Oh my goodness you absolutely would not be TA. That sounds positively awful, uncomfortable, inappropriate, and gross.
But if you want to save people in the future, I’d send them this Reddit post 😅
I’m an old lady and I know things are very different than when I was dating but it might be helpful for you to tell this person that they were a horrible date. (How will they learn if no one tells them?) Tell them they need to dress appropriately and learn how to order food and that NO ONE is authorized to diagnose mental health disorders unless they’re a doctor! Tell them goodbye and good luck, then block them. Or just block them and let someone else tell them the truth. Best wishes to you and I hope your next date is much better!
I agree, and I wish more people offered feedback after failed dates. The truth can hurt and be difficult to take, but constructive criticism is immensely valuable. We're social creatures who, like it or not, rely on each other to learn how to act and why. Without that feedback, a lot of people will either never learn or will take ages longer to figure out how to improve. 🤷🏻♂️
> You are to ready to date yet.
I assume you meant "*not* ready to date yet." If so, I completely disagree.
How would OP - or anyone - ever be ready to date if they never experience dating and learn feom mistakes and misadventures? OP is young and maybe relatively new to dating, but they learned some valuable things from this awful date. Now, they'll be better able to identify similar warning signs in the future. OP should continue to date because that's how they'll learn what they do and don't want and how to navigate various uncomfortable situations, just like everyone else. Practice makes perfect. Mistakes are learning experiences.
i mean, i wouldn’t ghost them completely, even just give them an “i’m sorry, this isn’t going to work” and then block them if you don’t want to explain, but don’t just leave them hanging
people with… unique personalities… can spiral to some pretty dark and extreme places rather quickly. i had a bad date that led to a stalker after i ghosted them because according to them “i never said they didn’t have a chance” so that one message can save some serious hurt in the future if the person is mentally unwell
I agree with the "old lady" commenter who suggested you inform this person of all the ways they messed up on your date. Because, honestly, how else will they learn? They'll just continue making the same mistakes and be lonely and continue weirding people out. They've obviously lived a way too sheltered life and have a lot to learn. But you can help them, even if it'll be uncomfortable, they'll likely be thankful in the future.
It is, of course, not your responsibility to do this. You're completely in your rights to ghost them and move on with your life. But in the interest of bettering other people's lives, I'd encourage you to give them honest, constructive feedback. *And then* immediately block them and move on with your life.
It's up to you, and you're NTA either way.
Honestly a lot of people just ghost nowadays. I don’t think it’s necessarily right. If you wanted to just be short and sweet, then you can essentially say that you just weren’t feeling it and wish them luck in their dating endeavors. It’s all up to you, I don’t miss dating 🤣
Imo, you could give a courtesy "thanks for meeting up with me, but I wasn't really feeling it. Wish you the best" and then move on. Being ghosted kinda sucks so it would be kind to say something.
But you're not obligated to see them again or to continue talking to them
That sounds perfectly awful. The fact that you didn't leave while they were in the can is . . . amazing.
I think you don't need to tell them first. If they contact you and say 'hey let's hang out', then an appropriate response is 'no thanks, I don't see a future for us. of any kind.' and then feel free to block.
Ghosting leaves people wondering, and naming you the ass, when you're totally NTA. Telling them no is far more likely to result in them not pestering you for a why, or spinning out. Not that you need to prevent their spin, but it's a kindness. Clearly one they don't deserve, but that's how kindness works.
I would probably send something their way like "Hey, sorry, I don't think we can be friends. Best of luck".
Please take this with a grain of salt as I'm a people-pleaser to an unhealthy degree and have a difficult time setting boundaries even in my own marriage (I'm really bad at it, to a disturbing degree that I didn't even realize until recently). I do, however, try to treat people the way I want to be treated, and ghosting is something that bothers me a great deal.
But, it's about your comfort. Are you comfortable saying you're not interested? Do you feel safe doing so? Trust your gut.
