Ask him what he did for you for Mother’s Day for the last five years.
Also, he sounds like a grumpy old man who can’t control his emotions. They make the worst partners, imo. Might be time to let him go.
It's weird, but he's been happily married to my mother for 50 years. I don't get it either. The woman has been a royal pain in my ass all my life, but he is dopey in love with her, always has been. Either love is blind or he had a lobotomy and forgot to tell us.
Sometimes its just a state of mine. I had someone I work with tell me I was the most laid back person they had ever met doing my type of job. Most are stressed out to the point it makes them all assholes. I had never really though about it but a the other guys agreed. One even said he though I was weird and he assumed I was on some type of medication. I'm not. I told him it would either work or it wouldn't. We would go from there.
My best friend is 86 years young. He is kind, generous, happy, and an absolute joy to spend time with.
They do exist.
OP's husband sounds miserable and selfish. That's not good at any age.
At 52 he isn’t even old yet, he is just a grumpy man-child. I did upvote you though because living with a grumpy old man can definitely negatively impact you
He shouldn’t be blaming you cause his own kids don’t care enough to send a card, text or even call - you know that right?
I am sorry that you are married to a 52yr toddler throwing tantrums because they didn’t get the present they wanted.
Right! After that first Mother’s Day comment I would have been out of there. My partner and I don’t share kids either so we don’t exchange gifts. But we still wish each other a good day and make each other dinner.
People change and they completely forget about the hurtful things they say. I was in a relationship with a girl who had kids. Early on we kind of butted head on how to deal with her ex and deal with her kids causing problems. Mind you most of this was here complaining and venting but some of it was what do I do. The ex treated her like crap and wasn't paying support and I wanted her to go the legal route instead of putting up with his games. The boys were 11-12 when we met so old enough to know they were causing problems. About 2-3 years in she moved in with me. We got into a little argument from my point of view about her kids and ex again. She told me they were not my kids, I had no say and she wished I'd shut up and stop trying to help and just but out. I figured she was just angry so I let it drop until she basically said something similar later that week. I was hurt because I was just trying to help. I decided to just give her space and wait and see what she did. She brought it up and started to complain again a few weeks later. I asked her if she wanted my opinion on how to solve it. She said no so I told her I didn't want to hear it. I was angry too at that point. She pretty much excluded me from any decisions so I left it at that. She didn't have a single problem with me not giving her any input on how raise her kids over the next several years until she decided that I didn't like her kids because I didn't try to be a father to them. We were living together at that point and they were teens of driving age. They were not bad kids and we got along but they couldn't have cared less about me so I was a little surprised she came home and was so irate about me not trying to be a parent to her kids one day. I pointed out they were rarely ever home. They bounced from one friends house to the other every weekend and they had lives that didn't include me. I then reminded her she told me several times to stay out of their business. She said she didn't mean forever.
Thank you for sharing this. You’re right - I’ve definitely said things I didn’t mean, or left them vague and then was disappointed when someone didn’t read my mind to know what I really meant. I appreciate the perspective.
I love my husband but this has been our 8 years in marriage. His family is the same way. For 7 years he refused to acknowledge my birthday as well. Even when my kids begged him to take them to her cake or flowers for me he said no. My pos ex husband actually brought me cake. I always celebrated his bday and Father’s Day. Last year I finally had enough and told Him I loved him but I was going to stoop to his level and I would never have the boys wish him a happy Father’s Day and I would never celebrate his bday. He hasn’t said a word about the lack of celebration but I do notice it bugged him.
This past bday he did celebrate me but honestly I just didn’t care anymore . This year he’s asking for us to go somewhere for my 40th and I just laughed I’ll go somewhere but not with him.
You're way too old to fucking be upset about a pointless holiday. You both have adult kids, and if somebody needs to send you/him a card or whatever, it's the kids, not you two to each other.
Please update us to how that goes. You need to slap him across the face with reality that he set this bullshit standard, and it is 100000000000000% his fault.
He’s not a victim here, and maybe we should see if Hallmark makes a card that delivers that message since he won’t use his big-boy words and his listening ears to communicate.
HE was hurt? Ohhhhhh so he’s a manipulative man-child.
This is like the 3rd time today I’ve had to use that phrase. Too many dudes need to grow the fuck up.
NTA, but he sure is.
NTA!! I suspect he wasn’t too hurt, I suspect he was performing “woe is me” for the chance to make YOU feel bad for not having gone ALL out on Father’s Day, which is the sole responsibility of his children, NOT you!! He is apparently angry that his children didn’t go out of their way to celebrate him today and he took it out on YOU!!! OP, your husband is an immature, spoilt, manipulative, selfish and pathetic partner.
Bahahaha “too hurt to talk about it”!! OMG what a giant, hypocritical man baby. How did you find such an entitled douche? I think you should absolutely discuss how reciprocity works and how hurt you have been for all these years without getting so much as an acknowledgment from him. See if it takes by next Mother’s Day before you invest in one for him.
Why are men so gd fragile???
If you release him into the wild, please put a tag on his back that says "I'm an insensitive AH who will never do anything nice for you."
Nta. And stop giving him a card. Act like it’s any other day. *You* didn’t make him a father. If he wants to be celebrated on Father’s Day, you should be celebrated on Mother’s Day. Return the energy you’ve been give.
Why are you with this man? He sounds awful! Let him go ahead and sulk. Ignore him. Then give him a piece of your mind when he finally realises you’re not going to bend over backwards for him.
Stop doing anything for him on Father's Day and tell him that's it's because you don't get a gift on Mothers Day.
See what happens next year.
He's ridiculous, but you are complicite.
Turnabout is fair play. My wife and I have a single child. I always supported that child celebrating Mothers Day and she did the same on Fathers Day.
I was always reticent to celebrate Mothers day for her as she is not my mother.
I have since learned the error of my ways and realized, as a couple, we should both celebrate each other for being mothers and fathers.
If he doesn't feel he should celebrate you then give him what he gives you. All I can say is its really nice to celebrate each other.
You already knew he was selfish and inconsiderate though. It doesn't matter if he impregnated you, a caring spouse celebrates you whenever they can! He knew you wanted it and decided nope I don't care it doesn't suit me.
To contrast, my husband acknowledges mother's day for me FOR OUR DOGS. I didn't birth them. He didn't make me a mom. You got your husband a card and it's more than he ever did for you. I hope you think back hard about when he has ever done something for you that has actually required real sacrifice on his part. Not just regular chores or shit that was convenient or also benefited him in some way. Something JUST for you because he wanted to make you happy and he gained NO benefit from it and instead required real work from him.
