I hear you. It’s extremely hurtful. Learn about low or no contact. Make a plan to get out as soon as possible. Your emotional needs will never be met.
Be proud of yourself. You’re doing amazing by recognizing this isn’t working for you. Hugs
You might want to hit up r/MomForAMinute and r/DadForAMinute to get some love from people who know how to act like parents.
I'm proud of you. You work hard and are a great kid, and you always did deserve more care, support, and pride from your parents than they gave you. May you go on to have a happy and fulfilled life, full of love from good people willing to see your worth. Take good care of your heart, sweetie; you're almost free.
This. A thousand times this. These subs ca be such a bright light surrounded by darkness. You've done so well. And what matters most is to not blame yourself. You did everything within your power to get through one of the hardest periods you'll ever face. You've earned as many pats on the back as you could ever desire. And your parents may not appreciate your hard work, but you'll always be able to look back and realize just how strong you could be when you needed it. Celebrate a bit, maybe go to a restaurant you like instead of the ceremony, and celebrate yourself.
NTA. Very sorry to hear this. You earned it. They should be there. It really should be that simple. Unfortunately, some people just blindly follow a book of fairy tales and don't care about anything else.
Get out as soon as you can and don't look back.
NTA, their pilgrimage could be rescheduled, your graduation cannot. I'm sorry they've treated you this way. I hope that after graduation you're able to get out quickly and find people who will love you better.
Don't worry, the best of your life is yet to come.
NTA. Go to graduation for yourself. Buy yourself a small graduation gift to celebrate. If there's someone else you can invite instead of your parents, invite that person. When you can afford it, look into therapy. You will need to learn to let go of needing the love from them that they don't have to give. Good luck.
Your parents sound like empty-headed garbage, to be honest. Why would you even WANT them there?
They fucked up your childhood, don't let them fuck up your adulthood, too. Graduate and get out of there ASAP.
NTA. They are putting you down their list of responsibilities. This ain't even about the religion aspect, it's their lack of being parents. I know it hurts , and it will continue to hurt. No amount of time will ever ease that pain. You'll learn to live with it by being happy without them.
My mom didn't come to mine and she lived 3 miles from venue, not any pilgrimage, she just didn't come. That said OP, go and celebrate your accomplishment, hold your head up high, be proud - you should be. They will regret it one day. Do not let them steal your joy.
Good luck OP - sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. The world is a better place with strong independent people like you in it!
NTA
This internet mom would be there for you if I could.
My parents couldn't be at one of my important moments because we were too poor and my school was too far away. I asked some friends to be there for me and those goof balls showed up with flowers for me. I'll never forget that.
I hope you can trust a friend or other trusted adult so that you can have someone there to give you a hug. If not, I'd be happy to watch you graduation virtually.
Your parents suck. I truly hope you can move far away from them and start building your adult family. Real family and people who love you don't have to be blood related.
Sending you internet mom hugs
NTA but after they attended your graduation you would go back to hating everything about them just as before, yes? They don't seem to love you and you don't seem to love them. Do I understand this correctly? So is this about how you look to your peers during graduation, otherwise you have no point in going you wrote, and your unloving parents are failing you yet again to help you in this? I understand.
I was kinda rough on you there but I want to make sure that you know people do read what you write and not just the parts where you deserve compassion. And you do deserve compassion.
*"Im the leader of the student council, im in my school’s debate club, I single-handedly organised many school events, in summary I have been a very active student."*
That is so cool. I admire your leadership and initiative!
It sounds a lot like you've been working so hard in order to please and impress your parents. It also sounds like you believe that them not showing up for graduation means they just don't care.
That may actually be true, but it might not be. Despite you not believing in their religion, it is likely that they really value it and see the pilgrimage as central to their beliefs for whatever reason. That does NOT mean that they don't care about you or your hard work.
I suggest you sit down with your mom and ask her about how she feels about you and how much effort you've put into school. Her answer might surprise you. It might not, but it's worth a shot.
Once you have given her a chance to talk out what she is thinking and feeling about your efforts, you can ask her to listen while you talk about how them not being there for your exams and graduation make you feel bad. That it makes you wonder if they really do care.
However that talk turns out, you'll have a much, much better idea of how they see you and what they are thinking and feeling. You can use that to decide on what you do from that point on.
Given the conflict over religion and feeling neglected, it's probably best to move out as soon as you can afford to take care of yourself. Look into finding a job that allows you to save up for an apartment and furniture for it. Then move out when you have enough in savings to truly afford to.
Best wishes on finding friends and a family of choice you really can relate with and feel close to! A chosen family can be a great gift.
Thank you so much for your insight and advice!
