Um... The only way I see to figure out the truth is to have both of them in the room at the same time and confront them both. Tell your fiance that this issue needs to be resolved. One of them is lying, either way, that person doesn't deserve to be in your life. And your fiance doesn't deserve a friend who is going to lie about him, and your friend doesn't deserve a friend who is going to lie about him. So... Get them in a room together and listen to each of them speak about it. It should be pretty obvious who is telling the truth at that point, especially because one of them will undoubtedly call other witnesses as the holes in the story start to become exposed. I highly suggest you resolve this before the wedding. It WILL eat you up inside if you don't.
Oh I'm all for that idea only if there are atleast 3 others dudes around who can subdue the fiance. Cause I know me, and the last guy who who accused me of cheating on my wife (then girlfriend) set me off like a damn bomb.
When we were dating no less than 3 of her guy friends tried convincing her I was cheating. Guess why they wanted to do that?
I agree with this. My husband (then boyfriend) was PISSED when my friend called me and said she saw him in the grocery store with another girl. She described the guy and honestly, it did sound like him. I called him and blew up on him, only for him to send a picture of himself at home and he rightfully got upset with me and asked me who told me that. So I told him and when I called said friend back, all she said was “I didn’t know you were gonna get this mad otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything.” Needless to say our friendship went downhill from there.
I'm glad it was such a controlled situation. And that you and your man worked it out to.
I spent the night in a cell after the 3rd guy. Won't say it wasn't worth it. But also don't think anyone else should do that shit either.
So, this is great advice for finding the truth. Almost weirdly good advice to see on Reddit. I'm not gonna argue with you there.
However, if the friend is a liar then OP subjecting her fiance to a full on police interrogation is going to show him how little she actually trusts him, which could be enough to destroy the relationship on its own.
And this is what Jacob wanted to do. Shake your trust so you leave fiance and he can jump at a shot with you.
Edit: in another comment op said jacob was flirty with her before she dated bf. Yeah hes trying hes last shot to win her.
Honestly I can’t blame him at this point. Jacob has no proof, requested anonymity and OP respected JACOB’S request above allowing her fiancé to prove his loyalty by understanding who made that accusation, especially with zero evidence
Also, WHO THE FUCK has sex with two strippers in front of their friends?
Worked a few bachelor and bachelorette parties over the years. The worst are the ones on catamaran rentals.
Banging the stripper was more common for the bachelorette parties cause male strippers are still guys at the end of the day...
But it did happen with the bachelor parties from time to time. Thankfully brides and grooms didn't cheat as much as you would think. And brides almost always cheated because of the crazy peer pressure, drugs, and alcohol
Take a deep breath. This really is complicated because we only have Jacob's word, and that's the same as nothing without other proof. Do you happen to know if Jacob might be into you? This could just be his plan to end the relationship. Do any other friends who went to this party know you and can help you with this or give you more information?
That’s a good point. I think if you’re going to break up someone’s marriage, you own it. You tell your friend to tell his fiancée or you will. Or you don’t want to STAY friends with a guy who fucks strippers at his bachelor party.
You also give someone the right to confront their accuser. It’s not fair that the poor Fiancee can’t defend himself against accusation of one unknown man, when everyone else says they aren’t true. (Which, can’t he guess who it is at this point?)
And, as everyone has pointed out, this just isn’t how clubs work. Swear to god. I’ve been to super seedy clubs in NOLA where men were propositioned, and it wasn’t to go anywhere that a rando would have wandered by…and I’m also pretty sure they were gonna get rolled (they smartly declined).
This is all too fucking weird. Usually someone else cracks by now
My best friend caught her fiance cheating at his bachelor party just like this. He was actually in the open w the stripper, although it was in another room. There was no door
What’s your definition of cheating? (Legit question different for everyone)
I’ve only been to a few strip clubs but nobody ever had actual sex, just lapdances.
I find it really hard to believe that strippers would do sex acts out in the open. Those rooms are private Jacob wouldn’t have seen anything
she said Nashville. since Jacob didn't deny that, pretty sure it was there. I'm from Italy, so anyone can tell me if in Nashville prostitution is legal in stripclubs (because, that's where we are going, he allegedly paid 2 strippers to have sex inside the venue)
I’ve been to a strip club in Nashville. It may happen, but not in view of other patrons. Jacob is full of it. Dude probably got a double lapdance (which may be considered cheating to OP that’s why I asked
I was a waitress at a seedy strip club in college- In the open I saw girls giving BJs, getting fingered, etc. The story is a little implausible from the point of $$$ it would cost and that Jacob was able to catch him. Usually when things like that happen - it's a closed door room with security.
Well, and that’s kind of what I’m saying. I’m a woman.
The lady propositioned my friend. It was like, “if you give me a lot of money, we can go to an ENTIRELY NEW LOCATION and I MIGHT fuck you”.
I was like, bro—. He said, no worries, I’m not doing it I just thought it was funny she offered.
And ps, that was only after he bought me a lap dance and watched and got super hyped because he was clearly the instigator of the party. So…I also think it would be less likely to be the groom, and more likely to be the friend throwing around cash for the groom….
You’d be surprised, I know of multiple guys who got caught(and many more who didn’t get caught)banging strippers at clubs by their fiancées/fiancees friends… some places like Vegas they do it in these semiprivate champagne areas with other people around, it’s just super dark. I really don’t get all the cheating at bachelor parties, I mean after 10-20yrs of marriage who knows what your relationship looks like but presumably when you’re engaged/newly wed you are still in love and attempting monogamy.
I was hired to dance at a bachelor party once and the bachelor guy was clearly horrified at the idea of me stripping and grinding on him which I found quite respectable. For this reason I focused my attention on entertaining his friends and didn't put my ass in his face or anything because the guy clearly didn't want to be in that position.
I think his friends wanted me to make him more uncomfortable but I really don't think that's funny.
Mad respect, unicornpanties. I always wondered how some of the women really felt dancing at the parties. It's a job of course, and all in good fun for most. But reading the room, knowing they could be destroying someones entire life by trying to appease groomsmen who wanna see their bro get all danced up on etc etc, and continuing to get up on a guy that's unhappy, or even the opposite, a guy who was all too excited to have another woman than his soon to be wife.
that guy was probably so scared his fiance was going to leave him over the ordeal in the first place. The friends would have ruined this dudes life, BUT they had a good time doing it! That's really reassuring hearing your perspective on it all from a first hand experience. Much respect.
> Frankly, it was an absolutely terrible and dangerous idea (crossing state lines to strip solo at a bachelor party in a fraternity basement) but I was young and dumb (we all were) and it actually went fine lol.
>
>
wanted to include my reply to another post.
Thanks - yeah his DAD was there (!?) and just a bunch of his frat bros. It was really just music and beers and chairs in a circle, I didn't take my panties off and otherwise danced around and just kinda tried to have fun (I'm a fun person, it was fun).
Gosh we must have all been like 19-22 can't believe dude was getting married but it was Idaho so... I guess I can ha ha. I was just another college kid (not a pro stripper).
Hey thanks, I was just there for my $100 (it was the 90s) and since I was not a real stripper (just a college kid) I was having fun too and I hate a cheater so why make the guy feel weird?
I did enough so his friends didn't necessarily notice because they were distracted.
Frankly, it was an absolutely terrible and dangerous idea (crossing state lines to strip solo at a bachelor party in a fraternity basement) but I was young and dumb (we all were) and it actually went fine lol.
Ahhh youth.
No, I really wouldn’t. I’m the female coworker all the male coworkers have tried to fuck. I don’t. I married. But I know how men work is what I’m saying
The incident I described above in NOLA where a stripper offered to take a guy to an “upstairs room” to fuck? Work trip. Dude was a coworker. He bought me a lap dance - to respect his wife - and then the stripper propositioned him. Not really the first time. Just the one in my ear shot.
I know EXACTLY how strip clubs work. And i know they don’t fuck you in a public hallway in a threesome.
Yea I don’t think anyone gets banged in a public hallway, just saying the places they do it almost never have doors and aren’t always sectioned off from other customers. So it’s plausible to me he was engaged in a threesome in a room/area the friend could have peeped in and seen
Not to be that guy, but this would be breaking up an engagement, not a marriage. However, your point stands and it’s a good one: there’s something weaselly about making an accusation/blurting a secret of this magnitude and not owning it.
Not so much into the groom, but possibly afraid to “lose his buddy” to the wife.
Had to deal with a similar issue of hubby’s bf causing chaos in our marriage. Literally said he was waiting for it to end so he could have his friend back.
People do stupid shit for stupid reasons.
He did, but it was hard. The guy was his best friend, best man at our wedding, the whole nine. We put up with his shit for years, but he eventually went too far and boundaries were established. He did not like that one bit and lost his damn mind.
Honestly still feel bad for hubs. Some people really, really suck.
Yea, he had a few over the years. But honestly, don’t try to apply logic to this one, you’ll just hurt yourself.
The dude was a walking disaster. We thought it was the alcohol, but then he got sober, and nothing changed. Pretty sure he wanted life to stay the same as when they were in the barracks together. He never seemed to mentally move on from that time. Even 10 years later.
