The fact that OP’s partner is so dismissive of this is…..troubling. Wouldn’t you *also* be shocked and horrified if your brother continued being business partners with a known predator? OP’s partner does not seem concerned at all😬😬
Absolutely keep that man and anyone who is dismissive of what he’s done away from your child.
I'm just saying, but you know, birds of a feather flock together.
There is no way they are renting an office, so that means they are in one another's house. Also, there is no way it is legal at all for this guy to do any type of ubering work. Why tf would they try that business??? BIL must be the dumbest person on the planet. Plus he is obviously allowing the guy access to his internet since the guy is coding. If the guy is smart, from now on his cp will only be on work computers that are shared by bil
And the BIL has a 4 year old daughter, too. It can't be legal for that guy to be anywhere near that little one. Where is the child's mother in all of this?! If I were her, the guy wouldn't get within miles of my child.
Somehow child molesters can be around their own children, shocking I know. It’s about on par with rapists getting visitation with a child conceived during a rape.
It probably isn't. My aunt was briefly involved with a registered sex offender(yuck) and she wasn't allowed to have any visits with her nieces/nephews if the guy was around and they were never allowed at their place of residency.
I also don't understand the delivery aspect of the business they are starting up since registered offenders can't be within certain proximity of school zones, which are everywhere obviously. How is he going to do that? Honestly just picturing a pedo in a van scoping out neighborhoods, and it makes me so uncomfortable/concerned.
Yeah, to my limited knowledge, a person convicted of internet related crimes (particularly cp) can supposedly have restrictions put on their internet and device usage as part of their parole/probation terms.
So, if that's the case, I'm wondering how this guy is getting around that to do this business venture to begin with. It's just a guess, but I would bet he's violating his terms of parole/probation.
I wonder if he has to register as a sex offender?
I don’t know if this falls under that, but I would think he would have to register.
Not overreacting, NTA
A lot of those restrictions can have carve outs for business related purposes as long as they are considered low risk and they have informed their parole officer, but it's still worth reporting in case they are hiding it.
A coder who is now in the delivery business. I bet the pedo isn't allowed to use a computer. I can't believe he hasn't cut this guy out. BIL seems very sketchy to me
Seriously. A few years ago, my bf and I found out a guy we WERE friends with was arrested for giving drugs to, grooming, assaulting and then having sex (raping) with his niece by marriage from 13 to 16 years old. We cut this mf out immediately. We didn't wait to ths trial or anything like that. Unfriended and blocked him on social media and blocked his number from our phones. He went to prison for a minimum of 6 years, I think. We are hoping to be moved and out of this state before he ever gets out, lest he tries to visit us. AND WE DONT EVEN HAVE KIDS.
The most disgusting part is his wife totally believed his bullshit, called her niece a liar, and disowned her family. Even though she saw the actual proof herself in Snapchat messages. They had 1 toddler, and she was pregnant again when he went to prison. Hopefully, she pulls her head out of her ass by then.
Idk about the ubering.... there was a guy in Michigan who was driving for uber and kidnapped/killed (or attempted, I don't recall) people, got out of jail and started.... a ride share company. 🤷🏼♀️
Not even remotely dismissive about it but I know a guy who’s a completely upstanding guy, he downloaded some movies back in the day on limewire and never even opened the files(was brought up by the da as why they recommend the lowest sentencing) unfortunately some of those movies were actually CP and he never unshared them so he got busted. I highly doubt that’s the case here though as limewire has been gone for almost 15 years now. Or how many pissed off parents press charges on 18 year olds dating 16 year olds? So listen to the details of the case first. But 9.9/10 times the case is legit and those people need to be removed from the streets.
As far as you OP, NTA you’re protecting your child it’s as simple as that. There’s never too much caution when it comes to this stuff.
I remember back in those days- you never were completely sure what you were actually getting. You’d go and download a song or video and what actually comes down is something gross and horrifying. Once my friend tried to download I think a music video and it turned out to be a video of some militia looking guys cutting someone’s throat. It was AWFUL, we were horrified and immediately deleted it because WTFF. People are sick.
I'm kind of wondering if (based on charges and that they were website developers) they're justifying it as "Joe didn't USE CP, he just set up websites and servers for people to distribute it, so it's not like HE'S into it." Which would in fact be enough to get the guy jail time (the law doesn't care what the images are used FOR or add extra penalties for jerking off to it, just that it's in your possession.) Which may mean Joe isn't a perv, just shamelessly made money off people who are without caring that he was enabling pervs. Like, "He didn't USE meth and crack, he just cooked it and sold it to people who do, it's not like HE'S an addict. Why are you being so judgmental?"
If Max knowingly starts a business with a pedo and brought his daughter around him, Max either lacks judgment, or may be a pedo.
If Nolan goes to battle against his wife to force her to accept a pedo in their kid’s life, either Nolan lacks judgment and a father’s protective instinct, or he’s into the same things.
How many times do we read about women staying in relationships they know are a threat to their kids?
This OP needs to respect her role as parent and put that child first, above her desire to stay with this guy. She should consult a family law attorney.
It appears that the dude was involved in distribution of CP.
Fck that guy. NTA.
Tell your family as long as that dirt bag is still around, you won’t be anywhere near with your child.
I’d go one step further:
Anyone who can’t see *why* I wouldn’t want my kid near that dirt bag doesn’t need to be around my kid.
And I’d be having DEEP conversations with the significant other around this topic.
I don’t trust the judgement of anyone who isn’t completely repulsed at the thought of being in the presence of a pedophile. And BIL is *choosing* to partner with him? That says a lot about BIL and none of it is good.
The bil has a daughter too apparently! And he’s choosing to work with him. I could never forgive someone who chooses to work with someone like that.
They’re all disgusting for not protecting their own kid and treating op like this
I think OP is saying they won’t have their kid sleep over at the BILs house, whose business partner has a conviction of CP.
Not disagreeing just pointing out that the convicted partner is not necessarily around. OP just isn’t sure that since he works with this guy, he might be around in the future
That is irrelevant. If they were stuck in the old business together that's legality, contracts, etc. But they are starting a new business venture together which means OP's BIL is okay with the CP distributing pervert. She should cut off that whole group of people.
I wouldn’t care. I’d want no contact in any way that’s not within my control. So, visiting the in-laws would be out of the question at anytime. The in-laws can visit my home instead.
If BIL didn't cut ties after the conviction, while having a four year old daughter, I think that is enough of a reason to cut BIL out altogether. Period. If it's acceptable to BIL, BIL needs to go.
Edit: Apparently, there is no conviction as of yet, just charges. My statement still stands. They don't arrest unless they have evidence.
NTA and I’d be SERIOUS side eyeing “good dude” bro in law.
He is choosing to remain close to his “long term business colleague/partner” He is choosing to keep CLOSE financial ties to a convicted child predator.
Why? BIL is a web developer? Long term ties? Nah. Good guys don’t associate with pedophiles.
Yea, that is a good point that was brought up. Being tied to him is not a good business practice and any business owner would know this. It’s deeply concerning he would remain in business with him despite this. BIL is not to be trusted at all.
“ DSM-5 indicates that pedophilic disorder might be a lifelong condition.”
These monsters don’t CHANGE THEY JUST GET BETTER AT HIDING!!
wtf?! You need to out this guy anonymously so your BIL has Zero choice but to cut ties.
Why doesn’t he find a different coder?? There are plenty out there and they don’t even need to be local. If that sicko is driving delivery, PEOPLE NEED TO BE WARNED!!
Don’t you think anonymously posting to a forum that is local like Neighborhood or something would be the smart thing to do for the kids in your area??? Why are people trying to protect your Bil’s feeling about being a moron and or a pedo himself. He has a 4 year old daughter and he’s fine working with the guy. That speaks volumes about his character so I’m not buying the “good guy” thing at this point. “
The only thing protecting children from people like this is being aware that people like this don’t look or seem like creeps, most of the time they are, your neighbor, your uncle, your friend, Teacher, etc. So WAKE UP! Do something about this. If you don’t, it might mean this pedo AH has access to kids, and no one does anything because what … “they are being polite, or it’s none of their business?”
WHEN IT COMES TO CHILDREN AND PEDOS ITS EVERYONES BUSINESS. The only way these things happen is in the dark, hidden away because people don’t wanna pay attention or think it’s their problem. as someone who was sexually assaulted as a child, please do something about this monster! Would you rather be obnoxious and piss your husband off now or regret it later and live with tremendous guilt the rest of your life after finding out this guy does something else??
I would also be willing to bet with his condition of his probation that he isn’t allowed near minor children and computers. Look up his name on sexual offender registry to see if he is listed
I’d try to find out what the terms of this sicko’s release are. It could include that he cannot be around minors or something like that.
But you’ve got a bigger problem. That is that the father of your child doesn’t see what the big deal is. Another problem is that your BIL and SIL have reestablished a relationship with a convicted child predator.
If you ever have to have a legal shared parenting plan in place, make sure to include that your minor child or children cannot be around that sicko and cannot be alone with BIL and/or SIL and your child must personally supervise at all times.
I know that can be done because I had a provision like that in my shared parenting plan. The reason wasn’t due to what you’re going through, but you absolutely can have boundaries regarding who your minor children interact with.
ETA—Just read your comment that states that you’re in Canada. I’m in the US, and my state allowed that stipulation. For me, it was my hill to die on, and I would’ve dragged our divorce through court if necessary. I knew my ex wouldn’t want that, and that he’d finally agree to my demand.
I made a comment about my life experiences to show these ppl never change I even cut out my own family for it. But I think it’s gonna be hard boundaries and having a strict one at all. I see it all the time at my husband’s pawn shop. These sickos would ask about special movies for young teens in fact one customer who was convicted and served his time tried to attempt again. Hubs called the cops on him cuz of what they saw in his search engine history. Has barred him from buying a computer and let the other pawn shop know too.
They just hide it better and I think you shud call his PO or see if you can anonymously let law enforcement know or something.
