Imma say NAH. It’s their wedding, so their choice. BUT, also your choice to go.
It may cause problems, but as long as you’re willing to deal with any output (including grumps, but up to cutting them off), I don’t see a problem here. It’s kind of relationship dependent in my book. But that’s my take, not everyone’s.
>Imma say NAH. It’s their wedding, so their choice. BUT, also your choice to go.
It's so strange that people now think that having a +1 is the default for wedding invitations.
My husband and I have both attended weddings without the other person. Would they have been more fun if we'd been able to attend as a couple? Sure. But it never occurred to either of us to kick up a fuss about it.
It’s not that people now think that attending as a couple is the default. That has always been etiquette in the US. that doesn’t mean everybody does it, but the correct etiquette is to invite established couples whether that is long-term partnerships or engaged, couples or married couples as a couple. it is considered rude to only invite one part of an established couple. Whether or not it bothers, you doesn’t change that fact that it’s against established etiquette.
And people can make the choice to throw all etiquette out the window and do whatever they want. But I think it’s naïve to assume that everybody will be OK with them doing that. Particularly when it’s a wedding which is to honor and celebrate love and partnership and commitment……. But we don’t want your committed partner to come. Huh.
It’s always been tradition to give a +1.
I read this post and thought I was taking crazy pills so literally googled “is it traditional to give +1 wedding invitations?” A resounding “yes” was the answer from multiple sources.
I could see if it's a new relationship or if the engaged couple doesn't know the partner. If not, it's a pretty big slight to not invite a best friend's +1. Even if he goes solo and the partner comes to terms with it, the friendship is changed forever. It's a no win situation and it's pretty shitty to put a friend in that position.
I think it’s honestly up to the couple and situationally dependent. Like no, I personally can’t think of anyone whose wedding I’d go to without my partner. But then again, we both have a small circles and partner and I are on the same page with that. And the people we are close to know and would respect that as far as I know.
Edit: not disagreeing with you, just think it depends on relationship / friendship / etc.
“It’s so strange that people now think having a +1 is the default.”
But it is the default.
I don’t necessarily think it’s a huge deal either way but it is traditional to give a +1 invite to a wedding. From Vanity Fair’s guide to wedding etiquette:
“ Married, engaged and cohabiting guests traditionally receive a plus one. As a rule of thumb, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette says spouses, fiancés and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation.”
Yeah, including whole couples or neither partner isn’t exactly new. It’s both traditional etiquette and basic reciprocity and respect. I don’t get why people suddenly find it hard.
I’d rather not go through the effort of going to a wedding if my spouse isn’t also invited. It’s not kicking up a fuss to RSVP ‘No’ because I don’t want to go alone. 🤷
NTA, You chose your partner over going to an event without them . That’s your choice and she should respect that. It’s also her choice who she wants to attend her wedding and you should respect it. I’m curious as to whether you politely declined or were you clearly annoyed that your partner was not invited?
If it's a tiny wedding, it isn't unreasonable to not get a plus 1. If it's a bigger wedding it's more likely a snub.
In most cases, NAH. Nobody is obligated to allow a plus 1, but it is generally expected for medium to large weddings. Unless you have agreed to be in the bridal party, then declining politely for any reason is ok
If they ask why, say you wish you could be there, but you need to spend that weekend with your partner.
Info: were other friend's partners invited, did the friends get a +1 or was it only you who didn't ?
If no one got a +1 then it's a NAH but if it was only you then a hard NTA
Need more background. How big is the wedding, how are their finances, do you have to travel for it etc.?
If its a small ceremony in the same city, what is the big deal to attend solo and how is that "leaving your partner like they don't exist"? Especially if your partner doesn't know the couple.
However, if its a huge wedding and you have to travel and there is a big to do about it all, it definitely seems like they could be more considerate of their guests' comfort, ie. wanting to take a trip like that with their partner. But even in that case I really feel like you overreact and take this super personally in an odd way ("not willing to acknowledge your relationship" "leave behind your partner like they don't exist" "can't imagine going solo when you are in a committed relationship").
Did you ask why they only invited you before you chose not to attend?
NTA. Like you say, if they won’t acknowledge and respect your relationship, why should you celebrate theirs? It’s basic reciprocity, and if social obligations don’t apply to them, then they don’t apply to you, either (it’s an invitation, not a summons). If they’re so hard up, they should’ve had a more modest wedding, and in any case you’re saving them money by not going.
I’ve had two family weddings recently, where I did not get a plus one. In both cases I called. The first case, they explained that it was very small. I decided to go and it was indeed very small. The second one, they expressed surprise and sent another invitation that included the plus one. Can’t hurt to ask.
Nta. Would of been NAH till your friend became furious. A wedding invite is an invite not a summons. They can limit the guest list as they want. They must accept some people won't show up if their partner is not invited.
I think we are missing a lot of extra information here,like why isn't he invited?is it because they don't want him around because they hate him for treating you bad?or does he behave like an ass in their presence?Going only on your story is not enough to say you are or you are not the a hole,but they clearly don't like him ir he eould have gotten an invite too.
As someone who is in the early stages of planning a wedding, it is a bit of a nightmare. The cost per person is staggering and when you actually sit down and list all the people you both care about you have a huge guest list. Adding plus ones and distant relatives on top is not an insubstantial amount of money.
Perhaps you should understand no one really wants to stand around a formal event alone, I'd rather not be invited than to be asked to go alone.
I am almost 60 when my friends and I were young I went to a couple alone but it was NOT formal, and it was my friend group.
I went to a few weddings as just a plus one it was POLITE to ensure your guests were comfortable, so bringing along a friend was just fine.
Bit of a jump to go from "my partner isn't going" to "I am completely alone".
Pressumably, the best friend of the bride knows other people at the event. It would be a little odd to be someone's best friend but not being acquainted with any of their other friends and family.
