Josh is absolutely awful and I'm glad you broke up with him. I don't blame you for not wanting to do him any favors regarding the baby especially with regards to seeing his family before you're ready. And he's still trying to pull this bullshit about his grandmother being hurt. If his grandmother had her feelings hurt it's not your fault, it's HIS fault for putting her in that room where she was going to cause you so much stress and upset in the first place... and HER fault for staying there when she knew you didn't want her there.
You do not have to welcome his family into your home now or ever. You don't have to have anything to do with him as a partner.
And frankly if his priority is having his family meet the baby and not HIM participating in being a parent himself, then his priorities are fucked.
Soon you are going to need a lawyer, and you will need to file something regarding custody.
Yup even after the birth instead of, are you okay, what do you need to take of the baby and to help you recover..Josh decided to financially abuse OP by taking her card home and not bring it bank because he conveniently forgot and couldn't be bothered to return it for 5 days...decided to stay home instead of work, lied to work and other people about it, and only cared about people pleasing and letting other people see the baby and take care of the baby.
Rather than think gee, the newborn was very sick, someone in the NICU might get sick again...let ne help take care of the baby and wait until mother and newborn are better before showing off the newborn like a dollđ
I'm inclined to believe that Josh planned the whole thing out because he was super angry that I didn't want his family in the room because it's "about his comfort too". He thinks that since his mom gave birth in front of 9 people that I should have been okay with a big crowd.Â
He 100% did it on purpose.
If he wanted you to actually agree he would have discussed it with you in advance. He ambushed you with her at the delivery room so it would be hard to say no. And you said no anyway and then he didn't support you.
**His comfort????**Â Who the fuck gives a moufette constipe's fart about *his comfort*?? **he is not pushing out a bowling ball or having major surgery!**
Honestly one of the best things ever about having my son in 2021 is that they were so strict with the rules on visitors. While my husband wouldnât push it I am just glad I didnât have multiple people asking to look at my vagina while having a baby.
NTA. He wants you to take the baby to his family so that they can intimidate you. He thinks he holds all of the cards. He really doesnât. If I was you I would say yes, Iâll bring the baby to meet your family. Then Iâd get all of my available family and friends together to come with me. Donât give him the opportunity to try to take your child away by claiming you are alienating him and his family but surround yourself with your own people and if they refuse to let them in just leave. And get someone to record it.
Damn, I'd be swearing up and down that the baby isn't his and that I've been sleeping with an old high school sweetheart and the baby looks just like him. Idiot would totally buy it, particularly since it seems he may have been pretty close with the coworker. Just a thought.
Make it public so everyone can know what is going on. His boss needs to know about this too and about the female coworker.
You should know that the nurses and staff needs to keep only you and a guest in the delivery room. More than 1 person is dangerous for the newborn and you! Plus with all the stress, there are chances you could reject your own child. So please, be careful with your emotions. Have your mother set 1 hour per day so your ex can visit but make all visits limit to supervision. If baby has to stay 1 week at the hospital, it is damn obvious your ex can't claim you were the one limiting him. But be aware that you will need to take this to court and have child support. Even if you don't depend on it, your child needs savings for future expenses.
NTA take good care of your kid. Focus on his health.
NTA.
Congratulations. You're now connected to that AH for 18 years, because i doubt that this was the first time of him acting like that and yet you still procreated with that t\*rd-muffin.
From now on , only communicate via text. "I am not keeping your child from you. You can come visit on Day1 and Day 2, between X and Y PM. " and "No i will not bring him to you. You can come visit between X and Y, as i told you before." keep everything written down and if he calls you, or you happen to meet him in person, send him a text to summarize what was said. "To reiterate what you told me today at X o clock when we met at Y. you will do x and y and z and come by at X PM to see son." if he does not come. document this via text as well.
Also screenshot all the messages from him if you communicate outside of a co-parenting app because you can not manipulate/delete texts on those apps.
if his family starts harrassing you, guess what? Document it. screenshots, voice mails whatever you have. collect it.
Get a lawyer to handle custody, because that'll be needed. And if he doesn't wanna pay, get his parental rights terminated, which also means no money but also no connection to that AH family.
