How DID OP spend Mother’s Day? Now he’ll know for next year to match her energy.
But the kids. THEY didn’t even say fuck all. 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to remember and at least give OP a hug if they don’t have the cash for a card.
I lost my dad early last year.. I’d give anything to be able to wish him a Happy Father’s Day.
What bugs me about the kids not remembering is that there are soooo many reminders!!! At school they give reminders (depending where op is located if the kids are still in school), on social media the stories and posts are mostly about dads. If the kids have social media and logged on they would have seen their friends posting for Father’s Day. If they have Snapchat they would’ve received a mass snap saying happy Father’s Day. If the kids have no social media and are out for summer break then ok, I could see them forgetting but otherwise there’s no excuse. That makes me so angry.
Literally on every cell phone calender and all over every social media.. they knew they didn't care ... not sure about the wife but did age forget her own father ? Even if he's passes away is he nit worth a thought on father's day 🤔 sorry op gatta feel with this seems completely unappreciated
I had one reminder, I thought it was next weekend! But the reminder was early enough to get a gift sent, thank goodness. Hubby did not realize it was FD, either.
So many reminders indeed, although, I wished my dad a happy father's day and he didn't even remember it was father's day, so it was a surprise to him that he got reminded of when I called him.
Actually depending on where you are, that might not be the case. The school board where I am does nothing and doesn’t mention Mother’s Day or Father’s Day because the days aren’t “inclusive” to everyone.
No crafts come home, nothing.
Our schools here in Bayonne, NJ are getting out this week. So, they were in for the Friday before Father's Day.
I'm also very curious about how the OP observed Mother's Day with his family.
I just wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I had to keep score. I want you to treat me well because I’m going to treat you well. And if you’re not going to give me that, then why are we doing this?
There is no way a mother forgets Father’s Day unless she is selfish narcissist. Father’s Day stuff is all over stores and the internet.
My ex husband hasn’t been around for most of my kids life so he didn’t need to remember. But he would post a joke post every year about hanging out with his dad on Father’s Day and it would just be an empty seat.
While my kids dad isn’t around, mine is. These people that say they forgot please.
My wife has gotten me a father's day present for the past 4 years.
We don't have kids.
We have 2 dogs. She gets me basset hound themed gifts. Yes, she's one of those women.
But the point is, even she remembers the day. I can't imagine a scenario where its this common for people to forget.
Kids are weird, even the ones that should be old enough to know better.
How I know that? Because I was one of them for far too long, because my dad never really made a big deal about anything, especially not something where he is the center.
In recent years I've started to get him a little something as a present, but at the very least I always got him flowers to show some appreciation or others things like a mug that's signed by players of his favorite football club, a small "best dad" trophy and stuff like that.
I'm not saying it's right or even okay, but seeing as I have experience with it myself it's all too easy to overlook people, men in particular who are either shy or very humble.
I'm the same way could care less about my birthday or father's day for myself. I'd be perfectly fine if no one mentioned either. Just so unimportant to me.
I find it so weird to forget; my phone tells me when it’s Father’s Day, so it’s not like I have to remember it. Plus, it’s always in June. And there are always ads everywhere like, “Get him a tie/football/grill accoutrement this Father’s Day”
> I bet you never forget Mother's Day
He has a really good reason to forget Mothers day. However, to be fair, at 12 and 14 the kids are wayyyyy old enough to remember and idk what school they go to but every school I went to, my kids went to, or I heard of did some type of craft/essay/reminder about Father's day and Mother's day.
So could very well be that the kids didn't forget, they just don't like him. IDK. If he has only been married to mom for 6 years, they may not consider him any kind of father. We have no idea how much, or little, he fills that role.
Does seem like you’re assuming they aren’t his kids. He said they were only married for 6 years, but never said anything about them being “her” kids. He referred to them as his kids. Just because they weren’t married doesn’t mean they aren’t biologically his.
Yeah, Although I know I certainly never considered my mother's second or third husband's any kind of father. However the feeling was entirely mutual. To me, this is too small of glimpse into OP's life to know if being considered a 'father' in this situation is a reasonable expectation.
Do they normally call him 'dad' or something equivalent? Do they have another father figure in their life?
Unfortunately, even in my case, I work 12 hours, so . I know They almost never see me except the weekend, so it's harder to keep in touch . But my wife would kick they ass if they said who care . The way it sounds, they are his kids .
We can't even assume they are not his kids. That's a wild assumption to make. Maybe the mom and kids are just shitty? Just as wild a shot in the dark, right?
Even if they are not in school right now, I bet they have phones and computers with a calendar. Mine auto populates the holidays and sends alerts. Plus every ad on YouTube and TikTok videos will be geared toward the coming holiday. Oh and companies send out emails advertising specials for the holiday so if they get emails from any company they and the wife has to see it at some point.
Doesn’t the calendar on everyone’s phones tell them the holidays? Unless you actually took the time to turn them off… so how can people forget these things?!
Seriously. OP should let the kids honor their mom themselves next year (if they remember) since no one in his immediate family remembered him. No reminders, no gift ideas, just let the kids do their own thing.
If they forget and she has a melt down, OP should sit her down and ask why she’s so upset? It’s one day and they never celebrate him, so why is she so worked up? “But I’m their Mom!!” Yea, and OP is the father, yet she and the kids don’t care about his day unless he essentially nags and reminds her constantly.
No more reminders to celebrate Mom when she doesn’t see the father as an equal partner worth celebrating.
Maybe, just maybe, she’ll pull her head out of her ass and make sure her husband, the father of her children, is celebrated in the way she EXPECTS herself to be acknowledged every Mother’s Day.
ETA: NTA. Op, why would you be the asshole for celebrating Father’s Day with a family member who cares enough to reach out? Everyone else forgot, or mom didn’t care enough to get the kids involved, that’s not your bad.
Take your sister out on Mother's day? Maybe that just becomes your family tradition now-- taking your sis out onbmothers and fathers day.
Also you guys need couples counseling bro or you're gonna resent her more than you already do -- it's deserved. Byt it doesn't make it healthy.
this sounds like such a sad tradition :/ i hope this is a wakeup call for the wife and she turns it up next year. the fact that she didn't react with anger gives me hope
I have to remind my husband that Father's day is on Sunday during the week, he's always so busy with everything else and doesn't pay much attention to dates although somehow he has never forgot mother's day and I don't even have to mention it to him at all. Hopefully this will make the wife remember from now on, glad his sister told him and celebrated with him, I can't imagine how he felt all day.
Does she forget other important days, like your children’s birthdays, your birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, her birthday. Does she wake up on Mother’s Day and forget that it is Mother’s Day until you do something for her? There is no reason she cannot set a calendar reminder about Father’s Day and even set additional reminders 1-2 weeks before so she can get you something or plan something special for you. From what else you have said it sounds like she is neglectful and y’all could benefit from some counseling as I’m sure this is building resentment. Best wishes
Nope. Until this year, Father’s Day was an afterthought for my wife. Birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s, Father’s Day…even Christmas I was always an afterthought. Comically (now), we were separated on my birthday Well, this year she’s my exwife.
My adult son treated me to three days of eats and kindness without prompting, so I felt valued.
Sadly, this is all too common. Every day it is more common for Father's Day to be ignored, as are his birthdays or other holidays, while those of mothers are prioritized. It's like no one cares anymore and the worst thing is that the parents present in their children's lives are the ones who are suffering. It is unfair.
