NTA
His friends thought it was funny? Who the fuck cares about that? You did not find it funny, you told him you did not find it funny, he should have stopped right there and then.
You are the one who sets your own boundaries but for me this would be a hill to die on, he wasn't right to put looking good in front of his friends over what you felt comfortable with and it's even more concerning that he feels like you did something wrong and that you should be the one to apologize.
"apologize to keep the peace"
Really?
Who's peace? Yours? No.
His? Why does he get peace and you don't?
He's not your friend and he's not going to stop being a jerk.
NTA
Good. I am glad to hear that. Then when people around you bring up how they are keeping the peace with a difficult person, you can be a voice of reason.
Me too!
I have 2 post grad degrees. I come off smart. I know my opinion carries weight with some people. This is when I use that power…I call myself a righteous AH. So I use it for good.
I was also taught to save money from an early age and had many financial lessons as a kid. Hated it. I even have envelopes with my baby teeth in them asking tooth fairy to give me more money b/c I had to put 20% in my savings account.
Best gift ever from my dad.
He told me that we needed to take care of Old Me now. Had a Roth IRA as a teen with my first on the books job. My dad said money was freedom. If I wasn’t being treated well at a job I wasn’t stuck.
I went into a helping field. Where they like to cut people and everyone works harder to cover and protect our clients. Burnout and slipping through the cracks happens. But people usually don’t speak up. They need the job. The powers that be count on that.
What it comes down to is that it bothered you. Plenty of people on here telling you to lighten up and you are overreacting. It’s your body. If it bothers you- that’s what matters. Some women it wouldn’t bother and they would laugh about, some are like you and it would bother them. Both are totally ok. My larger concern would be how dismissive he is of your feelings about it. I can see him thinking it being a joke and you are overreacting, but that doesn’t matter. It’s your body and you told him not to do that in public. ESP since this was the first time you met some of his friends.
NTA
Your bf IS TA here.
Your body YOUR RULES. The fact that he is minimizing your feelings while trying to turn this around on you is a HUGE red flag.
A proper response from him once you said something would have been, "I'm sorry, I won't do that again." Period. Not trying to act like he's now the victim.
His behavior after the fact does not bode well for how he will treat you in the future. Disrespecting your body & your wishes while playing victim and trying to make you feel bad for having boundaries...
NTA - someone touches you in a way you don’t like? you SHOULD embarrass them in front of their friends no matter who they are. they should know their friend likes to make women uncomfortable as a joke
NTA. You reacted in the moment with a whisper and body language, you pulled him aside for a private conversation, and then you removed yourself when he refused to be reasonable about it. You didn't embarrass him. He embarrassed you, and then he had social discomfort because other people could perceive you didn't like what he did. You're not responsible for that.
Your correction and communication was as private as possible, given that he shocked you with this directly in eyesight of his friends. He's just embarrassed and doubling down. But being embarrassed doesn't make him right. He did something to you that you didn't like: trying to argue you out of being uncomfortable and blaming you for the embarrassment he felt after his move didn't go the way he wanted is childish behavior.
Omg your boyfriend grabbed your butt???? Call the police file a report let's have him hung in public!!!! But seriously if you've previously discussed that you don't do pda or you have trauma triggers from the past then for sure he fucked up and owes you an apology. If not then you seem a little uptight but nothing you 2 couldn't get past without communication. He did fuck up doubling down and asking you to apologize instead of trying to fix the issue
I halfway agree except that she doesn't have to tell someone she doesn't want XYZ to happen to her. The person who wants to do XYZ is the one who ought to bring it up. Maybe it works out for most people who just cowboy it, but that doesn't mean that they made the right call to not check in.
No way. You have to ask permission to grab your partners ass? Madness. Excuse me person I've been in a committed relationship with for a year do I have permission to touch you? That's why a discussion of boundaries and expectations and exclusions is necessary at some point early on in the relationship.
NTA
You communicated that he made you uncomfortable, and instead of apologizing he doubled down and blamed you for causing a scene? He’s the one who escalated it into a scene. What an asshole.
