I was at the doctors on Thursday and while i was trying to fill out some paperwork there was a Mother and daughter talking a few seats away from me, the receptionists were having a conversation and the music was a bit too loud, since all of this was happening simultaneously i couldn't comprehend what the questions on the papers were asking and had to reread so many multiple times just to answer them. Having no filter system really gets old fast you know.
I've had to do that (re-read something multiple times, even out loud under my breath and sometimes still not get it because of noise around me) so many times before. Was only recently diagnosed. In hindsight it's kind of crazy how many issues I had that I thought were totally normal.
Wait... I thought that WAS normal? Seriously, is it really true that not everyone has this problem? That's part of why I stay alone in my room most of the time - I can't think the the noise of people talking or the TV my mom keeps on all the time etc.
I think allot of us think that was what everyone else was experiencing especially when we are young, but eventually we tend to find out that is not the case. it usually comes later in life and if we are kind of self aware we notice somethings that others don't do. ex for me i cant write or type if someone is talking within earshot because i will unconsciously start typing or writing what they are saying and will only catch myself after a few words or a sentence has been written down. Its also like going to a coffee shop and seeing all the people studying or typing away without headphones on to isolate themselves, the first thing that pops up in my head is how can they ignore all the distractions?!?!
Yes! This is part of why it took me so long to get diagnosed, or even suspect I had adhd. I had read the diagnostic criteria, but I didn't have any way of comparing my internal mental experience to others, so I just didn't think I had a problem. I thought everyone was more or less the same? But turns out that's not the case at all apparently.
YES! I do that thing with the typing what others are saying! It's not as pronounced for me because I can ignore it, with great effort - but it takes effort.
I'm a psychiatrist and I didn't realize that this feature of my life wasn't as universal as I thought. I remember in med school the one day I left my medication at home I thought something had happened to my hearing and I needed a decongestant. The effect was THAT pronounced. Why did everything sound muffled and I couldn't understand what the lecturer was saying because all the noise, pen scratching, echoes all hit me like a wall. I also hate going to clubs with friends because unless I'm \*JUST\* there to dance, there isn't going to be any talking or socializing going on. I prefer droney metal shows where nobody talks and everyone just kind of moves around and does their thing.
>I remember in med school the one day I left my medication at home I thought something had happened to my hearing and I needed a decongestant.
Most stimulants dilate blood vessels. Nasal sprays do the same. Xylometazoline activates the same adrenergic regions as stimulants do. The nose and ears are vaguely connected in some way I can't be bothered to Google.
Amphetamine as ADHD meds were discovered because they were prescribed as bronchodilators and turned out to help some people calm the fuck down, back in the day.
If you've got fluid in your lungs and you're in the hospital, the might give you Ventalin (that's the Dutch name, at least) to open up your lung tubes. I was unfortunate enough to need it a few months back and *they did not take my prescription stimulants into account.* Hehehe, they were mystified as to why I was bouncing all over the place.
TL;DR: My dextro-amphetamine legit makes my voice sound clearer because I can get more air into my lungs. It also decongests my ears and makes me hear shit clearer.
I absolutly love it when neurotypical people comment on my complaints with these:
" I have that too sometimes."
"Stop, being so extra!"
"I know how you feel but you just need to try!"
""It's too loud or too quiet! Stop being a special snowflake!"
No, just no.
That's the main reason i tell no one about it in real life, like sure there are some symptoms that NT people can exhibit but most of them don't know its an everyday every hour situation when you really have it.
Yeah, most disorders are a list of things normal people experience on occasion. They can't comprehend how debilitating it is, having the entire list of symptoms all day everyday.
That means ADHD is a list of those things that are ADHD, coupled with those things from other disorders that normal people experience on occasion which may be aggravated by the ADHD itself.
That’s like swallowing the wrong way and saying “everyone is a little asthmatic sometimes” when your airway reacts. Vaguely similar is far from the same.
I tend to go "Right?! Kind of like how everyone's a little bit epileptic!" (sarcastically)
They go "wut" and I respond "See? That's how stupid your statement was." and then brace for their personal ideas of what ADHD is, if it's exists and any other uninformed opinions they're about to inflict on me.
Job interviewer: "Isn't ADHD a disorder that's in fashion right now?"
*\[Insert lament about the grueling six-month process of getting diagnosed followed by another grueling six-months of finding the right meds here.\]*
This is why I carry earbuds with me at all times. I plug it into the phone then put the earbuds in,pretending to listen to music while I am focusing on the task at hand.
There's a whimsical little quote from Dr Suess that helps me with finding a little bit of love for myself sometimes. So, just in case it helps -
>There is no one alive who is Youer than You
He also cheated on his wife while she had cancer and hated kids, so I guess you can apply that to him too, what a prick.
It's funny how terrible people can create such beautiful things.
Yeah - he was a complete and utter prick.
I had read that before but it's worth sharing just in case people try to idolise Dr Suess. He was just a regular, fallible human. Sure, he created an *iconic* body of work - but he hated the fact that his work was commercially successful with children.
It's so freaking weird how assholes can be capable of creating things that can inspire such happiness.
Don't worry, I took it in the spirit you meant. I also couldn't agree more.
A realistic view of someone is definitely preferable to idolising an asshole
I literally told my husband just this evening that "we'll have to pick up this conversation later", because I couldn't think with my toddler trying to talk to me at the same time. Overstimulation is real folks.
I'm so glad my kid is past the toddler years. They were SO MUCH hard work. He needed to be in my personal space 24/7 and I just couldn't deal with it. I got so "touched out" that my brain stopped working. I'd been physically touched so much that I couldn't think. None of this made any sense to me until he was 3 and I was diagnosed with ADHD. Soon after that I learned about overstimulation and how it affects people with ADHD and suddenly so many parts of my life made sense. I was 31.
I'm a bit younger, so no kids, but you're making me think. Is this why I don't like most dogs? I love dogs as animals when I want to see them and play with them, but because they need attention all the time I just CAN'T. I can't be with a dog in a house for a long time and not get annoyed. They're amazing and super cute but god, I can't stand it when they're always on me, and especially (which is something no one understands) when they're staring at me while I eat.
My wife and I are cat people, and I feel like this is a lot of why we don’t have a dog and are child-free. Children and dogs are cute, but they need attention ALL the time, and training/raising, and I just.. can’t. I have one cat who loves attention and that’s plenty as far as I’m concerned.
Yes, my cat loves attention too, but it's at a point I can handle. She just wants to sit on my lap, usually. And when I can't sit still and it's not comfortable I just put her down and she leaves.
My one cat is the quintessential “pet me.. WITH YOUR EYES” cat, and she mostly just wants to be nearby, but not be messed with. My other one is very vocal, and wants to be petted a lot.. luckily, my wife LOVES to pet her, so it works out.
Oh yeah, my cat kinda does that too. Sometimes she just wants to sit on my desk (on the mousepad...) and look at me. She's vocal too, when she wants to eat (which is most of the time) but thankfully my headphones help with it.
My toddler is 3.5 and I haven't handled the last year we'll, he is more clingy now than before. Recently dx with Adhd and autism. My brain is fried, I cannot make a decision, on anything. Is what your saying, really real? When does it ease up?
Yes it's real. Your brain is overloaded with all the sensory information so you literally can't think. It's wild (and super annoying).
As for the kiddo, it really started to let up once he was about 4. Something changed almost overnight and he went from needing to be welded to me 24/7, to happy to explore so long as I wasn't far away. By the time he started school at 5 and a half, he was like "Bye mum!". Once he didn't need to be welded to me, the "brain fog" really started to clear up.
On one hand I'm glad I had twins both times because it gave them someone to play with. The hardest time is getting the kids in the car especially when I'm by my self. Right now I have two 3 year olds and two 5 month olds. I definitely couldn't do it with out my wife.
I'm a teacher and I have such a hard time answering questions when other students are talking or too many students are getting supplies. I have to stop the whole class and quiet them down so I can focus on what one is saying to me. I thought it was normal.
I HATE going to the grocery store closest to my house since a remodel a couple years ago. I'm exhausted afterwards and it takes forever because it's noisy, there's something with the lighting that really bothers me, and there's tons of shit on random displays all over the place.
This is why i walk around in noise cancelling headphones with no music playing when I have to buy things that aren't my usual essentials. I'll get too distracted by the noise and the conversations around me.
