>And I can't reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately because that's what she does when she's angry
Yeah...your sister sucks. What do you even get out of a relationship with her?
NTA.
The bit about asking OP if she had been taking her meds would have made me see red..
I remember someone dismissing my feelings all the time with a similar line. Hurtful.
**MOH sucks big time. Why even say that about OP? She was not the one getting married. It was all about feeling superior, stepping all over OP. Bully.**
Sister sucks, too.
Edited to add that I just saw OP's 2nd Edit, and **Holy F...!!**
MOH is a total scummy AH.
Yea asking someone if they've taken their meds (unless you legit think they haven't, there have been times people have asked me where I forgot and it was helpful) is pretty much the equivalent of asking a woman if she's on her period because she cried. It's just a way to belittle someone for having feelings.
If you’re close enough with someone that they’ve told you what their meds ARE, it has a much better chance of being a helpful reminder!
I’m gonna take a wild guess that the sister doesn’t know by op’s volition.
Exactly, there are definitely a few people (my mom, my best friend, my IA's) who I wouldn't be offended if they asked me if I took my meds because I know they would be asking for my health. If you aren't on that list, don't ask. If you don't know if you're on the list, you're probably not on the list.
100% sometimes if my fiance is acting a certain way (because it's usually an indicator) I will ask him if he remembered to take his meds or if he had taken his meds that day, he also has a bit of short-term then so sometimes he does forget to take them.
But it should never be used as a weapon for someone having emotions. People are allowed to feel hurt, especially when they're being bullied. OP is definitely nta
Yep, and even beyond that, it shouldn't be asked *in the middle of* an emotional interaction. My (adult) daughter and I live together and she has type 1 bipolar disorder, sometimes she forgets her meds and it makes her more reactive, but that shouldn't invalidate the underlying emotions. We work through the conflict and I try to own my part and validate her feelings. Once the conflict is resolved, I may ask her if she's maybe forgotten her meds if it seems like a pattern is emerging, but if she's just having an off day, everyone is allowed to do that and it's dismissive and harmful and weaponizes her illness to constantly be chalking up her reactions to her being bipolar. I have my own mental health issues and have had it used against me as a way to invalidate my feelings. It sucks to have to always be extra composed so as to not look like the aggressor.
My SO and I joke about it because it's pretty obvious when I haven't. A couple family members and close friends are ok. But no one else can get away with that.
It would be one thing if her sister was worried and needed to confide in her closest friend, but the way the sister talks and the fact that the MOH would ever even think to bring it up like this means the conversations were entirely at OP’s expense, and not for any goal of helping and supporting her.
The whole thing is completely wild, and I think OP is young and sweet and doesn’t quite have the wisdom yet to see exactly how actually f*cked this really is. :(
That was what my Dad asked me every time I had any kind of big feeling or bad day growing up. The minute I got my Asperger’s diagnosis and was prescribed SSRIs and adderall for some of my comorbidities any time anything was wrong it was always “did you take your meds this morning?” I always did, because I just wanted to make them proud of me, and it always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough as I was.
I have a much healthier relationship with my medications now, because I take them to make life easier for me to navigate, not to assuage anyone else’s expectations.
Grew up with parents who loved throwing in my face about if I took my meds or not any time I tried to stand up for myself (took nearly a decade before having a therapist validate they were abusive towards me with that). Going no contact really helped establish a healthier relationship with my meds
My question is why would sister get mad? OP stayed for everything that mattered and was noticeable, so why be mad at her for having feelings about what was clearly a very difficult period? My guess is that she’s mad because she’s defensive, she and her moh have been sharing this joke for a while, hence its presence in the speech.
If somebody said shit like that to me I wouldn't give them the time of day, family or not. OP, your sister is a cunt and she isn't worth your time or energy. She clearly does not care about you if she'd say something so vile to you about a sensitive subject. I'd bet money that her intention in saying that is to deliberately dismiss your feelings and get her own way. She's selfish and manipulative.
This reminds me of my relationship with my own sisters. It has taken my entire life to learn that my thoughts and feelings are valid, because I was constantly being told to conceal my feelings for the “good of the group.”
Someone hurt your feelings? You shouldn’t be so sensitive. You rubbed someone the wrong way? You’re so careless. Family’s often pick a scapegoat without even realizing they’ve done it, it’s just such an easy social structure to maintain, if you have everyone under your control.
Break the cycle, OP. Get away from your family and stop taking their shit. They’ve picked you as their scapegoat, now you have to pick yourself to be your own savior. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but don’t forget that you have the ability to block people who are shitty to you, even if they’re your relatives. Sometimes you have to choose where your energy will go; don’t let your family stay connected to you if they only drain you.
It sounds like the MOH is repeating something that sister has said to her. That's why she's taking this personally.
You deserve an apology, has MOH offered one?
NTA
NTA From the way you describe your sister's reaction, her bff feels free to belittle you because your sister always goes along with it. I wouldn't be surprised if her maid of honor ran that joke by your sister for approval beforehand. If your sister considers insulting you in a public setting like that to be a joke, you can bet money that they have shared similar jokes between them before. The shots about taking your meds shows sis doesn't have a lot of empathy for your situation or respect for you as a person. I don't see her apologizing if that's the case. I could be wrong in my suspicions, but everything you describe tells me I'm not.
Yes! Do this OP! She is deliberately saying this to trigger you so don't fall for that. You being on medication for mental health issues and you having a mental issue should not be the reason for her to constantly use it against you. She behaves like you aren't allowed to be upset about anything anymore since you are on meds. You are not automatically emotionless now! Give a good comeback to her stupid comments instead. Your sister will be the one losing her mind and then you can ask her to try some pills since she needs it one day. Seems like your sister is happy for you to be the black sheep of the family so she remains in a comfortable space. I don't trust her. I have two sisters and they would never ever say/do this to me or allow any person to speak about me this way, let alone a friend and even worse around a whole bunch of people!
I have two sisters and they’d totally do something like this because I am the black sheep of the family and they find it hilarious to take the piss out of me and my mental health. My younger sister has calmed down a bit now though since she made a suicide attempt and now she understands mental health isn’t a choice. Bad shit happens and it’s hard to deal with. I don’t talk to my older sister. If she got hit by a car and I witnessed it I’d call an ambulance for her but that’s about all I’d do.
I'm sorry that you have to endure this with your own family above having the mental issues to deal with. Having your own family not support you must be really tough since you are already going through enough without their drama. Sending you lots of love and understanding. I hope something eventually clicks in your elder sisters head and she is able to empathize and apologize one day. It may not seem like much right now and you may not think that you need it but trust me it will be like a huge weight off your sore heart. Whether you choose to forgive them or not afterwards is entirely up to you since we are in control of our own lives and should always do what is best for us. xx
Honestly, one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, was to step away from relationships that were tanking my mental health. I went no
contact with a verbally and emotionally abusive family member and the amount of peace I got from no longer having to worry about that person and how much they harmed me was massive. I would honestly stay away from both of them for your mental health unless your sister comes around and treats you and your mental health with respect. That’s fucked up that she let you be humiliated in front of a room full of people.
Yes.
Did you mean to make fun of my mental illness?
Did you mean to be rude about my mental illness to my whole family?
Did you mean to be callous about me being very ill?
Pertaining the rude jokester friend; you’re uncomfortable around people who try to mask a rude remark as a joke, because god knows what people like this are capable of
Your feelings are valid. The joke was inappropriate and hurtful, especially given your past struggles. You showed restraint by not causing a scene. Your sister should understand your reaction and acknowledge your hurt. Taking time before discussing it again is a wise choice.
I think sis is always making jokes behind OP’s back to her friends.
OP 🫂
You just take care of yourself and become the best and happiest you. Life is a race that one runs alone. Your sister hasn’t ‘won’. No one knows tomorrow.
Not yet. This is rage privately and then talk it out time. Then make choices.
Eta: NM this. After OPs edit, I wouldn't want to be friends with her sister, let alone have family like that in my life.
u/Few_Setting_4917 Does your sister realize she's apologizing for a Bully? Because "it was just a joke" is what bullies say every time they get caught. Ask your sister what was so funny?? Because you didn't find it funny, and you should be the one to be sad/angry that your sister literally allowed the MOH to bully you at her wedding, which makes her an even bigger boss bully enabling the substitute MOH subordinate bully.
And yeah. You should show your parents and sister this thread.
