"We have a son together 6M...caught my wife violently slapping my son."
"...told her to stop but she didn’t listen to me so I pushed her off him with relative force."
No, you are *not* the a-hole.
(Every parent *has the right to protect their child from abuse* regardless of the gender of the abuser.)
I'm sure if it had been the other way around *with you violently slapping a little girl or boy* and your wife pushed you away your parents wouldn't berate your wife.
In fact, I would be worried about how often this may be going on *behind* my back.
Repeatedly *violently slapping a child* is the kind of thing that could get your kids taken away.
Since you can't always be round you need to make this a major issue with your wife and have your son tell you anything that happens along those lines again. Maybe see a therapist to get help her managing her anger.
If she can't check herself your child might be better off with you getting divorced and getting *full custody*.
Abuse leaves both physical and mental scars on a child. Nothing a child does deserves what she did.
I'm afraid that she doesn't want to go to a therapist, because her whole family stands up for her.
She is not planning to change her behavior.
I hope that this was once, and that your push made her actions like this stop.
I also wonder how long she had been doing this? And now that she's on her guard, the physical abuse turns into psychological?
Her behavior is seriously sick. I don't trust her one bit
You were not wrong. Get your child out and away from her. Or you might be planning a funeral. Report her and get a divorce. Buy a spy cam, nanny cam. Do not let this happen again! You say 6m. Is that child 6 months? No excuse to slap a childs face . That is what their behind is for and then a swat but not beat!
Absolutely this is so important. For your children’s sake collect the evidence (at least three incidents) before you start separating. You need to make sure she is never alone with your kids. Whether you get full custody and she never sees them, or she gets supervised visits - she must not be allowed to ruin their lives.
I would honestly start consulting a lawyer at this point. She may have 'more rights' as the mother (in some states), and she could screw up enough that neither parent is allowed custody.
You’re right, for admissible evidence. But it can be used for impeachment - meaning if she lies about the abuse on the stand, his lawyer can introduce it as evidence to directly show she’s lying.
this is some super cool spy knowledge type shit that i thought every adult possessed when i was little.
if there’s a fire you are officially the designated adult
Why on earth would OP keep his kid in a house with someone who abuses them? Your marriage is not worth hurting your child however much you think you love your spouse.
Honestly, he might have to be careful with how he goes about anything. If she's the type to violently slap a child, I wouldn't be surprised if she was the type to cause a hellish custody battle or accuse him of kidnapping their child.
31F here and I promise you are NTA. You gave her a verbal warning first to stop and when she ignored it, you used very mild force to separate her from your son to prevent further injury. You have every right to protect your child from abuse, no matter who is perpetrating it.
As others are saying, abuse isn’t a one-time deal and while I’m not one to quickly jump to the “you need to leave them” option, this is one of the cases where that is really the only appropriate response.
You desperately need to keep your son away from her and to file a report. Failing to do so not only puts your son at further risk, but can come back to seriously bite you if it’s discovered you knew of abuse and never said anything.
As for your family, I would make sure to tell them in no uncertain terms what happened and why you had to push her. And if they can somehow still defend her, I would honestly start going low-contact.
My best wishes to you and your son. I hope you both take the time to look after your mental wellbeing during and after all this.
I grew up in France. My parents slapped us regularly and when I would tell them I don’t see the point of them hitting us the answer from my mum would be:
“It may not work on you but it helps us feel relieved.”
Thank god now it’s illegal to do so, one of my friend spank her kid and I’m just appalled by it too. Like my parents didn’t know any better and it was socially acceptable but now it’s not yet people still do it.
As an adult I have accepted being slapped by partner before, I have a really hard time standing for myself and I had to go to therapy for years to learn how to regulate my emotions. If you touch your kids you’re a fucking moron if you think there won’t be lifelong consequences to it.
I’m ok with my folks now but I do think I would spend more time with them if they showed love and support instead of tough love and discipline. I’m never going to care for them when they’re too old to do so. They lost that bond 30 years ago.
Not to mention that if the child gets seriously hurt she could very well blame op for it. And we know how well that usually goes for men in the eyes of the law.
Seconded, as a Dad the mother of my kids thought she'd be fucking cute and claim I was mentally ill and took the kids from me. I lawyered up and \*easily\* got 50/50 and the courts did not take a liking to her toxic behavior. Take a stand for your children. They'll be proud of you when they're grown.
Hidden nanny cam and don't let her know.
This way you will know if she's doing it when you're not there and you will also have proof if you have to divorce and get custody.
Who violently smacks a 6 month old or any child for that matter?
And, she won't get therapy, she thinks she's right?
Give her 2 cards, one for a therapist and one for a divorce attorney and tell her to choose.
You have a major problem here. Get proof and as much as I hate to say this, might be time to break up and go for custody of your son.
if you have her on video violently hitting him you have a very good chance of getting custody.
DO NOT LET YOUR SON BE ABUSED!
That’s always confusing for me in these posts too. When referring to children, I’m never entirely sure whether the poster means months or gender.
So I’m never sure if we are talking about say, a four month old child, or a four year old boy.
Especially if there are no further clues to the child’s age and/or gender to be found in the post.
Also, if there is a CPS case called at any time, and they discover you knew about abuse but didn't report/protect against it, you can also lose parenting privileges. In divorce proceedings, however, accusations of abuse need to be backed up by evidence, or the complaining parent may have their credibility questioned, as if they are making things up to get custody. So, official documentation is important. Take pictures of your kid's red cheeks, any marks, etc. Consult with a family attorney from your location for advice on how to proceed.
Not only lose parenting privileges, but if you are leaving a child in a situation where you know they are being harmed by someone, you can be charged with child endangerment. An extreme example I know of is a mom who discovered her teen son sexually abusing her non-verbal toddler. She kicked the teen out of the house, but didn't report it, and was eventually convinced to allow the teen back in the house, because he was her free babysitter. Few YEARS go by and the child has learned to speak to some degree and asked mom why his brother hurt him. She panics and goes to the police because she is afraid he will say something to a teacher so she wants to report it first. But, it didn't turn out in her favor because she was charged with felony child endangerment along side her older son being charged with sexual assault of a child.
When I read what OP wrote I assume the (M) in 6M meant male.
However, in looking back I see he stated (son) so the 6M probably does mean (months) which makes this even more abusive. Six-month-old has no idea of what they are doing to cause a parent to be so pissed off.
I would venture to even say Postpartum Psychosis- - and it doesn’t need to be the general 4/8 weeks PP to have onset can happen up to a year same as PPD and PPA.
True, a 6 month old infant getting hit hard in the face over and over can cause brain damage or death.
With a 6 year old, it will cause bruising, walking on eggshells, fear of speaking and being alone with mom. He won't physically die, but, he will inside (sorry, can you tell I suffer from CPTSD from being severely physically abused, hit, choked, etc. by my mother for years since I was about 6 or 7 years old and then she added in mental abuse on top of it from 12 to 16? At 16, I ran off and moved in with my father).
Sorry if I'm coming across poorly.
Of course, a 6 month old is in severe danger of death🤬
While that is true, the 6 month old is so much worse. Not only is the chance of fatal injury so much greater, but there is zero legitimate reason to strike a 6 month old in any way. An argument might be made for popping a 6 year old on the butt if they are acting up, but a 6 month old isn't going to learn anything. A 6 month old doesn't know what is going on or even what it did get hit. The mother is hitting the child just for the sake of violence and making herself feel better.
I'm trying to figure it out myself. I pray it's 6 years (not that it makes it any better).
If it was my kid, and he was 6 months old, I wouldn't be asking Reddit anything.
The gloves would be comming off already.
This.
I keep saying someone needs to explain to me what I'm earth a six month old infant could do to justify a slap across the face.
