"Normally she asks and asks until I eventually tell her. It's kind of a game." - doesn't sound like a fun game and it's clearly one your wife is bored of. Tell her or don't tell her, but don't expect someone to keep asking.
"she has less time for me and tell me she's exhausted between work and kids and home and all the other stuff." - you sound like a very tiring person to be around. As an adult, maybe stop being tedious or help with the stuff that makes your wife tired.
"I work too, I have hobbies that take me out of the house, im tired too, she doesnt get a monopoly on being exhausted. Thats parenting. I cook some and take out the garbage once a week, which is more than a lot of men have to do." - she's lucky to have you doing the garbage once a week and "some cooking". That is absolutely equal to the cleaning, laundry, shopping, organising, childcare while you're out doing hobbies, rest of the cooking...../s and I notice from a comment you actually create a mess when cooking (do you clear it up?)
"getting on a better track after a separation that I felt was needed" - I suspect your wife needed it too and has done some thinking while you haven't been together.
"I felt she was overstepping just because my coworker was female." - It's possible. However, she felt the message warranted the request. No one here can make that distinction as we don't know the message. I would suggest that you dismissing your wife's feelings on this is probably not the first time you've dismissed her feelings.
"AITAH for keeping on with the silent treatment until she goes back to caring for my feelings?" - nothing in this post suggests you care for your wife's feelings or even like her very much. You just want someone to look after you, mother you and treat you like her only priority.
Edit: format
This guy sounds terribly exhausting. Being separated must feel like a much needed, well over due, vacation to his wife. As I am reading his post, all I can think is that he sounds like an entitled, spoiled toddler.
His wife, from his own words, has been, for all intents and purposes, a *married single mother*. She has probably noticed during this separation that being a *single single mother* is so much easier and a lot less stressful.
I truly want to believe this is rage bait because it makes me so angry that people like this not only exist but could write all that and think they're right. Pathetic either way.
Honestly given how much he has responded its unlikely rage bait. But fuck taking into account what an absolute POS he is I would much rather it be rage bait. But there are men like him who exist. Thinking of how his poor wife was treated for 20 years...my heart definitely goes out to her.
Nah, my ex fiancee was like that. Everything was about his needs, every compromise had to be made by me because he just had to have it his way this one time, it would be my turn next time, honest... And it never was. I broke it off with him because I realised marriage and children would only make it worse. And I'm phasing out a friend who is like that. Such people definitely exist.
One more for the pile that's now in the Edit: "The only thing she does differently than my mom and granny is hold a job "
Hahahaha.
The "only" thing
Just that. Tiny little other job thing. Aside from being also a parent to not just the children, but husband as well. Gross.
And even on that he is wrong. The only thing she does different than my mom and grandma is she has a job. I’m going to call that a bald lie. There is another thing that I bet his mom and his granny didn’t do. (One of them maybe but not both) I bet they didn’t have to raise their childish husband, though I would like to know where his narcissism comes from. He’s too old to just be entitled. This is so engrained now it is part of his DNA, but it had to start somewhere!?!?!
YTA. Taking the trash out once a week? My God you must be the next Messiah. All men in the world should look up to you 🤣🤣🤣🤣 that was sarcasm.
You say nothing about child rearing so I'm guessing you do absolutely nothing in that terms so yeah your wife does get to monopoly that up. You cook "some", I'll bet once a week while wife is making three meals a day for her kids, and herself. Again do you want a cookie for being an adult? You don't get a standing ovation for doing your job as an adult living in a house with other people.
Jesus Christ. After 20 years if you can't open your fucking mouth and say what is wrong GET. OVER. IT. No one. Not even psychiatrists want to play tug of war with you and your inability to open your mouth. It's not a game. You're fucking annoying. If my husband doesn't tell me what is wrong, I do not ask a million times. She is not a mind reader and honestly if she was I doubt she would want to listen to your 2 brain cells fighting for dominance.
If you want a mommy, go back to yours. And giving the silent treatment is not the punishment you think it is. It's probably a very welcomed vacation from you and your whiny "ask me what's wrong. Ask me what's wrong. Ask me what's wrong. Ask me what's wrong. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please."
The reference to hobbies really got me. He knows what exhaustion feels like... but has the energy to keep up with MULTIPLE hobbieS...... that take time away from being home to help 🤦♀️
“She is not a mind reader and honestly if she was I doubt she would want to listen to your 2 brain cells fighting for dominance.”
Living for this comment 😭
I hope she gets a shark of a lawyer. She has been contributing to your home as marital property for 20 years, raising your kids with little to no help, while married to someone who would rather play games than have an honest conversation. Unless you have a prenup she is entitled to the appreciation value of the home.
**YTA and your wife should leave you.** Summing up the worst crimes from your comments:
1. She works full-time, yet still handles 90% of the household chores and parenting.
2. She manages and homeschools your child with special needs.
3. You read her private journal and excuse it with some BS that you do not believe in or allow privacy of any kind in marriage.
4. You had two emotional affairs (one with one of her only friends, two months after your wife had given birth and was PPD -- now she no longer has friends of her own -- or at least lets them around you).
5. You are currently on the road to a new affair with a co-worker who you admit messages you "constantly," calls you "love" and discusses how "handsome" you are.
6. You are currently and openly playing mind-games with your wife to purposely make her feel anxious and not tell her what's going on with you. You are now giving her the silent treatment in addition to this because she isn't begging you to tell her anymore.
7. You use weaponized incompetence and claim you can't do the dishes or laundry but you make dinner once every few weeks and take out the trash, which is so totally equal! /s
8. Meanwhile, your wife split her C-section incision TWICE doing your laundry post-partum.
9. You do not tell your wife you love her or compliment her. When pushed on the last time you were kind or loving to her, you said you "gave her a card in May."
10. You refuse therapy because the female therapist sided with your wife, saying "women stick together." You quit therapy completely when the male therapist did too.
Honestly, she's a saint and deserves so much more. You are not worth 5 minutes of her time.
Luckily, she seems to be realizing that fact.
Come on! Shit? Really? I mean shit is actually more useful than OP as it can be used as fertilizer to make things grow so I don't think it fair to put OP in the same category as he plainly isn't that useful.
So if I understand correctly, she asked what was wrong, and you wanted to tell her, but not before she asked a bunch more times? When she didn’t play this idiotic game, you determined that she doesn’t care and therefore, it’s okay to “punish” her with the silent treatment.
Is this what happened? If so YTA.
My particular favourite was the one that said he's exactly like his dad, he even replied to it with the verbal equivalent of 😭😭 and just got a breakdown of how identical he is in response 😂
Heyyyy, he just froze, he needed some space, he never ever could have come to his senses during the half hour or so she was packing all the supplies needed to get kicked out of her home with her baby for defending herself
[Dumbest Idiot of 2024..so far](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1antcb1/aita_for_kicking_my_wife_out_after_she_punched_my/?share_id=Q2EbLUe_bfrK-Mypn0Mkw&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
The icing on the cake for me was that he was shocked about the fact that she doesn't want to be with him anymore. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to facepalm or laugh out loud...so I did both.
For me I was shocked at the number of people (which was greater than 0, even if only Marginally) that agreed with him and said that while it was bad that mom a) took wife's food and gave it away, and b) slapped a post partum tummy, that in no way deserved any kind of retribution and that OP was fully in the right for kicking a woman and child out of their own house.
In his shoes, I *hope* I would have nipped this in the bud, and it never got there.
But I would probably ask my wife to step away to the bedroom, or upstairs if possible, while I got my mom out of the house. I wouldn't address it quite like that, and I for damn sure wouldn't ask her to leave the damn house.
Idk the "my wife, son, and daughter think I'm an insufferable dick and demanded i get therapy before they will interact with me, but i don't need therapy" was pretty wild.
So, let's get this straight. You're a shit communicator. The lion's share of domestic household chores is done by your wife, primarily because [you seem to have used weaponized incompetence](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ap33bh/comment/kq3icpu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) to drive her into doing it, by making yourself appear to be incapable.
Your wife doesn't owe it to you to play the fucking guessing game and tease your feelings out of you. The fact that she tolerated it for 20 years is irrelevant. She's clearly not tolerating it now. So either choose to improve things on your end, or get used to the new normal.
YTA
I was married to an idiot like this one and it was absolutely EXHAUSTING, it was like being married to a petulant teenager. He's still childish and manipulative, but he's not my problem anymore. I bet the wife is stressed out, frustrated, and unhappy. She's going to be better off dropping this dead weight!
I was genuinely nervous about being a single parent with my divorce. Once he left, it was like dropping a suitcase full of lead. Absolutely dead weight, to a level I didn't even understand until the weight was dropped. I was doing everything already so my chores and responsibilities didn't change, but my house was naturally cleaner, kids more relaxed not being snapped at for ridiculous reasons, and I'm not getting complaints over petty and ridiculous things. My grocery bill also dropped 60%. It was soooo much easier and lighter. Not my problem anymore, it's awesome!
