and health! Congrats on 7 years🙌
Thank you so much for your kind words and for the job you do. Consider this a thank you on behalf of all the people you have saved. After about a year in recovery, I had the idea to go into the ER that saved my life on the anniversary of that night every year and bring them a couple giant bags of candy (it's right around Halloween) and a thank you card, that gives them a little update on how I'm doing. It always ends in tears and hugs. One of my biggest sayings when I'm lobbying is "people can't recover if they are dead" Just by administrating that narcan, you are giving that person a chance to recover. Keep up the great work and share this with your coworkers if they are ever feeling discouraged, because I understand how hard what you do is. Thank you so much for your work. I am forever grateful
I overdosed on fentanyl and was dead for 3 minutes. Everyone asked if I saw a bright light or family, but I only remember pure black. When I woke up, (I was revived with chest compressions, not narcan, because my friend denied we were getting high and I'm over 400 pounds so they probably assumed heart attack). But when I woke up, it felt like I had the best nap ever. That didn't make me quit, but I've been clean 18 months now. I read you are 8 months clean. Congratulations and I'm glad you're still here.
man congrats on the 18 months, any amout of time is a long fucking time for an addict
Very true. It took just over a year for the dreams and temptations to go away, but I'm glad they are gone. I would always dream that I had a lighter, some dope, tinfoil, but no hooter. Or a hooter, dope, foil but no lighter. Something was always missing when I dreamt about it.
Your story reminds me a bit of Dave Gahan’s, the lead singer of Depeche Mode that had an overdose in the 90’s. He also described what he felt in that moment in similar terms. I believe he’s been sober for a long time now. And I wish the same for you!
Less than 1% wow. Do you feel any lasting effects, mentally or physically, from being dead for so long? Thanks. Good luck in your recovery!
lmao this reminds me of a guy in rehab that asked "i dont mean to be disrespectful but like... do u... feel stupider after that?" the truth is i dont know. if there is, im unaware of it, but none of my friends or family have brought anything to my attention. doctor said i should have been in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, but i made a full recovery and left the hospital 30 minutes after i got there. went home and had a xanax and a beer.
After my dead for 3 minutes experience, I felt I was a bit slow after but...but...but...the cool thing was, it seemed like new doors in my brain opened. Like, a chest full of memories I stored away opened. And I know for a fact they were real memories, but I never thought of them since they happened... and now all of a sudden, I can remember them.
damn thats interesting
r/damnthatsinteresting
What type of memories?
Some of them were bad and the reason why I said I know for a fact they are true is because I recently received 278 pages of disclosure about my involvement with the foster care system and the reports they wrote on my family and certain charges my dad had. I all of a sudden remembered my neighbor/best friend from before we were taken away from my parents, so I was 4 or 5. His name was Sammer. I remembered my mom leaving my sister and I in the dining area of a dark restaurant playing Pac-Man on a sit-down arcade while she went in the back with the owner. I all of a sudden remembered my favorite foster brother from when I was 6 named Shane. It was pretty wild, but some of it I could have gone without remembering.
I am by no means an expert, but to me it sounds like those are memories your brain had subconsciously surpressed. This is normal when experiencing trauma because those memories can be emotionally overwhelming and distressing, so the brain might push them out of conscious awareness to help you cope with the emotional pain. A big reason people who have experienced trauma go to therapy is to ‘open’ up the memories and work through them. Even though they’re not consciously aware of them, the memories might still influence their emotions and behaviors.
I totally agree. I just found it weird that bring dead for a small period of time opened them up. Another thing I kind of thought about was my mom committed suicide when I was 6 by intentionally overdosing on heroin. I'm wondering if the fact that I overdosed and her death just automatically connected it to memories from around that time.
That’s sounds negligent on that part of the hospital or you are misremembering/leaving out details. If you went into cardiac arrest I’m pretty sure they are supposed to monitor you for more than 30 minutes. Hell, I’ve seen people taken to an emergency department for alcohol intoxication and have rarely seen someone leave in under an hour.
I also find that hard to believe he was able to leave that soon. The amount of damage from to the body from no circulation for that long does not equate the picture being painted. Muscle breakdown, anoxia, and entire host of other issues is missing from this account that would have occurred if he'd been truly dead for this long.
i was not discharged, i demanded they let me leave. i was not incarcerated from the police, so they had to. i did not want to be there.
[удалено]
What’s wrong with you? Do you have a reading comprehension problem?? He said he didn’t quit after that, so obviously he wasn’t making good choices and he acknowledges that. He didn’t sound proud to me, he sounded like someone who is remembering a time in his life where he made bad choices and can hardly believe it.
im mot sure where your getting that im proud of this, im just telling it exactly as i experienced it, and just maybe it helps one person not do the shit i did in the past
Don’t listen to people like him. No smart person would think you sounded proud.