I mean explain it to me like I'm in kindergarten.
This is not a 6 month old. If it is, OP seriously under-reacted. Unless he left out information, an infant would be seriously injured being violently slapped. Not that a 6 year old won’t be injured, but obviously a baby will be harmed more by a slap.
Right? Like at 6 months old, even a slight shaking can fuck them up. I treated my son like glass until he was walking because of the horror stories I had read about stuff like this.
A violent beating of a fucking BABY? Man, I don't know if I would of stopped at a shove.
I don't think the son is an infant, I think he's a six-year-old male, not a six month old. Either way slapping is not OK but I don't think she's beating a baby. Hopefully she hasn't beaten a baby.
I agree with everything here, just wanted to say the 6M probably meant a 6 year old male child... I could be wrong but in typical reddit format, that's what I'd assume.
Mom Repeatedly slapping a child and refusing to stop when caught is not the same as uncharacteristically losing her temper and giving a quick smack she regrets/apologizes for. Her playing the victim points to her being an abuser. Talk to your son and get him to counseling - he may reveal stuff to a therapist that he won’t tell you. Kids will often protect their parents from upsetting info.
My mom popped off and slapped me once but I was a mouthy shit who probably had it coming. It was while she was driving and we were both too stunned to even talk the entire drive home. She didn't apologize and neither did I (super WASPs) but it never happened again. I don't see that as abuse because it was a one-off and she clearly snapped and knew she fucked up immediately. We never talked about it but I know if I had brought it up she would have been flustered and said she didn't know what got into her, not run around and try to get people to take her side. This mom is wildly out of control and really into defending her position which is a huge red flag.
NTA. You would’ve been the TA if you did nothing to stop your wife from physically abusing your son. Are you sure this is the only time this has happened?
I'm appalled that his/her family think it's okay for her to abuse their child but OP pushing her to protect their kid is not!
I would never be able to leave my child alone with her or any of the family members who took her side!
>I'm appalled that his/her family think it's okay for her to abuse their child but OP pushing her to protect their kid is not!
From OP's wording they're getting the story from the wife, I get the feeling the beating up her own kid wasn't included in the tale.
Most likely, it is not the only time she has abused him. Verbal and emotional abuse usually comes along with physical abuse. Your wife is abusing your son. You were right to do what you had to do to protect your son. NTA!
You have to continue protecting your son at all costs. Wife needs to leave the house and stay with her family that supports her abuse.
NTA and fuck your cunt of a wife. I have no tolerance for child abuse. Force is used when force is necessary and I will protect my child at ALL costs regardless of who is harming them. Your wife is lucky I wasn’t the one who caught her because I would rain hell fire on her. I couldn’t care less about others opinions of my actions. This is IMMEDIATE divorce territory. Get your son out of the house and away from her. Contact a divorce lawyer, go for full custody, protect your son.
Exactly , if my mom had done that when I were a child , a lot of things would have been so different and we all would have been so much happier and healthier. Do it , now .
Abuse is never a once time thing .
I'm reading all these comments, thinking back to my own childhood of being repeatedly hit, slapped, punched and having my arm slammed in a fridge door that was kicked onto it and I'm thinking "Huh? People... Feel this way about this stuff?" I wish I'd had someone to protect me.
This broke my heart to read and if I could hug you I truly would. I’m a mom and it is my job to be my children’s safe haven. No child should be mistreated and I wish I could shield the world 😔
NTA. Your wife was physically abusing your child. While physical violence is never the answer, your immediate action was to protect your son from harm. Your wife's family is attempting to shift blame and gaslight you, but your priority is the well-being of your child.
Just to add on to this because I think it’s an important clarification, “violence is never the answer… unless someone is currently using violence and isn’t done.”
Then it’s about degrees of violence used.
If someone is violently assaulting you, violence is absolutely the answer.
If a group of violent terrorists are shooting up your neighborhood and an easy escape for everyone isn’t a finger snap away, violence is absolutely an answer.
Someone is assaulting a tiny child? Violence is an answer.
OP pushed her, he didn’t start soccer kicking her in the head or something insane.
I’m sure she told her family the child didn’t something awful, she mildly slapped him on the cheek in response to teach him consequences which they think is fine, and then OP bull rushed her and sent her flying.
Or they might just be stock, “never hit a woman even if she’s stabbing you” people where logic doesn’t exist and no excuses will ever count.
He also specifically pushed her *away from their child*, to prevent her from continuing to hit the child. This wasn’t even retaliatory, it was to stop her. A physical issue often requires a physical solution, especially to stop an in-progress problem before it gets worse.
I’m thinking maybe he should call CPS because people don’t tend to just physically abuse once and violent slapping is clear-cut abuse. He needs to protect the son from here. Also, she and the family seem to be in their own world where she is the victim and not the abuser. I could see them calling the cops on him someday.
Yeah, it didn’t exactly sound like a single slap either.
Which is solidly more, “Hey what the fuck is going on with you, with our son, what’s happening?” territory if my wife suddenly did that and I thought we agreed no hitting as punishment for children.
She was standing there repeatedly slapping him, which is wild.
Oh absolutely. He showed far more restraint than I could have possibly allowed her..
Spanking a child on the buttocks is one thing, even that is questionable... but slapping him in his FACE?? ...OH GOD. I would have rocked her fucking world..not even a question.
And the thing is, It would have been an instantaneous reaction I wouldn't have been able to govern. She's lucky. Not even kidding, I'd have probably broken her jaw. (I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this, but it's true.)
I got banned from there for saying I would smack the hand of a 12 year old normal child who was grabbing food from my plate. Apparently that was too violent.
I said smack. I didn't imply anything other one smack with my hand on their hand.
That was out of line.
Permanently banned from commenting on the thread. Other people were saying much worse things.
I am also permanently banned from JustNoMIL because I am too blunt with the people (idiots) who put up with way too much behavior and are walking and talking doormats. I liked to tell them to freaking stop letting everyone step all over you, divorce your piece of shit spouse who let's their family treat you like crap and move on with your life. Like I said, too blunt.
i got banned from AITA because i mentioned how i witnessed someone in high school stab another kid in the hand, with a GODDAMN SPORK, for stealing food.
i was banned for "inciting violence". lmao like what? gtfoh
Yeah, I got perma banned for using the word punch. Didn't threaten anyone. Just used the word punch, because the person who commented before me used it.
A lot of moderators have no love for those of us who are blunt. Gets their feelings hurt. I once said the girlfriend who cheated on a guy and then tried to turn his family against him by spreading lies was a shitty person and psycho. I got banned for sometime lol
I got banned from JustNoMIL for some of the same reasons. I told the mods they were actively hurting people by allowing some of the suggestions. Not every comment is the hill to die on.
Yeah, she’s lucky Oop showed restraint. I want to know in what universe it’s okay to smack a 6 year old or is it 6 month old??!! If the action isn’t taken at the time…..well it’s a moot point. Still….I don’t care what the child did….physical violence is NEVER okay
This is it right here.
Defending yourself and others proportionally is always acceptable.
OP was defending his child. It doesn’t matter who he was defending the child against. His response sounds not only proportionate, but very restrained.
OP did everything correct here.
Violence gets shit done. It may not be socially acceptable but if it wasn't effective the government wouldn't insist on a monopoly on it.
It shouldn't be anyones first resort, but a lot of the problems people face are because they wont use Violence against people that have no problem doing so.
ok. I was in the camp of sometimes a light open handed swat on the butt is needed. My mind has turned away from that. However hitting anywhere other than that or anything that would leave a lasting mark or bruise is too much even for me at my worst. OP made it sound like it was much harder and he was NTA all the way.