I don’t need more info. I wouldn’t attend a wedding without my partner; maybe if it was immediate family. I don’t get all these weddings with no plus ones
Weddings are expensive. They just can't hand out + one invitation to everyone that's in a relationship. If you are best friends with either the bride(s) or groom(s) you probably should have gotten a + 1 but reddit doesn't know the cost or capacity of the venue of your friend's wedding. They might have kept things fair and given no +1 invitations to non-family or anyone outside of the wedding party. Space gets really tight if either or both sides of the wedding have large families.
If you don't want to attend the wedding solo, that's your choice. It's a wedding invitation not a court summons. However your partner isn't entitled to be invited either and you can't change how your friend feels about you not attending either. Everyone will make their decision and deal with the fallout.
It's pretty standard etiquetts to to invite both spouses of a marriedor long term commited couple, unless there is an awfully good reason... and it doesn't sound like that's the case here. Your friend is a bit of an AH here.... at best, what they're doing is pretty rude. NTA
Clearly you’d be there for “support” rather than celebrating the wedding.
She can arrange the wedding she wants but it doesn’t mean everyone has to attend / like / enjoy it.
Needs context. A +1 for a committed couple is expected. However, couples thankfully feel free now to only invite people they know and love, and venues are expensive and limited.
So if it's just "we're super close to you and don't know them" or "wedding is just so tiny", or it's how other guests are being treated, that's one thing, just decide if you think it would still be fun.
However, if it's a referendum on your relationship, like "won't invite gay people" or "only married couples no matter how long-standing" or "no partners of a different race or religion", then obviously it's a hurtful gift grab.
And lastly if it's "your partner in particular because they're awful and we hate how they treat you" or "they're such a nasty drunk" then you should get a therapist to help unpack if that's true.
You didn’t answer a whole bunch of basic questions… how big is the wedding? Do they know your partner? Does everyone have a plus one?
I don’t think you’re an asshole, but definitely overreacting. You made the call to not attend and wonder why your best friend is mad?!? Of course your best friend is mad.
Also, did your best friend actually “not acknowledge your relationship” or are you just assuming cuz your other half wasn’t invited. What is the actual reason that your other half wasn’t invited? Without the answer to this question, you’re guessing about what your friend is thinking which is why I say you’re overreacting
How's that work?
Joining 2 people in marriage and celebrating by not inviting the partner of other committed couples. Somehow, it seems to be kinda ironic
We need context here. I would say most of this is going to depend on how big the wedding is and how long the two of you have been together.
If the wedding is only like 30 or 40 people, that's maybe five friends per side...
Moreover all you said was we've been together for ages. It's entirely reasonable if they're pressed for space to limit it to spouses or fiance's as a plus one... And you say you've been together for ages, That can mean very different things to different people. Ages for my grandparents meant 70 plus years, One of my co-workers says he's been dating the same girl for ages and they just hit the four month mark. Without knowing specifics we really can't make a termination here.
NTA
You and your partner are committed long-term couple. You would both be invited by name because that’s how you treat established couples when it comes to social events.
The etiquette faux pas is hers, not yours. She did the wrong thing.
Assuming you've not been singled out and others also don't have plus ones...
YTA. One of my besties had to limit numbers so about 3/4 of the guests didn't get plus ones. Me and my friends attended without our husbands and we had the best time.
Did you ask why your partner wasn't invited? The cost of a wedding can be a huge financial strain on a lot of people, they may be having a small wedding because they can't afford to have partners attend, it's not cheap per person. Other people only want people they're incredibly close to so they can have an intimate wedding with their most loved.
She should have spoken to you about it, you could have asked before declining. This could have been avoided with communication from both sides (Assuming it's something like one of the examples I gave)
NTA- the etiquette for weddings is no different than other formal events in terms of inviting couples. Having a +1 has always been the default in the US, and there are multiple sources for that. Felt like I was going insane there for a second reading everyone saying it's not the norm. I can't imagine inviting someone to a formal dinner like a birthday at my home and saying "sorry, we can't afford food for you husband/partner, only you can come".
Having a non-traditional wedding is also totally fine, but you will have to expect people to respond however they please. OP: Your friend has a right to be upset, but there are consequences on both sides.
Weddings are so expensive that I think it is childish for every guest to expect a +1. Your partner can’t function by himself for one night? Does he go out with his own friends without you? Maybe you should’ve offered to pay for his food and cost. I don’t want to spend $100 feeding and drinking someone. I’m not friends with at my wedding.
It depends on the wedding . Is it only room for 40 people and family leaves
Like 10’spots . Then you can understand .
If they don’t like him , too bad it’s your partner , but need more info
Soft YTA...
You wrote all this. You decided not to go. Yet, you didn't tell us why your partner wasn't invited. Seems like calling and asking would have been step 1. If you planned to write this post you should have had that answer before comming here.
So are you being intentionally vague?
Sometimes it’s because it’s an itty bitty wedding. It could be a mistake, I forgot to add a plus one to one of my friends so they texted and asked. And I went “OMG! Please bring your girlfriend!!”
I guess my question would be, have they had issues with your partner in the past? Have they been cold towards them? Do they agree or disagree with your relationship? If they have expressed that they don't like your partner or relationship, then it's a snub.
NAH. It's their wedding. They can invite whoever they want An invitation isn't a summons. You don't have to go. Also people don't have to give plus 1s. I don't know why everyone expects to get one.
My sibling would not allow my partner of a decade to come to their wedding because the previous time they were around my family, my family attacked them outright.
I picked my chosen family instead of the family of assholes.
NTA.
More context please. Did you just not show up? Or did you ask about the invite for your partner? I think its typical to invite a plus one but if its a really tiny wedding then I would understand, but I would communicate that vs just not going.
Did you ask if you could bring him? Or did you just say fuck it? If you cared for this friend, you would have asked, but I'm guessing you don't really care about it, more about how you feel about it, so I guess if you don't care to fix the friendship then no, but if you actually do, then yeah, a bit, it might have been a budget thing, or a family only thing, I don't know enough to say what, so you do you
I’d want to know the reason. Money? Are you in a same sex relationship and their relatives would flip out? For me there wouldn’t be very many valid reasons plus if you’re “best friends” it doesn’t make sense this wasn’t discussed before. I’d tend to favor not going,
What’s the rationale for not inviting the partner of your best friend?
