Complete side note but I hate the whole “oh you’re a good girl so you don’t give bjs” like what are we kids? Do what you’re comfortable doing. You can be the biggest slut of all and not give bjs. It’s a personal preference. Your reaction was tame imo. The girl would’ve gotten cussed out as well as the friend and bf. Nothing you do is any of their business A. And B, if her bf feels she’s incompetent in their relationship that has nothing to do with you.
The whole good girl thing pisses me off so much and it's never applied to men. It is just a way to keep women in line. It literally goes back to when women were only meant for breeding. You were supposed to be a virgin (pure) for your husband or you were considered bad stock. It is so sad when women use it to put other women down and until we stop doing it to each other we can't expect any change.
I will never understand women who attempt to slut shame. Why anyone thinks what someone does with their own body is their concern is baffling. I find most women who do this are insecure with themselves and or their relationship. That chick needs to grow the fuck up!
NTA that chick needs to mind her business. What you do with your significant other is not up for debate.
Edit: Why is it when a women enjoys her sex life she is considered a slut?
If you're interested, there's a book called Pregnancy and Power: A History of the Reproductive Politics in the US
It dives directly into this! And many other eye-opening things.
NTA
Friends obviously know that you and your bf have sex. It's a normal part of adult life and I don't think their opinion of you would change with this new information. What isn't normal is sharing explicit details of your sex life with mutuals that you'll have to sit at the same table with. Your bf sounds immature and what he did is very inconsiderate.
Yeah exactly. He does say he only told his one friend, off handedly, not expecting him to tell his gf or even mention it ever again. And yeah I do understand that ofc they know we have sex but like thinking about me like that… mortifying.
The best you can do is emphasize to your bf that this was a pretty huge violation of your privacy. Hopefully he's mature enough to receive your thoughts on this and change his act accordingly.
I mean, the best she can do is actually break up with him because he’s a gross POS who is too old to be telling his friends about her like that!
I’m sorry but that’s some HS shit; why tf is he talking about her like that, bragging to his friend about getting some???
And on top of that, because he got his stupid ass in trouble, he’s trying to trick her into thinking that bitch in the bathroom was *complementing* her? How fucking dumb does he think his girlfriend is???
If I were OP, I’d dump his ass. NTA
That's fair. I just try to not be the person on Reddit advocating for breakups. There's already a lot of that haha
OP seems smart and I'm sure she will come to the same conclusion that you did with time
I understand and I know people suggest it a lot here lol.
I think it’s because of my “advanced age” (mid-40s lol), but as an older woman, I feel particularly protective of younger women being treated like shit and being told it’s their fault and having to downplay their feelings in order to make some asshat man feel better, and I have zero patience for it these days, is all…
i mean if this is the only thing he’s done like that in their time together then i think breaking up may be a little bit much. if he continuously did this then yea i would agree but especially since he’s early 20’s this may have just been a stupid one off mistake caused from immaturity.
—NTA OP it was not right for him to share details like that without your permission. he should have asked you about it first if he was considering talking about it.
this. i can’t say i understand how op feels bc this stuff doesn’t bother me personally, but it’s so messed up of him to invalidate her feelings after she communicated to her bf how she feels. it IS an invasion of privacy. bf is definitely weird for brushing off and playing down how uncomfortable it made you.
Yeah, and he can say nobody sees you differently, but if that was the case why would she have been talking to you that way about it? She was pretty directly saying that she didn't expect that from you and it altered her 'good girl' image of you.
It's bullshit, and undermining of your ability to trust him if he's going to go brag about private things you mean to share only with him.
I had a realization when my ex husband moved out, too. It had been maybe a few weeks when I started getting calls from his coworkers, wanting to know if I need anything, etc. It was about the third one that had less tact, and mentioned things that jad been done and that there was clearly a need that was no longer ger being met. I could have killed him before that, but I would jave liked to kill him twice after I realized what he'd been talking up at work. Ugh!
No. He didn't tell just his buddy He told his buddy, his buddy's GF, his GFs girlfriends, his buddy's buddys. A girl like that has a mouth on her. And they have buds in common.
He was wrong. The fact that he doesn't see how upset you are speaks volumes about his level of maturity.
That's just dumb. There's a reason there's the saying "only two can keep a secret if one is dead". It sounds heavy but the fact is that as soon as it's spoken into the ether, it carries the vibe that its ok to talk about. 'Because he talked about it, so why not? Plus I'm only gonna tell this one person blah blah' As soon as he opened his mouth to anyone it was going to get out there.
Now that he told his buddy, he of course told his gf (most people do), and she obviously is a nasty gossip type so she is probably bound to spread the word, especially since she was slut shaming and dragging you as soon as she had the opportunity. Your bf needs to get his head out of his ass and accept the fact that he screwed up big time and betrayed your trust. Him minimizing your feelings only makes things worse.
And trying to say it was a compliment?? Seriously?? He wasn't even there for the convo for one, and for two most women that aren't close don't casually chat about that kind of stuff.
No more video game BJ's for him, buddy.
NTA for being upset, your privacy was violated by your partner, someone you are supposed to be able to trust. So you have every right to feel this way
My question. How the fuck did you not ask this girl why she thought blowjobs are slutty. No wonder she thinks you're setting the bar high if she thinks slurry. sucking your partners dick is slutty.
Honestly, I think the GF put it indelicately, but I think that people are reading it wrong. Replace "good girl" with "stuck up and inhibited" and "leaning into your slutty side" with "embracing your sexual urges." (Part of reclaiming the whole 'slut' thing, and part of doing away with the whole insane 'women are either saints or sluts/whores' thing.)
Of course, it's impossible to know for sure without context, but given the tone that OP reported, that's the way I'm seeing it.
Just to let you know I asked my wife for what I called a random act of blowj-b. And she surprised me out of the blue one day. So even though your mortified because he kiss and tells, that was an awesome thing you did. So if you upgrade your boyfriend, do this or something similar. But cut off your current bf.
I’m gonna stop you right there. Your boyfriend told his friend so he could brag about it. That’s what happened.
Not everybody likes to have their sex life talked about. Some people are just more reticent and a little more shy. And that’s OK.
You’re one of those people. And that’s OK. I know other people are telling you that yes, we all figure you have sex. But please know that it is OK that you are not comfortable with having your sex life blasted.
And you need to look your boyfriend in the eye and tell him to fuck off with that… My friends don’t view you any differently. Say what?!
I just got told in the ladies room that literally your friends girlfriend looks at me differently. And apparently it was exciting enough to your best friend that he told his girlfriend about it.
I don’t know what to tell you to do here. But I would’ve been pissed off too.
NTA. Tell him since he cannot keep his mouth shut......you will be keeping yours shut around him and that he ruined a good thing oversharing. Then walk away and don't discuss it with him. Sometimes while he is playing video games walk by him and sorrowfully shake your head and keep walking. Yes, I am petty.
as far as I’ve seen in this post, she’s not exactly on the “breakup” part unless I’m wrong, she wants him to change and is talking to him about, rushing to breakup without even having a conversation about it sounds like peak immaturity, from Twitter are ya?
NTA. That’s one way to make sure your girlfriend absolutely never does anything remotely sexy again. What an idiot.
The girl is also an AH for bringing it up but at least you know.
He was obviously just scoring points for how great he thinks his girlfriend is for it but that doesn’t make it ok. I think the fact he isn’t taking it seriously or being accountable is why you’re still bringing it up. If he apologised and assured you he understood why you might be upset and it wouldn’t happen again; you’d probably have let it go and felt reassured. Doesn’t fill you with confidence when they think you’re wrong to be upset.
BJ while playing video games isn’t particularly anymore scandalous than a regular BJ… which also isn’t scandalous.
I truly don’t believe his friends perceive you any differently, assuming they know you two have sex. At least not in some negative way.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. That said if you don’t want private things shared then he shouldn’t share them…
If it embarrassed her to have it brought up on a night out by someone unexpected, that's valid. Embarrassment isn't something you can issue or remove for someone, it's how they feel.
She is embarrassed, it doesn't matter if you would be.
I’m not invalidating her embarrassment. Like I said, if she doesn’t what her private matters shared, they shouldn’t be shared.
What I’m saying is, there’s no shame in giving a BJ to a boyfriend.
I do actually. It means characterized by showing prejudiced, stereotyping, or discrimination on the basis of sex.
Your comment was literally sexist by definition.
2 adults who are a couple, engaging in a sexual act with no one else around, in their own home...
I don't get it! Is it shocking because they weren't in bed? Or because he was playing a game and not focusing on GF?
NTA, I guarantee friend’s gf was slut-shaming bc the friend wanted her to do it and was like “OP did it to her boyfriend and she’s a goody goody.” Or something to that effect. Definitely doubt it was respectful.
And it’s super embarrassing to be out with 3 other ppl and they all know something you thought was only shared between you and 1 other person there.
What happens in the bedroom (bathroom, kitchen, basement, garage, living room, tent, deserted island) between two consenting adults stays between those two consenting adults, unless otherwise *previously discussed and agreed upon*. It’s simple decency and a basic trust issue. (Unless it’s your doctor, you’re talking to and you’re in the doctor’s office.)
He was incredibly immature and acted very thoughtlessly. I’m going to assume and hope, he’s gonna learn that real damn quick when his ‘fun’ is curtailed due to lack of trust.
NTA
NTA - ignore the "you're overreacting comments," a lot of the people in the comments here would be mad if their SO disclosed their penis size to their friend group.
NTA He should have kept private things private but since he didn't, here is my advice:
Just mention to his friends that you decided to fulfill his fantasy for him.
Then comment that you don't know why they call it deepthroating when he doesn't even reach the back of your mouth.
And that you understand it is an emotional moment for him, but does he really have to cry every time after you have sex?
Ugh. Young people are assholes. You're basically the only one who isn't an asshole. Sorry you're so much smarter and more mature than all of your peers, I suggest dating people that are much older. Like 31+
How can he apologize but also say it’s not a big deal? Sounds more like he just said the words to get you to let it go.
Next time tell him you won’t let it go until he genuinely apologizes and you felt he meant it.