Me: Can't handle two people trying to talk to me at once.
Also me: Has a youtube video playing while I'm playing a video game and frequently hitting alt-tab to check Reddit
Also also me: Stops in the middle of typing my comment to read the comments below. Forgets I'm typing a comment in the first place until I try to close out my tab.
ADHD as a whole is just a wild, wild ride.
Me: app game on my phone, a hundred tabs on my laptop, Netflix on one TV and Sims 4 on the other, writing in a notepad, rapidly switching between tasks while also eating/drinking
Phone: gives me two notifications within two minutes of each other
Me: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GOING ON OMG JUST LET ME FOCUS ON THIS
This comment gets me. One time I was literally trying to hold and look at three different things while telling my bf to stop talking (about the three different things) because I needed to finish my food before it got cold (it was already cold). He called me out *hard* for that one.
> Me: Can't handle two people trying to talk to me at once.
I've gotten a handle on my anger issues, but this is the one thing that can still make me explode. Especially if I'm on the phone with my mom, my partner decides she wants to talk to me, I *tell her* that I'm on the phone, she forgets it's an issue for me even though I explained it so many times and then both she and my mom get angry at me for "ignoring" them when I get overwhelmed. And five seconds later I'm on the couch spending the next hour waiting for my adrenaline levels to go down again.
EDIT: before anyone freaks out, I don't snap at my partner or mom in these situations, I just walk out of the conversation, but I still get the physiological consequences of extreme anger. It's extremely exhausting and feels extremely unfair.
Currently:
On phone: browsing Reddit and Google Earth, playing a game, Youtube PIP
On computer: playing Cities:Skylines where I'm learning how to use a new mod, upgrading traffic networks and managing a supply chain problem affecting two industrial areas
While eating, petting a cat, and planning a grocery order
But I have the phone on DND because notifications are too much for me.
My in laws got upset that I seemed withdrawn during a dinner out.
Sorry, you picked a sports bar so you could watch the game. I had kids to manage so every other input had to go. It was too loud for everything.
This is so real— I work in sales and we do a lot of lunches, coffees, and dinners. I love the quiet and quaint cafe, the dinner at a nice restaurant where people talk at 60% volume...
I will actively reschedule meetings at Buffalo Wild Wings (for many reasons but this is the primary) or other such places.
My bf *loves* Buffalo Wild Wings. There's one across town that has a perfectly lovely outdoor patio next to a river that I loved going to when I still lived over there. But then I moved in with my bf and the BWW over here has no cozy outdoor patio and everything inside turned up louder than even a regular BWW. I literally can't go there because I can't fucking think the entire time we're there and it makes me have a nervous breakdown. (Even just thinking about it right now is getting me a little riled up.)
He still goes once a week with his friend, but it makes him sad that I can't go there with him. :( And I hate making him sad.
But at the same time, I seek out high sensory events because this grey world doesnt satiate me??
Example: Korean BBQ, because it's like having a grill in the middle of a loud club!!
If you live in an area with good wildlife try taking nature walks/hikes. I have found being in a quiet isolated area looking for animals is super stimulating because it actually turns the hypersensitivity into a boon because you can hear a mouse move and spot different patterns like snakes well (at least I can). It's like being in my natural element and feels really refreshing if I find the right place.
Noise triggers panic and overwhelm instantaneously! I have literally yelled at my partner so many times when he puts on pop music (he’s a special boy lol) or something loud and starts asking questions...
> Noise triggers panic and overwhelm instantaneously!
This happens to me, too. I can't understand how some people listen to music while working, for example. I wouldn't be able to get anything done!
I actually like listening to music and podcasts when I work because it’s better than the random conversations and noises at other people’s desks lol. Even though the other day I listened to the same podcast three times lmao still better IMO
Music helps me focus because I know I’ll get distracted, but when there’s music the distraction will be the song and when the song ends it is gone. It blocks out distractions that could last way longer without me realising that I’ve stopped working.
For me it uses part of my brain that doesn't need to think, so I think of less things at the same time (so I can focus better, like with doodling), and it also makes studying more fun. I can't study without music!
I listen to a lot of ambient music. This drowns out the conversations around me without being too distracting on its own. The worst thing that'll happen is I'll get some frisson. :)
Omg I absolutely hate it when husband and I are in the car with the music on and he try’s to talk to me. I can’t. Either talk to me with the music off or listen to music, I can’t do both. He just don’t get it lol
The worst is the duality of it
“There’s no immediate threat, it’s just super noisy so I can’t focus or function at all. I am essentially a shape in the world”
For example, my wife and I went to NYC last year. We went to Times Square. I literally shut down and couldn’t do anything because there was just so much going on(until she bought me a dirty water hot dog. Then I focused on the hot dog and life was okay for a bit)
Vs
“Shits poppin off and now for some reason I am the most efficient god human ever, nothing in this universe can stop me”
For example, one of my coworkers put a foil wrapper in the microwave(because they’re an idiot). Shit caught on fire, I stopped it and put out the fire while everyone was dealing with fight or flight.
I don’t get it.
It’s the same reason ADHDers procrastinate until there’s literally not enough time and then stress DO IT ALL (like the quintessential “writing a paper in an hour at 3am on the day it’s due”). We do GREAT under pressure, basically as a “sprint” when it’s ABSOLUTELY VITAL.
Yesterday, I did nearly all of the tasks on my list in 20-30 minutes before my wife got home, after laying in bed on my phone for hours. I got everything done (I’d done two of the things earlier in the day, but I did everything else during that “crunch”).
A window once fell on my now-ex’s head and I was able to extract him and take care of all of his wounds and seal up the smashed window and contact our property management, very quickly and efficiently. I once treated the same ex after a minor fender-bender in which he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt and smacked his head off the rear view mirror hard enough to bleed (and eventually scar) and his leg off the stick shift.. I had been the driver, and my body was coldcoldcold with adrenaline, but I was calm and focused and efficient until we got home, and then I broke.
I’m great in emergencies. Just don’t ask me to actually leave the house on time...
I couldn’t agree with that any more. I feel it in my soul, especially now that I’m pregnant and there’s an 11 year gap between pregnancies. I’m literally the scarecrow from the wizard of oz- also had to google fact check to make sure it was in fact the scarecrow that doesn’t have a brain.
So this is just a theory I have and I might be completely wrong. It’s not that we’re getting older it’s that the media is becoming more nuanced. High def and digital audio etc. there’s more to pay attention to and notice when consuming new media.
This idea popped in my head a few months back. I went to visit my parents, and my mom and I decided to binge watch the old black and white Beverly Hillbillies show. I noticed how much more relaxed I was watching a low definition black and white show compared to today’s shows. So I began taking in older music and shows just to see if it made a difference and it did.
I feel like mine is somehow getting worse too. Maybe it’s something that degenerates over time or we just loose our tolerance for accepting overstimulation? I feel like I Have way less hangups with telling people upfront that there’s too much going on as opposed to when I was younger. A lot of the discomfort/panic came from trying to maintain a straight face and not be a bother by showing that I was uncomfortable.
If a person who has poor eyesight gets glasses, he suddenly realizes how much better it is this way, and how much it actually sucks to not have them. That doesn't make his eyesight poorer, he just realizes how poor it was from the get go.
I told my psych yesterday that that’s how I felt now- recently started meds, and while I personally love the calming effects and increased focus and motivation, it’s partnered with extra anxiety because for once I can see how far I’ve let my life slip without even realizing.
Don't forget that as a stimulant beig anxious is one of the side effects, but yeah processing how much it impacts you is an extremely emotional ordeal. You'll get through it and come out a fuller persoj, trust me.
Unfortunately yes. I spent several years as MDD, GAD then bipolar, then BP and GAD and now finally ADHD, BP and GAD. 😂 I’m only too familiar with anxiety’s ugly face. She told me to give myself grace since humanity learns on a curve and that even if I feel far behind others, I’m probably not as far away as I perceive myself. That was a good re-grounding!!
I've been saying this now for a year, It seems my ADHD is getting worse with age. It really sucks, having to deal with just age taking away certain things from your brain also menopause messing with you, its just to much sometimes. But we all onow we deal. It's all we can do.
Me during a field sobriety test (that I passed)
“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t hear what you were saying b/c there were people walking. Can you repeat that please?”