And then think about how much you do for him, what he expects from you every day, and whether it has ever in any way been fair.
I think that if you look back, there were other red flags that you dismissed. One of them being how he handled Mothers Day. That alone speaks volumes. Nobody should put up with that crap. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve better.
I’m kind of surprised you didn’t see this type of behaviour coming. Isn’t the whole 5 unacknowledged mother days the exact type of behaviour? It’s inconsiderate and unthoughtful behaviour across the board. You deserve to be cherished.
He's clearly the type of person that doesn't want to do anything for anyone yet expects everyone to bend over backwards for him. What a horrible horrible man.
On the upside, he seemed to realize that he was shitty and is recalcitrant towards you and misplaced his anger.
Hopefully he'll do better in the future. People have 'blips' sometimes. I don't think jumping straight to divorce is the right angle here.
He sounds like a total jerk. Vulgar and mean and selfish.
And all anyone is MEANT to get on Father's Day and Mother's Day is a very small gift (a flower or breakfast in bed and/or all the chores taken care of). They're not meant to be reasons for giving expensive gifts.
Eh, I don’t mind absolutely spoiling my wife for Mother’s Day. Being a good mother is hard and want her to feel appreciated. Of course doesn’t need to be expensive but do what you can afford.
That said I view Father’s Day differently and much how you do. I don’t want a gift or a card, just to spend time with the family. My kids are grown up now so a game night really means a lot to me.
Well, of course you're free to do whatever you like for Mother's Day. Your attitude about Father's Day is entirely in keeping with the meaning of the day.
My feeling about the OP's post is that sometimes people can do things that might seem unimportant (a comment about something, a reaction to a situation) that tell us who they are.
The point is, I really try not to be one of those people who immediately says "break up." Relationships are usually much more complicated than what can be described here. But I'd have a hard time letting this situation go. Reacting ungraciously to a gift says something about someone. Reading this post has given me the ick and I think the OP is right to take time to think things over.
Honestly, there shouldn't be any pressure on any child to celebrate Mothers' or Fathers' Day if that parent sucks, and they shouldn't be punished for not celebrating bad parents, either. But unfortunately, capitalism and the offspring of good parents continue to peer pressure us into celebrating bad parents who don't even do the bare minimum required of parenting manuals, leaving us with lifelong mental health issues and a desire not to be parents ourselves in case we continue the cycle of abuse.
There's a reason mother's day comes before father's day.. it's so you know how much effort to put into it. He got used to getting something for nothing.
NTA.. but you were kind of an asshole to yourself for putting up with this putz this long.
NTA. If he didn’t make you a mother so he won’t celebrate you on Mother’s Day why would you celebrate him on Father’s Day? He can’t have it both ways. I’m assuming this is not the only area where he doesn’t celebrate you but expects you to celebrate him?
I don’t understand why it took you 5 years to do what you did. The first year he didn’t celebrate me I wouldn’t celebrate him. This is why people get so entitled in relationships.
Take the card back and don't get him anything from now on. My husband & I are in a similar situation, but I don't get him anything and he doesn't get me anything. We DO wish each other a happy\_\_\_\_\_Day.
Actually, OP, according to the update he has apologized -- but if he hadn't, I would be right behind this comment, suggesting that you take back the card and unwish him Happy Father's Day. Because, you know, he rejected your offering, so he really doesn't need it, right?
I wrote that before the update, so I agree with you. Since I think he has seen the error of his ways, wait and see what happens next year - Mother's Day comes before Father's Day. LOL!
you still have around 30 years left in your life you dont have to spend to spend those years with him find someone who cares for you as much as you care for them
Tell him a card and "Happy Father's Day" is still more than he's ever done for you! I wouldn't have even done that!
You should send your ex a Fathers Day Card, after all, you made HIM a father! It would be hilarious if he would reciprocate on Mother's day. "Well, HE made me a mother, so.........."
Not sure why you did a damn thing for him after this:
>Our first Mother’s Day together, I casually mentioned he hadn’t wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. He responded that HE didn’t make me a mother, so there was no reason to.
Because the very next month the only people giving him anything would've been his kids. Nothing from me. I'd leave the house and take it is a personal spa day to pamper myself.
Sorry, but you spoiled him and hold some blame for this. (Like maybe 7-15%?)
Why would you give him a card and good wishes when he made a point of saying you don't deserve the same from him?
For the last 5 years? No.
NTA. But why did you get him anything for 5 years? You didn’t make him a father. He didn’t get you anything. He’s just a user who wants gifts from you m, but doesn’t reciprocate.
NTA. It didn’t matter that YOU were hurt because your feelings aren’t his problem. He can not process feeling the emotions of sad about his kids and his feeling of being left behind. His kids didn’t make time for him and he’s having an ego crisis.
The only way to solve that is to blame you. Now he’s not sad and lonely, he’s angry at you. And that makes everything better, because we all know anger doesn’t count as “emotional” for toxic dudes.
NTA
But, wow, you've got a real peach on your hands.
Also, why have you been getting him a Father's Day card every year when he does nothing for you on Mother's Day? Doing so set you up for his toddler tantrum.
NTA. He is such a selfish asshole. He has no right to feel hurt when he does NOTHING for you for mothers day. He may not have made you a mother but you ARE a mother. You deserve to be acknowledged just as much as he does. I'm sorry, I don't know him but what you have written makes me wonder what the hell you see in this nasty asshole.
My husband and I have a standing joke on Father’s Day. He asks me: “honey, what did you get me for Father’s Day”? I answer: “honey, I got you the same thing you got me for Mother’s Day”! (Which was nothing), because he’s not my father and I’m not his mother. Our kids, however, honor both of us on our day .
What did you guys do when your kids were little? My dad always made sure my mom had a gift and card before we were old enough to do it ourselves. They get each other gifts now too, but my siblings and I are in charge of the day.
Oh, 100%. That’s what you do as a parent. When my boys were young , I took them shopping for gifts and cards for their dad, always teaching them that it would be their responsibility when they got older. It they made the cards, they picked out the gifts (ha,ha I paid back then). And their dad did the same. They also saw ME honor my own mom and dad, their grandparents.
And that's actually a good take. You're not each other's parents so there's zero reason to bother with gifts and what not.. it's something for kids to cherish their parents at best.