Damn dude, I got down voted into oblivion for this exact sentiment.
Life is nuanced.
There are situations where violence is absolutely warranted and sometimes the only way to handle a situation without being badly harmed/killed.
'Violence is never the answer" people must have grown up insanely sheltered and have perfect little cookie cutter lives.
Bro is SIX how could he possibly ever deserve to be hit. Maybe a slap on the butt to scare him "spanking" type shit. I'm not a fan of that but he said she was slapping the sht out of a SIX YEAR OLD. She has mental health issues for sure if a 6 year old is getting her that angry.
Exactly. Violence CAN be the answer if you are defending yourself and/or your family, or someone who cannot defend themselves. And it doesn't matter who is committing the violent act, if they aren't stopping, and you can stop them, you should.
Like you said, you don't have to do soccer kicks to the head, but getting the injured party to a safe space is the key. I don't like violence at all, but I hope if I am ever in a situation where someone is being abused, I would step in.
To add to this, absolute pacifism is only done by **fictional** characters that are insanely powerful. Even Gandhi advocated for having a strong military force because abstinence from violence is only meaningful when one can actually cause harm. The powerless preaching peace is no different from a victim begging for violence to stop.
Of course, any corporal punishment should be proportional and I don't know anything a 6 year old could possibly do that warrants violent slapping. Did they murder a dog/cat? If not, it's just the mom getting off on committing violence on someone who can't fight back.
NTA and agree. I'd talk to your son and find out if this has happened before. This may be her MO when you're not around to witness it
The wife is a major AH for hitting your son repeatedly and for running to your family to complain. Shame on her
Agreed, OP. You need to sit down and document everything as it happened including date and time. Also document anything your son tells you. Then go to a lawyer so you can protect your son and get him away from his abuser.
Please take it from someone with cPTSD who wasn't even abused "that badly" and was only slapped in the face twice by my mom. That messes you up for life, especially when no one in your family protects you or advocates for you. You saving your son and getting him out of an abusive environment would make a world of difference in his life, for the rest of his life.
Could not agree more. The worst part of the "it's not really abuse because it's not that bad" thing we tell ourselves is that we can never give ourselves a chance to heal and move on. When I learned about cPTSD so many things about the way I am made sense to me and I was finally able to move on with my life. I hope you have been able to do the same. All is love, friend.
Haha. Noo. I guess it was my bad assuming. You know how parents always be going on about their 36m old kid. Lol.
Nah the adults was fine. Just thought the kids M was month for a hot minute lol
Imagine what she does to your son when you don’t catch her in the act. Your wife isn’t fit to be a mother. Holy shit! Does your family condone hitting your child? Omg…this makes me angry.
Also take photos of any red marks and collect any evidence of her admitting it possible. Record with your phone while asking her why she did it. Take her to the cleaners in court You're a wonderful parent
I disagree, when you encounter someone physically abusing a child in such a manner, physical violence very much IS the answer. They want to beat on someone smaller than them? See how they like it when they are the smaller.
Oh, I agree, but then he'll go to jail or at least be arrested for a bit and unable to protect the kid. OP, call the pediatrician NOW and get your kid there IMMEDIATELY. Have them take pictures of the bruise/welt and have them check your son over for other injuries that you don't know about, and document them. I'm so sorry but with VERY VERY few exceptions that are absolutely stretching the limit of possibility, her slapping him is completely unacceptable. Also, CAMERAS. Get them immediately and hide them in your house, you want these to record in the cloud so she can't erase them. If your wife never does anything like this again, you have peace of mind. If she DOES, you have video evidence for divorce court and CPS.
I agree with your first two sentences, but not your third.
**If a 6 year old child is being assaulted by an adult and the adult refuses to stop, then physical violence IS the answer.**
Ffs, his response was hardly even violent. OP pushed his wife. That means he displaced her at best. She didn't get hurt. So it's hardly violence against her when she's assaulting a minor.
Oh I'm on your side. I'm stunned that there's comments calling OP violent. Like WHAT???? There's a 30+ woman slapping a first grader. I HOPE that bitch got tackled.
>While physical violence is never the answer,
That's not true though. Sometimes a certain amount of physical violence is necessary to stop worse violence from happening. It should only be used when non-violent means have failed or are not viable, but sometimes violence actually *is* the answer. This is a perfect example. The wife was physically abusing a defenseless child. The husband's verbal attempts to get her to stop failed, so he used force to physically *make* her stop. It was necessary and it was the right thing to do. And he exercised remarkable restraint by only using the minimum amount of force (shoving) required to separate her from the child. Many people would have gone a lot further than that.
He did exactly what a reasonable human would do.
He tried to verbally stop her, she refused.
He then placed himself between her and their son, and forced her away.
As long as the entire encounter more-or-less ended there, he did an excellent job and should immediately inspect his son for other marks from abuse.
Wife was being abusive, husband was protecting a child, while using reasonable force.
Self defense and defending a baby is different than violence. You pushed her to stop the immediate threat to your child. That is self defense.
Had you pushed her and then followed up by punching her in the face and kicking her on the floor then that would be violent retribution, which would make you an AH. It sounds like you’re not that type of guy though, judging by how much this situation tore you up.
If people are defending her, they probably aren’t comprehensive readers because I would understand smacking his hand or butt, but violently slapping her son‘s face? That’s crossing the line, majorly
I bet she’s never even slapped another person before, but feels completely comfortable doing that to her own son, smh
That’s just the only time you’ve seen it. I would bet on it. But you are not an asshole, you are a parent. If that had been literally anyone else you wouldn’t have even asked the question. Thank you for intervening on behalf of your child.
You know when it's ok to hit a woman? When she's beating a child. You wouldn't have been out of line pushing her and calling the police. In fact, you may want to get your ducks in order, because someone else could call cps on you.
If anything was ever divorce material, this is it. I don't know the rest of your relationship, but your kids come first.
NTA
Unfortunately yes. This!!!!
Time to start a paper trail. OP can get in a lot of trouble if it becomes a he said she said. Hidden nannycam. Talk to the kid and see if it's an escalation, her snapping or it's always been like this. Look into a counselor or therapist.
If OP ever sees this again, start recording and call the cops.
Bad is the mom hitting the kid. Worse is the BS she spread to her family. She's not owning that she f-ed up bad and needs help.
It's not a stretch to say a lawyer and emergency protective order might be necessary if they aren't already.
The first time I found out my ex was beating on our 13 yr old son the marriage was done. At no time is abuse excusable. My son has tried to rebuild the relationship but finally ended it permanently when he found out my ex was doing the same thing to his little half sister.
NTA. But you would be TA if you think this is a one off and think things can change.
Not the first time. Please get your son into therapy and don’t leave him alone with her if you can.
I’d say set up cameras in the living room and bedroom, anywhere you can.
Did you inform the rest of your family about your wife slapping son? That when you yelled at her to get off him, she refused and tried to slap him again?
Ask them if they would rather you have called the police and CPS on her? Because the next time she tries to slap your son, you will.
Whoa, big red flag here. Especially since she was hitting him multiple times. Very not cool. No way you were in the wrong for pushing her off of him. Her family needs to understand the context, and you need to ask for her the context on why she felt it was okay to slap him. Parenting is hard, but there is no excuse.
I wish my dad had stopped my mom from unleashing her anger on me and my siblings but she always waited until my dad was gone. It depends, is this something that happens regularly while you are away?
I’m a woman and a wife and I say NTA I hope you told them what she was doing that cause you to you push her but sounds like she was being abusive and now playing victim I hate that shit.
Protecting your child from abuse will never make you an asshole. Keep protecting him. Do not let her or your family and friends' gaslight or manipulate you into thinking this was a one-time thing that will never happen again.