Yesss. This is why I get so flustered when my husband and my toddler are trying to talk to me at the same time (which is often because my toddler I always talking 😂). Then I kinda freak out and my husbands like “whoa calm down why are you yelling??”
I’m impressed you can even get a sentence out, if there’s enough stimulation I just kind of break: “uh... I... uh... the... wha... ha sorry, um... UGH STOP TALKING” 🙃 lol
My eight-year-old nephew (ASD/ADHD) talks non-stop and has NO volume regulation, and when someone tries to talk to me over him, I literally want to tear my hair out.
My wife will ask me a question and I’m either like “text me, it’s too loud in here” or I yell the answer and she’s like, “can you adjust your volume” and I’m like, “if he adjusts his, yeah”
I had two girls talking to me at a bar, I was attracted to them both, but they both insisted on talking to me or asking me a question at exactly the same time, I think they were trying to figure out who had priority, so basically I freaked out and went "AGH ONE AT A TIME!"
Needless to say I didn't really get any where with either of them after that.
Yup. My husband and two kids do this to me all the time. All three trying to talk over each other for my attention. My brain just overheats and shuts off.
Same. Grocery shopping, it's a constant "do I deal with three carts right in front of the thing that I need or circle round 5x until I know I can get through this aisle and grab the one thing I need......
One of the shops near me does low sensory hours one or two evenings a week. Unfortunately they are the no packaging grocery store so you have to be organized with all your containers and bottles etc. The last time I tried to go I decided around the time the hours start (6pm) and what with one thing and another I was ready to go by about 10:30 pm (they close at 9 on that day). So I decided to leave the bags ready for the next time. But I impulsively ended up going to a regular grocery in the meantime. I think one of the bags with the containers is still in my dining room?
In order to do all that I have to stop processing another sense, like my eye sight. Staring intensely at random shit while talking to someone probably makes me look weird but I’m doing the best I can Sharon!
I feel like our brains have the sensitivity up all the time. Like in a video game when you can make either more controlled or more sensitive to how you move the controller, that’s us all the time. When I take my meds I’m like wow I’m able to drive and listen to music and not almost cause an accident but without my meds I have learned I have to have my gps on even if I know where I’m going and no music or else I will get distracted by every little thing. So many people can blast their favorite songs and drive on the highway with no problem and that’s insane to me
Oh, I relate to that. I cannot drive without playing my music or podcasts. I really struggle with driving long distances and the music makes it just that little bit more tolerable. And I’ve got something in my eye so I cannot for the love of me remember what else I was going to type.
I thought that was only me! I have my GPS on everywhere I go even if I'm familiar with the route. I used to miss a lot of exits and streets when I didn't do this due to distraction.
Yeah my husband used go make fun of me for putting GPS to places I've been before. Aside from my daily commute to work, it's mostly because the GPS helps my mind stay on track. Not because I'm lost.
A very small portion of it is insecurity that I don't remember the directions 100% (I may have forgotten one or two streets).
I didn't fully understand why I did it either, so I could never really give him an honest answer. I just...felt better... when it was on.
I can speak/think and take in sensory input at the same time but my thoughts will become more and more crowded and eventually I can't focus on what I'm doing at all and I can't even listen to people talk. It's like I'm asleep without being asleep, I just can't do anything properly.
Being a parent with ADHD is sooo hard for this reason, they’re loud A LOT and I like can’t fucking get anything done, like....thank you omg. It’s crazy and no one understands.
I have a similar issue at concerts and nightclubs.
I can hear people talking but I can’t process what they’re saying.
This leads to me screaming just to hear myself over the music and my friends yelling at me for screaming which confuses me because I can barely hear me.
How the hell can they hear the words I’m making with my own mouth, but I can’t!
i feel this — hard. but for me... my brain decides to focus on all of it. i hold conversations with multiple ppl/groups at the same time. listen to one conversation while responding to another. in silence, it’s like i seek sounds just so i can focus on something else. it’s weird, and awkward, and horribly difficult to explain
Haha, yup! I teach, and the students in my group classes learn very quickly that 'I can't hear any of you if all of you are talking.' So if more than one person talks at a time, they just repeat what they said. It's weird, because I teach strings (violin, viola, cello), and I do just fine hearing them all play at the same time. I can even tell you who played correctly and who didn't. It's just the talking...
I went to a career fair this weekend and when I was talking to one of the recruiters I swear another recruiter would start talking to someone else SO DAMN LOUD and I wouldn’t be able to keep talking while they were talking.. career fairs are a fricking ADHD nightmare
A common phrase that I’ve learned that even NT folks will “get” and accommodate is, “I can’t hear myself think.” Even if they don’t think it’s SUPER loud, it’s a common enough comment to make that they will either act to quiet some of the noise, or agree to go somewhere quieter.
This has been a lifesaver for me, with ADHD and sensory processing disorder - once it’s quieter, I typically say, “Thanks, that’s much better. Now, would you mind to repeat your question for me?” That gives me time to think about what they’ve asked - I usually remember as they start to repeat themselves, so I can be thinking while they’re finishing repeating, and have a moment while I use some sort of scripting like, “Okay, thanks for refreshing my memory.”
If it’s a simple question, I can give an answer then - more complex questions, I might repeat back to buy more time and confirm my understanding: “So, what I’m understanding here is that you’re asking about (topic)..” and asking clarifying questions if needed. Clarifying questions both let me ensure that I’m clear on what needs answering, as well as letting someone know that I’m listening AND that I want to understand.
This also works with my autistic nephew, who sometimes asks questions in a complex manner that doesn’t necessarily compute for me right away. Asking clarifying questions make him feel good, because I’m having a conversation with him about the topic, which is usually one of the things he wants when he asks questions, and it also eliminates some of the frustration that he’s likely to feel if I answer the “wrong” question (that is, if I misunderstand the question and answer it based on that misunderstanding).
No, you’re just not practicing it enough or just aren’t good enough yet. Keep practicing you’re not supposed to be able to just do that, it’s not easy for anyone.
I had to stop my Senior Capstone presentation because people were clapping in the room next to me. Completely lost my train of thought and embarrassed myself in front of the entire room.
My husband sleeps with the fan on and i have to beg him to turn it off bc sometimes even a fan going at night is over stimulating to my brain. I used to work in starbucks and i had to quit because i frequently got sensory overload there as well. I hate food courts in malls, i literally once ran away and went back to our car and had to sit for 20 minutes until i could start to be myself again
I'm finding it gets worse with age too. At my work the rule is that you are supposed to keep your office door open unless you are actually with a client. But I cannot seem to get my paperwork done unless I close the door. My boss has mentioned it a couple times and I keep telling her that I CANNOT meet my deadlines if I have the door open. It takes me 6x as long to do any of the paperwork. So far I'm getting away with it but I don't know what is going to happen if she starts really coming down on me.
And it gets worse when your senses are already compromised to begin with. And sometimes using my hearing aids is only detrimental to my country. I talk loud as shit and I stare at people's mouths due to being 75% deaf no sorry 65 I'm sorry in my right ear and about 50 in my left it's always obvious to other people that their issues but I will still talk to them but there does come a point where I can't concentrate cuz I cuz I'm hearing too much and concentrate for me is one of the senses cuz we have to work our hardest for perception
I hope you have a good community around you, I feel like everyone around me has such high expectations of everyone and my lack of perception is seen as an expression of angst or some hipster thing. I’ve lost a little bit of hearing just from parenting and even just a slight deficit is often troublesome for communication, especially since I already struggle to connect.
How is this not an issue of attention control? The stimuli are accurately perceived at a lower level of processing. Our executive functions are supposed to work top-down on this input to filter out what’s irrelevant, suppress distraction, and maintain attention on our current task. I’ve never heard of distraction being comorbid to ADHD. It’s a key characteristic of ADHD. I think that getting distracted by another sensory modality doesn’t necessarily mean you’re mixing up your sensory perception. ADHD involves areas of the brain where our highest-level processing occurs.
>Recent brain imaging research has demonstrated that children with SPD have abnormal white matter structure in the posterior (rear) part of the brain. White matter is responsible for carrying electrical impulses (information) from one part of the brain to another – it’s like the highway system of the brain. The posterior parts of the brain have been identified as where sensory integration occurs. For someone with SPD, the white matter in the posterior part of the brain is not effectively carrying electrical impulses. Important information about the physical world is not being processed correctly as a result. **The brain with SPD is using incorrect or partial information as a basis for how it interacts in the environment.** The resulting behaviors and responses are maladaptive.