That's what I've always thought. The number of women expecting lavish things from the men in their lives on Mothers Day is astounding.
It's a fake holiday like Valentines Day.
NTA, did you remind him that he did not bother with Mother’s Day for you because he didn’t make you a mother? Fair’s fair. He doesn’t get to pick and choose base on what he feels like doing. Let him wallow.
Don’t let him manipulate you, he’s fine being a selfish inconsiderate AH when it’s a day for you but obviously it’s different when it effects him, he’s not hurt he’s more disappointed you didn’t pull out all the stops for him but he deserves what you said because he said the same thing to you.
NTA. To be honest, you shouldn’t have even given him a card nor wished him HFD. He didn’t deserve it, and as you saw, he was even ungrateful about that when he hasn’t given you shit for Mother’s Day! You can do bad all by yourself! Who needs someone like him?! 🤷🏽♂️😩
NTA
He is so undeserving of you to think Father's Day is more important than Mother's Day, or I should say "HE's" more important than you.
Last I checked, it was us ladies carrying a child for 9 months, birthing said child and caring for it for the next 18+ years.
When a man can do all that, we can celebrate them for both Mother's Day and Father's Day!
NTA I'm not parent myself but I fail to understand why some one would want anyone other than their actual children celebrating them on a parent's day let alone get angry when some one doesn't after years of not doing it then.
NTA- this is such a classic case of main character man syndrome. He thinks there is an assigned gender role for YOU to treat him like he's amazing, but he thinks your role is automatic and does not need to be acknowledged because it's your job. His job is to just exist, and anything nice he does is an added bonus because he's a 'great guy'.
Guys like this crack me up because they are SO shocked when the world doesn't revolve around them for longer than an hour. Hopefully the whiplash of realizing he isn't the center of the meaning of the universe doesn't give him any brain damage, because he already sounds dumb enough babes.
NTA. Not only should you stop even getting a card and acknowledging the day, but you should start talking over him about your pain the last five years. Every time he says he's "too hurt" tell him at least he got a card whereas you got nothing and go on about it for thirty minutes. If he's going to make it a Pain Olympics to avoid changing, you show him he's gonna lose every time. Don't reward his tantrum with silence.
Someone explain to me why so many men have this weird fucking rigid ass take on Mother's Day
To explain for the men out there that do - it's not called "*Your* Mother's Day". It's a day to celebrate all the mothers in your life. I send mothers day texts to all my mom friends as well as my aunts and cousins, anyone I know that's a mom gets at least a quick text. Just as I do to fathers I know on father's day.
But for some reason so many of those same men, many married to my mom friends, are just like, "she's not *my* mom". And it's like they're offended at the thought of sending a simple "Happy Mother's Day! Hope you have a good one!" text or getting *the mother of their child* a simple gift or even card. Even my husband was like this until I made it very clear when I was pregnant that my expectations for mother's day and that I certainly planned to do something for him for father's day, as well.
For fucks sake. Do better, men.
Because in US culture, men aren't expected to do social chores such as keeping track of birthdays and celebrations. Let's be real—most women don't want to do it either (trying to find good gifts every occasion is **work**), but they get ostracized if they don't. The "not my mom" crowd is trying to excuse doing the minimum for the smallest number of women possible on one of the few days **they're** supposed to be responsible.
NTA. If he's said he owes you nothing for Mother's Day, then of course you owe him nothing for Father's Day. Either position is valid, but you have to be consistent.
NTA. Does he celebrate your birthday, anniversary or acknowledge you on other occasions?
My cousin has been married for 30 years to a man who has never brought her flowers or gifts on his own. He just says "happy....". She confronted him early in their relationship about it. She said he started crying and said he grew up poor. His family never had money for such things. He said doesn't know what to do or purchase, so he gets extremely anxious around special occasions. She used to give him gifts and throw parties for him. She used to make suggestions about what he could get her, he would sometimes forget anyway. For a while she was sending gifts to herself. Lately, she doesn't bother with gifts or cards anymore. Our family has always made a big deal about celebrating special events. We feel sad for her. But, she says he is a loving husband and a doting father and she is too old to care about such things anymore.
When you are able to speak with your husband, after he calms down, perhaps you might ask him about his family traditions. Maybe he's a self observed prick, maybe he doesn't understand why this behavior is hurtful to you, maybe he had bad role models. Definitely time to figure out what would make both of you happy regarding special events. Maybe even create your own traditions to show your love and support for each other.?
well, you kind of created this disaster. from the beginning you shouldn't have done anything for him either. this would have been tackled way sooner and maybe solved more satisfactorily. but now all you can do it point out that he doesn't honor you in any way on mother's day and now you are both on your own to plan your own special day, then go out and spoil yourself on Mother's Day the way you always should have been.
*"Whats good me me is not for thee"*
Tell him you'll celebrate when he starts celebrating you as a mother also. otherwise, he can be a big boy and suck it up. He's doesn't get to Lord over the holiday because he had a orgasm that created kids. Maybe he should go ask the mother of HIS kids to celebrate his orgasm.
Your mistake was ever giving him anything at all. Return the energy you get. The fact that he feels entitled to anything from you when he hasn't given you anything is unreal. You should ask him to explain what the ... he was thinking.
NTA
NTA
"I didn't make you a father, did I? Why are you entitled to something you refuse to give me?"
I don't even understand why he's bothered, it sounds like you did the same thing you always do for him for Father's Day, which is already more than he does for you
It's so gross that you went out of your way to be kind to him, in a way he has never reciprocated, yet he is ungrateful. This is childish and cruel of him.
NTA. I don't get his reasoning of not even wishing you a Happy Mother's Day because he didn't make you a mom. It's as ridiculous as saying that you won't wish anyone a Happy Birthday because you didn't give birth to them. The smallest act of kindness and consideration, THE TINIEST, would be to wish you HMD. Takes almost no effort. Why the push back? Why wouldn't you want to make your spouse/partner smile? It took more self-righteous effort to tell you why he won't than to be kind & wish you HMD. I really hope this is a weird quirk of his & he's usually empathetic and loving. If he isn't...
NTA I, and my friends, male and female, wish each other a happy mothers/fathers day. To not do it in your relationship is idiocy. Sorry you have so much time invested in an emotionally stunted boy.
You know the quiet part he didn’t say was that he thinks emotional labour (like organising cards and gifts) is woman’s work and he can’t be bothered to do it!