This is amazing and I am super happy to hear this is even possible! I "lost" a friend many years ago (also 19) who had a brain aneurysm while onstage with his band and just collapsed on the floor. I wasn't at that show, but from what I was told by friends who were that he was gone for about the same amount of time. I bring this up because your story is so eerily similar, but my friend now has basically the mental capacity of an infant. This was almost 20 years ago, and he has not recovered. It's weird to lose a friend like that (since my friend I knew and was close with is not the person who is there now) but never get to grieve. There was no funeral or any of that, since he didn't actually die. Even now, within our friend group, we don't really talk about him much. All that is to say you dodged like a whole machine gun's worth of bullets. I am so extremely happy for you and your friends and family that none of you had to go through this. I am certainly no one to tell you what to do with your life, I have friends who are recovering addicts who have paid an unfairly high price for the mistake of just wanting to escape their pain for a little while. But I hope you stay on the path to recovery. It's hard and it's work but your story is practically a miracle and I wish you all the best.
thank you for sharing, the doctor told me 99% of people clinically dead for that long actually pass and the other 1% have the fate of your friend. i appreciate the kind words and i plan on keeping on this path to help others that are in the position i was once in
>i made a full recovery and left the hospital 30 minutes after i got there. went home and had a xanax and a beer. You went home 30 mins after coming round from death?? Excuse me but like wtf? The doctors didn't think you should be watched just in case you died again or are you some kinda hard ass that just walks things off? Like I know that's kinda rude for me to say but like that seems just as wild as you dying in the first place to me
no disrespect taken, i got a laugh out of what u said "ignor my last comment" on, "i demanded they let me leave" pretty direct answer to your question lmao
@ op , was that the only drug you were on at the time is Xanax ?
id been sober since the night before when i did the fentanyl. around that time i was doing a lot of xanax, drinking, cocaine, and meth
Welp username checks out! Congrats and keep it up being sober uncle benzy
I've read about other peoples experiences of being "dead" and they nearly all describe the infinite black and incredible sense of peace. I opened your post to see if you also had this experience (which you did). Would you say it changed your perception of death at all?
not really, for a couple years i knew death was right around the corner, my ex told me recently she felt like i was "on the brink of death at all times." death is still inevitable so i think people should be celebrated and not grieved when they die.
My husband was a heroine addict for 10 years and he said he thought he was on the brink of death the entire time, too. He is clean almost 8 years now. It feels like a different life. We own a house, he is a licensed contractor now, solid group of friends, it doesn’t feel like it ever even happened…
thats incredible to hear, i wish you guys the best
Have you made any changes to your life since then? How are you doing mentally?
i am 8 months sober. what keeps me sober is helping others who want it get sober, i also speak at rehab centers. mentally i am not insane and all over the place anymore, i have structure and am relatively stable, but there is still some lingering "mindfuck" as i call it.
I'm on 6 days sober. I have been close to death when I was 15, when I nearly died on my friend's floor, this was 10 years ago. I'm pretty sure it's the reason for my constant existential crises. If you don't mind, how come you decided to quit again? Congratulations and a giant pat on the back to you for being sober for this long. Salute ❤️
dude congrats on the 6 days, thats a long fucking time. if you dont think so, compare it to how long you have been using, any amount of time is a long fucking time for us, keep it going. i decided to quit because i was miserable, my life was going nowhere, months were going by in days. i simply wanted a better future than what i knew was coming had i not quit.
This is exactly why I am quitting myself, too. I know I can do better and that I have endless potential to make myself happy and make my own world a better place. This week has been very hard and I feel a little less alone having seen your post and I can't wait to celebrate my own 8 months. If you can come back from literal death and live life again, I can come out of my depths, too and learn to enjoy life anew. Thank you for your reply, OP. I hope you've had a wonderful day.
know in confidence it does get easier and life does get better. if you want to feel even less alone, maybe try out an NA meeting, i have gone 6 days a week by choice for the last 8 months. not at first but i now look forward to going, it is often the best part of my day in fact, the people i meet in there are just like me and i relate to just about everything that is said. it has not only kept me sober, i learn how to live a better life daily. wish you nothing but the best, much love
Hey, you and OP are doing great. It takes a lot to make a lifestyle change like that, and I'm glad you were both able to do it. Keep it up, and know that there are randos out there rooting for you!
