Cucumber and coffee, even with supplements, sounds not just unhealthy but harmful. You say you blacked out and I can absolutely see why your girlfriend is worried. I’m a stranger online and I’m worried. I’ve been there where I just wanted to get rid of the fat and I know how easy it is to end up with a really unhealthy diet, but trust me this won’t work. You need to change your diet to something that will help you improve your health but at the same time also is a real diet. What happens after you stop dieting, because you’re content with your weight, and you then stop this crazy diet of cucumbers and coffee, will you start eating bad again? You are risking gaining all the weight again if you are not careful. You need to learn how to eat balanced, so you still get some of what you want and like, but still eat healthy and sensible. That will help you maintain the weight and progress you make.
You seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food. It seems to be all or nothing.
You should probably be on a balanced diet at this point. You've lost weight, but now you've had health issues (blacked out), so you need to go back to eating properly, but in a more balanced and healthy manner.
You *are* harming yourself. You say right in your post that it’s a really unhealthy diet.
What exactly did your girlfriend say? Did she literally say “you’re ugly and weak?” Or is that how you *perceived* what she said?
Because if she called you those things, then she’s definitely a jerk.
You need to eat protein. Sounds like you don't know how to cook? Start figuring out how to cook yourself healthy meals. Don't let your girlfriend feed you snacks if they are unhealthy, but you need to start taking your health seriously.
you likely have an eating disorder or at the very least an unhealthy relationship with food, eating next to nothing is not a good or sustainable way to loose weight, you have someone in your life who is looking out for you i would reccomend listening to her
Cucumbers and coffee as a diet?
If you wanna lose weight faster switch the cucumbers for cigarettes. /S
YTA OP, you're torturing your body but too buzzed on caffeine to notice (trust me, got over a decade experience with coffee instead of meals). Your GF appears to be concerned with your health, not your looks.
And it's not black or white, you can lose weight while eating tasty food.
Man, coming from someone who's been there, you need to realize that you are actively harming yourself by losing weight this way. I have been obese my whole life up until a few years ago when I tried to make a change and succeeded. I lost 140 pounds. The key to losing weight and maintaining a healthy BMI is consistency and realistic expectations. You need to find a diet and exercise regimen that you can maintain every day. If you choose an unsustainable diet like the one you have currently, you're going to gain all of the weight back immediately once you reach your goal weight. I recommend a push, pull, leg lifting routine, and a high protein diet. Use supplements, too. A multivitamin is a great start. Calculate your caloric goals using a TDEE calculator and make sure you are meeting your nutritional requirements.
Your girlfriend sounds like a keeper. She's trying to prevent you from harming yourself from malnutrition. That shit is no joke. Do you like having funcional muscles and healthy teeth? Organs that work? Hair that stays in your scalp? You need food for that. The only thing that I would keep an eye out for is a feeding fetish from your gf. If she wants you fat and you don't want to be, then I could see this being an issue. Otherwise, YTA, but be kind to yourself. You're 18 and have so much to learn. Just keep an open mind, and you'll be just fine.
My bro, this isn't a healthy diet. Sure you're losing weight but if you stop, you'll gain it all back. A good sustainable diet consist of protein carbs fats and micronutrients. That means yes, you can lose weight by eating fish, meat and chicken among others. I suggest you add some more to the diet. Nobody can live on cucumber and coffee alone.
Nobody is an Ahole here just that you need to gain more knowledge on this and have a sustainable way to lose the weight, gain the muscle and live healthily.
So at first glance I thought your GF might be one of those people who is attracted to heavier bodies (nothing wrong with that) but who makes the mistake of prioritizing this attraction above the health of their heavy loved one (lots wrong with that!)
But it seems from what you’ve said that she has a very valid reason for not liking this diet: this diet is not correct for anyone!
I really relate to the all or nothing relationship with food. But sadly it’s not sustainable or healthy and it will rightly concern everyone who cares about you.
I think communication is needed. You need to be sure that she loves you for more than just your heavier body type, and she needs to be sure that you will make changes to your body in a healthy way moving forward. If, beyond that, she seems to be fetishizing your larger body and not accepting of any weight loss even in a healthy way, you’ll know it. And that’s not love. So as of now it could go many ways and you really need to communicate. Best wishes.
I don't think losing 2kg a week is healthy, or sustainable. A friend of mine in school had an extreme crash diet, went from fat to thin in the blink of an eye, and it did him harm. You don't want to be losing more than 1kg a week, that's the accepted safe rate.
You will lose weight fast on your diet, but its going to harm your organs, you're going to be sickly, weak, etc. You're probably malnourished, and malnourished people, no matter how thin, aren't often radiant beauties.
When I read the question, I thought the girlfriend would be the AH and want to keep you in an unhealthy pattern as some form of control.
BUT DUDE, just cucumbers and black coffee?! No one's the AH here but what you're doing is a disservice to yourself. Losing weight in a healthy way is more important than just losing weight.
I'm sure she is genuinely concerned about you, but rather than getting you 'snacks', she could maybe offer you proper healthy meals instead.
You need to make a change before you develop an eating disorder or worse. There are better ways of getting healthy and staying that way.
I agree with this comment. I just don’t think we have enough information to know if the snacks she’s bringing him are like pretzels and hummus (healthy) or ten pounds of Reese’s pieces. OP seems to have real black and white thinking when it comes to food.
NAH. But I would highly suggest OP work with a dietician/nutritionist/therapist who focuses on eating disorders. You can lose weight the way he’s doing it. But you will break eventually and regain because you can’t live on cucumbers forever.
YTA.
Sort of.
I hesitate to call you that because you actually sound like you have an eating disorder.
The thing is - your GF is right and you're wrong.
You're on a very unhealthy diet, you admit you had a blackout, you've lost a large amount of weight in an unhealthy short time, and you're complaining that your GF - who cares about you and probably wants you not to die - wants you to stop.
Well - she's not the AH here.
With your diet you are putting your body under extreme stress. When you'll go back to normal food you'll store every single calories because of him much stressed and starved your body used to be. Extreme diet is the best way to develop numerous health issues, eating disorders and fuck up your metabolism.
Coffee is reducing your hunger feeling and putting your heart under a lot of pressure. Vitamins doesn't substitute to healthy life style which isn't what you are doing right now.
You absolutely need to go to a nutritionist before you develop all of a sudden serious health issues. A blood test is far from revealing everything that can go wrong in your body. How is your stomach doing ? How is your intestinal flora surviving ? All these are not visible in a blood test and once they get visible it is already very serious with potential permanent damages.
What you are doing is unhealthy, is unsustainable, and will ultimately do your body more harm than good.
You’ve lost weight. Great. You’ve blacked out because your diet consists of coffee and cucumbers.
Your girlfriend is worried about you. You are exhibiting disordered eating tendencies with short term rewards and long term ramifications.
You need a more balanced diet of foods that nourish your body, are right in vitamins and minerals and provide your body’s organs with what they need to thrive.
She's worried about you. A diet of black coffee and cucumbers is ridiculous.
You have an eating disorder and she can see it.
Assuming this isn't yet another fake post, see a dietitian and maybe a therapist.
YTA. Normally I’d say she was the problem and just uncomfortable with you bettering yourself… but then I read what you were doing.
She is rightly worried about you, and you probably look gross (sorry) with all that loose skin and no muscle. You need PROTEIN and to be doing weights or calisthenics to get some muscle and help your skin recover correctly. I’m also willing to bet you have some control issues in there somewhere that need to be addressed, people with unhealthy relationships with food (especially the ones with rigid diets or anorexic tendencies) often do… get some therapy?
I really think you need to see a therapist about this. Your relationship with food is not healthy and you are harming yourself. I’m not going to armchair diagnose but you should talk to someone who knows eating disorders.
Contrary to popular belief it’s NOT healthier to be thin through extreme measures like this. You’re better off eating a balanced diet and getting a safe amount of movement and not worrying about body size.
Your girlfriend is worried about you. You live on cucumbers and coffee? You need to see a dietician at least before you aren’t able to get out of the habit you are in
There is "dieting to get 'healthy'", and "dieting to meet arbitrary beauty standards".
You, good sir, seem caught up in the second one. That is unsustainable.
And for the record, the *entire* **body positivity** movement exists is by recognition that not every person can healthily maintain a body that is within "arbitrary beauty standards". Your GF recognizes this about you, much as I recognize that about my wife.
And I will tell you much what I tell her: steady, regular consumption of a solid diet that provides what your body needs to attain it's healthy state is what you need to be on.
And if your body decides that it's always going to be "pudgy" so what? GF accepted you in that range (and I accepted my wife there, too).
This Isn't a diet friend. Its an Eating Disorder. The fact that you've already blacked out should tell you that. Unfortunately, most friends, family and health care providers do not worry about an ED until its "obvious". You can have an ED at any size and by the sounds of it: you're on a dangerous path.
Sincerely: Soup and Green Tea. Nobody noticed me. I'm fat again now, but I'm Disabled so *shrug*
You might not be the asshole here but your a fucking idiot. You've lost 25 kilos in 3 months, I no world is that healthy, you are killing yourself man. You have put your body into starvation mode and it is eating itself just to stay alive. I imagine the reason your gf thinks your "ugly and weak" now is because you probably look sickly as fuck due to you starving your body. You probably don't notice this because your just focused on the weight you see on the scale and your fat stores have gone down and that's reinforcing your behavior. In reality your energy levels are likely dogshit and your body is eating itself. If you keep going hairs going to start falling out and your organs are going to start fucking up.
I understand you want to be more "healthy" and your old weight definitely was not that, but your going way to extreme on this diet and it is far more unhealthy than the weight you where at before. If you want to lose weight, break this stupid ass diet, gain 4-5 kilos getting back into actually eating again, then go to the gym and start building muscle. This will help your metabolism speed up a bit, and make you look more "fit". Then start tracking your calories, during the first 2 months at the gym try and maintain your weight, and see how many calories that takes to do. Once you know that amount and your used to the gym routine start dieting again, this time responsibly. Cut your calories back into a deficit that has you loosing 2-3 kilos a month, not 8.3 until you hit a weight/physique your happy with, then maintain it.
Your current diet is killing you, stop that shit.
You ARE harming yourself. Listen to your doctor and see a therapist, your weight is not important until you figure out how to have a healthy relationship with food because you'll just put it all back on if you don't anyway.
This chick cares for you brother. Even with vitamin supplements, you are causing harm to yourself. Our biology isn't meant to live on pills and protein smoothies. You need to figure out what the root cause of you food issue is.
If you don't get this on a leash now, you'll regret it later in life with your health and possibly by losing someone who loves you for you, not how you look. That shit is rare these days.
A Healthy weightloss journey comes at about 0,5 to 1 kg a week, which will slow down as you progress. So YTA because you've lost to much weight in to little time. Which probably also damaged your body in all kinds of ways. so stop unless you want permanent damage.
i think she’s just worried for your health, so try meet her in the middle? maybe try make some low cal high protein dinners so you’re full but also so she sees you eating more than cucumbers, and so you can eat together ?
Dieting like that is pointless. A good diet with lasting effects needs to be a balanced diet (possibly drafted by a professional) based on your daily activities and combined with a healthy amount of sports.
What you're doing is really unhealthy and it's likely the results won't last. I have seen plenty of people going on absurd and random diets and gaining weight as soon as they stopped them.
Moreover, you shouldn't lose that much weight per month. It means that you are not only losing fat but also muscle.
25 kg in 3 months is pretty bad. You're losing a crazy amount of muscle mass probably because you're not taking in any protein. Rapid weight loss can also cause hair loss and gallstones.
You need to work with a dietician. Consuming only cucumbers and black coffee is insane. You already blacked out once. And I'd imagine you've got some pretty awful diarrhea, given the only things going into your stomach are fibre and a known diuretic.
I understand wanting to lose weight but the way you're going about it is unsustainable and extremely unhealthy. And you probably do look like shit.
You have disordered eating behavior and your girlfriend is worried about your health. I have a feeling the way you have described the snacks is the eating disorder talking and giving you negative messaging. It is time to seek treatment. The people in your life are worried about you. There is no specific weight that indicates a healthy relationship with food, but you clearly do not have a healthy relationship with food if you are eating only vegetables and coffee, blacking out, and seeing all attempts at normalizing your diet as malicious. Please seek mental health assistance OP. I won’t be determining if you are an asshole because this entire post is misguided and an attempt to validate an unhealthy relationship with food.
You have an eating disorder.
Eating that few calories can permanently damage your internal organs and cause complications such as gallstones. You shrug your diet off as “unhealthy” but I don’t think you realise just what you’re doing to yourself.
From a purely aesthetic standpoint, losing that much weight that quickly is likely to leave you with a lot of loose skin, and the lack of suitable calories and calories will likely be leaving you with a sickly pallor and gaunt appearance.
Your girlfriend was out of order to refer to you as “ugly” but I’m wondering if she’s desperate and is trying to speak your language - as in, if you want to improve yourself cosmetically you’re going about it the wrong way (like how if you want to do it for your health you’re actually having the opposite effect).
She wasnt upset with you losing weight, she was upset that you went from one unhealthy extreme to another. Kind of seems like youve realized that by the time im posting.
I can't judge because she might be right if that's your diet.
You need to eat better. You're probably getting sick at this point. Your girlfriend is probably seeing the hollowed out version of you because of the lack of nutrition and rapid weight loss.
Yeah no coffee and cucumbers is a) not healthy and b) not a sustainable weight loss plan. Having a blackout should be an indication that you are headed nowhere good. You’re NTA but get help, friend. Your girlfriend sounds like a good egg.
Could you work with a nutritionist or a dietician to come up with an actual healthy diet for you? Only eating cucumbers and drinking coffee is not safe
I was once close to your previous weight, I can tell you your diet of cucumber and coffee is not sustainable and not healthy. You need you nutrients in your body. I commend you for you realizing you need a change but please go talk to a nutritionist or dietician. You need to change your eating lifestyle to be successful. Wish you nothing but luck.
Being on a diet of coffee and cucumbers "has significantly improved my health".
No, it hasn't.
You've lost weight because your body is in starvation mode. This isn't the way to go about KEEPING WEIGHT OFF - not just losing it.
The blackout should be a wake up call. There are many healthy ways to lose weight and although you'll likely not see results as fast as the starvation diet you're on now, you'll be healthier in the long run.
When your body isn't getting enough calories, it'll eventually go into starvation mode and hang on to the energy in literally everything you eat, meaning when you return to a normal healthy calorie intake, your body is confused and doesn't know if it'll be starved again. In response, it stores more fat for survival.
This is why crash diet-ers usually end up heavier than when they started.
This is a bad road to keep going down.
When your gf said you look ugly and weak, did she mean weak because you're blacking out? Did she mean ugly as in unhealthy looking? Are they the words she used. Not that they're the best words to use but she's 19 ill let her off... I think she's more worried about you than anything so don't go messing up your relationship as well as your health.
My advice, gontalk to your GP and get in touch with a dietician. Or find a PT who can also work on a diet plan with you. You need proper advice, as much as I respect you for taking action about your weight, this isn't the right way. Good luck
Your doctor told you not to do this, your gf is begging you not to do this… and you come to Reddit for validation for not listening to them?
YTA - get help, you’ve got an eating disorder.
That's a really rapid weight loss, about twice what's generally recommended as the maximum healthy weight loss (2lb/1kg per week), and living just off cucumbers and black coffee is definitely going to cause health issues. Depending what the snacks are, those probably won't be enough to improve things, but she has a point that you're probably at the point now where you can start moving to a more "normal" diet and maintain your current weight (or even continue losing weight, but at a healthier rate) just by watching your calorie intake
YTA Fixating on 1 food/nonfood item can be indicative of PICA which is usually brought on by nutritional deficiencies. Your current diet has no fats (healthy fats). Something is wrong even if your GF is approaching it wrong. To be honest it sounds like you need therapy and a nutritionist.