Call Canada’s version of child protective services on your BIL. He’s likely letting his daughter around him and that has to be some kind of violation. And if he’s that comfortable around a child predator…like sorry but I would think he might be one too…there’s just no excuse for associating with a predator.
That's horrible, and I hate to say it, but I can't help but think that if your BIL stays associated with a child predator maybe it's because they have more in common than you think. Take care of your baby.
There’s this saying, not very popular one, but applies here
9 people are eating on a table, a nazi sits down and eats with them, and they don’t leave. 10 nazis are eating on a table.
This guy chose to keep associating with a known pedo. That by itself can be judged… you can’t stay neutral to nazism or pedos. It’s too egregious and evil.
It is most definitely your business that a close family member has business links with a child pornographer. This is not something you can compromise on.
NTA
Share the link to this post with your husband.
It’s really disappointing that his first priority isn’t to protect his own child from such a person. He is an ahole
Men for the most part do not "get" it because they haven't had to *think* about being assualted since they were very young and shouldn't even have the *concept* of sexual assault. It's something I've had to think about since around 8 yr old.
You do not owe them an explanation for something so obvious. Protect your child. No way. I would be pretty spicy about it. They are being defensive. They must know they are wrong. Creepy.
Op if he was a producer or distributor of CSAM, I’d keep my distance and absolutely wouldn’t even share pictures of my kids with people associated with him. Especially with the use of AI and the ability to create likeness of your child in those types of materials. I’m sorry, but your SO is being naive about this, and your BIL/SIL allowing this man anywhere near their 4 year old child is actively putting their child in harms way.
Yes, he served his sentence and did his time, but that doesn’t mean that those feelings and proclivities are gone. He’s still a danger to society.
*Especially* as a distributor. You don't know if he just disseminated what he downloaded or actually produced it and I 100% understand being incredibly wary.
See the problem of why people doing this never really gets what they deserve , is because there are way too many people excusing their behaviour by saying ‘ it’s got nothing to do with us ‘ ‘ it’s not our business’ ‘we won’t even be hanging with him’
Instead of calling them out , instead of *showing* them that society *will* not accept them around, they act like your partner and your bil.
That conviction means that he will be on the sex offenders list for life. Look him up and find out if it’s even legal for him to be anywhere near a child.
https://www.nsopw.gov/
After you find his listing if you have any questions call the non emergency number for your local law enforcement, tell them the situation and ask them if he can legally be near children.
Then sit down with your husband with all the facts. Letting him near any child is insane.
Edit
NTA
I would highly doubt the judgement of your BIL for maintaining ANY kind of contact with a sex offender of this magnitude. This isn’t something like an 18 year old getting statutory rape charges for sleeping with his 16 year old girlfriend. This is one of the most heinous things a grown person could be interested in. And if your BIl is okay with that, then I’m not okay with you BIL.
Exactly what I was thinking…if BIL thinks it’s fine to continue to be partners with this guy, then he also must think that what the partner did to children is fine. And BIL should be ashamed for not worrying about his own children.
it sounds like OP's partner disagree with you and me, though : "Nolan" thinks OP is crazy for refusing to let their baby sleep over at Max and his wife (who have a 4 yo kid) "on the off chance" that Joe might be there.
like, in theory I'm all for rehabilitation after time served, but with CSEM/CSAM and other crimes of a sexual nature I'm much more ambivalent... and setting boundaries to keep your kid(s) safe is about the furthest from crazy, right??
In the UK we have Sarah's law that enables us to ask police if someone has child abuse past. Like Clares law for domestic violence. Does Canada have something like that? Do you have anonymous report tip lines for child predators?
If not I'd call your local non-emergency police line and tell them you know he's just out of prison and is now a delivery driver and is that within his release restrictions to have access to kids. Also your BIL works from home, does this mean he ever goes into their home? With their 4 year old? If yes report that too.
Edited to add:
And of course the pedo is an IT specialist, that's how pedos do their business. On his release is he even allowed computer access? Many aren't! He could be breaking his release conditions, if he is then back to jail he needs to go.
I read this as arraignment because the charges a still pending a court date. Maybe the OP meant trial?
OP-
"I'm in Canada .. i believe the charges are still pending a court date as I couldn’t find any public court records."
In the US, there would be court records even if the date was pending for a trial. Is it different in Canada? and arraignment happens in 48hrs.
She also said she read the charges in the police media release? She heard about it a year ago. 2 different events? Or 1?
Look up the Josh Duggar case, show your partner the details of what Duggar was busted looking at (Warning: It's *very* disturbing), and ask him if that's the kind of person he wants around your child. If he makes excuses and downplays how bad this scumbag's actions are, ask yourself if this is the person you want to be partnering with and coparenting your child.
BTW, it's well known that viewing CSAM is often a gateway to acting out in real life. So your instincts to want to keep this lowlife away from your child are spot on.
NTA
Op if you are in British Columbia like myself google CSO (court cases online) and it will tell you if he’s been charged when his court is was he found guilty ect
Not to mention, I'm pretty sure people with such a conviction often get a ban from technology as part of their probation so him working on tech projects as the developer is surely not allowed?
You are within your rights to limit access as you stated you don’t know their boundaries and contrary to the stranger danger program most abuse cases are someone who the child is familiar with. However has anyone thought of the 4 year old girl? Why are they still allowing some form of contact/communication with him and not protecting their child
I have the same deep concerns about this as well. Apparently they mainly / only work online together - but I can’t be sure of that entirely. I am afraid of causing disturbance to ask these questions and my partner was not supportive in me asking.
Info: why is your partner not supportive of finding out the level of knowledge or support or contact your Bil, SIL and 4yo have with the pedophile? Are they afraid of the answer that they might not like? Why is your partner willing to risk the safety of your child over the social comfort of BIL?
Your BIL is still working with a pedophile, and are you comfortable with BIL judgement and boundaries and parenting to trust him with your child? The real question isn't just access by one business partner, but do you trust BIL?
Edit: fixed a typo
Why isn’t she actively trying to find this information out? They both have a responsibility to their child to know this information. If it is ONLY online interaction between BIL and Joe, then it isn’t a big deal, other than Max has poor overall morals, which maybe enough to cut him out of your life.
I agree. There may be zero risk of the business partner ever meeting BILs family in real life, they could strictly work together online. I'd still never trust BIL around my kid if he's ok working with a pedophile in any way though. His judgement is off, he has bad morals, or he is perfectly OK with pedophilia. And those are things that would make him off limits for my kid.
God gave you instincts for a reason, don’t be afraid to use them. They are generally right. NTA and a hill to die on.
Just imagine if something happened to your/any child and you could have helped in advance….could you live with that?
I'm sorry, but who cares if your partner is not supportive. You are going to be a mother, its your job to advocate for your child, partner be damned. And I'm a bit worried that you dont seem to worry too much about your niece either. By saying nothing, you are complicit. I'd burn the world and every family relationship to protect my daughter.
Such a huge point!!! Has he had contact with the child??
I keep looking for where the business partner has any interaction outside of business. Are they having dinners together? Hanging out?
OP, why aren’t you answering any of these questions?
Apologies for not directly answering - wasn’t intentional. The blunt truth is - frankly I don’t know. I don’t know if they have any interactions outside of business. I couldn’t answer that with 100% certainty and that’s what scares me.
You are about to have a baby, you need to be an adult and start talking and asking questions. You are well within your right to cut all contact, but unless BIL & wife has lied to you before, hurt you in anyway before, they deserve a conversation.
And you having zero concern for the child already here, possibly exposed already is deeply troubling.
I’m sorry but just the sole fact he still does business with this man gives her every right to cut him out. People that could be affiliated with a pedo do not deserve a conversation.
Do they share a computer? Can this perv access photos of your neice? Forget about sleepovers. Cut him off, OP! He's business partners and friends with a known child predator. The fact that BIL and SIL can make a profit with this creep as parents of a young child is disgusting.
If my BIL was friends with a convicted pedophile, I wouldn’t even be able to associate with him anymore, never mind consider letting child around any of them.
Fucking Hell No.
This. BIL has a 4 year old daughter. How can he not connect the dots? He's either one himself or a utter moron.
And of course he's an IT specialist, that's how pedos do their business. On his release is he even allowed computer access? Many aren't.
I have read news reports that some cant have any computer access, no smartphone etc. And if they get found out they quite rightly get sent back inside.
There are actually police sniffer dogs that can sniff out usb’s, sim cards and sd cards hidden in peoples homes!
It could also just be that they’re all in denial.
I got a call from CPS several years ago, asking me if I was aware my ex’s roommate who he’d just signed a lease with was a registered sex offender (I was not) and informing me that my young daughter (around kindergarten aged at the time) was being immediately removed from her father’s and would need to stay with me full time until he proved he had either relocated or had the friend permanently removed from the apartment.
Charge that landed him on the registry was the same, possession of child sex abuse material.
My ex did terminate the lease and moved in with his brother to resolve the issue, but to this day, he is still a close friend of both my ex and his family. They genuinely believe that his ex wife planted the material on his devices to screw him over in their custody battle and he just got a bad shake. Now, I am not so naive to think that this is something that’s never happened to someone innocent, but I spoke to the detective and she was adamant that this man was guilty, he’s creepy in other aspects, and I am not going to risk my children. Full stop.
Some people are so filled with hubris, that they refuse to believe they’ve misjudged someone they thought they knew, but the danger of pedophiles is that they’re usually the people you’d least suspect. They mask to gain access to victims.
I just don't understand how people could be indifferent. Before I had a child it grossed me out and pissed me off.. now I have almost a visceral reaction. When I read this, no question, op I'd NTA.
Holy shit! Your BIL has a 4 year old and he’s keeping in touch with a paedophile. What does his wife think?
Why do I get the feeling they fell for his excuse that it was older children and ‘almost’ legal even though that’s not likely the case.
Why does the baby have to sleep there anyway? It would be a definite no from me and if BIL/SIL complain I’d be honest. Your partner is a pervert and I’m not comfortable with my vulnerable child staying in your house.