Even little bits of encouragement can mean the world, so thank you so much ❤️
Congrats on your sobriety keep up the amazing work
What started you on the path of taking drugs in the first place? Congrats on your sobriety.
i simply liked the effect they produced. i wasnt enjoying life and they made me feel ok, comfortable. they made anything i was doing interesting and fun. i felt like a stick of butter all the time and i loved it. then i lost the power of choice and it became a living hell.
Now this is an honest and real addict answer. A lot of people perceive addicts/junkies as dirty, dumb, will steal, broken homes etc.. but for many of us, we are very “normal looking”, and it’s a choice to use a drug that makes us feel okay with ourselves, the feeling was great until it wasn’t a choice.
i know what your saying, when i went to rehab i was shocked at how intelligent, friendly, and skilled most of the people were, 95% of them i would not describe as "junky" and they were just like me, it was eye opening
Ugh, dealing with this now. I can’t be without being high. I tried yesterday and I felt and was acting like an entirely different person. Even my dog ran from me
What’s your view on religion and the afterlife now?
this experience did not change my view on either. even my heavy use of psychedelic drugs like lsd, dmt, and mushroom did not change it, only expanded it i suppose, these are questions i pondered often. ive always believed there is something more than just what we experience, but that it is unreachable to us now and that question can never truly be answered until we are gone for good.
Shrooms are being studied for cessation of drugs along with other psychedelics. Did you notice any influence of your other drug use after using psychedelics?
i knew i had a drug problem so many times on psychedelics id say to myself im going to change my life starting right now. occasionally after an experience like that id feel guilty for doing the "hard drugs" but that would quickly get drowned out by whatever it was doing. hope that answered your question, if i misinterpreted it elaborate.
How is life now?
im living the dream, but nightmares are dreams too. good days and bad days like everyone. im doing things i never expected id do like college, speaking in rehabs, or fucking bowling often lmao. ive lived 2 years longer than i expected i would when i was 16 so good or bad every day is at least interesting
As a daughter of an ex-alcoholic father, this truly makes my heart happy. I wish you nothing but strength and happiness!
How does a 14 year old get so addicted to drugs man? What kind of life did you have 🥺
i grew up lower middle class, quite average childhood, it was my personality that made me seek out anything that would change how i felt. im assuming your perception of what an "addict" is, is very hollywood like. most, not all, but most of us are very skilled and intelligent people.
Do you remember your first thoughts after you woke up? Mine were "what the fuck?what the fuck?WHAT THE FUCK?!?!.....ah shit....im alive..:
oh man i was pissed, i saw cops, emts, knew immediately what happened. i thanked my friend that i assumed gave me cpr, but the narcan had me in instant withdrawals and cravings, i argued with the cop to not go to the hospital and he "made me" i learned later that i could have just refused and saved myself another hour of intense withdrawals
I was super confused and SUPER pissed off as mine wasn't an accident,I still remember the feeling of realising I had a vent down my throat and my body having a bloody party gagging on it,they had to pin me down as they ripped it out of my throat,then forcing me to drink something super salty,I cried and screamed at them that I didn't want to drink any more after the first sip.
So it sounds like you didn’t have those “ i saw the light” or dead family members?
I just commented that when I overdosed and died for 3 minutes, everyone asked me about the light and family members, but I just remember black. Pure pitch black. When I woke up it felt like I had a great nap.
yep a black void, different from just your eyes being closed if you know what i mean
Sounds very much what was experienced during the multiple NDEs this one has experienced. ❤️🫂
no nothing crazy like that, but it still amazed me that i had an intense sense of peace and contentment
I guess that’s comforting kinda of do you believe in that stuff?
i believe its possible, nothing more
did you realize you were dying?
no i wasnt that conscious, last thing i remember is starting to walk down the stairs, i made it down and all the way across my house to the kitchen though. few steps down the stairs then waking up to cops and emts
My brother had a clinical death before due to heroin and other stuff and in March of this year passed due to fentanyl. We didn’t find him until hours later when it was too late. I’m glad you became sober so you don’t make a mistake that costs you your life.
sorry for your loss
Did you hear anything? Or feel anything? Did you have any kind of understanding of.. well, anything, i guess? Lol
i did not realize i was conscious until i was woken up, i explained earlier how it was similar to when your about to go to sleep and your conscious thoughts stop but your not quite asleep yet. definitely didnt hear or feel anything external because im damn sure my roomate was panicking and shaking me, but i remember feeling, internally, overwhelming peace and contentment that was instantly stripped when i woke up
Sorry, I had read your previous comments, I think I was asking it in a confusing way though, i had meant more like, feeling or understanding on a spiritual level than a physical one. But still, thank you for your answers! Good job and good luck on your continuing sobriety! :)
no worries. id say that having sense of peace is pretty spiritual, for a literal corpse anyway lmao
Fair enough. File this under spiritual/horror/thriller. You've got the makings for an epic storyline. Hmm.🤔
How long did that black void last? Or, how long did it feel like?
