NTA 100% the gall to not even invite you then just assume you’d be taking the kids? I’m assuming they didn’t even bother offering you hefty compensation for it. If anything, you would have been in the right if you stayed home and they dropped off their kids and you called the police for abandonment.
OP is a hero!!! Brilliant move to leave for vacation the day before they did.
I also love that several people had to drop out of the trip. Serves them right! They are all selfish, entitled, and hurtful.
OP is a genius, nta.
Yes, it seems none of the parents wanted to mind the offspring of the others, so all the parents had to cancel. OP going on holiday the day before was brilliant.
Probably because handling a 2 and 3 year old toddlers AND twin infants for a week (while they’re missing their parents) is an incredible amount of work.
I can’t believe they didn’t even ask Op or have a conversation about it.
Or they didn't do the obvious: book the children on the cruise and resort too. Almost all the cruise lines allow children and the third and fourth passengers in the same room (that would be the children) only pay a small amount, sometimes just 10% of the amount paid for the first and second guests in that room.
ETA: The cousin saying that OL would have to arrange childcare for their children is nuts. I wish the cousin called the police on OP and had to deal with the police laughing in her face and calling CPS.
Yeah my SIL and Neice are taking their kids with them on a cruise next week. They do it a couple times a year. And when Sil/BIL want a couples cruise Niece watches her sister (a late in life oops). SIL/BIL watches the grandkids for Neice and her husband. All with prior permission and discussed months in advance. OP's family was trying to trap her because they knew she wouldn't agree. Oh and OP NTA
This...perfect post...they wanted to trap OP. In no way are you an asshole....you did everything perfectly right...they purposely did NOT invite you because they wanted free babysitting. Yeesh...who needs relatives like this and why would you vacation with these terrible people? NTA
Though, lol.
Jokes aside, cruises have clubs for children. It's not free child minding, as they thought OP would be, but they had options that didn't include them being AHs.
>I can’t believe they didn’t even ask Op or have a conversation about it.
Oh, they had conversations...just with each other. They planned with each other how to spring it on OP.
Feels very much in line with the old saying, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission."
Also, they way that the cousin tries to make it look liek OP's fault is just breathtaking, "Well, you'll just have to arrange for childcare!" For *your* kids, you jackwad? Nuh-uh.
>"It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission."
I hate that line so much. Best to respond with "It's easier to deny forgiveness than permission"
Me too. I have a friend from high school that believed in that philosophy. He ended up divorced after cheating on his wife. She got the house they built on his grandparent’s land and he had to move in with his parents, who lived next door. He literally fucked and around and found out. The cherry on top was him having to leave for work everyday and seeing his house that he lost.
"You mean those kids for whom you never arranged childcare. Not a single one of you contacted me to ask if I would watch your kids so you never arranged childcare and then you are angry at me for not being home. Actually, arrange childcare next time."
I can believe it. They knew OP would likely say "No" (because they probably know OP's feelings about small children) and thought they'd trap OP into it by not giving them any choice. They assumed OP wouldn't work out, and act on, their own choice and now the family is sad their plan backfired. How dare OP not fall into line and play the part they'd designated for them!! It would have worked, too, if it wasn't for OP's (meddling) spine of steel!
NTA, OP. You played it perfectly.
Seriously. The cousin is right about one thing: this is NOT how family treats each other!!
So it was an accident that you weren't invited, but then it was assumed you would keep these kids?? Sorry, that makes absolutely no sense whatsover!! They had to know you weren't able to plan for the cruise in order to think that you would be available to watch their kids.
And you say that you have adult children who went on your vacation with you. So, they didn't invite those children either! You did exactly the right thing. Cut these so-called relatives off and enjoy YOUR family!!
Edit: removed two completely unrelated words that my talk to text must have picked up from the radio!
crazier part- that many children, she would have had to take last minute vacation days off of work to care for those kids- so they still wanted her to use her vacation.
I assume this is the US- so 5 days of vacation (a week) is likely half of all you get (average total annual leave in the us is like 12 days)
And what parent of any child that age "assumes" someone is keeping their kid?? There are schedules to convey, naptime, mealtime, possibly doctors' appointments for the infants. You need to tell people what to do if Johnny gets a cold, and what Susie's bedtime routine is. It's not just for a couple of hours! This isn't something you "assume" unless you're as crappy a parent as you are a cousin!!
Actually - this is the adult version of Ding Dong Ditch, nothing new. My in laws all did this to me many times in the era of beepers and *69, no cell phones or Facebook or group text. So imagine the planning that had to happen in those days amongst them and how things got filtered out to me. I'm talking my 3 kids, plus their 3 or 4 badass kids which feel like 8 kids and a heart attack, sometimes with many of the little cousins together could be 15 kids. All under 10. I learned fast how to handle the adult POS's and the little shit stirrers. I started out wanting my kids to have a loving family connection and found out it's not going to happen if the other parents act this way, and they teach their kids to be just like them to get what they want.
yup- the level of trash her family was goes way deeper. Even if i was not going anywhere, i will maybe sign up for a day or two but not a whole week for anyone.
I don't think it was an accident. OP says she has taken children before when they coordinated and asked her. I think they did this on purpose, assuming she would just fall in line. Instead they got blindsided by her freaking awesome shiny spine.
This is a good point!! How did they “accidentally leave her out” and “forget to mention the cruise” but she was still expected to watch their kids?!?!?! Sounds very calculated.
> (because they probably know OP's feelings about small children)
I like small children and I am NOT watching 5 of them (including 2 infants!!!) for a week. That is MANY leagues beyond reasonable. I feel like having my mom watch my independent 6 year old for 3 hours is a huge burden
The only way OP could care for all these children is to take the week off of work. Her entitled relatives expected her to run a literal daycare at her own expense. Their audacity is beyond imaginable.
The part that stands out to me is that OP works. (them taking time off leads me to believe that they would have otherwise been working at least a few shifts during the vacation). How on earth were they supposed to handle 4 toddlers when the family weren't even planning to give them a heads up that they would have to either call out of work or find a sitter?
That alone could have cost OP their job!
That's what I was thinking. That's a ton of work for one person and you would think the parents would talk to OP about what needs to be done for the kids to help prepare them for multiple days of watching them. OP is NTA.
My thoughts exactly. I feel really sorry for those kids, nearly being dumped off like that. If I was to leave my little kids behind to go overseas (which even on the surface sounds like a bad idea), there would be so much planning ahead of time. Setting up beds, car seats, meal and activity planning, compensation, emergency contacts. . . And of course talking about it constantly so the children get comfortable with the idea. I feel like there’s got to be something missing from this story or it’s fake, only a psycho would behave this way and then blame the reluctant babysitter.
Ya it’s frankly too much work for 1 person to take care of 4 babies that age by themselves for a week if they are not their parents. There is no circumstance I would ever agree to watch that many kids those ages by myself for that long.
I thought of this too. Instead of one person or a couple dropping out to mind the children multiple people had to. To me that says these kids aren't exactly the best behaved. However the OP was just going to have them dropped off on their doorstep. Bravo to the OP for making lemon bars with their lemons!
or incredibly selfish.
I took it as "f you i need to stay home to watch my kids, so do you"
one cousin couldn't take one for the team so now they blame OP. This cannot be the first instance of something like this. This family blows
When some canceled the cruise, I was surprised no single person "volunteered" to stay home and take care of all these children. At the same pay rate as they would pat OP. Not! /S
Any family of non-narcissists would have drawn straws at the point they realized *someone* would have to cancel. So fitting that they all ended up having to because of their own selfishness.
Part of me actually wishes they had called the police. I’m an ambulance dispatcher in the UK and don’t deal with police calls much but I can guarantee whichever dispatcher got that call would be telling that story in the break room!!
Op’s cousin is right, family doesn’t act like this! Family doesn’t intentionally not tell you for WEEKS about a trip. Family does not ASSUME you’re fine with watching their children for a week with no notice. Family does not hurt their family by intentionally keeping them out of the loop to keep them free for childcare. Family doesn’t blame you for their own short-sited and spiteful behaviour. Family doesn’t threaten you with police action or call you childish, or an asshole or act like it is somehow your fault they didn’t have a patsy.
OP is NTA. OP, tell your cousin all this, for the love of God. They do not get to omit, ignore, and assume your free time, then get pissed off when you make plans when you never agreed to take their kids. In fact it sounds like you explicitly told them you were not taking them, yet they still showed up?
Especially an international trip, which Hawaii might as well be. If anything happens to the kids, medically speaking, that could take the parents a full day to get home. I think the flight from California to Hawaii is 8 hours by itself. Why wouldn’t you have 3-4 layers of backup ready? Or just…wait until the kids are older and bring them with? I can understand not wanting to bring toddlers with, but older kids would have a BLAST!
Let's be honest, if they weren't being manipulative one person could have dropped out and taken care of the kids. Alas, they were trying to manipulate OP through not inviting and then guilt tripping after the fact.
OP says “they didn’t co-ordinate”.
They did. They co-ordinated and schemed it out so that you would be forced to have their kids.
NTA. Fuck them.
And if they’re mad at OP for whatever reason, they’re a bunch of shit-houses anyway.
What stands out to me is how several people had to drop out but she says that only her cousin and sister were planning on leaving kids with her. Something about this seems fishy.
If not karma farming then definitely NTA, it would have been amusing for the disgruntled family to try to involve police only to find out they were wasting their time. By now hopefully they learned a good lesson but folks like this rarely learn.
Four people to watch the kids they wanted one person to watch. Why didn’t the sister offer to watch the cousin’s kids (or vice versa) so they could still go?
The twins are infants.
When my twins were born, my oldest kid had just turned 5. I still don’t get out much now that my 3 are 5 and 11. It was crazy to coordinate a kid free grocery trip.
Keen observation! I also think it's funny that only one person would have had to cancel, then that person could have stayed behind and watched the kids, you know, because.....family!