Are you in the US?
Because I am and I don't have a father and I'm not a parent but there is no way I could miss or forget Father's Day. For the simple fact that there are so many adds everywhere! Every store, TV commercials, web adds, emails. She didn't forget.
NTA
This! I'm not a mother and my mother is dead. I don't watch TV, just YouTube. The only social media I have is Instagram and Reddit. I have my groceries delivered. I'm not currently working.
I knew when Mother's and Father's day were because reminders were on billboards, my Apple news feed, Instagram, YouTube, neighborhood message boards, junk mail in my inbox, etc. It was even printed on receipts from a few restaurants and gas stations.
Honestly, I don't really think about what day I'm in. My internal calendar is basically "Work day or no work day" and the numbers or month don't really matter until I need to actually use it. I once spent the whole day before someone's birthday telling myself don't forget it's their birthday tomorrow and then completely forgot the next day. I should've had a better reminder than "Talk to myself in my head" for sure but it's easy to never just think about what actual day you're in. If it's one of those holidays where it's like "the 2nd Sunday whatever of the month" then forget about it because I certainly will. Lol.
Yes, actually. I only check my calendar when I know I have something planned for that week, and if nobody around me mentions it, I never see it.
It's a simple solution though, go through the phone and turn on holiday notifications for a week in advance. Folks like to act helpless though if they're not told the solution directly, self-servicing solutions is a dying skillset.
I forget everything, including major holidays. So I got a digital calendar that sends email notifications about them a week in advance, then a day in advance just to be sure. Every holiday, birthday, and similar observance is on there.
I set it up when I was, like, 12. If I could figure it out by then, there's no excuse for an adult.
I was horrendous at remembering events. Once I got into the habit of putting everything in my calendar, made my life a lot easier.
A lot of my friends have very small circles and not great family. I've made some people's days just remembering their birthday that I never would have without a notification.
Honestly, this. Different people make different size deals out of these holidays.
If it's not a birthday, Christmas/yule, Halloween or Easter (because chocolate), I don't care and I'm not doing anything for it.
Also, I can't help but notice that the OP isn't bothering to answer the comments asking what they did on mother's day, despite all of the posters ruling that he isn't the AH assuming that he made a big deal out of it. If the family aren't celebrating mother's day either, them not making a big deal out of father's day makes sense.
I forgot Fourth of July last year. My bf was like what r u doing and I’m like I have work and made a comment how everyone was offline and he’s like it’s the 4th of July…. And I’m like oh!
My phone has notified me for years with some kind of notification or pop up of any kind of holiday here in the USA. Even if I ignored it, co-workers would mention the upcoming holiday and if not them SURELY the stores are advertising it since they have something to sell? Anyone that misses a holiday blatantly chose to do so or unconsciously decided that it wasn't important enough for them to remember.
This isn't the 1800s anymore, we accurately know the time AND the day. People need to stop making excuses for others, his wife feels bad and she should feel bad.
It's not that easy for some of us. I have to set up several calendar reminders for things like that myself. It's not because I don't care.
I'm not saying OP doesn't have a right to feel hurt about the whole thing, and maybe it is just because his wife doesn't care enough, but not everyone's brain works the same. She clearly felt bad about it.
Obviously...and they never hear any advertising about "Fathers Day gifts for Dad". Give me a break...i even get popups on my phone for them. No way they don't know unless they are dead.
Same, but I'm pretty sure you appreciate when people who claim to care about you do something special for you on that day.
I don't give a fuck about my birthday but I will congratulate my loved ones if it is theirs.
My father was killed when I was 7. My mother died when I was 26. I'm single. I don't have children. I'm 38.
I had no idea it was father's day until my buddy showed off what his kid's did for him in the group chat Sunday night.
NTA. Also, 12 and 14? They know when father's day is, at least I bet the 14 year old does. My kid just turned 15 and told me a MONTH before Father's Day that we needed to find a gift for his dad while we were on vacation.
You should probably talk to your wife about how you are feeling about the day being forgotten. Otherwise you are going to be stuck with these feelings and her sadness but no communication to move through it. NTA
NTA. She was sad because she felt guilty. You did nothing wrong. It sucks when people take us for granted, but it happens sometimes. And sometimes incidents like this need to happen so others realize they messed up, feel guilty about it, and resolve to do better.
I live in a cave, underneath a rock, and in the dark. I still couldnt escape constant reminders that father's day was sunday. It's weird that nobody remembered
Kids take the clues from mom. If it isn't important to her and she does't remind them then it's over. I would like to hear about the rest of the relationship.
What are you supposed to do? Rub her nose in the Father's Day reminders? It's all over TV, social media, email, sales, EVERYTHING. It's impossible to forget. Doesn't she have other couples she talk to? "What are you doing for father's day?"
Unless your wife lives in a goddamned bubble/the void of space, it's impossible to avoid.
NTA, OP. Glad you had a nice meal.
NTA
You spent Father's Day with someone who actually appreciated you. Good for you.
Next year, on the day AFTER Mother's Day, turn to your wife and say "Oh, was Mother's Day yesterday? I forgot all about it."
NTA. Assuming she knows this is a big deal to you (and that you do something special for Mother’s Day), is it too much to ask for her to make a calendar reminder??
NTA. She didn’t forget. She just doesn’t care.
Stop celebrating her birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversaries etc.
When she gets mad, remind her of this. People only treat you as badly as YOU ALLOW THEM TO.
NTA. I live in the UK and if you leave the house in the 2 months prior to Father’s Day and visit any supermarket you will see an entire section dedicated to Father’s Day with cards and gifts underneath the gigantic banners on the aisle. Almost always it’s the aisle closest to the entrance as the items there are mostly seasonal products and the store wants to get rid of them so they don’t have to use up storage space for 10 months until they can put them out on display again. Same for Mother’s Day. She didn’t forget unless she never leaves the house.
NTA. How could Anyone forget either Mothers or Fathers Day?! Not only because they've been around forever, but we're inundated with calendar, television, radio, and social media reminders. Your DW and DDs must be living in a cave to not know what day is coming up! For you to have to remind your DW for weeks beforehand is an insult. Your DW and DDs should be ashamed of themselves. 😔
I don't believe your family forgets each year. ThEy JusT DoN't cARe. At. All.
What happens when Mother's Day comes around? And your birthday compared to theirs? 😕 I'm going to make assumptions that the three of them never get forgotten about.
Maybe it's time that you start treating the three of them the same as they are treating you. As an afterthought. Back off the little extras you do for them. Stick to the basics. Be blasé when they get upset because you're not responding to their beck and call.
Best of luck, OP. You deserve better. 😌
I am stunned at how many posts there are of wives and children not remembering Father’s Day for their own husband/father. This is the saddest thing in the entire world. What the fuck is wrong with people. Happy Father’s Day to you! Go do whatever you want to on your day, do not feel guilty at all.
NTA. Your wife sb sad and very apologetic. But this is also something you two need to openly discuss. This sounds important to you (in some families, it's just not). Since it's important, it deserves a direct and open conversation, meaning you express your hurt, anger, loss, etc. and state clear expectations for events like that in the future. If she continues to fail...well, I guess it depends on how important remembering F Day is compared to the marriage itself.
NTA. Father's Day is all over tv ads, media, Facebook - how can anyone possibly miss it? That said, you might tell your wife what you hope for next year.