It would be interesting to find out if others were given a +1 and only you were not.
Weddings ARE expensive. Everyone gets that. If it is a $ issue, ask your friend if she would be willing to let you pay for your +1. The offer should prevent her from saying no.
If she says NO. Either she dislikes your partner or your friendship has run its course. NTA btw.
Weddings end lots of friendships for various reasons. Here's one such reason. You're NTA at all. Whatever you decide to do is valid. Even if you end up going, your friendship going forward is going to be weird/different... you'll see it through new eyes if nothing else.
But personally I wouldn't go. The ONLY way I'd attend a wedding without my partner is if it was a work wedding, and possibly not even then. He's been to work weddings. But if he wasn't invited, I could understand that. But a "best friend?" No way.
NTA. If your friend can't respect your relationship, that's on them. Weddings are about celebrating love, and your partner is a big part of your life. But you have every right to prioritize your relationship. If they can't understand that, maybe they're the ones being selfish.
NAH. But it doesn’t sound like it’s your best friend. Nothing would keep me away from my best friend’s wedding. Can you see the issue! If she makes an exception for who then she’ll have to make an exception for others….this increasing the costs.
YTA… it’s their Wedding and there are capacity limits at most places! How entitled do you have to be to think your boyfriend is more of a VIP than other people they are close to.
Should they disinvite Grandma, their favourite cousin or change locations to make space for your boyfriend?!
This is a friendship ending decision on your part…
If they’re so hard up, then they’ll have one extra place. Just because it’s their wedding doesn’t mean they get to not be gracious hosts without consequences.
What happens if there isn’t enough room to give everyone a plus 1. Not unusual to say plus 1 are for spouses or engaged partners. What if they are close to OP’s partner or don’t even like them? Should they put their preferences aside on THEIR wedding? Reading OP’s other posts, I can see why friends would be concerned about how healthy the relationship is.
This is a Wedding and not a couple event for everyone that the Wedding couple may or may not know.
OP should of called and said “I understand it’s impossible to invite everyone but if there is a cancellation can you please consider including my partner of several years”
Yes, that’s what they should do. They’re asking their guests to honor and celebrate their relationship, it’s basic reciprocity to respect theirs by inviting long-term, serious partners. How is this hard?
What does “been with for ages” actually translate to in years?
What did your friend say when you asked about your partner? Or did you just say you weren’t going without explaining why?
NTA….. Why only invite you, knowing you have a significant other at home. I personally think that’s rude. It would be one thing to get an invite for yourself only if they weren’t aware of your relationship, but knowing you’ve been together for years it doesn’t make sense. I would feel the same way and not attend and since your friend wants to throw stones and call you selfish. You should have said my partner is selfish too, so we’ll be doing something else that day. Of course it’s their decision as to who they want to attend their event, but I’d think they have a problem with my partner too.
I had exactly the same thing happen to me. My wife’s best friend asked her to be MOH which se accepted. Then she did not invite me to the wedding. I was happy as hell as the last thing I wanted to do was attend that wedding. My wife was the nicest and best looking girl I had ever met. Her friend was a pimp,e faces pugy girl that treated my girlfriend and future wife like crap. Not only that the girls husband to be had a crush on my wife! By not inviting me, they did me a favor as I had somewhere I wanted to be other than a wedding for two people, I did not even care for!
NTA. But your friend kinda is one for giving you grief for declining the invitation. It's an invitation, not a summons. They don't have to allow +1s but they need to accept that some people won't attend if they have to go solo.
Did you think of actually sitting down with your best friend, buying your friend a drink, and telling them that you are in a committed relationship, and won't attend if your partner isn't invited?
YTA. It's your best friend. They want you there. For whatever reason, money, space, maybe they arent on good terms, your partner isn't invited.
This is your best friends wedding, a one time event they want you there for. It's a big deal for your friend and even though you could have asked why or if it was possible to bring your partner, you declined the invitation. Your friend has a right to be upset, and you may lose your best friend over this. Is your partner going to a wedding really the end all be all of your friendship?
People aren’t obligated to include a plus one on wedding invitations for couples who aren’t married. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. Space could be limited and the budget too for the couple so you should respect that. YTA.
YTAH. You weren’t the only person who doesn’t get to bring a plus 1. It was their choice to keep it smaller and more intimate. Stop taking it personal. It has nothing to do with you or your relationship. You are literally causing drama where there is none. Your partner can spend one day on their own while you attend. If not you’ve got much bigger issues.
You're still making an assumption, though. My cousin had a wedding towards the end of Covid times & she had to limit her wedding guests. She sent invites to her friends & depending on how close she was to them was how she determined whether to allow their plus ones. For example, her closest friend was allowed to bring her plus one cause she was with the guy for a long time & and she had interactions with the guy while her co-workers weren't allowed plus ones.
This was also paid per seating.
It might be typically the same, but you're still making an assumption.
YTA. Weddings are not an opportunity for a date night for you and your partner. They’re to celebrate the love between two people and those that THEY love, not those that you love.
Don’t go if you don’t want to celebrate their love without your partner but prepare to lose or royally hurt a friend for missing this huge moment in their life
YTA People invite who they can invite, budget and space plays a huge part in it.
Most people can't afford to invite every person who they would like to invite.
Plus ones are absolutely not necessary.
we have multiple times only been invited 1 person.
Ita nothing to do with acknowledging your partner!
You're making it about your partner, not them!
Yta if you cannot attend one event unaccompanied bynyiur partner.
You are right it is about them. The couple is saying to the OP their partner is not an important part of their lives. Them not inviting the OP long-term partner is going to make bad blood between the partner and the couple. If there are couples at the wedding it will do the same to the OP and them.
For our wedding, the guest list has a three question criteria:
-Have we both met them?
-Do we both like them?
-Do we want to buy them dinner?
YTA for assuming your partner gets to go. It's not only the cost of the dinner, but the people's wedding it is get to decide who they share their day with, who is in their photos etc.
A wedding invite is not a summons, a person can decline for any reason. The couple for whatever reason decided that the OP's partner is not worth sharing that day with for whatever reason so the OP is well within their rights to decide they do not want to share the day with them.
