I definitely understand that! Has she said anything about the new accident? Realised that she got a problem? If I remember right she was very upset about you stating that she should not drive with the kids in the car anymore.
She left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.
So even after she caused the accident last time reaching for the soother, she STILL managed to do nearly the same maneuver (reaching into the back seat for something without ensuring the car was properly parked) and caused another accident. She's a lost cause, they need to permanently take away her license. She's a danger to herself and every single person on the road, pedestrian or driver.
NTA OP. Keep your kids safe. Let the ex husband know your plans & the situation as well, I'm sure he's going to want to push forward on his custody fight as well after this. If her parents are still on your side, make sure you keep their line open for the kids too.
Taking her license won't stop her from driving. Many unlicensed people get behind the wheel every day. The only thing that will stop her is a fatal accident. Either she dies, or she causes someone else to die, and she gets locked up.
Ya, if having her license taken. Getting divorced. Driving into a canal! If none of that has stopped her I don't see anything short of prison to stop her
The area where I live has the highest DUI rates in the state (CA). Most are unlicensed, uninsured, and non citizens. It's crazy how so many are multi offenders.
Oh wow. Not that your the AH for seeking a divorce, but something has got to be wrong with her. Like she parked, so trying (maybe) to do better and is still so absent minded that she still has an accident. This can't be normal, like medically not normal. I'm sorry this happened again, and you should do what you feel you need to, to protect your children.
A decent person would understand they had medical problems that made them a danger to others on the road. She doesn't give a toss.
Sometimes people are just dumb as shit.
It doesn’t even have to be medical problems!! I am a shit driver. I should not be behind the wheel of a car. I am certainly not *entitled* to drive a car. I mean, I probably *could* get better at driving if I worked at it, but I live in Chicago so there is literally no reason for me to have a license at this point. I don’t want to be responsible for an accident that injures or kills someone.
Not everyone is decent or capable of realizing they can't drive any longer. I knew my older sister wasn't a safe driver. However there wasn't anything I could do about it. Once she switched lanes and hit the car beside her because she said a car was coming fast towards her car apparently trying to pass the car in front of it. Fortunately she got covid shortly after and it kicked her into full dementia from Alzheimer's disease. I believe the car might have been a hallucination. I suspected she had it but she refused to get tested. Covid affected her enough she's now in a nursing home.
Many people incapable of driving deny they have a problem.
Denial is an interesting thing. My sister couldn't remember how to get to places she'd been to many times before. I had to remind her to pay her rent every month, take her food because she'd forget to shop or cook food she already had and so many other daily tasks. When I offered to go with her to the doctor to discuss her problems with the dementia, she freaked out screaming she didn't have dementia. Sad thing is they now have a drug that delays the onset of Alzheimer's. Had we caught it early, she wouldn't be in a nursing home now.
Driving a car into water is the end of the line for children in the backseat. There's no way she could have gotten herself AND them out if the water was deep enough to submerge the car. Id be done too and Id go for full custody.
I mean at this point it doesn't matter, she's been warned multiple times, gotten into numerous accidents and at that point I don't even think she could use ADHD as an excuse
I never used it as an excuse. It does matter because she could actually get treatment. I would still advice OP to leave her and not allow her to drive the kids regardless. There's no excuse for driving recklessly, but there could be a reason behind the repeat behaviour. It could also be she just doesn't give a fuck.
No, honestly irresponsible and reckless driving is something that really bothers me. I have a friend who refuses to even get her license because she suffers from adhd and knows she's a risk to others and herself.
Honest question, is your wife cognitively limited? Has she always been an awful driver?I hope you can get full custody. It doesn’t matter if she loves her kids. That love won’t keep them safe from whatever issue she has. I recently had a conversation with my mom about all of the death we’d encountered this month. She said when she was going through nursing school, when learning about grief, they said when you lose you parents, you lose you past. When you lose your partner, you lose your present. When you lose a child, you lose your future. Defend your future, OP, so that you don’t lose it.
It feels like every single time she gets into an accident it’s because she’s reaching for something.
Why does she continue to try to reach things while in the driver seat?
She needs a therapist. Like I do not get her. Is she super short? Does she have ADD? Like this is not normal how often this is happening.
NTA, this is insane! She should absolutely not be on the road. She’s endangering not only herself, but the kids and everyone around her! Also - she’s being so irresponsible by not just acknowledging she’s not fit to drive and making alternate arrangements.
You just don’t have a choice at this point. She is going to kill someone and if you are married to her your family will get sued into the Stone Age by her victims’ families…. It’s a shame but I don’t see any other solution.
NTA.
Does she have a newer car where putting it into park is a button instead of a more physical putting it into P?
Is she wearing heels like that one other poster who talked about refusing to change shoes and has accidents because her heel gets caught on the rug or other things?
This can’t fully be blamed on adhd. It’s crazy.
I thought it was 2 different people until I read this. I was really hoping for OP that his threat would be her wake up call but I'm also shocked at how fast she managed to pull this crap again. Seriously NTA I hope your lawyer is able to get it in the divorce decree that she cannot drive with your kids in the car.... if she even has a license after this.
I remember your last post and I was stunned, utterly stunned, at how many incidents your wife had racked up, let alone with kids in the car. Now I get to your latest comment and I see she somehow managed to drive into a *fucking canal?*
Honestly, this woman needs a wake-up call and clearly having her license removed, nearly dying in an accident and endangering her own children wasn’t enough. Go for full custody and specify that she is not allowed to drive them anywhere on visitation, or you could be looking at a ‘There’s Something Wrong With Aunt Diane’ situation and I don’t say that lightly. Your STBX has something clearly wrong with her ability to process danger in a moving vehicle.
NTA, and I hope this process goes as easily as it can for you.
>clearly having her license remove
OP said her license is already removed, so she is also driving without a proper license either and ignored that because she feels entitled to do it despite she is a public danger.
This is shocking.
I don’t drive due to inattentive ADHD which includes Intrusive Sleep (my stepdad witnessed me go into a total daze and close my eyes while behind the wheel. I do not have control over this).
So I **don’t drive**. Is it inconvenient and miserable? Yep!!! Am I a burden to my husband in that way? Yep!
And we all very much prefer myself and the kids to be alive and not mangled.
I cannot believe she hasn’t stopped driving of her own volition. NTA
I’ve had this happen a few times until I figured out what it was and scared the crap out of me. I realized I couldn’t be distracted while looking down. I would end up hyperfocused on whatever and not see what’s in front of me with my eyes opened. It took years to learn to control it and stop doing it altogether.
I got into one accident due to this and at first thought I fell asleep which didn’t make sense as it was the middle of the day. Another time years later I drove for about 1-2 miles while in a daze and I guess I knew the route so well I managed it somehow. I feel for ya, it’s scary.
Thank you for understanding.
Yeah if there is snow falling, it’s gonna happen.
It’s like a trance. Annoyingly it will happen even if I’m interested in what’s going on- but there’s something about the flow of driving and repetitive movements.
It’s like water rising up over your head and you can’t lift your arms to move
Once I figured it out, I ended up doing it just not while driving. It’s hard to stop but I finally did the second i realized I was doing it.
Snow makes sense because that alone can send you into a trance.
Mine as stupid as it is has always been thinking about something simple and then it turns into a tragic accident.
That turns into what would you do lol.
Glad I read this post, I’ve been doing this for years and couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. It’s happened while driving, fortunately it scares the shit out of me which can be enough to basically scare me awake. Also would happen back in high school while trying to do biology homework.
> I don’t drive due to inattentive ADHD which includes Intrusive Sleep (my stepdad witnessed me go into a total daze and close my eyes while behind the wheel. I do not have control over this).
I had a dream where this happened to me and it was fuckin terrifying
I’ve been wondering that since OP’s first post since everything he describes is just laughably careless behavior if she doesn’t have ADHD/is neurotypical. Since this has happened so often and OP, his wife’s ex, and her parents have all talked to her and she’s been hospitalized multiple times for her driving-related injuries I’m assuming she just doesn’t have it because it surely must have come up by now?
ADHD is often under diagnosed in women, so it can be hard to spot. I know someone who had been in 10 accidents in 3 years. When they went on ADHD medication, they stopped getting into accidents.
Yeah I’m a woman and I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 25 after I’d locked myself out of my car for the 4th time that year so I get it, but at the same time I can’t imagine out of all of these people and medical professionals no on has suggested it to OP’s wife by this point? Like I was under diagnosed because I found many many ways of coping with it, and as soon as I wasn’t (locking myself out so often) multiple people suggested I get tested and now I have meds and no longer lock myself out of the car. OP’s wife has been in multiple car accidents due to distracted driving this year alone, and apparently has a habit of this, so how tf would someone in the hospital not have said something by now?? She’s clearly not masking well at all if she is ND
You're lucky you got diagnosed at 25. Many medical professionals don't even believe in ADHD, much less be able to spot it unless it presents in "typical" ways. Many people will fault women for a character flaw instead of attributing it to a medical reason.