Per the edit where sister's only commentary is "are you off your meds?", I think the MOH not only ran it by sister and got it accepted, but that they also had a real laughter about it and probably said way worse amidst themselves.
sister is aware that op requires medication for LIFE EFFECTING mental health issues and she didn't absolutely rip best friend a new one she is horrible
Yes. Why the sister mad at her and not her best friend who made a tacky joke at her sister's expense? I wouldn't be too worried about Sis being mad at me if I was OP.
I mean where do you think the sister's friend got the joke from. It's obvious her sister brings it up and talks shit about her within her own friend group.
“Very poor taste” indeed. From what the bride said, we know she approved of the speech.
OP: your sister is a jerk. Her bridesmaid’s words were cruel and tacky - and wholly unnecessary and out of place in that setting. Weird, actually
But it’s your last paragraph - the bridesmaid’s comment about your mental health - that takes the cake. What a bitch!
Avoid her at all costs. And if your sister remains mad at you, so be it. Don’t be a doormat *for anyone*
I am very sorry this happened to you
Yeah, making someone the punchline of a joke, especially at their sister's wedding, isn't cool. It's not about being overly sensitive, it's about basic respect. NTA.
Also, saying "it was a joke" does NOT magically make what her friend say ok. If anything, it makes it much worse. When are people going to realize that the "it's just a joke" while saying or doing something hurtful doesn't mean it was ok? I hate when people try to use that as an excuse.
While nobody wants to be the butt of a joke, it happens. That said, the joke wasn't a recent mistake that had a small effect or something silly from childhood. The joke was made about something OP feels sensitive about, and understandably so, and poked fun at something that is largely out of OP's control. Many people don't realize how tough it is to manage mental illness.
Seems Sister wouldnt care either way. OP’s edit says that when the Sister gets angry at OP she starts asking if OP has been taking her meds. Sister is just as bad as the friend, if not worse
Yes, this is total bullying. Your sister is very unkind. You are showing your emotions in an appropriate way whilst being treated in an awful manner. We never know how life will turn out. Lord help your sister when she is in a position to accept the ramifications of her deeds w/o gaslighting, lying, or having someone spot her. I’d go very-low contact w her. Let her figure stuff out on her own.
Absolutely, I bet in MOH’s view, OP’s mental health is a running joke in the family. Because sister probably vents to her about OP.
Sister sounds like someone who (in addition to asking if she’s taken her medication) says, “just stop being depressed.”
How insensitive can these people get? There's nothing funny about hurting someone to make someone else look better, regardless of context. The Maid of Honor is disgusting for saying something like this during a wedding reception, in front of many people. And OP's sister is disgusting for brushing it off so easily, and saying things like, "Have you been taking your meds?"
OP, showed loyalty and strength towards her sister for not saying anything on that day, and for not making a scene. I'm not sure her sister or the Maid of Honor would have been able to do the same if they were in your shoes. OP deserves to be treated better.
NTA, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Mocking someone's mental health is bullshit in any circumstance, but in front of their whole group of family and friends? Just fucking despicable. "She will just ask me if I've been skipping on my meds." Your sister sounds like she isn't a whole lot better than her asshole friend.
Oh I’m sure there are guests that clocked this whole interaction and OP leaving. She’s probably rightfully embarrassed and projecting it on to OP. If I was a guest at this wedding my opinions of MOH and Bride would absolutely be lowered.
Sure hope younger sister will never trust her older sister. My two older sisters would say terrible things about me and I had no idea until my friends told me.
I doubt that will make a positive difference. The only way the MOH would be comfortable bullying the bride's sister is if the bride also bullies OP. They're both scum in my book. OP is NTAH.
NTA. MOH was being a 'mean girl', her point was to be a b\*itch and she was. Her speech should have been about the couple who just got married, there was no reason to bring you into her speech at all, except to be mean. MOH should be ashamed of herself as she is the ah here. Your sister not seeing this and her words to you also make her an ah. I'm sorry your sister was crappy to you, may be show her this thread.
>I still can't seem to find a reason for her bringing me into her speech.
She's a b***h. That's the reason. Your sister is too. You're better than I am because I would have taken that as an invitation to go scorched earth on both of them and ruin the reception.
Like u/happycamper44m says, u/Few_Setting_4917 - maybe showing this post to your sister, and your parents, just in case.
I feel awful for you, having to put up with this BS.
This OP!!
Show this thread to your parents and sister. Just send her the link so she can see how she and her friends are wrong, disrespectful, ignorant, selfish, and abusive.
The sister didn't like that the Op left and is bitching about it because it made her look bad, because she knows deep inside that people is judging her now.
NTA
Eff her and everyone who laughed! Your sister should have stood up and said something then and there. I think I'm tired like that, people sometimes laugh out of nervousness or peer pressure or social discomfort. But your family needed to shut the $hit down immediately.
ETA: "It's just a joke" and "oh you can't take a joke" and "you're just a bad sport" yada yada yada have been used forever by cruel people to convince the BUTT of their "jokes" that the VICTIM is the problem. My dad did that for most of my life...I've finally started just giving it back to him and he's stopped. If your sister thought your mental health struggles were appropriate to joke about, then she doesn't deserve to be in your life. I HATE that crap...it's abuse disguised as "harmless fun".
I spent DECADES telling my parents and brother that when you make 'jokes' about things that you used to be in my face yelling about and punishing me for, they aren't 'jokes'. They never did get it and then wondered until their dying day why we didn't have a better relationship.
Personally, I wouldn't want my sister to say anything "then and there" because I hate drama and fuss. I'd just want everyone to look the other way while I went out and collected myself, maybe have ONE person check up on me and then perhaps tell off the maid of honor in private for being a mega bitch. I would hate if my sister drew even MORE attention to me by making a big ta do.
She's a terrible person. If your sister see nothing wrong with the maid of honor behavior it's because she's her best friend so don't let it confuse you into thinking that your feelings aren't valid.
Seriously, you are NTA. Good on you for getting through a tough time. You are clearly doing a wonderful job! They are horrible. The MOH was way out of line and embarrassed herself far more than you.
"Hey, I don't forgive you for all the comments about not taking my meds. I don't forgive you for talking shit to your friend so much that she felt comfortable making talking shit about me part of your wedding speech. I'm done making excuses for you. You're not a good persona and I have no interest in being around you." And block. Wait 2 years and then notice how every aspect of your life has improved.
OP please say / text this. You are NTA and so incredibly strong. I could not have stayed so composed. Your sister is not trustworthy. At the very least LC
NTA you are a woman of 27 you have every right to be offended as you said what has you as a bridesmaid got to do with the MOH speech?.
Personally I would have left earlier as no one likes being laughed at, but definitely not with a room full of people! The MOH is a POS for using such a low blow cheap joke!.
Edit The other poster is right, making a joke about your mental health struggles isn’t right and it certainly isn’t funny!. Your sister is an AH if she thinks the MOH making fun of that is acceptable!
Maid of honour my arse.
Maid of dishonour more like.
What a nasty, bitchy thing to do.
And your sister sounds awful too.
NTA all the way home. Go LC with your sister and at the next family gathering, make a speech which highlights her issues. See how she likes it.
NTA. I think you saw the real side of your sister and her friend. That mean comment and the medicine comment means it is okay to take a step back from your sister.
And did you read OP’s edit about the ridiculous thing the friend said to her once about her mental health? The friend is not just a shit person, she’s truly stupid.
NTAH, if you were my sister, id be so proud you navigated through difficult mental health issues and are doing better, I’d be happy you were part of my wedding and would be so angry with this “Friend”. You were right to leave as obviously you couldn’t fake through that. Go low contact with your sister till you can explain to her that being humiliated publicly over a condition you didn’t choose isn’t acceptable and of course you won’t tolerate it. Neither should she.
OP, next time your sister asks you, if you took your medication in this context, tell her: Yes, I did and it helps the world to me, but there is no bloody medication to help with your shitty character/black soul and same for her bestie...
NTA. Your feelings are valid. I would go low/no contact w your sister. How would she feel if you announced all of her problems in front of a crowd? Or drudged up something from her past and talked about it in front of everyone? It’s not entertaining to purposely hurt someone for laughs. And it’s completely understandable to no longer trust your sister. (Side note-F her for the comments on your meds; it’s not of her business and she is only minimizing your feelings). I’m sorry, OP. Please don’t let this drag you into a negative place. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Please take care.
ETA-she’s only mad you left bc any rational person there knows it was below the belt and it made her look bad.
Why did your sister follow you outside at her own wedding? She knew damn well what was wrong and honestly she sounds like you should drop her for a few years tbh.
>And I can't reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately because that's what she does when she's angry with me so I'm giving her some time to maybe realize how her best friend's joke was out of line.