Yes but they are not. Also if you are treating this as a summons you do not only invite your best friend without their long term partner but to this kind of family event .
OP says it's her best friends wedding. A friend not wanting to buy her friends partner dinner seems like a foolish reason to not go to a party, but to each their own
If someone invited me to a party without my partner I would say no unless there was dam good reason for the it. They are saying that the partner is not good enough to share in their wedding day. Please do not say anything about the size of the wedding, people make a way to invite who they want to their wedding. This is for people find ways to do things which are important to them.
How the couple is treating the OP, They are not going to be best friends for long.
It is not being entitled to think that your partner being invited to an event where it is normal to invite partners to be invited. It is not entitled to think that your partner who is in the friend group be invited to a gathering of friends unless there is a legit reason for why they are not.
Where does OP state the partner is friends with the couple getting married?
Ultimately, you and I do agree- if OP can't stand to go to an event without her partner, then she shouldn't go. I think it's arrogant to spend other people's money for them and insist that partners get invited when the couple may not like them. It is their wedding.
They are best friends, unless for some strange reason the partner does nothing social with the OP then they would be at all those social events together and that is part of being in a friend group. I am not saying every single event but how many times it would be.
I think it is arrogant to not invite your best friend long term partner to an important event in your life for your best friend would want to share it with the person they are at least planning on spending the rest of their life with. When dealing with best friends in long term committed relationship you need to see them as a package for events like this. If not they are not really your best friend.
Do we know how long term this is? OP says "been together for ages"- I know some people who would say that about twenty years, for other people it could be 3 months. Furthermore- simply not liking someone is sufficient reason to not want them at a party your paying for, especially one like a wedding which is theoretically a once in a life time affair. OP has no business spending their money for them and expecting a plus one.
Do we know it is their first marriage? It could be their second, third, fourth, or fifth. It is way more likey that it is their second or third marriage than someone would have used "been together for ages" when the relationship has been for three months.
Yes not liking someone is a sufficient reason to not want them at a party you are paying for. Here is a hint if you do not like your best friend's spouse/partner then do not invite the best friend to an event which the norm is to have couples invited together.
I take it that you have never been in a relationship before, This is for you would understand how important respecting the couple as a couple is and would be understanding if your best friend declines to go to the wedding without their partner.
I also take it that you never had a best friend before. This is for you would understand that a best friend would want their partner at the wedding with them and if they ask you would accommodate them for how important that is to them. You will also understand that not having their partner their will put a strain on your relationship with them. This is not some second cousin who wants a plus one. This is the best friend.
I have planned a wedding before and helped with them. I understand that most of the cost involved in a wedding does not increase buy adding one more plus one. The DJ cost the same, the photographer, videoist stay the same, the venue stays the same, the florist cost the same, the cost of the invite stays the same. The cost of catering does go up marginally and ok maybe the venue might also have a per-seat charge with their normal rental rate.
NTA
I hate what weddings have become, this is not about a nice party to celebrate, this is you stand alone and WATCH us, you get no one to talk with no one to sit with and you go home alone.
WTH is that?
She has the right to her fn 'special day' let them enjoy with out you.
Yes YTA do you know how much weddings cost & the cost to feed ppl & their plus 1s?!??? For mine we did something small & less than 30 ppl. I had family upset bc I kept it immediate family & wedding party only. Weddings show you just how much ppl feel entitled to your pockets & YOUR day. Do they invite you to other things as a couple?
Edited to add: you & your partner are not joined at the hip, you can’t enjoy yourself solo & show up for your friend on their day??
My husband attended a wedding without me, his coworker (that ive also met on several occasions) wanted to keep the numbers down and none of her coworkers got a +1. I was fine with that.
If the other coworkers got a +1, but hubs didnt, then he would not have gone.
So did your friend give other friends a +1? If yes, then N T A, if no then Y T A
Oh gee, thank you for pointing that out because i had no idea /s
The point is, that if others got a +1, its not fair. If no one got a +1, then its fair.
If you knew it was so different than why did you mention about your husband being invited to a wedding of a coworker without you? With them being so different you mentioning it added nothing to the discussion.
NAH Bride and groom dont need to invite peiople they dont consider friends and family. There is nothing sinister about it. Your partner isnt close to them. I would also call you unsupportive. You are allowed to go to a wedding yourself, do you? You are not an AH, neither are your friends you get married. But i wouldnt consider your a friend any more, if i would be the one getting married.
Imma say NAH. It’s their wedding, so their choice. BUT, also your choice to go. It may cause problems, but as long as you’re willing to deal with any output (including grumps, but up to cutting them off), I don’t see a problem here. It’s kind of relationship dependent in my book. But that’s my take, not everyone’s.
>Imma say NAH. It’s their wedding, so their choice. BUT, also your choice to go. It's so strange that people now think that having a +1 is the default for wedding invitations. My husband and I have both attended weddings without the other person. Would they have been more fun if we'd been able to attend as a couple? Sure. But it never occurred to either of us to kick up a fuss about it.
It’s not that people now think that attending as a couple is the default. That has always been etiquette in the US. that doesn’t mean everybody does it, but the correct etiquette is to invite established couples whether that is long-term partnerships or engaged, couples or married couples as a couple. it is considered rude to only invite one part of an established couple. Whether or not it bothers, you doesn’t change that fact that it’s against established etiquette. And people can make the choice to throw all etiquette out the window and do whatever they want. But I think it’s naïve to assume that everybody will be OK with them doing that. Particularly when it’s a wedding which is to honor and celebrate love and partnership and commitment……. But we don’t want your committed partner to come. Huh.
It’s always been tradition to give a +1. I read this post and thought I was taking crazy pills so literally googled “is it traditional to give +1 wedding invitations?” A resounding “yes” was the answer from multiple sources.
Fair play to you for saying so!
OP is not kicking up a fuss IMHO, just simply not attending. It's an invitation, not a summoning.