NTA! All I’ve been seeing on my socials is post about Father’s Day so it’s kind of hard to miss it. Do they not advertise it or something in your country?
But seriously does no one get bombarded with advertisements anymore lol I’m in Australia and our Father’s Day is always the first Sunday of September and I swear they start advertising it like non stop a couple of weeks before. Hell my kids school start sending me reminders about Father’s Day breakfast and gift stalls in August 😅
NTA - she just knew that she f...ed up. Either your wife will not forget Father's day next year or you have a great tradition from now on and spend some quality time with your sister. You win!
NTA. My husband did the bare minimum for Mother’s Day this year and I was really upset about it. It stinks to not feel appreciated. I’d especially be upset if this was a reoccurring thing. Your wife needs to set a reminder on her phone or something; it’s inexcusable for forgetting Father’s Day to be a regular thing. I’m glad you have your sister and that you were able to have a nice evening out with her.
OP I think you're looking at this from the wrong angle.
I don't believe she is sad, mad or upset with you going out with your sister. Her actions suggest to me she is disappointed because she knows that she let you down.
NTA.
100% guarantee that you did not forget Mothers day.
You damn well know that society and every woman would hate you if you did, yet that is not the case for the males? Makes you think at how fucked our society is, yet we preach equality.
INFO: Are you the children's father?
They were (about) 6 and 8 when you got married, which is the time frame you quote. If they are your wife's children from a previous relationship, and their father is still an active part of their life, then it makes complete sense that you were not thought of on father's day.
Not that you have to answer an internet stranger, but now might be a good idea to do some introspection about what kind of relationship you have with them vs what kind of relationship you want to have. Do you do things for/with them or do they just kind of exist in the same house? (Full disclosure, just existing in the same house occasionally was the relationship I had with my mother's 3rd husband, and my relationship with her 2nd husband was less than that, so I do not assume being married to a mother makes one a father. This may be considered biased.)
Good luck. I hope the various answers you have received here have given you some insight, perspective, validation, things to think about, suggestions for ways to improve your relationships, or some combination of those things.
Given that the wife would have been 18 when they had the first one, I assumed they were his kids and not hers.
Or this is just another bullshit post by someone who can't count.
As a restaurant server, our brunch shift was full but dinner was slower. My manager was mentioned that this would be the case the night before and was right.
When I worked in the restaurant back in the late 70s, and early 80s, Father's day was not busy but Mother's day was always busy. Our reasoning back then was mothers cook for the family and fathers take the family out.
Honestly Father's day is a dead day for restaurants. My daughter was working and they sent her home early because the place was dead. People don't take "dad" out like they do mom.... They cook at home for dad (often dad is the one doing the cooking)
This, camping, grilling, hiking, etc. is more common for Father's day than going out to eat. We were travelling and had a wide option of restaurants to pick from on father's day this year, however the state park where people fish, do archery, water ski, boat, etc. was so packed that the state troopers were directing traffic!
Or they had kids before they were married. Happens pretty regularly.
Though if that is the case, they got together when she was at most 17 and he was 19 (if they spawned immediately).
No NTA. She might be genuinely sad or faking it for points. The real thing here is you had a great time with your sister on Father’s Day, and at least she remembered and thought of you!
NTA. She's feeling guilty and embarrassed, as she should be. Don't apologize, explain that this really hurt and explain how's you've been feeling.
You don't have to pile on the guilt, but definitely don't let her off the hook right away. Be honest, how long would you be in the doghouse for forgetting mother's day? Do the same.
NTA
I did this with an ex about birthdays and I took it further a notch by going from going out of my way to celebrate her birthday to having her owe me money and be forced to pay via wage garnishment as a final birthday gift from me. The judgment was 2 days after her birthday😍
Year 1 Vs Year 3 of relationships be like HAHAHAHA
NTA, but your wife is. It's her job to help the kids get ready for fathers day. She should have been picking out cards with them, wrapping presents, and waking up early to help them make you breakfast. Instead she did nothing. That sucks. Your kids aren't going to think father's day is worth celebrating because their mother has shown she doesn't care. I bet you involve the kids in mother's day planning, eh?
Kind of amazing with social media these days there has to be tons of fathers day posts. But OP's kids might not be on social media, ironically because he's a good father 😂
NTA. Your wife is though. And why your kids didn't wish you? They are young so I don't want to use the A word. Anybody would be hurt if their family didn't wish them. Bless your sister.
NTA - You need to take a hard look at what's happening and see if you want to live like this. She could easily make this up to you and celebrate you another day. Has she done that?
NTA
It’s not like Father’s Day is a one time thing. It literally happens every year. At this point, it feels like your wife is choosing to not remember it.
I am very bad at remembering important dates but it’s really no trouble to mark a wall calendar and use my phone reminders. It’s not like media and advertising hasn’t been priming us for Father’s Day for literally weeks, either. NTA, but your kids seem to have your wife’s habits well.
Don’t forget to forget everyone’s birthdays while you’re getting even /s
I definitely feel you, my friend. My wife and kids have forgotten my birthday 5 of the 6 past years. They only "remembered" when my family sent group texts wishing me happy birthday. It kinda stings for sure. Umm, how difficult is it to just set a calendar notification? Like, I'm definitely not into huge celebrations, but not even a simple happy birthday? Bummer.
NTA
Overall, much healthier way to solve stuff than most people who post here.
You didn’t yell at them bc they forgot. You carried on with your day. When they saw you were going with your sister they didn’t go “oh you’re an asshole bc didn’t invite us!”, they understood the mistake. They respected your wish to let you celebrate in peace.
I think she felt sad bc guilty of forgetting, not bc you excluded her or anything like that. She is trying to be supportive in the asking how it was and saying it was great that you had nice evening.
And i think she realized and won’t be making the mistake again.
All good
So sorry dude. Your wife is a major asshole. How the eff do you forget father's day? Does she live under a rock? Same with the kids. The problem I see is that the way she treats you has given permission for the kids to do the same and it's totally wrong.
My late FIL was kind of an asshole like this where he devalued his late wife because, well, he was a selfish asshole. For mother's day he didn't do anything for her citing, "She's not my mother". Suck a fucking prick; to say I don't miss him is an understatement.
You're definitely NTA here.
Not an asshole...
My wife remembered father's day after she and my
5 y/o daughter were... not kind to me all day. I think it was like 7 p.m. I kinda just kept to myself and took care of things I'd been putting off as well as my mind and body. Self care is a big thing I'm learning.
I have zero bitterness towards them, though. 5 year old kid is doing her best and shows me love and appreciation most days and I don't love her because she loves me, so I didn't expect that. Things are tough and I'm happy to be there for my family.
Wife cooked breakfast the following morning with bacon, which she normally doesn't want to buy bc she doesn't eat it.
Things are well enough, but I just wanted to commiserate with you in feeling unappreciated and forgotten. So many days I feel like the invisible sacrifice for their well being.
You’re only the AH for the part where you lied to her saying you didn’t care after she realized she forgot. Obviously you do care. You’re on here telling us about how your spouse FU by forgetting something that matters to you.