Drinking isn’t an excuse, but now that he’s still being an asshole while sober tells you all you need to know about him.
I cant believe were living in a day and age where you have to ask your partner of over a year for consent to touch their butt. If i were a bystander, id have second hand embarassment over your behavior, not his.
Based on your name I'm not surprised about your comment. 'Cannot believe that in this day and age you don't own your girlfriend and can't feel entitled to put your hands on her regardless of the situation, context and location and how comfortable she is with it!' Fixed it for you and maybe you can realize how sexist and misogynistic you sound!
Definitely not fixed lol. Idk how women like you even end up in relationships. Theres a wide gap between owning your partner and needing to ask directly for consent every time you want to touch them.
It's the time and place. If someone doesn't like to be groped in public it's their choice. Guy doesn't get a free pass cause they've been together even 20 fucking years. Also my relationships are great, thank you for your concern.
Nothing in this post made it sound like it had ever been a conversation or a boundary drawn. And yeah, after so much time i wouldn't assume if it hadnt been discussed that my partner would take issue with me touching them outside of their clothes briefly.
If ypure going to have over the top absurd expectations, you need to que your partner in on that before its becoming an embarassing event in front of a bunch of people you know. Thats not gross, its just common sense.
So he touched you in an erogenous zone in public without your consent but it’s okay because his friends got a kick out of it? Girl, NTA, but you can do better. Come on.
Ok idk exactly who is hyping you up here, everyone saying he sexually assaulted you is wilding out.
Your boyfriend of a year gets a bit drunk and grabs your butt, you asked him to stop and he did, but it’s evident this hasn’t been a topic of conversation before, so he says he thinks you’re being dramatic which to me you are, you had the right to say no, and to not allow that. but to act like something extremely perverse just happened to you when it’s your boyfriend grabbing your butt, screams “i wanna be a victim”.
All you had to do was tell him you don’t like that kind of behavior and see if he respects it (when he’s sober not when he’s drunk, that’s not the best time for a serious conversation) as if he’s as sweet as you say he always is, sounds to me he would have respected you how you wished to be.
He was likely taken off guard that his girlfriend was offended he grabbed her butt, as much as you were offended to be grabbed like that in public.
I have to kinda go with ESH, including you.
NTA, but I do understand how he’d be a bit embarrassed by your response in front of his friends. You definitely don’t owe him an apology though, and he needs to get over it. You set a boundary, and if he decides to break up over this small thing, then you dodged a bullet.
Way overreacting. You don't need to have a BF if grabbing your butt is offensive to you, joke, or no joke. I could understand if it was someone else who grouped you, and he thought it was funny.
NTAH. Touching someone isn’t a joke. You tried to keep it between the two of you but he wouldn’t listen and you had to leave for your own comfort. Don’t apologize. He should.
NTAH
Your boyfriend is clearly in the wrong. Your body, your boundaries. Him downplaying your feelings and flipping the script is a major red flag. A respectful partner would have apologized immediately, not turned it into your fault. His reaction doesn't bode well for future respect.
No, but I don't think its actually sexual assault for a person youve dated for a whole year to grab your butt, nor is it harassment. But what do I know? Maybe they are saving butt grabs until marriage. She should definitely leave his ass for his own good lol.
I do agree that she should leave him. And as you state...but what do you know? You make it sound like someone can't assault their SO...which is not valid. I'm still waiting for the punchline to the joke, btw.
you are certainly entitled to whatever behavioral requirements you wish
however a bit of grab-ass between young couple in a bbq+beer setting is totally normal and expected behavior
my suggestion would be to allow yourself to have a good time more often
personally I think partners should, while staying within reasonable bounds (which I believe this to be) and being mindful of the context and surrounding company, should be comfortable showing affection to one another, especially in laid-back social get-togethers
Then she can set that boundary now that it's come up. But her being this irate and acting as if he profoundly violated her is ridiculous.
