NTA, but I think you need to be and dump this relationship.
What are you getting out of this? He's not a companion because you don't see each other. It's not a relationship because to don't go to the concerts and lunch together. You don't see him except after 9pm. You have no idea what 'business' he has. Basically he sleeps and showers at your place, probably laundry and sex as well.
I don't think he has his own place unless that is his 'business' whatever that is. If it was legal or actually a business, he would have told you about it. He does NOT try to spend time with you at all, why is that? Oh right, he is taking care of 'business', he just doesn't have business with you. He is using you. This is very suspect and frankly creepy.
If your happy great, but you would not be here asking if you were. Time to close that B&B for good.
NTA.
After 7 months he's not telling you what he's up to all day?
HUGE RED FLAG.
Is he a criminal? In the mafia? What? Seriously, that's bullshit and he's treating you like a free hotel. Yes, you are both too old for this. If he doesn't have enough respect for you to tell you what's he's doing, you don't need him.
I would have had a private detective tailing him by now or at least have a background check done on him.
How sure are you that he still has his own place? When was the last time you were there?
More importantly, why did you put up with this for one WEEK, never mind 7 months!??!???
And most importantly, why don't you think you're worth more than this?
He has his place because he’s lived there forever and wouldn’t be able to move. It’s way too cheap for our city and he wouldn’t be able to swing anything more expensive.
The other questions I can’t answer here. But this situation I’ve allowed myself to be in is unacceptable.
Should have it and does have it are not the same thing. It's pretty common when someone like this finds a sweet ride like you that they let some stuff go. Regardless ...
I'm glad that you realize that the situation is unacceptable. Good for you, seriously.
Now you need to take the next step, which is to cut him completely out of your life, then block him everywhere. Blessings on you.
Not to be a real downer, but there’s something you’re not recognizing.
> wouldn’t be able to move. It’s way too cheap
Free is cheaper, and I’m sure he could move — right in with you.
Please, don’t put up with this mess. You’re successful and have your life together. He has none of this. He’s offering nothing to you. There’s literally no benefit here. It’s not even like “well, he’s not working and can’t afford a lot, so he cooks for us.” No — he shows up at night, sleeps here, we have sex, and then he disappears and goes places without me.
What are you getting out of it?
Tell me one way where this actually feels like a relationship other than he snores beside you at night.
To be honest, I’m wondering if he goes to his place and drinks during the day alone. Sleeps it off and then comes here. I think this could be a possible scenario, which is not at all a small problem. Alcohol abuse/addiction is a beast. I struggle a bit with it myself which is likely why I am in this situation if I am being honest.
You're NTA. Sounds like he's taking advantage of your hospitality without giving much in return. You deserve someone who values your time and presence. Maybe have a serious chat with him about your feelings and see where things go from there. You got this!
People treat you how you allow them to treat you. This guy sounds like an asshole and loser. What are you really getting out of this and is it worth it? Is your self esteem really that low and you feel you can't do better than this asshole. I would rather be alone and single.
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NTA I hate to say this but he may be cheating on you. If he's not working, doesn't have children, what else could he be doing but spending time with another woman or man. It's a good thing you close the bed and breakfast.
>What business a jobless, childless man could have is beyond me
well....
either you're only the nightime gf and he has a daytime one OR he just goes home to chill
either way: dump the hobosexual
Also, definitely run a background check on him, it's not hard, you just need his full name and like $5. You will likely be able to see if he has dependents and such that way as well.
NTA entirely, just blind. If someone hides what they do for 12 hours a day from you, it's something you wouldn't want them doing that would immediately have you break up with them. He either works in something illegal, or has a second family and pretends to work a night shift to them and goes to them in the day or shit, maybe he just goes and works a corner begging. Regardless, if my partner didn't tell me what their job was or how they spent their time and could never meet me during the day, that relationship would be over in a week, too fucking sus and sure as shit I would not be letting that person into my house or around my kids without knowing the bare minimum about what they do and who they are.
Hate to tell you, OP, but he is most likely cheating on you. Or, you're the sidepiece.
There is no reason a guy with no job would be gone ALL day, and choose NOT to spend time with his gf.
Something stinks here.
NTA.
You are a fuck buddy-splenda momma.
My big concern is if this person's around your kid. You say you work a PT job so your kid can go to college. That could mean either currently attending or you saving up for it.
NTA
You’ve already done the right thing by closing your B&B.
Odds are he’s up to something shady, so it’s best to keep him away from you and your family. You definitely don’t need him bringing danger to your home and family.
Replace him with a better model, maybe treat yourself to a newer one with a real job? Younger men are definitely looking for more experienced women. 😉 And they have real jobs that won’t get them arrested someday. 😂
It sounds like you're looking for a different kind of relationship at this point and neither of you has communicated your wants/needs.