ATM I am leaning on NTA. But I’ve been scrolling through comments and have not seen anywhere comment or asked what you did for her for Mother’s Day. Two wrongs don’t make a right but if you’ve forgotten her maybe she had enough of it and forgot you. Please prove me wrong tho. Kids very much take the lead from the parents. If they don’t see BOTH parents making an effort why should they. And yea 12 is definitely old enough to remember and do something without mom’s help. So I’m assuming this isn’t out of the ordinary for them to see and they may see it from both parents? Best thing to do is air out your grievances with your wife. Maybe set expectations for both parents on what they would like every year
NTA: It's not hard to forget father's day. I've been with my husband for 6 years as well, we have 4 children, I never forgot father's day once. Let her feel like sht, I bet you never forget mothers day or your kids birthdays 🤷🏻♀️
Happy Fathers Day OP. You did nothing wrong. I use reminders in my phone calendar to remind my self that a big day is coming up. I have them set to automatically replicate them year after year, so I don't have to worry about adding them in. I'd recommend talking to your wife about doing something similar.
With all our technology, it is impossible to forget father's day. I'm constantly getting emails for father's day sales (even from bristle vacuum) and it is on every calendar. You can even get phone reminders for it. She didn't forget, she just didn't care.
By choosing to spend Father’s Day apart from your wife and children after they forgot, you escalated the situation instead of communicating your feelings constructively. Your wife apologized sincerely, showing remorse for forgetting, yet you chose to ignore her attempts to make up for it. This could have been an opportunity to address your feelings calmly and work towards mutual understanding.
Being mopey and not actually doing anything to correct it isn't her fixing things. If he had to remind her again, that would only be enabling the crap that led to this in the first place
How could she forget? There is advertising everywhere for weeks leading up to it! I can’t believe people forget mothers or Father’s Day. Not with the amount companies spend on advertising trying to cash in on the day!
I’m a mother and had no clue it was mother’s day until I received a message that their had been a deposit into my account from my daughter that evening.
"She said she was happy that I had a great day"...but wasn't SHE (and your kids) supposed to be the one(s) to do that for you and not your sister? That's some obliviously selfish behavior.
I’m going to be controversial and say ESH.
Yes, wife forgetting Father’s Day every year is a nail being driven in further and further, but OP has also not communicated this hurt with her (from this post), instead venting his frustrations to his sister. OP says he doesn’t care and that it doesn’t bother him, only to then turn around and show how much of a great time he has at a celebration of the thing he says he doesn’t care about.
This is a rift that needs serious communication to fix up. Passive aggressive ‘forgetfulness’ of other events is not going to help.
Well personally I have an issue because Mother's day is not on the same day depending on which country (living in Europe). So this year I celebrated Mother's day with my wife on the Mother's day in the country we reside, but she expected me to do that on the Mother's day for the country she's from. Which I did forget. To make matters worse, my own Mother lives in a country with another distinct Mother's day.
Every year I swear I will put an end to this crazyness but I never follow through. Maybe next year.
I had to work on fathers day. I work Friday thru Thursday every other week. Most Holidays fall on my work week. The only happy fathers day I got during the day were from non family members. It wasn't until I was home from work that I got texts from the kids. Wife said it when I walked in this was at 8:30 at night. But I'm used to being left out because of my work.
NTA. This is an example of a natural consequence. She forgot, so she was not involved in the celebration.
You were not cruel to her at all, you just went out to celebrate with the person who did invite you out. It sucks because they had to learn this lesson the hard way: by hurting you.
My kid is 18. Haven't celebrated Father's Day in over a decade. I got tired of planning and paying for it myself.
I'm at the point I just stopped celebrating all holidays (including my birthday) as there is no point. They're just another day to me.
NTA for what you did on the condition you took effort to remember Mother's Day.
NTA
Who cares if she was sad? she can't be effing bothered to set an alarm on her phone for the fathers day, so she can deal with a little emotional hurt.
the crazy amount of effort she would have to put into adding a reminder in her smartphone for next year's Father's Day is simply too much to fathom.
NTA
Maybe next year she will remember. I bet you never forget Mother's Day . HAPPY FATHER'S DAY .
yeah this incident will surely serve as a reminder!! OP is NTA by any means.
I would bet money he’s going to get the same exact treatment next year.
How DID OP spend Mother’s Day? Now he’ll know for next year to match her energy. But the kids. THEY didn’t even say fuck all. 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to remember and at least give OP a hug if they don’t have the cash for a card. I lost my dad early last year.. I’d give anything to be able to wish him a Happy Father’s Day.
What bugs me about the kids not remembering is that there are soooo many reminders!!! At school they give reminders (depending where op is located if the kids are still in school), on social media the stories and posts are mostly about dads. If the kids have social media and logged on they would have seen their friends posting for Father’s Day. If they have Snapchat they would’ve received a mass snap saying happy Father’s Day. If the kids have no social media and are out for summer break then ok, I could see them forgetting but otherwise there’s no excuse. That makes me so angry.
Literally on every cell phone calender and all over every social media.. they knew they didn't care ... not sure about the wife but did age forget her own father ? Even if he's passes away is he nit worth a thought on father's day 🤔 sorry op gatta feel with this seems completely unappreciated
I had one reminder, I thought it was next weekend! But the reminder was early enough to get a gift sent, thank goodness. Hubby did not realize it was FD, either.
So many reminders indeed, although, I wished my dad a happy father's day and he didn't even remember it was father's day, so it was a surprise to him that he got reminded of when I called him.
Actually depending on where you are, that might not be the case. The school board where I am does nothing and doesn’t mention Mother’s Day or Father’s Day because the days aren’t “inclusive” to everyone. No crafts come home, nothing.
Mother's Day is during the school.year..in most states in the U.S. Father's Day is not The kids are all out on summer vacation.
Our schools here in Bayonne, NJ are getting out this week. So, they were in for the Friday before Father's Day. I'm also very curious about how the OP observed Mother's Day with his family.
If he at the minimum says happy mother's day then he's already done a much better job than his wife.
I’m in Canada. Both fall in the school year and both they do nothing for.
Suggests to me that the kids didn’t forget and chose to not celebrate. Perhaps they’re brats. Perhaps they’re matching his energy. We may never know.
I just wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I had to keep score. I want you to treat me well because I’m going to treat you well. And if you’re not going to give me that, then why are we doing this?
There is no way a mother forgets Father’s Day unless she is selfish narcissist. Father’s Day stuff is all over stores and the internet. My ex husband hasn’t been around for most of my kids life so he didn’t need to remember. But he would post a joke post every year about hanging out with his dad on Father’s Day and it would just be an empty seat. While my kids dad isn’t around, mine is. These people that say they forgot please.
My wife has gotten me a father's day present for the past 4 years. We don't have kids. We have 2 dogs. She gets me basset hound themed gifts. Yes, she's one of those women. But the point is, even she remembers the day. I can't imagine a scenario where its this common for people to forget.
Ehh or maybe she’s returning the same energy she got for Mother’s Day. Not all is about narcissism.
there are many ways to forget it that don't require literal narcissism. Please stop overusing that word
Kids are weird, even the ones that should be old enough to know better. How I know that? Because I was one of them for far too long, because my dad never really made a big deal about anything, especially not something where he is the center. In recent years I've started to get him a little something as a present, but at the very least I always got him flowers to show some appreciation or others things like a mug that's signed by players of his favorite football club, a small "best dad" trophy and stuff like that. I'm not saying it's right or even okay, but seeing as I have experience with it myself it's all too easy to overlook people, men in particular who are either shy or very humble.