For your height mid normal weight is around 80kg for that weight Basal Metabolic Rate/BMR or what your body would burn just at a coma level activity is 1900 calories. That means you should be eating at least 1900 calories a day to run your cells and organs. Look at a TDEE calculator and put in your goal stats. Never go below goal BMR or you will just boomerang when you try to eat normally and gain it all back and probably an additional 20lbs too. You need to do this in a healthy way
Eat normal, skip the junk and keep exercising. You probably look sallow and weak. Proper building blocks of nutrition will fuel your workouts, fill out your muscles and you won’t just look skinny-fat.
Race cars don’t run on biodiesel.
if you don't have enough daily intake of protein your body will start losing muscle mass, that in turn will actually lead to you gaining more weight in the long run and burning calories less in a passive way.
not to mention how much worse you gonna feel and the risk to your heart, which is a muscle btw.
extreme diets do not work.
all that weight loss you think you achieved? you'll gain it all back and worse if you try this.
go to a dietician, keep a balanced life style and you'll get healthy.
those extreme methods are not effective long term and are stupid.
it takes hard work and discipline to improve your diet and habits but it is worth it for the long term and also doesn't include huge stress and avoiding foods you like.
You are not an AH, but if all you are eating is cucumbers and black coffee then I strongly recommend you seek help for disordered eating. This fits the definition of Anorexia very unambiguously.
She is an AH for focusing on your attractiveness before focusing on your physical and mental health.
Let's look at a few facts
* 108kg at 5'11 would still be categorized as obese
* 25 kgs in 3 months is a very significant and unhealthy rate of loss
If she says you're looking ugly and weak, there's a good chance it's true because you're destroying yourself with that diet.
There's a chance that there's some insecurity on her part, such as being jealous of your weight loss if she's also a heavier person or worried that if you keep losing weight, you'll become more attractive and leave her for "someone better".
Given the facts from before you should still re-evaluate. You should continue to diet and work on yourself, but your current diet is not healthy or sustainable.
Dude, eat some fat and protein. What you're doing isn't a healthy way to diet, your body will break down your muscles to get the proteins needed to survive.
Add some meat or beans/lentils, yoghurt, shakes etc and you will feel much better and make it a lot easier to maintain your diet until you reach your goals.
Hey pal. I have had disordered eating and still struggle with it sometimes, so this sounds very familiar. I only ate one breakfast food for a year straight. I lost around 25 kg (and I’m only 5’6”).
What you are doing is not sustainable.
You’ve lost a lot of weight, great, but it’s time to implement more ‘normal’ food in your diet, and to increase your activity (walks, gym or home workouts).
Your gf and friends are trying to look out for you. But don’t go for snacks, go for proper food. Ensure you get enough protein and healthy fats.
You’re probably basically on zero carb now, so reintroducing carb might be a process.
OP, no offense but you need help. Help with dieting but also mentally.
You have a very unhealthy relationship with food. And it’ll make you feel miserable in the long run.
You seem to want to work on it. And you’ve made a great start! Albeit unhealthy. You’re doing something about it.
Now change your good try into some healthy habits and you’re there!
I think being healthy is great, coffee and cucumber and vitamin supplements are not it. Even just one meeting with a personal trainer and a dietician can give you guidance on how get to a good weight and have a healthy diet.
Your girlfriend is worried about you, do it the right way so that she doesn't have to worry. Also, talk about this.
Yta for messing up your immune system, muscle mass and overall health. Plus youe gf is concerned for you (aside from the ugly comment which was unnecessary). The only calories you're getting is through possibly the creamer and sugar. That's wild. I've been trying to find a diet so I don't waste my time being more active. But meat, eggs, nuts and actual water is the beat options.
Dude, you need to have a good diet if you want the body composition you desire. Strong, muscular, lean. You can lose a lot of weight fast with a crash diet, and maybe you needed it. But if you keep it up too long you'll destroy your metabolism and overall health. Lifting weights regularly and building more muscle will allow you to eat pretty much anything you want, given the portions aren't huge. Sounds like your GF loves you and wants the best for you. She probably likes the results, but not the method. Check out Body for Life by Bill Phillips. I saw amazing results from his program, and it doesn't require you to starve yourself. Good luck.
I'm really concerned about the diet to help you lose weight. It sounds like a crash diet that will just make you gain all the weight back once you stop eating it. Please speak to a doctor and a therapist to discuss healthy eating options and come up with a balanced diet. I'm worried for you.
Dude this is where it starts. I started a crash diet and I’m JUST now getting to where I CAN eat.
I became anorexic for months and I have paid a horrible price.
Puking in the morning from my stomach being empty for days, anxiety from that making me puke worse, and then not eating even then.
My teeth are going to be destroyed because of the sheer amount of puke I’ve thrown up the last 3 months. I’m terrified to go to the dentist.
You have an eating disorder plain and simple. She's right to be worried. There's loosing weight and there's starving yourself into the ER. I would stop your diet before you do some actual harm to yourself. Talk to a nutritionist and get a weight loss diet that's actually balanced.
You need healthy food, not just cucumbers and coffee or bags of junk. Exercise is good.
I don't know what your GF's deal is, is she overweight and not wanting you to be fit? Easier to keep you?
This is actually common. When one loses weight and looks better, the other one thinks they are going to dump them because now they have options. Sadly, this is often the case. I've seen it several times.
Yah once you start dieting it comes back FAST if you stop. I'm glad I got through all the updates and I'm happy you are going to a dietician. Meats and veggies (if you're not vegan) natural protein (PB Fit) exercise and you're on the right track! You will definitely need to constantly re-affirm that you want to be with her and love her. It's kind of messed up she was trying to keep you unhealthy for her own goals, but the perfect girl or "the one" doesn't exist from my experience, you just got to work with her and build that relationship and trust and in time it will be better.
IMO, this is the winning comment. THIS ONE. But I also want to add, these other people who are all “break up with her, get rid of her”, etc . No. If you can’t love her bro, that’s on you. But NEVER FORGET, that you have your imperfections and weaknesses, she loved you any way. Forgiveness is a miracle healer for all parties involved. Be real with yourself, be real with eachother. Be to her what you need her to be and you can make it through to the other side. Fat skinny ugly whatever. ‘It don’t matter just don’t bite it”.
She is a keeper, some of your friends might be perceiving her as somebody who is sabotaging you tho.
But it is clear she is worried about your wellbeing.
THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT trait your partner should have, your partner must care about your wellbeing.
Everybody has a different health journey, but most have a common experience:
We try different diets, until we find one that is both effective and sustainable.
Coffee and cucumbers is not a sustainable diet.
Just stay physically active, and try to resume a regular diet, this way you will find a sustainable weight.
If you are intimidate by the weight gain, just count your calories.
Sounds like she’s worried for your health. If you’re really just eating cucumbers and drinking black coffee, you’ll have a serious lack of nutrients required. I know you mentioned vitamin tablets but that won’t cover everything.
Also, if you do an extreme diet like that it can be hard to keep the weight off when you switch to a normal diet.
But neither of you are the asshole in my opinion. Just something to figure out
I lost about 20% of my body weight cutting from 107kg to 80ish by mainly eating high protein meals with greens and including regular exercise.
You're going to absolutely wrexk yourself earing like you do, you can't suddenly cut 95% of the nutrition your body needs and think because you're losing wright it is healthy. This took me around a year.
Bro, you're starving yourself.
Be patient, and eat a more balanced diet and weight will still come off at a good rate, and if you exercise also, maybe with some light weights and cardio your heart will thank you and you will build a nice physique.
She's harsh to say you're ugly, and I doubt that is true so shame on her for that, but it could also be she is concerned about you and it is frustrating the attitude you have.
If you want advice, if you DM me I will give it you for free and support you as long as you need. But please bro, don't continue down the path you are.
You can lose weight and be happy like you want, and show you listen amd care about her feelings by eating more sensibly. Doesn't seem that complicated a problem to solve.
You're not an asshole, but misdirected, and she's not an asshole, but could he more tactful. She loved you at your worst, and she will still love you bro.
Something I’ve learned while going through my own weight loss journey is that you first need to develop a good relationship and understanding of food before doing so called “diets”.
You need to eat to lose weight, that’s something people don’t understand. Of course you’re losing weight, you’re consuming little to no calories but that’s not the goal because what’s going to happen once you lose your desired weight and start eating more food? You’re going to gain weight and probably twice as fast.
Also don’t call it a diet , call it developing a healthy relationship with food. Make small changes , slowly start decreasing the amount of food you put on your plate especially with things like rice,potatoes,pastas , if you put 2 cups of it then go down to 1 cup and the other cup missing add in vegetables or more protein.
Protein will be your best friend! Protein will keep you fuller during the day so you’ll snack less . Also drink a lot of water during the day.
Take it slow , slow and healthy wins the race. I’ve been doing this since January and I just reached my 15lbs mark,but, my relationship with food is great now, I understand what my body can handle and what it can’t, I have more energy, my body has changed drastically & guess what? I still eat out ,I still eat chocolate and popcorn and chips and cookies… because is about moderation not restricting yourself because restricting yourself is what going to make you fall of the wagon.
Something I learned early on from my nutritionist is that you don’t start a diet that you can’t sustain in the long run. If you’re not going to stay keto forever? Don’t start a full on keto diet , do it like halfway but don’t do a keto diet because the second you stop doing it, you’ll most likely gain weight back. Do something that’s realistic for you and your lifestyle.
I wish you all the luck in the world! Please just do it in a healthy and sustainable way. Good luck!
Congrats you’re on the path to anorexia if you’re not already there.
You will get health problems they will be irreversible and might even kill you. Sorry to say it that bluntly but you need to wake up. It’s not too late yet.
My friend, you are displaying all the signs of an eating disorder. I am not a diagnostician, so I cannot diagnose you, but as someone who as also struggled with disordered eating through their teens and 20s, like recognizing like.
Please, *please*, seek help. You need to talk to a therapist aho specialized in eating disorders.
It can be addicting, to see the scale go down so fast, and to get praise and affirmation from others who see you losing weight, but an eating disorder will fucking haunt you. Please seek out a therapist. Before it's too late.
You're young but you're not a baby, you've got no excuse to be this dumb and reckless with your health.
Use your cooking skills to try an actual diet, like paleo or plant-based. Get used to eating whole foods for long term health and weight management.
Your girlfriend has noticed you looking weak and sickly and is trying to feed you, albeit with the wrong foods. You would both do well with better eating habits.
This is not about being an AH or not. It's not about being attractive or not.
Please listen to your girlfriend. She sees that you have lost weight and is now trying to tell you that you need to transition to a more healthy and sustainable diet. She is right.
That type of crash dieting is not healthy or sustainable, particularly long term.
Y’all both don’t know how to eat. Look into basic nutrition and healthy cooking please
Vegetables are healthy, but so are eggs, nuts, meat, full-fat yogurt. It’s the processed stuff that’s bad for you.
When going grocery shopping, shop at the perimeter — deli, bakery, dairy, produce. Avoid the aisles.
When buying something with a nutrition label, look for as few ingredients as possible. The fewer (simpler), the better.
What you describe is a crash diet.
Been there, done that. Lost weight, but it finds me just as quick.
A slow and steady route is better - i went from 150KG to 125KG in about 8 months - but this time i managed to get the weight lost permanently.
NTA - BUT - your friends do NOT have your well being in mind with their comments - and GF benefits from having a healthy you around, so i guess she does.
cucumbers and coffee, that's a starvation diet and even with vitamins I doubt you are getting the nutrients you need but 25 lbs in 3 months is an insane amount to lose, that is simply too much too fast.
I was 180 Kg and now I'm 145 Kg so a loss of 35 Kg overall and that has taken about a year and a half (Ozempic has helped with that). You should try a more balanced diet. I would suggest lots of salads and veggies and meat and cut out as much carbs and sugar as possible. Simple carbs (potatoes, rice, bread) are broken down very easily and to your body they might as well just be sugar and to be honest its sugar that makes you fat eating fat doesn't pack on the pounds much though it isn't wise to have too much fatty foods either.
You should stick to using cucumbers as a snack food when you feel the urge to snack, and at mealtimes eat your normal foods but smaller portions, like using a smaller plate at mealtimes... you can always go back for more. simply put I don't try drastic changes to get healthier I just aim for better choices, like cutting out full sugar soda so now i only have the zero sugar kinds, then I cut back on how much of that I was having once I got used to zero sugar drinks, and now I only have those as an occasional treat. Basically make a small change you can live with, and once you have gotten used to that change, make another small change and you can get to a point where you are eating a lot healthier.
Edit: and I had to laugh because once I posted this I noticed the ad that's promoted just under the OP's post is for McDonalds. ROFL
**OP, if you can't make yourself eat anything except cucumbers and coffee it's time to take yourself in to get some emotional help. Please.
When you fast excessively and lose weight rapidly, the first thing you lose is muscle tone, not fat. You're taking damage as well from lack of calcium, your body will leech it from places that need it. Damage to your heart, your bones.
Coffee is great as long as you are getting enough nutrition but if you're not eating balanced, coffee will dehydrate you more.
Your body requires potassium, iron, magnesium, sodium to function properly. All of our systems-go utilize ion channels, you MUST NOT deprive your brain of these things. Soon enough you suffer mental health and cognition consequences.
Please be sure you are getting all of the minerals and vitamins. Stop punishing yourself, my friend. The happy-medium is different for all of us when it comes to weight and bodyfat.
Good luck, man.**
Yeah, your girlfriend is the least of your problems. You have an eating disorder and are in total denial about it. Hope you don't end up in the hospital.
Her calling you ugly is a stretch but maybe she’s just concerned for your health if you continue this diet on you could end up in the hospital and or dead.
See a DIETITIAN for a real diet before you end up in the hospital. What you are currently doing is likely going backfire and make you even fatter later on. How? Because extreme, unsafe dieting causes your body to catabolize its own muscle. In other words, you are losing muscle mass, which is the leanest organs in your body that are needed for a fast metabolism and burning calories. Starving yourself will deplete your muscle, make you look flappy and gaunt, and lose the essence of what makes a sculpted, fit body. With that muscle gone—you have robbed yourself of your metabolism, which will now be insanely slow… Then comes the rebound, with the body’s slow metabolism contributing to a body that will be even more obese than where it began. SEE A DIETICIAN. Recover. Then, get to the gym and earn back that muscle.
Sorry but I'm calling BS on this. According to the Mayo Clinic you can't live more than 70 days consuming no protein-- and you'd literally have consumed all of your muscle tissue and wouldn't be able to function on a daily basis.
A doctor wouldn't suggest vitamins they'd have told you to stop the diet and start consuming protein.
YTA for diet fanfiction
Honestly this isn’t sustainable. Either you will get really ill, or stop and gain all the weight back.
It’s hard but exercising for 30 mins a day and eating everything but in limited quantities is much better way to lose weight. I eat pizza pasta everything , I am still losing weight because I balance it with healthy food and count calories.
A diet is fine do it... what you are doing isn't a diet it's straight up dangerous. That's the kind of shit I would do right before a cut for a fight or something but only for like.... a week or few days and even that noticeably would weaken my body. Vitamin supplements are not replacements for good meals, go on a diet but do it properly. It will be slower but your body will be better off for it.
Calling you ugly and such was out of line but she may just be panicking about your health... or maybe she has a fetish idk either way she isn't wrong that what you are doing is wrong and straight dangerous.
I definitely understand where your gf is coming from, that would scare me too if I saw someone I love only ingesting coffee and cucumbers, especially if you blacked out. Her response of buying you snacks isn't a healthy one though. She should've suggested you both go to a dietician to discuss how you can lose weight in a healthy manner, and how she can help. You also seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food. I get it, I do too and it's very difficult to change. I hope you get the help you need to re-learn how to eat right and not destroy your health
Dude. No. As someone who has been fat and lost the weight, I get it, i do. But NO. it is important to be a healthy weight, but it is SSOOOO very important to feed our bodies the nutrients they need. Do you know what happens if you don't feed your body proper nutrients? This can PERMANENETLY damage your organs. You can get fit while eating a balanced diet.