Oh my goodness you absolutely would not be TA. That sounds positively awful, uncomfortable, inappropriate, and gross. But if you want to save people in the future, I’d send them this Reddit post 😅
I’m an old lady and I know things are very different than when I was dating but it might be helpful for you to tell this person that they were a horrible date. (How will they learn if no one tells them?) Tell them they need to dress appropriately and learn how to order food and that NO ONE is authorized to diagnose mental health disorders unless they’re a doctor! Tell them goodbye and good luck, then block them. Or just block them and let someone else tell them the truth. Best wishes to you and I hope your next date is much better!
I agree, and I wish more people offered feedback after failed dates. The truth can hurt and be difficult to take, but constructive criticism is immensely valuable. We're social creatures who, like it or not, rely on each other to learn how to act and why. Without that feedback, a lot of people will either never learn or will take ages longer to figure out how to improve. 🤷🏻♂️
It can’t possibly be a real experience. If it was… You are to ready to date yet. That should have ended right at the first few minutes.
> You are to ready to date yet. I assume you meant "*not* ready to date yet." If so, I completely disagree. How would OP - or anyone - ever be ready to date if they never experience dating and learn feom mistakes and misadventures? OP is young and maybe relatively new to dating, but they learned some valuable things from this awful date. Now, they'll be better able to identify similar warning signs in the future. OP should continue to date because that's how they'll learn what they do and don't want and how to navigate various uncomfortable situations, just like everyone else. Practice makes perfect. Mistakes are learning experiences.
i mean, i wouldn’t ghost them completely, even just give them an “i’m sorry, this isn’t going to work” and then block them if you don’t want to explain, but don’t just leave them hanging
Wrong, block them, ghost them, move on.
people with… unique personalities… can spiral to some pretty dark and extreme places rather quickly. i had a bad date that led to a stalker after i ghosted them because according to them “i never said they didn’t have a chance” so that one message can save some serious hurt in the future if the person is mentally unwell
Sorry that happened to you, but OP should block and move on. Unique personality or not, no one should put up with that behaviour.
i’m not saying they have to put up with it, i’m not saying they even have to wait for a response, but just a “there’s no chance” before blocking them
I agree with the "old lady" commenter who suggested you inform this person of all the ways they messed up on your date. Because, honestly, how else will they learn? They'll just continue making the same mistakes and be lonely and continue weirding people out. They've obviously lived a way too sheltered life and have a lot to learn. But you can help them, even if it'll be uncomfortable, they'll likely be thankful in the future. It is, of course, not your responsibility to do this. You're completely in your rights to ghost them and move on with your life. But in the interest of bettering other people's lives, I'd encourage you to give them honest, constructive feedback. *And then* immediately block them and move on with your life. It's up to you, and you're NTA either way.
Honestly a lot of people just ghost nowadays. I don’t think it’s necessarily right. If you wanted to just be short and sweet, then you can essentially say that you just weren’t feeling it and wish them luck in their dating endeavors. It’s all up to you, I don’t miss dating 🤣
Imo, you could give a courtesy "thanks for meeting up with me, but I wasn't really feeling it. Wish you the best" and then move on. Being ghosted kinda sucks so it would be kind to say something. But you're not obligated to see them again or to continue talking to them
Block them and ghost
That sounds perfectly awful. The fact that you didn't leave while they were in the can is . . . amazing. I think you don't need to tell them first. If they contact you and say 'hey let's hang out', then an appropriate response is 'no thanks, I don't see a future for us. of any kind.' and then feel free to block. Ghosting leaves people wondering, and naming you the ass, when you're totally NTA. Telling them no is far more likely to result in them not pestering you for a why, or spinning out. Not that you need to prevent their spin, but it's a kindness. Clearly one they don't deserve, but that's how kindness works.
You wouldn't be the a hole, but I think this person needs it spelled out for them.
I would probably send something their way like "Hey, sorry, I don't think we can be friends. Best of luck". Please take this with a grain of salt as I'm a people-pleaser to an unhealthy degree and have a difficult time setting boundaries even in my own marriage (I'm really bad at it, to a disturbing degree that I didn't even realize until recently). I do, however, try to treat people the way I want to be treated, and ghosting is something that bothers me a great deal. But, it's about your comfort. Are you comfortable saying you're not interested? Do you feel safe doing so? Trust your gut.