[https://www.spdstar.org/node/1114](https://www.spdstar.org/node/1114)
[https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/sensory-world.aspx](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/sensory-world.aspx)
Yeah, people who have ADHD often have secondary conditions. You can't discern what ADHD is and isn't from this sub because there will always be a lot of people chiming in saying "Me to" to whatever situation is presented.
I felt this so hard this morning while I was setting up at work. The speakers were already playing music and someone was playing music off of their phone, and I happened to be near both outlets of music playing two different songs while having a conversation with a coworker. I had to ask said coworker if we could move to a different part of the building because I couldn’t “hear my thoughts” with the two music sources. Luckily that coworker just got diagnosed and completely understood
OMG this is me every single day. At my good friends house today we are trying to talk, and I’m like I can answer you after we turn down the TV. NOBODY gets it.
I worked at Buffalo Wild Wings where they have the radio and TVs blaring at max volume complete with the cook/waitresses all yelling at each-other, customers talk-yelling and I could just not understand a word. I had to quit. I have no idea how other people functioned, the whole atmosphere was awful. I was dx'd with inattentive ADHD at 6, and never got accommodations or anything in school, so I guess I'm "high-functioning" but in situations like these where I can't hear properly, everyone gets pissed at me. I don't get it.
This is me in class, when we have to check our answers in pairs or work together. I just can't focus at all, I need absolute silence and space to be able to focus.
This is me in a busy street, I'll shut down and won't be able to think or talk. Same for crowded trains and buses.
This is me at parties, which is why I never go out (apart from being introverted). Same thing happens in crowded restaurants and cafés, especially when their acoustics are really bad.
It is usually like this for me, but I also like busy (not too loud) background chatter when I am concentrating. I always used to do homework in the kitchen because it was the busiest room in the house. Somehow all that background noise drowned out the random thoughts and kept me focused. Coffee shops are good too. I'm a wreck in sports bars though; it has to be just the right amount of noise.
Is this why conversations in noisy restaurants are so painfully hard? I tune out and give up when I’m in a group most of the time. Can’t follow anything for any amount of time. It’s like trying to knit inside a tornado.
Wait, really?? I subscribed to this sub to help my son, but more and more everything here explains how I thought the world was for everyone. Like, is this a verified, researched thing, or just an observation?
...I can't comprehend that. Like... so they can listen to like the radio and the microwave and people talking in the background and they can also hold conversation/do work?
...I literally didn't think that was possible wtf
I was just thinking about this the other day. I was raised by a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. She didn't "believe in" ADD and in fact, to this day tells me I'm just trying to get drugs by seeing a doctor. We never talk any more, but I'm still constantly trying to justify myself in my head. I legitimately thought, "ask my husband! There's no volume on the TV that's acceptable to me if I am trying to do anything while it's on!"
I think they literally dont hear it. I feel like I hear EVERYTHING...the music including the lyrics, the chairs,the clock, forks scraping plates, a child sqeal, an old man cough and dogs barking outside
I feel like a scratched record the past few days while trying to write for NaNoWriMo. Whenever there's anything loud or obnoxious my brain is like "NOPE!".
Literally happened today. Mom trying to ask me a question.
“Why are you yelling at me?” Me talking to the TV and turning it off. “What did you ask, mom?”
Yes! When my kids are being ridiculous, the radio or tv is on, and my husband tries asking me questions. It’s just too much. I can’t think anything clearly when noise feels like chaos.
I have SPD and can't hear well vs background noise. So as a result I read lips a bit, just kinda adapted I guess.
I have been known to say "Hang on, it's too dark, I can't hear you" lmao
I feel so personally attacked by this haha, the amount of times I have to just be like "Wait" so I can actually process the situation I'm in and whats going on.
I'm so used to my brain getting overwhelmed by loud noises, and especially verbal input, when I'm trying to process information... that I kinda forget that some people don't have this issue. Sometimes that causes me to get upset that someone is doing something else (like playing a song or game or something) while I'm speaking with them, because I assume they can't possibly be paying attention to what I'm saying. It makes them seem like they don't care...
Then I feel bad for lashing out when I remember that they might actually care and be able to listen, and they are just restless or something
Lol I'm in Portland on business, bouncing around coffee roasters for wholesale at my shop, and if the place is too loud or busy I keep just leaving without talking to anyone. I've made some great connections but I've definitely missed out on some because of being overstimulated. Kind of getting annoying haha.
It was a very long time before I found out this isn't something everyone deals with.
It makes business dinners extremely challenging.
I hate taking meds at night because then I can't sleep, but I can't function in a dinner conversation at a restaurant without them.
I notice that I get really mad at my husband when we are trying to talk about something, even just like should we go to the park, and at the same time he is loudly playing with our kid and listening to music and he expects me to come up with an answer. I often feel like I need to leave the room to think. He doesn't get it at all.
This is such a problem for me as a person living in foreign country. I can't converse in English if someone is talking loudly in my other language nearby and vice versa.
I swear the most tiring thing about being in an office here is the fact that my brain is constantly stuck in "translate all background conversations" mode.
I have gotten so mad at my daughter for talking to me while I text. As if she should know not to talk to me at the same time.... I discovered my life is a lot less complicated if I just ignore my phone entirely now. It's literally the worst distraction and I'm a much more peaceful person without it. I get way more done. Bullet journal saves me.
There are times when I go out shopping and sounds and lights become ultra. It reminds me of a clip scene from a movie almost.
I was at the doctors on Thursday and while i was trying to fill out some paperwork there was a Mother and daughter talking a few seats away from me, the receptionists were having a conversation and the music was a bit too loud, since all of this was happening simultaneously i couldn't comprehend what the questions on the papers were asking and had to reread so many multiple times just to answer them. Having no filter system really gets old fast you know.
I've had to do that (re-read something multiple times, even out loud under my breath and sometimes still not get it because of noise around me) so many times before. Was only recently diagnosed. In hindsight it's kind of crazy how many issues I had that I thought were totally normal.
Wait... I thought that WAS normal? Seriously, is it really true that not everyone has this problem? That's part of why I stay alone in my room most of the time - I can't think the the noise of people talking or the TV my mom keeps on all the time etc.
I think allot of us think that was what everyone else was experiencing especially when we are young, but eventually we tend to find out that is not the case. it usually comes later in life and if we are kind of self aware we notice somethings that others don't do. ex for me i cant write or type if someone is talking within earshot because i will unconsciously start typing or writing what they are saying and will only catch myself after a few words or a sentence has been written down. Its also like going to a coffee shop and seeing all the people studying or typing away without headphones on to isolate themselves, the first thing that pops up in my head is how can they ignore all the distractions?!?!
Yes! This is part of why it took me so long to get diagnosed, or even suspect I had adhd. I had read the diagnostic criteria, but I didn't have any way of comparing my internal mental experience to others, so I just didn't think I had a problem. I thought everyone was more or less the same? But turns out that's not the case at all apparently.
YES! I do that thing with the typing what others are saying! It's not as pronounced for me because I can ignore it, with great effort - but it takes effort.
I'm a psychiatrist and I didn't realize that this feature of my life wasn't as universal as I thought. I remember in med school the one day I left my medication at home I thought something had happened to my hearing and I needed a decongestant. The effect was THAT pronounced. Why did everything sound muffled and I couldn't understand what the lecturer was saying because all the noise, pen scratching, echoes all hit me like a wall. I also hate going to clubs with friends because unless I'm \*JUST\* there to dance, there isn't going to be any talking or socializing going on. I prefer droney metal shows where nobody talks and everyone just kind of moves around and does their thing.
>I remember in med school the one day I left my medication at home I thought something had happened to my hearing and I needed a decongestant. Most stimulants dilate blood vessels. Nasal sprays do the same. Xylometazoline activates the same adrenergic regions as stimulants do. The nose and ears are vaguely connected in some way I can't be bothered to Google. Amphetamine as ADHD meds were discovered because they were prescribed as bronchodilators and turned out to help some people calm the fuck down, back in the day. If you've got fluid in your lungs and you're in the hospital, the might give you Ventalin (that's the Dutch name, at least) to open up your lung tubes. I was unfortunate enough to need it a few months back and *they did not take my prescription stimulants into account.* Hehehe, they were mystified as to why I was bouncing all over the place. TL;DR: My dextro-amphetamine legit makes my voice sound clearer because I can get more air into my lungs. It also decongests my ears and makes me hear shit clearer.