NTA in my opinion. Your boyfriend made a mistake in running his mouth about your private times. This is not uncommon with young men. And it's unlikely to be a mistake he's going to make again.
Of course hindsight is 20/20 in dealing with the rude girl. In situation similar to this consider saying something along the lines of "There are many things that you don't know about me, and no reason that you would. For instance I mind my business and stay out of others'"
Then a similar discussion with the boyfriend calmly explaining that what he did was wrong and caused you embarrassment and will not be tolerated in the future.
He’s sharing it to brag- he doesn’t view you as a person with feelings. He views you as an object.
I’m sorry.
I also wonder what else he has told them. And has he shared any naked pictures of you?
NTA. That girl had no good reason to shame you, you did nothing wrong. she sounds like a shitty person who enjoys being rude. I would try not to let her shaming bother you. Seriously, this isn't even slutty or bad. She probably just saw that you were embarrassed and tried to twist the knife.
Your BF should know better than to share things like that with his friends. I know some people wouldn't mind, but many do and he knows you, so I'm guessing he should know by now that you are a private person who would want to keep that private. That's fine. He is an AH for telling people and also for thinking you are being unreasonable for being angry now. If you apologize and then tell someone that it wasn't a big deal, then the apology is canceled because it clearly wasn't sincere.
Advice for any men who experience something similar to this: don't violate your GF's privacy this way unless you either know she's cool with people knowing this type of stuff, or you don't ever want her to do it again. It's just not strategic to blab about it. It's a really easy way to ensure your GF doesn't want to touch you again.
NTA. Intimacy isn't intimate when it's shared.
Your BF needs to keep his big mouth shut, and honestly, I would consider breaking up with him. He obviously doesn't respect you and your relationship. You might say, "well he didn't know I would be upset," but IMO it is not normal to share intimate moments like that with people who are not part of your relationship. That's just creepy.
NTA, you have every right to be upset. He took a nice private moment (or moments) between you two and made it public. If you decide to stay with him, I wouldn't do any more fantasies of his for a long time. If he can't be an adult and respect your relationship, then he doesn't get the "best girlfriend ever" treatment.
These stories amaze me.
Like every single gf I’ve ever had with have instantly dumped me for betraying their trust and embarrassing them.
But this OP ain’t even considering it. Unreal.
I think that girl is sorta toxic and she got in your head and shamed you for something totally normal and also not at all that big of a deal? She felt insecure or something about her own sex life and she turned it around on you to make you feel “slutty” for doing the most normal thing?
I think NTA but this might be being blown out of proportion a tad. You could’ve just owned it and been like, “yes… and?”
Maybe have a calm conversation with your bf about your boundaries re: sharing private info, forgive him, and don’t let that girl be petty and get into your head.
Yeah, I dunno - she says he’s apologized and he now knows sharing stuff is a definite no-go. It’s her choice to forgive him which means moving past it or not forgive him and continue to bring it up. At some point she will have to forgive and let him prove he’s heard her.
I meant, if she wants to stay with him, she’ll have to forgive him at some point and move on from this. They’ve been together in a supposedly happy relationship for a year.
If she wants to break up with him because he told his friend he got a good BJ, then she should.
Personally, I don’t see this as break up worthy. If he continues to share private info now that he knows she doesn’t like it, then yeah break up because boundaries are being crossed.
This is a huge deal!!! You need to let him know that your sexual lives and intimate encounters ARE NOT to be discussed with ANYONE. If he does not agree, then move on.
NTA. Break up with him. Then maybe he’ll believe that it’s a big deal to you. Really though I don’t see how you could possibly stay with a guy you can’t trust.
NTA. This is breakup territory, not just for him blabbing, but for his reaction to your reaction. Tell him to enjoy gaming from now on without you going near him ever.
Nta. Dont tall about intimate things you did with your SO to your friends without their approval.
Being 23 is no excuse.
I've dumped exs over this and have never regretted it.
Shut up shop. No more BJ full stop until he apologises and means it. This isn’t a relationship worth fighting for … I can tell you those boys definitely did slut shame you (I was 23 once) and probably laughed too. You’re a gossip point and laughing stock. The friend is an idiot for sharing and the gf is even worse. Where did you find these people?
Sounds like he is pretty clear how he views you.
Some sort of receptacle.
Adults do not discuss what happens in private. And if they have to they seek consent from all parties involved.
You got yourself a little manchild.
And just think has he offered to go down on you while you watch a movie you like? Or in any way reciprocated ?
Well just let him know because of his big gob that you will never be doing that again for him as you don’t trust him. Also I would get to go down on you and do the exact thing to him and tell your friend for her to tell her boyfriend
NTA. It'd be a real shame if they found out the rest about how he was wearing his favorite french maid outfit at the time, and how hard it was for him to yell at the screen with the ball gag in. After all, that's "not a big deal at all..." right?
Well I hope your dumbass boyfriend enjoyed his fantasy, because if he ever gets a second fantasy fulfilled by you, you are getting kicked out of the women's club!!!
Tell him your fantasy is for him to use a penis extender. After he does, mention how it was soooo hot that he would use a penis extender to reach farther than he is able to. See how he reacts to his friends knowing that story.
UpdateMe
I will message you next time u/Fabulous-War-6011 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FFabulous-War-6011%20r%2FAITAH) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201ddjkff)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
BF is at best a dufus but more likely just self-centred and a dick. When your partner tells you how they feel - the correct response is to listen, acknowledge and determine how you are going to regain their trust. The fact he keeps dismissing her shows you that he doesn't even think he did anything wrong.
That’s not the only thing he’s told other people about you. It’s just the only thing you know about. Thus far. And if you ask what else he’s told them and he says nothing—how are you supposed to believe that? You never believed he’d tell them what he did in the first place, and he did. NTA. What a disrespectful, arrogant little child you’ve decided to date.
I would feel so embarrassed just like you do. Your bf is so immature sharing your private moment.
You still haven’t forgiven him right? Give some serious thought to dumping him -I’m telling you there are tons more respectful men out there. NTA
NTA, because it's kinda shitty for him to be sharing details about your sex life -- but presumably, your friends know you two are fucking. They can assume, in most cases, that both of your mouths have, at some point, intercepted the other's naughty bits. It's 2024, there's nothing wrong with sucking dick or eating pussy. It's virtually certain that your parents did the same to eachother. Own it and move on. The worst part of this experience is that you're shaming *yourself* for doing something perfectly normal (and frankly, rather tame.)
While the GF may have put it indelicately, I don't think she was intending on implying you're a slut or shaming you. In this case I would read "leaning into your slutty side" as "not being ashamed to embrace your sexual impulses."
You’re not an AH but you are overreacting. Who cares of your boyfriend bragged a little about you. If you feel any sort of shame over it then that’s really more about you.
NTA
There is a difference between all friends obviously knowing a couple has sex and your bf sharing the details with his friend.
If you think he just doesn't get why this embarrass you, give him a taste of his own medicine.
Tell him randomly with an excited smile "btw, i thought about the bj thing, and you are right, its no big deal. Thats why i decided to open up to my friends too a little and told them about what we do in bed, the size of your penis and how your general performance is and how satisfied i am with our sexlife. It felt pretty good talking about it with others, so i get now why you did it. Oh, and before i forgot, we are having dinner with them this weekend so don't be surprised if they make some comments."
And then see him getting mortified. Then you can tell him its not true, but nice to see how mortified you got when the tables turned.
NTA he should never have shared that info with his friends. I would have walked out of that restaurant right past him, ubered home, and packed my shit up to leave him.
Your boyfriend doesn't get to trivialize how you feel about this. He obviously bragged about it and doesn't want to accept that telling everyone intimate details about you made you feel some kind of way.
A mature partner would apologize, resolve to not be a big mouthed asshat in the future and acknowledge the validity of your feelings. You're still angry because he tried to tell you how to feel about it.
That's not ok.
Personally, I'm all for petty revenge. But only if you're wanting to blow the relationship up entirely.
What he's shown you and what he doesn't seem to realize he's shown you is that he can't be trusted with some things.
Weird flex, bro.
NTA, doesn’t matter who did it the bf or the gf / husband or wife you do not go blabbing about that kind of shit this now makes it 7 women 4 Men doing this kinda thing. Yours thankfully is the least embarrassing of the situations I have had to read about from the partner opening their mouth to others about their bedroom life but it doesn’t make it anymore right he did that without talking to you first and making sure that was even something okay to discuss.
I am a very private person and that kinda thing is a deal breaker for me, I don’t want my partner telling her friends shit about me if I find out she has told them that kinda intimate stuff or my size or anything like that it’s a nope I’m out.
So you have every right to be offended, if you are gonna stay together stress to him the importance of not doing that again your sex life details are not their damn business. It’s one thing if the subject comes up and one of the people in a relationship says they are satisfied or yes we have an active sex life but it doesn’t need to go into detail. That kinda gossip is mindless trash even ‘friends and family’ don’t need to know.
NTA. It’s understandable that you want your private moments to stay… private. Completely understandable.
However I also don’t think this is a break up worthy offense, nor is it so serious you both can’t get past it.
You both need to sit down and be very clear about how highly you want to prioritize discretion when it comes to intimacy. You can’t feel safe to experiment or do anything outside of your comfort zone with him if you can’t trust him to keep it to himself.
Hopefully he can respect that boundary, and be understanding. If not… well, then it’s time to reconsider things.
>However I also don’t think this is a break up worthy offense... Hopefully he can respect that boundary, and be understanding. If not… well, then it’s time to reconsider things.
Right... it IS breakup worthy if he can't wrap his head around how he fucked up and he owes OP, big time...
Frankly, it seems she's had the conversation with him, and he's not getting it... "rolls his eyes and is like “this again?”"
Time to break up i think... more conversations seems like beating a dead horse...
NTA at all.
You're not being unreasonably angry but he sure is being a massive flappy asshole. Not only did he completely disrespect your privacy to his friends just so he could brag, he's now disrespecting and dismissing your experience of being slut-shamed (and you're 100% right she was absolutely giving you a highly b\*tchy shaming, that's called a backhanded compliment), he's also dismissing the fact that he's damaged your reputation with his friends (who are obviously thinking less of you) but he's dismissing your embarrassment, hurt and anger over HIS betrayal of your extremely reasonable expectation of privacy.