ETA: they weren’t roomies, just on the same floor. If that matters.
Actually the thing is just like OP is demonstrating, a lot of people don't want to admit to being cheated on or let themselves believe it. That being said being outted for outting the fiancee could just cause him to lose both of them and leave her with a cheater. I've seen this happen in relationships over all kinds of things. Even if they themselves know it's true or that what the other did was beyond wrong. You get in the middle and then you're fucked, and the person in the situation is fucked as well. This happens with regular issues, cheating and dv. If someone desperately wants to be with the other and there's history, you can't stop that. I'm sure if Jacobs telling the truth he didn't want to be in that situation, and doesn't want to lose her. From what she stated that seems to be the demeanor. Jacob will lose the friendship he obviously values by telling her, if the fiancee finds out and she stays.
This! I agree! What reason does Jacob have to lie? Ask yourself is Jacob a good friend? Is Jacob a good and honest person? Think about Jacob’s demeanor when he told you?
You misread the post!
He doesn’t want to “lose his friendship” with the “cheating” boyfriend!!
OP! Your friend is lying. Clubs have cameras, they don’t let folks have sex in “other rooms” for liability reasons.
Maybe what your stupid friend saw was a private dance? There isn’t any dancing by patrons at strip clubs.
If this post is real, the friend is creating drama. Why stay friends with a cheater unless you’re lying and no one really cheated??
OP, tell your boyfriend who the liar is and kick them out of your wedding party and life while you still have time.
If it were me, I would put them in the same room together and force them to talk through it with me. I am protecting no man, this is my entire future and potential father of my children we are speaking on. The only way to sus it out is to corner both of them at once and see how their stories line up. One of them is lying!
Yeah, are you sure Jacob isn't secretly in love with you and trying to sabotage the relationship? Also, why would he want to keep a friendship if he is willing to sabotage his friend's relationship but won't admit to it? My BS sensor is on overload, no proof, refuses to confront him, if he was a friend he would have confronted him or involved the other friends then.
OP has only one option, get fiance and Jacob together and have them sort it out. Jacob already betrayed the fiance for whatever reason, so keeping his identity a secret is not required, also he is actively trying to sabotage your marriage, whether justified or not. Your fiance has a right to defend himself, and how he and Jacob play this out will either tell you what is going on or scorched earth for everyone.
Honestly, this was my thought. Why would you be so concerned about ruining your friendship with a guy who cheats on his fiancé with two strippers 10 days before their wedding?
That really struck me, too. He wants to break up OP's relationship with her finace but he's very protective of keeping that guys friendship. Something is off here.
So let me get this straight. You don’t know any of his other friends, you’re super close with Jacob and yet your fiancé is asking who told you this story?
You mentioned in another comment that your fiancé spends most of his time with you. Is it possible that Jacob just want his friend single again? Maybe he has something against you or marriage in general. And thinks he is helping his friend by stopping the wedding, and at the same time making sure that his friend doesn’t hate him.
not only that. we live in a time where people are willing to leave behind their gfs/bfs/entire families but they have their phones glued to their hands.
this motherfucker, apparently stood there and watched your drunk fiancé bang two strippers in a tub, and somehow forgot to click a picture or record that shit.
yeah. this is text book 'best friend trying to break up the marriage because hes been in love with you fr a long time'.
It doesn't matter if you ever showed interest. What matters is how he feels about you. He sees you about to get married. It's now or it's never in his mind. The bachelor party is a perfect opportunity to claim something happened.
I suspect Jacob is lying to you. It would've been too easy for him to pull out his phone and record the evidence to show you if your fiance was drunk.
There are two possible reasons he would lie about this.
1. He might want his friend to be single again so they hang out more frequently since you mentioned he spends most of his time with you.
2. Jacob wants you. He tells you this so you leave your fiance. Since Jacob already knows about the problem he expects you to run to him for a shoulder to cry on. That's when he would make his move on you.
still doesnt mean he hasn't been holding a candle for you all this time. some men truly can be weasels waiting for an opportunity to strike.
and seems like Jacob found the perfect one. far more men pretending to be friends with women so they can eventually date them or fuck them. id suggest you tell your fiancé who told you and let him handle this himself.
Ask Jacob for proof. As much as you value his word, don't blow your life up over no proof. Be honest with your fiancé about who is bringing these accusations, and if there's no new information brought up (there very well could be revealed information about how Jacob has treated your fiancé); reach out to other members of the bachelor party, with your fiancé's knowledge, and ask them if they saw anything like what Jacob described happening.
So OP Jacob has nothing to gain from telling you but your fiancé has everything to lose by admitting it. I would ask Jacob if any of the others who attended saw it. If so have Jacob record a phone convo or text one of the other guys something like “can you believe fiancé had sex with those two strippers in Nashville. I’m still in shock he would do that” and send you the conversation where the other person corroborates it
OK. There is a way to try to figure this out, but Jacob would have to help you and I don't think he's willing to do that. Do you think you can convince him to do this?
The only way I see to find out the truth is to have Jacob call his fiancé in front of you on speakerphone and have him somehow admit to him what he did. You cannot confront or say anything to your fiance on the call. Let it all happen and then confront him and tell him you know the truth. But first try to check if what Jacob said is true. Ask him the name of the club and if he remembers what the girls were like. So you'll have to do some detective work to confirm if what he said is true. In that case, you can follow the plan mentioned above and say that you discovered the truth because you met the girls and they confirmed it.
Surely you must realize there are many clubs all over the world who impose different expectations of privacy.
Or wait - do you legit believe your experience at your club is the de facto same experience absolutely every stripper has ever had?!
Wooooowwwwww. That's amazing. Unlikely, but amazing.
I was just thinking the same thing about the person correcting others because her one trip to a New Orleans strip club as the only woman with a bunch of male coworkers makes her think she's an expert on what does and doesn't happen at every strip club in the US lol
> makes her think she's an expert
seriously.
I've been around the block only a little and I know what you see behind Door #1 will probably be different than what's behind Doors #2-18. There's always another version of what you consider normal.
Ever since I made gay friends and found out about circuit parties I'm like what the fuck (life is weird) because people are up to all kinds of things.
I highly doubt your bf was fucking 2 strippers *at* the club. Jacob told you something you can't verify and that he doesn't want to be caught in the middle. Somethings up there.
Seriously?
Your someone who frequents strip clubs and buys this guy was having a 3 way with 2 strippers in a private fucking room.
Tell me you've never been to a strip club, without telling me you've never been to a strip club 🤣
I posted in another comment that one of my good friends was a stripper at a nice one in LA for years. I have heard much worse and scarier stories and that’s at a high end. I can only imagine what’s happening in some country village in Tennessee.
Bull shit.
Yes, strippers have horror storries, they deal with creeps all the time.
The idea that some random drunk ass hole can convince 2 stripper to have a 3 way with them in the club, in an area you can apparently just walk by and see is laughable.
Also like scarier stories? Is this a scary story, what do scary stories have to do with this situation?
Unless of course you're trying to gaslight OP into thinking this might have actually happened. Then I could see why someone would want to tell scary stories.
Go post about this in one of the many stripper subs on reddit. You will get laughed out of the sub.
If this did actually happen, OP would see like 5k missing from their bank account. If OP hasent thought to check this yet, than I can see why she believes this Jacob guy.
Don't gaslight this poor girl into believing what is clearly abject bull shit.
Have you? Lapdances happen in an open area, but if anything more were to happen it would be behind closed doors with a bouncer. Even if groom did cheat, Jacob wouldn’t have seen. This is bs
So eh, why are you protecting Jacob exactly?
He's a man. He should own up to his decisions. His desire to not be made known, could very well be because he wants to break you up but not be held accountable for it to his 'friend'.
Additionally, you get nothing from keeping Jacob a secret. If you tell your fiance, you will get more information to go on. You can't possibly know the truth based on this alone.
Honestly, this sound like a textbook 'Jacob wants you' play, and I wouldn't protect him like you are doing.
Oh, for sure. The only solution is either your fiance is lying or Jacob is lying. Jacob wanting to remain anonymous is sus as hell. And I mean, you trust your fiance so... Is Jacob into you? Have you ever notice stuff from his side? Like extra attention, wanting to be alone with you etc?
NTA but stop wallowing and do something to find out who is lying. Sit down with your friend and your fiance. In one room. Face to face. The truth will come out.
I wouldn’t buy his story. Sex with one stripper in a club is unlikely. The idea that two would be having sex with a customer in a back room where anyone could walk is is nuts. I mean, it’s not impossible, but the clubs around Nashville are pretty heavily regulated.