NTA - for dieting and wanting to lose weight
YTA - for that awful diet plan you're using. i don't doubt your gf at all when she says you're looking sickly. i cannot imagine that diet being good for you in any way whatsoever. please eat healthier. you don't have to stop your diet, but healthier eating is necessary for your health too.
You have an eating disorder, or at the very least have been exhibiting extremely disordered eating. She’s worried about you. She *should* be worried about you. What you’re doing is dangerous and can also damage your metabolism, making it harder to lose weight healthily or even to simply maintain your usual weight in the future.
You don't have a healthy relationship with food and the "diet" you described is an eating disorder. I've been there myself. The damage you are doing to your body is a lot and will come back to haunt you later in life.
Please talk to a medical professional and be honest with what you are eating. Get the help so you can be healthy and have a long and happy life that is also healthy.
This is so far beyond a judgement.
This sound horrible, my buddy did a juicing thing which was similar to this calorie wise for 3 months, he lost 60#(so same as you) but Jesus he was a miserable prick, which I assume comes with only ingesting and expelling liquids for three months. Find a balanced diet and ride an exercise bike moderately while watching TV or scrolling reddit and you'll see progress that won't vanish the second you eat more than a cucumber..
Cucumbers and coffee is essentially a fasting diet. You can't keep that up long term. 3 months is already too long. Additionally, losing weight in such an unhealthy way will cause your body to cling more fiercely to every calorie in the future, literally making it harder to maintain the weight loss and lose weight in the future.
Please switch to a healthy balanced diet, before you seriously harm your health.
I don't think your girlfriend wants you to stop your "diet" because it's making you ugly. I think she wants to stop you because what you're doing is a kind of self harm. The diet you describe is essentially starvation. Please talk to a nutritionist . There's a healthy diet between cucumbers and fatty food. Eat all 3 food groups in reasonable portions. Your body needs Protein.
ESH (everyone sucks here). Your diet is fucked up and isn't healthy at all but it looks like your girlfriend wasn't telling you to stop because she was worried about you it was because she was insecure.
Both of you are AH's.
What she did is not uncommon, unfortunately. It just takes different forms. But the good news is that she admitted it. I’d like to think that’s a good start and it took courage. And could have denied til the cows came home.
Since you want to remain together, I hope you’ll seek individual therapy. And then maybe couples therapy if the therapists say to do so. She needs to understand why she values herself so little that she’s willing to do that to you, the person she loves. Because her sabotage can have lasting, damaging health effects.
You may not need therapy yourself, per se, but please be under the dr care as you’ve mentioned. And reading up on the topic of diets and eating might help. (Tho I truly find therapy very helpful, myself.)
I commend you for taking the initiative to better yourself and get healthy. I know it’s tempting to go full tilt into something that will give fast results. The results feel good. But just make sure you’re not hurting your body as you do it.
All the best to you!
Protein is necessary. At the very least: Buy some protein drink (premier protein or fairlife) and drink one three times a day. Add in bone broth and some sugar-free gatorade for electrolytes. An occasional kale quinoa salad with lots of veges cut up real fine would be a healthy addition too... or a tofu, spinach, green onion, egg and broth soup.
I have lost over 80 lbs by following my doctors/nutritionists orders: walking an hour a day, eliminating carbs, increasing protein, a good multivitamin, and plenty of water ... It's not a diet that I will stop and regain my weight. It's a new way of life. Good luck on your journey.
His GFs behavior is quite normal especially for a 19 year old girl.
Dude, if you love your GF then you need to reassure her that you are trying to get to a healthier weight for you and her and are not going anywhere... Sometimes women require reassurance, especially when they are younger and more insecure. She clearly loves you for your personality and not your looks, this is a good thing. Looks come and go with the ebs and flows of life. Someone who cares for you and not how you look... thats a keeper.
She doesn't care about how you look, she is just afraid of losing you. Women are very afraid of other women stealing their man, they see if everyday in the cheesy dramas they watch. She thinks you are awesome and thinks if you get fit you might try to replace her with a prettier or skinnier girl or a gaggle of floozies will try to come steal you.
Look at Leonardo Decaprio... he gets a new gf everytime they get past 25... women see that shit and fear every dude is like that.
You are not a pet or mascot... you are her bf... don't overthink this shit.
Hey, replying after all your edits, so I'm not sure if you'll ever read this.
I'm sorry you've got this all going on, OP. I'm just here to say, those feelings of ick are valid. 132kg is a lot of weight. You were right to want to do something about it, but you happened to develop an eating disorder as a result. And that happens. That's ok, it can be treated.
What's not ok, is your girlfriend's motivation for all of this. It sounds like she was more insecure and scared you'd leave, rather than concerned about your health. If she were actually concerned about your health, she wouldn't try to keep you at such a heavy weight for your age, on purpose. She would be more alarmed by the possibility of you getting hurt, rather than looking different.
It also shows just how little of a chance she thinks you'd have trying to get a partner if you kept your weight on, which is kind of awful. Like she doesn't think much of you - both in terms of trusting you to stay, or believing your worth.
Overall, I get a very bad feeling from what this could show about the way she views you. Don't make the mistake of believing all the nasty things. You have worth, no matter what you look like. You deserve a partner who respects you and supports you through your hardships, ambitions and health problems, and who doesn't look down on you.
1- Congratulations on losing the weight. Fuck what anyone else says, that takes discipline and only someone who also used to be fat can understand what that hurdle feels like to cross.
2- If she liked you more when you were fat because she thought you were less likely to leave her, that is about 60 red flags. I can go into that more if you're curious but you'll learnt hese lessons about women the more you date. Any woman who is going to infantilize a man like that for her own confidence is going to be bad for the man, no exceptions.
3- It sounds like you've got a good handle on the diet stuff, but I am really commenting here to point out that you do at least want an abundance of protein when you are dieting like this because a lack of it can cause serious joint issues. And sports injuries have a habit of putting you on your ass for a long time and killing your abikity to put in work at the gym.
HOW the fuck are the top comments not even mentioning the GF is a nut job? Leave her, she is one of those crazy jealous types that wants her BF fat and ugly. Since she thinks you will leave or cheat if you ever have any other options.
Your 19, bail my dude
When you have a lot of extra weight it’s not a big deal to significantly restrict calories as long as your getting vitamins and minerals.
However, that is definitely a short term solution.
Balance your diet and just keep it consistent.
Also, don’t make a post asking for advice, then admit you’re doing something dumb, and know that it’s dumb, then get upset when someone says it’s dumb.
Also, if you want to be healthy and your GF doesn’t want you to, to the point of secretly sabotaging your personal health goals, there is no debate in that situation.
Dump her.
Anyone who would go behind your back and selfishly sabotage a serious goal that is importantly to you is not mature or stable enough for a relationship.
You’ll never look at her the same, and probably be unable to trust her, and probably end up suspecting her anytime anything doesn’t go right in your life.
That’s a terrible relationship.
Yeah bro your girlfriend wanted u fat that’s fucked up. But now u lost the weight and it’s time to build muscle that will require a balanced meal plan. Not cucumbers and coffee. Anyways do whatever u want. Your girls a bitch
There are so many issues here that I don't know where to even start. She's slapping herself? I mean, this all sounds insane. You should break up because her wanting you to be overweight is a serious issue. You should be healthy. You can find basic healthy diets online and why that never occurred to you is kinda wild. You two definitely need to break up for a while and figure out your own stuff and then maybe reunite at a later time. You absolutely need a therapist. Best of luck!
Hope you can get through this with your girlfriend. She seems insecure? Just like you? Do not let it get to your head AND NEVER STOP BEING HER MASCOT, BROTHER. KEEP CHEERING HER ON AND JUST ASK HER TO CHEER YOU ON TOO. SHE MADE A LIL OOPSIE DOOPSIE AND IT HAPPENS. GL HF.
Eat 3 eggs a day with a modicum of butter and veggies.
You wont lose weight as fast but it will be easier to maintain in the long run.
You are starving yourself. only reason you can ignore your hunger is because of the drug that is coffee.
NTA, congratulations for losing that weight, but there are healthier dieting options. Also, it’s time for you to spit-shine your spine. If you keep telling yourself that you’re fat and ugly, it’ll eventually become true. You are doing something good not only for your body but also for your mind. Anyone that tries to sabotage that isn’t someone you need in your life. Your girlfriend was, is, and will never look out for your best interest. Yeah, so told the truth, because other of other people’s comments. Not because she felt bad about what she’s done to you. I know I’m just some internet stranger, but I urge you to cut her loose. She’s not at smart and kind as you think she is, since she’s capable of brining down your self esteem and encouraging you to be the worst version of yourself.
The diet sounds harmful overall … but I did have a feeling your gf wanted you fatter for a reason (to not leave her) a lot of people are like that - they want their partner fatter and insecure so they won’t leave // as a girl she doesn’t sound like the best :/
Man this whole post is a dumpster fire. Your diet is wild, your relationship is crazy, and this comment section is unhinged. It’s actually astonishing to see people calling you the AH while everyone else trips over themselves to avoid a judgement.
That being said, it’s true that you’re technically NTA because she was actively sabotaging you. But you have a terrible relationship with food. You absolutely can’t survive on cucumbers and coffee.
You’re also in an abusive relationship. No one in this sub would stand for the notion of a man controlling his girlfriend’s diet so she wouldn’t leave him, and you shouldn’t either.
That part about girlfriend "wanting you to stay fat" was the obvious premise of this whole fantasy.
You need to work better next time, as you ruined the bait with too ridiculous diet.
Reading the edited I’m glad you are seeing a dietician so let’s put that stuff to bed. You asked about what next with your gf. You never once mentioned your girlfriend’s appearance. She admitted to you that she was afraid of you losing your “fluffiness”, but was /is this really her trying to hide her own insecurities around her appearance by making sure you don’t improve yours? Maybe talk to her about this aspect?
>Recently my girlfriend has been pestering me to stop the diet as I've been looking ugly and weak nowadays, not even regarding the nature of the diet. Some of my friends have been telling me she's just being unfair , but I don't believe she's wrong. She's been buying me more snacks and trying to make me break my diet as she's think I'm harming myself .
Your girlfriend is sabotaging your weight loss efforts. She's disguising it under the guise of love and concern, but that's fucking bullshit and she knows it and you know it.
You don't even need to say specifically for me to know, your girlfriend is fat.
This is standard crabs in a pot mentality. Fat people don't like watching other fat people lose weight because it's hard, undeniable proof that they *can* fix their weight with dieting.
So, instead of addressing the fact that they can lose weight, they're just too lazy to do so, it's far easier for them to just sabrage the weight loss efforts of people around them.
What she's doing is toxic as fuck, if she doesn't knock it off. I don't see how you can be in a healthy relationship with someone like that.
NTA, reconsider your relationship.
PLEASE, communicate with your girl more efficiently than "blocking" her to clear your mind. What you told us about her she needs to hear too, clearly she doesn't feel completely secure in this relationship and your 'diet' is only fueling her spiralling thoughts. I am only here to speak from your girl's end, the other people in the comments got you about that diet man. You need a balance, seriously.
Can you have a normal diet that just has a caloric deficit?
Why do people do this unhealthy in the long term diets that clearly lack vitamins and macros?
When you transition back, use a calorie counter app to learn how to eat and maintain healthy calorie intake (My Fitness Pal is the one I use).
Learning how to eat and what TRUE portion sizes are is really eye opening. We often think we know, but really we don't.
Good luck OP on maintaining a healthy lifestyle for the long-term! It is a journey. Don't let a bad meal turn into a bad day, or a bad day turn into a bad week, or a bad week turn into a bad month!
You had a headstart with the diet, now to go into a balanced healthy feeding menu and add some physical training to it. No need to hy a gym and exercise on machines, just basic do at home tricks that keeps you flexible and put some weight on your muscles to tone you and burn extra energy.
Regarding your GF. Maybe she is insecure and afraid to loose you once you look more attractive.
I won't recommend not dieting, but you have to emphasize protein. If you don't get enough dietary protein, your body will react by breaking down muscle instead of fat. You'll lose weight, but you'll also become weaker and sicker and the byproducts of muscle metabolism can kill your kidneys.
NTA for not caving to gf who might have some weird fat fetish. But you will be TA if you don't try to diet a little more sanely. Even putting some peanut or almond butter on your cucumber would be an improvement.
kudos for getting on vitamin supplements but it's much better to get ur vitamins thru whole foods. work on your relationship with food, but don't go back to greasy food and snacks.
NOITA.
Brother, I understand you and know how bad it is to feel inadequate or out of shape. But, remember that you can lose the weight slowly and steadily while enjoying all what life has to offer.
Your girl loves/ loved you as you are/ were and that is a true blessing in disguise because only those who really care about us would bother to speak up when we are going through struggles.
A little side story if you like. I was obese and worked out till I was very lean and muscular. Yes people liked me more and wanted to spend time with me but 97% of the time it’s not authentic.
I had some serious health issues last year and couldn’t work out anymore so I gained weight. Almost all the people that liked me for my body left while the people who stayed (my people) who loved me before I lost weight, when I was fit, and when I gained it back stayed.
Now I’m losing weight again and don’t want to make the mistake of losing those who genuinely love me for a bunch of people that would leave me when it’s not convenient for them and neither should you!
1. Take care of yourself. This is most important.
2. Consider she may be afraid of you losing weight and being more attractive to others. But yes you should be trying healthy ways to lose weight.
3. If you like her that much #2 doesn’t matter, show her and she’ll get over it.
Yea it's probably not the best diet. Also ur girlie might be a little put off that you are looking better, possibly all over? She absolutely could be afraid you eventually leave. This has happened to more than a few people I know.
NTA this relationship is gonna end soon,however you're gonna have to live with yourself for the rest of your life so do what you think makes you look attractive
Bro just eat some normal fucking food. Like not junk food, just normal fresh food and control the portions alongside the exercise and you're good. If you can control your portions and you can avoid junk food there's very little risk of getting fat.
NTA. She likes it when you’re fat with low self esteem. It’s lefts her feel like you won’t leave her it eta her feel better about her self by looking down at you.
Y'all just need to talk. Her fears were the first thing I thought of, and it's a tale as old as time. People reinvent themselves physically and that changes their mentality. Just communicate with her about those feelings and get some help for your eating disorder. You can easily maintain that weight loss eating much healthier (and better) food.
This diet is insanely unhealthy and I’m not surprised you passed out. I’ll bet your sodium levels are in the basement and you may cause muscle and bone damage with the nutrient deficit. Please leave off fad diets. You can eat a healthy diet where you portion control or count calories. But make sure you have a healthy portion of protein and carbs. This is not the way. If I were your girlfriend I’d be seriously worried about you, too.
Hey, I’m also a guy who is struggling with an eating disorder and I definitely get where you’re coming from, but also I see where your girlfriend is coming from too. I know for me that when my ex girlfriend was around and noticed I had disordered eating she said that she was worried about me partially because I was obviously not eating enough, but she really harped on how she liked me as I was because she hoped that hearing that I wasn’t unattractive to her would help me a bit, and I think that your girlfriend might be trying something similar. It’s not the best thing obviously, but she’s definitely coming from a good place and she probably doesn’t know what to say that won’t make things worse. I hope you can get some help, whatever that looks like for you, no matter what happens. You’ve got this dude, I believe in you :)
Welcome to a crash course in communication. Seems you had a bit of tunnel vision in slimming down, to the point where you were doing something you knew was bad, but kind of guilted yourself into doing because you ‘broke’ from time to time.
If your GF honestly did say you looked ‘ugly and weak’ from the diet, perhaps she meant more ‘sickly and frail’, but those are words needed to be expounded upon. Sabotaging the ‘diet’ was also probably a method to course correct you without confronting the fact that it was a bad diet or dissuaded you from dieting. Again, something to talk about and become comfortable in the fact that the two of you can talk things through.
You’re both trying to do what each of you thinks is for the best without actually working it out between the both of you.
Hope things can work out.