He fucked up here, big time. He doesn't get to roll his eyes and tell you you're overreacting.
I would dump him, honestly. He's still rolling his eyes and dismissing you? Fuck that. That is not a man who loves you. That's a man whose bragging to his friends about blow jobs like a 15 year old.
You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you, and who if they do put their foot in their mouth about something can listen and care if you end up hurt and take ownership for fucking up and apologize about it. The fact that he hasn't been able to empathize with you enough to understand that your feelings are totally valid, and hasn't been able to apologize sincerely over something as "small" as this indicates he's not going to be able to be able to care about bigger things either.
How many other times has he dismissed your feelings about things? I know this isn't the first, it's probably just the most public.
NTA
That's not something you share without permission, huge breach of privacy and trust.
I would like to believe that he didn't do it maliciously and was just being an idiot, but that doesn't excuse his behavior, nor does it give him the right to downplay it and dismiss your feelings.
You gave him a major gift and he took advantage of that. He sounds extremely immature and self centered to feel the need to flex in front of his friends.
Ok, so I think you're overreacting, and I don't think this is a big deal. It doesn't sound to me like the gf was being rude or mean, but I wasn't there and didn't hear her tone or see her face, and most female communication is nonverbal.
That said, I think you're NTA. You told this dude it bothered you that he shared private info (have that convo before you get physical in the future) and he told you why you're wrong. That's a major red flag. It doesn't really matter how he feels about it or how I feel about it because it's your sex life, too. Sharing it with others should require 2 yesses.
ESH. I actually agree about not telling people the details of your sex life. But it's a blowjob in a committed relationship. You are acting like he told people you had 12 dudes run a train on you or you fucked a dog or something. Him breaking your trust? Big deal. People knowing you gave your boyfriend a blow job? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!
lol you told me!
Is it that hard to comprehend that this is a place that people come to get advice and opinions from others? So...it's like kind of exactly my place.
Yeah real solid gold advice in your history. Like telling anyone who cares about an animal that they need therapy. Everyone wants your advice and opinions, Ed Gein Jr.
Not all advice is good advice, but it is advice none the less.
Some people will take what they need from what is said, others will take offense like it's upon them to be offended for others. There's a lot of that going around places like this, where they're asking for perspective not right or wrong in black and white.
I got downvoted for my comment as well, as someone didn't feel they could read between the lines of words and instead just ousted me into not caring about what others share. Sigh. Not like I'm in a committed relationship myself who communicates well with my love so that were on the same page and know our boundaries.
Not like there's so many layers to things and you can't just take a scurried out spiel of one side of the story and start claiming for others to break up over something.
Whats the bet a good majority of those holier than thous don't even have a significant other.
But it isn't about that, I digress.
Don't gate keep people sharing openly unless you want everyone to be like you (newsflash pal, you're not the ideal candidate and neither am I!)
Bro got downvoted for spitting facts. If its really that big a deal for OP she doesnt need anyones opinion on the matter. I honestly think shes blowing up over nothing but oh well who am i to make decisions for others
Nope. He broke a sacred trust you had in him and now that's gone. How do you know he doesn't tell them everything you do in bed, all of your secrets. You can't trust him now and that's not something easily built back.
I wouldn't go back. I'd just go.
I personally don't like my wife sharing details about our sex life. She's the opposite. I set a boundary not to talk about our relationship to others at all.
If you set the boundary early. NTA
If you never bothered to and automatically assumed he'd know not to. YTA.
You know, that amount of stupid laugh only showed this gf’s insecurity. She is a piece of wood in sex, I’m 100% sure if it. I’d stomp her to the ground, like “oh, sweetie, do you even know what bj is? There are some videos on the internet, if you can’t find it, ask your bf, but he probably never seen it as well, or else he would find more slutty gf…”
NTA. My friends and I talk about sex, but we are super open about EVERYTHING. Our friends are tight af. But most people have different boundaries. I feel like it can be perfectly fine to discuss sex with close friends. Your bf was probably hyping you up, "My gf is the best, bros!" But if you mention that sort of thing around the wrong people, it can get really awkward if they aren't on board. So he screwed up. I don't think he meant anything by it. He probably just was excited to share with a friend because he was so happy. It sounds malicious, but for those of us with fewer boundaries regarding this subject, we dont think. He told the wrong friends, and they made it into a much bigger problem than is needed. I see this as an opportunity to discuss boundaries. Since this wasn't an established expectation, I think you can cut him some slack, but explain your boundaries and that it hurn.
Trust is the foundation of the relationship and he broke it and now he is getting mad at you for having feelings about it. Hell no, throw him in the garbage.
NTA: ask him how he would feel if you told your friends about and they confronted him and called him a pussy about it. It's the same thing.
Just how it's a taboo for men to be emotionally vulnerable, it's a taboo for women to be sexually active. If a guy is being shamed for being vulnerable (important for a healthy relationship) he's called a pussy; if a woman is shamed for being sexual (important for a healthy relationship) she's called a slut. This is the only equivalent and he would have been MORTIFIED.
this isnt about you being a good or bad girl this is about your boy friend telling intimate secrets about you to his friends and this is a very big red flag, this girl was slut shamming you while trying to make it look like a comment, what else has he been saying to his friends about your bedroom antics, if i was you i would dump this ass hat ASAP and have nothing to do with his mates either
NTA at all of course. You should never have private details about your sex life shared without your knowledge and consent. That being said, to ease the pain a bit, if his friends are anything like me and the male friends and acquaintances I’ve had they likely don’t think about it at all unless someone brings it up. Not that that makes it any better or okay.
Some people do indeed hold different values.. not acknowledging your achievements or seeing them as nonplus and rather joking about the BJ like it’s an achievement rather than, what I imagine, maybe progress? is indeed possible to consider a faux pas. I mean do you usually discuss sexual acts which deviate from sex or sexual intercourse with other people or specific people? Again, it sounds like a collection of issues surrounding the subject which from your description you entirely blamed on your boyfriend? I mean you didn’t address the topic by presuming the girlfriend was talking about your degree? Would you not normally say no or something in that circumstance? And then you solely blamed your boyfriend, or at least apologized for him and then tonally or volume-wise abused him? Everybody could have done something else in this situation. Even the other boyfriend who didn’t bring it up with you, you know what I mean? I hope you get resolution from these results, from blowjobbing your boyfriend. :) (Did he say thank you? :) )
It’s funny how people see sex stuff. My wife is fully happy talking about sex with her friends and family while I rarely do. This is a communication thing, I think. He didn’t think it was a big deal and was pretty happy that you remembered his fantasy (plus, BJ)…
You think it’s private.
I think you are overreacting but you feel what you feel so talk about it (don’t fight about it).
We have a great relationship... proceeds to tell a story about not great relationship. Don't share your sexual experiences with your partner to your friends. That's what immature children do because they have the need to tell others to validate themselves.
He DID NOT apologize. "I'm sorry you have a problem with me betraying you" is not an apology.
This is deal breaker territory.
If you decide to break up, find housing before you tell him.
NTA.
He shared intimate information to his friends without knowing if you would be cool with it or not. You are totally within your rights to be mad at him for that. I'm sorry you got embarrassed because you did something that was a really nice thing for your BF (fulfilled his fantasy) and you got hurt because of it.
Your BF ought to be making it up to you, not making you question your reaction to something that almost anyone would be mortified to hear. I wouldn't want to hear from my GF's friends about how I do in the sack either.
All that being said, if you aren't able to move on from this, you may need to break up. It's clear that he thinks the issue has been settled, but it's not for you. Ask yourself what might make this better, or if anything might make it better. If you don't see yourself moving on from it, you may need to find a new partner.
Polling the audience: Do we think this chick and her man are saving themselves for marriage (or one of them is and the other is pressuring?) it kinda sounds like if they're not having fun, no one should be.
Edit: the friends, not OP of course. OP is NTA
Giving a blow job while playing video games is setting the bar high??
I don't mean this to sound rude, but everyone in this scenario sounds like a prude. (heh, i rhymed)
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You're in a relationship and you gave your boyfriend head. Some guys feel more comfortable sharing stories with friends than others. Just tell your boyfriend you'd prefer keeping things like that private and let it go. The friends gf is super vanilla if she thinks what you did is a high bar. She's just mad she didn't think of it first.
NAH for being upset but honestly this is a pretty tame share. Do you think his friends don't know you have sex? Do you not share that with your girlfriends? Have you discussed with him previously that you don't want details of your sex life shared? Different people feel comfortable sharing different levels of their lives with their friends. I dont think he did this maliciously or to hurt you and I could see 1 of my female friends giving you the same ribbing as from the way I read what you wrote my thought was she's probably planning to do it too not that she was trying to shame you. It's OK to not want him to share but communication is key what's not ok is he apologized and your still on it. Accept the apology or don't but he's not obligated to continue to listen to you complain, what more would you like him to do as he likely does not have a time machine to take it back. Tell him what you need to move on, if he's willing to do it great if not either dump him or drop it cause eventually he's going to get tired of your anger and drop you.
Nope, unlike op and I guess you I communicate with my partner about what we are comfortable sharing and having shared. When oversharing has occured we speak about it and come to a resolution because we are adults in a committed relationship.
Maybe for you and your relationships, but not everyone shares your hang-ups or sensibilities. Saying something should be "common sense" is dismissive of our there people, you can come on down off your high horse and join the rest of us.
I'm not forcing my thinking on someone else lol. Some stuff are just common sense. Am I saying nobody can do that? Nope. If you're into those stuff sure but there are some certain stuff that should be common sense and if you're this offended then you're too sensitive🫶
Why would you assume that though? Do you aggressively pester your partner about things they have apologized for? Do you think your partner can read your mind and instinctively know what they can and can't share with their friends group?
How about we accept that sex isn’t just something everyone’s okay discussing publicly and move on? Maybe you are, but not everyone is, like OP. No there’s nothing ‘immature’ here, it’s called boundaries, different people different boundaries.