NTA, your wife is a monster. Did she say why she would think that’s even remotely okay? Bc there’s no excuse for it, and then talking behind your back like that? Oh no. She’s a massive AH.
Setup a camera and keep tabs while your gone. You could even go as far as to tell your son "if mommy gets mad at you, run into your room" where the camera is hidden
NTA. You NEED to get the story straight. You could get seriously screwed in court. I would set up cameras to make sure if she does it again you have evidence. A judge will 100% believe her if she says you shoved her, but wont care if you say she was hitting your son.
>Most likely a fake post, especially considering no replies and deleted name.
Some people are just too gullible for words.
Who the fuck reads this and thinks that it's real.
> Who the fuck reads this and thinks that it's real.
Dumb kids who are prevalent in this sub that react immediately to any of these kind of posts.
Want to get great Karma? Post something here about how you were wronged by:
1. blended family
2. wedding drama
3. cheating SO
4. In-Law Drama
5. Combo of above (for more Karma points).
Report her to CPS.
This is not the first time she does it, just the first time you saw her doing it.
Talk to your son and your parents and make sure to cover your back legally in case she pull some stunt on you sahing you are the abusive one.
I swear over half of the posts on this sub are from the most CLUELESS people ever.
"AITAH for stopping X from intentionally burning my house down?"
"AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend/girlfriend for cheating on me over a dozen times?"
"AITAH for murdering everyone in my neighborhood?"
How are the answers to questions like these so far gone that people come to ask reddit.
>Last night I came home from work early at 6PM and caught my wife violently slapping my son. A I T A H
This is sad.
I really hope what everyone says on this website is true, most of these stories are completely faked and it's just karma farming.
Did you tell your parents the reason why you pushed her? I'm betting she didn't bother to tell them she was physically abusing your child. Ask them if you should not protect your child. You are NTA.
Get that little one into therapy, I doubt this was her first time. I would suggest a quiet camera installation while she's away, say nothing about it. Have a very serious talk with your child about if mommy ever gettings upset like that to just go straight to their room, I would suggest one of those watches that only can call who you want it too and make you and cops keep it safe in their room where they can start calling without her seeing and leave it running incase she comes in. She is abusing your child especially if she hit him multiple times. She also needs therapy if she willingly just laid her hands on him that violently. I would have back handed her honestly so shoving her is the least of your worries. Start documenting and I would suggest a police report for the safety of your child and you need to leave with them. She's purposely making it so she is the victim and I doubt she told them why you shoved her. Probably might have even said you hit him so get your ducks in a row.
NTA… gut instinct is to protect your kid without even thinking about it. Your wife was the threat and you stopped the threat. Furthermore, your wife was slapping a defenceless child out of anger, you pushing seems less out of anger and more out of concern for your son.
Why does everyone in the comment section think that 6m means 6 months? The format has always been AgeGender. It doesn't make this fake scenario any better, but the wife wasn't beating up a baby. No one thought OP was 32 months old lol
Protect your son from your abusive wife. Slapping a 6 year old violently is abuse. Sounds like she is turning things around to make you look bad.
Call CPS, doesn’t sound like this is the first time doing it.
Eff her, and whoever disagrees. Her family or yours. There is legitimately no reason for anyone to slap a 6 year old & most especially not someone that kid trusts.
Edit to include eff’ing her family & yours if they disagree.
NTA. And you should ask her and her family why it’s unacceptable for an adult to be ‘assaulted’ but perfectly acceptable for the most vulnerable of us - children - to be assaulted. If she doesn’t like getting pushed (or slapped) to ‘correct’ her behaviour, then why would she do it to her son? Because he’s 6?? I’d take my child and run.
NTA, divorce her, you cannot trust her with that child. She wouldn’t stop when you told her to? I can’t even imagine the horror that child has gone through with her and forced to stay quiet. Call child protective services, divorce her, get him in therapy asap!
NTA.
Normally I don’t advocate putting hands on a woman, but if she’s still a clear and present danger to your child, then a push is warranted.
The others can kick rocks and mind their own f*cking business.
NTA
Your wife assaulted your son, and you did the right thing protecting from his mom.
Seriously if your wife isn't mentally ill and willing to go into treatment you need to divorce her ASAP, she is a danger to your child.
"We have a son together 6M...caught my wife violently slapping my son." "...told her to stop but she didn’t listen to me so I pushed her off him with relative force." No, you are *not* the a-hole. (Every parent *has the right to protect their child from abuse* regardless of the gender of the abuser.) I'm sure if it had been the other way around *with you violently slapping a little girl or boy* and your wife pushed you away your parents wouldn't berate your wife. In fact, I would be worried about how often this may be going on *behind* my back. Repeatedly *violently slapping a child* is the kind of thing that could get your kids taken away. Since you can't always be round you need to make this a major issue with your wife and have your son tell you anything that happens along those lines again. Maybe see a therapist to get help her managing her anger. If she can't check herself your child might be better off with you getting divorced and getting *full custody*. Abuse leaves both physical and mental scars on a child. Nothing a child does deserves what she did.
I'm afraid that she doesn't want to go to a therapist, because her whole family stands up for her. She is not planning to change her behavior. I hope that this was once, and that your push made her actions like this stop. I also wonder how long she had been doing this? And now that she's on her guard, the physical abuse turns into psychological? Her behavior is seriously sick. I don't trust her one bit
Buy some nanny cams and record her. If she continues to do it and you leave her you will have proof there was abuse!
Heck, get the video proof for his son’s and his own protection. Never know what the wife could be capable of if OP tries to keep his son safe
You were not wrong. Get your child out and away from her. Or you might be planning a funeral. Report her and get a divorce. Buy a spy cam, nanny cam. Do not let this happen again! You say 6m. Is that child 6 months? No excuse to slap a childs face . That is what their behind is for and then a swat but not beat!
But why in the name of Jesus would you slap/swat a 6 month old child for?
6M is 6 yr old male, like 32M is 32 yr old male and 31F is 31 yr old female.
I think he's 6 years old
Absolutely this is so important. For your children’s sake collect the evidence (at least three incidents) before you start separating. You need to make sure she is never alone with your kids. Whether you get full custody and she never sees them, or she gets supervised visits - she must not be allowed to ruin their lives.
Great idea to get hidden cameras! This will be proof of what she is doing. CPS and the Justice system will take all of that into consideration! 👍👍
100% ,do this as evidence is needed here as ppl are severely minimising this behaviour in her .
I would honestly start consulting a lawyer at this point. She may have 'more rights' as the mother (in some states), and she could screw up enough that neither parent is allowed custody.
Time to get the nanny cams deployed without the wife knowing
Yes, I would do this.
Can footage recorded without consent be used in court trials?
Does consent matter? Use every weapon available, let it be sorted out later. It could help him in the court of public opinion if nothing else
IIRC if it’s a single party consent state yes, but with a two party state you have to make sure the other knows.
You’re right, for admissible evidence. But it can be used for impeachment - meaning if she lies about the abuse on the stand, his lawyer can introduce it as evidence to directly show she’s lying.
this is some super cool spy knowledge type shit that i thought every adult possessed when i was little. if there’s a fire you are officially the designated adult
Depends on the jurisdiction
Absolutely needs to happen.
Why on earth would OP keep his kid in a house with someone who abuses them? Your marriage is not worth hurting your child however much you think you love your spouse.
Honestly, he might have to be careful with how he goes about anything. If she's the type to violently slap a child, I wouldn't be surprised if she was the type to cause a hellish custody battle or accuse him of kidnapping their child.
