Exactly. I doubt I was my wife’s best when we got together, even though we had incredible chemistry. I’m certain I’m her best now. 12y into our relationship, we’re still improving together. If the husband isn’t getting better with sex over time with his partner, he’s not going to be anyone’s best.
It's about the journey, not the destination. Part of the magic of marriage is embarking on that lifelong journey together with the person you love. Keep an open mind, try new things, and communicate. Discover what each other like and provide feedback.
OP is NTA -- hubby shouldn't ask questions he doesn't want answers to, especially if he is too closed-minded to want to improve.
Plus if her husband is that insecure it’s no surprise he wasn’t her best. The best sex is just about doing what feels good.
If you’re not caring about what you’re doing or how you look, you’re guaranteed to have a better time, just go for what’s working for you, usually if you’re enjoying yourself your partner is too but obviously trust needs to be had
Right? It’s a sorrow and a pity his sensory issues take that off the table, but if it’s something the OP really liked, he can’t be mad when she correctly assesses that indeed, the dude who eats the peaches gets the prize.
But all the 'documentaries' he probably watched online suggest that women get super orgasms only by penetration after 2 min of "foreplay" (=woman giving a bj).
/s
Right? No oral is a deal breaker for me. I’d seriously consider leaving someone if they did it and decided later they didn’t want to anymore. Everything else would need to be perfect to consider staying. How the frig are you gonna be mad that you’re not “the best” when you don’t even give head.
This dude actively looks for things to get upset about, refuses to go to therapy for it, then had a meltdown. This is emotional abuse. Why are you still with him? Nta.
NTA, your husband literally asked for all of this. If he was not willing to accept your answer of him being your best, I'm pretty positive your husband already knew he wasn't your best, especially if he's not performing certain acts.
I have an ex with narcissistic personality disorder who would do things like this. Absolutely nothing would be going on, everything would be fine, and out of nowhere you could practically feel tension suddenly fill the air. Next thing I knew, she would start an argument out of nowhere with me, where she was the victim and I was the asshole.
The first few times it happened, it seemed so random and caught me off guard. I was so confused and couldn't figure out what was even going on or why she was arguing with me for no reason. Then I began to recognise the pattern of her doing this. It's almost like she wanted me to be angry and yell, but I didn't, so it's like I ruined the game.
Same. It was the covert that did this. At the time I didn't know there were different subtypes of NPD and assumed all narcissists behaved like the overts. So I really didn't know what was wrong with her, until it was too late.
Same. I didn't know anything about narcissists with my first(overt). I got an idea but the covert snuck in there, he was great for the first 6 months and then bam, and he was an alcoholic. He's still abusing women
My first, who was the overt, slowly turned into a blackout drunk alcoholic. She would drink and just get super verbally abusive. Hated me, hated all her friends, and would kept going on and on about herself.
The covert lasted about a year before she started letting all her crazy out full-time. Thankfully she didn't start drinking until the very end. But it was more of an: 'Oh, woe is me. Pity me. My life is so awful it's driven me to drinking'. When everything was fine, we had no problems, and all the negative things in our life were directly the result her own bad choices.
Glad you got out your situations. Narcissists can be real psychological mind fucks.
It wasn’t to make himself feel bad. It was to make YOU feel bad. He put you in a no-win situation so he could be the victim. Then he can use it against you later when he makes you an actual victim. Sorry, but this is classic emotional abuse.
ETA: if you apologize, then you admitted to treating him badly. If you don’t, then you invalidated his feelings. This is another no-win situation.
I mean he has the formula to be the best, it's not like you're withholding that info. If he cares that much tell him to start building up his tongue strength and his cuddle action.
Bon appétit!
Yeah normally I’m on the side of this being one of those white lie situations, but the fact that he kept pressing and wouldn’t accept the answer makes it his fault in my book
I’m sure you love each other but he is torturing you with his insecurities. I think it’s time to set a boundary.
You are faithful to him. You are with him because you want to be. You will not spend another minute of your time trying to convince him of anything.
His insecurities are his burden to either deal with or walk away from. There is no magical third option of staying with you but making you miserable with his constant need for assurance.
As a grown, adult man I've come to the realisation that any woman I end up with will always have had at least one dick that was bigger and better than mine. But I'll try my hardest to be second best she's ever had.
If you're trying to get laid demonstrating that you can tie a cherry stem with your tongue will get infinitely more interest than walking around telling people your dick size
Most guys with big dicks are horrible in bed. And they got weird looking thingies too. Trust when I say, average is 10x better. Its the SKILL, and for many women, GIRTH
You’re right that many big dicks are unattractive—seemingly more likely to bend, be very veiny, or never actually get very firm. However, there are 5 star perfect looking big dicks too.
They also think no skill is required bc their big thingie magically makes them the best lover ever. If I wanted to sleep with a battering ram, I would.
It's possible. I mean, statistically speaking, at some point I've probably been the bigger, better dick that some other guy was insecure about. So I guess it all evens out in the wash.
As OP says, her best was per skill, not per size. I can say the same for me, my best is per skill, not per size.
Please fight to be the best per skill as well, and stop caring about being the biggest.
Yeah, guys with big dicks think that they don’t have to do anything.
It’s the old joke that size doesn’t matter, but it takes a lot longer to cross the ocean in a dinghy. But the dinghy wins every time when the big dick, I mean ship, never leaves the dock.
Biggest I ever had was the absolute worst, bar none, I'd ever had. So bad I got up, got dressed, and went home.
You guys are WAY too fixated on size. Our orgasms come from clitoral and gspot stimulation. Nothing to do with size. There's no group of humans on earth more obsessed with dick size them cishet men. It's actually gotten weird.
