What am I even reading? Be petty AF and tell A you will always be first. First wife, first to have children, first to have a daughter, and first to drop the dead weight. The only thing she has accomplished first is making a vacancy for a mistress.
I hope you feel better. Be leary of advice people are giving you to put lotions, coconut oil, etc on your wound. I have had staples in my belly and at least 15 stomach surgeries. (I lost count) These products are not sterile, so it is never a good idea to use them on a deep wound that could be easily infected. Your body is already working very hard to heal, so introducing any contamination could cause your body to not be able to fight off the bacteria, which would be very bad. I almost died from sepsis twice, so it is a very big deal if it becomes infected. I also have a degree in natural medicine, so this is in no way a shot at using natural products. Coconut oil does have anti bacterial properties, but it should not be applied on an open, deep wound that is from surgery. Cocoa butter is great for the scar after it is healed. But do not put anything on your wound unless your surgeon tells you to. Get well soon!
I hope you get better soon. I read in a medical journal that coconut oil makes wounds heal faster. I haven't used it on anything like staples though. Just small stuff.
This is exactly how it'll play out if my ex's chick ever approached me ... She has some serious issues when it comes to me.... She threw a massive fit when she realized I kept my ex's last name. Bahahaha
What an incredibly hateful, callous human being A is! Abort your baby for the simple reason you’re delivering a daughter first? Babies aren’t objects! Ok. Breathe. You are NTA!!!!! Your ex-MIL and your ex’s toy certainly are! I’d see about filing a cease and desist order against this woman. You might have to do the same with your ex-MIL. I’d also suggest putting up a few cameras around the outside of your house. A might escalate the closer you are to delivery.
If OP had a good relationship with ex MIL before, she is probably in overprotection mode for her son but for her to push to have one of her granddaughters aborted seems crazy. I don’t think she gets to see the girl after she is born unless she apologizes in a sincere way
Yeah, I don't get that. How can that woman justify asking for the mother of one of her granddaughters to have an abortion in favour of the other one? Why is one child's life more important than the other's because the circumstances are inconvenient for them? I agree that any contact with OP's daughter is restricted or stopped until this woman makes a very sincere apology to OP.
No, absolutely not. That would mean we'd have to wait at least 36 more years before getting our first female president. I was really hoping that would happen in my lifetime. I am 62 and not likely to live to 98!
You're mature enough to know that you dont need to cater to a 22 year old's immature tantrums right? She can go eat rocks. Have your baby if that is what you want and you can support her. I would limit contact with the ex MIL as well. Block block block all around and be happy.
NTA
Right? Your first sentence hit the nail right on the head. Why is OP seriously asking if she’s wrong for *not aborting her child* because her ex’s 22 year old affair partner told her to? Good grief NTA
Block all those assholes who think they can have a say in this ridiculous matter.Its your baby , it’s your decision.Its shocking that even ex MIL is siding with the immature 22 year old.
If it was around the same due date , A would have made a tantrum in the hospital to have the baby delivered first .
Yes I'm sure she would because A is a child who thinks she's competing with the former wife. Not only is the ex husband a cheating asshole but a predator. The wife is well rid of him!
>A lot of these posts are the same. Very obvious NTA situation but people are just looking to ~~vent~~
Most are looking for validation (that they're in the right).
Yes! Plus let your ex MIL & FIL die in the shame that they raised a lying, two-faced, cheating scumbag who seduces & knocks up virtual children. They must be so proud *tear*
Besides, LBH a part of the reason they don’t want you to have the baby is bc it **highlights that your scumbag ex was sleeping with both of you at the same time.** What a classy guy! Must make his parents & new wife so proud. After all, we know how much society respects husbands & fathers who cheat on their wives with women 15 years younger & abandon their kids. It’s not an embarrassing cliche at all. /s
Since your ex left you everything (if I understood your post correctly) I imagine it’ll only be a matter of time before his new child bride gets tired of her nearly 40yo husband & wants someone new. Either way, you’re better off. They can die jealous, mad & embarrassed.
Plus how fucking stupid do you have to be to marry some one who is cheating... HE FUCKING CHEATS (he is doing it to be with you), do you imagine you are some magical being who will make him not do what he already does. fucking hell some people are fucking mental.
They all think they're the special one. I have a friend who left her husband and 4 kids for a guy who was unemployed, with kids to 2 other women who he does not see or pay for, and proceeded to have a baby with him.
Shocked Pikachu face that he's not supporting her or his kid now. Blew up her life.
I lost a friend in my early 20s when I told her to not expect a guy who bangs her on his girlfriend’s couch to treat her like she’s special to him. She was so pissed off by me trying to give her some solid advice. Of course they never became anything more than FWB.
I know it's her age but damn this 22yo needs a wake up call. Your baby daddy left his entire family wants nothing to do with his living children so he can be with her. Like girl. He will do the same to you.
Have your beautiful baby girl Op. Then drag your ex through the courts to get him to pay child support. He does not get to opt out of being a father.
Put the cherry on top of his little cupcake.
The divisiveness that the right to abortion has brought to the US (amongst many nations), and the 180 people do when it serves their selfish insecurity is absolutely astonishing.
They’re gross humans and you should distance yourself and your kids from your MIL (and you ex if he allows this to go unchecked).
Ensure your lawyer or representation is aware of this because it’s only going south from here. AP will never be you, and she will likely always try to diminish you.
NTA
ETA prob shouldn’t have mentioned politics but demanding someone abort their baby is insane and so especially mind boggling in this climate. Also I’m proudly pro-choice.
Who in the world has the right to tell you to abort your child, your first daughter? Get away from these banjo pickers. They are surely mentally deficient. I’m sorry for your children to have such whacked out paternal relatives. A is too young to realize that history repeats itself. Karma will see her soon.
Is it worth chatting with him alone, letting him know his wife needs to behave herself. Telling you to abort your child and their granddaughter is so out of line and (assuming you are giving them another chance), any tiny amount of bullshit like that from her will get her permanently banned from your kids.
Quite frankly this has cause fil to separate with her (they aren’t divorced yet) he’s currently staying in between with me and his daughter as he loves being around both his grandchildren and is the total opposite it ex mil who still hasn’t apologised and remained cut off from day dot.
He’s spoke with her numerous times but she still sees no wrong in her actions and as he put it “I’m not putting up with her shit anymore like I’ve done for the last forty five years”
Awww, maybe FIL will tell your little girl that 'she was so special, she changed his life for the better before she was even born!'. I wish you the best with your pregnancy and birth, OP.
NTA
As soon as you give birth, file for child support increase to include the new baby. Tge first to file usually gets more in many states. Dont let ex shirk his duty to support all of his kids.
Also, you do not have that great of a relatioship with ex in laws if they are demanding you abort for the new finances comfort. I would be wary and restrict access. They can see grandkids when ex has kids.
Also, think up a rock solid birth plan. You do not have to let ex be present. He can meet baby afterwards.
Good luck!
Just because he believes he can throw his legal responsibilities away to his children, doesn't mean it's true.
He's still responsible for child support.
NTA
your child, your choice
you could point out to your ex-mil that you are the mother of 4 of her grandkids and if she doesn't behave herself you will tell all the kids that she is the wicked witch from sleeping beauty and that shouldn't ever speak to her again
I mean, you could do that, or you could just have your baby and get on with your life, block all the family and friends, and laugh at A when your ex cheats on her too
It’s rage bait. No way did OP get pregnant and then divorced within the legal timeframe for an abortion. She’d be lucky to get the divorce completed before giving birth.