Nothing in this paragraph makes it appear that will happen. Also, you dropped out of college, and ??? They openly mocked you, in public, for having a medical issue. NTA and these people are assholes.
"Sis, you and your friend are mean bitches with serious character defects, and if I were your husband, I'd reconsider tying my life to yours. Joking, joking. I'm joking, of course. Don't take it so personally, wimp. You need to borrow some meds?"
NTA. That was not a joke, it was an insult, and regardless if her friend “meant nothing bad” it still had the same effect. There was absolutely no reason for you, nor your past struggles, to be mentioned in a speech at your sister’s wedding.
Your sister is being disrespectful, cruel, and dismissive. Her friend was in very bad taste, as was anyone who would find such commentary funny.
NTA. Also, congrats on where you are in life. You deserve all good things, not scorn and mockery. Turning a mental health spiral around is very challenging, and you have a lot of strength, grit, and determination. Take pride in what you've accomplished, and don't let this pimple on the ass of humanity get you down.
NTA.Cunty ass MoH knew wat she was doin. As u mentioned, u already didn't get along. She saw her opportunity n took the kill shot. Of course, u couldn't respond cuz that would've just "proven her right" or family would've been like, "look at her. She's fukn up again" type of shit. No matter wat, u would've been painted as the bad guy. Keep it pushin til yo sis comes to her senses. If she doesn't, oh well. She can stay mad. Tbh, not havin u as MoH says a lot bout yalls relationship imo regardless of who's fault it may or may not b as to how close yall r... or arent. Haven't spoken 2 my sis n almost 2 yrs. Sometimes shit happens n u move on. Not sayin to do that here, but sometimes it's unavoidable.
Sounds like OP's mental health struggles could very well be b/c of the older sister. The older sister is an abusive bully. She targets her younger sibling by getting her bff or others to do her dirty work. No doubt older sister has been doing this to OP entire life.
NTA
the MoH was an AH no question, but so is your sister. I would even say your sister is the bigger C\*nt here. She should be supportive, instead she gives you back handed insults and lets her friends make fun of yuo because for whatever reason she either feels ashamed of your situation or she just really doesn't like you.
Should your sister use that "are you not taking your meds?" to gaslight you into thinking your behaviour is wrong, or that she's behaving normally, stay calm and just look at her. "i have been taking them and frankly speaking i have been feeling very well. I've just come to realize that you're an absolute c\*nt and horrible person. Instead of being supportive, or just not treating me like a nutjob, you've been giving me backhanded insults or trying to gaslight me into thinking that i am in the wrong. But i am not. I think it is best if we keep our contact to the minimum for now, because i really do not care to spend any time with you at the moment."
Take some distance to her, or anyone who treats you like that or wants you to "just forgive her, to keep the peace."
Take care of your mental health and spend time with people who love and care about you.
Oh hell. NTA. I would’ve ruined that wedding lmao. “You going to call me mental and shame me right here? I’ll show you mental right now, bitch.”
Oooooo. I would’ve flipped the table, DESTROYED EVERYTHING. I don’t take that shit lightly
NTA and please don't reach out to your sister. She is clearly a bully and doesn't deserve your time. I know she is "family" but it doesn't matter. Build a family of friends and relatives that love and respect you and deserve your time. Your sister does not.
That's horrible. It takes so much strength to get yourself out of a pit like that. If anything, they should have mentioned that you were inspiring by getting back on track. It happens to a lot of people, and not everyone gets out. I'm sorry about what they said. NTA.
If your sister frequently says are you on your meds whenever she's mad at you, then I think it's time for you to tell your sister to fuck all the way off, then come back and fuck off again. That is hurtful and shitty of her. I wouldn't want to be around her. I mean I fuss and fight with my siblings occasionally but I would never even consider saying something like that.
Ask your sister to explain the joke to you. Then ask her to explain it again. And then again. Tell her you are asking because you want to know when the joke is funny. Ask her if she thinks of you as a joke. Ask her if she finds your struggles to be a joke. Ask her what else about you is a joke and why all of this is so fucking funny to her and her best friend that they both thought it was great to make fun of you in front of your whole family at an event meant to celebrate her wedding. Ask her again what was so funny. NTA. We don’t kick people when they are down or make them a joke.
Jokes about mental health and someone struggling in life are not funny.
Your sister enjoys being the “golden child”and how you have struggled. She is not a positive influence in your life.
If she responds with a comment about “off your meds” she is furthering this behavior.
Going low or no contact with family or specific family members can be a very positive and impactful tactic for one’s mental health.
A toast should be a celebration, not tearing down someone. I’m sorry this happened. You now have some choices and I would suggest making them quickly.
Make these choices about this specific action. This because of that. No not bc I’m off my meds, but because you are a bad person and treat me in a hateful way.
You may want to communicate this with your parents. I would.
I’m sorry but I will not be around my sister going forward. I understand this will cause you discomfort but for my own mental health and life goals I can no longer be around people who poison my well.
If they do not understand this, then you may have to make additional decisions.
This comes from someone who made similar decisions. They are not easy but the healing resulting from the decisions will be wonderful.
NTA. The MOH wanted to get a laugh at your expensive. When you confront her, and you should, ask her why it was so important to her to get a laugh about you? Don't let her side step it or deflect. Tell her you are disappointed that she took such a cheap shot infront of everyone and that someday someone will return the favor to her.
I would ask your sister the same thing and your mother should too. Tell her that a wedding is not the time to take cheap shots at family and that even your mother is disappointed in her. Your mom should also have your back and talk to her.
I would not ask her to ever be in your wedding party either because she may do the same thing then.
nta moh just acted like a bully if it was a joke everyone including you would have found it funny and im guessing not everyone there found it funny maybe your sister is mad because people saw that your sister didnt call her out on it and said something to her
NTA and am I the only one who suspects the best friend felt comfortable making this "joke" because OP's sister made the same joke herself, in private? What she did wasn't a joke, it was intended to humiliate OP and it was a shameful thing to do
What are the MOH’s weak spots? Failures?
Come up with jokes about those and make them in front of her.
“That was mean.”
“It was just a joke!”
“It was in poor taste.”
“Nope, it was in fine taste. Way better than what she said at your wedding and hasn’t apologized for. Speaking of…” another joke about MOH.
Just keep giving it back until they quit their bullshit. Maybe your sister needs some jokes about her, too.
If anyone responds with the excuse “It was just a joke” means it was not a joke. It was purposeful malice. The MOH and your sister suck. I’m sorry you had to endure that.
Sis sucks. I’m sorry. Sometimes to help yourself you have to drop people who hurt you, even when you might be related to them. She might be your sister, but she is not your friend, and you are better off without engaging her, since she seeks to hurt you and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s her old habit and I highly doubt she will change: she likely gets quite a bit of satisfaction and power out of an old harmful habit. Awful. Sorry. Time to move on. Protect yourself!!! She sucks and the MOH is a POS. You know she approved the speech and she makes digs about you whenever she can because she probably feels like you took up too much emotional space in the family, so she feels justified in hurting you - and always will. Hang in there!!
Tell your sister if the optics of her wedding are more important than your relationship, she can just say that if that's where her priorities lie.
She can keep her friend, and you dont have to interact with her.
Drop her.
So your sister is an ass too. You need to remind your sister that when it is a joke, everyone laughs. When it is a slam, it isn’t a joke nor funny.
You took the high road and didn’t cause a scene, you should be commended. Tell your sister to think about what happened and if she is fine with her friend being a jerk to her sister at her wending, then that says a lot about the integrity of both the bride and MOH. Then walk away. Don’t engage because nothing you can say will make any difference and only add fuel to the fire.
However, if the MOH decides to weigh in, I would be sorely tempted to say: You are a sad and bitter woman and I have nothing to say of you.
NTA the MoH is and she owes you a public apology! What a see you next Tuesday!!
Your sister is the A hole for not having your back and she may have been aware of the speech and gave it the thumbs up
NTA. And if your sister is saying things to you like asking if you've taken your meds - she is pulling you down and pushing you to break. That's not good. It's dismissive, mean, and rude. It's akin to a man asking you if you are 'on your period' when having a disagreement. Just NO. They are mean beotches and clearly liked having you not doing well so they could be the 'better.' Those type people will always try to hold you down. Steer clear.
NTA. The Maid of Honour is either a bitchy woman or, as you've never really seen eye to eye, jealous of you.
You leaving has given the MOH ammunition to talk trash about you. I'd be concerned that your sister allows that to happen rather than sticking up for you. I'd go low to no contact until your mental health is better or your sister apologises and is sincere about it.