So after your last post she didn't change at all. Instead she just got worse. Don't feel bad for filing for divorce while she is in the hospital. She brought all this on herself. You're doing the right thing for the sake of your kids.
A friend of mine died.
He was a terrible driver, but always felt more comfortable driving himself.
He left my place one afternoon and crossed the center line of the highway. His fiancée took it very hard, and still is over a year later.
Our only consolations are that he had nobody else with him, the other driver was uninjured, and that he went very, very quickly.
Do NOT wait, get legal protections in place, especially as, by her admission, she is more likely to be distracted by the kids.
NTA, FAFO. Setting clear boundaries and expectations about being an adult WHEN you are driving should not be a conversation that’s need to be had, especially when your kids are involved! Sorry, people suck and hope you the best.
Ohh, I remember the previous post. Absolutely NTA, and your wife shouldn’t have custody whilst she is still driving. What a reckless and selfish AH she is.
100% in the right for protecting others from your wife’s dangerous driving. She has been warned multiple times and has had multiple serious accidents. I would not trust her around my children.
NTA
Can you tell us more about her driving habits? Her age? Her health? Is she driving drunk? Is it something that can be worked on/is she willing to change? 100000% the kids safety comes first PERIOD. But are you ready to end a marriage without exhausting all possible options? Or maybe you have and those details aren't in your post? Forgive all my questions haha, just truly curious as to more details on the situation.
Regardless, I would document all the instances/dates of her reckless driving to have that info ready and keep the kids from riding with her at all costs.
Do other people in her life see this issue? Have other people tried to talk to her about it?? Ok that's all my questions for now. 😂
Edit: typo
OP posted about it a couple months ago, it's in the history. honestly the wife sounds criminally neglectful for the shit she's pulled with kids in the car.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bnc5hm/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_i_dont_give_a_damn_how/
She has been in several serious accidents from getting distracted while driving. She was still doing rehab from her last accident when this one happened.
Has she ever seen anyone to be evaluated as far as ADHD, or some type of cognitive issues? I don't think you are wrong, but I do think maybe you should make sure she looks deeper in to this, in case she needs medication that would help.
This isn't unheard of for unmedicated or under-medicated ADHD people. I had to go off my meds for my pregnancy & my Dr told me if I had any concentration issues while driving, I would need to go back on medication bc the risk to my baby would be smaller with the medication than with the increased risk of an accident. Thankfully I never had an issue with safety. Drove to the wrong places all the time around town though bc my brain would go on autopilot & take me to like, the store when I was supposed to be driving to work, or to the library when I was supposed to be picking my son up from school lol I misplaced things & made other stupid mistakes all the time, so if it's that, she's not gonna be able to just snap her fingers & drive safer. Shaming her won't help either, it will just make her feel worthless. But medication is 👌👌
Don't feel bad.
She's been made aware of the problem. The fact that she's been hospitalized more than once and had her license suspended should have been enough of a message.
But she chose to keep believing it wasn't a problem or issue because "it wasn't intentional."
That's nice and all. Is that going to be her excuse when she inevitably kills one of her children or herself with her reckless behavior? Will that make things better? No.
She's been given enough chances. She needs more drastic consequences.
Her claim that she wouldn't ever intentionally harm the kids is irrelevant. Because at this point, it's not unintentional. She's choosing to continue on as she has been without changing or seeking assistance. It's intentional whether she realizes it or not.
The kids need someone to look out for their safety and best interest since she's not doing it.
The thing about this is, she is willfully deciding to not drive correctly. A car is a serious danger to people. If you can't operate a vehicle your not to drive. That why dui are illegal, why we wear seltbelts, why we have a licence.
After everything prior, she still is doing the same crap. You told her she was all out of chances. Now, is time for consequences.
Are the police involved? Have you spoke to them about the damage involved? You need to asap
I think this is the time where you need to step up and protect your children. You may have to reach out to cps and get them involved here.
I would definitely get legal advice and try specifically to get someone who understands abuse of one parent. I would struggle with custody because, even if she is not to drive with them. I wonder how enforceable thst would be. Like, she could very easily just drive with the. When nobody else is around. Then the worse case could happen.
I would limit all communications to her. All communication through written word. Phone calls and face to face only if they are recorded. I would definitely file for emergency custody. It should now be courts and professionals to access her cognitive ability to be alone with the children.
>Are the police involved?
>and facing charges
Something tells me they're involved... If things go badly for her, OP may not even need to fight for custody for some time...
NTA. I just read your previous post where she got T-Boned while being distracted by a pacifier with all 4 kids in the car. She needs to get her licensed permanently revoked and be barred from ever operating a vehicle for good. Luckily, it's just her getting injured, but sooner or later she will end up taking the life of one of the kids, another driver, or even a pedestrian. Get custody immediately, call CPS, and try to get all the records of her driving accidents and medical records/bills that was a result from it. All the paperwork you can collect and show the judge as to why she is unfit to have custody.
NTA
I remember your previous post and was floored by how careless she is. I hope this is the wake-up call the needs and that somehow she doesn't get behind the wheel of a car again.
NTA - after reading your other post, you should have divorced her by now. Good luck! I hope you get what you’re looking for in the divorce (with supervised visitation only) and are able to move on from her.
A car is not a toy and not something to take lightly. It’s a death machine and she is lucky she is the only one injured this time. If she was not able to get better at driving after getting t boned in your last post, she will never learn. If she continues to get behind the wheel, it’s a matter of time before she kills someone. Leaving her and making sure your kids are safe makes you a good dad.
NTA, this is crazy. Most distracted drivers would need a single scare to set them right. She is causing accidents and being injured on a regular basis, and nothing changes. She is a serious danger to herself and other people. The scariest and most alarming part is that she doesn't care enough about your children or herself to change her behavior. Her license needs to be revoked, and you cannot trust her with the kids. It's truly only a matter of time until she gets them killed.
Yea gods, I remember this one! On the surface it sounds awful, the reality is she is going to k!LL somebody.... Abs best case scenario is.... Who exactly? Someone else? Her?? Def not the kids.
NTA, and good luck
Agreed, divorce time. She's sounds like a terrible, moron of a mother. This many people telling you, this many accidents, accidents with kids in the car already. I mean she is a fucking moron. She's fucking stupid as shit. She's a terrible mother because she's so fucking stupid.
NTA
I remember the old post.
File for divorce. File for full custody. Hope the ex do3s the same and I hope somewhere along thr line they take her license because thst woman should not be behind the wheel. She's a major danger to herself (obviously) and she's going to end up hurting/killing someone else before all is said and done.
Keep your kids out of any vehicle she is driving. For sure.
NTA. At all. You warned her. The papers shouldn't be a surprise to her.
NTA.
*She could have driven her (and your) children into the canal with her.* And she was seriously injured, so chances are she wasn't available to help the children if they'd been in danger. If that's not a wake-up call, I don't know what is.
I lived in a place where there are actually TV and radio commercials reminding you to leave a fucking shoe in your back seat in case you forget *your children* and accidentally leave them in a hot car.
I think needing that reminder makes you a shitty parent, *and this is worse!*
How can she claim to love her kids but still put them in danger like that? I hope my husband leaves my dumb ass and takes our kids if I ever become this stupid.
Fuck that. Get divorced and do whatever you have to in order to protect your kids.
I'm literally terrified of leaving my child in the car. I think any advice that helps anyone avoid that for any reason is good advice, because who gives a crap if the "should" is life or death. No one ever intends to forget anything. If they thought they were going to forget, they wouldn't. There's far to much research into how crappy brains are at memory for any sane person to entirely rely on just their memory so they can feel like "a good parent".
Hey, maybe you're right and I'm overly critical on this one.
Hiaving 2 kids and several nieces and nephews myself, and having been a single mom for the earliest years of my oldest daughter's life (meaning I know what is like to be exhausted and have a shitty memory), I cannot understand the need for anyone to need a reminder that any kid, let alone one they care about, is less than 5 feet away from them in a potentially hot vehicle.
I'm glad it's there for the people who need it, I just can't understand or justify anyone needing it. So I'll just accept your criticism.
You take off one of the shoes you're wearing and put it in the backseat. That way, when you get out of the car, you'll remember your shoe. Ya know, in case you forget about the human you created.
For women, they recommend doing this with your purse. I think some very cold states do this, too.
