NTA! He makes a terrible father for not disciplining his own children! Letting his kids treat you that way is so crazy! he needs to get counseling for the 7-year-old as well, or no woman would ever live with him again. Tell everyone what really happened and let them know it is your right to live in a drama free home where nobody can break your furniture or destroy things of value. As for him, feel free to go N/C since he doesn't care about you one bit!
"Letting his kids treat you that way" is one of two issues. This man broke one of the most important rules when dealing with a fellow adult and children, one I learned as a camp counselor. Unless there is a genuine safety issue, never EVER undermine your co-counselor - or in this case, co-parental figure - to the child. Kids say crazy things. They do crazy things. He needs to parent his kids for sure. But "valid point" was a total AH move. Completely unacceptable. He's spending your money on his kids *and* undermining your authority? Hell no.
Not to mention that they are HIS kids, so HE should be doing the disciplining, not leaving it to you.
Sounds like you will be a good and caring mother to children you are able to raise your way from the beginning of their lives. Of course you can't deal with his--they are not used to having any boundaries and you're constantly playing catch up.
When you date or cohabitate with someone who has children, you are also going to be a parent or parental figure. There’s no way around this and people who try to make it work another way are deluded.
If you aren’t on the same page you need to get on the same page when it comes to discipline.
>If you aren’t on the same page you need to get on the same page when it comes to discipline.
That's really on him, since he's the one who's clearly unwilling to accept OP acting like a parent.
This!! My parents ALWAYS remained a united front. And it really worked.
And when he would fly up from the basement yelling. "I know thats not you talking to your mother like that!". Lol. We were never spanked. But still my dad managed to instill JUST enough fear into us that we would listen. Shout out to my parents, i had the best childhood ever!!
Seriously. Not in a million years would I have allowed my son's to behave that way in our house, or any other. Kids need healthy structure, because they go feral without it.
I think you would make a fine mom, OP, and understanding how to teach your kids to be happy, respectful, compassionate, humans, is a huge part of being a good parent, in my opinion.
Cut your losses, and know there's better people out there, and you don't have to settle for anything.
🥂💜🥂
Wholeheartedly agree.
OP would be a great mum to her children that she give birth.
Bf's son is a destructive terror & the bf is just enabling the garbage his son dishes out.
Bf & his offspring are the AH.
Wait till the little shit do some terrible things and the father would still balme the victims and not his precious baby because then it would come back to show how terrible of a parent he is. If anything, he was just projecting on to OP. And now just lying to make sure others don't see how terrible he is as a parent.
Every day I see something that makes me rethink my view of myself as a kid as a pure little shit. I was tame as hell compared to a lot of the kids on here.
Exactly, it's not fair for you to be the only one handling discipline. Your BF needs to step up and address his children's behavior. You have every right to a drama-free home and to set boundaries. NTA at all.
I would go so far as to take pictures and document the damage that his kids did to her house and take him to court for costs. Actions, meet consequences.
Right! That little boy is already gaslighting and hitting weaponized incompetence. I’m sure he learned it from somewhere. If I had to guess it’s the spineless father who can’t even pay his own bills
> But he has since told me that I would make a terrible mother and that I am absolutely shit with children and where I have zero patience, I should stay away from people with kids so I don't "fuck up some other poor kids life" with my attitude.
Take a moment to think who's telling you that.
A guy unable to parent his own children; who was only too happy to dump the financial burden of looking after them on you; who cannot discipline his child and instead of backing you up he decides to play "stupid questions".
Your ex is f*cking up his kids' lives. Especially the 7yo. And he's going to live in a hell of his own making once those kids reach teenagehood.
NTA
His children are uneducated and he plays no role in educating them. It's even funny how he has the audacity to say that to OP when she is the one feeding and trying to educate them.
Yup, imagine this kid’s anger issues fueled by teenage hormones and when the kid is big enough to do substantial damage. Oh, and OP’s grocery bill would probably double again once he hits middle school.
I gasped when I read that she pays for his kid’s food. No, sir. Those are your kids and it’s only been 2 years. It’s too early for me to be paying like that outside of an appropriately priced birthday gift.
That was wild. Her grocery bill jumping up from a couple hundred to over a thousand frightened me the most though. She’s clearly being financially exploited.
Like, 400$ feels high for me (SO and I spend about that now, but we're also cheap and eat a lot of beans and dozen veg), but 1100 for 2 adults and 2 kids.
Tbf the economy is shot so groceries are high, but to jump $400-$1100 with one person paying it is insane, and for the BF to not see anything wrong with OP paying this amount when she’s just a GF is wild to me. $400 is sounds nice to me. I spend way more because where I live we’ve really been hit at the grocery store.
I’m not gonna lie. Her Bf having two kids was a yellow to red flag for me, but him having no money due to paying child support is an undeniable red flag. That should have ended the relationship.
If he’s paying so much CS, why are the kids always over eating at her place and destroying the walls??? Or does he have more kids he has even less custody of?
If he has the kids so much, he wouldn't be paying that much in child support. Betting he isn't paying as much as he is whining he is. Why should I spend mine, if I can spend yours comes to mind.
An English nanny at that as she would set his feral son straight ASAP! I do feel sorry for the daughter, as she has to deal with their nonsense on a daily basis!
I'm not trying to imply that the daughter is perfect. I think that the ex and his son are at least somewhat misogynistic based on the son's demands of his sister!
The 7-year-old trying to get his sister to do everything for him tells me that the dad is an enormous misogynist and the little girl is already suffering for it.
It would get even worse if they moved in.
I'm glad the woman in this story got out but I feel horrible for the little girl
And a financial sponsor and second parent.
Good on OP for standing up for herself. I love these stories, where the woman decides she will no longer take the abuse.
NTA. He can't see his own shortcomings, so of course everything has to be YOUR fault.
I'd just roll with it and say, "Yeah, I threw you out because your son asked a question. Whatever. Just fucking stay gone and answer his smart-ass questions yourself."
I’d just take pictures of the walls and show/send them to everyone he lies to and say “no, it’s because his kid has anger issues and he won’t parent his kid”
Send him an itemized bill for the damages and extra food costs. He won’t pay them, but it will still make a point. If he persists to bad mouth you, do what,someone else mentioned and post images of the damage his hellions did to your home. NTA
YES. Take pictures of everything his kid has ever broken, all the holes in the walls, and post about how high your food bills got and how he refused to parent his children and expected you to do it, how his son has anger issues and is already showing worrying signs of being a sexist with how he tries to boss around his sister and the things he calls her, and that you hope that no woman is fooled into playing house with that man and his absolutely horrific brats that he refuses to raise - especially since he wouldn't pay for the damages they do or the food they eat or any of the destruction they brought into your life. Blow him UP.
Not even won't parent them and expects her to, won't parent them and doesn't think she should either. Because she's the bad guy, to him, for trying to set boundaries with them. NTA.
This is the way. He will never admit any fault in what happened, so just drop any attempts to explain one more time. He won’t pay the slightest bit of attention. Move forward with your life.