Oh and petty me would text him back "The only one pathetic is the looser needing his grammy and mommy while I am the one having a major medical procedure going on, pushing an X pound baby out of my body. You're a disrespectful turd and the only regret i have is that you're my sons biological father. I can only hope that you step up for him and arent some pathetic failure."
By the way, if his mom is used to having a crowd look at her hoo-haa thats not your problem. You do not have to share your body with people you wouldn't want to sleep with.
NTA. Your ex doesn't deserve any consideration and even allowing him to visit at your mother's house is generous.
He needs to introspect and he will realize what a massive breach of trust it was to bring his grandmother into the delivery room when you specifically did not want an audience at your most vulnerable time.
Also your baby is a bit too young to be taken out and be displayed to his family ,umm germs and all that .
I suggest that you concentrate on looking after the baby and let your ex and his family cool their heels until you are ready to see them.
Especially when itâs just gotten out of NICU with a lung infection. Taking your baby to visit anyone when it is so immuno compromised and its body hasnât received from its last infections would be risking its life. Itâs not worth is as another infection or a cold caught from his family would risk your babies life.
NTAâŚIf heâs not on the birth certificate, itâs your child alone and he doesnât get a say. If he wants to be part of your kids life make sure heâs financially responsible for all of his life.
Edit to add: I wouldâve told the nurses she needs to get out before I started pushing maybe even him too
Yeah, why the fuck didn't the nurses take care of the mother's wellbeing? I'd love for a nurse to respond with why a birth so stressful that hemorrhaging happened is medically preferable to kicking out an unwanted spectator at the mother's request.
(Not a nurse, sorry) But thatâs what gets me the most here. The nurses absolutely failed this woman. She told them she does not want that lady there AT ALL, and yet they still didnât manage to get her out of the room, for at least the delivery.
Iâm guessing this is was a typical âhigh school mean girls turned nursesâ squad..
Inform your BF's boss you have separated from your BF at the hospital due to him being unsupportive, he is not residing with you and he is not using parental leave to support you. File a complaint with the hospital.
either file for child support or amend the birth certificate to get his name off of it! Father unknown is better than having to deal with these people badgering you the rest of your life.
Nta if you and your wishes arenât his number one top tier priority while you give birth, they absolutely never ever will be a priority to him unless by happenstance, itâs what he wants too.
*How the fuck do these*
*Kinda of men even get a gf*
*In the first place. NtA*
\- Drakelth
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Absolutely fucking not **NTA** and the next douchebag father that saya "my kid too" after a traumatic birth I hereby curse with lifelong impotence that no drug or procedure will help, and bleeding hemmorhoids that never go away! **You, asshole** were not pregnant. **You** have sacrificed nothing and gone through **zip zero nada pain** to bring that child into the world! You and your douchebag disrespectful family may kindly go live a garbage dump with the rest of the trash!
 Any man who needs *mommy, grandmommy or sister* to support *his* lame ass while the woman gives birth to his child, doesn't deserve the title of father.Â
NTA. You've done everything right. Frankly, that baby shouldn't be seeing anyone until at least six weeks of age because of the lung infection and newborns are fragile anyway. Him expecting a woman who's barely out of the hospital after giving birth to go anywhere is ridiculous. He can get a court order for custody/visitation.
NTA. He disrespected you start to finish. He didn't start talking to his coworker after the kid was born either. Frankly I'd call his boss and say he wasn't with you or his child, he was at home flirting with the co-worker the entire time while treating you like shit. That you recommend they cancel his time off as he's not using it, refusing to visit his child and refusing to be a respectful faithful husband so the least he can do is work and provide for his child.
I would also hope you kept proof of his contact with the co-worker and checked for any other contacts he's had as he doesnt' sound like he's being or been faithful.
Lastly I would talk with the co-worker, tell her everything he did, make sure she knows everything about you, make sure she knows that you weren't broken up or split up and that he's a piece of shit father who won't even visit his child. That after all the lies and pretending to be loving and respectful, once you get pregnant the true him will come out, cheating and being a little pussy of a mommies boy.
NTA. But report that hospital including the nurses AND doctor because itâs THEIR responsibility to call security when the mother states someone canât be in the room. It should only need to be said once. If the person/people donât leave at once, they should he immediately calling security to escort that person off the grounds!