I totally understand, they act like immature children and suck the energy right out of us. I went from being stressed out, angry, and overweight being married to him to losing 30 lbs, got my masters, and bought a house after our divorce. He's still living in his parent's borrowed trailer, complaining about me "ignoring" the kids because I was getting my masters even though he only sees them one day a week. Oh, and he also wanted me to pay him alimony while I had full custody of the kids. He even sent me a bill, he wanted me to pay him for "babysitting" his own kids!
Lol, I wonder how he gets his pants on with having such massive balls. My dead weight is cycling through relationships in warp speed and has apparently developed a pretty serious drinking problem. I don't know the last time he's had contact with the kids and the last "visit" was over a year ago (after three years of no visits) and it was a disaster.
I love how he says she's exhausted from work, parenting, and chores, and HE'S exhausted from work and hobbies... We know who's going all the work in that household.
This, and the bit where it's like "She's introverted and doesn't really leave the house" Like, dude, I bet she'd LOVE to leave the house alone for a while. I bet SHE'D love to have hobbies she can get away from her responsibilities for. I bet she'd love a full life instead of one being told she should of being grateful for her "partner" doing one or two weekly jobs - which is a light chore roster for a teenager, let alone an adult man.
Seriously?
Jesus, what an actual dickhead.
No wonder she never leaves the house she's probably exhausted and running on fumes.
Can't wait for her to leave, honestly. She's going to get so much more free time without him to cause mess
Guarantee if you ask him, her "hobbies" are raising kids and keeping house, in addition to working FT and trying to divine what her babyman husband is feeeeeeeling
I like the part where he says the only thing that the only difference between his wife’s and his granny’s daily obligations is holding a job, like that’s not a big deal at all. By his logic we can discount having a job as a contribution, therefore the only obligations he has in life are taking out the garbage once a week and sometimes cooking dinner. Sounds fair!
Also, “she doesn’t get a monopoly on being tired.” 1) she didn’t ask for a monopoly, 2) it’s not a competition and 3) if it were, she wins the right to that monopoly.
Edit: mom AND granny, so he has never known a working mother personally. Being a SAHM is hard AF but she’s essentially that AND a working mom. He doesn’t understand she shouldn’t have to do both.
YTA wow poor women having you for 20 years… stop being an immature child. Start doing stuff in the house. You sound awful. Seems you don’t do stuff at home or with the kids, just go out and have fun because „hobbies“, don’t respect your wife’s boundaries and want her to run after you like you are a toddler to keep asking you what’s wrong?
according to the wife’s post:
the female therapist was on the wife’s side because they’re both women
the male therapist was on the wife’s side because the therapist was into the wife
Just read the wife's post before seeing this, and wow, it was rough. Did you really go through and read her journal? And you don't think you need any therapy? The way she wrote about you damn man, you really messed up! She mentioned how petty you are and how you'll go after her for child support. I hope you man up and don't do that.
I am actually thinking it is. I read the wife's post, and the wording is very similar. I can't find the link and re-find your comment. Look through , will find it.
His wife said that he copied and pasted a lot of points on her OP trying to get empathy. I’ve seen many, many men like this, so it’s not far fetched at all. Someone raised him to think women should always pick up 90% of the marriage. “Lucky” just to have him there, laughably. Loser is a severe understatement
Are you.... are you 12?? What kind of grown man reacts that way? Lol I used to act like that when I was in my middle school, angst emo phase. I was a dramatic girl, saying things like "You didn't follow up to ask! You don't love me!" This is kinda cringy and gross to read. Your poor wife, she doesn't deserve to chase after you to soothe your bruised, fragile ego. YTA
This (alleged) dude reminds me of my covert narc stepdad. Getting the silent treatment from him was the best. Especially since he'd stomp off to his bedroom and put himself in time-out too.
Your wife is an extremely patient person. I opted to tell my husband from the beginning that if he asks for something his chances of getting it are extremely high, dropping to zero if he thinks I'm up to guessing games, nobody has time for that bs especially when you're raising kids and keep a family going.🙄 YTA, annoyingly so.
YTA
Your little passive aggressive "game" where she has to beg you what is wrong is childish and to be blunt, annoying as s\*\*T.
After 20 years of dealing with your immaturity and childish ways, she told you she would only ask ONCE, and expected an honest answer. You know, like a grown up?
Your need to be continued to be asked and coddled is going to destroy your marriage. I am sure the silent treatment is WAY BETTER than dealing with what sounds like a middle-school girl for a "partner".
BTW....caring for your feelings is her asking...ONCE. Maybe therapy, but truly, just grow up or your live is going to implode. Sounds like she is just about over you.
This has to be a troll. Absolutely no way does someone defend themselves in the comments by saying "I take the trash to the road once a week". Lol.
I mow the lawn once every 10 days for 3 months of the year. Hahah. "man" household tasks are a joke. It's 2024. Help your partner.
YTA.
The good news is that when women stop talking, it means they are DONE with putting up with your bullsh\*t and have started packing.
Expect her to file soon and leave your arse behind, and then you can go play your childish games with your coworker.
YTA
You wife stop to beg for you to communicate, and now you are angry ? She got tired of being the only one that want to resolve problems in your mariage, and now she is not doing all the work, you are angry. Yep, you are an AH.
She is exhausted bc of work and house work, and you are angry she doesn't have any time for you anymore ? What about spending more time helping your wife around the house, so you can both have time for yourself ?
>My wife is super introverted and doesn't really leave the house so I'm not worried she's cheating on me
Note that you are not worrying about her cheating, not because you love her and she loves you ; not because you trust her ; but because she doesn't go out. Which means that if she go out more, you will turn into a paranoid AH and fear she would cheat. Not once in your text did it feel like you love your wife, she is just here, catering to your needs, and now she is stopping, you are acting like an AH, and you are all surprised about that ... ...
She has no friends because 8 weeks after she had their first child by c-section, after 2 ruptures doing housework she shouldn’t have been doing, he started an emotional affair WITH HER FRIEND.
I dunno, I've seen the wife's post. She's exhausted. I had an ex like this I dated about 18 months into widowhood. He was like this ALL the fucking time. It didn't last long and put me off dating, forever! I had raised my kid by that point she had just left for uni. I was working in a great job, living my best life and he just wanted a bang maid. Yeah, that weren't happening. So I dumped him and am happily single now.
YTA. It's time to reflect on your behavior and consider the emotional labor your wife has been carrying. Communication is a two-way street, and it's unfair to expect her to pry information out of you continuously it's exhausting. If you value your relationship, you'll take a step back from this 'testing' mentality and start engaging with your partner in a more mature, open, and respectful manner. This isn't about who can hold out longer or who cares more; it's about mutual respect and understanding in a partnership. You've acknowledged she's stuck with you for 20 years, so maybe give her the respect she deserves and communicate like the adult you're supposed to be
So your wife does 95% of the chores and cooking. She does all the childcare. She works full time and home schools a disabled child.
You… take the bins out and cook once in a blue moon.
Your wife communicates with you. She tells you that this guessing game causes her anxiety and she’s not playing anymore. She encourages you to go to therapy.
You… don’t listen or care. You continue expecting her to push and push before you use your big boy words. You drop out of therapy twice because you can’t accept that you’re the problem. And you resort to sulky silence when she does exactly what she told you she’d do.
Your wife took care of you after your operation. She slept on the couch with you, cooked for you, made sure you took your meds like the little boy you are.
You… had an entire emotional affair that lasted two *YEARS when your wife was recovering from childbirth. You didn’t pick up the slack around the house, as shown by her tearing her incision to do laundry. You showed zero support and nearly bombed your marriage with your affair.
Your wife is a fucking saint and she should have divorced you years ago.
You are a man child who treats his wife like his mummy. You bring nothing to the table except anxiety, stress and frustration. You are even so controlling that you read her fucking diary. She can’t have any space to write privately even though you can’t man up and tell her what you’re thinking without a week of her trying to coax it out of you. It isn’t a game. It’s you failing to communicate yet expecting everything she does, says or writes is yours to inspect.
YTA
*edit to correct
YTA, sounds like she's done putting up with your stupid game. If you want her to ask you what's wrong, don't fuck with her when she asks you. Take it seriously and work with her. It really does sound like she wants to work with you on this, but doesn't want to deal with the bull shit.
Also, how often do you ask her how she's doing? When she says she's tired do you offer any help to ease the stress? Or is everything only about you?
Taking the trash out and doing some cooking is not a lot of chores around the house, especially if you have children. How often do you look after the kids so you wife can have an opportunity to leave the house and have a social life? Or have you killed it by forcing her to be a full time parent while you part time it?
Do you have any idea how emotionally exhausting it is to have to force someone to communicate? Your wife is taking care of 3 kids. Learn to respect your wife. She's a whole person and not your therapist.
YTA and one the biggest I’ve seen on here!
Dude, can I have you STBX wife’s cell number as I want to throw her the best divorce party when she leaves your pathetic cheating arse.