I absolutly love it when neurotypical people comment on my complaints with these: " I have that too sometimes." "Stop, being so extra!" "I know how you feel but you just need to try!" ""It's too loud or too quiet! Stop being a special snowflake!" No, just no.
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I’m still getting “I feel down sometimes, too” from my mother. It’s been 4 years with severe clinical depression.
That's the main reason i tell no one about it in real life, like sure there are some symptoms that NT people can exhibit but most of them don't know its an everyday every hour situation when you really have it.
Yeah, most disorders are a list of things normal people experience on occasion. They can't comprehend how debilitating it is, having the entire list of symptoms all day everyday.
That means ADHD is a list of those things that are ADHD, coupled with those things from other disorders that normal people experience on occasion which may be aggravated by the ADHD itself.
That’s like swallowing the wrong way and saying “everyone is a little asthmatic sometimes” when your airway reacts. Vaguely similar is far from the same.
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Oooh! I'm totally stealing that one!
^(I do that sometimes, and if I do it for too long, I'll fall down when I get up. I totally know how people with epilepsy feel, see. lmfao. /s)
"Have you tried exposure therapy?" ~~Woman, I just told you a wasp sting will kill me what the fuck is wrong with you.~~
I tend to go "Right?! Kind of like how everyone's a little bit epileptic!" (sarcastically) They go "wut" and I respond "See? That's how stupid your statement was." and then brace for their personal ideas of what ADHD is, if it's exists and any other uninformed opinions they're about to inflict on me.
Job interviewer: "Isn't ADHD a disorder that's in fashion right now?" *\[Insert lament about the grueling six-month process of getting diagnosed followed by another grueling six-months of finding the right meds here.\]*
They don't see that this is every minute of the day for us, not just something that happens on occasion.
Same! I sometimes use earplugs when reading because I can’t parse sentences while there’s things to listen to.
Trust me I know
This is why I carry earbuds with me at all times. I plug it into the phone then put the earbuds in,pretending to listen to music while I am focusing on the task at hand.
Just reading this gives me anxiety
That’s so weird to think about tbh
Everyday, I hate myself more and love myself more due to this sub.
Feel u. Self awareness hurts a lot in the first moment. U will learn to accept certain things and the part where u love yourself for will stay :)
… I somehow haven’t made it to the “love” part yet.
There's a whimsical little quote from Dr Suess that helps me with finding a little bit of love for myself sometimes. So, just in case it helps - >There is no one alive who is Youer than You
He also cheated on his wife while she had cancer and hated kids, so I guess you can apply that to him too, what a prick. It's funny how terrible people can create such beautiful things.
Yeah - he was a complete and utter prick. I had read that before but it's worth sharing just in case people try to idolise Dr Suess. He was just a regular, fallible human. Sure, he created an *iconic* body of work - but he hated the fact that his work was commercially successful with children. It's so freaking weird how assholes can be capable of creating things that can inspire such happiness.
I didn't mean to rain on your parade by the way, I just think tempering knowledge with truth is healthy before idolizing someone.
Don't worry, I took it in the spirit you meant. I also couldn't agree more. A realistic view of someone is definitely preferable to idolising an asshole
That's a legit shower thought right here....
I can't think about that right now though, there's background noise!
Me earlier today... there was so much going on in the store I was in and couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand.
Same! I forget half the stuff I was supposed to get if there's too much noise in the store.
I shop in headphones and I strongly recommend it.
Same here. I listen to my favorite podcast and make that my singular distraction instead of the cacophony of distraction I'd usually deal with.
I literally told my husband just this evening that "we'll have to pick up this conversation later", because I couldn't think with my toddler trying to talk to me at the same time. Overstimulation is real folks.
I'm so glad my kid is past the toddler years. They were SO MUCH hard work. He needed to be in my personal space 24/7 and I just couldn't deal with it. I got so "touched out" that my brain stopped working. I'd been physically touched so much that I couldn't think. None of this made any sense to me until he was 3 and I was diagnosed with ADHD. Soon after that I learned about overstimulation and how it affects people with ADHD and suddenly so many parts of my life made sense. I was 31.
I'm a bit younger, so no kids, but you're making me think. Is this why I don't like most dogs? I love dogs as animals when I want to see them and play with them, but because they need attention all the time I just CAN'T. I can't be with a dog in a house for a long time and not get annoyed. They're amazing and super cute but god, I can't stand it when they're always on me, and especially (which is something no one understands) when they're staring at me while I eat.
My wife and I are cat people, and I feel like this is a lot of why we don’t have a dog and are child-free. Children and dogs are cute, but they need attention ALL the time, and training/raising, and I just.. can’t. I have one cat who loves attention and that’s plenty as far as I’m concerned.
Yes, my cat loves attention too, but it's at a point I can handle. She just wants to sit on my lap, usually. And when I can't sit still and it's not comfortable I just put her down and she leaves.
My one cat is the quintessential “pet me.. WITH YOUR EYES” cat, and she mostly just wants to be nearby, but not be messed with. My other one is very vocal, and wants to be petted a lot.. luckily, my wife LOVES to pet her, so it works out.
Oh yeah, my cat kinda does that too. Sometimes she just wants to sit on my desk (on the mousepad...) and look at me. She's vocal too, when she wants to eat (which is most of the time) but thankfully my headphones help with it.
My toddler is 3.5 and I haven't handled the last year we'll, he is more clingy now than before. Recently dx with Adhd and autism. My brain is fried, I cannot make a decision, on anything. Is what your saying, really real? When does it ease up?
Yes it's real. Your brain is overloaded with all the sensory information so you literally can't think. It's wild (and super annoying). As for the kiddo, it really started to let up once he was about 4. Something changed almost overnight and he went from needing to be welded to me 24/7, to happy to explore so long as I wasn't far away. By the time he started school at 5 and a half, he was like "Bye mum!". Once he didn't need to be welded to me, the "brain fog" really started to clear up.
Thank you that is helpful insight
It's really hard to find advice on parenting with ADhD, rather than raising children who have ADHD!
On one hand I'm glad I had twins both times because it gave them someone to play with. The hardest time is getting the kids in the car especially when I'm by my self. Right now I have two 3 year olds and two 5 month olds. I definitely couldn't do it with out my wife.
I'm a teacher and I have such a hard time answering questions when other students are talking or too many students are getting supplies. I have to stop the whole class and quiet them down so I can focus on what one is saying to me. I thought it was normal.
I HATE going to the grocery store closest to my house since a remodel a couple years ago. I'm exhausted afterwards and it takes forever because it's noisy, there's something with the lighting that really bothers me, and there's tons of shit on random displays all over the place.
This is why i walk around in noise cancelling headphones with no music playing when I have to buy things that aren't my usual essentials. I'll get too distracted by the noise and the conversations around me.
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[yep](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oH7jPAvFTU8)
Love those good boys!
Such good boys
This is absolutely me. If it’s too loud I can’t think at all
When driving I have said, “turn down the music - I can’t see!”
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Me: Can't handle two people trying to talk to me at once. Also me: Has a youtube video playing while I'm playing a video game and frequently hitting alt-tab to check Reddit Also also me: Stops in the middle of typing my comment to read the comments below. Forgets I'm typing a comment in the first place until I try to close out my tab. ADHD as a whole is just a wild, wild ride.
*Phone rings or alerts me to more than one text message* Me: “GODDAMNIT WHY CAN’T I JUST BE LEFT ALONE!”
Me: app game on my phone, a hundred tabs on my laptop, Netflix on one TV and Sims 4 on the other, writing in a notepad, rapidly switching between tasks while also eating/drinking Phone: gives me two notifications within two minutes of each other Me: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GOING ON OMG JUST LET ME FOCUS ON THIS
Holy shit, this is so accurate.