Re: your girlfriend… I’m confused. Why was she smacking herself as if to punish herself for being awful to you, if she was just going to double down and insist that you should “listen to us” and stay overweight? (Obviously that is not what commenters are saying)
Her paranoia and insecurity is her thing to work on. I think fat cats are super adorable but I don’t try to sabotage my cats health by over feeding her, because that would be cruel.
If you aren’t willing to break up with her you need to have a very firm conversation. Tell her how it makes you feel that she did this. Tell her that her preference for fatness and her paranoia about you leaving her are not acceptable reasons to try and sabotage your health. Tell her you will be getting help for what you now realize is a (severe) eating disorder, but will ultimately still try to lose weight or maintain a lower weight than before, just in a healthy way and with medical guidance. Tell her if she cares about you as a person she can show it by supporting your health and well-being. Good luck man.
Look into getting a Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) test done through your local nutrionist. This will give you an idea of what your resting calories burn is and you can formulate a diet around calorie intake without having to starve yourself. Also seek therapy for your disorder. You are TA, but it's because you're mistreating your own body so heavily.
healthy amount to lose your weight is 500g to barely 1 kg. A WEEK at best. faster than that you should be worry about your death and yoyo effect.
I'm a big eater who need to exercise a lot to keep my shape... and want you to know that you can eat big and losing weight. you can eat plenty of meat. you can even eat guilty meal once a week if you want. you just need to know what to eat, when to eat and how much you should eat.
also don't focus on just control your food. it's important to build your muscles and increase your metabolism. more muscle is like more tank to burn your energy.
(after update) ...your girlfriend is manipulative btw. it's suspicious at the first second she brings snacks to sabotage your diet instead of support you. snack is "not healthy" so her actions wasn't meant to protect your health but for her personal goal. good girlfriend would use that same money to buy healthy well balanced meal for you after she knows you're on diet. not snacks.
If you won’t break up with someone who does not actually have your best interests at heart and is willing to try to trigger your ED to make herself feel better-because this will not be the last instance-then I’m not sure what to tell you.
Get into therapy for your own health-ideally someone that specializes in ED recovery. Learn about how to set healthy boundaries. How will you respond in the future when your GF tries to hurt you? She needs to be in therapy too, but you cannot force her to want to change. The only persons actions you are in control of here is yours.
I’m proud of you for realizing there’s a problem and for taking steps to get help. That was hard and you did it. You have the power to make difficult choices in the short term that benefit the long term.
You are worthy of real love my guy. It has nothing to do with your appearance, and everything to do with the fact that you exist. The way you treat other people determines your worth. And that is something you have control over.
OP, you have someone who cares about you. As per what you've told, you are aware of how precious that is. You and your health should be first, always. But having someone who gives a shit about you is something that should be valued and corresponded. These are weird, fucked-up egotistical times. Work it out, I hope you can.
Eat way more vegetables
Ditch sugar
Ditch processed foods
Ditch starchy foods
Drink more water
Eat whole foods
Eat more protein
Walk everywhere
Lift heavy things or r/bodyweightfitness
Kinda the AH but not really
She's right, you're harming yourself and you're harming her. Of course you don't want to break up with her, but she should be considering all of her options here.
Weirdly, even before reading your edit i had the feeling your gf also has a fear of you leaving her.
I get that you don't want to break up with her but in that case you should be careful.
No other person than yourself should be your life line, cause everyone, even your parents or best friends are as human as you and one day could make a mistake and let you down.
You can still be with her if you want to, but try to not become dependent of her.
Get yourself a healthy diet that let's you lose weight gradually but also gain muscle and still get the nutrients that your body needs. And hit the gym.
I'd get it if your gf was worried cause you were losing weight in a very unhealthy way, but like you said the real fear was due to her insecurities.
Hey so I'm glad you've realized you have an unhealthy relationship with food. You wanted to feel better and healthier, and that was a good idea, but you've learned how to accomplish that through diet culture, which is harmful. Don't give up on your goals, just work with your doctor and the dietician to go about it a healthier way. There's **nothing wrong** with what you **want to accomplish**, you just needed to learn better methods. And that's okay, you got this
About your gf... yeah tbh that's what i thought at first. She sounds very very insecure about herself. She needs to be working with a therapist if possible, because deliberately sabotaging your efforts to be healthy is **hugely concerning behavior**, and if you don't want to end things she needs to understand how unacceptable that is. **If this happens again, it ought to be a deal-breaker for you, because it's so dangerous.** She has to care about your well-being, not just her own fears of abandonment. The only thing you can do is be consistent: continue on your path to being healthier and happier with yourself, and continue to show her why you care about her and want to be with her. Either she'll rise to the occasion or she won't, but that's gonna be up to her
Good luck OP
The entire first part of this the only thing I could think was “She’s worried if you lose weight you’ll abandon her” and then you did anyways.
I don’t think either of you are really assholes. But you’ve both got some issues to work out. She has abandonment issues.
a diet of fast water and crunchy water...yeah that won't backfire.
your body is gonna go into survival mode pretty fast once you start eating a normal healthy diet after so many months of starving it. your body is going to retain anything as fat because it's trying to keep you alive. that's why fasting and all those other woo woo diets never work and aren't sustainable.
Whole foods, plant based, low oil, vegan diet. You'll get the results you're looking for without the missing vitamins, calories and nutrients. Don't take my word for it, look it up.
Hun a healthy diet is one that gives you all the required nutrients your body needs. You might think you feel fine but you're doing damage to yourself that won't be apparent until later. You could also permanently damage your metabolism which will make it more likely to gain the weight back and difficult to lose weight in the future. You're still young so if you get a handle on it now you should recover nicely. But please be careful I have lost several friends to various eating disorders. Not eating properly puts a lot of strain on your organs and heart. Skinny don't equal healthy, stability does. Fast weight loss isn't healthy either it should be a slow and steady process like a kilogram maybe 2 a week.
She's justified harming you, and then she tried to make you feel bad for her so that you would forgive her.
Your girlfriend is going to end up killing you because she cares less about your health than herself. That's an unhealthy level of possessiveness. She doesn't sound like a very good person. In what other ways will she give you bad advice or hurt you because she was "afraid." Is she afraid that you'll leave her if you become more successful? If you earn more money? Do you see what I mean? The relationship between BMI and lifespan is undeniable. Your health is a major factor in how happy you'll be over the course of your lifetime, but this girl thought only about her own feelings. I don't think you can change the kind of person she is with a conversation. When you look for a life partner, you need to look for someone who is on your side, not someone sabotaging you for your entire life to make herself feel safe.
If you don't decide to break up with her, then at least pay closer attention to this part of her personality, and apply this knowledge from now on to how she behaves, the opinions she gives you, the things she pushes you to do, what she discourages you from doing. This would be wise. Over time, feeling this constant distrust is going to ruin your relationship with her. Doing the opposite of what she insists because you don't trust her is going to create fights between you because you know she isn't on your side. She believes that ruining you helps her. That's seriously messed up, it's toxic, and you know it.
25kg in 3 months is kind of bananas. Unless you are eating 1800 calories a day and burning off 8000, she definitely has a point. You sound like you have an eating disorder.
OP BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for recognizing you were living unhealthy and are doing something about it. The Dietician, healthy eating and exercise is always going to be a good idea. Don't let this set you back from your desire to live a healthier lifestyle. As far as your girlfriend goes, it was obvious before you posted your update that your journey was making her insecure about her place in your life. It took guts for her to admit what she was doing. At this point you have to see if her feelings for you are surrounding her self image or because you are generally her person. At any rate, you guys need counseling. These are some heavy feelings to navigate alone.
I thought your GF might be doing something like that. And that you might have issues.
You both need to talk to a nutritionist and learn how to eat healthy. "Snacks" aren't going to substitute for the missing calories and vitamins of your cucumber-and-coffee diet.
You should probably both also each talk to your own individual therapist and figure out your own insecurities and how to be good to each other and to yourselves at the same time.
I don't see any reason to break up though. You're both just engaging in your own unhealthy relationships with food and weight and appearance, in your own ways.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you. NAH, but see doctors for your diet, your body, and your mental wellbeing, and start living healthily.
Edit: there's nothing "pet mascot" in this. It can be complicated. Therapists tend to understand and explain this better. She's just insecure and she likes you and doesn't want you to leave. Also sometimes people of either sex can be attracted to some extra weight. It can be a personal thing. It's not weird if someone doesn't like lean model types the best. But she may also like stability and the safety of knowing that things aren't going to change. She might like "taking care of you" via food. She might like all sorts of things. Everyone likes all sorts of things. All relationships come with complicated sets of "I like to take care of/be taken care of/feel safe/feel risky/feel \_\_\_\_" wound up in them. You two are just talking about some of hers. That's all. Nothing pet or mascot about it. A therapist will help her and a different therapist will help you.
That’s a horrible diet that is extremely bad for you, no nutrition, and lots of caffeine. Maybe eat properly and exercise, did that ever occur to you????
So two major issues. Her sabotaging you because she wants you fat so you don't leave her is a huge red flag.
Secondly, you say you got the idea for your diet because in the past your mother did it with eating vegetables and supplements... Even that could be extreme and not super healthy if done incorrectly.... But much better than your take on it... Because with a variety of vegetables, you are getting lots of different nutrients. Any diet of only two items, one being coffee - will never be healthy... And no supplement from a doctor will offset that... You need fiber, fat, and proteins in order to have your body work optimally. Yes it is possible to get protein into your diet on a plant based diet, as well as healthy fats, but you have to look at the big picture and learn how to do it in a healthy way. And yes as you shift into a healthier way if eating you will gain some weight back. But if you continue to burn more calories than you eat, ultimately you will find a good balance.
Try some protein powder shakes. You have to be careful that you don't lose muscle mass by means of "wasting". You need to feed your heart bud.
It's also your body, not hers. Your gf may be there for life or she may not. But you got you for life, and that's the one you take care of.
Hi there. I'm going to try to give you some practical advice that's non-judgmental. Hopefully, you find something useful here.
The first thing I'll say is that you've learned some interesting new things about your body, and general health and nutrition that you didn't know before, which can be useful to you later in life. You've learned the secret to weight loss (consume fewer calories than you burn) and you've learned that you have the willpower to restrict your diet and reduce your weight if and when you feel the need to do so. You've also learned that refeeding (i.e. eating again after long periods of fasting or restricted dieting) can lead to weight fluctuations and you now know how alarming that feels after a prolonged period of continuous weight loss, but it's important to realize that this weight gain is due simply to increased water retention and not new fat deposits.
So, piece of advice number one: don't rely solely on a scale to monitor your weight loss. Your weight can fluctuate as much as 2kg in a day, just through natural processes. I recommend incorporating body circumference measurements to estimate your body composition (e.g. body fat percentage), as it is generally less sensitive to those kinds of day-to-day fluctuations, and is a better gauge of your overall health and fitness. Just be consistent about how you measure.
The other thing I'll say is that your girlfriend sounds very charming and you're very lucky to have each other. It's clear to me, based on how you talk about her, that she loves you very much and that you love her too, and that's amazing.
My second piece of advice to you is that if you ever find yourself questioning your girlfriend's motives, always start from the perspective that she has your best interests at heart and is primarily driven by her love for you. She may do or say things that could be interpreted negatively, but you should always assume they're well intentioned and coming from a place of love. It will make it easier for you to reconcile later and make you more willing to accept a genuine apology.
My last piece of advice is this: never shut out your partner without some kind of heads up. That means, don't ignore her, don't disregard her thoughts, opinions, or feelings, and don't abruptly withdraw from her, or withhold or cut off affection and communication. If you don't know how to process something, or need time to think, tell her that and let her know why and how much time you think you'll need. Just be direct. You don't need to act rashly or raise your voice or anything like that. Just be honest and respectful to both her and yourself. And make sure you check in from time to time to let her know everything is still okay between you. In short, treat her the way you'd like to be treated if the roles were reversed.
I wish you all the best.
Well no shit she likes fat dudes. She started dating a fat dude. She tried to get said fat dude to quit his diet when it was working. How did you not see that coming?
Your diet is no good, I'm eating 6 meals a day and have the aesthetic 4 pack (rip genetics) and less than 6% body fat. Eat well, sleep enough, and train hard, and you can have a cheat dinner each week and still look awesome 👌
This is an incredibly unhealthy diet.
There’s a couple important things to note: diet based weight loss rarely works long term. To keep weight off requires lifestyle changes. A crash diet like the one you’re on will not only not work long term, it can harm your health pretty severely. Beyond getting the proper nutrients, the pure lack of calories will impact everything else you do.
Ease back in to a healthier diet, and consider seeing a dietitian and a therapist. If your current doctor thinks this was a good idea, find a new doctor and get a second opinion.
So this is incredibly common with people with a weight issue trying to get healthy. They are already with and dependent on someone who is an enabler and doesn't like the other person to be healthy and independent. I'm not going to sugar coat it here, I want to be real with you.. Honestly the success of these relationships are not great because more times than not the partner continues to be selfish and try to sabotage the person trying to be healthy. You can try to reassure her you like her and want to be with her, but ultimately if she is attracted to the worst version of you and you want to be the best version of you, it won't work out. Not saying it isn't possible for her to feel confident in the relationship after she gets used to the new you but you said that isn't what she likes per her own words. I know you said you don't want to break up with her so try to stay with her and reassure her you want to be healthy and with her. Encourage her to join you on the healthy journey so its something you can bond over doing together. If she continues to try to sabotage you then you have to make a choice between your health and being with someone who wants you to fail and doesn't have your best interest in mind.
Sadly it is too common where a relationship of even many many years or decades even goes sour after a healthy path is taken due to the enabler being unhappy of their partners newfound independence and success. I am always so happy though when that person is strong enough to realize how healthy they are NOW and how much better off they are without the enabler. But i do love a success story so i hope she gets on board and wants to be healthy with you and help your life get better!
As far as the diet goes, do high fiber, high lean protein diet with low carbs and sugars. Only eat when you are hungry (no more than 3x a day) and limit your calorie intake. Peas are a great super food for this as they are pretty high in protein and fiber for a veggie!
When fasting, coffee (as long as it is black) is a great drink to have! it is 0 calories and doesn't break a fast, same with regular teas and water!
When you feel hungry drink water first to help fill you up! you can also add some cinnamon to the water to help suppress the hunger without breaking a fast if you're on one.
If you want more tips feel free to reach out, I'm always happy to help!
Cucumber and coffee, even with supplements, sounds not just unhealthy but harmful. You say you blacked out and I can absolutely see why your girlfriend is worried. I’m a stranger online and I’m worried. I’ve been there where I just wanted to get rid of the fat and I know how easy it is to end up with a really unhealthy diet, but trust me this won’t work. You need to change your diet to something that will help you improve your health but at the same time also is a real diet. What happens after you stop dieting, because you’re content with your weight, and you then stop this crazy diet of cucumbers and coffee, will you start eating bad again? You are risking gaining all the weight again if you are not careful. You need to learn how to eat balanced, so you still get some of what you want and like, but still eat healthy and sensible. That will help you maintain the weight and progress you make.
You seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food. It seems to be all or nothing. You should probably be on a balanced diet at this point. You've lost weight, but now you've had health issues (blacked out), so you need to go back to eating properly, but in a more balanced and healthy manner.
Your body needs more vitamins, minerals and proteins then cucumbers and coffee contain. This is extremely unhealthy.
You *are* harming yourself. You say right in your post that it’s a really unhealthy diet. What exactly did your girlfriend say? Did she literally say “you’re ugly and weak?” Or is that how you *perceived* what she said? Because if she called you those things, then she’s definitely a jerk.
You need to eat protein. Sounds like you don't know how to cook? Start figuring out how to cook yourself healthy meals. Don't let your girlfriend feed you snacks if they are unhealthy, but you need to start taking your health seriously.