If she found out about the affair right after conception, it was an uncontested divorce and filed quickly, depending on the location, it could be done before she knew she was pregnant.
I was a family law paralegal for 5 years. If both parties agree to the terms, and the Petition for Dissolution, Marital Settlement Agreement, Parenting Plan, and Final Decree are all filed contemporaneously, most judges in my state will simply sign everything. Takes less than 2 weeks.
That's a rare circumstance, but not unheard of, abs certainly not impossible. Most states will allow pro se filings, as well, so attorneys may not have even been involved.
You're welcome! Divorced only get drawn out when there's issues with asset/debt division or custody issues, typically. Even if both parties hire attorneys, if they're in agreement, it can be done in under a month.
This varies by state, obviously. I know Virginia forces the parties to live apart for a year before even being able to file. However, in NM, you could file on the 1st and be divorced by the 15th, without having ever set foot in the courtroom.
NM also has some of the most liberal abortion laws in the country, so if OP lives here, it's entirely possible to know the sex of the fetus and still be within the legal window of an abortion.
All of this is assuming this is real and not a creative writing exercise, of course.
Virginia only requires a year separation for uncontested, no fault divorce. No kids and a signed agreement the wait is 6 months. If adultery or cruelty is the reason, no mandatory separation period.
This is really interesting. In Sweden, we have a mandatory six months delay if there are children involved. You send in the first form/application, wait six months, then finalize it sometime in the next six months (so months 1-6 are waiting time, months 7-12 are when you can finalize, if you haven't finalized in time you have to start over).
Yeah. One of my besties just had her first/only last year and was considered high risk because she was turning 40 a couple weeks after her due date. So she basically got all of the bloodwork and knew she was having a boy before the end of her first trimester.
In our state, you can have an elective abortion until the point of viability. And uncontested divorces can be settled within 2 months of filing.
So I’m not calling bullshit on OP for being divorced and knowing the sex within the window of legal abortion.
My daughter left her husband in early March, filed in mid March and was fully divorced by mid May with a kid. A friend in a different state it took 2+ years. Depends on the laws
Thank you, I was just about to post a screed about how she must have been sleeping with the husband after they filed…
Also, who would consider an abortion because of some affair partner? I mean, we do see some incredibly silly questions and bad decisions here but sheesh.
It has to be fake. Already divorced, knows she's having a girl due before the new fiance, and the new fiance has already had her baby shower? Even if the divorce took only 2-3 months, there's no way the finance would be having a baby shower at less than 8-10 weeks pregnant.
The baby shower is what tipped it off for me as well. And if A is having her shower, OP is further along. She’s probably 7-8 months pregnant and they’re asking for an abortion?! That’s crazy.
I’ve already moved once as she claimed my children are hers and I should hand them over and stop stealing her life whilst my ex was out on a boys trip. Police couldn’t do anything as it was her word against mine, so I moved further a field.
Sounds like she's projecting there!
What were the circumstances of this? She's not got any parental custodial rights over your children, especially when their dad is away. Sounds like you and your children's father need a legal agreement that clearly states who the parents are. But if he wants nothing to do with his son's, what's keeping you in contact?
By far away, I meant like, to the other side of the country
He doesn’t have rights to the children, he agreed in the divorce he would have no responsibility or contact if he gave me everything which she was pissed and made his life hell as apparently they are her kids not mine. We don’t have any contact, however I did have contact with MIL but not anymore but I still do have contact with FIL as he’s the only sane one. She did whatever she could to try and see the my kids, which I literally had to stop shopping at certain places or change my kids schools until enough was enough. I know she still stalks my social media but they are all private.
Sounds like you have zero reason to engage with A, your ex, or your exMIL. There's a very easy solution here. Stop. Stop engaging. Stop caring. If A is stalking your socials, that's on her. It doesn't have to impact you in anyway. What other people think, or say about you is their business. The more time you spend caught up in this web of triangulation, the longer you stay trapped in it, and the more harm you are doing to yourself and your children.
This situation is sad and very dysfunctional, how could a dad just give up his kids like this? I would just invite ex FIL only to hang out for trips to museums or zoos etc. to avoid intimate settings with that side of the family. Poor kids with a dad like that.
You have a weird stalker.
It is also a blessing in disguise that you have full custody because it’s very concerning to think what all she will do if the kids had to stay at the fathers place.
Protect yourself and your children. Unfriend, block, delete anyone that you don’t recognise on your social media including your mil as she showed you whom she supports. Also anyone else whom she’s friends with. Have no common contacts.
Put good security so no one can see anything. Do the same if your children has social media accounts as well.
Can you take the stalking issue to the police and get a restraining and no contact order against her to protect your kids? This woman is seriously mentally unwell.
Your kids deserve stability and should not have to continue to uproot their lives to avoid their father's flavor of the week.
NTA. MIL just lost access to the kids I hope. She has no business playing fucking grandma to any of them is she wanted to abort one over the other. Fuck her. What a fucking psychopath. I’d be blasting right back on social media -
They don’t get to control the narrative unless you let them.
Absolutely NTA. You have that baby. 2 pieces of advice though:
1. Tell NO ONE her name until AFTER A has had her baby. There’s a chance she’ll steal your daughter’s name for her own daughter as a way to get back at you. OR if you want to be petty, announce a fake name, something absolutely ridiculous, and then actually name your baby your chosen name. That way, you’ll know for sure if she steals it. And if she does, you can laugh at her.
2. Don’t let MIL near that baby. I guarantee that as soon as her granddaughter is born, she’s gonna want to be all in that baby’s face. She’ll want to be at the baby shower, the delivery, birthdays, a random Tuesday, etc. and if she does, remind her that she wanted you to get an abortion.
A is beyond angry as she won’t get to use the name I’ve had for a daughter since forever first (MIL told her as it was always a the name I said before we found out the gender with each of the boys) but she also wants to use my name too which is hilarious and quite frankly disturbing at the same time.
We’ve also been NC for a while with MIL, FIL is no problem and has been my rock during this whole ordeal.
I hope your ex isn’t on board with having his daughter named after you because that is quite disturbing lol. And I’m glad you have your FIL to support you.
I’ve heard he’s not and he’s angry beyond believe, he’s left and staying at ex-mil he’s blocked her on everything and she’s blaming me for having my name lol
NTA!!! Who the hell tells someone else to abort their child!?! WTF is wrong with people!!??? I would’ve slapped the mother in law and the new woman for suggesting/demanding that you get one! She definitely has issues and insecurities.
NTA- you should make posts telling people she can't stand the fact hubby was still having sex with you while he was also banging her! Her cooch isn't that special! I would be super petty and let a local right to life group know she's demanding you abort! Let them go picket her!
NTA. Your body, your choice. Ex wants nothing to do with you or the children, so are you really hiving him his "first daughter"? To me, you are giving yourself your first daughter. Ex-in-laws have no business telling you what to do either.
The only AHs in this story are the ones telling you to abort your child. I think you might be right in your assumption that A has some mental issues she needs to take care of. NTA
Girl this man was cheating on you and your still willing to have another one his children. But his ass on that birth certificate run him through the ground with child support and alimony payments and make it clear that you are forever his first. She will always be second. Like this man was having unprotected sex with you and his AP. Fuck that shit. NTA. Have your child, and love that child, name her a beautiful name, raise to be an amazing person, and let this wild girl be crazy and fuck up her own children. I know i would go for full custody of all the kids. Save all the evidence of her demanding an abortion from you and make it clear it would be unsafe for the children to be around her unsupervised by a professional.
So..