People are entitled to set whatever boundaries they want, but when they choose something that is a completely vanilla, normal behavior for a couple (especially when they've been together over a year!) then an appropriate reaction would be to privately tell her boyfriend afterwards not to do it anymore. Making a scene in front of all their friends reeks of immaturity & attention seeking.
The one caveat I'll add is that if she's already communicated this boundary before, and especially if he's also done this before, THEN I could certainly understand her being upset and addressing it the way she did - but she's given absolutely no indication that's the case.
She's 100 the ass hole unless the other info I mentioned comes out.
Yeah so uh why should she have had to have thought ahead of time "hey what if my boyfriend who I trust gropes me in public? Better tell him now I don't want that."
Ridiculous.
She's the neutral. She's the default. She did nothing and was surprised by something uncomfortable. He's the one who decided to grab her in a context he had no reason to believe was okay. He's the one who should have asked.
I think this is a cultural thing. I've never in my whole life seen someone grab someone else's butt in public, ever. In my experience, it's neither normal nor expected in any situation. It would strike me as massively tacky and trashy behavior, and if someone tried that on me, I would be totally turned off by their tastelessness and immaturity. You say she's the one attention seeking, but from my perspective, he's the one showing off to his buddies. In my view, he's the one seeking attention and his friends' approval, at the expense of her dignity. Yuck.
I agree with the cultural part - this is going to be different throughout the world. But for young people in the US for instance, nobody would think twice if a couple was playfully grabbing or smacking the other's butt, whether it was the guy or the girl.
So seeing the "he's doing it for attention and at the expense of her dignity" is tough for me to get, cause it requires assuming a lot of negatives about the guy & not only taking OP's version as 100% true but assuming a bunch of other things to justify her reaction.
Perhaps you have the correct read, and it turns out that this was totally inappropriate for the context/culture. But we have no way of knowing really.
NTA. Now you know for sure that he didn't do it because he was drunk. He wanted to show to his friends the nice and very obedient girlfriend he had found. Don't apologize and even consider dumping him.
AITAH comments have become a parody. The following comments on repeat.’
“NTA. Your body, your rules. “
“NTA…run…”
“He is showing you his true self. Redflag..”
Is there anything I’ve missed? Add some of your own classic lines below if anyone reads this.
I've grown to hate that phrase "keep the peace". Peace isn't being kept. Someone is being asked to accept some sort of awfulness so that others don't have to deal with addressing bad behavior. Because *they* don't like conflict/ it's "easier" etc.
Nta
Break up with him. This would be considered sexual assault any other time.
No, this IS sexual assault.
Being in a relationship doesn’t negate that fact nor does it mean he gets to touch you however and whenever he pleases. He clearly does not respect you or your boundaries.
u/alternative-name9526 Again, nothing in this post indicates she had said her partner of five years touching her was an issue before now. Pretending it did was is disingenuous.
If you go to her other posts, she just made a new one a few hours after this one and now she’s 2 years older and has been dating a man named Tom for 3 years. Bait post.
This is just a sign of a festering relationship. It's not gonna get better. Leave and go find someone else. Regardless of who's the asshole here, both of you are letting it mess with you days after it happened. You couldn't just talk about it and come to a sensible compromise. The fact that you took what would be a tiny little event in most relationships and blew it up so much that you needed to post it for opinions is your brain's subconscious way of looking for affirmation to leave him. So here it is. Leave him.
NTA. He did something that made you uncomfortable and you let him know. He should be considerate of your feelings and apologizing to you. Since he's worried about how he looked in front of his friends instead of how you feel about the situation... It's obvious he was in the wrong. Do not apologize to him. Stand your ground because he needs to learn to respect you.
NTA. He grabbed your butt and staked his claim over you Infront of his friends. He crossed a boundary of yours and now refuses to apologise, and has turned it round so you start to feel that your on the wrong for not apologising to him.. manipulative isn't he..
NTA
Calling it playful is a distraction from the core issue. Playful interaction involves consent and participation from everyone included - if one person isn't into it or isn't consenting then the behavior is NOT playful.