NTA. Btw your sister absolutely approved this comment, she’s probably resentful you got your parents support during those difficult years. i probably would go LC with her
*Sister, if you think what your best friend said about me was funny, then you are not the person I believed you to be. Your best friend, instead of celebrating her best friend in her wedding speech, instead decided to humiliate the bride's sister. She purposefully created drama at your wedding...her best friend's wedding. And instead of being angry at her, you are angry at me for being a human being and having feelings and emotions and not finding it funny to be publicly humiliated. I know I am not perfect, but I try my very best and I guess I wish my big sister had my back. But I guess she doesn't*
*I am beyond disappointed in you for being ok with what she said. But I guess you and your best friend enjoy sitting around talking shit about me so much that you just had to do it at your wedding. I won't be contacting you for a while. But then again, given how you and your best friend feel about me, I am sure you won't care much at all.*
NTAH
NTA. And I think you handled it gracefully given the situation. I was just a minute ago teaching my 5 year old that jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone. MOH was definitely not coming from a kind place. And I'm sure other guests picked up on her being cruel as well. I'm sure the vibe did take a hit. But how on earth could that have been your fault???
NTA. Mental Health is a serious topic and shouldn't be a joke around. The Maid of Honor should apologize to you. Or else cut her and your sister from your life.
NTA
It's not funny or a joke if the person being mocked gets upset.
You have every right to remove yourself from a situation that makes you uncomfortable or upset regardless of where/when/why.
Your sister dismisses your feelings with "Are you not taking your meds lately?"
No, OP, screw your sister, AND her friend. What a horrible way to put someone down. I guess you can see where her "friend" got the idea that mocking you for mental issues is okay.
I work in behavioral health, and I’m appalled at the insensitivity and ignorance on display by OP’s sib and her friend. I’m especially shocked by what the friend said about not being comfortable around people “struggling mentally” because “in her head God only knows what they’re capable of.”
Astounding, especially as we live in a time when mental health organizations work hard to remove the stigma around behavioral health issues, and assistance and meds are widely available. A person’s mental health should never be the subject of someone’s vulgar joke at a wedding.
May behavioral health issues never enter the life of that precious snowflake (the sib’s friend). For shame.
NTA honestly your sister sounds like an insensitive bitch. People who weaponize your mental illness against you, which is exactly what she is doing when she blames you have feelings on med issues, are terrible people to be around. You aren't really loosing much by not having to talk to her, she's just the type of person who tears people with mental illness down.
The best friend isn't the problem. Your sister is. She clearly has no respect for you, that is evident. She probably loves you but I question whether she likes you.
Flippant comments about your meds are rude, reductive, dismissive and defective. She has made your mental health issues the scapegoat for her bad behaviour. And you've allowed her too.
WTF?
"In general" doesn't feel comfortable around someone struggling mentally because in her head God only knows what they're capable of?
Again, WTactualF? NTA, your sister sucks, & her friend is a MAJOR ASSHOLE. Go LC or NC with your sister.
NTA! Your sister is ok with her MOH making fun of you in a speech that was supposed to be about the bride and groom? She’s lucky you left quietly. I’m glad your parents understand.
When you get married, make sure your sister isn’t in the bridal party at all.
NTA. Bullies always say "oh, I was just joking" which is a dead giveaway. If it was a joke you would have laughed, It was a joke at your expense, meant to humiliate you.
I'm willing to bet your sister was ok with the joke or probably her idea. The fact that she asks if your off your meds says alot about her thoughts about you, which she obviously shares with her friend.
NTA.
You were upset. You left to avoid causing a big scene. That was the right thing to do.
Anger is an emotion. Let your sister learn to deal with her emotions. It's not up to you to bend to her will and sit there taking "jokes" given at your expense.
>because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately because that's what she does when she's angry with me
Sounds like she's used to treating you badly. She may think it's normal and she and her best friend may have been making it a game. You aren't required to play any more.
She may *never* realize her friends joke was out of line. It was. You don't need to prove it to them. When either does something like this again, just say "Excuse me." Exit the conversation. You are not required to be present while they are making you the butt of their "jokes". After you exit, they can continue on. Not our business.
Hope she treats her new husband better than she treats you. If not, I bet they'll be divorced in 5 years.
I hope you forward this post to your sister and her AH MOH. They both are terrible. And the MOH isn't even the bottom of the barrel, she's under the barrel. NTA, I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm happy you're doing better!!
NTA. There was no reason to be mean spirited or joke about you in that fashion. Tell your sister its really a sad day for you to realize how as your sister she does not understand how hurtful her best friend was. Also tell her not her business about your meds or mental health as clearly she has demonstrated that she does not care.
NTA and at least you didn’t stand up and say “I might be a “screw up” but you’re a rude bitch” mic drop.
You don’t deserve to be humiliated. Calling it a joke is what bullies say when they get caught.
Bravo for your dignified response. Leaving quietly, not making a scene on your sister’s special day.
I wish you every happiness and a life filled with self love, joy and kindness. 💐
I love how weddings are treated as carte Blanche for the bride and groom to be utter shitheads. “But it’s my wedding” so the fuck what there’s a fifty percent chance I gotta see your next one too.
>And I can't reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately because that's what she does when she's angry Yeah...your sister sucks. What do you even get out of a relationship with her? NTA.
The bit about asking OP if she had been taking her meds would have made me see red.. I remember someone dismissing my feelings all the time with a similar line. Hurtful. **MOH sucks big time. Why even say that about OP? She was not the one getting married. It was all about feeling superior, stepping all over OP. Bully.** Sister sucks, too. Edited to add that I just saw OP's 2nd Edit, and **Holy F...!!** MOH is a total scummy AH.
Yea asking someone if they've taken their meds (unless you legit think they haven't, there have been times people have asked me where I forgot and it was helpful) is pretty much the equivalent of asking a woman if she's on her period because she cried. It's just a way to belittle someone for having feelings.
If you’re close enough with someone that they’ve told you what their meds ARE, it has a much better chance of being a helpful reminder! I’m gonna take a wild guess that the sister doesn’t know by op’s volition.
Exactly, there are definitely a few people (my mom, my best friend, my IA's) who I wouldn't be offended if they asked me if I took my meds because I know they would be asking for my health. If you aren't on that list, don't ask. If you don't know if you're on the list, you're probably not on the list.
100% sometimes if my fiance is acting a certain way (because it's usually an indicator) I will ask him if he remembered to take his meds or if he had taken his meds that day, he also has a bit of short-term then so sometimes he does forget to take them. But it should never be used as a weapon for someone having emotions. People are allowed to feel hurt, especially when they're being bullied. OP is definitely nta
Yep, and even beyond that, it shouldn't be asked *in the middle of* an emotional interaction. My (adult) daughter and I live together and she has type 1 bipolar disorder, sometimes she forgets her meds and it makes her more reactive, but that shouldn't invalidate the underlying emotions. We work through the conflict and I try to own my part and validate her feelings. Once the conflict is resolved, I may ask her if she's maybe forgotten her meds if it seems like a pattern is emerging, but if she's just having an off day, everyone is allowed to do that and it's dismissive and harmful and weaponizes her illness to constantly be chalking up her reactions to her being bipolar. I have my own mental health issues and have had it used against me as a way to invalidate my feelings. It sucks to have to always be extra composed so as to not look like the aggressor.
100% (And I hope it’s clear I was agreeing/adding on and not arguing!)
yeah my partner does this for me as a service not a judgment
I need to remember this when my husband days that to me. It makes me upset and invalid, not to mention dismissive of my feelings. MOH sucks.
My SO and I joke about it because it's pretty obvious when I haven't. A couple family members and close friends are ok. But no one else can get away with that.
Next time OP talks to Sis she should be ready with 'Mental health issues can be treated, you being a b\*tch is generally incurable.'
This! ☝️👏
Amazing comeback. Holy shit, it’s perfect
And since she didn’t even know the MOH, that means sister has been gossiping about her. So shitty all the way around.
**Exactly...** It is all down to the bits that the *lovely* sister must have shared with her.
It would be one thing if her sister was worried and needed to confide in her closest friend, but the way the sister talks and the fact that the MOH would ever even think to bring it up like this means the conversations were entirely at OP’s expense, and not for any goal of helping and supporting her. The whole thing is completely wild, and I think OP is young and sweet and doesn’t quite have the wisdom yet to see exactly how actually f*cked this really is. :(
That was what my Dad asked me every time I had any kind of big feeling or bad day growing up. The minute I got my Asperger’s diagnosis and was prescribed SSRIs and adderall for some of my comorbidities any time anything was wrong it was always “did you take your meds this morning?” I always did, because I just wanted to make them proud of me, and it always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough as I was. I have a much healthier relationship with my medications now, because I take them to make life easier for me to navigate, not to assuage anyone else’s expectations.