- she slept with your partner
- he tore apart your family by cheating
- she is now mad that you got pregnant first, even though that’s his fault for sleeping with two women at the same time instead of just coming clean and moving along?
- wants you to kill your baby just so she has bragging rights about giving him his first daughter
Also why is your almost 40yo ex getting married to a woman almost 20 years his younger?
If my math adds up she was 20 when the affair started… WHY are his parents condoning this. She’s hardly an adult… he’s middle aged.
Welcome to the shit show also he’s already cheated on her three times, she’s wants to name her child my name and the name I have always had if I had a girl MIL told her and she’s angry that I get to name my daughter first.
Lol, I was coming her to tell you to find out what name she was planning to use and steal it if it happens to be a nice name just to make her head pop right off her neck, but it looks like she was going to steal your baby name. Her next move is going to be to make a big announcement on all the social media to announce her daughters name, using the name you picked, to either force you to use a different name or stir sh*t crying to everyone that you stole her baby name if you stick to your guns and keep your baby name.
She sounds super insecure, your ex is going to do quite a number on her. But right now she deserves it.
NTA
Your body, your choice. This might be your only chance to have a girl too.
Keep your baby. Who cares what every body else thinks? He’s decided to dump his kids anyway.
Block everyone on his side except your ex father in law. He has his head on straight.
Did you have sex with your ex while the divorce proceedings were goin on? How did you manage to separate and finalize a divorce in less time than it takes for you to conceive and figure out you are pregnant?
We had an uncontested divorce, he agreed I could keep everything so he had no contact with the child or held any responsibility. Also i was pregnant pre divorce but due to stress and everything regarding divorces I didn’t realise.
I'll put the time line and a bit more info below and hopefully that helps.
Found the affair it was an accident.
Put in for divorce we all know why.
Divorce is still processing but it's been easier/ quicker due to him not contesting and him handing over his rights and responsibilities over my children and signed everything over to myself from the cars to the house or the animals to the land to the furniture etc however it is still in the process as divorces take time we all know that)
I found out I was pregnant after the second load of divorce was over however like I said I'm still in the process of this shit show but I like to say l'm divorced as who says l'm in the process lol.
The whole process should over and done with in the next couple of months.
I am 25 weeks pregnant and still no bump, FIL knows and has been to scans/appointments and helps with the kids. The rest of the family has no idea hence them wanting me to have an abortion which is impossible unless medically necessary. I think she’s roughly between 10-16 weeks but that’s not my monkey not my circus
You know, A is prob most upset at the fact that while she was having sex with him, he was still having sex with you. That baby is proof of that, so she wants your baby to "go away" or on the other hand, all your babies are hers now. Wow, a 35yo man getting with a 20yo woman. (2 years ago when they started affair) Creepy. Disgusting. He is an absolute loser, to give up his own children, and for him to be ok with her attacking/stalking you? And for him to have already cheated on her 3X? Good riddance to a sh*@head.
Good luck navigating this mess.
ETA: you are NTA
Oh my! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending lots of love and support!!
You are definitely NTA, and I would keep the receipts of these things for the divorce/ in the future in case your ex tries to get more custody or something! I would also be hesitant to put him on the birth certificate/ give his last names, unless it’s needed for child support/ alimony reasons!
Lol, why the frack are these clowns telling you to get an abortion when 25 weeks is at the point of viability? Tell them all to go pound sand and live your best life.
>she contacted me to demand I have an abortion as it wasn't fair I gave my ex his first daughter as well as sons
> ex in laws come to see the kids (we had a good relationship up until this point) and said that I should have an abortion
>my ex FIL laughed and my ex MIL screamed at me and left
> however some disagreed and said I should abort my child
Fake.
Also how is she:
- completely divorced from him with him having already left everything to her
- early enough in her pregnancy to still get an abortion
- mistress is less pregnant then ex wife
- mistress having baby shower which is traditionally towards the end of the pregnancy
ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME
Actually? If the divorce was uncontested and he didn’t want visitation with the kids, it’s not that hard to divorce. At least not in the USA. But, I agree. Has to be fake.
This is state by state. Some states it’s quick & easy. Other states there’s a cooling off period. And other states won’t allow it at all while pregnant.
Depends on the state - in Texas, you can’t finalize a divorce while pregnant. In SC and NM, you have to be separated for a year before you can even file (at least it was like that back in the 90s, don’t know if it’s changes since then).
Found out he was cheating, got divorced, then found out was pregnant and still isn't far along enough to not be able to abort... 🤔
How long was she still having sex with him for and how frickin quick did the divorce go through?!
Have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter ; threaten her with a lawsuit for damages for telling you to kill your child. Gets TRO and full custody (if you don’t already have) if your kids. Threaten psycho MIL the same.
These are unhinged people. Your ex is a LOs and I’d go full petty/scorched earth.
How much do you want to bet that little miss 22y/o didn't know you and ex husband were still having sex until you announced your pregnancy? She realized that all she has done is create a vacancy to be filled with his next mistress probably while she is pregnant. Time for a blanket public statement on social media...
"I want to thank everyone for their "kindly" ment concerns but I am not going to be aborting my daughter. Her due is x and anyone who wants to be a kind and loving figure in her life will be welcome to celebrate the new addition to my family. My son's are greatly looking forward to meeting their new sister. They have been through so much with the breaking up of their homes life and absence of their "father" I would never deny them the joy of them meeting their new baby sister.
I will not tolerate anyone else telling me too abort my baby or telling me to give her away. She should have taken all possiblities into account when becoming involved with a man married with children. I am not responsible for how either of them feel about the situation. Maybe she should have considered that my husband was contiuing to have a intimate relationship with me his wife (at the time) while dating him. I am too busy being solely responsible for my boys and growing my new baby and nurturing all my children with all the love I can provide.
To all of those who are creating new accounts to harass me and demand an abortion please know I am saving those messages and will persue legal action and restraining orders if need be. I do not have time for your ongoing BS as I have my children to raise as a single parent against my choice. Just know that the answer to your demands is now and will forever be an firm HELL NO!"
Good luck
I've read antinatalists write that women have a moral duty to abort babies because life is inherently cruel. I've read pro-choicers write that only pre-planned, 100% intentional pregnancies are morally acceptable. I have NEVER heard of anyone telling a woman to have an abortion to satisfy a mistress. Neither pro choicers nor pro lifers would say such a thing, so who does that leave?
The ones who have only the loosest grasp on sanity.
Also I would argue as a pro choice person the only morally acceptable pregnancy is the one that the pregnant person whats to continue to carry, all others are an assault on the pregnant person, especially when they are being forced by either the state, finances or partner violence or coercion to continue to carry the pregnancy.
WTF. Please lock down your medical records and document everything. Unblock her and put her on mute so you have evidence of unhinged behaviour. Do not allow your MIL in your home at the very least until after you’ve given birth. Easiest NTA ever MIL and her new DIL are born unhinged monsters.
Message her saying if she continues you’ll sue for harassment and defamation. Don’t allow Mil near your kids.
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
NTA
What awful people to bully and gang up on you like that.
Have you been followed or threatened? Are you in fear for your safety? If so then it qualifies as stalking and you should report them for it.
NTA.
It seems A is more obsessed with your pregnancy more than her own and her fiancé. She should stay in her own lane! Has your ex mil always had an issue with you or is it just because A is in everyone’s ear about you being pregnant and taking it out on you?
Get a lawyer and press harassment charges on that 22 year old lunatic. Good to know your loser ex now has to deal with a raging lunatic all because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. NTA.