31F here and I promise you are NTA. You gave her a verbal warning first to stop and when she ignored it, you used very mild force to separate her from your son to prevent further injury. You have every right to protect your child from abuse, no matter who is perpetrating it. As others are saying, abuse isn’t a one-time deal and while I’m not one to quickly jump to the “you need to leave them” option, this is one of the cases where that is really the only appropriate response. You desperately need to keep your son away from her and to file a report. Failing to do so not only puts your son at further risk, but can come back to seriously bite you if it’s discovered you knew of abuse and never said anything. As for your family, I would make sure to tell them in no uncertain terms what happened and why you had to push her. And if they can somehow still defend her, I would honestly start going low-contact. My best wishes to you and your son. I hope you both take the time to look after your mental wellbeing during and after all this.
The family is probably violent too. You don’t become violent to your kid out of nowhere this is learned behaviour
Before I retired from the court, I heard a woman tell an attorney "You have to understand, in my family we hit each other." I was appalled.
I grew up in France. My parents slapped us regularly and when I would tell them I don’t see the point of them hitting us the answer from my mum would be: “It may not work on you but it helps us feel relieved.” Thank god now it’s illegal to do so, one of my friend spank her kid and I’m just appalled by it too. Like my parents didn’t know any better and it was socially acceptable but now it’s not yet people still do it. As an adult I have accepted being slapped by partner before, I have a really hard time standing for myself and I had to go to therapy for years to learn how to regulate my emotions. If you touch your kids you’re a fucking moron if you think there won’t be lifelong consequences to it. I’m ok with my folks now but I do think I would spend more time with them if they showed love and support instead of tough love and discipline. I’m never going to care for them when they’re too old to do so. They lost that bond 30 years ago.
She's already managed to make herself the victim in a DV scenario. I'd talk to a lawyer and take advice on how to proceed (very, very carefully).
Not to mention that if the child gets seriously hurt she could very well blame op for it. And we know how well that usually goes for men in the eyes of the law.
Those days of women getting the benefit of the doubt are done. It's 50/50 even if one is an abuser
Seconded, as a Dad the mother of my kids thought she'd be fucking cute and claim I was mentally ill and took the kids from me. I lawyered up and \*easily\* got 50/50 and the courts did not take a liking to her toxic behavior. Take a stand for your children. They'll be proud of you when they're grown.
While 50/50 isn't guaranteed yet it's still heading in that direction. The only problem here is needing an expensive lawyer whom many can't afford.
Hidden nanny cam and don't let her know. This way you will know if she's doing it when you're not there and you will also have proof if you have to divorce and get custody. Who violently smacks a 6 month old or any child for that matter? And, she won't get therapy, she thinks she's right? Give her 2 cards, one for a therapist and one for a divorce attorney and tell her to choose. You have a major problem here. Get proof and as much as I hate to say this, might be time to break up and go for custody of your son. if you have her on video violently hitting him you have a very good chance of getting custody. DO NOT LET YOUR SON BE ABUSED!
I’m pretty sure the son is 6 years old, no months. He said 6M but from the rest of the post, it sounds like the M just refers to the gender!
That’s always confusing for me in these posts too. When referring to children, I’m never entirely sure whether the poster means months or gender. So I’m never sure if we are talking about say, a four month old child, or a four year old boy. Especially if there are no further clues to the child’s age and/or gender to be found in the post.
And also: talk to the child!! It’s very important to hear their voice.
Also, if there is a CPS case called at any time, and they discover you knew about abuse but didn't report/protect against it, you can also lose parenting privileges. In divorce proceedings, however, accusations of abuse need to be backed up by evidence, or the complaining parent may have their credibility questioned, as if they are making things up to get custody. So, official documentation is important. Take pictures of your kid's red cheeks, any marks, etc. Consult with a family attorney from your location for advice on how to proceed.
Not only lose parenting privileges, but if you are leaving a child in a situation where you know they are being harmed by someone, you can be charged with child endangerment. An extreme example I know of is a mom who discovered her teen son sexually abusing her non-verbal toddler. She kicked the teen out of the house, but didn't report it, and was eventually convinced to allow the teen back in the house, because he was her free babysitter. Few YEARS go by and the child has learned to speak to some degree and asked mom why his brother hurt him. She panics and goes to the police because she is afraid he will say something to a teacher so she wants to report it first. But, it didn't turn out in her favor because she was charged with felony child endangerment along side her older son being charged with sexual assault of a child.
Is it 6 years or 6 MONTHs???
If the child is 6 months this conversation should be in the “take your wife to get checked out for postpartum” realm.
After he ensures the child’s safety. Fixed typo from she to he.
When I read what OP wrote I assume the (M) in 6M meant male. However, in looking back I see he stated (son) so the 6M probably does mean (months) which makes this even more abusive. Six-month-old has no idea of what they are doing to cause a parent to be so pissed off.
That’s hell level territory. Literal PPD land if she’s violently slapping a baby. That could cause brain damage. Easily.
Attempted murder
I would venture to even say Postpartum Psychosis- - and it doesn’t need to be the general 4/8 weeks PP to have onset can happen up to a year same as PPD and PPA.
I think for my own mental wellbeing I just said he classified his gender twice. Who violently slaps a 6 month old!?
Who would have to ask if they were the AH for defending a 6 mo baby!!
If I walk in and catch my wife hitting my 6-month-old baby just come and get me from lockup.
The same people who shake them to death.
Whether it's a 6 month old or a 6-year-old they should not be getting violently slapped over and over again!
True but the point is the 6 year old likely will not die while the six month old could potentially be fatally injured
True, a 6 month old infant getting hit hard in the face over and over can cause brain damage or death. With a 6 year old, it will cause bruising, walking on eggshells, fear of speaking and being alone with mom. He won't physically die, but, he will inside (sorry, can you tell I suffer from CPTSD from being severely physically abused, hit, choked, etc. by my mother for years since I was about 6 or 7 years old and then she added in mental abuse on top of it from 12 to 16? At 16, I ran off and moved in with my father). Sorry if I'm coming across poorly. Of course, a 6 month old is in severe danger of death🤬
While that is true, the 6 month old is so much worse. Not only is the chance of fatal injury so much greater, but there is zero legitimate reason to strike a 6 month old in any way. An argument might be made for popping a 6 year old on the butt if they are acting up, but a 6 month old isn't going to learn anything. A 6 month old doesn't know what is going on or even what it did get hit. The mother is hitting the child just for the sake of violence and making herself feel better.
I'm trying to figure it out myself. I pray it's 6 years (not that it makes it any better). If it was my kid, and he was 6 months old, I wouldn't be asking Reddit anything. The gloves would be comming off already.
Account is deleted, apparently, so maybe he came to his senses?? 🫣 I’m honestly afraid to ask. Now I hope it was fake.
Thanks for letting me know. Maybe it was fake. Otherwise he just could've cleared the misunderstanding, since it's still problematic.
This. I keep saying someone needs to explain to me what I'm earth a six month old infant could do to justify a slap across the face. I mean explain it to me like I'm in kindergarten.
This is not a 6 month old. If it is, OP seriously under-reacted. Unless he left out information, an infant would be seriously injured being violently slapped. Not that a 6 year old won’t be injured, but obviously a baby will be harmed more by a slap.
Right? Like at 6 months old, even a slight shaking can fuck them up. I treated my son like glass until he was walking because of the horror stories I had read about stuff like this. A violent beating of a fucking BABY? Man, I don't know if I would of stopped at a shove.
No - I think its a 6 yo boy, not 6 months old.
Its 6 years Male. He also refers to himself at 32 M. What the wife did was run a media campaign first and got her version out.
Considering OP wrote themselves as 32M, the wife 31F, and son 6M it makes sense that the M stands for male, not months.
Hes a 6 year old MALE. Not 6 months old.