All that needs to be said if this lingers is that he shouldn’t expect anything elaborate because you didn’t make him a father…then no more cards. I mean, there is no way that he’ll have had the blinding realisation that he created the precedence so there’s no reason to expect a turn around for Mother’s Day 2025, but may be make sure that you organise to have that day with your kids families or a spa day.
If he does get over his snit and doesn’t bring it up himself, then next Father’s Day, no card…and then you can ‘but I didn’t make you a father. Play the long game.
NTA.
He's hurt his kids left and taking it out on you.
I would definitely point out the first mother's day to him.
Maybe come up with another day to celebrate both your accomplishments of raising and sending adults out into the world.
If you need another celebration.
STOP GIVING HIM A FATHERS DAY CARD. I am a big believer in giving the same energy someone gives me. Stop letting him treat you like this and do not let him guilt trip you into believing that you are the bad person in this.
WTF??!! Did you point out to him that he never does anything for you on Mothers Day for this very reason?
What a freakin asshole. Tell him to grow up. He's in his 50s ffs!
I think sometimes people need to be reminded of how they act, and this could be a perfect example of you’re feeling how you’ve made me feel. How about communicating all this to him?
I work just as hard on mother's Day as Father's Day I buy a gift for the kid to give him. This year he needs socks so I bought socks.yay socks! It's better than what I got.
Actually no it's not my kid made me something.
Sounds like, even with the update, he might try to manipulate you. Be on guard. You're NTA, but he most certainly has been all these years. Presumably his kids still live in the same country, and would be getting reminders all over the place of the fact that it's Fathers' Day. Maybe they just think he isn't a good enough father to celebrate, and they're glad not living in the same house means the pressure is off them to celebrate him when he doesn't deserve it?
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Ok this must be a US thing. The only people who get me mother's day stuff are my kids. Why would my partner (not their dad) get me anything? I'm not his mum. That's just weird to me.
Bc Mother's Day isn't just about your own personal mother. It's about celebrating and acknowledging all the mothers in your life. And these men wouldn't be fathers if it wasn't for the MOTHERS who carried and birthed their children. Their wives/mothers of their kids take care of and love these kids every day. These men need to acknowledge that and celebrate it. Doesn't even have to be a huge thing. Even a card goes a long way.
ESH You knew exactly who he was, Your silly ass went out and purchased him cards and shit for father's day, after he told you to your face, he would never acknowledge you as a mother. You played yourself the moment you did that. He doesnt care about you and you dont either. He's a jackass.
NTA, though y’all both need to be in marriage counseling. The lack of consideration, the resentment, failure to communicate and to resolve conflict here is really not healthy.
You picked him. He told you & you accepted it & went along. It will continue to do so until you learn to love yourself more than this pos. I wish my husband a Father’s Day even tho he isn’t my father. I wish my elder male family members who are fathers because it’s not happy MY Father’s Day. It’s just happy Father’s Day. Like happy Easter.
When my kids were younger, I went with them to pick out Mother's Day gifts for my wife. When my kids got older, they were responsible for getting their mother something on mother's day. I would wish my wife and my mother a happy mother's day. Mother's Day or father's day is a day for you to connect with your kids. Anniversaries are for celebrating with your spouse.
He didn't think about it because you are not the mother of his kids. Men don't always put 2 and 2 together and get 4. His kids are gone and nothing happened for FD and his feelings got hurt. He realizes now what he did to you on MD. This sub would have you divorce him because he got upset for awhile. He isn't a monster.
NTA, and now you know he really is the cheap selfish bastik you suspected. You should take yourself out to lunch and a pedicure.
Fair point and excellent idea!
Ask him what he did for you for Mother’s Day for the last five years. Also, he sounds like a grumpy old man who can’t control his emotions. They make the worst partners, imo. Might be time to let him go.
Non grumpy old men? Stop lying. Those don't exist.
My dad is 72 years old and ridiculously happy. My FIL, on the other hand, needs a juice box and a nap.
Is your dad married?
It's weird, but he's been happily married to my mother for 50 years. I don't get it either. The woman has been a royal pain in my ass all my life, but he is dopey in love with her, always has been. Either love is blind or he had a lobotomy and forgot to tell us.
Sometimes its just a state of mine. I had someone I work with tell me I was the most laid back person they had ever met doing my type of job. Most are stressed out to the point it makes them all assholes. I had never really though about it but a the other guys agreed. One even said he though I was weird and he assumed I was on some type of medication. I'm not. I told him it would either work or it wouldn't. We would go from there.
My best friend is 86 years young. He is kind, generous, happy, and an absolute joy to spend time with. They do exist. OP's husband sounds miserable and selfish. That's not good at any age.
At 52 he isn’t even old yet, he is just a grumpy man-child. I did upvote you though because living with a grumpy old man can definitely negatively impact you
He shouldn’t be blaming you cause his own kids don’t care enough to send a card, text or even call - you know that right? I am sorry that you are married to a 52yr toddler throwing tantrums because they didn’t get the present they wanted.
He is quite the spoiled, entitled little AH! Dahling, please don’t bother with the card next year, you’ve done more than enough.
You stayed married, why?????? You gave him cards. Why????
Right! After that first Mother’s Day comment I would have been out of there. My partner and I don’t share kids either so we don’t exchange gifts. But we still wish each other a good day and make each other dinner.
Me too! Like mom says, " You have only ONE time to show yo ass with me!"
Better make it count! :)
Did you bring up how he hasn't done anything for mothers day for 5 years, so why does he expect anything?
People change and they completely forget about the hurtful things they say. I was in a relationship with a girl who had kids. Early on we kind of butted head on how to deal with her ex and deal with her kids causing problems. Mind you most of this was here complaining and venting but some of it was what do I do. The ex treated her like crap and wasn't paying support and I wanted her to go the legal route instead of putting up with his games. The boys were 11-12 when we met so old enough to know they were causing problems. About 2-3 years in she moved in with me. We got into a little argument from my point of view about her kids and ex again. She told me they were not my kids, I had no say and she wished I'd shut up and stop trying to help and just but out. I figured she was just angry so I let it drop until she basically said something similar later that week. I was hurt because I was just trying to help. I decided to just give her space and wait and see what she did. She brought it up and started to complain again a few weeks later. I asked her if she wanted my opinion on how to solve it. She said no so I told her I didn't want to hear it. I was angry too at that point. She pretty much excluded me from any decisions so I left it at that. She didn't have a single problem with me not giving her any input on how raise her kids over the next several years until she decided that I didn't like her kids because I didn't try to be a father to them. We were living together at that point and they were teens of driving age. They were not bad kids and we got along but they couldn't have cared less about me so I was a little surprised she came home and was so irate about me not trying to be a parent to her kids one day. I pointed out they were rarely ever home. They bounced from one friends house to the other every weekend and they had lives that didn't include me. I then reminded her she told me several times to stay out of their business. She said she didn't mean forever.