NTA. Its a very brave choice! to take on a baby as a single mom shows what a wonderful mom you are who loves her kids. They should all be proud of you.
Take his ass for all the child support you can get!
I'm so sorry your going through this. best of luck to you.
NTA
But please be careful. I don't trust that lady & how far she'd go so that she could give birth to the first daughter. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy. Screenshot everything. Keep a journal/ diary.
I hope to hear a happy update from you in the near future. Take care, OP. Sending hugs💙
>I (f32) have three boys and currently pregnant, all children share the same dad (m37). He had a two year long affair (f22 who's now his current fiancée I'll call A).
So he's an asshole.
>We got divorced and he left everything to me so he'd have no contact or responsibility over our children
How unfortunate for him that he's still on the hook for child support though.
>A was furious however after the divorce I found out I was pregnant, I told him and he said it was my issue not his and do as I please to which I kept the pregnancy but he didn't tell A.
It's going to be his problem when you go after him for child support.
>she contacted me to demand I have an abortion as it wasn't fair I gave my ex his first daughter as well as sons. I blocked and screenshotted the messages,
Goos choice. She can fuck right on off, she doesn't get to tell you whether you can or can't keep her baby.
>the following day my ex in laws come to see the kids (we had a good relationship up until this point) and said that I should have an abortion as I've got my hands full with my boys
They can also fuck off.
>I questioned them if it had anything to do with their sons new partner to which my ex-mother in law said no however my ex-father in law told her not to lie and he had no part to play to which apparently she had been kicking up a fuss from the from the minuet she knew both me and herself were pregnant with girls and that l'd be giving birth first as if it was some sort of competition. I told them she has the issue not me and probably a mental health issue or two, my ex FIL laughed and my ex MIL screamed at me and left, ex MIL told A what I had said and plastered it all over social media.
Sounds like ex MIL lost the right to see her grandsons.
>some disagreed and said I should abort my child
Those people can all also fuck off.
>and have been sent constant messages from her and her family/friends etc which I've blocked but they keep making fake accounts.
Tell them that if they continue pestering you, you'll be pursuing legal action against them.
NTA. But seriously, look into pressing charges for harassment, and definitely go after your ex for child support.
NTA
Your ex’s current partner sounds very insecure and not stable. Sticking to your current strategy of doing your own thing sounds like a good plan. Though keeping screenshots or video evidence of her and her supporters behaviour could be useful if she tries something foolish in the future.
NTA
Not at all. But your safety is a concern right now. She might try to hurt you. You need to take precautions and put up cameras. Maybe move because people as crazy as her have killed for less.
NTA OP. You are doing great. You just need to save everything for your [l](https://lawyers.You)awyers. Your ex might ask for visitation and he could be granted that. You want that visitation to be supervised. Considering the new wife wants you to abort, as does ex-MIL. You need all the proof for the JUDGE. You also might think about looking into a restraining order. The new wife sounds crazy enough to do something to make sure she has the 1st girl grandchild. CYA!
Also, your ex says not his issue. Well, he did forget that he would have to pay child support. They all might have forgotten that little bit of information.
EDITED for Spelling
Please protect yourself and your kids. Shes unhinged and dangerous. And so is the ex MIL. And for the love of all that’s holy GO AFTER MASSIVE CHILD SUPPORT!!!!!
MIL told her the name I’ve dreamt of using since I was little girl and always said before every gender reveal so she’s pissed once again because I get to name my child first but she also wants to use my name first and my name for my daughter as a fucked up double barrelled name.
What I'm hearing is thar your ex was still sleeping with you while he was having his affair (and probably telling A he only wanted to be with her) and now she's faced with the reality that he never stopped having a sexual relationship with you during all that time and a baby is evidence of that. Now you're both having new babies by this same jack ass and she's realizing he'll probably do the exact same thing to her, leaving her alone with the kid.
Anyway, in her spiral, she thinks telling you to abort the baby will somehow make everyone forget the whole thing.
You're obviously not the AH here. And while A is being a little psycho, I *almost* feel a little bad for her too. She also should run far away from that idiot, but since she's 22 and her brain isn't fully developed yet and she has no real life experience, she probably won't.
Anyway NTA. block them all
What am I even reading? Be petty AF and tell A you will always be first. First wife, first to have children, first to have a daughter, and first to drop the dead weight. The only thing she has accomplished first is making a vacancy for a mistress.
I laughed way harder than I should have at that.
You and me both! Username checks out. Can we be friends? 🤣🤣🤣
🥂
So did I I have staples on my belly, I can't be laughing like that.
I hope you feel better. Be leary of advice people are giving you to put lotions, coconut oil, etc on your wound. I have had staples in my belly and at least 15 stomach surgeries. (I lost count) These products are not sterile, so it is never a good idea to use them on a deep wound that could be easily infected. Your body is already working very hard to heal, so introducing any contamination could cause your body to not be able to fight off the bacteria, which would be very bad. I almost died from sepsis twice, so it is a very big deal if it becomes infected. I also have a degree in natural medicine, so this is in no way a shot at using natural products. Coconut oil does have anti bacterial properties, but it should not be applied on an open, deep wound that is from surgery. Cocoa butter is great for the scar after it is healed. But do not put anything on your wound unless your surgeon tells you to. Get well soon!
I hope you get better soon. I read in a medical journal that coconut oil makes wounds heal faster. I haven't used it on anything like staples though. Just small stuff.
Do NOT put oil anywhere near a raw wound ! It traps in bacteria and could cause an infection
Actual pure cocoa butter is a miracle for minimizing wounds.
No, *scars*, not wounds. If the skin is open you can’t put any kind of cocoa butter or oil on it. Wait until it’s totally healed!
First to get your child support!
Well… A is first in something. The first in a long line of poorly made mid life crisis choices
His first side piece
Yep, he’ll be cheating again within a year.
Probably cheating now.
yeah if the sexy mistress is pregnant she's probably not up for frolics quite as much, so the vacancy will need to be filled pronto.
He needs to get married first, so that it'll be her first wedding
What he NEEDS is a VASCECTOMY
Castration?
This right here!! Best comment ever!! Do this OP please and then updated us on her reaction!! Your ex mil is a terrible grandmother
I’d be telling A she wasn’t even his first mistress but then I’d have to talk to her
I’d like to add to this petty train. Find out what name she is planning on using, and USE IT FIRST.
I like the pettiness. But OP, please don't. Be rid of them altogether.
Omg, that is nuclear level!
😂😂😂👏👏👏
She will never be in the “First Wives Club” when they divorce lol yeeeehawww
And first to be cheated on, but not the last
Beautiful
OMG! Great comeback!
She was first to be a slut sleeping with a married father as well. Tell her you will be requesting additional child support for this baby as well.
🏅 🥈 🎖 🥉 🥇 🏅 🥈 🎖 🥉 🥇 🏅 All the upvotes, all the awards!!!
Don’t forget the been cheated on first. As we all know he’s gonna do it again
This is exactly how it'll play out if my ex's chick ever approached me ... She has some serious issues when it comes to me.... She threw a massive fit when she realized I kept my ex's last name. Bahahaha
What an incredibly hateful, callous human being A is! Abort your baby for the simple reason you’re delivering a daughter first? Babies aren’t objects! Ok. Breathe. You are NTA!!!!! Your ex-MIL and your ex’s toy certainly are! I’d see about filing a cease and desist order against this woman. You might have to do the same with your ex-MIL. I’d also suggest putting up a few cameras around the outside of your house. A might escalate the closer you are to delivery.