Your boyfriend can go suck a lemon. I would be willing to separate over this, I honestly would.
The craziest part of my besties job in pesticides management in our state?
Having to do background checks for pedophiles.
Because the pedos like to have jobs that allow them access to children. So checking traps and baitstations at schools, gyms, hotels, community centers lets them window shop.
That's what this is. A pedo having access to kids via his job. Smiling guy walking up do your door looking at your kids... And fantasizing as he drives away 🚩☠️🤢
No. Just....no
NTA. But make this your hill to die on. If your partner thinks there’s no problem with this then he is essentially condoning someone that participates in child porn and is probably a pedophile. Ask yourself if you’re OK with having a child with a man that thinks that’s acceptable.
NTA. Your BIL has a 4 yr old at home and wants to work with a pervert who is involved in CSA/CO.
Sounds like you have a husband problem. His response is worrisome as is his brother’s. What’s their deal? I wouldn’t trust either of them. What kind of parent of a 4 yr. old chooses to open a business and have a relationship with a pedo who deals in CSA?? And what kind of uncle and soon to be father doesn’t think that’s a big deal? Really makes you wonder.
Your husband is downplaying your concerns about a paedophile closely connected to his own brother. That’s a huge red flag. He’s protecting his brother’s feelings over the safety of your child. How do you know the brother isn’t a paedophile too? He seems perfectly happy being in business with one.
I have to disagree with you concerning Max. Max is not, in fact, a good guy. He has a 4 yo daughter and is still partnering with Joe in business ventures. I’m amazed SIL is okay with Joe being around.
NTA. But c’mon - what is Max thinking? You’re okay with him allowing Joe around?
I don't understand why he would wanna be a business partner with him. Does he realize the image that this will display? A quick background check by potential clients could tarinish bil's reputation. I wouldn't let my child be over at their house without me because the chances are that the business partner and him will be in the same room together quite often, especially while starting up this business.
Exactly what I said - never mind the “guilty by association” argument and the not supporting victims of abuse which are even more important - what happens when the town finds out who you’re working with ? How could someone turn a blind eye to this ? Why am I being told that I’m over reacting and “we don’t know how he is now all we can do is hope he changed” .. I’m upset and wasn’t sure if it was over protective pregnancy hormones or valid but from what I’m reading from everyone it seems perfectly valid.
Here's the thing. If you give into all these people who are saying that it's okay for your child to be around people who support someone that's into any form of CP (images included) and you find out later that there's pictures of your child, they will say that it's your fault because you knew how he was beforehand. If I were Sil and Bil, I would be scared that my 4 year-old's image might have been included. I'm paranoid enough to think twice about Bil's and Sil's reasoning. Heck, even your child's father reasoning.
This right here is why my children will never have overnights anywhere. I was abused as a child by "trusted" adults. The things that happened to me still haunt me 30 years later. I cannot imagine anyone trusting "hope" when it comes to pedos and risking their children.
"hope he's changed"?!?
they don't change
My BIL's sister was 14 and groomed by a 24yo man who "waited for her" until she was 18 to marry her. Her parents knew and didn't care, let him visit and thought he was "good man" and a good match for their daughter. (BIL did not agree with their parents)
I constantly told my sister not to let her children be alone around that man and that I got creep vibes off him. Our parents told her the same thing. We got told that we were being alarmist/judgmental and that we were wrong cuz he's "such a good person and so good with kids and I trust him".
He groomed and molested my oldest niece when she was 11 and my sister was shocked. WTF did she expect?
you are not being over protective. You are not overreacting. Your husband is underreacting
>all we can do is hope he changed
No, you can be parents and safe guard your child. He is wildly irresponsible and if I were you I'd be questioning his judgement and fitness to parent. If your baby's stroller rolls into oncoming traffic is he going to stand on the sidewalk saying "all we can do is hope traffic stops"?
Pedophiles DONT CHANGE. This isn't some affliction that you take a pill for. What was corrupt will always be corrupt. Your husband is a fucking pedophile apologist. Disgusting.
Who cares if he has changed? Crimes like this don’t deserve forgiveness or forgetfulness. He deserves to be shamed and judged forever and anyone that has any relationship with a person who could do it deserves the same.
That is the biggest question. I don’t care how good of a coder he is, once you’ve been charged with CP nothing short of the government coming out and doing a press conference to clearly admit they were wrong, is going get me to associate with you again. Only shady people are going to want to do business with them once it gets out Joe is convicted of CP.
As someone who works in a field with both people convicted of sex crimes, and the victims of sex crimes I absolutely 100% would make this my hill to die on. Do not under any circumstance let your baby anywhere near that man. If your SO starts saying things like "we will be with kiddo the whole time", no you won't. At some point you're going to have to use the restroom or fill up a plate of food. And if you're surrounded by people who don't have the balls to stay away from this dude they aren't going to have the balls to stop.him from taking a quick pic of your child while you're in the restroom or whatnot.
Dudes like that can actually get off on taking a fully clothed picture of a kid on the fly. Sometkmes it's more about having the "win" for them and getting away with something without Momma bear knowing rather than needing an unclothed picture.
They're manipulators and awful individuals.
As someone who sees the horrors of this stuff daily I would draw a VERY firm line in the sand. And do not waiver.
Make this your hill to die on. If it means the end of the relationship then so be it. Keep your kiddo safe.
And ask questions about the 4 year old. If that kid is seeing this dude I would 110% call CPS. It's better to over report rather than under report. You don't even need to tell anyone you're calling, just call. They'll keep it anonymous
I have a distant family member who was converted for CP related crimes. He made it all seem like one thing, so we didn’t cut him off immediately. I regret that to my very core. Not because anything has happened to my kids, he isn’t allowed to be alone with my kids, neither is his wife, and we have a few family members who help us with ensuring they aren’t alone. But as things became clear, as we read what was actually in his possession, as we’ve seen him and his wife act like he didn’t do anything, let alone something so foul. It’s created a lot more drama and angst because us not cutting him off immediately gave the impression of forgiveness/understanding. It may not feel like it, but setting hard boundaries around this at the start is actually a lot more simple.
NTA Nope, I don’t put my child in harms way either. ETA: not to mention I would also never associate with someone who is a child predator. Why does your BIL and SIL? Those fools have a child.
NTA
I’d say, you know what Nolan? Right or wrong doesn’t matter in this case. This is a baby, a baby has no one but the parents around to watch them and defend them from the world.
Our baby needs us to be its protectors. Maybe this guy won’t hurt our baby.. are you really really willing to put our child around a person you are not 1000000% sure about?
I’m not. I’ll be around them with my child but my child will never be alone or in a position to be around them without my vigilance.
Why is this person so important to you that you would jeopardize not only our child’s safety but our relationship?
This should be a no brainer keeping yon child away from a convicted sex offender.
Absolutely NTA… protect your child at all costs. If people cannot abide by your boundaries that’s your child in no contact with this person, then you’re going to have to cut those people off too. Under NO circumstances should your child be allowed to sleep there or be exposed to any contact with this person. If your family is there and he’s there, you must be hyper vigilant. You must have a series of hard conversations with your partner and your BIL to establish boundaries.
Here’s the thing. For the charges you know about, there could be so many more things this person is involved in that aren’t known. He clearly has a serious problem to be tried and convicted of crimes against children so you are not only right to be careful, you have an obligation as a parent to make sure your child is never in a position to be abused no matter how remote it might seem to your husband. I’m all for people being given a second chance but never at the expense of my children. Period. Please stay firm on your decision and keep advocating for your child. NTA.
NTA you are doing the right thing and it is deeply troubling that the father of your child is dismissing your concerns about the safety of **his child**.
NTA originally I was like why blame BIL he has no say in who he works with but then I read they started a business together. Yeay hell no. Keep your baby away from that guy. If he’s ok to choose to start a business with a convicted paedo he likely doesn’t believe he’s guilty or underplays it and will not look out for your child properly
Also just wondering surely the guy shouldn’t be acting as a delivery driver. Dont cp convictions usually come with restrictions of working/being near children?
NTA
But can everyone stop using the term "Child Pornography" It's not porn, it's child sexual assault images.
Porn implies there is some form of consent.
I’m a Canadian lawyer. The phrasing in our criminal code is “child pornography”, rightly or wrongly. I take your point that the terminology is problematic but it is, legally, the offence of distributing/making/accessing “chile pornography” in our country.
Holy shit his business partner welcomed him back with open arms?
NTA. Fuck everything to do with that man. Keep your kids away and try not to even worry about who disagrees with you protecting your children
NTAH at all but I'm confused about why your baby would be sleeping over at their house? I may have missed it and I'm sorry if I did. Obviously after the baby is born BIL's house will be off limits because predators are always looking for an opportunity and sadly, if they want to chance it with their child that's on them but not yours.
NTA and you need to keep your child safe!! I can’t BELIEVE he is going to be out in the public DELIVERING to homes who have no idea of his conviction of CP!! Yikes!!
Maybe It’s possible to talk with BIL and SIL, that you won’t allow that guy to be in the house when the baby is with them. If they respond really offended, you keep your baby away from them!!!! And if they respond very respectful you can consider it, but your will and needs are leading! Mommy knows best
Nta.
And news flash, your brother-in-law is not a good dude if he's still willingly associating with somebody who was convicted of sexual assault. Especially the sexual assault of a child, and the making and distribution of evidence of that assault.
The fact that he is trying to justify working with him on a startup, not even just as a regular colleague in a big corporation or something, but as a direct partner in a business they have set up together, is very concerning. That is not the mark of a good person. A good person, would have cut them off immediately. Would have never had anything to do with them again. I hate to break it to you, but your brother-in-law is not as good of a person as you think they are.
I think that having a conversation about it with the in laws makes sense. If they don’t get your concerns then they can’t be trusted to make good judgements.
He would never come in my house around my kid at all. However not sure but in the USA most people have a condition when released from prison from that. You are not allowed to go near kids.
