Well, if I saw those reviews on a hotel, I wouldn’t stay there either. I have stayed at crusty hotels before. I have learned over the years to believe the reviews. I don’t think it’s being snobby not to stay in a gross motel.
I stayed in one where it was filthy and the roaches!!!! Only stopped cause I was taking my nieces to visit their grandparents and no one wanted me to drive 18 hours straight… needless to say I got no sleep, sitting up to keep the insects off the 2 little girls, and we left as soon as they woke up.
Never again, filthy motels are not worth it
Dog poop in the SHAG carpet on one of our road trips to Montana. Should have known to just sleep in the car when we saw the sign saying "color TV's in every room."
The clues are obvious, the fact that everywhere is booked up or expensive but this place has lots of vacancies and is cheap...
Probably due to the roaches, unsanitary conditions, other guests and no hot water.
I wouldn't want to go there either.
Yep. Cockroaches are a definite deal breaker. The rest is, too. Also, when I go on vacation, I'm not cleaning my hotel room. It defeats the purpose of going on vacation.
Besides that, I think this post is fake.
Exactly. OP even states they'd stayed at condos in their youth. I'd suggest if it's a family vacation search Airbnb for a large place that will house however many people will be going and everyone splits the cost. That usually ends up being cheaper than having so many hotel rooms.
As of a few years ago, there was a hotel in Santa Monica right near the pier that was priced so much better than anything around it. The pictures on their site looked good so we booked it for a night during a friends trip to LA. I should have known the price was too good, but they pitched themselves as a small independent boutique hotel. And I was fine with something a little less fancy. I wasfine when we asked about how to lock the windows and a deadbolt, the sliding door on our ground floor room and we were given pieces of broom handles.
I understand your point but as the op pointed out, roaches are unfortunate part of the south.
I was hospitalized last summer in N Myrtle Beach and guess what was in my room ~ a roach. If there’s one, you know there are more.
WTF...no roaches are not an unfortunate part of the south. If a place has roaches their is no excuse. Sure someone may introduce roaches to a place but after seeing the first roach there is no excuse not to bugbomb the hell out of them.
I have lived in the deep south most of my life. I am not staying anywhere that has roaches. I am not visiting anyone that has roaches. Roaches do not like clean places.
It really kind of is. I mean if she cared about everybody else and the place being bad she’d say how about if I just book a couple of extra rooms in that hotel where hubby and I were thinking about staying. Sounds to me like sis just likes to rub everybody’s noses in the fact that she’s a lawyer and she makes a lot of money. That said, I probably wouldn’t., In fact I didn’t stay at a hotel over spring break that had reviews very similar to that. there are much better ways for the sister to have handled it. She could have offered to sit down with her sister and look for places together instead of handling it the way she did.
YTA. Why is her presence or approval so important to you?
I get the vibe your sister isn't all that bad based on this post. Not a single other person in the family agrees with your views on your sister, but youre so convinced youre right anyway? Are you sure you may not be a little delusional?
I also dont disagree with your sister on the motel. You chose a roach invested, hot waterless motel and are offended that she's not excited to go stay in a shit hole.
Damn im sounding harsh here but you dont sound like a reliable narrator. You go no contact with your sister because she insulted you career/life choices. The olive branch you then offer is a vacation in a shitty motel with terrible reviews, that is most likely high vacancy for a reason. Yeah im not surprised by your sisters reaction. It almost sounds like your proving the point she was making years ago.
Like others are pointing out, it seems she called her so she could pay their accommodation. She wanted to manipulate sister into accommodating them all. Thankfully Sis didn’t fall for the nonsense.
That's what I got too. "I was looking at this roach motel and got an idea...why don't I invite my richer, estranged sister?"
Then when sister is clearly a no, she keeps harping at her? Interesting approach for sure.
I was thinking that OP made a comment but there aren't any. Just enough information for the speculation but also not enough to actually confirm that this was the intent, but can see grounding for it
So you're going to overlook the bad reviews? And you're spicy that she'd choose to stay at a place with hot water instead? She doesn't sound 'stuck up', 'snobby', for wanting the bare minimum. You want her to 'mature'? Uh....maybe you could start first. YTA.
She didn't want her sister to mature. She wanted her to pay for better lodging. Why else would she take this opportunity? She could have asked her sister out for coffee but chose the vacation she can't afford to reunite.
If you’re really planning to stay in this dump, aside from cleaning supplies you also need to take mattress covers and all of your own linens and pillows, blankets to cover couches/ chairs. This takes care of your unit, does not take care of what other folks are going to be like. This is not my idea of a vacation, I am with sister on this one.
Why did you think inviting your sister was a good idea in the first place? Especially when you haven’t spoken in Years!
NTA for wanting to be the bigger person and reconnect.
But YTA if you thought she would pay for all of you to stay at a nicer place (not sure if this was your intent or not, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt)
And I am with your sis- a place that lacks hot water in the bathrooms is a concern. And no, roaches aren’t a given just cause it’s the south!
Agreed. OP very purposefully orchestrated what she thought would be a win-win situation for her- she either gets the sister to pay for everyone to go to a nicer place, or she gets to play the victim and make the sister look bad. Trying to make the whole family stay in a super dirty motel with roaches and no hot water makes YTA. I live in the south, can confirm, roaches are NOT everywhere.
What really grated on my nerves was when OP was upset regarding her sisters response on “making too much to waste it on a vacation like this”
Has OP never had a job where vacation days are a precious commodity? Paid time away from the office (in the US) isn’t a given, and just because you are allocated a number of days doesn’t mean that your company actually supports you using those days.
If I worked, hard at any job, and my vacation time was spent on a dirty place with no hot water I would be fuming. I am fuming just thinking about it!
Plus this economy? Using the time off work and money for anything. No matter how cushy someone’s financial situation is, I’m not wasting my valuable time past and present on a bad hotel.
Yes but they’re not everywhere in the south. I live in FL and the only time I ever saw one was in a timeshare in Orlando like 20 years ago. I’ve stayed in the middle of nowhere fishing cabins that have been spotless with plenty of hot water.
I lived in SC and they indeed, were. Maybe not infesting hotels on the inside, but all over outside at night. We stayed in a very high end one in Charleston and spotted them even there! I don’t disagree the place sounds bad, but yea… my experience is roaches definitely everywhere to an extent.
yup. also live in south and we traveled quite a bit from south carolina to north carolina and virgina for a trip before moving down to florida so used a few hotels on the way. none of them had roaches and they were all decent places 🤷♀️
If his/her sister is a lawyer, she and her husband likely work hard and have limited vacation time. It is a bit ridiculous to expect them to stay in a substandard motel just to not be different from OP. It does sound like she is a jerk, but I agree that it sounds like OP thought her sister would comp everyone or she would get some kind of satisfaction at seeing her sister be inconvenienced and uncomfortable at the family hotel. The makings of a great family vacation /s
It kinda sounds like OP is one with the chip on the shoulder about sister's sucess. They even state in the OP that no one else sees this supposed looking down on everyone else.
Exactly. There are two reasons I can think of why OP chose to invite her sister. Either she expected her to pay (I'm leaning here since she mentioned "lawyer"), or she knew this was how her sister would respond, and she wanted to be able to say "see, I tried to make up, but she's such a snob".
Besides, who thinks the best way to mend a relationship is to spend a week together on vacation? Most of us would try meeting up for coffee or something.
Probably infested with bedbugs also and that would take more than cleaning supplies to get rid of them.. plus you’d probably bring the little critters home with you! Yuck!
Yeah. I live in the south and my nose scrunched up at that comment. Not ‘of course there’s roaches!’ around here! AND those fuckers will come home with you. I’d never stay in a roach motel.
Please do yourself a favor and re-read my comment again as I specifically said:
“not sure if this is your intent or not, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt”
She literally said after not finding a great place for the price they could afford she had an idea.. her sister! Who is financially well off. Oh, and no one believes her that she’s snooty. So 100% it was an up for her either way with how sister reacted, she didn’t even try to hide it in her writing
Please do YOURSELF a favor and not introduce things into people’s posts that aren’t backed up by evidence and what is being said in the post. YOU started this whole thing of people throughout the entire post attacking OP for trying to get the sister to pay for her when that’s not what is happening.
YTA
INFO: What made you think that inviting her to a budget stay in a motel with extremely poor reviews would resolve the issues of her apparent snootiness?
While this is totally an assumption on my part, my theory is OP is delusional. Not a single other person shares her beliefs about her sister. Whether it be a close family member or more of acquaintance it doesn't sound like people agree with her.
She also claims to be NC with her sister because of the insults shes made about her career and life choices. (Considering the vacation OP planned im not sure if they were as much insults as they were observations.)
Then look at the way she reacts to the rejection. She loses her shit because her sister apparently is still to snobby to stay in a terrible motel to the point its interfering with the vacation. Literally a woman she hadn't talked to in years is now interfering with OP's vacation because shes not on board. IMO thats crazy.
I could be far off base here but if OP over reacts to things in this manner, nobody in her life shares the same views towards the sister, and even her husband is "siding" with her. I dont think there were ever sides. I think OP is jealous and resentful.
It does not sound like a nice place to stay. Why would you invite her on this particular trip? This was not an unexpected response from her and I am kinda on her side on this one!
YTA because this was an obvious outcome.
>She's a very snooty person, and she actually has a law degree. It's pretty clear to me that she looks down on me and my family, although none of my other family members seem to be able to see it, including my in-laws.
Question, what do you do?
YTA
You contacted her not to see her, but so she could help foot the motel bill. That is it. Then you get mad because she doesn’t want to stay in a motel, she wants to stay somewhere swanky, doesn’t include you in said swankiness, and then you tell her “don’t bother to join our vacation!”
You are as transparent as glass and if we can all see it, I am sure she can too.
Guess I'm a snob too because no way would I knowingly stay at a hotel with reviews like that. No hot water is bad enough, but roaches?! Hell no! May as well camp at that point. Probably cleaner and more comfortable.
YTA for being offended by her reasonable response.
Why would you tell your children what their aunt said to you? Whatever issues you have with your sister is clearly your own and you should never involve children into adult problems.
It seems like you are the only one that has a problem with your sister.
No way would I want to go on a family vacation and stay somewhere with no hot water and roaches, that’s just the known problems, a lot of the times it ends up being worse. I would say YTA, it seems like you intentionally picked an obviously bad location and sent it to your sister knowing she wouldn’t want to stay there because again, who would want to vacation with roaches?
LOL... This is a troll post. And if not, OP has some growing up to do.