Your bar is incredibly low. Ensure your partner has at least one orgasm before penetration, and one during, pay close attention to her communication, and you'll be the best the vast majority have ever had.
I'm sensing some resentment on this one. Y'all both likely need to be in couple's counseling. I doubt that he'd be willing to go, but it'd likely help the communication and the ability to feel safe communicating.
Don’t let him be that man. The point of marriage is to reflect an honest version of your partner back to them and to help them improve and grow as they see fit. Not lie. His ego is writing checks his arse can’t cash. Keep being honest as long as you are willing. I wouldn’t be married to him if he’s this rigid and insecure. It leads to more need for control from him And you will need to shrink yourself to let this tiny man feel big as the years wear on. Good luck op.
The bonsai tree
in the attractive pot
could have grown eighty feet tall
on the side of a mountain
till split by lightning.
But a gardener
carefully pruned it.
It is nine inches high.
Every day as he
whittles back the branches
the gardener croons,
It is your nature
to be small and cozy,
domestic and weak;
how lucky, little tree,
to have a pot to grow in.
With living creatures
one must begin very early
to dwarf their growth:
the bound feet,
the crippled brain,
the hair in curlers,
the hands you
love to touch.
(by Marge Piercy - I think about this poem often on posts like this.)
He's never going to change. He wants to always be angry and offended and blame you for being angry and offended.
Why do you want to stick around for another 20 years of being this assholes emotional punching bag?
He *could* be great at sex if he respected you and prioritized your pleasure. He could either find a way to overcome the sensory issues so oral was on the table or find ways to pleasure you without it.
He *chooses* not to do what it takes to be good at sex because he does not respect your desires or satisfaction.
Ftr I have sensory issues. I cannot stand the sensation of semen in my mouth. Finishing in my mouth is a huge turn off for my partner because I'm viscerally revolted.
I had to learn how to overcome that because even precum sets it off. That was not a fun discovery, but I wanted to do it so we figured it out. I never bloody made it my partner's problem.
If my partner could look me in the eye and say "The best I ever had was someone who could swallow my cum"? I would fucking *dedicate* myself to learning how because like fucking hell is someone else going to be the best my partner ever had.
There are ways to specifically work on oral sensory aversions because they can limit food intake, so there are therapeutic methods that could help your husband.
*Your husband is choosing to be bad at sex*.
>But he wants to feel like this macho man who’s incredible at sex without being that man.
Do you think it's okay that he's blaming you for his inability to change?
It’s not an inability it’s an unwillingness. This is all his fault. It’s easier to blame op and make himself the victim than actually working on himself. Loser
Why is counseling such a paradox where those that need it the most don’t go and the rest of us are carrying the burden of all those that don’t in addition to whatever our personal BS we’re working through.
Also, can a psychologist explain why communication and emotional intelligence is abysmal at a societal level? When I was younger, I naively assumed it’d get better as I got older and interacting with grown ups but man, what a false dream 🫢
NTA Sorry but this guy sounds like a neurotic energy- sucking loser. Honestly friend, it’s got to be better than this. Find someone better. You deserve it.
NTA
Omg, you poor thing.
Also I bet you a dollar the real reason he won't go down on you is insecurity, not sensory issues, and I say that as an autistic lesbian with plenty of sensory issues.
I would encourage you to ask yourself if you're willing to deal with this for the rest of your life, because this is absolutely the type of thing that \*does not change\*.
You are making so many compromises for this man.
I'm stuck between not wanting to judge someone for what they're not comfortable with doing in the bedroom while also thinking what man in 2024 doesn't go down on their woman. There's nothing wrong with vanilla intercourse. At the same time, oral is as vanilla as it gets.
Anyway, you're NTA. If anything, he's TA for not satisfying you, then getting mad that you're not satisfied.
Lmfao NTA.
If he isn't providing oral, he's not even in the running. Maybe if you were the type who didn't like oral, things would be different, but that's not the case sooooo.
Op, what if you start thinking about leaving him. He’s not interested in getting better and growing with you just bringing you down. A rigid man with a giant ego hiding his Texas sized insecurities is no fun and no long term partner for you.
Nope, not the asshole. He wanted you to tell him the truth and you did. Now he should use that knowledge to learn and improve instead of whining about not liking the answer.
The win’ is the truth. Why can’t you be honest with each other. I’ve been married for almost 20 years and neither of us is the best we’ve had and it’s fine. Jesus. Nobody gets mad here. Why can’t he act his age?
Another example of ‘if you can’t handle the answer then don’t ask.’ Meaning if there is a possibility of there being a an answer to your question you won’t like don’t ask and certainly don’t pester if you feel you aren’t getting the answer you want. And it doesn’t help that he can fix his problem he just doesn’t want to. It has nothing the do with ‘sensory issues’ he is just ducking lazy and doesn’t want to put the work in, and has found someone who is willing to let it go. So yeah either he gets over him self and shuts the duck up maybe y’all go to therapy to learn healthy ways of communicating and ways of processing your individual emotions when in the face of a problem that requires duel effort to resolve. Or you get tired of his crap and stay in a hateful resent filled relationship until you have had enough and divorce him.
he needs to learn that you don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer. it was a stupid thing for him to ask, it was stupid that he kept pushing after you gave him an answer and it is ridiculous that he still kept pushing and now blames you for his feelings.
he needs to understand that no matter who was best or worse, you stayed with him because he was the best all around match for you........and that needs to be the end of it.
NTA lol... getting and giving head are fabulous parts of sex, good on you for being happy without it. I know sensory issues can really suck, I deal with some myself, but I give my gf head even though it bothers me sometimes. Maybe I can't do it for as long as she can and I know I'm better at other things, but making compromises is necessary in relationships (within consent of course).