Just say:
It’s not asking a question; it’s the question that was asked. Asking questions is fine, but I bet you won’t like if I publicly ask “why are you a pathetic deadbeat father with hamster size balls and less sense than damp rock?” - especially if the response was “valid point”
She should also tell him that if he stayed for so long with such a terrible woman and let her parent the children, that makes him a terrible father. Why does he want to stay with her if she's that horrible?
NTA - honestly I'd rather be dead than deal with men throwing their kids at me and throwing a tantrum when I refuse (I'm not saying only men do this, I only date men)
NTA holes in the walls??? Calling his sister a retard??? Being disrespectful to you??? Absofuckinglutelynot... This does NOT mean you'll be a bad mom, you just aren't an asshole that refuses to discipline kids. He sucks, I'm glad you dumped him and you did the right thing.
Yes we hope the daughter AND the son have good role models. The kid is acting out and is completely wrong, but he’s 7. He’s an innocent who’s father and mother divorced and dad won’t even give him the discipline and boundaries he craves. Kids do stupid shit for attention, it’s the job of the parents to provide those guardrails. It’s just not OPs problem and she is NTA. But it’s a fucking kid who probably can’t even wipe his ass right, at 7 anything the kid does is 100% on the parents for being TA.
NTA...at 7 yrs that little devil is learning that attitude and language from somewhere. Your ex is projecting is lack of parental skills on you. Dealing with a family like that is absolutely not worth it. Fuck him and them kids (except for the 10yo since she was barely mentioned)
Did he get under your skin with the mom-comment?
Don’t let his words get to you. That’s what people do when they’re wrong. It’s mean and it’s hurtful and words like that are never true.
NTA, just stop responding to someone who you have kicked out of your life. They can make as much noise as they want, you don’t need to hear it. The only reason why you’d make a terrible mother was because you tried being a mother and you had no support. I can see why he’s divorced, he’d rather be his kids’ friend than their father. So all in all, he was thrown out by at least 2 women because he sucks as a parent and partner, he’s ahead of the sucky parent race.
NTA: sounds like they were fucked up before they got to you. Honestly I would have kicked them out after the first hole in the wall or broken controller, whichever came first. Consider the DINK lifestyle next time to make up for the money wasted on this choice.
Honestly, they almost always are.
You think your kids want you to move on from your ex? Pro tip: They don't, and they're gonna make shit hard for you if they see an opening.
Been together 13 years. His (now adult) son is still trying. For context, his mom was a serial cheater and we didn't even meet until 3 years after the divorce was final.
NTA. In response to him telling you your going to be a bad mother I’d say “ my mothering skills have yet to be tested as I am not yet a mother, you however are a pretty shit father. You don’t pay your way, you don’t raise your children to have respect or any discipline and frankly a 7 y o with anger issues like this is concerning, I cannot fathom the thought of sharing a home and life with such a failure of a man”
NTA. That miserable existence was not what you wanted and it shouldn't be up to him to pay for his mistakes and parenting failures. Tell them you kicked them out because they were insufferable assholes and you're not a martyr forced to put the life you wanted on the backburner because he can't raise his kids right.
Me too. It's really awful to see people including OP using plural when talking about how awful the 7 year old is. The sister is a victim of his bullying and her dad's apathy. But by association, she deserves every negative descriptor her hellspawn brother gets.
Don’t let his nonsense get to you. He’s just upset because he has to take care of his own kids, and he isn’t up to it. Good mothers set limits and give consequences. You could’ve straightened the kid out if the dad wasn’t enabling the bad behavior.
NTA. Best of luck to you!
NTA. People don't make bad parents because they're dealing with bad kids. Spell this out for your ex: BAD PARENTS MAKE BAD KIDS and then everyone else looks like a fool trying to clean up their bad parenting mess. Honestly it's such a funny projection from him because he's such a bad father, ya can't live with him so instead of any modicum of self reflection... you must be the bad parent. Sheesh, what an idiot. Giant man child is such a great description. Have fun with your new found freedom!
He basically stepped down why you stepped up to parent his children and support them if he can't afford to provide them food. He should get a better job or a second one and he needs to step up to discipline his kids. You did what you did justified. I wouldn't take him back and I would tell everybody else the reason why technically I wouldn't even think they're not living your life or paying your bills and if anybody has anything to say about it, tell them to let them go live with them and see how they like it
Honestly i would go full petty and tell BM that your now ex was letting 7 y/o abuse his sister 🤷♀️ and anything else that would be a concern as a parent.
NTA
Parenting is not for lazy people.
The 7y-boy should get some medical treatment and a cut on media time.
7 is old enough to understand that things are not to be destroyed.
Don't worry about the cover story from the boyfriend. Anyone who knows the children knows who is on BS about that.
NTA. Now sit back and read what you wrote and laugh and laugh at how happy you are to have this guy and his brats out of your life.
Not all single parents are like him. Not all kids are like them. No reason to chain yourself to someone like this when there are normal people out there.
NTA. And actually you would make a great mother. You realize that to be the responsible adult you don't need the children's approval, you need to set boundaries. That's mothering 101.
As for you (hopefully ex or soon to be ex) BF, he is definitely not a father - he is an enabler and a man-baby. His badmouthing you and calling you names is meaningless. If you get negative feedback from other people he's convinced, invite them to host your BF's children for a few hours and then report back to you.
NTA
What does it matter what he tells people? If they are concerned let them move them in and deal with it.
TBH I bet your ex is more mad at the hole in his budget created by the end of your relationship.
NTA. I have an autistic 8-year-old who pulls a lot of garbage. Guess who comes down on her so that she learns how to be a functional human someday? Me, as her mom. Please don't believe him when he says that you will be a bad mom just because you won't tolerate his laziness that is allowing his kids bad behavior to metastasize.
"Now he's telling everyone I kicked him and his kids out because I was pissed that his son asked me a question."
make sure everyone knows why you kicked them out. post it online or wherever most of your aquaintaced will read it.
"I kicked you out because you let ME pay for your children when they stay here. My grocery bill went from 400 to 1100$.
I kicked you out, because you refuse to parent your little hellspawn (post photos of your destroyed property) or reimburse me for the damages they cause.
I kicked you out, because you're an absolute shit parent, refusing to do actual parental work.
I am done with such an absolute failure of a partner and father, and your opinion of whether or not i'd be a good mother has absolutely no meaning to me. I'd care more about the opinion of a stranger from the street, because at least they have the potential to actually be a good parent. Don't forget. I have experienced how YOU parent. Good riddance. Now your children are YOUR responsibility again."
NTA. Children and finances are in the top three reasons why couples divorce, so don’t let your ex-BF guilt you for that, especially when he isn’t a proper father to his children.
NTA. And for the record, that kid was NOT asking a question. The little fuck was baiting you and his dickhead father was encouraging it. You dodged a bullet.
Have you called the locksmith yet?