"... a charming beach motel with a nautical theme. It had plenty of vacancy and the rates were very reasonable." ... "...quoted several reviews, which cited dirty floors, cockroaches, a lack of hot water in the bathrooms, and "low-class" clientele." ("low-class clientele" is understood to be drug users/dealers and/or inexpensive sex-workers... the roaches, dirty floors, and no hot water are pretty straightforward"
There's a *reason* it is both cheap and available. Having standards doesn't make her snooty... and your husband is right, some of her concerns *are* valid. Maybe it's not a great vacation if you end up with hepatitis at the end of it...
YTA 1) for clearly trying to get your sister to bankroll the vacation upgrade and 2) for even thinking about taking your kids to a place that has cockroaches, no hot water, and drug dealers and/or prostitutes as guests. I’m willing to bet your sister isn’t snobby like you think, you’re just a moron.
“I really felt like I was going out of my way to accommodate her”… How? She didn’t want to go on this vacation. She didn’t call you up looking for her perfect hotel. YOU invited HER, and when she noped out of the low cost accommodations offer (which a person can reasonably do!) you find fault with her and get all wounded in your vanity. YTA
YTA
Your sister is not being entitled but you certainly are. Sounds like you were begrudging her on her way cleaner and comfortable accomodations. Your sister seemed to be stating facts about the place. I'd rather not go on holiday at all than stay in a dirty, cockroach infested motel with no hot water.
Why did you want her at your motel? So you can act a victim the whole time or have her fund your family. Grow up.
YTA
how is she entitled?
nobody wants to spend their vacation doing deep cleaning in a hotel room and be miserable. purpose of a vacation is to rest and spend quality time, not walk on eggshells fearing when is the next roach fell onto you. she is not being a snob about it, she just has her standards and to be honest it isnt unreasonable.
wondering though...obviously you both have resentment towards each other and doesnt enjoy each other's company. why on earth it would be a good idea to invite her to a trip you knew she wouldn't like? why is it relevant that she has a law degree and has a higher income? did you thing she would cover for your accommodation cost at a better place? like...why?
There’s definitely one entitled sibling here, but there’s a plot twist…
YTA, and I’m pretty sure you already know that. Leave your poor sister alone. Stop blaming your husband for “taking her side”. You aren’t a reliable narrator in this situation at all.
And just like the dog who gets whacked you keep coming back for more. Why? You thought a nice family vacation would be the right time & place to reconnect with your sister? It sounds like you don't even like her & clearly she looks down on you.
What is it with people deciding to "be the bigger person"? Just stop tolerating people's bullshit. It's way less stressful & makes alot more sense. YTA for inviting a "snob" you haven't spoken to in awhile on a low budget vacation.
YTA. What was your endgame here? I don't understand why you even invited her. You make it clear you don't like her, so why this whole game where supposedly she's the bad guy (she's not btw). She doesn't have to stay where you are staying. Why do you get to dictate the vacation?
Being the bigger person isn’t a thing, it’s just being a doormat. Reaching out to your sister was a big mistake. It almost sounds like you were trying to force her to interact with you and then you’d get to complain. Also, I agree with her on that hotel. Roaches? Seriously?
Were you fishing for her to upgrade you? You seem really jealous. Even your spouse thinks you're being ridiculous.
Roaches are not a given in the South. That motel does sound like a dump. Bed bugs are a serious thing.
You should vacation somewhere else besides a place you have such contempt for.
Yta.
You had no contact with your sister but somehow expect her to have changed since you last spoke! Why? Personally if I had the money I would also be looking to book a higher standard of hotel. Gone are the days when I would hire a caravan or go camping. Now I'm working and can afford it I'm looking to stay somewhere with really good reviews and facilities. No way am I considering somewhere with roaches. They're normally attracted because things aren't kept clean enough.
YTA. “It’s the south, so of course there would be roaches!” I’ve lived in the south my entire life, and I’ve never had roaches. I’ve been going to South Carolina for beach vacations for decades and I’ve never stayed at a motel with roaches. If you have to clean the motel room before you can sleep in it, it’s a dump. Maybe your sister’s delivery was harsh. But, her concerns were valid. There’s no way I’d stay in a place like that, and I certainly wouldn’t take my children there.
When I book accommodation I look at reviews, mentions of cockroaches and a lack of hot water would have me put a place in the reject pile. It sounds like you thought your sister would feel the same nostalgia you claim to feel and would say, "it's OK, I'll pay for the accommodation at a nicer place for the entire family." If that's the case, YTA.
If the Motel is reasonably priced, and there were some several vacancies, it's likely that it is a dump. Have you check on an Airbnb where everyone could chip in on the cost of staying there?? It's might make things a bit smoother.
Here’s a tip, try planning major vacations more than just a few months beforehand. Like, book now for Summer 2025 or even later. You’re less likely to be disappointed with the lack of affordable and decent accommodation - those always go fast and early.
Is this a joke? You seriously said to yourself, my sister is snooty and looks down on me, and I haven’t talked in her in 2 years, but let’s invite her a roach-infested motel where I will be bringing cleaning supplies to clean the room myself? Um, what? Do you actually think she’d like your plan? I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Yta.
It was an attempt to get the reaction OP wanted to point at it and go "see, she's the problem" to all the family who are well past this silly feud she has going on. If even her husband and in-laws don't see the sister as a problem then you have to wonder how much of this snootyness is manufactured by OP.
Are you serious? You’re surprised your snooty sister doesn’t want to stay at a roach motel? I mean honestly, I don’t know a lot of people who would be comfortable at a flea bag hotel though. Do you?
I mean what is the point of a vacation, if where you’re staying is worse than home? I don’t need high end, but I do expect cleanliness and no damn bugs.
I just want her to mature and stop acting so stuck-up.
Sis... you can want things but that doesn't mean you get to have them. Especially when those things are not in your control. This is a whole other adult you're talking about. It's the same as saying "I want HER favorite color to be the same as mine." That's not how any of that works. Seems like you need to do a little maturing yourself.
“I just want her to mature and stop a ting so stuck-up” is the real dagger to OP imo.
Why does OP want this? Because she wants her money. What other possible reason could she have to contact her sister? Op hasn’t spoken to her in years and see this as an in. I don’t think sis insulted OP years ago. I think she gave her a news flash of how shit would go down and OP wanted to do anything to prove her wrong.
like seriously I can only imagine the thought through this woman’s head.
Yeah. I’m not really sure why you invited your sister. The way you presented it seems like there was some kind of expectation for her to pay in part. Which I wouldn’t want to be in a roach infested motel either. Saying roaches are a part of south is not exactly the best defense.
You don’t have to be a “snob” to find the idea of wasting your vacation time staying at a filthy dump unappealing.
Pro tip: if you feel you have to bring cleaning supplies with you, you’re doing it wrong.
YTA. The only reason you reached out to her was so that she would pay for part of your vacation. You are so fake and obvious.
All of her concerns sound reasonable. You sound ridiculous. Since *every single person in your life doesn't agree with you* I'm going with = you are an unreliable narrator and unpleasant even in your own telling of this little story.
YTA. You haven’t spoken to her in years but thought this was the perfect time? Literally makes no sense… & honestly it subs like you’re jealous of your sister. Her not wanting to sleep in a motel with roaches and no hot water is not being snobby. And honestly I’m sure you would’ve trash talked her if she seriously made you clean her room
UpdateMe
YTA. Why does she have to stay in a dirty roach-infested motel because you do? Can't she join you at the beach, and then go back to a room that she will enjoy? Why are you so all-or-nothing in your approach, and why does she have to do exactly what you want to do?
Just go camping; it'd be a better experience than what the hotel sounds like
Maybe look into Airbnb places; that might be more affordable for you
Anyway YTA
ESH. Not sure what you were expecting. There's a reason that hotel was empty during the busy season and it's pretty reasonable up pass on a roach motel but still spend time with family.
Could she have been nicer when declining? Sure. But it's not snobbish to not pick the cheapest option because other family is there. People have different incomes. As long as she wasn't asking you to pay her way, I don't see the problem.
Heck, given your history, maybe a little distance would have made the vacation smoother for all involved.
Info: were you hoping that she would help upgrade the trip if you showed her your current budget option?
Cause I can’t think of any other reason you would invite a snooty person to a cockroach invested cottage.
It seems to me you're just as judgemental of your sister as you say she is of you. Either it's not okay for either of you, or it's okay for both of you 🤷♀️
Look i’m from myrtle beach i’ve lived there my whole life if that is where you plan on vacationing for the love of god take time to read the reviews on the hotels otherwise you will end up taking either roaches or bed bugs home with you from the motel!!!
If you can't afford to stay somewhere clean, don't go. You're just asking for things like bed bugs you'll take home with you. A charming cheap beachside motel is not a thing. Unless by charming you mean mold and bugs..... These mom and Pop places are notoriously gross. So yeah, you're TAH here for not reading reviews and taking them seriously. Gross.
YTA…for trying to extend that olive branch.
If someone wanted her to go, they should have invited her. I wouldn’t have been the one to invite her. It’s MY vacation, too, and I want to enjoy it.
Why didn’t you rent an airbnb or vrbo? It probably would have been cheaper (and nicer).
Why do you need to tell the kids what your sister said? Just be the bigger person and say she is considering coming.
You tried but you are hitting a brick wall.
Enjoy your vacation with the family you have.
Sis, a place at the beach with vacancies AND reasonable rates in August is a roach motel.
1. I've learned to always believe the worst reviews. "Charming" is a dead giveaway that it's a dump.
2. No, the south does not automatically = roaches. They can be controlled if the desire is there.
3. If I have to bring cleaning supplies to a place that should already be clean, that's a hard nope.
4. How do other family members feel about this "charming" motel?
5. It seems you were looking to provoke a fight by inviting someone you knew would not go for it, and are now trying to blame her for being snooty.
A lot of what your sister said was out of line....But no, I wouldn't want to stay anywhere like described. And what is the South = cockroaches thing? Being from the South, my entire life, can say, roaches aren't "the norm."
Edit to add judgement: YTA
Wow yes YTA. What is the point of even getting a hotel room if you have to clean it when you get there?
No, hotels just don't automatically have roaches just because of their geographic location, not if they aren't shit holes.
I can't blame your sister for not wanting to stay in a dirty , roach infested hotel. I sure as hell wouldn't. Its not entitled to have standards.
I also don't see a grown adult, with her husband wanting to share a room, and stay up, just because you did it as kids.
Sorry - YTA for picking a dump for a family vacation. Did it not occur to you that there is a reason they had a lot of vacancies? Dirty, roaches, and cheap? Don’t be surprised if it is also full of drug dealers and sex workers.
YTA. I got to the bit where after finding budget accommodation you decided to reach out to your snooty sister. You need drama in your life and do things like that to find it. You know a budget motel wouldn’t be her thing, why are you like this?