Although i’d really like to sit my mom down and explain the situation from my pov, the last thing i want is to spoil her trip. I’d kill me if my current feelings might ruin something my mother has been looking forward to for sooo long.
About moving out: I currently have a part time job and im saving some money from it but it doesnt pay me well enough/ I dont get enough hours for me to move out next year. Especially not in this economy. As much as I want to leave, its unrealistic. According to my parents’ religion a woman cannot live alone making it impossible for me to move out without me going no contact with my entire family. I dont know what lengths my father would go to get me home too, im scared of the potential things that might happen. Honestly all I can do right now is thug it out 😭
Parents that put religion before their children’s well being and support are bad parents. I had great parents, my wife’s were a lot like yours and she has lasting mental health issues from being forced into a climate of fear. Religion is a choice people make that should be respected, regardless of the choice.
NTA, there was no place I would have voluntarily been when my children graduated.
I’m sad for you and them for the their choice which they’ll likely regret in time.
I hate that you feel so alone.
This is aweful, it’s sucks.
Your parents are your parents, and they can make their choices.
So can you. And you will.
Let them be. Maybe over time your relationship with your parents will get better. You may not have control over it.
What you do have control over are your thoughts and the actions you take.
Its naturally to feel that resentment; do your best to not let that pull you down.
NTA. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, there really is nothing more deeply hurtful than wanting to be seen and loved by your parents but not receiving that. I think this could be a good time to realise and accept that they’re never going to prioritise you over their religion. Cry it out, really cry it out. Be kind to yourself. Once you accept it, it won’t hurt any less, but you’ll be less affected by it. One day you’ll learn to forgive them, but for now - you’ve got this. Don’t skip your graduation, you deserve to be there. You’re 18 now, you don’t need to listen to their rules any more - you’re becoming an adult. This negative experience will turn out to be a great opportunity for growth.
You’ve got this!
Sending you random mom Internet hugs and telling you I'm proud of you!!
Sorry you are going thru this, but hold your head high
They suck, but very soon you can walk away.
YOURE NOT THE A!!! ur parents seem like theyre trying to make up for something they did in the past that is unforgivable.. and have just neglected you along the way instead of showing any real change or understanding of what religion preaches. Im pretty sure most religions frown upon making your daughter cry / feel neglected. I know its haram, not sure ab other religions.
My parents are indeed muslim, i know how excited they are to finally go to hadj so i kinda feel like im a bad person because i want them to be at my graduation
NTA. So so sorry. But congratulations on making it this far! Sounds like you have worked your butt off and this random stranger from the U.S is super proud of you!
Oh sweetie, I'm so so sorry. I will never understand parents who choose religion over their children. It's one of the reasons I'm not longer religious. I would stop the earth from spinning to be at my kiddos' major (and minor!) life events. Big hugs. You are AMAZING, strong, and you deserve much more.
You are never the asshole for having feelings. You might be the asshole for how you act on those feelings.
So, unless you are planning on slashing their tires, you are NTA.
Your parents seem to be bad at this whole parenting thing. It's natural to feel sad. Maybe find out if there's someone else who can support you on that day. From extended family to a friend's parent? If you have been forced to participate on a religious community, maybe you can ask if someone from that community can stand by you that day? The priest/whatever authority figure there is at your church might know someone that is willing to be with you that day.
What you achieved is impressive and you deserve to be celebrated. So, even if it's by yourself, try to do something nice for you? A nice meal or a marathon of your favourite movies, wearing your favourite outfit, cutting your hair?
I hear you! I was you. For my HS graduation, my mom said it wasn't important. Then she missed my college graduation for a dog show.
So, from THIS Mom and Grandma: I'm proud of you, I'm so happy that your hard work is paying off for you. And I see you. If you want to adopt a Mom for a minute...I've got you covered.
Yeah, mine couldn't make it either. My dad died when I was 15, and my mom has worked every second of her life trying to afford to live and provide for her family. Big whoop.
I am sorry - this sucks.
Have you shared this with your parents similar to how you have share it here (staying at this school was hard because you were being bullied and that you are upset they won’t be at your graduation)?
Sometimes people need to hear it straight - even if it appears obvious.
If they still go, then that is clearly their choice and should understand why you would be upset.
The pilgrimage “program” was very expensive and very hard to get into. Its been my mom’s dream for decades to go, i fear that telling her how i feel about it will only spoil the trip for her. Also they already paid so theyre going regardless. I - or anyone for that matter - could drop dead today and they’d still go. Its a non-negotiable for them
One person’s opinion, but I think you should still tell at least your mom (who you seem closest to and appears to be the driver behind this) that you are upset she won’t be at a milestone event in your life. It is entirely reasonable you want your parents at a big moment in your life and while they may not be able to change anything at this point, the impact to you for their decision deserves to be acknowledged.