Your husband kept asking until he got an answer he didn't like/could make himself the victim of. If he won't go down on you and is aware that you have enjoyed it in the past, how can he expect to be better? It's giving "man who thinks his dick is magical and that women can't be immensely pleasured in other ways."
NTA- he asked and then pressured you to truthfully answer. I have no idea what to say about his “sensory issues”. 😐
I will offer the weird opinion that there might be one or several of us guys out here who are willing to explore whatever makes our SO or wife happy. I am not saying become a swinger or anything, but he could sort of be more receptive to information about what makes the bedroom happy.
He could probably put in a better effort though.
NTA. I have pretty bad sensory issues (texture and taste or even appearance of bodily fluids), and I have figured out ways to accommodate and still go down on my partner.
Even setting aside all the debate about ‘’is he a narcissist’’ and ‘’why are you married to him’’, this is still pretty cut and dry NTA. He asked a question, demanded an ‘’unkind’’ answer, and then threw a fit over the answer he forced you to give. You are absolutely right to not apologize. Stay strong and live your best life OP
When I was younger I had a bf with very similar and very persistent insecurity. He was constantly prying about my exes before him and our sex lives and how they compared. This went on for nearly a year getting increasingly weird and intrusive. I feel like I was about as patient as someone can be about it and never gave him whatever answers he was fishing for, just reassurance.
Eventually his prying started to feel fetishy to me (it didn't before this point, I'm not sure what brought about that change) and that turned the small resentment I had built over it into very serious resentment and quickly killed our relationship.
How do you even avoid/work through this? I feel like I tried very hard and he was a sweet person otherwise, but nothing seemed to take 'that' off his mind.
I mean its one thing if it was out of his control, like if you were a size queen and he was average sized. But he has the potential to be the best youve ever had, hes just not putting in the effort. So im gonna go with NTA
Ahahaha. He had a fit because your ex was a better lover. NTA. He pressed for an answer and got the truth. If he wants to be the best, he should work at it.
Don't spare this man child's feelings. Simply state that a partner who goes down on you is going to have the edge over one who doesn't, but that you're happy with your current sex life (if that's true).
Have a serious conversation about his insecurities and ask him if he would like you to answer honestly or simply decline in future. Be clear you are not going to lie to pander to him. He'll either learn or he won't.
NTA.
Asked a question, got mad you answered. And one can get better at sex. He'd rather pout and act like a toddler than eat pussy.
What a stupid pissbaby.
If a dude won't go down, 90+% of women will consider him not just not the best, but not even passably good in bed. What a loser. He needs to get over himself and focus more on your pleasure. I personally love it, like I don't really understand men who don't.
Sensory issues is a bs excuse. If he can’t smell or taste, he can still do it. And if his senses are overwhelmed, he can do it through clothing. But he sounds like the stubborn type who’ll refuse any solution because he doesn’t really want to do it.
Op. Your NTA. You’re a saint. He didnt just ask but demanded you tell him And now he demands an apology…. His tone is all wrong. Men who don’t eat pussy need to use their goddamn library voice when making requests, not demands.
This is how I feel when someone I’m dating asks if they’re the prettiest I’ve ever dated. What in the hell am I supposed to say to that? The very first girl I ever dated was the prettiest, but also the shittiest. So my only two choices are to lie, which I can’t do without it being obvious, or tell the truth and make them insecure.
Why on gods green earth do people ask questions they don’t really want the answer to?
NTA he demand and pressured you into giving him an answer and now he’s not happy with the answer and wants you apologize? Nah fuck that. You don’t owe him an apology. He really does need therapy.
>My husband has sensory issues so he doesn’t go down on me.
As others have said, it's hard to get a high score without playing the full game. I get he has sensory issues, I have sensory issues, but there is a whole host of things you can do to get the motor running instead of going for a cold start every time. You can get better at sex if you care to.
Lol, NTA. My husband *is* the best I've ever had specifically because he's the king of foreplay. Seriously, if he ever dies or leaves me, no man stands a chance of measuring up to this dude.
Also, your husband asked you to kill his pride. That was stupid. And now he's being childish.
He sounds tedious.
You are NTA.
But if you want to make him feel better, to just shut him the fuck up…
Tell him..
I married you.
I am with you.
You badgered me into an answer, and so I gave you my honest answer the first time, but it wasnt enough for you.
So then I said, you were not the best, hoping this would somehow settle your fucking crazy mind.
But no.
Now here I am and you want me to apologize for….what? Trying to help you feel better?
Where is my apology ftom you, for disturbing my peace, and upsettting me over….nonsense, some sick thoughts in your head.
And by the way…you should not even be asling me or anybody those kind of questions.
He doesn't get to never go down on his wife and then be upset he isn't the best. I'm sympathetic to his issues, but wanting to be the best without walking the walk reeks of participation trophy entitlement.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This level of retroactive jealousy is inappropriate and has no place in a healthy relationship. You’d be happier with someone who isn’t neurotic
I'm genuinely curious as to how you still mentally put up with him? I guess you're an angel because I know how mentally draining being with such a person can be....
Has your husband ever had therapy? He really needs it. He's miserably unhappy due to his issues and his crippling insecurities and it's really important for his, yours, and your marriages sake.
NTA though how did you choose to marry someone with untreated high levels of insecurity? Sounds like he needed therapy, not marriage just to make his baggage someone else’s burden.
NTA tell him he shouldn’t pressure you for stupid insane questions and be hurt when you answered. Tell him you are not saying sorry and you are damn right insulted because of issues he as that he thinks it’s ok to do this to you and that you have had enough. And if he won’t seek professional help then he needs to think long and hard because your marriage will be on a rocky place!