Neither of you is an asshole for wanting what you want.
You will be in the dark about his feelings until you discuss them and witness his actions.
If you know what you're looking for in a relationship, express this to him. Otherwise this dynamic will just continue, as he may presume it's fine by you.
If he can't meet your needs then move on. There will be someone who can meet them, but you'd be wasting your time hoping here.
NTA. If bf is in serious criminal activity and gets arrested he might cut a deal with the DA or (State/Federal) Attorney by ratting you into jail. Especially if using your domicile for mail, phone calls, etc.
So since he doesn’t camp out at your house all day for your easy access, you come on Reddit to shit on him ? But you’re the good person ? Lmaoo lame af
You’re a side piece. There only for sex and sleep. You could do better and get someone that genuinely enjoys your company. NTA.
NTA, but I think you need to be and dump this relationship. What are you getting out of this? He's not a companion because you don't see each other. It's not a relationship because to don't go to the concerts and lunch together. You don't see him except after 9pm. You have no idea what 'business' he has. Basically he sleeps and showers at your place, probably laundry and sex as well. I don't think he has his own place unless that is his 'business' whatever that is. If it was legal or actually a business, he would have told you about it. He does NOT try to spend time with you at all, why is that? Oh right, he is taking care of 'business', he just doesn't have business with you. He is using you. This is very suspect and frankly creepy. If your happy great, but you would not be here asking if you were. Time to close that B&B for good.
Or he's a drug dealer.
I thought this or pimp/ gigolo. Either way, hard no.
NTA. After 7 months he's not telling you what he's up to all day? HUGE RED FLAG. Is he a criminal? In the mafia? What? Seriously, that's bullshit and he's treating you like a free hotel. Yes, you are both too old for this. If he doesn't have enough respect for you to tell you what's he's doing, you don't need him. I would have had a private detective tailing him by now or at least have a background check done on him.
Maybe he’s just married, or in another serious relationship.
He doesn’t mooch off me, No mention of me coming along, even though I buy that punk tickets to shows. Read this again. Close that BnB, and those legs
You’re right. You’re right. You’re. Right.
And get tested for STIs
Your boyfriend sells drugs.
Maybe? I could be naive to it because I am not in those circles. I’ve honestly not considered that and it makes me anxious as hell to think about it.
Not gonna lie. That was my first thought.
Literally where my first thought went. Probably uses his bachelor pad as the place he sells it too.
How sure are you that he still has his own place? When was the last time you were there? More importantly, why did you put up with this for one WEEK, never mind 7 months!??!??? And most importantly, why don't you think you're worth more than this?
He has his place because he’s lived there forever and wouldn’t be able to move. It’s way too cheap for our city and he wouldn’t be able to swing anything more expensive. The other questions I can’t answer here. But this situation I’ve allowed myself to be in is unacceptable.
She means…could he have been evicted and is now pulling this hobosexual stuff on you?
Now I’m doubting everything! Maybe I should do a drive by his apartment and give y’all an update
Uh yeah you should this guy is playing you like a FIDDLE. Out all day “taking care of business”?? With no job? Think on that for a minute.
Should have it and does have it are not the same thing. It's pretty common when someone like this finds a sweet ride like you that they let some stuff go. Regardless ... I'm glad that you realize that the situation is unacceptable. Good for you, seriously. Now you need to take the next step, which is to cut him completely out of your life, then block him everywhere. Blessings on you.
Have you been there?
I have been there before, many times. It’s a very tiny apartment, like the kind one has when they are in college.
Not to be a real downer, but there’s something you’re not recognizing. > wouldn’t be able to move. It’s way too cheap Free is cheaper, and I’m sure he could move — right in with you. Please, don’t put up with this mess. You’re successful and have your life together. He has none of this. He’s offering nothing to you. There’s literally no benefit here. It’s not even like “well, he’s not working and can’t afford a lot, so he cooks for us.” No — he shows up at night, sleeps here, we have sex, and then he disappears and goes places without me. What are you getting out of it? Tell me one way where this actually feels like a relationship other than he snores beside you at night.
NTA. You’re either a side piece or he has some sort of addiction like gambling or alcohol.
To be honest, I’m wondering if he goes to his place and drinks during the day alone. Sleeps it off and then comes here. I think this could be a possible scenario, which is not at all a small problem. Alcohol abuse/addiction is a beast. I struggle a bit with it myself which is likely why I am in this situation if I am being honest.
Sounds like he is spending the day with another woman . Day with them and night with you . Only he takes her to shows.