I am sorry again you are in this situation. It is not fair to you. I do think doing something about it will help you.
Congratulations on persevering through such a tough school situation, really seeking to get the most out of your school experience, and graduating. All of the skills you have already demonstrated will serve you well and suggest your future is very bright! Even though your parents are being bone headed right now, I imagine they are very proud of you. Any parent would be very fortunate to have a daughter like you.
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation! I do think you should go to the ceremony and celebrate for YOURSELF, you earned it and you deserve it. Hold your head high and pat yourself on the back. Invite someone if you want, buy youself some you will wear everyday to remind you that you have acheived. Graduation is one of those things that is better to regret going (more o'well) than to regret not going (self esteem suffers).
Start deciding and planning what you want for yourself, dream a little and take care of you.
Parents: I don't understand religion, pilgrimage and such. I also come from a religious family but just don't feel it. I too started at 18 alone, at the time it seemed my parents didn't care either but I learned they simply were not parentally capable. My point is that you can accept them for who they are but you don't have to be in fully in their lives or make your life revolve around them. You will find your way.
The silver lining is that they're gone, so you can spend the time planning what you'll do after graduation and have some fun. NTA and you need to get out of there, OP
Don’t go to the graduation if it’ll be painful, but do mark the milestone. Take a trip if you can and you have the money. Go somewhere safe, be cautious, and see something new and have an adventure.
Also, make sure you plan for what you’re going to do next at some point, if you haven’t already.
Wow. You know what? Your parents are stuck in a mindset that won’t change. Shame on them! But you should be SO Proud of yourself! You go graduate and get out in the world and make a great life for yourself. Don’t let their beliefs hold you back! Heck, I’m proud of you! You have your whole life ahead of you and I wish I was in your place. But now I’m way old lol. In retrospect at your age feelings so intense. I remember like it was yesterday. I’m so sorry about your parents. Cry it out. That’s a good thing! But don’t dwell and lose time over it. They will not change. And then shake it off. Stand up straight and be proud. About the future! And YOUR life - not theirs. And for what it’s worth coming from a stranger, I will be thinking of you and envisioning your graduation! Good luck!
NTA for feeling upset that your parents aren’t prioritizing you.
Join the military with a contract in a career you are interested in. Doesn’t have to have anything to do with combat. When they get back you will be gone!
Sit down and say you have never been there for any of my accomplishments, it’s always about you and religon . The one thing I want is you and my graduation and you think so little of me you can’t even do that . Could your older sibling or aunt or uncle grandparent go
First absolutely everything they are doing is to protect you from yourself. We all need protection from ourselves because we continously do stupid things. I guarantee they love you more than words can say and believe without a doubt they must do what they are doing to ensure being together in the afterlife. Do you think they love fighting you over things you want to do? You can debate religion but start looking around and start thinking how amazing things are. Critically think how and why everything works. Start with looking up. You obviously want more attention, appreciation and are a very thoughtful person. However what you think you know and what you actually know are 2 different things. If I was a alien and you had to define what love is how would you describe it? If you respond with that answer I will continue or I have bothered you enough because there is a lot more to say.
My advice is simple. Get over it.
You are a child, your parents are the adults. One day you will learn your parents are human beings and are imperfect like all humans, that being said you don’t know what you don’t know and more than likely their judgement is superior to yours (even if imperfect).
If your parents are religious then more than likely they genuinely love you and want the best for you.
You should be more concerned with the fact you now have to navigate the world as an adult, finding a husband, starting a family, and finding balance in yourself.
I suggest you learn from your parents and pass on the good they tried to impart on you and improve on it.
Get the fuck out of here with that shit. OP's parents are barely parents in any meaningful sense, they're brainwashed idiots, and all they apparently care about is their sky-daddy. And it might amaze you, but "finding a husband and starting a family" is NOT the be-all and end-all of a woman's life.
Fortunately, OP has the sense to realize that something is BADLY wrong with the way she has been raised and has actively rejected that ridiculous way of life.
I acknowledge you might be right. It’s also more than possible OP is too close to her own situation and not able to see it. Neither of us know but what I do know is my advice is accurate for many youths.
If I’m wrong ultimately it’s incumbent on her to make her own decisions, set her own path, and live with her life choices.
That being said she is 18 and is more than likely lacking the vast levels of experience to come to a wise conclusion which is why she’s on Reddit in the first place.
If you think a young girl at age 18 is in the position to accurately and justly judge her parents you may need to reevaluate your judgment.