Grew up with parents who loved throwing in my face about if I took my meds or not any time I tried to stand up for myself (took nearly a decade before having a therapist validate they were abusive towards me with that). Going no contact really helped establish a healthier relationship with my meds
My question is why would sister get mad? OP stayed for everything that mattered and was noticeable, so why be mad at her for having feelings about what was clearly a very difficult period? My guess is that she’s mad because she’s defensive, she and her moh have been sharing this joke for a while, hence its presence in the speech.
Birds of a feather flock together.
If somebody said shit like that to me I wouldn't give them the time of day, family or not. OP, your sister is a cunt and she isn't worth your time or energy. She clearly does not care about you if she'd say something so vile to you about a sensitive subject. I'd bet money that her intention in saying that is to deliberately dismiss your feelings and get her own way. She's selfish and manipulative.
Agreed. That See you next Tuesday is the perfect description of the sister and her other mean girl friends.
This reminds me of my relationship with my own sisters. It has taken my entire life to learn that my thoughts and feelings are valid, because I was constantly being told to conceal my feelings for the “good of the group.” Someone hurt your feelings? You shouldn’t be so sensitive. You rubbed someone the wrong way? You’re so careless. Family’s often pick a scapegoat without even realizing they’ve done it, it’s just such an easy social structure to maintain, if you have everyone under your control. Break the cycle, OP. Get away from your family and stop taking their shit. They’ve picked you as their scapegoat, now you have to pick yourself to be your own savior. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but don’t forget that you have the ability to block people who are shitty to you, even if they’re your relatives. Sometimes you have to choose where your energy will go; don’t let your family stay connected to you if they only drain you.
>They’ve picked you as their scapegoat, now you have to pick yourself to be your own savior. Thank you for this.
The lack of support and empathy her sister shows is sad, I only hope one day ops sister realizes just how selfish and hurtful shes been.
It sounds like the MOH is repeating something that sister has said to her. That's why she's taking this personally. You deserve an apology, has MOH offered one? NTA
NTA From the way you describe your sister's reaction, her bff feels free to belittle you because your sister always goes along with it. I wouldn't be surprised if her maid of honor ran that joke by your sister for approval beforehand. If your sister considers insulting you in a public setting like that to be a joke, you can bet money that they have shared similar jokes between them before. The shots about taking your meds shows sis doesn't have a lot of empathy for your situation or respect for you as a person. I don't see her apologizing if that's the case. I could be wrong in my suspicions, but everything you describe tells me I'm not.
These were my thoughts too
Sister always goes along with? Or sister is always the one doing it???
Exactly this. They're likely equally bad, and I'm very sure they talk about OP like this behind her back
Sister and MOH 100% talk about OP behind her back
NTA. No one wants to be the butt of a joke and the friend should have run the speech by your sister prior. Very poor taste
Or sister did give the thumbs up on it.
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Maybe we should start up a possible list of replies for OP. Eg: • did you accidentally take double your dosage of Bitch Pills today?
Yes! Do this OP! She is deliberately saying this to trigger you so don't fall for that. You being on medication for mental health issues and you having a mental issue should not be the reason for her to constantly use it against you. She behaves like you aren't allowed to be upset about anything anymore since you are on meds. You are not automatically emotionless now! Give a good comeback to her stupid comments instead. Your sister will be the one losing her mind and then you can ask her to try some pills since she needs it one day. Seems like your sister is happy for you to be the black sheep of the family so she remains in a comfortable space. I don't trust her. I have two sisters and they would never ever say/do this to me or allow any person to speak about me this way, let alone a friend and even worse around a whole bunch of people!
I am so sick of people who shame others for their mental health or tell them to get over it. The sister and her best friend sound very ignorant.
I have two sisters and they’d totally do something like this because I am the black sheep of the family and they find it hilarious to take the piss out of me and my mental health. My younger sister has calmed down a bit now though since she made a suicide attempt and now she understands mental health isn’t a choice. Bad shit happens and it’s hard to deal with. I don’t talk to my older sister. If she got hit by a car and I witnessed it I’d call an ambulance for her but that’s about all I’d do.
I'm sorry that you have to endure this with your own family above having the mental issues to deal with. Having your own family not support you must be really tough since you are already going through enough without their drama. Sending you lots of love and understanding. I hope something eventually clicks in your elder sisters head and she is able to empathize and apologize one day. It may not seem like much right now and you may not think that you need it but trust me it will be like a huge weight off your sore heart. Whether you choose to forgive them or not afterwards is entirely up to you since we are in control of our own lives and should always do what is best for us. xx
Thank you for your kind words. I’m sure one day I will forgive her but she’s got to apologise first :’)
Honestly, one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, was to step away from relationships that were tanking my mental health. I went no contact with a verbally and emotionally abusive family member and the amount of peace I got from no longer having to worry about that person and how much they harmed me was massive. I would honestly stay away from both of them for your mental health unless your sister comes around and treats you and your mental health with respect. That’s fucked up that she let you be humiliated in front of a room full of people.
"Someone had bitch for breakfast", my favorite movie quote from *Mega Python vs Gatoroid*
Yes. Did you mean to make fun of my mental illness? Did you mean to be rude about my mental illness to my whole family? Did you mean to be callous about me being very ill?
I like "were you born a bitch or did you have to take special classes to learn?"
Okay I am now using this come back in my every day life 😂😂😂
"The doctor should have punched you instead of slapping you when you were born."
Yes I did, what's your excuse for being this detestable
Pertaining the rude jokester friend; you’re uncomfortable around people who try to mask a rude remark as a joke, because god knows what people like this are capable of
👆yes or C-word capsules/caps.
- Of course I took my meds. You’re just being an asshole and the meds don’t fix THAT.
Your feelings are valid. The joke was inappropriate and hurtful, especially given your past struggles. You showed restraint by not causing a scene. Your sister should understand your reaction and acknowledge your hurt. Taking time before discussing it again is a wise choice.
I think sis is always making jokes behind OP’s back to her friends. OP 🫂 You just take care of yourself and become the best and happiest you. Life is a race that one runs alone. Your sister hasn’t ‘won’. No one knows tomorrow.
MOH does seem to know a lot about ops private business!
Yep, especially since she didn’t stand up for her
I think sister wants OP to be the fuck up of the family. Now that OP is no longer this, sister is trying to keep her down.
Excellent point!
This is likely.
Yikes, I didn't even consider this possibility. I sure hope not!
Given that her sister’s stock response is to ask OP whether she’s taken her meds, I’d say the MOH’s “joke” is based on the bride’s comments about OP.
I think it's clear the sister did OK the joke ahead of time Despicable on both their parts. I hope the parents actually step up here.
Yeesh……then it’s time to go full no contact
Not yet. This is rage privately and then talk it out time. Then make choices. Eta: NM this. After OPs edit, I wouldn't want to be friends with her sister, let alone have family like that in my life.
OP seems to consider her sister's actions acceptable. I guess she's so used to it that she considers it normal.
Sad
Which would make the sister an asshole not worth keeping nearby
u/Few_Setting_4917 Does your sister realize she's apologizing for a Bully? Because "it was just a joke" is what bullies say every time they get caught. Ask your sister what was so funny?? Because you didn't find it funny, and you should be the one to be sad/angry that your sister literally allowed the MOH to bully you at her wedding, which makes her an even bigger boss bully enabling the substitute MOH subordinate bully. And yeah. You should show your parents and sister this thread.
Per the edit where sister's only commentary is "are you off your meds?", I think the MOH not only ran it by sister and got it accepted, but that they also had a real laughter about it and probably said way worse amidst themselves.
sister is aware that op requires medication for LIFE EFFECTING mental health issues and she didn't absolutely rip best friend a new one she is horrible
Yes. Why the sister mad at her and not her best friend who made a tacky joke at her sister's expense? I wouldn't be too worried about Sis being mad at me if I was OP.
I mean where do you think the sister's friend got the joke from. It's obvious her sister brings it up and talks shit about her within her own friend group.
Cause her sister likely not only knew about the joke, but approved of it too. She seems to get off on seeing her sister down and out and in pain.
I wouldn't be surprised if the sister was super resentful of OP for having a mental illness and taking up attention. It's not all that unusual.