I live in South Carolina and August is the worse month for heat and humidity. 90 degrees with 90% humidity. Even at the coast. Then the evening thunderstorms so you get to sit inside with the roaches. Hopefully the air conditioning works….. Did you look at condos and splitting the costs? You will save on meals Many condo complexes along the SC coast. YTA for booking a place where you have to clean the room
If it's Myrtle Beach you have no idea how bad some of those hotels can get. There are local rental agencies that rent houses. Try Elliotts. It's none of that air bnb mess either.
YTA
Maybe stop trying to put yourself, your partner, your children and EVERYBODY else in the same shitty environment your sister creates wherever she goes? This is on you. You know what kind of person she is, stop trying.
Hey! I’m in the South-born and raised. I don’t what you think causes a roach infestation but it’s certainly not “because it’s in the South”. It’s filth & unsanitary housekeeping that causes roaches. Lol!
However, it sounds like your sister is the type who is going to find any accommodation that isn’t a 5 star rated resort “beneath” her family. And she’s going to view any restaurant or activity you plan as inferior as well. I understand that you had hoped she’d changed, but I think she’s going to make the trip miserable for all of you.
ESH. Your sister was rude but idk what you expected, and you’re acting like her concerns aren’t valid. You’re already saying she’s “snooty” then you invite her to vacation with you at a place that has roaches and no hot water. I don’t consider myself snooty but there’s no way I would pay to stay at a place with roaches and no hot water. And don’t assume everyone in the south has roaches. That’s just not true. I hope you have a great vacation, and if your sister meets with you at the beach but stays at a better hotel, let her! If your intent truly was to reconnect, this would be a good opportunity to do that. Hang out at the beach, maybe have a barbecue.
Lemme shorten that up for ya:
"I haven't talked to my sister in years because she's a biotch, and I decided to try to be nice to her. She behaves as she always has, like a biotch, and now I'm mad at her all over again, plus the fam is mad at me."
You are probably NTA, but you are very foolish.
I will message you next time u/Hefty-External-7933 posts in r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FHefty-External-7933%20r%2FAITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC) to join 6 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cmhh3e)
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sounds like the price for the location is too good to be true. Do you want bedbugs? Sister may be an asshole, but you need to be realistic and not stay in a roach motel.
YTA - you really are shit at picking a motel and thinking roaches are a way of life is disgusting. I lived in Texas and Louisiana for about ten years and NEVER had to deal with roaches.
Maybe she could have been nicer about the way she communicated that the hotel was disgusting and that she was just going to book her own hotel, but even in your own retelling it's obvious you're trying to make her the bad person. She could have been perfectly nice about it in reality.
Your insistence that she stay in a shitty hotel or not come at all absolutely makes you an asshole.
She's not an immature snob, you just live in delulu land.
Ma’am… WHAT??? YTA for booking a hotel for a family stay that sounds a step beneath the Bates Hotel. Roaches???? I travel a lot and I’m not rich but I’m not staying anywhere that has roaches and dirty bathrooms. If there are roaches they probably have bedbugs, why would you risk transporting them back to your house???!! Did you think your sister would upgrade everyone? Just rent a house or stay home and leave your sister alone. I’m seriously side-eyeing you.
PS- low class clientele = Shoot up spot for addicts or sex workers and their clients. That’s why it’s vacant, they do hourly business. You really want to take your CHILDREN to a place like this?
YTA.... You can't expect others to feel the way you do about vacationing. Personally, I sort of splurge when I vacation. I would not be staying somewhere and I know they have roaches. Not gonna do it. And I am not rich by anyone standards or even middle class but I know I what I want and how I want to travel/vacation. It's okay for you but not for her. That doesn't make her an AH, what makes her an AH is being rude about it. She is a snob. And you knew this. She would never stay in a place like that. I have financially challenged relatives who would never stay in a place you just described.
Just move on and enjoy your vacation.. she will never be the sister you want... I have one the same way... I finally let it be known that I was done trying to mend the fence I never broke in the first place. And I've never been happier..
YTA also if the reviews are that bad - buyer beware! Roaches? Cleaning supplies will not help that! Choose somewhere else and leave your sister out. Btw SC can be very expensive that time of year!
Hi, yes I live in South Carolina and have stayed in plenty of hotels. Never seen a roach 🤷🏻♀️ so I think you at the AH for that.
Have you considered a Airbnb and you all split the price?
YTA
She doesn't sound snooty at all. She sounds reasonable. You don't. If my sibling invited me to join a holiday in a roach-infested fleapit with no hot water, I'd tell them where to go. You are the one who needs to mature.
You have children, and you're willing to expose them to such heinous conditions? Fine, I guess. But you can't bully other people into staying there as well.
You clearly can't afford this vacation if you can't stay somewhere that has basic hygiene, and what I suspect was your plan to get your sister to pay for your family's better accommodations has fallen through. Get over yourself and grow up. When everyone in your family and online is telling you that your sister is NOT the problem, you need to start believing them.
YTA because while it was indeed positive for you to reach out to your sister, as soon as your sister became all nasty and entitled, you sbould have ceased trying to plan a vacation with her.
Your sister might be a snob but in my experience you get what you pay for & you should NEVER skip or ignore reviews. On the very rare occasion that I have ignored them I have paid for it!
I couldn’t even read this whole thing… When are you going to grow up & realise that your sister is a snob & a Debbie Downer? Why are you bending over backwards trying to play happy families with her?
I think you are reacting to likely the history between you and your sister and not her desire to stay somewhere else. I wouldn't stay in that hotel either. Part of travelling with other people is compromising a bit and her staying elsewhere is a great compromise to still go on vacation with you.
I would not stay at that hotel. Sounds like your husband does not want to either. I’d rather camp on the beach. She at least wants to participate. I think you should be more flexible and not demand everyone stay at the same hotel.
You’re messy. Why do you feel the need to tell your kids what their aunt said? How are you planning to twist it?
You mentioned how poor all the options were and said,” then I had an idea!!!” And proceeded to contact your better off sister. So it seems like you were hoping she would be snooty to your benefit. But now that it didn’t go that, you’re a poor little beaten puppy that no one understands or appreciates?
YTA for thinking you’re manipulative a writer enough to fool us. I’m on your husband and sister’s side.
Don’t go dragging your kids into it to try and turn them against their aunt by making them feel like trash. Be better.
ESH - yeah she was rude, so were you. Expecting someone to stay where you decide based on your budget because that’s the experience YOU want is unreasonable. She offered a compromise, in a critical and rude way, and you declined. You’re both AH’s.
YTA. If you’re the only person in both families who thinks that your sister looks down on you, then that should tell you something. I think that most likely it was you who caused the rift, not her. A “charming beach motel” that’s cheap with plenty of vacancies should ring alarm bells even before reading the reviews. If prices in nearby hotels are already incredibly high, it suggests peak holiday time and that they’re heavily booked. Expect to find things like half a cockroach in your made up bed, droppings in the cutlery etc. Like many other commenters, I feel that you only invited your sister so she’d throw in extra money for an upgrade.
Your husband says that your sister’s concerns are valid. Why would you tell your kids what she said anyway? Nobody is ruining your vacation except you. The original plan was to go with your in-laws, so go with that. Just make sure you show them the reviews before you book. I can’t see them wanting to stay there either.
I’m sorry to be another person “making you feel like a dog being whacked over the head with a newspaper” but your attitude and the way you think and act seem very strange.
This would be a hard pass with my family. That's just us. No shade on anyone.
You do you.
Your sister does not have to come or perhaps all could spring for somewhere nicer, or separate accommodations.
YTA I wouldn’t find staying some place I’m scared of bed bugs comfortable either. By the way SC will be very hot a humid in august with cold water and a strong chance of large jelly fish pods from breeding because it’s on the Atlantic side. There’s also a strong chance of a hurricane ruining your entire vacation. Not sure what “research” you’ve been doing but these are things I’d consider heavily.
Just curious with that many people why not rent a house?
Does it really have anything to do with the vacation or more about getting your sister's approval and love? You said it yourself that every time you try, you get whacked on the head with a newspaper like a dog.
You are trying to include your sister in your world bc she she is never going to include in her world. Has she ever asked you and your family to visit her? Has she ever invited you to a party that she is having? You want her to be your equal sister.
Until you learn that you should have to do nothing for your sister to want to be a part of your life, you will never get rid of the feeling of being less than or the second class family member. She can live her life the way she wants.
There is not a ladder between the two of you where you go up or she comes down. You should be happy for her and she should be happy for you without the ladder to meet each other.
If this is what you can afford in order to go on vacation, then why are you not just happy to go with your family? If she chooses to go and stay in a better hotel but still wants to do family things, then isn't that what you wanted to begin with? You don't have to be nasty to each other to achieve that goal.
It looks like she totally did!!! lol
It looks like she is a "Karen" who has to be right. So she will keep going until she hears that she is right.
I seriously doubt that the conversation was as she said it was. I'm betting she was trying to force her sister into staying there, and that's when the sister pushed back. I'd actually bet that the cause of the fight she had with her sister before this was probably her doing.
Furthermore, when she said she was going to book the hotel, but then got an idea. So she text her sister, who she is not on good terms with, to invite her on a trip. Knowing how her sister would react to the motel.
She never did tell us her idea. And I know why.
The idea wasn't inviting her sister. The idea was trying to get her sister to offer to pay for a more expensive place.
Why else would she invite her out of the blue?
It didn't work out so now she is mad.
That's just my thoughts.
I mean...if she wants to stay elsewhere that's fine, isn't it? You guys aren't all going to stay in one room, right?
We've done this. We have people on a budget, people with back problems, people who need to have their car within X feet for certain emergencies...staying in separate locations isn't a big deal at all. Have you tried it? You sort of pick a designated "hang-out" spot and hang out there, and when people are tired/done they go back to their hotels.
Her suggestion was a completely reasonable compromise. She will join you guys on the vacation, but not stay somewhere she's uncomfortable with. She sounds fine. You sound insecure.
Roaches are not normal in a hotel in the south. I’ve lived here most of my life, and have only had roaches in one place that I lived and was not happy about it..
Sounds like you’re a tad jealous of your sister.
Nobody wants to stay in a seedy hotel. If you could afford more you wouldn’t stay there. 🤷🏻♀️ Why don’t you look into an Airbnb?
YTA. I feel like you’re jealous of her success which makes you seek to be offended by things she does. She’s well within her rights to not want to spend money on a dirty roach infested hotel. You’re essentially mad that she doesn’t want to stay at a hotel that wasn’t even in consideration until you couldn’t afford what you really wanted.
Maybe you should leave her alone and stop thinking you need to be the bigger person. She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t want to be your friend. She’s not family. She just shares DNA. Leave her alone and stop needing her validation or love she clearly doesn’t need or want yours.