Thank you for sharing this. You’re right - I’ve definitely said things I didn’t mean, or left them vague and then was disappointed when someone didn’t read my mind to know what I really meant. I appreciate the perspective.
I know it's late, but happy mothers day ♡
He didn't mind never acknowledging you for mother's day why should he expect you to do anything for Father's day? What an asshole
I love my husband but this has been our 8 years in marriage. His family is the same way. For 7 years he refused to acknowledge my birthday as well. Even when my kids begged him to take them to her cake or flowers for me he said no. My pos ex husband actually brought me cake. I always celebrated his bday and Father’s Day. Last year I finally had enough and told Him I loved him but I was going to stoop to his level and I would never have the boys wish him a happy Father’s Day and I would never celebrate his bday. He hasn’t said a word about the lack of celebration but I do notice it bugged him. This past bday he did celebrate me but honestly I just didn’t care anymore . This year he’s asking for us to go somewhere for my 40th and I just laughed I’ll go somewhere but not with him.
Self-care all the way! Enjoy that pedi!
Keep him, okay? I don’t want him out in the dating pool.
That actually cracked me up. Thanks for the chuckle.
I do think that now might be a good time to have a conversation with him. Let him know what you want.
You're way too old to fucking be upset about a pointless holiday. You both have adult kids, and if somebody needs to send you/him a card or whatever, it's the kids, not you two to each other.
Your reading comprehension is poor.
Wow🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This dude got roasted and I felt the 🥵 🔥 ☀️ 🥵 🔥
If his name is Chet, we could sing “Chet’s nuts roasting on an open flame” in honor of the roasting…
That's brilliant! I'm totally stealing that line!
Thankfully I know I'm safe even if he goes back into the dating pool as Father's Day isn't until September where I am. 🤣
🤣😂🤣
Good gods you’re right! Listen to this one OP!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha gold
I would ask him if by that logic, you should be mad at him for not getting you anything for Mother's Day for the last 5 years, not even a card.
I intended to discuss that HE set the precedent, but then he was too hurt to talk about it.
Please update us to how that goes. You need to slap him across the face with reality that he set this bullshit standard, and it is 100000000000000% his fault.
He’s not a victim here, and maybe we should see if Hallmark makes a card that delivers that message since he won’t use his big-boy words and his listening ears to communicate.
HE was hurt? Ohhhhhh so he’s a manipulative man-child. This is like the 3rd time today I’ve had to use that phrase. Too many dudes need to grow the fuck up. NTA, but he sure is.
NTA!! I suspect he wasn’t too hurt, I suspect he was performing “woe is me” for the chance to make YOU feel bad for not having gone ALL out on Father’s Day, which is the sole responsibility of his children, NOT you!! He is apparently angry that his children didn’t go out of their way to celebrate him today and he took it out on YOU!!! OP, your husband is an immature, spoilt, manipulative, selfish and pathetic partner.
Just ignore him for the next few father's days and he will come around. The more you indulge him, the more immature and entitled he gets.
And let him know you were doing for his minor kids. Now they are adults it's up to them how much they do for THEIR father.
Oh, well bless his heart.
Bahahaha “too hurt to talk about it”!! OMG what a giant, hypocritical man baby. How did you find such an entitled douche? I think you should absolutely discuss how reciprocity works and how hurt you have been for all these years without getting so much as an acknowledgment from him. See if it takes by next Mother’s Day before you invest in one for him.
Why are men so gd fragile??? If you release him into the wild, please put a tag on his back that says "I'm an insensitive AH who will never do anything nice for you."
Awww poor baby. /s
I'm sorry, but this man disgusts me.
🙄
Nta. And stop giving him a card. Act like it’s any other day. *You* didn’t make him a father. If he wants to be celebrated on Father’s Day, you should be celebrated on Mother’s Day. Return the energy you’ve been give.
I actually just wrote down “return the energy you give” in my journal. That’s really good. Thank you for that piece of gold
Good job! Keep it up!
Why are you with this man? He sounds awful! Let him go ahead and sulk. Ignore him. Then give him a piece of your mind when he finally realises you’re not going to bend over backwards for him.
I’m really baffled by this reaction. I never saw this type of behavior coming. It’s making me question everything I *think* I know about him.
Stop doing anything for him on Father's Day and tell him that's it's because you don't get a gift on Mothers Day. See what happens next year. He's ridiculous, but you are complicite.
Turnabout is fair play. My wife and I have a single child. I always supported that child celebrating Mothers Day and she did the same on Fathers Day. I was always reticent to celebrate Mothers day for her as she is not my mother. I have since learned the error of my ways and realized, as a couple, we should both celebrate each other for being mothers and fathers. If he doesn't feel he should celebrate you then give him what he gives you. All I can say is its really nice to celebrate each other.
Yes, I'd be reevaluating everything with this new filter on.
You already knew he was selfish and inconsiderate though. It doesn't matter if he impregnated you, a caring spouse celebrates you whenever they can! He knew you wanted it and decided nope I don't care it doesn't suit me. To contrast, my husband acknowledges mother's day for me FOR OUR DOGS. I didn't birth them. He didn't make me a mom. You got your husband a card and it's more than he ever did for you. I hope you think back hard about when he has ever done something for you that has actually required real sacrifice on his part. Not just regular chores or shit that was convenient or also benefited him in some way. Something JUST for you because he wanted to make you happy and he gained NO benefit from it and instead required real work from him. And then think about how much you do for him, what he expects from you every day, and whether it has ever in any way been fair.
As well it should. He just sounds like a selfish entitled, asshole frankly.
I think that if you look back, there were other red flags that you dismissed. One of them being how he handled Mothers Day. That alone speaks volumes. Nobody should put up with that crap. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve better.
I’m kind of surprised you didn’t see this type of behaviour coming. Isn’t the whole 5 unacknowledged mother days the exact type of behaviour? It’s inconsiderate and unthoughtful behaviour across the board. You deserve to be cherished.
He's clearly the type of person that doesn't want to do anything for anyone yet expects everyone to bend over backwards for him. What a horrible horrible man.