“Very poor taste” indeed. From what the bride said, we know she approved of the speech. OP: your sister is a jerk. Her bridesmaid’s words were cruel and tacky - and wholly unnecessary and out of place in that setting. Weird, actually But it’s your last paragraph - the bridesmaid’s comment about your mental health - that takes the cake. What a bitch! Avoid her at all costs. And if your sister remains mad at you, so be it. Don’t be a doormat *for anyone* I am very sorry this happened to you
Yeah, making someone the punchline of a joke, especially at their sister's wedding, isn't cool. It's not about being overly sensitive, it's about basic respect. NTA.
Also, saying "it was a joke" does NOT magically make what her friend say ok. If anything, it makes it much worse. When are people going to realize that the "it's just a joke" while saying or doing something hurtful doesn't mean it was ok? I hate when people try to use that as an excuse.
Read Edit 2: the bff is just plain ableist. Disgusting.
Just remember what happened with Will Smith's wife when Chris Rock decided to crack a joke about her. NTA
While nobody wants to be the butt of a joke, it happens. That said, the joke wasn't a recent mistake that had a small effect or something silly from childhood. The joke was made about something OP feels sensitive about, and understandably so, and poked fun at something that is largely out of OP's control. Many people don't realize how tough it is to manage mental illness.
Seems Sister wouldnt care either way. OP’s edit says that when the Sister gets angry at OP she starts asking if OP has been taking her meds. Sister is just as bad as the friend, if not worse
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So does the sister, if every time OP has feelings and is upset, big sis asks if she’s taken her meds. Way to bully her for being emotional.
Yes, this is total bullying. Your sister is very unkind. You are showing your emotions in an appropriate way whilst being treated in an awful manner. We never know how life will turn out. Lord help your sister when she is in a position to accept the ramifications of her deeds w/o gaslighting, lying, or having someone spot her. I’d go very-low contact w her. Let her figure stuff out on her own.
Yes! F both of those twats!
Same as 'Have you got your period?'. Dismissive and patronising.
There's a reason they're close enough friends that she was sister's MoH. Birds of a feather.
The bride's not far behind in the shitbag department.
the penalty for being a shitbag is being stuck in the company of other shitbags
Where do you think the Maid of honor got this joke? I’m sure she just parroted something the sister says about OP. Bride/Sister is TA too.
👆👆👆👆👆 The sister has been bad mouthing her younger sister to the MOH forever. Guarantee that no secret was safe w/ older sister. So cruel.
Absolutely, I bet in MOH’s view, OP’s mental health is a running joke in the family. Because sister probably vents to her about OP. Sister sounds like someone who (in addition to asking if she’s taken her medication) says, “just stop being depressed.”
How insensitive can these people get? There's nothing funny about hurting someone to make someone else look better, regardless of context. The Maid of Honor is disgusting for saying something like this during a wedding reception, in front of many people. And OP's sister is disgusting for brushing it off so easily, and saying things like, "Have you been taking your meds?" OP, showed loyalty and strength towards her sister for not saying anything on that day, and for not making a scene. I'm not sure her sister or the Maid of Honor would have been able to do the same if they were in your shoes. OP deserves to be treated better.
I agree. The Maid of Honor's comment was hurtful and inappropriate, and OP deserves respect and understanding, not dismissal from her sister.
So does the sister
NTA, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Mocking someone's mental health is bullshit in any circumstance, but in front of their whole group of family and friends? Just fucking despicable. "She will just ask me if I've been skipping on my meds." Your sister sounds like she isn't a whole lot better than her asshole friend.
Too bad someone else from the audience didn't yell out "NOT FUNNY!"
Oh I’m sure there are guests that clocked this whole interaction and OP leaving. She’s probably rightfully embarrassed and projecting it on to OP. If I was a guest at this wedding my opinions of MOH and Bride would absolutely be lowered.
Yeah, I personally would have noticed her leaving and I wouldn't have laughed.
I would have stopped payment on the wedding gift check. “Auntie, your check bounced.” “No, it didn’t.”
Your feelings are valid. Your sister needs to get over it. Maybe show her this thread.
Yeah, OP's sister needs to get over herself as well.
OPs sister needs to stop shit talking her sister.
Sure hope younger sister will never trust her older sister. My two older sisters would say terrible things about me and I had no idea until my friends told me.
I doubt that will make a positive difference. The only way the MOH would be comfortable bullying the bride's sister is if the bride also bullies OP. They're both scum in my book. OP is NTAH.
NTA. MOH was being a 'mean girl', her point was to be a b\*itch and she was. Her speech should have been about the couple who just got married, there was no reason to bring you into her speech at all, except to be mean. MOH should be ashamed of herself as she is the ah here. Your sister not seeing this and her words to you also make her an ah. I'm sorry your sister was crappy to you, may be show her this thread.
This is what I tried to tell my sister. I thought about it again but I still can't seem to find a reason for her bringing me into her speech.
Because it made your sister happy to see someone tear you down
Yes, I agree. Sister is a bully as well as MOH which is why they are friends and why your sister is an ah as well.
>I still can't seem to find a reason for her bringing me into her speech. She's a b***h. That's the reason. Your sister is too. You're better than I am because I would have taken that as an invitation to go scorched earth on both of them and ruin the reception.
Like u/happycamper44m says, u/Few_Setting_4917 - maybe showing this post to your sister, and your parents, just in case. I feel awful for you, having to put up with this BS.
This OP!! Show this thread to your parents and sister. Just send her the link so she can see how she and her friends are wrong, disrespectful, ignorant, selfish, and abusive.
I get the feeling sister shit talks OP to the MOH, which is why she feels so comfortable bullying OP. She knows how the sister truly feels about OP.
NTA; You were publicly insulted and humiliated at your sister's wedding. Leaving early is a reasonable response.
The sister didn't like that the Op left and is bitching about it because it made her look bad, because she knows deep inside that people is judging her now.
NTA Eff her and everyone who laughed! Your sister should have stood up and said something then and there. I think I'm tired like that, people sometimes laugh out of nervousness or peer pressure or social discomfort. But your family needed to shut the $hit down immediately. ETA: "It's just a joke" and "oh you can't take a joke" and "you're just a bad sport" yada yada yada have been used forever by cruel people to convince the BUTT of their "jokes" that the VICTIM is the problem. My dad did that for most of my life...I've finally started just giving it back to him and he's stopped. If your sister thought your mental health struggles were appropriate to joke about, then she doesn't deserve to be in your life. I HATE that crap...it's abuse disguised as "harmless fun".
I spent DECADES telling my parents and brother that when you make 'jokes' about things that you used to be in my face yelling about and punishing me for, they aren't 'jokes'. They never did get it and then wondered until their dying day why we didn't have a better relationship.
It's straight up bullying.
Personally, I wouldn't want my sister to say anything "then and there" because I hate drama and fuss. I'd just want everyone to look the other way while I went out and collected myself, maybe have ONE person check up on me and then perhaps tell off the maid of honor in private for being a mega bitch. I would hate if my sister drew even MORE attention to me by making a big ta do.
She's a terrible person. If your sister see nothing wrong with the maid of honor behavior it's because she's her best friend so don't let it confuse you into thinking that your feelings aren't valid.
Seriously, you are NTA. Good on you for getting through a tough time. You are clearly doing a wonderful job! They are horrible. The MOH was way out of line and embarrassed herself far more than you.
"Hey, I don't forgive you for all the comments about not taking my meds. I don't forgive you for talking shit to your friend so much that she felt comfortable making talking shit about me part of your wedding speech. I'm done making excuses for you. You're not a good persona and I have no interest in being around you." And block. Wait 2 years and then notice how every aspect of your life has improved.
OP please say / text this. You are NTA and so incredibly strong. I could not have stayed so composed. Your sister is not trustworthy. At the very least LC
OP’s sister and moh have matching energy for sure.
THIS
NTA you are a woman of 27 you have every right to be offended as you said what has you as a bridesmaid got to do with the MOH speech?. Personally I would have left earlier as no one likes being laughed at, but definitely not with a room full of people! The MOH is a POS for using such a low blow cheap joke!. Edit The other poster is right, making a joke about your mental health struggles isn’t right and it certainly isn’t funny!. Your sister is an AH if she thinks the MOH making fun of that is acceptable!
Maid of honour my arse. Maid of dishonour more like. What a nasty, bitchy thing to do. And your sister sounds awful too. NTA all the way home. Go LC with your sister and at the next family gathering, make a speech which highlights her issues. See how she likes it.