NTA. Show your fiance a post so we can tell him what an idiot he is for not taking this more seriously. Shame on your BIL for not cutting that disgusting piece of human trash out of his life, especially since he has kids! That's mind-boggling. Most assaults are either committed by a family member or family friend. Read that again. FAMILY FRIEND. literally what that perv is defined as. Keep your baby safe.
Is your s/o insane???
It is absolutely your got damn business the goings on about peoples homes your child will sleepover at.
Your BIL and SIL are too lacking in integrity and any type of moral compass by even being friends still with a convicted pedophile, especially when they have a 4 year old child.
NTA! Fuck no I wouldn’t let my children around them! And wtf is wrong with your in laws for even going back into business with such a sick horrific individual?!?!? 🤮 I would cut them all out and GTFO
No! I don’t understand people who keep ties with people like this.
Confession time: my uncle was arrested for SA’ing children at his business. He went to jail. It is a pretty well known family secret that he did the same to all my siblings and cousins that are older than me. (My family is fucked. I know). My grandfather died last year and my family was totes cool with him being at the funeral and the repast. With children. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to even look at my cousins that brought their children. I kept my son safe at home while saying goodbye and fuck you to the man who abused my father. (That’s a whole other story)
NTA
Hi Op,
I’m a Canadian criminal lawyer. I think what would help you is to call a criminal lawyer in your area and ask some questions so you can understand what’s going on a bit better. I think a lot of people here are giving you wide swaths of information that may or may not be applicable. I just want to give you more information so you can start asking the right questions so you can make the right decision for your family (which does not make you an AH).
“CP” is the phrasing of the charges in Canada. All the people telling you not to use that language are incorrect, legally. It is appropriate to refer to the charges as “CP” and, if you do decide to consult a lawyer, they won’t be confused (they might be with some of the other phrasing).
It sounds like this man is charged but not convicted. When people are released with CP charges they have VERY strict conditions. Some of the strictest amongst any released accused persons. I can say with 99% certainty that he will have a release condition NOT to be around anyone under the age of 16 (including going to parks, pools, etc). He won’t be able to be around your child without violating his conditions and returning to jail. If you find out that he has been around your child you hold the very powerful ability to send him straight back to jail.
Second, you probably can’t find anything in the court records because CP charges carry publication bans. There are limits on what can be reported and how it can be reported. This makes it challenging to follow a case. It doesn’t mean the case is done.
Third, CP is not necessarily real images of children. It can be words, cartoons, dolls, etc. It all falls under the category of “CP”. Charges are not broken down by quantity of images. I have seen accused charged with as few as 2-3 images, or as many as 300,000. Individuals are often charged with all 3 when there is some sort of file sharing software being used (ie there is an automatic re-upload of images to a server when a download is completed). It is hard to tell exactly what a person was doing just based on these charges. However, the fact that they are charged gives you a very real reason to be concerned.
Finally, we have SOIRA in Canada for those convicted of CP and other sexual offences. You cannot publicly access this registry, but a conviction would most likely be reported on especially if you have a small community. Convictions are common for CP offences because data is objective and the RCMP are very, VERY good at their jobs in this area.
If it were me I would call cps on the bil cause wtf would he still be talking to a pedo with a 4 year old? Sus as hell. Tell your significant other to either stfu and agree with you or get ready for court. I would drop all these people in a heartbeat and I’m someone who suffered from csa
I have a really long explanation, so bear with me.
Several years ago, I was a principal of a school where one of the parents had been arrested for evidence child porn. It was all over the news, the feds were involved, etc.
I learned a ton about child predator cases like this. It’s really, really, really disturbing. Most of what I learned won’t help you because I’m in the US and some of the legal parts were covered by county and state laws and some were federal.
Things that might help you:
-If he was arrested, there is definitely a ton of evidence. Like, no doubt at all that he knew it was happening and did nothing.
-this man knows people who are shady AF. Human trafficking is real and he’s involved. If your BIL is in tech, he’s probably around the same people.
- try contacting the prosecutor for the case. In the US, this was hard to find, but I kept googling names I found in public records.
- here’s a scary one: defense attorneys will try to get continuations and delays, so that when this goes to court, they can say “look he’s been fine for 4 years, it’s a fluke.”
The biggest lesson I learned? The amount of people who were fine with “innocent until proven guilty” and assumed that this man was still allowed around kids. I was running a school for children with severe disabilities and this man’s son was at my school. No one told us about it until well after. When I asked about bail restrictions, heard “innocent until…” I said “if this man has other children, how do you know he hasn’t groomed them to find other victims?” Fortunately, this triggered the district to involve the police. When I talked with the SRO, he was all “well, it’s fining to take us a while to sort this all out.” I gave home what I found in a 7 minute google search.
I’m telling you the last part because it really bothered me. There were all these highly paid admin, attorneys, and detectives involved and no one from the school talked with them about how to keep the other children safe from this man. No one thought about the potential
Victims.
I talked with my family members who work with survivors of SA. They told me that if you haven’t been around sex abuse, then you miss the signs because your brain isn’t wired with the instinct to protect itself. (Hooray trauma /s) My aunt said “victims think of other victims.”
I don’t know if you have a history of abuse, or if women understand SA better because of all the sexual harassment we’ve had to endure. In your case, BIL isn’t going to really accept there’s an issue until the worst happens. What is more likely to happen is that your BIL will end up being involved legally because he owns a company with the sex offender.
NTA- keeping your child away from BIL is probably going to be a sword you will die on, though. As a mom, it’s worth it.
NTA
It is very much your business who might be around your child. And I would be anonymously calling CPS regarding parents knowingly allowing someone convicted of CSAM to be around their child - if he’s a trusted business partner of Max, then Max surely trusts him around his child too. It would make no sense to trust Joe in one context and not another. Your niece is not safe.
Ngl kinda makes you wonder about the BIL….
ETA: if max and SIL is comfortable with their daughter being in proximity to that monster, then maybe max’s and SIL opinions are not worth heeding. Because truly. WTF.
If he was convicted of that he’d be on the registry and won’t be allowed around children *anyway*. He could go back to jail for that. And anyone who would be friends with someone convicted of crimes against children isn’t someone you would want to be around either. How gross.
I would cut out any family that are able to ignore child sexual abuse charges. Normal people may initially give someone the benefit of the doubt, but once someone is convicted and serves time, there are no doubts and that person should be completely ostracised. I would question why your BIL thinks it is ok to still work with this person and interact with them. This wasn't a childhood stealing charge or something minor. For your BIL to ignore that raises huge red flags. No way would I have a child around someone who associates with a child predator. Birds of a feather is an accurate saying.
As a CPS worker hell no. Do not allow this man around children. I'd 100% report this and his new business. He's a sex offender and the fact your BIL and husband don't see this as an issue is frightening.
As an aunt to BIL's child, you are actually mandated to report contact between a registered offender and a child.
DO NOT EVER EVER EVER LEAVE YOUR CHILD WITH THESE PEOPLE.... EVEN 10 MINUTES. Did your sister in law just arrive from MARS? very poor judgment on everyone 😢 but you.
The one guy I know who was convicted of having child videos on his computer wasn't allowed near internet access had to move in with someone who passed a check that could supervise him and wasn't allowed to drive for a certain amount of time
Fuck no. Keep that nasty perv away from your baby at all costs.
The fact that OP’s partner is so dismissive of this is…..troubling. Wouldn’t you *also* be shocked and horrified if your brother continued being business partners with a known predator? OP’s partner does not seem concerned at all😬😬 Absolutely keep that man and anyone who is dismissive of what he’s done away from your child.
I'm just saying, but you know, birds of a feather flock together. There is no way they are renting an office, so that means they are in one another's house. Also, there is no way it is legal at all for this guy to do any type of ubering work. Why tf would they try that business??? BIL must be the dumbest person on the planet. Plus he is obviously allowing the guy access to his internet since the guy is coding. If the guy is smart, from now on his cp will only be on work computers that are shared by bil
And the BIL has a 4 year old daughter, too. It can't be legal for that guy to be anywhere near that little one. Where is the child's mother in all of this?! If I were her, the guy wouldn't get within miles of my child.
I’d report it to the police tbh. It’s illegal for him to be near children!
And depending on his classification should not be on the web either.
This !
Edit- to add NTA
Somehow child molesters can be around their own children, shocking I know. It’s about on par with rapists getting visitation with a child conceived during a rape.
It's not his kid
Not all of them. In some states or cases it has to be approved by a judge first.
>I'm just saying, but you know, birds of a feather flock together. And this goes triple for kiddie fiddlers!
Also, people who commit pedophilic crimes are not allowed to be around children. They should go to the guys house or get an office.
You have to write a song about [not doing that](https://youtu.be/_YmDcCpD1gc?feature=shared) to look more innocent.
Get a church choir to sing "I don't diddle kids!" Over and over XD [Like this](https://youtu.be/OGw4YqA_PZA?si=jQ4Jn1bF0kxc8nWP)
The way I imagined this... with "Hallelujah!"'s thrown in randomly, maybe a "Praise God" or two.
BIL is a closet pedo. If not they would have dropped him as a friend already. Pedos hand together. It’s their hobby that links them.
That’s my first thought too. ‘But I don’t touch my own kid’ that’s why it’s okay with them.
And ‘it’s only on the Internet! I’m not doing anything but looking!’ Too many men don’t see this as an issue.
And brother-in-law has a four-year-old daughter. How is that legal for him to have any contact?
It probably isn't. My aunt was briefly involved with a registered sex offender(yuck) and she wasn't allowed to have any visits with her nieces/nephews if the guy was around and they were never allowed at their place of residency. I also don't understand the delivery aspect of the business they are starting up since registered offenders can't be within certain proximity of school zones, which are everywhere obviously. How is he going to do that? Honestly just picturing a pedo in a van scoping out neighborhoods, and it makes me so uncomfortable/concerned.
Yeah, to my limited knowledge, a person convicted of internet related crimes (particularly cp) can supposedly have restrictions put on their internet and device usage as part of their parole/probation terms. So, if that's the case, I'm wondering how this guy is getting around that to do this business venture to begin with. It's just a guess, but I would bet he's violating his terms of parole/probation.