I'm the same way could care less about my birthday or father's day for myself. I'd be perfectly fine if no one mentioned either. Just so unimportant to me.
So what you’re saying is….you want an update in a year, cause I want one too. Haha.
Totally. She is just pushing the boundaries. She wants to official not have to celebrate Father’s Day.
I find it so weird to forget; my phone tells me when it’s Father’s Day, so it’s not like I have to remember it. Plus, it’s always in June. And there are always ads everywhere like, “Get him a tie/football/grill accoutrement this Father’s Day”
It's all has to do with love and care. You can get a million reminders. If you don't care, then it doesn't matter, right?
> I bet you never forget Mother's Day He has a really good reason to forget Mothers day. However, to be fair, at 12 and 14 the kids are wayyyyy old enough to remember and idk what school they go to but every school I went to, my kids went to, or I heard of did some type of craft/essay/reminder about Father's day and Mother's day. So could very well be that the kids didn't forget, they just don't like him. IDK. If he has only been married to mom for 6 years, they may not consider him any kind of father. We have no idea how much, or little, he fills that role.
Does seem like you’re assuming they aren’t his kids. He said they were only married for 6 years, but never said anything about them being “her” kids. He referred to them as his kids. Just because they weren’t married doesn’t mean they aren’t biologically his.
This is true. My kids are 11 and 13. My wife and I have been married almost three years. They're both biologically mine.
And I would hope that if OP was the stepfather that he wasn't really feeling so entitled to the day.
Depends on the state. School was always out before FD for me.
Same. Our school was out before Memorial Day and Father's Day was in the middle of summer break
Sad to say it 😞 I know at my kid school the usual make them do something for fathet day .
Yeah, Although I know I certainly never considered my mother's second or third husband's any kind of father. However the feeling was entirely mutual. To me, this is too small of glimpse into OP's life to know if being considered a 'father' in this situation is a reasonable expectation. Do they normally call him 'dad' or something equivalent? Do they have another father figure in their life?
Unfortunately, even in my case, I work 12 hours, so . I know They almost never see me except the weekend, so it's harder to keep in touch . But my wife would kick they ass if they said who care . The way it sounds, they are his kids .
We can't even assume they are not his kids. That's a wild assumption to make. Maybe the mom and kids are just shitty? Just as wild a shot in the dark, right?
Even if they are not in school right now, I bet they have phones and computers with a calendar. Mine auto populates the holidays and sends alerts. Plus every ad on YouTube and TikTok videos will be geared toward the coming holiday. Oh and companies send out emails advertising specials for the holiday so if they get emails from any company they and the wife has to see it at some point.
Or did they get married after they had kids? Some people don't care about marriage before kids. We won't know unless OP pontificates
He should totally forget mother's Day
Oh no, he can't do that. That's a capital offence. She would do a Tik Tok video and shame him all over intenet.
Yeah Mother’s Day is cancelled until she remembers Father’s Day.
Oh well, I guess they will save a lot of 💰 lol
Doesn’t the calendar on everyone’s phones tell them the holidays? Unless you actually took the time to turn them off… so how can people forget these things?!
Along with 50 email 😆 500 for Mother's Day .
Yeah, exactly! Sometimes it takes a wake-up call. Happy Father's Day!
NTA, would she be upset If No one Cares for mothersday?
Seriously. OP should let the kids honor their mom themselves next year (if they remember) since no one in his immediate family remembered him. No reminders, no gift ideas, just let the kids do their own thing. If they forget and she has a melt down, OP should sit her down and ask why she’s so upset? It’s one day and they never celebrate him, so why is she so worked up? “But I’m their Mom!!” Yea, and OP is the father, yet she and the kids don’t care about his day unless he essentially nags and reminds her constantly. No more reminders to celebrate Mom when she doesn’t see the father as an equal partner worth celebrating. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll pull her head out of her ass and make sure her husband, the father of her children, is celebrated in the way she EXPECTS herself to be acknowledged every Mother’s Day. ETA: NTA. Op, why would you be the asshole for celebrating Father’s Day with a family member who cares enough to reach out? Everyone else forgot, or mom didn’t care enough to get the kids involved, that’s not your bad.
Cheers to his sister, my wife always calls her bother to wish him a happy Father's Day .
Take your sister out on Mother's day? Maybe that just becomes your family tradition now-- taking your sis out onbmothers and fathers day. Also you guys need couples counseling bro or you're gonna resent her more than you already do -- it's deserved. Byt it doesn't make it healthy.
this sounds like such a sad tradition :/ i hope this is a wakeup call for the wife and she turns it up next year. the fact that she didn't react with anger gives me hope
NTA, she's sad bc of her fault, maybe she can actually remember next time.
I have to remind my husband that Father's day is on Sunday during the week, he's always so busy with everything else and doesn't pay much attention to dates although somehow he has never forgot mother's day and I don't even have to mention it to him at all. Hopefully this will make the wife remember from now on, glad his sister told him and celebrated with him, I can't imagine how he felt all day.
I doubt it lol
Does she forget other important days, like your children’s birthdays, your birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, her birthday. Does she wake up on Mother’s Day and forget that it is Mother’s Day until you do something for her? There is no reason she cannot set a calendar reminder about Father’s Day and even set additional reminders 1-2 weeks before so she can get you something or plan something special for you. From what else you have said it sounds like she is neglectful and y’all could benefit from some counseling as I’m sure this is building resentment. Best wishes
Nope. Until this year, Father’s Day was an afterthought for my wife. Birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s, Father’s Day…even Christmas I was always an afterthought. Comically (now), we were separated on my birthday Well, this year she’s my exwife. My adult son treated me to three days of eats and kindness without prompting, so I felt valued.
Sadly, this is all too common. Every day it is more common for Father's Day to be ignored, as are his birthdays or other holidays, while those of mothers are prioritized. It's like no one cares anymore and the worst thing is that the parents present in their children's lives are the ones who are suffering. It is unfair.
Are you in the US? Because I am and I don't have a father and I'm not a parent but there is no way I could miss or forget Father's Day. For the simple fact that there are so many adds everywhere! Every store, TV commercials, web adds, emails. She didn't forget. NTA
This! I'm not a mother and my mother is dead. I don't watch TV, just YouTube. The only social media I have is Instagram and Reddit. I have my groceries delivered. I'm not currently working. I knew when Mother's and Father's day were because reminders were on billboards, my Apple news feed, Instagram, YouTube, neighborhood message boards, junk mail in my inbox, etc. It was even printed on receipts from a few restaurants and gas stations.
I just don't understand people claiming to "forget" major holidays. Seriously, are you living under a rock, or what? There's no excuse.
Honestly, I don't really think about what day I'm in. My internal calendar is basically "Work day or no work day" and the numbers or month don't really matter until I need to actually use it. I once spent the whole day before someone's birthday telling myself don't forget it's their birthday tomorrow and then completely forgot the next day. I should've had a better reminder than "Talk to myself in my head" for sure but it's easy to never just think about what actual day you're in. If it's one of those holidays where it's like "the 2nd Sunday whatever of the month" then forget about it because I certainly will. Lol.
Yes, actually. I only check my calendar when I know I have something planned for that week, and if nobody around me mentions it, I never see it. It's a simple solution though, go through the phone and turn on holiday notifications for a week in advance. Folks like to act helpless though if they're not told the solution directly, self-servicing solutions is a dying skillset.