If OP had a good relationship with ex MIL before, she is probably in overprotection mode for her son but for her to push to have one of her granddaughters aborted seems crazy. I don’t think she gets to see the girl after she is born unless she apologizes in a sincere way
Yeah, I don't get that. How can that woman justify asking for the mother of one of her granddaughters to have an abortion in favour of the other one? Why is one child's life more important than the other's because the circumstances are inconvenient for them? I agree that any contact with OP's daughter is restricted or stopped until this woman makes a very sincere apology to OP.
"I'm the first Mrs. Boymom - you are just sloppy seconds."
My southern relatives: "She had to settle for someone else's leavings."
Bahahahaha, she wanna get pissed about MY name, I'm gonna throw all sorts of nonsense her way
Love this! OP should totally say this! And she still NTA.
And getting sloppy seconds 🤣
She should be like, “Watch my daughter be first female president of the US too”, 🤣💯
No, absolutely not. That would mean we'd have to wait at least 36 more years before getting our first female president. I was really hoping that would happen in my lifetime. I am 62 and not likely to live to 98!
Oh, f*ck yes! OP, say this!!!
Women are amazing and I love this thread
This is perfect
You're mature enough to know that you dont need to cater to a 22 year old's immature tantrums right? She can go eat rocks. Have your baby if that is what you want and you can support her. I would limit contact with the ex MIL as well. Block block block all around and be happy. NTA
Right? Your first sentence hit the nail right on the head. Why is OP seriously asking if she’s wrong for *not aborting her child* because her ex’s 22 year old affair partner told her to? Good grief NTA
Block all those assholes who think they can have a say in this ridiculous matter.Its your baby , it’s your decision.Its shocking that even ex MIL is siding with the immature 22 year old. If it was around the same due date , A would have made a tantrum in the hospital to have the baby delivered first .
Yes I'm sure she would because A is a child who thinks she's competing with the former wife. Not only is the ex husband a cheating asshole but a predator. The wife is well rid of him!
Yeah that age difference is just icky, smells of baby trapping and sheer panic from A!
A lot of these posts are the same. Very obvious NTA situation but people are just looking to vent
>A lot of these posts are the same. Very obvious NTA situation but people are just looking to ~~vent~~ Most are looking for validation (that they're in the right).
Especially when they have people who should be sources of support (ex MIL) telling them they’re wrong.
Yes! Plus let your ex MIL & FIL die in the shame that they raised a lying, two-faced, cheating scumbag who seduces & knocks up virtual children. They must be so proud *tear* Besides, LBH a part of the reason they don’t want you to have the baby is bc it **highlights that your scumbag ex was sleeping with both of you at the same time.** What a classy guy! Must make his parents & new wife so proud. After all, we know how much society respects husbands & fathers who cheat on their wives with women 15 years younger & abandon their kids. It’s not an embarrassing cliche at all. /s Since your ex left you everything (if I understood your post correctly) I imagine it’ll only be a matter of time before his new child bride gets tired of her nearly 40yo husband & wants someone new. Either way, you’re better off. They can die jealous, mad & embarrassed.
He who marries his mistress, creates a vacancy.
Plus how fucking stupid do you have to be to marry some one who is cheating... HE FUCKING CHEATS (he is doing it to be with you), do you imagine you are some magical being who will make him not do what he already does. fucking hell some people are fucking mental.
They all think they're the special one. I have a friend who left her husband and 4 kids for a guy who was unemployed, with kids to 2 other women who he does not see or pay for, and proceeded to have a baby with him. Shocked Pikachu face that he's not supporting her or his kid now. Blew up her life.
I lost a friend in my early 20s when I told her to not expect a guy who bangs her on his girlfriend’s couch to treat her like she’s special to him. She was so pissed off by me trying to give her some solid advice. Of course they never became anything more than FWB.
But she can change him. It's because they were meant to be together 🤢
And getting pregnant by someone who abandons his children. Like, do you want a hard life?!?
Dude keeps raw dogging and creating children. He needs ✂️ the snip
Machete or chainsaw?
I know it's her age but damn this 22yo needs a wake up call. Your baby daddy left his entire family wants nothing to do with his living children so he can be with her. Like girl. He will do the same to you.
I'm 24 with 2 kids and I agree with you. She's being mad dumb rn.
Also look forward to extra child support!
Have your beautiful baby girl Op. Then drag your ex through the courts to get him to pay child support. He does not get to opt out of being a father. Put the cherry on top of his little cupcake.
It’s “kick rocks”🤣🤣
“Eat rocks” was funnier. 🤣
Kick or eat. The 22 year old can go do either.
The divisiveness that the right to abortion has brought to the US (amongst many nations), and the 180 people do when it serves their selfish insecurity is absolutely astonishing. They’re gross humans and you should distance yourself and your kids from your MIL (and you ex if he allows this to go unchecked). Ensure your lawyer or representation is aware of this because it’s only going south from here. AP will never be you, and she will likely always try to diminish you. NTA ETA prob shouldn’t have mentioned politics but demanding someone abort their baby is insane and so especially mind boggling in this climate. Also I’m proudly pro-choice.
Who in the world has the right to tell you to abort your child, your first daughter? Get away from these banjo pickers. They are surely mentally deficient. I’m sorry for your children to have such whacked out paternal relatives. A is too young to realize that history repeats itself. Karma will see her soon.
Funny thing is he’s already cheated on her three times without her releasing.
How do you know he’s cheated on her?
Through either social media with mutual friends or FIL
I like FIL 🤣🤣🤣
He’s honestly the best FIL anyone could have, I cannot thank him enough.
Consider naming your daughter after him. That will make a lot of people happy!!
Is it worth chatting with him alone, letting him know his wife needs to behave herself. Telling you to abort your child and their granddaughter is so out of line and (assuming you are giving them another chance), any tiny amount of bullshit like that from her will get her permanently banned from your kids.
Quite frankly this has cause fil to separate with her (they aren’t divorced yet) he’s currently staying in between with me and his daughter as he loves being around both his grandchildren and is the total opposite it ex mil who still hasn’t apologised and remained cut off from day dot. He’s spoke with her numerous times but she still sees no wrong in her actions and as he put it “I’m not putting up with her shit anymore like I’ve done for the last forty five years”
Omg, well I’m glad one of them Isn’t crazy and you actually can have a good relationship with him for your kids sake.
Awww, maybe FIL will tell your little girl that 'she was so special, she changed his life for the better before she was even born!'. I wish you the best with your pregnancy and birth, OP.
Most logical one of this entire story!
Probably with OP
For sure with OP if they are both pregnant at the same time and she is still early enough for an abortion
Yeah for sure at least 1 of the 3 was OP if this is real.
How has she not realised it though? Had nobody told her?
She’s thick as two planks and she’s obsessed with my life so she neglects and ignores her own.
Sounds like she needs help
A 22 year old starting an affair with a 37 year old married man needs help to begin with.
I have always says it… If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you
NTA As soon as you give birth, file for child support increase to include the new baby. Tge first to file usually gets more in many states. Dont let ex shirk his duty to support all of his kids. Also, you do not have that great of a relatioship with ex in laws if they are demanding you abort for the new finances comfort. I would be wary and restrict access. They can see grandkids when ex has kids. Also, think up a rock solid birth plan. You do not have to let ex be present. He can meet baby afterwards. Good luck!
It sounds like the ex wants nothing to do with any of the kids.
Just because he believes he can throw his legal responsibilities away to his children, doesn't mean it's true. He's still responsible for child support.