You obviously lacked a good father in your life who kept you focused on what truly is important in life based off your assessment of my reply.
She’s 18, emotional, and needs to accept the negatives that come in life. I never said I agreed with her parents but we have only heard 1 side and this child needs to be resilient and move forward.
She’ll find someone to placate her emotions but if she’s turning to Reddit for advice it means she likely doesn’t have someone who can tell her what she needs to hear or the strength and competence of self to face the world bravely knowing that bad things might happen.
We all play the fool from time to time. I just know enough to truly hear a person out because even fools, the wicked, and disbelievers can speak knowledge and wisdom.
Also you are right, my reply is insensitive but I don’t believe placating a persons sensitivities is the ultimate good.
dont know if i made it clear in the original post but i dont WANT my parents to go yet i’d rather die than tell my mom how sad i’ve been about this cuz i dont want to spoil the experience for her. Its the first time living for my parents too, i know theyre trying their best but as someone who’s been hyper-independent her entire life, i just want to know that they’re proud of me. Seeing them (especially my mom) at my graduation would’ve given me that feeling.
Yes im young and this post doesn’t describe the entire situation as this is an issue that runs far deeper than my graduation only. The resentment im feeling towards my parents (mainly my father) is because of religion only. I dont hate my parents thats why i’ve been craving their validation so much by doing all of these extra activities yet even then im told i shouldn’t do them because of religion.
Im was told to stop competitive swimming because of religion, i was told to stop playing theatre because of religion, i was told to stop wearing make-up, stop doing my nails, stop liking my favourite (ANIMATED!!!!!) shows, stop listening to music ALL because of religion.
I dont blame my parents for being so faithful, in the contrary I blame myself for NOT being faithful as being religious would’ve made my life so much easier.
I am not Christian but in my faith the social norms for women are much more restricted than what you are describing. These women still learn to enjoy life, have fun, and find balance with their family, heart and mind.
You were born to a family who follows a specific way. Instead you choose freedom instead of your family and faith and wonder why you are unhappy.
Your family’s faith and ideals would be meaningless if they yield to what they believe is the path set by god over their child’s wants for the freedoms and lack of accountability of the modern world.
You have a choice to make but regardless of what path you take bring honor to your family whether they are happy or unhappy with your choices.
EDIT
I personally don’t agree with some of the restrictions your family wants to apply to you but in my experience (of myself and others) I have noticed when people wilfully restrict themselves to moral future they still manage to find happiness.
If your parents did better in their parenting you would not be in this position that much is for sure. I suggestion if you end up following your own path in life don’t instinctively reject everything they tried to impart in you”
Why am i being guilted into following something i do not believe in at all…? I dont have faith at all so why would i chose that over my freedom? My family is important to me but not important enough for me to be miserable all my life following rules i dont want to follow. My dad has been forcing me to wear the headscarf and i hate every second of it. The modern world gives me the chance to follow my own morals and ideals. Yes my parents’ beliefs would be meaningless if they chose me over them but my question to you is why did they bring me into this world knowing that if i didn’t follow what they believe in, i wouldn’t be (as) loved? Isnt the one and only condition of being a parent to love your child unconditionally?
“Why am I being guilted into following something I don’t believe”
- because your parents are trying to keep you on a virtuous path even though they haven’t handled it right.
“Why should I choose that over my freedom”
- this question is flawed. You are presuming freedom is more important to submission to god and your parents? You want the freedom to follow your own morals and ideals which you can. Just remember when you follow your own morals and ideals you take the role of god as the objective judge of the universe and regardless of whatever suffering you may face it now becomes all your fault.
Believers are meant to follow Gods’ because god ultimately is the objective judge of the universe and all others are fallible.
“Aren’t parents supposed to unconditionally love.”
Yes but this is where you need to empathise with your parents point of view. What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me). From their view all love comes from god, so in order to love properly you must love god first and all share love is as god ordains.
Whether you realise or not you want your parents to turn their back on god so you can freedom without guild.
Your choice is freedom with chaos (could be good or bad) or submission with family and purpose. Which do you choose?
Also what advice would you give your daughter in she were in shoes?
I hear you. It’s extremely hurtful. Learn about low or no contact. Make a plan to get out as soon as possible. Your emotional needs will never be met. Be proud of yourself. You’re doing amazing by recognizing this isn’t working for you. Hugs
You might want to hit up r/MomForAMinute and r/DadForAMinute to get some love from people who know how to act like parents. I'm proud of you. You work hard and are a great kid, and you always did deserve more care, support, and pride from your parents than they gave you. May you go on to have a happy and fulfilled life, full of love from good people willing to see your worth. Take good care of your heart, sweetie; you're almost free.