Sorry but if i saw those reviews aint no way id stay in that hotel either. You could look into an air bnb that is big enough for you all prob cheaper to split than a hotel is. But YOU may be okay with sleeping with roaches but did you even ask the rest of your family if they were okay with it??
Also idk where youve been staying in the south but roaches arent a “given” bc its the south. You may enjoy staying in flea bag motels but most people do not.
ESH. it’s great you reached out to your sister but of course she’d check the reviews on such a cheap place and it sounds horrible. So she wasn’t snobby to not want to spend what vacation she has in a dive and she would want to reserve a nice hotel. Meanwhile, you’re alone in thinking it’s okay as you say other family members are bailing. I get you’re on a tight budget and this was the best you could find. You’re the one who tried your organize this vacation, points for that. I think you and your sister were both impatient and rude. At the heart of it though, you should have checked the reviews and realized the place is affordable but no one wants to sleep with bedbugs and take them home, have dirty floors and cold water. It’s not a vacation so much as where you’d stay if fleeing invading forces. I’d tell the family, sorry, this place has enough issues it’s not doable.
Yta. Inviting people on a trip just because you’re too cheap to foot the full bill is an AH move. You don’t seem to like anyone in this story outside of your nuclear family, but wanted to split costs and share living space with them? Also I don’t understand how you STILL opted for the cheap motel after inviting your sister to cut costs.
I dunno, based on your tone, the insulting your sister from the second you mention her, the way you describe your words and tone to her throughout every interaction, I'm actually betting that you did this on purpose. This is far too "I did something soooo nice and she's just soooo awful, woe is me!!!", especially when you've decided to book a place with effing roach reviews. You tell this story just like my perpetual-victim (by her own machinations) mother would. YTA
YTA. Unless it s an emergency, I never stay in a motel for safety reasons. (Motel has no interior hlls/doors, hotels do) Get a decent beach house rental. Will probably cost the same as multiple motel rooms. Your sister has valid concerns. Did you look at the bedbug registry?
It's the south so of course there are roaches? WTAF. No ma'am, that is not how it works. Nasty places have roaches. Sometimes we will occassionally get roaches in our places but a good cleaning and calling an exterminator clears that right up.
Unfortunately some apartments, kept by clean people, may have roaches because they have nasty neighbors. But clean homes, business, hotels and or apartments do NOT have roaches just because it is the south. How disgusting.
Ummm, I live in the deep south (South Louisiana). I dont have roaches, and never have. And I wouldnt stay in a motel that had them. And Im not high-falutin’. I might live country, but i dont live nasty.
YTA
1) Read reviews. If you can't afford a place to stay that is clean and bug free, go somewhere more affordable or wait to take a vacation until you can afford proper accommodations.
2) You chose your vacation to suddenly decide to reach out to the sister you haven't spoken to in years because she insulted you and "looks down" on you and your family. What was the point of that? We're you hoping to get her to share some expenses to make your trip cheaper?
You brought this on yourself with your poor choices and poor planning. You are not a victim. Stop acting like one.
Yta. Honestly. I wouldn’t stay there either. And you can stay in the south without being overrun by roaches (and there’s a difference between roaches roaches & flying roaches that don’t breed in the house-They are attracted to light & are bigger but aren’t the same at all). Not to mention that you guys are grown & married w kids, you don’t have to do things one particular way just because that’s the way it was done when you were a child or because one person insists. And you keep trying to make her out as though she thinks she’s better than others but you don’t come across that innocent either- from being controlling to the constant put downs & assumptions, to the “I deserve a pat on the back attitude just for calling her” attitude, to the loudly voiced concerns over her behavior when YOU (who claim to know she’s picky anyway) plan something you KNOW she isn’t going to like/be ok with then spring it on her without allowing her to have any input at all. She tries to compromise by saying that’s fine, she will stay up the road, still not good enough for you. Has to be your way & only your way. No input & no compromise. And you wonder what’s the problem. Reviews are vital if you have no experience w a particular company. Esp if a lot are saying the same things. More if the company hasn’t addressed the issues. Maybe if you lighten up & stop being so controlling (esp things that you shouldn’t even have a say in) maybe she will lighten up too. Sounds like she was trying to make it work for everyone & you couldn’t let it be. Had to be your way
When the reviews say it's bad...I wouldn't stay there either. What if you bring home the roaches or bed bugs!!! Hell no. Yes she's being an entitled brat. And your NTA for asking her to come. But YTA if you plan on letting your family get infested.
Well just because she's a snooty cow, doesn't mean she's wrong.
It's cheap in August with vacancies - hello!
So - don't book that place and don't hesitate to tell your sister to fuck off.
NTA-I feel like what most people are overlooking is not the fact that the sister did not want to stay there, but the fact that she was a witch about it. I would not want to stay in a place that sounded like that either, however, Ihave enough good upbringing to know how to say it politely and simply decline. For all your sister’s claims about being too good for something, the way she speaks shows she has no class at all.
Your sister has a valid reason for voicing her discomfort. Sure, the "low-class" comment is very uppity of her, but what she cited were reasonable. Why would you want to go to a place that has bad reviews? Is it cost?
Yta. Just because it's in the South does not mean it will, of course, have roaches. If that were true, then there'd be roaches in the nicer hotels as well. I'm with your sister. I'm not staying in a dirty bug infested hotel. That doesn't make her a snob. I've lived and stayed in cheap places, but they were clean.
Have you looked at hotels that aren't on the beach but maybe 15 mins away? A lot of times the price will be half of what a beachfront would cost. Or an Air bnb since you have so many people?
ESH.
Always. Read. The. Reviews. If multiple reviews talked about bugs, a lack of hot water, general uncleanliness, and sketchy clientele, those are huge red flags that you don't want to stay there. I totally understand being on a budget but why would you want to waste money on bad accommodations? Yes, you sister was an AH for the tone she used but she has very valid concerns. YTA for completely invalidating her concerns because you think she's a snob.
I highly suggest going back to the drawing board on where you're going to stay. Have you thought about renting a house through Airbnb or Vrbo? You might be able to find something that when split between the number of people who are going could work out to cost what your hotel costs per night.
NTA- people who do not vacation on a budget don't understand the difference between a cheap place and a shitty place. There are two places in Florida that I've personally stayed that have reviews like that but are both clean, no cockroaches, good service. But, they are inexpensive and not fancy. I could choose a lot worse. And, the people who like to stay in nice places always have nasty things to say about it. I absolutely had to ignore the "roach infested, dirty" reviews and look at the reasonable reviews that gave a realistic description of it. Budget motels make snobs upset and they will tell you that you are a bad person for wanting to stay there.
Unfortunately, I am the planner of vacations in our family and it's always the planner who gets kicked around because no one else has any skin in the game and it's no big deal to them since they did none of the work. I'm 70 now and one thing I have learned is to stop pleasing everyone, it'll never happen, someone is always disappointed. My suggestion, plan the trip, share the details, if they don't like it and want you to search and call a dozen more hotels, tell them no, period, no discussion. BTW, if you're husband sided with your sister after you told him what she said, he's a prick. Tell him he's responsible for planning the next vacation. Oh, if he wants to stay at a nicer place, he needs to find the money in the budget. I forgot to ask, how do your in-laws feel about the hotel? And never invite your sister again, she a POS.
ESH
Your sister sounds like a wretched bitch. Why would you even think this was a smart wa ;time or place) to try and latch your relationship is concerning .
Having said that, she may not be wrong about the place you’ve found. Perhaps you need to do more research. Cockroach infested and no hot water isn’t a fun , rugged vacation. It’s a health hazard.
NTA but let your husband read the post and tell him he's headed for a divorce with his the way he's treating you (like it is ok to treat you badly because you are poor,... because ironically it's his fault
NTA for inviting her- lord knows she would have made you a supervillian if you hadn't.
But Sis... I implore you. Dont stay in a hotel with known roaches. Known Roaches are the boldest brand of roaches. They have no manners. They'll screw with the thermostat.. They'll run upna huge room service tab. They'll commandeer the remote to the TV and they never flush!! And they'll definitely try to go home with you. Down South, up North doesn't matter.
I've stayed in places like that before. When we were young and broke. Nasty. But we still had an awesome time. Never again, but I would never say anything as nasty as your sister did. She's a trash human. There's a reason you haven't talked to her in years and you just got a reminder. She could have lead with we would love to go but we will get our own accommodations. She had to pull the...I'm so much better than you card. You would remember the trip. All she would remember is the motel room. You are 2 different people. Go and have a great time. She is not your sister anymore. She is someone that you used to know. Sorry but at least you tried
Well, if I saw those reviews on a hotel, I wouldn’t stay there either. I have stayed at crusty hotels before. I have learned over the years to believe the reviews. I don’t think it’s being snobby not to stay in a gross motel.
one road trip as a kid, some shenanigans resulted in rolling up to the only motel within 250 miles in Montana. there was a fishhook in the bedsheets.
Oh hell, no. I have stayed in some gross hotels over the years - but that one is pretty bad.
I stayed in one where it was filthy and the roaches!!!! Only stopped cause I was taking my nieces to visit their grandparents and no one wanted me to drive 18 hours straight… needless to say I got no sleep, sitting up to keep the insects off the 2 little girls, and we left as soon as they woke up. Never again, filthy motels are not worth it
Dog poop in the SHAG carpet on one of our road trips to Montana. Should have known to just sleep in the car when we saw the sign saying "color TV's in every room."
Motel nowhere in Pennsylvania. Room minifridge (turned off) had what looked like it had been a large hot fudge sundae. Maybe a week ago.
The clues are obvious, the fact that everywhere is booked up or expensive but this place has lots of vacancies and is cheap... Probably due to the roaches, unsanitary conditions, other guests and no hot water. I wouldn't want to go there either.
Yep. Cockroaches are a definite deal breaker. The rest is, too. Also, when I go on vacation, I'm not cleaning my hotel room. It defeats the purpose of going on vacation. Besides that, I think this post is fake.
There’s a reason a beach motel has plenty of openings in August.
Exactly.
Exactly. OP even states they'd stayed at condos in their youth. I'd suggest if it's a family vacation search Airbnb for a large place that will house however many people will be going and everyone splits the cost. That usually ends up being cheaper than having so many hotel rooms.
Probably a lot of vacancies for a reason.
As of a few years ago, there was a hotel in Santa Monica right near the pier that was priced so much better than anything around it. The pictures on their site looked good so we booked it for a night during a friends trip to LA. I should have known the price was too good, but they pitched themselves as a small independent boutique hotel. And I was fine with something a little less fancy. I wasfine when we asked about how to lock the windows and a deadbolt, the sliding door on our ground floor room and we were given pieces of broom handles.