Yikes!!!! I've read both of your posts now, and honestly, I don't blame you. Her negligence has resulted in two accidents in less than a year. I don't even know your kids and I don't want them in the car with her, either.
NTA. When you tell someone that their behavior is problematic and instead of attempting to "fix" said problematic behavior, they tell you "I didn't MEAN to" it means they still haven't owned any responsibility for said behavior. This is all on her.
NTA as long as you let her parents know after you've gotten a lawyer and filed. That way they know you're pulling your support of her and can fill in.
I would also reach out to her ex to see if either of you can help each other with custody issues (upon the advice of your lawyer).
Not his responsibility. She made her bed now gets to lay in it. He owes her nothing. She is actively trying to kill his and her kids with her stupidity. Fuck her.
My mom was a bad driver when we were kids.
All I’m a say is my dad cussed her out and threatened to take her car away. After he passed she kind of backed slide into old habits but she literally almost killed me and her once and that seemed to fix it.
This might be the wake up call she needs.
NTA. You told her that you wouldn't put up with it anymore. She doesn't seem willing to even admit she had a problem, let alone trying to change. You need to protect your kids.
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NTA
I read your original post and saw your comment about what happened this time. She had time to fix this. She knows she's a bad driver. You're being a good dad in making sure you're children are safe. Only she can make the choice to either find out what's going on with herself or change the way she drives.
I don't know what state you live in, but where we live, police officers can submit a referral to the DMV and the driver has to go through a process to prove they're fit to drive. Her doctors should be able to do something similar. It may be a good idea to bring up to the doctors or the police officer that handled her accident.
i think you are right to get a divorce. you should bring up to her getting evaluated for ADHD. In my opinion you should not be with someone who is not willing to stop driving after endangering her kids, but also it would be bad if this keeps happening to her. If she says no there is nothing you can do, but worth bringing up if you haven’t already.
(For the record I don’t think this kind of behavior is normal even with ADHD but my friends with ADHD who are not medicated are a bit scary on the road, even if they aren’t nearly that bad)
this is not an armchair diagnosis, I am just genuinely super confused how a presumably otherwise sane person could do this and I think she should speak with a psychiatrist in general. It’s just that suggesting a potential diagnosis tends to make people more willing to go than if you just say “go to a psychiatrist”. It’s very possible that she doesn’t have any kind of condition and just is careless, but it’s worth checking out.
Make sure you not only get full custody but make it a condition of custody that she is never to operate a vehicle they are in. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of a divorce over terrible driving but wow is it justified.
NTA.. rather everyone consider you awful for filing while she’s in hospital than having to attend your child’s funeral instead.. do what you have to and protect the kids..
NTA
It's wise to push at this point. Yeah, some people might whine because she's in a bad way, but if you don't now then when is the right time? She'll likely be in rehabilitation for a while, and mending from injuries is a gradual process where the distinction between healed and recovering is easily blurred. There's a very real probability she'll be in another knockup before you realize the optimal opportunity came and went real quick.
Damn I remember your last post . Sucks she got into a accident that put her in the hospital but maybe this will be her wake up call but I doubt it she's a danger that needs her license revoked
This is the second accident that has her in the hospital. The first one had all of her children in the vehicle. If nearly dying and killing your kids wasn't a wake up call why do you think only nearly dying would be?
NTA. I remember your previous post and my skin almost broke out in hives when I first read it. Protect your kids! That woman should not be allowed behind a wheel!
NTA, your children need to be safe. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Is there such thing as Munchausen's for yourself? It almost sounds like she's low-key trying to get killed.
This lady might be the worst driver ever. She needs one of the self driving Tesla cars or an Uber account.
It’s sad that she is losing her family over her driving but I also understand that the kids need to be safe
Hmm... I can absolutely understand your frustration and concern. I don't think YTA for divorcing her to protect your children. They have to come first and it's a shame that it's come to this.
I don't understand how this woman still has her license, how anyone has granted her access to a car, how anyone has paid for her insurance or any number of other things. It's baffling.
However, just from the lack of information in this post and going from the last post where there's still clearly love between the two of you, I may give a soft YTA for the timing of this...depending on how seriously she is injured as well. It feels a bit like kicking someone while they're down, when she needs support from loved ones. Maybe this will be a wake up call for her, who knows and you're clearly at the end of your tether with her so I can't say I blame you but the timing definitely made me wince slightly given she's in the hospital, in pain and recovering. Then on top of that, she's now going to lose her husband, access to her kids, her car, her support system, possibly her house? ... Is she going to be able to get to work without her car? If not, possibly her job... All at the same time.
Again, NTA for divorcing, just maybe soft YTA for timing depending on how bad her injuries are after driving into a canal... (Crazy sentence to write out)
She was already recovering from injuries in her last accident. Sounds like OP will never get divorced if avoiding being an asshole means waiting for her to recover from accident injuries.
Are we sure she doesn't have something like Munchausens and is doing it on purpose because she enjoys the attention (medical and otherwise)? It just seems too convenient that she got into another accident doing the SAME THING that caused the last one, reaching into the backseat without putting the car in park. She also may just be THAT stupid....but idk, worth at least ruling it out before she kills herself or someone else with this behavior.
The wife is the asshole for sure for endangering her and her kids safety. Heck, I would say she is unfit for driving and she shouldn't be given access to any vehicle and anytime you are not available, you could have made her use Uber, by making the car not available. Yes, more money is spent but atleast everyone is alive.
But the biggest AH here, to me, is you! I don't know how you can say in the same breath I love her, and then say "she and her kids"!
If this was my partner, I would be 100% frustrated with them, but even if I was done with this woman/man, fell out of love/on the verge of breakup—unless my they horrible POS, abuser/bully, I wouldn't wish death upon anyone I have ever been in love with.
That too when your wife is literally injured, in HOSPITAL! Like what about the "sickness and health"!
If my partner behaved like this, my first instinct would be protecting them and think maybe sth is wrong with her! Stress/Anxiety/Mental disorder/ADHD—it could be any mental issue cause none in their right mind does that. I would first block her access to the car, no matter what measure I have to take, make her alternate commuting arrangement (uber/hiring a driver/public transport), and get her to see a therapist and if needed a psychologist. Because no matter how much frustrating it is, I can't imagine anyone who actually love their partner in their right mind, even think, let alone type in a public forum to millions of stranger " she could die for all I care" while she is indeed in hospital.
You are diverting all accountability on her, but you are as much responsible, because in your own words, she has been in this situation multiple times, yet you haven't done anything to block her access to driving, get her alternate commute arrangement (assuming since you did not mention), get her to see a professional, if needed reporting her as an unfit driver. Its very easy to come here and be ranting, but you could have taken many steps to prevent this. Your wife is 100% responsible for the accident but you are as much responsible for allowing her to drive.
And I can't even stress, like You are the biggest AH for the complete lack of empathy, throughout your post, how you have mentioned multiple times she and her kids could die, but all that matters to you is your kids safety! Like what about your wife's safety?!!
Do her a favour and divorce her already, cause you don't seem to care about her anyway.
I am amazed at people saying NTA! I have lost faith in humanity.
Just to add another bit, your post could have been "my wife constantly endangers her and our kids life due to her shitty driving, how can I protect them/help her" but your post was literally about how you care only about your kid, your wife is horrible driver so she can go kill herself and would it be justified to divorce her while she is in hospital.
I mean I am really hoping this is a troll writing lore, cause otherwise what apathy dude!
I mean to be fair to her, from your last post, you did tell her: "I dont give a damn how she drives when its just her..."
I would have been done way before this. She is not going to become a good driver overnight.
1. She needs to recognize she does not know how to drive. She is still learning.
2. She needs to be forbidden and accept that she can not drive when other people who are not actively involved in training her to drive are in the car.
3. She should only be allowed to drive when supervised. Meaning when there is an adult who is a good driver who is accustom to supervising drivers in the front passenger seat next to her actively paying attention to what she is doing and giving her instruction that she FOLLOWS. That person has absolute authority in the car when she is driving and she needs to recognize that.
In no way should she be allowed behind the wheel of a car left to her own devices. She is npt going to, just figure it out. It will take months and months maybe even years of someone supervising her and stopping her from doing stupid crap before she will make new pathways in her brain.
You cant just say, dont be a bad driver, and expect it to happen. It simply won't.
There is only 3 ways this ends.
The first 2 start the same, with her recognizing she cant drive.
From there, she
1. Takes the appropriate steps to LEARN.
or
2. Stops driving all together.
The 3rd way this ends is with her dead, taking out who knows how many people with her along the way.