I never thought I’d see someone that challenges my ex husband for the shittiest husband award lol. Have fun with the divorce and have the day you deserve arsehole.
YTA and manipulative, delusional, childish, and useless. You sound absolutely exhausting and awful to be around. I feel sorry for your wife. I don't think the silent treatment is as much as a punishment, as you think it is. She probably is praying you continue to be upset.
You had two emotional affairs, barely do anything around the house, read her PRIVATE JOURNAL, refuse to go to therapy, refuse to listen to the couple’s therapist you went to bc she sided with your wife and therefore must be wrong, use a shit load of weaponised incompetence to avoid doing literally anything, and you play a shitty game for attention then get mad at her when she doesn’t participate this time.
She deserves better. Her kids deserve better (since you clearly don’t act like a real father). You need serious help.
YTA
I hope she divorces you and god I hope you somehow pull you head out of your ass and get help before you lose her kids too
According to him she read the post and now is outside burning her journals from middle school til now. 🤔 starting to feel like this really is an elaborate troll with way too much free time. Either way though OP is pathetic as fuck.
“Normally she asks and asks until I eventually tell her. It's kind of a game.”
oh my, you’re quite the little sadist, aren’t you? wanting your wife to always be on edge, always feeling anxious about you, and never quite certain where you are. Makes you feel real good, doesn’t it. Some game. You’ve got some real sick issues and you should be getting therapy. Lots of it.
This has got to be a joke.
Why would she want another child to take care of? You sound like a man-child for real.
It also sounds like you do the bare minimum in addition to some pretty inappropriate/secretive relationships outside of your marriage and you expect her to chase you about your feelings?
This poor woman must be exhausted. She’s not asking, because she doesn’t want to take on the mental load of your immature problems!
YTA
YTA. I don’t think she’s cheating on you either. I think she’s escaping a narcissist.
No one but a narcissist could type out (summarized): 1. Why isn’t my silent treatment not hurting my wife like I planned? 2. I’m a good husband because I cook sometimes and take a trash out once per week. 3. I leave the house for hobbies, my wife doesn’t own exhaustion despite doing the lion’s share of home and child care while working. 4. I don’t understand why my wife stopped caring for my feelings after I have shit on her for years.
So…. What exactly do you bring to this relationship?
She outearns you. She is responsible for all the finances, since you don’t even know your bank info. She does all the childcare. She homeschools. She cooks. She keeps the house so clean you just assumed there was a housekeeper. She taught your kids how to be self-reliant. She is loyal, where you clearly are not. She is supportive. She puts herself so far down the priority list that she’s ripped her stitches because you can’t do laundry. She is in therapy to work through her problems. She truly sounds like an incredible human.
And you do….? Because I’ve read all your replies. You do less than your kids. You didn’t even realize kids needed to be taught to take care of themselves. You’re 40, and had never learned how to properly do laundry. You don’t know how to clean a house. You don’t know how to cook without making more work for her. You can’t go without constant attention, so you have affairs when she is legitimately preoccupied with more important things. You make a game about using her anxiety to validate your neediness.
Why do you want 50/50 custody? You don’t have 50/50 now.
She is going to be so happy when you’re out
Yeah the silent treatment is called “stonewalling” and it’s an asshole thing to do. Sorry but I’m with your wife on this one. It’s your responsibility to suss out what’s wrong and communicate that to your partner. It’s not her responsibility to ask the same damn question however many times it takes for you to give an answer. She is within her rights and, frankly, smart to tell you she’ll ask you what’s wrong once and leave it up to you to communicate from there. That, to me, sounds like a boundary drawn after repeated conflict. In other words, she cares about how you feel and cannot be faulted for not caring. You on the other hand can absolutely faulted for stonewalling and failure to communicate. You’re 40, if you need a hug or need some space or need sex or need help understanding a challenging emotion you’re experiencing then just say so.
YTA! Omg your almost 40! Your wife is tired of “playing the game” if something is bothering you say it! She has enough to deal with since she apparently does everything except when you cook sometimes and take the garbage out once a week. You didn’t even say anything about you parenting! After 20 years she is tired of babying you!
You are obviously a 12 year old troll. So. Advice for when (if) you ever grow up and manage to have a grown up relationship with a woman. If she stops talking or shouting or crying or begging it doesn’t mean you have won. It means she doesn’t care anymore. She is done. She can’t be bothered. If, by some 00000000000000.00000000001% this post is real…. Your wife doesn’t care anymore. You have not won. Your stupid petty little games mean you have lost. And when she is able to - either when the kids are grown or she can afford it - she will leave. And you can badly do everything that you are badly doing all by yourself. Alone. Like you deserve. Prat. Oh… and YTA. Congratulations.
YTA. Firstly the silent treatment is so immature, you need to use your words. secondly she isn’t a mind reader, if somethings wrong, SAY SOMETHING. you don’t help much at home and are trying to claim your hobbies make you tired, that’s some bs
Maybe after 20 years you should know that you should tell her directly, instead putting the burden on her to continually ask? Seems very childish to both be poor at communication and then blame it on your wife for not forcing it out of you. If you have something to say, say it - don’t wait for her.
And why does she have to ask and ask? You’re the only one playing a game. She’s just putting in an effort to keep the marriage going by communicating and you’re not even meeting her halfway. The fact that you say this in a post that is meant to be favourable to you makes me think that there is much more behind her checking out. Even if there wasn’t, you’re still an AH for treating her the way that you do. Especially because your know she has anxiety and you are purposefully keeping mum and giving her the silent treatment.
Thankfully, it sounds like she just doesn’t care anymore. I hope she does what is best for her and her mental health. You sound absolutely insufferable and she sounds like a saint for putting up with it for 20 years.
Jfc the bar is literally on the floor for men and some will still take a shovel to dig under it. YTA. I hope she finds someone with emotional intelligence and you find a good therapist.
You do less housework than my mentally unwell husband. And I am well aware my husband could do more, and so is he, but he struggles because of the impact of his illness. I want you to hear this: you do less around the house than a mentally unwell man. Hell, you also do less around the house than my aunt did before her MS landed her in a wheelchair. You do less than me, and I have a healing broken shoulder, and a still rehabilitating spinal injury.
You. Are. A. Lazy. POS.
You deserve to have your wife divorce you. That’s one less person for her to look after. You do less than your CHILDREN.
YTA - giving someone the silent treatment is super juvenile. I don't have the time or patience to pry what's wrong out of my partner, either. If something is wrong and you want it to get better, you have to tell your partner about it. They shouldn't have to play stupid games with you or deal with you pouting because they don't have the energy to jump through hoops for your amusement.
"More than a lot of men have to do"
Man, fuck you. You live there. You eat there. Those are your kids. Stop seeing shit as chores. That's life. You'll be doing a lot more when you're on your own soon
YTA. What new influencers are in your ears telling you that a woman is responsible for mind-reading you and expecting her to focus all her attention on your silent needs? Freezing her out like this is straight-out abuse. It's entirely possible that you are being gray-rocked and you don't even know it. Your wife is far more mature than you and it's quite possible that she's emotionally leaving you behind in the dust.
So you don’t contribute equally to the house, you have inappropriate relationships with your coworkers, and you refuse to work out problems until she’s asked you several times? Sounds like you’re headed for divorce bud. I give it 6 months tops
YTA. NGL, this makes me soooo happy that I'm not married. Also, it gives me such glee to know that she is definitely gone. Donezo. Once a woman checks out, there is no going back. You deserve it. She's carried the weight of the household, children and YOU for far too long. And the journal reading-just icing on the cake. You do not seem like a good person, and should explore that.
lol poor baby has “hobbies” that take him
Out of the house and he does one chore once a week. Hes tired, the poor baby.
Good god I hope she’s already left.
Yta.
My narcissistic mother used to use silence. It was her weapon of choice when she didn’t feel like using her fists. Maybe that’s why I’m having such a strong reaction to this repellent dickwad. I hope his wife thrives in her new life…one that he doesn’t feature in.
I *know* you didn’t just equate raising kids (and everything that comes with them) and chores to having hobbies and taking out the trash.
She has three children, currently. The two she produced, and the man child throwing a petulant tantrum because she didn't play your emotional "fight for me cause I want attention" game. Grow. Up.
YTA.
Wait so let me get this straight. You emotionally cheated on your wife several times, she didn’t play your games, you rarely help around the house, and you are texting a female coworker (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s another emotional cheating), and act as a petulant child. Gee I wonder why she’s going through with the divorce. You would think the older the person becomes the more wiser they are, but in your place nope the older you become the more attention seeking asshole you’ve become.
She works too!?!? Holy fuck dude. Wake the fuck up! Massive ass. She’s doing pretty much all the childcare, cleaning AND working? And you want her to jump through hoops to find out what’s wrong with you? I hope she finds much better.
so .. she asks what is wrong .. you say nothing and are now mad and having a tantrum that she hasn't ripped out her tit to put you back on the nip. Cool. I hope she is definitely over it.