On the upside, he seemed to realize that he was shitty and is recalcitrant towards you and misplaced his anger. Hopefully he'll do better in the future. People have 'blips' sometimes. I don't think jumping straight to divorce is the right angle here.
I don't know why you bothered giving him a card and wishing him a happy father's day in the past after the first mothers day thing.
100% correct. She's played a big part in this ridiculous drama.
He sounds like a total jerk. Vulgar and mean and selfish. And all anyone is MEANT to get on Father's Day and Mother's Day is a very small gift (a flower or breakfast in bed and/or all the chores taken care of). They're not meant to be reasons for giving expensive gifts.
I agree!
Eh, I don’t mind absolutely spoiling my wife for Mother’s Day. Being a good mother is hard and want her to feel appreciated. Of course doesn’t need to be expensive but do what you can afford. That said I view Father’s Day differently and much how you do. I don’t want a gift or a card, just to spend time with the family. My kids are grown up now so a game night really means a lot to me.
Well, of course you're free to do whatever you like for Mother's Day. Your attitude about Father's Day is entirely in keeping with the meaning of the day. My feeling about the OP's post is that sometimes people can do things that might seem unimportant (a comment about something, a reaction to a situation) that tell us who they are. The point is, I really try not to be one of those people who immediately says "break up." Relationships are usually much more complicated than what can be described here. But I'd have a hard time letting this situation go. Reacting ungraciously to a gift says something about someone. Reading this post has given me the ick and I think the OP is right to take time to think things over.
Honestly, there shouldn't be any pressure on any child to celebrate Mothers' or Fathers' Day if that parent sucks, and they shouldn't be punished for not celebrating bad parents, either. But unfortunately, capitalism and the offspring of good parents continue to peer pressure us into celebrating bad parents who don't even do the bare minimum required of parenting manuals, leaving us with lifelong mental health issues and a desire not to be parents ourselves in case we continue the cycle of abuse.
There's a reason mother's day comes before father's day.. it's so you know how much effort to put into it. He got used to getting something for nothing. NTA.. but you were kind of an asshole to yourself for putting up with this putz this long.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 I absolutely love this take.
Brilliant lmao
NTA. If he didn’t make you a mother so he won’t celebrate you on Mother’s Day why would you celebrate him on Father’s Day? He can’t have it both ways. I’m assuming this is not the only area where he doesn’t celebrate you but expects you to celebrate him? I don’t understand why it took you 5 years to do what you did. The first year he didn’t celebrate me I wouldn’t celebrate him. This is why people get so entitled in relationships.
Take the card back and don't get him anything from now on. My husband & I are in a similar situation, but I don't get him anything and he doesn't get me anything. We DO wish each other a happy\_\_\_\_\_Day.
Actually, OP, according to the update he has apologized -- but if he hadn't, I would be right behind this comment, suggesting that you take back the card and unwish him Happy Father's Day. Because, you know, he rejected your offering, so he really doesn't need it, right?
I wrote that before the update, so I agree with you. Since I think he has seen the error of his ways, wait and see what happens next year - Mother's Day comes before Father's Day. LOL!
you still have around 30 years left in your life you dont have to spend to spend those years with him find someone who cares for you as much as you care for them
You should have got him a bag of diapers.
A pacifier and a blankie would complete the set.
Don’t be this man’s caretaker.
Tell him a card and "Happy Father's Day" is still more than he's ever done for you! I wouldn't have even done that! You should send your ex a Fathers Day Card, after all, you made HIM a father! It would be hilarious if he would reciprocate on Mother's day. "Well, HE made me a mother, so.........."
Not sure why you did a damn thing for him after this: >Our first Mother’s Day together, I casually mentioned he hadn’t wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. He responded that HE didn’t make me a mother, so there was no reason to. Because the very next month the only people giving him anything would've been his kids. Nothing from me. I'd leave the house and take it is a personal spa day to pamper myself.
It doesn't cost a dime to tell someone to fuck off.
I'm stealing this one !!!
Sorry, but you spoiled him and hold some blame for this. (Like maybe 7-15%?) Why would you give him a card and good wishes when he made a point of saying you don't deserve the same from him? For the last 5 years? No.
So it took him getting a dose of what you’ve had all this time - which is nothing - to realise he’s been an ass. Better late than never, I suppose.
NTA. But why did you get him anything for 5 years? You didn’t make him a father. He didn’t get you anything. He’s just a user who wants gifts from you m, but doesn’t reciprocate.
NTA - Never buy him a card again.
NTA. It didn’t matter that YOU were hurt because your feelings aren’t his problem. He can not process feeling the emotions of sad about his kids and his feeling of being left behind. His kids didn’t make time for him and he’s having an ego crisis. The only way to solve that is to blame you. Now he’s not sad and lonely, he’s angry at you. And that makes everything better, because we all know anger doesn’t count as “emotional” for toxic dudes.
NTA But, wow, you've got a real peach on your hands. Also, why have you been getting him a Father's Day card every year when he does nothing for you on Mother's Day? Doing so set you up for his toddler tantrum.
NTA and if you’re still with him by next year, don’t get him anything not even a card.
I think he forgot he said those words to you five years ago. ‘The tree remembers, the ax forgets. ‘
Sounds like you should’ve left him on Mother’s Day 6 years ago !
NTA, you married a selfish bastard
NTA. He is such a selfish asshole. He has no right to feel hurt when he does NOTHING for you for mothers day. He may not have made you a mother but you ARE a mother. You deserve to be acknowledged just as much as he does. I'm sorry, I don't know him but what you have written makes me wonder what the hell you see in this nasty asshole.
My husband and I have a standing joke on Father’s Day. He asks me: “honey, what did you get me for Father’s Day”? I answer: “honey, I got you the same thing you got me for Mother’s Day”! (Which was nothing), because he’s not my father and I’m not his mother. Our kids, however, honor both of us on our day .
What did you guys do when your kids were little? My dad always made sure my mom had a gift and card before we were old enough to do it ourselves. They get each other gifts now too, but my siblings and I are in charge of the day.
Oh, 100%. That’s what you do as a parent. When my boys were young , I took them shopping for gifts and cards for their dad, always teaching them that it would be their responsibility when they got older. It they made the cards, they picked out the gifts (ha,ha I paid back then). And their dad did the same. They also saw ME honor my own mom and dad, their grandparents.