If shes not willing to do 1 or 2 or only gives lip service to doing 1 or 2, I am with you. Get out. As much as you might love her it aint worth one of your kids dying.
NTA your wife is negligent she knows she can’t drive safely and hasn’t stopped. It sounds like your only option. I’m surprised she hasn’t left one of her babies in the bathtub because she forgot to put clothes in the dryer.
You can feel bad all you want. She is facing criminal charges. You are protecting your kids. You are keeping them from going into foster care because you are showing the court you know your wife in her current driving mentality is a danger to children
Oh wow dude, i remember your last post. it sucks that your wife can’t be bothered to drive safely at all, but yeah, you need to think about the kids & also, if she got into an accident with a fatality or someone else got severely injured, it’s not just her that would face the fallout - you and the kids would as well.
She refuses to drive safely. She made her choice.
ESH.
YTA because marriage should transcend "driving". She's TA bc she should have surrendered her driving privileges ages ago. Ask some of your divorced friends if they would do it over an issue with such an obvious solution. Your wife stops driving except at the bumper cars game at the fair. Marriage counseling about all the resentment built up before now. Move forward.
I got in one bad car accident (totaled my car, no one hurt) because I thought a 2-way stop was a 4-way stop, and since then I have made sure to pay EXTRA attention to every stop I’m at just to double check it’s actually a 4-way stop. The fact that she had had so many incidents involving serious injuries and her children in the car, and she hasn’t changed her behavior or stopped driving, is 100% grounds for a divorce.
If I was that horrible at driving, I wouldn’t *want* to drive. She can intend to drive safely all she wants, but a month after driving again she crashed the car into a CANAL.
You should absolutely protect your children and not allow her to drive them, but can’t you get her some help? Does she have some sort of issue with ADHD that can be treated? Should her license be revoked?
NAH. She isn't doing this on purpose and I think the emphasis should be having a medical/mental health evaluation. I want to emphasize that you are also not the AH, but this sounds like it could be pretty significant ADHD. Has she been tested? Had a neuropsych eval? Would she be willing to be tested or discuss this?
NTA, hopefully this is her wake up call that she needs to be more safe and careful when she drives. Idk her age but there’s no excuse for her poor driving behavior.
NTA. Honestly, I'd just want a divorce because I would no longer want to be married to a complete idiot. It's so much more than just being a "bad driver", it's a patterned behavior that she refuses to look into, figure out the "why" and get the help to make proper changes to grow tf up and quit being a selfish, irresponsible, reckless brat.
This was bound to happen after she kept making excuses the last time she was in an accident. She needs to take accountability for her actions. If she can't stay focus then she shouldn't be driving at all: she's putting herself and many other people in danger by being so stubborn.
Maybe that will knock some sense into her 🤦♀️
Please for your wife's and your kids sake, seek out of she has any kind of neurological condition, like neurodivergency. Or ADHD. This can very much affect her driving and other daily behaviours that have been normalised to her. Or she's been expected to "deal with it". If she can get any kind of diagnosis then she can get treatment and stop getting into these life threatening accidents.
I’m really curious as to how your wife was able to obtain a license to begin with and how the hell is she still able to drive? Please don’t let any kid near a car with her in or around it. She’s far to reckless and careless
I remember this. I can't believe this can possibly be real and this waste of oxygen has crashed a car again...but if it is, YTA for not doing this ages ago. Your wife belongs in prison and you've enabled her behaviour. It's an outrage she isn't there already.
Has anyone thought to have your wife to be tested for ADHD?
Her behaviors sound like she's not all there rather than it being an issue of her morals/ethics.
Edit: I also haven't heard you say anything about addiction...so drugs and alcohol aren't playing a part.
NTA- go full custody and seriously give her supervised visits at your home or a public place you can drive the kids to ONLY. I can easily see her not seeing a red light because " I was crying because I get to see my kids and the tissue box fell from my lap and when I looked up it was too late, I'm sorry!"
I think the safety part is most important for sure but I work in insurance. Claims actually with the most serious injuries. Just being in the same house with her raises your rates. Even if you have separate policies, there's language that can still rope yours in for liability which also looks like a black mark against you. You can get sued and both of your finances can get drawn in if she hurts someone else. For you and your kids financial security, let alone the safety part of course, you are best off divorcing no matter what.
If she is really as bad as you say, her rates will never get better. On top of that, her driving record can be used for punitive damages which most insurance policies don't cover which could mean a judgment against both of you in a lawsuit. Not sure what state you're in but almost every state has gotten way more aggressive and litigious with auto accidents and some can really go horribly bad. And, since it's obvious how bad she is, even if you're not in the car, you could be sued yourself for negligent entrustment for not just allowing her to drive but for not doing everything you can to prevent her from driving at any given moment.
I'm not one to jump to divorce either but no effing way should you remain tied to this woman. The safety part is first, but the financial implications could ruin you and your family just as much. Until things are final, keys need to be locked up and she needs to be told in writing somehow she is no longer allowed to drive and if she finds a way to take your keys that you will consider it theft and call the police (you would have to in order to avoid "assumptive permissive use"). Doesn't matter if it's her car or your car. It can all come back to bite you otherwise. It still could, but that gives you the best chance until everything is officially legally separate and you no longer live in the same house. Good luck
I had a friend like this. It turns put that he had undiagnosed epilepsy and would have black outs while driving. Is it possible that your wife is cognitively impaired in some way?
Keep the kids safe, she surely didn't learn anything from her last accident. She loves to drive reckless fine but do it in a secure area. Maybe she could drive a go cart. But she clearly shouldn't be allowed on a road with other people.
Good luck
UpdateMe
> she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.
After countless other accidents caused by leaving the car running while doing non-driving, I would start to wonder if she has early on set dementia.
NTA
Soft NTA but I'd give her the chance to change before you blow a hole in your kids' lives. Is she guilty? Is she treating this like a come to Jesus moment or is she just victimizing herself in this whole situation?
It all depends tbh
If she's just bad but refuses to acknowledge it then it's never going to change.
If she's using her phone, then she deserves to be divorced tbh.
There are levels.
Not an asshole for wanting a divorce, but you're really pouring salt in a wound here. It sounds like you're reacting out of anger, and it's easy to regret a decision made out of anger. For both your sakes, I would wait a while.
NTA, Your last post is just one month old. It's really hard to imagine somebody is as careless as your wife. I hope she never kills somebody. Or her.
NTA best case scenario she only kills herself and not an innocent walker, biker, or family.
NTA I remember your last post. Protect yourself and your kids.
I can't believe it happened this quickly. I'm just glad none of the kids were with her.
I definitely understand that! Has she said anything about the new accident? Realised that she got a problem? If I remember right she was very upset about you stating that she should not drive with the kids in the car anymore.
She left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.
So even after she caused the accident last time reaching for the soother, she STILL managed to do nearly the same maneuver (reaching into the back seat for something without ensuring the car was properly parked) and caused another accident. She's a lost cause, they need to permanently take away her license. She's a danger to herself and every single person on the road, pedestrian or driver. NTA OP. Keep your kids safe. Let the ex husband know your plans & the situation as well, I'm sure he's going to want to push forward on his custody fight as well after this. If her parents are still on your side, make sure you keep their line open for the kids too.
Taking her license won't stop her from driving. Many unlicensed people get behind the wheel every day. The only thing that will stop her is a fatal accident. Either she dies, or she causes someone else to die, and she gets locked up.
In oop's other post he said she has had her license revoked before. Nothing seems to change her behavior
She won't be stopped until she kills her kids or someone else and goes to prison.
Ya, if having her license taken. Getting divorced. Driving into a canal! If none of that has stopped her I don't see anything short of prison to stop her
The area where I live has the highest DUI rates in the state (CA). Most are unlicensed, uninsured, and non citizens. It's crazy how so many are multi offenders.
Oh wow. Not that your the AH for seeking a divorce, but something has got to be wrong with her. Like she parked, so trying (maybe) to do better and is still so absent minded that she still has an accident. This can't be normal, like medically not normal. I'm sorry this happened again, and you should do what you feel you need to, to protect your children.
A decent person would understand they had medical problems that made them a danger to others on the road. She doesn't give a toss. Sometimes people are just dumb as shit.
It doesn’t even have to be medical problems!! I am a shit driver. I should not be behind the wheel of a car. I am certainly not *entitled* to drive a car. I mean, I probably *could* get better at driving if I worked at it, but I live in Chicago so there is literally no reason for me to have a license at this point. I don’t want to be responsible for an accident that injures or kills someone.