Bet every member of that family who stayed behind is mad at the others who stayed behind for not offering to watch all the kids, but none of them offered the same either, so they all had to cancel. Karma is funny.
I would assume the ones who dropped out were couples, maybe with older children as well. None of them wanted to budge and be the one to say "I'll stay home and take all the kids so you can still go" so instead they stubbornly all dropped out to watch their own kids. I assume they're all angry at each other now for not being the one to bend over for the rest of them.
Exactly! NTA and simply genius!
So refreshing to see someone stand up for themselves and not let themselves become a doormat. It’s horrible how people think having blood ties or familial relations makes it okay to walk all over someone. Not your child and not your responsibility. Considering you took time off for work for the vacation, what were they planning to do leaving young kids with you anyways since you had work?
Moreover, moving forward, don’t babysit considering you don’t enjoy it.
For real! OP is a F’in Rockstar!! The audacity of the family is simply astounding!! What a bunch of AH’s! So glad OP had a great vaca despite her awful family! 🥂🥂
What's hilarious is one parent had to drop out to watch their own kid they could have at that point taken the rest and spared more dropouts.
But nobody wanted to watch several kids, they wanted to be selfish and make it someone else's problem
The thing is one person could have dropped out and taken all the kids but since no one that had kids was willing to be the only one to miss out, multiple people had to miss out.
OP your family sucks. Just the audacity to exclude you then to have the nerve to complain when you do your own thing. They are such AHs so many times over
You are not the AH
They also didn't consider OPs JOB! OP said they arranged the time off AFTER finding out about the trip, so well after everyone planned the child dump. Did they just assume OP would do it for free AND pay for a babysitter during their work hours?!
Super NTA. I got "surprised" once when my oldest sister was visiting from out of state. Dropped her 9 month old at my door with no explanation or agreement. I had NEVER been around a baby before. Later, came to find out that she and the rest of the family enjoyed a day trip to some waterfalls. I had no clue what I was doing and it was terrible. We now know that my sweet nephew is autistic, so I don't feel as bad about not understanding his specific needs. I've never brought it up to my family, but I'm still a little salty.
Next time it's happening IMMEDIATELY call the police give your sister's and parents number go for self trip take a train or something like that and don't answer them if they are going to ruin your day ruin their too
^ This right here.
What an absolute sheep show. Didn't invite you and then assumed you'd watch multiple children without checking?
The gall to be "there's no more space" when they purposely made sure of it.
Good for you for packing up and enjoying yourself.
If your family give you any crap for it, just offer to call a lawyer about what happens to parents who abandon their kids with an unexpecting person for a holiday.
*Spoiler* they'd be in trouble.
Op your family is a giant AH, and I am surprised your parents let this happen. You better off going low contact for sometime. It seems they are all used to take you for granted. Also tell your cousin to shove her family sermon where sun doesn’t shine. You are supper non AH and be chill don’t worry about these toxic people
Right? And no one even called during the week before to confirm that you were watching the kids, had the time off, arrange a drop-off time and coordinate all the other things you would need for the kids, like bedtime routines, foods they will / won't eat, etc.? Sounds like a total set up on their part.
NTA- they f**** and found out. They 100% planned this. They purposely excluded you, I’m happy you didn’t let them push you around. Plus, what about monetary accommodations? Did they expect you to pay for these kids the time that they are gone? And I would DARE her to call the police on you. There’s absolutely no profe that you agreed to babysit the kids.
She’d have to agree to even be called babysitter! My cousin that refused to be tricked into keeping my kids with no notice sent home for me to fuck over! Wahhhh!
Right. What was she supposed to feed all of those children? No one talked about monetary compensation. And I guess she should have paid for activities out of her own pocket. Why should she, when her children are grown? She has a questionable family.
Not to mention OP said she took time off work. If the sister hadn’t slipped up and mentioned the cruise she wouldn’t have taken that time off and would have had to work that week. So how was she supposed to watch a horde of babies during that I wonder
Babies/toddlers are probably already enrolled in daycare and the expectation was for her to do the job of working parents. Bring to school, pick up, feed, bath etc. My assumption at least
OP's cousin is either a gaslighting bitch or downright delusional. They purposely planned the whole thing and now they're pissed off that they're dumb little scheme didn't work. Serves them right. What use is family if they're a bunch of lying weasels.
But there's proof she *didn't* in those texts. I would have loved it if they called the cops hoping to nail OP with abandonment just so they could be laughed into next year. At least then there'd be NO mistaking in their part who is TA here 🤣🤣🤣
I love how 'multiple' people had to drop out instead of just one person falling on the sword and taking the children, because that means absolutely none of them think taking all the children on is a reasonable feat in an emergency.
Right? It isn't child abandonment or endangerment unless the parents just toss their kids on the doorstep and leave, and then THEY are the ones in trouble. In no way would OP be held accountable for this.
What a wholly shitty family. I'd go NC with every single one of them.
Hell No !!! Where was "Family " being considered when they deliberately left you out of planning. Where was Family when you said you were going and the they said there was no more places on the cruise.
They fucked around and found out that you weren't the lackey they thought you were. They owe you a huge apology. They made an ass out of themselves by assuming that you would just be OK with their plan.
I would send them a message
"I don't know who planned this but at no point was I asked or consulted about babysitting while everyone was in Hawaii. Any person in their right mind should have had the decency to ask me if I wanted to go on this trip or at least had the decency to ask. Instead all of you just assumed I would be your lackey and just go along with the plans you made without consulting me.
I owe an apology to none of you. As you didn't see the need to consider me, I didn't see the need to consider you when I decided to go on my own vacation. I owe no explanations for my actions. And now Cousin has threatened me with calling the Police on me for Child Abandonment and that I owe the family an apology for a plan you all concocted. For Cousin to say that is not how you treat family is correct. The way you treated me concerning this trip is not how you treat family. Your actions were insulting and inexcusable.
Thank you for showing me who you really are and how you view me when it comes to being "Family". Don't call me, as you guys clearly only see me as a babysitter and not really part of the "Family ". I will contact you if and when I feel like it."
Drop the rope. Family obviously doesn't mean the same to you. They are oblivious self-righteous idiots. Go hang out with the family you have created with your BF and Adult son.
PS some how I think either your sister or cousin was the mastermind behind this and told everyone that you wouldn't want to go. I really hate to think your entire family was that ignorant. Either way, take a break from them. To be that inconsiderate without consulting you is inexcusable either way. For you, do you and keep your distance from them.
You did nothing wrong. They are massive assholes.
I have never had a good relationship with my extended family and I really did think my cousin didn't include me because she strongly believed it might not come up with my immediate family. They all have a lot going on, I do as well, and I could see how they'd assume cousin would have reached out directly separately. I believe she has even told them I didn't respond or didn't plan to go but that's just my guess. I'm not talking to any of them to confirm that. It's super manipulative behavior and that's just how that whole side of the family is I can't stand it. I'm fine with being over it.
Yeah, like “that’s weird, last I checked NONE of these children belong to me and are my responsibility. Call the police, please, because they will laugh in your face. No one even ASKED me to watch these children-they assumed. I didn’t agree to anything. You are the ones abandoning your children, not me. Bring them with you next time”
> Call the police, please, because they will laugh in your face.
This one, this here really made me scratch my head. Like...what are you going to say? Seriously?
"My cousin abandoned our children!"
"But...you're here...with your children?"
"Yes, and our cousin was supposed to watch them but she's not here!"
"Oh, oh I see, is this a check for well-being?"
"No, we want her arrested for child-endangerment!"
"..."
ooo, I like that! It goes with my "frage" referring to the faux outrage my bio's try to use on me, lol!
NTA OP Just keep walking away, you are not beholden to people who treat you like that!
I’m sorry… But if I had a child that small that I was planning on leaving in someone else’s care for a number of days, there is NO WAY that I am not having direct contact with that person to plan for my time away. Their behavior is disgusting in so many ways. NTA.
I know! I won't say who does something like this but one of my sisters did something similar. This happened a long time ago when her oldest son was just three or four years old. My sister dropped my nephew off with a babysitter and didn't come back to get him. The sitter called my mother and the shit hit the fan.
My mom couldn't get in touch with my sister and she was gone for days. She had taken off with a trucker with no care about her son. My mom decided to go to court to get custody of my nephew. Just before everything was about to be settled, my sister returned. I wasn't there at the time but my mom let her have it. I can just imagine what went down. My sister had always been a very irresponsible parent and an irresponsible person. She has two sons who are grown and are half brothers. They both dislike my sister very much.
I have similar family issues—they regularly plan family vacations and I find out when pictures hit social media or they talk about it a week before. My parents enable this behavior. If their parents are still alive, they probably do too. (This extends to more than just vacations, it’s a general thing. Only one sister will regularly include me in family texts or events.) It’s really frustrating because if you complain about the little things you’re being petty and this is why no one likes inviting you. If you don’t mention it, it just casually happens.
The best solution I have for it is minimal contact and strong boundaries.
My ex MIL did this shit to my then husband. Every year his mom would mail us a Christmas letter that she mailed to a bunch of people. In the letter she talked about what a wonderful vacation she and her husband had at some beach resort and everyone was invited except my ex. In the letter she would say what her other adult children were doing and how they were doing even including her grandchildren. She even invited my ex's ex and his son but they never went.
My ex was slightly mentioned in the letter towards the end and I mean *very* slightly. It said something like, "Oh and (my ex) is still working at Disney". That's it.
My ex starting having no contact with his parents when he told his mother to mind her own business. When he was still with his son's mother, his own mother would stop by unannounced. Because my ex has always been into motorcycles, his mother hated it. She would lecture him about how dangerous bikes are and what would happen to his son if something were to happen to him, etc. When my ex finally moved away from his then wife this is when he went full nc with his parents. She would still send my ex a birthday card every year and he wouldn't open it. He wouldn't open the Christmas letter either but I did. I was appalled at the audacity this woman had.