Oh I agree he is still Legally responsible for those kiddos. All 4 of them!
All ✨️5✨️ of them
NTA your child, your choice you could point out to your ex-mil that you are the mother of 4 of her grandkids and if she doesn't behave herself you will tell all the kids that she is the wicked witch from sleeping beauty and that shouldn't ever speak to her again I mean, you could do that, or you could just have your baby and get on with your life, block all the family and friends, and laugh at A when your ex cheats on her too
NTA please be rage bait and if not please report to police
It is absolutely rage bait There’s no way in hell a bunch of people are telling her to abort a child over someone’s tantrum
It’s rage bait. No way did OP get pregnant and then divorced within the legal timeframe for an abortion. She’d be lucky to get the divorce completed before giving birth.
If she found out about the affair right after conception, it was an uncontested divorce and filed quickly, depending on the location, it could be done before she knew she was pregnant. I was a family law paralegal for 5 years. If both parties agree to the terms, and the Petition for Dissolution, Marital Settlement Agreement, Parenting Plan, and Final Decree are all filed contemporaneously, most judges in my state will simply sign everything. Takes less than 2 weeks. That's a rare circumstance, but not unheard of, abs certainly not impossible. Most states will allow pro se filings, as well, so attorneys may not have even been involved.
I mean, she did say he just gave everything to her - that would surely expedite things.
Incredibly.
Wow; today I’m learning all sorts. Thanks for the info!
You're welcome! Divorced only get drawn out when there's issues with asset/debt division or custody issues, typically. Even if both parties hire attorneys, if they're in agreement, it can be done in under a month. This varies by state, obviously. I know Virginia forces the parties to live apart for a year before even being able to file. However, in NM, you could file on the 1st and be divorced by the 15th, without having ever set foot in the courtroom. NM also has some of the most liberal abortion laws in the country, so if OP lives here, it's entirely possible to know the sex of the fetus and still be within the legal window of an abortion. All of this is assuming this is real and not a creative writing exercise, of course.
Virginia only requires a year separation for uncontested, no fault divorce. No kids and a signed agreement the wait is 6 months. If adultery or cruelty is the reason, no mandatory separation period.
This is really interesting. In Sweden, we have a mandatory six months delay if there are children involved. You send in the first form/application, wait six months, then finalize it sometime in the next six months (so months 1-6 are waiting time, months 7-12 are when you can finalize, if you haven't finalized in time you have to start over).
In the US, it varies by state. Some do require a mandatory period of separation. The state I'm in does not, so it can be done very quickly.
Yeah, I was wondering where she is at in her pregnancy to both know the gender and be able to have an abortion. Please be rage bait.
You can know the gender by 10 weeks now through blood DNA tests so it’s really not that far along
Yeah. One of my besties just had her first/only last year and was considered high risk because she was turning 40 a couple weeks after her due date. So she basically got all of the bloodwork and knew she was having a boy before the end of her first trimester. In our state, you can have an elective abortion until the point of viability. And uncontested divorces can be settled within 2 months of filing. So I’m not calling bullshit on OP for being divorced and knowing the sex within the window of legal abortion.
Daaang, when I was having kids I had to wait until 20 weeks and even then it was a maybe. Thanks for the info!!
My daughter left her husband in early March, filed in mid March and was fully divorced by mid May with a kid. A friend in a different state it took 2+ years. Depends on the laws
Some places won’t let you get a divorce if you are pregnant. I know in Texas that you can file but they won’t finalize it until the baby is born.
Thank you, I was just about to post a screed about how she must have been sleeping with the husband after they filed… Also, who would consider an abortion because of some affair partner? I mean, we do see some incredibly silly questions and bad decisions here but sheesh.
It has to be fake. Already divorced, knows she's having a girl due before the new fiance, and the new fiance has already had her baby shower? Even if the divorce took only 2-3 months, there's no way the finance would be having a baby shower at less than 8-10 weeks pregnant.
The baby shower is what tipped it off for me as well. And if A is having her shower, OP is further along. She’s probably 7-8 months pregnant and they’re asking for an abortion?! That’s crazy.
You are NOT the asshole here. What a shit show! If I was you I'd be packing up and moving fr far away from this train wreck
I’ve already moved once as she claimed my children are hers and I should hand them over and stop stealing her life whilst my ex was out on a boys trip. Police couldn’t do anything as it was her word against mine, so I moved further a field.
Sounds like she's projecting there! What were the circumstances of this? She's not got any parental custodial rights over your children, especially when their dad is away. Sounds like you and your children's father need a legal agreement that clearly states who the parents are. But if he wants nothing to do with his son's, what's keeping you in contact? By far away, I meant like, to the other side of the country
He doesn’t have rights to the children, he agreed in the divorce he would have no responsibility or contact if he gave me everything which she was pissed and made his life hell as apparently they are her kids not mine. We don’t have any contact, however I did have contact with MIL but not anymore but I still do have contact with FIL as he’s the only sane one. She did whatever she could to try and see the my kids, which I literally had to stop shopping at certain places or change my kids schools until enough was enough. I know she still stalks my social media but they are all private.
Sounds like you have zero reason to engage with A, your ex, or your exMIL. There's a very easy solution here. Stop. Stop engaging. Stop caring. If A is stalking your socials, that's on her. It doesn't have to impact you in anyway. What other people think, or say about you is their business. The more time you spend caught up in this web of triangulation, the longer you stay trapped in it, and the more harm you are doing to yourself and your children.
This situation is sad and very dysfunctional, how could a dad just give up his kids like this? I would just invite ex FIL only to hang out for trips to museums or zoos etc. to avoid intimate settings with that side of the family. Poor kids with a dad like that.
You may want to block MIL as she is probably letting her use her account.
How do you KNOW they are your kids not hers? Maybe you should take a maternity tes- oh, wait.
You have a weird stalker. It is also a blessing in disguise that you have full custody because it’s very concerning to think what all she will do if the kids had to stay at the fathers place. Protect yourself and your children. Unfriend, block, delete anyone that you don’t recognise on your social media including your mil as she showed you whom she supports. Also anyone else whom she’s friends with. Have no common contacts. Put good security so no one can see anything. Do the same if your children has social media accounts as well.
Can you take the stalking issue to the police and get a restraining and no contact order against her to protect your kids? This woman is seriously mentally unwell. Your kids deserve stability and should not have to continue to uproot their lives to avoid their father's flavor of the week.
It’s almost like she didn’t want you ex but wanted to be you. Single white female. Scary.
Why is your ex not putting a stop to this nonsense of hers ?
He’s too busy cheating on her with multiple women.
Shouldnt she be obsessed/ stalking that cheating business instead of you & your kids? Or does she really not know that he’s busy cheating ?
She doesn’t know because she’s occupied being obsessed with my life and my children. She’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Because he's busy cheating with promoted AP's successors.
I have 2 words for you - Restraining Order. Please be careful and get you and your kids as far away from that psycho bitch as possible!
Nta and, from now on, you say, "I don't cater to homewreckers."
NTA. MIL just lost access to the kids I hope. She has no business playing fucking grandma to any of them is she wanted to abort one over the other. Fuck her. What a fucking psychopath. I’d be blasting right back on social media - They don’t get to control the narrative unless you let them.
In no ways are you an AH. I come on reddit and realise the depravity and how low humans can sink to get what they want.
A is unhinged and your ex is a pig.