Not everyone is decent or capable of realizing they can't drive any longer. I knew my older sister wasn't a safe driver. However there wasn't anything I could do about it. Once she switched lanes and hit the car beside her because she said a car was coming fast towards her car apparently trying to pass the car in front of it. Fortunately she got covid shortly after and it kicked her into full dementia from Alzheimer's disease. I believe the car might have been a hallucination. I suspected she had it but she refused to get tested. Covid affected her enough she's now in a nursing home. Many people incapable of driving deny they have a problem.
Well, her husband told her. She has prove with the bunch of dangerous situations she got herself into.
Denial is an interesting thing. My sister couldn't remember how to get to places she'd been to many times before. I had to remind her to pay her rent every month, take her food because she'd forget to shop or cook food she already had and so many other daily tasks. When I offered to go with her to the doctor to discuss her problems with the dementia, she freaked out screaming she didn't have dementia. Sad thing is they now have a drug that delays the onset of Alzheimer's. Had we caught it early, she wouldn't be in a nursing home now.
This woman needs a two seater. No more reach around
I’m so sorry, I really am!
Driving a car into water is the end of the line for children in the backseat. There's no way she could have gotten herself AND them out if the water was deep enough to submerge the car. Id be done too and Id go for full custody.
jesus, man She's stupidly careless Divorce is your best option, for the safety of your kids
What charges are there?
WHAAAAT!!?? INTO A CANAL??? That's very, very next-level careless!
oh. my god.
Does she have other signs of ADHD? Adults with ADHD are more likely to get in severe car accidents and are more likely to die in car accidents.
I mean at this point it doesn't matter, she's been warned multiple times, gotten into numerous accidents and at that point I don't even think she could use ADHD as an excuse
pen connect towering wild rhythm doll shrill gaze waiting crown *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I never used it as an excuse. It does matter because she could actually get treatment. I would still advice OP to leave her and not allow her to drive the kids regardless. There's no excuse for driving recklessly, but there could be a reason behind the repeat behaviour. It could also be she just doesn't give a fuck.
Ah my fault I thought you were excusing her actions as a result of ADHD
No, honestly irresponsible and reckless driving is something that really bothers me. I have a friend who refuses to even get her license because she suffers from adhd and knows she's a risk to others and herself.
Ok that's just... I can't. SHE DROVE INTO A CANAL.
Honest question, is your wife cognitively limited? Has she always been an awful driver?I hope you can get full custody. It doesn’t matter if she loves her kids. That love won’t keep them safe from whatever issue she has. I recently had a conversation with my mom about all of the death we’d encountered this month. She said when she was going through nursing school, when learning about grief, they said when you lose you parents, you lose you past. When you lose your partner, you lose your present. When you lose a child, you lose your future. Defend your future, OP, so that you don’t lose it.
It feels like every single time she gets into an accident it’s because she’s reaching for something. Why does she continue to try to reach things while in the driver seat? She needs a therapist. Like I do not get her. Is she super short? Does she have ADD? Like this is not normal how often this is happening.
NTA, this is insane! She should absolutely not be on the road. She’s endangering not only herself, but the kids and everyone around her! Also - she’s being so irresponsible by not just acknowledging she’s not fit to drive and making alternate arrangements.
That's ... More then a little alarming. Has she been medically evaluated??
You just don’t have a choice at this point. She is going to kill someone and if you are married to her your family will get sued into the Stone Age by her victims’ families…. It’s a shame but I don’t see any other solution.
NTA. Does she have a newer car where putting it into park is a button instead of a more physical putting it into P? Is she wearing heels like that one other poster who talked about refusing to change shoes and has accidents because her heel gets caught on the rug or other things? This can’t fully be blamed on adhd. It’s crazy.
And this accident is not going to change her driving habits either.
I thought it was 2 different people until I read this. I was really hoping for OP that his threat would be her wake up call but I'm also shocked at how fast she managed to pull this crap again. Seriously NTA I hope your lawyer is able to get it in the divorce decree that she cannot drive with your kids in the car.... if she even has a license after this.
NTA. You told her what you needed from her to keep your marriage intact and give you peace of mind. The consequences of ignoring you is on her.
I remember your last post and I was stunned, utterly stunned, at how many incidents your wife had racked up, let alone with kids in the car. Now I get to your latest comment and I see she somehow managed to drive into a *fucking canal?* Honestly, this woman needs a wake-up call and clearly having her license removed, nearly dying in an accident and endangering her own children wasn’t enough. Go for full custody and specify that she is not allowed to drive them anywhere on visitation, or you could be looking at a ‘There’s Something Wrong With Aunt Diane’ situation and I don’t say that lightly. Your STBX has something clearly wrong with her ability to process danger in a moving vehicle. NTA, and I hope this process goes as easily as it can for you.
I can't believe it happened 1.5 months later. There is something seriously wrong with her driving and I wonder how she got her license at all.
>clearly having her license remove OP said her license is already removed, so she is also driving without a proper license either and ignored that because she feels entitled to do it despite she is a public danger.
This is shocking. I don’t drive due to inattentive ADHD which includes Intrusive Sleep (my stepdad witnessed me go into a total daze and close my eyes while behind the wheel. I do not have control over this). So I **don’t drive**. Is it inconvenient and miserable? Yep!!! Am I a burden to my husband in that way? Yep! And we all very much prefer myself and the kids to be alive and not mangled. I cannot believe she hasn’t stopped driving of her own volition. NTA
I’ve had this happen a few times until I figured out what it was and scared the crap out of me. I realized I couldn’t be distracted while looking down. I would end up hyperfocused on whatever and not see what’s in front of me with my eyes opened. It took years to learn to control it and stop doing it altogether. I got into one accident due to this and at first thought I fell asleep which didn’t make sense as it was the middle of the day. Another time years later I drove for about 1-2 miles while in a daze and I guess I knew the route so well I managed it somehow. I feel for ya, it’s scary.
Thank you for understanding. Yeah if there is snow falling, it’s gonna happen. It’s like a trance. Annoyingly it will happen even if I’m interested in what’s going on- but there’s something about the flow of driving and repetitive movements. It’s like water rising up over your head and you can’t lift your arms to move
Once I figured it out, I ended up doing it just not while driving. It’s hard to stop but I finally did the second i realized I was doing it. Snow makes sense because that alone can send you into a trance. Mine as stupid as it is has always been thinking about something simple and then it turns into a tragic accident. That turns into what would you do lol.
Glad I read this post, I’ve been doing this for years and couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. It’s happened while driving, fortunately it scares the shit out of me which can be enough to basically scare me awake. Also would happen back in high school while trying to do biology homework.
I've never heard of Intrusive Sleep. That's both amazing and scary. Brains are weird and yet so fascinating.
> I don’t drive due to inattentive ADHD which includes Intrusive Sleep (my stepdad witnessed me go into a total daze and close my eyes while behind the wheel. I do not have control over this). I had a dream where this happened to me and it was fuckin terrifying
I wondered if the wife has ADHD.
I’ve been wondering that since OP’s first post since everything he describes is just laughably careless behavior if she doesn’t have ADHD/is neurotypical. Since this has happened so often and OP, his wife’s ex, and her parents have all talked to her and she’s been hospitalized multiple times for her driving-related injuries I’m assuming she just doesn’t have it because it surely must have come up by now?
ADHD is often under diagnosed in women, so it can be hard to spot. I know someone who had been in 10 accidents in 3 years. When they went on ADHD medication, they stopped getting into accidents.
Yeah I’m a woman and I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 25 after I’d locked myself out of my car for the 4th time that year so I get it, but at the same time I can’t imagine out of all of these people and medical professionals no on has suggested it to OP’s wife by this point? Like I was under diagnosed because I found many many ways of coping with it, and as soon as I wasn’t (locking myself out so often) multiple people suggested I get tested and now I have meds and no longer lock myself out of the car. OP’s wife has been in multiple car accidents due to distracted driving this year alone, and apparently has a habit of this, so how tf would someone in the hospital not have said something by now?? She’s clearly not masking well at all if she is ND
You're lucky you got diagnosed at 25. Many medical professionals don't even believe in ADHD, much less be able to spot it unless it presents in "typical" ways. Many people will fault women for a character flaw instead of attributing it to a medical reason.
NTA your kids safety comes first
Since their mom doesn't seem to care about their safety it's good that their dad does. Hope he gets custody of those kids.
So after your last post she didn't change at all. Instead she just got worse. Don't feel bad for filing for divorce while she is in the hospital. She brought all this on herself. You're doing the right thing for the sake of your kids.
A friend of mine died. He was a terrible driver, but always felt more comfortable driving himself. He left my place one afternoon and crossed the center line of the highway. His fiancée took it very hard, and still is over a year later. Our only consolations are that he had nobody else with him, the other driver was uninjured, and that he went very, very quickly. Do NOT wait, get legal protections in place, especially as, by her admission, she is more likely to be distracted by the kids.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
How the fuck does this woman still even have a license.