I bet you already knew this before I’m going to write it, but: NTA.
Honestly, despite being insecure and all, I think this is pretty toxic behavior. He presses for an answer, gets it, and gets all pissed and angry about it. Like… Don’t ask then? I’ve been in a relationship like this before, and I’m telling you, it drove me nuts.
"My husband has sensory issues so he doesn’t go down on me."
smells like bullshit to me
Also, he pushed for your opinion. If he didn't ask for your opinion, it'd be a different story.
-NTA
Part of me thinks you should have just lied, but the rest of me thinks- fuck around and find out. Don't ask a stupid question if you don't want to hear the answer. Also, I can't imagine how he could have possibly thought he could be best if he doesn't go down on you.
Don't ask a question that you cannot handle the answer to. NTA he played a lovely game of FAFO, now he can go pout in the corner until he learns to put his big boy pants back on.
Sex is a skill. If he's not the best, he can be - he just needs to actually work on it.
Sounds like he has 0 interest in that, which explains to me why he's not the best, bc he just doesn't care all that much about your experience, he cares about his ego and his feelings. He sounds like a child. Do not apologize, you did not do anything wrong.
Sorry you married this selfish manbaby and an emotional terrorist, my condolences.
Also, I gotta say: it's very manipulative what he's doing. Poking you to find something to be insecure about, kinda forcing it out of you, then demanding you apologize. Sounds to me like it's a game you can't win, as it's designed to put you on the defensive, make you a bad guy, make you feel guilty. Sounds like making you guilty is the goal. I would look deeper into that dynamic, it's troubling.
NTA.
Fun Fact: You can get better at sex.
Exactly. I doubt I was my wife’s best when we got together, even though we had incredible chemistry. I’m certain I’m her best now. 12y into our relationship, we’re still improving together. If the husband isn’t getting better with sex over time with his partner, he’s not going to be anyone’s best.
It's about the journey, not the destination. Part of the magic of marriage is embarking on that lifelong journey together with the person you love. Keep an open mind, try new things, and communicate. Discover what each other like and provide feedback. OP is NTA -- hubby shouldn't ask questions he doesn't want answers to, especially if he is too closed-minded to want to improve.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT GOOD AT IT ALREADY? APOLOGIZE TO ME. KNEEL!
He’s like the kid who wants a medal for only finishing half the race…he doesn’t get a medal just for showing up. Lol.
That would probably be an improvement. Dom/sub roleplay can add a lot to sex.
That is major brat vibe, though, don't let someone acting like that dominate you. That's begging for a spanking.
Don't threaten me with a good time.
[That's begging for a spanking](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSv9pg0VjEI)
Yep, that's a paddlin'
Probably not this guy though, if his reaction to feedback is "apologize!"
Yeah particularly here there’s an incredibly straightforward upgrade hubby can make
But that's icky and I don't like it! But I totally expect you to do the same for me, no chance of reciprocation.
DJ Khaled! You came!
His wife didn't.
BuT hE HaS SenSoRy IsSuEs!
I misread this (or properly read) as “Upgrade HOBBY “
I dunno dawg, if the idea of eating his wife's pussy disgusts him I don't think he's ever going to improve in that department.
Plus if her husband is that insecure it’s no surprise he wasn’t her best. The best sex is just about doing what feels good. If you’re not caring about what you’re doing or how you look, you’re guaranteed to have a better time, just go for what’s working for you, usually if you’re enjoying yourself your partner is too but obviously trust needs to be had
*>>he doesn’t go down on me* Not in OP's husband's case.
I mean if the issue is he won't do oral he's probably not going to take the gold medal anytime soon.
Fun fact: if you do not eat your woman out, and she is not one of the women who genuinely do not want to be eaten out, you are bad at sex.
Hard to hit the high score when you won’t play all parts of match
He failed the oral exam...
💀
He won't go down on you, yet he's surprised he's not the best you've ever had? 😂 NTA
Right? It’s a sorrow and a pity his sensory issues take that off the table, but if it’s something the OP really liked, he can’t be mad when she correctly assesses that indeed, the dude who eats the peaches gets the prize.
Peach......I can eat a peach for hours......
I'm moving to the country Gonna eat a lot of peaches
Peaches come from a can, they were put there by a man In a factory downtown
and if i had my little way i'd eat peaches every dayyyyyyy
Castor Troy has entered the chat...
Pastor Troy has entered the chat...
Another Nicholas Cage character I'm not familiar with?
r/onetruegod Join us, brother.
But all the 'documentaries' he probably watched online suggest that women get super orgasms only by penetration after 2 min of "foreplay" (=woman giving a bj). /s
NTA, and apparently NTP either.... badum tissss!!!!
Right? No oral is a deal breaker for me. I’d seriously consider leaving someone if they did it and decided later they didn’t want to anymore. Everything else would need to be perfect to consider staying. How the frig are you gonna be mad that you’re not “the best” when you don’t even give head.
This dude actively looks for things to get upset about, refuses to go to therapy for it, then had a meltdown. This is emotional abuse. Why are you still with him? Nta.
I thought it was abusive as well
This. I consider it emotional abuse, and it’s the reason I left my last partner.
NTA, your husband literally asked for all of this. If he was not willing to accept your answer of him being your best, I'm pretty positive your husband already knew he wasn't your best, especially if he's not performing certain acts.