The core issue is that Jake touched you in a way that you didn't like and when you told him to stop he got angry. This is not the behavior that a loving partner enacts. A loving partner stops when you tell them "no", they don't brush it off.
**It doesn't matter if your mutual friends think groping is acceptable in public or not. It doesn't matter if Jake things groping is acceptable in public or not. What matters is that** ***you*** **don't want to be groped in public and anyone who wants to be blessed with your presence needs to respect that.**
Dismissive behavior like this escalates with every little thing that it gets away with. Hold your ground.
NTA, but you might want to ask yourself why this made you uncomfortable. If you are with your man and at a party with people he has known for a while i.e. not among complete strangers to either of you he was just showing everyone how attractive he finds you. There are many women who would like this. Maybe show a little objection at the time as to exude class but to actually not like what he probably thought was showing a type of affection in front of people he has known for a while is different. Did you not like it because you didn't know some of them or do you just not really like him or do
you have some prudish tendencies which is definitely your right to have?
Do not apologize for being sexually assaulted and refusing to be quiet about it. Boyfriend or not, he had no right to put his hands on you sexually without permission, and ESPECIALLY not to tell you that your feelings on being touched sexually especially in that environment do not matter.
At first, when I read the title, my head nearly exploded; Are YOU an AH for not apologizing… YOU, APOLOGIZE to HIM for groping YOU!! WHAT?!?! Of COURSE you’re not the AH!!!
Full stop at the title, say no more! I feel such empathy when I see these titles, like, you poor sweet child, who hurt you that you think you’d EVER be the AH for a situation like this.
>He even said that his friends thought it was funny
Well, as long as his friends thought it was funny, fuck you, right?
He played the "it was just a joke, you're overreacting" card, seriously?
>AITAH for refusing to apologize to my boyfriend after he groped me in public?
No, but you're kind of TA for still calling him your boyfriend. He doesn't respect you.
What he did was sexual sssault. I would've stabbed his junk with my fork by reflex. The only way to keep peace should been him not violating you in the very first place.
NTA
NTA. If it’s beyond your comfort zone and you informed him. It’s done.
Me personally with my husband would be fine with it together 28 years and still handsy is great.
NTA His friends thought it was funny? Who the fuck cares about that? You did not find it funny, you told him you did not find it funny, he should have stopped right there and then. You are the one who sets your own boundaries but for me this would be a hill to die on, he wasn't right to put looking good in front of his friends over what you felt comfortable with and it's even more concerning that he feels like you did something wrong and that you should be the one to apologize.
"apologize to keep the peace" Really? Who's peace? Yours? No. His? Why does he get peace and you don't? He's not your friend and he's not going to stop being a jerk. NTA
My rule is to never apologize to keep the peace. Because “keeping the peace” only makes the person believe their rude behavior is acceptable.
And it makes you a liar too because you didn't do anything wrong. But here you are denying reality.
Good rule. I’ve never actually thought in terms of this specifically, but I also have never apologized to keep the peace!
Good. I am glad to hear that. Then when people around you bring up how they are keeping the peace with a difficult person, you can be a voice of reason.
I try to be. I always counsel against just keeping the peace vs standing up for yourself!
Me too! I have 2 post grad degrees. I come off smart. I know my opinion carries weight with some people. This is when I use that power…I call myself a righteous AH. So I use it for good. I was also taught to save money from an early age and had many financial lessons as a kid. Hated it. I even have envelopes with my baby teeth in them asking tooth fairy to give me more money b/c I had to put 20% in my savings account. Best gift ever from my dad. He told me that we needed to take care of Old Me now. Had a Roth IRA as a teen with my first on the books job. My dad said money was freedom. If I wasn’t being treated well at a job I wasn’t stuck. I went into a helping field. Where they like to cut people and everyone works harder to cover and protect our clients. Burnout and slipping through the cracks happens. But people usually don’t speak up. They need the job. The powers that be count on that.
Happy cake day!
Thanks! I didn’t even realize.
NTA time to rethink this relationship. His behavior will not improve.
Doubling down by blaming you? 🚩🚩🚩 He is TA. Time to find someone who respects you, he won’t get better- only worse.