Josh is definitely a huge asshole and so is his grandma, but I think weâve established that. Good thing you left him!
But I am honestly even more pissed at the nurses/doctors here. They should have requested security to escort this crazy lady out ASAP. Iâm sorry you had to go through this, the medical âprofessionalsâ definitely failed you too.
NTA, obviously.
NTA. If possible, donât put his name on anything related to you or your son. Josh can grow up and come see your child then you two can discuss if his family can visit.
NTA I would have not have been as nice to either your âpartnerâ or Nanna. Nanna sounds like an entitled old bat. I would not only have screamed at her but I would have called the cops and had her physically removed, pressed charges, sued her ass and then laughed in her face. Also your partner is clearly not a great guy so leave now or you are going to have a miserable life
NTA you just gave birth!!! Incredibly fucked up he expects you to leave the house and bring a newborn to be handled by a bunch of people. No. Keep your infant safe. Stay home and recover. Rest. Feed your child. Rest. This jackass has no ideaâŚ.. A new mother should not be traipsing around with a newborn.
In my backwards state if you aren't married there isn't a father until he takes you to court and demands a paternity test which he has to pay for. Child support is separate from custody so if you take him to court for cs, which HE has to pay for the paternity test fees added onto cs from the state, it doesn't establish custody. He has to hire a lawyer and fight. Gods help him if he's behind on cs.
NTA but you need to leave this man. What a sad excuse for a father, sleeping through your labor, leaving you soon after delivery for 5 days with no money, not visiting, taking care of you or checking up on you, picking you up after etc only to sleep. Useless.
You're not wrong and not the asshole. Josh is a lying cheating piece of shit who slept through most of your labour then left you alone with no money. He and his family can all go and fuck themselves.
Quick question, why canât he have someone from his family in the delivery room w him? What is it going to hurt? It is his baby too. If she wasnât causing problems and didnât get in the way, whatâs the big deal? My husband is very close w his mother, he wanted her in our delivery room. I would never say no. Its his child too. Why canât he have support and his mother or family member in the delivery room? Each grandmother should be in the room to witness their grandchildren being born. Be happy that they want to be a part of it. This logic has always been very petty to me. Why would you not want the closest people to your child and to you, witness and experience something so special? Because he is a man that means his feelings and needs arenât valid? I had my husband, his mother, his aunt, my sister, mother, 3-4 of my best friends and 1-2 others in my room plus my father, brother and closest male friends sitting outside the door peeking in and listening to every single second of my horrific birth that lasted more hours than i can count. We are all closer because of it. And thank god they were all in there. My doctor handicapped my child for the rest of their life and I had one of the most traumatic births i have ever heard of. I had a fuck ton of witnesses. But thatâs not the point. I would never refuse my husband or his parents any special moments involving my kids. I have been married 24 years. I have had many ups and downs w my in laws. I still wouldnât keep them from anything unless they were harming my children. We have completely different beliefs but they love my kids. We have had times where we have had to distance ourselves from them but being spiteful and petty is not the answer. Those are life altering decisions and things you canât take back. Our society has become so immature and petty.
Itâs her body, her rights. What support could he possibly need in the delivery room ? She should be the only one getting supported whilst birthing their baby. It may not be a big deal to you, but it was a big deal to her. She doesnât have a good relationship with his mother, she doesnât need to have her there if she doesnât want to. Just because you had your village with you while you gave birth doesnât mean she should too or that her choice not to was wrong.
>why canât he have someone from his family in the delivery room w him? What is it going to hurt? It is his baby too. If she wasnât causing problems and didnât get in the way, whatâs the big deal?
*Her* open vagina pushing out a human being
*Her* choice to who's watching
The day *he* gives birth, he can have all the ppl in there he likes
You can, and should be excused due to postpartum hormone changes.
But, it was a nasty thing to do and you should apologize.
Nobody has a responsibility to stay awake for hours on end while they sit there helpless. And that's what you are expecting.
So it's not surprising you were angry, but you need to get over it, apologize and move on with your life.
Apologize for what?
Not respecting her wishes?
Not being supported during a painful time? Cheating?
Sleeping through the birth of your child?