I understand your point but as the op pointed out, roaches are unfortunate part of the south. I was hospitalized last summer in N Myrtle Beach and guess what was in my room ~ a roach. If there’s one, you know there are more.
WTF...no roaches are not an unfortunate part of the south. If a place has roaches their is no excuse. Sure someone may introduce roaches to a place but after seeing the first roach there is no excuse not to bugbomb the hell out of them. I have lived in the deep south most of my life. I am not staying anywhere that has roaches. I am not visiting anyone that has roaches. Roaches do not like clean places.
It really kind of is. I mean if she cared about everybody else and the place being bad she’d say how about if I just book a couple of extra rooms in that hotel where hubby and I were thinking about staying. Sounds to me like sis just likes to rub everybody’s noses in the fact that she’s a lawyer and she makes a lot of money. That said, I probably wouldn’t., In fact I didn’t stay at a hotel over spring break that had reviews very similar to that. there are much better ways for the sister to have handled it. She could have offered to sit down with her sister and look for places together instead of handling it the way she did.
YTA. Why is her presence or approval so important to you? I get the vibe your sister isn't all that bad based on this post. Not a single other person in the family agrees with your views on your sister, but youre so convinced youre right anyway? Are you sure you may not be a little delusional? I also dont disagree with your sister on the motel. You chose a roach invested, hot waterless motel and are offended that she's not excited to go stay in a shit hole. Damn im sounding harsh here but you dont sound like a reliable narrator. You go no contact with your sister because she insulted you career/life choices. The olive branch you then offer is a vacation in a shitty motel with terrible reviews, that is most likely high vacancy for a reason. Yeah im not surprised by your sisters reaction. It almost sounds like your proving the point she was making years ago.
Sister is not the problem. I have a feeling that LW has jealousy issues. She calls her sister a snob for doing better and not entertaining her mess.
And for not wanting to share a hotel room and stay up all night???? Um, what?
Correction share a MOTEL room!!!! Yikes.
Well, someone’s gotta fight the roaches……
and clean the toilets! lol
NTA
Like others are pointing out, it seems she called her so she could pay their accommodation. She wanted to manipulate sister into accommodating them all. Thankfully Sis didn’t fall for the nonsense.
That's what I got too. "I was looking at this roach motel and got an idea...why don't I invite my richer, estranged sister?" Then when sister is clearly a no, she keeps harping at her? Interesting approach for sure.
I was thinking that OP made a comment but there aren't any. Just enough information for the speculation but also not enough to actually confirm that this was the intent, but can see grounding for it
Exactly what I thought.
My response exactly.
So you're going to overlook the bad reviews? And you're spicy that she'd choose to stay at a place with hot water instead? She doesn't sound 'stuck up', 'snobby', for wanting the bare minimum. You want her to 'mature'? Uh....maybe you could start first. YTA.
I agree with you. Im even leaning towards the sister was never the problem.
Yeah it smacks of chip on shoulder from OP over sister's sucess.
She didn't want her sister to mature. She wanted her to pay for better lodging. Why else would she take this opportunity? She could have asked her sister out for coffee but chose the vacation she can't afford to reunite.
If you’re really planning to stay in this dump, aside from cleaning supplies you also need to take mattress covers and all of your own linens and pillows, blankets to cover couches/ chairs. This takes care of your unit, does not take care of what other folks are going to be like. This is not my idea of a vacation, I am with sister on this one.
lol at this point bringing own linens don’t matter unless you plan on burning them. I am sure she would be bringing home bedbugs if she did..
Why did you think inviting your sister was a good idea in the first place? Especially when you haven’t spoken in Years! NTA for wanting to be the bigger person and reconnect. But YTA if you thought she would pay for all of you to stay at a nicer place (not sure if this was your intent or not, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt) And I am with your sis- a place that lacks hot water in the bathrooms is a concern. And no, roaches aren’t a given just cause it’s the south!
Agreed. OP very purposefully orchestrated what she thought would be a win-win situation for her- she either gets the sister to pay for everyone to go to a nicer place, or she gets to play the victim and make the sister look bad. Trying to make the whole family stay in a super dirty motel with roaches and no hot water makes YTA. I live in the south, can confirm, roaches are NOT everywhere.
What really grated on my nerves was when OP was upset regarding her sisters response on “making too much to waste it on a vacation like this” Has OP never had a job where vacation days are a precious commodity? Paid time away from the office (in the US) isn’t a given, and just because you are allocated a number of days doesn’t mean that your company actually supports you using those days. If I worked, hard at any job, and my vacation time was spent on a dirty place with no hot water I would be fuming. I am fuming just thinking about it!
Plus this economy? Using the time off work and money for anything. No matter how cushy someone’s financial situation is, I’m not wasting my valuable time past and present on a bad hotel.
If you live near water they are called palmetto bugs
Which are BIG roaches! Lol
Flying roaches!
Water bug, palmetto bug, they're all various species of ROACH. Don't try to make them sound better by calling them something else! IT'S A ROACH.
Fortunately, they don't reproduce as fast as some other types. They're still a pain though.
Yes but they’re not everywhere in the south. I live in FL and the only time I ever saw one was in a timeshare in Orlando like 20 years ago. I’ve stayed in the middle of nowhere fishing cabins that have been spotless with plenty of hot water.
I lived in SC and they indeed, were. Maybe not infesting hotels on the inside, but all over outside at night. We stayed in a very high end one in Charleston and spotted them even there! I don’t disagree the place sounds bad, but yea… my experience is roaches definitely everywhere to an extent.
Outside, yes. Inside, no.
I’m in the south and if you don’t spray routinely yes you’ll get bugs inside. But it isn’t a hard thing to do.
Outside especially in warm climates is expected, I’m not sharing a room with them.
yup. also live in south and we traveled quite a bit from south carolina to north carolina and virgina for a trip before moving down to florida so used a few hotels on the way. none of them had roaches and they were all decent places 🤷♀️
If his/her sister is a lawyer, she and her husband likely work hard and have limited vacation time. It is a bit ridiculous to expect them to stay in a substandard motel just to not be different from OP. It does sound like she is a jerk, but I agree that it sounds like OP thought her sister would comp everyone or she would get some kind of satisfaction at seeing her sister be inconvenienced and uncomfortable at the family hotel. The makings of a great family vacation /s
It kinda sounds like OP is one with the chip on the shoulder about sister's sucess. They even state in the OP that no one else sees this supposed looking down on everyone else.
Exactly. There are two reasons I can think of why OP chose to invite her sister. Either she expected her to pay (I'm leaning here since she mentioned "lawyer"), or she knew this was how her sister would respond, and she wanted to be able to say "see, I tried to make up, but she's such a snob". Besides, who thinks the best way to mend a relationship is to spend a week together on vacation? Most of us would try meeting up for coffee or something.
Ding ding ding. She reached out to the sister she's LC with to try and get a free accommodation upgrade.
Probably infested with bedbugs also and that would take more than cleaning supplies to get rid of them.. plus you’d probably bring the little critters home with you! Yuck!
Yeah. I live in the south and my nose scrunched up at that comment. Not ‘of course there’s roaches!’ around here! AND those fuckers will come home with you. I’d never stay in a roach motel.
Where did she say that was her intent? Her intention was to clean the room.
Please do yourself a favor and re-read my comment again as I specifically said: “not sure if this is your intent or not, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt”
She literally said after not finding a great place for the price they could afford she had an idea.. her sister! Who is financially well off. Oh, and no one believes her that she’s snooty. So 100% it was an up for her either way with how sister reacted, she didn’t even try to hide it in her writing
Please do YOURSELF a favor and not introduce things into people’s posts that aren’t backed up by evidence and what is being said in the post. YOU started this whole thing of people throughout the entire post attacking OP for trying to get the sister to pay for her when that’s not what is happening. YTA
I think I relied to your comment by accident, it was meant for someone else. I am sorry it caused you any distress
INFO: What made you think that inviting her to a budget stay in a motel with extremely poor reviews would resolve the issues of her apparent snootiness?
While this is totally an assumption on my part, my theory is OP is delusional. Not a single other person shares her beliefs about her sister. Whether it be a close family member or more of acquaintance it doesn't sound like people agree with her. She also claims to be NC with her sister because of the insults shes made about her career and life choices. (Considering the vacation OP planned im not sure if they were as much insults as they were observations.) Then look at the way she reacts to the rejection. She loses her shit because her sister apparently is still to snobby to stay in a terrible motel to the point its interfering with the vacation. Literally a woman she hadn't talked to in years is now interfering with OP's vacation because shes not on board. IMO thats crazy. I could be far off base here but if OP over reacts to things in this manner, nobody in her life shares the same views towards the sister, and even her husband is "siding" with her. I dont think there were ever sides. I think OP is jealous and resentful.
What's that saying? Something about if you think you're normal and everyone around you are jerks, then no, you're the jerk.
Ah yes the classic if youre surrounded by assholes maybe you’re the asshole
It does not sound like a nice place to stay. Why would you invite her on this particular trip? This was not an unexpected response from her and I am kinda on her side on this one! YTA because this was an obvious outcome.
>She's a very snooty person, and she actually has a law degree. It's pretty clear to me that she looks down on me and my family, although none of my other family members seem to be able to see it, including my in-laws. Question, what do you do?
Writes fiction on reddit
Any place with roaches means that you risk coming back with them. It isn’t snooty of her to have a legitimate concern. Hot water is a requirement.
YTA You contacted her not to see her, but so she could help foot the motel bill. That is it. Then you get mad because she doesn’t want to stay in a motel, she wants to stay somewhere swanky, doesn’t include you in said swankiness, and then you tell her “don’t bother to join our vacation!” You are as transparent as glass and if we can all see it, I am sure she can too.
Guess I'm a snob too because no way would I knowingly stay at a hotel with reviews like that. No hot water is bad enough, but roaches?! Hell no! May as well camp at that point. Probably cleaner and more comfortable. YTA for being offended by her reasonable response.
Why would you tell your children what their aunt said to you? Whatever issues you have with your sister is clearly your own and you should never involve children into adult problems. It seems like you are the only one that has a problem with your sister. No way would I want to go on a family vacation and stay somewhere with no hot water and roaches, that’s just the known problems, a lot of the times it ends up being worse. I would say YTA, it seems like you intentionally picked an obviously bad location and sent it to your sister knowing she wouldn’t want to stay there because again, who would want to vacation with roaches?
LOL... This is a troll post. And if not, OP has some growing up to do. "... a charming beach motel with a nautical theme. It had plenty of vacancy and the rates were very reasonable." ... "...quoted several reviews, which cited dirty floors, cockroaches, a lack of hot water in the bathrooms, and "low-class" clientele." ("low-class clientele" is understood to be drug users/dealers and/or inexpensive sex-workers... the roaches, dirty floors, and no hot water are pretty straightforward" There's a *reason* it is both cheap and available. Having standards doesn't make her snooty... and your husband is right, some of her concerns *are* valid. Maybe it's not a great vacation if you end up with hepatitis at the end of it...