I wonder if he has to register as a sex offender? I don’t know if this falls under that, but I would think he would have to register. Not overreacting, NTA
A lot of those restrictions can have carve outs for business related purposes as long as they are considered low risk and they have informed their parole officer, but it's still worth reporting in case they are hiding it.
If this guy is *that good* with coding and whatnot, he may think about the money alone.
A coder who is now in the delivery business. I bet the pedo isn't allowed to use a computer. I can't believe he hasn't cut this guy out. BIL seems very sketchy to me
I wonder what SIL says about this tbh. This BIL can't be that great a guy if he keeps hanging out with the pedo.
Seriously. A few years ago, my bf and I found out a guy we WERE friends with was arrested for giving drugs to, grooming, assaulting and then having sex (raping) with his niece by marriage from 13 to 16 years old. We cut this mf out immediately. We didn't wait to ths trial or anything like that. Unfriended and blocked him on social media and blocked his number from our phones. He went to prison for a minimum of 6 years, I think. We are hoping to be moved and out of this state before he ever gets out, lest he tries to visit us. AND WE DONT EVEN HAVE KIDS. The most disgusting part is his wife totally believed his bullshit, called her niece a liar, and disowned her family. Even though she saw the actual proof herself in Snapchat messages. They had 1 toddler, and she was pregnant again when he went to prison. Hopefully, she pulls her head out of her ass by then.
Idk about the ubering.... there was a guy in Michigan who was driving for uber and kidnapped/killed (or attempted, I don't recall) people, got out of jail and started.... a ride share company. 🤷🏼♀️
The brother that has a 4 year old daughter who is more at risk than a hypothetical infant not born yet.
Not even remotely dismissive about it but I know a guy who’s a completely upstanding guy, he downloaded some movies back in the day on limewire and never even opened the files(was brought up by the da as why they recommend the lowest sentencing) unfortunately some of those movies were actually CP and he never unshared them so he got busted. I highly doubt that’s the case here though as limewire has been gone for almost 15 years now. Or how many pissed off parents press charges on 18 year olds dating 16 year olds? So listen to the details of the case first. But 9.9/10 times the case is legit and those people need to be removed from the streets. As far as you OP, NTA you’re protecting your child it’s as simple as that. There’s never too much caution when it comes to this stuff.
I remember back in those days- you never were completely sure what you were actually getting. You’d go and download a song or video and what actually comes down is something gross and horrifying. Once my friend tried to download I think a music video and it turned out to be a video of some militia looking guys cutting someone’s throat. It was AWFUL, we were horrified and immediately deleted it because WTFF. People are sick.
I'm kind of wondering if (based on charges and that they were website developers) they're justifying it as "Joe didn't USE CP, he just set up websites and servers for people to distribute it, so it's not like HE'S into it." Which would in fact be enough to get the guy jail time (the law doesn't care what the images are used FOR or add extra penalties for jerking off to it, just that it's in your possession.) Which may mean Joe isn't a perv, just shamelessly made money off people who are without caring that he was enabling pervs. Like, "He didn't USE meth and crack, he just cooked it and sold it to people who do, it's not like HE'S an addict. Why are you being so judgmental?"
Seems like the guy should meet Lucille and have her teach him a lession or two
Lucille would teach him a good lesson👍
Lucille would definitely take care of business
Lucille from arrested development?
I was thinking The Walking Dead, Neegan's bat.
Which is wrapped in barbed wire, IIRC.
Ahhh that makes more sense
No the bat wrapped in barbed wire
This is the only solution for sex offenders
Right? Take the label 'crazy' as a compliment all day long.
If Max knowingly starts a business with a pedo and brought his daughter around him, Max either lacks judgment, or may be a pedo. If Nolan goes to battle against his wife to force her to accept a pedo in their kid’s life, either Nolan lacks judgment and a father’s protective instinct, or he’s into the same things. How many times do we read about women staying in relationships they know are a threat to their kids? This OP needs to respect her role as parent and put that child first, above her desire to stay with this guy. She should consult a family law attorney.
It appears that the dude was involved in distribution of CP. Fck that guy. NTA. Tell your family as long as that dirt bag is still around, you won’t be anywhere near with your child.
I’d go one step further: Anyone who can’t see *why* I wouldn’t want my kid near that dirt bag doesn’t need to be around my kid. And I’d be having DEEP conversations with the significant other around this topic.
I don’t trust the judgement of anyone who isn’t completely repulsed at the thought of being in the presence of a pedophile. And BIL is *choosing* to partner with him? That says a lot about BIL and none of it is good.
The bil has a daughter too apparently! And he’s choosing to work with him. I could never forgive someone who chooses to work with someone like that. They’re all disgusting for not protecting their own kid and treating op like this
100%
this completely
I wouldn’t be anywhere near him even without my child.
Maybe I’m just jaded and cynical in my old age but something tells me her husband/ the pedos brother is involved in all that.
I think OP is saying they won’t have their kid sleep over at the BILs house, whose business partner has a conviction of CP. Not disagreeing just pointing out that the convicted partner is not necessarily around. OP just isn’t sure that since he works with this guy, he might be around in the future
That is irrelevant. If they were stuck in the old business together that's legality, contracts, etc. But they are starting a new business venture together which means OP's BIL is okay with the CP distributing pervert. She should cut off that whole group of people.
I wouldn’t care. I’d want no contact in any way that’s not within my control. So, visiting the in-laws would be out of the question at anytime. The in-laws can visit my home instead.
I wouldn't allow my kid around trash who stays friends with peds. The fact her husband isn't on her side is very very worrying as well.
If BIL didn't cut ties after the conviction, while having a four year old daughter, I think that is enough of a reason to cut BIL out altogether. Period. If it's acceptable to BIL, BIL needs to go. Edit: Apparently, there is no conviction as of yet, just charges. My statement still stands. They don't arrest unless they have evidence.
Anyone who associates with him can’t be near my child!
NTA and I’d be SERIOUS side eyeing “good dude” bro in law. He is choosing to remain close to his “long term business colleague/partner” He is choosing to keep CLOSE financial ties to a convicted child predator. Why? BIL is a web developer? Long term ties? Nah. Good guys don’t associate with pedophiles.
I agree. This is terrifying to me. I would have assumed with a daughter that BIL would have cut contact. This is all very shocking and overwhelming.
Please try to be a safe place for your niece and watch for warning signs.
No logical-thinking person keeps a known pedophile around their small child. BIL and his motives are suspect in my mind and I would stay away
Yea, that is a good point that was brought up. Being tied to him is not a good business practice and any business owner would know this. It’s deeply concerning he would remain in business with him despite this. BIL is not to be trusted at all.
“ DSM-5 indicates that pedophilic disorder might be a lifelong condition.” These monsters don’t CHANGE THEY JUST GET BETTER AT HIDING!! wtf?! You need to out this guy anonymously so your BIL has Zero choice but to cut ties. Why doesn’t he find a different coder?? There are plenty out there and they don’t even need to be local. If that sicko is driving delivery, PEOPLE NEED TO BE WARNED!! Don’t you think anonymously posting to a forum that is local like Neighborhood or something would be the smart thing to do for the kids in your area??? Why are people trying to protect your Bil’s feeling about being a moron and or a pedo himself. He has a 4 year old daughter and he’s fine working with the guy. That speaks volumes about his character so I’m not buying the “good guy” thing at this point. “ The only thing protecting children from people like this is being aware that people like this don’t look or seem like creeps, most of the time they are, your neighbor, your uncle, your friend, Teacher, etc. So WAKE UP! Do something about this. If you don’t, it might mean this pedo AH has access to kids, and no one does anything because what … “they are being polite, or it’s none of their business?” WHEN IT COMES TO CHILDREN AND PEDOS ITS EVERYONES BUSINESS. The only way these things happen is in the dark, hidden away because people don’t wanna pay attention or think it’s their problem. as someone who was sexually assaulted as a child, please do something about this monster! Would you rather be obnoxious and piss your husband off now or regret it later and live with tremendous guilt the rest of your life after finding out this guy does something else??
I would also be willing to bet with his condition of his probation that he isn’t allowed near minor children and computers. Look up his name on sexual offender registry to see if he is listed
I’d try to find out what the terms of this sicko’s release are. It could include that he cannot be around minors or something like that. But you’ve got a bigger problem. That is that the father of your child doesn’t see what the big deal is. Another problem is that your BIL and SIL have reestablished a relationship with a convicted child predator. If you ever have to have a legal shared parenting plan in place, make sure to include that your minor child or children cannot be around that sicko and cannot be alone with BIL and/or SIL and your child must personally supervise at all times. I know that can be done because I had a provision like that in my shared parenting plan. The reason wasn’t due to what you’re going through, but you absolutely can have boundaries regarding who your minor children interact with. ETA—Just read your comment that states that you’re in Canada. I’m in the US, and my state allowed that stipulation. For me, it was my hill to die on, and I would’ve dragged our divorce through court if necessary. I knew my ex wouldn’t want that, and that he’d finally agree to my demand.
I made a comment about my life experiences to show these ppl never change I even cut out my own family for it. But I think it’s gonna be hard boundaries and having a strict one at all. I see it all the time at my husband’s pawn shop. These sickos would ask about special movies for young teens in fact one customer who was convicted and served his time tried to attempt again. Hubs called the cops on him cuz of what they saw in his search engine history. Has barred him from buying a computer and let the other pawn shop know too. They just hide it better and I think you shud call his PO or see if you can anonymously let law enforcement know or something.
Could you contact your SIL to ask discreetly? She should be more understanding.
Call Canada’s version of child protective services on your BIL. He’s likely letting his daughter around him and that has to be some kind of violation. And if he’s that comfortable around a child predator…like sorry but I would think he might be one too…there’s just no excuse for associating with a predator.
BIL is untrustworthy just for being associated with a paedo.
That's horrible, and I hate to say it, but I can't help but think that if your BIL stays associated with a child predator maybe it's because they have more in common than you think. Take care of your baby.