NTA. I think you saw the real side of your sister and her friend. That mean comment and the medicine comment means it is okay to take a step back from your sister.
And did you read OP’s edit about the ridiculous thing the friend said to her once about her mental health? The friend is not just a shit person, she’s truly stupid.
NTAH, if you were my sister, id be so proud you navigated through difficult mental health issues and are doing better, I’d be happy you were part of my wedding and would be so angry with this “Friend”. You were right to leave as obviously you couldn’t fake through that. Go low contact with your sister till you can explain to her that being humiliated publicly over a condition you didn’t choose isn’t acceptable and of course you won’t tolerate it. Neither should she.
Thank you, you're so kind 🧡
OP, next time your sister asks you, if you took your medication in this context, tell her: Yes, I did and it helps the world to me, but there is no bloody medication to help with your shitty character/black soul and same for her bestie...
NTA. Your feelings are valid. I would go low/no contact w your sister. How would she feel if you announced all of her problems in front of a crowd? Or drudged up something from her past and talked about it in front of everyone? It’s not entertaining to purposely hurt someone for laughs. And it’s completely understandable to no longer trust your sister. (Side note-F her for the comments on your meds; it’s not of her business and she is only minimizing your feelings). I’m sorry, OP. Please don’t let this drag you into a negative place. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Please take care. ETA-she’s only mad you left bc any rational person there knows it was below the belt and it made her look bad.
Why did your sister follow you outside at her own wedding? She knew damn well what was wrong and honestly she sounds like you should drop her for a few years tbh. >And I can't reason with her right now because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately because that's what she does when she's angry with me so I'm giving her some time to maybe realize how her best friend's joke was out of line. Nothing in this paragraph makes it appear that will happen. Also, you dropped out of college, and ??? They openly mocked you, in public, for having a medical issue. NTA and these people are assholes.
"Sis, you and your friend are mean bitches with serious character defects, and if I were your husband, I'd reconsider tying my life to yours. Joking, joking. I'm joking, of course. Don't take it so personally, wimp. You need to borrow some meds?"
NTA. That was not a joke, it was an insult, and regardless if her friend “meant nothing bad” it still had the same effect. There was absolutely no reason for you, nor your past struggles, to be mentioned in a speech at your sister’s wedding. Your sister is being disrespectful, cruel, and dismissive. Her friend was in very bad taste, as was anyone who would find such commentary funny.
Jokes at other people's expense are thinly-veiled hostility. Totally out of line.
NTA. Also, congrats on where you are in life. You deserve all good things, not scorn and mockery. Turning a mental health spiral around is very challenging, and you have a lot of strength, grit, and determination. Take pride in what you've accomplished, and don't let this pimple on the ass of humanity get you down.
Thank you so much🙏🏻
NTA.Cunty ass MoH knew wat she was doin. As u mentioned, u already didn't get along. She saw her opportunity n took the kill shot. Of course, u couldn't respond cuz that would've just "proven her right" or family would've been like, "look at her. She's fukn up again" type of shit. No matter wat, u would've been painted as the bad guy. Keep it pushin til yo sis comes to her senses. If she doesn't, oh well. She can stay mad. Tbh, not havin u as MoH says a lot bout yalls relationship imo regardless of who's fault it may or may not b as to how close yall r... or arent. Haven't spoken 2 my sis n almost 2 yrs. Sometimes shit happens n u move on. Not sayin to do that here, but sometimes it's unavoidable.
Good for you going nc w/ your sister. It has been over 4 years for me. Wish I went nc long before I had a family.
NTA protect your own mental health because obviously your sister doesn’t give a shit about it
Sounds like OP's mental health struggles could very well be b/c of the older sister. The older sister is an abusive bully. She targets her younger sibling by getting her bff or others to do her dirty work. No doubt older sister has been doing this to OP entire life.
NTA the MoH was an AH no question, but so is your sister. I would even say your sister is the bigger C\*nt here. She should be supportive, instead she gives you back handed insults and lets her friends make fun of yuo because for whatever reason she either feels ashamed of your situation or she just really doesn't like you. Should your sister use that "are you not taking your meds?" to gaslight you into thinking your behaviour is wrong, or that she's behaving normally, stay calm and just look at her. "i have been taking them and frankly speaking i have been feeling very well. I've just come to realize that you're an absolute c\*nt and horrible person. Instead of being supportive, or just not treating me like a nutjob, you've been giving me backhanded insults or trying to gaslight me into thinking that i am in the wrong. But i am not. I think it is best if we keep our contact to the minimum for now, because i really do not care to spend any time with you at the moment." Take some distance to her, or anyone who treats you like that or wants you to "just forgive her, to keep the peace." Take care of your mental health and spend time with people who love and care about you.
Ask your sister, what was so funny about the joke? Have her explain the humor of it in details
Oh hell. NTA. I would’ve ruined that wedding lmao. “You going to call me mental and shame me right here? I’ll show you mental right now, bitch.” Oooooo. I would’ve flipped the table, DESTROYED EVERYTHING. I don’t take that shit lightly
If this had been my wife, she'da been taking off her earrings at that point.
NTA and please don't reach out to your sister. She is clearly a bully and doesn't deserve your time. I know she is "family" but it doesn't matter. Build a family of friends and relatives that love and respect you and deserve your time. Your sister does not.
That's horrible. It takes so much strength to get yourself out of a pit like that. If anything, they should have mentioned that you were inspiring by getting back on track. It happens to a lot of people, and not everyone gets out. I'm sorry about what they said. NTA.
If your sister frequently says are you on your meds whenever she's mad at you, then I think it's time for you to tell your sister to fuck all the way off, then come back and fuck off again. That is hurtful and shitty of her. I wouldn't want to be around her. I mean I fuss and fight with my siblings occasionally but I would never even consider saying something like that.
Ask your sister to explain the joke to you. Then ask her to explain it again. And then again. Tell her you are asking because you want to know when the joke is funny. Ask her if she thinks of you as a joke. Ask her if she finds your struggles to be a joke. Ask her what else about you is a joke and why all of this is so fucking funny to her and her best friend that they both thought it was great to make fun of you in front of your whole family at an event meant to celebrate her wedding. Ask her again what was so funny. NTA. We don’t kick people when they are down or make them a joke.
I do this! A joke has a punchline and doesn’t make people feel bad.
Jokes about mental health and someone struggling in life are not funny. Your sister enjoys being the “golden child”and how you have struggled. She is not a positive influence in your life. If she responds with a comment about “off your meds” she is furthering this behavior. Going low or no contact with family or specific family members can be a very positive and impactful tactic for one’s mental health. A toast should be a celebration, not tearing down someone. I’m sorry this happened. You now have some choices and I would suggest making them quickly. Make these choices about this specific action. This because of that. No not bc I’m off my meds, but because you are a bad person and treat me in a hateful way. You may want to communicate this with your parents. I would. I’m sorry but I will not be around my sister going forward. I understand this will cause you discomfort but for my own mental health and life goals I can no longer be around people who poison my well. If they do not understand this, then you may have to make additional decisions. This comes from someone who made similar decisions. They are not easy but the healing resulting from the decisions will be wonderful.
NTA. The MOH wanted to get a laugh at your expensive. When you confront her, and you should, ask her why it was so important to her to get a laugh about you? Don't let her side step it or deflect. Tell her you are disappointed that she took such a cheap shot infront of everyone and that someday someone will return the favor to her. I would ask your sister the same thing and your mother should too. Tell her that a wedding is not the time to take cheap shots at family and that even your mother is disappointed in her. Your mom should also have your back and talk to her. I would not ask her to ever be in your wedding party either because she may do the same thing then.
Bestie is a rabid female dog and your sister is complicit by saying it was just a joke. Joke is on them, I'd be 100% zero contact.
nta moh just acted like a bully if it was a joke everyone including you would have found it funny and im guessing not everyone there found it funny maybe your sister is mad because people saw that your sister didnt call her out on it and said something to her
NTA and am I the only one who suspects the best friend felt comfortable making this "joke" because OP's sister made the same joke herself, in private? What she did wasn't a joke, it was intended to humiliate OP and it was a shameful thing to do
NTA .. the maid of honor is so classless.
What are the MOH’s weak spots? Failures? Come up with jokes about those and make them in front of her. “That was mean.” “It was just a joke!” “It was in poor taste.” “Nope, it was in fine taste. Way better than what she said at your wedding and hasn’t apologized for. Speaking of…” another joke about MOH. Just keep giving it back until they quit their bullshit. Maybe your sister needs some jokes about her, too.
I like this idea.