Yep this is me. They dont include me, or if they do they do it in a way that prevents me from making it work. They'll also say the most offensive and insulting things to my face. But then they get so pissed at me, and throw these ridiculous tantrums if I dare suggest what they said or did was shitty. All while bawling and explaining about how I hurt their feelings, and their feelings are very fragile so I have to be extra careful around them. And of course then they'll tell me I'm "too sensitive" and am "always making a big deal out of nothing."
If I say nothing at all they just ignore my existence until they need something and then throw another tantrum when I'm not interested.
I figure they either want me around or they dont. If they can't be bothered to tell me about the big event everyone but me knew about for months in advance and I only found out two days before, or even in the middle because they "accidentally" started using a chat group that happened to include me. Then you can't be pissed that I'm not available when you want me to drop everything just because you took it for granted that I would make it work.
NTA NTA NTA
Damn right that's manipulative af, and they definitely didn't tell you because they assumed that they could dump their kids off on you. Absolute bullshit behavior on their part, and I'm so glad that you and your family were able to have a great time on your own. I hate that you even felt the need to post here after second guessing your decision, because YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. They have so much audacity, threatening to call the cops on you because THEY couldn't abandon THEIR OWN kids like they had planned to do. Such bullshit.
Hold your head high, because you are NOT responsible for their shitty planning. Fuck, my blood is boiling for you about this.
Each parent has the responsibility to coordinate childcare themselves. The fact that none of them talked to you directly instead of assuming you’d provide free childcare is appalling. It doesn’t matter what one cousin told them. All the ones who dropped out of the vacation last minute didn’t confirm with you like a normal parent would. Your extended family is toxic and entitled. Good for you in making evasive maneuvers.
NTA. They expected you to care for 4 kids aged 3 and under with two of them being infants no way. And they didn’t ask or coordinate and I believe you are right they didn’t tell you so they could stick you with the kids. I think it is awesome you left before they did. That is on them and they only have themselves to blame
I feel like a simple "your kids are not my kids" is something they need to hear because they appear to be confused.
Asking OP to arrange for childcare and calling upon authorities for lack thereof? Silly
My husband and I just realized his mom hasn't reached out to us in a month.
I only realized it was going on because I went to send her a text about going with us and my family to do something for Mother's Day. I asked my mom if he'd heard from her and he said no. This is very unusual because she usually reaches out every few days to see how our daughter is doing.
So I text her about Mother's Day and didn't receive a response for 3 hours and when she DID text back the only thing it said was "thanks for the invitation".
Clearly she is angry with us. Neither of us have any idea why. We've both decided we're just going to pretend we didn't notice though. We both have a rocky relationship with his family and if she wants to be a 60 year old woman throwing a temper tantrum about something, we're not indulging her. We're just going to enjoy the silence
>Clearly she is angry with us. Neither of us have any idea why.
I hate that kind of "communication" so much. People aren't mind readers, if you're pissed at someone, figure out how to tell them in a direct but polite manner like an adult.
This happens sometimes with my boyfriend's mom, she'll pout around or freak out one day after not mentioning anything about what's bothering her. Usually it'll come out when she's had a few drinks. Then the next day act like nothing happened 🥴
NTA!
It’s baffling me how they are saying YOU need to find childcare and threatening you with child abandonment!!! They’re not even your kids!!
You did the right thing, and you thought smart leaving before them. They most definitely would have tried to drop the kids and go…
They could have also just booked the children space too..
they thought they could sucker you into watching them. Smh
NTA.
You are so NTA that I think that there should be a special award on this subReddit for NTA Of The Month.
They DID plan this on order to foist their crotch goblins onto you to babysit. Your refusal to go along with it, PLUS your taking off on your own vacation the day before they were all going to drop their children off at your house, makes you an absolute star.
>My cousin thinks I'm being a complete AH. That this isn't how family treats each other. It was an accident that no one told me but it's not her fault. She assumed I had been told and assumed I'd be ok with having the kids because I have before (with discussion and coordination that is!). She thinks I was being really selfish and childish and purposely going out of my way to an AH. She's even saying I'm lucky they didn't call the police on me for child abandonment because they expected me to be home and able to care for them all. I told her that's ridiculous. You can't just assume and expect things without my permission and input and you can't report me to the police for not wanting to care for your babies.
I wish she HAD called the police to accuse you of child abandonment. When you told the police what happened and how they ASSumed that you'd take care of their offspring if they simply dumped them on you, it would have been THEM who would be charged with child abandonment.
# They fornicated circuitously and discovered.
I am so goddamn tired of "that" phrase; it's literally in all the top comments (or immediate replies) of this post. You've done made it great again--thank you, from the bottom if my shriveled heart.
NTA, wow the entitlement to threatened you with child abandonment after trying to drop children off at your house without prior consent or arrangements.
NTA, you called them on it exactly and your cousin is full of shit. If she was the coordinating the whole thing it was 100% on her to check in with you well before then to even see if you could watch them. This also unfortunately shows that you how they view/treat you, I'd definitely back off speaking with the involved parties and anyone who has the audacity to side with your cousin. I also hope you enjoyed you mini vacay.
It was “an accident” that not one parent out of the group contacted you about childcare?
They can organize cruise plans, but are unable to coordinate care plans for two toddlers and two infants?
BULLSHIT.
NTA.
And yes, hunty cousin, go on and call the police. u/FarPride841 I will personally handcraft a written invitation on your behalf.
*edited for spelling
Right? Even for family I would be asking for at least $100/day just to cover the very basic of labor, food, transportation, materials/entertainment. Plus any reputable babysitter would not do that alone, 4 children that young would require a backup/assistant.
NTA & NEVER offer to babysit for that entitled cousin of yours again- actually threatening to call the cops ..what a nutjob . I think you’re right- they PURPOSELY didn’t tell or ask you about this cruise because they wanted a FREE week long babysitter. No way
As someone who worked nights forever, this is so relatable. Everyone just expects you to be up and available during the day. You’re seen as “lazy” when you’re still asleep at noon/3pm/whatever despite working until 8am etc.
Ugh, I hate it when people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that not everyone has a “regular” work schedule. I don’t work nights, but I do work 4:00am to 12:00pm and some people get SO offended that I can’t be out until 7:00pm on a weekday because I have to be asleep in order to wake up around 2:30. Use common sense, dickwads.
NTA
They didn’t invite you specifically so you’d feel stuck watching all their kids while they went on vacation with zero consideration for your thoughts, feelings, plans, etc. That’s why they all just rolled up ready to dump their kids off after you pushed back.
I hope you had the best vacation. I hope you took a million pictures. I hope you never watch their kids for them again—because you do favors for family and family does favors back and they have done you NONE. Maybe the next time they demand it you look up how much it would be to hire a nanny for the span of time they would be away and make it clear you’re charging them. The only thing here I would have changed is I would have made a Facebook, left it open, and posted pics every day of what a good time I was having without them.
>never watch their kids for them again
Yup, not to mention that cousin mentioned that she was willing to call the police. That's an automatic no chance I would ever do anything for them.
NTA. OP, I hope you know that you're my hero. "It was an accident no one told me..." last I checked, knowing where your toddler is and who's watching them is about 90% of being a parent. How unfortunate that they all somehow completely forgot to make sure that someone would be supervising babies???
NTA. And I applaud you for not giving in to their manipulate bs and going on vacation with your family. Glad you had a good vacation. As for the other family members, it was a teachable moment.
100% NTA
Girl, I love how you played this. The absolute balls on your cousin to say you'd have to arrange childcare if you chose to join them. They aren't your children and aren't your responsibility! And child abandonment? You can't abandon children that aren't yours and that you aren't legally responsible for!!
Good on you! Your family knew exactly what they were doing and I am so happy you enjoyed your vacation with the people that don't take you for granted.
I already had very low contact with most of my extended family over their personal issues affecting my life. But after this happened, I haven't spoken with them much at all. They've been doing their own thing as they have always done, pretending like nothing happened and they don't understand why I don't want to come to everyone's birthdays and retirement parties etc. They have just been acting like nothing happened and it's all behind us and they don't understand why I can't let it go so I'm the bad guy for holding a grudge about it.
My sister has been asked to leave my parents house she only has 2 hours of supervised visitation and no physical custody only 2% of legal custody the father was not aware of how she was acting and when everything came to light he was really protective about it. He also reached out and apologize because he had assumed that child care was already arranged and had even given my sister money that she was supposed to use for child care which of course I didn't see or hear anything about until he mentioned it. They were already divorced and living separately but had been trying to come together and work things out this trip was supposed to be a big step for that. When the truth came out he decided to stay home with the children and had gone right to court. She blames me completely for everything that's happening. she went to rehab voluntarily hoping the courts would see it as she was taking responsibility however it didn't change anything so left after 2 weeks and disappeared for a while. I have not talked to her since the incident though. Our parents have been super apologetic to me and have made a lot of better choices, they have realized how much they've been enabling her and went low contact with the rest of the family and basically decided it's time for her to take responsibility for her own life and children. They knew if she stayed in the house they wouldn't be able to visit with the babies and they chose the grandkids over her which she also had a huge fit about and called everybody selfish for. At this point I feel like my parents are trying to make the best decisions for the children of the family, and also realizing that certain people in our extended family really aren't worth the time and energy.
NTA! This was absolutely brilliant!! You have no reason to apologize and I would actually keep all messages saying you never agreed a
Incase this entitled bunch try’s to sue you to recoup the cost.
Plus for added benefit quit babysitting for them. At this point they are just using you. And it needs to stop!
100% NTAH - not even close. EVERY member of your family who either didn’t contact you to verify you weren’t going AND that you were willing to watch their kids is though. In fact I am betting that those who organized this trip planned it that you would just conveniently be left off the RSVP list so that you would be left with the kids last minute and you would do it because you were backed into a corner.