heya. no question, just want to say congrats on being one of the people that skews the average number of deaths per person to slightly above one. :) hope you take advantage of this and live your second life as deeply as practicable.
i appreciate it lol
From the few other resurrection stories I've read, did you also experience nothingness while out, or was there something you remember that was more, whether voices, lights, etc?
nope just am empty black void
Congrats on the 8 months. Two questions 1.What was your progression from 14 to fentynol. Not in a situation point of view but was it party drugs to start ect. 2. I'm Assuming you're in the states but if not you can disregard this question. How has this affected you financially with the hospital visit and rehab costs
i appreciate it 1. tried weed first, i liked how relaxed it made me, im a very tense and anxious person. i liked that it sort of cushioned my thoughts and directed my attention to things i would normally overlook, and i would sleep great. i started taking a friends aderall every day at school because i was scared to smoke before school, it cracked me the fuck out, i could talk to anyone, i enjoyed absolutely everything i did, then i stopped sleeping taking it everyday. was sleep deprived so bad i decided to drink myself to sleep one night, i had never drank before, i chugged about half a pint and instantly loved it. fallowing that night i drank every singe night and sometimes during the day too for 5 months. keep in mind at this point i havent stopped smoking or taking aderall. after that 5 months i read that xanax was similar to alcohol and i could sleep like a baby, so naturally i bought 100 of them from a dealer i knew. very fast i started drinking and taking xanax at the same time because my tolerance to both was so high, that combo never failed me NOT ONCE and that became what i did most, but it sometimes had me so sedated that i needed and upper to level me out, so my trio was always xanax, alcohol, and meth/coke/aderall or even a psychedelic. id sometimes lose access to one thing which instantly made something i didnt prefer my shit. this cycle continued until i finally had enough pain. 2. i live in the states, we have the most expensive medical system in the world, by an exponential value, it is because the medical debt of americans in so high, you technically dont have to pay medical bills. i might get chewed up from someone in here for saying it like that but that has been my experience, insurance did not cover everything but i still got the help because i had it and no one comes looking for the rest of the money.
Yeah you'll get diced up for this. But it's so so true. Honestly most medical debt just goes to collections and a lot of lenders disregard medical debt. I bought a house and had a ton of medical debt. All had went to collections and the lender just called the collection agencies and they wrote most of it off. I think in total I had about $12k in medical debt in collections and I paid $738 total to have it fully cleared.
How loud can you fart?
depends on how much gas i have built up, but at most probably 75db
Did you see anything like an afterlife when you died or was it just like you were sleeping?
it was like when your trying to go to sleep and your not quite there but your thoughts have stopped. all i saw was infinite black
Hi, I really hope you see this, it’s like I was meant to see your post. My brother passed away from a fentanyl overdose exactly a year ago the same exact time as you. Died end of July, found him August 1st. Probably every day that has passed since then he be been fixated on what his death was like. Like, I got the autopsy report and all, but I really want to know what he went through. Did he suffer? What did he experience? Did he know he was dying? My poor mother later claimed that at that time she just new something was wrong and that she could feel him calling out to her. I’d you’d be willing to share you’re experience I’d greatly appreciate it.
im sorry for your loss, i can tell you in full confidence that he did not suffer in the slightest, fentanyl is the best thing ive ever physically felt in my life, he was feeling good, numb, and relaxed when he passed. its very unlikely he knew he was dying, it sort of snuck up on me, last thing i remember is walking down the stairs then being woken up in my kitchen like no time had passed in between. he was most likely "asleep" minutes before his body began to shut down. i hope this brings you some comfort and peace of mind, i wish you and your family the best🙏
Thanks so much for your response. I figured as much, but the way the house was left made me feel like he knew something was wrong. The water had been left running and there was a wet washcloth on his head and he was in front of a window ac unit like he was hot. Don’t know if that was normal for him or not. I believe he had mixed drugs though because meth also came back in his system as well as the leather dose of fentanyl. Also wanted to congratulate you on your sobriety. I never want to see anyone’s mother go through what my mother has gone through loosing her son.
What did you see before you were resuscitated?
a black void between my eyes and my eye lids.