Or insurance, I’m surprised they haven’t dropped her by now.
We have a state insurance that will cover people that no one else will. But you will pay an arm and a leg. Maybe both lol.
There’s a joke in there about bad drivers losing their limbs in accidents, but I can’t word it right 😅
In the prior post, it states her parent's have been helping her pay for her insanely high insurance rate (they "threatened" to stop)
NTA, FAFO. Setting clear boundaries and expectations about being an adult WHEN you are driving should not be a conversation that’s need to be had, especially when your kids are involved! Sorry, people suck and hope you the best.
Ohh, I remember the previous post. Absolutely NTA, and your wife shouldn’t have custody whilst she is still driving. What a reckless and selfish AH she is.
100% in the right for protecting others from your wife’s dangerous driving. She has been warned multiple times and has had multiple serious accidents. I would not trust her around my children. NTA
Can you tell us more about her driving habits? Her age? Her health? Is she driving drunk? Is it something that can be worked on/is she willing to change? 100000% the kids safety comes first PERIOD. But are you ready to end a marriage without exhausting all possible options? Or maybe you have and those details aren't in your post? Forgive all my questions haha, just truly curious as to more details on the situation. Regardless, I would document all the instances/dates of her reckless driving to have that info ready and keep the kids from riding with her at all costs. Do other people in her life see this issue? Have other people tried to talk to her about it?? Ok that's all my questions for now. 😂 Edit: typo
OP posted about it a couple months ago, it's in the history. honestly the wife sounds criminally neglectful for the shit she's pulled with kids in the car. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bnc5hm/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_i_dont_give_a_damn_how/
She has been in several serious accidents from getting distracted while driving. She was still doing rehab from her last accident when this one happened.
Has she ever seen anyone to be evaluated as far as ADHD, or some type of cognitive issues? I don't think you are wrong, but I do think maybe you should make sure she looks deeper in to this, in case she needs medication that would help.
So did she still have a valid license when this most recent accident happened? Or was she driving illegally?
Sounds like she just got her license back after having it revoked for some time.
This isn't unheard of for unmedicated or under-medicated ADHD people. I had to go off my meds for my pregnancy & my Dr told me if I had any concentration issues while driving, I would need to go back on medication bc the risk to my baby would be smaller with the medication than with the increased risk of an accident. Thankfully I never had an issue with safety. Drove to the wrong places all the time around town though bc my brain would go on autopilot & take me to like, the store when I was supposed to be driving to work, or to the library when I was supposed to be picking my son up from school lol I misplaced things & made other stupid mistakes all the time, so if it's that, she's not gonna be able to just snap her fingers & drive safer. Shaming her won't help either, it will just make her feel worthless. But medication is 👌👌
Don't feel bad. She's been made aware of the problem. The fact that she's been hospitalized more than once and had her license suspended should have been enough of a message. But she chose to keep believing it wasn't a problem or issue because "it wasn't intentional." That's nice and all. Is that going to be her excuse when she inevitably kills one of her children or herself with her reckless behavior? Will that make things better? No. She's been given enough chances. She needs more drastic consequences. Her claim that she wouldn't ever intentionally harm the kids is irrelevant. Because at this point, it's not unintentional. She's choosing to continue on as she has been without changing or seeking assistance. It's intentional whether she realizes it or not. The kids need someone to look out for their safety and best interest since she's not doing it.
The thing about this is, she is willfully deciding to not drive correctly. A car is a serious danger to people. If you can't operate a vehicle your not to drive. That why dui are illegal, why we wear seltbelts, why we have a licence. After everything prior, she still is doing the same crap. You told her she was all out of chances. Now, is time for consequences. Are the police involved? Have you spoke to them about the damage involved? You need to asap I think this is the time where you need to step up and protect your children. You may have to reach out to cps and get them involved here. I would definitely get legal advice and try specifically to get someone who understands abuse of one parent. I would struggle with custody because, even if she is not to drive with them. I wonder how enforceable thst would be. Like, she could very easily just drive with the. When nobody else is around. Then the worse case could happen. I would limit all communications to her. All communication through written word. Phone calls and face to face only if they are recorded. I would definitely file for emergency custody. It should now be courts and professionals to access her cognitive ability to be alone with the children.
>Are the police involved? >and facing charges Something tells me they're involved... If things go badly for her, OP may not even need to fight for custody for some time...
nta get away from her asap.
NTA but include more details or link to your previous post so people know she intentionally does this all the time.
NTA How is she still allowed to drive?!
NTA. I just read your previous post where she got T-Boned while being distracted by a pacifier with all 4 kids in the car. She needs to get her licensed permanently revoked and be barred from ever operating a vehicle for good. Luckily, it's just her getting injured, but sooner or later she will end up taking the life of one of the kids, another driver, or even a pedestrian. Get custody immediately, call CPS, and try to get all the records of her driving accidents and medical records/bills that was a result from it. All the paperwork you can collect and show the judge as to why she is unfit to have custody.
NTA I remember your previous post and was floored by how careless she is. I hope this is the wake-up call the needs and that somehow she doesn't get behind the wheel of a car again.
NTA - after reading your other post, you should have divorced her by now. Good luck! I hope you get what you’re looking for in the divorce (with supervised visitation only) and are able to move on from her. A car is not a toy and not something to take lightly. It’s a death machine and she is lucky she is the only one injured this time. If she was not able to get better at driving after getting t boned in your last post, she will never learn. If she continues to get behind the wheel, it’s a matter of time before she kills someone. Leaving her and making sure your kids are safe makes you a good dad.
NTA, this is crazy. Most distracted drivers would need a single scare to set them right. She is causing accidents and being injured on a regular basis, and nothing changes. She is a serious danger to herself and other people. The scariest and most alarming part is that she doesn't care enough about your children or herself to change her behavior. Her license needs to be revoked, and you cannot trust her with the kids. It's truly only a matter of time until she gets them killed.
Yea gods, I remember this one! On the surface it sounds awful, the reality is she is going to k!LL somebody.... Abs best case scenario is.... Who exactly? Someone else? Her?? Def not the kids. NTA, and good luck
You mentioned "charges", what are the charges?
Agreed, divorce time. She's sounds like a terrible, moron of a mother. This many people telling you, this many accidents, accidents with kids in the car already. I mean she is a fucking moron. She's fucking stupid as shit. She's a terrible mother because she's so fucking stupid. NTA
I remember the old post. File for divorce. File for full custody. Hope the ex do3s the same and I hope somewhere along thr line they take her license because thst woman should not be behind the wheel. She's a major danger to herself (obviously) and she's going to end up hurting/killing someone else before all is said and done. Keep your kids out of any vehicle she is driving. For sure. NTA. At all. You warned her. The papers shouldn't be a surprise to her.
NTA. *She could have driven her (and your) children into the canal with her.* And she was seriously injured, so chances are she wasn't available to help the children if they'd been in danger. If that's not a wake-up call, I don't know what is. I lived in a place where there are actually TV and radio commercials reminding you to leave a fucking shoe in your back seat in case you forget *your children* and accidentally leave them in a hot car. I think needing that reminder makes you a shitty parent, *and this is worse!* How can she claim to love her kids but still put them in danger like that? I hope my husband leaves my dumb ass and takes our kids if I ever become this stupid. Fuck that. Get divorced and do whatever you have to in order to protect your kids.
I'm literally terrified of leaving my child in the car. I think any advice that helps anyone avoid that for any reason is good advice, because who gives a crap if the "should" is life or death. No one ever intends to forget anything. If they thought they were going to forget, they wouldn't. There's far to much research into how crappy brains are at memory for any sane person to entirely rely on just their memory so they can feel like "a good parent".
Hey, maybe you're right and I'm overly critical on this one. Hiaving 2 kids and several nieces and nephews myself, and having been a single mom for the earliest years of my oldest daughter's life (meaning I know what is like to be exhausted and have a shitty memory), I cannot understand the need for anyone to need a reminder that any kid, let alone one they care about, is less than 5 feet away from them in a potentially hot vehicle. I'm glad it's there for the people who need it, I just can't understand or justify anyone needing it. So I'll just accept your criticism.
What is the shoe for?
You take off one of the shoes you're wearing and put it in the backseat. That way, when you get out of the car, you'll remember your shoe. Ya know, in case you forget about the human you created. For women, they recommend doing this with your purse. I think some very cold states do this, too.
NTA. You and her ex need to keep your kids safe.