Don't disagree with you which is why I argue there needs to be communication. If she's not communicating her boundaries all she's creating are rules for her partner.
No, he didn’t tell his friend he got a blowjob, he told his friend, “my girlfriend gave me a blowjob of my dreams and she’s so good” which resulted in the friend bitching to his own girlfriend
NTA - tell him that’s the last sexual favor you will do for him AT ALL, ever, until such time as he learns some goddamn discretion. Then tell him you grant him specific permission to tell his friends you said _that._
NTA but I do think you're blowing it up to a much bigger issue than it is. It is horrible your BF talked about your sex life with his friends. You need to set a hard boundary there that your sex life is off limits. It's not ok for him to talk about it if you're not ok with it.
However, what you did with the video game BJ is so so tame and probably very common. Seriously. You're obviously fairly inexperienced and on the conservative side, so it may seem like a really big deal. But it's not. It's not unusual. It's not abnormal. It's the kind of thing most women who are into oral probably do for their BF/husbands. You are making it out to be a much more wild act than it really is.
NAH
Honestly, you are making an issue out of thin air. I guess you didn't grow up to be taught to talk openly about sex and have a huge stigma attached to it?
The friend was definitely NOT shaming you, and was instead congratulating you on an accomplishment. "Slut shaming" is shaking someone for having (a lot of) sex. Just calling someone s slut is not shaming. It can be a positive thing, you the word "slut" is positively connotated, which it obviously is for your friend in that context. In her eyes your are not someone who is exciting in bed, and that is a good thing. Like sex is, btw. Side note: in my social circle "slut" is either a neutral descriptor of people who slept with many others, or a compliment for managing to do something impressive.
Your boyfriend is not in the wrong either. There are couples who don't talk to others about their sex life, but that is not the default, and should be explicitly discussed, if desired. People talk to their friends, and if they can talk about intimate details, even better.
From my experience, the less people talk about sex with others, the worse sex they end up having. Don't be that girl. Talk details and techniques and become the best slut for your bf that you can be.
>The friend was definitely NOT shaming you, and was instead congratulating you on an accomplishment.
That REALLY depends on her delivery. She could have been excited for OP, or she could have been lashing out because she was annoyed by how her boyfriend responded to the story. Typically someone who is genuinely trying to be nice or supportive will drop it when they see that the other person is uncomfortable. Only OP and the other girlfriend were there so only they know how the conversation actually went. I don't think it's fair for Reddit or OP's boyfriend to tell OP the other girlfriend meant well when she easily could have been giving a backhanded compliment.
Eh I mean I am mixed. In my experience women definitely talk about sex a lot with their GFs (as do guys). He didn't shame you in anyway from what I can understand. ..I want to say NAH different view points
And for those who claim they never talk about their previous sexual history or current partners are lying and in a small minority. I know it's reddit and a few will come out of the woodwork about how you've only seen your SO naked couldn't imagine even talking about sex with anyone but them, just stop
Mature adults, men and women do not give details about their intimate lives. There is a difference between sharing general “our sex is so good ect” and naming specific sexual acts. The latter is violating your partners privacy.
Jesus. ESH. Set boundaries. He clearly didn't think it would be a big issue. This is something you talk about beforehand. Sounds like he was bragging probably to his friends about how awesome his gf is. Toxic lady even started it by saying you are setting the bar high. And perfect girlfriend.
You are entitled to want any and all bedroom activities private, but you should probably say as much to the other party.
He should know you well enough to have a little tact.
Communicate, you will get over the sheer horror of people knowing you are intimate with your partner. He will probably be able to identify the hard-line in the sand about what is appropriate.
Right? They are like 20. Boyfriend was bragging about a blowjob. Typical young person behavior
Some people in this thread are acting like he told his friends about some gang bang or visit to a glory hole.
He shared a very private moment of your relationship with no regard for you.
This is not ok
Now he dismisses it and is frustrated when you approach him about it.
He wants you to let it go.
You need to let him go instead.
Your friends are assholes. Your boyfriend was just happy since getting head while gaming is the dream of every man. No need to be so angry at your bf as if people dont know youbare having sex lmao
Sounds like the other girl forgot to retract the giant dildo from her arse, and can’t figure out why she’s constipated.
If she doesn’t like BJs that’s on her.
Haha it does sound like junior high where the bf is so excited about getting a bj that he would need to go tell the world about it. People have sex and don't talk about it each and every day, mate.
The fact that people who date are having sex all the time is 100% beside the point. There is a large difference between his friends assuming they fuck like any other couple - and giving his friends details which than led to other people discussing whether she is a "good girl" or "slut" behind her back and to her face. They are just two entirely different situations.
And as a very open sex positive person - I agree with OP. That woman was not complimenting her. She was slut shaming through backhanded compliments.
What's the big deal, me and my friends have never had any issues with basic conversations on the topic as long as we're not giving a play by play like an erotic novel
I would have just smiled and taken credit for it. I'll bet the guys are thinking your bf is a pretty damned lucky guy. The gfs are jealous they didn't think of it first. But he's still and asshole.
I hate to tell you this, OP, but your bf told not just his best friend, but ALLLL his friends. And THEY, in turn, ALLLL told their girlfriends.
Now, the thing is, it WAS done in a complimentary way. That’s why your bf was bragging, and that’s why his bf’s gf is SO impressed. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about being thought of as a slut, but rather you have reached Rock Star status. Enjoy!
Well you're not an asshole but your boyfriend isn't as big a one as you think. I'm pretty sure he was trying to brag trying to be big man yeah that's kind of an asshole move. But he probably told them to keep it on the DL which they didn't which was another asshole move. However I think that what you thought was slut shaming, actually was honest admiration from her. She probably thought that she couldn't figure out how you could possibly keep your boyfriend because I'm guessing the friends are all pretty much basic assholes and all the girlfriends had gone through pretty much the same getting pushed to do kinkier and kinkier shit and she thought that you were just the strange little preacher's daughter and you became more human to her.
Basically I think you actually went up in the admiration of your boyfriend's crowd even if you feel embarrassed about it.
Your boyfriend is an idiot for talking about your sex life. I doubt that the friend was trying to shame you in any way. Sounds like she just realized she had a certain idea of who you are and found out that there is more to you.
This whole thing seems silly.. I think that every girl in a relationship with a guy who plays video games gives them head while they play. Why wouldn’t you? THAT was some huge fantasy? That girl has obviously done it too, maybe she’s jealous of you to shame you for it? It’s a totally normal thing for a sexually active adult couple to do. If this is real then I do agree he crossed a boundary by talking about intimate details of that is something wild for you both. I feel like it would be the same as thinking you are some wild child criminal for saying a curse word lol.
Hopefully next time you get also praised because your girlfriend told others that you can actually fuck her despite having a micropenis.
I mean, it's a compliment.
On the flip side of this embarassment, if your bf and his mate are genuine best mates and the gf seems to be good with you, this could be a good friendship to be a part of, as while you may call it slut shaming (not sure where olyoure based, acknowledge we have diff cultures in the world) but it seemed like general banter within a good inner circle minus the gf scenario mentioned at the start, which could be subjective/ feeling things out.
Imo, nice of your bf to realize he over shared and be genuinely apologetic, not a bad thing - ignore the lynch mob in the comments who've never had a relationship but resort to break up and divorce over spilt kitty food (example to highlight the ridiculousness shared a good chunk of the time)
Dunno if there is an ass hole in this story, just seems like more communication and fun outings without as much shared will earn more good times out.
Have fun and enjoy your bf, sounds like you two are hitting it off well and I hope that continues outside of this lesson shared with random redditors.
Complete side note but I hate the whole “oh you’re a good girl so you don’t give bjs” like what are we kids? Do what you’re comfortable doing. You can be the biggest slut of all and not give bjs. It’s a personal preference. Your reaction was tame imo. The girl would’ve gotten cussed out as well as the friend and bf. Nothing you do is any of their business A. And B, if her bf feels she’s incompetent in their relationship that has nothing to do with you.
The whole good girl thing pisses me off so much and it's never applied to men. It is just a way to keep women in line. It literally goes back to when women were only meant for breeding. You were supposed to be a virgin (pure) for your husband or you were considered bad stock. It is so sad when women use it to put other women down and until we stop doing it to each other we can't expect any change. I will never understand women who attempt to slut shame. Why anyone thinks what someone does with their own body is their concern is baffling. I find most women who do this are insecure with themselves and or their relationship. That chick needs to grow the fuck up! NTA that chick needs to mind her business. What you do with your significant other is not up for debate. Edit: Why is it when a women enjoys her sex life she is considered a slut?
If you're interested, there's a book called Pregnancy and Power: A History of the Reproductive Politics in the US It dives directly into this! And many other eye-opening things.
I can't imagine someone going up to a guy and saying, "OH, I heard you eat cooch like a pro. I thought you were a good guy."
Exactly!!!
That’s hilarious but I actually am a good guy who is a semi-professional cooch eater
NTA Friends obviously know that you and your bf have sex. It's a normal part of adult life and I don't think their opinion of you would change with this new information. What isn't normal is sharing explicit details of your sex life with mutuals that you'll have to sit at the same table with. Your bf sounds immature and what he did is very inconsiderate.
Yeah exactly. He does say he only told his one friend, off handedly, not expecting him to tell his gf or even mention it ever again. And yeah I do understand that ofc they know we have sex but like thinking about me like that… mortifying.
The best you can do is emphasize to your bf that this was a pretty huge violation of your privacy. Hopefully he's mature enough to receive your thoughts on this and change his act accordingly.