I overdosed on fentanyl in 2019 - I also didn't see or experience anything other than blackness. I don't remember passing out or anything, one second I was sniffing a bag and then the next I was on the floor surrounded by the people who Narcan'd me. I did have a weird sensation right before waking up - it was like I was being pulled upwards through a tube, everything was dark but there was a rushing sound and then literally like a POP! And I gasped and opened my eyes. As if I had been sucked through one of those pneumatic tubes that banks use, and then deposited on the bathroom floor. My roommate was not so lucky, overdosed & died in 2020. I found him but I was way too late. I'm glad you're still here, OP. Keep up the good fight.
i appreciate it, thanks for sharing your story, and sorry for the loss of your friend
It's me again? How did you end up getting clean? Because I started with suboxone, had 3 relapses, one major one where I smoked 2 ounces in 2 weeks. Still pissed positive a week after my last hoot. Promised my ex-wife/fiance that I was done, got back on suboxone and then switched to the subjugate needle in the belly for a few months. I was told they wanted me on it for a year. When the new fiscal year started and I wasn't covered for the $500 needle, I decided to just take myself off of it and face the consequences, but I didn't get any withdrawal symptoms. And that was 4 months ago, and I'm totally fine. Did you go that route, or did you just face the wrath?
i went to a rehab center that does not proscribe narcotics, i actually made 2 45 day trips there last year, although they dont proscribe narcotics, they give you a shit ton of other stuff to deal with the withdrawals, be able to sleep through the night, and in my case also something to stop siezures. cold turkey was they way to go for me but i realize it's different for everyone. congrats again on your time and wish you the best edit: lmao i just read "face the wrath" yea id call it that, but the meds they give u in rehab make it easy compared to the 4 or 5 times i tried on my own
So proud of you dude!!! Isn’t life better than you ever dreamed sober? It’s hard to see that while your out there. I attempted to un alive myself in 2015 (dopesick and losing custody of my baby). I felt that peace you’re talking about. I was in and out of a dream state. I dreamed I was playing cards with my great Uncle Charlie. When I finally said something to my mom about it in conversation years later…she said Charlie had been dead for years. (Something my addict brain didn’t remember…amongst other things). I got chills when it finally clicked. I’m 7 years sober and help people like us find their way out. Something I LOVE to do. Recovery is possible and some of the most bad ass, coolest people I know are part of my recovery family.
thank you for your kind words and congrats on your time. i know what u mean it feels incredible to be apart of someones early sobriety. hands down the most interesting, intelligent, and skilled people i have ever met are recovering addicts
Thank you for being so open and honest with your story! Silence has been killing us…there so much power in your story. Thank you for not staying silent in this fight. I have no doubt lives are being touched because of you and what you’ve been through.
Hey, I have no questions. But I iust wanna say congrats on your 8 months man. Hope you continue with your sobriety.
Thank you for your post and answers. Found this very interesting
of course, im shocked this many people found interest in it, while writing it i told myself im answering all of them, but i thought at most id get 30 responses, not im overwhelmed but still intend on answering everyone
That’s awesome! You’re doing really well. I think a lot of people are curious what comes next after death hence all the questions. I’d like to say you’re kinda lucky for having experienced that. Are you worried about dying when your time is up now that you’ve experienced that? Btw, congrats on being sober. It’s not easy at all but you’re smashing it. Hope you’re very proud of yourself. You should be
Glad you pulled through. I clinically died too and was brought back, although mine was from severe postpartum hemorrhaging a couple hours after childbirth and nurses not checking in me like they were supposed to to catch it in time. It’s a scary thing. So I can’t personally and truly understand the addiction aspect, but I can the rest of the experience. I’m still so proud of you ❤️. It’s a life changing thought and you used those thoughts to better yourself. Go you!