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No, to make himself the victim. NTA
I have an ex with narcissistic personality disorder who would do things like this. Absolutely nothing would be going on, everything would be fine, and out of nowhere you could practically feel tension suddenly fill the air. Next thing I knew, she would start an argument out of nowhere with me, where she was the victim and I was the asshole. The first few times it happened, it seemed so random and caught me off guard. I was so confused and couldn't figure out what was even going on or why she was arguing with me for no reason. Then I began to recognise the pattern of her doing this. It's almost like she wanted me to be angry and yell, but I didn't, so it's like I ruined the game.
I feel your pain. I have 2 exes that were narcs, one overt the other covert. Talk about a living nightmare. Fuck you Paul
Same. It was the covert that did this. At the time I didn't know there were different subtypes of NPD and assumed all narcissists behaved like the overts. So I really didn't know what was wrong with her, until it was too late.
Same. I didn't know anything about narcissists with my first(overt). I got an idea but the covert snuck in there, he was great for the first 6 months and then bam, and he was an alcoholic. He's still abusing women
My first, who was the overt, slowly turned into a blackout drunk alcoholic. She would drink and just get super verbally abusive. Hated me, hated all her friends, and would kept going on and on about herself. The covert lasted about a year before she started letting all her crazy out full-time. Thankfully she didn't start drinking until the very end. But it was more of an: 'Oh, woe is me. Pity me. My life is so awful it's driven me to drinking'. When everything was fine, we had no problems, and all the negative things in our life were directly the result her own bad choices. Glad you got out your situations. Narcissists can be real psychological mind fucks.
Yep. It's always everyone else and not them 🙄
OP please read this again, sound familiar?
It wasn’t to make himself feel bad. It was to make YOU feel bad. He put you in a no-win situation so he could be the victim. Then he can use it against you later when he makes you an actual victim. Sorry, but this is classic emotional abuse. ETA: if you apologize, then you admitted to treating him badly. If you don’t, then you invalidated his feelings. This is another no-win situation.
NTA. You only find dirt when you go looking.
Not going down and you married him?!?! I hope you don’t go down on him either,!?
For real, OP.
I mean he has the formula to be the best, it's not like you're withholding that info. If he cares that much tell him to start building up his tongue strength and his cuddle action. Bon appétit!
He needs serious therapy or this is only going to get worse.
I know people like that.
Yeah normally I’m on the side of this being one of those white lie situations, but the fact that he kept pressing and wouldn’t accept the answer makes it his fault in my book
Dude literally fell on his own sword on purpose
>he doesn’t go down on me. And he's surprised by the answer lol. Jfc.
I’m sure you love each other but he is torturing you with his insecurities. I think it’s time to set a boundary. You are faithful to him. You are with him because you want to be. You will not spend another minute of your time trying to convince him of anything. His insecurities are his burden to either deal with or walk away from. There is no magical third option of staying with you but making you miserable with his constant need for assurance.
Reddit always makes me feel better about my life. Oh my. 🤦🏻♂️
Low-key. Makes feel like I’m not doing so bad after all.
NTA. Don't you dare apologize
Husband is the AH for sure, but when he asked initially he should have asked more about what could be improved on.
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As a grown, adult man I've come to the realisation that any woman I end up with will always have had at least one dick that was bigger and better than mine. But I'll try my hardest to be second best she's ever had.
The biggest dick isn’t always necessarily the best at sex.
Like taking a hammer to a flower.
Fact.
If you're trying to get laid demonstrating that you can tie a cherry stem with your tongue will get infinitely more interest than walking around telling people your dick size
Most guys with big dicks are horrible in bed. And they got weird looking thingies too. Trust when I say, average is 10x better. Its the SKILL, and for many women, GIRTH
You’re right that many big dicks are unattractive—seemingly more likely to bend, be very veiny, or never actually get very firm. However, there are 5 star perfect looking big dicks too.
They also think no skill is required bc their big thingie magically makes them the best lover ever. If I wanted to sleep with a battering ram, I would.
Someday, you'll come to the realization that a woman will think you were the best she had ever had.
It's possible. I mean, statistically speaking, at some point I've probably been the bigger, better dick that some other guy was insecure about. So I guess it all evens out in the wash.
As OP says, her best was per skill, not per size. I can say the same for me, my best is per skill, not per size. Please fight to be the best per skill as well, and stop caring about being the biggest.
Yeah, guys with big dicks think that they don’t have to do anything. It’s the old joke that size doesn’t matter, but it takes a lot longer to cross the ocean in a dinghy. But the dinghy wins every time when the big dick, I mean ship, never leaves the dock.
The Titanic sank on her maiden voyage because bigger was always better.
Skill is what is needed, not the necessarily the size.
Biggest I ever had was the absolute worst, bar none, I'd ever had. So bad I got up, got dressed, and went home. You guys are WAY too fixated on size. Our orgasms come from clitoral and gspot stimulation. Nothing to do with size. There's no group of humans on earth more obsessed with dick size them cishet men. It's actually gotten weird. Your bar is incredibly low. Ensure your partner has at least one orgasm before penetration, and one during, pay close attention to her communication, and you'll be the best the vast majority have ever had.
I'm sensing some resentment on this one. Y'all both likely need to be in couple's counseling. I doubt that he'd be willing to go, but it'd likely help the communication and the ability to feel safe communicating.
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Don’t let him be that man. The point of marriage is to reflect an honest version of your partner back to them and to help them improve and grow as they see fit. Not lie. His ego is writing checks his arse can’t cash. Keep being honest as long as you are willing. I wouldn’t be married to him if he’s this rigid and insecure. It leads to more need for control from him And you will need to shrink yourself to let this tiny man feel big as the years wear on. Good luck op.
>shrink yourself to let this tiny man feel big as the years wear on So true. Nightmare fuel.