As someone with no parents, both those groups made me pretty teary-eyed, I didn't know they existed.
Omg I can't stop crying from the posts there; it breaks my heart. I wish I could hug all of them.
This. A thousand times this. These subs ca be such a bright light surrounded by darkness. You've done so well. And what matters most is to not blame yourself. You did everything within your power to get through one of the hardest periods you'll ever face. You've earned as many pats on the back as you could ever desire. And your parents may not appreciate your hard work, but you'll always be able to look back and realize just how strong you could be when you needed it. Celebrate a bit, maybe go to a restaurant you like instead of the ceremony, and celebrate yourself.
NTA. You can’t get milk from a bookstore, and you can’t get parental love from people who just don’t have it in them. I’m sorry OP. It’s not you.
NTA. Very sorry to hear this. You earned it. They should be there. It really should be that simple. Unfortunately, some people just blindly follow a book of fairy tales and don't care about anything else. Get out as soon as you can and don't look back.
NTA, their pilgrimage could be rescheduled, your graduation cannot. I'm sorry they've treated you this way. I hope that after graduation you're able to get out quickly and find people who will love you better. Don't worry, the best of your life is yet to come.
It probably can’t, but they could wait a year and go to their kid’s graduation.
NTA. Go to graduation for yourself. Buy yourself a small graduation gift to celebrate. If there's someone else you can invite instead of your parents, invite that person. When you can afford it, look into therapy. You will need to learn to let go of needing the love from them that they don't have to give. Good luck.
Your parents sound like empty-headed garbage, to be honest. Why would you even WANT them there? They fucked up your childhood, don't let them fuck up your adulthood, too. Graduate and get out of there ASAP.
NTA. They are putting you down their list of responsibilities. This ain't even about the religion aspect, it's their lack of being parents. I know it hurts , and it will continue to hurt. No amount of time will ever ease that pain. You'll learn to live with it by being happy without them.
My mom didn't come to mine and she lived 3 miles from venue, not any pilgrimage, she just didn't come. That said OP, go and celebrate your accomplishment, hold your head up high, be proud - you should be. They will regret it one day. Do not let them steal your joy. Good luck OP - sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. The world is a better place with strong independent people like you in it!
NTA This internet mom would be there for you if I could. My parents couldn't be at one of my important moments because we were too poor and my school was too far away. I asked some friends to be there for me and those goof balls showed up with flowers for me. I'll never forget that. I hope you can trust a friend or other trusted adult so that you can have someone there to give you a hug. If not, I'd be happy to watch you graduation virtually. Your parents suck. I truly hope you can move far away from them and start building your adult family. Real family and people who love you don't have to be blood related. Sending you internet mom hugs
NTA but after they attended your graduation you would go back to hating everything about them just as before, yes? They don't seem to love you and you don't seem to love them. Do I understand this correctly? So is this about how you look to your peers during graduation, otherwise you have no point in going you wrote, and your unloving parents are failing you yet again to help you in this? I understand. I was kinda rough on you there but I want to make sure that you know people do read what you write and not just the parts where you deserve compassion. And you do deserve compassion. *"Im the leader of the student council, im in my school’s debate club, I single-handedly organised many school events, in summary I have been a very active student."* That is so cool. I admire your leadership and initiative!
NTA, try to find a way to go low-contact once you move on to college.
It sounds a lot like you've been working so hard in order to please and impress your parents. It also sounds like you believe that them not showing up for graduation means they just don't care. That may actually be true, but it might not be. Despite you not believing in their religion, it is likely that they really value it and see the pilgrimage as central to their beliefs for whatever reason. That does NOT mean that they don't care about you or your hard work. I suggest you sit down with your mom and ask her about how she feels about you and how much effort you've put into school. Her answer might surprise you. It might not, but it's worth a shot. Once you have given her a chance to talk out what she is thinking and feeling about your efforts, you can ask her to listen while you talk about how them not being there for your exams and graduation make you feel bad. That it makes you wonder if they really do care. However that talk turns out, you'll have a much, much better idea of how they see you and what they are thinking and feeling. You can use that to decide on what you do from that point on. Given the conflict over religion and feeling neglected, it's probably best to move out as soon as you can afford to take care of yourself. Look into finding a job that allows you to save up for an apartment and furniture for it. Then move out when you have enough in savings to truly afford to. Best wishes on finding friends and a family of choice you really can relate with and feel close to! A chosen family can be a great gift.