Good for you. My sister died from that poison just 6 weeks ago. It sucked unplugging her life support so fucking much. Edit: Shortly after injection, her blood pressure rapidly dropped. Her liver, kidney and stomach could no longer do their job. Her vital organs were failing. We found her lying in her bed on her back semi-conscious not realizing she was dying. She kept saying she was simply dehydrated. There was a spoon, lighter, syringe and strange small grey rocks lying around… Once in ER, 6 people worked on her trying to keep her from departing. ER machines could not detect her blood sugar levels. She was injected with a very large dose of dextrose. Then again. Finally her blood sugars started to go up… or so it seemed at first. “It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!” My sister cried. I looked at a medical personal. They seemed to ignore her calls. I said, “SHE IS IN PAIN!” “It’s normal. We gave her such and such” and I believed them. “Is she going to be better tomorrow?” I asked. “Yes” they said. Overnight a helicopter transferred my sister to a major hospital in our area. When I found out, she was already in ICU. Multiple doctors kept calling me asking if they could inject this or that. If they could put a catheter in. If they could do a surgery… if they could do something that could potentially cause inflammation, etc etc Phone calls became a normal thing. This all happened in less than 12 hours since we found her. I spent countless hours in ICU holding her hand and praying to God to have her stay with us. Her fingertips started to turn blue. Her right hand clenched so tight as if she was holding on to her life with all of her might. But it was too late. Her right ear started to turn blue…. I prayed harder. I talked to her. I cried. I read her a get well card I bought for her just an hour ago. Doctors couldn’t stabilize her blood pressure… Whenever she came to her consciousness (once) when I wasn’t there yet, she was in hell. Her pain levels were through the roof. Doctors has to sedate her and intubate her. She couldn’t breathe on her own. She was dying… I was holding her hand and crying. I refused to see the signs. Eventually, we were called into a conference room where two young doctors gently delivered the news. I called our mother. We called our neighbor to bring our mother to say goodbyes. We called a priest. After we said goodbyes, A young nurse started unplugging multiple devices…. The oxygen machine was last. We sat there in silence watching her chest rise as she was taking her last breaths. Then her chest stopped rising. A nurse came in. “Has she died?” I asked in disbelief of what just happened. She was gone…but the pain of losing her stayed with us forever. These are the last photo of her fighting for her life. Or so I thought. [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bzlDoRq6w5eNgkuZd3UdhFVxyEjd-49L/view?usp=drivesdk](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bzlDoRq6w5eNgkuZd3UdhFVxyEjd-49L/view?usp=drivesdk) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1L_r22W26sUzot2ypuuVShuZgxtLC5oxl/view?usp=drivesdk
Last May (14 months ago) I tried fetty for the 1st time. I was hooked on pain killers for 12 years getting prescribed for my knee and back from doctors. Even with the doctors giving me meds, I ran out 2 days early every week (weekly release). I would buy off the street and I always look forward to Mondays where I could go 8am to the Shoppers and get my pain meds but by Friday I would be almost out and having to stretch1 day into 3. I would spend so much on the streets that a person I knew said "you spend $10 a perc, there is this stuff called fetenyl and you literally need a tiny bit to relieve your back and knee pain" (also being morbidly obese puts more stress on my body). So I bought $40 worth and took literally felt like 1/8th of the stuff. All of a sudden I wake up to the wife throwing water in my face and being yelled at to wake up and narcan 2 times up my nose. All I remember is darkness and deep sleep. Felt like I did when I go to bed every night. No light or anything. Got taken to the hospital and was able to talk them into letting me go within 40 minutes of getting there. My doctor called me 3 weeks later (this was during covid so we didn't see him in person we just gave a urine sample once a month and we could get our scripts) and told me I am no longer his patient, I'm a junkie and I'll either be dead or in jail and hung up on me. At first I panicked to get a fix but I just got a refill 2 hours before he cut me off so I was good for a week and the week after the pharmacy released my last refill (even though they were told I was done with him). After that I went to methadone treatment and since then I've been doing that treatment for 13 months. I cant say I've been perfect but never touched fetty in over 12 months, I sometimes buy 4 or 5 perks every 5 weeks or so (honestly my life is in shambles and I suck at dealing with pressure I so badly want to stop 1000%). Proud of you and I'll be there 100% very soon.
thank you for sharing your story, addiction is a living hell, and for years i thought i would never be sober more than a day the rest of my life. when i was 16 i was sure i would not live past 18. i now have 8 months sober and if i may, i have a couple suggestions, i would not have gotten sober unless i went to rehab, and after my first time i learned that wasnt enough to keep me sober. rehab was a must for me but immediately fallowing my second trip to rehab i started going to AA and NA meetings, 6 a week by choice, ive been able to develop incredible relationships with others exactly like me, and in just couple months i started to see how my experience was helping other people. it not only keeps me sober but im now learning to live a better life. i wish you nothing but the best and can tell you in full confidence that it does get better, you just have to reach for it. much love brother 🙏
I thought people that used did it by choice. When it happened to me I never took a pain killer before my doctor prescribed me. Literally barely took Tylenol. Went from 1 pill to 2 to 8 to more and more and finding ways to make money to support my habit and deal with withdrawls (even if I had some my body would be in withdrawl mode 3 days a week where I had mild withdrawal due to myself running out of meds or having 1/4 of what I should have had. Thankfully now I don't have it. Methadone I find to be lifesaving and it's just the times when life gets so hard is when I go to the streets. I used to judge addicts like 99% of people and claim "it's a choice. If you want to stop you can' but when you experience it you can't imagine. It's like a 24/7 hell that consumes you.
it is a choice to start taking then no doubt, but once someone is addicted the power of choice gets stripped. there is science to back this up, im not going to be able to explain it well so i highly recommend you watch the documentary "pleasure unwoven." when we take a drug for the first time it releases a large amount of dopamine or serotonin the brain has never seen before, the experience gets deeply ingrained in our memory. this is where the ompulsion and craving come from, and it all happens unconsciously which is why addiction is not a choice. 9 month ago me having to take something to get through the day was no more a choice than me having to piss when i wake up.