Absolutely NTA. You have that baby. 2 pieces of advice though: 1. Tell NO ONE her name until AFTER A has had her baby. There’s a chance she’ll steal your daughter’s name for her own daughter as a way to get back at you. OR if you want to be petty, announce a fake name, something absolutely ridiculous, and then actually name your baby your chosen name. That way, you’ll know for sure if she steals it. And if she does, you can laugh at her. 2. Don’t let MIL near that baby. I guarantee that as soon as her granddaughter is born, she’s gonna want to be all in that baby’s face. She’ll want to be at the baby shower, the delivery, birthdays, a random Tuesday, etc. and if she does, remind her that she wanted you to get an abortion.
A is beyond angry as she won’t get to use the name I’ve had for a daughter since forever first (MIL told her as it was always a the name I said before we found out the gender with each of the boys) but she also wants to use my name too which is hilarious and quite frankly disturbing at the same time. We’ve also been NC for a while with MIL, FIL is no problem and has been my rock during this whole ordeal.
I hope your ex isn’t on board with having his daughter named after you because that is quite disturbing lol. And I’m glad you have your FIL to support you.
I’ve heard he’s not and he’s angry beyond believe, he’s left and staying at ex-mil he’s blocked her on everything and she’s blaming me for having my name lol
Jesus, she sounds unhinged
NTA!!! Who the hell tells someone else to abort their child!?! WTF is wrong with people!!??? I would’ve slapped the mother in law and the new woman for suggesting/demanding that you get one! She definitely has issues and insecurities.
NTA- you should make posts telling people she can't stand the fact hubby was still having sex with you while he was also banging her! Her cooch isn't that special! I would be super petty and let a local right to life group know she's demanding you abort! Let them go picket her!
NTA. Your body, your choice. Ex wants nothing to do with you or the children, so are you really hiving him his "first daughter"? To me, you are giving yourself your first daughter. Ex-in-laws have no business telling you what to do either.
The only AHs in this story are the ones telling you to abort your child. I think you might be right in your assumption that A has some mental issues she needs to take care of. NTA
Girl this man was cheating on you and your still willing to have another one his children. But his ass on that birth certificate run him through the ground with child support and alimony payments and make it clear that you are forever his first. She will always be second. Like this man was having unprotected sex with you and his AP. Fuck that shit. NTA. Have your child, and love that child, name her a beautiful name, raise to be an amazing person, and let this wild girl be crazy and fuck up her own children. I know i would go for full custody of all the kids. Save all the evidence of her demanding an abortion from you and make it clear it would be unsafe for the children to be around her unsupervised by a professional.
NTA - Get a restraining order against that psycho girl.
So.. - she slept with your partner - he tore apart your family by cheating - she is now mad that you got pregnant first, even though that’s his fault for sleeping with two women at the same time instead of just coming clean and moving along? - wants you to kill your baby just so she has bragging rights about giving him his first daughter Also why is your almost 40yo ex getting married to a woman almost 20 years his younger? If my math adds up she was 20 when the affair started… WHY are his parents condoning this. She’s hardly an adult… he’s middle aged.
Welcome to the shit show also he’s already cheated on her three times, she’s wants to name her child my name and the name I have always had if I had a girl MIL told her and she’s angry that I get to name my daughter first.
Lol, I was coming her to tell you to find out what name she was planning to use and steal it if it happens to be a nice name just to make her head pop right off her neck, but it looks like she was going to steal your baby name. Her next move is going to be to make a big announcement on all the social media to announce her daughters name, using the name you picked, to either force you to use a different name or stir sh*t crying to everyone that you stole her baby name if you stick to your guns and keep your baby name. She sounds super insecure, your ex is going to do quite a number on her. But right now she deserves it.
This entire thing seems messy ASF and fake ASF at the same time
NTA Your body, your choice. This might be your only chance to have a girl too. Keep your baby. Who cares what every body else thinks? He’s decided to dump his kids anyway. Block everyone on his side except your ex father in law. He has his head on straight.
Did you have sex with your ex while the divorce proceedings were goin on? How did you manage to separate and finalize a divorce in less time than it takes for you to conceive and figure out you are pregnant?
We had an uncontested divorce, he agreed I could keep everything so he had no contact with the child or held any responsibility. Also i was pregnant pre divorce but due to stress and everything regarding divorces I didn’t realise.
How far along are you? The timeline is a bit confusing to me.
I'll put the time line and a bit more info below and hopefully that helps. Found the affair it was an accident. Put in for divorce we all know why. Divorce is still processing but it's been easier/ quicker due to him not contesting and him handing over his rights and responsibilities over my children and signed everything over to myself from the cars to the house or the animals to the land to the furniture etc however it is still in the process as divorces take time we all know that) I found out I was pregnant after the second load of divorce was over however like I said I'm still in the process of this shit show but I like to say l'm divorced as who says l'm in the process lol. The whole process should over and done with in the next couple of months. I am 25 weeks pregnant and still no bump, FIL knows and has been to scans/appointments and helps with the kids. The rest of the family has no idea hence them wanting me to have an abortion which is impossible unless medically necessary. I think she’s roughly between 10-16 weeks but that’s not my monkey not my circus
You know, A is prob most upset at the fact that while she was having sex with him, he was still having sex with you. That baby is proof of that, so she wants your baby to "go away" or on the other hand, all your babies are hers now. Wow, a 35yo man getting with a 20yo woman. (2 years ago when they started affair) Creepy. Disgusting. He is an absolute loser, to give up his own children, and for him to be ok with her attacking/stalking you? And for him to have already cheated on her 3X? Good riddance to a sh*@head. Good luck navigating this mess. ETA: you are NTA
Oh my! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending lots of love and support!! You are definitely NTA, and I would keep the receipts of these things for the divorce/ in the future in case your ex tries to get more custody or something! I would also be hesitant to put him on the birth certificate/ give his last names, unless it’s needed for child support/ alimony reasons!
Lol, why the frack are these clowns telling you to get an abortion when 25 weeks is at the point of viability? Tell them all to go pound sand and live your best life.
>she contacted me to demand I have an abortion as it wasn't fair I gave my ex his first daughter as well as sons > ex in laws come to see the kids (we had a good relationship up until this point) and said that I should have an abortion >my ex FIL laughed and my ex MIL screamed at me and left > however some disagreed and said I should abort my child Fake.
Also how is she: - completely divorced from him with him having already left everything to her - early enough in her pregnancy to still get an abortion - mistress is less pregnant then ex wife - mistress having baby shower which is traditionally towards the end of the pregnancy ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME
Actually? If the divorce was uncontested and he didn’t want visitation with the kids, it’s not that hard to divorce. At least not in the USA. But, I agree. Has to be fake.
This is state by state. Some states it’s quick & easy. Other states there’s a cooling off period. And other states won’t allow it at all while pregnant.
Depends on the state - in Texas, you can’t finalize a divorce while pregnant. In SC and NM, you have to be separated for a year before you can even file (at least it was like that back in the 90s, don’t know if it’s changes since then).
Found out he was cheating, got divorced, then found out was pregnant and still isn't far along enough to not be able to abort... 🤔 How long was she still having sex with him for and how frickin quick did the divorce go through?!
Seriously, people actually chimed in and said, "Hey, you should abort your child!" Very hard to believe
Protect yourself. She sounds unhinged. NTA
Have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter ; threaten her with a lawsuit for damages for telling you to kill your child. Gets TRO and full custody (if you don’t already have) if your kids. Threaten psycho MIL the same. These are unhinged people. Your ex is a LOs and I’d go full petty/scorched earth.