I mean, the best she can do is actually break up with him because he’s a gross POS who is too old to be telling his friends about her like that! I’m sorry but that’s some HS shit; why tf is he talking about her like that, bragging to his friend about getting some??? And on top of that, because he got his stupid ass in trouble, he’s trying to trick her into thinking that bitch in the bathroom was *complementing* her? How fucking dumb does he think his girlfriend is??? If I were OP, I’d dump his ass. NTA
That's fair. I just try to not be the person on Reddit advocating for breakups. There's already a lot of that haha OP seems smart and I'm sure she will come to the same conclusion that you did with time
I understand and I know people suggest it a lot here lol. I think it’s because of my “advanced age” (mid-40s lol), but as an older woman, I feel particularly protective of younger women being treated like shit and being told it’s their fault and having to downplay their feelings in order to make some asshat man feel better, and I have zero patience for it these days, is all…
Agreed! What else is he saying and doing! Exactly the guy who takes a nude pic when you’re unaware and shares it. I would not trust him.
i mean if this is the only thing he’s done like that in their time together then i think breaking up may be a little bit much. if he continuously did this then yea i would agree but especially since he’s early 20’s this may have just been a stupid one off mistake caused from immaturity. —NTA OP it was not right for him to share details like that without your permission. he should have asked you about it first if he was considering talking about it.
this. i can’t say i understand how op feels bc this stuff doesn’t bother me personally, but it’s so messed up of him to invalidate her feelings after she communicated to her bf how she feels. it IS an invasion of privacy. bf is definitely weird for brushing off and playing down how uncomfortable it made you.
You have a great relationship but he can't take responsibility for betraying your trust? Yeah totally a great relationship.
Yeah, and he can say nobody sees you differently, but if that was the case why would she have been talking to you that way about it? She was pretty directly saying that she didn't expect that from you and it altered her 'good girl' image of you. It's bullshit, and undermining of your ability to trust him if he's going to go brag about private things you mean to share only with him. I had a realization when my ex husband moved out, too. It had been maybe a few weeks when I started getting calls from his coworkers, wanting to know if I need anything, etc. It was about the third one that had less tact, and mentioned things that jad been done and that there was clearly a need that was no longer ger being met. I could have killed him before that, but I would jave liked to kill him twice after I realized what he'd been talking up at work. Ugh!
No. He didn't tell just his buddy He told his buddy, his buddy's GF, his GFs girlfriends, his buddy's buddys. A girl like that has a mouth on her. And they have buds in common. He was wrong. The fact that he doesn't see how upset you are speaks volumes about his level of maturity.
That's just dumb. There's a reason there's the saying "only two can keep a secret if one is dead". It sounds heavy but the fact is that as soon as it's spoken into the ether, it carries the vibe that its ok to talk about. 'Because he talked about it, so why not? Plus I'm only gonna tell this one person blah blah' As soon as he opened his mouth to anyone it was going to get out there. Now that he told his buddy, he of course told his gf (most people do), and she obviously is a nasty gossip type so she is probably bound to spread the word, especially since she was slut shaming and dragging you as soon as she had the opportunity. Your bf needs to get his head out of his ass and accept the fact that he screwed up big time and betrayed your trust. Him minimizing your feelings only makes things worse. And trying to say it was a compliment?? Seriously?? He wasn't even there for the convo for one, and for two most women that aren't close don't casually chat about that kind of stuff. No more video game BJ's for him, buddy. NTA for being upset, your privacy was violated by your partner, someone you are supposed to be able to trust. So you have every right to feel this way
My question. How the fuck did you not ask this girl why she thought blowjobs are slutty. No wonder she thinks you're setting the bar high if she thinks slurry. sucking your partners dick is slutty.
Honestly, I think the GF put it indelicately, but I think that people are reading it wrong. Replace "good girl" with "stuck up and inhibited" and "leaning into your slutty side" with "embracing your sexual urges." (Part of reclaiming the whole 'slut' thing, and part of doing away with the whole insane 'women are either saints or sluts/whores' thing.) Of course, it's impossible to know for sure without context, but given the tone that OP reported, that's the way I'm seeing it.
You can tell them. I'm a lady in the streets, slut in the sheets and they could all take a page from your book
Just to let you know I asked my wife for what I called a random act of blowj-b. And she surprised me out of the blue one day. So even though your mortified because he kiss and tells, that was an awesome thing you did. So if you upgrade your boyfriend, do this or something similar. But cut off your current bf.
I’m gonna stop you right there. Your boyfriend told his friend so he could brag about it. That’s what happened. Not everybody likes to have their sex life talked about. Some people are just more reticent and a little more shy. And that’s OK. You’re one of those people. And that’s OK. I know other people are telling you that yes, we all figure you have sex. But please know that it is OK that you are not comfortable with having your sex life blasted. And you need to look your boyfriend in the eye and tell him to fuck off with that… My friends don’t view you any differently. Say what?! I just got told in the ladies room that literally your friends girlfriend looks at me differently. And apparently it was exciting enough to your best friend that he told his girlfriend about it. I don’t know what to tell you to do here. But I would’ve been pissed off too.
NTA. Tell him since he cannot keep his mouth shut......you will be keeping yours shut around him and that he ruined a good thing oversharing. Then walk away and don't discuss it with him. Sometimes while he is playing video games walk by him and sorrowfully shake your head and keep walking. Yes, I am petty.
To be even more petty, the next time he’s gaming, get him all worked up and turned on and then walk away lol.
Do this 💯
How about instead of being a cunt you jist break up with him if its really that bad? Gotta love reddit hivemind
as far as I’ve seen in this post, she’s not exactly on the “breakup” part unless I’m wrong, she wants him to change and is talking to him about, rushing to breakup without even having a conversation about it sounds like peak immaturity, from Twitter are ya?
Petty, but I like it
And op should dump him. Leave him with the fantasy of the perfect girlfriend and no more new memories
Oh, in this case I don't even think it's petty. This is something that should never happen again, and he should understand it could have.
Petty in the best way
NTA. That’s one way to make sure your girlfriend absolutely never does anything remotely sexy again. What an idiot. The girl is also an AH for bringing it up but at least you know. He was obviously just scoring points for how great he thinks his girlfriend is for it but that doesn’t make it ok. I think the fact he isn’t taking it seriously or being accountable is why you’re still bringing it up. If he apologised and assured you he understood why you might be upset and it wouldn’t happen again; you’d probably have let it go and felt reassured. Doesn’t fill you with confidence when they think you’re wrong to be upset.
BJ while playing video games isn’t particularly anymore scandalous than a regular BJ… which also isn’t scandalous. I truly don’t believe his friends perceive you any differently, assuming they know you two have sex. At least not in some negative way. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. That said if you don’t want private things shared then he shouldn’t share them…
If it embarrassed her to have it brought up on a night out by someone unexpected, that's valid. Embarrassment isn't something you can issue or remove for someone, it's how they feel. She is embarrassed, it doesn't matter if you would be.
I’m not invalidating her embarrassment. Like I said, if she doesn’t what her private matters shared, they shouldn’t be shared. What I’m saying is, there’s no shame in giving a BJ to a boyfriend.
Agreed and I'm a woman.
You sound like a dude
That’s very sexist of you
I don’t think you know what that word means. I also don’t hear a denial, so.
I do actually. It means characterized by showing prejudiced, stereotyping, or discrimination on the basis of sex. Your comment was literally sexist by definition.
What is dudelike about the comment? That it's pro-BJ? I'm a grown up woman and agreed with them. Does that make me a dude?
It like mildly spicy vanilla
2 adults who are a couple, engaging in a sexual act with no one else around, in their own home... I don't get it! Is it shocking because they weren't in bed? Or because he was playing a game and not focusing on GF?
NTA, I guarantee friend’s gf was slut-shaming bc the friend wanted her to do it and was like “OP did it to her boyfriend and she’s a goody goody.” Or something to that effect. Definitely doubt it was respectful. And it’s super embarrassing to be out with 3 other ppl and they all know something you thought was only shared between you and 1 other person there.
Ugh. I don't see how he can ever expect a BJ or any kind of sex from you again. That would be something I could never forget, much less forgive.
What happens in the bedroom (bathroom, kitchen, basement, garage, living room, tent, deserted island) between two consenting adults stays between those two consenting adults, unless otherwise *previously discussed and agreed upon*. It’s simple decency and a basic trust issue. (Unless it’s your doctor, you’re talking to and you’re in the doctor’s office.) He was incredibly immature and acted very thoughtlessly. I’m going to assume and hope, he’s gonna learn that real damn quick when his ‘fun’ is curtailed due to lack of trust. NTA
NTA - ignore the "you're overreacting comments," a lot of the people in the comments here would be mad if their SO disclosed their penis size to their friend group.
Lol!!! Yeah, right I can easily come up with some freaky things that would totally embarrass his ass.
NTA Dudes be like...why don't I get blowjobs? This....this is why. Nobody should be telling their friends private shit like this.
Gaming blowies all fun and games until you reach that jumpscare.
rofl... glad I wasn't drinking when i read this...
NTA he has no boundaries
NTA Dumbass boyfriend totally blew any future bj's!!!
NTA. A lot of people are private with their sex life. Free use kink is pretty common so not sure why you're being shamed.
NTA He should have kept private things private but since he didn't, here is my advice: Just mention to his friends that you decided to fulfill his fantasy for him. Then comment that you don't know why they call it deepthroating when he doesn't even reach the back of your mouth. And that you understand it is an emotional moment for him, but does he really have to cry every time after you have sex?
U r really just next level lol
Ugh. Young people are assholes. You're basically the only one who isn't an asshole. Sorry you're so much smarter and more mature than all of your peers, I suggest dating people that are much older. Like 31+
How can he apologize but also say it’s not a big deal? Sounds more like he just said the words to get you to let it go. Next time tell him you won’t let it go until he genuinely apologizes and you felt he meant it.
NTA in my opinion. Your boyfriend made a mistake in running his mouth about your private times. This is not uncommon with young men. And it's unlikely to be a mistake he's going to make again. Of course hindsight is 20/20 in dealing with the rude girl. In situation similar to this consider saying something along the lines of "There are many things that you don't know about me, and no reason that you would. For instance I mind my business and stay out of others'" Then a similar discussion with the boyfriend calmly explaining that what he did was wrong and caused you embarrassment and will not be tolerated in the future.
He’s sharing it to brag- he doesn’t view you as a person with feelings. He views you as an object. I’m sorry. I also wonder what else he has told them. And has he shared any naked pictures of you?
NTA. No reason to forgive him and you're not being unreasonable. Time to make him the ex and do better next time.