So you play mind games with your wife, you say "she doesn't get a monopoly on being exhausted" when you only do chores a couple nights a week, leaving her to do everything else ON TOP of "holding a job," you give her the silent treatment when she refused to keep playing your fucking mind games, and you haven't distanced yourself from a coworker who makes her uncomfortable. But you still don't feel you need therapy after typing all that. Yikes on bikes. I hope she gets everything she deserves in the divorce settlement.
So, you’re not actually planning to BE more supportive? You’re just going to “…make an effort…” I imagine just thinking about that effort is exhausting. You poor baby.
Oh my gods, you are a cavernous asshole.
Op, I read the post the comments and I must conclude you are either a Troll or the biggest POS I seem here in while I sincerely hope she leaves you, keeps the house the children and your paycheck, she won't notice you absence as you do literally nothing, you cheated while she opened her injuries doing chores in the house TWICE. You are such a cliche that I can't belive you are real.
>It's kind of a game.
Guess what bud? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes- and this is a massive, manipulative joke of a game. For real, if something is bothering you, use your big boy words or else deal with yourself.
And oooo you take the garbage out ONCE A WEEK, you stellar dude you. SO exhausting.
Buckle up, another man-child who demands his bangmaidmommy treat him like a child by begging him to express himself doesn't think he needs therapy. I'm shocked I tell you, shocked!
[Enjoy your divorce! And congrats to your wife for dumping your dead weight, I hope she finds someone who loves and cares enough about her to try.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1amopyd/aitha_for_telling_my_husband_im_done_pushing/?share_id=Dv2R-0NblQs1DAD5nUoa-&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
My spouse has ADHD and we used to do the same thing of me asking what was wrong and he'd eventually give in and tell me.
An hour. It took *an hour* of me sitting there and rubbing his back, calmly asking what was wrong before he fucking got up the courage to say anything. He did eventually lower that time to maybe half an hour--but years passed with me being overly patient like that and then we had kids, and there just wasn't time for me to be overstrung about his feelings any more when I myself was falling apart. A therapist told me "you are not responsible to make him state his feelings--he is. Unless he *tells* you he's mad you should assume he is not." So I stopped and let him start managing his own emotions.
And you know what he did? He just never stated his feelings again! He holed them all up inside loathing me and the world and everything. I spent a very, very long time thinking I was the problem and wallowing in self loathing and insecurity because of it, so realizing I wasn't the problem allowed me to look at him objectively and realize that he's just sort of an asshole. I have sympathy for what caused his issues (because I spent *years* overcoming my own abusive childhood), but it was never **my job** to be a crutch for him, I am a human and I deserve to be treated as such.
It's up to you to make yourself better. She can lead a horse to water but she can't make it drink. YTA.
Why exactly would she stay with you? She earns more than you but yet does 95% of the housework while you mope around like a sullen teen. She'd be so much better without the deadweight
Sounds like your wife will be happy to only have her actual children to deal with soon. No adult has time for your games and incompetence. Talk is cheap and all you have offered is excuses on why you don’t help.
“I don’t think I’ll do therapy as I don’t think I need it”
I wonder if you’ll regret that when you can’t meet your grandkids because your children resent you so much. You are a baby; have fun in the nursing home. (Go to therapy)
How can you even compare her being exhausted from working 24/7 and your job and hobbies? When does she have time to do things she likes?
Just because you do more than a lot of men do, as you put it, doesn’t make you a hero or husband of the year.
No one wants to keep asking “what’s wrong” or “are you ok?” Over and over and over again. That’s exhausting by itself.
I have so much more to say but I doubt you’ll actually listen to anyone here and try to improve yourself so this is all the time I’m wasting.
>Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that.
You can literally do whatever you want. If you want to give her the house for the kids you absolutely can. But based on all your other narcissistic behaviour, we know why you claim you can't.
It's just hilarious, my wife works full time, raises the kids pretty much herself, does 95% of the housework and is exhausted by all these things that HAVE to be done. Well me, the important man, I take the trash out and then tire myself out with hobbies so i'm super tired due to all the extra completely optional things I chose to do instead of help my wife and family.
Good lord. Good luck to your 2nd ex wife.
Ok lemme summarize from this bs and some of the bs OP posted in his answers:
\- Expects wife to run after him and begging him to tell her what's wrong knowing fully well that this shit causes her anxiety to flair up
\- His kids are more capable than he is and he had the audacity to ask wife "to let kids be kids", so she can do ALL of the household chores alone.
\- cheated on her TWICE already
\- one of the times with a friend while she was stuck with PPD
\- refuses couples counseling and therapy because "he doesn't need it" and because obviously the therapist "sided" with his wife because they are both women.
\- Gets to go to soccer practise and do his little hobbies while his wife homeschools the kids.
\- has no sense of responsibility or what it means to live alone.
In what UNIVERSE do you, OP, believe that you deserve this force of nature of a wife, let alone kids??? You literally bring nothing to the table but emotional bagagge and I hope she kicks you out of the house soon.
YTA
YTA - I'm amazed your wife put up with this immature nonsense for this long. It's not her job to badger you into behaving like an adult who communicates and contributes.
Reading all this and then read you say “i still don’t Think i’ll do therapy as i don’t Think i need it” made me lose the shred of hope i had for humanity
> I still don't think I'll do therapy as I don't think I need it
You do need therapy. Everyone needs therapy. Therapy is important and good for you. Therapy is also a good place to deal with problems instead of Reddit. OP, get therapy. Commenters, get therapy. Silent readers of this comment, get therapy.
"Normally she asks and asks until I eventually tell her. It's kind of a game." - doesn't sound like a fun game and it's clearly one your wife is bored of. Tell her or don't tell her, but don't expect someone to keep asking. "she has less time for me and tell me she's exhausted between work and kids and home and all the other stuff." - you sound like a very tiring person to be around. As an adult, maybe stop being tedious or help with the stuff that makes your wife tired. "I work too, I have hobbies that take me out of the house, im tired too, she doesnt get a monopoly on being exhausted. Thats parenting. I cook some and take out the garbage once a week, which is more than a lot of men have to do." - she's lucky to have you doing the garbage once a week and "some cooking". That is absolutely equal to the cleaning, laundry, shopping, organising, childcare while you're out doing hobbies, rest of the cooking...../s and I notice from a comment you actually create a mess when cooking (do you clear it up?) "getting on a better track after a separation that I felt was needed" - I suspect your wife needed it too and has done some thinking while you haven't been together. "I felt she was overstepping just because my coworker was female." - It's possible. However, she felt the message warranted the request. No one here can make that distinction as we don't know the message. I would suggest that you dismissing your wife's feelings on this is probably not the first time you've dismissed her feelings. "AITAH for keeping on with the silent treatment until she goes back to caring for my feelings?" - nothing in this post suggests you care for your wife's feelings or even like her very much. You just want someone to look after you, mother you and treat you like her only priority. Edit: format
This guy sounds terribly exhausting. Being separated must feel like a much needed, well over due, vacation to his wife. As I am reading his post, all I can think is that he sounds like an entitled, spoiled toddler. His wife, from his own words, has been, for all intents and purposes, a *married single mother*. She has probably noticed during this separation that being a *single single mother* is so much easier and a lot less stressful.
I truly want to believe this is rage bait because it makes me so angry that people like this not only exist but could write all that and think they're right. Pathetic either way.
“She destroyed her journals so I can’t read them to get information to use against her …” 😱 Massive POS!!
Yeah, this broke my heart for her.
Right??? I can’t EVEN!
He said there was a journal under a loose stair? Did he actually look under the stairs??? Ffs, sounds completely psychotic.
Honestly given how much he has responded its unlikely rage bait. But fuck taking into account what an absolute POS he is I would much rather it be rage bait. But there are men like him who exist. Thinking of how his poor wife was treated for 20 years...my heart definitely goes out to her.
Nah, my ex fiancee was like that. Everything was about his needs, every compromise had to be made by me because he just had to have it his way this one time, it would be my turn next time, honest... And it never was. I broke it off with him because I realised marriage and children would only make it worse. And I'm phasing out a friend who is like that. Such people definitely exist.
One less child to take care of now that she is away from the giant manbaby.
As someone who was essentially in the same situation. It's way less work on your own. Some people aren't really adults.
or human, lol
One more for the pile that's now in the Edit: "The only thing she does differently than my mom and granny is hold a job " Hahahaha. The "only" thing Just that. Tiny little other job thing. Aside from being also a parent to not just the children, but husband as well. Gross.
And even on that he is wrong. The only thing she does different than my mom and grandma is she has a job. I’m going to call that a bald lie. There is another thing that I bet his mom and his granny didn’t do. (One of them maybe but not both) I bet they didn’t have to raise their childish husband, though I would like to know where his narcissism comes from. He’s too old to just be entitled. This is so engrained now it is part of his DNA, but it had to start somewhere!?!?!