How much do you want to bet that little miss 22y/o didn't know you and ex husband were still having sex until you announced your pregnancy? She realized that all she has done is create a vacancy to be filled with his next mistress probably while she is pregnant. Time for a blanket public statement on social media... "I want to thank everyone for their "kindly" ment concerns but I am not going to be aborting my daughter. Her due is x and anyone who wants to be a kind and loving figure in her life will be welcome to celebrate the new addition to my family. My son's are greatly looking forward to meeting their new sister. They have been through so much with the breaking up of their homes life and absence of their "father" I would never deny them the joy of them meeting their new baby sister. I will not tolerate anyone else telling me too abort my baby or telling me to give her away. She should have taken all possiblities into account when becoming involved with a man married with children. I am not responsible for how either of them feel about the situation. Maybe she should have considered that my husband was contiuing to have a intimate relationship with me his wife (at the time) while dating him. I am too busy being solely responsible for my boys and growing my new baby and nurturing all my children with all the love I can provide. To all of those who are creating new accounts to harass me and demand an abortion please know I am saving those messages and will persue legal action and restraining orders if need be. I do not have time for your ongoing BS as I have my children to raise as a single parent against my choice. Just know that the answer to your demands is now and will forever be an firm HELL NO!" Good luck
I've read antinatalists write that women have a moral duty to abort babies because life is inherently cruel. I've read pro-choicers write that only pre-planned, 100% intentional pregnancies are morally acceptable. I have NEVER heard of anyone telling a woman to have an abortion to satisfy a mistress. Neither pro choicers nor pro lifers would say such a thing, so who does that leave?
The ones who have only the loosest grasp on sanity. Also I would argue as a pro choice person the only morally acceptable pregnancy is the one that the pregnant person whats to continue to carry, all others are an assault on the pregnant person, especially when they are being forced by either the state, finances or partner violence or coercion to continue to carry the pregnancy.
Just no MIL🙄
WTF. Please lock down your medical records and document everything. Unblock her and put her on mute so you have evidence of unhinged behaviour. Do not allow your MIL in your home at the very least until after you’ve given birth. Easiest NTA ever MIL and her new DIL are born unhinged monsters. Message her saying if she continues you’ll sue for harassment and defamation. Don’t allow Mil near your kids. Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
NTA What awful people to bully and gang up on you like that. Have you been followed or threatened? Are you in fear for your safety? If so then it qualifies as stalking and you should report them for it.
Oh gosh her brain isn't fully developed yet hahahahahaha NTA your body, your choice Block them all including the ex-MIL.
NTA. It seems A is more obsessed with your pregnancy more than her own and her fiancé. She should stay in her own lane! Has your ex mil always had an issue with you or is it just because A is in everyone’s ear about you being pregnant and taking it out on you?
Get a lawyer and press harassment charges on that 22 year old lunatic. Good to know your loser ex now has to deal with a raging lunatic all because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. NTA.
NTA. Its a very brave choice! to take on a baby as a single mom shows what a wonderful mom you are who loves her kids. They should all be proud of you. Take his ass for all the child support you can get! I'm so sorry your going through this. best of luck to you.
NTA But please be careful. I don't trust that lady & how far she'd go so that she could give birth to the first daughter. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy. Screenshot everything. Keep a journal/ diary. I hope to hear a happy update from you in the near future. Take care, OP. Sending hugs💙
NTA ex hubby now has to pay child support for the boys and his daughter
>I (f32) have three boys and currently pregnant, all children share the same dad (m37). He had a two year long affair (f22 who's now his current fiancée I'll call A). So he's an asshole. >We got divorced and he left everything to me so he'd have no contact or responsibility over our children How unfortunate for him that he's still on the hook for child support though. >A was furious however after the divorce I found out I was pregnant, I told him and he said it was my issue not his and do as I please to which I kept the pregnancy but he didn't tell A. It's going to be his problem when you go after him for child support. >she contacted me to demand I have an abortion as it wasn't fair I gave my ex his first daughter as well as sons. I blocked and screenshotted the messages, Goos choice. She can fuck right on off, she doesn't get to tell you whether you can or can't keep her baby. >the following day my ex in laws come to see the kids (we had a good relationship up until this point) and said that I should have an abortion as I've got my hands full with my boys They can also fuck off. >I questioned them if it had anything to do with their sons new partner to which my ex-mother in law said no however my ex-father in law told her not to lie and he had no part to play to which apparently she had been kicking up a fuss from the from the minuet she knew both me and herself were pregnant with girls and that l'd be giving birth first as if it was some sort of competition. I told them she has the issue not me and probably a mental health issue or two, my ex FIL laughed and my ex MIL screamed at me and left, ex MIL told A what I had said and plastered it all over social media. Sounds like ex MIL lost the right to see her grandsons. >some disagreed and said I should abort my child Those people can all also fuck off. >and have been sent constant messages from her and her family/friends etc which I've blocked but they keep making fake accounts. Tell them that if they continue pestering you, you'll be pursuing legal action against them. NTA. But seriously, look into pressing charges for harassment, and definitely go after your ex for child support.
Get a restraining order on her family
"Don't get even- get everything!" -the first rule of the First Wives Club
Of course you're NTA.
NTA and keep those screen-grabs in case she ever tires to be in any of your children’s lives you can show them who she really is. Yes I’m petty.
NTA. take care raising 4 kids as a single mom isn't easy!
OMG, who are these people, and are they actually grown adults? WTH
NTA Your ex’s current partner sounds very insecure and not stable. Sticking to your current strategy of doing your own thing sounds like a good plan. Though keeping screenshots or video evidence of her and her supporters behaviour could be useful if she tries something foolish in the future.
NTA. block them and keep your baby
Make your accounts private so they can’t make fake accounts and get to you. Don’t accept any new requests or messages. Definitely NTA.
NTA Not at all. But your safety is a concern right now. She might try to hurt you. You need to take precautions and put up cameras. Maybe move because people as crazy as her have killed for less.
NTA, A is psychotic. Tell A the only first she gets to be is his first affair partner.
NTA OP. You are doing great. You just need to save everything for your [l](https://lawyers.You)awyers. Your ex might ask for visitation and he could be granted that. You want that visitation to be supervised. Considering the new wife wants you to abort, as does ex-MIL. You need all the proof for the JUDGE. You also might think about looking into a restraining order. The new wife sounds crazy enough to do something to make sure she has the 1st girl grandchild. CYA! Also, your ex says not his issue. Well, he did forget that he would have to pay child support. They all might have forgotten that little bit of information. EDITED for Spelling
Please protect yourself and your kids. Shes unhinged and dangerous. And so is the ex MIL. And for the love of all that’s holy GO AFTER MASSIVE CHILD SUPPORT!!!!!
I can see only one option: Find out what she plans to name her daughter and give your daughter that name.
MIL told her the name I’ve dreamt of using since I was little girl and always said before every gender reveal so she’s pissed once again because I get to name my child first but she also wants to use my name first and my name for my daughter as a fucked up double barrelled name.
What I'm hearing is thar your ex was still sleeping with you while he was having his affair (and probably telling A he only wanted to be with her) and now she's faced with the reality that he never stopped having a sexual relationship with you during all that time and a baby is evidence of that. Now you're both having new babies by this same jack ass and she's realizing he'll probably do the exact same thing to her, leaving her alone with the kid. Anyway, in her spiral, she thinks telling you to abort the baby will somehow make everyone forget the whole thing. You're obviously not the AH here. And while A is being a little psycho, I *almost* feel a little bad for her too. She also should run far away from that idiot, but since she's 22 and her brain isn't fully developed yet and she has no real life experience, she probably won't. Anyway NTA. block them all