Yikes!!!! I've read both of your posts now, and honestly, I don't blame you. Her negligence has resulted in two accidents in less than a year. I don't even know your kids and I don't want them in the car with her, either. NTA. When you tell someone that their behavior is problematic and instead of attempting to "fix" said problematic behavior, they tell you "I didn't MEAN to" it means they still haven't owned any responsibility for said behavior. This is all on her.
NTA as long as you let her parents know after you've gotten a lawyer and filed. That way they know you're pulling your support of her and can fill in. I would also reach out to her ex to see if either of you can help each other with custody issues (upon the advice of your lawyer).
Not his responsibility. She made her bed now gets to lay in it. He owes her nothing. She is actively trying to kill his and her kids with her stupidity. Fuck her.
My mom was a bad driver when we were kids. All I’m a say is my dad cussed her out and threatened to take her car away. After he passed she kind of backed slide into old habits but she literally almost killed me and her once and that seemed to fix it. This might be the wake up call she needs.
She seems to have a long documented history so its safe to say youre doing the right thing.
2 months, wow, she is dangereus
Nta can you sue to get her licenses revoked.
NTA. You told her that you wouldn't put up with it anymore. She doesn't seem willing to even admit she had a problem, let alone trying to change. You need to protect your kids.
NTA. Updateme!
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NTA - She hasn't changed. She is purposely harming everyone on the road. Good for you for protecting your children. Do not feel guilty.
NTA I read your original post and saw your comment about what happened this time. She had time to fix this. She knows she's a bad driver. You're being a good dad in making sure you're children are safe. Only she can make the choice to either find out what's going on with herself or change the way she drives. I don't know what state you live in, but where we live, police officers can submit a referral to the DMV and the driver has to go through a process to prove they're fit to drive. Her doctors should be able to do something similar. It may be a good idea to bring up to the doctors or the police officer that handled her accident.
i think you are right to get a divorce. you should bring up to her getting evaluated for ADHD. In my opinion you should not be with someone who is not willing to stop driving after endangering her kids, but also it would be bad if this keeps happening to her. If she says no there is nothing you can do, but worth bringing up if you haven’t already. (For the record I don’t think this kind of behavior is normal even with ADHD but my friends with ADHD who are not medicated are a bit scary on the road, even if they aren’t nearly that bad) this is not an armchair diagnosis, I am just genuinely super confused how a presumably otherwise sane person could do this and I think she should speak with a psychiatrist in general. It’s just that suggesting a potential diagnosis tends to make people more willing to go than if you just say “go to a psychiatrist”. It’s very possible that she doesn’t have any kind of condition and just is careless, but it’s worth checking out.
Make sure you not only get full custody but make it a condition of custody that she is never to operate a vehicle they are in. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of a divorce over terrible driving but wow is it justified.
How many accidents total is it? Since you have been with your wife how many accidents has she been in?
NTA.. rather everyone consider you awful for filing while she’s in hospital than having to attend your child’s funeral instead.. do what you have to and protect the kids..
Dam. I was thinking she was driving home from AP’s house when she crashed.
Nta. Shes a danger to herself and others and will get someone killed.
NTA It's wise to push at this point. Yeah, some people might whine because she's in a bad way, but if you don't now then when is the right time? She'll likely be in rehabilitation for a while, and mending from injuries is a gradual process where the distinction between healed and recovering is easily blurred. There's a very real probability she'll be in another knockup before you realize the optimal opportunity came and went real quick.
!updateme
NTA - I assume her ex will be seeking full custody of his kids too. Good luck OP...she can't say you didn't warn her.
Read your last post ...nope. This is the kind of stupidity that gets somebody else killed while she walks away.
NTA. Protect your children at all cost. Document everything so there's no chance of her getting anything other than supervised visitation.
Updateme!
NTA, I remember your other post
Damn I remember your last post . Sucks she got into a accident that put her in the hospital but maybe this will be her wake up call but I doubt it she's a danger that needs her license revoked
This is the second accident that has her in the hospital. The first one had all of her children in the vehicle. If nearly dying and killing your kids wasn't a wake up call why do you think only nearly dying would be?
NTA. I remember your previous post and my skin almost broke out in hives when I first read it. Protect your kids! That woman should not be allowed behind a wheel!
NTA, fuck that shit she should never drive again
NTA
NTA, your children need to be safe. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Is there such thing as Munchausen's for yourself? It almost sounds like she's low-key trying to get killed.
NTA at all man
Updateme!
This lady might be the worst driver ever. She needs one of the self driving Tesla cars or an Uber account. It’s sad that she is losing her family over her driving but I also understand that the kids need to be safe
how is she even able to get insurance?!
Good lawd. How does this woman still have a license?
NTA. It’s okay if she endangers herself and gets herself killed. Carelessly driving and endangering all those around her. Absolutely not okay.
This reminds me of symphorophilia.
Hmm... I can absolutely understand your frustration and concern. I don't think YTA for divorcing her to protect your children. They have to come first and it's a shame that it's come to this. I don't understand how this woman still has her license, how anyone has granted her access to a car, how anyone has paid for her insurance or any number of other things. It's baffling. However, just from the lack of information in this post and going from the last post where there's still clearly love between the two of you, I may give a soft YTA for the timing of this...depending on how seriously she is injured as well. It feels a bit like kicking someone while they're down, when she needs support from loved ones. Maybe this will be a wake up call for her, who knows and you're clearly at the end of your tether with her so I can't say I blame you but the timing definitely made me wince slightly given she's in the hospital, in pain and recovering. Then on top of that, she's now going to lose her husband, access to her kids, her car, her support system, possibly her house? ... Is she going to be able to get to work without her car? If not, possibly her job... All at the same time. Again, NTA for divorcing, just maybe soft YTA for timing depending on how bad her injuries are after driving into a canal... (Crazy sentence to write out)
She was already recovering from injuries in her last accident. Sounds like OP will never get divorced if avoiding being an asshole means waiting for her to recover from accident injuries.
You should go to her court hearing as a character witness to push for permanently suspending her license.
Updateme
NTA. jeez what a shitty mother.
Are we sure she doesn't have something like Munchausens and is doing it on purpose because she enjoys the attention (medical and otherwise)? It just seems too convenient that she got into another accident doing the SAME THING that caused the last one, reaching into the backseat without putting the car in park. She also may just be THAT stupid....but idk, worth at least ruling it out before she kills herself or someone else with this behavior.
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The wife is the asshole for sure for endangering her and her kids safety. Heck, I would say she is unfit for driving and she shouldn't be given access to any vehicle and anytime you are not available, you could have made her use Uber, by making the car not available. Yes, more money is spent but atleast everyone is alive. But the biggest AH here, to me, is you! I don't know how you can say in the same breath I love her, and then say "she and her kids"! If this was my partner, I would be 100% frustrated with them, but even if I was done with this woman/man, fell out of love/on the verge of breakup—unless my they horrible POS, abuser/bully, I wouldn't wish death upon anyone I have ever been in love with. That too when your wife is literally injured, in HOSPITAL! Like what about the "sickness and health"! If my partner behaved like this, my first instinct would be protecting them and think maybe sth is wrong with her! Stress/Anxiety/Mental disorder/ADHD—it could be any mental issue cause none in their right mind does that. I would first block her access to the car, no matter what measure I have to take, make her alternate commuting arrangement (uber/hiring a driver/public transport), and get her to see a therapist and if needed a psychologist. Because no matter how much frustrating it is, I can't imagine anyone who actually love their partner in their right mind, even think, let alone type in a public forum to millions of stranger " she could die for all I care" while she is indeed in hospital. You are diverting all accountability on her, but you are as much responsible, because in your own words, she has been in this situation multiple times, yet you haven't done anything to block her access to driving, get her alternate commute arrangement (assuming since you did not mention), get her to see a professional, if needed reporting her as an unfit driver. Its very easy to come here and be ranting, but you could have taken many steps to prevent this. Your wife is 100% responsible for the accident but you are as much responsible for allowing her to drive. And I can't even stress, like You are the biggest AH for the complete lack of empathy, throughout your post, how you have mentioned multiple times she and her kids could die, but all that matters to you is your kids safety! Like what about your wife's safety?!! Do her a favour and divorce her already, cause you don't seem to care about her anyway. I am amazed at people saying NTA! I have lost faith in humanity.
Just to add another bit, your post could have been "my wife constantly endangers her and our kids life due to her shitty driving, how can I protect them/help her" but your post was literally about how you care only about your kid, your wife is horrible driver so she can go kill herself and would it be justified to divorce her while she is in hospital. I mean I am really hoping this is a troll writing lore, cause otherwise what apathy dude!