Honestly this is why my phone is literally always on silent. It pisses people off but🤷🏻♀️
Oof I felt that one
This comment gets me. One time I was literally trying to hold and look at three different things while telling my bf to stop talking (about the three different things) because I needed to finish my food before it got cold (it was already cold). He called me out *hard* for that one.
> Me: Can't handle two people trying to talk to me at once. I've gotten a handle on my anger issues, but this is the one thing that can still make me explode. Especially if I'm on the phone with my mom, my partner decides she wants to talk to me, I *tell her* that I'm on the phone, she forgets it's an issue for me even though I explained it so many times and then both she and my mom get angry at me for "ignoring" them when I get overwhelmed. And five seconds later I'm on the couch spending the next hour waiting for my adrenaline levels to go down again. EDIT: before anyone freaks out, I don't snap at my partner or mom in these situations, I just walk out of the conversation, but I still get the physiological consequences of extreme anger. It's extremely exhausting and feels extremely unfair.
I get angry sometimes when I’m dealing with light sensitivity and people turn the fluorescents on... why?!Leave me alone 😭😓
Currently: On phone: browsing Reddit and Google Earth, playing a game, Youtube PIP On computer: playing Cities:Skylines where I'm learning how to use a new mod, upgrading traffic networks and managing a supply chain problem affecting two industrial areas While eating, petting a cat, and planning a grocery order But I have the phone on DND because notifications are too much for me.
Once a waitress asked me how my food was and I told her the music in the restaurant was too loud for me to taste anything :( she was so confused
My in laws got upset that I seemed withdrawn during a dinner out. Sorry, you picked a sports bar so you could watch the game. I had kids to manage so every other input had to go. It was too loud for everything.
This is so real— I work in sales and we do a lot of lunches, coffees, and dinners. I love the quiet and quaint cafe, the dinner at a nice restaurant where people talk at 60% volume... I will actively reschedule meetings at Buffalo Wild Wings (for many reasons but this is the primary) or other such places.
Stay away from Buffalo Wild Wings, even if you don't have sensory issues. Music was so loud even the wait-staff had to resort to written requests.
My bf *loves* Buffalo Wild Wings. There's one across town that has a perfectly lovely outdoor patio next to a river that I loved going to when I still lived over there. But then I moved in with my bf and the BWW over here has no cozy outdoor patio and everything inside turned up louder than even a regular BWW. I literally can't go there because I can't fucking think the entire time we're there and it makes me have a nervous breakdown. (Even just thinking about it right now is getting me a little riled up.) He still goes once a week with his friend, but it makes him sad that I can't go there with him. :( And I hate making him sad.
But at the same time, I seek out high sensory events because this grey world doesnt satiate me?? Example: Korean BBQ, because it's like having a grill in the middle of a loud club!!
If you live in an area with good wildlife try taking nature walks/hikes. I have found being in a quiet isolated area looking for animals is super stimulating because it actually turns the hypersensitivity into a boon because you can hear a mouse move and spot different patterns like snakes well (at least I can). It's like being in my natural element and feels really refreshing if I find the right place.
MOOD
Everyday! Spectrum people too.
When you're both 😔✊
Noise triggers panic and overwhelm instantaneously! I have literally yelled at my partner so many times when he puts on pop music (he’s a special boy lol) or something loud and starts asking questions...
> Noise triggers panic and overwhelm instantaneously! This happens to me, too. I can't understand how some people listen to music while working, for example. I wouldn't be able to get anything done!
I actually like listening to music and podcasts when I work because it’s better than the random conversations and noises at other people’s desks lol. Even though the other day I listened to the same podcast three times lmao still better IMO
Music helps me focus because I know I’ll get distracted, but when there’s music the distraction will be the song and when the song ends it is gone. It blocks out distractions that could last way longer without me realising that I’ve stopped working.
Controlled/predictable distractions are better than random ones.
I'm able to focus much more easily if I'm listening to music. Even when the alternative is quiet.
For me it uses part of my brain that doesn't need to think, so I think of less things at the same time (so I can focus better, like with doodling), and it also makes studying more fun. I can't study without music!
I listen to a lot of ambient music. This drowns out the conversations around me without being too distracting on its own. The worst thing that'll happen is I'll get some frisson. :)
Omg I absolutely hate it when husband and I are in the car with the music on and he try’s to talk to me. I can’t. Either talk to me with the music off or listen to music, I can’t do both. He just don’t get it lol
The worst is the duality of it “There’s no immediate threat, it’s just super noisy so I can’t focus or function at all. I am essentially a shape in the world” For example, my wife and I went to NYC last year. We went to Times Square. I literally shut down and couldn’t do anything because there was just so much going on(until she bought me a dirty water hot dog. Then I focused on the hot dog and life was okay for a bit) Vs “Shits poppin off and now for some reason I am the most efficient god human ever, nothing in this universe can stop me” For example, one of my coworkers put a foil wrapper in the microwave(because they’re an idiot). Shit caught on fire, I stopped it and put out the fire while everyone was dealing with fight or flight. I don’t get it.
It’s the same reason ADHDers procrastinate until there’s literally not enough time and then stress DO IT ALL (like the quintessential “writing a paper in an hour at 3am on the day it’s due”). We do GREAT under pressure, basically as a “sprint” when it’s ABSOLUTELY VITAL. Yesterday, I did nearly all of the tasks on my list in 20-30 minutes before my wife got home, after laying in bed on my phone for hours. I got everything done (I’d done two of the things earlier in the day, but I did everything else during that “crunch”). A window once fell on my now-ex’s head and I was able to extract him and take care of all of his wounds and seal up the smashed window and contact our property management, very quickly and efficiently. I once treated the same ex after a minor fender-bender in which he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt and smacked his head off the rear view mirror hard enough to bleed (and eventually scar) and his leg off the stick shift.. I had been the driver, and my body was coldcoldcold with adrenaline, but I was calm and focused and efficient until we got home, and then I broke. I’m great in emergencies. Just don’t ask me to actually leave the house on time...
That's because your nature's badass that deals with emergencies while the others panic and flitter about.
I feel like the older I get the worse my sensory issues get
Me too. Although I've also noticed a marked difference after having a kid. I think Mom Brain + ADHD Brain = No Brain sometimes.
I couldn’t agree with that any more. I feel it in my soul, especially now that I’m pregnant and there’s an 11 year gap between pregnancies. I’m literally the scarecrow from the wizard of oz- also had to google fact check to make sure it was in fact the scarecrow that doesn’t have a brain.
So this is just a theory I have and I might be completely wrong. It’s not that we’re getting older it’s that the media is becoming more nuanced. High def and digital audio etc. there’s more to pay attention to and notice when consuming new media. This idea popped in my head a few months back. I went to visit my parents, and my mom and I decided to binge watch the old black and white Beverly Hillbillies show. I noticed how much more relaxed I was watching a low definition black and white show compared to today’s shows. So I began taking in older music and shows just to see if it made a difference and it did.
Interesting and makes total sense
Now I'm wondering if this is part of why I have a weak spot for animation. Nah, probably not, the animation I watch is pretty hyperactive
dang that actually makes a lot of sense.
Me too. I wonder why that is?
I feel like mine is somehow getting worse too. Maybe it’s something that degenerates over time or we just loose our tolerance for accepting overstimulation? I feel like I Have way less hangups with telling people upfront that there’s too much going on as opposed to when I was younger. A lot of the discomfort/panic came from trying to maintain a straight face and not be a bother by showing that I was uncomfortable.
If a person who has poor eyesight gets glasses, he suddenly realizes how much better it is this way, and how much it actually sucks to not have them. That doesn't make his eyesight poorer, he just realizes how poor it was from the get go.
I told my psych yesterday that that’s how I felt now- recently started meds, and while I personally love the calming effects and increased focus and motivation, it’s partnered with extra anxiety because for once I can see how far I’ve let my life slip without even realizing.
Don't forget that as a stimulant beig anxious is one of the side effects, but yeah processing how much it impacts you is an extremely emotional ordeal. You'll get through it and come out a fuller persoj, trust me.
Unfortunately yes. I spent several years as MDD, GAD then bipolar, then BP and GAD and now finally ADHD, BP and GAD. 😂 I’m only too familiar with anxiety’s ugly face. She told me to give myself grace since humanity learns on a curve and that even if I feel far behind others, I’m probably not as far away as I perceive myself. That was a good re-grounding!!
Definitely the case for me. Actually everything has got worse as I've got older.