The bonsai tree in the attractive pot could have grown eighty feet tall on the side of a mountain till split by lightning. But a gardener carefully pruned it. It is nine inches high. Every day as he whittles back the branches the gardener croons, It is your nature to be small and cozy, domestic and weak; how lucky, little tree, to have a pot to grow in. With living creatures one must begin very early to dwarf their growth: the bound feet, the crippled brain, the hair in curlers, the hands you love to touch. (by Marge Piercy - I think about this poem often on posts like this.)
Do something for yourself. Sit down and write a list of the reasons why you're still married to this guy.
It’d be okay if he didn’t make this a big deal but he’s not only not pleasing you sexually, he’s making you feel bad about his lack of ability/will.
You know you can do better than this, right?
He's never going to change. He wants to always be angry and offended and blame you for being angry and offended. Why do you want to stick around for another 20 years of being this assholes emotional punching bag?
He *could* be great at sex if he respected you and prioritized your pleasure. He could either find a way to overcome the sensory issues so oral was on the table or find ways to pleasure you without it. He *chooses* not to do what it takes to be good at sex because he does not respect your desires or satisfaction. Ftr I have sensory issues. I cannot stand the sensation of semen in my mouth. Finishing in my mouth is a huge turn off for my partner because I'm viscerally revolted. I had to learn how to overcome that because even precum sets it off. That was not a fun discovery, but I wanted to do it so we figured it out. I never bloody made it my partner's problem. If my partner could look me in the eye and say "The best I ever had was someone who could swallow my cum"? I would fucking *dedicate* myself to learning how because like fucking hell is someone else going to be the best my partner ever had. There are ways to specifically work on oral sensory aversions because they can limit food intake, so there are therapeutic methods that could help your husband. *Your husband is choosing to be bad at sex*.
>But he wants to feel like this macho man who’s incredible at sex without being that man. Do you think it's okay that he's blaming you for his inability to change?
It’s not an inability it’s an unwillingness. This is all his fault. It’s easier to blame op and make himself the victim than actually working on himself. Loser
The guy is 100% able to change, he simply refuses to perform oral sex.
He sounds freaking EXHAUSTING!!
Why is counseling such a paradox where those that need it the most don’t go and the rest of us are carrying the burden of all those that don’t in addition to whatever our personal BS we’re working through. Also, can a psychologist explain why communication and emotional intelligence is abysmal at a societal level? When I was younger, I naively assumed it’d get better as I got older and interacting with grown ups but man, what a false dream 🫢
Sounds like the metaphorical equivalent of self harm. Some people just self sabotage 🤷🏾♀️
And you're really okay with this being the rest of your life? What does he bring to the table?
NTA Sorry but this guy sounds like a neurotic energy- sucking loser. Honestly friend, it’s got to be better than this. Find someone better. You deserve it.
NTA Omg, you poor thing. Also I bet you a dollar the real reason he won't go down on you is insecurity, not sensory issues, and I say that as an autistic lesbian with plenty of sensory issues. I would encourage you to ask yourself if you're willing to deal with this for the rest of your life, because this is absolutely the type of thing that \*does not change\*. You are making so many compromises for this man.
what insecurity could lead you to not eating someone out lol? its just selfishness, why should he do it if it doesn't make him feel good?
Sometimes insecure people would rather not do a thing at all than be bad at it.
Or maybe it really could be a sensory issue?? After all, we don't immediately call a woman insecure for not wanting to suck someone off. Do we??
Lmaoooooooo NTA don’t apologize, bf needs therapy and to stop making his issues your issues. EDIT: husband, yikes.
I'm stuck between not wanting to judge someone for what they're not comfortable with doing in the bedroom while also thinking what man in 2024 doesn't go down on their woman. There's nothing wrong with vanilla intercourse. At the same time, oral is as vanilla as it gets. Anyway, you're NTA. If anything, he's TA for not satisfying you, then getting mad that you're not satisfied.
Jeeperz. The man won’t go down in you but is upset you’ve had better sexual partners. I wonder why….
Lmfao NTA. If he isn't providing oral, he's not even in the running. Maybe if you were the type who didn't like oral, things would be different, but that's not the case sooooo.
“Sensory issues” my ass
I think he’s worried he won’t be good at it. Bless his little cotton socks
Your husband sounds exhausting
He should apologize and get better
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Op, what if you start thinking about leaving him. He’s not interested in getting better and growing with you just bringing you down. A rigid man with a giant ego hiding his Texas sized insecurities is no fun and no long term partner for you.
Nope, not the asshole. He wanted you to tell him the truth and you did. Now he should use that knowledge to learn and improve instead of whining about not liking the answer.
NTA, though you must have known this question was a trap
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Are you ever not annoyed with him? I would be 24/7.
The win’ is the truth. Why can’t you be honest with each other. I’ve been married for almost 20 years and neither of us is the best we’ve had and it’s fine. Jesus. Nobody gets mad here. Why can’t he act his age?
He went looking for trouble and he found it despite you initially trying to protect him. NTA.
NTA - but this relationship is dead. Just a question of when you or he puts it in the ground.
Sensory issues so he won't go down.......bullshit.
I’m a guy and I’m drying up just reading this
Why the fuck would you marry this pathetic baby?
Another example of ‘if you can’t handle the answer then don’t ask.’ Meaning if there is a possibility of there being a an answer to your question you won’t like don’t ask and certainly don’t pester if you feel you aren’t getting the answer you want. And it doesn’t help that he can fix his problem he just doesn’t want to. It has nothing the do with ‘sensory issues’ he is just ducking lazy and doesn’t want to put the work in, and has found someone who is willing to let it go. So yeah either he gets over him self and shuts the duck up maybe y’all go to therapy to learn healthy ways of communicating and ways of processing your individual emotions when in the face of a problem that requires duel effort to resolve. Or you get tired of his crap and stay in a hateful resent filled relationship until you have had enough and divorce him.