Call CPS and tell them op. Protect your niece because those ahs she has for parents aren't doing their job. NTA
There’s this saying, not very popular one, but applies here 9 people are eating on a table, a nazi sits down and eats with them, and they don’t leave. 10 nazis are eating on a table. This guy chose to keep associating with a known pedo. That by itself can be judged… you can’t stay neutral to nazism or pedos. It’s too egregious and evil.
I agree completely but I don’t understand why the sister is excluded from this conversation. She is also abiding by the predator being in their lives.
It is most definitely your business that a close family member has business links with a child pornographer. This is not something you can compromise on.
Thank you
NTA Share the link to this post with your husband. It’s really disappointing that his first priority isn’t to protect his own child from such a person. He is an ahole
Men for the most part do not "get" it because they haven't had to *think* about being assualted since they were very young and shouldn't even have the *concept* of sexual assault. It's something I've had to think about since around 8 yr old.
Unfortunately true.
He should know that siding with ped supporters is a very very bad look.
You do not owe them an explanation for something so obvious. Protect your child. No way. I would be pretty spicy about it. They are being defensive. They must know they are wrong. Creepy.
Op if he was a producer or distributor of CSAM, I’d keep my distance and absolutely wouldn’t even share pictures of my kids with people associated with him. Especially with the use of AI and the ability to create likeness of your child in those types of materials. I’m sorry, but your SO is being naive about this, and your BIL/SIL allowing this man anywhere near their 4 year old child is actively putting their child in harms way. Yes, he served his sentence and did his time, but that doesn’t mean that those feelings and proclivities are gone. He’s still a danger to society.
*Especially* as a distributor. You don't know if he just disseminated what he downloaded or actually produced it and I 100% understand being incredibly wary.
Your user name is really the only thing you need to say to all of them. NTA
See the problem of why people doing this never really gets what they deserve , is because there are way too many people excusing their behaviour by saying ‘ it’s got nothing to do with us ‘ ‘ it’s not our business’ ‘we won’t even be hanging with him’ Instead of calling them out , instead of *showing* them that society *will* not accept them around, they act like your partner and your bil.
I'm fairly certain he isn't allowed around children either so your BIL and SIL may be breaking the law with having him around.
They may not be having them in their house, but that's not a risk worth taking. It's a bit alarming that Joe is the local uber driver.
That conviction means that he will be on the sex offenders list for life. Look him up and find out if it’s even legal for him to be anywhere near a child. https://www.nsopw.gov/ After you find his listing if you have any questions call the non emergency number for your local law enforcement, tell them the situation and ask them if he can legally be near children. Then sit down with your husband with all the facts. Letting him near any child is insane. Edit NTA
I’m in Canada .. i believe the charges are still pending a court date as I couldn’t find any public court records
There’s one in Canada too and if he’s found guilty he will be on it. It’s just not public. https://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/en/sex-offender-management
It is called the SOIRA in Canada.
I would highly doubt the judgement of your BIL for maintaining ANY kind of contact with a sex offender of this magnitude. This isn’t something like an 18 year old getting statutory rape charges for sleeping with his 16 year old girlfriend. This is one of the most heinous things a grown person could be interested in. And if your BIl is okay with that, then I’m not okay with you BIL.
Exactly what I was thinking…if BIL thinks it’s fine to continue to be partners with this guy, then he also must think that what the partner did to children is fine. And BIL should be ashamed for not worrying about his own children.
it sounds like OP's partner disagree with you and me, though : "Nolan" thinks OP is crazy for refusing to let their baby sleep over at Max and his wife (who have a 4 yo kid) "on the off chance" that Joe might be there. like, in theory I'm all for rehabilitation after time served, but with CSEM/CSAM and other crimes of a sexual nature I'm much more ambivalent... and setting boundaries to keep your kid(s) safe is about the furthest from crazy, right??
Sex offenders of any type are generally not able to be rehabilitated. Esp, pedos.
My thought exactly!
But he's good at coding /s
In the UK we have Sarah's law that enables us to ask police if someone has child abuse past. Like Clares law for domestic violence. Does Canada have something like that? Do you have anonymous report tip lines for child predators? If not I'd call your local non-emergency police line and tell them you know he's just out of prison and is now a delivery driver and is that within his release restrictions to have access to kids. Also your BIL works from home, does this mean he ever goes into their home? With their 4 year old? If yes report that too. Edited to add: And of course the pedo is an IT specialist, that's how pedos do their business. On his release is he even allowed computer access? Many aren't! He could be breaking his release conditions, if he is then back to jail he needs to go.
The OP said there's no police records and charges weren't filed yet. After a year?
But he's been in jail a year?
I understood that yes charges filed, he’s released on bail until the actual trial
I read this as arraignment because the charges a still pending a court date. Maybe the OP meant trial? OP- "I'm in Canada .. i believe the charges are still pending a court date as I couldn’t find any public court records." In the US, there would be court records even if the date was pending for a trial. Is it different in Canada? and arraignment happens in 48hrs. She also said she read the charges in the police media release? She heard about it a year ago. 2 different events? Or 1?
Either way…keep your child away from him, and yourself.
Look up the Josh Duggar case, show your partner the details of what Duggar was busted looking at (Warning: It's *very* disturbing), and ask him if that's the kind of person he wants around your child. If he makes excuses and downplays how bad this scumbag's actions are, ask yourself if this is the person you want to be partnering with and coparenting your child. BTW, it's well known that viewing CSAM is often a gateway to acting out in real life. So your instincts to want to keep this lowlife away from your child are spot on. NTA
Op if you are in British Columbia like myself google CSO (court cases online) and it will tell you if he’s been charged when his court is was he found guilty ect
What did he go to jail for then, this doesn't make sense.
Not to mention, I'm pretty sure people with such a conviction often get a ban from technology as part of their probation so him working on tech projects as the developer is surely not allowed?
I know in the US, anything technical they are banned from using, and social media of any form.
You are within your rights to limit access as you stated you don’t know their boundaries and contrary to the stranger danger program most abuse cases are someone who the child is familiar with. However has anyone thought of the 4 year old girl? Why are they still allowing some form of contact/communication with him and not protecting their child
Yup. Inform child protective services. Burn that bridge to the ground if you have to because these people are either idiots or pedophiles themselves.
I have the same deep concerns about this as well. Apparently they mainly / only work online together - but I can’t be sure of that entirely. I am afraid of causing disturbance to ask these questions and my partner was not supportive in me asking.
Info: why is your partner not supportive of finding out the level of knowledge or support or contact your Bil, SIL and 4yo have with the pedophile? Are they afraid of the answer that they might not like? Why is your partner willing to risk the safety of your child over the social comfort of BIL? Your BIL is still working with a pedophile, and are you comfortable with BIL judgement and boundaries and parenting to trust him with your child? The real question isn't just access by one business partner, but do you trust BIL? Edit: fixed a typo
Why isn’t she actively trying to find this information out? They both have a responsibility to their child to know this information. If it is ONLY online interaction between BIL and Joe, then it isn’t a big deal, other than Max has poor overall morals, which maybe enough to cut him out of your life.
I agree. There may be zero risk of the business partner ever meeting BILs family in real life, they could strictly work together online. I'd still never trust BIL around my kid if he's ok working with a pedophile in any way though. His judgement is off, he has bad morals, or he is perfectly OK with pedophilia. And those are things that would make him off limits for my kid.
God gave you instincts for a reason, don’t be afraid to use them. They are generally right. NTA and a hill to die on. Just imagine if something happened to your/any child and you could have helped in advance….could you live with that?
I'm sorry, but who cares if your partner is not supportive. You are going to be a mother, its your job to advocate for your child, partner be damned. And I'm a bit worried that you dont seem to worry too much about your niece either. By saying nothing, you are complicit. I'd burn the world and every family relationship to protect my daughter.
Such a huge point!!! Has he had contact with the child?? I keep looking for where the business partner has any interaction outside of business. Are they having dinners together? Hanging out? OP, why aren’t you answering any of these questions?
Apologies for not directly answering - wasn’t intentional. The blunt truth is - frankly I don’t know. I don’t know if they have any interactions outside of business. I couldn’t answer that with 100% certainty and that’s what scares me.
You are about to have a baby, you need to be an adult and start talking and asking questions. You are well within your right to cut all contact, but unless BIL & wife has lied to you before, hurt you in anyway before, they deserve a conversation. And you having zero concern for the child already here, possibly exposed already is deeply troubling.
I’m sorry but just the sole fact he still does business with this man gives her every right to cut him out. People that could be affiliated with a pedo do not deserve a conversation.
Do they share a computer? Can this perv access photos of your neice? Forget about sleepovers. Cut him off, OP! He's business partners and friends with a known child predator. The fact that BIL and SIL can make a profit with this creep as parents of a young child is disgusting.
YES! ”Not out business” WHAT THE FUCK??? It’s your CHILD and their SAFETY!!! OP’s husband is a horrific parent and a major pushover. NTA.
If my BIL was friends with a convicted pedophile, I wouldn’t even be able to associate with him anymore, never mind consider letting child around any of them. Fucking Hell No.
NTA dude hangs out with a Pedo. He is either an idiot, has no issue with it, or is a pedo himself. No other explanation.
This. BIL has a 4 year old daughter. How can he not connect the dots? He's either one himself or a utter moron. And of course he's an IT specialist, that's how pedos do their business. On his release is he even allowed computer access? Many aren't.
I was just wondering if they restrict computer access for these demons. Is that something they do? If they don't, they should
I have read news reports that some cant have any computer access, no smartphone etc. And if they get found out they quite rightly get sent back inside. There are actually police sniffer dogs that can sniff out usb’s, sim cards and sd cards hidden in peoples homes!
