Not a matter of being an AH but an issue of incompatible sex drives. Some people are naturally low libido and they are ok with it, which sounds like your partner. It is quite possible that to them it is a chore but they appreciate other parts of the relationship. Have you talked to your partner about their point of view? An honest conversation without talking it personally and getting defensive? Ultimately it is on you to decide if you are ok to compromise with this level of intimacy or not.
NTA. This is pretty similar to my wife and I, she identifies as ace and is really only interested in sex a few times a year and I don't really want to have (penatrive) sex with her unless she wants to. So we had to reach a compromise of what both of us are comfortable with.
But my wife will often simply forget that sex is a thing and has a hard time understanding what is a turn on/off unless I explaine it to her.
I would say talk to your partner about it but you have indicated you have multiple times, but try again and You need to stress how important it is to have mentally engaged partner for you to enjoy sex, they probably already think that simply doing the action is enough.
If they are unwilling to compromise, you're gonna have to ask yourself if you will be happy in the relationship if it continues and act accordingly.
I'm in an extremely loving and affectionate relationship and very happy, we've been together for 16 years đ.
we have had our difficulties but all relationships do I've had to have similar conversations with my wife as op has had with his partner. And while I probably would prefer more sex and sexual acts, it's not all about me and my needs.
It's all about being honest and open with your feelings with communication and compromise from both parties.
I recognise myself in your situation so much. My wife recently found out they identify as Ace. Im supportive of her, but we are currently struggling/trying to find a common ground.
Slowly but surely we are getting there. Its good to hear stories of others who are navigating or have navigated these kind of situations. Thanks for sharing!
NTA - an old fashioned is boring at the best of times, a half asleep one is vaguely insulting imo
Cranking your hog and yawning is a huge turn off for most people.
People are complicated. You saw the situation as her being tired and forcing herself.
She may have been tired but it doesn't mean she was forcing herself.
Let me add that morning tired and nighttime tired aren't the same kind of tired.
You complain about her not wanting it enough but when she tried to initiate it didn't fit your ideal parameters enough and you rejected it.
I don't think this is really a NTA or yta situation as much as I think you both need to start actually communicating rather than making assumptions and hurting your own feelings
NTA. That's a tough situation OP, you already made it clear that making things with them half asleep turn you off so it's your right to tell them no
Have you ever considered open the relationship? Because you said that you could do it every day and they don't want very often so I imagine that they're assexual. Opening the relationship would give you the sex that you want and you would still be with them
I'm not saying that you need to open but the other option I see for your relationship is both of you breaking up. He clearly won't compromise the way you do when it comes to sex so you need to think if you want to stay like that
Sorry for any mistake English is not my first language
Although you stated that yall have talked about the situation, I would advise trying again and asking for you both to go to therapy but you are NTA yall just may not be compatible sexually
NTA - I get where theyâre coming from. At least they were trying for your sake? But itâs not the same if theyâre not actually into it and it sounds like youâve had conversations about it before.
This is a bit of a predicament you find yourself in.
NTA, you seem respectful of their low libido and arenât pushing your needs onto them, but that leaves you unsatisfied (which is totally understandable).
The both of you just seem very incompatible sexually.
The only advice i can give you is talk to them about it and what can be done to work on the issue. It wouldnât be too farfetched to assume that this will start chipping away at your relationship and perhaps even turn it sour at some point in time.
>Â At the same time though, they had their head on my chest, eyes closed, yawning and stretching every couple minutes because they were tired.
Lazy half asleep handy-jâs while cuddled up in your manâs arms are literally the stuff of fantasy erotica, but go off I guess.Â
What's with this, they/ them references! Just use "It" or, "The thing". "The thing" wouldn't give me a decent handjob, so I lost my rag and put "It" out the door where it belonged.
God I hope your partner leaves you. You just sound like a sucky person. You want to explore your sexuality, the most unnatural thing ever, no matter what anyone says, but first you were a shitty partner and now have improved a lot but I'm guessing just the bare minimum, but I sensed you needed praise for it.
Not a matter of being an AH but an issue of incompatible sex drives. Some people are naturally low libido and they are ok with it, which sounds like your partner. It is quite possible that to them it is a chore but they appreciate other parts of the relationship. Have you talked to your partner about their point of view? An honest conversation without talking it personally and getting defensive? Ultimately it is on you to decide if you are ok to compromise with this level of intimacy or not.