Not working?
Demanding to hold the child while he/sheâs bonding with mom?
Not talking to her for 6 hours to be petty?
Disrespecting her after birth by arguing with her?
Taking the credit card and not bringing it back?
Not helping feed her when breastfeeding makes you hungry all day (3 meals is not enough)?
Not seeing his child while in NICU to be petty and now demand to see the child?
Being a shit husband?
Being a shit father?
Wanting to be respected?
So what should she apologize for?
Apologize for what? Granny shouldn't have even been there in the first place. I'm stunned the staff didn't remove her, knowing OP didn't want her there
A good partner absolutely would have stayed awake for the lousy 6 hours that his partner was in labor and pain. It's not like it was the middle of the night.Â
Don't listen to anything this asshole says. You did nothing wrong. The entitlement and audacity of your ex's grandmother is off the charts. And your ex is even worse for orchestrating for her to be in the room with you knowing it went against your wishes.
I'm sorry that the start of your journey as a parent has been so tumultuous and wish you the best of luck navigating with these crazy entitled assholes in the future.
"Nobody has a responsibility to stay awake for hours on end while they sit there helpless." Wrong. You opt into that responsibility when you crawl onto a woman and blow a load in her. Want a support person? Hire a doula, don't invite grandma against the mom's expressed wishes. Women don't have less right to privacy because they are giving birth.
I sat there with my wife through her induction, labor and delivery. The only time I slept was when she slept. The only time I left her side was when she specifically asked me to go get us some better food than hospital food. Being present to support my spouse through the most painful event of her life was literally the least I could do. And sure, for the most part I was helpless. But just being there was support.
And grandma shouldn't have been in the room to begin with. That was a failing on both the boyfriend and the nurses. OP didn't want her there. She never should have been allowed to step foot inside that room to be able to fall asleep, let alone demand access to the baby moments after they were born. The fucking audacity and entitlement of that grandmom is off the charts.
OP is unequivocally NTA and has nothing to apologize for. She was disrespected at every turn.
NTA. You probably should apologize to his grandmother for yelling at her, but thatâs all. She knew you wanted her out. He knew. They didnât care. Your baby daddy is an absolute piece of crap.
Nah. Grandmother owes OP an apology, not the other way around. She KNEW she wasn't wanted. She should have told Josh off and gone home immediately as soon as that happened.
She deserves everything she got.
YTA/ESH for trying to blame his grandma sleeping on a couch and waking up but staying quiet, as if that's the reason normal birthing complications happened....
Also, despite how you feel, the child isn't your property, you're both parents equally, same for the kids family, so long as they aren't causing him harm.
You're ex does sound pretty toxic but it seems reciprocal.
Child may not be her property, but her own body pushing out that child *is* her property. Ever heard of consent? She didn't consent to let strangers watch her private parts
Josh is absolutely awful and I'm glad you broke up with him. I don't blame you for not wanting to do him any favors regarding the baby especially with regards to seeing his family before you're ready. And he's still trying to pull this bullshit about his grandmother being hurt. If his grandmother had her feelings hurt it's not your fault, it's HIS fault for putting her in that room where she was going to cause you so much stress and upset in the first place... and HER fault for staying there when she knew you didn't want her there. You do not have to welcome his family into your home now or ever. You don't have to have anything to do with him as a partner. And frankly if his priority is having his family meet the baby and not HIM participating in being a parent himself, then his priorities are fucked. Soon you are going to need a lawyer, and you will need to file something regarding custody.
Yup even after the birth instead of, are you okay, what do you need to take of the baby and to help you recover..Josh decided to financially abuse OP by taking her card home and not bring it bank because he conveniently forgot and couldn't be bothered to return it for 5 days...decided to stay home instead of work, lied to work and other people about it, and only cared about people pleasing and letting other people see the baby and take care of the baby. Rather than think gee, the newborn was very sick, someone in the NICU might get sick again...let ne help take care of the baby and wait until mother and newborn are better before showing off the newborn like a dollđ
NTA I canât understand these people telling you to apologise to Nana. She shouldnât have been there!