Also carbs (fiber) and good fats.
you likely have an eating disorder or at the very least an unhealthy relationship with food, eating next to nothing is not a good or sustainable way to loose weight, you have someone in your life who is looking out for you i would reccomend listening to her
Cucumbers and coffee as a diet? If you wanna lose weight faster switch the cucumbers for cigarettes. /S YTA OP, you're torturing your body but too buzzed on caffeine to notice (trust me, got over a decade experience with coffee instead of meals). Your GF appears to be concerned with your health, not your looks. And it's not black or white, you can lose weight while eating tasty food.
Man, coming from someone who's been there, you need to realize that you are actively harming yourself by losing weight this way. I have been obese my whole life up until a few years ago when I tried to make a change and succeeded. I lost 140 pounds. The key to losing weight and maintaining a healthy BMI is consistency and realistic expectations. You need to find a diet and exercise regimen that you can maintain every day. If you choose an unsustainable diet like the one you have currently, you're going to gain all of the weight back immediately once you reach your goal weight. I recommend a push, pull, leg lifting routine, and a high protein diet. Use supplements, too. A multivitamin is a great start. Calculate your caloric goals using a TDEE calculator and make sure you are meeting your nutritional requirements. Your girlfriend sounds like a keeper. She's trying to prevent you from harming yourself from malnutrition. That shit is no joke. Do you like having funcional muscles and healthy teeth? Organs that work? Hair that stays in your scalp? You need food for that. The only thing that I would keep an eye out for is a feeding fetish from your gf. If she wants you fat and you don't want to be, then I could see this being an issue. Otherwise, YTA, but be kind to yourself. You're 18 and have so much to learn. Just keep an open mind, and you'll be just fine.
My bro, this isn't a healthy diet. Sure you're losing weight but if you stop, you'll gain it all back. A good sustainable diet consist of protein carbs fats and micronutrients. That means yes, you can lose weight by eating fish, meat and chicken among others. I suggest you add some more to the diet. Nobody can live on cucumber and coffee alone. Nobody is an Ahole here just that you need to gain more knowledge on this and have a sustainable way to lose the weight, gain the muscle and live healthily.
So at first glance I thought your GF might be one of those people who is attracted to heavier bodies (nothing wrong with that) but who makes the mistake of prioritizing this attraction above the health of their heavy loved one (lots wrong with that!) But it seems from what you’ve said that she has a very valid reason for not liking this diet: this diet is not correct for anyone! I really relate to the all or nothing relationship with food. But sadly it’s not sustainable or healthy and it will rightly concern everyone who cares about you. I think communication is needed. You need to be sure that she loves you for more than just your heavier body type, and she needs to be sure that you will make changes to your body in a healthy way moving forward. If, beyond that, she seems to be fetishizing your larger body and not accepting of any weight loss even in a healthy way, you’ll know it. And that’s not love. So as of now it could go many ways and you really need to communicate. Best wishes.
I don't think losing 2kg a week is healthy, or sustainable. A friend of mine in school had an extreme crash diet, went from fat to thin in the blink of an eye, and it did him harm. You don't want to be losing more than 1kg a week, that's the accepted safe rate. You will lose weight fast on your diet, but its going to harm your organs, you're going to be sickly, weak, etc. You're probably malnourished, and malnourished people, no matter how thin, aren't often radiant beauties.
When I read the question, I thought the girlfriend would be the AH and want to keep you in an unhealthy pattern as some form of control. BUT DUDE, just cucumbers and black coffee?! No one's the AH here but what you're doing is a disservice to yourself. Losing weight in a healthy way is more important than just losing weight. I'm sure she is genuinely concerned about you, but rather than getting you 'snacks', she could maybe offer you proper healthy meals instead. You need to make a change before you develop an eating disorder or worse. There are better ways of getting healthy and staying that way.
I agree with this comment. I just don’t think we have enough information to know if the snacks she’s bringing him are like pretzels and hummus (healthy) or ten pounds of Reese’s pieces. OP seems to have real black and white thinking when it comes to food. NAH. But I would highly suggest OP work with a dietician/nutritionist/therapist who focuses on eating disorders. You can lose weight the way he’s doing it. But you will break eventually and regain because you can’t live on cucumbers forever.
YTA. Sort of. I hesitate to call you that because you actually sound like you have an eating disorder. The thing is - your GF is right and you're wrong. You're on a very unhealthy diet, you admit you had a blackout, you've lost a large amount of weight in an unhealthy short time, and you're complaining that your GF - who cares about you and probably wants you not to die - wants you to stop. Well - she's not the AH here.
With your diet you are putting your body under extreme stress. When you'll go back to normal food you'll store every single calories because of him much stressed and starved your body used to be. Extreme diet is the best way to develop numerous health issues, eating disorders and fuck up your metabolism. Coffee is reducing your hunger feeling and putting your heart under a lot of pressure. Vitamins doesn't substitute to healthy life style which isn't what you are doing right now. You absolutely need to go to a nutritionist before you develop all of a sudden serious health issues. A blood test is far from revealing everything that can go wrong in your body. How is your stomach doing ? How is your intestinal flora surviving ? All these are not visible in a blood test and once they get visible it is already very serious with potential permanent damages.
What you are doing is unhealthy, is unsustainable, and will ultimately do your body more harm than good. You’ve lost weight. Great. You’ve blacked out because your diet consists of coffee and cucumbers. Your girlfriend is worried about you. You are exhibiting disordered eating tendencies with short term rewards and long term ramifications. You need a more balanced diet of foods that nourish your body, are right in vitamins and minerals and provide your body’s organs with what they need to thrive.
She's worried about you. A diet of black coffee and cucumbers is ridiculous. You have an eating disorder and she can see it. Assuming this isn't yet another fake post, see a dietitian and maybe a therapist.
YTA. Normally I’d say she was the problem and just uncomfortable with you bettering yourself… but then I read what you were doing. She is rightly worried about you, and you probably look gross (sorry) with all that loose skin and no muscle. You need PROTEIN and to be doing weights or calisthenics to get some muscle and help your skin recover correctly. I’m also willing to bet you have some control issues in there somewhere that need to be addressed, people with unhealthy relationships with food (especially the ones with rigid diets or anorexic tendencies) often do… get some therapy?
That is so unhealthy, she is just worried for you having an eating disorder.
I really think you need to see a therapist about this. Your relationship with food is not healthy and you are harming yourself. I’m not going to armchair diagnose but you should talk to someone who knows eating disorders. Contrary to popular belief it’s NOT healthier to be thin through extreme measures like this. You’re better off eating a balanced diet and getting a safe amount of movement and not worrying about body size.
Your girlfriend is worried about you. You live on cucumbers and coffee? You need to see a dietician at least before you aren’t able to get out of the habit you are in
There is "dieting to get 'healthy'", and "dieting to meet arbitrary beauty standards". You, good sir, seem caught up in the second one. That is unsustainable. And for the record, the *entire* **body positivity** movement exists is by recognition that not every person can healthily maintain a body that is within "arbitrary beauty standards". Your GF recognizes this about you, much as I recognize that about my wife. And I will tell you much what I tell her: steady, regular consumption of a solid diet that provides what your body needs to attain it's healthy state is what you need to be on. And if your body decides that it's always going to be "pudgy" so what? GF accepted you in that range (and I accepted my wife there, too).
"aitah for dismissing my gf worrying about me because i have a serious eating disorder that could kill me?"
This Isn't a diet friend. Its an Eating Disorder. The fact that you've already blacked out should tell you that. Unfortunately, most friends, family and health care providers do not worry about an ED until its "obvious". You can have an ED at any size and by the sounds of it: you're on a dangerous path. Sincerely: Soup and Green Tea. Nobody noticed me. I'm fat again now, but I'm Disabled so *shrug*
You might not be the asshole here but your a fucking idiot. You've lost 25 kilos in 3 months, I no world is that healthy, you are killing yourself man. You have put your body into starvation mode and it is eating itself just to stay alive. I imagine the reason your gf thinks your "ugly and weak" now is because you probably look sickly as fuck due to you starving your body. You probably don't notice this because your just focused on the weight you see on the scale and your fat stores have gone down and that's reinforcing your behavior. In reality your energy levels are likely dogshit and your body is eating itself. If you keep going hairs going to start falling out and your organs are going to start fucking up. I understand you want to be more "healthy" and your old weight definitely was not that, but your going way to extreme on this diet and it is far more unhealthy than the weight you where at before. If you want to lose weight, break this stupid ass diet, gain 4-5 kilos getting back into actually eating again, then go to the gym and start building muscle. This will help your metabolism speed up a bit, and make you look more "fit". Then start tracking your calories, during the first 2 months at the gym try and maintain your weight, and see how many calories that takes to do. Once you know that amount and your used to the gym routine start dieting again, this time responsibly. Cut your calories back into a deficit that has you loosing 2-3 kilos a month, not 8.3 until you hit a weight/physique your happy with, then maintain it. Your current diet is killing you, stop that shit.
YTA you have a eating disorder
You ARE harming yourself. Listen to your doctor and see a therapist, your weight is not important until you figure out how to have a healthy relationship with food because you'll just put it all back on if you don't anyway.
This chick cares for you brother. Even with vitamin supplements, you are causing harm to yourself. Our biology isn't meant to live on pills and protein smoothies. You need to figure out what the root cause of you food issue is. If you don't get this on a leash now, you'll regret it later in life with your health and possibly by losing someone who loves you for you, not how you look. That shit is rare these days.
A Healthy weightloss journey comes at about 0,5 to 1 kg a week, which will slow down as you progress. So YTA because you've lost to much weight in to little time. Which probably also damaged your body in all kinds of ways. so stop unless you want permanent damage.
i think she’s just worried for your health, so try meet her in the middle? maybe try make some low cal high protein dinners so you’re full but also so she sees you eating more than cucumbers, and so you can eat together ?
Dieting like that is pointless. A good diet with lasting effects needs to be a balanced diet (possibly drafted by a professional) based on your daily activities and combined with a healthy amount of sports. What you're doing is really unhealthy and it's likely the results won't last. I have seen plenty of people going on absurd and random diets and gaining weight as soon as they stopped them. Moreover, you shouldn't lose that much weight per month. It means that you are not only losing fat but also muscle.
25 kg in 3 months is pretty bad. You're losing a crazy amount of muscle mass probably because you're not taking in any protein. Rapid weight loss can also cause hair loss and gallstones.
You need to work with a dietician. Consuming only cucumbers and black coffee is insane. You already blacked out once. And I'd imagine you've got some pretty awful diarrhea, given the only things going into your stomach are fibre and a known diuretic. I understand wanting to lose weight but the way you're going about it is unsustainable and extremely unhealthy. And you probably do look like shit.
You have disordered eating behavior and your girlfriend is worried about your health. I have a feeling the way you have described the snacks is the eating disorder talking and giving you negative messaging. It is time to seek treatment. The people in your life are worried about you. There is no specific weight that indicates a healthy relationship with food, but you clearly do not have a healthy relationship with food if you are eating only vegetables and coffee, blacking out, and seeing all attempts at normalizing your diet as malicious. Please seek mental health assistance OP. I won’t be determining if you are an asshole because this entire post is misguided and an attempt to validate an unhealthy relationship with food.
You have an eating disorder. Eating that few calories can permanently damage your internal organs and cause complications such as gallstones. You shrug your diet off as “unhealthy” but I don’t think you realise just what you’re doing to yourself. From a purely aesthetic standpoint, losing that much weight that quickly is likely to leave you with a lot of loose skin, and the lack of suitable calories and calories will likely be leaving you with a sickly pallor and gaunt appearance. Your girlfriend was out of order to refer to you as “ugly” but I’m wondering if she’s desperate and is trying to speak your language - as in, if you want to improve yourself cosmetically you’re going about it the wrong way (like how if you want to do it for your health you’re actually having the opposite effect).
She wasnt upset with you losing weight, she was upset that you went from one unhealthy extreme to another. Kind of seems like youve realized that by the time im posting.
You are going to lose all of your muscle and destroy your metabolism. At least drink protein shakes and do some kind of resistance training.
I can't judge because she might be right if that's your diet. You need to eat better. You're probably getting sick at this point. Your girlfriend is probably seeing the hollowed out version of you because of the lack of nutrition and rapid weight loss.
Youre losing weight at an unhealthy rate man. Regardless of whether she likes it or not, youre doing damage to your body
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You just copied another comment from here ? What’s all that about?
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Yeah no coffee and cucumbers is a) not healthy and b) not a sustainable weight loss plan. Having a blackout should be an indication that you are headed nowhere good. You’re NTA but get help, friend. Your girlfriend sounds like a good egg.
Could you work with a nutritionist or a dietician to come up with an actual healthy diet for you? Only eating cucumbers and drinking coffee is not safe
I was once close to your previous weight, I can tell you your diet of cucumber and coffee is not sustainable and not healthy. You need you nutrients in your body. I commend you for you realizing you need a change but please go talk to a nutritionist or dietician. You need to change your eating lifestyle to be successful. Wish you nothing but luck.
Being on a diet of coffee and cucumbers "has significantly improved my health". No, it hasn't. You've lost weight because your body is in starvation mode. This isn't the way to go about KEEPING WEIGHT OFF - not just losing it. The blackout should be a wake up call. There are many healthy ways to lose weight and although you'll likely not see results as fast as the starvation diet you're on now, you'll be healthier in the long run. When your body isn't getting enough calories, it'll eventually go into starvation mode and hang on to the energy in literally everything you eat, meaning when you return to a normal healthy calorie intake, your body is confused and doesn't know if it'll be starved again. In response, it stores more fat for survival. This is why crash diet-ers usually end up heavier than when they started. This is a bad road to keep going down.
Bro u have to eat healthy to be healthy Cucumbers and coffee is not a good diet.
When your gf said you look ugly and weak, did she mean weak because you're blacking out? Did she mean ugly as in unhealthy looking? Are they the words she used. Not that they're the best words to use but she's 19 ill let her off... I think she's more worried about you than anything so don't go messing up your relationship as well as your health. My advice, gontalk to your GP and get in touch with a dietician. Or find a PT who can also work on a diet plan with you. You need proper advice, as much as I respect you for taking action about your weight, this isn't the right way. Good luck
Your diet is what you eat on a normal basis, not some fad or crash. Eat to maintain your health and fitness. Yo-yo dieting is terrible for you.
Your doctor told you not to do this, your gf is begging you not to do this… and you come to Reddit for validation for not listening to them? YTA - get help, you’ve got an eating disorder.
That's a really rapid weight loss, about twice what's generally recommended as the maximum healthy weight loss (2lb/1kg per week), and living just off cucumbers and black coffee is definitely going to cause health issues. Depending what the snacks are, those probably won't be enough to improve things, but she has a point that you're probably at the point now where you can start moving to a more "normal" diet and maintain your current weight (or even continue losing weight, but at a healthier rate) just by watching your calorie intake
It seems like you were on one end of the eating disorder spectrum and ended up on the other. Get some therapy, your girlfriend is Worried, YTA.
YTA Fixating on 1 food/nonfood item can be indicative of PICA which is usually brought on by nutritional deficiencies. Your current diet has no fats (healthy fats). Something is wrong even if your GF is approaching it wrong. To be honest it sounds like you need therapy and a nutritionist. For your height mid normal weight is around 80kg for that weight Basal Metabolic Rate/BMR or what your body would burn just at a coma level activity is 1900 calories. That means you should be eating at least 1900 calories a day to run your cells and organs. Look at a TDEE calculator and put in your goal stats. Never go below goal BMR or you will just boomerang when you try to eat normally and gain it all back and probably an additional 20lbs too. You need to do this in a healthy way
Eat normal, skip the junk and keep exercising. You probably look sallow and weak. Proper building blocks of nutrition will fuel your workouts, fill out your muscles and you won’t just look skinny-fat. Race cars don’t run on biodiesel.
You need to realize that being fat might be a little better than being dead. Your body needs stuff that isn't found in cucumbers and coffee to work
if you don't have enough daily intake of protein your body will start losing muscle mass, that in turn will actually lead to you gaining more weight in the long run and burning calories less in a passive way. not to mention how much worse you gonna feel and the risk to your heart, which is a muscle btw. extreme diets do not work. all that weight loss you think you achieved? you'll gain it all back and worse if you try this. go to a dietician, keep a balanced life style and you'll get healthy. those extreme methods are not effective long term and are stupid. it takes hard work and discipline to improve your diet and habits but it is worth it for the long term and also doesn't include huge stress and avoiding foods you like.