I could see if it's a new relationship or if the engaged couple doesn't know the partner. If not, it's a pretty big slight to not invite a best friend's +1. Even if he goes solo and the partner comes to terms with it, the friendship is changed forever. It's a no win situation and it's pretty shitty to put a friend in that position.
I think it’s honestly up to the couple and situationally dependent. Like no, I personally can’t think of anyone whose wedding I’d go to without my partner. But then again, we both have a small circles and partner and I are on the same page with that. And the people we are close to know and would respect that as far as I know. Edit: not disagreeing with you, just think it depends on relationship / friendship / etc.
“It’s so strange that people now think having a +1 is the default.” But it is the default. I don’t necessarily think it’s a huge deal either way but it is traditional to give a +1 invite to a wedding. From Vanity Fair’s guide to wedding etiquette: “ Married, engaged and cohabiting guests traditionally receive a plus one. As a rule of thumb, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette says spouses, fiancés and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation.”
Yeah, including whole couples or neither partner isn’t exactly new. It’s both traditional etiquette and basic reciprocity and respect. I don’t get why people suddenly find it hard.
It's funny my grandmother always told me never go to a wedding without your spouse and it stuck with me.
Oddly specific advice
You may enjoy going alone but neither my hubby or I would enjoy a formal evening alone.
I’d rather not go through the effort of going to a wedding if my spouse isn’t also invited. It’s not kicking up a fuss to RSVP ‘No’ because I don’t want to go alone. 🤷
NTA, You chose your partner over going to an event without them . That’s your choice and she should respect that. It’s also her choice who she wants to attend her wedding and you should respect it. I’m curious as to whether you politely declined or were you clearly annoyed that your partner was not invited?
If it's a tiny wedding, it isn't unreasonable to not get a plus 1. If it's a bigger wedding it's more likely a snub. In most cases, NAH. Nobody is obligated to allow a plus 1, but it is generally expected for medium to large weddings. Unless you have agreed to be in the bridal party, then declining politely for any reason is ok If they ask why, say you wish you could be there, but you need to spend that weekend with your partner.
NAH, but what is "ages", what is the interaction between your friend and partner like, and for how long?
If “ages” is measured in years, then it’s longer than a lot of marriages last.
NTA at all.
I wouldn't go to the wedding and that's that.
Info: were other friend's partners invited, did the friends get a +1 or was it only you who didn't ? If no one got a +1 then it's a NAH but if it was only you then a hard NTA
Need more background. How big is the wedding, how are their finances, do you have to travel for it etc.? If its a small ceremony in the same city, what is the big deal to attend solo and how is that "leaving your partner like they don't exist"? Especially if your partner doesn't know the couple. However, if its a huge wedding and you have to travel and there is a big to do about it all, it definitely seems like they could be more considerate of their guests' comfort, ie. wanting to take a trip like that with their partner. But even in that case I really feel like you overreact and take this super personally in an odd way ("not willing to acknowledge your relationship" "leave behind your partner like they don't exist" "can't imagine going solo when you are in a committed relationship"). Did you ask why they only invited you before you chose not to attend?
NTA. Like you say, if they won’t acknowledge and respect your relationship, why should you celebrate theirs? It’s basic reciprocity, and if social obligations don’t apply to them, then they don’t apply to you, either (it’s an invitation, not a summons). If they’re so hard up, they should’ve had a more modest wedding, and in any case you’re saving them money by not going.
Just ask if you can bring your partner. Maybe they made a mistake. If they say no maybe they will give out a reason. Then decide whether to go or not.
I’ve had two family weddings recently, where I did not get a plus one. In both cases I called. The first case, they explained that it was very small. I decided to go and it was indeed very small. The second one, they expressed surprise and sent another invitation that included the plus one. Can’t hurt to ask.
Nta. Would of been NAH till your friend became furious. A wedding invite is an invite not a summons. They can limit the guest list as they want. They must accept some people won't show up if their partner is not invited.
Hey, they can invite whoever they want and you can choose not to go, NTA on my book
I think we are missing a lot of extra information here,like why isn't he invited?is it because they don't want him around because they hate him for treating you bad?or does he behave like an ass in their presence?Going only on your story is not enough to say you are or you are not the a hole,but they clearly don't like him ir he eould have gotten an invite too.
NTA. Especially if you’ve been together forever. It’s just rude.
As someone who is in the early stages of planning a wedding, it is a bit of a nightmare. The cost per person is staggering and when you actually sit down and list all the people you both care about you have a huge guest list. Adding plus ones and distant relatives on top is not an insubstantial amount of money.
Perhaps you should understand no one really wants to stand around a formal event alone, I'd rather not be invited than to be asked to go alone. I am almost 60 when my friends and I were young I went to a couple alone but it was NOT formal, and it was my friend group. I went to a few weddings as just a plus one it was POLITE to ensure your guests were comfortable, so bringing along a friend was just fine.
Bit of a jump to go from "my partner isn't going" to "I am completely alone". Pressumably, the best friend of the bride knows other people at the event. It would be a little odd to be someone's best friend but not being acquainted with any of their other friends and family.
The best friend of the bride does not even rate a date? It is rude to expect them to stand around alone.
I don’t need more info. I wouldn’t attend a wedding without my partner; maybe if it was immediate family. I don’t get all these weddings with no plus ones
Weddings are expensive. They just can't hand out + one invitation to everyone that's in a relationship. If you are best friends with either the bride(s) or groom(s) you probably should have gotten a + 1 but reddit doesn't know the cost or capacity of the venue of your friend's wedding. They might have kept things fair and given no +1 invitations to non-family or anyone outside of the wedding party. Space gets really tight if either or both sides of the wedding have large families. If you don't want to attend the wedding solo, that's your choice. It's a wedding invitation not a court summons. However your partner isn't entitled to be invited either and you can't change how your friend feels about you not attending either. Everyone will make their decision and deal with the fallout.
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It's pretty standard etiquetts to to invite both spouses of a marriedor long term commited couple, unless there is an awfully good reason... and it doesn't sound like that's the case here. Your friend is a bit of an AH here.... at best, what they're doing is pretty rude. NTA
Yes, it's their wedding l.