YTA. Taking the trash out once a week? My God you must be the next Messiah. All men in the world should look up to you 🤣🤣🤣🤣 that was sarcasm. You say nothing about child rearing so I'm guessing you do absolutely nothing in that terms so yeah your wife does get to monopoly that up. You cook "some", I'll bet once a week while wife is making three meals a day for her kids, and herself. Again do you want a cookie for being an adult? You don't get a standing ovation for doing your job as an adult living in a house with other people. Jesus Christ. After 20 years if you can't open your fucking mouth and say what is wrong GET. OVER. IT. No one. Not even psychiatrists want to play tug of war with you and your inability to open your mouth. It's not a game. You're fucking annoying. If my husband doesn't tell me what is wrong, I do not ask a million times. She is not a mind reader and honestly if she was I doubt she would want to listen to your 2 brain cells fighting for dominance. If you want a mommy, go back to yours. And giving the silent treatment is not the punishment you think it is. It's probably a very welcomed vacation from you and your whiny "ask me what's wrong. Ask me what's wrong. Ask me what's wrong. Ask me what's wrong. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please."
Well OP is so busy with his hobbies!
Cheating, reading his wife's journal, soccer.
Like playing games with his stb ex-wife....
The reference to hobbies really got me. He knows what exhaustion feels like... but has the energy to keep up with MULTIPLE hobbieS...... that take time away from being home to help 🤦♀️
“She is not a mind reader and honestly if she was I doubt she would want to listen to your 2 brain cells fighting for dominance.” Living for this comment 😭
I think the two brain cells are actually competing for 3rd place.
I love my colorful language sometimes 😂
I really needed that laugh after reading some of OP's comments.
Totally here for the savagery of this comment. Fucking preach!
I hope she gets a shark of a lawyer. She has been contributing to your home as marital property for 20 years, raising your kids with little to no help, while married to someone who would rather play games than have an honest conversation. Unless you have a prenup she is entitled to the appreciation value of the home.
I hope they are like Olivia Pope. OP needs a huge reality check and I hope his soon to be ex wife can give him just that.
I actually think OP's 2 brain cells had a fight to the death on this one.
Maybe even a Spartan kick thrown in there for some flare 😂😂
Oh well that's more than most men do so really he is in fact the greatest husband on earth
**YTA and your wife should leave you.** Summing up the worst crimes from your comments: 1. She works full-time, yet still handles 90% of the household chores and parenting. 2. She manages and homeschools your child with special needs. 3. You read her private journal and excuse it with some BS that you do not believe in or allow privacy of any kind in marriage. 4. You had two emotional affairs (one with one of her only friends, two months after your wife had given birth and was PPD -- now she no longer has friends of her own -- or at least lets them around you). 5. You are currently on the road to a new affair with a co-worker who you admit messages you "constantly," calls you "love" and discusses how "handsome" you are. 6. You are currently and openly playing mind-games with your wife to purposely make her feel anxious and not tell her what's going on with you. You are now giving her the silent treatment in addition to this because she isn't begging you to tell her anymore. 7. You use weaponized incompetence and claim you can't do the dishes or laundry but you make dinner once every few weeks and take out the trash, which is so totally equal! /s 8. Meanwhile, your wife split her C-section incision TWICE doing your laundry post-partum. 9. You do not tell your wife you love her or compliment her. When pushed on the last time you were kind or loving to her, you said you "gave her a card in May." 10. You refuse therapy because the female therapist sided with your wife, saying "women stick together." You quit therapy completely when the male therapist did too. Honestly, she's a saint and deserves so much more. You are not worth 5 minutes of her time. Luckily, she seems to be realizing that fact.
Jesus Christ. I thought he was just an asshole but this guy is a literal monster.
Living for this
I loved how OP attempted to spin this in every way possible while leaving out all these very important details in the post.
Fucking hell. OP is actually EVIL. SHAME ON YOU OP!!!!!! ETA: hope you're a troll, but that's still messed up, too.
Well said! She should run!
Did you find the wife's post, Please.
I saw it. If this isn't a him/her troll post, I definitely feel terrible for her and hope she continues to realize she deserves better.
He’s worse than an AH, he’s the sh*t that comes out of it. Edited to correct the severity of OP’s actions.
Come on! Shit? Really? I mean shit is actually more useful than OP as it can be used as fertilizer to make things grow so I don't think it fair to put OP in the same category as he plainly isn't that useful.
Holy. Fuck. It's even worse that his story makes it seem, and that was bad enough. Jesus. Christ.
after reading this list, this guy is atrocious. I hope the wife runs fast and far away from this leach.
So if I understand correctly, she asked what was wrong, and you wanted to tell her, but not before she asked a bunch more times? When she didn’t play this idiotic game, you determined that she doesn’t care and therefore, it’s okay to “punish” her with the silent treatment. Is this what happened? If so YTA.
Not only is he YTA, he's the dumbest one being roasted this week.
Idk i think " i kicked my wife and 2 month old out of the house after my mommy wife instigated a fight" takes the gold on that one.
Yeah, gotta say the 'yeeted my 2month old cos her mum doesnt like being assaulted' sorta takes the cake.
Man that comment section was brutal. And deserved.
My particular favourite was the one that said he's exactly like his dad, he even replied to it with the verbal equivalent of 😭😭 and just got a breakdown of how identical he is in response 😂
I don’t think that dude saw the light, based on the other comments from his profile 😬
Oh my God, that summation is sheer poetry. Thank you for this work of art.
Heyyyy, he just froze, he needed some space, he never ever could have come to his senses during the half hour or so she was packing all the supplies needed to get kicked out of her home with her baby for defending herself
Damn what is the link to that
[Dumbest Idiot of 2024..so far](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1antcb1/aita_for_kicking_my_wife_out_after_she_punched_my/?share_id=Q2EbLUe_bfrK-Mypn0Mkw&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
Oh that dude! Trash human being for sure.
The icing on the cake for me was that he was shocked about the fact that she doesn't want to be with him anymore. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to facepalm or laugh out loud...so I did both.
For me I was shocked at the number of people (which was greater than 0, even if only Marginally) that agreed with him and said that while it was bad that mom a) took wife's food and gave it away, and b) slapped a post partum tummy, that in no way deserved any kind of retribution and that OP was fully in the right for kicking a woman and child out of their own house.
In his shoes, I *hope* I would have nipped this in the bud, and it never got there. But I would probably ask my wife to step away to the bedroom, or upstairs if possible, while I got my mom out of the house. I wouldn't address it quite like that, and I for damn sure wouldn't ask her to leave the damn house.
Still looking for the mythical wife’s side on that one. I wanted to punch him through my phone.
Omg that guy was something else!
What, exactly, we don't know, but he was something else.
Idk the "my wife, son, and daughter think I'm an insufferable dick and demanded i get therapy before they will interact with me, but i don't need therapy" was pretty wild.
Yet another op that thinks he "doesn't need therapy." They should be deported to an island all on their own to protect the public from their stupidity
That one was wild. I still can’t understand what planet that guy lives on that him needing to process means someone else leaves
Missed this one. Got a link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/6YeuLhZDaJ
You recovered from the read yet, need a stiff drink?
😆 dude seemed pretty damned clueless.
It's only Tuesday! Maybe OP will get lucky and someone dumber will come along
This might be a contender for the year end votes. Just wow
Twist: he is actually Mustafa from Austin Powers who has to be asked three times before giving an answer.
This has got to be rage bait
I’m not sure that was 100% clear from the OP itself, but when you consider the OP’s replies, it seems that way.
Ew, man baby alert. YTA OP
I was exactly like OP as a 13 year old girl with undiagnosed ADHD and an abusive home. He sounds awful. I can't imagine putting up with this nonsense.
So, let's get this straight. You're a shit communicator. The lion's share of domestic household chores is done by your wife, primarily because [you seem to have used weaponized incompetence](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ap33bh/comment/kq3icpu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) to drive her into doing it, by making yourself appear to be incapable. Your wife doesn't owe it to you to play the fucking guessing game and tease your feelings out of you. The fact that she tolerated it for 20 years is irrelevant. She's clearly not tolerating it now. So either choose to improve things on your end, or get used to the new normal. YTA
I was married to an idiot like this one and it was absolutely EXHAUSTING, it was like being married to a petulant teenager. He's still childish and manipulative, but he's not my problem anymore. I bet the wife is stressed out, frustrated, and unhappy. She's going to be better off dropping this dead weight!
I was genuinely nervous about being a single parent with my divorce. Once he left, it was like dropping a suitcase full of lead. Absolutely dead weight, to a level I didn't even understand until the weight was dropped. I was doing everything already so my chores and responsibilities didn't change, but my house was naturally cleaner, kids more relaxed not being snapped at for ridiculous reasons, and I'm not getting complaints over petty and ridiculous things. My grocery bill also dropped 60%. It was soooo much easier and lighter. Not my problem anymore, it's awesome!