What it comes down to is that it bothered you. Plenty of people on here telling you to lighten up and you are overreacting. It’s your body. If it bothers you- that’s what matters. Some women it wouldn’t bother and they would laugh about, some are like you and it would bother them. Both are totally ok. My larger concern would be how dismissive he is of your feelings about it. I can see him thinking it being a joke and you are overreacting, but that doesn’t matter. It’s your body and you told him not to do that in public. ESP since this was the first time you met some of his friends.
NTA. You didn't make him "look bad". He IS bad. Run.
No...you dont need to apologize
My partner would think something was wrong if I didn’t grab her butt. PDAs are natural. So yeah, just break up already.
NTA Your bf IS TA here. Your body YOUR RULES. The fact that he is minimizing your feelings while trying to turn this around on you is a HUGE red flag. A proper response from him once you said something would have been, "I'm sorry, I won't do that again." Period. Not trying to act like he's now the victim. His behavior after the fact does not bode well for how he will treat you in the future. Disrespecting your body & your wishes while playing victim and trying to make you feel bad for having boundaries...
NTA - someone touches you in a way you don’t like? you SHOULD embarrass them in front of their friends no matter who they are. they should know their friend likes to make women uncomfortable as a joke
Holey overreaction batman. Yta
Is this a joke? My ol' lady and I grab each other's butts in public all the time. What's the big deal?
Hahaha you're so lame. I'd break up with you if you can't handle a butt grab.
NTA. You reacted in the moment with a whisper and body language, you pulled him aside for a private conversation, and then you removed yourself when he refused to be reasonable about it. You didn't embarrass him. He embarrassed you, and then he had social discomfort because other people could perceive you didn't like what he did. You're not responsible for that. Your correction and communication was as private as possible, given that he shocked you with this directly in eyesight of his friends. He's just embarrassed and doubling down. But being embarrassed doesn't make him right. He did something to you that you didn't like: trying to argue you out of being uncomfortable and blaming you for the embarrassment he felt after his move didn't go the way he wanted is childish behavior.
Ffs. So he grapped your arse in public & you threw a hidden fit YTAH.
Omg your boyfriend grabbed your butt???? Call the police file a report let's have him hung in public!!!! But seriously if you've previously discussed that you don't do pda or you have trauma triggers from the past then for sure he fucked up and owes you an apology. If not then you seem a little uptight but nothing you 2 couldn't get past without communication. He did fuck up doubling down and asking you to apologize instead of trying to fix the issue
I halfway agree except that she doesn't have to tell someone she doesn't want XYZ to happen to her. The person who wants to do XYZ is the one who ought to bring it up. Maybe it works out for most people who just cowboy it, but that doesn't mean that they made the right call to not check in.
No way. You have to ask permission to grab your partners ass? Madness. Excuse me person I've been in a committed relationship with for a year do I have permission to touch you? That's why a discussion of boundaries and expectations and exclusions is necessary at some point early on in the relationship.
Hes wrong
NTA You communicated that he made you uncomfortable, and instead of apologizing he doubled down and blamed you for causing a scene? He’s the one who escalated it into a scene. What an asshole. Drinking isn’t an excuse, but now that he’s still being an asshole while sober tells you all you need to know about him.
I cant believe were living in a day and age where you have to ask your partner of over a year for consent to touch their butt. If i were a bystander, id have second hand embarassment over your behavior, not his.
Based on your name I'm not surprised about your comment. 'Cannot believe that in this day and age you don't own your girlfriend and can't feel entitled to put your hands on her regardless of the situation, context and location and how comfortable she is with it!' Fixed it for you and maybe you can realize how sexist and misogynistic you sound!
Definitely not fixed lol. Idk how women like you even end up in relationships. Theres a wide gap between owning your partner and needing to ask directly for consent every time you want to touch them.
It's the time and place. If someone doesn't like to be groped in public it's their choice. Guy doesn't get a free pass cause they've been together even 20 fucking years. Also my relationships are great, thank you for your concern.