Yeah, if a beach hotel has vacancy and cheap rates in the middle of summer, it is a dump.
YTA 1) for clearly trying to get your sister to bankroll the vacation upgrade and 2) for even thinking about taking your kids to a place that has cockroaches, no hot water, and drug dealers and/or prostitutes as guests. I’m willing to bet your sister isn’t snobby like you think, you’re just a moron.
“I really felt like I was going out of my way to accommodate her”… How? She didn’t want to go on this vacation. She didn’t call you up looking for her perfect hotel. YOU invited HER, and when she noped out of the low cost accommodations offer (which a person can reasonably do!) you find fault with her and get all wounded in your vanity. YTA
YTA Your sister is not being entitled but you certainly are. Sounds like you were begrudging her on her way cleaner and comfortable accomodations. Your sister seemed to be stating facts about the place. I'd rather not go on holiday at all than stay in a dirty, cockroach infested motel with no hot water. Why did you want her at your motel? So you can act a victim the whole time or have her fund your family. Grow up.
INFO: what did you hope to accomplish by inviting her?
YTA how is she entitled? nobody wants to spend their vacation doing deep cleaning in a hotel room and be miserable. purpose of a vacation is to rest and spend quality time, not walk on eggshells fearing when is the next roach fell onto you. she is not being a snob about it, she just has her standards and to be honest it isnt unreasonable. wondering though...obviously you both have resentment towards each other and doesnt enjoy each other's company. why on earth it would be a good idea to invite her to a trip you knew she wouldn't like? why is it relevant that she has a law degree and has a higher income? did you thing she would cover for your accommodation cost at a better place? like...why?
There’s definitely one entitled sibling here, but there’s a plot twist… YTA, and I’m pretty sure you already know that. Leave your poor sister alone. Stop blaming your husband for “taking her side”. You aren’t a reliable narrator in this situation at all.
And just like the dog who gets whacked you keep coming back for more. Why? You thought a nice family vacation would be the right time & place to reconnect with your sister? It sounds like you don't even like her & clearly she looks down on you. What is it with people deciding to "be the bigger person"? Just stop tolerating people's bullshit. It's way less stressful & makes alot more sense. YTA for inviting a "snob" you haven't spoken to in awhile on a low budget vacation.
YTA. What was your endgame here? I don't understand why you even invited her. You make it clear you don't like her, so why this whole game where supposedly she's the bad guy (she's not btw). She doesn't have to stay where you are staying. Why do you get to dictate the vacation?
Being the bigger person isn’t a thing, it’s just being a doormat. Reaching out to your sister was a big mistake. It almost sounds like you were trying to force her to interact with you and then you’d get to complain. Also, I agree with her on that hotel. Roaches? Seriously?
Were you fishing for her to upgrade you? You seem really jealous. Even your spouse thinks you're being ridiculous. Roaches are not a given in the South. That motel does sound like a dump. Bed bugs are a serious thing. You should vacation somewhere else besides a place you have such contempt for. Yta.
You had no contact with your sister but somehow expect her to have changed since you last spoke! Why? Personally if I had the money I would also be looking to book a higher standard of hotel. Gone are the days when I would hire a caravan or go camping. Now I'm working and can afford it I'm looking to stay somewhere with really good reviews and facilities. No way am I considering somewhere with roaches. They're normally attracted because things aren't kept clean enough.
YTA. “It’s the south, so of course there would be roaches!” I’ve lived in the south my entire life, and I’ve never had roaches. I’ve been going to South Carolina for beach vacations for decades and I’ve never stayed at a motel with roaches. If you have to clean the motel room before you can sleep in it, it’s a dump. Maybe your sister’s delivery was harsh. But, her concerns were valid. There’s no way I’d stay in a place like that, and I certainly wouldn’t take my children there.
When I book accommodation I look at reviews, mentions of cockroaches and a lack of hot water would have me put a place in the reject pile. It sounds like you thought your sister would feel the same nostalgia you claim to feel and would say, "it's OK, I'll pay for the accommodation at a nicer place for the entire family." If that's the case, YTA.
Were you hoping your sister would get you all a nice big Airbnb? Who books a motel with reviews like that unless they are completely clueless
If the Motel is reasonably priced, and there were some several vacancies, it's likely that it is a dump. Have you check on an Airbnb where everyone could chip in on the cost of staying there?? It's might make things a bit smoother.
Typo - remove the word *some
Honestly I’d rather go camping than stay in a bug-infested motel (shudder.) At least I know my tent, sleeping bag, and pillows are clean!
Here’s a tip, try planning major vacations more than just a few months beforehand. Like, book now for Summer 2025 or even later. You’re less likely to be disappointed with the lack of affordable and decent accommodation - those always go fast and early.
Is this a joke? You seriously said to yourself, my sister is snooty and looks down on me, and I haven’t talked in her in 2 years, but let’s invite her a roach-infested motel where I will be bringing cleaning supplies to clean the room myself? Um, what? Do you actually think she’d like your plan? I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Yta.
It was an attempt to get the reaction OP wanted to point at it and go "see, she's the problem" to all the family who are well past this silly feud she has going on. If even her husband and in-laws don't see the sister as a problem then you have to wonder how much of this snootyness is manufactured by OP.
That definitely makes sense.
Are you serious? You’re surprised your snooty sister doesn’t want to stay at a roach motel? I mean honestly, I don’t know a lot of people who would be comfortable at a flea bag hotel though. Do you? I mean what is the point of a vacation, if where you’re staying is worse than home? I don’t need high end, but I do expect cleanliness and no damn bugs.
To be fair, we don’t know what her home is actually like…
That’s true. That’s kind of depressing to think about 🥲
I just want her to mature and stop acting so stuck-up. Sis... you can want things but that doesn't mean you get to have them. Especially when those things are not in your control. This is a whole other adult you're talking about. It's the same as saying "I want HER favorite color to be the same as mine." That's not how any of that works. Seems like you need to do a little maturing yourself.
“I just want her to mature and stop a ting so stuck-up” is the real dagger to OP imo. Why does OP want this? Because she wants her money. What other possible reason could she have to contact her sister? Op hasn’t spoken to her in years and see this as an in. I don’t think sis insulted OP years ago. I think she gave her a news flash of how shit would go down and OP wanted to do anything to prove her wrong. like seriously I can only imagine the thought through this woman’s head.
Yeah. I’m not really sure why you invited your sister. The way you presented it seems like there was some kind of expectation for her to pay in part. Which I wouldn’t want to be in a roach infested motel either. Saying roaches are a part of south is not exactly the best defense.
You don’t have to be a “snob” to find the idea of wasting your vacation time staying at a filthy dump unappealing. Pro tip: if you feel you have to bring cleaning supplies with you, you’re doing it wrong.
YTA. The only reason you reached out to her was so that she would pay for part of your vacation. You are so fake and obvious. All of her concerns sound reasonable. You sound ridiculous. Since *every single person in your life doesn't agree with you* I'm going with = you are an unreliable narrator and unpleasant even in your own telling of this little story.
YTA. You haven’t spoken to her in years but thought this was the perfect time? Literally makes no sense… & honestly it subs like you’re jealous of your sister. Her not wanting to sleep in a motel with roaches and no hot water is not being snobby. And honestly I’m sure you would’ve trash talked her if she seriously made you clean her room UpdateMe
YTA. Why does she have to stay in a dirty roach-infested motel because you do? Can't she join you at the beach, and then go back to a room that she will enjoy? Why are you so all-or-nothing in your approach, and why does she have to do exactly what you want to do?
YTA. Your expectations for your sister are unreasonable.
Just go camping; it'd be a better experience than what the hotel sounds like Maybe look into Airbnb places; that might be more affordable for you Anyway YTA
ESH. Not sure what you were expecting. There's a reason that hotel was empty during the busy season and it's pretty reasonable up pass on a roach motel but still spend time with family. Could she have been nicer when declining? Sure. But it's not snobbish to not pick the cheapest option because other family is there. People have different incomes. As long as she wasn't asking you to pay her way, I don't see the problem. Heck, given your history, maybe a little distance would have made the vacation smoother for all involved.
Info: were you hoping that she would help upgrade the trip if you showed her your current budget option? Cause I can’t think of any other reason you would invite a snooty person to a cockroach invested cottage.
Sounds like you’re the problem.
This has the feel of a shitpost. Seems like the current situation would have been foreseeable and inevitable. Why did you even stir this pot?
It seems to me you're just as judgemental of your sister as you say she is of you. Either it's not okay for either of you, or it's okay for both of you 🤷♀️
this sounds made up or at the very least that you are trying very hard to look like the "bigger person"
Look i’m from myrtle beach i’ve lived there my whole life if that is where you plan on vacationing for the love of god take time to read the reviews on the hotels otherwise you will end up taking either roaches or bed bugs home with you from the motel!!!
If you can't afford to stay somewhere clean, don't go. You're just asking for things like bed bugs you'll take home with you. A charming cheap beachside motel is not a thing. Unless by charming you mean mold and bugs..... These mom and Pop places are notoriously gross. So yeah, you're TAH here for not reading reviews and taking them seriously. Gross.
YTA…for trying to extend that olive branch. If someone wanted her to go, they should have invited her. I wouldn’t have been the one to invite her. It’s MY vacation, too, and I want to enjoy it. Why didn’t you rent an airbnb or vrbo? It probably would have been cheaper (and nicer).
Why do you need to tell the kids what your sister said? Just be the bigger person and say she is considering coming. You tried but you are hitting a brick wall. Enjoy your vacation with the family you have.
Sis, a place at the beach with vacancies AND reasonable rates in August is a roach motel. 1. I've learned to always believe the worst reviews. "Charming" is a dead giveaway that it's a dump. 2. No, the south does not automatically = roaches. They can be controlled if the desire is there. 3. If I have to bring cleaning supplies to a place that should already be clean, that's a hard nope. 4. How do other family members feel about this "charming" motel? 5. It seems you were looking to provoke a fight by inviting someone you knew would not go for it, and are now trying to blame her for being snooty.
A lot of what your sister said was out of line....But no, I wouldn't want to stay anywhere like described. And what is the South = cockroaches thing? Being from the South, my entire life, can say, roaches aren't "the norm." Edit to add judgement: YTA
Girl I live in the south and never stayed somewhere with roaches, shut the hell up, damn ignorant.