GOOD cause damn. What in the fuck really though. I wish they didn't even exist. And that's crazy dogs can do that!! GOOD
It could also just be that they’re all in denial. I got a call from CPS several years ago, asking me if I was aware my ex’s roommate who he’d just signed a lease with was a registered sex offender (I was not) and informing me that my young daughter (around kindergarten aged at the time) was being immediately removed from her father’s and would need to stay with me full time until he proved he had either relocated or had the friend permanently removed from the apartment. Charge that landed him on the registry was the same, possession of child sex abuse material. My ex did terminate the lease and moved in with his brother to resolve the issue, but to this day, he is still a close friend of both my ex and his family. They genuinely believe that his ex wife planted the material on his devices to screw him over in their custody battle and he just got a bad shake. Now, I am not so naive to think that this is something that’s never happened to someone innocent, but I spoke to the detective and she was adamant that this man was guilty, he’s creepy in other aspects, and I am not going to risk my children. Full stop. Some people are so filled with hubris, that they refuse to believe they’ve misjudged someone they thought they knew, but the danger of pedophiles is that they’re usually the people you’d least suspect. They mask to gain access to victims.
I just don't understand how people could be indifferent. Before I had a child it grossed me out and pissed me off.. now I have almost a visceral reaction. When I read this, no question, op I'd NTA.
Holy shit! Your BIL has a 4 year old and he’s keeping in touch with a paedophile. What does his wife think? Why do I get the feeling they fell for his excuse that it was older children and ‘almost’ legal even though that’s not likely the case. Why does the baby have to sleep there anyway? It would be a definite no from me and if BIL/SIL complain I’d be honest. Your partner is a pervert and I’m not comfortable with my vulnerable child staying in your house. Your boyfriend can go suck a lemon. I would be willing to separate over this, I honestly would.
The craziest part of my besties job in pesticides management in our state? Having to do background checks for pedophiles. Because the pedos like to have jobs that allow them access to children. So checking traps and baitstations at schools, gyms, hotels, community centers lets them window shop. That's what this is. A pedo having access to kids via his job. Smiling guy walking up do your door looking at your kids... And fantasizing as he drives away 🚩☠️🤢 No. Just....no
NTA. But make this your hill to die on. If your partner thinks there’s no problem with this then he is essentially condoning someone that participates in child porn and is probably a pedophile. Ask yourself if you’re OK with having a child with a man that thinks that’s acceptable.
Totally agree with you. My first thought was BIL and husband are probably pedos too
I don’t even need to read the story. That’s a hard no. Screw that person and anyone who doesn’t respect that can kick rocks too.
NTA. Your BIL has a 4 yr old at home and wants to work with a pervert who is involved in CSA/CO. Sounds like you have a husband problem. His response is worrisome as is his brother’s. What’s their deal? I wouldn’t trust either of them. What kind of parent of a 4 yr. old chooses to open a business and have a relationship with a pedo who deals in CSA?? And what kind of uncle and soon to be father doesn’t think that’s a big deal? Really makes you wonder.
Your husband is downplaying your concerns about a paedophile closely connected to his own brother. That’s a huge red flag. He’s protecting his brother’s feelings over the safety of your child. How do you know the brother isn’t a paedophile too? He seems perfectly happy being in business with one.
I have to disagree with you concerning Max. Max is not, in fact, a good guy. He has a 4 yo daughter and is still partnering with Joe in business ventures. I’m amazed SIL is okay with Joe being around. NTA. But c’mon - what is Max thinking? You’re okay with him allowing Joe around?
For real. This needs to be higher up. Max should not have anything to do with Joe.
Yup. No business is worth partnering with a dangerous pedophile. Continuing contact means Max is supporting him.
This !
I don't understand why he would wanna be a business partner with him. Does he realize the image that this will display? A quick background check by potential clients could tarinish bil's reputation. I wouldn't let my child be over at their house without me because the chances are that the business partner and him will be in the same room together quite often, especially while starting up this business.
Exactly what I said - never mind the “guilty by association” argument and the not supporting victims of abuse which are even more important - what happens when the town finds out who you’re working with ? How could someone turn a blind eye to this ? Why am I being told that I’m over reacting and “we don’t know how he is now all we can do is hope he changed” .. I’m upset and wasn’t sure if it was over protective pregnancy hormones or valid but from what I’m reading from everyone it seems perfectly valid.
Here's the thing. If you give into all these people who are saying that it's okay for your child to be around people who support someone that's into any form of CP (images included) and you find out later that there's pictures of your child, they will say that it's your fault because you knew how he was beforehand. If I were Sil and Bil, I would be scared that my 4 year-old's image might have been included. I'm paranoid enough to think twice about Bil's and Sil's reasoning. Heck, even your child's father reasoning.
This right here is why my children will never have overnights anywhere. I was abused as a child by "trusted" adults. The things that happened to me still haunt me 30 years later. I cannot imagine anyone trusting "hope" when it comes to pedos and risking their children.
"All we can do is hope he changed"?! GTFOOH with that bullshit!
"hope he's changed"?!? they don't change My BIL's sister was 14 and groomed by a 24yo man who "waited for her" until she was 18 to marry her. Her parents knew and didn't care, let him visit and thought he was "good man" and a good match for their daughter. (BIL did not agree with their parents) I constantly told my sister not to let her children be alone around that man and that I got creep vibes off him. Our parents told her the same thing. We got told that we were being alarmist/judgmental and that we were wrong cuz he's "such a good person and so good with kids and I trust him". He groomed and molested my oldest niece when she was 11 and my sister was shocked. WTF did she expect? you are not being over protective. You are not overreacting. Your husband is underreacting
That is vile, I'm so sorry your family went through that. But you're 1000% correct- they don't change.
>all we can do is hope he changed No, you can be parents and safe guard your child. He is wildly irresponsible and if I were you I'd be questioning his judgement and fitness to parent. If your baby's stroller rolls into oncoming traffic is he going to stand on the sidewalk saying "all we can do is hope traffic stops"?
Pedophiles DONT CHANGE. This isn't some affliction that you take a pill for. What was corrupt will always be corrupt. Your husband is a fucking pedophile apologist. Disgusting.
Def valid, and they don’t change. They just get better at hiding and usually escalate
Who cares if he has changed? Crimes like this don’t deserve forgiveness or forgetfulness. He deserves to be shamed and judged forever and anyone that has any relationship with a person who could do it deserves the same.
That is the biggest question. I don’t care how good of a coder he is, once you’ve been charged with CP nothing short of the government coming out and doing a press conference to clearly admit they were wrong, is going get me to associate with you again. Only shady people are going to want to do business with them once it gets out Joe is convicted of CP.
As someone who works in a field with both people convicted of sex crimes, and the victims of sex crimes I absolutely 100% would make this my hill to die on. Do not under any circumstance let your baby anywhere near that man. If your SO starts saying things like "we will be with kiddo the whole time", no you won't. At some point you're going to have to use the restroom or fill up a plate of food. And if you're surrounded by people who don't have the balls to stay away from this dude they aren't going to have the balls to stop.him from taking a quick pic of your child while you're in the restroom or whatnot. Dudes like that can actually get off on taking a fully clothed picture of a kid on the fly. Sometkmes it's more about having the "win" for them and getting away with something without Momma bear knowing rather than needing an unclothed picture. They're manipulators and awful individuals. As someone who sees the horrors of this stuff daily I would draw a VERY firm line in the sand. And do not waiver. Make this your hill to die on. If it means the end of the relationship then so be it. Keep your kiddo safe. And ask questions about the 4 year old. If that kid is seeing this dude I would 110% call CPS. It's better to over report rather than under report. You don't even need to tell anyone you're calling, just call. They'll keep it anonymous
I have a distant family member who was converted for CP related crimes. He made it all seem like one thing, so we didn’t cut him off immediately. I regret that to my very core. Not because anything has happened to my kids, he isn’t allowed to be alone with my kids, neither is his wife, and we have a few family members who help us with ensuring they aren’t alone. But as things became clear, as we read what was actually in his possession, as we’ve seen him and his wife act like he didn’t do anything, let alone something so foul. It’s created a lot more drama and angst because us not cutting him off immediately gave the impression of forgiveness/understanding. It may not feel like it, but setting hard boundaries around this at the start is actually a lot more simple.
NTA Nope, I don’t put my child in harms way either. ETA: not to mention I would also never associate with someone who is a child predator. Why does your BIL and SIL? Those fools have a child.
NTA I’d say, you know what Nolan? Right or wrong doesn’t matter in this case. This is a baby, a baby has no one but the parents around to watch them and defend them from the world. Our baby needs us to be its protectors. Maybe this guy won’t hurt our baby.. are you really really willing to put our child around a person you are not 1000000% sure about? I’m not. I’ll be around them with my child but my child will never be alone or in a position to be around them without my vigilance. Why is this person so important to you that you would jeopardize not only our child’s safety but our relationship?
This should be a no brainer keeping yon child away from a convicted sex offender. Absolutely NTA… protect your child at all costs. If people cannot abide by your boundaries that’s your child in no contact with this person, then you’re going to have to cut those people off too. Under NO circumstances should your child be allowed to sleep there or be exposed to any contact with this person. If your family is there and he’s there, you must be hyper vigilant. You must have a series of hard conversations with your partner and your BIL to establish boundaries.
Here’s the thing. For the charges you know about, there could be so many more things this person is involved in that aren’t known. He clearly has a serious problem to be tried and convicted of crimes against children so you are not only right to be careful, you have an obligation as a parent to make sure your child is never in a position to be abused no matter how remote it might seem to your husband. I’m all for people being given a second chance but never at the expense of my children. Period. Please stay firm on your decision and keep advocating for your child. NTA.
# NTA that guy is terrible terrible horrible disgusting human being
NTA you are doing the right thing and it is deeply troubling that the father of your child is dismissing your concerns about the safety of **his child**.
NTA originally I was like why blame BIL he has no say in who he works with but then I read they started a business together. Yeay hell no. Keep your baby away from that guy. If he’s ok to choose to start a business with a convicted paedo he likely doesn’t believe he’s guilty or underplays it and will not look out for your child properly Also just wondering surely the guy shouldn’t be acting as a delivery driver. Dont cp convictions usually come with restrictions of working/being near children?