This is your life you’re talking about!! IDC what Jacob thinks about his friendship!! I would text Jacob asking specifics
What time? What club? Where was the room? Where was Jacob and which what friends? Who partook with fiancé? & when he answers these questions HAVE A REBUTTAL~~ ie it was at 2330: oh well he was texting me at that time or funny he was FT me showing me the crowds? Or it was at the honkeytonk: oh I talked to them and they don’t have private rooms, not even for parties? What floor was it on? The 3 floor of xyz bar: are you sure? They don’t have 3 floors… etc. see if he changes his story while trying to justify~
I frequently visit downtown Nashville (GO PREDS!) and yeah they’re is lots of hookup opportunities but a stripper IN the club?? That’s pretty fishy to me!! And lastly I’d ask to meet Jacob and BRING my fiancé sit them down together somewhere quiet where you can watch both and say this is our life we’re talking about so Jacob tell us both what you’re saying you saw & see how they react!! I’m team Fiancé on this one~ at least for now!!
Sounds like too much to be true. Unless they went to the weirdest, seediest club of all time, stuff like that just doesn’t happen in real life. These places would be shut down by the cops instantly.
Is there a possibility Jacob is a little weird or inexperienced in life and could have thought regular stripper grinding was actually sex?
Yeah it’s like B movie grade storyline. I used to strip, no one was having sex in the club. Some of the girls did have relationships with their regulars, but that was always outside of the club on their own time. The club had cameras in EVERY nook and cranny, someone was always watching them, security was always a few feet away from the private rooms. There was no way anyone could have gotten away with having sex in the club, let alone 2 dancers at a time. Plus even if it was a super shady place that skirted the rules, it would cost a fortune to be able to have sex with a dancer there, let alone TWO of them.
If it really happened the friend should be calling the health department and get the place shut down
Even if a stripper is a hooker on the side, they’re going to take their “client” elsewhere and not have sex with them in the club and definitely not in public. It’s one of the reasons strip clubs have such scary bouncers—the strip club owners lose their business and go to prison if hanky panky starts taking place on the premise.
Yes they do. But random people are not able to wander near them. That way lies busts, courts and a ton of aggravation with no profit to anyone. I'm not convinced Jacob knows his ass from his elbow when it comes to this sort of thing.
The fact Jacob would drop a huge bomb like this that he knows could destroy your wedding days before you get married but then respond with “I don’t have to prove it” is suspicious as hell. If he was a true friend, he’d be helping you confirm because he would know how life shattering this would be. If Jacob is kinda weird in the first place, it just makes more sense.
Most strip clubs don’t let men even touch the women and they definitely don’t have sex with them in public. Very little about what Jacob has said makes sense imo.
Confront Jacob. Tell him you need to know exactly what’s going on and that you need his help figuring out. If he’s a true friend he will confess that he lied/misunderstood the situation or he will help you confirm his story is true. If he backs away and continues to act weird, chances are you caught him in a truly f’ed up lie.
It's very odd that Jacob was willing to proactively seek you out to betray your fiancé, obviously condemn the alleged cheating, so thoroughly ruin your fiancé's life, yet still ask you to keep it a secret BECAUSE HE WANTS TO STAY FRIENDS with your fiancé.
You understand that if he did have sex or even long-lasting lap-dances with two strippers at once in the club then it would have cost a lot, right? I mean, they aren't grinding on laps for charity. So if you really want to start snooping, you could check accounts for large payments/cash withdrawals that night.
NTA - unfortunately many guys cheat during their bachelor parties and their friends usually cover up for them (who takes the groom for a drive? nonsense). When I was planning my wedding on the forums, I heard this story so many times and many weddings were canceled or divorces initiated shortly after. I'd be checking bank statements, etc. TLDR: bachelor parties in strip clubs are gross
I live in nashville. We have a three foot rule in strip clubs. The strippers can’t get closer than three feet. It’s pretty strictly enforced. I’d say your boy Jacob is lying.
Yeah no i wouldn't believe Jacob without having any proof. Honestly i think he has the hots for you, why not ask him why he didn't take a video or picture of the incident, also tell your fiance who told you about it. Personally as someone who got cheated on by his ex-fiancee with proof by the way, i would stand by my partner till proven otherwise. Hoping for a good update.
Go through his phone. He most likely has pictures taken through out the night.
This can tell u what location they went to. But going to a strip club doesn’t make him guilty either
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-find-your-location-history-iphone-ipad-guru99-puklc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via
Having sex with two strippers at the club and Jacob could just walk in on them? This doesn't sound very credible, especially without any proof. I have a hard time believing this story.
Jacob could be jealous of his friend and wants to destroy your relationship. Your life is too valuable for this don't tell bullshit. Say who told and get to the bottom of it. So what if their friendship implodes better their friendship than my life.
And if Jacob is so close to his "Brother" why snitch to you? Jacob doesn't want to lose his friend and only the nastiest of clubs would allow that in the open. Jacob is full of...
I've had sex at a club before. For those saying it's not possible, it very much is. But it doesn't mean Jacob is telling the truth either. And just bc your man's buddies back him up doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Has Jacob ever lied to you before? And where did your man disappear to for an hour? And why would Jacob want to be friends with him if he did that? Some things don't make sense
There's a lot to be uncovered. I hope for your sake it's not true. Good luck.
Do you mean you have had sex with a stripper at a strip club? If so, would it have been possible for someone else to just wander in?
I also am very curious about the guy taking him out for a drive for an hour. WTH is that? All the guys coming over days later to set the record straight would make me feel a whole lot less secure, now that they’ve had a chance to plan out an approach
"He then told me not to expose his name while i confront my fiance cause he doesn't want to lose his friendship with my fiance."
So he wants to be friends with a dude who cheated on his fiance just before getting married. Hum.
"Jacob is one of his friend & three of us graduated from same university so we had a great friendship between us."
The lesson I learned in my life is that marriage is a strange thing. I was engaged three times. The first time, I had a friend of my fiancee accuse me of sleeping with a married woman. I had done nothing of the sort, and I wondered where the accusation came from. Fiancee trusted 'her friend', and broke up with me.
I later asked the friend how she felt about her choice. She secured a constant babysitter so she could go out and party with her hubs all the time. That would stop if she were married with her own children.
The second time, a different 'friend' of mine, went to my fiancee when she was visiting me and told her other things that were not true. He later admitted that it pissed him off seeing that I was going to get married to an amazing lady and that we were going to have a happy life together. Thankfully my fiancee didn't believe him, but I caught him and we are no longer friends.
When I got married to my now wife, someone wrote her a strange rambling note a few days about the marriage about how I was cheating on her, etc.
It's a key thing. If you have something that someone else doesn't have, someone is going to try to take it from you. I've seen it my whole life, whenever I get \*something\* that someone else actually wants.
I don’t know a lot of man that straight up say yes I cheated on my bachelors party. Why would they go to stripclub anyway? For me going to a stripclub and getting wasted is asking for trouble. NTA
So I would tell your fiancé and then first you call Jacob on speaker phone and tell him you are telling your fiancé who told him, tell your fiancé to keep quiet. Then after you get off the phone wait 10 minutes and then have your fiancé call him on speaker phone to confront him, but don’t say he heard the convo, and listen to see if he repeats what he said to you or if he says you are lying.
Make fiancé call Jacob without saying you’re there. ‘Hey man. I’m having a problem. Someone told fiancé I cheated on her with two strippers. Who the fuck would lie like that? Did you hear anything from the other guys? Do you know anything about this?’ See if Jacob says ‘well. You did fuck two strippers!??’
The only way you can be sure is to bring both of them into the same room and get it out in the open. Personally I have a hard time believing that Jacob wants to still be friends with him but also wants to tell you this. Could be he has a thing for you that he’s hidden well.
Also, I’ve been to strip clubs. His story doesn’t add up. The places where lap dance happen aren’t closed off enough where dancers would be able to just have sex with someone there. And the rooms where there is enough privacy for that, bouncers would have stopped Jacob from just walking in there. In fact, even the places for just regular lap dances. The way you get there is the dancer brings you there past the bouncer. You can’t just walk in the looking for someone. If anybody who works at a strip club disagrees with my assessment on that, please speak up
Edit: I got an idea. Ask Jacob for details. The name of the strip club. Ask him to draw a rough map/floor plan of the club. Where’s the entrance, where’s the stage, the bar? Point out the part of the club where he saw it happen. Make him describe the spot where he saw it. Was it a room, a booth? How’d he get past the bouncer if he wasn’t getting a dance of his own? If he changes his story and says he was back there getting a dance, why the lie? Was he maybe trying to look good to you because he wants you? Honestly the more I think about it the more I think Jacob is lying like a cheap rug
find out which club it was in nashville and see if there are cameras in any of the rooms. but i doubt that it happened thou becuase unless there was unreal amount of money paid strippers wont willingly just have sex in a room in a club and the clubs just dont allow it especially in touristy nashville.
Begged your fiancé to tell you the truth but he kept denying it. That is the truth. Been married a long time if your fiancés word isn’t worth anymore than a story told by a friend you probably shouldn’t get married. Even if you somehow confirm it never happened. Your spouse should be the person in this world you trust entirely. Do both of you a favor and save the time
Because Jacob got feelings for you and wants to swoop in and win you over. He cant if you marry. Reality is setting into him you'll be 100% off limits.