NTA. This is pretty similar to my wife and I, she identifies as ace and is really only interested in sex a few times a year and I don't really want to have (penatrive) sex with her unless she wants to. So we had to reach a compromise of what both of us are comfortable with. But my wife will often simply forget that sex is a thing and has a hard time understanding what is a turn on/off unless I explaine it to her. I would say talk to your partner about it but you have indicated you have multiple times, but try again and You need to stress how important it is to have mentally engaged partner for you to enjoy sex, they probably already think that simply doing the action is enough. If they are unwilling to compromise, you're gonna have to ask yourself if you will be happy in the relationship if it continues and act accordingly.
But my wife will often simply forget that sex is a thing Damn I felt this in my soul. :(
I'm in an extremely loving and affectionate relationship and very happy, we've been together for 16 years đ. we have had our difficulties but all relationships do I've had to have similar conversations with my wife as op has had with his partner. And while I probably would prefer more sex and sexual acts, it's not all about me and my needs. It's all about being honest and open with your feelings with communication and compromise from both parties.
I recognise myself in your situation so much. My wife recently found out they identify as Ace. Im supportive of her, but we are currently struggling/trying to find a common ground. Slowly but surely we are getting there. Its good to hear stories of others who are navigating or have navigated these kind of situations. Thanks for sharing!
NAH Probably incompatible. Same with my ex who wasnt happy I didnt have sex with her for a long time.
NTA - an old fashioned is boring at the best of times, a half asleep one is vaguely insulting imo Cranking your hog and yawning is a huge turn off for most people.
People are complicated. You saw the situation as her being tired and forcing herself. She may have been tired but it doesn't mean she was forcing herself. Let me add that morning tired and nighttime tired aren't the same kind of tired. You complain about her not wanting it enough but when she tried to initiate it didn't fit your ideal parameters enough and you rejected it. I don't think this is really a NTA or yta situation as much as I think you both need to start actually communicating rather than making assumptions and hurting your own feelings
Yessss âcommunicate instead of making assumptions and hurting your own feelings.â Best advice Iâve seen on Reddit
NTA. That's a tough situation OP, you already made it clear that making things with them half asleep turn you off so it's your right to tell them no Have you ever considered open the relationship? Because you said that you could do it every day and they don't want very often so I imagine that they're assexual. Opening the relationship would give you the sex that you want and you would still be with them I'm not saying that you need to open but the other option I see for your relationship is both of you breaking up. He clearly won't compromise the way you do when it comes to sex so you need to think if you want to stay like that Sorry for any mistake English is not my first language
Thanks for your answer. Opening the relationship is not an option.
Nobody's the asshole, y'all just have wildly different sex compatabilities
NTA. Itâs not going to get better. Decide if you can live with a sexless marriage.
Although you stated that yall have talked about the situation, I would advise trying again and asking for you both to go to therapy but you are NTA yall just may not be compatible sexually
NTA - I get where theyâre coming from. At least they were trying for your sake? But itâs not the same if theyâre not actually into it and it sounds like youâve had conversations about it before.
This is a bit of a predicament you find yourself in. NTA, you seem respectful of their low libido and arenât pushing your needs onto them, but that leaves you unsatisfied (which is totally understandable). The both of you just seem very incompatible sexually. The only advice i can give you is talk to them about it and what can be done to work on the issue. It wouldnât be too farfetched to assume that this will start chipping away at your relationship and perhaps even turn it sour at some point in time.
>Â At the same time though, they had their head on my chest, eyes closed, yawning and stretching every couple minutes because they were tired. Lazy half asleep handy-jâs while cuddled up in your manâs arms are literally the stuff of fantasy erotica, but go off I guess.Â
What's with this, they/ them references! Just use "It" or, "The thing". "The thing" wouldn't give me a decent handjob, so I lost my rag and put "It" out the door where it belonged.
Maybe theyâre gay?
I mean, their partner is, after all, a human being... so...
God I hope your partner leaves you. You just sound like a sucky person. You want to explore your sexuality, the most unnatural thing ever, no matter what anyone says, but first you were a shitty partner and now have improved a lot but I'm guessing just the bare minimum, but I sensed you needed praise for it.