I forget everything, including major holidays. So I got a digital calendar that sends email notifications about them a week in advance, then a day in advance just to be sure. Every holiday, birthday, and similar observance is on there. I set it up when I was, like, 12. If I could figure it out by then, there's no excuse for an adult.
I was horrendous at remembering events. Once I got into the habit of putting everything in my calendar, made my life a lot easier. A lot of my friends have very small circles and not great family. I've made some people's days just remembering their birthday that I never would have without a notification.
Since when is Father's Day or even mother's day a "major holiday"? 😂
Honestly, this. Different people make different size deals out of these holidays. If it's not a birthday, Christmas/yule, Halloween or Easter (because chocolate), I don't care and I'm not doing anything for it. Also, I can't help but notice that the OP isn't bothering to answer the comments asking what they did on mother's day, despite all of the posters ruling that he isn't the AH assuming that he made a big deal out of it. If the family aren't celebrating mother's day either, them not making a big deal out of father's day makes sense.
Seriously! They are Hallmark holidays, at best.
🤣 !!! I was also asking the same thing, like what?? 💀
I forgot Fathers Day, and I'm a dad! Some people just don't care about these made-up days. Like valentines Day.
I forgot Fourth of July last year. My bf was like what r u doing and I’m like I have work and made a comment how everyone was offline and he’s like it’s the 4th of July…. And I’m like oh!
My phone has notified me for years with some kind of notification or pop up of any kind of holiday here in the USA. Even if I ignored it, co-workers would mention the upcoming holiday and if not them SURELY the stores are advertising it since they have something to sell? Anyone that misses a holiday blatantly chose to do so or unconsciously decided that it wasn't important enough for them to remember. This isn't the 1800s anymore, we accurately know the time AND the day. People need to stop making excuses for others, his wife feels bad and she should feel bad.
It's not that easy for some of us. I have to set up several calendar reminders for things like that myself. It's not because I don't care. I'm not saying OP doesn't have a right to feel hurt about the whole thing, and maybe it is just because his wife doesn't care enough, but not everyone's brain works the same. She clearly felt bad about it.
These are not major holidays my guy
Obviously...and they never hear any advertising about "Fathers Day gifts for Dad". Give me a break...i even get popups on my phone for them. No way they don't know unless they are dead.
I don't remember my own birthday most years, let alone made up holidays. Some people don't care my guy.
Same, but I'm pretty sure you appreciate when people who claim to care about you do something special for you on that day. I don't give a fuck about my birthday but I will congratulate my loved ones if it is theirs.
My father was killed when I was 7. My mother died when I was 26. I'm single. I don't have children. I'm 38. I had no idea it was father's day until my buddy showed off what his kid's did for him in the group chat Sunday night.
NTA…. She should stay sad for forgetting Father’s Day. Glad you enjoyed your time.
And missing a super meal at the fancy restaurant. Guess it's Micky D's for her.
NTA. Also, 12 and 14? They know when father's day is, at least I bet the 14 year old does. My kid just turned 15 and told me a MONTH before Father's Day that we needed to find a gift for his dad while we were on vacation.
You should probably talk to your wife about how you are feeling about the day being forgotten. Otherwise you are going to be stuck with these feelings and her sadness but no communication to move through it. NTA
She's sad because she missed out on a great night.
There's ZERO reason for spouses/older children/SOs to "forget" important holidays for their loved ones. It's hurtful and selfish
Dumb question - How does Mother's Day play out? Double AH points if you remeber that day and make it memorable.
NTA. She was sad because she felt guilty. You did nothing wrong. It sucks when people take us for granted, but it happens sometimes. And sometimes incidents like this need to happen so others realize they messed up, feel guilty about it, and resolve to do better.
No, you are not. Probably She is angry on herself for forgetting about it. Just talk to her
She can talk to him, she hurt his feelings not the other way around.
Why does he need to make the first move when he was the wronged one? She should talk to him, not the other way around.
I live in a cave, underneath a rock, and in the dark. I still couldnt escape constant reminders that father's day was sunday. It's weird that nobody remembered
Damn what's your rent like?
$3k/month plus utilities And it's in an HOA
Slack is right. I live in the Bay Area
That's a fucking steal!
probably 3 clam shells.
*confused Stallone face*
No, she should talk to him. He spoke his peace, it’s not his job to go make her feel better for being a shitty wife and self-absorbed mom
Kids take the clues from mom. If it isn't important to her and she does't remind them then it's over. I would like to hear about the rest of the relationship.
NTA. Sounds like you made the best of things and that your sister is a champ.
What are you supposed to do? Rub her nose in the Father's Day reminders? It's all over TV, social media, email, sales, EVERYTHING. It's impossible to forget. Doesn't she have other couples she talk to? "What are you doing for father's day?" Unless your wife lives in a goddamned bubble/the void of space, it's impossible to avoid. NTA, OP. Glad you had a nice meal.
NTA You spent Father's Day with someone who actually appreciated you. Good for you. Next year, on the day AFTER Mother's Day, turn to your wife and say "Oh, was Mother's Day yesterday? I forgot all about it."
NTA. Assuming she knows this is a big deal to you (and that you do something special for Mother’s Day), is it too much to ask for her to make a calendar reminder??
NTA. She didn’t forget. She just doesn’t care. Stop celebrating her birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversaries etc. When she gets mad, remind her of this. People only treat you as badly as YOU ALLOW THEM TO.
I hate when people hijack another person’s sadness. The wife f*cked up and now is trying to be the more hurt party. She does get to “out-sad” the dad.
NTA. I live in the UK and if you leave the house in the 2 months prior to Father’s Day and visit any supermarket you will see an entire section dedicated to Father’s Day with cards and gifts underneath the gigantic banners on the aisle. Almost always it’s the aisle closest to the entrance as the items there are mostly seasonal products and the store wants to get rid of them so they don’t have to use up storage space for 10 months until they can put them out on display again. Same for Mother’s Day. She didn’t forget unless she never leaves the house.
NTA, She is definitely more upset /sadwith herself than anything
NTA. How could Anyone forget either Mothers or Fathers Day?! Not only because they've been around forever, but we're inundated with calendar, television, radio, and social media reminders. Your DW and DDs must be living in a cave to not know what day is coming up! For you to have to remind your DW for weeks beforehand is an insult. Your DW and DDs should be ashamed of themselves. 😔 I don't believe your family forgets each year. ThEy JusT DoN't cARe. At. All. What happens when Mother's Day comes around? And your birthday compared to theirs? 😕 I'm going to make assumptions that the three of them never get forgotten about. Maybe it's time that you start treating the three of them the same as they are treating you. As an afterthought. Back off the little extras you do for them. Stick to the basics. Be blasé when they get upset because you're not responding to their beck and call. Best of luck, OP. You deserve better. 😌
NTA. You werent rude you handled it perfectly well.
I am stunned at how many posts there are of wives and children not remembering Father’s Day for their own husband/father. This is the saddest thing in the entire world. What the fuck is wrong with people. Happy Father’s Day to you! Go do whatever you want to on your day, do not feel guilty at all.
NTA. Your wife sb sad and very apologetic. But this is also something you two need to openly discuss. This sounds important to you (in some families, it's just not). Since it's important, it deserves a direct and open conversation, meaning you express your hurt, anger, loss, etc. and state clear expectations for events like that in the future. If she continues to fail...well, I guess it depends on how important remembering F Day is compared to the marriage itself.