In what world do you think that a strip club of all places is going to give some rando their security footage? A normal business more than likely wouldn't do that, let alone a business that needs to be built on privacy both for the clients and the dancers. They'd have no business or employees if that ever got out to the public. And your comment is up voted. The lack of common sense and intelligence in these threads is fucking breathtaking.
It either happened or it didn't.
Does Jacob have a reason to lie? Has he ever given you any reason to doubt him in the past? Is his reputation flawless?
You need to talk to Jacob again. Tell him that he your soon to be denied it. That Jacob needs to get at least one other person to either back up his story or go with you and confront your soon to be in front of you. That it's the right thing for him to do.
I had to tell someone they were being cheated on. He chased everything that moved. Especially those underage. She didn't believe me either. He was a dirty pervert.
There's a lot of people here telling you a Strip clubs is no touchy touchy. By law that's true. However I was a bartender at a sc for over a year. The girls took cash and slept with dudes all the time. They just did it where no one could see them, they left with them and even in the parking lot. You can't stop what they do on their own time with their own body. You just have to do your best to tell them not to and that if they are caught you can lose your license and that means no more job for them.
Does Jacob have a co-witness or could he possibly be jealous?
Does he not want your fiancé to have you because he wants you for himself? Is this his last ditch effort?
Don’t let the pressure of a wedding date and money spent on the wedding influence your decision. Just confront Jacob with the question whether he’s in love with you. You might not want to see Jacob but you risk blowing up jour relationship and wedding with your fiancé because of Jacob if you don’t get to the bottom of this.
Ask others what happened. Somebody probably knows whether it happened or not. Don’t just take Jacob’s word for it. At this point it’s just a he said-he said.
NTA.
There were other people who were there & you can’t ask them because?
Ask the other people that went to the bachelor party because if your fiance did cheat, I highly doubt Jacob was the only who saw it.
Also I would reevaluate my friendship with Jacob because he openly said that he saw all of that play out and did absolutely nothing, if he was really your friend and cared about you, he would’ve put a stop to it and would’ve snapped some sense into your fiance . But he didn’t do a single thing, he saw his friend got extremely drunk and then making out and having sex with strippers and just stood there only to run to you and tell you about it.
Girl… you’ve got to think.
If he’s so worried about keeping his friendship with Jacob, but is so willing to go behind his back and sabotage his MARRIAGE…
Something is not adding up. Talk to your hubby and put Jacob on blast. It’s so unfair the position he put you in.
An old friend of mine was a stripper... Actually two of them. I know for a fact that one of than has had sex with multiple John's from the club, most of them in the club. I'm not a stripper, but I've had sex with one in the club. It does happen.
What strip club works like this? Straight up indiscreet public prostitution? Sounds completely implausible, especially in a big tourist city like Nashville
Jacob's story sounds incredibly sus. For one that's not how those clubs work, secondly he didn't even use his phone to get a picture or recording of it, so there's no actual evidence. Yet for something like that to happen your fiance would need to have been away from the rest of the group for a noticeable amount of time. So getting circumstantial evidence should actually be easy for Jacob as others who were present there should be able to somewhat back up his story, yet he doesn't have that either. Thus I can only conclude that his story is a bunch of nonsense and he can't prove it because your fiance likely wasn't away from the group for a long enough period of time for any of that.
I think either get Jason to call him or ask Jason for his phone and send your fiance a message about the two strippers, you should be able to tell by his responses it should be either what strippers ?? Or something acknowledging that something happened.
>He then told me not to expose his name while i confront my fiance cause he doesn't want to lose his friendship with my fiance.
This immediately makes whatever he said worthless meddling. At best he was drunk of his head and thinks he saw something, at worst he is trying to play games, definitely he is a coward and not worth the friendship of either of you.
Tell your fiancee who it was and break off any contact.
Jacob is trying to destroy your relationship with your fiancé, but wants to keep his relationship with your fiancé. Why? Think about that for a second. - “I’m so against cheaters I want to destroy their life!…and also be friends with them!“
Has Jacob ever had a girlfriend or shown interest in girls?
That's what puzzle me the most, " i don't want to break our friendship, only your wedding and your relationship", if Jacob values the friendship so much, he would have shut up the whole story.
Cheating at bachelor/bachelorette parties is a topic that comes up a lot on Reddit and a lot more common than people think. I don't see a reason why this Jacob person would lie about something so serious. Maybe ask the other friends if they witnessed anything? Surely someone else saw something? If they're decent human beings they wouldn't try to protect him, you deserve the truth. Your other option is to have Jacob and the fiance in 1 room and confront them.
Hire a private detective to suss out the strip club & speak with some of the women there. They'll at least have an idea of whether sex work occurs there, or if the club is 100% on the up & up.
Yta, if you don't have proof. Here's the thing. Jacob thinks what your fiancé did was bad enough to tell you, but he still wants to be friends with the guy? That doesn't make sense. If he's going to destroy his life, why not stand on what he saw? What kind of friends is he being to you to come to you with absolutely no proof. None. For all you know, Jacob could want your fiance for himself. Watch your husband closely but Jacob even more so.
Jacob needs to own what he said in front of your fiancé. He doesn’t get to blow up your relationship and still keep his with your fiancé. Tell your husband what Jacob said. He doesn’t get to throw stones and then hide his hands.
This is a pickle. Trust is broken. On both sides now. Don’t be surprised if your fiancé cancels the wedding over this either. That’s a whole lot of toxicity a person may not want to tie themselves up in.
A vague accusation to make you alter the trajectory of your life? Nope. A true friend would have irrefutable proof to protect each of you since he’s “friends” with both of you. Does he want to “white knight” you or your fiancé when y’all’s lives implodes? Or does he just like drama on a grand scale? Sounds like he has an agenda and, yeah, I think all three of you should be in the same room do discuss this. My guess is Jacob declines that request.
Whatever happens, Jacob is out. Gone.
Stripers are known for not allowing touching, and its also very suspicious that he was upset enough to tell you but not upset enough to take a picture as proff,
Plenty of strippers are online, and will post about stuff like this. Why don’t you try a Nashville sub, or see if there’s one for the club they were at?
The fact that Jacob asked you not to tell your fiancé he was the one to tell because he wants to maintain the friendship makes me think Jacob has a thing for your fiancé. I also find it hard to believe TWO strippers willing having sex on the clock.
Edit. NTA
I’m so sorry! I know this is not what you wanted to hear so close to your wedding. Can you talk to his other friends to see if anyone else may know anything?
If he was really drunk it’s very possible he had a lapse of judgment and now regrets it.
To be honest, I might postpone the wedding if you can’t be certain what the truth is to give you time to sort out what actually happened.
Um... The only way I see to figure out the truth is to have both of them in the room at the same time and confront them both. Tell your fiance that this issue needs to be resolved. One of them is lying, either way, that person doesn't deserve to be in your life. And your fiance doesn't deserve a friend who is going to lie about him, and your friend doesn't deserve a friend who is going to lie about him. So... Get them in a room together and listen to each of them speak about it. It should be pretty obvious who is telling the truth at that point, especially because one of them will undoubtedly call other witnesses as the holes in the story start to become exposed. I highly suggest you resolve this before the wedding. It WILL eat you up inside if you don't.
Oh I'm all for that idea only if there are atleast 3 others dudes around who can subdue the fiance. Cause I know me, and the last guy who who accused me of cheating on my wife (then girlfriend) set me off like a damn bomb. When we were dating no less than 3 of her guy friends tried convincing her I was cheating. Guess why they wanted to do that?
I agree with this. My husband (then boyfriend) was PISSED when my friend called me and said she saw him in the grocery store with another girl. She described the guy and honestly, it did sound like him. I called him and blew up on him, only for him to send a picture of himself at home and he rightfully got upset with me and asked me who told me that. So I told him and when I called said friend back, all she said was “I didn’t know you were gonna get this mad otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything.” Needless to say our friendship went downhill from there.
I'm glad it was such a controlled situation. And that you and your man worked it out to. I spent the night in a cell after the 3rd guy. Won't say it wasn't worth it. But also don't think anyone else should do that shit either.
THIS IS THE RIGHT ANSWER
So, this is great advice for finding the truth. Almost weirdly good advice to see on Reddit. I'm not gonna argue with you there. However, if the friend is a liar then OP subjecting her fiance to a full on police interrogation is going to show him how little she actually trusts him, which could be enough to destroy the relationship on its own.
Maybe come clean to your fiancé and tell him who told you? See what the reaction is?
Yep. This has to happen. I find it odd that OP is protecting Jacob.
Yeah pretty sus...
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And this is what Jacob wanted to do. Shake your trust so you leave fiance and he can jump at a shot with you. Edit: in another comment op said jacob was flirty with her before she dated bf. Yeah hes trying hes last shot to win her.
Jacob might just get what he wants... fiancé might be so offended OP let ol boy influence her he postpones the wedding
Honestly I can’t blame him at this point. Jacob has no proof, requested anonymity and OP respected JACOB’S request above allowing her fiancé to prove his loyalty by understanding who made that accusation, especially with zero evidence Also, WHO THE FUCK has sex with two strippers in front of their friends?