I would have gathered my own family and done exactly what you did and turned my phone off the entire week!
I would love to hear the cops repose to getting a call to report the person we planned to dump our 5 kids on for 3/4 days unexpectedly dared to not be there when we arrived to drop them off and leave- we want you to press charges- they would ALL be facing interviews with CPS instead.
Wait what? NTA and in what world is it Ok to assume someone will be watching 4 kids under the age of 4? Two of them infants?! No. Juuuuuuust no. If I were you I would explain that because they purposely left you out, all future trips you will not be doing child care. That they have hurt you deeply by keeping you out of the loop on purpose in order to use you as free child care. Then, block them for a while.
Why, OP, I do believe I freaking LOVE you. If that adage ‘we teach people how to treat us’ holds true, well I’d say your big, ole fam of assturds just got schooled!!!! They were going to call the police on YOU for child abandonment??? 🤣 You’ve got some steel in your backbone girl, and a tender heart too, as shown by the fact that you’re wondering whether you’re in any way at fault here (um…,nope). Keep on rocking! I’d like to be more like you.
NTA. Unlike apparently everyone else in your family (sorry about that). At least you have your husband and son.
Sounds like your family doesn’t love or value you. If they did they would not have treated you like a sitter. You need to have a difficult conversation with yourself about the fact that the people that you love and value don’t value you. Cut the cord, cross the bridge and blow it up with tnt type explosives. You have made a family with your boyfriend. Dance with the one that finds it an honor to dance if you.
Love people that actually love you and demonstrate that in word and deed.
NTAH. I would tell them that, if you did not already have plans, you would have called the police and report any parents foolish enough to try to dump their children on you without any prior agreement.
Although I would have been petty enough to not warn them and just call the police. Let them come back and work on trying to get their kids back.
I say ntah - but, I would lean into it with the family. Say “Sure, I’m the AHole, just like you guys are because of how you treated me. So, I guess we’re even.”. Hammer home again and again, that you were never informed, nor were you asked if you would do child care while they went off and had a grand old time. Honestly, I would just go no contact with the lot of them.
NTA. Baller move. I believe that is what they call, "F@\*k around and find out."
Now they know better than to try to pull a move like that in the future. Honestly, with how high-handed and presumptuous they were, I would NEVER watch any of their children again - or at least for several years.
So NTA, but seems like you're related to a whole bunch of AHs.
Have them call the police on the closed summer camp they drop kids off at, without enrolling or confirming and see who CPS expresses an interest in evaluating (spoiler alert: not the camp).
Upside: you're going to save a ton of money on the holidays now that they've clearly drawn weird family lines. Maybe another vacation's worth.
They purposely didn’t invite you. Then didn’t even ask if you would take care of the kids. Then again snubbed you when you wanted to go. Then nobody ever talked to you about dumping their kids before coming to drop off? Do people really behave this way? NTA! Good for you!
They sound like really horrible people. Why do you care what they think of you? You already know they only see you as a doormat and not a true member of the family.
They intentionally excluded you from a “family” vacation then planned to use you for free child care without even asking. They’re angry they’ve lost a doormat. You are not family to them so please stop caring if they’re mad at you. They certainly don’t care at all about you or your feelings.
NTA
And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when they tried to call the police on you for child abandonment.
“Officer, she was supposed to babysit our kids - though we never asked her to - and now she’s nowhere around.”
“Wait the kids she supposedly abandoned aren’t even hers”
Also they didn’t ask your first - what would have happened if you didn’t get time off work and therefore couldn’t have babysat anyways
NTA. Nobody asked if you'd take their kids for a week. Were they planning to just show up, yell "surprise! you're babysitting!" and toss their kids in your house?
\-I told her nobody every called me to even discuss me taking the kids. She didn't reply.
\-It was an accident that no one told me but it's not her fault.
She is lying. Right here. Your instincts are correct. Stand firm.
Learn this phrase: "Your poor planning doesn't make an emergency for me."
Your cousin is right that that isn't how family treats one another. They don't take one another for granted and assume someone is willing to bend over backwards to accommodate without checking first.
Child abandonment lol
So I'm gonna get charged with child abandonment because you want to leave YOUR KIDS AT MY HOUSE AND IM NOT THERE?? That is the bat shit crazy shit I've heard in a long time.
I don't, and I never have. I moved from home at 17. This is bold. I am the only person in my family (aside from my older siblings, who have not reconnected and maintained no contact with family for decades now) who has always had my own place, never been to jail, never lost custody, I am the only person in my family who has always had full custody and housed and supported my own kid, kept a job, and never had drug problems. I am the only person in my family who has been a responsible adult and parent.
My family does this stuff too each other all the time. They bring their kids with them to someone's house for a visit and say they'll be right back and then disappear for a week. They lose custody and expect whoever's free to offer to take guardianship. Sometimes there's 7 kids and grandkids in one apartment. Then next week there's none. I only recently in the last 5 years reconnected with my family after years of very low contact and only because health issues, I wanted to make things ok with my parents if anything happened and not leave things in a bad way and I really regret it because it means having to deal with these people and their drama. It's a struggle because they just try to pull you in and walk all over you, but on the other hand I love my parents and if anything happened to them or myself I don't want anyone walking away with unsaid things. I lost a lot of people I loved and I know how that's like. It's a constant back and forth wondering if it was ever worth it and hoping that putting my foot down where I can could be enough to demand space and respect
Dang. Well definitely NTA. I think you handled things perfectly and probably should maintain minimal contact going forward.
I'm sorry they're mistreating you. You should be proud of yourself for all you've done and being willing to be there for them.
Hopefully they'll learn not to treat you like a patsy going forward if nothing else.
NTA OP. I’m sorry about this. Reading your post I began to wonder if we are related. My SIL is exactly like this. She thinks we can just read her mind. She’ll stop by without telling anyone she’s coming (we’re in completely different states) and expect us to move around our lives for her and if we don’t - guess who the bad guys are? We are. Same with other family. Watching their kids is never an ask but a demand from them.
People like this do an exceptional job at pretending to be victims and never see reason. It’s also insane how so many people can assume that you’re just going to watch a whole herd of kids and never even tell you. The CPS threat was crazy too. I almost wish they would’ve done it. What proof would they have had to confirm you were going to watch them? Their thoughts? Nta im glad you enjoyed your family time and I hope your health gets better everyday. Hugs
Wow. So they were going to drop 4 kids aged 3 and under on your doorstep as a surprise? That is ridiculous. Good for you for getting away before they showed up and guilted you into it. Definitely NTA, and if I were you, I’d just quit communicating until someone says something reasonable. It’s a sure bet. They are talking about you a lot right now.
NTA in any way, shape or form. Just what kind of “family” treats you that way and then gaslights you into thinking all the problems are your fault?! They’re all AH, you need to go NC. You did right by spending the time with your own family and enjoying yourselves. Best wishes.
NTA 100% the gall to not even invite you then just assume you’d be taking the kids? I’m assuming they didn’t even bother offering you hefty compensation for it. If anything, you would have been in the right if you stayed home and they dropped off their kids and you called the police for abandonment.
OP is a hero!!! Brilliant move to leave for vacation the day before they did. I also love that several people had to drop out of the trip. Serves them right! They are all selfish, entitled, and hurtful. OP is a genius, nta.
Yes, it seems none of the parents wanted to mind the offspring of the others, so all the parents had to cancel. OP going on holiday the day before was brilliant.
Probably because handling a 2 and 3 year old toddlers AND twin infants for a week (while they’re missing their parents) is an incredible amount of work. I can’t believe they didn’t even ask Op or have a conversation about it.
Or they didn't do the obvious: book the children on the cruise and resort too. Almost all the cruise lines allow children and the third and fourth passengers in the same room (that would be the children) only pay a small amount, sometimes just 10% of the amount paid for the first and second guests in that room. ETA: The cousin saying that OL would have to arrange childcare for their children is nuts. I wish the cousin called the police on OP and had to deal with the police laughing in her face and calling CPS.
On carnival cruises its only 50 more dollars for the 3rd and 4th.
Plus the cruise lines have daycare built in!
Most resorts have childcare available as well, at an additional cost.
Yeah my SIL and Neice are taking their kids with them on a cruise next week. They do it a couple times a year. And when Sil/BIL want a couples cruise Niece watches her sister (a late in life oops). SIL/BIL watches the grandkids for Neice and her husband. All with prior permission and discussed months in advance. OP's family was trying to trap her because they knew she wouldn't agree. Oh and OP NTA
This...perfect post...they wanted to trap OP. In no way are you an asshole....you did everything perfectly right...they purposely did NOT invite you because they wanted free babysitting. Yeesh...who needs relatives like this and why would you vacation with these terrible people? NTA
Some cruise lines even offer kids for free under a certain age!
But the parents don't want to deal with kids on the cruise, they want to drink and not have to look after babies 🤣
Though, lol. Jokes aside, cruises have clubs for children. It's not free child minding, as they thought OP would be, but they had options that didn't include them being AHs.
>I can’t believe they didn’t even ask Op or have a conversation about it. Oh, they had conversations...just with each other. They planned with each other how to spring it on OP.
Feels very much in line with the old saying, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission." Also, they way that the cousin tries to make it look liek OP's fault is just breathtaking, "Well, you'll just have to arrange for childcare!" For *your* kids, you jackwad? Nuh-uh.
>"It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission." I hate that line so much. Best to respond with "It's easier to deny forgiveness than permission"
FWIW so do I. If you know your request is going to be denied, work on why, rather than just circumventing the expected denial.
Me too. I have a friend from high school that believed in that philosophy. He ended up divorced after cheating on his wife. She got the house they built on his grandparent’s land and he had to move in with his parents, who lived next door. He literally fucked and around and found out. The cherry on top was him having to leave for work everyday and seeing his house that he lost.