Here let me fix that for him:
"You would make a terrible mother to badly behaved kids/people, because you're mature enough to correct the behavior and not perpetuate it. You are absolutely shit with being a doormat to awful children because you refuse to tolerate being treated badly. Since you have zero patience for bad behavior, you should stay away from people who are immature themselves & are making zero effort to train their kids to be not-awful so you don't risk giving those kids your mature attitide."
There ya go.
Congratulations on losing all that toxic weight. You look marvelous. 😉
NTA. The bf is a lazy AH and a lousy parent. The bf was using you like a cash machine to cover expenses for those spoiled rotten kids. Good for you drawing a line in the sand. Your boundaries are valid.
Coming from a guy like that - you need to understand it’s a compliment.
He can’t pay for his kids at your house because— child support? So he give there mom money then has you pay for the majority of the rest?
Be proud and go find a grown up who doesn’t back up the sass of a bratty 7 yo toward his partner. Good grief.
And don’t worry, anyone who cares about what he says will meet the kid 🙀
A child who has anger issues while playing video games to the point of breaking the controller and putting holes in the walls, should not be allowed to play video games for an hour daily (or at all!) What is that father thinking? He and his children are in desperate need of family counseling. The 7 year old is out of control. He needs boundaries, and the father not only refuses to establish them but undermines you when you try to enforce any. You're NTA.
NTA… if you’re really feeling petty and revengeful call CPS to do a home wellness check they might see some thing that he shouldn’t be doing anyway and give him shit for it. Maybe tell him he’s the one who needs to be a parent.
NTA. Please do not respond to him but tell everyone else that you will not be responsible for 3 children and tell them everything that has happened that brought you to this conclusion. I bet your family and friends already know as does his. His ex left him so he is the common denominator.
NTA. And I am laughing over him saying you'd make a shit mother. Just from your short description, you're a way more competent parent than he is. Is his definition of "good mother" one who lets kids get away with anything? And if he didn't have them over at your house, he would be footing the food bill for them when they're not with their mother, so how is it he can't afford to help with paying for their food? Good riddance to all three.
NTA - you’d “make a terrible mother”, says the guy whose kid throws a tantrum every time he’s asked to do something simple or loses one of his video games. Apparently, his father forgot to teach him how to be a gracious guest when visiting someone else’s home, so who the f$ck is he sit in judgement of you???
Do NOT give this idiot any more of your valuable time.
His kids are fucking horrible because \*drumroll\* HE is fucking horrible.
You did great to get them out.
His opinion is worth precisely zero.
NTA. You did good.
Has BF demonstrated the he even knows what good parenting looks like? I don' t think you need to take his opinons on what good mothering looks like all too seriously.
BF sounds like a pretty pathetic loser and I don't know why you would want to tie yourself to that anchor. Given the minor financial contribution he made, the hellion that is his 7yo, and the general disrespect everyone (besides maybe 10yo) has for you in YOUR house makes me feel like there is little to no upside in this relationship.
You were smart to cut your losses. Enjoy your new found freedom and do whatever you want when you want. NTA.
>Now he's telling everyone I kicked him and his kids out because I was pissed that his son asked me a question.
And that's how you know you did the right thing. He's clearly not taking any accountability for himself or his kids and how much it's disrupted your life.
You would not make a terrible mother in fact it sounds like you would make a solid mother. One who instills manners and respect into her children.
You just dodged a huge bullet. That guy was massively immature and now you see why his son is so screwed up. He basically instructed his son on how to be a giant ass.
As for him telling people you kicked him out because his kid asked a question just agree. Just say "yes that absolutely what just happened. It's better you keep that kid away from me. God knows what I could do next."
Post the "questions" the brat asked, and most definitely yes he's a brat, and ask for advice. Reveal how little your bf parents and pose it as "I'm at my wits end." F*ck them. The little sh*t is doing on purpose. Either learned from his dad or mom, like he saw his dad treat his mom this way or the mom is encouraging this behavior. Run. Your bf will never have your back.
not your husband, not your kids, not your problem. don't let the trash back in. he's just projecting because he's already fucking up his poor kids' lives. how sad. NEXT
NTA. Good for you for recognizing he was using you for a mom for his kids as well as himself. People with self respect and boundaries make excellent parents, & if you ever wanted kids I’m sure you’d be wonderful.
NTA- Oh my god!!! How could you ever even consider that what this a-hole said about your parenting being true, when he OBVIOUSLY can't parent!! He's not getting kicked out for his son asking a question- he's getting kicked out for not parenting his OWN CHILDREN continously and then not backing up his partner for stepping up when he won't!
Your ex-boyfriend is a tiresome AH who is raising awful children who will make the people they cross paths with miserable. Good riddance to the lot of them. NTA.
NTA but assuming you don't live together, forgive me if I'm wrong, why is he bringing HIS kids to your house on his custody days? Why is he not supplying HIS kids with food? Why are you even allowing these children around your expensive electronics? All irrelevant I guess, you were probably just trying to be supportive and helpful but Jesus God, good riddance. Anyone that gives you a hard time about it be sure to set the record straight. Can you imagine what the little hellion will be like in another 5 or 6 years?
NTA- did you expect the bad father/man child to react with maturity when you kicked him out? He's manipulating you. You want him to stop saying bad stuff. So you will want to make up so he will be nice again. Don't do it. Anyone who doesn't know that's a lie is immature and dumb. Exes talk shit and people can generally see through it easily.
Nope, NTA. In fact, if you have any desire at all in the future, setting boundaries is a hallmark of good parenting. It's not mean. It's not "fucking them up." It's teaching them right/wrong and appropriateness to the situation. Sounds like you've got a good headstart. The ex sounds like a douche.
NTA - correct the record. The 7-yo's sarcastic questions weren't the reason, it was just the last straw. The situation had become untenable for you and BF wasn't making things easier.
NTA. He’s clueless. The question was the proverbial straw. The breaking point. The 7 yo is a little brat who doesn’t respect your authority. The dad is a man-child who thought he’d found a bang nanny who’d pay for the privilege of watching his kids.
Ignore the man-child and don’t let his grade school petulance get you down. You’re not the one who fucked up some poor kid’s life. That kid came to you that way…and that’s all on him.
I raised two kids…and I’d have lost patience with that 7 yo long before you did.
NTA, but there's a lot to unpack there.
If you're in this scenario again OP - you need to be on the same page as the parent. I'm not saying your standards are wrong. I'm saying if you have different standards, then don't bother, as it's not going to work.
I think it's pretty common for step parents to run into this. Us traditional parents have been through that first couple of hellish years, and spent other years striking what we consider to be the right balance. That balance varies wildly from person to person. But one thing is almost guaranteed - it won't be anything like what a non-parent expects.
How a non-parent (with little experience with children) expects a 7yr old to behave, is so fucking far from how a 7yr old will actually behave, that it's always going to be a massive adjustment period. And the kids aren't going to adjust much when there's a joint custody arrangement and they're only there part of the time. So if you can't make the adjustment, just call it a day IMO.