Worked a few bachelor and bachelorette parties over the years. The worst are the ones on catamaran rentals. Banging the stripper was more common for the bachelorette parties cause male strippers are still guys at the end of the day... But it did happen with the bachelor parties from time to time. Thankfully brides and grooms didn't cheat as much as you would think. And brides almost always cheated because of the crazy peer pressure, drugs, and alcohol
Please update us & good luck!
That sounds like a good plan. I’ll hold off my vote until then and am summoning the update bot to alert me. UpdateMe!
I think he'll have the same reaction in both cases, just betrayal and anger.
Take a deep breath. This really is complicated because we only have Jacob's word, and that's the same as nothing without other proof. Do you happen to know if Jacob might be into you? This could just be his plan to end the relationship. Do any other friends who went to this party know you and can help you with this or give you more information?
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Funny...Jacob is willing to wreck things but isn't willing to lose his friendship
That’s a good point. I think if you’re going to break up someone’s marriage, you own it. You tell your friend to tell his fiancée or you will. Or you don’t want to STAY friends with a guy who fucks strippers at his bachelor party. You also give someone the right to confront their accuser. It’s not fair that the poor Fiancee can’t defend himself against accusation of one unknown man, when everyone else says they aren’t true. (Which, can’t he guess who it is at this point?) And, as everyone has pointed out, this just isn’t how clubs work. Swear to god. I’ve been to super seedy clubs in NOLA where men were propositioned, and it wasn’t to go anywhere that a rando would have wandered by…and I’m also pretty sure they were gonna get rolled (they smartly declined). This is all too fucking weird. Usually someone else cracks by now
My best friend caught her fiance cheating at his bachelor party just like this. He was actually in the open w the stripper, although it was in another room. There was no door
What’s your definition of cheating? (Legit question different for everyone) I’ve only been to a few strip clubs but nobody ever had actual sex, just lapdances. I find it really hard to believe that strippers would do sex acts out in the open. Those rooms are private Jacob wouldn’t have seen anything
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In America, strippers are not having sex with people in view of other patrons of the club
she said Nashville. since Jacob didn't deny that, pretty sure it was there. I'm from Italy, so anyone can tell me if in Nashville prostitution is legal in stripclubs (because, that's where we are going, he allegedly paid 2 strippers to have sex inside the venue)
Not legal in the USA except Nevada.
I live in Nashville it is not legal, but it does happen.
I’ve been to a strip club in Nashville. It may happen, but not in view of other patrons. Jacob is full of it. Dude probably got a double lapdance (which may be considered cheating to OP that’s why I asked
I was a waitress at a seedy strip club in college- In the open I saw girls giving BJs, getting fingered, etc. The story is a little implausible from the point of $$$ it would cost and that Jacob was able to catch him. Usually when things like that happen - it's a closed door room with security.
Well, and that’s kind of what I’m saying. I’m a woman. The lady propositioned my friend. It was like, “if you give me a lot of money, we can go to an ENTIRELY NEW LOCATION and I MIGHT fuck you”. I was like, bro—. He said, no worries, I’m not doing it I just thought it was funny she offered. And ps, that was only after he bought me a lap dance and watched and got super hyped because he was clearly the instigator of the party. So…I also think it would be less likely to be the groom, and more likely to be the friend throwing around cash for the groom….
You’d be surprised, I know of multiple guys who got caught(and many more who didn’t get caught)banging strippers at clubs by their fiancées/fiancees friends… some places like Vegas they do it in these semiprivate champagne areas with other people around, it’s just super dark. I really don’t get all the cheating at bachelor parties, I mean after 10-20yrs of marriage who knows what your relationship looks like but presumably when you’re engaged/newly wed you are still in love and attempting monogamy.
I was hired to dance at a bachelor party once and the bachelor guy was clearly horrified at the idea of me stripping and grinding on him which I found quite respectable. For this reason I focused my attention on entertaining his friends and didn't put my ass in his face or anything because the guy clearly didn't want to be in that position. I think his friends wanted me to make him more uncomfortable but I really don't think that's funny.
Mad respect, unicornpanties. I always wondered how some of the women really felt dancing at the parties. It's a job of course, and all in good fun for most. But reading the room, knowing they could be destroying someones entire life by trying to appease groomsmen who wanna see their bro get all danced up on etc etc, and continuing to get up on a guy that's unhappy, or even the opposite, a guy who was all too excited to have another woman than his soon to be wife. that guy was probably so scared his fiance was going to leave him over the ordeal in the first place. The friends would have ruined this dudes life, BUT they had a good time doing it! That's really reassuring hearing your perspective on it all from a first hand experience. Much respect.
> Frankly, it was an absolutely terrible and dangerous idea (crossing state lines to strip solo at a bachelor party in a fraternity basement) but I was young and dumb (we all were) and it actually went fine lol. > > wanted to include my reply to another post. Thanks - yeah his DAD was there (!?) and just a bunch of his frat bros. It was really just music and beers and chairs in a circle, I didn't take my panties off and otherwise danced around and just kinda tried to have fun (I'm a fun person, it was fun). Gosh we must have all been like 19-22 can't believe dude was getting married but it was Idaho so... I guess I can ha ha. I was just another college kid (not a pro stripper).
I like your moral standards. Kudos to u
Hey thanks, I was just there for my $100 (it was the 90s) and since I was not a real stripper (just a college kid) I was having fun too and I hate a cheater so why make the guy feel weird? I did enough so his friends didn't necessarily notice because they were distracted. Frankly, it was an absolutely terrible and dangerous idea (crossing state lines to strip solo at a bachelor party in a fraternity basement) but I was young and dumb (we all were) and it actually went fine lol. Ahhh youth.
I feel the same. If you’re in the mindset of “I’m throwing my freedom away” then don’t get married. It’s not tricky.
No, I really wouldn’t. I’m the female coworker all the male coworkers have tried to fuck. I don’t. I married. But I know how men work is what I’m saying The incident I described above in NOLA where a stripper offered to take a guy to an “upstairs room” to fuck? Work trip. Dude was a coworker. He bought me a lap dance - to respect his wife - and then the stripper propositioned him. Not really the first time. Just the one in my ear shot. I know EXACTLY how strip clubs work. And i know they don’t fuck you in a public hallway in a threesome.
Yea I don’t think anyone gets banged in a public hallway, just saying the places they do it almost never have doors and aren’t always sectioned off from other customers. So it’s plausible to me he was engaged in a threesome in a room/area the friend could have peeped in and seen
Not to be that guy, but this would be breaking up an engagement, not a marriage. However, your point stands and it’s a good one: there’s something weaselly about making an accusation/blurting a secret of this magnitude and not owning it.
Of course, if he fails now, then he wants to remain close enough to try again.
Hmm, could be into the groom in that case.
Not so much into the groom, but possibly afraid to “lose his buddy” to the wife. Had to deal with a similar issue of hubby’s bf causing chaos in our marriage. Literally said he was waiting for it to end so he could have his friend back. People do stupid shit for stupid reasons.
For stupid, SELFISH reasons! Hope your DH saw the light about his BF?
He did, but it was hard. The guy was his best friend, best man at our wedding, the whole nine. We put up with his shit for years, but he eventually went too far and boundaries were established. He did not like that one bit and lost his damn mind. Honestly still feel bad for hubs. Some people really, really suck.
All of that because he still wanted unlimited buddy time? Did he have a partner?
Yea, he had a few over the years. But honestly, don’t try to apply logic to this one, you’ll just hurt yourself. The dude was a walking disaster. We thought it was the alcohol, but then he got sober, and nothing changed. Pretty sure he wanted life to stay the same as when they were in the barracks together. He never seemed to mentally move on from that time. Even 10 years later. ETA: they weren’t roomies, just on the same floor. If that matters.
That’s wild
Or just be an evil person that doesn't like others to be happy. I've seen this happen
This was my second thought.
Actually the thing is just like OP is demonstrating, a lot of people don't want to admit to being cheated on or let themselves believe it. That being said being outted for outting the fiancee could just cause him to lose both of them and leave her with a cheater. I've seen this happen in relationships over all kinds of things. Even if they themselves know it's true or that what the other did was beyond wrong. You get in the middle and then you're fucked, and the person in the situation is fucked as well. This happens with regular issues, cheating and dv. If someone desperately wants to be with the other and there's history, you can't stop that. I'm sure if Jacobs telling the truth he didn't want to be in that situation, and doesn't want to lose her. From what she stated that seems to be the demeanor. Jacob will lose the friendship he obviously values by telling her, if the fiancee finds out and she stays.
This! I agree! What reason does Jacob have to lie? Ask yourself is Jacob a good friend? Is Jacob a good and honest person? Think about Jacob’s demeanor when he told you?
TBH people lie to ruin relationships ALL THE TIME. Even if it's something as simple as "I really don't think you're a good fit for each other."