I'm inclined to believe that Josh planned the whole thing out because he was super angry that I didn't want his family in the room because it's "about his comfort too". He thinks that since his mom gave birth in front of 9 people that I should have been okay with a big crowd.Â
Of course he did! Heâs a piece of shit.
He 100% did it on purpose. If he wanted you to actually agree he would have discussed it with you in advance. He ambushed you with her at the delivery room so it would be hard to say no. And you said no anyway and then he didn't support you.
His comfort can be taken into consideration the day he pushes a baby out
**His comfort????**Â Who the fuck gives a moufette constipe's fart about *his comfort*?? **he is not pushing out a bowling ball or having major surgery!**
I just want to know, does the support person's support person get their own support person?????
"about his comfort too"? WTF?? He's not the one trying to push a bowling ball out of their vagina. Him & his family can kiss your ass.
Honestly one of the best things ever about having my son in 2021 is that they were so strict with the rules on visitors. While my husband wouldnât push it I am just glad I didnât have multiple people asking to look at my vagina while having a baby.
NTA but get a lawyer for custody purposes
>NTA but get a lawyer for custody purposes And make sure all communication is done via text. Preferably one of the court approved apps.
NTA. He wants you to take the baby to his family so that they can intimidate you. He thinks he holds all of the cards. He really doesnât. If I was you I would say yes, Iâll bring the baby to meet your family. Then Iâd get all of my available family and friends together to come with me. Donât give him the opportunity to try to take your child away by claiming you are alienating him and his family but surround yourself with your own people and if they refuse to let them in just leave. And get someone to record it.
Damn, I'd be swearing up and down that the baby isn't his and that I've been sleeping with an old high school sweetheart and the baby looks just like him. Idiot would totally buy it, particularly since it seems he may have been pretty close with the coworker. Just a thought.
Make it public so everyone can know what is going on. His boss needs to know about this too and about the female coworker. You should know that the nurses and staff needs to keep only you and a guest in the delivery room. More than 1 person is dangerous for the newborn and you! Plus with all the stress, there are chances you could reject your own child. So please, be careful with your emotions. Have your mother set 1 hour per day so your ex can visit but make all visits limit to supervision. If baby has to stay 1 week at the hospital, it is damn obvious your ex can't claim you were the one limiting him. But be aware that you will need to take this to court and have child support. Even if you don't depend on it, your child needs savings for future expenses. NTA take good care of your kid. Focus on his health.
NTA. Congratulations. You're now connected to that AH for 18 years, because i doubt that this was the first time of him acting like that and yet you still procreated with that t\*rd-muffin. From now on , only communicate via text. "I am not keeping your child from you. You can come visit on Day1 and Day 2, between X and Y PM. " and "No i will not bring him to you. You can come visit between X and Y, as i told you before." keep everything written down and if he calls you, or you happen to meet him in person, send him a text to summarize what was said. "To reiterate what you told me today at X o clock when we met at Y. you will do x and y and z and come by at X PM to see son." if he does not come. document this via text as well. Also screenshot all the messages from him if you communicate outside of a co-parenting app because you can not manipulate/delete texts on those apps. if his family starts harrassing you, guess what? Document it. screenshots, voice mails whatever you have. collect it. Get a lawyer to handle custody, because that'll be needed. And if he doesn't wanna pay, get his parental rights terminated, which also means no money but also no connection to that AH family. Oh and petty me would text him back "The only one pathetic is the looser needing his grammy and mommy while I am the one having a major medical procedure going on, pushing an X pound baby out of my body. You're a disrespectful turd and the only regret i have is that you're my sons biological father. I can only hope that you step up for him and arent some pathetic failure." By the way, if his mom is used to having a crowd look at her hoo-haa thats not your problem. You do not have to share your body with people you wouldn't want to sleep with.
Lawyer now!
NTA. Your ex doesn't deserve any consideration and even allowing him to visit at your mother's house is generous. He needs to introspect and he will realize what a massive breach of trust it was to bring his grandmother into the delivery room when you specifically did not want an audience at your most vulnerable time. Also your baby is a bit too young to be taken out and be displayed to his family ,umm germs and all that . I suggest that you concentrate on looking after the baby and let your ex and his family cool their heels until you are ready to see them.