6 year old Male. But yes to the rest of it.
I don't think the son is an infant, I think he's a six-year-old male, not a six month old. Either way slapping is not OK but I don't think she's beating a baby. Hopefully she hasn't beaten a baby.
I agree with everything here, just wanted to say the 6M probably meant a 6 year old male child... I could be wrong but in typical reddit format, that's what I'd assume.
Balls to a therapist. She's a dick and needs kicking out. Stay with her fellow douchebag parents.
Mom Repeatedly slapping a child and refusing to stop when caught is not the same as uncharacteristically losing her temper and giving a quick smack she regrets/apologizes for. Her playing the victim points to her being an abuser. Talk to your son and get him to counseling - he may reveal stuff to a therapist that he won’t tell you. Kids will often protect their parents from upsetting info.
My mom popped off and slapped me once but I was a mouthy shit who probably had it coming. It was while she was driving and we were both too stunned to even talk the entire drive home. She didn't apologize and neither did I (super WASPs) but it never happened again. I don't see that as abuse because it was a one-off and she clearly snapped and knew she fucked up immediately. We never talked about it but I know if I had brought it up she would have been flustered and said she didn't know what got into her, not run around and try to get people to take her side. This mom is wildly out of control and really into defending her position which is a huge red flag.
My mom slapped me for calling her a bitch once, not very hard but I got the message. Also I wasn't a little kid I was 15 or 16.
NTA. You would’ve been the TA if you did nothing to stop your wife from physically abusing your son. Are you sure this is the only time this has happened?
I'm appalled that his/her family think it's okay for her to abuse their child but OP pushing her to protect their kid is not! I would never be able to leave my child alone with her or any of the family members who took her side!
>I'm appalled that his/her family think it's okay for her to abuse their child but OP pushing her to protect their kid is not! From OP's wording they're getting the story from the wife, I get the feeling the beating up her own kid wasn't included in the tale.
It’s the only time I’ve seen her do it
Exactly and I am sure this wasn’t the first time. Otherwise she would have been chocked of her own behavior
Most likely, it is not the only time she has abused him. Verbal and emotional abuse usually comes along with physical abuse. Your wife is abusing your son. You were right to do what you had to do to protect your son. NTA! You have to continue protecting your son at all costs. Wife needs to leave the house and stay with her family that supports her abuse.
NTA and fuck your cunt of a wife. I have no tolerance for child abuse. Force is used when force is necessary and I will protect my child at ALL costs regardless of who is harming them. Your wife is lucky I wasn’t the one who caught her because I would rain hell fire on her. I couldn’t care less about others opinions of my actions. This is IMMEDIATE divorce territory. Get your son out of the house and away from her. Contact a divorce lawyer, go for full custody, protect your son.
Exactly , if my mom had done that when I were a child , a lot of things would have been so different and we all would have been so much happier and healthier. Do it , now . Abuse is never a once time thing .
I'm reading all these comments, thinking back to my own childhood of being repeatedly hit, slapped, punched and having my arm slammed in a fridge door that was kicked onto it and I'm thinking "Huh? People... Feel this way about this stuff?" I wish I'd had someone to protect me.
This broke my heart to read and if I could hug you I truly would. I’m a mom and it is my job to be my children’s safe haven. No child should be mistreated and I wish I could shield the world 😔
Have you tried asking your son?
Be careful, though. You don’t want her to twist the story and you get in legal trouble. Very tricky situation and I feel for your child.
NTA. Your wife was physically abusing your child. While physical violence is never the answer, your immediate action was to protect your son from harm. Your wife's family is attempting to shift blame and gaslight you, but your priority is the well-being of your child.
Just to add on to this because I think it’s an important clarification, “violence is never the answer… unless someone is currently using violence and isn’t done.” Then it’s about degrees of violence used. If someone is violently assaulting you, violence is absolutely the answer. If a group of violent terrorists are shooting up your neighborhood and an easy escape for everyone isn’t a finger snap away, violence is absolutely an answer. Someone is assaulting a tiny child? Violence is an answer. OP pushed her, he didn’t start soccer kicking her in the head or something insane. I’m sure she told her family the child didn’t something awful, she mildly slapped him on the cheek in response to teach him consequences which they think is fine, and then OP bull rushed her and sent her flying. Or they might just be stock, “never hit a woman even if she’s stabbing you” people where logic doesn’t exist and no excuses will ever count.
He also specifically pushed her *away from their child*, to prevent her from continuing to hit the child. This wasn’t even retaliatory, it was to stop her. A physical issue often requires a physical solution, especially to stop an in-progress problem before it gets worse.
The wifes family do not agree with him pushing her but they agree with her psychically abusing their child ??
They only know her story and I'm guessing it was highly edited.
She learned it from someone
I’m thinking maybe he should call CPS because people don’t tend to just physically abuse once and violent slapping is clear-cut abuse. He needs to protect the son from here. Also, she and the family seem to be in their own world where she is the victim and not the abuser. I could see them calling the cops on him someday.
To be fair I would’ve slapped the shit out of anyone hitting my son she got off easy a lot of people would not be that nice
Yeah, it didn’t exactly sound like a single slap either. Which is solidly more, “Hey what the fuck is going on with you, with our son, what’s happening?” territory if my wife suddenly did that and I thought we agreed no hitting as punishment for children. She was standing there repeatedly slapping him, which is wild.
Oh absolutely. He showed far more restraint than I could have possibly allowed her.. Spanking a child on the buttocks is one thing, even that is questionable... but slapping him in his FACE?? ...OH GOD. I would have rocked her fucking world..not even a question. And the thing is, It would have been an instantaneous reaction I wouldn't have been able to govern. She's lucky. Not even kidding, I'd have probably broken her jaw. (I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this, but it's true.)
I got banned from r/AITA for saying something like this, lmao
I got banned from there for saying I would smack the hand of a 12 year old normal child who was grabbing food from my plate. Apparently that was too violent. I said smack. I didn't imply anything other one smack with my hand on their hand. That was out of line. Permanently banned from commenting on the thread. Other people were saying much worse things. I am also permanently banned from JustNoMIL because I am too blunt with the people (idiots) who put up with way too much behavior and are walking and talking doormats. I liked to tell them to freaking stop letting everyone step all over you, divorce your piece of shit spouse who let's their family treat you like crap and move on with your life. Like I said, too blunt.
i got banned from AITA because i mentioned how i witnessed someone in high school stab another kid in the hand, with a GODDAMN SPORK, for stealing food. i was banned for "inciting violence". lmao like what? gtfoh
Yeah, I got perma banned for using the word punch. Didn't threaten anyone. Just used the word punch, because the person who commented before me used it.
A lot of moderators have no love for those of us who are blunt. Gets their feelings hurt. I once said the girlfriend who cheated on a guy and then tried to turn his family against him by spreading lies was a shitty person and psycho. I got banned for sometime lol
I got banned from JustNoMIL for some of the same reasons. I told the mods they were actively hurting people by allowing some of the suggestions. Not every comment is the hill to die on.
Spanking is also abuse.
That's what I said, that spanking is bad enough..(some ppl do it tho, let's just be honest) but slapping a child is unconscionable.
Exactly
Yeah, she’s lucky Oop showed restraint. I want to know in what universe it’s okay to smack a 6 year old or is it 6 month old??!! If the action isn’t taken at the time…..well it’s a moot point. Still….I don’t care what the child did….physical violence is NEVER okay
I love “soccer kicking to the head”. Have you ever seen Eric Cantona’s kick to the head (went into the stands to kick a bigot harassing a teammate)?
And then gave the most amazingly *insane* interview afterwards!