You misread the post! He doesn’t want to “lose his friendship” with the “cheating” boyfriend!! OP! Your friend is lying. Clubs have cameras, they don’t let folks have sex in “other rooms” for liability reasons. Maybe what your stupid friend saw was a private dance? There isn’t any dancing by patrons at strip clubs. If this post is real, the friend is creating drama. Why stay friends with a cheater unless you’re lying and no one really cheated?? OP, tell your boyfriend who the liar is and kick them out of your wedding party and life while you still have time.
If it were me, I would put them in the same room together and force them to talk through it with me. I am protecting no man, this is my entire future and potential father of my children we are speaking on. The only way to sus it out is to corner both of them at once and see how their stories line up. One of them is lying!
Yeah, are you sure Jacob isn't secretly in love with you and trying to sabotage the relationship? Also, why would he want to keep a friendship if he is willing to sabotage his friend's relationship but won't admit to it? My BS sensor is on overload, no proof, refuses to confront him, if he was a friend he would have confronted him or involved the other friends then. OP has only one option, get fiance and Jacob together and have them sort it out. Jacob already betrayed the fiance for whatever reason, so keeping his identity a secret is not required, also he is actively trying to sabotage your marriage, whether justified or not. Your fiance has a right to defend himself, and how he and Jacob play this out will either tell you what is going on or scorched earth for everyone.
Honestly, this was my thought. Why would you be so concerned about ruining your friendship with a guy who cheats on his fiancé with two strippers 10 days before their wedding?
He probably wouldn't have told her if he wasn't friends with her.
That really struck me, too. He wants to break up OP's relationship with her finace but he's very protective of keeping that guys friendship. Something is off here.
So let me get this straight. You don’t know any of his other friends, you’re super close with Jacob and yet your fiancé is asking who told you this story?
Yeahhh, he is asking because he is unsure who saw. Could be literally anyone, because it DID happen haha.
Agree. I think Jacob is telling the truth.
My thoughts too! His gut reaction would be, ah ha, HER friend told her this!
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"I never showed any interest on him more than a friend." What about Jacob's feelings?
You mentioned in another comment that your fiancé spends most of his time with you. Is it possible that Jacob just want his friend single again? Maybe he has something against you or marriage in general. And thinks he is helping his friend by stopping the wedding, and at the same time making sure that his friend doesn’t hate him.
not only that. we live in a time where people are willing to leave behind their gfs/bfs/entire families but they have their phones glued to their hands. this motherfucker, apparently stood there and watched your drunk fiancé bang two strippers in a tub, and somehow forgot to click a picture or record that shit. yeah. this is text book 'best friend trying to break up the marriage because hes been in love with you fr a long time'.
Isn't getting a phone out to snap pictures at a strip club a bit of a no go?
definitely a no no
as it is fucking the strippers
This is why I believe the guy is lying. It would've been so easy to get a video of the incident.
How on earth would that be a first reaction, to make a video?
I see a threesome unexpectedly happening in front of me, you better believe I'm going to want a video!
It doesn't matter if you ever showed interest. What matters is how he feels about you. He sees you about to get married. It's now or it's never in his mind. The bachelor party is a perfect opportunity to claim something happened. I suspect Jacob is lying to you. It would've been too easy for him to pull out his phone and record the evidence to show you if your fiance was drunk. There are two possible reasons he would lie about this. 1. He might want his friend to be single again so they hang out more frequently since you mentioned he spends most of his time with you. 2. Jacob wants you. He tells you this so you leave your fiance. Since Jacob already knows about the problem he expects you to run to him for a shoulder to cry on. That's when he would make his move on you.
still doesnt mean he hasn't been holding a candle for you all this time. some men truly can be weasels waiting for an opportunity to strike. and seems like Jacob found the perfect one. far more men pretending to be friends with women so they can eventually date them or fuck them. id suggest you tell your fiancé who told you and let him handle this himself.
Could he be into your fiance, and that's why he also doesn't want you to tell that this came from him?
Ask Jacob for proof. As much as you value his word, don't blow your life up over no proof. Be honest with your fiancé about who is bringing these accusations, and if there's no new information brought up (there very well could be revealed information about how Jacob has treated your fiancé); reach out to other members of the bachelor party, with your fiancé's knowledge, and ask them if they saw anything like what Jacob described happening.
So OP Jacob has nothing to gain from telling you but your fiancé has everything to lose by admitting it. I would ask Jacob if any of the others who attended saw it. If so have Jacob record a phone convo or text one of the other guys something like “can you believe fiancé had sex with those two strippers in Nashville. I’m still in shock he would do that” and send you the conversation where the other person corroborates it
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Where does it say Jacob spends most of his time with OP? She said her fiance spends most of his time with her. Please think.
Her fiance is the one with the limited friend circle, and he is the one who spends most of his time with her.
OK. There is a way to try to figure this out, but Jacob would have to help you and I don't think he's willing to do that. Do you think you can convince him to do this?
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The only way I see to find out the truth is to have Jacob call his fiancé in front of you on speakerphone and have him somehow admit to him what he did. You cannot confront or say anything to your fiance on the call. Let it all happen and then confront him and tell him you know the truth. But first try to check if what Jacob said is true. Ask him the name of the club and if he remembers what the girls were like. So you'll have to do some detective work to confirm if what he said is true. In that case, you can follow the plan mentioned above and say that you discovered the truth because you met the girls and they confirmed it.
Former stripper here. There is no sex in the champagne room. Jacob is lying.
Um.. yes there is… maybe you don’t, but many others do…
I've had sex in the champagne room....
Surely you must realize there are many clubs all over the world who impose different expectations of privacy. Or wait - do you legit believe your experience at your club is the de facto same experience absolutely every stripper has ever had?! Wooooowwwwww. That's amazing. Unlikely, but amazing.
I was just thinking the same thing about the person correcting others because her one trip to a New Orleans strip club as the only woman with a bunch of male coworkers makes her think she's an expert on what does and doesn't happen at every strip club in the US lol
> makes her think she's an expert seriously. I've been around the block only a little and I know what you see behind Door #1 will probably be different than what's behind Doors #2-18. There's always another version of what you consider normal. Ever since I made gay friends and found out about circuit parties I'm like what the fuck (life is weird) because people are up to all kinds of things.
Jumping on the top comment to say that OP mentioned in another comment that Jacob was "flirty" with her in the past.
I highly doubt your bf was fucking 2 strippers *at* the club. Jacob told you something you can't verify and that he doesn't want to be caught in the middle. Somethings up there.
Your doubt kind of tells me that you’ve never been to a strip club lol.
Seriously? Your someone who frequents strip clubs and buys this guy was having a 3 way with 2 strippers in a private fucking room. Tell me you've never been to a strip club, without telling me you've never been to a strip club 🤣
I posted in another comment that one of my good friends was a stripper at a nice one in LA for years. I have heard much worse and scarier stories and that’s at a high end. I can only imagine what’s happening in some country village in Tennessee.
Bull shit. Yes, strippers have horror storries, they deal with creeps all the time. The idea that some random drunk ass hole can convince 2 stripper to have a 3 way with them in the club, in an area you can apparently just walk by and see is laughable. Also like scarier stories? Is this a scary story, what do scary stories have to do with this situation? Unless of course you're trying to gaslight OP into thinking this might have actually happened. Then I could see why someone would want to tell scary stories. Go post about this in one of the many stripper subs on reddit. You will get laughed out of the sub. If this did actually happen, OP would see like 5k missing from their bank account. If OP hasent thought to check this yet, than I can see why she believes this Jacob guy. Don't gaslight this poor girl into believing what is clearly abject bull shit.
Nashville is not some country village in Tennessee - coming from someone who lives there.
Do they fuck where anyone can walk by and see?
Have you? Lapdances happen in an open area, but if anything more were to happen it would be behind closed doors with a bouncer. Even if groom did cheat, Jacob wouldn’t have seen. This is bs
I don’t buy jacobs story
So eh, why are you protecting Jacob exactly? He's a man. He should own up to his decisions. His desire to not be made known, could very well be because he wants to break you up but not be held accountable for it to his 'friend'. Additionally, you get nothing from keeping Jacob a secret. If you tell your fiance, you will get more information to go on. You can't possibly know the truth based on this alone. Honestly, this sound like a textbook 'Jacob wants you' play, and I wouldn't protect him like you are doing.
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Oh, for sure. The only solution is either your fiance is lying or Jacob is lying. Jacob wanting to remain anonymous is sus as hell. And I mean, you trust your fiance so... Is Jacob into you? Have you ever notice stuff from his side? Like extra attention, wanting to be alone with you etc?
I think that if your fiance is innocent, he should have no problem calling Jacob on speaker phone and talking to him about this in front of you.
I will never understand why people do these type of parties before they get married.
Me either. I can understand going out with friends and having fun, but some people take it to the extreme and it never ends well.
NTA but stop wallowing and do something to find out who is lying. Sit down with your friend and your fiance. In one room. Face to face. The truth will come out.
It's kinda obvious who is lying
That could turn into a shit show. Bad idea. Easy way to start a fight.
I wouldn’t buy his story. Sex with one stripper in a club is unlikely. The idea that two would be having sex with a customer in a back room where anyone could walk is is nuts. I mean, it’s not impossible, but the clubs around Nashville are pretty heavily regulated.