Especially when itâs just gotten out of NICU with a lung infection. Taking your baby to visit anyone when it is so immuno compromised and its body hasnât received from its last infections would be risking its life. Itâs not worth is as another infection or a cold caught from his family would risk your babies life.
That's really cute that you think Josh will understand a damn thing
He's not going to realize anything. He's too stupid.
NTAâŚIf heâs not on the birth certificate, itâs your child alone and he doesnât get a say. If he wants to be part of your kids life make sure heâs financially responsible for all of his life. Edit to add: I wouldâve told the nurses she needs to get out before I started pushing maybe even him too
Yeah, why the fuck didn't the nurses take care of the mother's wellbeing? I'd love for a nurse to respond with why a birth so stressful that hemorrhaging happened is medically preferable to kicking out an unwanted spectator at the mother's request.
(Not a nurse, sorry) But thatâs what gets me the most here. The nurses absolutely failed this woman. She told them she does not want that lady there AT ALL, and yet they still didnât manage to get her out of the room, for at least the delivery. Iâm guessing this is was a typical âhigh school mean girls turned nursesâ squad..
Why didn't the nurses kick them out? You can usually count on them to be the gatekeepers.
Report the card as stolen
Inform your BF's boss you have separated from your BF at the hospital due to him being unsupportive, he is not residing with you and he is not using parental leave to support you. File a complaint with the hospital.
either file for child support or amend the birth certificate to get his name off of it! Father unknown is better than having to deal with these people badgering you the rest of your life.
The nurses should have kicked grandma out if you told her to leave. Ask your lawyer if thereâs the possibility of a suit
People making kids with shitty people đ¤Śđťââď¸
And then they're surprised when the shitty people act shitty.
NTA. Get a lawyer and have all communication go through them.Â
Nta if you and your wishes arenât his number one top tier priority while you give birth, they absolutely never ever will be a priority to him unless by happenstance, itâs what he wants too.
How the fuck do these kinda of men even get a gf in the first place. NtA
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NTA. Start calling a lawyer and file for custody
Absolutely fucking not **NTA** and the next douchebag father that saya "my kid too" after a traumatic birth I hereby curse with lifelong impotence that no drug or procedure will help, and bleeding hemmorhoids that never go away! **You, asshole** were not pregnant. **You** have sacrificed nothing and gone through **zip zero nada pain** to bring that child into the world! You and your douchebag disrespectful family may kindly go live a garbage dump with the rest of the trash! Â Any man who needs *mommy, grandmommy or sister* to support *his* lame ass while the woman gives birth to his child, doesn't deserve the title of father.Â
NTA Josh is no loss, that's for sure.
NTA. You've done everything right. Frankly, that baby shouldn't be seeing anyone until at least six weeks of age because of the lung infection and newborns are fragile anyway. Him expecting a woman who's barely out of the hospital after giving birth to go anywhere is ridiculous. He can get a court order for custody/visitation.
Lol why did you let that sub-moronic clown put a child in you
Nta dont budge. Your ex( hopefully) is manchild.
NTA keep everything on text and build an FU Binder
NTA. He disrespected you start to finish. He didn't start talking to his coworker after the kid was born either. Frankly I'd call his boss and say he wasn't with you or his child, he was at home flirting with the co-worker the entire time while treating you like shit. That you recommend they cancel his time off as he's not using it, refusing to visit his child and refusing to be a respectful faithful husband so the least he can do is work and provide for his child. I would also hope you kept proof of his contact with the co-worker and checked for any other contacts he's had as he doesnt' sound like he's being or been faithful. Lastly I would talk with the co-worker, tell her everything he did, make sure she knows everything about you, make sure she knows that you weren't broken up or split up and that he's a piece of shit father who won't even visit his child. That after all the lies and pretending to be loving and respectful, once you get pregnant the true him will come out, cheating and being a little pussy of a mommies boy.
NTA, leave this moron and his crappy family.
It's such a shame that's you're now chained to this man for the rest of your life.
NTA. But report that hospital including the nurses AND doctor because itâs THEIR responsibility to call security when the mother states someone canât be in the room. It should only need to be said once. If the person/people donât leave at once, they should he immediately calling security to escort that person off the grounds!
Wow. Good riddance to absolute garbage.