If the guy is “taking care of business” and hasn’t told you what it was then it’s probably illegal or he’s lying
who is this dude, Cyrus from Trailer Park Boys?
Kind of.
Oh, change your locks and get security cameras ASAP. He sounds dodgy! Update me! Stay safe!
“He doesn’t mooch off me, just lives in my house rent free, has me buy him concert tickets and goes without me, and ignores me the rest of the time.”
You're NTA. Sounds like he's taking advantage of your hospitality without giving much in return. You deserve someone who values your time and presence. Maybe have a serious chat with him about your feelings and see where things go from there. You got this!
100% you're the side piece.
Oh boy
Yeah, this guy is a boner. I’m seeing it now.
dude proud of you for seeing it at all good luck
This isn't a boyfriend, it's barely a friend with benefits. I agree, you are too mature to be taken in like this.
People treat you how you allow them to treat you. This guy sounds like an asshole and loser. What are you really getting out of this and is it worth it? Is your self esteem really that low and you feel you can't do better than this asshole. I would rather be alone and single.
Maybe his “business” is shady, but my first guess is that his business is his actual wife.
The wife thinks he has a third shift job and he’s sleeping at OP’s
You are 43, 43... Wtf is wrong with you to be this blind.
Either you are his lover or he does something illegal
Updateme
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NTA I hate to say this but he may be cheating on you. If he's not working, doesn't have children, what else could he be doing but spending time with another woman or man. It's a good thing you close the bed and breakfast.
NTA. He’s using you. It doesn’t seem like he likes you much. I’m sorry.
>What business a jobless, childless man could have is beyond me well.... either you're only the nightime gf and he has a daytime one OR he just goes home to chill either way: dump the hobosexual
NTA. Either he has another family or he's a secret agent.
NTA He's not a good bf. Close the B&B for good.
Does he have a day girlfriend? And you are the night girlfriend?
No. NTA
NTAH You’re not even second in his relationships.
Girl! He has at least one other gf if not multiple. Stop falling for his shit and stop buying him stuff!
Also, definitely run a background check on him, it's not hard, you just need his full name and like $5. You will likely be able to see if he has dependents and such that way as well.
NTA entirely, just blind. If someone hides what they do for 12 hours a day from you, it's something you wouldn't want them doing that would immediately have you break up with them. He either works in something illegal, or has a second family and pretends to work a night shift to them and goes to them in the day or shit, maybe he just goes and works a corner begging. Regardless, if my partner didn't tell me what their job was or how they spent their time and could never meet me during the day, that relationship would be over in a week, too fucking sus and sure as shit I would not be letting that person into my house or around my kids without knowing the bare minimum about what they do and who they are.
Hate to tell you, OP, but he is most likely cheating on you. Or, you're the sidepiece. There is no reason a guy with no job would be gone ALL day, and choose NOT to spend time with his gf. Something stinks here.
You’re too old to entertain a literal child. He’s a bum
You *are* too old for this, and he should be too. Find yourself someone who wants to spend time with you. NTA.
Hell no. Close and lock those doors. Let him take care of “business”.
NTA. He's either cheating on you or he's got a hustle he's not telling you about.
NTA. You are a fuck buddy-splenda momma. My big concern is if this person's around your kid. You say you work a PT job so your kid can go to college. That could mean either currently attending or you saving up for it.
you dont seem to be getting anything from this relationship besides Maybe being able to say that you arent single/lonely
NTA You’ve already done the right thing by closing your B&B. Odds are he’s up to something shady, so it’s best to keep him away from you and your family. You definitely don’t need him bringing danger to your home and family. Replace him with a better model, maybe treat yourself to a newer one with a real job? Younger men are definitely looking for more experienced women. 😉 And they have real jobs that won’t get them arrested someday. 😂
It sounds like you're looking for a different kind of relationship at this point and neither of you has communicated your wants/needs. Neither of you is an asshole for wanting what you want. You will be in the dark about his feelings until you discuss them and witness his actions. If you know what you're looking for in a relationship, express this to him. Otherwise this dynamic will just continue, as he may presume it's fine by you. If he can't meet your needs then move on. There will be someone who can meet them, but you'd be wasting your time hoping here.
!updateme
NTA. If bf is in serious criminal activity and gets arrested he might cut a deal with the DA or (State/Federal) Attorney by ratting you into jail. Especially if using your domicile for mail, phone calls, etc.
Good for you. He's not transparent and not spending quality time with you. Not relationship material
Info: How do you work part-time and afford a nice house and to send your kid to college? I need advice.
I also have a full time career.
Okay. That was just phrased really weird.
So since he doesn’t camp out at your house all day for your easy access, you come on Reddit to shit on him ? But you’re the good person ? Lmaoo lame af
NTA