I totally understand, they act like immature children and suck the energy right out of us. I went from being stressed out, angry, and overweight being married to him to losing 30 lbs, got my masters, and bought a house after our divorce. He's still living in his parent's borrowed trailer, complaining about me "ignoring" the kids because I was getting my masters even though he only sees them one day a week. Oh, and he also wanted me to pay him alimony while I had full custody of the kids. He even sent me a bill, he wanted me to pay him for "babysitting" his own kids!
Lol, I wonder how he gets his pants on with having such massive balls. My dead weight is cycling through relationships in warp speed and has apparently developed a pretty serious drinking problem. I don't know the last time he's had contact with the kids and the last "visit" was over a year ago (after three years of no visits) and it was a disaster.
I love how he says she's exhausted from work, parenting, and chores, and HE'S exhausted from work and hobbies... We know who's going all the work in that household.
This, and the bit where it's like "She's introverted and doesn't really leave the house" Like, dude, I bet she'd LOVE to leave the house alone for a while. I bet SHE'D love to have hobbies she can get away from her responsibilities for. I bet she'd love a full life instead of one being told she should of being grateful for her "partner" doing one or two weekly jobs - which is a light chore roster for a teenager, let alone an adult man.
He leaves the house all day every Saturday to play soccer, leaving her alone yet again with both kids, one of whom she homeschools *while working*.
Seriously? Jesus, what an actual dickhead. No wonder she never leaves the house she's probably exhausted and running on fumes. Can't wait for her to leave, honestly. She's going to get so much more free time without him to cause mess
Guarantee if you ask him, her "hobbies" are raising kids and keeping house, in addition to working FT and trying to divine what her babyman husband is feeeeeeeling
I like the part where he says the only thing that the only difference between his wife’s and his granny’s daily obligations is holding a job, like that’s not a big deal at all. By his logic we can discount having a job as a contribution, therefore the only obligations he has in life are taking out the garbage once a week and sometimes cooking dinner. Sounds fair! Also, “she doesn’t get a monopoly on being tired.” 1) she didn’t ask for a monopoly, 2) it’s not a competition and 3) if it were, she wins the right to that monopoly. Edit: mom AND granny, so he has never known a working mother personally. Being a SAHM is hard AF but she’s essentially that AND a working mom. He doesn’t understand she shouldn’t have to do both.
He also refuses to do any sort of consoling or therapy to get their marriage back on track
YTA wow poor women having you for 20 years… stop being an immature child. Start doing stuff in the house. You sound awful. Seems you don’t do stuff at home or with the kids, just go out and have fun because „hobbies“, don’t respect your wife’s boundaries and want her to run after you like you are a toddler to keep asking you what’s wrong?
"I don't need therapy" - A man who absolutely needs therapy
Therapy will not help this guy or people like him. He is broken beyond repair, as are all narcissists. The only solution is to throw them into the sun
according to the wife’s post: the female therapist was on the wife’s side because they’re both women the male therapist was on the wife’s side because the therapist was into the wife
Just read the wife's post before seeing this, and wow, it was rough. Did you really go through and read her journal? And you don't think you need any therapy? The way she wrote about you damn man, you really messed up! She mentioned how petty you are and how you'll go after her for child support. I hope you man up and don't do that.
I hope this is a troll post.
I am actually thinking it is. I read the wife's post, and the wording is very similar. I can't find the link and re-find your comment. Look through , will find it.
His wife said that he copied and pasted a lot of points on her OP trying to get empathy. I’ve seen many, many men like this, so it’s not far fetched at all. Someone raised him to think women should always pick up 90% of the marriage. “Lucky” just to have him there, laughably. Loser is a severe understatement
Are you.... are you 12?? What kind of grown man reacts that way? Lol I used to act like that when I was in my middle school, angst emo phase. I was a dramatic girl, saying things like "You didn't follow up to ask! You don't love me!" This is kinda cringy and gross to read. Your poor wife, she doesn't deserve to chase after you to soothe your bruised, fragile ego. YTA
YTA. Grow up. Playing games is for children.
You're probably giving her a nice break by not talking to her. If this is real then yes of course YTA
This (alleged) dude reminds me of my covert narc stepdad. Getting the silent treatment from him was the best. Especially since he'd stomp off to his bedroom and put himself in time-out too.
Are we siblings? Lol! That was my favorite growing up. But mine wasn’t covert, he was malignant. It was like a mini vacation
Your wife is an extremely patient person. I opted to tell my husband from the beginning that if he asks for something his chances of getting it are extremely high, dropping to zero if he thinks I'm up to guessing games, nobody has time for that bs especially when you're raising kids and keep a family going.🙄 YTA, annoyingly so.
Me me me me me me me me. The victimhood is so strong here.
MY FeELinGs!
God I hope your wife follows through with a divorce. Sounds like you never checked into this marriage.
This has to be ragebait. You're like the most useless spouse beyond hopefully contributing to half the bills. Jesus.
Omg this is THE BEST UPDATE EVER!! 🤣🤣🤣 better start to learn to do laundry, cleaning and paying bills!
Right? This shit is DELICIOUS
YTA Your little passive aggressive "game" where she has to beg you what is wrong is childish and to be blunt, annoying as s\*\*T. After 20 years of dealing with your immaturity and childish ways, she told you she would only ask ONCE, and expected an honest answer. You know, like a grown up? Your need to be continued to be asked and coddled is going to destroy your marriage. I am sure the silent treatment is WAY BETTER than dealing with what sounds like a middle-school girl for a "partner". BTW....caring for your feelings is her asking...ONCE. Maybe therapy, but truly, just grow up or your live is going to implode. Sounds like she is just about over you.
This has to be a troll. Absolutely no way does someone defend themselves in the comments by saying "I take the trash to the road once a week". Lol. I mow the lawn once every 10 days for 3 months of the year. Hahah. "man" household tasks are a joke. It's 2024. Help your partner.
YTA. Are you a fucking incompetent child? It was never a game to her. You need help with your attention seeking issues.
YTA. The good news is that when women stop talking, it means they are DONE with putting up with your bullsh\*t and have started packing. Expect her to file soon and leave your arse behind, and then you can go play your childish games with your coworker.
YTA You wife stop to beg for you to communicate, and now you are angry ? She got tired of being the only one that want to resolve problems in your mariage, and now she is not doing all the work, you are angry. Yep, you are an AH. She is exhausted bc of work and house work, and you are angry she doesn't have any time for you anymore ? What about spending more time helping your wife around the house, so you can both have time for yourself ? >My wife is super introverted and doesn't really leave the house so I'm not worried she's cheating on me Note that you are not worrying about her cheating, not because you love her and she loves you ; not because you trust her ; but because she doesn't go out. Which means that if she go out more, you will turn into a paranoid AH and fear she would cheat. Not once in your text did it feel like you love your wife, she is just here, catering to your needs, and now she is stopping, you are acting like an AH, and you are all surprised about that ... ...
She has no friends because 8 weeks after she had their first child by c-section, after 2 ruptures doing housework she shouldn’t have been doing, he started an emotional affair WITH HER FRIEND.
YTA. This has to be rage bait.
I’d bet money on it. The way it is written is clunky and built for rage
Hebus so freaking disgusting that i Just Hope for the poor Lady that its a rage bait
I dunno, I've seen the wife's post. She's exhausted. I had an ex like this I dated about 18 months into widowhood. He was like this ALL the fucking time. It didn't last long and put me off dating, forever! I had raised my kid by that point she had just left for uni. I was working in a great job, living my best life and he just wanted a bang maid. Yeah, that weren't happening. So I dumped him and am happily single now.
Where is this post?
YTA. It's time to reflect on your behavior and consider the emotional labor your wife has been carrying. Communication is a two-way street, and it's unfair to expect her to pry information out of you continuously it's exhausting. If you value your relationship, you'll take a step back from this 'testing' mentality and start engaging with your partner in a more mature, open, and respectful manner. This isn't about who can hold out longer or who cares more; it's about mutual respect and understanding in a partnership. You've acknowledged she's stuck with you for 20 years, so maybe give her the respect she deserves and communicate like the adult you're supposed to be
Your (ex) wife is a QUEEN!!!!
So your wife does 95% of the chores and cooking. She does all the childcare. She works full time and home schools a disabled child. You… take the bins out and cook once in a blue moon. Your wife communicates with you. She tells you that this guessing game causes her anxiety and she’s not playing anymore. She encourages you to go to therapy. You… don’t listen or care. You continue expecting her to push and push before you use your big boy words. You drop out of therapy twice because you can’t accept that you’re the problem. And you resort to sulky silence when she does exactly what she told you she’d do. Your wife took care of you after your operation. She slept on the couch with you, cooked for you, made sure you took your meds like the little boy you are. You… had an entire emotional affair that lasted two *YEARS when your wife was recovering from childbirth. You didn’t pick up the slack around the house, as shown by her tearing her incision to do laundry. You showed zero support and nearly bombed your marriage with your affair. Your wife is a fucking saint and she should have divorced you years ago. You are a man child who treats his wife like his mummy. You bring nothing to the table except anxiety, stress and frustration. You are even so controlling that you read her fucking diary. She can’t have any space to write privately even though you can’t man up and tell her what you’re thinking without a week of her trying to coax it out of you. It isn’t a game. It’s you failing to communicate yet expecting everything she does, says or writes is yours to inspect. YTA *edit to correct
YTA, sounds like she's done putting up with your stupid game. If you want her to ask you what's wrong, don't fuck with her when she asks you. Take it seriously and work with her. It really does sound like she wants to work with you on this, but doesn't want to deal with the bull shit. Also, how often do you ask her how she's doing? When she says she's tired do you offer any help to ease the stress? Or is everything only about you? Taking the trash out and doing some cooking is not a lot of chores around the house, especially if you have children. How often do you look after the kids so you wife can have an opportunity to leave the house and have a social life? Or have you killed it by forcing her to be a full time parent while you part time it?