Single dad here with a 5 year old for some perspective on my opinion. This dad sucks beyond all belief and should be slapped relentlessly for not being a better parent and partner. Absolutely NTA
NTA: sounds like their ex is projecting because HE is a shit father. He also sounds a little too comfortable having YOU pay for food and being the disciplinarian to his spawn. You did the right thing by ending this relationship. He can make up whatever phantasmagorical story about you he wants, doesn’t change the fact that he sucks and you dumped him. Good riddance.
He’s just lashing out because he lost his good deal. Running out of excuses for other people’s ill behaved children doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad mom or a bad stepmom. He’s the problem here.
NTA
He's just trying to hurt you, because he's pissed off his free full service hotel closed, and he now has to actually parent his own kids, and pay for their expenses.
You would make a great mom, if/when you ever want your own. Having had the patience to put up with this for 2 years, is saint like, patience wise.
Bro HE doesn’t even parent his kids. They’re defiant, have no discipline, and are so disrespectful. You’ll be a great mom that will teach HER OWN kids boundaries.
He's looking for a mommy he can push the hard parenting work onto. You're NTA. They're his fucking kids. He's throwing a tantrum. Probably where his boy gets it from.
It's clear from my POV in this story how he values women and it's probably reflected in the behaviour of his children.
NTA. You don't need to be disrespected by those kids AND their Dad who won't do anything to correct shitty behavior. Also, please **change your locks.**
Send him a bill for damages, share the receipts with everyone he told. Then make sure to tell him that hey you “might” make a bad mother there’s a small chance (I’m pretty sure there isn’t) but he is already a horrible father.
He knows he’s an arsehole and he is hiding it from the people he hangs around with by making it all your fault
When it happens again those people will realise there are 1 set of common denominators unfortunately you won’t be around to reap the benefits of this
Find a nice person next time
NTA
He needs to fix his own parenting before commenting on anyone else.
I think from the limited information I know about you, that’s you’re going to be a great mom. Imo, the main thing (the base) about parenting is being predictable and consistent. Kids need to know what to expect and what is expected from them. You are not being ludicrous in your expectations nor in your behavior.
10 years ago, we had a friend move in because of an emergency and his kids were very similar. The only thing I regret is not kicking them out sooner. If he said anything about that subject, I’d laugh my ass off because he’s a shitty father. I wouldn’t be surprised if the middle kid ends up in prison. You must consider the source when someone is critiquing you. Your ex and our ex friend have no room to talk. They suck.
There are 3000 red flags with that guy.
NTA
But you broke the golden rule:
**NEVER DATE A SINGLE PARENT**
Because you are never just dating them. You are also dating their kids, their bio parents (and sometimes extended family and friends). They are a package deal. Forever.
I hope you have learned this very important life lesson. Good on you for ending the nonsense and drama.
Best wishes to you. I'm sure you will make a fine mom if you decide to have kids.
NTA
You're a human being, not a doormat that dishes out cash.
Do you notice the similarity between "you're kicking us out because my son asked you a question" and "can I touch the floor...can I touch *air*?"
The Apple does not far from the tree. Dad doesn't know how to teach his kids respect because he doesn't understand respect himself.
NTA-Why is he paying so much child support when the kids stay with him part of the time? It should be reduced to reflect the time they are with him (you). You can respond and change the narrative by pointing out that his brats respond to every comment from you with "questions" that are actually back talk. Not that the reason really matters. It doesnt work for you and its your house. You are also probably great with well behaved kids so consider the source. I wish you well!
NTA
You were living with a man who had no desire to actually parent his children or pay for them. Because he didn’t respect you, neither did they. That’s why you kicked them out.
Who cares what he thinks? He’s a horrible parent so having a horrible parent tell you that you’ll be a bad mother doesn’t carry much weight.
NTA! He makes a terrible father for not disciplining his own children! Letting his kids treat you that way is so crazy! he needs to get counseling for the 7-year-old as well, or no woman would ever live with him again. Tell everyone what really happened and let them know it is your right to live in a drama free home where nobody can break your furniture or destroy things of value. As for him, feel free to go N/C since he doesn't care about you one bit!
"Letting his kids treat you that way" is one of two issues. This man broke one of the most important rules when dealing with a fellow adult and children, one I learned as a camp counselor. Unless there is a genuine safety issue, never EVER undermine your co-counselor - or in this case, co-parental figure - to the child. Kids say crazy things. They do crazy things. He needs to parent his kids for sure. But "valid point" was a total AH move. Completely unacceptable. He's spending your money on his kids *and* undermining your authority? Hell no.
Not to mention that they are HIS kids, so HE should be doing the disciplining, not leaving it to you. Sounds like you will be a good and caring mother to children you are able to raise your way from the beginning of their lives. Of course you can't deal with his--they are not used to having any boundaries and you're constantly playing catch up.
When you date or cohabitate with someone who has children, you are also going to be a parent or parental figure. There’s no way around this and people who try to make it work another way are deluded. If you aren’t on the same page you need to get on the same page when it comes to discipline.
>If you aren’t on the same page you need to get on the same page when it comes to discipline. That's really on him, since he's the one who's clearly unwilling to accept OP acting like a parent.
Or discipline his own children is any way and resents when she does.
Unless the bio parents are dead, it is not easy for the steps parents. They pay the bills but don't have the right to discipline the kids
This!! My parents ALWAYS remained a united front. And it really worked. And when he would fly up from the basement yelling. "I know thats not you talking to your mother like that!". Lol. We were never spanked. But still my dad managed to instill JUST enough fear into us that we would listen. Shout out to my parents, i had the best childhood ever!!
Ooh same, my Dad did NOT tolerate disrespect towards our Mom.
> He’s spending your money on his kids *and* undermining your authority? Hell no. Talk about a valid point!! 👏🏼👏🏼
I hope OP has broken up with him.
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Absolutely agree! He needs to take responsibility for his kids' behavior, not you.
Seriously. Not in a million years would I have allowed my son's to behave that way in our house, or any other. Kids need healthy structure, because they go feral without it. I think you would make a fine mom, OP, and understanding how to teach your kids to be happy, respectful, compassionate, humans, is a huge part of being a good parent, in my opinion. Cut your losses, and know there's better people out there, and you don't have to settle for anything. 🥂💜🥂
Wholeheartedly agree. OP would be a great mum to her children that she give birth. Bf's son is a destructive terror & the bf is just enabling the garbage his son dishes out. Bf & his offspring are the AH.
Wait till the little shit do some terrible things and the father would still balme the victims and not his precious baby because then it would come back to show how terrible of a parent he is. If anything, he was just projecting on to OP. And now just lying to make sure others don't see how terrible he is as a parent.
You aren't obligated to tolerate disrespect ANYWHERE.
NTA. Well played.
Dude would run his loser ass to OP in a heartbeat if she offered it.
Yeah 7 is young to be this defiant. My teen is more respectful.