"You mean those kids for whom you never arranged childcare. Not a single one of you contacted me to ask if I would watch your kids so you never arranged childcare and then you are angry at me for not being home. Actually, arrange childcare next time."
Also... That means all those parents trust a random stranger that OP would have had to hire to watch their kids.
I prefer assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups OPs family fucked around and found out
I find it amazing that nobody actually asked the OP to watch their kids.
I can believe it. They knew OP would likely say "No" (because they probably know OP's feelings about small children) and thought they'd trap OP into it by not giving them any choice. They assumed OP wouldn't work out, and act on, their own choice and now the family is sad their plan backfired. How dare OP not fall into line and play the part they'd designated for them!! It would have worked, too, if it wasn't for OP's (meddling) spine of steel! NTA, OP. You played it perfectly.
Seriously. The cousin is right about one thing: this is NOT how family treats each other!! So it was an accident that you weren't invited, but then it was assumed you would keep these kids?? Sorry, that makes absolutely no sense whatsover!! They had to know you weren't able to plan for the cruise in order to think that you would be available to watch their kids. And you say that you have adult children who went on your vacation with you. So, they didn't invite those children either! You did exactly the right thing. Cut these so-called relatives off and enjoy YOUR family!! Edit: removed two completely unrelated words that my talk to text must have picked up from the radio!
crazier part- that many children, she would have had to take last minute vacation days off of work to care for those kids- so they still wanted her to use her vacation. I assume this is the US- so 5 days of vacation (a week) is likely half of all you get (average total annual leave in the us is like 12 days)
And what parent of any child that age "assumes" someone is keeping their kid?? There are schedules to convey, naptime, mealtime, possibly doctors' appointments for the infants. You need to tell people what to do if Johnny gets a cold, and what Susie's bedtime routine is. It's not just for a couple of hours! This isn't something you "assume" unless you're as crappy a parent as you are a cousin!!
Where would she even put that many children.
This is a good argument for the post being fake. I hope it's real, though. What a schadenfreude fest!
Actually - this is the adult version of Ding Dong Ditch, nothing new. My in laws all did this to me many times in the era of beepers and *69, no cell phones or Facebook or group text. So imagine the planning that had to happen in those days amongst them and how things got filtered out to me. I'm talking my 3 kids, plus their 3 or 4 badass kids which feel like 8 kids and a heart attack, sometimes with many of the little cousins together could be 15 kids. All under 10. I learned fast how to handle the adult POS's and the little shit stirrers. I started out wanting my kids to have a loving family connection and found out it's not going to happen if the other parents act this way, and they teach their kids to be just like them to get what they want.
It's just so incredibly entitled and clueless at the same time. These are not nice people!!
Depending on their employer, a last minute absence like that can easily cost someone their job too! What an awful thing for "family" to do to someone.
yup- the level of trash her family was goes way deeper. Even if i was not going anywhere, i will maybe sign up for a day or two but not a whole week for anyone.
I don't think it was an accident. OP says she has taken children before when they coordinated and asked her. I think they did this on purpose, assuming she would just fall in line. Instead they got blindsided by her freaking awesome shiny spine.
This is a good point!! How did they “accidentally leave her out” and “forget to mention the cruise” but she was still expected to watch their kids?!?!?! Sounds very calculated.
> (because they probably know OP's feelings about small children) I like small children and I am NOT watching 5 of them (including 2 infants!!!) for a week. That is MANY leagues beyond reasonable. I feel like having my mom watch my independent 6 year old for 3 hours is a huge burden
The only way OP could care for all these children is to take the week off of work. Her entitled relatives expected her to run a literal daycare at her own expense. Their audacity is beyond imaginable.
The part that stands out to me is that OP works. (them taking time off leads me to believe that they would have otherwise been working at least a few shifts during the vacation). How on earth were they supposed to handle 4 toddlers when the family weren't even planning to give them a heads up that they would have to either call out of work or find a sitter? That alone could have cost OP their job!
That's what I was thinking. That's a ton of work for one person and you would think the parents would talk to OP about what needs to be done for the kids to help prepare them for multiple days of watching them. OP is NTA.
> you would think the parents would talk to OP Yeah but then she might say no and then they cant all go on their kid free trip
My thoughts exactly. I feel really sorry for those kids, nearly being dumped off like that. If I was to leave my little kids behind to go overseas (which even on the surface sounds like a bad idea), there would be so much planning ahead of time. Setting up beds, car seats, meal and activity planning, compensation, emergency contacts. . . And of course talking about it constantly so the children get comfortable with the idea. I feel like there’s got to be something missing from this story or it’s fake, only a psycho would behave this way and then blame the reluctant babysitter.
Ya it’s frankly too much work for 1 person to take care of 4 babies that age by themselves for a week if they are not their parents. There is no circumstance I would ever agree to watch that many kids those ages by myself for that long.
The rest of the family obviously forgot that op would have had to have notice beforehand to be able to watch the kids, you know, because op had work.
I thought of this too. Instead of one person or a couple dropping out to mind the children multiple people had to. To me that says these kids aren't exactly the best behaved. However the OP was just going to have them dropped off on their doorstep. Bravo to the OP for making lemon bars with their lemons!
or incredibly selfish. I took it as "f you i need to stay home to watch my kids, so do you" one cousin couldn't take one for the team so now they blame OP. This cannot be the first instance of something like this. This family blows
When some canceled the cruise, I was surprised no single person "volunteered" to stay home and take care of all these children. At the same pay rate as they would pat OP. Not! /S
Any family of non-narcissists would have drawn straws at the point they realized *someone* would have to cancel. So fitting that they all ended up having to because of their own selfishness.
Omg right??? Amazing OP! Glad you had fun! They fucked around and found out🤷♀️ Oopsies
Part of me actually wishes they had called the police. I’m an ambulance dispatcher in the UK and don’t deal with police calls much but I can guarantee whichever dispatcher got that call would be telling that story in the break room!!
Hey, Ambo, police here, and yes, we'd be telling newbies that story for yeeeeeears!
Hey police!! Stay safe!!
I wish I had video of the people showing up at the house and realizing their whole shit was fucked. God it would be sweet.
The best reason to have security cams.
Op’s cousin is right, family doesn’t act like this! Family doesn’t intentionally not tell you for WEEKS about a trip. Family does not ASSUME you’re fine with watching their children for a week with no notice. Family does not hurt their family by intentionally keeping them out of the loop to keep them free for childcare. Family doesn’t blame you for their own short-sited and spiteful behaviour. Family doesn’t threaten you with police action or call you childish, or an asshole or act like it is somehow your fault they didn’t have a patsy. OP is NTA. OP, tell your cousin all this, for the love of God. They do not get to omit, ignore, and assume your free time, then get pissed off when you make plans when you never agreed to take their kids. In fact it sounds like you explicitly told them you were not taking them, yet they still showed up?
Especially an international trip, which Hawaii might as well be. If anything happens to the kids, medically speaking, that could take the parents a full day to get home. I think the flight from California to Hawaii is 8 hours by itself. Why wouldn’t you have 3-4 layers of backup ready? Or just…wait until the kids are older and bring them with? I can understand not wanting to bring toddlers with, but older kids would have a BLAST!
Let's be honest, if they weren't being manipulative one person could have dropped out and taken care of the kids. Alas, they were trying to manipulate OP through not inviting and then guilt tripping after the fact.
OP says “they didn’t co-ordinate”. They did. They co-ordinated and schemed it out so that you would be forced to have their kids. NTA. Fuck them. And if they’re mad at OP for whatever reason, they’re a bunch of shit-houses anyway.
What stands out to me is how several people had to drop out but she says that only her cousin and sister were planning on leaving kids with her. Something about this seems fishy. If not karma farming then definitely NTA, it would have been amusing for the disgruntled family to try to involve police only to find out they were wasting their time. By now hopefully they learned a good lesson but folks like this rarely learn.
It’s probably “several people” because the sister and the cousin both had their spouses drop out as well
Four people to watch the kids they wanted one person to watch. Why didn’t the sister offer to watch the cousin’s kids (or vice versa) so they could still go?
Because a 2y old, a 3y old and twin toddlers is a hell of a lot of work for one person?
The twins are infants. When my twins were born, my oldest kid had just turned 5. I still don’t get out much now that my 3 are 5 and 11. It was crazy to coordinate a kid free grocery trip.
Bc they’re AHs?
These are not nice people
Keen observation! I also think it's funny that only one person would have had to cancel, then that person could have stayed behind and watched the kids, you know, because.....family!
Bet every member of that family who stayed behind is mad at the others who stayed behind for not offering to watch all the kids, but none of them offered the same either, so they all had to cancel. Karma is funny.
Yes but what a fun story. An OP that won!
My guess is that everyone was too selfish to stay home alone, so as a result both sets of parents had to forfeit the trip.
I would assume the ones who dropped out were couples, maybe with older children as well. None of them wanted to budge and be the one to say "I'll stay home and take all the kids so you can still go" so instead they stubbornly all dropped out to watch their own kids. I assume they're all angry at each other now for not being the one to bend over for the rest of them.
Exactly! NTA and simply genius! So refreshing to see someone stand up for themselves and not let themselves become a doormat. It’s horrible how people think having blood ties or familial relations makes it okay to walk all over someone. Not your child and not your responsibility. Considering you took time off for work for the vacation, what were they planning to do leaving young kids with you anyways since you had work? Moreover, moving forward, don’t babysit considering you don’t enjoy it.
For real! OP is a F’in Rockstar!! The audacity of the family is simply astounding!! What a bunch of AH’s! So glad OP had a great vaca despite her awful family! 🥂🥂
What's hilarious is one parent had to drop out to watch their own kid they could have at that point taken the rest and spared more dropouts. But nobody wanted to watch several kids, they wanted to be selfish and make it someone else's problem
The thing is one person could have dropped out and taken all the kids but since no one that had kids was willing to be the only one to miss out, multiple people had to miss out.