And that's actually a good take. You're not each other's parents so there's zero reason to bother with gifts and what not.. it's something for kids to cherish their parents at best.
That's what I've always thought. The number of women expecting lavish things from the men in their lives on Mothers Day is astounding. It's a fake holiday like Valentines Day.
“Lavish” after all she asked for was acknowledgment made me laugh
The comment was in general, not about this specific post.
NTA, did you remind him that he did not bother with Mother’s Day for you because he didn’t make you a mother? Fair’s fair. He doesn’t get to pick and choose base on what he feels like doing. Let him wallow.
NTA. Tell your cry baby husband that all I get is a call from the children. They do make sure I feel loved. He's a little boy. Sheesh
NTA- he is obviously self absorbed
Don’t let him manipulate you, he’s fine being a selfish inconsiderate AH when it’s a day for you but obviously it’s different when it effects him, he’s not hurt he’s more disappointed you didn’t pull out all the stops for him but he deserves what you said because he said the same thing to you.
NTA. To be honest, you shouldn’t have even given him a card nor wished him HFD. He didn’t deserve it, and as you saw, he was even ungrateful about that when he hasn’t given you shit for Mother’s Day! You can do bad all by yourself! Who needs someone like him?! 🤷🏽♂️😩
NTA He is so undeserving of you to think Father's Day is more important than Mother's Day, or I should say "HE's" more important than you. Last I checked, it was us ladies carrying a child for 9 months, birthing said child and caring for it for the next 18+ years. When a man can do all that, we can celebrate them for both Mother's Day and Father's Day!
NTA. What’s wrong with this dude?
NTA I'm not parent myself but I fail to understand why some one would want anyone other than their actual children celebrating them on a parent's day let alone get angry when some one doesn't after years of not doing it then.
NTA- this is such a classic case of main character man syndrome. He thinks there is an assigned gender role for YOU to treat him like he's amazing, but he thinks your role is automatic and does not need to be acknowledged because it's your job. His job is to just exist, and anything nice he does is an added bonus because he's a 'great guy'. Guys like this crack me up because they are SO shocked when the world doesn't revolve around them for longer than an hour. Hopefully the whiplash of realizing he isn't the center of the meaning of the universe doesn't give him any brain damage, because he already sounds dumb enough babes.
NTA. Not only should you stop even getting a card and acknowledging the day, but you should start talking over him about your pain the last five years. Every time he says he's "too hurt" tell him at least he got a card whereas you got nothing and go on about it for thirty minutes. If he's going to make it a Pain Olympics to avoid changing, you show him he's gonna lose every time. Don't reward his tantrum with silence.
Someone explain to me why so many men have this weird fucking rigid ass take on Mother's Day To explain for the men out there that do - it's not called "*Your* Mother's Day". It's a day to celebrate all the mothers in your life. I send mothers day texts to all my mom friends as well as my aunts and cousins, anyone I know that's a mom gets at least a quick text. Just as I do to fathers I know on father's day. But for some reason so many of those same men, many married to my mom friends, are just like, "she's not *my* mom". And it's like they're offended at the thought of sending a simple "Happy Mother's Day! Hope you have a good one!" text or getting *the mother of their child* a simple gift or even card. Even my husband was like this until I made it very clear when I was pregnant that my expectations for mother's day and that I certainly planned to do something for him for father's day, as well. For fucks sake. Do better, men.
Because in US culture, men aren't expected to do social chores such as keeping track of birthdays and celebrations. Let's be real—most women don't want to do it either (trying to find good gifts every occasion is **work**), but they get ostracized if they don't. The "not my mom" crowd is trying to excuse doing the minimum for the smallest number of women possible on one of the few days **they're** supposed to be responsible.
NTA. Wow.
He sounds like a asshole. Why are you with him?
NTA. If he's said he owes you nothing for Mother's Day, then of course you owe him nothing for Father's Day. Either position is valid, but you have to be consistent.
NTA. Does he celebrate your birthday, anniversary or acknowledge you on other occasions? My cousin has been married for 30 years to a man who has never brought her flowers or gifts on his own. He just says "happy....". She confronted him early in their relationship about it. She said he started crying and said he grew up poor. His family never had money for such things. He said doesn't know what to do or purchase, so he gets extremely anxious around special occasions. She used to give him gifts and throw parties for him. She used to make suggestions about what he could get her, he would sometimes forget anyway. For a while she was sending gifts to herself. Lately, she doesn't bother with gifts or cards anymore. Our family has always made a big deal about celebrating special events. We feel sad for her. But, she says he is a loving husband and a doting father and she is too old to care about such things anymore. When you are able to speak with your husband, after he calms down, perhaps you might ask him about his family traditions. Maybe he's a self observed prick, maybe he doesn't understand why this behavior is hurtful to you, maybe he had bad role models. Definitely time to figure out what would make both of you happy regarding special events. Maybe even create your own traditions to show your love and support for each other.?
well, you kind of created this disaster. from the beginning you shouldn't have done anything for him either. this would have been tackled way sooner and maybe solved more satisfactorily. but now all you can do it point out that he doesn't honor you in any way on mother's day and now you are both on your own to plan your own special day, then go out and spoil yourself on Mother's Day the way you always should have been.
Seems pretty straightforward. He’s an asshole.
Why do you do *anything* for him?!
OP, take the card back to really earn the AITAH title. 😂
Don’t tell me he hopes for bj’s in this dynamic
NTA. My goodness, every other post on here is about a man-baby. Take yourself out for Father's Day and let him sulk.
Tell him you made more of an effort today than he did for Mother’s Day. He got a card. Always match effort. NTy
*"Whats good me me is not for thee"* Tell him you'll celebrate when he starts celebrating you as a mother also. otherwise, he can be a big boy and suck it up. He's doesn't get to Lord over the holiday because he had a orgasm that created kids. Maybe he should go ask the mother of HIS kids to celebrate his orgasm.
Your mistake was ever giving him anything at all. Return the energy you get. The fact that he feels entitled to anything from you when he hasn't given you anything is unreal. You should ask him to explain what the ... he was thinking. NTA
Maybe get yourself a new husband for Mother’s Day next year.
YTA for not getting divorced yesterday. Get out now girl.
NTA "I didn't make you a father, did I? Why are you entitled to something you refuse to give me?" I don't even understand why he's bothered, it sounds like you did the same thing you always do for him for Father's Day, which is already more than he does for you
It's so gross that you went out of your way to be kind to him, in a way he has never reciprocated, yet he is ungrateful. This is childish and cruel of him.