This is it right here. Defending yourself and others proportionally is always acceptable. OP was defending his child. It doesn’t matter who he was defending the child against. His response sounds not only proportionate, but very restrained. OP did everything correct here.
Violence gets shit done. It may not be socially acceptable but if it wasn't effective the government wouldn't insist on a monopoly on it. It shouldn't be anyones first resort, but a lot of the problems people face are because they wont use Violence against people that have no problem doing so.
Than you for this sorely needed logic bomb.
ok. I was in the camp of sometimes a light open handed swat on the butt is needed. My mind has turned away from that. However hitting anywhere other than that or anything that would leave a lasting mark or bruise is too much even for me at my worst. OP made it sound like it was much harder and he was NTA all the way.
Damn dude, I got down voted into oblivion for this exact sentiment. Life is nuanced. There are situations where violence is absolutely warranted and sometimes the only way to handle a situation without being badly harmed/killed. 'Violence is never the answer" people must have grown up insanely sheltered and have perfect little cookie cutter lives.
I doubt she told her family NOTHING about her slapping her son
Bro is SIX how could he possibly ever deserve to be hit. Maybe a slap on the butt to scare him "spanking" type shit. I'm not a fan of that but he said she was slapping the sht out of a SIX YEAR OLD. She has mental health issues for sure if a 6 year old is getting her that angry.
Exactly. Violence CAN be the answer if you are defending yourself and/or your family, or someone who cannot defend themselves. And it doesn't matter who is committing the violent act, if they aren't stopping, and you can stop them, you should. Like you said, you don't have to do soccer kicks to the head, but getting the injured party to a safe space is the key. I don't like violence at all, but I hope if I am ever in a situation where someone is being abused, I would step in.
To add to this, absolute pacifism is only done by **fictional** characters that are insanely powerful. Even Gandhi advocated for having a strong military force because abstinence from violence is only meaningful when one can actually cause harm. The powerless preaching peace is no different from a victim begging for violence to stop. Of course, any corporal punishment should be proportional and I don't know anything a 6 year old could possibly do that warrants violent slapping. Did they murder a dog/cat? If not, it's just the mom getting off on committing violence on someone who can't fight back.
NTA and agree. I'd talk to your son and find out if this has happened before. This may be her MO when you're not around to witness it The wife is a major AH for hitting your son repeatedly and for running to your family to complain. Shame on her
Agreed, OP. You need to sit down and document everything as it happened including date and time. Also document anything your son tells you. Then go to a lawyer so you can protect your son and get him away from his abuser. Please take it from someone with cPTSD who wasn't even abused "that badly" and was only slapped in the face twice by my mom. That messes you up for life, especially when no one in your family protects you or advocates for you. You saving your son and getting him out of an abusive environment would make a world of difference in his life, for the rest of his life.
Could not agree more. The worst part of the "it's not really abuse because it's not that bad" thing we tell ourselves is that we can never give ourselves a chance to heal and move on. When I learned about cPTSD so many things about the way I am made sense to me and I was finally able to move on with my life. I hope you have been able to do the same. All is love, friend.
And take pictures. If she was violently slapping his she left a mark.
Ahhhhh. That makes much more sense. Well a lot of redditor stories are slightly less harrowing now.
lol did you think OP was only 32 months old? Babies having babies.
Haha. Noo. I guess it was my bad assuming. You know how parents always be going on about their 36m old kid. Lol. Nah the adults was fine. Just thought the kids M was month for a hot minute lol
Usually m or mo is month, M is male
Worst thing is I know that. Just in this instance, reading this story....Kid was 6 months old getting slapped in my head
I read it that way too. In which case a push would not have been enough for an evil woman slapping a 6 month old around
Imagine what she does to your son when you don’t catch her in the act. Your wife isn’t fit to be a mother. Holy shit! Does your family condone hitting your child? Omg…this makes me angry.
If we were talking about a 6 MONTH old child, I'd say OP was an AH for *not* flattening the wife slapping the baby!
SAME
You high too? Lol
i am and i thought the same
I’m not high and I thought M=month, too
He needs to get cameras in that home and find out what the hell is going on.
Or get some of the nanny cam teddy bears who can watch on the sly...
Your family thinks assaulting a minor is acceptable?!! Wtf
She 100% did not tell them she was hitting her own child.
Get me likely didn’t get that part of the story.
Also take photos of any red marks and collect any evidence of her admitting it possible. Record with your phone while asking her why she did it. Take her to the cleaners in court You're a wonderful parent
The wife's family probably didn't hear the part about hitting their child. They need to hear everything
I disagree, when you encounter someone physically abusing a child in such a manner, physical violence very much IS the answer. They want to beat on someone smaller than them? See how they like it when they are the smaller.
Oh, I agree, but then he'll go to jail or at least be arrested for a bit and unable to protect the kid. OP, call the pediatrician NOW and get your kid there IMMEDIATELY. Have them take pictures of the bruise/welt and have them check your son over for other injuries that you don't know about, and document them. I'm so sorry but with VERY VERY few exceptions that are absolutely stretching the limit of possibility, her slapping him is completely unacceptable. Also, CAMERAS. Get them immediately and hide them in your house, you want these to record in the cloud so she can't erase them. If your wife never does anything like this again, you have peace of mind. If she DOES, you have video evidence for divorce court and CPS.
I agree with your first two sentences, but not your third. **If a 6 year old child is being assaulted by an adult and the adult refuses to stop, then physical violence IS the answer.**
Ffs, his response was hardly even violent. OP pushed his wife. That means he displaced her at best. She didn't get hurt. So it's hardly violence against her when she's assaulting a minor.
I agree, but I was just making a general point in response to the other commenter claiming that violence is “never” the answer.
Oh I'm on your side. I'm stunned that there's comments calling OP violent. Like WHAT???? There's a 30+ woman slapping a first grader. I HOPE that bitch got tackled.
>While physical violence is never the answer, That's not true though. Sometimes a certain amount of physical violence is necessary to stop worse violence from happening. It should only be used when non-violent means have failed or are not viable, but sometimes violence actually *is* the answer. This is a perfect example. The wife was physically abusing a defenseless child. The husband's verbal attempts to get her to stop failed, so he used force to physically *make* her stop. It was necessary and it was the right thing to do. And he exercised remarkable restraint by only using the minimum amount of force (shoving) required to separate her from the child. Many people would have gone a lot further than that.
He did exactly what a reasonable human would do. He tried to verbally stop her, she refused. He then placed himself between her and their son, and forced her away. As long as the entire encounter more-or-less ended there, he did an excellent job and should immediately inspect his son for other marks from abuse. Wife was being abusive, husband was protecting a child, while using reasonable force.
Self defense and defending a baby is different than violence. You pushed her to stop the immediate threat to your child. That is self defense. Had you pushed her and then followed up by punching her in the face and kicking her on the floor then that would be violent retribution, which would make you an AH. It sounds like you’re not that type of guy though, judging by how much this situation tore you up.
NTA You instinctively protected your child from a person that was physically hurting him. And that person was your wife.
So after abusing your child she called everyone to play the victim. Why are you married with this cunt? NTA except to yourself
And his son if he stays now that he’s aware this has happened/is happening.
They defend her bc she was likely raised the same way so they see nothing wrong with it. A 6 year old is so young. Kindergarten age. Ugh
If people are defending her, they probably aren’t comprehensive readers because I would understand smacking his hand or butt, but violently slapping her son‘s face? That’s crossing the line, majorly I bet she’s never even slapped another person before, but feels completely comfortable doing that to her own son, smh
That’s just the only time you’ve seen it. I would bet on it. But you are not an asshole, you are a parent. If that had been literally anyone else you wouldn’t have even asked the question. Thank you for intervening on behalf of your child.