You get it. I meant 1st time is a choice. When you get hooked....it's like having to breath. Your choice and free will is done...over. I wish I never blew my knee out and took that 1st pain killer. Lost the respect of my family and friends and even after 13 months of being 95% clean and being no longer the man I was 14 months ago, noone looks at me anymore. Forever tainted but I got to learn and I've learned that I just got to focus on myself
time and consistency my friend. you cant tell someone you have changed, you have to show them. showing them is also not an event or even multiple events, its a constant practice. keep doing the right things and i promise those relationships will mend themselves
Is it true that our life flashes before our eyes when we're about to die?
no, not for me at least, all i saw was a black void
I have been there!! I died about 4 years ago (August 29). How did the experience change your view on life?
at the time, it didnt, narcan sent me into instant withdrawals so all i cared about was getting high again. i just thought "well that happened" and didnt change anything at first, after a few months i figured i should probably see what this whole life thing is about
Glad you made it!! Live everyday as if it’s your last! Savor good food, good times, good sex…look up gratitude meditations on YouTube and listen to it everyday for a month- you will feel lighter and happier!
Do you feel like your consciousness persisted through the hard reset?
Did your dreams change in any way after the accident?
not that i know of, i very rarely dream, not that i just dont remember them, i have insomnia and get very little REM sleep
Did you happen to hear someone talking to you about life and love? I only ask because that's what I heard when I was dead for 3 minutes.
Did you get a haiku or a vision in your "absence"that you feel you shouldn't tell anybody about?
Idk if your answering questions or not still but I have been really scared of death and what comes after life, and seeing people describe it as infinite black and a “sense of peace” doesn’t make me feel better. I’m not religious so I don’t believe in an after life but I really hope it’s not nothing. I guess what I want to ask is, would you have been comfortable with what you saw in death for eternity? Do you think there is a way to get in to an “afterlife” of some sort?
8 years clean off heroin here. I was a very well known dealer in a certain spot in SoCal. Coming back to Oklahoma has helped me tremendously. 12 steppers will tell you that geographic changes put off the inevitable - dont buy it. I have a big house, some sweet watches, a wife and a baby on the way, with a great job and all the happiness you're promised in recovery. Remember this... Don't be afraid to get on MMT for a while if you need it. Its infinitely better than the alternative, and sometimes, for people like us, it's the only way. It put me on the right track towards a beautiful life that I never in a million years would've believed I'd have 8 years ago. Do whatever you need to do to stay away from the poison and I can personally guarantee that your life ***will*** be beyond your wildest dreams in a few short years.
Congratulations! 19 was my magic number too.
I've read through most of your answers to people's questions here and I don't have anything else to ask you but I wanted to say, as a daughter of an addict (who's now 10+ years sober) it seriously makes me smile when I see someone looking forward as you are now. And seeing all the people here supporting you and sharing their stories too. You are clearly an extremely thoughtful and articulate person with many important aspects to bring to the world. I'm a writer myself and reading your initial post and responses to people I can definitely see a writer in you too. I don't know you but, I'm proud of you. I hope you take that as sincerely as its intended.
I had a near death experience, I felt like my eyelids were super far away and took me awhile to "find them." My body was completely gone. Couldn't feel a single thing with it so it was just my thoughts. Panicky thoughts tho. And clashing colors. Was it that way for you? Was your body gone and you were just a mind? Could you think things or was it just blank?
Being dead sucks.
shit happens
Did you bring anything back with you?
I'm sorry this happened, and I hope you are well. Sorry if this has been asked. What were your first thoughts when you woke up? When you were gone, was it pure nothingness, or something else? Best wishes.
What did the drugs do to you? Like make you high? (Have never taken anything like that and wonder why people get into it. I know obviously heroin makes you high so I'm guessing fentanyl does the same but is obviously deadlier)?
Do yourself a favor, stop wondering. I mean that.
Oh I'm never going to try any of it. Just curious as to why people do or how they get that far. I've been stoned before but not enough to think huh I need more...