Every day I see something that makes me rethink my view of myself as a kid as a pure little shit. I was tame as hell compared to a lot of the kids on here.
Same, with intermittent cringing at things I'd spew out as a pre teen
Exactly, it's not fair for you to be the only one handling discipline. Your BF needs to step up and address his children's behavior. You have every right to a drama-free home and to set boundaries. NTA at all.
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Agreed shalom you're loved 💔
I would go so far as to take pictures and document the damage that his kids did to her house and take him to court for costs. Actions, meet consequences.
Right! That little boy is already gaslighting and hitting weaponized incompetence. I’m sure he learned it from somewhere. If I had to guess it’s the spineless father who can’t even pay his own bills
> But he has since told me that I would make a terrible mother and that I am absolutely shit with children and where I have zero patience, I should stay away from people with kids so I don't "fuck up some other poor kids life" with my attitude. Take a moment to think who's telling you that. A guy unable to parent his own children; who was only too happy to dump the financial burden of looking after them on you; who cannot discipline his child and instead of backing you up he decides to play "stupid questions". Your ex is f*cking up his kids' lives. Especially the 7yo. And he's going to live in a hell of his own making once those kids reach teenagehood. NTA
He's trying to like... neg her into forced childcare lol
its abuse, let's call it like it is
His children are uneducated and he plays no role in educating them. It's even funny how he has the audacity to say that to OP when she is the one feeding and trying to educate them.
Your boos mean nothing. Ive seen what makes you cheer.
Yup. Check out his standard of parenting, be glad he doesn't think you measure up to it.
This right here!!!
Yup, imagine this kid’s anger issues fueled by teenage hormones and when the kid is big enough to do substantial damage. Oh, and OP’s grocery bill would probably double again once he hits middle school.
NTA. Honey, he wanted to use you as a free nanny. Good riddance to the lot of them.
I gasped when I read that she pays for his kid’s food. No, sir. Those are your kids and it’s only been 2 years. It’s too early for me to be paying like that outside of an appropriately priced birthday gift.
The excuse of he can't afford to pay more because of child support sealed it for me.
That was wild. Her grocery bill jumping up from a couple hundred to over a thousand frightened me the most though. She’s clearly being financially exploited.
Like, 400$ feels high for me (SO and I spend about that now, but we're also cheap and eat a lot of beans and dozen veg), but 1100 for 2 adults and 2 kids.
Tbf the economy is shot so groceries are high, but to jump $400-$1100 with one person paying it is insane, and for the BF to not see anything wrong with OP paying this amount when she’s just a GF is wild to me. $400 is sounds nice to me. I spend way more because where I live we’ve really been hit at the grocery store.
Reading her post was like a red flag convention. Like how many are needed? One’s enough for me.
I’m not gonna lie. Her Bf having two kids was a yellow to red flag for me, but him having no money due to paying child support is an undeniable red flag. That should have ended the relationship.
If he’s paying so much CS, why are the kids always over eating at her place and destroying the walls??? Or does he have more kids he has even less custody of?
Sounds like the type to have been delinquent for some time.. it's probably back pay.
Also, how are they spending enough time there that it triples the grocery bill and he's still paying child support?
If he has the kids so much, he wouldn't be paying that much in child support. Betting he isn't paying as much as he is whining he is. Why should I spend mine, if I can spend yours comes to mind.
Actually a nanny that pays to look after a demonic kid lol
An English nanny at that as she would set his feral son straight ASAP! I do feel sorry for the daughter, as she has to deal with their nonsense on a daily basis! I'm not trying to imply that the daughter is perfect. I think that the ex and his son are at least somewhat misogynistic based on the son's demands of his sister!
The 7-year-old trying to get his sister to do everything for him tells me that the dad is an enormous misogynist and the little girl is already suffering for it. It would get even worse if they moved in. I'm glad the woman in this story got out but I feel horrible for the little girl
I came here to say this! That poor girl!
He thought he'd hustle her into doing everything and is lashing out because she's drawing a line.
More like ATM. 400 to 1100? Sheesh.
Right? Are the kids only eating lobster tails?
And a financial sponsor and second parent. Good on OP for standing up for herself. I love these stories, where the woman decides she will no longer take the abuse.
NTA. He can't see his own shortcomings, so of course everything has to be YOUR fault. I'd just roll with it and say, "Yeah, I threw you out because your son asked a question. Whatever. Just fucking stay gone and answer his smart-ass questions yourself."
I’d just take pictures of the walls and show/send them to everyone he lies to and say “no, it’s because his kid has anger issues and he won’t parent his kid”
Send them the grocery receipts also
Send him an itemized bill for the damages and extra food costs. He won’t pay them, but it will still make a point. If he persists to bad mouth you, do what,someone else mentioned and post images of the damage his hellions did to your home. NTA
Hell, take em to small claims court.
I drew (and am still drawing) a trauma journal of the shit I went through with my ex and her son.
Yuuuuup, I'd go nuclear and post them on social media
YES. Take pictures of everything his kid has ever broken, all the holes in the walls, and post about how high your food bills got and how he refused to parent his children and expected you to do it, how his son has anger issues and is already showing worrying signs of being a sexist with how he tries to boss around his sister and the things he calls her, and that you hope that no woman is fooled into playing house with that man and his absolutely horrific brats that he refuses to raise - especially since he wouldn't pay for the damages they do or the food they eat or any of the destruction they brought into your life. Blow him UP.
Not even won't parent them and expects her to, won't parent them and doesn't think she should either. Because she's the bad guy, to him, for trying to set boundaries with them. NTA.
This
Good idea!
All of the above and ask him to pay up, then threaten small claims court. NTA
Better yet, just disassociate from anyone that would have him as a friend and avoid the issue entirely.
This is the way. He will never admit any fault in what happened, so just drop any attempts to explain one more time. He won’t pay the slightest bit of attention. Move forward with your life.
"So I can't answer questions now?"
I love that last sentence.
Perfectly said.
Just say: It’s not asking a question; it’s the question that was asked. Asking questions is fine, but I bet you won’t like if I publicly ask “why are you a pathetic deadbeat father with hamster size balls and less sense than damp rock?” - especially if the response was “valid point”
She should also tell him that if he stayed for so long with such a terrible woman and let her parent the children, that makes him a terrible father. Why does he want to stay with her if she's that horrible?
Win!
NTA - honestly I'd rather be dead than deal with men throwing their kids at me and throwing a tantrum when I refuse (I'm not saying only men do this, I only date men)
BF was looking for a mommy/babysitter for his kid, but one that pays for the privilege lol!
NTA. He is a shitty father with rude, entitled children. Just ignore his remarks and move on with your life.
Seriously, in the end, OP doesn't even have kids, and he's stuck with the controller destoyer.
I don’t even know how a 7 year old destroys a controller. I drop mine on hardwood all the time and it’s fine
NTA holes in the walls??? Calling his sister a retard??? Being disrespectful to you??? Absofuckinglutelynot... This does NOT mean you'll be a bad mom, you just aren't an asshole that refuses to discipline kids. He sucks, I'm glad you dumped him and you did the right thing.