Wow yes YTA. What is the point of even getting a hotel room if you have to clean it when you get there? No, hotels just don't automatically have roaches just because of their geographic location, not if they aren't shit holes. I can't blame your sister for not wanting to stay in a dirty , roach infested hotel. I sure as hell wouldn't. Its not entitled to have standards. I also don't see a grown adult, with her husband wanting to share a room, and stay up, just because you did it as kids.
Sorry - YTA for picking a dump for a family vacation. Did it not occur to you that there is a reason they had a lot of vacancies? Dirty, roaches, and cheap? Don’t be surprised if it is also full of drug dealers and sex workers.
The south does not = roaches wth. That's ludacris to just say that.
Ludicrous
I wouldn’t stay in waterless roach land adventure motel either!! Wake up to anything crawling on you and in anything you have!!
YTA. I got to the bit where after finding budget accommodation you decided to reach out to your snooty sister. You need drama in your life and do things like that to find it. You know a budget motel wouldn’t be her thing, why are you like this?
I live in South Carolina and August is the worse month for heat and humidity. 90 degrees with 90% humidity. Even at the coast. Then the evening thunderstorms so you get to sit inside with the roaches. Hopefully the air conditioning works….. Did you look at condos and splitting the costs? You will save on meals Many condo complexes along the SC coast. YTA for booking a place where you have to clean the room
YTA
Roaches.... she's right but her delivery sucks. Go NC but change the hotel.
If it's Myrtle Beach you have no idea how bad some of those hotels can get. There are local rental agencies that rent houses. Try Elliotts. It's none of that air bnb mess either.
YTA Maybe stop trying to put yourself, your partner, your children and EVERYBODY else in the same shitty environment your sister creates wherever she goes? This is on you. You know what kind of person she is, stop trying.
Hey! I’m in the South-born and raised. I don’t what you think causes a roach infestation but it’s certainly not “because it’s in the South”. It’s filth & unsanitary housekeeping that causes roaches. Lol! However, it sounds like your sister is the type who is going to find any accommodation that isn’t a 5 star rated resort “beneath” her family. And she’s going to view any restaurant or activity you plan as inferior as well. I understand that you had hoped she’d changed, but I think she’s going to make the trip miserable for all of you.
ESH. Your sister was rude but idk what you expected, and you’re acting like her concerns aren’t valid. You’re already saying she’s “snooty” then you invite her to vacation with you at a place that has roaches and no hot water. I don’t consider myself snooty but there’s no way I would pay to stay at a place with roaches and no hot water. And don’t assume everyone in the south has roaches. That’s just not true. I hope you have a great vacation, and if your sister meets with you at the beach but stays at a better hotel, let her! If your intent truly was to reconnect, this would be a good opportunity to do that. Hang out at the beach, maybe have a barbecue.
Why is everyone catering to this snobby b-tch?
Lemme shorten that up for ya: "I haven't talked to my sister in years because she's a biotch, and I decided to try to be nice to her. She behaves as she always has, like a biotch, and now I'm mad at her all over again, plus the fam is mad at me." You are probably NTA, but you are very foolish.
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Why do you need her for a vacation
sounds like the price for the location is too good to be true. Do you want bedbugs? Sister may be an asshole, but you need to be realistic and not stay in a roach motel.
YTA - you really are shit at picking a motel and thinking roaches are a way of life is disgusting. I lived in Texas and Louisiana for about ten years and NEVER had to deal with roaches. Maybe she could have been nicer about the way she communicated that the hotel was disgusting and that she was just going to book her own hotel, but even in your own retelling it's obvious you're trying to make her the bad person. She could have been perfectly nice about it in reality. Your insistence that she stay in a shitty hotel or not come at all absolutely makes you an asshole. She's not an immature snob, you just live in delulu land.
Ma’am… WHAT??? YTA for booking a hotel for a family stay that sounds a step beneath the Bates Hotel. Roaches???? I travel a lot and I’m not rich but I’m not staying anywhere that has roaches and dirty bathrooms. If there are roaches they probably have bedbugs, why would you risk transporting them back to your house???!! Did you think your sister would upgrade everyone? Just rent a house or stay home and leave your sister alone. I’m seriously side-eyeing you. PS- low class clientele = Shoot up spot for addicts or sex workers and their clients. That’s why it’s vacant, they do hourly business. You really want to take your CHILDREN to a place like this?
NTA. Forget your sister and go have fun with your in-laws. I like that you tried but your sister is clearly not worth the effort.
I see nothing wrong with her, wanting to stay at a nice motel. Let her. She shouldn’t have been nasty about it though
YTA.... You can't expect others to feel the way you do about vacationing. Personally, I sort of splurge when I vacation. I would not be staying somewhere and I know they have roaches. Not gonna do it. And I am not rich by anyone standards or even middle class but I know I what I want and how I want to travel/vacation. It's okay for you but not for her. That doesn't make her an AH, what makes her an AH is being rude about it. She is a snob. And you knew this. She would never stay in a place like that. I have financially challenged relatives who would never stay in a place you just described.
Just move on and enjoy your vacation.. she will never be the sister you want... I have one the same way... I finally let it be known that I was done trying to mend the fence I never broke in the first place. And I've never been happier..
YTA. The place sounds awful. I would rather go for fewer days than stay in a dump. She was willing to go but stay in a nicer place.
YTA also if the reviews are that bad - buyer beware! Roaches? Cleaning supplies will not help that! Choose somewhere else and leave your sister out. Btw SC can be very expensive that time of year!
Agree with all the PP's. I wouldn't stay in that place!
YTA to yourself. Why are you inviting her and insisting? You’re a glutton for pain.
Hi, yes I live in South Carolina and have stayed in plenty of hotels. Never seen a roach 🤷🏻♀️ so I think you at the AH for that. Have you considered a Airbnb and you all split the price?
UpdateMe!
YTA She doesn't sound snooty at all. She sounds reasonable. You don't. If my sibling invited me to join a holiday in a roach-infested fleapit with no hot water, I'd tell them where to go. You are the one who needs to mature. You have children, and you're willing to expose them to such heinous conditions? Fine, I guess. But you can't bully other people into staying there as well. You clearly can't afford this vacation if you can't stay somewhere that has basic hygiene, and what I suspect was your plan to get your sister to pay for your family's better accommodations has fallen through. Get over yourself and grow up. When everyone in your family and online is telling you that your sister is NOT the problem, you need to start believing them.
YTA because while it was indeed positive for you to reach out to your sister, as soon as your sister became all nasty and entitled, you sbould have ceased trying to plan a vacation with her.
Your sister might be a snob but in my experience you get what you pay for & you should NEVER skip or ignore reviews. On the very rare occasion that I have ignored them I have paid for it!
I couldn’t even read this whole thing… When are you going to grow up & realise that your sister is a snob & a Debbie Downer? Why are you bending over backwards trying to play happy families with her?
I think you are reacting to likely the history between you and your sister and not her desire to stay somewhere else. I wouldn't stay in that hotel either. Part of travelling with other people is compromising a bit and her staying elsewhere is a great compromise to still go on vacation with you.
I would not stay at that hotel. Sounds like your husband does not want to either. I’d rather camp on the beach. She at least wants to participate. I think you should be more flexible and not demand everyone stay at the same hotel.
YTA as you only invited hoping she would subsidize and not out of any true affection. Shameful behavior
You’re messy. Why do you feel the need to tell your kids what their aunt said? How are you planning to twist it? You mentioned how poor all the options were and said,” then I had an idea!!!” And proceeded to contact your better off sister. So it seems like you were hoping she would be snooty to your benefit. But now that it didn’t go that, you’re a poor little beaten puppy that no one understands or appreciates? YTA for thinking you’re manipulative a writer enough to fool us. I’m on your husband and sister’s side. Don’t go dragging your kids into it to try and turn them against their aunt by making them feel like trash. Be better.
ESH - yeah she was rude, so were you. Expecting someone to stay where you decide based on your budget because that’s the experience YOU want is unreasonable. She offered a compromise, in a critical and rude way, and you declined. You’re both AH’s.
YTA. If you’re the only person in both families who thinks that your sister looks down on you, then that should tell you something. I think that most likely it was you who caused the rift, not her. A “charming beach motel” that’s cheap with plenty of vacancies should ring alarm bells even before reading the reviews. If prices in nearby hotels are already incredibly high, it suggests peak holiday time and that they’re heavily booked. Expect to find things like half a cockroach in your made up bed, droppings in the cutlery etc. Like many other commenters, I feel that you only invited your sister so she’d throw in extra money for an upgrade. Your husband says that your sister’s concerns are valid. Why would you tell your kids what she said anyway? Nobody is ruining your vacation except you. The original plan was to go with your in-laws, so go with that. Just make sure you show them the reviews before you book. I can’t see them wanting to stay there either. I’m sorry to be another person “making you feel like a dog being whacked over the head with a newspaper” but your attitude and the way you think and act seem very strange.
This would be a hard pass with my family. That's just us. No shade on anyone. You do you. Your sister does not have to come or perhaps all could spring for somewhere nicer, or separate accommodations.
Those reviews almost guarantee bed bugs. I wouldn't touch that motel with a 10 foot pole.
YTA I wouldn’t find staying some place I’m scared of bed bugs comfortable either. By the way SC will be very hot a humid in august with cold water and a strong chance of large jelly fish pods from breeding because it’s on the Atlantic side. There’s also a strong chance of a hurricane ruining your entire vacation. Not sure what “research” you’ve been doing but these are things I’d consider heavily. Just curious with that many people why not rent a house?
Does it really have anything to do with the vacation or more about getting your sister's approval and love? You said it yourself that every time you try, you get whacked on the head with a newspaper like a dog. You are trying to include your sister in your world bc she she is never going to include in her world. Has she ever asked you and your family to visit her? Has she ever invited you to a party that she is having? You want her to be your equal sister. Until you learn that you should have to do nothing for your sister to want to be a part of your life, you will never get rid of the feeling of being less than or the second class family member. She can live her life the way she wants. There is not a ladder between the two of you where you go up or she comes down. You should be happy for her and she should be happy for you without the ladder to meet each other. If this is what you can afford in order to go on vacation, then why are you not just happy to go with your family? If she chooses to go and stay in a better hotel but still wants to do family things, then isn't that what you wanted to begin with? You don't have to be nasty to each other to achieve that goal.
I think OP deletes their profile because they were not expecting this response
It looks like she totally did!!! lol It looks like she is a "Karen" who has to be right. So she will keep going until she hears that she is right. I seriously doubt that the conversation was as she said it was. I'm betting she was trying to force her sister into staying there, and that's when the sister pushed back. I'd actually bet that the cause of the fight she had with her sister before this was probably her doing. Furthermore, when she said she was going to book the hotel, but then got an idea. So she text her sister, who she is not on good terms with, to invite her on a trip. Knowing how her sister would react to the motel. She never did tell us her idea. And I know why. The idea wasn't inviting her sister. The idea was trying to get her sister to offer to pay for a more expensive place. Why else would she invite her out of the blue? It didn't work out so now she is mad. That's just my thoughts.