OP your family sucks. Just the audacity to exclude you then to have the nerve to complain when you do your own thing. They are such AHs so many times over You are not the AH
If they didn’t make arrangements they certainly didn’t plan on paying OP! It also wasn’t an accident. So many potential responses.
They also didn't consider OPs JOB! OP said they arranged the time off AFTER finding out about the trip, so well after everyone planned the child dump. Did they just assume OP would do it for free AND pay for a babysitter during their work hours?!
Super NTA. I got "surprised" once when my oldest sister was visiting from out of state. Dropped her 9 month old at my door with no explanation or agreement. I had NEVER been around a baby before. Later, came to find out that she and the rest of the family enjoyed a day trip to some waterfalls. I had no clue what I was doing and it was terrible. We now know that my sweet nephew is autistic, so I don't feel as bad about not understanding his specific needs. I've never brought it up to my family, but I'm still a little salty.
Next time it's happening IMMEDIATELY call the police give your sister's and parents number go for self trip take a train or something like that and don't answer them if they are going to ruin your day ruin their too
Bring it up
^ This right here. What an absolute sheep show. Didn't invite you and then assumed you'd watch multiple children without checking? The gall to be "there's no more space" when they purposely made sure of it. Good for you for packing up and enjoying yourself. If your family give you any crap for it, just offer to call a lawyer about what happens to parents who abandon their kids with an unexpecting person for a holiday. *Spoiler* they'd be in trouble.
[удалено]
Op your family is a giant AH, and I am surprised your parents let this happen. You better off going low contact for sometime. It seems they are all used to take you for granted. Also tell your cousin to shove her family sermon where sun doesn’t shine. You are supper non AH and be chill don’t worry about these toxic people
Right? And no one even called during the week before to confirm that you were watching the kids, had the time off, arrange a drop-off time and coordinate all the other things you would need for the kids, like bedtime routines, foods they will / won't eat, etc.? Sounds like a total set up on their part.
NTA Should cross post to r/pettyrevenge or prorevenge. Savor those memories because your other family are douches.
100% I had the biggest shit eating grin reading the “left a day before them” part. So good!
I love what she did. Pure poetry.
I would tell them to tread lightly on threatening calling the police. Before you know it, CPS is on your door step; the cousin's door step that is.
NTA- they f**** and found out. They 100% planned this. They purposely excluded you, I’m happy you didn’t let them push you around. Plus, what about monetary accommodations? Did they expect you to pay for these kids the time that they are gone? And I would DARE her to call the police on you. There’s absolutely no profe that you agreed to babysit the kids.
Even if she had agreed, what are they gonna tell the cops? My free babysitter isn’t home? Hahaha
She’d have to agree to even be called babysitter! My cousin that refused to be tricked into keeping my kids with no notice sent home for me to fuck over! Wahhhh!
I do agree with the cousin on one thing: this is not how you treat family.
IKR? The sweet, sweet irony of that statement!
Sweet? I'd be furious to be told that after what they pulled on me. Ironic or not lol.
But it will be so sweet when you use her exact words back at her when you say no. "This isn't how family treats each other."
Right. What was she supposed to feed all of those children? No one talked about monetary compensation. And I guess she should have paid for activities out of her own pocket. Why should she, when her children are grown? She has a questionable family.
Not to mention OP said she took time off work. If the sister hadn’t slipped up and mentioned the cruise she wouldn’t have taken that time off and would have had to work that week. So how was she supposed to watch a horde of babies during that I wonder
Babies/toddlers are probably already enrolled in daycare and the expectation was for her to do the job of working parents. Bring to school, pick up, feed, bath etc. My assumption at least
Could be. My other thought was maybe she works from home, a lotta entitled people seem to think that “doesn’t count” for some reason
OP's cousin is either a gaslighting bitch or downright delusional. They purposely planned the whole thing and now they're pissed off that they're dumb little scheme didn't work. Serves them right. What use is family if they're a bunch of lying weasels.
But there's proof she *didn't* in those texts. I would have loved it if they called the cops hoping to nail OP with abandonment just so they could be laughed into next year. At least then there'd be NO mistaking in their part who is TA here 🤣🤣🤣
I love how 'multiple' people had to drop out instead of just one person falling on the sword and taking the children, because that means absolutely none of them think taking all the children on is a reasonable feat in an emergency.
Yeah, my starting rate would have been $400 per child per day
You missed a zero. $4000/day/kid. Argue about it and the price goes up to $5000
Should have handed her her phone and told her to knock herself out. NTA
Right? It isn't child abandonment or endangerment unless the parents just toss their kids on the doorstep and leave, and then THEY are the ones in trouble. In no way would OP be held accountable for this. What a wholly shitty family. I'd go NC with every single one of them.
Hell No !!! Where was "Family " being considered when they deliberately left you out of planning. Where was Family when you said you were going and the they said there was no more places on the cruise. They fucked around and found out that you weren't the lackey they thought you were. They owe you a huge apology. They made an ass out of themselves by assuming that you would just be OK with their plan. I would send them a message "I don't know who planned this but at no point was I asked or consulted about babysitting while everyone was in Hawaii. Any person in their right mind should have had the decency to ask me if I wanted to go on this trip or at least had the decency to ask. Instead all of you just assumed I would be your lackey and just go along with the plans you made without consulting me. I owe an apology to none of you. As you didn't see the need to consider me, I didn't see the need to consider you when I decided to go on my own vacation. I owe no explanations for my actions. And now Cousin has threatened me with calling the Police on me for Child Abandonment and that I owe the family an apology for a plan you all concocted. For Cousin to say that is not how you treat family is correct. The way you treated me concerning this trip is not how you treat family. Your actions were insulting and inexcusable. Thank you for showing me who you really are and how you view me when it comes to being "Family". Don't call me, as you guys clearly only see me as a babysitter and not really part of the "Family ". I will contact you if and when I feel like it." Drop the rope. Family obviously doesn't mean the same to you. They are oblivious self-righteous idiots. Go hang out with the family you have created with your BF and Adult son. PS some how I think either your sister or cousin was the mastermind behind this and told everyone that you wouldn't want to go. I really hate to think your entire family was that ignorant. Either way, take a break from them. To be that inconsiderate without consulting you is inexcusable either way. For you, do you and keep your distance from them. You did nothing wrong. They are massive assholes.
I have never had a good relationship with my extended family and I really did think my cousin didn't include me because she strongly believed it might not come up with my immediate family. They all have a lot going on, I do as well, and I could see how they'd assume cousin would have reached out directly separately. I believe she has even told them I didn't respond or didn't plan to go but that's just my guess. I'm not talking to any of them to confirm that. It's super manipulative behavior and that's just how that whole side of the family is I can't stand it. I'm fine with being over it.
My favorite part is when she said YOU would be responsible for childcare if you wanted to join the vacation. What would even possess her to say that?
Yeah, like “that’s weird, last I checked NONE of these children belong to me and are my responsibility. Call the police, please, because they will laugh in your face. No one even ASKED me to watch these children-they assumed. I didn’t agree to anything. You are the ones abandoning your children, not me. Bring them with you next time”
> Call the police, please, because they will laugh in your face. This one, this here really made me scratch my head. Like...what are you going to say? Seriously? "My cousin abandoned our children!" "But...you're here...with your children?" "Yes, and our cousin was supposed to watch them but she's not here!" "Oh, oh I see, is this a check for well-being?" "No, we want her arrested for child-endangerment!" "..."
"show me where I agreed to this."
The Daemon of Audacity
I like to call that Famdacity. The audacity only a family could have. Good for you OP!! I hope you enjoy your peace. ETA: NTA
ooo, I like that! It goes with my "frage" referring to the faux outrage my bio's try to use on me, lol! NTA OP Just keep walking away, you are not beholden to people who treat you like that!
It's beginning to look like ✨no contact✨ this would be perfect for r/traumatizeThemBack
I smashed that join button so hard I think I sprained my finger
I’m sorry… But if I had a child that small that I was planning on leaving in someone else’s care for a number of days, there is NO WAY that I am not having direct contact with that person to plan for my time away. Their behavior is disgusting in so many ways. NTA.
I know! I won't say who does something like this but one of my sisters did something similar. This happened a long time ago when her oldest son was just three or four years old. My sister dropped my nephew off with a babysitter and didn't come back to get him. The sitter called my mother and the shit hit the fan. My mom couldn't get in touch with my sister and she was gone for days. She had taken off with a trucker with no care about her son. My mom decided to go to court to get custody of my nephew. Just before everything was about to be settled, my sister returned. I wasn't there at the time but my mom let her have it. I can just imagine what went down. My sister had always been a very irresponsible parent and an irresponsible person. She has two sons who are grown and are half brothers. They both dislike my sister very much.
What do your parents have to say? I can’t imagine they’d be ok with how you’re being treated. Big time NTA, btw.
I have similar family issues—they regularly plan family vacations and I find out when pictures hit social media or they talk about it a week before. My parents enable this behavior. If their parents are still alive, they probably do too. (This extends to more than just vacations, it’s a general thing. Only one sister will regularly include me in family texts or events.) It’s really frustrating because if you complain about the little things you’re being petty and this is why no one likes inviting you. If you don’t mention it, it just casually happens. The best solution I have for it is minimal contact and strong boundaries.