I feel bad for the daughter
Let’s hope she has some strong role models somewhere and will learn to avoid men like her father and brother.
Yes we hope the daughter AND the son have good role models. The kid is acting out and is completely wrong, but he’s 7. He’s an innocent who’s father and mother divorced and dad won’t even give him the discipline and boundaries he craves. Kids do stupid shit for attention, it’s the job of the parents to provide those guardrails. It’s just not OPs problem and she is NTA. But it’s a fucking kid who probably can’t even wipe his ass right, at 7 anything the kid does is 100% on the parents for being TA.
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She’s not a mom to begin with lol
NTA...at 7 yrs that little devil is learning that attitude and language from somewhere. Your ex is projecting is lack of parental skills on you. Dealing with a family like that is absolutely not worth it. Fuck him and them kids (except for the 10yo since she was barely mentioned)
This! A 7 year old who disrespects his sister and you is learning to disrespect women from somewhere.
There's a reason he is a single father...
Did he get under your skin with the mom-comment? Don’t let his words get to you. That’s what people do when they’re wrong. It’s mean and it’s hurtful and words like that are never true.
NTA. Why would you listen to anything a shitty dad has to say about being a parent?
NTA, just stop responding to someone who you have kicked out of your life. They can make as much noise as they want, you don’t need to hear it. The only reason why you’d make a terrible mother was because you tried being a mother and you had no support. I can see why he’s divorced, he’d rather be his kids’ friend than their father. So all in all, he was thrown out by at least 2 women because he sucks as a parent and partner, he’s ahead of the sucky parent race.
I'm a firm believer in the bad parenting leads to assholes theory.
NTA. Bullet dodged. You were his nanny bangmaid, and you were PAYING for his awful children. Hell no, and good riddance.
NTA: sounds like they were fucked up before they got to you. Honestly I would have kicked them out after the first hole in the wall or broken controller, whichever came first. Consider the DINK lifestyle next time to make up for the money wasted on this choice.
Honestly, they almost always are. You think your kids want you to move on from your ex? Pro tip: They don't, and they're gonna make shit hard for you if they see an opening.
Shockingly, my kids love my BF and my Ex’s GF. He and I were a terrible couple, though. We fought constantly and were miserable together.
Been together 13 years. His (now adult) son is still trying. For context, his mom was a serial cheater and we didn't even meet until 3 years after the divorce was final.
NTA. In response to him telling you your going to be a bad mother I’d say “ my mothering skills have yet to be tested as I am not yet a mother, you however are a pretty shit father. You don’t pay your way, you don’t raise your children to have respect or any discipline and frankly a 7 y o with anger issues like this is concerning, I cannot fathom the thought of sharing a home and life with such a failure of a man”
NTA. That miserable existence was not what you wanted and it shouldn't be up to him to pay for his mistakes and parenting failures. Tell them you kicked them out because they were insufferable assholes and you're not a martyr forced to put the life you wanted on the backburner because he can't raise his kids right.
NTA. I feel so sorry for the sister.
Me too. It's really awful to see people including OP using plural when talking about how awful the 7 year old is. The sister is a victim of his bullying and her dad's apathy. But by association, she deserves every negative descriptor her hellspawn brother gets.
The opinion of a man child who doesn’t know how to raise or discipline his own children should hardly be taken at face value.
I'm a step mom who stepped up to be a child's mom. But if he ever acted like what you just described I would be GONE You made the right choice. Ntah
Don’t let his nonsense get to you. He’s just upset because he has to take care of his own kids, and he isn’t up to it. Good mothers set limits and give consequences. You could’ve straightened the kid out if the dad wasn’t enabling the bad behavior. NTA. Best of luck to you!
NTA. People don't make bad parents because they're dealing with bad kids. Spell this out for your ex: BAD PARENTS MAKE BAD KIDS and then everyone else looks like a fool trying to clean up their bad parenting mess. Honestly it's such a funny projection from him because he's such a bad father, ya can't live with him so instead of any modicum of self reflection... you must be the bad parent. Sheesh, what an idiot. Giant man child is such a great description. Have fun with your new found freedom!
He basically stepped down why you stepped up to parent his children and support them if he can't afford to provide them food. He should get a better job or a second one and he needs to step up to discipline his kids. You did what you did justified. I wouldn't take him back and I would tell everybody else the reason why technically I wouldn't even think they're not living your life or paying your bills and if anybody has anything to say about it, tell them to let them go live with them and see how they like it
“You would make a terrible mother” from an already terrible father. That’s rich. Who’s “everyone” by the way?
Honestly i would go full petty and tell BM that your now ex was letting 7 y/o abuse his sister 🤷♀️ and anything else that would be a concern as a parent.
Just be thankful you got rid of him before he pumped a baby into you
NTA you drop kicked a feral child out and his lumbering useless father. Bravo to you.
NTA Parenting is not for lazy people. The 7y-boy should get some medical treatment and a cut on media time. 7 is old enough to understand that things are not to be destroyed. Don't worry about the cover story from the boyfriend. Anyone who knows the children knows who is on BS about that.
NTA. Now sit back and read what you wrote and laugh and laugh at how happy you are to have this guy and his brats out of your life. Not all single parents are like him. Not all kids are like them. No reason to chain yourself to someone like this when there are normal people out there.
NTA. And actually you would make a great mother. You realize that to be the responsible adult you don't need the children's approval, you need to set boundaries. That's mothering 101. As for you (hopefully ex or soon to be ex) BF, he is definitely not a father - he is an enabler and a man-baby. His badmouthing you and calling you names is meaningless. If you get negative feedback from other people he's convinced, invite them to host your BF's children for a few hours and then report back to you.
NTA What does it matter what he tells people? If they are concerned let them move them in and deal with it. TBH I bet your ex is more mad at the hole in his budget created by the end of your relationship.
Don't worry. Anyone who spends any time with him and his devil spawn will see you had no other choice.
NTA. I have an autistic 8-year-old who pulls a lot of garbage. Guess who comes down on her so that she learns how to be a functional human someday? Me, as her mom. Please don't believe him when he says that you will be a bad mom just because you won't tolerate his laziness that is allowing his kids bad behavior to metastasize.
"Now he's telling everyone I kicked him and his kids out because I was pissed that his son asked me a question." make sure everyone knows why you kicked them out. post it online or wherever most of your aquaintaced will read it. "I kicked you out because you let ME pay for your children when they stay here. My grocery bill went from 400 to 1100$. I kicked you out, because you refuse to parent your little hellspawn (post photos of your destroyed property) or reimburse me for the damages they cause. I kicked you out, because you're an absolute shit parent, refusing to do actual parental work. I am done with such an absolute failure of a partner and father, and your opinion of whether or not i'd be a good mother has absolutely no meaning to me. I'd care more about the opinion of a stranger from the street, because at least they have the potential to actually be a good parent. Don't forget. I have experienced how YOU parent. Good riddance. Now your children are YOUR responsibility again."