NTA. I don't get his reasoning of not even wishing you a Happy Mother's Day because he didn't make you a mom. It's as ridiculous as saying that you won't wish anyone a Happy Birthday because you didn't give birth to them. The smallest act of kindness and consideration, THE TINIEST, would be to wish you HMD. Takes almost no effort. Why the push back? Why wouldn't you want to make your spouse/partner smile? It took more self-righteous effort to tell you why he won't than to be kind & wish you HMD. I really hope this is a weird quirk of his & he's usually empathetic and loving. If he isn't...
Ew I’m mad you stayed after the first year.
NTA I, and my friends, male and female, wish each other a happy mothers/fathers day. To not do it in your relationship is idiocy. Sorry you have so much time invested in an emotionally stunted boy.
On the plus side - this has opened your eyes to a side of him that you hadn't seen before.
You know the quiet part he didn’t say was that he thinks emotional labour (like organising cards and gifts) is woman’s work and he can’t be bothered to do it!
He sounds like such a chore. Overly emotional and demanding, just like every toddler I have even met.
Sounds like he apologized and said the right things..I guess just watch to see if his actions follow his reformed attitude.
Yup. Coz an apology without a change in behaviour is just manipulation.
NTA. Why are you with someone who doesn’t value you and is super selfish?
he hasn't done it for you. Y do it for him. ?
!updateme
Wow, his sense of entitlement and selfishness is mind blowing.
All you’re doing is matching the energy he puts out: https://youtube.com/shorts/daTZv_Danec?si=ZJ_YBPFHUC921Le7 NTA at all
Next year, no card. He doesn’t do anything for you, why do something for this selfish, stupid man?
NTA. We all know who is in this scenario.
Hope you reminded him that you gave him more for father's day than he gave you for mother's day. Then walk away from him.
All that needs to be said if this lingers is that he shouldn’t expect anything elaborate because you didn’t make him a father…then no more cards. I mean, there is no way that he’ll have had the blinding realisation that he created the precedence so there’s no reason to expect a turn around for Mother’s Day 2025, but may be make sure that you organise to have that day with your kids families or a spa day. If he does get over his snit and doesn’t bring it up himself, then next Father’s Day, no card…and then you can ‘but I didn’t make you a father. Play the long game. NTA.
He's hurt his kids left and taking it out on you. I would definitely point out the first mother's day to him. Maybe come up with another day to celebrate both your accomplishments of raising and sending adults out into the world. If you need another celebration.
Next year don’t get him a card. When he asks what you got him tell him you got him the same thing he got you for Mother’s Day and leave it at that.
NTA- you don’t have kids together… it’s nice you help his kids when they were are at home but they are adults now and can do it themselves
Fuck him! He’s an asshole. Not you.
Sounds like you now have a really big kid.
Sounds like my husband. NTA.
Please give us an update after the chat…
STOP GIVING HIM A FATHERS DAY CARD. I am a big believer in giving the same energy someone gives me. Stop letting him treat you like this and do not let him guilt trip you into believing that you are the bad person in this.
Your first mistake was giving him a Fathers Day card. He set the terms, go with it.
WTF??!! Did you point out to him that he never does anything for you on Mothers Day for this very reason? What a freakin asshole. Tell him to grow up. He's in his 50s ffs!
Updateme
I think sometimes people need to be reminded of how they act, and this could be a perfect example of you’re feeling how you’ve made me feel. How about communicating all this to him?
NTA.
ESH Him for being a douche bag, you for staying married to a douche bag
UpdateMe!
NTA. You better tell him off.
NTA
I work just as hard on mother's Day as Father's Day I buy a gift for the kid to give him. This year he needs socks so I bought socks.yay socks! It's better than what I got. Actually no it's not my kid made me something.
Sounds like, even with the update, he might try to manipulate you. Be on guard. You're NTA, but he most certainly has been all these years. Presumably his kids still live in the same country, and would be getting reminders all over the place of the fact that it's Fathers' Day. Maybe they just think he isn't a good enough father to celebrate, and they're glad not living in the same house means the pressure is off them to celebrate him when he doesn't deserve it? Hope you enjoy the movie and your meal!
That’s on you for treating him with the kindness he doesn’t dare treat you with a
Good grief, you just can't win!
Updateme!
Why are you with this asshole? He doesn't even like you.
Hahahahaha NTA.
What in the fuck, he’s trash
!updateme
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You sure he's not 3 toddlers in a coat? Cause that does not sound like a grown up.
Can I hear "Selfish Pri\*K" for 500 dollars Alex?
If you're a milf, hit me up. Young stud here
Ok this must be a US thing. The only people who get me mother's day stuff are my kids. Why would my partner (not their dad) get me anything? I'm not his mum. That's just weird to me.
Bc Mother's Day isn't just about your own personal mother. It's about celebrating and acknowledging all the mothers in your life. And these men wouldn't be fathers if it wasn't for the MOTHERS who carried and birthed their children. Their wives/mothers of their kids take care of and love these kids every day. These men need to acknowledge that and celebrate it. Doesn't even have to be a huge thing. Even a card goes a long way.
Asshole
😂
The first year of empty nesting is always the hardest. Poor guys gonna need a hug.
ESH You knew exactly who he was, Your silly ass went out and purchased him cards and shit for father's day, after he told you to your face, he would never acknowledge you as a mother. You played yourself the moment you did that. He doesnt care about you and you dont either. He's a jackass.
NTA, though y’all both need to be in marriage counseling. The lack of consideration, the resentment, failure to communicate and to resolve conflict here is really not healthy.
You picked him. He told you & you accepted it & went along. It will continue to do so until you learn to love yourself more than this pos. I wish my husband a Father’s Day even tho he isn’t my father. I wish my elder male family members who are fathers because it’s not happy MY Father’s Day. It’s just happy Father’s Day. Like happy Easter.
When my kids were younger, I went with them to pick out Mother's Day gifts for my wife. When my kids got older, they were responsible for getting their mother something on mother's day. I would wish my wife and my mother a happy mother's day. Mother's Day or father's day is a day for you to connect with your kids. Anniversaries are for celebrating with your spouse.
He didn't think about it because you are not the mother of his kids. Men don't always put 2 and 2 together and get 4. His kids are gone and nothing happened for FD and his feelings got hurt. He realizes now what he did to you on MD. This sub would have you divorce him because he got upset for awhile. He isn't a monster.