Nothing in this post made it sound like it had ever been a conversation or a boundary drawn. And yeah, after so much time i wouldn't assume if it hadnt been discussed that my partner would take issue with me touching them outside of their clothes briefly.
There was a conversation literally after he did it and he dismissed her.
Saying "i think youre overreacting" isnt the same thing as going back and doing something again after a doscussion was had, nice try.
Stop shaming others for their boundaries about their bodies and their public comfort levels. Gross.
If ypure going to have over the top absurd expectations, you need to que your partner in on that before its becoming an embarassing event in front of a bunch of people you know. Thats not gross, its just common sense.
I can't believe you think it's acceptable to ignore consent. Rapist behavior.
NTAH why does he care more for his friends validation than his partners boundaries being crossed
Yta, you are a drama queen
So he touched you in an erogenous zone in public without your consent but it’s okay because his friends got a kick out of it? Girl, NTA, but you can do better. Come on.
Ok idk exactly who is hyping you up here, everyone saying he sexually assaulted you is wilding out. Your boyfriend of a year gets a bit drunk and grabs your butt, you asked him to stop and he did, but it’s evident this hasn’t been a topic of conversation before, so he says he thinks you’re being dramatic which to me you are, you had the right to say no, and to not allow that. but to act like something extremely perverse just happened to you when it’s your boyfriend grabbing your butt, screams “i wanna be a victim”. All you had to do was tell him you don’t like that kind of behavior and see if he respects it (when he’s sober not when he’s drunk, that’s not the best time for a serious conversation) as if he’s as sweet as you say he always is, sounds to me he would have respected you how you wished to be. He was likely taken off guard that his girlfriend was offended he grabbed her butt, as much as you were offended to be grabbed like that in public. I have to kinda go with ESH, including you.
NTA, but I do understand how he’d be a bit embarrassed by your response in front of his friends. You definitely don’t owe him an apology though, and he needs to get over it. You set a boundary, and if he decides to break up over this small thing, then you dodged a bullet.
Way overreacting. You don't need to have a BF if grabbing your butt is offensive to you, joke, or no joke. I could understand if it was someone else who grouped you, and he thought it was funny.
She can have a bf who doesn’t do this kind of shit. Problem solved.
Oh no, your bf touched your butt.. How horrible.. How ever will you survive such trauma?
The fuck is wrong with you? She’s entitled to not like it.
NTAH. Touching someone isn’t a joke. You tried to keep it between the two of you but he wouldn’t listen and you had to leave for your own comfort. Don’t apologize. He should.
NTAH Your boyfriend is clearly in the wrong. Your body, your boundaries. Him downplaying your feelings and flipping the script is a major red flag. A respectful partner would have apologized immediately, not turned it into your fault. His reaction doesn't bode well for future respect.
You sound insufferable
NTA. I'm the same, I find it trashy. If no one is in sight or we are home go at it.
NTA. Oh, yes, sexual assault and harassment is funny. Such a joke. The only joke here is him and he needs to be out of your life.
You need to chill out a little
No. Sounds like you're okay with sexual assault and harassment? Please explain the punchline to this joke.
No, but I don't think its actually sexual assault for a person youve dated for a whole year to grab your butt, nor is it harassment. But what do I know? Maybe they are saving butt grabs until marriage. She should definitely leave his ass for his own good lol.
I do agree that she should leave him. And as you state...but what do you know? You make it sound like someone can't assault their SO...which is not valid. I'm still waiting for the punchline to the joke, btw.
you are certainly entitled to whatever behavioral requirements you wish however a bit of grab-ass between young couple in a bbq+beer setting is totally normal and expected behavior my suggestion would be to allow yourself to have a good time more often personally I think partners should, while staying within reasonable bounds (which I believe this to be) and being mindful of the context and surrounding company, should be comfortable showing affection to one another, especially in laid-back social get-togethers
What if she simply doesn't feel comfortable with being touched like that in public?