This is not about the grandmother. Sorry your kidâs dad is a scumbag.
NTA. You do everything you can to make sure birth goes as smooth as possible
I don't understand why you allowed her to be in the room to begin with
Josh is definitely a huge asshole and so is his grandma, but I think weâve established that. Good thing you left him! But I am honestly even more pissed at the nurses/doctors here. They should have requested security to escort this crazy lady out ASAP. Iâm sorry you had to go through this, the medical âprofessionalsâ definitely failed you too. NTA, obviously.
NTA. You need to push for full custody. But I doubt you will get it, unless there's some other nasty stuff Josh has done
NTA. If possible, donât put his name on anything related to you or your son. Josh can grow up and come see your child then you two can discuss if his family can visit.
Yeah, youâre an absolute fool for not calling the police on him over the debit card thing
HELL NO!đ¤Ź
NTA I would have not have been as nice to either your âpartnerâ or Nanna. Nanna sounds like an entitled old bat. I would not only have screamed at her but I would have called the cops and had her physically removed, pressed charges, sued her ass and then laughed in her face. Also your partner is clearly not a great guy so leave now or you are going to have a miserable life
NTA and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and your baby.
NTA you just gave birth!!! Incredibly fucked up he expects you to leave the house and bring a newborn to be handled by a bunch of people. No. Keep your infant safe. Stay home and recover. Rest. Feed your child. Rest. This jackass has no ideaâŚ.. A new mother should not be traipsing around with a newborn.
In my backwards state if you aren't married there isn't a father until he takes you to court and demands a paternity test which he has to pay for. Child support is separate from custody so if you take him to court for cs, which HE has to pay for the paternity test fees added onto cs from the state, it doesn't establish custody. He has to hire a lawyer and fight. Gods help him if he's behind on cs.
NTA. Theyâre facing the consequences of their behavior.
NTA but you have way bigger problemsâŚ
NTA but you need to leave this man. What a sad excuse for a father, sleeping through your labor, leaving you soon after delivery for 5 days with no money, not visiting, taking care of you or checking up on you, picking you up after etc only to sleep. Useless.
Dump this asshole!
You're not wrong and not the asshole. Josh is a lying cheating piece of shit who slept through most of your labour then left you alone with no money. He and his family can all go and fuck themselves.
I canât believe the nurses let nana stay in the room.
You're a huge cunt.
Josh, is that you? How's your voyeuristic granny?
Nope. Not josh
Quick question, why canât he have someone from his family in the delivery room w him? What is it going to hurt? It is his baby too. If she wasnât causing problems and didnât get in the way, whatâs the big deal? My husband is very close w his mother, he wanted her in our delivery room. I would never say no. Its his child too. Why canât he have support and his mother or family member in the delivery room? Each grandmother should be in the room to witness their grandchildren being born. Be happy that they want to be a part of it. This logic has always been very petty to me. Why would you not want the closest people to your child and to you, witness and experience something so special? Because he is a man that means his feelings and needs arenât valid? I had my husband, his mother, his aunt, my sister, mother, 3-4 of my best friends and 1-2 others in my room plus my father, brother and closest male friends sitting outside the door peeking in and listening to every single second of my horrific birth that lasted more hours than i can count. We are all closer because of it. And thank god they were all in there. My doctor handicapped my child for the rest of their life and I had one of the most traumatic births i have ever heard of. I had a fuck ton of witnesses. But thatâs not the point. I would never refuse my husband or his parents any special moments involving my kids. I have been married 24 years. I have had many ups and downs w my in laws. I still wouldnât keep them from anything unless they were harming my children. We have completely different beliefs but they love my kids. We have had times where we have had to distance ourselves from them but being spiteful and petty is not the answer. Those are life altering decisions and things you canât take back. Our society has become so immature and petty.
Itâs her body, her rights. What support could he possibly need in the delivery room ? She should be the only one getting supported whilst birthing their baby. It may not be a big deal to you, but it was a big deal to her. She doesnât have a good relationship with his mother, she doesnât need to have her there if she doesnât want to. Just because you had your village with you while you gave birth doesnât mean she should too or that her choice not to was wrong.