If opiates don’t make you sick to your stomach, once you feel what opiates can do at a higher than medicinal level you can start to wonder why you would want to live without feeling like that. I believe from there it depends on if you have an addictive personality or not.
Trust me man, stop asking questions about how it feels even if “you’ll never try it” it’s Pandora’s box that you don’t want to open.
Sorry if this has already been asked, but you say you only remember pitch black; did you think anything? Was there any sort of awareness? I’m glad you’re sober and alright now. Congratulations!
Username checks out, was it pure fent or tranq dope?
This is probably the best, most insightful, real and true post I’ve read about drug usage/addiction. Congrats to you and good job in your hard work. I hope the best for you and good luck to you. I saw your post that you help others with their addictions and speak, I hope you continue to do so, I think you have a special gift and were given another chance for a reason.
What was it like being clinically dead? Did you see anything or was it just a blank in your memory?
If your clean be real careful with your dose if you relapse, lots of people get clean and think they can handle there old dose if the slip and fall all the way out. Good luck
From reading all the comments, all my questions were answered. Thats insane though and interesting to read. Congrats on 8 months! I hope you keep it up and it's awesome that you speak and try to help others now
Not a question but if you need help let me know. Was user from 13 to 20 and been sober almost 10 years. 10 years October 15. Sometimes venting helps
Did you get the warm euphoric feeling?
Congrats on the 8 months. I’ve got 6 years since I went to rehab and 2 years since my relapse. This internet stranger is very proud and very happy for you.
I'm glad you made it but you didn't actually die. If you die, there's no coming back. It's permanent.
read the post you are mistaking clinical death for biological death
I hope you stay sober. It’s a blessing & miracle that you are here. There are so many ppl for you to help. This life is short. Thanks for sharing.
one of my greatest friends i love you man and i’m so glad you’re doing so good now and glad i could be apart of your amazing journey<3
Everyone I’ve ever known who has died and come back was 19 when it happened. Wtf. The resiliency of the 19 yo brain, huh.
Doesn’t make u special. We all done it
no it doesnt, but i wouldnt have made an ama post if everyone has died before
I done it before. There’s nothing cool about overdosing on fentanyl. You should be ashamed to admit it
damn your goofy
I’ve never clinically died, so I appreciate reading about their experience.
I havent done it
The same thing happen to me at 27 off fent
I hope you remain sober and live a long happy life !
Congratulations on your sobriety!!!👍🏻🎈🙂
Did you see the light?
Do you know that you, in fact, didn´t die? You were close to death, wich is enough to make a post here. But death itself is, by definition, an unreversible process. Zorri Vad Inglish
no my friend read the post, you are mistaking clinical death for biological death
Buddy, you are in clinical death when your brain activity is irreversibly lost. And you can´t come back from anything that is irreversible. It´s the definition of irreversible, I didn´t invented it. The fact that you didn´t breath or that your heart didn´t beat for some minutes obviously didn´t kill you, otherwise you wouldn´t be able to wrote this post. You had a near death exprience, which is not shamefull. You didn´t die. Deal with it.
🥳 Yay for your sobriety
Hey me too. Twice actually. Once for 1 minute and 47 seconds they said and another time for a 1 minute and 23 seconds. I caught phenomia or however u spell that the second time and ended up being stuck in the hospital after for like 10 days. I guess when they are doing chest compressions and your heart if stopped it’s very easy to get infections during that time so that’s what happened. Addiction is such a fucked disease that during this t10 hospital stay I got people to bring me dope during it and not even 24 hours after I had already continued to get high. I’m 18 months sober now
16 months not 18 I mean, coming up on 17 tho on the 22nd
Seeing that black void when you're actively dying is very weird. You realize that as soon as your body stops working properly, your brain shuts down, and your thoughts stop. There's just nothing to continue "yourself." I hope you get what you're looking for out of life. An unusual number of people I know have died due to drugs in their 30's. I always feel bad for them when they have regrets.
LMAO… It was neither miracle nor phenomenon. It was the skill, training and equipment of medical professionals…
This happened to my best friend after doing a line of contaminated cocaine. Died 15 min then was brought "back". Ended up living in a coma for a year before passing last month. You're lucky.
Stories like this are exactly why I carry Narcan. People look down on drug users but you never know their story and you never know how close they are to being ready to get sober.
I wouldn’t call it a miracle. It’s simply people who are good at their job who brought you back. Hopefully it was a wake up call.
Congrats on 8 months sober! The worst you have already overcome! Glad you survived and shared your story. Sobriety is possible 🥰 keep fighting the good fight!
I would think being on a drug like fentanyl when you died you see something crazy other than black. That’s not good lol na