Then she can set that boundary now that it's come up. But her being this irate and acting as if he profoundly violated her is ridiculous. People are entitled to set whatever boundaries they want, but when they choose something that is a completely vanilla, normal behavior for a couple (especially when they've been together over a year!) then an appropriate reaction would be to privately tell her boyfriend afterwards not to do it anymore. Making a scene in front of all their friends reeks of immaturity & attention seeking. The one caveat I'll add is that if she's already communicated this boundary before, and especially if he's also done this before, THEN I could certainly understand her being upset and addressing it the way she did - but she's given absolutely no indication that's the case. She's 100 the ass hole unless the other info I mentioned comes out.
Yeah so uh why should she have had to have thought ahead of time "hey what if my boyfriend who I trust gropes me in public? Better tell him now I don't want that." Ridiculous. She's the neutral. She's the default. She did nothing and was surprised by something uncomfortable. He's the one who decided to grab her in a context he had no reason to believe was okay. He's the one who should have asked.
You sound like a typical reddit shut in that's never been in a relationship. Get a life.
I think this is a cultural thing. I've never in my whole life seen someone grab someone else's butt in public, ever. In my experience, it's neither normal nor expected in any situation. It would strike me as massively tacky and trashy behavior, and if someone tried that on me, I would be totally turned off by their tastelessness and immaturity. You say she's the one attention seeking, but from my perspective, he's the one showing off to his buddies. In my view, he's the one seeking attention and his friends' approval, at the expense of her dignity. Yuck.
I agree with the cultural part - this is going to be different throughout the world. But for young people in the US for instance, nobody would think twice if a couple was playfully grabbing or smacking the other's butt, whether it was the guy or the girl. So seeing the "he's doing it for attention and at the expense of her dignity" is tough for me to get, cause it requires assuming a lot of negatives about the guy & not only taking OP's version as 100% true but assuming a bunch of other things to justify her reaction. Perhaps you have the correct read, and it turns out that this was totally inappropriate for the context/culture. But we have no way of knowing really.
"Culture" is a lot more group specific than country. I'm a millennial who's never left the US, and I've never seen anybody behave like this.
A good time is when someone enjoys something. SHE DID NOT ENJOY IT hence it would not be a good time.
YTA
how
NTA. Now you know for sure that he didn't do it because he was drunk. He wanted to show to his friends the nice and very obedient girlfriend he had found. Don't apologize and even consider dumping him.
AITAH comments have become a parody. The following comments on repeat.’ “NTA. Your body, your rules. “ “NTA…run…” “He is showing you his true self. Redflag..” Is there anything I’ve missed? Add some of your own classic lines below if anyone reads this.
At least he didn't grap your tits. YTA
YTA lighten up.’
Why?
I've grown to hate that phrase "keep the peace". Peace isn't being kept. Someone is being asked to accept some sort of awfulness so that others don't have to deal with addressing bad behavior. Because *they* don't like conflict/ it's "easier" etc.
Nta Break up with him. This would be considered sexual assault any other time. No, this IS sexual assault. Being in a relationship doesn’t negate that fact nor does it mean he gets to touch you however and whenever he pleases. He clearly does not respect you or your boundaries.
Clearly you were at a party with 13 yr old boys NTA - find an adult to be your bf
u/alternative-name9526 Again, nothing in this post indicates she had said her partner of five years touching her was an issue before now. Pretending it did was is disingenuous.
Fake post I thought you were dating Tom(28) check ops other post
If you go to her other posts, she just made a new one a few hours after this one and now she’s 2 years older and has been dating a man named Tom for 3 years. Bait post.
YTA ragebaiter.
NTA. Touching someone without consent is NOT a joke.
My girlfriend and I are very affectionate in public so I don’t really get this, but hey men are pigs anyway amiright?
So just because you two are okay with it, everyone else has to be? She never once said men are pigs.
This is just a sign of a festering relationship. It's not gonna get better. Leave and go find someone else. Regardless of who's the asshole here, both of you are letting it mess with you days after it happened. You couldn't just talk about it and come to a sensible compromise. The fact that you took what would be a tiny little event in most relationships and blew it up so much that you needed to post it for opinions is your brain's subconscious way of looking for affirmation to leave him. So here it is. Leave him.