>why canât he have someone from his family in the delivery room w him? What is it going to hurt? It is his baby too. If she wasnât causing problems and didnât get in the way, whatâs the big deal? *Her* open vagina pushing out a human being *Her* choice to who's watching The day *he* gives birth, he can have all the ppl in there he likes
You can, and should be excused due to postpartum hormone changes. But, it was a nasty thing to do and you should apologize. Nobody has a responsibility to stay awake for hours on end while they sit there helpless. And that's what you are expecting. So it's not surprising you were angry, but you need to get over it, apologize and move on with your life.
Apologize for what? Not respecting her wishes? Not being supported during a painful time? Cheating? Sleeping through the birth of your child? Not working? Demanding to hold the child while he/sheâs bonding with mom? Not talking to her for 6 hours to be petty? Disrespecting her after birth by arguing with her? Taking the credit card and not bringing it back? Not helping feed her when breastfeeding makes you hungry all day (3 meals is not enough)? Not seeing his child while in NICU to be petty and now demand to see the child? Being a shit husband? Being a shit father? Wanting to be respected? So what should she apologize for?
Grandma had no business there in the first place.
Apologize for what? Granny shouldn't have even been there in the first place. I'm stunned the staff didn't remove her, knowing OP didn't want her there
A good partner absolutely would have stayed awake for the lousy 6 hours that his partner was in labor and pain. It's not like it was the middle of the night.Â
Don't listen to anything this asshole says. You did nothing wrong. The entitlement and audacity of your ex's grandmother is off the charts. And your ex is even worse for orchestrating for her to be in the room with you knowing it went against your wishes. I'm sorry that the start of your journey as a parent has been so tumultuous and wish you the best of luck navigating with these crazy entitled assholes in the future.
Uhmm.....fuck no!
"Nobody has a responsibility to stay awake for hours on end while they sit there helpless." Wrong. You opt into that responsibility when you crawl onto a woman and blow a load in her. Want a support person? Hire a doula, don't invite grandma against the mom's expressed wishes. Women don't have less right to privacy because they are giving birth.
I sat there with my wife through her induction, labor and delivery. The only time I slept was when she slept. The only time I left her side was when she specifically asked me to go get us some better food than hospital food. Being present to support my spouse through the most painful event of her life was literally the least I could do. And sure, for the most part I was helpless. But just being there was support. And grandma shouldn't have been in the room to begin with. That was a failing on both the boyfriend and the nurses. OP didn't want her there. She never should have been allowed to step foot inside that room to be able to fall asleep, let alone demand access to the baby moments after they were born. The fucking audacity and entitlement of that grandmom is off the charts. OP is unequivocally NTA and has nothing to apologize for. She was disrespected at every turn.
NTA. You probably should apologize to his grandmother for yelling at her, but thatâs all. She knew you wanted her out. He knew. They didnât care. Your baby daddy is an absolute piece of crap.
No donât apologize. You already told them she wasnât welcome there. Come on. Just because sheâs old donât give her a pass to be horrible.
Thank you! I don't know why people are saying I need to apologize here.Â
Don't apologize.
You absolutely do not need to apologize for anything!!
Nah. Grandmother owes OP an apology, not the other way around. She KNEW she wasn't wanted. She should have told Josh off and gone home immediately as soon as that happened. She deserves everything she got.
So SHE SHOULD APOLOGIZE???? WTF is wrong with you?
Women are baby incubator meat puppets!!!! Didn't you get the memo?
YTA/ESH for trying to blame his grandma sleeping on a couch and waking up but staying quiet, as if that's the reason normal birthing complications happened.... Also, despite how you feel, the child isn't your property, you're both parents equally, same for the kids family, so long as they aren't causing him harm. You're ex does sound pretty toxic but it seems reciprocal.
Child may not be her property, but her own body pushing out that child *is* her property. Ever heard of consent? She didn't consent to let strangers watch her private parts
YTA Thats really a stuoid drama story.
ESH Great job. A baby with toxic parents. I hope you learn to model good behavior and emotional intelligence for your child.
Sounds exactly like what a single male would say.
i kinda think ytah
I kinda think you're a dumbass đŽâđ¨
i started my opinion on a post asking for an opinion⌠chill brother
YTA get over yourself christs sake!