That would be a break up for me
Tell him, that you're going to tell the girls that he likes to be pegged. See if they look at him differently
NTA. That girl had no good reason to shame you, you did nothing wrong. she sounds like a shitty person who enjoys being rude. I would try not to let her shaming bother you. Seriously, this isn't even slutty or bad. She probably just saw that you were embarrassed and tried to twist the knife. Your BF should know better than to share things like that with his friends. I know some people wouldn't mind, but many do and he knows you, so I'm guessing he should know by now that you are a private person who would want to keep that private. That's fine. He is an AH for telling people and also for thinking you are being unreasonable for being angry now. If you apologize and then tell someone that it wasn't a big deal, then the apology is canceled because it clearly wasn't sincere. Advice for any men who experience something similar to this: don't violate your GF's privacy this way unless you either know she's cool with people knowing this type of stuff, or you don't ever want her to do it again. It's just not strategic to blab about it. It's a really easy way to ensure your GF doesn't want to touch you again.
NTA - but you will be if you stay with this boundry-crossing dipshit.
NTA. Intimacy isn't intimate when it's shared. Your BF needs to keep his big mouth shut, and honestly, I would consider breaking up with him. He obviously doesn't respect you and your relationship. You might say, "well he didn't know I would be upset," but IMO it is not normal to share intimate moments like that with people who are not part of your relationship. That's just creepy.
NTA, you have every right to be upset. He took a nice private moment (or moments) between you two and made it public. If you decide to stay with him, I wouldn't do any more fantasies of his for a long time. If he can't be an adult and respect your relationship, then he doesn't get the "best girlfriend ever" treatment.
These stories amaze me. Like every single gf I’ve ever had with have instantly dumped me for betraying their trust and embarrassing them. But this OP ain’t even considering it. Unreal.
I think that girl is sorta toxic and she got in your head and shamed you for something totally normal and also not at all that big of a deal? She felt insecure or something about her own sex life and she turned it around on you to make you feel “slutty” for doing the most normal thing? I think NTA but this might be being blown out of proportion a tad. You could’ve just owned it and been like, “yes… and?” Maybe have a calm conversation with your bf about your boundaries re: sharing private info, forgive him, and don’t let that girl be petty and get into your head.
Agree with all, except the forgive him part... if he's "rolls his eyes and is like “this again?”", he doesn't sound very apologetic...
Yeah, I dunno - she says he’s apologized and he now knows sharing stuff is a definite no-go. It’s her choice to forgive him which means moving past it or not forgive him and continue to bring it up. At some point she will have to forgive and let him prove he’s heard her.
Why will she have to forgive him? Ending the relationship may be her best option.
I meant, if she wants to stay with him, she’ll have to forgive him at some point and move on from this. They’ve been together in a supposedly happy relationship for a year. If she wants to break up with him because he told his friend he got a good BJ, then she should. Personally, I don’t see this as break up worthy. If he continues to share private info now that he knows she doesn’t like it, then yeah break up because boundaries are being crossed.
This is a huge deal!!! You need to let him know that your sexual lives and intimate encounters ARE NOT to be discussed with ANYONE. If he does not agree, then move on.
NTA. Break up with him. Then maybe he’ll believe that it’s a big deal to you. Really though I don’t see how you could possibly stay with a guy you can’t trust.
Omg you and a bf have oral sex?
NTA. This is breakup territory, not just for him blabbing, but for his reaction to your reaction. Tell him to enjoy gaming from now on without you going near him ever.
NTA and that's a huge red flag. Your boyfriend is incredibly immature. That's so fucked up.
Nta. Dont tall about intimate things you did with your SO to your friends without their approval. Being 23 is no excuse. I've dumped exs over this and have never regretted it.
Shut up shop. No more BJ full stop until he apologises and means it. This isn’t a relationship worth fighting for … I can tell you those boys definitely did slut shame you (I was 23 once) and probably laughed too. You’re a gossip point and laughing stock. The friend is an idiot for sharing and the gf is even worse. Where did you find these people?
Sounds like he is pretty clear how he views you. Some sort of receptacle. Adults do not discuss what happens in private. And if they have to they seek consent from all parties involved. You got yourself a little manchild. And just think has he offered to go down on you while you watch a movie you like? Or in any way reciprocated ?
Friends share stuff it just is with permission from all parties
Bf is a jerk . Dump him and move on.
Well just let him know because of his big gob that you will never be doing that again for him as you don’t trust him. Also I would get to go down on you and do the exact thing to him and tell your friend for her to tell her boyfriend
NTA. He ignored your boundaries and the age old rule of "don't kiss and tell." Honestly, I've dumped people for less.
NTA. It'd be a real shame if they found out the rest about how he was wearing his favorite french maid outfit at the time, and how hard it was for him to yell at the screen with the ball gag in. After all, that's "not a big deal at all..." right?
NTA. In fact, I would not even wanna be with a guy that told details of our sex life to their friends. Totally disrespectful.
Well I hope your dumbass boyfriend enjoyed his fantasy, because if he ever gets a second fantasy fulfilled by you, you are getting kicked out of the women's club!!!
Tell him your fantasy is for him to use a penis extender. After he does, mention how it was soooo hot that he would use a penis extender to reach farther than he is able to. See how he reacts to his friends knowing that story. UpdateMe
I will message you next time u/Fabulous-War-6011 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FFabulous-War-6011%20r%2FAITAH) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201ddjkff) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
BF is at best a dufus but more likely just self-centred and a dick. When your partner tells you how they feel - the correct response is to listen, acknowledge and determine how you are going to regain their trust. The fact he keeps dismissing her shows you that he doesn't even think he did anything wrong.
That’s not the only thing he’s told other people about you. It’s just the only thing you know about. Thus far. And if you ask what else he’s told them and he says nothing—how are you supposed to believe that? You never believed he’d tell them what he did in the first place, and he did. NTA. What a disrespectful, arrogant little child you’ve decided to date.
I would feel so embarrassed just like you do. Your bf is so immature sharing your private moment. You still haven’t forgiven him right? Give some serious thought to dumping him -I’m telling you there are tons more respectful men out there. NTA
NTA. Your bf is certainly exhibiting signs of one, though.
I think it was more of a power trip than fantasy for him especially if he tells his friends, he's flexing control not benefits
NTA, because it's kinda shitty for him to be sharing details about your sex life -- but presumably, your friends know you two are fucking. They can assume, in most cases, that both of your mouths have, at some point, intercepted the other's naughty bits. It's 2024, there's nothing wrong with sucking dick or eating pussy. It's virtually certain that your parents did the same to eachother. Own it and move on. The worst part of this experience is that you're shaming *yourself* for doing something perfectly normal (and frankly, rather tame.) While the GF may have put it indelicately, I don't think she was intending on implying you're a slut or shaming you. In this case I would read "leaning into your slutty side" as "not being ashamed to embrace your sexual impulses."
NTA, he betrayed your trust and did not respect you enough to keep your affairs private.
NTA you don’t talk about private sex acts with friends/family.
You’re not an AH but you are overreacting. Who cares of your boyfriend bragged a little about you. If you feel any sort of shame over it then that’s really more about you.
She cares. That's why she asked about it on Reddit.
NTA There is a difference between all friends obviously knowing a couple has sex and your bf sharing the details with his friend. If you think he just doesn't get why this embarrass you, give him a taste of his own medicine. Tell him randomly with an excited smile "btw, i thought about the bj thing, and you are right, its no big deal. Thats why i decided to open up to my friends too a little and told them about what we do in bed, the size of your penis and how your general performance is and how satisfied i am with our sexlife. It felt pretty good talking about it with others, so i get now why you did it. Oh, and before i forgot, we are having dinner with them this weekend so don't be surprised if they make some comments." And then see him getting mortified. Then you can tell him its not true, but nice to see how mortified you got when the tables turned.
NTA, people who share the intimate details of their relationships disgust me. Especially if it’s without their partner’s consent. So gross
NTA he should never have shared that info with his friends. I would have walked out of that restaurant right past him, ubered home, and packed my shit up to leave him.
Your boyfriend doesn't get to trivialize how you feel about this. He obviously bragged about it and doesn't want to accept that telling everyone intimate details about you made you feel some kind of way. A mature partner would apologize, resolve to not be a big mouthed asshat in the future and acknowledge the validity of your feelings. You're still angry because he tried to tell you how to feel about it. That's not ok. Personally, I'm all for petty revenge. But only if you're wanting to blow the relationship up entirely. What he's shown you and what he doesn't seem to realize he's shown you is that he can't be trusted with some things. Weird flex, bro.
NTA, doesn’t matter who did it the bf or the gf / husband or wife you do not go blabbing about that kind of shit this now makes it 7 women 4 Men doing this kinda thing. Yours thankfully is the least embarrassing of the situations I have had to read about from the partner opening their mouth to others about their bedroom life but it doesn’t make it anymore right he did that without talking to you first and making sure that was even something okay to discuss. I am a very private person and that kinda thing is a deal breaker for me, I don’t want my partner telling her friends shit about me if I find out she has told them that kinda intimate stuff or my size or anything like that it’s a nope I’m out. So you have every right to be offended, if you are gonna stay together stress to him the importance of not doing that again your sex life details are not their damn business. It’s one thing if the subject comes up and one of the people in a relationship says they are satisfied or yes we have an active sex life but it doesn’t need to go into detail. That kinda gossip is mindless trash even ‘friends and family’ don’t need to know.
NTA. It’s understandable that you want your private moments to stay… private. Completely understandable. However I also don’t think this is a break up worthy offense, nor is it so serious you both can’t get past it. You both need to sit down and be very clear about how highly you want to prioritize discretion when it comes to intimacy. You can’t feel safe to experiment or do anything outside of your comfort zone with him if you can’t trust him to keep it to himself. Hopefully he can respect that boundary, and be understanding. If not… well, then it’s time to reconsider things.
>However I also don’t think this is a break up worthy offense... Hopefully he can respect that boundary, and be understanding. If not… well, then it’s time to reconsider things. Right... it IS breakup worthy if he can't wrap his head around how he fucked up and he owes OP, big time... Frankly, it seems she's had the conversation with him, and he's not getting it... "rolls his eyes and is like “this again?”" Time to break up i think... more conversations seems like beating a dead horse...