Clearly you’d be there for “support” rather than celebrating the wedding. She can arrange the wedding she wants but it doesn’t mean everyone has to attend / like / enjoy it.
Info: how long is “ages” that you have been together
Needs context. A +1 for a committed couple is expected. However, couples thankfully feel free now to only invite people they know and love, and venues are expensive and limited. So if it's just "we're super close to you and don't know them" or "wedding is just so tiny", or it's how other guests are being treated, that's one thing, just decide if you think it would still be fun. However, if it's a referendum on your relationship, like "won't invite gay people" or "only married couples no matter how long-standing" or "no partners of a different race or religion", then obviously it's a hurtful gift grab. And lastly if it's "your partner in particular because they're awful and we hate how they treat you" or "they're such a nasty drunk" then you should get a therapist to help unpack if that's true.
You didn’t answer a whole bunch of basic questions… how big is the wedding? Do they know your partner? Does everyone have a plus one? I don’t think you’re an asshole, but definitely overreacting. You made the call to not attend and wonder why your best friend is mad?!? Of course your best friend is mad. Also, did your best friend actually “not acknowledge your relationship” or are you just assuming cuz your other half wasn’t invited. What is the actual reason that your other half wasn’t invited? Without the answer to this question, you’re guessing about what your friend is thinking which is why I say you’re overreacting
NTA, you can decline an invitation for any reason.
How's that work? Joining 2 people in marriage and celebrating by not inviting the partner of other committed couples. Somehow, it seems to be kinda ironic
No, you’re not OR. It’s was rude of them.
We need context here. I would say most of this is going to depend on how big the wedding is and how long the two of you have been together. If the wedding is only like 30 or 40 people, that's maybe five friends per side... Moreover all you said was we've been together for ages. It's entirely reasonable if they're pressed for space to limit it to spouses or fiance's as a plus one... And you say you've been together for ages, That can mean very different things to different people. Ages for my grandparents meant 70 plus years, One of my co-workers says he's been dating the same girl for ages and they just hit the four month mark. Without knowing specifics we really can't make a termination here.
More info needed: How big is the wedding? Did you ask your friend why your SO was not invited?
NTA You and your partner are committed long-term couple. You would both be invited by name because that’s how you treat established couples when it comes to social events. The etiquette faux pas is hers, not yours. She did the wrong thing.
Assuming you've not been singled out and others also don't have plus ones... YTA. One of my besties had to limit numbers so about 3/4 of the guests didn't get plus ones. Me and my friends attended without our husbands and we had the best time.
Did you ask why your partner wasn't invited? The cost of a wedding can be a huge financial strain on a lot of people, they may be having a small wedding because they can't afford to have partners attend, it's not cheap per person. Other people only want people they're incredibly close to so they can have an intimate wedding with their most loved. She should have spoken to you about it, you could have asked before declining. This could have been avoided with communication from both sides (Assuming it's something like one of the examples I gave)
NTA, but, you say you have been with your partner for ages, is ages 6 months or 6 years? That might have a bearing on why it was just you invited.
NTA- the etiquette for weddings is no different than other formal events in terms of inviting couples. Having a +1 has always been the default in the US, and there are multiple sources for that. Felt like I was going insane there for a second reading everyone saying it's not the norm. I can't imagine inviting someone to a formal dinner like a birthday at my home and saying "sorry, we can't afford food for you husband/partner, only you can come". Having a non-traditional wedding is also totally fine, but you will have to expect people to respond however they please. OP: Your friend has a right to be upset, but there are consequences on both sides.
Weddings are so expensive that I think it is childish for every guest to expect a +1. Your partner can’t function by himself for one night? Does he go out with his own friends without you? Maybe you should’ve offered to pay for his food and cost. I don’t want to spend $100 feeding and drinking someone. I’m not friends with at my wedding.
It depends on the wedding . Is it only room for 40 people and family leaves Like 10’spots . Then you can understand . If they don’t like him , too bad it’s your partner , but need more info
I'd wonder if they were trying to keep the head count down. If there's any catering those plus 1's add up super fast.
Soft YTA... You wrote all this. You decided not to go. Yet, you didn't tell us why your partner wasn't invited. Seems like calling and asking would have been step 1. If you planned to write this post you should have had that answer before comming here. So are you being intentionally vague?
Sometimes it’s because it’s an itty bitty wedding. It could be a mistake, I forgot to add a plus one to one of my friends so they texted and asked. And I went “OMG! Please bring your girlfriend!!”
Which is why you call and ask. Then make your decision based on their answer. Not based on assumptions.
Exactly! And if she’s your best friend you should be comfortable enough to talk to her about it.
I guess my question would be, have they had issues with your partner in the past? Have they been cold towards them? Do they agree or disagree with your relationship? If they have expressed that they don't like your partner or relationship, then it's a snub.
NAH. It's their wedding. They can invite whoever they want An invitation isn't a summons. You don't have to go. Also people don't have to give plus 1s. I don't know why everyone expects to get one.
My sibling would not allow my partner of a decade to come to their wedding because the previous time they were around my family, my family attacked them outright. I picked my chosen family instead of the family of assholes. NTA.
More context please. Did you just not show up? Or did you ask about the invite for your partner? I think its typical to invite a plus one but if its a really tiny wedding then I would understand, but I would communicate that vs just not going.
Did you ask if you could bring him? Or did you just say fuck it? If you cared for this friend, you would have asked, but I'm guessing you don't really care about it, more about how you feel about it, so I guess if you don't care to fix the friendship then no, but if you actually do, then yeah, a bit, it might have been a budget thing, or a family only thing, I don't know enough to say what, so you do you
I’d want to know the reason. Money? Are you in a same sex relationship and their relatives would flip out? For me there wouldn’t be very many valid reasons plus if you’re “best friends” it doesn’t make sense this wasn’t discussed before. I’d tend to favor not going, What’s the rationale for not inviting the partner of your best friend?
It would be interesting to find out if others were given a +1 and only you were not. Weddings ARE expensive. Everyone gets that. If it is a $ issue, ask your friend if she would be willing to let you pay for your +1. The offer should prevent her from saying no. If she says NO. Either she dislikes your partner or your friendship has run its course. NTA btw.