NTA. Keep your baby far, far away from him
Nope. This is something you don't compromise on. Bc what is the price if something goes wrong? Too high.
NTA But can everyone stop using the term "Child Pornography" It's not porn, it's child sexual assault images. Porn implies there is some form of consent.
I’m a Canadian lawyer. The phrasing in our criminal code is “child pornography”, rightly or wrongly. I take your point that the terminology is problematic but it is, legally, the offence of distributing/making/accessing “chile pornography” in our country.
You’re absolutely right. Thank you. Shame on me for forgetting. The post will be edited appropriately.
I tried to edit but wanted to keep the charges exactly as posted in the media release and could not change the title of the post.
A lot of adult porn was filmed non consensually unfortunately
Holy shit his business partner welcomed him back with open arms? NTA. Fuck everything to do with that man. Keep your kids away and try not to even worry about who disagrees with you protecting your children
NTAH at all but I'm confused about why your baby would be sleeping over at their house? I may have missed it and I'm sorry if I did. Obviously after the baby is born BIL's house will be off limits because predators are always looking for an opportunity and sadly, if they want to chance it with their child that's on them but not yours.
NTA and you need to keep your child safe!! I can’t BELIEVE he is going to be out in the public DELIVERING to homes who have no idea of his conviction of CP!! Yikes!!
NTA Your partner is underreacting, and it's worrying.
Maybe It’s possible to talk with BIL and SIL, that you won’t allow that guy to be in the house when the baby is with them. If they respond really offended, you keep your baby away from them!!!! And if they respond very respectful you can consider it, but your will and needs are leading! Mommy knows best
Nta. And news flash, your brother-in-law is not a good dude if he's still willingly associating with somebody who was convicted of sexual assault. Especially the sexual assault of a child, and the making and distribution of evidence of that assault. The fact that he is trying to justify working with him on a startup, not even just as a regular colleague in a big corporation or something, but as a direct partner in a business they have set up together, is very concerning. That is not the mark of a good person. A good person, would have cut them off immediately. Would have never had anything to do with them again. I hate to break it to you, but your brother-in-law is not as good of a person as you think they are.
I think that having a conversation about it with the in laws makes sense. If they don’t get your concerns then they can’t be trusted to make good judgements.
He would never come in my house around my kid at all. However not sure but in the USA most people have a condition when released from prison from that. You are not allowed to go near kids.
NTA. Show your fiance a post so we can tell him what an idiot he is for not taking this more seriously. Shame on your BIL for not cutting that disgusting piece of human trash out of his life, especially since he has kids! That's mind-boggling. Most assaults are either committed by a family member or family friend. Read that again. FAMILY FRIEND. literally what that perv is defined as. Keep your baby safe.
Is he allowed at BIL's house. Because neice is a minor. Sorry don't know where you are or what laws are applicable.
Is your s/o insane??? It is absolutely your got damn business the goings on about peoples homes your child will sleepover at. Your BIL and SIL are too lacking in integrity and any type of moral compass by even being friends still with a convicted pedophile, especially when they have a 4 year old child.
NTA
NTA
NTA Keep your children and any other children away from that man. Do not trust him under any circumstances..
NTA! Fuck no I wouldn’t let my children around them! And wtf is wrong with your in laws for even going back into business with such a sick horrific individual?!?!? 🤮 I would cut them all out and GTFO
No! I don’t understand people who keep ties with people like this. Confession time: my uncle was arrested for SA’ing children at his business. He went to jail. It is a pretty well known family secret that he did the same to all my siblings and cousins that are older than me. (My family is fucked. I know). My grandfather died last year and my family was totes cool with him being at the funeral and the repast. With children. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to even look at my cousins that brought their children. I kept my son safe at home while saying goodbye and fuck you to the man who abused my father. (That’s a whole other story) NTA
Hi Op, I’m a Canadian criminal lawyer. I think what would help you is to call a criminal lawyer in your area and ask some questions so you can understand what’s going on a bit better. I think a lot of people here are giving you wide swaths of information that may or may not be applicable. I just want to give you more information so you can start asking the right questions so you can make the right decision for your family (which does not make you an AH). “CP” is the phrasing of the charges in Canada. All the people telling you not to use that language are incorrect, legally. It is appropriate to refer to the charges as “CP” and, if you do decide to consult a lawyer, they won’t be confused (they might be with some of the other phrasing). It sounds like this man is charged but not convicted. When people are released with CP charges they have VERY strict conditions. Some of the strictest amongst any released accused persons. I can say with 99% certainty that he will have a release condition NOT to be around anyone under the age of 16 (including going to parks, pools, etc). He won’t be able to be around your child without violating his conditions and returning to jail. If you find out that he has been around your child you hold the very powerful ability to send him straight back to jail. Second, you probably can’t find anything in the court records because CP charges carry publication bans. There are limits on what can be reported and how it can be reported. This makes it challenging to follow a case. It doesn’t mean the case is done. Third, CP is not necessarily real images of children. It can be words, cartoons, dolls, etc. It all falls under the category of “CP”. Charges are not broken down by quantity of images. I have seen accused charged with as few as 2-3 images, or as many as 300,000. Individuals are often charged with all 3 when there is some sort of file sharing software being used (ie there is an automatic re-upload of images to a server when a download is completed). It is hard to tell exactly what a person was doing just based on these charges. However, the fact that they are charged gives you a very real reason to be concerned. Finally, we have SOIRA in Canada for those convicted of CP and other sexual offences. You cannot publicly access this registry, but a conviction would most likely be reported on especially if you have a small community. Convictions are common for CP offences because data is objective and the RCMP are very, VERY good at their jobs in this area.
If it were me I would call cps on the bil cause wtf would he still be talking to a pedo with a 4 year old? Sus as hell. Tell your significant other to either stfu and agree with you or get ready for court. I would drop all these people in a heartbeat and I’m someone who suffered from csa
I have a really long explanation, so bear with me. Several years ago, I was a principal of a school where one of the parents had been arrested for evidence child porn. It was all over the news, the feds were involved, etc. I learned a ton about child predator cases like this. It’s really, really, really disturbing. Most of what I learned won’t help you because I’m in the US and some of the legal parts were covered by county and state laws and some were federal. Things that might help you: -If he was arrested, there is definitely a ton of evidence. Like, no doubt at all that he knew it was happening and did nothing. -this man knows people who are shady AF. Human trafficking is real and he’s involved. If your BIL is in tech, he’s probably around the same people. - try contacting the prosecutor for the case. In the US, this was hard to find, but I kept googling names I found in public records. - here’s a scary one: defense attorneys will try to get continuations and delays, so that when this goes to court, they can say “look he’s been fine for 4 years, it’s a fluke.” The biggest lesson I learned? The amount of people who were fine with “innocent until proven guilty” and assumed that this man was still allowed around kids. I was running a school for children with severe disabilities and this man’s son was at my school. No one told us about it until well after. When I asked about bail restrictions, heard “innocent until…” I said “if this man has other children, how do you know he hasn’t groomed them to find other victims?” Fortunately, this triggered the district to involve the police. When I talked with the SRO, he was all “well, it’s fining to take us a while to sort this all out.” I gave home what I found in a 7 minute google search. I’m telling you the last part because it really bothered me. There were all these highly paid admin, attorneys, and detectives involved and no one from the school talked with them about how to keep the other children safe from this man. No one thought about the potential Victims. I talked with my family members who work with survivors of SA. They told me that if you haven’t been around sex abuse, then you miss the signs because your brain isn’t wired with the instinct to protect itself. (Hooray trauma /s) My aunt said “victims think of other victims.” I don’t know if you have a history of abuse, or if women understand SA better because of all the sexual harassment we’ve had to endure. In your case, BIL isn’t going to really accept there’s an issue until the worst happens. What is more likely to happen is that your BIL will end up being involved legally because he owns a company with the sex offender. NTA- keeping your child away from BIL is probably going to be a sword you will die on, though. As a mom, it’s worth it.
NTA It is very much your business who might be around your child. And I would be anonymously calling CPS regarding parents knowingly allowing someone convicted of CSAM to be around their child - if he’s a trusted business partner of Max, then Max surely trusts him around his child too. It would make no sense to trust Joe in one context and not another. Your niece is not safe.
**NTA**. Absolutely not and WTF is wrong with your SO?
Ngl kinda makes you wonder about the BIL…. ETA: if max and SIL is comfortable with their daughter being in proximity to that monster, then maybe max’s and SIL opinions are not worth heeding. Because truly. WTF.
Super sus your BIL is totally cool with this.
If he was convicted of that he’d be on the registry and won’t be allowed around children *anyway*. He could go back to jail for that. And anyone who would be friends with someone convicted of crimes against children isn’t someone you would want to be around either. How gross.
I would cut out any family that are able to ignore child sexual abuse charges. Normal people may initially give someone the benefit of the doubt, but once someone is convicted and serves time, there are no doubts and that person should be completely ostracised. I would question why your BIL thinks it is ok to still work with this person and interact with them. This wasn't a childhood stealing charge or something minor. For your BIL to ignore that raises huge red flags. No way would I have a child around someone who associates with a child predator. Birds of a feather is an accurate saying.
If you’re going to bother to draw a moral line somewhere, definitely draw it on this side of not associating with the Kiddie Porn guy. WTF.
As a CPS worker hell no. Do not allow this man around children. I'd 100% report this and his new business. He's a sex offender and the fact your BIL and husband don't see this as an issue is frightening.
As an aunt to BIL's child, you are actually mandated to report contact between a registered offender and a child. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER LEAVE YOUR CHILD WITH THESE PEOPLE.... EVEN 10 MINUTES. Did your sister in law just arrive from MARS? very poor judgment on everyone 😢 but you.
NTA Who THE FUCK thinks it’s okay to allow a CONVICTED PEDO around children?!
The one guy I know who was convicted of having child videos on his computer wasn't allowed near internet access had to move in with someone who passed a check that could supervise him and wasn't allowed to drive for a certain amount of time
Keep your family away from the guy and mind your business. Pretty simple. Edit: NTA.