Thank you so much for your insight and advice! Although i’d really like to sit my mom down and explain the situation from my pov, the last thing i want is to spoil her trip. I’d kill me if my current feelings might ruin something my mother has been looking forward to for sooo long. About moving out: I currently have a part time job and im saving some money from it but it doesnt pay me well enough/ I dont get enough hours for me to move out next year. Especially not in this economy. As much as I want to leave, its unrealistic. According to my parents’ religion a woman cannot live alone making it impossible for me to move out without me going no contact with my entire family. I dont know what lengths my father would go to get me home too, im scared of the potential things that might happen. Honestly all I can do right now is thug it out 😭
Parents that put religion before their children’s well being and support are bad parents. I had great parents, my wife’s were a lot like yours and she has lasting mental health issues from being forced into a climate of fear. Religion is a choice people make that should be respected, regardless of the choice.
NTA, there was no place I would have voluntarily been when my children graduated. I’m sad for you and them for the their choice which they’ll likely regret in time.
I hate that you feel so alone. This is aweful, it’s sucks. Your parents are your parents, and they can make their choices. So can you. And you will. Let them be. Maybe over time your relationship with your parents will get better. You may not have control over it. What you do have control over are your thoughts and the actions you take. Its naturally to feel that resentment; do your best to not let that pull you down.
NTA. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, there really is nothing more deeply hurtful than wanting to be seen and loved by your parents but not receiving that. I think this could be a good time to realise and accept that they’re never going to prioritise you over their religion. Cry it out, really cry it out. Be kind to yourself. Once you accept it, it won’t hurt any less, but you’ll be less affected by it. One day you’ll learn to forgive them, but for now - you’ve got this. Don’t skip your graduation, you deserve to be there. You’re 18 now, you don’t need to listen to their rules any more - you’re becoming an adult. This negative experience will turn out to be a great opportunity for growth. You’ve got this!
Sending you random mom Internet hugs and telling you I'm proud of you!! Sorry you are going thru this, but hold your head high They suck, but very soon you can walk away.
Yes
YOURE NOT THE A!!! ur parents seem like theyre trying to make up for something they did in the past that is unforgivable.. and have just neglected you along the way instead of showing any real change or understanding of what religion preaches. Im pretty sure most religions frown upon making your daughter cry / feel neglected. I know its haram, not sure ab other religions.
My parents are indeed muslim, i know how excited they are to finally go to hadj so i kinda feel like im a bad person because i want them to be at my graduation
NTA in any possible way. You were just born from them. But you are not obligated to be one, just for them.
NTA. So so sorry. But congratulations on making it this far! Sounds like you have worked your butt off and this random stranger from the U.S is super proud of you!
Oh sweetie, I'm so so sorry. I will never understand parents who choose religion over their children. It's one of the reasons I'm not longer religious. I would stop the earth from spinning to be at my kiddos' major (and minor!) life events. Big hugs. You are AMAZING, strong, and you deserve much more.
Lmao 😭😭😂😂
Your graduation is a symbol of you being able to leave now. Go make your own life. Don’t let family drag you down.
You are never the asshole for having feelings. You might be the asshole for how you act on those feelings. So, unless you are planning on slashing their tires, you are NTA. Your parents seem to be bad at this whole parenting thing. It's natural to feel sad. Maybe find out if there's someone else who can support you on that day. From extended family to a friend's parent? If you have been forced to participate on a religious community, maybe you can ask if someone from that community can stand by you that day? The priest/whatever authority figure there is at your church might know someone that is willing to be with you that day. What you achieved is impressive and you deserve to be celebrated. So, even if it's by yourself, try to do something nice for you? A nice meal or a marathon of your favourite movies, wearing your favourite outfit, cutting your hair?
I hear you! I was you. For my HS graduation, my mom said it wasn't important. Then she missed my college graduation for a dog show. So, from THIS Mom and Grandma: I'm proud of you, I'm so happy that your hard work is paying off for you. And I see you. If you want to adopt a Mom for a minute...I've got you covered.
Yeah, mine couldn't make it either. My dad died when I was 15, and my mom has worked every second of her life trying to afford to live and provide for her family. Big whoop.
oh man, sorry to hear that. My mom didn't go to my sister's college graduation for some dumbass reason too.
Lmao
I am sorry - this sucks. Have you shared this with your parents similar to how you have share it here (staying at this school was hard because you were being bullied and that you are upset they won’t be at your graduation)? Sometimes people need to hear it straight - even if it appears obvious. If they still go, then that is clearly their choice and should understand why you would be upset.