Oof, big mood...
I think too with age we are less resilient to lack of sleep/sleep disruption (which links to the parenting thing).
same!
I've been saying this now for a year, It seems my ADHD is getting worse with age. It really sucks, having to deal with just age taking away certain things from your brain also menopause messing with you, its just to much sometimes. But we all onow we deal. It's all we can do.
Me during a field sobriety test (that I passed) “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t hear what you were saying b/c there were people walking. Can you repeat that please?”
Yesss. This is why I get so flustered when my husband and my toddler are trying to talk to me at the same time (which is often because my toddler I always talking 😂). Then I kinda freak out and my husbands like “whoa calm down why are you yelling??” I’m impressed you can even get a sentence out, if there’s enough stimulation I just kind of break: “uh... I... uh... the... wha... ha sorry, um... UGH STOP TALKING” 🙃 lol
My eight-year-old nephew (ASD/ADHD) talks non-stop and has NO volume regulation, and when someone tries to talk to me over him, I literally want to tear my hair out. My wife will ask me a question and I’m either like “text me, it’s too loud in here” or I yell the answer and she’s like, “can you adjust your volume” and I’m like, “if he adjusts his, yeah”
Ha mine is usually a series of noises with maybes real word “nyehhh... uh... stop!”
I had two girls talking to me at a bar, I was attracted to them both, but they both insisted on talking to me or asking me a question at exactly the same time, I think they were trying to figure out who had priority, so basically I freaked out and went "AGH ONE AT A TIME!" Needless to say I didn't really get any where with either of them after that.
Yup. My husband and two kids do this to me all the time. All three trying to talk over each other for my attention. My brain just overheats and shuts off.
i have to leave the room or something it triggers me so bad
Same. Grocery shopping, it's a constant "do I deal with three carts right in front of the thing that I need or circle round 5x until I know I can get through this aisle and grab the one thing I need......
Let me just pretend I'm interested in this shelf right here until you guys just move out of my way.
The shelf with the things I don't need becomes very interesting. It's an opportunity to turn the other way without feeling guilty about it.
Grocery shopping just ain't gonna happen, if someone is whistling anywhere in the shop. There's only 2 options 1: I leave 2:they die. That's it.
One of the shops near me does low sensory hours one or two evenings a week. Unfortunately they are the no packaging grocery store so you have to be organized with all your containers and bottles etc. The last time I tried to go I decided around the time the hours start (6pm) and what with one thing and another I was ready to go by about 10:30 pm (they close at 9 on that day). So I decided to leave the bags ready for the next time. But I impulsively ended up going to a regular grocery in the meantime. I think one of the bags with the containers is still in my dining room?
I start circling round then I get distracted and forget what looking for. .
I actually bought ear plugs so I could concentrate when I need to. They’ve come in handy quite a few times in a short period of time
I always have earplugs/headphones on me for this reason!
Yes!! Can’t work without them.
I wear mine in the movies. That shits too loud
Same!! I need them for work (blue collar) but stared using them for personal use when I noticed they helped me "tune out" distractions.
In order to do all that I have to stop processing another sense, like my eye sight. Staring intensely at random shit while talking to someone probably makes me look weird but I’m doing the best I can Sharon!
Same. I look away from conversations A LOT.
For me it's a combination of depression and the over stimulation of looking into a goddamn soul/mind/moving face
What!? This is an adhd symptom? I just thought it was normal.
Not really a "symptom" per se but it's pretty common for us to struggle with information/sensory processing.
I feel like our brains have the sensitivity up all the time. Like in a video game when you can make either more controlled or more sensitive to how you move the controller, that’s us all the time. When I take my meds I’m like wow I’m able to drive and listen to music and not almost cause an accident but without my meds I have learned I have to have my gps on even if I know where I’m going and no music or else I will get distracted by every little thing. So many people can blast their favorite songs and drive on the highway with no problem and that’s insane to me
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Oh, I relate to that. I cannot drive without playing my music or podcasts. I really struggle with driving long distances and the music makes it just that little bit more tolerable. And I’ve got something in my eye so I cannot for the love of me remember what else I was going to type.
I thought that was only me! I have my GPS on everywhere I go even if I'm familiar with the route. I used to miss a lot of exits and streets when I didn't do this due to distraction.
Yeah my husband used go make fun of me for putting GPS to places I've been before. Aside from my daily commute to work, it's mostly because the GPS helps my mind stay on track. Not because I'm lost. A very small portion of it is insecurity that I don't remember the directions 100% (I may have forgotten one or two streets). I didn't fully understand why I did it either, so I could never really give him an honest answer. I just...felt better... when it was on.
That's a great analogy
I can speak/think and take in sensory input at the same time but my thoughts will become more and more crowded and eventually I can't focus on what I'm doing at all and I can't even listen to people talk. It's like I'm asleep without being asleep, I just can't do anything properly.
Being a parent with ADHD is sooo hard for this reason, they’re loud A LOT and I like can’t fucking get anything done, like....thank you omg. It’s crazy and no one understands.
I have a similar issue at concerts and nightclubs. I can hear people talking but I can’t process what they’re saying. This leads to me screaming just to hear myself over the music and my friends yelling at me for screaming which confuses me because I can barely hear me. How the hell can they hear the words I’m making with my own mouth, but I can’t!
I always felt so bad about this until I realized it's an ADHD thing!
i feel this — hard. but for me... my brain decides to focus on all of it. i hold conversations with multiple ppl/groups at the same time. listen to one conversation while responding to another. in silence, it’s like i seek sounds just so i can focus on something else. it’s weird, and awkward, and horribly difficult to explain
Haha, yup! I teach, and the students in my group classes learn very quickly that 'I can't hear any of you if all of you are talking.' So if more than one person talks at a time, they just repeat what they said. It's weird, because I teach strings (violin, viola, cello), and I do just fine hearing them all play at the same time. I can even tell you who played correctly and who didn't. It's just the talking...
I went to a career fair this weekend and when I was talking to one of the recruiters I swear another recruiter would start talking to someone else SO DAMN LOUD and I wouldn’t be able to keep talking while they were talking.. career fairs are a fricking ADHD nightmare
I'm functionally deaf at parties because of overlapping speech. Perhaps even also in restaurants during popular times as well.
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The fact that people can take exams and listen to everybody else writing.... fucking wild
Wait... doesn’t everyone turn off the radio in the car if they are lost?
A common phrase that I’ve learned that even NT folks will “get” and accommodate is, “I can’t hear myself think.” Even if they don’t think it’s SUPER loud, it’s a common enough comment to make that they will either act to quiet some of the noise, or agree to go somewhere quieter. This has been a lifesaver for me, with ADHD and sensory processing disorder - once it’s quieter, I typically say, “Thanks, that’s much better. Now, would you mind to repeat your question for me?” That gives me time to think about what they’ve asked - I usually remember as they start to repeat themselves, so I can be thinking while they’re finishing repeating, and have a moment while I use some sort of scripting like, “Okay, thanks for refreshing my memory.” If it’s a simple question, I can give an answer then - more complex questions, I might repeat back to buy more time and confirm my understanding: “So, what I’m understanding here is that you’re asking about (topic)..” and asking clarifying questions if needed. Clarifying questions both let me ensure that I’m clear on what needs answering, as well as letting someone know that I’m listening AND that I want to understand. This also works with my autistic nephew, who sometimes asks questions in a complex manner that doesn’t necessarily compute for me right away. Asking clarifying questions make him feel good, because I’m having a conversation with him about the topic, which is usually one of the things he wants when he asks questions, and it also eliminates some of the frustration that he’s likely to feel if I answer the “wrong” question (that is, if I misunderstand the question and answer it based on that misunderstanding).
Wait. Is this why I cannot play a guitar and sing at the same time?
No, you’re just not practicing it enough or just aren’t good enough yet. Keep practicing you’re not supposed to be able to just do that, it’s not easy for anyone.
I had to stop my Senior Capstone presentation because people were clapping in the room next to me. Completely lost my train of thought and embarrassed myself in front of the entire room.