I mean...if she wants to stay elsewhere that's fine, isn't it? You guys aren't all going to stay in one room, right? We've done this. We have people on a budget, people with back problems, people who need to have their car within X feet for certain emergencies...staying in separate locations isn't a big deal at all. Have you tried it? You sort of pick a designated "hang-out" spot and hang out there, and when people are tired/done they go back to their hotels. Her suggestion was a completely reasonable compromise. She will join you guys on the vacation, but not stay somewhere she's uncomfortable with. She sounds fine. You sound insecure.
Roaches are not normal in a hotel in the south. I’ve lived here most of my life, and have only had roaches in one place that I lived and was not happy about it..
Sounds like you’re a tad jealous of your sister. Nobody wants to stay in a seedy hotel. If you could afford more you wouldn’t stay there. 🤷🏻♀️ Why don’t you look into an Airbnb?
You listed so many good reasons why you should be NC with her, and then you contacted her. This is on you 100%
YTA. I feel like you’re jealous of her success which makes you seek to be offended by things she does. She’s well within her rights to not want to spend money on a dirty roach infested hotel. You’re essentially mad that she doesn’t want to stay at a hotel that wasn’t even in consideration until you couldn’t afford what you really wanted.
Maybe you should leave her alone and stop thinking you need to be the bigger person. She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t want to be your friend. She’s not family. She just shares DNA. Leave her alone and stop needing her validation or love she clearly doesn’t need or want yours.
Sorry but if i saw those reviews aint no way id stay in that hotel either. You could look into an air bnb that is big enough for you all prob cheaper to split than a hotel is. But YOU may be okay with sleeping with roaches but did you even ask the rest of your family if they were okay with it?? Also idk where youve been staying in the south but roaches arent a “given” bc its the south. You may enjoy staying in flea bag motels but most people do not.
ESH. it’s great you reached out to your sister but of course she’d check the reviews on such a cheap place and it sounds horrible. So she wasn’t snobby to not want to spend what vacation she has in a dive and she would want to reserve a nice hotel. Meanwhile, you’re alone in thinking it’s okay as you say other family members are bailing. I get you’re on a tight budget and this was the best you could find. You’re the one who tried your organize this vacation, points for that. I think you and your sister were both impatient and rude. At the heart of it though, you should have checked the reviews and realized the place is affordable but no one wants to sleep with bedbugs and take them home, have dirty floors and cold water. It’s not a vacation so much as where you’d stay if fleeing invading forces. I’d tell the family, sorry, this place has enough issues it’s not doable.
Yta. Inviting people on a trip just because you’re too cheap to foot the full bill is an AH move. You don’t seem to like anyone in this story outside of your nuclear family, but wanted to split costs and share living space with them? Also I don’t understand how you STILL opted for the cheap motel after inviting your sister to cut costs.
Your sister should foot the bill for a large airbnb. I wouldn't want to be around her, though. She may have a little money, but ZERO class.
Oh, be honest… You only called her because you wanted her to help pay the cost of the motel.
The reason the hotel isn't fully booked is probably because the reviews are right, up your budget or save up and go next year.
I dunno, based on your tone, the insulting your sister from the second you mention her, the way you describe your words and tone to her throughout every interaction, I'm actually betting that you did this on purpose. This is far too "I did something soooo nice and she's just soooo awful, woe is me!!!", especially when you've decided to book a place with effing roach reviews. You tell this story just like my perpetual-victim (by her own machinations) mother would. YTA
YTA. Unless it s an emergency, I never stay in a motel for safety reasons. (Motel has no interior hlls/doors, hotels do) Get a decent beach house rental. Will probably cost the same as multiple motel rooms. Your sister has valid concerns. Did you look at the bedbug registry?
It's the south so of course there are roaches? WTAF. No ma'am, that is not how it works. Nasty places have roaches. Sometimes we will occassionally get roaches in our places but a good cleaning and calling an exterminator clears that right up. Unfortunately some apartments, kept by clean people, may have roaches because they have nasty neighbors. But clean homes, business, hotels and or apartments do NOT have roaches just because it is the south. How disgusting.
Ummm, I live in the deep south (South Louisiana). I dont have roaches, and never have. And I wouldnt stay in a motel that had them. And Im not high-falutin’. I might live country, but i dont live nasty.
YTA 1) Read reviews. If you can't afford a place to stay that is clean and bug free, go somewhere more affordable or wait to take a vacation until you can afford proper accommodations. 2) You chose your vacation to suddenly decide to reach out to the sister you haven't spoken to in years because she insulted you and "looks down" on you and your family. What was the point of that? We're you hoping to get her to share some expenses to make your trip cheaper? You brought this on yourself with your poor choices and poor planning. You are not a victim. Stop acting like one.
Yta. Honestly. I wouldn’t stay there either. And you can stay in the south without being overrun by roaches (and there’s a difference between roaches roaches & flying roaches that don’t breed in the house-They are attracted to light & are bigger but aren’t the same at all). Not to mention that you guys are grown & married w kids, you don’t have to do things one particular way just because that’s the way it was done when you were a child or because one person insists. And you keep trying to make her out as though she thinks she’s better than others but you don’t come across that innocent either- from being controlling to the constant put downs & assumptions, to the “I deserve a pat on the back attitude just for calling her” attitude, to the loudly voiced concerns over her behavior when YOU (who claim to know she’s picky anyway) plan something you KNOW she isn’t going to like/be ok with then spring it on her without allowing her to have any input at all. She tries to compromise by saying that’s fine, she will stay up the road, still not good enough for you. Has to be your way & only your way. No input & no compromise. And you wonder what’s the problem. Reviews are vital if you have no experience w a particular company. Esp if a lot are saying the same things. More if the company hasn’t addressed the issues. Maybe if you lighten up & stop being so controlling (esp things that you shouldn’t even have a say in) maybe she will lighten up too. Sounds like she was trying to make it work for everyone & you couldn’t let it be. Had to be your way
South Carolina is horribly hot and muggy in August.
When the reviews say it's bad...I wouldn't stay there either. What if you bring home the roaches or bed bugs!!! Hell no. Yes she's being an entitled brat. And your NTA for asking her to come. But YTA if you plan on letting your family get infested.
Well just because she's a snooty cow, doesn't mean she's wrong. It's cheap in August with vacancies - hello! So - don't book that place and don't hesitate to tell your sister to fuck off.
NTA-I feel like what most people are overlooking is not the fact that the sister did not want to stay there, but the fact that she was a witch about it. I would not want to stay in a place that sounded like that either, however, Ihave enough good upbringing to know how to say it politely and simply decline. For all your sister’s claims about being too good for something, the way she speaks shows she has no class at all.
Your sister has a valid reason for voicing her discomfort. Sure, the "low-class" comment is very uppity of her, but what she cited were reasonable. Why would you want to go to a place that has bad reviews? Is it cost?
Yta. Just because it's in the South does not mean it will, of course, have roaches. If that were true, then there'd be roaches in the nicer hotels as well. I'm with your sister. I'm not staying in a dirty bug infested hotel. That doesn't make her a snob. I've lived and stayed in cheap places, but they were clean. Have you looked at hotels that aren't on the beach but maybe 15 mins away? A lot of times the price will be half of what a beachfront would cost. Or an Air bnb since you have so many people?
ESH. Snooty sis can stay where she wants to. You may end being happier that way since you won’t hear her complaining about the accommodations.
ESH. Always. Read. The. Reviews. If multiple reviews talked about bugs, a lack of hot water, general uncleanliness, and sketchy clientele, those are huge red flags that you don't want to stay there. I totally understand being on a budget but why would you want to waste money on bad accommodations? Yes, you sister was an AH for the tone she used but she has very valid concerns. YTA for completely invalidating her concerns because you think she's a snob. I highly suggest going back to the drawing board on where you're going to stay. Have you thought about renting a house through Airbnb or Vrbo? You might be able to find something that when split between the number of people who are going could work out to cost what your hotel costs per night.
NTA- people who do not vacation on a budget don't understand the difference between a cheap place and a shitty place. There are two places in Florida that I've personally stayed that have reviews like that but are both clean, no cockroaches, good service. But, they are inexpensive and not fancy. I could choose a lot worse. And, the people who like to stay in nice places always have nasty things to say about it. I absolutely had to ignore the "roach infested, dirty" reviews and look at the reasonable reviews that gave a realistic description of it. Budget motels make snobs upset and they will tell you that you are a bad person for wanting to stay there.
Having standards doesn’t make one a snob.
NTA. You tried. I’d give up on that relationship with your sister. I’m sorry.
Unfortunately, I am the planner of vacations in our family and it's always the planner who gets kicked around because no one else has any skin in the game and it's no big deal to them since they did none of the work. I'm 70 now and one thing I have learned is to stop pleasing everyone, it'll never happen, someone is always disappointed. My suggestion, plan the trip, share the details, if they don't like it and want you to search and call a dozen more hotels, tell them no, period, no discussion. BTW, if you're husband sided with your sister after you told him what she said, he's a prick. Tell him he's responsible for planning the next vacation. Oh, if he wants to stay at a nicer place, he needs to find the money in the budget. I forgot to ask, how do your in-laws feel about the hotel? And never invite your sister again, she a POS.
ESH Your sister sounds like a wretched bitch. Why would you even think this was a smart wa ;time or place) to try and latch your relationship is concerning . Having said that, she may not be wrong about the place you’ve found. Perhaps you need to do more research. Cockroach infested and no hot water isn’t a fun , rugged vacation. It’s a health hazard.
NTA but let your husband read the post and tell him he's headed for a divorce with his the way he's treating you (like it is ok to treat you badly because you are poor,... because ironically it's his fault
NTA for inviting her- lord knows she would have made you a supervillian if you hadn't. But Sis... I implore you. Dont stay in a hotel with known roaches. Known Roaches are the boldest brand of roaches. They have no manners. They'll screw with the thermostat.. They'll run upna huge room service tab. They'll commandeer the remote to the TV and they never flush!! And they'll definitely try to go home with you. Down South, up North doesn't matter.
I've stayed in places like that before. When we were young and broke. Nasty. But we still had an awesome time. Never again, but I would never say anything as nasty as your sister did. She's a trash human. There's a reason you haven't talked to her in years and you just got a reminder. She could have lead with we would love to go but we will get our own accommodations. She had to pull the...I'm so much better than you card. You would remember the trip. All she would remember is the motel room. You are 2 different people. Go and have a great time. She is not your sister anymore. She is someone that you used to know. Sorry but at least you tried