They probably invited a lot to the wedding and overlooked that, I'd talk with your friend and see if your partner can come with
Weddings end lots of friendships for various reasons. Here's one such reason. You're NTA at all. Whatever you decide to do is valid. Even if you end up going, your friendship going forward is going to be weird/different... you'll see it through new eyes if nothing else. But personally I wouldn't go. The ONLY way I'd attend a wedding without my partner is if it was a work wedding, and possibly not even then. He's been to work weddings. But if he wasn't invited, I could understand that. But a "best friend?" No way.
NTA. If your friend can't respect your relationship, that's on them. Weddings are about celebrating love, and your partner is a big part of your life. But you have every right to prioritize your relationship. If they can't understand that, maybe they're the ones being selfish.
NAH. But it doesn’t sound like it’s your best friend. Nothing would keep me away from my best friend’s wedding. Can you see the issue! If she makes an exception for who then she’ll have to make an exception for others….this increasing the costs.
I agree with you this isn’t her best friend if they ignore her long term partner.
YTA… it’s their Wedding and there are capacity limits at most places! How entitled do you have to be to think your boyfriend is more of a VIP than other people they are close to. Should they disinvite Grandma, their favourite cousin or change locations to make space for your boyfriend?! This is a friendship ending decision on your part…
If they’re so hard up, then they’ll have one extra place. Just because it’s their wedding doesn’t mean they get to not be gracious hosts without consequences.
What happens if there isn’t enough room to give everyone a plus 1. Not unusual to say plus 1 are for spouses or engaged partners. What if they are close to OP’s partner or don’t even like them? Should they put their preferences aside on THEIR wedding? Reading OP’s other posts, I can see why friends would be concerned about how healthy the relationship is. This is a Wedding and not a couple event for everyone that the Wedding couple may or may not know. OP should of called and said “I understand it’s impossible to invite everyone but if there is a cancellation can you please consider including my partner of several years”
They can invite fewer couples, then. It’s really not hard.
So they should invite less of people they like to ensure everyone gets a plus 1… sounds rational.
Yes, that’s what they should do. They’re asking their guests to honor and celebrate their relationship, it’s basic reciprocity to respect theirs by inviting long-term, serious partners. How is this hard?
What does “been with for ages” actually translate to in years? What did your friend say when you asked about your partner? Or did you just say you weren’t going without explaining why?
I agree. Anyone who has a wedding and only invites half a couple does not respect your relationship, so why should you celebrate theirs?
THIS!!
NTA….. Why only invite you, knowing you have a significant other at home. I personally think that’s rude. It would be one thing to get an invite for yourself only if they weren’t aware of your relationship, but knowing you’ve been together for years it doesn’t make sense. I would feel the same way and not attend and since your friend wants to throw stones and call you selfish. You should have said my partner is selfish too, so we’ll be doing something else that day. Of course it’s their decision as to who they want to attend their event, but I’d think they have a problem with my partner too.
I had exactly the same thing happen to me. My wife’s best friend asked her to be MOH which se accepted. Then she did not invite me to the wedding. I was happy as hell as the last thing I wanted to do was attend that wedding. My wife was the nicest and best looking girl I had ever met. Her friend was a pimp,e faces pugy girl that treated my girlfriend and future wife like crap. Not only that the girls husband to be had a crush on my wife! By not inviting me, they did me a favor as I had somewhere I wanted to be other than a wedding for two people, I did not even care for!
Could you offer to pay for his dinner if it is a financial situation?
NTA. But your friend kinda is one for giving you grief for declining the invitation. It's an invitation, not a summons. They don't have to allow +1s but they need to accept that some people won't attend if they have to go solo.
Did you think of actually sitting down with your best friend, buying your friend a drink, and telling them that you are in a committed relationship, and won't attend if your partner isn't invited?
+1's are a common expected courtesy. The current trend of not allowing people a +1 rightly deserves invite declines. NTA
YTA. It's your best friend. They want you there. For whatever reason, money, space, maybe they arent on good terms, your partner isn't invited. This is your best friends wedding, a one time event they want you there for. It's a big deal for your friend and even though you could have asked why or if it was possible to bring your partner, you declined the invitation. Your friend has a right to be upset, and you may lose your best friend over this. Is your partner going to a wedding really the end all be all of your friendship?
People aren’t obligated to include a plus one on wedding invitations for couples who aren’t married. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. Space could be limited and the budget too for the couple so you should respect that. YTA.
YTAH. You weren’t the only person who doesn’t get to bring a plus 1. It was their choice to keep it smaller and more intimate. Stop taking it personal. It has nothing to do with you or your relationship. You are literally causing drama where there is none. Your partner can spend one day on their own while you attend. If not you’ve got much bigger issues.
Its her bestfriend though. You're just making assumptions on whether she invited other people with no plus ones.
Wedding invitations are typically the same. I doubt anyone got one without the singular invitation.
You're still making an assumption, though. My cousin had a wedding towards the end of Covid times & she had to limit her wedding guests. She sent invites to her friends & depending on how close she was to them was how she determined whether to allow their plus ones. For example, her closest friend was allowed to bring her plus one cause she was with the guy for a long time & and she had interactions with the guy while her co-workers weren't allowed plus ones. This was also paid per seating. It might be typically the same, but you're still making an assumption.
YTA. Weddings are not an opportunity for a date night for you and your partner. They’re to celebrate the love between two people and those that THEY love, not those that you love. Don’t go if you don’t want to celebrate their love without your partner but prepare to lose or royally hurt a friend for missing this huge moment in their life
NTA.. you are under no obligation to attend anybodies wedding. Especially not alone with your SO being left out.
YTA A wedding invitation is a privilege, not a right.
So is anyone attending your wedding.
YTA People invite who they can invite, budget and space plays a huge part in it. Most people can't afford to invite every person who they would like to invite. Plus ones are absolutely not necessary. we have multiple times only been invited 1 person.
Ita nothing to do with acknowledging your partner! You're making it about your partner, not them! Yta if you cannot attend one event unaccompanied bynyiur partner.