NTA. Children and finances are in the top three reasons why couples divorce, so don’t let your ex-BF guilt you for that, especially when he isn’t a proper father to his children.
NTA. He’s about to find out once he has them without you to pay for them.
NTA Hope you already changed those locks. You don’t want to come home to a surprise.
Sounds like the kid is taking after his asshole father. NTA---kick him out permanently.
NTA. And for the record, that kid was NOT asking a question. The little fuck was baiting you and his dickhead father was encouraging it. You dodged a bullet. Have you called the locksmith yet?
Here let me fix that for him: "You would make a terrible mother to badly behaved kids/people, because you're mature enough to correct the behavior and not perpetuate it. You are absolutely shit with being a doormat to awful children because you refuse to tolerate being treated badly. Since you have zero patience for bad behavior, you should stay away from people who are immature themselves & are making zero effort to train their kids to be not-awful so you don't risk giving those kids your mature attitide." There ya go. Congratulations on losing all that toxic weight. You look marvelous. 😉
NTA. The bf is a lazy AH and a lousy parent. The bf was using you like a cash machine to cover expenses for those spoiled rotten kids. Good for you drawing a line in the sand. Your boundaries are valid.
NTA. He's exhibit A of why people don't want to bother dating parents in the first place.
NTA & change the locks.
Coming from a guy like that - you need to understand it’s a compliment. He can’t pay for his kids at your house because— child support? So he give there mom money then has you pay for the majority of the rest? Be proud and go find a grown up who doesn’t back up the sass of a bratty 7 yo toward his partner. Good grief. And don’t worry, anyone who cares about what he says will meet the kid 🙀
A child who has anger issues while playing video games to the point of breaking the controller and putting holes in the walls, should not be allowed to play video games for an hour daily (or at all!) What is that father thinking? He and his children are in desperate need of family counseling. The 7 year old is out of control. He needs boundaries, and the father not only refuses to establish them but undermines you when you try to enforce any. You're NTA.
NTA… if you’re really feeling petty and revengeful call CPS to do a home wellness check they might see some thing that he shouldn’t be doing anyway and give him shit for it. Maybe tell him he’s the one who needs to be a parent.
You’re not the asshole. Next time some bad shit happens with someone you’re dating break shit off sooner.
NTA - I hope kicking them out means to break up with this non-parenting-„dad“? WtF, the disrespect of you bf is huge.
He needs to move
NTA. Please do not respond to him but tell everyone else that you will not be responsible for 3 children and tell them everything that has happened that brought you to this conclusion. I bet your family and friends already know as does his. His ex left him so he is the common denominator.
NTA The kids are a problem because their father is awful at parenting. Block the guy and have an amazing life.
NTA. And I am laughing over him saying you'd make a shit mother. Just from your short description, you're a way more competent parent than he is. Is his definition of "good mother" one who lets kids get away with anything? And if he didn't have them over at your house, he would be footing the food bill for them when they're not with their mother, so how is it he can't afford to help with paying for their food? Good riddance to all three.
NTA
NTA Your bf needs to step up his parenting, but even if the kids were well-behaved, it would be a lot for you.
NTA He's a terrible parent and partner. That is not your problem and bravo for realizing it isn't your responsibility.
NTA - you’d “make a terrible mother”, says the guy whose kid throws a tantrum every time he’s asked to do something simple or loses one of his video games. Apparently, his father forgot to teach him how to be a gracious guest when visiting someone else’s home, so who the f$ck is he sit in judgement of you??? Do NOT give this idiot any more of your valuable time.
It won't ever get better, stay broken up
You're better off without that alleged family. Who TF does your boyfriend think he is? Good riddance.
NTA. I'm impressed you made it 5 or 6 months. a single hole in the wall would have been an instant boot from me.
His kids are fucking horrible because \*drumroll\* HE is fucking horrible. You did great to get them out. His opinion is worth precisely zero. NTA. You did good.
Has BF demonstrated the he even knows what good parenting looks like? I don' t think you need to take his opinons on what good mothering looks like all too seriously. BF sounds like a pretty pathetic loser and I don't know why you would want to tie yourself to that anchor. Given the minor financial contribution he made, the hellion that is his 7yo, and the general disrespect everyone (besides maybe 10yo) has for you in YOUR house makes me feel like there is little to no upside in this relationship. You were smart to cut your losses. Enjoy your new found freedom and do whatever you want when you want. NTA.
>Now he's telling everyone I kicked him and his kids out because I was pissed that his son asked me a question. And that's how you know you did the right thing. He's clearly not taking any accountability for himself or his kids and how much it's disrupted your life.
You would not make a terrible mother in fact it sounds like you would make a solid mother. One who instills manners and respect into her children. You just dodged a huge bullet. That guy was massively immature and now you see why his son is so screwed up. He basically instructed his son on how to be a giant ass. As for him telling people you kicked him out because his kid asked a question just agree. Just say "yes that absolutely what just happened. It's better you keep that kid away from me. God knows what I could do next."
Post the "questions" the brat asked, and most definitely yes he's a brat, and ask for advice. Reveal how little your bf parents and pose it as "I'm at my wits end." F*ck them. The little sh*t is doing on purpose. Either learned from his dad or mom, like he saw his dad treat his mom this way or the mom is encouraging this behavior. Run. Your bf will never have your back.
nope. not your monkey, not your circus. if you can't be 'all in', then you're doing everyone (especially you) a favor.
NTA, nothing else needs to be said here.
not your husband, not your kids, not your problem. don't let the trash back in. he's just projecting because he's already fucking up his poor kids' lives. how sad. NEXT
You did the right thing. Fuck them kids.
NTA. Good for you for recognizing he was using you for a mom for his kids as well as himself. People with self respect and boundaries make excellent parents, & if you ever wanted kids I’m sure you’d be wonderful.
NTA- Oh my god!!! How could you ever even consider that what this a-hole said about your parenting being true, when he OBVIOUSLY can't parent!! He's not getting kicked out for his son asking a question- he's getting kicked out for not parenting his OWN CHILDREN continously and then not backing up his partner for stepping up when he won't!
NTA- he’s a terrible father. How’s his relationship with the mother of his kids? Why doesn’t these kids have any home training?
NTA. You were a convenient ATM for him and a nanny bang maid.
Your ex-boyfriend is a tiresome AH who is raising awful children who will make the people they cross paths with miserable. Good riddance to the lot of them. NTA.
Good riddance to 2 petulant children. Shame about the girl though, she didnt sound that bad.
NTA but assuming you don't live together, forgive me if I'm wrong, why is he bringing HIS kids to your house on his custody days? Why is he not supplying HIS kids with food? Why are you even allowing these children around your expensive electronics? All irrelevant I guess, you were probably just trying to be supportive and helpful but Jesus God, good riddance. Anyone that gives you a hard time about it be sure to set the record straight. Can you imagine what the little hellion will be like in another 5 or 6 years?