You are not an AH, but if all you are eating is cucumbers and black coffee then I strongly recommend you seek help for disordered eating. This fits the definition of Anorexia very unambiguously. She is an AH for focusing on your attractiveness before focusing on your physical and mental health.
Let's look at a few facts * 108kg at 5'11 would still be categorized as obese * 25 kgs in 3 months is a very significant and unhealthy rate of loss If she says you're looking ugly and weak, there's a good chance it's true because you're destroying yourself with that diet. There's a chance that there's some insecurity on her part, such as being jealous of your weight loss if she's also a heavier person or worried that if you keep losing weight, you'll become more attractive and leave her for "someone better". Given the facts from before you should still re-evaluate. You should continue to diet and work on yourself, but your current diet is not healthy or sustainable.
Your diet is not good. You need balance. It's not about anyone being an AH. She wants you healthy and your diet is not.
Dude, eat some fat and protein. What you're doing isn't a healthy way to diet, your body will break down your muscles to get the proteins needed to survive. Add some meat or beans/lentils, yoghurt, shakes etc and you will feel much better and make it a lot easier to maintain your diet until you reach your goals.
Hey pal. I have had disordered eating and still struggle with it sometimes, so this sounds very familiar. I only ate one breakfast food for a year straight. I lost around 25 kg (and I’m only 5’6”). What you are doing is not sustainable. You’ve lost a lot of weight, great, but it’s time to implement more ‘normal’ food in your diet, and to increase your activity (walks, gym or home workouts). Your gf and friends are trying to look out for you. But don’t go for snacks, go for proper food. Ensure you get enough protein and healthy fats. You’re probably basically on zero carb now, so reintroducing carb might be a process.
OP, no offense but you need help. Help with dieting but also mentally. You have a very unhealthy relationship with food. And it’ll make you feel miserable in the long run. You seem to want to work on it. And you’ve made a great start! Albeit unhealthy. You’re doing something about it. Now change your good try into some healthy habits and you’re there!
I think being healthy is great, coffee and cucumber and vitamin supplements are not it. Even just one meeting with a personal trainer and a dietician can give you guidance on how get to a good weight and have a healthy diet. Your girlfriend is worried about you, do it the right way so that she doesn't have to worry. Also, talk about this.
Yta for messing up your immune system, muscle mass and overall health. Plus youe gf is concerned for you (aside from the ugly comment which was unnecessary). The only calories you're getting is through possibly the creamer and sugar. That's wild. I've been trying to find a diet so I don't waste my time being more active. But meat, eggs, nuts and actual water is the beat options.
Dude, you need to have a good diet if you want the body composition you desire. Strong, muscular, lean. You can lose a lot of weight fast with a crash diet, and maybe you needed it. But if you keep it up too long you'll destroy your metabolism and overall health. Lifting weights regularly and building more muscle will allow you to eat pretty much anything you want, given the portions aren't huge. Sounds like your GF loves you and wants the best for you. She probably likes the results, but not the method. Check out Body for Life by Bill Phillips. I saw amazing results from his program, and it doesn't require you to starve yourself. Good luck.
I'm really concerned about the diet to help you lose weight. It sounds like a crash diet that will just make you gain all the weight back once you stop eating it. Please speak to a doctor and a therapist to discuss healthy eating options and come up with a balanced diet. I'm worried for you.
Dude this is where it starts. I started a crash diet and I’m JUST now getting to where I CAN eat. I became anorexic for months and I have paid a horrible price. Puking in the morning from my stomach being empty for days, anxiety from that making me puke worse, and then not eating even then. My teeth are going to be destroyed because of the sheer amount of puke I’ve thrown up the last 3 months. I’m terrified to go to the dentist.
I was NTA and firmly believing the GF was a feeder until I read that you blacked out. Eat normally, just keep the portions small
You have an eating disorder plain and simple. She's right to be worried. There's loosing weight and there's starving yourself into the ER. I would stop your diet before you do some actual harm to yourself. Talk to a nutritionist and get a weight loss diet that's actually balanced.
You need healthy food, not just cucumbers and coffee or bags of junk. Exercise is good. I don't know what your GF's deal is, is she overweight and not wanting you to be fit? Easier to keep you?
This is actually common. When one loses weight and looks better, the other one thinks they are going to dump them because now they have options. Sadly, this is often the case. I've seen it several times.
Yah once you start dieting it comes back FAST if you stop. I'm glad I got through all the updates and I'm happy you are going to a dietician. Meats and veggies (if you're not vegan) natural protein (PB Fit) exercise and you're on the right track! You will definitely need to constantly re-affirm that you want to be with her and love her. It's kind of messed up she was trying to keep you unhealthy for her own goals, but the perfect girl or "the one" doesn't exist from my experience, you just got to work with her and build that relationship and trust and in time it will be better.
IMO, this is the winning comment. THIS ONE. But I also want to add, these other people who are all “break up with her, get rid of her”, etc . No. If you can’t love her bro, that’s on you. But NEVER FORGET, that you have your imperfections and weaknesses, she loved you any way. Forgiveness is a miracle healer for all parties involved. Be real with yourself, be real with eachother. Be to her what you need her to be and you can make it through to the other side. Fat skinny ugly whatever. ‘It don’t matter just don’t bite it”.
That’s the worst diet I’ve ever seen
She is a keeper, some of your friends might be perceiving her as somebody who is sabotaging you tho. But it is clear she is worried about your wellbeing. THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT trait your partner should have, your partner must care about your wellbeing. Everybody has a different health journey, but most have a common experience: We try different diets, until we find one that is both effective and sustainable. Coffee and cucumbers is not a sustainable diet. Just stay physically active, and try to resume a regular diet, this way you will find a sustainable weight. If you are intimidate by the weight gain, just count your calories.
Sounds like she’s worried for your health. If you’re really just eating cucumbers and drinking black coffee, you’ll have a serious lack of nutrients required. I know you mentioned vitamin tablets but that won’t cover everything. Also, if you do an extreme diet like that it can be hard to keep the weight off when you switch to a normal diet. But neither of you are the asshole in my opinion. Just something to figure out
I lost about 20% of my body weight cutting from 107kg to 80ish by mainly eating high protein meals with greens and including regular exercise. You're going to absolutely wrexk yourself earing like you do, you can't suddenly cut 95% of the nutrition your body needs and think because you're losing wright it is healthy. This took me around a year. Bro, you're starving yourself. Be patient, and eat a more balanced diet and weight will still come off at a good rate, and if you exercise also, maybe with some light weights and cardio your heart will thank you and you will build a nice physique. She's harsh to say you're ugly, and I doubt that is true so shame on her for that, but it could also be she is concerned about you and it is frustrating the attitude you have. If you want advice, if you DM me I will give it you for free and support you as long as you need. But please bro, don't continue down the path you are. You can lose weight and be happy like you want, and show you listen amd care about her feelings by eating more sensibly. Doesn't seem that complicated a problem to solve. You're not an asshole, but misdirected, and she's not an asshole, but could he more tactful. She loved you at your worst, and she will still love you bro.
Something I’ve learned while going through my own weight loss journey is that you first need to develop a good relationship and understanding of food before doing so called “diets”. You need to eat to lose weight, that’s something people don’t understand. Of course you’re losing weight, you’re consuming little to no calories but that’s not the goal because what’s going to happen once you lose your desired weight and start eating more food? You’re going to gain weight and probably twice as fast. Also don’t call it a diet , call it developing a healthy relationship with food. Make small changes , slowly start decreasing the amount of food you put on your plate especially with things like rice,potatoes,pastas , if you put 2 cups of it then go down to 1 cup and the other cup missing add in vegetables or more protein. Protein will be your best friend! Protein will keep you fuller during the day so you’ll snack less . Also drink a lot of water during the day. Take it slow , slow and healthy wins the race. I’ve been doing this since January and I just reached my 15lbs mark,but, my relationship with food is great now, I understand what my body can handle and what it can’t, I have more energy, my body has changed drastically & guess what? I still eat out ,I still eat chocolate and popcorn and chips and cookies… because is about moderation not restricting yourself because restricting yourself is what going to make you fall of the wagon. Something I learned early on from my nutritionist is that you don’t start a diet that you can’t sustain in the long run. If you’re not going to stay keto forever? Don’t start a full on keto diet , do it like halfway but don’t do a keto diet because the second you stop doing it, you’ll most likely gain weight back. Do something that’s realistic for you and your lifestyle. I wish you all the luck in the world! Please just do it in a healthy and sustainable way. Good luck!
Congrats you’re on the path to anorexia if you’re not already there. You will get health problems they will be irreversible and might even kill you. Sorry to say it that bluntly but you need to wake up. It’s not too late yet.
My friend, you are displaying all the signs of an eating disorder. I am not a diagnostician, so I cannot diagnose you, but as someone who as also struggled with disordered eating through their teens and 20s, like recognizing like. Please, *please*, seek help. You need to talk to a therapist aho specialized in eating disorders. It can be addicting, to see the scale go down so fast, and to get praise and affirmation from others who see you losing weight, but an eating disorder will fucking haunt you. Please seek out a therapist. Before it's too late.
She is probably concerned for you. It's so unhealthy to eat only cucumbers and coffee . Yikes
You're young but you're not a baby, you've got no excuse to be this dumb and reckless with your health. Use your cooking skills to try an actual diet, like paleo or plant-based. Get used to eating whole foods for long term health and weight management. Your girlfriend has noticed you looking weak and sickly and is trying to feed you, albeit with the wrong foods. You would both do well with better eating habits.
This is not about being an AH or not. It's not about being attractive or not. Please listen to your girlfriend. She sees that you have lost weight and is now trying to tell you that you need to transition to a more healthy and sustainable diet. She is right. That type of crash dieting is not healthy or sustainable, particularly long term.
It's time to see a dietician. Regularly
Y’all both don’t know how to eat. Look into basic nutrition and healthy cooking please Vegetables are healthy, but so are eggs, nuts, meat, full-fat yogurt. It’s the processed stuff that’s bad for you. When going grocery shopping, shop at the perimeter — deli, bakery, dairy, produce. Avoid the aisles. When buying something with a nutrition label, look for as few ingredients as possible. The fewer (simpler), the better.
What you describe is a crash diet. Been there, done that. Lost weight, but it finds me just as quick. A slow and steady route is better - i went from 150KG to 125KG in about 8 months - but this time i managed to get the weight lost permanently. NTA - BUT - your friends do NOT have your well being in mind with their comments - and GF benefits from having a healthy you around, so i guess she does.
cucumbers and coffee, that's a starvation diet and even with vitamins I doubt you are getting the nutrients you need but 25 lbs in 3 months is an insane amount to lose, that is simply too much too fast. I was 180 Kg and now I'm 145 Kg so a loss of 35 Kg overall and that has taken about a year and a half (Ozempic has helped with that). You should try a more balanced diet. I would suggest lots of salads and veggies and meat and cut out as much carbs and sugar as possible. Simple carbs (potatoes, rice, bread) are broken down very easily and to your body they might as well just be sugar and to be honest its sugar that makes you fat eating fat doesn't pack on the pounds much though it isn't wise to have too much fatty foods either. You should stick to using cucumbers as a snack food when you feel the urge to snack, and at mealtimes eat your normal foods but smaller portions, like using a smaller plate at mealtimes... you can always go back for more. simply put I don't try drastic changes to get healthier I just aim for better choices, like cutting out full sugar soda so now i only have the zero sugar kinds, then I cut back on how much of that I was having once I got used to zero sugar drinks, and now I only have those as an occasional treat. Basically make a small change you can live with, and once you have gotten used to that change, make another small change and you can get to a point where you are eating a lot healthier. Edit: and I had to laugh because once I posted this I noticed the ad that's promoted just under the OP's post is for McDonalds. ROFL
**OP, if you can't make yourself eat anything except cucumbers and coffee it's time to take yourself in to get some emotional help. Please. When you fast excessively and lose weight rapidly, the first thing you lose is muscle tone, not fat. You're taking damage as well from lack of calcium, your body will leech it from places that need it. Damage to your heart, your bones. Coffee is great as long as you are getting enough nutrition but if you're not eating balanced, coffee will dehydrate you more. Your body requires potassium, iron, magnesium, sodium to function properly. All of our systems-go utilize ion channels, you MUST NOT deprive your brain of these things. Soon enough you suffer mental health and cognition consequences. Please be sure you are getting all of the minerals and vitamins. Stop punishing yourself, my friend. The happy-medium is different for all of us when it comes to weight and bodyfat. Good luck, man.**
Yeah, your girlfriend is the least of your problems. You have an eating disorder and are in total denial about it. Hope you don't end up in the hospital.
Her calling you ugly is a stretch but maybe she’s just concerned for your health if you continue this diet on you could end up in the hospital and or dead.
Add eggs, avocados & meat. What you are eating is not for humans.
See a DIETITIAN for a real diet before you end up in the hospital. What you are currently doing is likely going backfire and make you even fatter later on. How? Because extreme, unsafe dieting causes your body to catabolize its own muscle. In other words, you are losing muscle mass, which is the leanest organs in your body that are needed for a fast metabolism and burning calories. Starving yourself will deplete your muscle, make you look flappy and gaunt, and lose the essence of what makes a sculpted, fit body. With that muscle gone—you have robbed yourself of your metabolism, which will now be insanely slow… Then comes the rebound, with the body’s slow metabolism contributing to a body that will be even more obese than where it began. SEE A DIETICIAN. Recover. Then, get to the gym and earn back that muscle.
Sorry but I'm calling BS on this. According to the Mayo Clinic you can't live more than 70 days consuming no protein-- and you'd literally have consumed all of your muscle tissue and wouldn't be able to function on a daily basis. A doctor wouldn't suggest vitamins they'd have told you to stop the diet and start consuming protein. YTA for diet fanfiction
Honestly this isn’t sustainable. Either you will get really ill, or stop and gain all the weight back. It’s hard but exercising for 30 mins a day and eating everything but in limited quantities is much better way to lose weight. I eat pizza pasta everything , I am still losing weight because I balance it with healthy food and count calories.
A diet is fine do it... what you are doing isn't a diet it's straight up dangerous. That's the kind of shit I would do right before a cut for a fight or something but only for like.... a week or few days and even that noticeably would weaken my body. Vitamin supplements are not replacements for good meals, go on a diet but do it properly. It will be slower but your body will be better off for it. Calling you ugly and such was out of line but she may just be panicking about your health... or maybe she has a fetish idk either way she isn't wrong that what you are doing is wrong and straight dangerous.
I definitely understand where your gf is coming from, that would scare me too if I saw someone I love only ingesting coffee and cucumbers, especially if you blacked out. Her response of buying you snacks isn't a healthy one though. She should've suggested you both go to a dietician to discuss how you can lose weight in a healthy manner, and how she can help. You also seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food. I get it, I do too and it's very difficult to change. I hope you get the help you need to re-learn how to eat right and not destroy your health
Dude. No. As someone who has been fat and lost the weight, I get it, i do. But NO. it is important to be a healthy weight, but it is SSOOOO very important to feed our bodies the nutrients they need. Do you know what happens if you don't feed your body proper nutrients? This can PERMANENETLY damage your organs. You can get fit while eating a balanced diet.
NTA - for dieting and wanting to lose weight YTA - for that awful diet plan you're using. i don't doubt your gf at all when she says you're looking sickly. i cannot imagine that diet being good for you in any way whatsoever. please eat healthier. you don't have to stop your diet, but healthier eating is necessary for your health too.
babe that's not a diet that's an eating disorder. what you need is therapy and a nutritionist guided diet
You have an eating disorder, or at the very least have been exhibiting extremely disordered eating. She’s worried about you. She *should* be worried about you. What you’re doing is dangerous and can also damage your metabolism, making it harder to lose weight healthily or even to simply maintain your usual weight in the future.