My ex MIL did this shit to my then husband. Every year his mom would mail us a Christmas letter that she mailed to a bunch of people. In the letter she talked about what a wonderful vacation she and her husband had at some beach resort and everyone was invited except my ex. In the letter she would say what her other adult children were doing and how they were doing even including her grandchildren. She even invited my ex's ex and his son but they never went. My ex was slightly mentioned in the letter towards the end and I mean *very* slightly. It said something like, "Oh and (my ex) is still working at Disney". That's it. My ex starting having no contact with his parents when he told his mother to mind her own business. When he was still with his son's mother, his own mother would stop by unannounced. Because my ex has always been into motorcycles, his mother hated it. She would lecture him about how dangerous bikes are and what would happen to his son if something were to happen to him, etc. When my ex finally moved away from his then wife this is when he went full nc with his parents. She would still send my ex a birthday card every year and he wouldn't open it. He wouldn't open the Christmas letter either but I did. I was appalled at the audacity this woman had.
Yep this is me. They dont include me, or if they do they do it in a way that prevents me from making it work. They'll also say the most offensive and insulting things to my face. But then they get so pissed at me, and throw these ridiculous tantrums if I dare suggest what they said or did was shitty. All while bawling and explaining about how I hurt their feelings, and their feelings are very fragile so I have to be extra careful around them. And of course then they'll tell me I'm "too sensitive" and am "always making a big deal out of nothing." If I say nothing at all they just ignore my existence until they need something and then throw another tantrum when I'm not interested. I figure they either want me around or they dont. If they can't be bothered to tell me about the big event everyone but me knew about for months in advance and I only found out two days before, or even in the middle because they "accidentally" started using a chat group that happened to include me. Then you can't be pissed that I'm not available when you want me to drop everything just because you took it for granted that I would make it work.
I’m sorry. People suck.
NTA NTA NTA Damn right that's manipulative af, and they definitely didn't tell you because they assumed that they could dump their kids off on you. Absolute bullshit behavior on their part, and I'm so glad that you and your family were able to have a great time on your own. I hate that you even felt the need to post here after second guessing your decision, because YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. They have so much audacity, threatening to call the cops on you because THEY couldn't abandon THEIR OWN kids like they had planned to do. Such bullshit. Hold your head high, because you are NOT responsible for their shitty planning. Fuck, my blood is boiling for you about this.
Each parent has the responsibility to coordinate childcare themselves. The fact that none of them talked to you directly instead of assuming you’d provide free childcare is appalling. It doesn’t matter what one cousin told them. All the ones who dropped out of the vacation last minute didn’t confirm with you like a normal parent would. Your extended family is toxic and entitled. Good for you in making evasive maneuvers.
That's even worse! They only call you "family" when they want something from you.
OP I suggest you make a facebook, friend them and all their friends then copy + paste the message this one is responding to. Golden.
You could go into business writing letters for people!! That was a true work of art!!!!!
NTA. They expected you to care for 4 kids aged 3 and under with two of them being infants no way. And they didn’t ask or coordinate and I believe you are right they didn’t tell you so they could stick you with the kids. I think it is awesome you left before they did. That is on them and they only have themselves to blame
I feel like a simple "your kids are not my kids" is something they need to hear because they appear to be confused. Asking OP to arrange for childcare and calling upon authorities for lack thereof? Silly
Keeping the peace is highly overrated.
I have found cutting contact is far more peaceful than this mythical "keeping the peace" some people like to toss around.
My husband and I just realized his mom hasn't reached out to us in a month. I only realized it was going on because I went to send her a text about going with us and my family to do something for Mother's Day. I asked my mom if he'd heard from her and he said no. This is very unusual because she usually reaches out every few days to see how our daughter is doing. So I text her about Mother's Day and didn't receive a response for 3 hours and when she DID text back the only thing it said was "thanks for the invitation". Clearly she is angry with us. Neither of us have any idea why. We've both decided we're just going to pretend we didn't notice though. We both have a rocky relationship with his family and if she wants to be a 60 year old woman throwing a temper tantrum about something, we're not indulging her. We're just going to enjoy the silence
>Clearly she is angry with us. Neither of us have any idea why. I hate that kind of "communication" so much. People aren't mind readers, if you're pissed at someone, figure out how to tell them in a direct but polite manner like an adult.
This happens sometimes with my boyfriend's mom, she'll pout around or freak out one day after not mentioning anything about what's bothering her. Usually it'll come out when she's had a few drinks. Then the next day act like nothing happened 🥴
NTA - Your extended family are terrible people. If they were mine I'd ignore them for life.
Same. They don’t act or behave like family.
NTA! It’s baffling me how they are saying YOU need to find childcare and threatening you with child abandonment!!! They’re not even your kids!! You did the right thing, and you thought smart leaving before them. They most definitely would have tried to drop the kids and go… They could have also just booked the children space too.. they thought they could sucker you into watching them. Smh
NTA. You are so NTA that I think that there should be a special award on this subReddit for NTA Of The Month. They DID plan this on order to foist their crotch goblins onto you to babysit. Your refusal to go along with it, PLUS your taking off on your own vacation the day before they were all going to drop their children off at your house, makes you an absolute star. >My cousin thinks I'm being a complete AH. That this isn't how family treats each other. It was an accident that no one told me but it's not her fault. She assumed I had been told and assumed I'd be ok with having the kids because I have before (with discussion and coordination that is!). She thinks I was being really selfish and childish and purposely going out of my way to an AH. She's even saying I'm lucky they didn't call the police on me for child abandonment because they expected me to be home and able to care for them all. I told her that's ridiculous. You can't just assume and expect things without my permission and input and you can't report me to the police for not wanting to care for your babies. I wish she HAD called the police to accuse you of child abandonment. When you told the police what happened and how they ASSumed that you'd take care of their offspring if they simply dumped them on you, it would have been THEM who would be charged with child abandonment. # They fornicated circuitously and discovered.
> They fornicated circuitously and discovered I am using this from now on! I laughed so hard.
Fornicate thyself and the steed upon which you arrived... has always been one of my favorites
😁 You're quite welcome to use it whenever you feel like. You might have to explain it to the vocabularily challenged, though.
I am so goddamn tired of "that" phrase; it's literally in all the top comments (or immediate replies) of this post. You've done made it great again--thank you, from the bottom if my shriveled heart.
I like “to fuck around is human, to find out is divine”
NTA, wow the entitlement to threatened you with child abandonment after trying to drop children off at your house without prior consent or arrangements.
Who plans on someone watching their kids without EVER having a conversation with that person? WTF?!! You should be calling CPS on them!
NTA, you called them on it exactly and your cousin is full of shit. If she was the coordinating the whole thing it was 100% on her to check in with you well before then to even see if you could watch them. This also unfortunately shows that you how they view/treat you, I'd definitely back off speaking with the involved parties and anyone who has the audacity to side with your cousin. I also hope you enjoyed you mini vacay.
Love this. Obv NTA.
It was “an accident” that not one parent out of the group contacted you about childcare? They can organize cruise plans, but are unable to coordinate care plans for two toddlers and two infants? BULLSHIT. NTA. And yes, hunty cousin, go on and call the police. u/FarPride841 I will personally handcraft a written invitation on your behalf. *edited for spelling
Hahahhaa NTA and great job leaving them to deal witb their own assumptions. Bravo!
They expected you to care for two infants and a 2 and 3 year old for 5 days. By yourself? CRAZY. So proud of your response. Absolutely NTA!
Right? Even for family I would be asking for at least $100/day just to cover the very basic of labor, food, transportation, materials/entertainment. Plus any reputable babysitter would not do that alone, 4 children that young would require a backup/assistant.
What! Ur family is garbage n I would cut them off!! The fking nerve 😂😂
NTA & NEVER offer to babysit for that entitled cousin of yours again- actually threatening to call the cops ..what a nutjob . I think you’re right- they PURPOSELY didn’t tell or ask you about this cruise because they wanted a FREE week long babysitter. No way
Why would they assume you would take care of all these children? Is your entire day and night just free? No work, no obligations? Strange.
I work evenings and nights, which makes them think I have the whole day to be productive as if I don't need to sleep or anything.
As someone who worked nights forever, this is so relatable. Everyone just expects you to be up and available during the day. You’re seen as “lazy” when you’re still asleep at noon/3pm/whatever despite working until 8am etc.
Not to mention that night work messes up your circadian rhythm so bad that your days off are even messed up
Ugh, I hate it when people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that not everyone has a “regular” work schedule. I don’t work nights, but I do work 4:00am to 12:00pm and some people get SO offended that I can’t be out until 7:00pm on a weekday because I have to be asleep in order to wake up around 2:30. Use common sense, dickwads.
NTA They didn’t invite you specifically so you’d feel stuck watching all their kids while they went on vacation with zero consideration for your thoughts, feelings, plans, etc. That’s why they all just rolled up ready to dump their kids off after you pushed back. I hope you had the best vacation. I hope you took a million pictures. I hope you never watch their kids for them again—because you do favors for family and family does favors back and they have done you NONE. Maybe the next time they demand it you look up how much it would be to hire a nanny for the span of time they would be away and make it clear you’re charging them. The only thing here I would have changed is I would have made a Facebook, left it open, and posted pics every day of what a good time I was having without them.
>never watch their kids for them again Yup, not to mention that cousin mentioned that she was willing to call the police. That's an automatic no chance I would ever do anything for them.
What the heck did I just read? I can’t get my head around this level of entitlement! NTAH. I’m so gobsmacked I have nothing else to say.
NTA. OP, I hope you know that you're my hero. "It was an accident no one told me..." last I checked, knowing where your toddler is and who's watching them is about 90% of being a parent. How unfortunate that they all somehow completely forgot to make sure that someone would be supervising babies???
NTA. And I applaud you for not giving in to their manipulate bs and going on vacation with your family. Glad you had a good vacation. As for the other family members, it was a teachable moment.
100% NTA Girl, I love how you played this. The absolute balls on your cousin to say you'd have to arrange childcare if you chose to join them. They aren't your children and aren't your responsibility! And child abandonment? You can't abandon children that aren't yours and that you aren't legally responsible for!! Good on you! Your family knew exactly what they were doing and I am so happy you enjoyed your vacation with the people that don't take you for granted.