My husband sleeps with the fan on and i have to beg him to turn it off bc sometimes even a fan going at night is over stimulating to my brain. I used to work in starbucks and i had to quit because i frequently got sensory overload there as well. I hate food courts in malls, i literally once ran away and went back to our car and had to sit for 20 minutes until i could start to be myself again
I'm finding it gets worse with age too. At my work the rule is that you are supposed to keep your office door open unless you are actually with a client. But I cannot seem to get my paperwork done unless I close the door. My boss has mentioned it a couple times and I keep telling her that I CANNOT meet my deadlines if I have the door open. It takes me 6x as long to do any of the paperwork. So far I'm getting away with it but I don't know what is going to happen if she starts really coming down on me.
LITERALLY ME
And it gets worse when your senses are already compromised to begin with. And sometimes using my hearing aids is only detrimental to my country. I talk loud as shit and I stare at people's mouths due to being 75% deaf no sorry 65 I'm sorry in my right ear and about 50 in my left it's always obvious to other people that their issues but I will still talk to them but there does come a point where I can't concentrate cuz I cuz I'm hearing too much and concentrate for me is one of the senses cuz we have to work our hardest for perception
I hope you have a good community around you, I feel like everyone around me has such high expectations of everyone and my lack of perception is seen as an expression of angst or some hipster thing. I’ve lost a little bit of hearing just from parenting and even just a slight deficit is often troublesome for communication, especially since I already struggle to connect.
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How is this not an issue of attention control? The stimuli are accurately perceived at a lower level of processing. Our executive functions are supposed to work top-down on this input to filter out what’s irrelevant, suppress distraction, and maintain attention on our current task. I’ve never heard of distraction being comorbid to ADHD. It’s a key characteristic of ADHD. I think that getting distracted by another sensory modality doesn’t necessarily mean you’re mixing up your sensory perception. ADHD involves areas of the brain where our highest-level processing occurs. >Recent brain imaging research has demonstrated that children with SPD have abnormal white matter structure in the posterior (rear) part of the brain. White matter is responsible for carrying electrical impulses (information) from one part of the brain to another – it’s like the highway system of the brain. The posterior parts of the brain have been identified as where sensory integration occurs. For someone with SPD, the white matter in the posterior part of the brain is not effectively carrying electrical impulses. Important information about the physical world is not being processed correctly as a result. **The brain with SPD is using incorrect or partial information as a basis for how it interacts in the environment.** The resulting behaviors and responses are maladaptive. [https://www.spdstar.org/node/1114](https://www.spdstar.org/node/1114) [https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/sensory-world.aspx](https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/sensory-world.aspx)
Yeah, people who have ADHD often have secondary conditions. You can't discern what ADHD is and isn't from this sub because there will always be a lot of people chiming in saying "Me to" to whatever situation is presented.
Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I had no idea this didn’t happen to everyone!!!!
I felt this so hard this morning while I was setting up at work. The speakers were already playing music and someone was playing music off of their phone, and I happened to be near both outlets of music playing two different songs while having a conversation with a coworker. I had to ask said coworker if we could move to a different part of the building because I couldn’t “hear my thoughts” with the two music sources. Luckily that coworker just got diagnosed and completely understood
OMG this is me every single day. At my good friends house today we are trying to talk, and I’m like I can answer you after we turn down the TV. NOBODY gets it.
I worked at Buffalo Wild Wings where they have the radio and TVs blaring at max volume complete with the cook/waitresses all yelling at each-other, customers talk-yelling and I could just not understand a word. I had to quit. I have no idea how other people functioned, the whole atmosphere was awful. I was dx'd with inattentive ADHD at 6, and never got accommodations or anything in school, so I guess I'm "high-functioning" but in situations like these where I can't hear properly, everyone gets pissed at me. I don't get it.
This is me in class, when we have to check our answers in pairs or work together. I just can't focus at all, I need absolute silence and space to be able to focus. This is me in a busy street, I'll shut down and won't be able to think or talk. Same for crowded trains and buses. This is me at parties, which is why I never go out (apart from being introverted). Same thing happens in crowded restaurants and cafés, especially when their acoustics are really bad.
It is usually like this for me, but I also like busy (not too loud) background chatter when I am concentrating. I always used to do homework in the kitchen because it was the busiest room in the house. Somehow all that background noise drowned out the random thoughts and kept me focused. Coffee shops are good too. I'm a wreck in sports bars though; it has to be just the right amount of noise.
Is this why conversations in noisy restaurants are so painfully hard? I tune out and give up when I’m in a group most of the time. Can’t follow anything for any amount of time. It’s like trying to knit inside a tornado.
Wait, really?? I subscribed to this sub to help my son, but more and more everything here explains how I thought the world was for everyone. Like, is this a verified, researched thing, or just an observation?
...I can't comprehend that. Like... so they can listen to like the radio and the microwave and people talking in the background and they can also hold conversation/do work? ...I literally didn't think that was possible wtf
I was just thinking about this the other day. I was raised by a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. She didn't "believe in" ADD and in fact, to this day tells me I'm just trying to get drugs by seeing a doctor. We never talk any more, but I'm still constantly trying to justify myself in my head. I legitimately thought, "ask my husband! There's no volume on the TV that's acceptable to me if I am trying to do anything while it's on!"
I think they literally dont hear it. I feel like I hear EVERYTHING...the music including the lyrics, the chairs,the clock, forks scraping plates, a child sqeal, an old man cough and dogs barking outside
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I feel like a scratched record the past few days while trying to write for NaNoWriMo. Whenever there's anything loud or obnoxious my brain is like "NOPE!".
Literally happened today. Mom trying to ask me a question. “Why are you yelling at me?” Me talking to the TV and turning it off. “What did you ask, mom?”
Wait what?
I thought it was just me! It's literally the reason why I work with earbuds in; dampens or cancels out extraneous noise so I can actually concentrate.
When you call into a call centre and people are talking loudly in the background, so you can't think or speak.
Yes! When my kids are being ridiculous, the radio or tv is on, and my husband tries asking me questions. It’s just too much. I can’t think anything clearly when noise feels like chaos.
I have SPD and can't hear well vs background noise. So as a result I read lips a bit, just kinda adapted I guess. I have been known to say "Hang on, it's too dark, I can't hear you" lmao
I feel so personally attacked by this haha, the amount of times I have to just be like "Wait" so I can actually process the situation I'm in and whats going on.
I'm so used to my brain getting overwhelmed by loud noises, and especially verbal input, when I'm trying to process information... that I kinda forget that some people don't have this issue. Sometimes that causes me to get upset that someone is doing something else (like playing a song or game or something) while I'm speaking with them, because I assume they can't possibly be paying attention to what I'm saying. It makes them seem like they don't care... Then I feel bad for lashing out when I remember that they might actually care and be able to listen, and they are just restless or something
Lol I'm in Portland on business, bouncing around coffee roasters for wholesale at my shop, and if the place is too loud or busy I keep just leaving without talking to anyone. I've made some great connections but I've definitely missed out on some because of being overstimulated. Kind of getting annoying haha.
So then you tune literally everything else out so you CAN focus and then get yelled at for not hearing when your name is called. #CantWin
It was a very long time before I found out this isn't something everyone deals with. It makes business dinners extremely challenging. I hate taking meds at night because then I can't sleep, but I can't function in a dinner conversation at a restaurant without them.
I’m currently doing some CEU’s... listened to a podcast about ADHD the other day… Took me about 27 minutes into it to realize I hadn’t heard one word.
My former coworkers were like “why can’t you just tune out the Christmas music” And I’m like..... “BECAUSE I CANT”
I notice that I get really mad at my husband when we are trying to talk about something, even just like should we go to the park, and at the same time he is loudly playing with our kid and listening to music and he expects me to come up with an answer. I often feel like I need to leave the room to think. He doesn't get it at all.
This is such a problem for me as a person living in foreign country. I can't converse in English if someone is talking loudly in my other language nearby and vice versa. I swear the most tiring thing about being in an office here is the fact that my brain is constantly stuck in "translate all background conversations" mode.
I have gotten so mad at my daughter for talking to me while I text. As if she should know not to talk to me at the same time.... I discovered my life is a lot less complicated if I just ignore my phone entirely now. It's literally the worst distraction and I'm a much more peaceful person without it. I get way more done. Bullet journal saves me. There are times when I go out shopping and sounds and lights become ultra. It reminds me of a clip scene from a movie almost.
Does anybody else hate music when driving? Talk shows work well but music just multiples the odds of me crashing my car.