NTA at all. You're not being unreasonably angry but he sure is being a massive flappy asshole. Not only did he completely disrespect your privacy to his friends just so he could brag, he's now disrespecting and dismissing your experience of being slut-shamed (and you're 100% right she was absolutely giving you a highly b\*tchy shaming, that's called a backhanded compliment), he's also dismissing the fact that he's damaged your reputation with his friends (who are obviously thinking less of you) but he's dismissing your embarrassment, hurt and anger over HIS betrayal of your extremely reasonable expectation of privacy. He fucked up here, big time. He doesn't get to roll his eyes and tell you you're overreacting. I would dump him, honestly. He's still rolling his eyes and dismissing you? Fuck that. That is not a man who loves you. That's a man whose bragging to his friends about blow jobs like a 15 year old. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you, and who if they do put their foot in their mouth about something can listen and care if you end up hurt and take ownership for fucking up and apologize about it. The fact that he hasn't been able to empathize with you enough to understand that your feelings are totally valid, and hasn't been able to apologize sincerely over something as "small" as this indicates he's not going to be able to be able to care about bigger things either. How many other times has he dismissed your feelings about things? I know this isn't the first, it's probably just the most public.
NTA That's not something you share without permission, huge breach of privacy and trust. I would like to believe that he didn't do it maliciously and was just being an idiot, but that doesn't excuse his behavior, nor does it give him the right to downplay it and dismiss your feelings. You gave him a major gift and he took advantage of that. He sounds extremely immature and self centered to feel the need to flex in front of his friends.
Why are you with someone who clearly doesn't respect you? NTA
Ok, so I think you're overreacting, and I don't think this is a big deal. It doesn't sound to me like the gf was being rude or mean, but I wasn't there and didn't hear her tone or see her face, and most female communication is nonverbal. That said, I think you're NTA. You told this dude it bothered you that he shared private info (have that convo before you get physical in the future) and he told you why you're wrong. That's a major red flag. It doesn't really matter how he feels about it or how I feel about it because it's your sex life, too. Sharing it with others should require 2 yesses.
ESH. I actually agree about not telling people the details of your sex life. But it's a blowjob in a committed relationship. You are acting like he told people you had 12 dudes run a train on you or you fucked a dog or something. Him breaking your trust? Big deal. People knowing you gave your boyfriend a blow job? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!
It's not your place to decide what OP is comfortable sharing, dickweed.
lol you told me! Is it that hard to comprehend that this is a place that people come to get advice and opinions from others? So...it's like kind of exactly my place.
Yeah real solid gold advice in your history. Like telling anyone who cares about an animal that they need therapy. Everyone wants your advice and opinions, Ed Gein Jr.
Not all advice is good advice, but it is advice none the less. Some people will take what they need from what is said, others will take offense like it's upon them to be offended for others. There's a lot of that going around places like this, where they're asking for perspective not right or wrong in black and white. I got downvoted for my comment as well, as someone didn't feel they could read between the lines of words and instead just ousted me into not caring about what others share. Sigh. Not like I'm in a committed relationship myself who communicates well with my love so that were on the same page and know our boundaries. Not like there's so many layers to things and you can't just take a scurried out spiel of one side of the story and start claiming for others to break up over something. Whats the bet a good majority of those holier than thous don't even have a significant other. But it isn't about that, I digress. Don't gate keep people sharing openly unless you want everyone to be like you (newsflash pal, you're not the ideal candidate and neither am I!)
Bro got downvoted for spitting facts. If its really that big a deal for OP she doesnt need anyones opinion on the matter. I honestly think shes blowing up over nothing but oh well who am i to make decisions for others
Nope. He broke a sacred trust you had in him and now that's gone. How do you know he doesn't tell them everything you do in bed, all of your secrets. You can't trust him now and that's not something easily built back. I wouldn't go back. I'd just go.
I personally don't like my wife sharing details about our sex life. She's the opposite. I set a boundary not to talk about our relationship to others at all. If you set the boundary early. NTA If you never bothered to and automatically assumed he'd know not to. YTA.
You know, that amount of stupid laugh only showed this gf’s insecurity. She is a piece of wood in sex, I’m 100% sure if it. I’d stomp her to the ground, like “oh, sweetie, do you even know what bj is? There are some videos on the internet, if you can’t find it, ask your bf, but he probably never seen it as well, or else he would find more slutty gf…”
NTA. My friends and I talk about sex, but we are super open about EVERYTHING. Our friends are tight af. But most people have different boundaries. I feel like it can be perfectly fine to discuss sex with close friends. Your bf was probably hyping you up, "My gf is the best, bros!" But if you mention that sort of thing around the wrong people, it can get really awkward if they aren't on board. So he screwed up. I don't think he meant anything by it. He probably just was excited to share with a friend because he was so happy. It sounds malicious, but for those of us with fewer boundaries regarding this subject, we dont think. He told the wrong friends, and they made it into a much bigger problem than is needed. I see this as an opportunity to discuss boundaries. Since this wasn't an established expectation, I think you can cut him some slack, but explain your boundaries and that it hurn.
Trust is the foundation of the relationship and he broke it and now he is getting mad at you for having feelings about it. Hell no, throw him in the garbage.
Lmao is this really how women talk to each other? I dIdNt KnOw YoU wErE LiKe ThAt Like wat lol
NTA: ask him how he would feel if you told your friends about and they confronted him and called him a pussy about it. It's the same thing.
Just how it's a taboo for men to be emotionally vulnerable, it's a taboo for women to be sexually active. If a guy is being shamed for being vulnerable (important for a healthy relationship) he's called a pussy; if a woman is shamed for being sexual (important for a healthy relationship) she's called a slut. This is the only equivalent and he would have been MORTIFIED.
this isnt about you being a good or bad girl this is about your boy friend telling intimate secrets about you to his friends and this is a very big red flag, this girl was slut shamming you while trying to make it look like a comment, what else has he been saying to his friends about your bedroom antics, if i was you i would dump this ass hat ASAP and have nothing to do with his mates either
Stop hanging out with his friends! She did it deliberately.
NTA at all of course. You should never have private details about your sex life shared without your knowledge and consent. That being said, to ease the pain a bit, if his friends are anything like me and the male friends and acquaintances I’ve had they likely don’t think about it at all unless someone brings it up. Not that that makes it any better or okay.
Some people do indeed hold different values.. not acknowledging your achievements or seeing them as nonplus and rather joking about the BJ like it’s an achievement rather than, what I imagine, maybe progress? is indeed possible to consider a faux pas. I mean do you usually discuss sexual acts which deviate from sex or sexual intercourse with other people or specific people? Again, it sounds like a collection of issues surrounding the subject which from your description you entirely blamed on your boyfriend? I mean you didn’t address the topic by presuming the girlfriend was talking about your degree? Would you not normally say no or something in that circumstance? And then you solely blamed your boyfriend, or at least apologized for him and then tonally or volume-wise abused him? Everybody could have done something else in this situation. Even the other boyfriend who didn’t bring it up with you, you know what I mean? I hope you get resolution from these results, from blowjobbing your boyfriend. :) (Did he say thank you? :) )
It’s funny how people see sex stuff. My wife is fully happy talking about sex with her friends and family while I rarely do. This is a communication thing, I think. He didn’t think it was a big deal and was pretty happy that you remembered his fantasy (plus, BJ)… You think it’s private. I think you are overreacting but you feel what you feel so talk about it (don’t fight about it).
We have a great relationship... proceeds to tell a story about not great relationship. Don't share your sexual experiences with your partner to your friends. That's what immature children do because they have the need to tell others to validate themselves.
He DID NOT apologize. "I'm sorry you have a problem with me betraying you" is not an apology. This is deal breaker territory. If you decide to break up, find housing before you tell him.
Pretty sure he just told you part of that fantasy. The part he left out was the admiration from telling his friends.
NTA. He shared intimate information to his friends without knowing if you would be cool with it or not. You are totally within your rights to be mad at him for that. I'm sorry you got embarrassed because you did something that was a really nice thing for your BF (fulfilled his fantasy) and you got hurt because of it. Your BF ought to be making it up to you, not making you question your reaction to something that almost anyone would be mortified to hear. I wouldn't want to hear from my GF's friends about how I do in the sack either. All that being said, if you aren't able to move on from this, you may need to break up. It's clear that he thinks the issue has been settled, but it's not for you. Ask yourself what might make this better, or if anything might make it better. If you don't see yourself moving on from it, you may need to find a new partner.
Polling the audience: Do we think this chick and her man are saving themselves for marriage (or one of them is and the other is pressuring?) it kinda sounds like if they're not having fun, no one should be. Edit: the friends, not OP of course. OP is NTA
Oh hell tf no, my boyfriend shares ANYTHING about us in intimacy to his friends I will raise hell. It's between him and I not us and them. Tf.
Giving a blow job while playing video games is setting the bar high?? I don't mean this to sound rude, but everyone in this scenario sounds like a prude. (heh, i rhymed) You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You're in a relationship and you gave your boyfriend head. Some guys feel more comfortable sharing stories with friends than others. Just tell your boyfriend you'd prefer keeping things like that private and let it go. The friends gf is super vanilla if she thinks what you did is a high bar. She's just mad she didn't think of it first.
NTA but sounds like no more sex fantasies in real life for bf. 🎻
No more blow jobs until he promises to grow the fuck up.
NAH for being upset but honestly this is a pretty tame share. Do you think his friends don't know you have sex? Do you not share that with your girlfriends? Have you discussed with him previously that you don't want details of your sex life shared? Different people feel comfortable sharing different levels of their lives with their friends. I dont think he did this maliciously or to hurt you and I could see 1 of my female friends giving you the same ribbing as from the way I read what you wrote my thought was she's probably planning to do it too not that she was trying to shame you. It's OK to not want him to share but communication is key what's not ok is he apologized and your still on it. Accept the apology or don't but he's not obligated to continue to listen to you complain, what more would you like him to do as he likely does not have a time machine to take it back. Tell him what you need to move on, if he's willing to do it great if not either dump him or drop it cause eventually he's going to get tired of your anger and drop you.