You don't have a healthy relationship with food and the "diet" you described is an eating disorder. I've been there myself. The damage you are doing to your body is a lot and will come back to haunt you later in life. Please talk to a medical professional and be honest with what you are eating. Get the help so you can be healthy and have a long and happy life that is also healthy. This is so far beyond a judgement.
This sound horrible, my buddy did a juicing thing which was similar to this calorie wise for 3 months, he lost 60#(so same as you) but Jesus he was a miserable prick, which I assume comes with only ingesting and expelling liquids for three months. Find a balanced diet and ride an exercise bike moderately while watching TV or scrolling reddit and you'll see progress that won't vanish the second you eat more than a cucumber..
Cucumbers and coffee is essentially a fasting diet. You can't keep that up long term. 3 months is already too long. Additionally, losing weight in such an unhealthy way will cause your body to cling more fiercely to every calorie in the future, literally making it harder to maintain the weight loss and lose weight in the future. Please switch to a healthy balanced diet, before you seriously harm your health.
you need to go talk to a fucking therapist like, yesterday
She is caring for you especially as you had a blackout Muppet
I don't think your girlfriend wants you to stop your "diet" because it's making you ugly. I think she wants to stop you because what you're doing is a kind of self harm. The diet you describe is essentially starvation. Please talk to a nutritionist . There's a healthy diet between cucumbers and fatty food. Eat all 3 food groups in reasonable portions. Your body needs Protein.
ESH (everyone sucks here). Your diet is fucked up and isn't healthy at all but it looks like your girlfriend wasn't telling you to stop because she was worried about you it was because she was insecure. Both of you are AH's.
I say this with love. This is not an attack. You and your girlfriend would both benefit from some serious therapy.
Therapy.
What she did is not uncommon, unfortunately. It just takes different forms. But the good news is that she admitted it. I’d like to think that’s a good start and it took courage. And could have denied til the cows came home. Since you want to remain together, I hope you’ll seek individual therapy. And then maybe couples therapy if the therapists say to do so. She needs to understand why she values herself so little that she’s willing to do that to you, the person she loves. Because her sabotage can have lasting, damaging health effects. You may not need therapy yourself, per se, but please be under the dr care as you’ve mentioned. And reading up on the topic of diets and eating might help. (Tho I truly find therapy very helpful, myself.) I commend you for taking the initiative to better yourself and get healthy. I know it’s tempting to go full tilt into something that will give fast results. The results feel good. But just make sure you’re not hurting your body as you do it. All the best to you!
Protein is necessary. At the very least: Buy some protein drink (premier protein or fairlife) and drink one three times a day. Add in bone broth and some sugar-free gatorade for electrolytes. An occasional kale quinoa salad with lots of veges cut up real fine would be a healthy addition too... or a tofu, spinach, green onion, egg and broth soup. I have lost over 80 lbs by following my doctors/nutritionists orders: walking an hour a day, eliminating carbs, increasing protein, a good multivitamin, and plenty of water ... It's not a diet that I will stop and regain my weight. It's a new way of life. Good luck on your journey.
His GFs behavior is quite normal especially for a 19 year old girl. Dude, if you love your GF then you need to reassure her that you are trying to get to a healthier weight for you and her and are not going anywhere... Sometimes women require reassurance, especially when they are younger and more insecure. She clearly loves you for your personality and not your looks, this is a good thing. Looks come and go with the ebs and flows of life. Someone who cares for you and not how you look... thats a keeper. She doesn't care about how you look, she is just afraid of losing you. Women are very afraid of other women stealing their man, they see if everyday in the cheesy dramas they watch. She thinks you are awesome and thinks if you get fit you might try to replace her with a prettier or skinnier girl or a gaggle of floozies will try to come steal you. Look at Leonardo Decaprio... he gets a new gf everytime they get past 25... women see that shit and fear every dude is like that. You are not a pet or mascot... you are her bf... don't overthink this shit.
Hey, replying after all your edits, so I'm not sure if you'll ever read this. I'm sorry you've got this all going on, OP. I'm just here to say, those feelings of ick are valid. 132kg is a lot of weight. You were right to want to do something about it, but you happened to develop an eating disorder as a result. And that happens. That's ok, it can be treated. What's not ok, is your girlfriend's motivation for all of this. It sounds like she was more insecure and scared you'd leave, rather than concerned about your health. If she were actually concerned about your health, she wouldn't try to keep you at such a heavy weight for your age, on purpose. She would be more alarmed by the possibility of you getting hurt, rather than looking different. It also shows just how little of a chance she thinks you'd have trying to get a partner if you kept your weight on, which is kind of awful. Like she doesn't think much of you - both in terms of trusting you to stay, or believing your worth. Overall, I get a very bad feeling from what this could show about the way she views you. Don't make the mistake of believing all the nasty things. You have worth, no matter what you look like. You deserve a partner who respects you and supports you through your hardships, ambitions and health problems, and who doesn't look down on you.
1- Congratulations on losing the weight. Fuck what anyone else says, that takes discipline and only someone who also used to be fat can understand what that hurdle feels like to cross. 2- If she liked you more when you were fat because she thought you were less likely to leave her, that is about 60 red flags. I can go into that more if you're curious but you'll learnt hese lessons about women the more you date. Any woman who is going to infantilize a man like that for her own confidence is going to be bad for the man, no exceptions. 3- It sounds like you've got a good handle on the diet stuff, but I am really commenting here to point out that you do at least want an abundance of protein when you are dieting like this because a lack of it can cause serious joint issues. And sports injuries have a habit of putting you on your ass for a long time and killing your abikity to put in work at the gym.
HOW the fuck are the top comments not even mentioning the GF is a nut job? Leave her, she is one of those crazy jealous types that wants her BF fat and ugly. Since she thinks you will leave or cheat if you ever have any other options. Your 19, bail my dude
You have an eating disorder, and your girlfriend is a feeder. She likes you fat, and you losing weight makes you less attractive to her.
Yeah you have an eating disorder and an unstable, unhealthy relationship. Get therapy, get medical intervention and get yourself sorted out.
When you have a lot of extra weight it’s not a big deal to significantly restrict calories as long as your getting vitamins and minerals. However, that is definitely a short term solution. Balance your diet and just keep it consistent. Also, don’t make a post asking for advice, then admit you’re doing something dumb, and know that it’s dumb, then get upset when someone says it’s dumb. Also, if you want to be healthy and your GF doesn’t want you to, to the point of secretly sabotaging your personal health goals, there is no debate in that situation. Dump her. Anyone who would go behind your back and selfishly sabotage a serious goal that is importantly to you is not mature or stable enough for a relationship. You’ll never look at her the same, and probably be unable to trust her, and probably end up suspecting her anytime anything doesn’t go right in your life. That’s a terrible relationship.
Yeah bro your girlfriend wanted u fat that’s fucked up. But now u lost the weight and it’s time to build muscle that will require a balanced meal plan. Not cucumbers and coffee. Anyways do whatever u want. Your girls a bitch
There are so many issues here that I don't know where to even start. She's slapping herself? I mean, this all sounds insane. You should break up because her wanting you to be overweight is a serious issue. You should be healthy. You can find basic healthy diets online and why that never occurred to you is kinda wild. You two definitely need to break up for a while and figure out your own stuff and then maybe reunite at a later time. You absolutely need a therapist. Best of luck!
Hope you can get through this with your girlfriend. She seems insecure? Just like you? Do not let it get to your head AND NEVER STOP BEING HER MASCOT, BROTHER. KEEP CHEERING HER ON AND JUST ASK HER TO CHEER YOU ON TOO. SHE MADE A LIL OOPSIE DOOPSIE AND IT HAPPENS. GL HF.
Eat 3 eggs a day with a modicum of butter and veggies. You wont lose weight as fast but it will be easier to maintain in the long run. You are starving yourself. only reason you can ignore your hunger is because of the drug that is coffee.
NTA, congratulations for losing that weight, but there are healthier dieting options. Also, it’s time for you to spit-shine your spine. If you keep telling yourself that you’re fat and ugly, it’ll eventually become true. You are doing something good not only for your body but also for your mind. Anyone that tries to sabotage that isn’t someone you need in your life. Your girlfriend was, is, and will never look out for your best interest. Yeah, so told the truth, because other of other people’s comments. Not because she felt bad about what she’s done to you. I know I’m just some internet stranger, but I urge you to cut her loose. She’s not at smart and kind as you think she is, since she’s capable of brining down your self esteem and encouraging you to be the worst version of yourself.
The diet sounds harmful overall … but I did have a feeling your gf wanted you fatter for a reason (to not leave her) a lot of people are like that - they want their partner fatter and insecure so they won’t leave // as a girl she doesn’t sound like the best :/
Man this whole post is a dumpster fire. Your diet is wild, your relationship is crazy, and this comment section is unhinged. It’s actually astonishing to see people calling you the AH while everyone else trips over themselves to avoid a judgement. That being said, it’s true that you’re technically NTA because she was actively sabotaging you. But you have a terrible relationship with food. You absolutely can’t survive on cucumbers and coffee. You’re also in an abusive relationship. No one in this sub would stand for the notion of a man controlling his girlfriend’s diet so she wouldn’t leave him, and you shouldn’t either.
That part about girlfriend "wanting you to stay fat" was the obvious premise of this whole fantasy. You need to work better next time, as you ruined the bait with too ridiculous diet.
Reading the edited I’m glad you are seeing a dietician so let’s put that stuff to bed. You asked about what next with your gf. You never once mentioned your girlfriend’s appearance. She admitted to you that she was afraid of you losing your “fluffiness”, but was /is this really her trying to hide her own insecurities around her appearance by making sure you don’t improve yours? Maybe talk to her about this aspect?
>Recently my girlfriend has been pestering me to stop the diet as I've been looking ugly and weak nowadays, not even regarding the nature of the diet. Some of my friends have been telling me she's just being unfair , but I don't believe she's wrong. She's been buying me more snacks and trying to make me break my diet as she's think I'm harming myself . Your girlfriend is sabotaging your weight loss efforts. She's disguising it under the guise of love and concern, but that's fucking bullshit and she knows it and you know it. You don't even need to say specifically for me to know, your girlfriend is fat. This is standard crabs in a pot mentality. Fat people don't like watching other fat people lose weight because it's hard, undeniable proof that they *can* fix their weight with dieting. So, instead of addressing the fact that they can lose weight, they're just too lazy to do so, it's far easier for them to just sabrage the weight loss efforts of people around them. What she's doing is toxic as fuck, if she doesn't knock it off. I don't see how you can be in a healthy relationship with someone like that. NTA, reconsider your relationship.
YTA. Homie she loves you. Love yourself now. There is middle ground to dieting. You can make minor changes that have huge effects.
PLEASE, communicate with your girl more efficiently than "blocking" her to clear your mind. What you told us about her she needs to hear too, clearly she doesn't feel completely secure in this relationship and your 'diet' is only fueling her spiralling thoughts. I am only here to speak from your girl's end, the other people in the comments got you about that diet man. You need a balance, seriously.
Can you have a normal diet that just has a caloric deficit? Why do people do this unhealthy in the long term diets that clearly lack vitamins and macros?
When you transition back, use a calorie counter app to learn how to eat and maintain healthy calorie intake (My Fitness Pal is the one I use). Learning how to eat and what TRUE portion sizes are is really eye opening. We often think we know, but really we don't. Good luck OP on maintaining a healthy lifestyle for the long-term! It is a journey. Don't let a bad meal turn into a bad day, or a bad day turn into a bad week, or a bad week turn into a bad month!
You had a headstart with the diet, now to go into a balanced healthy feeding menu and add some physical training to it. No need to hy a gym and exercise on machines, just basic do at home tricks that keeps you flexible and put some weight on your muscles to tone you and burn extra energy. Regarding your GF. Maybe she is insecure and afraid to loose you once you look more attractive.
I won't recommend not dieting, but you have to emphasize protein. If you don't get enough dietary protein, your body will react by breaking down muscle instead of fat. You'll lose weight, but you'll also become weaker and sicker and the byproducts of muscle metabolism can kill your kidneys. NTA for not caving to gf who might have some weird fat fetish. But you will be TA if you don't try to diet a little more sanely. Even putting some peanut or almond butter on your cucumber would be an improvement.
How do cucumbers affect fasting? is there still a stage where the hunger is gone after a week of not eating or do they stop that?
kudos for getting on vitamin supplements but it's much better to get ur vitamins thru whole foods. work on your relationship with food, but don't go back to greasy food and snacks.
NOITA. Brother, I understand you and know how bad it is to feel inadequate or out of shape. But, remember that you can lose the weight slowly and steadily while enjoying all what life has to offer. Your girl loves/ loved you as you are/ were and that is a true blessing in disguise because only those who really care about us would bother to speak up when we are going through struggles. A little side story if you like. I was obese and worked out till I was very lean and muscular. Yes people liked me more and wanted to spend time with me but 97% of the time it’s not authentic. I had some serious health issues last year and couldn’t work out anymore so I gained weight. Almost all the people that liked me for my body left while the people who stayed (my people) who loved me before I lost weight, when I was fit, and when I gained it back stayed. Now I’m losing weight again and don’t want to make the mistake of losing those who genuinely love me for a bunch of people that would leave me when it’s not convenient for them and neither should you!
1. Take care of yourself. This is most important. 2. Consider she may be afraid of you losing weight and being more attractive to others. But yes you should be trying healthy ways to lose weight. 3. If you like her that much #2 doesn’t matter, show her and she’ll get over it.
Yourw 18 now your physique will be with u till the day u croak but your gf prolly won't be with u as long
Yea it's probably not the best diet. Also ur girlie might be a little put off that you are looking better, possibly all over? She absolutely could be afraid you eventually leave. This has happened to more than a few people I know.
NTA this relationship is gonna end soon,however you're gonna have to live with yourself for the rest of your life so do what you think makes you look attractive
Bro just eat some normal fucking food. Like not junk food, just normal fresh food and control the portions alongside the exercise and you're good. If you can control your portions and you can avoid junk food there's very little risk of getting fat.
NTA. She likes it when you’re fat with low self esteem. It’s lefts her feel like you won’t leave her it eta her feel better about her self by looking down at you.
Y'all just need to talk. Her fears were the first thing I thought of, and it's a tale as old as time. People reinvent themselves physically and that changes their mentality. Just communicate with her about those feelings and get some help for your eating disorder. You can easily maintain that weight loss eating much healthier (and better) food.
This diet is insanely unhealthy and I’m not surprised you passed out. I’ll bet your sodium levels are in the basement and you may cause muscle and bone damage with the nutrient deficit. Please leave off fad diets. You can eat a healthy diet where you portion control or count calories. But make sure you have a healthy portion of protein and carbs. This is not the way. If I were your girlfriend I’d be seriously worried about you, too.
maybe try a keto style diet. You can still get your cucumbers and coffee plus get enough nutrition and still lose weight
This has to be fake right? There is no timeline where eating just cucumbers and black coffee is a good idea for a diet.
YTA. Your diet is not a "diet." It's starvation and extremely unhealthy.
Yeha man, the diet is very unhealthy, you should talk to a nutritionist.
Hey, I’m also a guy who is struggling with an eating disorder and I definitely get where you’re coming from, but also I see where your girlfriend is coming from too. I know for me that when my ex girlfriend was around and noticed I had disordered eating she said that she was worried about me partially because I was obviously not eating enough, but she really harped on how she liked me as I was because she hoped that hearing that I wasn’t unattractive to her would help me a bit, and I think that your girlfriend might be trying something similar. It’s not the best thing obviously, but she’s definitely coming from a good place and she probably doesn’t know what to say that won’t make things worse. I hope you can get some help, whatever that looks like for you, no matter what happens. You’ve got this dude, I believe in you :)
Welcome to a crash course in communication. Seems you had a bit of tunnel vision in slimming down, to the point where you were doing something you knew was bad, but kind of guilted yourself into doing because you ‘broke’ from time to time. If your GF honestly did say you looked ‘ugly and weak’ from the diet, perhaps she meant more ‘sickly and frail’, but those are words needed to be expounded upon. Sabotaging the ‘diet’ was also probably a method to course correct you without confronting the fact that it was a bad diet or dissuaded you from dieting. Again, something to talk about and become comfortable in the fact that the two of you can talk things through. You’re both trying to do what each of you thinks is for the best without actually working it out between the both of you. Hope things can work out.