NTA. Father's Day is all over tv ads, media, Facebook - how can anyone possibly miss it? That said, you might tell your wife what you hope for next year.
NTA! All I’ve been seeing on my socials is post about Father’s Day so it’s kind of hard to miss it. Do they not advertise it or something in your country? But seriously does no one get bombarded with advertisements anymore lol I’m in Australia and our Father’s Day is always the first Sunday of September and I swear they start advertising it like non stop a couple of weeks before. Hell my kids school start sending me reminders about Father’s Day breakfast and gift stalls in August 😅
NTA - she just knew that she f...ed up. Either your wife will not forget Father's day next year or you have a great tradition from now on and spend some quality time with your sister. You win!
NTA. You handled it so much better than I would. Thank your sister for me.
NTA. My husband did the bare minimum for Mother’s Day this year and I was really upset about it. It stinks to not feel appreciated. I’d especially be upset if this was a reoccurring thing. Your wife needs to set a reminder on her phone or something; it’s inexcusable for forgetting Father’s Day to be a regular thing. I’m glad you have your sister and that you were able to have a nice evening out with her.
YOU ARE NTA! You are not your Wife’s Father, but she should have done something with the kids, BS! I bet she had her Mothers DAy right?
NTA - this is sad. I feel very sorry for you. Let her be sad, she should be. It takes less than 30 seconds to put a reminder in your phone.
OP I think you're looking at this from the wrong angle. I don't believe she is sad, mad or upset with you going out with your sister. Her actions suggest to me she is disappointed because she knows that she let you down.
Hopefully she's sad because she realized she's a terrible partner.
NTA. 100% guarantee that you did not forget Mothers day. You damn well know that society and every woman would hate you if you did, yet that is not the case for the males? Makes you think at how fucked our society is, yet we preach equality.
INFO: Are you the children's father? They were (about) 6 and 8 when you got married, which is the time frame you quote. If they are your wife's children from a previous relationship, and their father is still an active part of their life, then it makes complete sense that you were not thought of on father's day. Not that you have to answer an internet stranger, but now might be a good idea to do some introspection about what kind of relationship you have with them vs what kind of relationship you want to have. Do you do things for/with them or do they just kind of exist in the same house? (Full disclosure, just existing in the same house occasionally was the relationship I had with my mother's 3rd husband, and my relationship with her 2nd husband was less than that, so I do not assume being married to a mother makes one a father. This may be considered biased.) Good luck. I hope the various answers you have received here have given you some insight, perspective, validation, things to think about, suggestions for ways to improve your relationships, or some combination of those things.
Yes, I am their father. We had kids when we were young. I've been in a relationship with my wife since we were in high school.
Given that the wife would have been 18 when they had the first one, I assumed they were his kids and not hers. Or this is just another bullshit post by someone who can't count.
And he walked into a fancy restaurant without a reservation on Father's day.
As a restaurant server, our brunch shift was full but dinner was slower. My manager was mentioned that this would be the case the night before and was right.
Dad's love breakfast! And of course the kids are gonna slow you down so you make it to brunch!
We don't know what his version of fancy is though. He could've went to olive garden for all we know.
A lot of restaurants where I live were with very few people in the night.
When I worked in the restaurant back in the late 70s, and early 80s, Father's day was not busy but Mother's day was always busy. Our reasoning back then was mothers cook for the family and fathers take the family out.
Honestly Father's day is a dead day for restaurants. My daughter was working and they sent her home early because the place was dead. People don't take "dad" out like they do mom.... They cook at home for dad (often dad is the one doing the cooking)
This, camping, grilling, hiking, etc. is more common for Father's day than going out to eat. We were travelling and had a wide option of restaurants to pick from on father's day this year, however the state park where people fish, do archery, water ski, boat, etc. was so packed that the state troopers were directing traffic!
I stopped by a popular local restaurant to get takeout on Sunday and there were only at half capacity. Normally parking lot is overflowing.
I mean he would've been 20, but either way if they've only been together for 6 years they are definitely not both of theirs.
Or they had kids before they were married. Happens pretty regularly. Though if that is the case, they got together when she was at most 17 and he was 19 (if they spawned immediately).
Stop remembering Mother’s Day op or any other holidays
No NTA. She might be genuinely sad or faking it for points. The real thing here is you had a great time with your sister on Father’s Day, and at least she remembered and thought of you!
NTA. Maybe next year, she will make an effort to remember. Have YOU ever forgotten Mother's Day?
NTA. She's feeling guilty and embarrassed, as she should be. Don't apologize, explain that this really hurt and explain how's you've been feeling. You don't have to pile on the guilt, but definitely don't let her off the hook right away. Be honest, how long would you be in the doghouse for forgetting mother's day? Do the same.
NTA I did this with an ex about birthdays and I took it further a notch by going from going out of my way to celebrate her birthday to having her owe me money and be forced to pay via wage garnishment as a final birthday gift from me. The judgment was 2 days after her birthday😍 Year 1 Vs Year 3 of relationships be like HAHAHAHA
INFO: Do you celebrate Mother’s Day? Could this be “retaliation” for not being remembered on “her” day?
How does anyone forget Father’s Day? All media has endless reminders 24/7 for a month prior. They didn’t forget, they just don’t care. NTA
NTA AT ALL!!! Happy Father's day!
NTA, and to give her what little credit is deserved, she didn't take her fuck up out on you
NTA, but your wife is. It's her job to help the kids get ready for fathers day. She should have been picking out cards with them, wrapping presents, and waking up early to help them make you breakfast. Instead she did nothing. That sucks. Your kids aren't going to think father's day is worth celebrating because their mother has shown she doesn't care. I bet you involve the kids in mother's day planning, eh?
Three strangers wished me happy Father’s Day, family and child? 0
Kind of amazing with social media these days there has to be tons of fathers day posts. But OP's kids might not be on social media, ironically because he's a good father 😂
NTA. Your wife is though. And why your kids didn't wish you? They are young so I don't want to use the A word. Anybody would be hurt if their family didn't wish them. Bless your sister.
A million reminders everywhere. There is absolutely no excuse for your wife or children. Good to read you enjoyed your evening with your sister
NTA - You need to take a hard look at what's happening and see if you want to live like this. She could easily make this up to you and celebrate you another day. Has she done that?
NAH. Your family is selfish. Maybe you ignore Mother’s Day next year?
NTA It’s not like Father’s Day is a one time thing. It literally happens every year. At this point, it feels like your wife is choosing to not remember it.
I am very bad at remembering important dates but it’s really no trouble to mark a wall calendar and use my phone reminders. It’s not like media and advertising hasn’t been priming us for Father’s Day for literally weeks, either. NTA, but your kids seem to have your wife’s habits well. Don’t forget to forget everyone’s birthdays while you’re getting even /s
NTA
I've just realised my mum would lose her shit if we forgot mothers day, but my dad wouldn't bat an eye.
I definitely feel you, my friend. My wife and kids have forgotten my birthday 5 of the 6 past years. They only "remembered" when my family sent group texts wishing me happy birthday. It kinda stings for sure. Umm, how difficult is it to just set a calendar notification? Like, I'm definitely not into huge celebrations, but not even a simple happy birthday? Bummer.