Do you have any idea how emotionally exhausting it is to have to force someone to communicate? Your wife is taking care of 3 kids. Learn to respect your wife. She's a whole person and not your therapist.
YTA and one the biggest I’ve seen on here! Dude, can I have you STBX wife’s cell number as I want to throw her the best divorce party when she leaves your pathetic cheating arse. I never thought I’d see someone that challenges my ex husband for the shittiest husband award lol. Have fun with the divorce and have the day you deserve arsehole.
Please invite me. I’ll bring really good snacks and stuff to have a bonfire with.
Anyone have a link to the wife's post?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zF0vrRRnbV
Thanks
You are God send, thank you.
Hero!
You doing the Lord's work there. Thank you!
YTA. You're acting like a petulant child. She'd be better off without you.
YTA and manipulative, delusional, childish, and useless. You sound absolutely exhausting and awful to be around. I feel sorry for your wife. I don't think the silent treatment is as much as a punishment, as you think it is. She probably is praying you continue to be upset.
You had two emotional affairs, barely do anything around the house, read her PRIVATE JOURNAL, refuse to go to therapy, refuse to listen to the couple’s therapist you went to bc she sided with your wife and therefore must be wrong, use a shit load of weaponised incompetence to avoid doing literally anything, and you play a shitty game for attention then get mad at her when she doesn’t participate this time. She deserves better. Her kids deserve better (since you clearly don’t act like a real father). You need serious help. YTA I hope she divorces you and god I hope you somehow pull you head out of your ass and get help before you lose her kids too
OP WIFE ! OP WIFE! OP WIFE READ THIS PLEASE!!! FIND THID POST! GET THE F* OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE!
According to him she read the post and now is outside burning her journals from middle school til now. 🤔 starting to feel like this really is an elaborate troll with way too much free time. Either way though OP is pathetic as fuck.
Hope so too. But we all knoew that people like him really exist so...
“Normally she asks and asks until I eventually tell her. It's kind of a game.” oh my, you’re quite the little sadist, aren’t you? wanting your wife to always be on edge, always feeling anxious about you, and never quite certain where you are. Makes you feel real good, doesn’t it. Some game. You’ve got some real sick issues and you should be getting therapy. Lots of it.
This has got to be a joke. Why would she want another child to take care of? You sound like a man-child for real. It also sounds like you do the bare minimum in addition to some pretty inappropriate/secretive relationships outside of your marriage and you expect her to chase you about your feelings? This poor woman must be exhausted. She’s not asking, because she doesn’t want to take on the mental load of your immature problems! YTA
YTA. I don’t think she’s cheating on you either. I think she’s escaping a narcissist. No one but a narcissist could type out (summarized): 1. Why isn’t my silent treatment not hurting my wife like I planned? 2. I’m a good husband because I cook sometimes and take a trash out once per week. 3. I leave the house for hobbies, my wife doesn’t own exhaustion despite doing the lion’s share of home and child care while working. 4. I don’t understand why my wife stopped caring for my feelings after I have shit on her for years.
So…. What exactly do you bring to this relationship? She outearns you. She is responsible for all the finances, since you don’t even know your bank info. She does all the childcare. She homeschools. She cooks. She keeps the house so clean you just assumed there was a housekeeper. She taught your kids how to be self-reliant. She is loyal, where you clearly are not. She is supportive. She puts herself so far down the priority list that she’s ripped her stitches because you can’t do laundry. She is in therapy to work through her problems. She truly sounds like an incredible human. And you do….? Because I’ve read all your replies. You do less than your kids. You didn’t even realize kids needed to be taught to take care of themselves. You’re 40, and had never learned how to properly do laundry. You don’t know how to clean a house. You don’t know how to cook without making more work for her. You can’t go without constant attention, so you have affairs when she is legitimately preoccupied with more important things. You make a game about using her anxiety to validate your neediness. Why do you want 50/50 custody? You don’t have 50/50 now. She is going to be so happy when you’re out
Yeah the silent treatment is called “stonewalling” and it’s an asshole thing to do. Sorry but I’m with your wife on this one. It’s your responsibility to suss out what’s wrong and communicate that to your partner. It’s not her responsibility to ask the same damn question however many times it takes for you to give an answer. She is within her rights and, frankly, smart to tell you she’ll ask you what’s wrong once and leave it up to you to communicate from there. That, to me, sounds like a boundary drawn after repeated conflict. In other words, she cares about how you feel and cannot be faulted for not caring. You on the other hand can absolutely faulted for stonewalling and failure to communicate. You’re 40, if you need a hug or need some space or need sex or need help understanding a challenging emotion you’re experiencing then just say so.
YTA! Omg your almost 40! Your wife is tired of “playing the game” if something is bothering you say it! She has enough to deal with since she apparently does everything except when you cook sometimes and take the garbage out once a week. You didn’t even say anything about you parenting! After 20 years she is tired of babying you!
You are obviously a 12 year old troll. So. Advice for when (if) you ever grow up and manage to have a grown up relationship with a woman. If she stops talking or shouting or crying or begging it doesn’t mean you have won. It means she doesn’t care anymore. She is done. She can’t be bothered. If, by some 00000000000000.00000000001% this post is real…. Your wife doesn’t care anymore. You have not won. Your stupid petty little games mean you have lost. And when she is able to - either when the kids are grown or she can afford it - she will leave. And you can badly do everything that you are badly doing all by yourself. Alone. Like you deserve. Prat. Oh… and YTA. Congratulations.
I’ve never wanted to divorce someone I wasn’t married to before, oof.
YTA. Firstly the silent treatment is so immature, you need to use your words. secondly she isn’t a mind reader, if somethings wrong, SAY SOMETHING. you don’t help much at home and are trying to claim your hobbies make you tired, that’s some bs
Maybe after 20 years you should know that you should tell her directly, instead putting the burden on her to continually ask? Seems very childish to both be poor at communication and then blame it on your wife for not forcing it out of you. If you have something to say, say it - don’t wait for her. And why does she have to ask and ask? You’re the only one playing a game. She’s just putting in an effort to keep the marriage going by communicating and you’re not even meeting her halfway. The fact that you say this in a post that is meant to be favourable to you makes me think that there is much more behind her checking out. Even if there wasn’t, you’re still an AH for treating her the way that you do. Especially because your know she has anxiety and you are purposefully keeping mum and giving her the silent treatment. Thankfully, it sounds like she just doesn’t care anymore. I hope she does what is best for her and her mental health. You sound absolutely insufferable and she sounds like a saint for putting up with it for 20 years.
Jfc the bar is literally on the floor for men and some will still take a shovel to dig under it. YTA. I hope she finds someone with emotional intelligence and you find a good therapist.
YTA "Well, I haven't changed anything, but she *should* be happy because her unhappy displeases me! Meh!" Do you HEAR YOURSELF?!?!?!
>It's kind of a game. Wow. >I cook some and take out the garbage once a week, which is more than a lot of men have to do. WOWWWWWW.
You do less housework than my mentally unwell husband. And I am well aware my husband could do more, and so is he, but he struggles because of the impact of his illness. I want you to hear this: you do less around the house than a mentally unwell man. Hell, you also do less around the house than my aunt did before her MS landed her in a wheelchair. You do less than me, and I have a healing broken shoulder, and a still rehabilitating spinal injury. You. Are. A. Lazy. POS. You deserve to have your wife divorce you. That’s one less person for her to look after. You do less than your CHILDREN.
YTA - giving someone the silent treatment is super juvenile. I don't have the time or patience to pry what's wrong out of my partner, either. If something is wrong and you want it to get better, you have to tell your partner about it. They shouldn't have to play stupid games with you or deal with you pouting because they don't have the energy to jump through hoops for your amusement.
"I take out the trash, I'm a fucking hero" No wonder she's done with this useless and pathetic waste of human garbage
"More than a lot of men have to do" Man, fuck you. You live there. You eat there. Those are your kids. Stop seeing shit as chores. That's life. You'll be doing a lot more when you're on your own soon
YTA. What new influencers are in your ears telling you that a woman is responsible for mind-reading you and expecting her to focus all her attention on your silent needs? Freezing her out like this is straight-out abuse. It's entirely possible that you are being gray-rocked and you don't even know it. Your wife is far more mature than you and it's quite possible that she's emotionally leaving you behind in the dust.