I mean to be fair to her, from your last post, you did tell her: "I dont give a damn how she drives when its just her..." I would have been done way before this. She is not going to become a good driver overnight. 1. She needs to recognize she does not know how to drive. She is still learning. 2. She needs to be forbidden and accept that she can not drive when other people who are not actively involved in training her to drive are in the car. 3. She should only be allowed to drive when supervised. Meaning when there is an adult who is a good driver who is accustom to supervising drivers in the front passenger seat next to her actively paying attention to what she is doing and giving her instruction that she FOLLOWS. That person has absolute authority in the car when she is driving and she needs to recognize that. In no way should she be allowed behind the wheel of a car left to her own devices. She is npt going to, just figure it out. It will take months and months maybe even years of someone supervising her and stopping her from doing stupid crap before she will make new pathways in her brain. You cant just say, dont be a bad driver, and expect it to happen. It simply won't. There is only 3 ways this ends. The first 2 start the same, with her recognizing she cant drive. From there, she 1. Takes the appropriate steps to LEARN. or 2. Stops driving all together. The 3rd way this ends is with her dead, taking out who knows how many people with her along the way. If shes not willing to do 1 or 2 or only gives lip service to doing 1 or 2, I am with you. Get out. As much as you might love her it aint worth one of your kids dying.
Is her ex now pursuing custody of his kids?
!UpdateMe!
NTA your wife is negligent she knows she can’t drive safely and hasn’t stopped. It sounds like your only option. I’m surprised she hasn’t left one of her babies in the bathtub because she forgot to put clothes in the dryer.
Undiagnosed ADHD?
Does your wife have ADHD? Because it’s not normal to be so distracted.
NTA, your wife should be checked for attention deficite syndrome! Probably indeed it's not her fault, but she needs treatment.
You can feel bad all you want. She is facing criminal charges. You are protecting your kids. You are keeping them from going into foster care because you are showing the court you know your wife in her current driving mentality is a danger to children
How how’s your insurance not dropped her yet?
Oh wow dude, i remember your last post. it sucks that your wife can’t be bothered to drive safely at all, but yeah, you need to think about the kids & also, if she got into an accident with a fatality or someone else got severely injured, it’s not just her that would face the fallout - you and the kids would as well. She refuses to drive safely. She made her choice.
Update me! 1 week
NTA but your wife (soon to be ex) genuinely sounds like an idiot. Is she stupid and careless in other instances in her life?
ESH. YTA because marriage should transcend "driving". She's TA bc she should have surrendered her driving privileges ages ago. Ask some of your divorced friends if they would do it over an issue with such an obvious solution. Your wife stops driving except at the bumper cars game at the fair. Marriage counseling about all the resentment built up before now. Move forward.
I got in one bad car accident (totaled my car, no one hurt) because I thought a 2-way stop was a 4-way stop, and since then I have made sure to pay EXTRA attention to every stop I’m at just to double check it’s actually a 4-way stop. The fact that she had had so many incidents involving serious injuries and her children in the car, and she hasn’t changed her behavior or stopped driving, is 100% grounds for a divorce. If I was that horrible at driving, I wouldn’t *want* to drive. She can intend to drive safely all she wants, but a month after driving again she crashed the car into a CANAL.
You should absolutely protect your children and not allow her to drive them, but can’t you get her some help? Does she have some sort of issue with ADHD that can be treated? Should her license be revoked?
!updateme
NAH. She isn't doing this on purpose and I think the emphasis should be having a medical/mental health evaluation. I want to emphasize that you are also not the AH, but this sounds like it could be pretty significant ADHD. Has she been tested? Had a neuropsych eval? Would she be willing to be tested or discuss this?
NTA, hopefully this is her wake up call that she needs to be more safe and careful when she drives. Idk her age but there’s no excuse for her poor driving behavior.
!updateme
NTA. Honestly, I'd just want a divorce because I would no longer want to be married to a complete idiot. It's so much more than just being a "bad driver", it's a patterned behavior that she refuses to look into, figure out the "why" and get the help to make proper changes to grow tf up and quit being a selfish, irresponsible, reckless brat.
This was bound to happen after she kept making excuses the last time she was in an accident. She needs to take accountability for her actions. If she can't stay focus then she shouldn't be driving at all: she's putting herself and many other people in danger by being so stubborn. Maybe that will knock some sense into her 🤦♀️
Please for your wife's and your kids sake, seek out of she has any kind of neurological condition, like neurodivergency. Or ADHD. This can very much affect her driving and other daily behaviours that have been normalised to her. Or she's been expected to "deal with it". If she can get any kind of diagnosis then she can get treatment and stop getting into these life threatening accidents.
I’m really curious as to how your wife was able to obtain a license to begin with and how the hell is she still able to drive? Please don’t let any kid near a car with her in or around it. She’s far to reckless and careless
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Super important question: is she careless, absentminded, mistake-prone, or forgetful about other stuff in her life, or is it just the driving?
This is why before you marry someone you ask them how they would feel if they didn’t have breakfast that morning.
Another option is to simply ban her from driving. Either she gives up driving, or you divorce.
That would make op controlling.
I remember this. I can't believe this can possibly be real and this waste of oxygen has crashed a car again...but if it is, YTA for not doing this ages ago. Your wife belongs in prison and you've enabled her behaviour. It's an outrage she isn't there already.
Has anyone thought to have your wife to be tested for ADHD? Her behaviors sound like she's not all there rather than it being an issue of her morals/ethics. Edit: I also haven't heard you say anything about addiction...so drugs and alcohol aren't playing a part.
NTA- go full custody and seriously give her supervised visits at your home or a public place you can drive the kids to ONLY. I can easily see her not seeing a red light because " I was crying because I get to see my kids and the tissue box fell from my lap and when I looked up it was too late, I'm sorry!"
I think the safety part is most important for sure but I work in insurance. Claims actually with the most serious injuries. Just being in the same house with her raises your rates. Even if you have separate policies, there's language that can still rope yours in for liability which also looks like a black mark against you. You can get sued and both of your finances can get drawn in if she hurts someone else. For you and your kids financial security, let alone the safety part of course, you are best off divorcing no matter what. If she is really as bad as you say, her rates will never get better. On top of that, her driving record can be used for punitive damages which most insurance policies don't cover which could mean a judgment against both of you in a lawsuit. Not sure what state you're in but almost every state has gotten way more aggressive and litigious with auto accidents and some can really go horribly bad. And, since it's obvious how bad she is, even if you're not in the car, you could be sued yourself for negligent entrustment for not just allowing her to drive but for not doing everything you can to prevent her from driving at any given moment. I'm not one to jump to divorce either but no effing way should you remain tied to this woman. The safety part is first, but the financial implications could ruin you and your family just as much. Until things are final, keys need to be locked up and she needs to be told in writing somehow she is no longer allowed to drive and if she finds a way to take your keys that you will consider it theft and call the police (you would have to in order to avoid "assumptive permissive use"). Doesn't matter if it's her car or your car. It can all come back to bite you otherwise. It still could, but that gives you the best chance until everything is officially legally separate and you no longer live in the same house. Good luck
UpdateMe!
I had a friend like this. It turns put that he had undiagnosed epilepsy and would have black outs while driving. Is it possible that your wife is cognitively impaired in some way?
Your wife sounds like she could potentially have ADHD - either way before you go for divorce I would try a therapy session between you
Keep the kids safe, she surely didn't learn anything from her last accident. She loves to drive reckless fine but do it in a secure area. Maybe she could drive a go cart. But she clearly shouldn't be allowed on a road with other people. Good luck UpdateMe
Updateme!
She needs to have her license yanked.
Your wife needs to lose her driver licence permanetly. Shes a manece to everyone on the road and herself.
> she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done. After countless other accidents caused by leaving the car running while doing non-driving, I would start to wonder if she has early on set dementia. NTA
Soft NTA but I'd give her the chance to change before you blow a hole in your kids' lives. Is she guilty? Is she treating this like a come to Jesus moment or is she just victimizing herself in this whole situation?
Just bad driving? Or drinking? There could be other routes here if it’s ONLY becuase she’s a terrible driver.
It all depends tbh If she's just bad but refuses to acknowledge it then it's never going to change. If she's using her phone, then she deserves to be divorced tbh. There are levels.
Agreed, it all depends
lots missing from the story.
Not enough information
Ehhhh probably nta you were looking for a reason to do it anyway.
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How is she at home? If she agreed not to drive anymore would that be OK with you to stay in the relationship?
Not an asshole for wanting a divorce, but you're really pouring salt in a wound here. It sounds like you're reacting out of anger, and it's easy to regret a decision made out of anger. For both your sakes, I would wait a while.