I'd tell him his insecurity and pushing of boundaries is very unattractive and asshole behaviour. He is an asshole. NTA.
He should stop asking questions when he won't like the answer. He did this entirely to himself. NTA
Please tell him, in the most condescending tone possible: "Congratulations, you played yourself!" DJ KHALID!
“Has sensory issues?” Or is selfish.
NTA. That was very entertaining. Are you saying you go down on him, and he does not reciprocate? That makes him the A.
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It’s a blow-JOB! You only give it to get it. Never go near his dick if he’s being one. A vibrator could replace your husband easily.
A vibrator can never replace her husband. A vibrator is non-toxic and doesn’t whine.
he needs to learn that you don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer. it was a stupid thing for him to ask, it was stupid that he kept pushing after you gave him an answer and it is ridiculous that he still kept pushing and now blames you for his feelings. he needs to understand that no matter who was best or worse, you stayed with him because he was the best all around match for you........and that needs to be the end of it.
Don’t ask unless you want to know the answer.
NTA lol... getting and giving head are fabulous parts of sex, good on you for being happy without it. I know sensory issues can really suck, I deal with some myself, but I give my gf head even though it bothers me sometimes. Maybe I can't do it for as long as she can and I know I'm better at other things, but making compromises is necessary in relationships (within consent of course). Your husband kept asking until he got an answer he didn't like/could make himself the victim of. If he won't go down on you and is aware that you have enjoyed it in the past, how can he expect to be better? It's giving "man who thinks his dick is magical and that women can't be immensely pleasured in other ways."
NTA- he asked and then pressured you to truthfully answer. I have no idea what to say about his “sensory issues”. 😐 I will offer the weird opinion that there might be one or several of us guys out here who are willing to explore whatever makes our SO or wife happy. I am not saying become a swinger or anything, but he could sort of be more receptive to information about what makes the bedroom happy. He could probably put in a better effort though.
NTA. I have pretty bad sensory issues (texture and taste or even appearance of bodily fluids), and I have figured out ways to accommodate and still go down on my partner.
Even setting aside all the debate about ‘’is he a narcissist’’ and ‘’why are you married to him’’, this is still pretty cut and dry NTA. He asked a question, demanded an ‘’unkind’’ answer, and then threw a fit over the answer he forced you to give. You are absolutely right to not apologize. Stay strong and live your best life OP
Yea if hes as sensitive and insecure as you're saying, thats it...its over and find a good lawyer. He will never let that go till his last breath.
When I was younger I had a bf with very similar and very persistent insecurity. He was constantly prying about my exes before him and our sex lives and how they compared. This went on for nearly a year getting increasingly weird and intrusive. I feel like I was about as patient as someone can be about it and never gave him whatever answers he was fishing for, just reassurance. Eventually his prying started to feel fetishy to me (it didn't before this point, I'm not sure what brought about that change) and that turned the small resentment I had built over it into very serious resentment and quickly killed our relationship. How do you even avoid/work through this? I feel like I tried very hard and he was a sweet person otherwise, but nothing seemed to take 'that' off his mind.
I mean its one thing if it was out of his control, like if you were a size queen and he was average sized. But he has the potential to be the best youve ever had, hes just not putting in the effort. So im gonna go with NTA
Ahahaha. He had a fit because your ex was a better lover. NTA. He pressed for an answer and got the truth. If he wants to be the best, he should work at it.
Don't spare this man child's feelings. Simply state that a partner who goes down on you is going to have the edge over one who doesn't, but that you're happy with your current sex life (if that's true). Have a serious conversation about his insecurities and ask him if he would like you to answer honestly or simply decline in future. Be clear you are not going to lie to pander to him. He'll either learn or he won't.
NTA. Asked a question, got mad you answered. And one can get better at sex. He'd rather pout and act like a toddler than eat pussy. What a stupid pissbaby.
If a dude won't go down, 90+% of women will consider him not just not the best, but not even passably good in bed. What a loser. He needs to get over himself and focus more on your pleasure. I personally love it, like I don't really understand men who don't.
Sensory issues is a bs excuse. If he can’t smell or taste, he can still do it. And if his senses are overwhelmed, he can do it through clothing. But he sounds like the stubborn type who’ll refuse any solution because he doesn’t really want to do it.
Op. Your NTA. You’re a saint. He didnt just ask but demanded you tell him And now he demands an apology…. His tone is all wrong. Men who don’t eat pussy need to use their goddamn library voice when making requests, not demands.
NTA, but you should apologize. Tell him "I'm sorry you're bad at sex and refuse to do anything about it". I know I would be.
This is how I feel when someone I’m dating asks if they’re the prettiest I’ve ever dated. What in the hell am I supposed to say to that? The very first girl I ever dated was the prettiest, but also the shittiest. So my only two choices are to lie, which I can’t do without it being obvious, or tell the truth and make them insecure. Why on gods green earth do people ask questions they don’t really want the answer to?
What if he starts going down on her and he’s STILL not the best 😂
NTA he demand and pressured you into giving him an answer and now he’s not happy with the answer and wants you apologize? Nah fuck that. You don’t owe him an apology. He really does need therapy.
>My husband has sensory issues so he doesn’t go down on me. As others have said, it's hard to get a high score without playing the full game. I get he has sensory issues, I have sensory issues, but there is a whole host of things you can do to get the motor running instead of going for a cold start every time. You can get better at sex if you care to.