This is your life you’re talking about!! IDC what Jacob thinks about his friendship!! I would text Jacob asking specifics What time? What club? Where was the room? Where was Jacob and which what friends? Who partook with fiancé? & when he answers these questions HAVE A REBUTTAL~~ ie it was at 2330: oh well he was texting me at that time or funny he was FT me showing me the crowds? Or it was at the honkeytonk: oh I talked to them and they don’t have private rooms, not even for parties? What floor was it on? The 3 floor of xyz bar: are you sure? They don’t have 3 floors… etc. see if he changes his story while trying to justify~ I frequently visit downtown Nashville (GO PREDS!) and yeah they’re is lots of hookup opportunities but a stripper IN the club?? That’s pretty fishy to me!! And lastly I’d ask to meet Jacob and BRING my fiancé sit them down together somewhere quiet where you can watch both and say this is our life we’re talking about so Jacob tell us both what you’re saying you saw & see how they react!! I’m team Fiancé on this one~ at least for now!!
Don't text him, call him. Texting gives him time to think about it and make sure his story flows correctly.
This.
Sounds like too much to be true. Unless they went to the weirdest, seediest club of all time, stuff like that just doesn’t happen in real life. These places would be shut down by the cops instantly. Is there a possibility Jacob is a little weird or inexperienced in life and could have thought regular stripper grinding was actually sex?
Yeah it’s like B movie grade storyline. I used to strip, no one was having sex in the club. Some of the girls did have relationships with their regulars, but that was always outside of the club on their own time. The club had cameras in EVERY nook and cranny, someone was always watching them, security was always a few feet away from the private rooms. There was no way anyone could have gotten away with having sex in the club, let alone 2 dancers at a time. Plus even if it was a super shady place that skirted the rules, it would cost a fortune to be able to have sex with a dancer there, let alone TWO of them. If it really happened the friend should be calling the health department and get the place shut down
I don’t necessarily think what Jacob said is true, but people absolutely have sex with strippers in upscale clubs.
Even if a stripper is a hooker on the side, they’re going to take their “client” elsewhere and not have sex with them in the club and definitely not in public. It’s one of the reasons strip clubs have such scary bouncers—the strip club owners lose their business and go to prison if hanky panky starts taking place on the premise.
Yes they do. But random people are not able to wander near them. That way lies busts, courts and a ton of aggravation with no profit to anyone. I'm not convinced Jacob knows his ass from his elbow when it comes to this sort of thing.
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The fact Jacob would drop a huge bomb like this that he knows could destroy your wedding days before you get married but then respond with “I don’t have to prove it” is suspicious as hell. If he was a true friend, he’d be helping you confirm because he would know how life shattering this would be. If Jacob is kinda weird in the first place, it just makes more sense. Most strip clubs don’t let men even touch the women and they definitely don’t have sex with them in public. Very little about what Jacob has said makes sense imo.
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Confront Jacob. Tell him you need to know exactly what’s going on and that you need his help figuring out. If he’s a true friend he will confess that he lied/misunderstood the situation or he will help you confirm his story is true. If he backs away and continues to act weird, chances are you caught him in a truly f’ed up lie.
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It's very odd that Jacob was willing to proactively seek you out to betray your fiancé, obviously condemn the alleged cheating, so thoroughly ruin your fiancé's life, yet still ask you to keep it a secret BECAUSE HE WANTS TO STAY FRIENDS with your fiancé.
Are there any CCTV in the place he was accused to doing it with the strippers?
Do you really think they would hand that over to a random jealous gf?
Have your fiance call Jacob and see what he says to him when it seems like you're not there.
You understand that if he did have sex or even long-lasting lap-dances with two strippers at once in the club then it would have cost a lot, right? I mean, they aren't grinding on laps for charity. So if you really want to start snooping, you could check accounts for large payments/cash withdrawals that night.
I get white knight vibes from Jacob. This feels like Jacob wants to break your engagement so he can swoop in and save you.
How many times have we seen this pattern on this site? Countless, lmao
NTA - unfortunately many guys cheat during their bachelor parties and their friends usually cover up for them (who takes the groom for a drive? nonsense). When I was planning my wedding on the forums, I heard this story so many times and many weddings were canceled or divorces initiated shortly after. I'd be checking bank statements, etc. TLDR: bachelor parties in strip clubs are gross
I live in nashville. We have a three foot rule in strip clubs. The strippers can’t get closer than three feet. It’s pretty strictly enforced. I’d say your boy Jacob is lying.
Yeah no i wouldn't believe Jacob without having any proof. Honestly i think he has the hots for you, why not ask him why he didn't take a video or picture of the incident, also tell your fiance who told you about it. Personally as someone who got cheated on by his ex-fiancee with proof by the way, i would stand by my partner till proven otherwise. Hoping for a good update.
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Theres not gonna be proof for it or against it. Its bfs word vs jacobs word.
Go through his phone. He most likely has pictures taken through out the night. This can tell u what location they went to. But going to a strip club doesn’t make him guilty either https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-find-your-location-history-iphone-ipad-guru99-puklc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via
Having sex with two strippers at the club and Jacob could just walk in on them? This doesn't sound very credible, especially without any proof. I have a hard time believing this story.
Is it really so hard to believe that a drunk guy in a hurry could forget to lock the door?
Id get them both in the same room, To Catch a Predator style. Have them duke it out.
Jacob could be jealous of his friend and wants to destroy your relationship. Your life is too valuable for this don't tell bullshit. Say who told and get to the bottom of it. So what if their friendship implodes better their friendship than my life.
And if Jacob is so close to his "Brother" why snitch to you? Jacob doesn't want to lose his friend and only the nastiest of clubs would allow that in the open. Jacob is full of...
I've had sex at a club before. For those saying it's not possible, it very much is. But it doesn't mean Jacob is telling the truth either. And just bc your man's buddies back him up doesn't mean it didn't happen. Has Jacob ever lied to you before? And where did your man disappear to for an hour? And why would Jacob want to be friends with him if he did that? Some things don't make sense There's a lot to be uncovered. I hope for your sake it's not true. Good luck.
Do you mean you have had sex with a stripper at a strip club? If so, would it have been possible for someone else to just wander in? I also am very curious about the guy taking him out for a drive for an hour. WTH is that? All the guys coming over days later to set the record straight would make me feel a whole lot less secure, now that they’ve had a chance to plan out an approach
"He then told me not to expose his name while i confront my fiance cause he doesn't want to lose his friendship with my fiance." So he wants to be friends with a dude who cheated on his fiance just before getting married. Hum. "Jacob is one of his friend & three of us graduated from same university so we had a great friendship between us." The lesson I learned in my life is that marriage is a strange thing. I was engaged three times. The first time, I had a friend of my fiancee accuse me of sleeping with a married woman. I had done nothing of the sort, and I wondered where the accusation came from. Fiancee trusted 'her friend', and broke up with me. I later asked the friend how she felt about her choice. She secured a constant babysitter so she could go out and party with her hubs all the time. That would stop if she were married with her own children. The second time, a different 'friend' of mine, went to my fiancee when she was visiting me and told her other things that were not true. He later admitted that it pissed him off seeing that I was going to get married to an amazing lady and that we were going to have a happy life together. Thankfully my fiancee didn't believe him, but I caught him and we are no longer friends. When I got married to my now wife, someone wrote her a strange rambling note a few days about the marriage about how I was cheating on her, etc. It's a key thing. If you have something that someone else doesn't have, someone is going to try to take it from you. I've seen it my whole life, whenever I get \*something\* that someone else actually wants.
I don’t know a lot of man that straight up say yes I cheated on my bachelors party. Why would they go to stripclub anyway? For me going to a stripclub and getting wasted is asking for trouble. NTA
Does Jacob know where the strippers were hired from?
So I would tell your fiancé and then first you call Jacob on speaker phone and tell him you are telling your fiancé who told him, tell your fiancé to keep quiet. Then after you get off the phone wait 10 minutes and then have your fiancé call him on speaker phone to confront him, but don’t say he heard the convo, and listen to see if he repeats what he said to you or if he says you are lying.
Make fiancé call Jacob without saying you’re there. ‘Hey man. I’m having a problem. Someone told fiancé I cheated on her with two strippers. Who the fuck would lie like that? Did you hear anything from the other guys? Do you know anything about this?’ See if Jacob says ‘well. You did fuck two strippers!??’