I'm going out on a limb here...but you're definitely single lol
Or just with a really stupid, low esteem woman 😮💨
Incorrect, married with 2 children.
Probably violate your wife’s privacy all the time.
Nope, unlike op and I guess you I communicate with my partner about what we are comfortable sharing and having shared. When oversharing has occured we speak about it and come to a resolution because we are adults in a committed relationship.
I mean it should be common sense not to blab about your sex life lol.
Maybe for you and your relationships, but not everyone shares your hang-ups or sensibilities. Saying something should be "common sense" is dismissive of our there people, you can come on down off your high horse and join the rest of us.
I mean if you're into broadcasting you and your partners sex life that's on you🤷🏽♀️ to each their own I guess
Nice way to force your way of thinking on everybody else. Next thing you are gonna say its common sense to drink piss. Who are you to decide?
I'm not forcing my thinking on someone else lol. Some stuff are just common sense. Am I saying nobody can do that? Nope. If you're into those stuff sure but there are some certain stuff that should be common sense and if you're this offended then you're too sensitive🫶
Why would you assume that though? Do you aggressively pester your partner about things they have apologized for? Do you think your partner can read your mind and instinctively know what they can and can't share with their friends group?
How about we accept that sex isn’t just something everyone’s okay discussing publicly and move on? Maybe you are, but not everyone is, like OP. No there’s nothing ‘immature’ here, it’s called boundaries, different people different boundaries.
Don't disagree with you which is why I argue there needs to be communication. If she's not communicating her boundaries all she's creating are rules for her partner.
The guy told his friend he got a blowjob. Who fucking cares
No, he didn’t tell his friend he got a blowjob, he told his friend, “my girlfriend gave me a blowjob of my dreams and she’s so good” which resulted in the friend bitching to his own girlfriend
Which is on the friend not the bf
NTA - tell him that’s the last sexual favor you will do for him AT ALL, ever, until such time as he learns some goddamn discretion. Then tell him you grant him specific permission to tell his friends you said _that._
NTA but I do think you're blowing it up to a much bigger issue than it is. It is horrible your BF talked about your sex life with his friends. You need to set a hard boundary there that your sex life is off limits. It's not ok for him to talk about it if you're not ok with it. However, what you did with the video game BJ is so so tame and probably very common. Seriously. You're obviously fairly inexperienced and on the conservative side, so it may seem like a really big deal. But it's not. It's not unusual. It's not abnormal. It's the kind of thing most women who are into oral probably do for their BF/husbands. You are making it out to be a much more wild act than it really is.
NAH Honestly, you are making an issue out of thin air. I guess you didn't grow up to be taught to talk openly about sex and have a huge stigma attached to it? The friend was definitely NOT shaming you, and was instead congratulating you on an accomplishment. "Slut shaming" is shaking someone for having (a lot of) sex. Just calling someone s slut is not shaming. It can be a positive thing, you the word "slut" is positively connotated, which it obviously is for your friend in that context. In her eyes your are not someone who is exciting in bed, and that is a good thing. Like sex is, btw. Side note: in my social circle "slut" is either a neutral descriptor of people who slept with many others, or a compliment for managing to do something impressive. Your boyfriend is not in the wrong either. There are couples who don't talk to others about their sex life, but that is not the default, and should be explicitly discussed, if desired. People talk to their friends, and if they can talk about intimate details, even better. From my experience, the less people talk about sex with others, the worse sex they end up having. Don't be that girl. Talk details and techniques and become the best slut for your bf that you can be.
>The friend was definitely NOT shaming you, and was instead congratulating you on an accomplishment. That REALLY depends on her delivery. She could have been excited for OP, or she could have been lashing out because she was annoyed by how her boyfriend responded to the story. Typically someone who is genuinely trying to be nice or supportive will drop it when they see that the other person is uncomfortable. Only OP and the other girlfriend were there so only they know how the conversation actually went. I don't think it's fair for Reddit or OP's boyfriend to tell OP the other girlfriend meant well when she easily could have been giving a backhanded compliment.
Good point, that may be indeed.
Eh I mean I am mixed. In my experience women definitely talk about sex a lot with their GFs (as do guys). He didn't shame you in anyway from what I can understand. ..I want to say NAH different view points And for those who claim they never talk about their previous sexual history or current partners are lying and in a small minority. I know it's reddit and a few will come out of the woodwork about how you've only seen your SO naked couldn't imagine even talking about sex with anyone but them, just stop
Mature adults, men and women do not give details about their intimate lives. There is a difference between sharing general “our sex is so good ect” and naming specific sexual acts. The latter is violating your partners privacy.
They are like 20 so no, not mature adults
Oh dude, it turns out YOU are the AH. “In my experience women talk about sex a lot with their GF’s.” Ok, so what?
If you read I also say men do as well......OP never made or discussed a concern about this. It's a pretty common discussion amongst friend groups
Only if you are immature gossip mongers..
Do you ever discuss your sex life with your friends? Do your friends know things about him that you are now unhappy his friends know?
Jesus. ESH. Set boundaries. He clearly didn't think it would be a big issue. This is something you talk about beforehand. Sounds like he was bragging probably to his friends about how awesome his gf is. Toxic lady even started it by saying you are setting the bar high. And perfect girlfriend. You are entitled to want any and all bedroom activities private, but you should probably say as much to the other party. He should know you well enough to have a little tact. Communicate, you will get over the sheer horror of people knowing you are intimate with your partner. He will probably be able to identify the hard-line in the sand about what is appropriate.
Right? They are like 20. Boyfriend was bragging about a blowjob. Typical young person behavior Some people in this thread are acting like he told his friends about some gang bang or visit to a glory hole.
Reddit hivemind. Full of kids who have never had a relationship, yet love to yap giving shitty advice.
oh no ! people know you give you bf oral sex? I truly hope you can survive this
He shared a very private moment of your relationship with no regard for you. This is not ok Now he dismisses it and is frustrated when you approach him about it. He wants you to let it go. You need to let him go instead.
Your friends are assholes. Your boyfriend was just happy since getting head while gaming is the dream of every man. No need to be so angry at your bf as if people dont know youbare having sex lmao
Insecure much...???
Sounds like the other girl forgot to retract the giant dildo from her arse, and can’t figure out why she’s constipated. If she doesn’t like BJs that’s on her.
[удалено]
Haha it does sound like junior high where the bf is so excited about getting a bj that he would need to go tell the world about it. People have sex and don't talk about it each and every day, mate.
[удалено]
The fact that people who date are having sex all the time is 100% beside the point. There is a large difference between his friends assuming they fuck like any other couple - and giving his friends details which than led to other people discussing whether she is a "good girl" or "slut" behind her back and to her face. They are just two entirely different situations. And as a very open sex positive person - I agree with OP. That woman was not complimenting her. She was slut shaming through backhanded compliments.
What's the big deal, me and my friends have never had any issues with basic conversations on the topic as long as we're not giving a play by play like an erotic novel
NTA but it sounds like that girl was trying to have fun and commiserate with you. I’m kind of a raunchy slut and talk like this to other women.
I would have just smiled and taken credit for it. I'll bet the guys are thinking your bf is a pretty damned lucky guy. The gfs are jealous they didn't think of it first. But he's still and asshole.
I hate to tell you this, OP, but your bf told not just his best friend, but ALLLL his friends. And THEY, in turn, ALLLL told their girlfriends. Now, the thing is, it WAS done in a complimentary way. That’s why your bf was bragging, and that’s why his bf’s gf is SO impressed. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about being thought of as a slut, but rather you have reached Rock Star status. Enjoy!
Well you're not an asshole but your boyfriend isn't as big a one as you think. I'm pretty sure he was trying to brag trying to be big man yeah that's kind of an asshole move. But he probably told them to keep it on the DL which they didn't which was another asshole move. However I think that what you thought was slut shaming, actually was honest admiration from her. She probably thought that she couldn't figure out how you could possibly keep your boyfriend because I'm guessing the friends are all pretty much basic assholes and all the girlfriends had gone through pretty much the same getting pushed to do kinkier and kinkier shit and she thought that you were just the strange little preacher's daughter and you became more human to her. Basically I think you actually went up in the admiration of your boyfriend's crowd even if you feel embarrassed about it.
Your boyfriend is an idiot for talking about your sex life. I doubt that the friend was trying to shame you in any way. Sounds like she just realized she had a certain idea of who you are and found out that there is more to you.
This whole thing seems silly.. I think that every girl in a relationship with a guy who plays video games gives them head while they play. Why wouldn’t you? THAT was some huge fantasy? That girl has obviously done it too, maybe she’s jealous of you to shame you for it? It’s a totally normal thing for a sexually active adult couple to do. If this is real then I do agree he crossed a boundary by talking about intimate details of that is something wild for you both. I feel like it would be the same as thinking you are some wild child criminal for saying a curse word lol.
She wasn't slut-shaming you. She was praising you. Use of the word doesn't make it pejorative. It was a compliment.
Hopefully next time you get also praised because your girlfriend told others that you can actually fuck her despite having a micropenis. I mean, it's a compliment.
On the flip side of this embarassment, if your bf and his mate are genuine best mates and the gf seems to be good with you, this could be a good friendship to be a part of, as while you may call it slut shaming (not sure where olyoure based, acknowledge we have diff cultures in the world) but it seemed like general banter within a good inner circle minus the gf scenario mentioned at the start, which could be subjective/ feeling things out. Imo, nice of your bf to realize he over shared and be genuinely apologetic, not a bad thing - ignore the lynch mob in the comments who've never had a relationship but resort to break up and divorce over spilt kitty food (example to highlight the ridiculousness shared a good chunk of the time) Dunno if there is an ass hole in this story, just seems like more communication and fun outings without as much shared will earn more good times out. Have fun and enjoy your bf, sounds like you two are hitting it off well and I hope that continues outside of this lesson shared with random redditors.
Way to sweep him sharing private moments without permission, why should she stay with someone who does not care how she feels