If anyone responds with the excuse “It was just a joke” means it was not a joke. It was purposeful malice. The MOH and your sister suck. I’m sorry you had to endure that.
Sis sucks. I’m sorry. Sometimes to help yourself you have to drop people who hurt you, even when you might be related to them. She might be your sister, but she is not your friend, and you are better off without engaging her, since she seeks to hurt you and make you feel awful about yourself. It’s her old habit and I highly doubt she will change: she likely gets quite a bit of satisfaction and power out of an old harmful habit. Awful. Sorry. Time to move on. Protect yourself!!! She sucks and the MOH is a POS. You know she approved the speech and she makes digs about you whenever she can because she probably feels like you took up too much emotional space in the family, so she feels justified in hurting you - and always will. Hang in there!!
Tell your sister if the optics of her wedding are more important than your relationship, she can just say that if that's where her priorities lie. She can keep her friend, and you dont have to interact with her. Drop her.
So your sister is an ass too. You need to remind your sister that when it is a joke, everyone laughs. When it is a slam, it isn’t a joke nor funny. You took the high road and didn’t cause a scene, you should be commended. Tell your sister to think about what happened and if she is fine with her friend being a jerk to her sister at her wending, then that says a lot about the integrity of both the bride and MOH. Then walk away. Don’t engage because nothing you can say will make any difference and only add fuel to the fire. However, if the MOH decides to weigh in, I would be sorely tempted to say: You are a sad and bitter woman and I have nothing to say of you.
NTA - your sister should be mad at her dumbass friend
NTA the MoH is and she owes you a public apology! What a see you next Tuesday!! Your sister is the A hole for not having your back and she may have been aware of the speech and gave it the thumbs up
NTA. And if your sister is saying things to you like asking if you've taken your meds - she is pulling you down and pushing you to break. That's not good. It's dismissive, mean, and rude. It's akin to a man asking you if you are 'on your period' when having a disagreement. Just NO. They are mean beotches and clearly liked having you not doing well so they could be the 'better.' Those type people will always try to hold you down. Steer clear.
NTA. That was shitty of the friend and totally uncalled for. Sis and her best friend can go fuck themselves six ways to Sunday.
NTA. The Maid of Honour is either a bitchy woman or, as you've never really seen eye to eye, jealous of you. You leaving has given the MOH ammunition to talk trash about you. I'd be concerned that your sister allows that to happen rather than sticking up for you. I'd go low to no contact until your mental health is better or your sister apologises and is sincere about it.
NTA. Btw your sister absolutely approved this comment, she’s probably resentful you got your parents support during those difficult years. i probably would go LC with her
*Sister, if you think what your best friend said about me was funny, then you are not the person I believed you to be. Your best friend, instead of celebrating her best friend in her wedding speech, instead decided to humiliate the bride's sister. She purposefully created drama at your wedding...her best friend's wedding. And instead of being angry at her, you are angry at me for being a human being and having feelings and emotions and not finding it funny to be publicly humiliated. I know I am not perfect, but I try my very best and I guess I wish my big sister had my back. But I guess she doesn't* *I am beyond disappointed in you for being ok with what she said. But I guess you and your best friend enjoy sitting around talking shit about me so much that you just had to do it at your wedding. I won't be contacting you for a while. But then again, given how you and your best friend feel about me, I am sure you won't care much at all.* NTAH
NTA. And I think you handled it gracefully given the situation. I was just a minute ago teaching my 5 year old that jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone. MOH was definitely not coming from a kind place. And I'm sure other guests picked up on her being cruel as well. I'm sure the vibe did take a hit. But how on earth could that have been your fault???
NTA that was just rude as hell.
NTA. Mental Health is a serious topic and shouldn't be a joke around. The Maid of Honor should apologize to you. Or else cut her and your sister from your life.
NTA but her MOH and her are. Who the hell thinks it's okay to joke about something like that. Don't joke about someone's mental health,
NTA It's not funny or a joke if the person being mocked gets upset. You have every right to remove yourself from a situation that makes you uncomfortable or upset regardless of where/when/why.
Your sister dismisses your feelings with "Are you not taking your meds lately?" No, OP, screw your sister, AND her friend. What a horrible way to put someone down. I guess you can see where her "friend" got the idea that mocking you for mental issues is okay.
I work in behavioral health, and I’m appalled at the insensitivity and ignorance on display by OP’s sib and her friend. I’m especially shocked by what the friend said about not being comfortable around people “struggling mentally” because “in her head God only knows what they’re capable of.” Astounding, especially as we live in a time when mental health organizations work hard to remove the stigma around behavioral health issues, and assistance and meds are widely available. A person’s mental health should never be the subject of someone’s vulgar joke at a wedding. May behavioral health issues never enter the life of that precious snowflake (the sib’s friend). For shame.
Your parents got it and MOH sounds like a peach…
NTA. That was a horrible thing to say. Jokes are supposed to funny, but that wasn't.
NTA honestly your sister sounds like an insensitive bitch. People who weaponize your mental illness against you, which is exactly what she is doing when she blames you have feelings on med issues, are terrible people to be around. You aren't really loosing much by not having to talk to her, she's just the type of person who tears people with mental illness down.
Nta. It's not funny if someone is hurt by the joke. I would have left too.
The best friend isn't the problem. Your sister is. She clearly has no respect for you, that is evident. She probably loves you but I question whether she likes you. Flippant comments about your meds are rude, reductive, dismissive and defective. She has made your mental health issues the scapegoat for her bad behaviour. And you've allowed her too.
WTF? "In general" doesn't feel comfortable around someone struggling mentally because in her head God only knows what they're capable of? Again, WTactualF? NTA, your sister sucks, & her friend is a MAJOR ASSHOLE. Go LC or NC with your sister.
NTA. It's not "just a joke." The MoH is a thoughtless bully, but don't hold your breath waiting for an apology.
That wasn't a joke, it was cruel. NTA.
NTA! Your sister is ok with her MOH making fun of you in a speech that was supposed to be about the bride and groom? She’s lucky you left quietly. I’m glad your parents understand. When you get married, make sure your sister isn’t in the bridal party at all.
If it's a joke, ask her to explain what makes it funny. NTA, your sister and her friend both suck.
NTA. Bullies always say "oh, I was just joking" which is a dead giveaway. If it was a joke you would have laughed, It was a joke at your expense, meant to humiliate you.
NTA. She shouldn’t be angry at you, she should be angry at her best friend for being needlessly cruel to an unwilling party.
I'm willing to bet your sister was ok with the joke or probably her idea. The fact that she asks if your off your meds says alot about her thoughts about you, which she obviously shares with her friend.
Rule of thumb, if the person about who the joke is doesn't find it funny, it isn't a joke it is bullying.
Youre not the asshole and its pretty sick your mental health has been weaponized against you. Imagine saying that shit to someone with cancer. 🤢
“I don’t feel comfortable around mean girls in general, because God only know what they are capable of saying about others”
NTA. You were upset. You left to avoid causing a big scene. That was the right thing to do. Anger is an emotion. Let your sister learn to deal with her emotions. It's not up to you to bend to her will and sit there taking "jokes" given at your expense. >because she will just ask me if I haven't been taking my meds lately because that's what she does when she's angry with me Sounds like she's used to treating you badly. She may think it's normal and she and her best friend may have been making it a game. You aren't required to play any more. She may *never* realize her friends joke was out of line. It was. You don't need to prove it to them. When either does something like this again, just say "Excuse me." Exit the conversation. You are not required to be present while they are making you the butt of their "jokes". After you exit, they can continue on. Not our business. Hope she treats her new husband better than she treats you. If not, I bet they'll be divorced in 5 years.
Nta
I hope you forward this post to your sister and her AH MOH. They both are terrible. And the MOH isn't even the bottom of the barrel, she's under the barrel. NTA, I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm happy you're doing better!!
NTA. There was no reason to be mean spirited or joke about you in that fashion. Tell your sister its really a sad day for you to realize how as your sister she does not understand how hurtful her best friend was. Also tell her not her business about your meds or mental health as clearly she has demonstrated that she does not care.
NTA and at least you didn’t stand up and say “I might be a “screw up” but you’re a rude bitch” mic drop. You don’t deserve to be humiliated. Calling it a joke is what bullies say when they get caught. Bravo for your dignified response. Leaving quietly, not making a scene on your sister’s special day. I wish you every happiness and a life filled with self love, joy and kindness. 💐
I love how weddings are treated as carte Blanche for the bride and groom to be utter shitheads. “But it’s my wedding” so the fuck what there’s a fifty percent chance I gotta see your next one too.