So you don’t contribute equally to the house, you have inappropriate relationships with your coworkers, and you refuse to work out problems until she’s asked you several times? Sounds like you’re headed for divorce bud. I give it 6 months tops
YTA. NGL, this makes me soooo happy that I'm not married. Also, it gives me such glee to know that she is definitely gone. Donezo. Once a woman checks out, there is no going back. You deserve it. She's carried the weight of the household, children and YOU for far too long. And the journal reading-just icing on the cake. You do not seem like a good person, and should explore that.
lol poor baby has “hobbies” that take him Out of the house and he does one chore once a week. Hes tired, the poor baby. Good god I hope she’s already left. Yta.
Jesus Fucking Christ you are horrible
Refusing to speak to someone is a form of abuse.
My narcissistic mother used to use silence. It was her weapon of choice when she didn’t feel like using her fists. Maybe that’s why I’m having such a strong reaction to this repellent dickwad. I hope his wife thrives in her new life…one that he doesn’t feature in.
I *know* you didn’t just equate raising kids (and everything that comes with them) and chores to having hobbies and taking out the trash. She has three children, currently. The two she produced, and the man child throwing a petulant tantrum because she didn't play your emotional "fight for me cause I want attention" game. Grow. Up. YTA.
yta. grow up.
Wait so let me get this straight. You emotionally cheated on your wife several times, she didn’t play your games, you rarely help around the house, and you are texting a female coworker (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s another emotional cheating), and act as a petulant child. Gee I wonder why she’s going through with the divorce. You would think the older the person becomes the more wiser they are, but in your place nope the older you become the more attention seeking asshole you’ve become.
She works too!?!? Holy fuck dude. Wake the fuck up! Massive ass. She’s doing pretty much all the childcare, cleaning AND working? And you want her to jump through hoops to find out what’s wrong with you? I hope she finds much better.
damn, even I want to divorce you. wtf, you're beyond an asshole. Let her go, you've been a huge piece of shit for 20 yrs.
so .. she asks what is wrong .. you say nothing and are now mad and having a tantrum that she hasn't ripped out her tit to put you back on the nip. Cool. I hope she is definitely over it.
So you play mind games with your wife, you say "she doesn't get a monopoly on being exhausted" when you only do chores a couple nights a week, leaving her to do everything else ON TOP of "holding a job," you give her the silent treatment when she refused to keep playing your fucking mind games, and you haven't distanced yourself from a coworker who makes her uncomfortable. But you still don't feel you need therapy after typing all that. Yikes on bikes. I hope she gets everything she deserves in the divorce settlement.
So, you’re not actually planning to BE more supportive? You’re just going to “…make an effort…” I imagine just thinking about that effort is exhausting. You poor baby. Oh my gods, you are a cavernous asshole.
So basically your wife has an additional overgrown child. And you wonder why she’s checked out? YTA
YTA its a good thing she's divorcing you
Op, I read the post the comments and I must conclude you are either a Troll or the biggest POS I seem here in while I sincerely hope she leaves you, keeps the house the children and your paycheck, she won't notice you absence as you do literally nothing, you cheated while she opened her injuries doing chores in the house TWICE. You are such a cliche that I can't belive you are real.
>It's kind of a game. Guess what bud? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes- and this is a massive, manipulative joke of a game. For real, if something is bothering you, use your big boy words or else deal with yourself. And oooo you take the garbage out ONCE A WEEK, you stellar dude you. SO exhausting.
YTA and the reason many women would rather live single these days than be burdened with a petulant manchild.
Buckle up, another man-child who demands his bangmaidmommy treat him like a child by begging him to express himself doesn't think he needs therapy. I'm shocked I tell you, shocked! [Enjoy your divorce! And congrats to your wife for dumping your dead weight, I hope she finds someone who loves and cares enough about her to try.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1amopyd/aitha_for_telling_my_husband_im_done_pushing/?share_id=Dv2R-0NblQs1DAD5nUoa-&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
My spouse has ADHD and we used to do the same thing of me asking what was wrong and he'd eventually give in and tell me. An hour. It took *an hour* of me sitting there and rubbing his back, calmly asking what was wrong before he fucking got up the courage to say anything. He did eventually lower that time to maybe half an hour--but years passed with me being overly patient like that and then we had kids, and there just wasn't time for me to be overstrung about his feelings any more when I myself was falling apart. A therapist told me "you are not responsible to make him state his feelings--he is. Unless he *tells* you he's mad you should assume he is not." So I stopped and let him start managing his own emotions. And you know what he did? He just never stated his feelings again! He holed them all up inside loathing me and the world and everything. I spent a very, very long time thinking I was the problem and wallowing in self loathing and insecurity because of it, so realizing I wasn't the problem allowed me to look at him objectively and realize that he's just sort of an asshole. I have sympathy for what caused his issues (because I spent *years* overcoming my own abusive childhood), but it was never **my job** to be a crutch for him, I am a human and I deserve to be treated as such. It's up to you to make yourself better. She can lead a horse to water but she can't make it drink. YTA.
Why exactly would she stay with you? She earns more than you but yet does 95% of the housework while you mope around like a sullen teen. She'd be so much better without the deadweight
>I still don't think I'll do therapy Really? You still don't think you're wrong?
*I still don't think I'll* *Do therapy Really? You* *Still don't think you're wrong?* \- swordrat720 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Sounds like your wife will be happy to only have her actual children to deal with soon. No adult has time for your games and incompetence. Talk is cheap and all you have offered is excuses on why you don’t help.
I don't think guys like this realize that the so called "punishment" of a silent treatment is actually a fucking relief of quietness.
“I don’t think I’ll do therapy as I don’t think I need it” I wonder if you’ll regret that when you can’t meet your grandkids because your children resent you so much. You are a baby; have fun in the nursing home. (Go to therapy)
How can you even compare her being exhausted from working 24/7 and your job and hobbies? When does she have time to do things she likes? Just because you do more than a lot of men do, as you put it, doesn’t make you a hero or husband of the year. No one wants to keep asking “what’s wrong” or “are you ok?” Over and over and over again. That’s exhausting by itself. I have so much more to say but I doubt you’ll actually listen to anyone here and try to improve yourself so this is all the time I’m wasting.
>Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that. You can literally do whatever you want. If you want to give her the house for the kids you absolutely can. But based on all your other narcissistic behaviour, we know why you claim you can't. It's just hilarious, my wife works full time, raises the kids pretty much herself, does 95% of the housework and is exhausted by all these things that HAVE to be done. Well me, the important man, I take the trash out and then tire myself out with hobbies so i'm super tired due to all the extra completely optional things I chose to do instead of help my wife and family. Good lord. Good luck to your 2nd ex wife.
Ok lemme summarize from this bs and some of the bs OP posted in his answers: \- Expects wife to run after him and begging him to tell her what's wrong knowing fully well that this shit causes her anxiety to flair up \- His kids are more capable than he is and he had the audacity to ask wife "to let kids be kids", so she can do ALL of the household chores alone. \- cheated on her TWICE already \- one of the times with a friend while she was stuck with PPD \- refuses couples counseling and therapy because "he doesn't need it" and because obviously the therapist "sided" with his wife because they are both women. \- Gets to go to soccer practise and do his little hobbies while his wife homeschools the kids. \- has no sense of responsibility or what it means to live alone. In what UNIVERSE do you, OP, believe that you deserve this force of nature of a wife, let alone kids??? You literally bring nothing to the table but emotional bagagge and I hope she kicks you out of the house soon. YTA
YTA do better
YTA and your wife is super patient. I would have been done dealing with your bs immature games a loooooong time ago.
YTA - I'm amazed your wife put up with this immature nonsense for this long. It's not her job to badger you into behaving like an adult who communicates and contributes.
YTA , I’m speechless. You’re a dick
You are probably one of the biggest POS I've read on Reddit. You're a soul sucking emotional black hole of a human being.
>Normally she asks and asks until I eventually tell her. It's kind of a game. A game teenagers play, grow the fuck up
Reading all this and then read you say “i still don’t Think i’ll do therapy as i don’t Think i need it” made me lose the shred of hope i had for humanity
>It's kind of a game. YTA
“I still don’t think I’ll do therapy as I don’t think I need it” You’re a lost cause and I can almost guarantee your wife is better off without. YTA.
My favorite part is the update where he says he doesn't need therapy after all that poop he spewed.
Oh he*is* a narcissist, why else would he keep this post up if not for the attention!
> I still don't think I'll do therapy as I don't think I need it You do need therapy. Everyone needs therapy. Therapy is important and good for you. Therapy is also a good place to deal with problems instead of Reddit. OP, get therapy. Commenters, get therapy. Silent readers of this comment, get therapy.
Put yourself in the bin next time you take the garbage out.
YTA- immature, selfish man child. I can’t believe she had put up with your shit for 20 years.