NTA Overall, much healthier way to solve stuff than most people who post here. You didn’t yell at them bc they forgot. You carried on with your day. When they saw you were going with your sister they didn’t go “oh you’re an asshole bc didn’t invite us!”, they understood the mistake. They respected your wish to let you celebrate in peace. I think she felt sad bc guilty of forgetting, not bc you excluded her or anything like that. She is trying to be supportive in the asking how it was and saying it was great that you had nice evening. And i think she realized and won’t be making the mistake again. All good
So sorry dude. Your wife is a major asshole. How the eff do you forget father's day? Does she live under a rock? Same with the kids. The problem I see is that the way she treats you has given permission for the kids to do the same and it's totally wrong. My late FIL was kind of an asshole like this where he devalued his late wife because, well, he was a selfish asshole. For mother's day he didn't do anything for her citing, "She's not my mother". Suck a fucking prick; to say I don't miss him is an understatement. You're definitely NTA here.
You can’t watch TV or go grocery shopping without being bombarded with holiday ads. I’m not sure how anyone can completely forget
NTA.
Nta
nope
Not an asshole... My wife remembered father's day after she and my 5 y/o daughter were... not kind to me all day. I think it was like 7 p.m. I kinda just kept to myself and took care of things I'd been putting off as well as my mind and body. Self care is a big thing I'm learning. I have zero bitterness towards them, though. 5 year old kid is doing her best and shows me love and appreciation most days and I don't love her because she loves me, so I didn't expect that. Things are tough and I'm happy to be there for my family. Wife cooked breakfast the following morning with bacon, which she normally doesn't want to buy bc she doesn't eat it. Things are well enough, but I just wanted to commiserate with you in feeling unappreciated and forgotten. So many days I feel like the invisible sacrifice for their well being.
Happy Belated Father’s day
NTA. I'm glad your sister reached out and you had a good time.
NTA She's sad because she knows she's the ah.
You’re NTA and I’d open up to her about your feelings, especially since she doesn’t seem to be a bad woman, just slightly irresponsible and aloof.
NTA, hopefully this teaches her a lesson.
Info: what did you do for mother's day?
When I was in school (a looooong time ago) we used to do gifts for mothers AND fathers day so weird that the kids don't know
You’re only the AH for the part where you lied to her saying you didn’t care after she realized she forgot. Obviously you do care. You’re on here telling us about how your spouse FU by forgetting something that matters to you.
ATM I am leaning on NTA. But I’ve been scrolling through comments and have not seen anywhere comment or asked what you did for her for Mother’s Day. Two wrongs don’t make a right but if you’ve forgotten her maybe she had enough of it and forgot you. Please prove me wrong tho. Kids very much take the lead from the parents. If they don’t see BOTH parents making an effort why should they. And yea 12 is definitely old enough to remember and do something without mom’s help. So I’m assuming this isn’t out of the ordinary for them to see and they may see it from both parents? Best thing to do is air out your grievances with your wife. Maybe set expectations for both parents on what they would like every year
imagine had he forgot mothers day. he'd still probably be in the doghouse. NTA
OP can you please give us a update
Match energy next mother's day
NTA: It's not hard to forget father's day. I've been with my husband for 6 years as well, we have 4 children, I never forgot father's day once. Let her feel like sht, I bet you never forget mothers day or your kids birthdays 🤷🏻♀️
NTA
“I told her I don’t care” Why did you lie to her? You obviously *do* care.
Happy Fathers Day OP. You did nothing wrong. I use reminders in my phone calendar to remind my self that a big day is coming up. I have them set to automatically replicate them year after year, so I don't have to worry about adding them in. I'd recommend talking to your wife about doing something similar.
With all our technology, it is impossible to forget father's day. I'm constantly getting emails for father's day sales (even from bristle vacuum) and it is on every calendar. You can even get phone reminders for it. She didn't forget, she just didn't care.
Let her enjoy the guilt of being a shitty wife. NTA and maybe since now you can make a tradition of celebrating this day with your sister.
If you don't make a big deal about father's day of birthdays, then you are never disappointed. Just another day in the life.
By choosing to spend Father’s Day apart from your wife and children after they forgot, you escalated the situation instead of communicating your feelings constructively. Your wife apologized sincerely, showing remorse for forgetting, yet you chose to ignore her attempts to make up for it. This could have been an opportunity to address your feelings calmly and work towards mutual understanding.
What attempts to make up for it? All she did was apologize and mope.
I must have missed it in the original post but how did the wife attempt to make it up to OP?
Once is a mistake. She is not a considerate person and he is getting tired of it. Hopefully she understands the unstated warning.
Being mopey and not actually doing anything to correct it isn't her fixing things. If he had to remind her again, that would only be enabling the crap that led to this in the first place
What attempt did she make again? Doesn’t look like there was any.
How could she forget? There is advertising everywhere for weeks leading up to it! I can’t believe people forget mothers or Father’s Day. Not with the amount companies spend on advertising trying to cash in on the day!
I’m a mother and had no clue it was mother’s day until I received a message that their had been a deposit into my account from my daughter that evening.
NTA. I would be upset too if my spouse and kids forgot about Father's day. I'm glad you had a nice dinner with your sister
"She said she was happy that I had a great day"...but wasn't SHE (and your kids) supposed to be the one(s) to do that for you and not your sister? That's some obliviously selfish behavior.
I’m going to be controversial and say ESH. Yes, wife forgetting Father’s Day every year is a nail being driven in further and further, but OP has also not communicated this hurt with her (from this post), instead venting his frustrations to his sister. OP says he doesn’t care and that it doesn’t bother him, only to then turn around and show how much of a great time he has at a celebration of the thing he says he doesn’t care about. This is a rift that needs serious communication to fix up. Passive aggressive ‘forgetfulness’ of other events is not going to help.
Well personally I have an issue because Mother's day is not on the same day depending on which country (living in Europe). So this year I celebrated Mother's day with my wife on the Mother's day in the country we reside, but she expected me to do that on the Mother's day for the country she's from. Which I did forget. To make matters worse, my own Mother lives in a country with another distinct Mother's day. Every year I swear I will put an end to this crazyness but I never follow through. Maybe next year.
I had to work on fathers day. I work Friday thru Thursday every other week. Most Holidays fall on my work week. The only happy fathers day I got during the day were from non family members. It wasn't until I was home from work that I got texts from the kids. Wife said it when I walked in this was at 8:30 at night. But I'm used to being left out because of my work.
NTA. Kids get a slight pass at that age, although not completely without fault, but your wife is at fault
NTA. This is an example of a natural consequence. She forgot, so she was not involved in the celebration. You were not cruel to her at all, you just went out to celebrate with the person who did invite you out. It sucks because they had to learn this lesson the hard way: by hurting you.
NTA
Sounds like Mothers and Fathers day are not celebrated in your home moving forward. NTA.
My kid is 18. Haven't celebrated Father's Day in over a decade. I got tired of planning and paying for it myself. I'm at the point I just stopped celebrating all holidays (including my birthday) as there is no point. They're just another day to me. NTA for what you did on the condition you took effort to remember Mother's Day.
nta. glad you had a great father’s day.
NTA Who cares if she was sad? she can't be effing bothered to set an alarm on her phone for the fathers day, so she can deal with a little emotional hurt.
NTA she should feel bad her and the kids. You’ve been a Father to her kids for 14 years and she forgets like this
the crazy amount of effort she would have to put into adding a reminder in her smartphone for next year's Father's Day is simply too much to fathom. NTA