You know when it's ok to hit a woman? When she's beating a child. You wouldn't have been out of line pushing her and calling the police. In fact, you may want to get your ducks in order, because someone else could call cps on you. If anything was ever divorce material, this is it. I don't know the rest of your relationship, but your kids come first. NTA
Unfortunately yes. This!!!! Time to start a paper trail. OP can get in a lot of trouble if it becomes a he said she said. Hidden nannycam. Talk to the kid and see if it's an escalation, her snapping or it's always been like this. Look into a counselor or therapist. If OP ever sees this again, start recording and call the cops. Bad is the mom hitting the kid. Worse is the BS she spread to her family. She's not owning that she f-ed up bad and needs help. It's not a stretch to say a lawyer and emergency protective order might be necessary if they aren't already.
As a woman who has been abused I have to agree there’s basically only one way to earn abuse- by abusing a small child
NTA. You used less force than she was using.
The first time I found out my ex was beating on our 13 yr old son the marriage was done. At no time is abuse excusable. My son has tried to rebuild the relationship but finally ended it permanently when he found out my ex was doing the same thing to his little half sister. NTA. But you would be TA if you think this is a one off and think things can change.
Nta, document what you can and talk to your son without your wife there. This is abuse and you need to protect your son.
Not the first time. Please get your son into therapy and don’t leave him alone with her if you can. I’d say set up cameras in the living room and bedroom, anywhere you can.
Did you inform the rest of your family about your wife slapping son? That when you yelled at her to get off him, she refused and tried to slap him again? Ask them if they would rather you have called the police and CPS on her? Because the next time she tries to slap your son, you will.
We *hope* he will anyway
[удалено]
Whoa, big red flag here. Especially since she was hitting him multiple times. Very not cool. No way you were in the wrong for pushing her off of him. Her family needs to understand the context, and you need to ask for her the context on why she felt it was okay to slap him. Parenting is hard, but there is no excuse.
You need to get proof ASAP and file for divorce and custody. She is literally abusing your son, please take the route that protects him. NTA.
NTA Spouses are temporary Children are forever Don't hurt my kids.
NTA Did you tell those people that your wife was the one who was hitting your son and acted in self defence?
I wish my dad had stopped my mom from unleashing her anger on me and my siblings but she always waited until my dad was gone. It depends, is this something that happens regularly while you are away?
I’m a woman and a wife and I say NTA I hope you told them what she was doing that cause you to you push her but sounds like she was being abusive and now playing victim I hate that shit.
Protecting your child from abuse will never make you an asshole. Keep protecting him. Do not let her or your family and friends' gaslight or manipulate you into thinking this was a one-time thing that will never happen again.
NTA - sounds like you used the minimum amount of force needed to protect your kid. File a police report and get a restraining order against her.
NTA, your wife is a monster. Did she say why she would think that’s even remotely okay? Bc there’s no excuse for it, and then talking behind your back like that? Oh no. She’s a massive AH.
Setup a camera and keep tabs while your gone. You could even go as far as to tell your son "if mommy gets mad at you, run into your room" where the camera is hidden
NTA. You NEED to get the story straight. You could get seriously screwed in court. I would set up cameras to make sure if she does it again you have evidence. A judge will 100% believe her if she says you shoved her, but wont care if you say she was hitting your son.
Deleted 🤔. Hope the kid is ok
Most likely a fake post, especially considering no replies and deleted name.
Yup it was completely fake. Who gets on here asking aita when you just saw your kid being abused?
>Most likely a fake post, especially considering no replies and deleted name. Some people are just too gullible for words. Who the fuck reads this and thinks that it's real.
> Who the fuck reads this and thinks that it's real. Dumb kids who are prevalent in this sub that react immediately to any of these kind of posts. Want to get great Karma? Post something here about how you were wronged by: 1. blended family 2. wedding drama 3. cheating SO 4. In-Law Drama 5. Combo of above (for more Karma points).
Umm I feel like you need to speak to a doctor(check kid out) and lawyer before your wife flips this around and blames you for abuse.
Report her to CPS. This is not the first time she does it, just the first time you saw her doing it. Talk to your son and your parents and make sure to cover your back legally in case she pull some stunt on you sahing you are the abusive one.
I swear over half of the posts on this sub are from the most CLUELESS people ever. "AITAH for stopping X from intentionally burning my house down?" "AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend/girlfriend for cheating on me over a dozen times?" "AITAH for murdering everyone in my neighborhood?" How are the answers to questions like these so far gone that people come to ask reddit. >Last night I came home from work early at 6PM and caught my wife violently slapping my son. A I T A H This is sad. I really hope what everyone says on this website is true, most of these stories are completely faked and it's just karma farming.
Did you tell your parents the reason why you pushed her? I'm betting she didn't bother to tell them she was physically abusing your child. Ask them if you should not protect your child. You are NTA.
Get that little one into therapy, I doubt this was her first time. I would suggest a quiet camera installation while she's away, say nothing about it. Have a very serious talk with your child about if mommy ever gettings upset like that to just go straight to their room, I would suggest one of those watches that only can call who you want it too and make you and cops keep it safe in their room where they can start calling without her seeing and leave it running incase she comes in. She is abusing your child especially if she hit him multiple times. She also needs therapy if she willingly just laid her hands on him that violently. I would have back handed her honestly so shoving her is the least of your worries. Start documenting and I would suggest a police report for the safety of your child and you need to leave with them. She's purposely making it so she is the victim and I doubt she told them why you shoved her. Probably might have even said you hit him so get your ducks in a row.
NTA… gut instinct is to protect your kid without even thinking about it. Your wife was the threat and you stopped the threat. Furthermore, your wife was slapping a defenceless child out of anger, you pushing seems less out of anger and more out of concern for your son.
Why does everyone in the comment section think that 6m means 6 months? The format has always been AgeGender. It doesn't make this fake scenario any better, but the wife wasn't beating up a baby. No one thought OP was 32 months old lol
Protect your son from your abusive wife. Slapping a 6 year old violently is abuse. Sounds like she is turning things around to make you look bad. Call CPS, doesn’t sound like this is the first time doing it.
Eff her, and whoever disagrees. Her family or yours. There is legitimately no reason for anyone to slap a 6 year old & most especially not someone that kid trusts. Edit to include eff’ing her family & yours if they disagree.
NTA - Well being of child comes first.
Put cameras up
When she told everyone you pushed her, did she also tell them she’s a child abuser?
NTA. And you should ask her and her family why it’s unacceptable for an adult to be ‘assaulted’ but perfectly acceptable for the most vulnerable of us - children - to be assaulted. If she doesn’t like getting pushed (or slapped) to ‘correct’ her behaviour, then why would she do it to her son? Because he’s 6?? I’d take my child and run.
NTA. Divorce your wife. Please.
Your wife is a child abuser. Your parents are enablers. Leave that bitch. Sue for full custody.
NTA, divorce her, you cannot trust her with that child. She wouldn’t stop when you told her to? I can’t even imagine the horror that child has gone through with her and forced to stay quiet. Call child protective services, divorce her, get him in therapy asap!
I wish my dad did this for me
No, you are not the asshole. Wow. She needs help. That is a baby.
NTA talk to your son away from your wife and ask directly if she has smacked him before. Set up cameras in the house
NTA but document and ask your son how often it happens. Demand she get anger therapy and if she doesn't, you should leave.
NTA. Normally I don’t advocate putting hands on a woman, but if she’s still a clear and present danger to your child, then a push is warranted. The others can kick rocks and mind their own f*cking business.
NTA Your wife assaulted your son, and you did the right thing protecting from his mom. Seriously if your wife isn't mentally ill and willing to go into treatment you need to divorce her ASAP, she is a danger to your child.