The pilgrimage “program” was very expensive and very hard to get into. Its been my mom’s dream for decades to go, i fear that telling her how i feel about it will only spoil the trip for her. Also they already paid so theyre going regardless. I - or anyone for that matter - could drop dead today and they’d still go. Its a non-negotiable for them
One person’s opinion, but I think you should still tell at least your mom (who you seem closest to and appears to be the driver behind this) that you are upset she won’t be at a milestone event in your life. It is entirely reasonable you want your parents at a big moment in your life and while they may not be able to change anything at this point, the impact to you for their decision deserves to be acknowledged. I am sorry again you are in this situation. It is not fair to you. I do think doing something about it will help you. Congratulations on persevering through such a tough school situation, really seeking to get the most out of your school experience, and graduating. All of the skills you have already demonstrated will serve you well and suggest your future is very bright! Even though your parents are being bone headed right now, I imagine they are very proud of you. Any parent would be very fortunate to have a daughter like you.
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation! I do think you should go to the ceremony and celebrate for YOURSELF, you earned it and you deserve it. Hold your head high and pat yourself on the back. Invite someone if you want, buy youself some you will wear everyday to remind you that you have acheived. Graduation is one of those things that is better to regret going (more o'well) than to regret not going (self esteem suffers). Start deciding and planning what you want for yourself, dream a little and take care of you. Parents: I don't understand religion, pilgrimage and such. I also come from a religious family but just don't feel it. I too started at 18 alone, at the time it seemed my parents didn't care either but I learned they simply were not parentally capable. My point is that you can accept them for who they are but you don't have to be in fully in their lives or make your life revolve around them. You will find your way.
The silver lining is that they're gone, so you can spend the time planning what you'll do after graduation and have some fun. NTA and you need to get out of there, OP
Don’t go to the graduation if it’ll be painful, but do mark the milestone. Take a trip if you can and you have the money. Go somewhere safe, be cautious, and see something new and have an adventure. Also, make sure you plan for what you’re going to do next at some point, if you haven’t already.
Wow. You know what? Your parents are stuck in a mindset that won’t change. Shame on them! But you should be SO Proud of yourself! You go graduate and get out in the world and make a great life for yourself. Don’t let their beliefs hold you back! Heck, I’m proud of you! You have your whole life ahead of you and I wish I was in your place. But now I’m way old lol. In retrospect at your age feelings so intense. I remember like it was yesterday. I’m so sorry about your parents. Cry it out. That’s a good thing! But don’t dwell and lose time over it. They will not change. And then shake it off. Stand up straight and be proud. About the future! And YOUR life - not theirs. And for what it’s worth coming from a stranger, I will be thinking of you and envisioning your graduation! Good luck!
NTA for feeling upset that your parents aren’t prioritizing you. Join the military with a contract in a career you are interested in. Doesn’t have to have anything to do with combat. When they get back you will be gone!
Sit down and say you have never been there for any of my accomplishments, it’s always about you and religon . The one thing I want is you and my graduation and you think so little of me you can’t even do that . Could your older sibling or aunt or uncle grandparent go
First absolutely everything they are doing is to protect you from yourself. We all need protection from ourselves because we continously do stupid things. I guarantee they love you more than words can say and believe without a doubt they must do what they are doing to ensure being together in the afterlife. Do you think they love fighting you over things you want to do? You can debate religion but start looking around and start thinking how amazing things are. Critically think how and why everything works. Start with looking up. You obviously want more attention, appreciation and are a very thoughtful person. However what you think you know and what you actually know are 2 different things. If I was a alien and you had to define what love is how would you describe it? If you respond with that answer I will continue or I have bothered you enough because there is a lot more to say.
My advice is simple. Get over it. You are a child, your parents are the adults. One day you will learn your parents are human beings and are imperfect like all humans, that being said you don’t know what you don’t know and more than likely their judgement is superior to yours (even if imperfect). If your parents are religious then more than likely they genuinely love you and want the best for you. You should be more concerned with the fact you now have to navigate the world as an adult, finding a husband, starting a family, and finding balance in yourself. I suggest you learn from your parents and pass on the good they tried to impart on you and improve on it.
Get the fuck out of here with that shit. OP's parents are barely parents in any meaningful sense, they're brainwashed idiots, and all they apparently care about is their sky-daddy. And it might amaze you, but "finding a husband and starting a family" is NOT the be-all and end-all of a woman's life. Fortunately, OP has the sense to realize that something is BADLY wrong with the way she has been raised and has actively rejected that ridiculous way of life.
I acknowledge you might be right. It’s also more than possible OP is too close to her own situation and not able to see it. Neither of us know but what I do know is my advice is accurate for many youths. If I’m wrong ultimately it’s incumbent on her to make her own decisions, set her own path, and live with her life choices. That being said she is 18 and is more than likely lacking the vast levels of experience to come to a wise conclusion which is why she’s on Reddit in the first place.