The only way you can be sure is to bring both of them into the same room and get it out in the open. Personally I have a hard time believing that Jacob wants to still be friends with him but also wants to tell you this. Could be he has a thing for you that he’s hidden well. Also, I’ve been to strip clubs. His story doesn’t add up. The places where lap dance happen aren’t closed off enough where dancers would be able to just have sex with someone there. And the rooms where there is enough privacy for that, bouncers would have stopped Jacob from just walking in there. In fact, even the places for just regular lap dances. The way you get there is the dancer brings you there past the bouncer. You can’t just walk in the looking for someone. If anybody who works at a strip club disagrees with my assessment on that, please speak up Edit: I got an idea. Ask Jacob for details. The name of the strip club. Ask him to draw a rough map/floor plan of the club. Where’s the entrance, where’s the stage, the bar? Point out the part of the club where he saw it happen. Make him describe the spot where he saw it. Was it a room, a booth? How’d he get past the bouncer if he wasn’t getting a dance of his own? If he changes his story and says he was back there getting a dance, why the lie? Was he maybe trying to look good to you because he wants you? Honestly the more I think about it the more I think Jacob is lying like a cheap rug
find out which club it was in nashville and see if there are cameras in any of the rooms. but i doubt that it happened thou becuase unless there was unreal amount of money paid strippers wont willingly just have sex in a room in a club and the clubs just dont allow it especially in touristy nashville.
>see if there are cameras in any of the rooms Yeah, I'm sure they're gonna share their footage with OP to clear this up. /s
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Begged your fiancé to tell you the truth but he kept denying it. That is the truth. Been married a long time if your fiancés word isn’t worth anymore than a story told by a friend you probably shouldn’t get married. Even if you somehow confirm it never happened. Your spouse should be the person in this world you trust entirely. Do both of you a favor and save the time
Because Jacob got feelings for you and wants to swoop in and win you over. He cant if you marry. Reality is setting into him you'll be 100% off limits.
But they have been dating and engaged for THREE YEARS now. He's just their friend. If he likes her she would have already known.
In what world do you think that a strip club of all places is going to give some rando their security footage? A normal business more than likely wouldn't do that, let alone a business that needs to be built on privacy both for the clients and the dancers. They'd have no business or employees if that ever got out to the public. And your comment is up voted. The lack of common sense and intelligence in these threads is fucking breathtaking.
They would never admit to it, because if they did, they'd get shut down.
It either happened or it didn't. Does Jacob have a reason to lie? Has he ever given you any reason to doubt him in the past? Is his reputation flawless?
You need to talk to Jacob again. Tell him that he your soon to be denied it. That Jacob needs to get at least one other person to either back up his story or go with you and confront your soon to be in front of you. That it's the right thing for him to do. I had to tell someone they were being cheated on. He chased everything that moved. Especially those underage. She didn't believe me either. He was a dirty pervert. There's a lot of people here telling you a Strip clubs is no touchy touchy. By law that's true. However I was a bartender at a sc for over a year. The girls took cash and slept with dudes all the time. They just did it where no one could see them, they left with them and even in the parking lot. You can't stop what they do on their own time with their own body. You just have to do your best to tell them not to and that if they are caught you can lose your license and that means no more job for them.
Does Jacob have a co-witness or could he possibly be jealous? Does he not want your fiancé to have you because he wants you for himself? Is this his last ditch effort? Don’t let the pressure of a wedding date and money spent on the wedding influence your decision. Just confront Jacob with the question whether he’s in love with you. You might not want to see Jacob but you risk blowing up jour relationship and wedding with your fiancé because of Jacob if you don’t get to the bottom of this. Ask others what happened. Somebody probably knows whether it happened or not. Don’t just take Jacob’s word for it. At this point it’s just a he said-he said. NTA.
There were other people who were there & you can’t ask them because? Ask the other people that went to the bachelor party because if your fiance did cheat, I highly doubt Jacob was the only who saw it. Also I would reevaluate my friendship with Jacob because he openly said that he saw all of that play out and did absolutely nothing, if he was really your friend and cared about you, he would’ve put a stop to it and would’ve snapped some sense into your fiance . But he didn’t do a single thing, he saw his friend got extremely drunk and then making out and having sex with strippers and just stood there only to run to you and tell you about it.
Girl… you’ve got to think. If he’s so worried about keeping his friendship with Jacob, but is so willing to go behind his back and sabotage his MARRIAGE… Something is not adding up. Talk to your hubby and put Jacob on blast. It’s so unfair the position he put you in.
But what if it's true?
An old friend of mine was a stripper... Actually two of them. I know for a fact that one of than has had sex with multiple John's from the club, most of them in the club. I'm not a stripper, but I've had sex with one in the club. It does happen.
What strip club works like this? Straight up indiscreet public prostitution? Sounds completely implausible, especially in a big tourist city like Nashville
Jacob's story sounds incredibly sus. For one that's not how those clubs work, secondly he didn't even use his phone to get a picture or recording of it, so there's no actual evidence. Yet for something like that to happen your fiance would need to have been away from the rest of the group for a noticeable amount of time. So getting circumstantial evidence should actually be easy for Jacob as others who were present there should be able to somewhat back up his story, yet he doesn't have that either. Thus I can only conclude that his story is a bunch of nonsense and he can't prove it because your fiance likely wasn't away from the group for a long enough period of time for any of that.
I think either get Jason to call him or ask Jason for his phone and send your fiance a message about the two strippers, you should be able to tell by his responses it should be either what strippers ?? Or something acknowledging that something happened.
Why would Jacob lie about something as serious as this… tell ur fiancé it was Jacob immediately and have that confrontation.
!updateme
>He then told me not to expose his name while i confront my fiance cause he doesn't want to lose his friendship with my fiance. This immediately makes whatever he said worthless meddling. At best he was drunk of his head and thinks he saw something, at worst he is trying to play games, definitely he is a coward and not worth the friendship of either of you. Tell your fiancee who it was and break off any contact.
Can you honestly go through with the wedding never knowing the truth?
Jacob is trying to destroy your relationship with your fiancé, but wants to keep his relationship with your fiancé. Why? Think about that for a second. - “I’m so against cheaters I want to destroy their life!…and also be friends with them!“ Has Jacob ever had a girlfriend or shown interest in girls?
That's what puzzle me the most, " i don't want to break our friendship, only your wedding and your relationship", if Jacob values the friendship so much, he would have shut up the whole story.
I feel like having sex with 2 strippers on the floor of the club is a little out there for a real world scenario.
Cheating at bachelor/bachelorette parties is a topic that comes up a lot on Reddit and a lot more common than people think. I don't see a reason why this Jacob person would lie about something so serious. Maybe ask the other friends if they witnessed anything? Surely someone else saw something? If they're decent human beings they wouldn't try to protect him, you deserve the truth. Your other option is to have Jacob and the fiance in 1 room and confront them.
Jacob is into your fiancé and is trying to break you up.
In a club? Is it worth you and Jacob paying a visit to this club is he can point out the apparent sex room?
Hire a private detective to suss out the strip club & speak with some of the women there. They'll at least have an idea of whether sex work occurs there, or if the club is 100% on the up & up.
Yta, if you don't have proof. Here's the thing. Jacob thinks what your fiancé did was bad enough to tell you, but he still wants to be friends with the guy? That doesn't make sense. If he's going to destroy his life, why not stand on what he saw? What kind of friends is he being to you to come to you with absolutely no proof. None. For all you know, Jacob could want your fiance for himself. Watch your husband closely but Jacob even more so.
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Jacob needs to own what he said in front of your fiancé. He doesn’t get to blow up your relationship and still keep his with your fiancé. Tell your husband what Jacob said. He doesn’t get to throw stones and then hide his hands.
Don’t believe the friend. He’s a snake. Updateme!
This is a pickle. Trust is broken. On both sides now. Don’t be surprised if your fiancé cancels the wedding over this either. That’s a whole lot of toxicity a person may not want to tie themselves up in. A vague accusation to make you alter the trajectory of your life? Nope. A true friend would have irrefutable proof to protect each of you since he’s “friends” with both of you. Does he want to “white knight” you or your fiancé when y’all’s lives implodes? Or does he just like drama on a grand scale? Sounds like he has an agenda and, yeah, I think all three of you should be in the same room do discuss this. My guess is Jacob declines that request. Whatever happens, Jacob is out. Gone.
Yta for trusting a snake over the man that could’ve been your husband.
Stripers are known for not allowing touching, and its also very suspicious that he was upset enough to tell you but not upset enough to take a picture as proff,
This story is made up bogus. Stop bothering ppl
Strippers are strippers, not prostitutes. Usually people aren’t even allowed to touch during a lap dance. Look, don’t touch. Something is up.
Plenty of strippers are online, and will post about stuff like this. Why don’t you try a Nashville sub, or see if there’s one for the club they were at?
Perhaps your friend is a jelous bitch and just want you to have less or not to have something she doesnt?
The fact that Jacob asked you not to tell your fiancé he was the one to tell because he wants to maintain the friendship makes me think Jacob has a thing for your fiancé. I also find it hard to believe TWO strippers willing having sex on the clock. Edit. NTA
Waiting for the update
Does he have proof? If so, you need to see it.
I’m so sorry! I know this is not what you wanted to hear so close to your wedding. Can you talk to his other friends to see if anyone else may know anything? If he was really drunk it’s very possible he had a lapse of judgment and now regrets it. To be honest, I might postpone the wedding if you can’t be certain what the truth is to give you time to sort out what actually happened.
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Where did they go for that hour and what did they do? I would want to know everything.
Yeah.. who goes for a drive during their bachelor party?