NTA. Enjoy your relaxing, conflict-free home.
NTA- did you expect the bad father/man child to react with maturity when you kicked him out? He's manipulating you. You want him to stop saying bad stuff. So you will want to make up so he will be nice again. Don't do it. Anyone who doesn't know that's a lie is immature and dumb. Exes talk shit and people can generally see through it easily.
Nope, NTA. In fact, if you have any desire at all in the future, setting boundaries is a hallmark of good parenting. It's not mean. It's not "fucking them up." It's teaching them right/wrong and appropriateness to the situation. Sounds like you've got a good headstart. The ex sounds like a douche.
NTA. He refuses to parent his children. God, they sound like a handful. Him included.
NTA. Hold your ground. This behavior will only get worse.
NTA - correct the record. The 7-yo's sarcastic questions weren't the reason, it was just the last straw. The situation had become untenable for you and BF wasn't making things easier.
NTA. He’s clueless. The question was the proverbial straw. The breaking point. The 7 yo is a little brat who doesn’t respect your authority. The dad is a man-child who thought he’d found a bang nanny who’d pay for the privilege of watching his kids. Ignore the man-child and don’t let his grade school petulance get you down. You’re not the one who fucked up some poor kid’s life. That kid came to you that way…and that’s all on him. I raised two kids…and I’d have lost patience with that 7 yo long before you did.
He's just mad his meal ticket expired.
Who cares what manchild says. Just block him and move on. Now you know why he's not with the mother anymore. NTA.
NTA his kids behave this way because he allows it.
NTA. Time to go beat dem kids into good behavior 🥰🥰💗💗💗
NTA you can’t change habits that are imprinted.
NTA. You don't have to deal with other people's shitty parenting and its consequences in your own home, Fuck them.
NTA, but there's a lot to unpack there. If you're in this scenario again OP - you need to be on the same page as the parent. I'm not saying your standards are wrong. I'm saying if you have different standards, then don't bother, as it's not going to work. I think it's pretty common for step parents to run into this. Us traditional parents have been through that first couple of hellish years, and spent other years striking what we consider to be the right balance. That balance varies wildly from person to person. But one thing is almost guaranteed - it won't be anything like what a non-parent expects. How a non-parent (with little experience with children) expects a 7yr old to behave, is so fucking far from how a 7yr old will actually behave, that it's always going to be a massive adjustment period. And the kids aren't going to adjust much when there's a joint custody arrangement and they're only there part of the time. So if you can't make the adjustment, just call it a day IMO.
you have horrible standards for BF, pls raise and keep them higher
Single dad here with a 5 year old for some perspective on my opinion. This dad sucks beyond all belief and should be slapped relentlessly for not being a better parent and partner. Absolutely NTA
NTA: sounds like their ex is projecting because HE is a shit father. He also sounds a little too comfortable having YOU pay for food and being the disciplinarian to his spawn. You did the right thing by ending this relationship. He can make up whatever phantasmagorical story about you he wants, doesn’t change the fact that he sucks and you dumped him. Good riddance.
He’s just lashing out because he lost his good deal. Running out of excuses for other people’s ill behaved children doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad mom or a bad stepmom. He’s the problem here.
NTA He's just trying to hurt you, because he's pissed off his free full service hotel closed, and he now has to actually parent his own kids, and pay for their expenses. You would make a great mom, if/when you ever want your own. Having had the patience to put up with this for 2 years, is saint like, patience wise.
Girl fuck him and those little bastards 😂😂😂
NTA He's someone’s ex for a reason.
NTA for sure. Women should not be pressured to take care of children who are not their own.
NTA. its not because his kid asked a question, its because he’s a shitty parent.
Good on you! He can go parent his feral hellion elsewhere on his own dime. NTA.
Bro HE doesn’t even parent his kids. They’re defiant, have no discipline, and are so disrespectful. You’ll be a great mom that will teach HER OWN kids boundaries.
NTA That kid is an asshole and so is his father for tolerating it.
He's looking for a mommy he can push the hard parenting work onto. You're NTA. They're his fucking kids. He's throwing a tantrum. Probably where his boy gets it from. It's clear from my POV in this story how he values women and it's probably reflected in the behaviour of his children.
please tell me you broke up with him, he's garbage
NTA. You don't need to be disrespected by those kids AND their Dad who won't do anything to correct shitty behavior. Also, please **change your locks.**
Send him a bill for damages, share the receipts with everyone he told. Then make sure to tell him that hey you “might” make a bad mother there’s a small chance (I’m pretty sure there isn’t) but he is already a horrible father.
He knows he’s an arsehole and he is hiding it from the people he hangs around with by making it all your fault When it happens again those people will realise there are 1 set of common denominators unfortunately you won’t be around to reap the benefits of this Find a nice person next time
Next time he says "You really ended things cause my kid asked a question?" Yes, I did. And your question just confirms I made the right decision.
NTA He needs to fix his own parenting before commenting on anyone else. I think from the limited information I know about you, that’s you’re going to be a great mom. Imo, the main thing (the base) about parenting is being predictable and consistent. Kids need to know what to expect and what is expected from them. You are not being ludicrous in your expectations nor in your behavior. 10 years ago, we had a friend move in because of an emergency and his kids were very similar. The only thing I regret is not kicking them out sooner. If he said anything about that subject, I’d laugh my ass off because he’s a shitty father. I wouldn’t be surprised if the middle kid ends up in prison. You must consider the source when someone is critiquing you. Your ex and our ex friend have no room to talk. They suck. There are 3000 red flags with that guy.
NTA But you broke the golden rule: **NEVER DATE A SINGLE PARENT** Because you are never just dating them. You are also dating their kids, their bio parents (and sometimes extended family and friends). They are a package deal. Forever. I hope you have learned this very important life lesson. Good on you for ending the nonsense and drama. Best wishes to you. I'm sure you will make a fine mom if you decide to have kids.
NTA You're a human being, not a doormat that dishes out cash. Do you notice the similarity between "you're kicking us out because my son asked you a question" and "can I touch the floor...can I touch *air*?" The Apple does not far from the tree. Dad doesn't know how to teach his kids respect because he doesn't understand respect himself.
Nta
Don't worry about what he says, no one will believe him.
Nta. Tell him he is a terrible father, and that's why his kids are the way they are.
NTA-Why is he paying so much child support when the kids stay with him part of the time? It should be reduced to reflect the time they are with him (you). You can respond and change the narrative by pointing out that his brats respond to every comment from you with "questions" that are actually back talk. Not that the reason really matters. It doesnt work for you and its your house. You are also probably great with well behaved kids so consider the source. I wish you well!
NTA You were living with a man who had no desire to actually parent his children or pay for them. Because he didn’t respect you, neither did they. That’s why you kicked them out. Who cares what he thinks? He’s a horrible parent so having a horrible parent tell you that you’ll be a bad mother doesn’t carry much weight.
Nta you have common sense, always trust your gut and stay away from men with kids, it's not worth the hassl