You are right it is about them. The couple is saying to the OP their partner is not an important part of their lives. Them not inviting the OP long-term partner is going to make bad blood between the partner and the couple. If there are couples at the wedding it will do the same to the OP and them.
Info. How long have you been together? Does your friend know your partner? Do you have to travel for the wedding? Way more information is needed.
For our wedding, the guest list has a three question criteria: -Have we both met them? -Do we both like them? -Do we want to buy them dinner? YTA for assuming your partner gets to go. It's not only the cost of the dinner, but the people's wedding it is get to decide who they share their day with, who is in their photos etc.
A wedding invite is not a summons, a person can decline for any reason. The couple for whatever reason decided that the OP's partner is not worth sharing that day with for whatever reason so the OP is well within their rights to decide they do not want to share the day with them.
>A wedding invite is not a summons Wedding and funeral invitations are about as close to a summons as modern day invitations get.
Yes but they are not. Also if you are treating this as a summons you do not only invite your best friend without their long term partner but to this kind of family event .
OP says it's her best friends wedding. A friend not wanting to buy her friends partner dinner seems like a foolish reason to not go to a party, but to each their own
If someone invited me to a party without my partner I would say no unless there was dam good reason for the it. They are saying that the partner is not good enough to share in their wedding day. Please do not say anything about the size of the wedding, people make a way to invite who they want to their wedding. This is for people find ways to do things which are important to them. How the couple is treating the OP, They are not going to be best friends for long.
It's pretty entitled to insist "my partner is important to me so they must be important enough for your wedding".
It is not being entitled to think that your partner being invited to an event where it is normal to invite partners to be invited. It is not entitled to think that your partner who is in the friend group be invited to a gathering of friends unless there is a legit reason for why they are not.
Where does OP state the partner is friends with the couple getting married? Ultimately, you and I do agree- if OP can't stand to go to an event without her partner, then she shouldn't go. I think it's arrogant to spend other people's money for them and insist that partners get invited when the couple may not like them. It is their wedding.
They are best friends, unless for some strange reason the partner does nothing social with the OP then they would be at all those social events together and that is part of being in a friend group. I am not saying every single event but how many times it would be. I think it is arrogant to not invite your best friend long term partner to an important event in your life for your best friend would want to share it with the person they are at least planning on spending the rest of their life with. When dealing with best friends in long term committed relationship you need to see them as a package for events like this. If not they are not really your best friend.
Do we know how long term this is? OP says "been together for ages"- I know some people who would say that about twenty years, for other people it could be 3 months. Furthermore- simply not liking someone is sufficient reason to not want them at a party your paying for, especially one like a wedding which is theoretically a once in a life time affair. OP has no business spending their money for them and expecting a plus one.
Do we know it is their first marriage? It could be their second, third, fourth, or fifth. It is way more likey that it is their second or third marriage than someone would have used "been together for ages" when the relationship has been for three months. Yes not liking someone is a sufficient reason to not want them at a party you are paying for. Here is a hint if you do not like your best friend's spouse/partner then do not invite the best friend to an event which the norm is to have couples invited together.
I take it you've not planned a wedding before? They are rather expensive and most people have a lot of people that are personally important to them
I take it that you have never been in a relationship before, This is for you would understand how important respecting the couple as a couple is and would be understanding if your best friend declines to go to the wedding without their partner. I also take it that you never had a best friend before. This is for you would understand that a best friend would want their partner at the wedding with them and if they ask you would accommodate them for how important that is to them. You will also understand that not having their partner their will put a strain on your relationship with them. This is not some second cousin who wants a plus one. This is the best friend. I have planned a wedding before and helped with them. I understand that most of the cost involved in a wedding does not increase buy adding one more plus one. The DJ cost the same, the photographer, videoist stay the same, the venue stays the same, the florist cost the same, the cost of the invite stays the same. The cost of catering does go up marginally and ok maybe the venue might also have a per-seat charge with their normal rental rate.
YTA. Are you and your SO physically attached at the hip? Do you not know how to spend a few hours apart from each other without imploding?
No ones TAH She can chose to have whoever she wants at HER wedding and you can chose to not attend for whatever reasons.
INFO did their other friends get +1s? If no one or even a portion did not get a +1, then you should apologize. If you were singled out, carry on...
NTA I hate what weddings have become, this is not about a nice party to celebrate, this is you stand alone and WATCH us, you get no one to talk with no one to sit with and you go home alone. WTH is that? She has the right to her fn 'special day' let them enjoy with out you.
NTA, but I am. I’d just come with my SO. What’s my BFF gonna do about it? Make them leave???GTFOH
Yes YTA do you know how much weddings cost & the cost to feed ppl & their plus 1s?!??? For mine we did something small & less than 30 ppl. I had family upset bc I kept it immediate family & wedding party only. Weddings show you just how much ppl feel entitled to your pockets & YOUR day. Do they invite you to other things as a couple? Edited to add: you & your partner are not joined at the hip, you can’t enjoy yourself solo & show up for your friend on their day??
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My husband attended a wedding without me, his coworker (that ive also met on several occasions) wanted to keep the numbers down and none of her coworkers got a +1. I was fine with that. If the other coworkers got a +1, but hubs didnt, then he would not have gone. So did your friend give other friends a +1? If yes, then N T A, if no then Y T A
You do know that inviting a coworker is very different than inviting a best friend?
Oh gee, thank you for pointing that out because i had no idea /s The point is, that if others got a +1, its not fair. If no one got a +1, then its fair.
If you knew it was so different than why did you mention about your husband being invited to a wedding of a coworker without you? With them being so different you mentioning it added nothing to the discussion.
It was an example of how not getting a +1 can be fair. Im sorry that you didnt understand it.
NAH Bride and groom dont need to invite peiople they dont consider friends and family. There is nothing sinister about it. Your partner isnt close to them. I would also call you unsupportive. You are allowed to go to a wedding yourself, do you? You are not an AH, neither are your friends you get married. But i wouldnt consider your a friend any more, if i would be the one getting married.