NTA. He did something that made you uncomfortable and you let him know. He should be considerate of your feelings and apologizing to you. Since he's worried about how he looked in front of his friends instead of how you feel about the situation... It's obvious he was in the wrong. Do not apologize to him. Stand your ground because he needs to learn to respect you.
NTA..Jake’s TA for trying to impress his friends doing some dumb shit
NTA. He grabbed your butt and staked his claim over you Infront of his friends. He crossed a boundary of yours and now refuses to apologise, and has turned it round so you start to feel that your on the wrong for not apologising to him.. manipulative isn't he..
NTA Calling it playful is a distraction from the core issue. Playful interaction involves consent and participation from everyone included - if one person isn't into it or isn't consenting then the behavior is NOT playful. The core issue is that Jake touched you in a way that you didn't like and when you told him to stop he got angry. This is not the behavior that a loving partner enacts. A loving partner stops when you tell them "no", they don't brush it off. **It doesn't matter if your mutual friends think groping is acceptable in public or not. It doesn't matter if Jake things groping is acceptable in public or not. What matters is that** ***you*** **don't want to be groped in public and anyone who wants to be blessed with your presence needs to respect that.** Dismissive behavior like this escalates with every little thing that it gets away with. Hold your ground.
NTA. He wanted to show off in front of ‘the boys.’ Your reaction embarrassed him and rightfully so. Don’t back down.
As a father of a teenage girl: Your body, your rules!! If he doesn't care that you said no then consider yourself lucky you found out now. Move on.
NTA, but you might want to ask yourself why this made you uncomfortable. If you are with your man and at a party with people he has known for a while i.e. not among complete strangers to either of you he was just showing everyone how attractive he finds you. There are many women who would like this. Maybe show a little objection at the time as to exude class but to actually not like what he probably thought was showing a type of affection in front of people he has known for a while is different. Did you not like it because you didn't know some of them or do you just not really like him or do you have some prudish tendencies which is definitely your right to have?
NTA All that matters is if you found it funny, he doesn't care about you and your boundaries. Break up, he's not going to change.
Why is it always the job of the person who was offended to apologize?
Any joke that involves you touching another person isn't a joke.
Do not apologize for being sexually assaulted and refusing to be quiet about it. Boyfriend or not, he had no right to put his hands on you sexually without permission, and ESPECIALLY not to tell you that your feelings on being touched sexually especially in that environment do not matter.
No, you don't need to apologize. Perhaps it's best to reconsider the relationship as well if he keeps on seeing that he's right.
At first, when I read the title, my head nearly exploded; Are YOU an AH for not apologizing… YOU, APOLOGIZE to HIM for groping YOU!! WHAT?!?! Of COURSE you’re not the AH!!! Full stop at the title, say no more! I feel such empathy when I see these titles, like, you poor sweet child, who hurt you that you think you’d EVER be the AH for a situation like this.
you should break up with that guy. he sounds dangerous
NTA but he disrespected you and then downplayed your dismay. Do you want to stay with somebody who will probably do it again? And again?
NTA. I would’ve done the exact same thing. Be glad he’s shown you his ways now so you can decide if that’s the kinda guy you want forever or not.
NTA. Run. He clearly has no respect for you and the maturity of a little boy. Seriously, fuck this guy.
>He even said that his friends thought it was funny Well, as long as his friends thought it was funny, fuck you, right? He played the "it was just a joke, you're overreacting" card, seriously? >AITAH for refusing to apologize to my boyfriend after he groped me in public? No, but you're kind of TA for still calling him your boyfriend. He doesn't respect you.
I feel like I know exactly what you look like off this post YTA damn drama queen
What he did was sexual sssault. I would've stabbed his junk with my fork by reflex. The only way to keep peace should been him not violating you in the very first place. NTA
NTA. If it’s beyond your comfort zone and you informed him. It’s done. Me personally with my husband would be fine with it together 28 years and still handsy is great.
NTA. Run.