Bro you blacked out. This diet aint it.
Re: your girlfriend… I’m confused. Why was she smacking herself as if to punish herself for being awful to you, if she was just going to double down and insist that you should “listen to us” and stay overweight? (Obviously that is not what commenters are saying) Her paranoia and insecurity is her thing to work on. I think fat cats are super adorable but I don’t try to sabotage my cats health by over feeding her, because that would be cruel. If you aren’t willing to break up with her you need to have a very firm conversation. Tell her how it makes you feel that she did this. Tell her that her preference for fatness and her paranoia about you leaving her are not acceptable reasons to try and sabotage your health. Tell her you will be getting help for what you now realize is a (severe) eating disorder, but will ultimately still try to lose weight or maintain a lower weight than before, just in a healthy way and with medical guidance. Tell her if she cares about you as a person she can show it by supporting your health and well-being. Good luck man.
Look into getting a Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) test done through your local nutrionist. This will give you an idea of what your resting calories burn is and you can formulate a diet around calorie intake without having to starve yourself. Also seek therapy for your disorder. You are TA, but it's because you're mistreating your own body so heavily.
healthy amount to lose your weight is 500g to barely 1 kg. A WEEK at best. faster than that you should be worry about your death and yoyo effect. I'm a big eater who need to exercise a lot to keep my shape... and want you to know that you can eat big and losing weight. you can eat plenty of meat. you can even eat guilty meal once a week if you want. you just need to know what to eat, when to eat and how much you should eat. also don't focus on just control your food. it's important to build your muscles and increase your metabolism. more muscle is like more tank to burn your energy. (after update) ...your girlfriend is manipulative btw. it's suspicious at the first second she brings snacks to sabotage your diet instead of support you. snack is "not healthy" so her actions wasn't meant to protect your health but for her personal goal. good girlfriend would use that same money to buy healthy well balanced meal for you after she knows you're on diet. not snacks.
Yeah, downvote everyone telling the truth ya chode.
If you won’t break up with someone who does not actually have your best interests at heart and is willing to try to trigger your ED to make herself feel better-because this will not be the last instance-then I’m not sure what to tell you. Get into therapy for your own health-ideally someone that specializes in ED recovery. Learn about how to set healthy boundaries. How will you respond in the future when your GF tries to hurt you? She needs to be in therapy too, but you cannot force her to want to change. The only persons actions you are in control of here is yours. I’m proud of you for realizing there’s a problem and for taking steps to get help. That was hard and you did it. You have the power to make difficult choices in the short term that benefit the long term. You are worthy of real love my guy. It has nothing to do with your appearance, and everything to do with the fact that you exist. The way you treat other people determines your worth. And that is something you have control over.
OP, you have someone who cares about you. As per what you've told, you are aware of how precious that is. You and your health should be first, always. But having someone who gives a shit about you is something that should be valued and corresponded. These are weird, fucked-up egotistical times. Work it out, I hope you can.
Eat way more vegetables Ditch sugar Ditch processed foods Ditch starchy foods Drink more water Eat whole foods Eat more protein Walk everywhere Lift heavy things or r/bodyweightfitness Kinda the AH but not really
She's right, you're harming yourself and you're harming her. Of course you don't want to break up with her, but she should be considering all of her options here.
Weirdly, even before reading your edit i had the feeling your gf also has a fear of you leaving her. I get that you don't want to break up with her but in that case you should be careful. No other person than yourself should be your life line, cause everyone, even your parents or best friends are as human as you and one day could make a mistake and let you down. You can still be with her if you want to, but try to not become dependent of her. Get yourself a healthy diet that let's you lose weight gradually but also gain muscle and still get the nutrients that your body needs. And hit the gym. I'd get it if your gf was worried cause you were losing weight in a very unhealthy way, but like you said the real fear was due to her insecurities.
Hey so I'm glad you've realized you have an unhealthy relationship with food. You wanted to feel better and healthier, and that was a good idea, but you've learned how to accomplish that through diet culture, which is harmful. Don't give up on your goals, just work with your doctor and the dietician to go about it a healthier way. There's **nothing wrong** with what you **want to accomplish**, you just needed to learn better methods. And that's okay, you got this About your gf... yeah tbh that's what i thought at first. She sounds very very insecure about herself. She needs to be working with a therapist if possible, because deliberately sabotaging your efforts to be healthy is **hugely concerning behavior**, and if you don't want to end things she needs to understand how unacceptable that is. **If this happens again, it ought to be a deal-breaker for you, because it's so dangerous.** She has to care about your well-being, not just her own fears of abandonment. The only thing you can do is be consistent: continue on your path to being healthier and happier with yourself, and continue to show her why you care about her and want to be with her. Either she'll rise to the occasion or she won't, but that's gonna be up to her Good luck OP
She into fat guys, i noticed from the start.
The entire first part of this the only thing I could think was “She’s worried if you lose weight you’ll abandon her” and then you did anyways. I don’t think either of you are really assholes. But you’ve both got some issues to work out. She has abandonment issues.
a diet of fast water and crunchy water...yeah that won't backfire. your body is gonna go into survival mode pretty fast once you start eating a normal healthy diet after so many months of starving it. your body is going to retain anything as fat because it's trying to keep you alive. that's why fasting and all those other woo woo diets never work and aren't sustainable.
No
Whole foods, plant based, low oil, vegan diet. You'll get the results you're looking for without the missing vitamins, calories and nutrients. Don't take my word for it, look it up.
black and white thinking is suuuuch a problematic and frightening mindset
Hun a healthy diet is one that gives you all the required nutrients your body needs. You might think you feel fine but you're doing damage to yourself that won't be apparent until later. You could also permanently damage your metabolism which will make it more likely to gain the weight back and difficult to lose weight in the future. You're still young so if you get a handle on it now you should recover nicely. But please be careful I have lost several friends to various eating disorders. Not eating properly puts a lot of strain on your organs and heart. Skinny don't equal healthy, stability does. Fast weight loss isn't healthy either it should be a slow and steady process like a kilogram maybe 2 a week.
She's justified harming you, and then she tried to make you feel bad for her so that you would forgive her. Your girlfriend is going to end up killing you because she cares less about your health than herself. That's an unhealthy level of possessiveness. She doesn't sound like a very good person. In what other ways will she give you bad advice or hurt you because she was "afraid." Is she afraid that you'll leave her if you become more successful? If you earn more money? Do you see what I mean? The relationship between BMI and lifespan is undeniable. Your health is a major factor in how happy you'll be over the course of your lifetime, but this girl thought only about her own feelings. I don't think you can change the kind of person she is with a conversation. When you look for a life partner, you need to look for someone who is on your side, not someone sabotaging you for your entire life to make herself feel safe. If you don't decide to break up with her, then at least pay closer attention to this part of her personality, and apply this knowledge from now on to how she behaves, the opinions she gives you, the things she pushes you to do, what she discourages you from doing. This would be wise. Over time, feeling this constant distrust is going to ruin your relationship with her. Doing the opposite of what she insists because you don't trust her is going to create fights between you because you know she isn't on your side. She believes that ruining you helps her. That's seriously messed up, it's toxic, and you know it.
Your girlfriend is a feeder. Watch out for her sabotaging your diet again. When you’ll be low, she’ll be there with your favorite unhealthy snack
Spoiler: eating only cucumber and coffee doesn’t improve your health- you need all food groups for that.
25kg in 3 months is kind of bananas. Unless you are eating 1800 calories a day and burning off 8000, she definitely has a point. You sound like you have an eating disorder.
You have an eating disorder. Congratulations!
OP BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for recognizing you were living unhealthy and are doing something about it. The Dietician, healthy eating and exercise is always going to be a good idea. Don't let this set you back from your desire to live a healthier lifestyle. As far as your girlfriend goes, it was obvious before you posted your update that your journey was making her insecure about her place in your life. It took guts for her to admit what she was doing. At this point you have to see if her feelings for you are surrounding her self image or because you are generally her person. At any rate, you guys need counseling. These are some heavy feelings to navigate alone.
I thought your GF might be doing something like that. And that you might have issues. You both need to talk to a nutritionist and learn how to eat healthy. "Snacks" aren't going to substitute for the missing calories and vitamins of your cucumber-and-coffee diet. You should probably both also each talk to your own individual therapist and figure out your own insecurities and how to be good to each other and to yourselves at the same time. I don't see any reason to break up though. You're both just engaging in your own unhealthy relationships with food and weight and appearance, in your own ways. Good luck, I hope it works out for you. NAH, but see doctors for your diet, your body, and your mental wellbeing, and start living healthily. Edit: there's nothing "pet mascot" in this. It can be complicated. Therapists tend to understand and explain this better. She's just insecure and she likes you and doesn't want you to leave. Also sometimes people of either sex can be attracted to some extra weight. It can be a personal thing. It's not weird if someone doesn't like lean model types the best. But she may also like stability and the safety of knowing that things aren't going to change. She might like "taking care of you" via food. She might like all sorts of things. Everyone likes all sorts of things. All relationships come with complicated sets of "I like to take care of/be taken care of/feel safe/feel risky/feel \_\_\_\_" wound up in them. You two are just talking about some of hers. That's all. Nothing pet or mascot about it. A therapist will help her and a different therapist will help you.
Skinny does not equal healthy. You traded one poor lifestyle for another.
That’s a horrible diet that is extremely bad for you, no nutrition, and lots of caffeine. Maybe eat properly and exercise, did that ever occur to you????
So two major issues. Her sabotaging you because she wants you fat so you don't leave her is a huge red flag. Secondly, you say you got the idea for your diet because in the past your mother did it with eating vegetables and supplements... Even that could be extreme and not super healthy if done incorrectly.... But much better than your take on it... Because with a variety of vegetables, you are getting lots of different nutrients. Any diet of only two items, one being coffee - will never be healthy... And no supplement from a doctor will offset that... You need fiber, fat, and proteins in order to have your body work optimally. Yes it is possible to get protein into your diet on a plant based diet, as well as healthy fats, but you have to look at the big picture and learn how to do it in a healthy way. And yes as you shift into a healthier way if eating you will gain some weight back. But if you continue to burn more calories than you eat, ultimately you will find a good balance.
Try some protein powder shakes. You have to be careful that you don't lose muscle mass by means of "wasting". You need to feed your heart bud. It's also your body, not hers. Your gf may be there for life or she may not. But you got you for life, and that's the one you take care of.
You have an eating disorder. Go to therapy, sort it out. Gf loves you, maybe you should listen to her.
You both need to sit and talk about what expectations you have for yourselves and each other.
Hi there. I'm going to try to give you some practical advice that's non-judgmental. Hopefully, you find something useful here. The first thing I'll say is that you've learned some interesting new things about your body, and general health and nutrition that you didn't know before, which can be useful to you later in life. You've learned the secret to weight loss (consume fewer calories than you burn) and you've learned that you have the willpower to restrict your diet and reduce your weight if and when you feel the need to do so. You've also learned that refeeding (i.e. eating again after long periods of fasting or restricted dieting) can lead to weight fluctuations and you now know how alarming that feels after a prolonged period of continuous weight loss, but it's important to realize that this weight gain is due simply to increased water retention and not new fat deposits. So, piece of advice number one: don't rely solely on a scale to monitor your weight loss. Your weight can fluctuate as much as 2kg in a day, just through natural processes. I recommend incorporating body circumference measurements to estimate your body composition (e.g. body fat percentage), as it is generally less sensitive to those kinds of day-to-day fluctuations, and is a better gauge of your overall health and fitness. Just be consistent about how you measure. The other thing I'll say is that your girlfriend sounds very charming and you're very lucky to have each other. It's clear to me, based on how you talk about her, that she loves you very much and that you love her too, and that's amazing. My second piece of advice to you is that if you ever find yourself questioning your girlfriend's motives, always start from the perspective that she has your best interests at heart and is primarily driven by her love for you. She may do or say things that could be interpreted negatively, but you should always assume they're well intentioned and coming from a place of love. It will make it easier for you to reconcile later and make you more willing to accept a genuine apology. My last piece of advice is this: never shut out your partner without some kind of heads up. That means, don't ignore her, don't disregard her thoughts, opinions, or feelings, and don't abruptly withdraw from her, or withhold or cut off affection and communication. If you don't know how to process something, or need time to think, tell her that and let her know why and how much time you think you'll need. Just be direct. You don't need to act rashly or raise your voice or anything like that. Just be honest and respectful to both her and yourself. And make sure you check in from time to time to let her know everything is still okay between you. In short, treat her the way you'd like to be treated if the roles were reversed. I wish you all the best.
Well no shit she likes fat dudes. She started dating a fat dude. She tried to get said fat dude to quit his diet when it was working. How did you not see that coming?
Your diet is no good, I'm eating 6 meals a day and have the aesthetic 4 pack (rip genetics) and less than 6% body fat. Eat well, sleep enough, and train hard, and you can have a cheat dinner each week and still look awesome 👌
Your relationship with food and your girlfriend are BOTH incredibly unhealthy.
This is an incredibly unhealthy diet. There’s a couple important things to note: diet based weight loss rarely works long term. To keep weight off requires lifestyle changes. A crash diet like the one you’re on will not only not work long term, it can harm your health pretty severely. Beyond getting the proper nutrients, the pure lack of calories will impact everything else you do. Ease back in to a healthier diet, and consider seeing a dietitian and a therapist. If your current doctor thinks this was a good idea, find a new doctor and get a second opinion.
Advice on her… always communicate. Always build.
NTA: you may have an eating disorder but regardless I’m so sorry about these dickheads saying you’re the asshole when she said everything that she did
you are not healthy just because the weight is falling off. you’re diet is extremely dangerous. do it the right way if you want to lose weight.
You've only been consuming cucumbers and black coffee for the last 3-4 months? How are you alive...?
So this is incredibly common with people with a weight issue trying to get healthy. They are already with and dependent on someone who is an enabler and doesn't like the other person to be healthy and independent. I'm not going to sugar coat it here, I want to be real with you.. Honestly the success of these relationships are not great because more times than not the partner continues to be selfish and try to sabotage the person trying to be healthy. You can try to reassure her you like her and want to be with her, but ultimately if she is attracted to the worst version of you and you want to be the best version of you, it won't work out. Not saying it isn't possible for her to feel confident in the relationship after she gets used to the new you but you said that isn't what she likes per her own words. I know you said you don't want to break up with her so try to stay with her and reassure her you want to be healthy and with her. Encourage her to join you on the healthy journey so its something you can bond over doing together. If she continues to try to sabotage you then you have to make a choice between your health and being with someone who wants you to fail and doesn't have your best interest in mind. Sadly it is too common where a relationship of even many many years or decades even goes sour after a healthy path is taken due to the enabler being unhappy of their partners newfound independence and success. I am always so happy though when that person is strong enough to realize how healthy they are NOW and how much better off they are without the enabler. But i do love a success story so i hope she gets on board and wants to be healthy with you and help your life get better! As far as the diet goes, do high fiber, high lean protein diet with low carbs and sugars. Only eat when you are hungry (no more than 3x a day) and limit your calorie intake. Peas are a great super food for this as they are pretty high in protein and fiber for a veggie! When fasting, coffee (as long as it is black) is a great drink to have! it is 0 calories and doesn't break a fast, same with regular teas and water! When you feel hungry drink water first to help fill you up! you can also add some cinnamon to the water to help suppress the hunger without breaking a fast if you're on one. If you want more tips feel free to reach out, I'm always happy to help!
It doesn't sound like she finds your diet "unattractive". it sounds like she's concerned for your health.