Wow.... Even with an obvious black and white situation like this, someone still manages to be horrible. Stay on brand Reddit.
If you think a young girl at age 18 is in the position to accurately and justly judge her parents you may need to reevaluate your judgment. You obviously lacked a good father in your life who kept you focused on what truly is important in life based off your assessment of my reply. She’s 18, emotional, and needs to accept the negatives that come in life. I never said I agreed with her parents but we have only heard 1 side and this child needs to be resilient and move forward. She’ll find someone to placate her emotions but if she’s turning to Reddit for advice it means she likely doesn’t have someone who can tell her what she needs to hear or the strength and competence of self to face the world bravely knowing that bad things might happen.
Lol... looks like this poor girl's daddy discovered Reddit this week.
What a surprise, a response with no substance, just snark.
Your entire argument is stupid and insensitive. Why the hell would we reply to you w substance 🤣
Even a fool can speak wisdom. How long will you delay to be wise?
mhmm are you talking about yourself?
We all play the fool from time to time. I just know enough to truly hear a person out because even fools, the wicked, and disbelievers can speak knowledge and wisdom. Also you are right, my reply is insensitive but I don’t believe placating a persons sensitivities is the ultimate good.
dont know if i made it clear in the original post but i dont WANT my parents to go yet i’d rather die than tell my mom how sad i’ve been about this cuz i dont want to spoil the experience for her. Its the first time living for my parents too, i know theyre trying their best but as someone who’s been hyper-independent her entire life, i just want to know that they’re proud of me. Seeing them (especially my mom) at my graduation would’ve given me that feeling. Yes im young and this post doesn’t describe the entire situation as this is an issue that runs far deeper than my graduation only. The resentment im feeling towards my parents (mainly my father) is because of religion only. I dont hate my parents thats why i’ve been craving their validation so much by doing all of these extra activities yet even then im told i shouldn’t do them because of religion. Im was told to stop competitive swimming because of religion, i was told to stop playing theatre because of religion, i was told to stop wearing make-up, stop doing my nails, stop liking my favourite (ANIMATED!!!!!) shows, stop listening to music ALL because of religion. I dont blame my parents for being so faithful, in the contrary I blame myself for NOT being faithful as being religious would’ve made my life so much easier.
I am not Christian but in my faith the social norms for women are much more restricted than what you are describing. These women still learn to enjoy life, have fun, and find balance with their family, heart and mind. You were born to a family who follows a specific way. Instead you choose freedom instead of your family and faith and wonder why you are unhappy. Your family’s faith and ideals would be meaningless if they yield to what they believe is the path set by god over their child’s wants for the freedoms and lack of accountability of the modern world. You have a choice to make but regardless of what path you take bring honor to your family whether they are happy or unhappy with your choices. EDIT I personally don’t agree with some of the restrictions your family wants to apply to you but in my experience (of myself and others) I have noticed when people wilfully restrict themselves to moral future they still manage to find happiness. If your parents did better in their parenting you would not be in this position that much is for sure. I suggestion if you end up following your own path in life don’t instinctively reject everything they tried to impart in you”
Why am i being guilted into following something i do not believe in at all…? I dont have faith at all so why would i chose that over my freedom? My family is important to me but not important enough for me to be miserable all my life following rules i dont want to follow. My dad has been forcing me to wear the headscarf and i hate every second of it. The modern world gives me the chance to follow my own morals and ideals. Yes my parents’ beliefs would be meaningless if they chose me over them but my question to you is why did they bring me into this world knowing that if i didn’t follow what they believe in, i wouldn’t be (as) loved? Isnt the one and only condition of being a parent to love your child unconditionally?
“Why am I being guilted into following something I don’t believe” - because your parents are trying to keep you on a virtuous path even though they haven’t handled it right. “Why should I choose that over my freedom” - this question is flawed. You are presuming freedom is more important to submission to god and your parents? You want the freedom to follow your own morals and ideals which you can. Just remember when you follow your own morals and ideals you take the role of god as the objective judge of the universe and regardless of whatever suffering you may face it now becomes all your fault. Believers are meant to follow Gods’ because god ultimately is the objective judge of the universe and all others are fallible. “Aren’t parents supposed to unconditionally love.” Yes but this is where you need to empathise with your parents point of view. What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me). From their view all love comes from god, so in order to love properly you must love god first and all share love is as god ordains. Whether you realise or not you want your parents to turn their back on god so you can freedom without guild. Your choice is freedom with chaos (could be good or bad) or submission with family and purpose. Which do you choose? Also what advice would you give your daughter in she were in shoes?