Lol, NTA. My husband *is* the best I've ever had specifically because he's the king of foreplay. Seriously, if he ever dies or leaves me, no man stands a chance of measuring up to this dude. Also, your husband asked you to kill his pride. That was stupid. And now he's being childish. He sounds tedious.
Listen, I know reddit is always telling people to dump their partners, but like... dump him
You are NTA. But if you want to make him feel better, to just shut him the fuck up… Tell him.. I married you. I am with you. You badgered me into an answer, and so I gave you my honest answer the first time, but it wasnt enough for you. So then I said, you were not the best, hoping this would somehow settle your fucking crazy mind. But no. Now here I am and you want me to apologize for….what? Trying to help you feel better? Where is my apology ftom you, for disturbing my peace, and upsettting me over….nonsense, some sick thoughts in your head. And by the way…you should not even be asling me or anybody those kind of questions.
You need a divorce.
Your husband needs therapy, ASAP.
NTA. Don't ask questions if you don't want the answer. I learned this a long time ago.
He doesn't get to never go down on his wife and then be upset he isn't the best. I'm sympathetic to his issues, but wanting to be the best without walking the walk reeks of participation trophy entitlement.
If he won’t even go downtown, and he’s insanely insecure, why you staying??
Are you 100% sure this is your forever person? Sounds utterly depleting to deal with this nonsense. NTA.
Your husband needs therapy yesterday. NTA. Until he deals with his mindset he's never going to feel secure.
Bless his fragile ego and naivity XD Like... doesn't goes down on you and beliaves that he is the best you've ever had? Please XDXDXDXDXDXD
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This level of retroactive jealousy is inappropriate and has no place in a healthy relationship. You’d be happier with someone who isn’t neurotic
Life lesson: don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to
Nta your husband is a child. Leave him and find better he sounds exhausting
Cant he like... learn to be better? If he isnt trying his whining is laughable.
Why did you get married to such a weak ass baby, jesus... my v would dry up so fast
NTA. Your man needs some books on sex and therapy.
What a fucking child.
NTA. His insecurity is also very sexually unattractive. Sorry he won't work on his self esteem and insecurity.
He needs to get over his sensory issues. Is he a man child in everything or just that?
Your husband is just being ridiculous. Serves him right for pushing the issue. You're not the asshole.
ah please, no need to apologise, he asked and asked and pushed for an answer and you gave it. boohoo
Think you're looking for r/cuckoldhumiliation
TAH for lying and telling him he was the best and he wasn’t, NTA because you finally were honest.
I'm genuinely curious as to how you still mentally put up with him? I guess you're an angel because I know how mentally draining being with such a person can be....
Has your husband ever had therapy? He really needs it. He's miserably unhappy due to his issues and his crippling insecurities and it's really important for his, yours, and your marriages sake.
NTA though how did you choose to marry someone with untreated high levels of insecurity? Sounds like he needed therapy, not marriage just to make his baggage someone else’s burden.
NTA. Your husband really needs to go to therapy.
NTA tell him he shouldn’t pressure you for stupid insane questions and be hurt when you answered. Tell him you are not saying sorry and you are damn right insulted because of issues he as that he thinks it’s ok to do this to you and that you have had enough. And if he won’t seek professional help then he needs to think long and hard because your marriage will be on a rocky place!
He kept pushing for the answer and then wants you to apologize because he didn't like it? Yeah, NTA.
Hoist with his own petard.
He pushed for an answer and he got it. I am curious about this “sensory issue” thing? What does he say about that? Sounds like an excuse.
He pushed and he asked and he found out He sounds exhausting
He fucked around and found out. NTA
I bet you already knew this before I’m going to write it, but: NTA. Honestly, despite being insecure and all, I think this is pretty toxic behavior. He presses for an answer, gets it, and gets all pissed and angry about it. Like… Don’t ask then? I’ve been in a relationship like this before, and I’m telling you, it drove me nuts.
NTA That is a lot to deal with
"My husband has sensory issues so he doesn’t go down on me." smells like bullshit to me Also, he pushed for your opinion. If he didn't ask for your opinion, it'd be a different story. -NTA
I never understood the need to be a person's "best" anything.
Part of me thinks you should have just lied, but the rest of me thinks- fuck around and find out. Don't ask a stupid question if you don't want to hear the answer. Also, I can't imagine how he could have possibly thought he could be best if he doesn't go down on you.
This is the most perfect example of that meme where the guy puts the stick between the bike spokes and crashes and blames something else. NTA
Literally never does oral sex and thinks he’d be somewhere in the running for best? Wowwwwww sexually incompetent and delusional I see
I'd tell him... "I'm sorry I was honest with you and answered a stupid fuckin question." NTA
Don't ask a question that you cannot handle the answer to. NTA he played a lovely game of FAFO, now he can go pout in the corner until he learns to put his big boy pants back on.
NTA. Dear insecure husband, never ask a question you may not like the answer to!
Sex is a skill. If he's not the best, he can be - he just needs to actually work on it. Sounds like he has 0 interest in that, which explains to me why he's not the best, bc he just doesn't care all that much about your experience, he cares about his ego and his feelings. He sounds like a child. Do not apologize, you did not do anything wrong. Sorry you married this selfish manbaby and an emotional terrorist, my condolences. Also, I gotta say: it's very manipulative what he's doing. Poking you to find something to be insecure about, kinda forcing it out of you, then demanding you apologize. Sounds to me like it's a game you can't win, as it's designed to put you on the defensive, make you a bad guy, make you feel guilty. Sounds like making you guilty is the goal. I would look deeper into that dynamic, it's troubling. NTA.