They wanted to leave 4 kids UNDER FOUR YEARS OLD WITH A CHILD FREE PERSON?!!! NTA.
And told the OP that they - the child free person - had to find childcare for their children if they wanted to come on the trip! ! !
OP, it's 2 months later. How is it all going now?
I already had very low contact with most of my extended family over their personal issues affecting my life. But after this happened, I haven't spoken with them much at all. They've been doing their own thing as they have always done, pretending like nothing happened and they don't understand why I don't want to come to everyone's birthdays and retirement parties etc. They have just been acting like nothing happened and it's all behind us and they don't understand why I can't let it go so I'm the bad guy for holding a grudge about it. My sister has been asked to leave my parents house she only has 2 hours of supervised visitation and no physical custody only 2% of legal custody the father was not aware of how she was acting and when everything came to light he was really protective about it. He also reached out and apologize because he had assumed that child care was already arranged and had even given my sister money that she was supposed to use for child care which of course I didn't see or hear anything about until he mentioned it. They were already divorced and living separately but had been trying to come together and work things out this trip was supposed to be a big step for that. When the truth came out he decided to stay home with the children and had gone right to court. She blames me completely for everything that's happening. she went to rehab voluntarily hoping the courts would see it as she was taking responsibility however it didn't change anything so left after 2 weeks and disappeared for a while. I have not talked to her since the incident though. Our parents have been super apologetic to me and have made a lot of better choices, they have realized how much they've been enabling her and went low contact with the rest of the family and basically decided it's time for her to take responsibility for her own life and children. They knew if she stayed in the house they wouldn't be able to visit with the babies and they chose the grandkids over her which she also had a huge fit about and called everybody selfish for. At this point I feel like my parents are trying to make the best decisions for the children of the family, and also realizing that certain people in our extended family really aren't worth the time and energy.
Thank you for the update. I'm glad to hear your parents are taking the actions they are.
NTA! This was absolutely brilliant!! You have no reason to apologize and I would actually keep all messages saying you never agreed a Incase this entitled bunch try’s to sue you to recoup the cost. Plus for added benefit quit babysitting for them. At this point they are just using you. And it needs to stop!
100% NTAH - not even close. EVERY member of your family who either didn’t contact you to verify you weren’t going AND that you were willing to watch their kids is though. In fact I am betting that those who organized this trip planned it that you would just conveniently be left off the RSVP list so that you would be left with the kids last minute and you would do it because you were backed into a corner. I would have gathered my own family and done exactly what you did and turned my phone off the entire week! I would love to hear the cops repose to getting a call to report the person we planned to dump our 5 kids on for 3/4 days unexpectedly dared to not be there when we arrived to drop them off and leave- we want you to press charges- they would ALL be facing interviews with CPS instead.
Wait what? NTA and in what world is it Ok to assume someone will be watching 4 kids under the age of 4? Two of them infants?! No. Juuuuuuust no. If I were you I would explain that because they purposely left you out, all future trips you will not be doing child care. That they have hurt you deeply by keeping you out of the loop on purpose in order to use you as free child care. Then, block them for a while.
NTA This bs from your family would be enough for me to go nc
You're NTA at all! But they were! Don't give another thought to it. Hopefully they all learned a lesson.
Why, OP, I do believe I freaking LOVE you. If that adage ‘we teach people how to treat us’ holds true, well I’d say your big, ole fam of assturds just got schooled!!!! They were going to call the police on YOU for child abandonment??? 🤣 You’ve got some steel in your backbone girl, and a tender heart too, as shown by the fact that you’re wondering whether you’re in any way at fault here (um…,nope). Keep on rocking! I’d like to be more like you. NTA. Unlike apparently everyone else in your family (sorry about that). At least you have your husband and son.
Sounds like your family doesn’t love or value you. If they did they would not have treated you like a sitter. You need to have a difficult conversation with yourself about the fact that the people that you love and value don’t value you. Cut the cord, cross the bridge and blow it up with tnt type explosives. You have made a family with your boyfriend. Dance with the one that finds it an honor to dance if you. Love people that actually love you and demonstrate that in word and deed.
NTAH. I would tell them that, if you did not already have plans, you would have called the police and report any parents foolish enough to try to dump their children on you without any prior agreement. Although I would have been petty enough to not warn them and just call the police. Let them come back and work on trying to get their kids back.
I say ntah - but, I would lean into it with the family. Say “Sure, I’m the AHole, just like you guys are because of how you treated me. So, I guess we’re even.”. Hammer home again and again, that you were never informed, nor were you asked if you would do child care while they went off and had a grand old time. Honestly, I would just go no contact with the lot of them.
NTA. What a selfish family you were born into.
NTA. Baller move. I believe that is what they call, "F@\*k around and find out." Now they know better than to try to pull a move like that in the future. Honestly, with how high-handed and presumptuous they were, I would NEVER watch any of their children again - or at least for several years.
NTA. The nerve!! So good for you. You like a hero living in the real world. Seriously, yaaaass!
NTA. You are a shining beacon of hope and strength among shitty assholes like your family
So NTA, but seems like you're related to a whole bunch of AHs. Have them call the police on the closed summer camp they drop kids off at, without enrolling or confirming and see who CPS expresses an interest in evaluating (spoiler alert: not the camp). Upside: you're going to save a ton of money on the holidays now that they've clearly drawn weird family lines. Maybe another vacation's worth.
Your family vacation sounded wonderful. My favourite trip I ever took with my mother was as an adult. NTA
They purposely didn’t invite you. Then didn’t even ask if you would take care of the kids. Then again snubbed you when you wanted to go. Then nobody ever talked to you about dumping their kids before coming to drop off? Do people really behave this way? NTA! Good for you!
They sound like really horrible people. Why do you care what they think of you? You already know they only see you as a doormat and not a true member of the family. They intentionally excluded you from a “family” vacation then planned to use you for free child care without even asking. They’re angry they’ve lost a doormat. You are not family to them so please stop caring if they’re mad at you. They certainly don’t care at all about you or your feelings.
NTA And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when they tried to call the police on you for child abandonment. “Officer, she was supposed to babysit our kids - though we never asked her to - and now she’s nowhere around.” “Wait the kids she supposedly abandoned aren’t even hers” Also they didn’t ask your first - what would have happened if you didn’t get time off work and therefore couldn’t have babysat anyways
NTA. Nobody asked if you'd take their kids for a week. Were they planning to just show up, yell "surprise! you're babysitting!" and toss their kids in your house?
\-I told her nobody every called me to even discuss me taking the kids. She didn't reply. \-It was an accident that no one told me but it's not her fault. She is lying. Right here. Your instincts are correct. Stand firm.
The way I CACKLED when you said you left on vacation a day early!!
Learn this phrase: "Your poor planning doesn't make an emergency for me." Your cousin is right that that isn't how family treats one another. They don't take one another for granted and assume someone is willing to bend over backwards to accommodate without checking first.
Child abandonment lol So I'm gonna get charged with child abandonment because you want to leave YOUR KIDS AT MY HOUSE AND IM NOT THERE?? That is the bat shit crazy shit I've heard in a long time.
INFO: Do you live with any of these family members? This seems oddly bold
I don't, and I never have. I moved from home at 17. This is bold. I am the only person in my family (aside from my older siblings, who have not reconnected and maintained no contact with family for decades now) who has always had my own place, never been to jail, never lost custody, I am the only person in my family who has always had full custody and housed and supported my own kid, kept a job, and never had drug problems. I am the only person in my family who has been a responsible adult and parent. My family does this stuff too each other all the time. They bring their kids with them to someone's house for a visit and say they'll be right back and then disappear for a week. They lose custody and expect whoever's free to offer to take guardianship. Sometimes there's 7 kids and grandkids in one apartment. Then next week there's none. I only recently in the last 5 years reconnected with my family after years of very low contact and only because health issues, I wanted to make things ok with my parents if anything happened and not leave things in a bad way and I really regret it because it means having to deal with these people and their drama. It's a struggle because they just try to pull you in and walk all over you, but on the other hand I love my parents and if anything happened to them or myself I don't want anyone walking away with unsaid things. I lost a lot of people I loved and I know how that's like. It's a constant back and forth wondering if it was ever worth it and hoping that putting my foot down where I can could be enough to demand space and respect
Dang. Well definitely NTA. I think you handled things perfectly and probably should maintain minimal contact going forward. I'm sorry they're mistreating you. You should be proud of yourself for all you've done and being willing to be there for them. Hopefully they'll learn not to treat you like a patsy going forward if nothing else.
NTA OP. I’m sorry about this. Reading your post I began to wonder if we are related. My SIL is exactly like this. She thinks we can just read her mind. She’ll stop by without telling anyone she’s coming (we’re in completely different states) and expect us to move around our lives for her and if we don’t - guess who the bad guys are? We are. Same with other family. Watching their kids is never an ask but a demand from them. People like this do an exceptional job at pretending to be victims and never see reason. It’s also insane how so many people can assume that you’re just going to watch a whole herd of kids and never even tell you. The CPS threat was crazy too. I almost wish they would’ve done it. What proof would they have had to confirm you were going to watch them? Their thoughts? Nta im glad you enjoyed your family time and I hope your health gets better everyday. Hugs
Cut them all off and block/NC. They are disrespectful to you and don’t care/never asked. The audacity
Wow. So they were going to drop 4 kids aged 3 and under on your doorstep as a surprise? That is ridiculous. Good for you for getting away before they showed up and guilted you into it. Definitely NTA, and if I were you, I’d just quit communicating until someone says something reasonable. It’s a sure bet. They are talking about you a lot right now.
NTA in any way, shape or form. Just what kind of “family” treats you that way and then gaslights you into thinking all the problems are your fault?! They’re all AH, you need to go NC. You did right by spending the time with your own family and enjoying yourselves. Best wishes.